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thepersonnamedsam · 7 months

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radio

pairing: the genz!driver x team x 23!grid

summary: some team radios of our beloved genz!driver

warnings: some swearing

note: oh i hope you all will like what i did here, it took me a hot minute, soo, pls don’t be a ghost reader

our genz!driver doesn’t drive for a specific team (pls imagine which ever is your fav), so the colours of the team radio will be violet, bc it’s not used :)

masterlist / taglist

Bahrain 2023

- „Okay y/n, you made it into Q2! Let’s keep that same pace you had in Q1“

- „Oh did you hear that? Where did Oscar place??“

- „Piastri is out in Q1, P18“

- „Wooh!! Oscar owes me 50 bucks!!! He lost the bet, he lost it! He didn’t think I’d out-qualify him!“

End of Qualifying

- „Good job, y/l/n! Thats P12 for you! Great start of the season“

- „Yeah baby! I’m the new Smooth Operator, Smooth Operator!“

Race

- „Uhm guys, I think there’s something wrong with my car…“

- „What is it, y/n?“

- „I just overtook Charles, how is that even possible?! Wtf guys, am I that fast?“

- „Oh my god, y/n, you had me stressed out here. I really thought you had technical problems for a second“

- „No worries, I’m just faster than a Ferrari“

—

- „Radio check“

- „It’s a cruel summer!“

—

- „Tell me, tell me how we finished, how I finished?!“

- „P11 baby!“

- „Uh, yeah, who’s almost in the points?!“

- „YOU!“

—

Saudi Arabia 2023

FP2

- „Tell me, is Danny here?“

- „Yea, why?“

- „Can you tell him I said hi? Please“

- „Uhm, sure I can, why?“

- „I just promised him yesterday I‘d give him a shoutout from the track, hahaha“

- „Okay, y/n, let’s get into Q3 today!“

- „Let’s gooooo!“

- „Could you not scream into the coms, please?“

- „WOHOO!“

- „y/n…“

- „Love you“

- „I don’t…“

- „You totally do“

- „I don’t“

- „You dooooo“

- „P12, good job y/n“

- „Could’ve gone better“

- „It’s a good result, y/n“

- „But still no Q3“

- „Hey, y/n, cheer up, it’s the same result as last race“

- „I thought we improved, I thought I improved“

- „We can still climb up the ladder“

- „As if, I’m not good enough for that many overtakes, I can defend, but that… I don’t know man“

- „Hey hey, listen to me, y/n. You deserve that spot in F1, you’re young and you’re learning with every race, with every test. I know you’ll be champion one day. Maybe not this race, but you’re gonna go far, kid“

- „…“

- „Are you crying, hahaha?“

- „Let me be emotional, dipshit“

- „Oh Lando is gonna have a field day with this, hahaha“

- „Please don’t show that to Lando“

- „Come to the garage first and we can discuss it“

Race

- „Radio check, y/n“

- „Vamos a la playa“

- „Loud and clear…“

—

- „FUCK, FUCK, FUCK, SHIT, SHIT, DAMN, WHY DOES IT NEVER GO MY WAY?!“

- „Unfortunate events, retire the car, y/n“

- „UNFORTUNATE?! STROLL JUST STOPPED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE ROAD AND I HAD TO BREAK SO HARD NOT TO CRASH INTO HIM THAT I CRASHED INTO THE WALL!“

- „It is what it is“

- „Don’t meme me, I’m mad… haha, okay, thank you“

Australia 2023

- „Good pace, y/n, let’s keep it that way and we’ll make it into Q3“

- „Alrighty mighty“

- „Cringe“

—

- „AND THATS P9 FOR YOU“

- „Huh?“

- „P9“

- „I’m into Q3?! Am I really?“

- „Yes! Yes you are!“

- „Whoop, whoop, that’s the sound of the police“

- „Whoop, whoop, that’s the sound that I need“

- „P10 baby“

- „P10!“

Race

- „Hi y/n, you’re doing really good out there, bring 'em home for me, will ya?“

- „Danny?“

- „Yes?“

- „Hi Danny“

- „Hi, y/n! You’re currently P9, with 0.548s to Piastri“

- „Okay“

- „Let’s push and stay in the points!“

—

- „YOU‘VE CROSSED THE FINISH LINE AS 7TH!!!“

- „THOSE ARE 6 POINTS, RIGHT?“

- „YES!“

- „It’s all because of Danny!“

- „I’ll gladly let him know“

Miami 2023

Race

- „I- help!“

- „What’s going on? y/n talk to me“

- „I don’t think my break is working“

- „y/n, we are going to retire then, box box“

- „I’ll try for one more lap“

- „No you won’t“

- „I will“

—

- „I think it’s fine“

- „…“

- „Yea, it’s fine, I can brake normally, hihi, sorry for the worries“

- „You’re a menace, y/n“

Monaco 2023

FP1

- „Monaco baby, the land of pretty people and expensive things, I am home“

- „Why’s that, you’re not from Monaco, y/n“

- „I am pretty and expensive therefore I am home“

Race

- „Radio check, y/n“

- „NOT NOW“

- „Noted“

—

- „I don’t feel pretty“

- „Sucks for you“

- „Man, that’s a shit move“

- „Sucks“

—

- „Okay y/n, you’re currently P11 with 0.639s behind DeVries, let’s push to P10“

- „DeVries? Nyck is P10? What happened?“

- „I don’t know, let’s just push him off of P10“

- „Harsh“

- „I’m a bad bitch“

- „Fuck that bitch“

—

- „Great job, y/n P10!“

- „Where is DeVries?“

- „P12“

- „Who overtook him?“

- „Bottas“

- „HAH!“

- „Be nice“

- „Ugh“

Montréal 2023

FP3

- „You are currently P3, I repeat, you are currently placed on P3“

- „Who’s pranking me? Max? Lando?“

- „No one, you ARE P3!“

- „WHAT?!“

- „Let’s take that pace into qualifying“

- „Uhm, yea, definitely“

- „What’s my time?“

- „1:18.725“

- „And Max‘s?“

- „1:19.092“

- „WHAT?“

- „You are P1, y/n“

- „Are you kidding me?“

- „I would never“

- „Mhm, but really? P1?“

- „I swear to god, P1“

- „Fuck! Shit! Holy macaroni fucking meatballs! I crashed, I repeat, I crashed“

- „Yea, we saw, retire the car“

Race

- „P7, good job!“

- „Thanks…“

- „Oh and y/n, you’ve been voted driver of the day“

- „Really?“

- „Really“

- „Firstly, I wanna thank the ground, because without it, I wouldn’t be standing here today“

- „That only works if you’re really standing somewhere, y/n, you’re sitting in an F1 car“

- „Then I’d like to thank my F1 car…“

- „I deactivated your coms“

Austria 2023

Sprint Shootout

- „What exactly is a Sprint really?“

- „Oh my god, really y/n?“

- „No… of course not…“

—

- „Great job, you placed P13“

- „Mhm, thanks… I‘m thirsty“

- „…“

- „Did no one hear me? I want my drink, where is the drink?“

- „You will not have the drink“

- „Oh you waited so long for that, didn’t you?“

- „No…, yes“

- „Kimi is a legend.“

Sprint

- „I don’t like this Sprint thingy“

- „Why?“

- „I don’t know, just because“

—

- „P15“

- „No good job?“

- „Not today“

- „Understandable“

Race

- „I want to go home, I am tired of this“

- „What?“

- „It’s getting boring with Max always leading and winning“

- „Thats why we need to push as hard as we can“

- „As if I’ll ever overtake Max“

- „One day, y/n, one day“

- „But not today, that’s why I want to go home“

- „You can’t“

- „Loser“

Silverstone 2023

FP2

- „Why do I not see Charles on the grid?“

- „Why do you have time to look at the screen and not see Charles on there?“

- „You should be driving“

- „I am“

- „Clearly not fast enough“

- „Hey, I am faster than you think“

- „You are currently driving with a speed of 156 km/h“

- „How do you know that..?“

- „I am your race engineer, I know everything“

- „Did you know that I just farted, hahaha?“

- „Unfortunately“

- „Hihi“

- „You’re gross“

- „Thank you“

- „Welcome“

—

Race

- „If Lewis stands on that podium, he owes me a dinner“

- „And if he doesn’t?“

- „I owe him a pity dinner“

- „And if you stand on that podium?“

- „Thats unrealistic, that’s why we didn’t bet on it“

- „True“

- „HEY!“

- „You said it first!“

- „Not a reason for you to call it out!“

- „Women“

- „I heard that“

- „You were supposed to“

- „Less talking, more driving!“

- „Yes boss“

—

- „Omg, omg, omg, tell me I crossed that line without a single penalty and we don’t get a grid penalty? Please tell me this is true?“

- „YOU ARE P4 Y/N“

- „Am I really?“

- „Yes!“

- „If it weren’t for the safety car you would’ve been P3!“

- „I don’t care! It’s my best result so far!“

- „So near and yet so far“

- „Lew is P3?“

- „Yep“

- „P4 and I get a free dinner from Lew, what a day“

- „Be proud and loud“

- „WOOHOO!!!“

- „Maybe not so loud…“

- „Sorry not sorry“

Hungary 2023

FP1

- „Oh Danny Ric is back on the grid!“

- „Mhm“

- „Aren’t you happy to see my favourite person driving again?“

- „Totally“

- „Be happy!“

- „Okay…“

—

- „Oh… I just passed Danny“

- „You are on your flying lap, he needs to let you pass..?“

- „Yeah… but he needs a positive experience on his first race back…“

- „HES THE ENEMY“

- „He’s my best friend…“

- „Does he know that?“

- „Uhm, I hope so“

Race

- „Tell Lando he’s doing a great job“

- „Just drive“

- „Okay…“

—

- „Lando says thank you, by the way“

- „For what?“

- „Just forget it“

- „Okay“

—

- „Oh, for that! You’re welcome, Landi“

- „It took you 4 laps to realise“

- „My brain is sometimes slow, let me be“

- „I would if I could“

—

- „Oh how I hate Perez“

- „It’s mutual“

- „Hihi“

—

- „Radio check“

- „I am so glad that the summer break is right in front of me, just 33 more laps and it’s me chilling on the beach, getting tan and reading good books and you know, that’s how my dream life looks like and…“

- „How can she be so talkative but still be on for a podium? It’s a mystery for me“

- „And Lando and me oh and Danny will go on vacation together. Maybe Lewis will come as well. I want to go to the Maldives but we’ll see. Oh and you know what would be cool? If we really…“

- „Is she still talking? Yep…“

- „I could learn how to surf and eat loads of stuff and just relax“

- „So you finally decided to stop speaking and concentrate on the race? Great job, y/n“

- „Thanks!“

—

- „Thats P5 for you! What a race to start the summer break“

- „Thank you so much“

- „We’ll see us in 3 weeks!“

- „Byeeeee“

°°°

@ironmaiden1313 , @topguncultleader , @biglittlesecret, @gulabjamooon , @lovelyy-moonlight , @peachyplumsss , @mistrose23 , @copper-boom , @love4lando , @champomiel , @serenityleah , @iloveyou3000morgan , @angelwithoutmywings , @elleeeee21 , @youkissedareaderinthedark , @mikauraur , @thybulleric , @lpab , @fdl305 , @mellowarcadefun , @teti-menchon0604 , @vildetry06 , @bibissparkles , @aurora-maria , @lunnnix , @sya-skies , @Buckywifeyy , @dakotali , @rechtrecht , @noncannonships , @1eclerc16 , @pitlanebabe , @sopheeg , @avengersheart , @thatsadsmallchild , @peachiicherries , @idkiwantchocolatee , @callsign-scully , @mehrmonga , @badbatch-simp24 , @lissyontour , @din0nugs , @elliegrey2803 , @gay-for-victoria-de-angelis , @10vely-yutazen , @daggersquadphantom , @azriel-the-shadowsinger , @i-love-scott-mccall

#f1 x reader #formula 1 #f1 #genz driver #team radio #f1 team radio #charles leclerc x reader #carlos sainz x reader #daniel ricciardo #charles leclerc #fernando alonso #sebastian vettel x reader #max verstappen

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emillyverse · 1 month

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Out of context + Production change + Creators freaking out !

HELLO KOW FANS!!! How are you???

For this weekend's updates we have great news! I managed to finish the 17 sketches of the first scene of KoW (that giant that tells the backstory of the emergence of kings who grant wishes, for those out of date)... YAYYYYYYYYYY!!!

Unlike last week, I won't be showing the comics here, instead I'm presenting them "out of context"!

I'll throw some random images here, and on the day the Comic comes out, you guys try to come back here and try to see where I fit each reference!

Ready?

Set?

GOOOOO!!!!

(throw the images there and run away, good luck understanding them)

Still talking about Comic, I had already mentioned that this is my first time working on a big project. I don't really know how to do things, I just know that I must do them and reach a result that the team and I consider satisfactory.

With that in mind, I was studying some creative processes and came across that of the great director Hayao Miyazaki .

I believe many of you know him, the internet hasn't stopped talking about him since "The Boy and The Heron" won the Oscar for best animation, besides @annymation already mentioned it in her fanfic, but in case anyone is new and doesn't know him, he is one of the biggest names in animation directors in Japan and the world.

Anyway, I discovered that, in his creative process, Hayao Miyazaki began to storyboard his films himself, sometimes without a pre-determined script, he just sat down and sketched out what he wanted or how he visualized the scene happening.

I tried this with a scene I was trying hard to write in my own original story and had a very fun and satisfying result. So, I decided to try to apply this process to making KoW: basically I'm reading the scenes that Anny wrote and trying to capture their essence by sketching as I read. Let's see what happens! Something tells me that this will make the Comic production process lighter and more fun for me, and that's a good thing considering that busy days are coming in my life (good busy days) !

However, this does not mean that the process will speed up. No. It may still be a little slow. But it does not matter. Calmly and with smiles, Me, @annymation and @uva124 let's make it happen!

OOOHHHHH ! AND SPEAKING OF SMILES!

I want to share something that made me, Anny and Aled freak out last night!

Yesterday, we were talking about my favorite topic: Aster.

I arrived presenting an idea I had while hiking — for Aster to get a star tattoo on his chest, with the words "Lacaille 8760" naming it.

And then this happened:

(prints taken directly from Anny's cell phone, showing conversations from our rewriting group. enjoy, we don't do this every day!)

So yes.

That's exactly what you're thinking.

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN

I PRESENT TO YOU.....

THE VISION OF PARADISE !!!! 😍❤️‍🔥

(throw this and run away because asha is chasing me)

This is it.

To the next.

Kisses full of light and stars!

~ Emy

________________________________________

( @uva124 COME HERE LITTLE AND REBLOG WITH YOUR VERSION OF OUR DEAR )

( @annymation @signed-sapphire @chillwildwave @flicklikesstuff @gracebeth3604 @frogcoven88 WAKE UP ALL OF YOU, COME SEE THIS)

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armenianwriterman · 1 year

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RWBY THOUGHT TIME!

God it is so upsetting to see Ruby like this

Also, I know you're having a severe mental breakdown, but how dare you yell at Little like that.

The spotlight on Ruby is a very interesting visual device

IS THAT THE FREAKING ROMAN HOLIDAY VANILLE FAMILY PORTRAIT?!

Talking Roman portrait is definitely not where I expected this episode to go.

Oh my god I theorized there'd be dead character illusions but GOD I didn't think it'd be true.

I like how that little talk with WBY

THAT FUCKING PENNY SPEECH?!?! THAT WAS SO FUCKING RUDE?! LIKE YOU DIDN'T NEED TO DO THAT CRWBY!!!

Oh that Oscar moment was sadistic (probably should've expected that from Neo but still).

NEO I AM GONNA ISEKAI MYSELF INTO THE EVER AFTER TO BEAT YOU UP FOR DOING THIS TO RUBY (and probably lose horribly but still)

I FUCKING KNEW THAT CAT WAS EVIL!!!!

OKAY I ACTUALLY HAD A CRACK THEORY THAT THE BROTHERS MADE THE CAT AND I WAS RIGHT!!!

LITTLE COMING IN CLUTCH AGAINST THE CAT LETS GOOOOO!!!!

THERE IS NO FUCKING WAY THEY JUST FUCKING KILLED LITTLE?!?!?!?!?!

RUBY DRINKING THE POISON RIGHT WHEN THEY ARRIVED?!?!?! WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK IS THIS EPISODE?!?!

DON'T YOU FUCKING DARE TRY TO MAKE ME FEEL SORRY FOR NEO AFTER THAT SHIT!!! I'M SORRY BUT THERE IS NO FUCKING WAY YOU CAN MAKE ME DO THAT ESPECIALLY NOT IN THE SAME EPISODE.

JESUS CHRIST THE CAT POSSESSING NEO WAS ACTUALLY HORRIFYING

WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS SHOW?!

#rwby #rwby9 #rwby spoilers

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teddybeartoji · 3 months

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THE OSCAR NOMS DROPPED EEEEEE gonna be annoying for a sec don't mind me

— ANATOMY OF A FALL, PAST LIVES, THE HOLDOVERS, KILLERS OF THE FLOWER MOON AND POOR THINGS FOR BEST PICTURE BABYYYYY<333333 DESERVED (i can't believe maestro is on the list though boooo!!! lame)

— YORGOS LANTHIMOS BEST DIRECTOR LET'S GO FREAKS LET'S GOOOOO oh my god i love this guy

— LILY GLADSTONE!!!!!! and of course sandra hüller and emma stone okay okay okay

— CILLIAN MURPHY OSCAR NOMM THAT'S MY MANNN (bradley cooper oscar nom 😐)

— SPIDEY AAAAAAAAA YAYYYY

— WAITTT EMILY BLUNT FOR SUPPORTING ACTRESSS GRAAAAHHHHHHHH i love her

— omfg poor things for makeup and hairstyling!!!!

— robert de niro and ryan gosling for supporting actor whewwww AND MARK RUFFALO

overall a crazy not so crazy oppenheimer sweep we all knew that was coming ig buT HELLOO poor things with eleven noms!!!!!! aaaaa yorgos my weirdo king i really love him i should do a marathon on a side note jimmy k*mmel hosting this year too 😐😐😐😐😐😐😐😐😐 kys

#just some of my thoughts on the noms #i'm excited for poor things #i yapped a lot about it i haven't even seen it yet......#gonna see it in the next two weeks though don't be mad #and it's yorgos anyway so i know i'm gonna love it #he always delivers #mayor of loserville

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stevenrogered · 2 years

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Andrew Garfield wins Best Actor in a Musical/Comedy at the 2022 Golden Globes for tick, tick… BOOM!*

*it is his third nomination and first Golden Globe win

#andrew garfield #agarfieldedit #andrewgarfieldedit #tick tick boom #ticktickboomedit #golden globes #gg22 #musicalsgifs #cinemapix #movietvetc #dailytvfilmgifs #i know its the golden globes but RECOGNITION FOR MY GUY #coming for that oscar lets gooooo #filmedit #moviegifs #musicals #mystuff #5k #1k

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dreamingofyouthemanyone · 2 years

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When They Wonder Why You Chose Them - 4

WOOOOH, DAY FOUR LET'S GOOOOO!!! Okay, admittedly, I had the most fun writing this and I have no idea why. Maybe it's 'cause they're the food guild and I love food so much.

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Featuring: Members of the Gourmet Guild | Gastronomy

Type: Headcanons

Prompt: Each character musing over why did you pick them to be your first partner in this journey

Warning: Pre-Game Launch Character Assumptions

----------------------------------------

As curious as he is about your rationale for choosing him, Oscar hardly puts any viable thought or effort into it.

He is, ultimately, a man of importance and with a commodity of enemies lurking at every corner. So rather than whatever intentions you may have, he’s more concerned about the kind of character you keep hidden within yourself.

After all, intent is malleable with the right stress—a better offer of money, opportunity, and the accessories in a dish. But character? Now that is something remains distinct, constant with little dynamics, the stock to the entire soup itself.

So, whenever there’s a chance, he invites you to have a meal with him.

Dining, in essence, is its very own social interaction. One can not only enjoy the food being served but also gauge just what kind of person one’s company may be by the way they dine.

Even as he keeps the conversation going on between the two of you, he always has a watchful eye in the way you sit, in how you treat the restaurant staff, the way you hold your utensils, and how you tend to the food on your plate.

He keeps his vigilance high around you for quite some time; however, once he sees how constant you are with your routine, how unlikely it is that you’ve simply been acting for the sake of malice, then he’s able to lower his guard against you and truly begins to enjoy your presence.

Without caution to be an ever-active sign at the back of his mind, he starts to see the genuineness in your words and actions. You listen attentively to his lessons about what kind of dish you’re having, the history and culture of it, and though you may have some reservations about the brutality of his criticisms, you make it a point to understand why and how come.

It makes you even more endearing to him.

Before he knows it, you’ve become a precious existence to him, enough to make him worry about his threats becoming yours as well.

When he finally asks you what made you choose him, he’ll later on blame it on the atmosphere. On an almost daily basis, the two of you have dinner together. This night, in particular, the two of you are in a restaurant with an outdoor aesthetic with magically-lit candles decorating tabletops and making your eyes glow with something ethereal and hypnotizing to him, your smiles and laughter filling him better than any meal can.

It takes almost all of the discipline inside of him for him to be able to listen to your answer, but the fine line that is his control nearly snaps when he hears the genuineness in your words and he doesn’t even have to see that the dark flush on his cheeks is less so because of the alcohol but more so because of you.

“I’m well aware that we already spend a lot of time together, but, are you free for lunch tomorrow? I placed a reservation at that restaurant you loved, and I was hoping we could try out their newest dish.”

----------------------------------------

Kuchen doesn’t bother beating around the bush, fudging the truth, sweetening his words, whatever. He doesn’t, because he isn’t the type of person to waste his time on something that isn’t the least bit important to him.

He has the decency to pull you into a secluded corner before he tells you, in no uncertain terms, to pick somebody else because whatever it is you want, whatever it is that you need to do, he won’t be able to be of any help.

The grave twist to his features is a stark contrast to his usual easygoing one, and he can tell from your expression that he’s caught you off guard with this side of him, but you have to understand. To him, making chocolates will only ever have his full concentration, and it’s best that you know this now rather than later after so much time has been meaninglessly spent.

He gives you time after that to make your decision, confident that you’ll see his way, and he spends his days as he usually does, that tension between his shoulders loosening as time goes by.

When next you drop by the guild, he merely spares you a glance before he turns his attention back to the lady he’d been enamoring. He expects you to wait for him to finish his business with her, to tell him that he’s right, to change your mind.

You, just like how white chocolate refuses to be tempered so easily like the rest, do not do any of that. Instead, you grab him by the arm, smile apologetically at the woman, before dragging him off the the storage room to have a private conversation with him.

He knows, just by the determined furrow to your brows and in the set of your gaze and lips, that you aren’t changing your mind. And he’s right, because you tell him so.

He informs you that it’s your loss, not in an unkind tone, but you insist that you aren’t losing anything and that you aren’t asking him to prioritize whatever it is you want over his passion. You chose him, and you aren’t going to treat him like a broken toy just because he’s harder to handle than the rest.

Something about your words rings significantly inside of him, resonating with feelings and memories he’s long since buried, and it’s really the only reason for why he lets you do what you want.

He doesn’t change completely, at least not at first. He still focuses on making chocolates, still spends his time flirting with women, but whenever you inform him of a request, he takes time from his busy schedule to accompany you even if he’s all complaints and side-tracking.

It takes time for him to warm up to you, and it doesn’t help that he’s kicking and screaming for you the whole time. But he’s seen how patient you've been with him, how genuine you’ve been with your promise, that it makes it hard for him to not come to care for you.

More often than not these days, he wonders why you chose him. It leaves him a little too scatterbrained than normal, affecting even his time when making chocolates. Next thing he knows, he’s staring at a dark red box filled with all of your favorite types of chocolate, each one crafted by his hand, thinking about how much trouble he’s in now.

“Here, take this...Huh? What do you mean who it’s for? It’s for you, obviously. You’ve never tried out any of my chocolates, right? Well, now you can. But prepare yourself, because you’ll never want to eat any chocolates but mine after one bite!”

----------------------------------------

It isn’t that Cuit is ungrateful for the opportunity, far from it in all honesty. It just…appears to be a very daunting experience.

He’s never really experienced what it had felt like to be first in anything until you came along, so, so certain in your decision to choose him of all people. You’d grinned this side of sweet when he’d accepted, and that had been enough to send his heart thumping a mile a minute because you’d looked so earnest, so proud in your choice.

For a while, it feels as if he’s walking on cloud nine and, though he still has his main job in the Gourmet Guild, he wholeheartedly devotes as much of himself as he can into your endeavors.

However, with all things that go up, they must, eventually, go down. And for him, his practically crash lands like a stray meteorite.

The weight of his responsibilities come to him gradually. Little things, really, that amount to something great and harrowing that he’s forced to take a seat after a few absentminded blunders in the kitchen.

He has his elbows resting atop his knees, his hands cradling his head, fingers sinking into his hair, as he wonders if he even deserves to be by your side.

After all, who is he to stand alongside the other meisters? Each and every one of them were masters of their own craft, while he himself is still toddling along behind somebody’s shadow and barely succeeding. How could he even think that he could support you, when he could barely do the same for himself? Why did you pick? And why did he accept?

He doesn’t notice your presence until he feels a featherlight touch to the back of his hands, breaking his train of frantic thoughts. He looks up at you, the light from the ceiling acting as a halo of some sorts against the back of your head, and he knows he must look horrible in comparison to you.

You ask him what’s wrong, worry a stark hue in your eyes, and he internally berates himself for letting you see this side of him before he tries to placate you. It doesn’t work, by the way you furrow your brows, and underneath your steel gaze, he relents and tells you his worries.

Something in your face fractures as you listen to him, eyes rounding with each confession that slips past his lips, and he looks away when he’s done, feeling both humiliated and empty because surely now—

Yet, you merely take his hands into yours, a wave fondness overshadowing your sorrow as you run your thumbs over the bandages wrapped around his fingers. When you look up at him, the look on your face is enough to make his heartache horribly. Then, after licking your lips, you tell him gently as to why he shouldn’t worry about that—for why you chose him in the first place, out of everyone.

You gather him up in your arms when you’re done, quietly embracing him and running your hands through his hair. He returns your hug after a while, fingers gripping the back of your clothes, and he allows himself to live in the moment with the knowledge that he does have a place beside you and savors it.

“...I know that I still have a long way to go, but I don’t think I’m as scared as before. And I have you to thank for that, you know? So, I want to make a promise to you. Starting today, for every day we spend together, I’ll make you smile with my food.”

----------------------------------------

Although Riche is careful to keep his features placid in response to your choice, there’s a hurricane of conflicting emotions that he lets lose inside of him.

For the most part, he’s flattered by your choice. After all, surely it’s the way he presents himself that makes him stand out amongst the rest, makes you believe that he’s someone that you can rely on. On the other hand, he’s irritated. Not only does having to support you means more work for him atop of everything else, but it’s also not as if it’s possible for him to reject your offer.

He’s been selfish once and has brought more than enough trouble to his brothers. He’s not going to start again after he’s just gotten a handle over it.

And so, he compromises. He’s cordial with you, yes, but he also keeps a certain distance from, always at arm’s length despite your best efforts. He isn’t here to make friends with you, but to fulfill whatever duties you give him.

This all changes, though, on a day where everything seems bleaker, his regrets stinging sharply in his knuckles and his guilt a heavy curtain draped at the back of his mind. It’s on days like this where he’s sharper with his tongue than he means, gaze more pointed. It’s also the day when he snaps at you for the first time, impatience winning out over his calmness. As soon as the words are out of his mouth, he clamps his lips shut, the makings of an apology glued to his mind yet incapable of being said.

When you leave, he knows he’s messed up. That this is it. He’d been given one chance to get his life together, but of course he goes and waste it.

He spends a few days in contemplation, getting his thoughts in order and preparing himself to confront you. His brothers ask him if he’s alright, but he reassures them that everything’s fine, not wanting them to take care of his business. He’s the one that had hurt you. He should at least have the decency to mend his own wrongs.

Once he has the words ready, he seeks you out. It’s awkward, having to sit with you after so long, but he is determined to see this through. The minute he knows he has your attention, he cuts straight to the point, bowing deeply to you and explaining himself, even if he has to reveal a few personal matters to you. He doesn’t expect any sort of forgiveness, but he does ask for you to not hold a grudge on the guild.

The silence that stretches on is so palpable that cutting through it would be like cutting through butter. But the moment ends when he feels you drag your chair closer to him, your feet appearing in his line of vision, and you ask him to meet your eyes so that you can explain your side to him. In the end, you forgive him. You tell him that you understand where he’s coming from—everybody has their good days and bad days, and you appreciate him putting a lot of thought into his apology.

Maybe it’s a spur of the moment or something entirely else, but he blurts out the first thing that comes to mind—do you still want him as your partner meister?

It’s clear that you’re caught off guard by his question, but the surprise on your face eventually makes way for amusement for you quirk a smile at him and tell him that nothing has changed since the day you made your decision.

Your words leave him reeling and try as he might to get an answer out of you for your reasons over choosing him, you’re cheekily quiet. This time, you don’t have to be the one to close the distance. He’s doing a mighty good job doing that on his own.

“...What’s with that look for, huh? For your information, I do know a thing or two about gardening. Most of the wine bottles here come from the grapes I raise. If I can do that, then I can certainly grow some flowers for you.”

----------------------------------------

W A L T E R

So long as it doesn’t interfere with his job as Oscar’s taste tester, Walter doesn’t really mind being chosen to help you around.

Your company is nice to have. You don’t seem upset by his preference to be quiet most of the time, nor do you just assume that he doesn’t like having someone to talk to.

You take time out of your busy schedule to spend it with him, always looking delighted at the prospect of helping him out in the greenhouse that he can’t help but mirror your smiles with a shyer version on his own lips.

He finds your interest in the plants under his care endearing, though more often than not he always has to make sure that you aren’t touching the ones with dangerous appendages. The way that you smile sheepishly at him as you apologize only makes him even fonder of you.

He finds that his days with you not only become brighter but also pass by quicker than the ones without you. It’s during these times, when he’s tending to his plants all alone. that he dearly misses your presence beside him.

He wonders if the same applies with you—do you miss him as well? He feels silly for thinking like this, because you always come back the next day with food as if you had any reason to apologize for your absence.

What he does find amusing, however, is the horror that never fails to wash over your face whenever he plucks a leaf from one of his poisonous plants to test its quality. The first time he’d done that, you’d panicked, grabbing his hand with both of yours and encouraging him to spit it out even after he’d swallowed it. He’d explained to you how his magic had recycled the poison into something harmless, and he’d huffed out a small chuckle when you finally remembered what his job in the guild was.

In a way, he feels touched by your concern, especially with how fast you’d reacted when you’d assumed that he was in danger. It makes something inside of him feel warm, because he’s so used to protecting others and not so much the other way around. It’s a nice feeling, knowing that he has another person in his life who cares if something bad ever happens to him.

He tells you such during one afternoon and after all the plants have been tended to. Yet, the expression you give him strikes something deep inside of him, wrenching his heart this way and that, and makes him decide that he doesn’t ever want to see that kind of expression on your face ever again.

Before he can do anything to placate you, you suddenly reach up to squish his cheeks, an indignant look on your face as you tell him that you will always care about what happens to him, whether it be good or bad, big or small, because he’s important to you.

His eyes widen at your words but soften into a fond gaze. Bringing a hand up to touch the back of yours, he asks why.

And you tell him so. Your reasons for picking him in the first place, and why you’ll always pick him no matter what. The affectionate tone in your voice makes him feel warm from his cheeks down to his chest, but he listens reverently, thinking that if he was in your situation, he too would choose you.

“This is for you…It came from the bush you helped me grow. You can use the leaves for tea, or ask somebody to make it into a sweet drink…”

#dreamingofhim #yumekuro #Gastronomy (Yumekuro)#oscar x reader #kuchen x reader #cuit x reader #riche x reader #walter x reader

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coweggomelet · 3 years

Text

volume 5

im so sad please do funny things

i know what’s coming though so

i’ll be crying while i laugh

- i love how qrow walks he looks like he has back problems

- oooo pretty waterfall

- ruby gushing over weapons is my favorite thing

- ahahaaaa frozen background gays that’s representation babey

- oh shit he just wanted to finish the job and go home 😢

- wait are all the academy headmasters characters from the wizard of oz? like ironwood is the tin man, lionheart is the cowardly lion, oz is...oz. who’s the headmaster of shade? the scarecrow? dorothy? i am 100% sure that people have already connected these dots but that just occurred to me

- oh ilia you poor little lesbian

- ahahahaaaa qrow “i did it!”

-uggghh the new intro i need my babies to be back together

- ew watts don’t smile with your teeth like that it’s creepy

- oh yeah cinder can talk now! gimme that fun ominous banter-y dialogue pleeeaase

- floating islands babeeeyyy

- ooooh i love this pilot! he’s so nice and funny and he works well with weiss. so sad he dies in a couple minutes

- adam you are such an asshole siena was SO COOL

- AAAHHHHH he’s got dad reading glasses!! i love ghira

- i would DIE i would lay down my little life for oscar and ruby the BABIES

- fuck yeah yang!! you stand up to her!!

- WE GOT TWO OUT OF FOUR GANG TWO OUT OF FOUR

- awww hugs

- of course you’re more scared than you've ever been, oscar, you are a CHILD who worked on a farm!! it’s okay to be scared!! it’s okay to have to adjust!!

- SHE SURE IS REMARKABLE OZPIN

- uh oh ilia doesn’t wanna kill blake i smell a gay

- hehehe awkward backpedal

- ooohhh man the kid... fuck, all those people are just... gone. and we can guess what happened to them, it’s pretty obvious but we’re never told exactly what happened and it’s so sad and scary

- awkward tea time with mom

- ugh raven shut up you SUUUCK

- THREE OUT OF FOUR BABEEEYYY IM GONNA CRY

- they all love each other SO MUCH this is ILLEGAL

- yesssss arm wrestleeee

- ooooo the ticking clock is so ominous

- she’s gonna come back, yang, don't worry

- weiss i love youuuu you’ve grown so much i’m so proud!!

- oh ilia you poor thing

- oh boyyyy here we gooooo!! the fake out of the century!!

- mercury. shut up. you’re a good fighter and people underestimate you. but. you’re a kid. and there’s some real big players now. no one’s afraid of you. you’re not that scary.

- god this plan is so goddamn smart. raven wears her helmet. vernal keeps her eyes closed the whole time. so fucking clever. jesus. also?? vernal’s subtle showmanship?? amazing. great detail

- aang??!!?

- i really wanna know how oz hid the vault at beacon. there’s gotta be something about it other than he’s just old and powerful, there’s gotta be some shenanigans there

- god i love this theme it’s so good. casey really just gives it her all every time and i’m so grateful to her

- oh boy the fuckin lobby here we go

- siblings amirite

- boys and girls? really cinder? let’s be more inclusive please

- surprise y’all they’re murder teens sorry you had to find out this way

- fuck i forgot how much jaune’s lil speech hurts. he’s still just so sad and he’s breaking down a little cause he’s so good and can’t understand why or how someone could be so bad. god i love my lil sweet boy he’s breaking my heart

- qrow i think the time has passed for everybody to be cool. cinder’s already talking smack. there’s no going back buddy

- “who are you again?” CINDER ILL STAB YOU. but also… good— good line. absolutely devastating

- emerald’s like “gotta protect my mommy girlfriend”

- shut UP mercury

- siblings amirite part 2

- THATS MY BOOYYY GO OSCAARR

- ooooohhhhh this muuuussiiiicccc

- ope there’s an aura break oh FUCK weiss gets stabbed in this episode doesn’t she and JAUNEY BOY DISCOVERS HIS SEMBLANCE i love him

- AHAHAHAAAA fuck her uuuuppp ruby

- ohhhhh shit here it comes oh god oh no

- god with pyrrha’s spear too. cinder’s really got a taste for dramatics doesn’t she

- oh god and the spear dissolving like pyrrha did i CANT

- when i say i LOST MY SHIT i said no fuckin way they kill weiss right now NO FUCKIN WAY and my friend had the AUDACITY to say “just watch”???? RUDE

- oooohh GET HIM oscar

- HES DOING IT MY SWEET BOY I LOVE YOUUU

- ohhh the tree of knowledge! i just got that

- there’s the grimm elastigirl arm

- SIKE CINDER THERES NO POWER TO TAKE FROM HER YOU JUST KILLED HER FOR NO REASON

- GOD WHAT A REVEAL

- again i lost my shit

- the amount of times i lost my shit and my friend had to tell me to be quiet was… a Lot

- NORRAAAA I LOVE YOUUUU

- oh hazel. can’t wait for your Growth

- THERE SHE IIISSS MY GIRL WHAT AN ENTRANCE BLAKE

- uh oh hazel is disheveled that means he’s unhinged

- oh FUCK yeah blake you’ve LEARNED i’m so proud of all my babieeesss

- WEISS what a power stance!

- THE LOOK they’re so GAY

- ooooo i love this fight it’s maiden vs maiden babey

- poor vernal. she spent the last moment of her life helping a woman who probably manipulated her and used her, and she helped her try to kill someone who didn’t even end up dying. vernal deserved better

- OH HERE WE GO RAVEN ITS YOUR DAUGHTER BITCH AND SHES HAD GROWTH

- oooo get him blake

- ooof the shoulder check. raven she fuckin nailed you on the head and did not hold back and knew EXACTLY what to say and you did EXACTLY what she said you were gonna do— run away. she is SO MUCH better than you and you will never recognize that and that is so heartbreaking

- uh oh the clicky orb thing. you’re gonna die lionheart

- oh emerald my baby. she relied on cinder so much, was so dependent on her, that she was powerful enough to make that in like 8 brains at once. that’s grief babey

- it took them. TWO WHOLE VOLUMES. to all get back together. this is illegal. and also i’m crying

- this is not ALLOWED they can’t look at each other like that my heart can’t take it

- awww qrow’s default really is just taking care of kids. good guy

- i’m always so exhausted at the end of a volume

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hforhonesty · 5 years

Text

Book Review #3 | Ghosts of the Shadow Market (part 1)

By C. Clare, M. Johnson, K. Link, S. Brennan, and R. Wasserman

[Beware! This review contains spoilers, so read at your own peril.]

“The Shadow Market is a meeting point for faeries, werewolves, warlocks and vampires. There the Downworlders buy and sell magical objects, make dark bargains, and whisper secrets they do not want the Nephilim to know. Through two centuries, however, there has been a frequent visitor to the Shadow Market from the City of Bones, the very heart of the Shadowhunters. As a Silent Brother, Brother Zachariah is sworn keeper of the laws and lore of the Nephilim. But once he was a Shadowhunter called Jem Carstairs, and his love, then and always, is the warlock Tessa Gray. Follow Brother Zachariah and see, against the backdrop of the Shadow Market’s dark dealings and festive celebrations, Anna Lightwood’s first romance, Matthew Fairchild’s great sin and Tessa Gray plunged into a world war. Valentine Morgenstern buys a soul at the Market and a young Jace Wayland’s soul finds safe harbor. In the Market is hidden a lost heir and a beloved ghost, and no one can save you once you have traded away your heart. Not even Brother Zachariah.”

[Official synopsis of the book.]

After something like three hundred and eighty-four years, we finally get the Jem Carstairs content we desperately needed since the end of TID. Because a life without Brother Snack-ariah is no life at all, am I right?

The book consists of ten short stories and follows the adventures of Brother Zackariah, our beloved Jem, searching through the shadow market in order to find some information about the Lost Herondale.

Set in 1901, the first two stories (“Cast Long Shadows”, and “Every Exquisite Thing”) are an introduction of the upcoming The Last Hours trilogy, whose first book (Chain of Gold) is coming out on March 2020.

Just eight more months until its release. We can do it, guys. It’s not like we are doing our waiting… Twelve years of it… In Azkaban. By comparison, March 2020… that’s like tomorrow.

Anyway, the co-protagonist of Cast Long Shadows is Matthew Fairchild, Charlotte and Henry’s second born. Matthew’s interests include his parabatai James, fashion, Oscar Wilde quotes, and being adorable 24/7.

The faerie woman looked almost sad. “You come of a brutal people, sweet child.”

“Not me,” said Matthew. “I believe in art and beauty.”

“You might be pitiless one day, for all that.”

“No, never” Matthew insisted. “I don’t care for the Shadowhunter customs at all. I like Downworlder ways much more.”

It’s been a few years since our Scooby gang was expelled from the Shadowhunters Academy, and now Matthew and James are parabatai. I’ve always loved their relationship, especially at the beginning when they were still rivals, and I can’t wait to read more about them.

“Bless you, my Herondales,” said Matthew grandly, scrambling up from the floor and making Lucie his bow. “I come upon an urgent errand. Tell me – be honest! – what do you think of my waistcoat?”

Lucie dimpled. “Devastating.”

“What Lucie said,” James agreed peacefully.

“Not fantastic?” Matthew asked. “Not positively stunning?”

“I suppose I am stunned,” said James. “But am I positively stunned?”

The Last Hours is going to shatter our hearts. I already know it. You already know it. Everybody already knows it. Which is why I keep asking myself, why am I still reading Cassandra’s books even though each time they seem to inexorably destroy what is left of my soul? Give me a call when you find out the answer.

All right, I never thought The Last Hours was going to be sugar, spice and everything nice, but this is way too much. How am I supposed to live knowing that Matthew is hurting and that there is nothing I can do about it?

I hated reading this novel. I really did hate it. Because Matthew is young and naïve and innocent and so unselfish and sensitive, and yet he was exploited and manipulated by a psycho Downworlder who wanted to hurt the Shadowhunters. His only fault was giving too much credit to the insecurity that he always tried to hide behind an overconfident façade, and this endangered his mother and killed his unborn sister.

Instead of telling the truth, he decides to keep it a secret from everyone, even from his parabatai, since he feels so ashamed of himself and thinks that there cannot be forgiveness for what he has done. So from now on, something in Matthew changes, and he will never be the same.

In the second novella, Every Exquisite Thing, the co-protagonist is Anna, Cecily and Gabriel Lightwoorm’s eldest daughter. Chapeau to the artist for making such a beautiful drawing of her! She’s perfect... and she also looks like Ruby Rose, doesn’t she?

We stan a queen.

Beside stealing her brother’s clothes, she enjoys getting weird (see: voluptuous) glances from other women while walking down the streets. I mean, even Brother Six-pack-ariah states that she looks a lot like her uncle Will, which is something that could give her the power to turn freaking rocks on.

Although Anna was definitely born in the wrong period, she’s still lucky enough to have a supportive family that loves her no matter what.

Anna thought of all the pain of the day again – the wound that had ripped her chest open and exposed her heart. But now it was as if her mother had drawn a rune over it and closed it. The scar was there, but she was whole.

It was like being Marked all over again, defining who she was. This was Anna Lightwood.

When I read this novella for the first time, I was on a plane, so I was like Elsa from Frozen. Conceal, don’t feeeel, don’t let them knowwwwww.

Little did I know that something even more heart-breaking was coming... and it answers to the name of Learn about Loss. Which was the moment when the Elsa in me was like well, now they knooowwwwww.

Let it gooooo, let it goooooo.

Can’t hold it back anymooooooreeeee.

In Learn about loss, we follow Brother Mlml-ariah back to the United States, where he and Sister Emilia (a James Carstairs stan) are investigating some weird activities regarding adamas. They end up in Chattanooga, Tennessee, where a Mysterious Merchants’ Bazar is promising the inhabitants of the city whatever they most desire.

We all know that in the shadow world there is no such thing as coincidences, so the one who is stealing the adamas is the one behind this market... and he is also of the Greater Demons, Belial, who happens to know something important about the Lost Herondale.

“I might know a cure,” Belial said. “Yes, I think I know a sure cure. You could be who you once were. You could be Jem again. Or.”

Brother Zachariah said, Or?

Belial’s long tongue flickered out, as if he was tasting the air and found it delicious. “Or I could tell you a thing you don’t know. There are Herondales, not the ones you know, but of the same blood as your parabatai.”

It could be a great dilemma. Getting rid of a curse that ended your life and becoming a Shadowhunters again – or remaining a Silent Brother just to help out the two people you love the most? But what could be a great dilemma to most... means nothing to Brother Zachariah, who, even as a Silent Brother, is devoted to his loved ones more than ever.

The Carstairs owe a life debt to the Herondales.

which is a deeper and stronger way to say «I love you».

At the end of the novella, Sister Emilia makes a deal with Belial, who promises her to give Brother Zachariah some extra time with his dying parabatai in form of a vision.

In the vision, Will and Jem are young again, and it’s the period before their parabatai ceremony. They find themselves in Shangai, which is the place where Jem was born... a place they never got to visit. For once in a long time, even though for a short moment, Jem is himself again and gets to be with his other half before Will passes away.

I love the way Cassandra Clare describes the bond between parabatai. It is so intimate yet it makes you feel part of something bigger just by reading about it.

There was a lightness in Jem’s chest that he realized, finally, was joy. He saw that joy mirrored in his parabatai’s face. The face of the one you love is the best mirror of all. It shows you your own happines and your own pain and it helps you bear both, because to bear alone is to be overwhelmed by the flood.

We had been waiting for this moment since The infernal devices... and it’s more than perfect.

I think I speak for everyone when I say that we could never thank Cassandra enough for this reunion. Unless she decided to write a new series about them...

Anyway, this is where the first part of my review ends. I hope you guys enjoyed it; in this case, let me know! On the contrary, let me know too!

Ave atque vale,

my brothers and sisters

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junker-town · 7 years

Text

WrestleMania 33 was the first time I watched wrestling, and it blew my mind

“It was delightful,” declares blogger.

Before WrestleMania 33, I had never watched a minute of pro wrestling in my life.

I knew the wrestlers played characters, but how much of it was acting? I knew they wore sparkly tights, lots of makeup, and beat each other up before someone tapped out and the victor won a belt. But was he or she truly the victor? Wasn’t it all decided beforehand? Did they actually hurt each other? What — to put it more simply — on God’s green earth is wrestling all about?

So I watched WrestleMania 33 in search of knowledge. I also live blogged the experience. Here is my journey.

TO SET THE SCENE

It’s Sunday night. I’ve bought a subscription to the WWE Network which I fully intend to cancel on Monday before the free month runs out. I have snacks (dried peaches, for some reason), because I’m expecting the thirteen matches to last approximately thirty years.

I’m ready to enter the world of wrestling for the first time.

LET’S GOOOOO!

WrestleMania is apparently hosted by these three dudes in a wrestling collective (not sure that’s a thing, but gonna roll with it) called New Day. They're wearing red chaps, speedos, capes, and cowboy hats bedazzled with more Swarovski crystals than one of those Vaseline tubs Tyra Banks once gave out on her talk show. They don't do much as hosts besides announce that they are the hosts.

We’re on to the first match.

AJ STYLES vs SHANE MCMAHON

The entrance ramp to WrestleMania is as long as a football field, so it takes hours for these guys to walk into the ring. AJ Styles makes the trek first. He’s wearing red, white, and blue tights, no shirt, and has the most luscious hair I’ve ever seen on a man.

The timing of the wind kicking up was... phenomenal. http://pic.twitter.com/eRGudUfwXd

— TDE Wrestling (@totaldivaseps) April 2, 2017

His opponent is Shane McMahon, who is WWE tycoon Linda McMahon’s son. Linda is now the United States’ administrator of the Small Business Administration because Donald Trump is the president, and Donald Trump shaved Linda’s husband Vince’s head at WrestleMania 10 years ago. In other news, we’ve officially gone through the looking glass.

These wrestlers are older than I thought they'd be. The look like your middle-aged, elementary school gym teacher ate too much creatine, developed serious rage issues, and lost his cool at one too many indoor dodgeball games before the principal was like “Holy shit, Mr. Mahon is freebasing protein powder again, someone call the union.”

I gasp as AJ Styles bounces off the ropes and flips around. The dude has swagger. He looks to the crowd. He struts. He hears the screams. He loves the screams. He feeds on the screams.

Meanwhile, Shane is just losing. AJ hits him in the head as he slumps against the ropes looking dazed and confused. He’s not trying to fight back.

What’s wild to me about WWE is that you just let other people beat you up to ensure a performance that will please fans. You’re playing a role, and sometimes you have to lose for the greater good of the show. It’s a strange variety of selflessness mixed in with incredible ego — you are still, after all, in the ring in front of millions of people. It’s strangely moving.

The referee gets hit in the face and he’s down for the count. Shane brings a straight-up Oscar the Grouch-style trash can into the ring, puts AJ up against the ropes, makes him hold the trash can, and leaps off the ropes, drop kicking the trash can into AJ’s face.

Coast. To. Coast. #WrestleMania @shanemcmahon @AJStylesOrg http://pic.twitter.com/vyXTRwfrLq

— WWE (@WWE) April 2, 2017

Shane then climbs up onto the top rope again as AJ lies on the mat, spread eagle, staring up at Shane with the fear of God in his eyes. Shane launches himself off the ropes once more, but AJ rolls out of the way, so Shane crashes onto the mat.

In the waning light of the humid Florida evening, AJ writhes in pain from the whole trash can fiasco. Shane rolls around, pouring sweat, trying to breath after knocking the wind clean out of himself.

This. Is. Insane.

AJ pins shane. AJ wins. I like AJ, but I’m not sure I’m supposed to.

KEVIN OWENS v CHRIS JERICHO

Kevin Owens and Chris Jericho used to be best friends, but then Kevin Owens stabbed Chris Jericho in the back, claiming they weren’t ever really friends. This fight is a rematch of their best friend breakup in Vegas, where Kevin Owens beat the shit out of Chris Jericho. I know this because the promotional videos the WWE shows before each match are works of art.

Chris Jericho is wearing a tiny, sparkly speedo, knee-high sparkly boots, and a scarf with Christmas lights blinking on it. Kevin Owens is wearing an ugly black tank top and some boring black pants. If this were a battle of the outfits, Kevin Owens wouldn’t stand a chance.

What else can you do but DRINK THIS IN?! #WrestleMania @IAmJericho http://pic.twitter.com/YEy3zfI5GE

— WWE WrestleMania (@WrestleMania) April 2, 2017

Watching these two wail on each other is heartbreaking; best friend breakups can be just as devastating the end of romantic relationships. This feud is made even worse because Kevin Owens used to revere Chris Jericho when he was little, and would watch Chris Jericho in the ring.

NEVER MEET YOUR HEROES, PEOPLE.

In other news, had I comprehended how much human drama wrestling involves, I would've gotten into WWE way sooner. I can't resist a good narrative. I’m powerless in the face of speculative gossip.

“You don’t have any friends!” Kevin Ownes yells at Chris Jericho. He also yells, "You were never my best friend!" and "You're a piece of trash!"

It’s the meanest heckling I’ve ever heard. I can’t tell if the emotional pain is real (the physical pain definitely is), but the ability to act through all of it and put on a show while your ribs are splintering into a million tiny pieces is astounding regardless.

Chris Jericho pins Kevin Owens, but Kevin Owens has a finger on the rope, which appears to be the wrestling version of a Get Out of Jail Free card. It’s a brilliant move, judging by the reaction it’s getting from the crowd.

Kevin Owens wins. I hate Kevin Owens.

CHARLOTTE FLAIR, BAYLEY, SASHA, AND NIA JAX

Here is what I think about each of the women competing in this four-way elimination match:

Bayley is the Lisa Frank of wrestling. She wears bright colors, reminds me of Punky Brewster, and comes across as very kind, which is impressive, given that she beats people up for a living.

I obviously like Charlotte the best. Yes, we have the same name, but she’s also a total boss who wears medieval capes.

Nia Jax is the most intimidating human I’ve ever laid eyes on; she’s a formidable, close to 300-pound woman who is stunningly beautiful and probably eats the ground-up bones of her opponents for breakfast.

Sasha Banks rides in on a chariot and has flowing pink hair. I’m here for it.

Bow down to THE QUEEN as @MsCharlotteWWE walks the same ramp as @RicFlairNatrBoy did nine years ago! #WrestleMania http://pic.twitter.com/ufofPSmU8y

— WWE WrestleMania (@WrestleMania) April 3, 2017

They start wrestling, and if a woman ever looked at me the way Charlotte is looking at her opponents, I’d start to cry and sprint away as fast as I could. She just cork-screwed off the top rope onto all three of the other wrestlers.

Charlotte, Bayley, and Sasha quickly realize that the only way they stand a chance against Nia Jax is to team up against her, so they do, and she’s caput. Sasha also gets eliminated.

Now Charlotte has Bayley’s leg in a figure four. I have a blanket over my eyes because it hurts too much to watch.

Somehow, after all the back and forth, body slamming, and rope slinging, Bayley manages to defend her championship title and win the belt. Charlotte looks pissed but resigned to the fact that Bayley won, fair and square, thanks to a deftly deployed elbow. I’m here for the elbows, because it’s the only wrestling move I know. I used to do it to my cousins when we were little (f you’re reading, Wilders, sorry for everything).

You know what comes after the #Figure4 as @MsCharlotteWWE TRIES to lock in the #Figure8! #WrestleMania #WomensTitle http://pic.twitter.com/dXVScN57q3

— WWE Universe (@WWEUniverse) April 3, 2017

I'm just sitting here with my mouth open. I've never witnessed anything like that in my life. It was by far the best match I’ve seen yet. It will probably be the best match of the night.

Women rule.

LADDER MATCH

Okay, I’m totally confused, now. We’re in the middle of the ladder match, and there are at least fifteen people in the ring. They’re wrestling in teams of two, my favorite of which is Enzo and Big Cass, because they seem fun, and also because Enzo is wearing a leopard print suit. The crowd seems to love them, too.

One guy is spinning another guy around while a third guy repeatedly hits a fourth guy in the head.

Has the teamwork between @WWECesaro and @WWESheamus EVER been this on point?! #WrestleMania http://pic.twitter.com/Nu0q8nnohe

— WWE Universe (@WWEUniverse) April 3, 2017

I don’t know who the Hardy Boys are, but they have showed up in the ring, and both my Twitter timeline and the WrestleMania crowd are losing their collective minds. Apparently these guys were huge back in the ‘90s or something.

All 1,341 of the wrestlers in the ring are bunched up, smacking each other at the base of the ladder. They’re slamming Big Cass onto the rungs as Enzo tries to grab a belt hanging from the sky. Now another guy is beating Enzo over the head as he grabs for the belt. Now Enzo is fighting back. Now other dudes are crawling back into the ring. I don’t know who’s who.

HOLY SHIT, one of the Hardy Boys has jumped off a ladder and smashed into the other guys, using his body to break not only the metal but also the other people’s bodies. What am I watching?

Matt Hardy managed to grab the belt, so he won? Everyone on my Twitter timeline is tweeting “DELETE!” I don’t understand why, but no one has the time to explain to me.

(Update: Apparently The Final Deletion was a match that previously took place between two Hardy Boys. Brothers? I’m so lost.)

JONH CENA AND NIKKI BELLA v MIZ AND MARYSE

I know a little bit about this match: John Cena and Nikki Bella are dating, and John won’t marry Nikki. Miz and Maryse are married, and they’re really mean to Bella, telling her John must not love her if he won’t marry her.

That’s mean, and it’s also bullshit; pressure to marry people is stupid. Marriage isn’t some finish line. It’s not the be all, end all of a relationship. Like, getting married won’t solve all your interpersonal problems.

But that’s a rant for another time.

Here’s what I’ve learned so far: Wrestling plays to our base human impulses. It’s a stripped down, violent play built around raw, universal reactions. The WWE takes the common characters and scripts of our lives — friends who betray each other, lovers who expect commitment, enemies who scheme against enemies — and removes the rules.

For example: At work, if someone pisses you off, you can’t just body slam them. But in wrestling, you get to destroy them while you wear spandex in front of a screaming crowd. Wrestling appeals to the masses, I think, because it sets the Id free in a show of beautiful and exciting pageantry.

I’m going to skip the actual fight, but the bottom line is that John Cena and Nikki Bella win, and OH MY GOD, JOHN CENA IS PROPOSING NOW!!!

"I have been waiting so long to ask you this...WILL YOU MARRY ME?" - @JohnCena to Nikki @BellaTwins! #WrestleMania http://pic.twitter.com/Rmfvtp9biQ

— WWE WrestleMania (@WrestleMania) April 3, 2017

Nikki says yes. I’m tearing up. They’re hugging each other. They’re making out. They’re so happy. I’m melting.

Wrestling is dope.

SETH ROLLINS v TRIPLE H

Seth Rollins messed up his knee and isn’t cleared by doctors to compete. But he wants to beat Triple H to prove something (I can’t remember what), so he’s fighting anyway. The match is therefore “non-sanctioned.”

I like that in wrestling, if you want to get around the rules, you just sign some paperwork saying you won’t sue if you get maimed. The match is then marked as “non-sanctioned,” and you can do whatever you want with your broken body.

Triple H rides in on this dope motorcycle as police motorcycles ride down the ramp in front of him, blaring their sirens. This is a circus. The heavy metal music is seeping into my veins. I’m wide-eyed. I stand up. I’m sorry for the all-caps I’m about to hit you with, but THIS IS MAKING ME SO AMPED THAT I WANT TO GO KICK DOWN A DOOR!!!!!

#TheGame @TripleH and @StephMcMahon always know how to make an entrance... #WrestleMania http://pic.twitter.com/3uxdnoIh37

— WWE WrestleMania (@WrestleMania) April 3, 2017

I feel like I’m high.

Seth Rollins is a beautiful man. Triple H is a jacked-up monster. I can’t write about the actual fight because it makes me sick to my stomach to watch and therefore to think about.

TL;DR: Seth’s knee is not okay, and Triple H keeps hurting it more. Seth is in so much pain that I’m not sure he’ll ever walk again, and now there’s a sledgehammer involved, and it feels like they’ve been murdering each other for five hours.

Live look of me watching #Wrestlemania as soon as the sledgehammer got introduced http://pic.twitter.com/MMWaQCwQIe

— Charlotte Wilder (@TheWilderThings) April 3, 2017

Here are my raw, unedited notes:

MY SHOULDERS are up at my ears. Omg a sledge hammer omg. I JUST want to die i don’t know how anyone can still watch this. Triple h is dragging seth up on the ropes and omg i am going to throw up. Seth Rollins did something called a cork screw phoenix splash? Omg he is ten thousand feet in the air!!!! I WANT THIS TO END SO BADLY. Triple H’s face is horrifying. Omg a pedigree. Can he do that HE DID IT. SETH WINS Thank fucking god that is over. That was so brutal.

HAHAHA PITBULL IS HERE PERFORMING A SONG

Of course he is.

DALE #Wrestlemania http://pic.twitter.com/UwkDuQpf0J

— Hector Diaz (@iamHectorDiaz) April 3, 2017

RANDY ORTON v BRAY WYATT

This is the match between the cult leader married to a dead witch named Abigail (Bray Wyatt) and the guy who joined the cult and then burned down the other guy’s house (Randy Orton).

God, I love this. It’s like make-believe for grown ups. It reminds me of the games my friends and I used to play when we were little, where we had to run away from ogres and save princes (we were feminists, okay?) from dragons. I adore the fact that millions of Americans are like, “Yeah, sure, we’ll buy into a storyline where a guy rubs the ashes of a dead witch all over his face to become more powerful in the ring.”

Randy Orton is wearing a fur vest and a speedo. Bray Wyatt is wearing a shirt with a demon octopus on it (I’ve noticed that usually one of the wrestlers is clothed, and one is less clothed). It feels very Florida.

I think this match is a big deal, like, a championship or something? But it’s really boring. After the ladders, Seth’s pain, the women’s badass fight, Triple H’s entrance, and all the build-up surrounding this match, I’m pretty disappointed.

I don’t even remember who won and it just ended.

GOLDBERG v BROCK LESNAR

Brock Lesnar sounds like the name you'd give at a deli instead of your real one to mess with the people who have to call out your name when your sandwich is ready.

Goldberg looks like that gym teacher I made up at the beginning of this blog post who kept eating creatine after he was fired, got another job as a high school softball coach, and ripped his shirt off in a rage after the girls lost the championship.

Here is Goldberg:

And so the iconic walk begins for #UniversalChampion @Goldberg... #WrestleMania http://pic.twitter.com/Xb8A7QKcMB

— WWE WrestleMania (@WrestleMania) April 3, 2017

This match is for the Universal Championship? I don’t know what that is. There are too many championships.

They just crashed through a barricade. Are those not fortified? THESE MEN ARE FIFTY YEARS OLD, HOW ARE THEY DOING THIS?

Brock Lesnar has a dragon on his butt.

This is a good match.

Brock wins. He looks like something that climbed out of the Earth's molten core and yelled "I'M HERE, MOTHERFUCKERS!!!!" instead of being born.

FOUR MORE WOMEN WRESTLE EACH OTHER, I THINK THEIR NAMES ARE ALEXA BLISS, NAOMI, CARMELA, AND ONE MORE I CAN’T REMEMBER

I’m starting to run out of steam. This is emotionally exhausting. But here are some thoughts:

I like Naomi’s outfit; it’s glow in the dark. She’s twirling around like a boss.

These women are just kicking each other in the face. Carmela looks like she has galoshes on.

Why is Vanilla Ice’s brother in the ring?

I don’t know who is who besides Naomi.

Naomi wins! She’s the Smackdown Women’s Champion! I love her.

The New Day is back as the hosts. I forgot about them. They haven’t been hosting shit.

UNDERTAKER v ROMAN REIGNS

We did it, you guys. We made it to the last match. I feel like a shell of a human. If I was high before, I’m now hungover.

But I know the Undertaker is a big deal, so I’m trying to stay invested.

I was led to believe his entrance would be more dramatic, but he just walked slowly down to the ring. Undertaker has a dad bod. Roman reigns is a beautiful man, much like Seth Rollins. I like the dudes with long greasy hair, apparently.

Roman is really beating Taker up. Taker is going to give me nightmares.

"You may never have seen Babe Ruth walk into Yankee Stadium, or Joe Montana at Candlestick, but you've seen the Undertaker at WrestleMania,” says an announcer with a southern accent who’s been brought in just for this match. I think he’s famous?

I'm going to have nightmares of Undertaker staring at me while he runs his thumb across his neck as though he were threatening to slit my throat, but hopefully I’ll wake up before he kills me.*

Roman is just destroying the Undertaker. Is he bleeding? Is he okay? I feel sick watching this, but I can’t tell if it’s all the dried peaches I ate over the course of the 15 years we’ve been here or if it’s the match.

*I actually did end up having nightmares about WrestleMania.

SMACK DAB on the CHAIR goes @WWERomanReigns as The #Undertaker delivers another #Chokeslam! #WrestleMania http://pic.twitter.com/hzwsfHCj3R

— WWE Universe (@WWEUniverse) April 3, 2017

Wow.

Roman wins.

Why did that feel sad and anticlimactic? Was it supposed to be different? Did they go off script? How does this work? Is it Undertaker’s last match? Why is Roman shaking his head? Why is Taker just lying there? Is he actually hurt? I HAVE SO MANY QUESTIONS and the fans don’t really even seem to care.

Wait, hold up. Undertaker is retiring. I feel like I'm at the funeral of someone I didn't know that well. Everyone in the stands and on Twitter is really sad, so I'm really sad. But it’s awkward that I’m here. I feel like I shouldn’t be seeing this if I don’t understand how big of a deal this is.

Taker takes off his cloak, his hat, and his gloves, and lays them down on the ring. He raises his fist. The stadium shows lightning bolts.

The dead man is actually dead.

RIP Undertaker. I hardly knew ye.

KEY TAKEAWAYS

I’ve been in an alternate reality for five hours. It reminded me a little bit of The Bachelor, in that there’s a rough script and, as a viewer, you don’t know exactly how much is staged. But the wrestlers and the fans are both so thoroughly invested that none of that matters.

The physicality of wrestling is stunning. These people perform mind-blowing feats of athletic ability — they corkscrew off the ropes, they jump off of stories-high ladders, they lift up 300 pound opponents — and yet, I don’t think they get the credit they deserve from the general public because it’s wrestling. It can’t be real, some folks argue.

But let me tell you: The winners may be decided, but holy hell, that doesn’t make the stunts less superhuman. I don’t know how people survive this.

The violence is... a lot. In the beginning of the show I couldn’t watch the beat downs without imagining what it felt like to receive them. My hand was over my eyes for much of it, specifically during Seth Rollins’ match. By the end, however, I watched Roman Reigns bash Taker with a chair and thought more about the plot of Taker’s career ending than I did about his body getting absolutely destroyed. I grew somewhat immune to the violence. And I’m not sure that’s a good thing? Like, I feel a little gross.

But that grossness is cancelled out by the fact that, more so than violence, nostalgia is the WWE’s main commodity.

That’s what this is all about. As someone just dropping in, I was an imposter. I regretted that I couldn’t fully appreciate the beauty of the relationships or the narrative arcs because I just didn’t know enough. But if you grew up a wrestling fan or have been following the sport (yes, it’s a sport) for a while, you become invested in the storylines. You have years worth of build up, tension that comes to a climax when the matches are announced, and gets released as the referee counts to three and a winner is crowned (belted?). The announcers do an incredible job of fueling those dramatic fires.

Any good sport worth its salt is largely about fans’ connection to the athletes and memories of past teams. Wrestling takes all of that, adds raw human impulses and violent physical action, dresses everything up in spandex and sequins, and sells it to football stadiums filled with screaming humans who are willing to suspend their disbelief to enter a weird, wild, mystical world that isn’t a far cry from one giant Greek tragedy.

And as long as everyone — fans and performers alike — is a willing participant, there’s something kind of glorious about the whole visceral experience. This is living.

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