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#comedy
badjokesbyjeff · 19 days ago
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The only reason there are pyramids in Egypt
is because they are too heavy to be carried to the British Museum
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freskoismee · a month ago
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I don’t idolize Hero’s who don’t eat pussy smh
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artanogon · 8 days ago
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so i go to the staff blog and i’m like, “can we please fix the search function that’s been broken since this website existed?” and they go “no, we’re testing ‘new’ features from 10 years ago”
and i go “okay…” and i go to the bathroom and take a computer break. i come back and check my dashboard and tumblr staff says, “oh yeah we changed your entire dash layout and nothing makes sense and your content won’t get notes anymore. now go fill out this survey that we won’t read”
so i go and i fill out the survey and i ask them to improve the website and they go “no thanks!”. and i go “okay….” and they go “you’re an entitled little blog aren’t you” and i go “nooo…” and they go “SAY IT” and then my blog gets shadowbanned for nsfw i didn’t post
and then i go to the tumblr help section, which is an oxymoron, and i go “can we please at least get a decent loading feature and a way to see posts from old urls” and they go “NO! in fact, we’ve just made our fan site monetized and set it up so that innocent users can get thousands of lawsuits!”
and then my dash crashes and won’t reload and i go “WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS TO ME” and i pay $5 to see the message from staff behind a paywall and all they say is “because we’re a hellsite, and life is a fucking nightmare!”
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badjokesbyjeff · 6 days ago
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I recently heard about this young adult novel in which Schrodinger’s cat and Pavlov’s dog team up for a cross county adventure…
So I headed on down to the library to see if they had a copy for my 10 year old daughter.
The librarian said that my description rang a bell but she wasn’t sure if it was there or not.
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ousia-poetica · 14 days ago
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Sospechosas sales... de los mares adormecidos; condimentos de rotas brújulas esparcidos por nuestra mente.
" Confusión "... Nutriéndote de mi confusión; tierras de apaciguado volcán, que cuando me instalo... estallan sin cesar !!
Color transformándose... cuando aprendes su composición; barrocas fuentes de aguas mansas produciendo epidemias... " rosas y malvas ".
Opacas cortinas... de incesante angustia; visillos y saldos de blanca cal; paredes heridas... que prefieren callar !!
Ousía Poética © Leandro Lojek
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badjokesbyjeff · 18 days ago
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An engineer and an anti-vaxxer walk up to a bridge
Seeing as the bridge is the only crossing over a notoriously crocodile-infested river, the two prepare to cross. Just before they set foot on the bridge the anti-vaxxer halts the engineer.
- How safe is it to cross this bridge exactly? - he asks
- 99.97% - the engineer replies confidently
The anti-vaxxer thinks for a moment before turning around:
- Guess I'm swimming then...
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aesthetic-grunge-babe · a month ago
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Bo Burnham deserves so much more credit for this scene during “Sexting”. It’s only on screen for a moment but him establishing consent and bringing light to its importance really meant something to me. Especially in a time where sexting and sending nudes is common practice, I think him saying that she does not have to follow through with sending anything is comforting and important.
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ousia-poetica · a month ago
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Siente a la sombra que te acompaña; ella... que forma parte de ti mismo, ella, que entre tú y la materia, - un istmo! ...tejido por una siniestra araña.
Observa el cuerpo que te acompaña; Él, que lleva tu mente al ostracismo, Él, que entre el sentir y tú, - un seísmo! destruyendo de armonía tu entraña.
Mira la antorcha ( antes iluminada ), siente su fuego, roto y apagado ...y entierra su llama inanimada.
Mira a los ojos, de quien no ha estado, ni ha tenido su mano "amordazada", - caballo del tablero evaporado!
Ousía Poética © Leandro Lojek
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badjokesbyjeff · 11 days ago
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What does Sigmund Freud and Samuel L Jackson have in common?
For them, everyone is a motherfucker
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