#comedy writing

[timplatt]

Pride & Prejudice: OOPS ALL MARYS

In 2020, Carly Monardo (@whirringblender )and I started rewriting Pride & Prejudice with the twist that every Bennet daughter is Mary.

It’s Pride & Prejudice: OOPS ALL MARYS

we are releasing the comedy novel on substack! a new update every two weeks! Follow now!

#pride and prejudice #jane austen #comedy writing

[mangatxt]

any advice on how to improve writing style/get ideas for fics and dialogue? i’m forever in love with the way you write. it flows well, and the dialogue is super authentic and funny. i’m trying to get back into writing after a couple years of being crushed by the american secondary education system, so any tips would be much appreciated.

keep it up with the good work! i look forward to continue reading :))

Holy moly, this is a super kind ask. I'm so happy to know that you enjoy my work. Thank you for sending this!

As for the meat of this ask -- I'll do my best! I'll offer some reflections and then link some resources I've personally found helpful! I apologize for the length of this answer. This ask gave me a lot to think about, and brevity is my weakness as a writer.

I answer this with a few caveats:

I'm not an expert. I'm just loud.

I teach writing for a living, but I don't teach creative writing specifically. I do, by nature of my job, have more time for reading and writing than I did as a full-time student or corporate employee. That alone makes a huge difference. Everyone goes at their own pace, and it's hard to be creative without time, especially when you're starting out or getting back into writing after a break.

I write humor, so I'll discuss that primarily. While writing has rules that generally yield better results, comedy works often because it violates those established rules. Like many writing teachers, I have fully internalized the touted "canon" of Strunk & White's Elements of Style and George Orwell's Remedy of Six Rules. But sometimes, adverbs are funny. So I'll write an adverb, say "fuck you George Orwell," and, scandalously, call it a day.

If you want to deconstruct and consequently ruin comedy forever, start with Theories of Humor and then, to extend your suffering, hit the footnotes.

Humor writing is culturally dependent. You won't make everyone laugh. You'll flop. You'll embarrass yourself. You have to be willing to risk being unfunny. So it goes.

You can always publish anonymously on AO3 if it helps you start. Or for any reason. You can change your mind and claim it back to your account. Or you can abandon it entirely. I've done it plenty. Sometimes, it's what you need to do to draw up the nerve to put yourself out there, and that's completely fine.

Reflections

My first personal rule is that I write stories for myself, fic or original. If someone else likes it, that's a bonus. I write what I want to read. That factors into my overall writing style too. I write how I'd want someone else to write it for me. Even if someone's written it before, which is often the case with fic writing and popular tropes, I might want to hear it in another way. See: The Two Cakes Principle.

My second personal rule is that I write something every day. Even if it's a little bit. Even if it's all trash. Anything's better than nothing. Write without editing. Write without your spell checker on, even. (As they say "write drunk, edit sober" -- I don't drink much, so for me that means "write at 3AM, edit at not 3AM"). The more you play around with words and practice your voice, the easier it will get. Part of this is honing the muscle or whatever, but part of this is also gaining familiarity with structure that will make writing forever easier. How do journalists crank out stories everyday? There's a structure to newspaper and magazine articles that makes it easier to plug in the words and go. You'll find your own in creative writing too. Plus, the more you write, the easier it is to let go of things (aka kill your darlings). (Killed darlings go in your bits folder.)

My third personal rule is that I write every idea down, no matter how vague or ridiculous, because I might be able to use it later. I never want to lose things. I use my phone notes for this. They're full of silly ideas -- funny things I overhead at the library, out-of-context conversations I imagine Reigen and Dimple having, Wikipedia articles that I liked, funny plot concepts, etc. The other day, I wrote down, "The gang carbon-dates Dimple." I dunno where I'm going with that, but I like the idea. I write a lot of my plot ideas in IASIP title card style. It's more fun that way. Always prioritize having fun.

One last personal rule is that the mechanical act of writing has a purpose. You're rarely writing for the purpose of writing well, right? Most of the time, in class or at work, I'm writing for the purpose of being understood by my audience, and therefore, I do whatever I must to make my message better understood, even at the expense of "good writing." Here's a silly example: I've learned the hard way that some of my co-workers can't fucking read. So instead of paragraphs, I write emails in bullet points with bold and underlined text. At the expense of prose, the message is more likely received, and that's the goal.

This example might be on the nose, but it applies in some way to everything I write. When I write fic, I have to have a purpose. Maybe I'm trying to make myself laugh. Maybe I'm trying to explore some theme or feeling. Maybe I'm trying to correct canon. Maybe I'm trying to speculate how the conman will handle a Situation. Whatever that end is, I find the writing comes easier when I focus on the end more than the process of writing. It helps me stay focused, when I remember that writing's just the tool. I hope that makes sense.

Developing a writing style or a narrative voice depends on the writer. I'm an amalgamation of what I've read and watched and enjoyed, combined with formal writing education and my own personal narration. I hate to be the person who says "read a lot to write more!" I hate it so so so much, but...it's true. (That said, it doesn't have to be the classics. I get inspiration from there, sure, but I also get inspiration from sitcoms and crossword clues and the inane HOA emails my landlord forwards to me. "Honored neighbors, we are ecstatic to announce fire alarm testing next week..." Like, I'm sorry? That's a work of art I've filed away for later.)

For fics, some of the way I write is homage to the original creator. I consider this a plus, not a requirement. ONE writes satire. He's foremost a humorist. Most of his works are genre deconstructions. Like most shonen mangaka, he writes shorter narrative arcs that sum to (or in his case, reflect across) the overall narrative arc of the work. He's also pretty cringe/over-the-top with wordplay and cultural references (pop and traditional). When I try to reflect elements of his style in my own work, I find his characters easier to work with. For me, it's hard to write something fully comedic or fully serious with MP100 characters. The alternation between comedy and tragedy in MP100 works because it plays on emotional investment in the characters and subversion of expectations.

That said, I'm going to have to add something controversial: as a fic writer, how much you adhere to the original work doesn't fucking matter. (See my first rule -- write what you want to read.) Fic writing is meant to be transformative. The amount that you should care about canon depends on what you're trying to accomplish. My advice is to play fast and loose as much as you want. Unfollow and block the "he wouldn't fucking say that" people if it helps you write. I do, because they're annoying. Characterization is a product of audience internalization. Further, every work is for someone. Most importantly, you're doing this for fun, not pay or obligation. Sure, maybe ONE wouldn't write Reigen saying a particular line, but ONE also writes homophobic stereotypes into his works. No matter what you do, by definition of writing a fan work, you're gonna stray from canon. It's not holy word. Don't waste your finite man hours stressed about it.

Moving on to discussion of "get ideas" -- I mentioned I write every idea down. I try to stick with ideas I know fairly well off the bat, because it's easiest to write what you know. In absence of that, I find more inspiration in the research into an idea. Much of the action in TPC was heavily inspired by George Santos's many misdeeds, which I read in the news or on Wikipedia.

If I can distill the idea into a premise, it informs my narrative voice in a given work. Write what you know applies to premise as much as character perspective. You're always going to have an easier time writing a character you relate to or you encounter in real life and know quite well. You might consider this to get started. Personally, I find Reigen and Mezato easiest to write, because I relate to them the most. I find Serizawa and Shigeo more difficult to write, because I have more trouble relating to their life experiences. On the other hand, I find Roshuuto easy to write, because his brand of villainy is more familiar to me.

There's this notion of plotting vs pantsing. A plotter outlines every facet of their work before doing any writing. A pantser makes it up as they go (read: "by the seat of their pants"). Figuring out which one you are will enable you to write more comfortably.

Personally, I'm somewhere in the middle of that spectrum. For MP100, I always know where a work will end when I start. In TPC, the second scene I ever wrote was the epilogue. For me, the middle is what's more up in the air. In my experience, it's very difficult to be a total pantser and write comedic multi-chapter works, unless you write the whole thing before you post. It's not impossible, but in my opinion, humor relies on callbacks and repetition so much that you risk writing yourself into a wall if you're not careful. In general, I don't start formally "fic writing" without an overarching premise, but the premise might be as simple as: "Against everyone's better judgment, Reigen runs for union president. It blows up in his face."

This was my original outline for TPC before I even wrote chapter one:

I had the overarching narrative and the rough timeline for the mini-arcs in mind when I started. A lot of it ended up changing or shifting. I had a few themes I wanted to cover and comedic elements I wanted to set up. But when it came down to more specific mini-arc narrative details, I either plotted later or got away with pantsing it entirely.

Sometimes as I write chapters, I get stuck on individual scenes. Maybe I'm struggling to write scenery, or I haven't figured out a character interaction, or the dialogue isn't flowing the way I'd like. To deal with that, I have trained myself to write out of narrative order as needed. I write the scenes I'm most excited about first, and then I come back and fill in the rest of the connective tissue. This is easier in Scrivener, which is what I use to write, but you can set up any word processor to do this. Even within scenes, I sometimes skip parts that I need to think about for longer. Sometimes, I don't even finish sentences.

I'll write something like:

"Apparently you're quite popular on a particular Mobbit sub," he tells Reigen. Reigen's not sure he wants to know which one. "It was r/<SOMETHING FUNNY>. Did you know they hit a million subscribers this week? I think you helped."

And then in the middle of the night or in the shower or at the grocery store or whenever I think of "<SOMETHING FUNNY>", I fill it in later. When I edit, I make sure I clear out any remaining "<>." I do what I can, and then Future Ani does the rest. *handshake emoji*

For comedy writing, there are rules I follow that I'll link later on. While I've been inspired by a lot of other humor novelists or essayists, I also take a lot of inspiration from TV and standup.

I took a screenwriting class in college -- and while I didn't get the knack of screenwriting (B-, unlucky), I did learn a lot about plot progression, dramatic irony, show-not-tell, rule of threes, and scene setting. It's not everyone's cup of tea, but I found it helpful. You can see some of that inspiration manifest, for example, in that many of my fics have cold opens. I've always liked that comedic structure for drawing in the reader while establishing an overarching theme for the chapter. I do a lot of scene-switching and flashbacks as well. Scene-setting in comedy often involves juxtaposition -- e.g. "what if we put the weirdest loner from 7th division in a highly-collaborative corporate setting?". You're subverting expectations, and this is where you break the rules. Sometimes, comedy is about using the funniest word or word combination possible to describe something.

On that note, take some tips from poetry too. Alliteration, repetition, synecdoche, a lot of poetic devices work well here, because, like poetry, comedy writing depends on build-up and timing. Rules are best broken when it's rare and unexpected. It's way funnier and impactful when a character who never swears drops an f-bomb when they've finally had enough. Here's another example: in general, you should avoid epithets in fic writing, but it's all about being judicious with your timing. I can call Reigen "the union's esteemed president" instead of his name in a scene in Executive Privilege, because I juxtapose it with him doing something less-than-esteemed.

Perhaps less obviously, the TV influence manifests in the way I write dialogue too -- shorter and generally interleaved between the characters. While I read everything I write out loud during editing to check flow, I especially focus on tightening up dialogue. I don't always get it right, but I try to make sure that every word in a piece of dialogue has to have a purpose: either characterization or timing, in that order. Serizawa uses a lot of "I think" or "In my opinion." Reigen...does not do that. And Dimple is a master of the last word in the form of a pithy quip. If I plan my scenes to use that characterization to support the comedic timing I'm shooting for, it works all the better. (e.g. -- let Reigen babble on like an expert about something he doesn't actually know anything about, let Serizawa think on it for a while and come to a conclusion that puts Reigen on the spot, let Reigen backtrack, and then let Dimple add his jab at the end. And scene.)

Aaand that's a lot of reflection. Probably too much reflection. These are some considerations that have helped me over time, so I hope others might find it helpful too. Getting started is tough, and it's often terrifying to put your work out there (and somehow, even more terrifying to put a GDoc in front of a beta reader, I haven't a clue why but it's true for me!). But once you start, I promise it gets easier! You'll build yourself a foundation and continue to pick up things you like, discard things you don't like, and grow from there.

Thanks again for sending this ask. It means a lot to me. Happy to continue the conversation and field other people's thoughts on any of this! Like I said, this is a reflection on my process, but everyone develops their own unique approach to writing over time. Mine changes over time too. Above all, I hope you can heal from the crush of the education system, find enjoyment in writing again, and discover the style and process that works for you <3

Resources (AKA things I personally have bookmarked):

general writing (in addition to Strunk&White, Orwell, and others mentioned earlier):

how to get out of a writing slump (this fixed me once)

masterlist of general writing resources

another big ass masterlist

resources for describing places

masterlist of facial expressions

how to write an inciting incident

i found this recently: cultural differences writing work set in japan

i also follow writing prompt blogs, nanowrimo, character and relationship week blogs, etc. prompts can be a great way to start and build community with other writers!

comedic writing:

basic tips on writing humor

comedic devices

comedic genre

i can't find the link for this BUT: humor and comedy is not inherently less complex or wise or valuable than non-comedic work. writing is writing and fics are fics, whether they make the reader laugh, cry, or both.

#ask #mp100 #writing #writing resources #m0bloo #comedy writing #fic writing #sorry i went nuts but this really made me think and i appreciate that #and if you ever want a reader or a cheerleader feel free to reach out #testimonials #fic updates

[dance-like-an-idiot]

"son." 

crap. 

he'd been caught.

"i knew you were going to sneak out tonight," his dad spoke dramatically. dapper had admittedly been sloppier today with his escape, but his dad sitting on the one swivel chair they owned in the living room with back towards him was a little demening, and very cliche. "are you going to see friends? no, that'll be your excuse. going out to a party? no, thats not who you are. what about midnight biking? no... no... i know what it is."

his chair slowly turned around, dapper expected there to be a cat in his lap for some reason, despite them not owning one. 

"you're going out to free the hero i had kidnapped, weren't you?" 

...

how did he know?!?!

dapper winced at his dad catching him in the act, he knew exactly what was happening. as for the fact that his dad had kidnapped someone, and he was trying to save them, well it all started– 

just kidding, no edgy backstory for you! haha!

long story short dapper was a vigilante trying to stop the crimes committed by the villain known as pride, and that villain found out he was an orphaned thirteen year old and here they are now. 

"daddddd" he whined, for good reason! "i have to! you literally kidnapped someone!" 

"not just someone dapper," he stood up from his chair, now looming over a dapper with his arms crossed and pout on his face. his dad however, was not menacing, and instead looked like he was about to give him a lecture about his morals (of which he has none). "a hero! which means two things, son! one, their defenses are weakening, meaning they're losing touch. and b! if i can get them to spill about the secrets of the federation, we, and by we i mean me, are one step closer to taking them down for good!!" he laughs manically.

"dad you still kidnapped someone." 

"they're fineeee! they have food, water, a pool table, a bed, a fish, 3 tvs, a robe, a kitchen, a bar, and a few photos of their loved ones!" he said cheerily. dapper leveled him a deadpanned stare.

he paused then, thinking over his options. "fine ill look for them tomorrow, at least let me patrol?" if he needed to whip out the puppy dog eyes, he would.

his dad sighed dramatically, "okay son, just make sure pomme is always in your ear, that im here and awake for backup, and always–" 

"protect the face. i know dad, thank you." 

"i love you dapper, good luck!" 

"love you too! bye!" 

and he was off for a night of patrolling, and definitely not trying to look for the prisoner anyway. he was a good son.

#qsmp au #qsmp #qsmp dapper #qsmp badboyhalo #qsmp bbh #why does he have so many names #vigilante au #where the eggs are vigilantes #and bad is a villain who adopted dapper #wu/wo #← the au tag #comedy writing

[angelosearch]

A series of vignettes about Zell and his quest for hot dogs throughout FFVIII. For @ffviiicharacterweek, Zell week, prompt: Hot Dog.

Warning: this is very silly! In a way, it gets progressively more absurd.

#ffviii fanfiction #ffviii #zell dincht #hot dog #hot dog art #comedy writing #final fantasy fanfiction

[therumpus]

"Go to Rome, toss a coin in the Trevi fountain, and wish for your reproductive rights."

Rumpus Original Column Funny Women: "Ways* to Get Reproductive Rights" by Susanna Goldfinger. Read the full comic here.

#comics #funny women #comedy writing #reproductive rights #the rumpus #indie lit #indie magazine

[ahb-writes]

Privilege is not an abundance of opportunity, it's an absence of obstacles.

Randy Feltface (Purple Privilege)

#randy feltface #comedy #privilege #sydney comedy festival #class ethics #class debate #obviously someone probably said this before randy #randy is a better muse though #opportunity #trials and obstacles #comedy writing

[larrywilmore]

Remembering Norman Lear

Paying tribute to an incredibly gifted, generous& inspirational man, the legendary Norman Lear. He was my very first podcast guest & it was an honor to have him on.

#larry wilmore #black on the air #the ringer #norman lear #television #comedy writing #spotify #Spotify

[midnightrecording]

Onlyflans - FAQ

Q: What is Onlyflans?

A: Hello there!

Q. ...Hello.

A: Yes. Onlyflans is a site where you can sign up to see nothing but pictures of flans! If you don't know what flans are, they can actually be two things: either a baked custard dessert topped with caramel similar to the French crème caramel, or a tart-like sweet pastry with a filling called a fruit flan. We got ChatGPT to write that bit!

Q: ChatGPT? We're having a spoken conversation...

A: No we aren't.

Q: I... okay.

A: Yes.

Q: So, just pictures of flans?

A: We're planning on adding the ability for creators to upload exclusive video content of flans as well. Watch this space!

Q: Are pictures of either type of flan okay?

A: Oh yes, we don’t discriminate against either the baked custard dessert type or the sweet pastry type.

Q: What if I -

A: Hahahahaha.

Q: I'm sorry?

A: I was thinking of something funny I saw recently.

Q: Right. Well, I was going to say... what if I wanted to post pictures or see pictures of things that weren't flans?

A: This is expressly forbidden by our EULA.

Q: What if I was to sign up and then immediately post a picture of, say, John Flansburgh of They Might Be Giants?

A: This would be considered a mockery of our mission statement and your account would be terminated.

Q: You have a mission statement?

A: Yes. The statement is: “Flans are delicious! There’s two kinds!”

Q: What if were to post a picture of some gloves?

A: Well, if they were glowing red and had a sort of gold trim around the wrist area, and were also fingerless, then that means you’ve got magic gloves! Don’t just take a picture of them – punch someone in the face and watch their head explode!

Q: …

A: You see, glowing red fingerless gloves with a gold trim are gloves that enable you punch someone and make them explode. Depending on where and how hard you hit them, you can make their entire body blow apart into thousands of giblets!

Q: I never knew such things existed.

A: Oh, they certainly do! After all – this is your fantasy!

Q: What?

A: Sorry?

Q: What was that about this being my fantasy?

A: Oh, no, I just coughed and it must have sounded like words.

Q: Right.

A: Hello.

Q: In this written fake conversation, you coughed and the cough sounded like words.

A: ...Flans are delicious! There's two kinds!

Q: What if I were to post a picture of John Linnell of They Might Be Giants?

A: This would be considered off topic content and would be punishable by account termination and an IP ban.

Q: But it wouldn’t be considered mockery?

A: Not technically, no.

Q: Well, I think that answers all my questions.

A: Hahahahaha.

Q: Were you thinking of something funny just then?

A: Yes. The same thing.

#michelle pamela lyons #comedy writing #posting this here because wordpress screwed it up somehow #bloody wordpress classic editor

[thehalfwaypost]

#trump #satire #humor #comedy #comedy writing

[its-ratti]

Slimey rhymeys

#slug poem #sluggo #slugpup #short poem #original poem #poetry #putting the try in poetry #poets on tumblr #poems and poetry #poems on tumblr #poem #writers and poets #comedy writing #bugs #insects

[dailylooneys]

That's why Daffy, Yosemite Sam and Sylvester are successful, is because they're really aggressive villains. And when they fall on their face, people like it, you couldn't do that to Porky, for instance, because he's a lovable, sweet little character. A boy scout. Nobody really like to work with Porky, because he's too 'square' of a character. But, Sylvester, who falls on his face when attempting to catch Tweety, when he falls on his face, it's comedy. But, if you see Granny do the same thing, people aren't going to laugh, it's seen as rather sympathetic. That's the difference.

Friz Freleng on characterization and slapstick comedy

#friz freleng #quotes #looney tunes #granny #emma webster #tweety #Yosemite Sam #daffy duck #sylvester #porky pig #slapstick #slapstick comedy #character analysis #characterization #film analysis #comedy #comedy writing #animation

[dreamy-conceit]

When people give you notes on something, when they tell you what's wrong, they're usually right. When they tell you how to fix it, they're wrong.

— Bill Hader

#advice #useful advice #writers on writing #bill hader #quotes #how to write #screenwriting #scriptwriting #comedy writing

[loressa]

Burgertime

----

Salt, fat, sizzle, sear - the components are basic and mandatory. The burger is the star and never let anyone tell you otherwise...even if that someone is a stupid bullshit Goodwill microwave because *someone* (Brenda in HR) is too fucking cheapass to upgrade.

I dont have time for this - Timmons needs a submit by noon for a merge by five because Perkins is absolutely horrible at his job - but fuck Perkins. I want a burger, specifically MY deliciously seared burger from last night, so it's time to settle in and wait. Triple beep on that idiot machine (fuck you, Brenda) and the microwave power's at 50% for that slow, deep reheat.

Some TV while we wait - Pedro seems to be really doing it dirty to Janessa Maria. Would NOT be surprised if he ends up stabbed with all those side chicas he's had going for weeks.

Annoyingly, the lunchroom TV cuts from daytime telenovelas to grainy cellphone zooms of movie monsters spilling out of weird machines. I check on my burger - ten minutes left and still rotating nicely, despite all expectations - and then focus back on the news again.

Invasion. Aliens. Doom. This channel sucks. Flip through a few, but it's all the same broadcast - burger doing great - and that's when I realized what's happening.

This bullshit castoff Oliver of a microwave is all please-maam-may-I-have-moreing my burger into a dry, shitty crumble. Fuck you, Brenda. Power down even lower, might help, has to help. I still hate Brenda.

Back to ten minutes and what is this bullshit on the TV. Timmons' task floats into my head and I kick myself - I didn't drop those completed components into code review. By the time I get back from that, we're at eight minutes, the burger is lightly sizzling and I've realized the entire office is empty.

Fucking corporate yoga. I can even hear them upstairs - graceful, my ass, they sound like elephants tap dancing. Seven minutes to heaven, though, so who gives a shit. I think I'll add some BBQ sauce, just to be heathenous.

I hear a crash from the area near Perkins' desk, but who cares. The guy is a mess. Six minutes. Looking juicy. Another crash. Did they have a lunch out? Perkins *likes* to drink, why do you think he's useless after lunchtime?

Flip channels for a bit, but it's all the same stupid YouTube alien movie promo crap - five minutes, die in a fire, Brenda - so I browse Reddit looking at food pics. Another crash and now it's starting to seem a bit weird. I glance at the microwave, mouth almost aching - four minutes - and sigh. Gotta help Perkins.

Aaaand, nope, that's an alien. That's totally, completely, absolutely, how the fuck is that an alien. He's... she's? It's tall, scaly, oozy, slimy, totally not human, pure nightmare factory, and appears to be baffled by a stapler. Why does Perkins even have a stapler?

You how know under pressure our brains turn into trapped rats trying to find the easiest way out and we think and do amazing shit? So yeah, three minutes left and burger is looking good.

I thank my Brenda-esque brain for absolutely nothing and dart back into the lunchroom, which has apparently become my safe house against an alien invasion. Yay, I always wanted to fight for my life surrounded by old egg salad and leftover pasta.

Right about now is when I realize my problem. See, the microwave has been going with an ambient hum since Sumeria was the shit, so any changes are going to be instantly noticed...and we're at two minutes left. Also the burger is looking amazi-

Right, yeah, pull it together girl. Fuck you, Brenda. With a REAL microwave, I would have been out of here alr-

Well, hold on now. I creep back to the door. The alien's apparently given up on staplers and is kinda scanning the room. Like, literally, scanning. There's old 90s style movie graphics sprouting out of his/her/its eyes.

One minute left - hi burger, you're beautiful - and I'm fumbling with my phone. This whole situation is stupid enough, might as well try....

And there we are. WiFi scanner is picking up something absolutely weird and confusing, clearly some sort of network we can't identify. The alien's got some tech - or biology? - emitting a signal.

I groan. I know the answer. I hate the answer. I sigh. I curse fucking Brenda. 10 seconds left. I back away and close my eyes. Everyone sacrifices in trying times.

3, 2, 1 - the rotation stops and the stupid little defunct microwave gives a happy chirp of a ding. Done! Aren't you proud of me? Never, Brenda-spawn.

A claw appears around the door. Oh fuuuuck, yep, this is happening. I duck down behind a table and reach up to fumble at the microwave door. Hopefully aliens aren't vegan. I manage to jab it open and suddenly the delicious, intoxicating smell of the perfect burger floods the lunchroom, rich and redolent.

Apparently demons like burgers, but I was counting on this. Everyone likes burgers unless they are useless bitches named Brenda. S/he/it leaps for the microwave and I slide sideways - this is a horrible idea - putting myself closer to her as my arms fumble at the countertop. Oh, god, it stinks like childhood trauma and ozone. Too late now and here we go - the creature realizes I'm here far too late, flailing and turning with way too many arms writhing about. His head is at the same level of the counter top, body coiled to strike.

My lunging fall nearly fails, apparently my aim is terrible, but I trip on a chair and surge upwards again, hands finally wrapping around the microwave.

"You like to transmit shit about Earth?????!" I want to scream but instead I just kinda squeak as I grab the horrible microwave with its beautiful payload and slide the entire thing over the creature's head.

"Farrady cage?" I whisper hopefully, quickly backing away, because that - and my burger - was really all I had. For a second, the alien is still, simply standing there with his/her/its head crammed in a microwave, before its head gives a sudden, anticlimactic plop and sinks to the ground, ooze puddling out on his/her/its shoulders.

As the creature falls, his/her/it's body gives a shake, some final death throe, and, with a rattle, a little brown disc comes soaring out of the microwave. It's a beautiful, heartwarming moment. The alien's dead, Berlin is playing take my breath away and I've been reunited with my hamburger.

The rest of earth can wait a few more minutes for me to save it. This shit is finally hot and ready and it's lunchtime for momma.

#creative writing #scifi writing #writing #comedy #comedy writing #funny stuff #funny #funny story #funny scifi #comedy scifi

[fuckingwhateverdude]

part 1 of the rejected headline series

#see im just fucking around now #this is fun tho #the rejected headline series #my writing #my writing tag #poetry #poetryblr #prose #poetry on tumblr #spilled ink #comedy writing #comedy #satire

[ahb-writes]

[ID: Stand-up comedian Tom Papa, from his 2022 stand-up special, "What a Day," says: "They say these are very exciting times. They are. Some people say scary times. I disagree. I think these are very exciting times. When they're changing all the rules, we can do anything we want now. I say, let's kidnap some billionaires. Why not? We've got a lot of problems. Five guys have all the money. Let's go get 'em. Who's gonna stop us?" /end ID]

#tom papa #comedy writing #eat the rich #kidnap some billionaires #billionaires #comedy #humor #changing all the rules #what a day #exciting times #scary times #coming to get you #election day

[peterfent]

I’m having a really hard time wrapping my head around the existence of Bloody Marys.

Like… one day someone was eating tomato soup and thought, “yeah this is nice, but I wish it was cold and I wish it could make me drunk but I only wanna have it at 11am on weekends”? 🤨

#cocktails #bartender #writer #writerslife #writer things #funny #brunch #faithfullylgbt #comedy writer #comedy writing