You know what makes me incredibly happy?
When my friends show their knowledge of what they've been studying for years in a casual conversation and I just sit there like: Look at you!! So smart with all of your funky words!!!
Your knowledge is mindblowing to somebody who's not in your field
things i’ve heard college professors say pt. 12
-go home and enjoy your second nap of the day, because you just took your first one in my class
-i would just like to point out that I went a whole hour and 15 minutes talking about a piece where a girl castrates her father and didn’t mention Freud once
-genre is such a pretentious word. Probably because it’s French.
-the thing that intrigued me the most about the alien erotica,,,
-(student) I’d say that the Constitution is an institution
(professor) uh oh
-god, I think I have a fever
-today we’re going to be talking about *eerie noises* critical race theory
-(professor) When was the California gold rush?
(professor) San Francisco…
(professor, muttering) Jesus
-I wasn’t as concerned with the age gap discourse as I was with the god gap discourse
-the problem that is called Mitch McConnell,
-we’re going to talk about food. Because I like food.
-eighth time is the fucking charm
-*is reading aloud and gets to the word “peculiarities”* shit shit shit
-adjusting to the realities of real circumstances sucks
-doesn’t it feel good to blame people?
-(student) what was your research process like for writing this book?
(professor) I don’t know man, I was drunk, I can’t remember
Me walking out of class after not participating at all and zoning out for half of it
Just walked by a group of students in the law building and one of the guys said
"But it was consensual cannibalism!"
And then the entire group started yelling and idk what the conversation was about but I dont think I want to know
Most of what we know about Socrates’s ideas is from Plato’s fanfiction about him but I can’t say that because my professors would kidnap and murder me
things I’ve heard college students say pt. 19
-my major is doing your mom in the mouth
-at least when my exams fuck me it’s not in a twin xl
-parking in faculty parking from now on since I seem to be teaching myself everything
-all the freshman walking to the bars reminds me of the mii plaza
-why am I awake and not wasted
-my toxic trait is that business majors are my type
-nothing more demeaning than getting handed doordash by yourself in broad daylight
-i’m telling FAFSA y’all grocery shop at whole foods
-went to dunkin and asked for avocado toast and they took me out back and shot me
-choosing not to do the reading once is like a gateway drug
-Everyone talking about how hard their midterms are gonna be, while me, a psych major, is wondering what color I’m gonna paint my nails when I get home
-i think I need someone to rail me until I can’t walk. That should cure my depression, right?
-let's skip the chocolates this valentine’s day and get right to breaking my back
-i’m just very upset that I didn’t wake up as an Italian aristocrat today
-i don’t want to say the people, because that sounds populist–
-at least the anorexia stopped the alcoholism
-to the guy who was staring at me as I bought ultra size tampons in target, you fucking wish
-should i watch the notebook and become suicidal
-“you have a nice smile” okay so cum on it
trying to get the part of me that's seeking academic validation back despite the horrendous slump i've gotten in because i have final exams in two weeks and currently even a ball of moss would score higher