#compared to last year my blog seems to be slowly dying

[lesvegas]

Question 12/13 for the fallout ask post? Also love ur blog sm <3

12. What’s a quest that everyone hates, but you like?

While I don't think anyone outright hates Come Fly With Me so much as they just find it tedious to do over and over again (and believe me, I Get It), I genuinely do enjoy going through it. Even though I can easily skip over Novac altogether let alone this one quest, I tend to do it when I can anyway because I like the tension that comes with sneaking around in cramped, dark corridors full of invisible guys that can easily kick my ass if I'm not careful. I also like disarming all the traps in the room Hadrian's in. Honestly it feels like a quest that caters to my overly-cautious stealth play style on top of being one of the most interesting side quests in the whole game.

13. Which companion quest did you enjoy the most?

I think it's a tie between Old School Ghoul and I Could Make You Care. I may be biased because Raul and Veronica are my two favourite companions, but imo they're also two of the most well-written companions with equally well-written quests.

While Old School Ghoul physically amounts to dragging Raul around while talking to some old guys, it also acts as a vehicle for him to tell his own stories (which I can listen to all day) and brings up the subject of... well, aging. Of growing up and growing old and changing as your body changes, while remaining who you are despite that. Raul was only around 30 when ghoulification hit, and is basically a young man 200 years older than he should be, and his body began to deteriorate while still in his prime. Despite this, he's tried to make himself Useful TM as both a handyman and a protector, facing the worst of the age of raiders and living long enough to remember it all. When he fails to protect someone, he seems to give in to his perceived uselessness in 'old age', giving up his guns altogether and settling for simply finding purpose in repairing things. It's only when he sees a few older men still doing what they can that he considers not relegating himself to a quiet life, though he still needs the courier to tell him that it's something to admire and that these guys aren't useless or should live a certain way just because they aren't physically the same as they've always been. You can convince Raul to take up his guns again to become a protector during and after the events of FNV, just as he had 200 years ago, and he does a damn good job of it despite his cataracts.

Meanwhile, I Could Make You Care starts with Veronica seeing just how well the rest of the wasteland is doing, from the Followers to the Boomers to even the Fiends (at least in how much trouble they give the NCR compared to the BoS). Exploring the outside world forces her to come to the conclusion that the Brotherhood, her family, is slowly dying because they refuse to change their ways even slightly to become self-sufficient. You have the opportunity to help her find something that will make the Elder wake up, from farming technology to an advanced weapon, but even with evidence the Brotherhood refuses to change. While you can technically convince Veronica to remain, I think it only narratively makes sense for her to leave, whether she ends up joining the Followers or not. She's seen how everyone else has adapted and continues to, and how the quick the Brotherhood is to turn their back on her the moment she challenges their dogma. Even if you can't relate to her on a personal level here, her quest is a powerful conclusion to the Brotherhood's role in Fallout as a whole (by which I mean fo1 and fnv) and serves to symbolize how fast humanity has grown in the last 200 years since the world ended. This quest is so fucking good it makes me wonder why all I ever seem to see from the fandom about Veronica is how much she likes dresses. Sure, it's a cute fun trait and we love her for it, but you'd think that's her main quest instead with how much people sleep on this one.

[catsaar]

2021 Tumblr Top 10

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#tumblrtop10 #welp #compared to last year my blog seems to be slowly dying #but I'm still very grateful to everyone who supports me #thank you all for the love on my builds

[ninjakasuga]

Sonally Celebration Week, Year 3, Day 2: Mystery

Day two has come for the celebration of one of the best furry OTP’s ever~. @gojira007 ‘s celebration blog @boundforfreedomsonsal of Sonic and Sally continues and here’s my second entry. Enjoy all~

Sonsally Week, Year Three!!

Day 02: Mystery

Foreword: This episode is still set in the Archie-Verse depicted in my fics of last year and day one’s story. This one is set some years after the fall of Eggman, when peaceful times finally settled on Mobius for the first time in ages. Of course, peace doesn’t always equate to ‘easy’, especially when babysitting two spirited scamps.

“Sonia, Manic- WHERE THE FREAKING BLEEP ARE YOU?!!” Shouted an irate, and clearly frustrated blue hedgehog as his right eye twitched something horribly. Standing in the town-square of the rebuilt Knothole Village, his gaze shifting back and forth from the trees, and the various huts of the quiet village. While mostly destroyed during one of Dr. Eggman’s devastating attacks; the entire village was rebuilt as it was during the war era of fighting the original Robotnik. With a few Eggman era buildings kept, and one or two new additions. Knothole was mainly a tribute to the village that sheltered the survivors of the fall of the original Mobotropolis, and became home of the resistance that would become the Freedom Fighters. Mostly a standing all-may-come museum to pay homage to the place that started as a Royal Retreat/shelter, but became so much more. A few of the huts were still livable, home away from home for certain members of the Freedom Fighters who occasionally would return to Knothole with their families to celebrate and remember those days.

Today, it was host to a game of hide and seek, giving the two instigators of the game a plethora of hiding places. One that was driving the elder brother of Sonia and Manic Hedgehog, one Sonic the Hedgehog, former hero of Mobius, crazy!

After tapping his foot rapidly for a scant few seconds, Sonic cupped his hands together again and shouted as loudly as he could manage. “MANIC! SONIA! FOR BLEEPING FRACK’S SAKE YOU BETTER GET YOUR BUTTS OUT WHERE I CAN SEE EM’! AIN’T FUNNY NO MORE!” It really wasn’t, Sonic nor his lovely wife, had agreed to hide and seek, but his two younger siblings opted to begin a game without anyone’s consent.

A voice soon called to him, followed by familiar footsteps. “Is there a reason you’re using frack and bleep? Is that a new sibling code of some sort Sonic?”

Speaking of lovely wife’s, there she was. Turning to face his wife, Sonic shrugged with a sheepish expression. “It was censor myself or risk using words I don’t think Mom nor Dad would care for two nine-year-olds to repeat.”

“That is probably for the best.” Agreed Sally, with a tired sigh as a hand went to her rounded stomach. She wasn’t far enough along in her own pregnancy; her movements were not hampered; but the extra weight of the two passengers in her belly was sapping her energy. “Whew, I’ve just been walking but I feel ready to kick back.”

Concerned, Sonic walked over and touched her shoulder. “All the more reason I’m not too happy they started this ‘game’ when I made it clear you can’t be as play-happy as usual because you’re pregnant.”

Shaking her head, Sally reached over to place her hand over his, giving an assuring squeeze as she managed a smile. “They’re just kids, it’s alright Sonic. They probably just want to get some last playtime with us before I’m truly an invalid.”

Sonic had to admit she had a point but his ire was not fully dissolved. “Maybe, but this is still too much. Even Mom n’ Dad told em’ to not get carried away.”

Smirking, Sally lifted an eyebrow as she glanced at her husband. “Sonic, they’re ‘your’ siblings. The apple doesn't fall far from the tree. There seems to be an innate sass-o-meter in your family. Pushing buttons seems to be something of a religious doctrine.”

Opening his mouth to counter, Sonic slowly shut it, frowning deeply. “... Fair nuff, but I still say you’ve rubbed off on them if we’re going for sass influence.”

“ME?!” Sputtered Sally, an incredulous frown, forming over her face. Beautiful blue, eyes narrowing almost dangerously. “How pray tell, do I count as a bad influence toward Manic or Sonia?”

Smirking widely as he got her goat, Sonic yanked the chain more, counting off with his fingers. “Well again, you’re the Queen of Sass and not just the Kingdom. When you gotta be right, you will argue til’ the cows come home. Plus you’re good at being playful when you want something, Manny’s baby-of-the-family routine is killer thanks to watching you. N’ Sonia’s all about emulating her Sis-in-law’s fancy mannerisms, and silver tongue. Just the other day she was in trouble and convinced Mom to let her off the hook light with a buncha big words she got from you.”

Almost mirroring Sonic, Sally opened her mouth, then closed it as she thought better of it. “...Touche’, but that doesn’t excuse the bad habits you’ve given them love-of-my-life.”

Laughing, Sonic gave her a big, if careful hug. Letting her have that one as, one it was true, and two, he knew jerking her around too much with hormones a-flame was a bad idea. “Of course, of course, but they also picked up on my coolness factor.”

“Truly…” Replied Sally in a dull, drawl that spoke volumes of how little she believed that. “I just hope our own bundles give us something of a break compared to these two. I can see why your parents are all-too-eager for us to babysit when we can.”

“Knowing us, they’ll drive us insane cuz they’ll be just like us in ways, but we’ll love em’ anyway.” Sonic mused, placing a hand to her belly and leaning in to kiss her gently. Sighing in a content manner, Sally melted into the kiss and hug, feeling a bit of the weight of impending motherhood ease off her shoulders to a degree.

Almost as if on cue, a duo of childish voices are heard uttering, “Eeeew gross!”

Instantly, both Sally and Sonic broke the kiss, angled their heads upward, and pointed as they both cried out in triumphant unison. “AH-HA! THERE YOU TWO SCAMPS ARE!”

“Aw crude!” Muttered Manic, as he and his sister clung to one of the large tree branches, quite a ways up that was connected to one of the tree house type huts.

“Well we gave them the ghost for a good twenty-minutes I’d say we won.” Stated Sonia in a rather faux-haughty manner. The more purple-blue of the two, whipped back her-pink hair? Wait, Sonia was blonde! Plus some of her fur looked more magenta-purple now?

In fact, why was Manic’s fur and quills more of a green-ish tinge than the light-blue they should be? Not to mention that punk-esque quill style... Eyes narrowing, Sonic let go of Sally, zipped into the hollowed out large tree with a hut built around the base. With the same speed, he charged up the ladder within the hollowed out tree, allowing him to come out at the point where the tree-house hut was, and lean out where the landing gave way to a natural, thick tree branch. 

“Oh no, you two did not!”

Putting on the best coy, innocent face he could, Manic twiddled his fingers together in a playful manner. “What’re you talking about Big-Bro?”

“Seriously Sonic, you need to use clear, concise words.” Snickered Sonia.

“You both dyed your hair and fur!” Sonic pointed between each sibling. “Mom’s gonna have kittens!” Growled their elder brother as his mind swam with images of a none-too-pleased Bernadette Hedgehog glaring at her son and daughter-in-law.

Arms crossed, Sally tapped her foot, in a manner not unlike her husband. “You two sneaks lost us to go and do the dye-jobs yourself didn’t you?”

“Maaaaaaaaaaaaaybe.” Both twins chorused.

Sighing Sally frowned more. “Manic, Sonia, you do realize your Mother and Father are going to tan the crap out of your hides. They both told you, neither of you could have such radical dye jobs until you were fifteen, thirteen at the earliest if you both proved responsible enough! Plus, Manic, sweetie, why are you intent on making yourself look like Scourge?!”

“Hey!” Manic cried indignantly, a pout forming on his lips. “I just like the color, it’s not my fault Sonic’s scrub of a doppelganger had the same color-job! It screams ‘me’! Plus I don’t have sharp teeth or those evil eyes like he does, plus my quills are cooler lookin!”

“I’ll give you that li’ bro, on the being cooler looking thing, but dam-er dang it!” Sonic grabbed his own head-quills, mussing them up some in frustration. “Urgh Mom n’ Dad ain’t gonna let us watch you two ever again if you pull crap like this again!”

“He’s right.” Sighed Sally, rather dramatically. “We’ll be seen as so irresponsible they will forbid us from ever seeing you again!” She put a hand to her heart, and the other against her head. Truly, piling on the dramatic flair. “They may even question if we’re fit to be parents ourselves and have our babies taken from us.”

While Sonia rolled her eyes, Manic’s went wide as panic took over his earlier nonchalant attitude. “R-really?! We don’t want that!”

“Manny, bro she’s trying to guilt us!”

“Well it’s working! I didn’t wanna get them in that deep of trouble!”

“Manic she’s the QUEEN!! Mom and Dad can’t do jack to her!” His (slighty) older twin argued, seeing her partner-in-crime was about to fold.

“Wanna bet?” Sonic crossed his arms, smirking fully as he saw the sliver of doubt in the two’s eyes. “Mom can be scary when she wants and Dad, Dad is aaaaaaaaaall about the ‘subtle, quiet big stick’ kind of approach.”

Now even Sonia was doubting if they’d gone too far, especially as it pertained to how much trouble this might land her and Manic. Maybe she underestimated her ability to talk her way out of trouble. “M-Maaaybe we got a little carried away?”

“You sure did you two scamps, now if you come with me down the tree, we might ‘might’ convince Mom and Dad to let you both stay the night, and we can wash out the dyes and treat your fur so they never notice.”

Nodding as they both climbed fast, but still safely across the branch to Sonic. The two younger hedgehogs cling onto his legs. “We give, we give!!”

“Smart choice!” Laughed Sally from the ground, smiling at the won tag-team victory of talking the kids into doing their bidding. “If you two behave onward, there might be my special ice cream sundaes after supper.”

“Really?!”

Maybe handling kids wouldn’t be so hard after all? Sally thought before speaking aloud to them. “Cross my heart!”

“N’ you know Sal’s promises are good as gold.” Quipped Sonic as he guided the two once they stood up towards the ladder down to ground level. “Also, expect to help do some chores as further punishment for this stunt.”

“What?! Oh come on big brother-!”

“Nope, nada, don’t even try to talk me down Sonia!” Sonic cut her off as he coaxed first Manic, then Sonia to climb down the ladder. “Sal’s gotta take it easy and I need help doing this and that.”

“But you guys got a staff at the castle to do stuff!” Pipped Manic, his voice echoing through the hollow tree.

“It keeps us honest to do our own chores.” Quipped Sonic, watching them both get halfway before he started down the ladder himself. “Plus if you want us to keep quiet about the dye-thing-.”

“Oh fine!” Both younger hedgehogs huffed, giving up arguing.

“Being a big brother has its perks.” Chuckled Sonic to himself as he made his way down. Maybe in a few years, Sally and he could return the favor and foist their own kids on Manic and Sonia to babysit. Oh the payback will be sweet!

#boundforfreedom #Sonic the Hedgehog #Sally Acorn #Sonally #Sonsal #Archie-Sonic #Manic Hedgehog #Sonia Hedgehog

[secondhand-trash]

It’s 2am and I’m having thoughts but this might get rambly and long so I’m gonna put a read more here just scroll past if you don’t want to listen to me talk about blog things and writing philosophies etc lmao

Occasionally I think back to when I first started posting for real on this blog which should be around late February 2019 and how much purer I viewed this whole “tumblr” thing as. I made this blog sometime around 2015/2016 and I was only on here to read other people’s writing, I didn’t think for a second that I would end up posting my own shit because it was a time when I wasn’t writing at all.

I remembered how excited I was to get my first request ever around two years later and to have people send me asks (I say this liberally, I got like maybe two asks for those dozen ask games I reblogged lmao). I stopped writing for another two years after absolutely hating this thing I wrote for a request because it just sucked so much and made me feel like I couldn’t do this thing at all. Fast forward another two years and I posted what I would now regard as my “first decent fic” which was actually another request (if I think of it now, I got that one purely because it was a super new fandom at the time and little to know people wrote for it). I don’t think I’ve ever been as genuinely happy and excited as I had the next morning after posting to see that “99+” notif next to the tumblr icon because I really wasn’t expecting any notes at all. My last few fics got around 50 and I already thought it’s so much.

I still had little followers back then, by the way. It’s been 2-3 years since I posted for real and I had a little less than 100? Most of them followed because I was writing for a big fandom for the first time since I joined tumblr. But then I stopped writing for a few months after that because I just wasn’t inspired and there was fandom drama at that time. Later that year I wrote for a few other fandoms briefly and started writing for bnha in October (actually tmr would be like, my one year of being a real, active writing blog that doesn’t stop posting for several months at a time lmao).

It was kinda shocking that I did end up being in the fandom for a whole year tbh, I don’t think I’ve ever wrote for the same show for more than a month before getting bored the past few years. I also started actually talking to people and having followers etcetc.

If you look at it like this, tbh I have never really “blown up”? If you compare my growth rate just in follower count I gained very slowly but steadily (and a small chunk of ppl who follows me are from way before when I wrote for other fandoms hnnn I’m sorry if you’re reading this btw). Sometimes i think about it ngl, because everyone I know seem to have start later but get more interaction and gained faster. But then it’s like, this is the most successful any of my online endeavours had been? lmao because I’ve had many social media accounts that absolutely flopped in every shape or form. So it feels so silly that I would care about these things that shouldn’t have mattered at all since this is already way better than anything I have ever expected to come out of that one random idea I had in my head.

I’ll have to be very honest and say this whole string of thought have a lot to do with how I was really beaten up over how little interaction majority of my kinktober fics had been doing which I know, I know 100 or 200 is actually already a lot but it got me thinking about how differently I treat this whole thing I’m doing before or now when I wouldn’t shut up about that 100 notes I got a year ago?

I don’t... really like the way I’m treating this thing more and more “seriously” ngl. I don’t want to think about when to post to get more interaction or what to write that people will like better or why so and so seems to get more notes than me or who and who is also doing xyz. It feels like I’m managing this whole thing at some point and then when I was really running low on motivation to finish the 2 fics I had left, I was genuinely terrified that I had the thought of “what’s the point if this and the rest of the ones I already finished up are gonna flop anyways”. Like, no???? This was not supposed to be about that??? I write because writing makes me happy and it makes me wonder if I had gotten so used to posting like it’s some sort of business model that the same adrenaline and satisfaction of writing can be override?

It really got me thinking about what this is to me right now and what I want it to be, and I think that I like it better when this is just some cool thing I want to try out and see if there might be people who vibe with it. I kinda miss it when I get so hyped every time I join a new fandom after disappearing for months thinking I would get dust but still have people who did not know me at all just read my things lmao I think I used to regard everything much more simpler? And it seemed like everyone was also doing it because it’s fun too and how to know more people how to get notes what to do so people would actually see your stuff wasn’t much of a concern.

Idk, idk why I’m saying all of this but I just really want to get it out there somehow? I don’t even know if any of the above makes sense or sound coherent tbh. I think being able to say it can be like, my first step of going back to my old mentality and really just do this because it makes me feel good instead of worrying about my blog dying because I don’t post several times every week lmao

#delete later #cadence rambles #I should be sleeping but I’m deep in thoughts lolol I’ll go to bed the moment I hit post

[joyful-soul-collector]

About Me

I was tagged by @theswordofpens! I started a new post for this cuz the other one was getting hella long with reblogs lol. Anyway, let’s get on to the questions!

How tall are you?

5′7 or 170.18cm

What color and style is your hair?

That is a debated topic actually. My hair is dyed bright blue, but the natural parts of it people can never decide if it’s black or dark brown. In the summer sun, it’s dark brown, but it’s not always summer and I’m inside 90% of the time, so it looks black very often. So really depends on the lighting of the situation. Though people tend to focus more on the fact that my hair is blue rather than what color the natural parts are lol. My hair is a pretty basic short haircut, short on the sides, little longer on top, a bit of bangs that get in my eyes sometimes. 

What color are your eyes?

Again, debated topic, and for the same reason as my hair. Sometimes dark brown, sometimes black, depends on the light. 

Do you wear glasses?

Yep! They’re red on the inside and black on the outside. 

Do you wear braces?

Yeah, my family was finally able to get me braces a while ago! I guess most kids get them when they’re younger, before their teeth have the chance to get worse, and they only have to have them on for a year or so? But we were only able to get them when I entered sophomore year of high school, so I have to have them for three years since my teeth had gotten so bad. They’re a lot better now, and hopefully I’ll be able to get them off before I go to community college 😅

What’s your fashion sense?

Does fandom nerd count as a category of fashion? I wear a lot of shirts with references to tv shows. All of my shirts have some sort of graphic on it, and I also have a couple zip-up hoodies that are tv show references. I also wear bright red sneakers every day, big bright red headphones that I wear every day, and a wallet chain that I wear every day. So all of that, combined with bright blue hair, seems to make for a... noticeable person haha. 

What is your full name?

Marko Polo

(Nice try, I’m not saying personal stuff on here haha)

Where were you born?

Not gonna say exactly where, but in the more southern part of California. 

Where are you from and where do you live now?

Alright, so technically I’m from a few different places. I was born in southern CA and lived there til I was 8, then we moved to super north-western WA where I lived until I was almost 13, and then we moved to central PA, where we celebrated my 13th birthday like a week after arriving. I’ve lived here in PA ever since, so that’s five years here in a couple months. 

What school do you go to?

A High School

What kind of student are you?

I’m an alright student? I struggle with school, especially with all the moving I’ve had to do. Different schools have different expectations and vary in a lot of ways. I also have ADHD (more inattentive, less hyperactive) and Anxiety, which has not exactly been a help haha. I’ve always needed tutors and extensions and my 504 Plan, but if I have those I can often get good grades!

Do you like school?

School is meh. It’s stressful and exhausting, which is frustrating because I have other stuff I want do outside school, but I can’t do half of it because I have hw and chores and any other random things that need to get done. But my school is very high quality compared to most public schools! We have so many resources and amazing classes, and I love attending there, but unfortunately the people are not my favorite. Most of them are rich kids who have never attended anything other than really fancy schools, so they often take what they have for granted. I’ve heard kids say “our school is trash” while sitting in our Forensic Science class, in front of a school issued computer that we get to take home every day. It bothers me to NO END how some of these people act, but oh well. 

Favorite subject?

English! English has always been my favorite subject, I love stories. 

Favorite TV shows?

Ohhhhhhh man here we go (in no particular order): Firefly, Dollhouse, Buffy: The Vampire Slayer, Avatar: The Last Airbender, Demon Slayer, Legend of Korra, My Hero Academia, Sense8, Sherlock, Death Note, Lovesick, One Punch Man, Series of Unfortunate Events, The Good Place, Galavant, Parks and Rec, The Office, iZombie, Kill la Kill, Community, Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood, The Umbrella Academy, Brooklyn Nine-Nine, Naruto, Batman The Animated Series, Travelers, Sex Education, Cells at Work, Death Parade, The Promised Neverland, RWBY

Tbh there might be more but those are the ones I could find haha. If you haven’t seen these, watch em, pretend this is a rec list, and then come and yell at me about how good they are. 

Favorite movies?

Again, here we go (in no particular order): The Iron Giant, 10 Cloverfield Lane, Cabin in the Woods, any and all MCU movies (but especially Spider-Man), Into The Spider-Verse, Scott Pilgrim vs The World, anything Bo Burnham, anything John Mulaney, James Acaster: Repertoire, The Prestige, The Usual Suspects, Planet of the Apes, Lars and the Real Girl, Her, Newsies, Baby Driver, Serenity, Liar Liar, Crazy Stupid Love, Bandersnatch, ARQ, Cloverfield, A Silent Voice, Klaus, How To Train Your Dragon, Dr. Horrible’s Sing-Along Blog

There are definitely more, I just couldn’t think of them haha. Again, watch these, and then come and freak out with me about how they’re amazing. 

Favorite books?

Let’s do this one last time (in no particular order, of course): Ready Player One, Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, Harry Potter, the Gone series, Saga, Sweet Tooth, Chew, Nimona, The Tea Dragon Society, Avatar: The Last Airbender, Lumberjanes, Invincible, Runaways, Calvin and Hobbes, Prince and the Dressmaker, Here, Plutona, Sculptor, Invincible, The Sword, Ultimate Spider-Man, Holes, Saving CeeCee Honeycutt, The Giver

There are definitely, 100% more books that I haven’t listed, again, I can’t think of them rn. Also, if you don’t recognize half of these titles, you probably don’t read comics/graphic novels. You should be reading those. Read them and then come and rant about how good they are so I get to tell you I told you so. 

Favorite past time?

Writing! Watching tv! Reading! Spacing out so much people have to say my name ten times before I come hurtling back to earth! Talking to friends!

Do you have any regrets?

Yeah, I wish I’d stood up for myself when I was younger. I was bullied for a really long time, and even though it’s been a couple years since the last I was bullied, it’s still really hard for me to tell people what I want and and don’t want. I think I’m a little better than I used to be though, which is good!

What’s your dream job?

Author definitely, but I doubt I’ll be able to do that for a real job. Tbh I just want a job that I can do in my sleep. Repetitive, pays well, not too exhausting, that way I have energy and time to do my writing and all the things I want to do at home. 

Would you like to be married?

I think so. I want to have a person I can live my life with, who I want to care for and who wants to care for me. If I’m not married I’d like an S.O. or even just a really good friend to live with. I think I’d get sad living by myself haha. 

Do you want kids?

I want to be a foster parent! I’ve loved helping people my whole life, and I think this is one of the best ways that I can help someone going through a rough time. I don’t want biological kids though tbh, not really for any one reason, just for a bunch of little ones. 

How many?

Dunno man. I wanna help as many kids as I can. 

Do you like shopping?

I do! However I don’t do it often because I have no money. I do like walking around stores and looking a cool stuff though, especially nerdy stores like Hot Topic or Boxed Lunch or any book/comic shop. 

What countries have you visited?

Canada, usually to visit family, once to see Niagara Falls! Never been anywhere else though, but I have a whole list of places I wanna see

Scariest nightmare you’ve ever had?

TW: SELF HARM/DEATH

Oof, see my dreams are always nightmares, and my nightmares are always hella terrifying. Often they’re of my worst fears: family telling me they hate me, finding the body of someone in my family, old bullies coming back, but in my worst one I found my little sister cutting herself in an old warehouse. I don’t actually remember much of what happened after I woke up, it was so bad I disassociated for the whole day. But luckily, I don’t dream often. 

Do you have any enemies?

No? Maybe? I have people I hate, my old bullies mainly, but I’m not around them anymore so it’s not like I spend time hating them. 

Do you have any self doubts?

Yeah I have this hilariously fun thing where I think everyone is just pretending to like me because they can’t pick up the courage to stop hanging out with me. Or that if I talk about what’s making me sad/stressed out then I’m being a burden on other people or being dramatic. Slowly working over that but it’s still hard. 

Do you have any significant others?

Nope

Do you believe in miracles?

Depends. I don’t believe in fate or the idea that something higher up is pulling strings. But I think crazy cool stuff can happen. But that’s just luck and coincidence. For me, miracles are the positive ends of luck and coincidence. 

How are you?

Meeeeehhhhh. School sucks, my sisters stress me out, and my parents are breathing down my neck about fifty different things. But I have a couple good friends and my writing and good stories to read and watch, so it’s not all bad :]

Tag ten tumblrs (tag last ten people in my notifications): @tracle0 @humblesavant @holystudenthologramy @federluftmask @phahbiyah @topazastral @dragon-s-bane @cassius-mortemer @saiko-tsuki @writing-another-star

#tag game #about me

[megsironthrone]

Initials

Based on this request:  I would love a Tyrion pen pal AU, where they only know they’re initials!!!! Just imagine, reader wants to meet him so badly and urges him to agree to a meeting but he’s scared that they won’t like him because of who he is/his looks! But because he’s such a talented writer and so smart they have already fallen for him?

Here you are! As always, I do not own Tyrion. He belongs to George R.R.Martin. 

Warnings: Pen Pal AU and it kinda of ended up being a Modern AU as well. Fluff-ish 

Pairings/Characters: Tyrion Lannister x reader

You were dying to meet your pen pal. They were polite, witty, extremely intelligent, and above all, an incredibly descriptive writer. You felt you knew everything about the life of your pen pal. There was just one little problem. You had no idea who your pen pal actually was. You only knew their initials, TL, and they only knew yours. You didn't know what gender they were or what they looked like. You were hoping that would change with your last letter.

         The letter had been sent a few weeks ago and you still had no word from TL. It was really upsetting in all honesty. Did they not want to meet? You'd been exchanging letters for over a year and you thought you were close friends by now. Actually, you thought you could be more than friends if given the chance. But they didn't seem to feel the same as you waited for a reply to your letter.

         After nearly two months, you finally received a response. You were excited but slightly worried. Some part of you just knew that TL wanted to cut off communication with you. So you were pleasantly surprised when the letter stated, albeit somewhat reluctantly, that TL wanted to meet and set a time and place to do so. TL had also encouraged you not to get your hopes up, saying they didn't want you to be disappointed in what you saw.

         That confused you. Why would you be disappointed? It didn't matter what TL looked like to you. After so long exchanging letters, you loved TL for who they were. You loved everything about them that you knew and, while you had a picture in your mind of what they might have looked like, it wouldn't have bothered you no matter what. Still, TL had finally agreed to meet in person and you couldn't wait.

*time skip*

         You let out a nervous breath as you stood outside the bar. Today was the day. You'd been waiting for what felt like forever. So why were you so nervous? You loved this person already and you were sure that meeting them in person could only make you love them more. But what if they didn't feel the same way? Shaking your head, you opened the door.

         The air in the bar was nearly stifling compared to the outside, but you hardly noticed. Your eyes scanned the room for your pen pal. It didn't take long. He was the only person in the bar without someone else at his table. Thick blond curls sat atop his head and green eyes looked all around until they landed on you.

         As you approached the table, he stood and you saw why he was so nervous. He never told you that he was a dwarf. He had told you that he was never really accepted by his family except his brother and rarely accepted by others. Now you understood his reluctance. You didn't get why people treated him the way they did though. Granted, you knew a side of him that a lot of people never took the time to see.

         "TL?" you asked quietly. You weren't even sure if he heard you over the din of the bar's patrons until he nodded slowly. You let a smile creep onto your face. "I'm so happy to finally meet you." TL looked surprised for a moment and then returned your smile. "I'm glad to meet you as well. I'm Tyrion Lannister." You gave him your name as the two of you sat down.

         "Now you know," Tyrion began shortly after you sat down, "Feel free to leave or laugh." Your brows came together. "Why would I do that?" His eyes widened briefly before he carefully replied, "I know a dwarf is no one's first choice for a friend, Y/N. That has been made abundantly clear my entire life." Without thinking, you reached over and placed your hand on his smaller one.

         "Tyrion, I don't care. I became friends with the man who wrote me those letters. Are you going to tell me that you aren't him?" He shook his head, causing you to smile. "Then it really doesn't matter. I fell in love with you before I knew your name or what you looked like." For a moment, Tyrion didn't reply. Then, his eyes rose to meet yours.

         "You said you fell in love with me..." You froze. Had you? You certainly hadn't meant to say that out loud. It was out there now. "I did. The letters I read were written by a man who made me realize that it was okay to open my heart to someone and I did. I don't expect you to return my feelings. It's enough just being your friend, but I guess I needed to let you know."

         Tyrion was quiet for a moment and then, he started laughing. It was low at first, but soon it filled your entire space and you joined in. "You have more courage than I, Y/N. I have been trying to find a way to say the same thing to you since you walked in." He turned his hand over and grasped yours. You grinned at him.

         Never in a million years would you have believed that you would find love by becoming a pen pal. Especially since, before now, there had never been any physical contact. Just paper and pen, ink and beautifully scrawled words, and two sets of initials. From that, a love bloomed and who knew? Maybe it would last a lifetime.

(a/n: I hope this is what you wanted!)

@brewsthespirit-blog @ghostie-writes @littlemisscaptainfandom @etherealpotter @line-viper @frozenhuntress67 @cd1242 

#george r.r.martin #game of thrones #pen pal au #modern au #tyrion lannister #tyrion lannister x reader #tyrion x reader

[inquisitionworkersunion-blog]

Hussite

The following is a short story I originally wrote on my writing blog in December of 2019. 

I opened the doors of the chapel, and I saw Sebastian kneeling down in front of the altar, staring intently into the eyes of the crucified Lord. He wore his oversized black cassock, practically draped over his feet due to its length. His pure white surplice was worn just above his cassock, neatly resting above his shoulders and running down to his waist. I ran down the aisle to go see him and called out his name. His tiny, blonde head jerked back to see me, and he raised himself to face me. I bent down and embraced him, holding him close to myself and repeating “Oh Sebastian, oh Sebastian, oh Sebastian, you frightened me so much” I may have held on to him forever had he not turned ice cold in my grasp.

I backed up slightly and looked into his face. His dirty, golden locks rested in just above his steel-blue eyes, and his white pupils peered right through my soul.  He was smiling, yet shaking all over his body. I looked at his hands and watched him repeatedly tap his pinkie and ring finger with his thumb, pointing downwards with his index and middle finger to reveal a deep, bloodied wound on the palms of his hands. I looked at his face with horror, unable to speak, yet his gaze was still peering past my eyes. I followed his fingers down to the marble floor, where his cassock met the ground. The crimson wine has begun to dribble from underneath his vestments, forming a small pool around him. When I looked up, he no tiled his angelic face to his side, and his smile slightly thinned.

“Father ?” he cheered, “Is Jesus smiling?”

I couldn’t answer him, every time I tried to find words to speak they simply came out as nothingness. The longer I stared into the clouds of his eyes and started falling down towards the Earth. Finally, a few words navigated their way out of my body, “My son, I- I, well Sebastian, there’s some”

“Father?” he called to me, his grin slightly disappearing as his foggy eyes widened, full with curiosity and concern. He almost looked like a confused puppy when he repeated to me, “Is Jesus smiling?” He picked up his bloodied hand and pointed with his index finger in the direction of the altar. I followed it to the crucifix.

Sebastian lost his sight to cataracts early in life, so early he never remembered what the chapel looked like. He would ask me to describe the stained glass windows around the church, and often times he would ask questions about the Faith or God while being with me. Once he became an altar boy, his parents often would ask if I could watch him after the mass, and sometimes for hours on Sundays, I would walk around the entire church with him or lay down beside the altar and tell him stories as he tried to imagine it all as only a child could believe.

I looked to the cross, and Christ was in agony. The woodcarver put the utmost detail into every single muscle in Jesus’s body showing pure agony, even to the point of placing small painted drops of blood coming from his thorny crown. His physique was reduced to point starvation, and even a pagan could tell he was in pain. “Sebastian, Christ is dying on the cross and is in pain,” I told him, “He is giving up his life for us on that cross, bleeding from -“

“But Father, is Jesus smiling now?” He seemed slightly timid this time, and any traces of his smile have all but disappeared. “Is He smiling in Heaven?”

“Of course Sebastian, Christ always loves his children, and I’m sure -“

“Father, does God love me?”

His remark stunned me, and I was speechless for a moment. Sebastian had always been so happy in mass and seemed excited whenever we spoke about our faith and church traditions, which is why it surprised me so much to hear him doubt himself like this. He was only 12 years old, much too young to be disenfranchised with his faith. I gently touched his wet, bloodied left palm and slowly went to hold it in both of mine, and he began again to shake. I was frightened.

“Sebastian, of course, God loves you. Everything around you has been made simply for you to enjoy! You remember the forest you used to tell me about before mass? The one where you used to sit around and just look at the beauty of the entire forest? Where you could pet deer and climb trees and simply exist in peace when things were rough? That was just a thousandth of a percent of the love God has for you! Jesus, even when he was persecuted and constantly surrounded by millions of followers, always took the time to express how much love he had for the children like you. The Lord -“

“But Father, how can God love me if I sin?” His cloudy eyes began to show signs of breaking down, and a single tear started to form. “You said in mass that God punished Sodom and Gomorrah by sending the cities straight to Hell. What makes me different from them? Why should God not send me to sit with Pilate?”

“Sebastian…” I paused. I had never in my life thought he could experience such feelings, especially at such a young age. “Who taught you these things?” I let go of his hand and broke eye contact to look at him. The pool of blood under his cassock has begun ceased to flow, and his hands had turned white, while his stigmata had turned black. His breath became shallow and spread apart, and almost like a machine.

“Father…” He paused. He looked as if he were out of breath. I felt as if I needed to comfort him.

“Sebastian, don’t you remember your first confession? When you entered the confessional you were crying, telling me that you didn’t know if you ever had done anything wrong. You told me you thought God was mad at you for not messing up and that you were wasting mine and his time! Do you remember how I pulled the screen divider away and sat you next to me? Do you remember how you clutched onto my cassock the whole time we were in the confessional, you kept holding on even as we left the booth? And do you remember your parents trying to rip you off because your mother had a meeting to go to? Oh, you sure had quite a grip!” I smiled, looking away from him to the altar.

“But Father, I do remember all this, but-” He paused, and looking as if struggling to say his peace, he started up again apprehensively. “You said Hus left God’s grace, that he abandoned God. And the church ki – he died because of that. Father? Why should God not kill me?” He pointed towards the wall, his fingers landing on a blank piece of a brick wall between two stain glass windows. “You told everyone nulla salus, so why do I deserve love?”

I turned back from the altar to see the boy, his surplice now covered in soot and smelling of incense soot, staining the last untouched piece of his clothing. His cassock by this point was drenched in blood, and his face has started to look ashen as compared to before. “Sebastian, my son, please. Why do you doubt your own worth to Christ when everything in your life has led you to him? How, even when your sisters passed from you and your parents became busier, God was the only one to welcome you in unconditionally?”

“Father, I” He started to choke, and dust came out of his mouth. I went to hold him, but he grabbed my hand until I pulled back. “Father, you don’t understand the -“

“Do you remember how I asked your father if you could stay with me so I could talk with you, and when he asked you if you wanted to say all you did was nod your teary head into my side without taking your face out of my thigh? Your father didn’t know what to say! And how since then, we’ve spent how many Sundays together?”

“Yes, Father,” he whispered, “but…”

“Sebastian? Do you remember what I gave you that day?”

“A medal, our Lady of Fatima”

“And do you remember the story?”

He took a gasp for air. “Father, please… please ju-“

“Do you remember what she told the children?”

“Father…” He squeezed my hand and looked right into my eyes for the first time. His gaze pierced my soul, and the fog drifted away in his eyes to reveal a hurt child calling out for help. He was scared and precisely by what he was looking at. “But father, in mass… in mass…”He reached out towards the cross, fighting for his life. The stigmata on his palm disappeared, and his eyes were now staring straight into the sad, tired face of Christ upon the cross. With one last breath, he poured out his soul into his last words.

“You said people like me deserve- deserve to…”

Sebastian fell into my arms, his face into my lap. His body was now covered in the blood of his covenant, and his face was left covered in ash. He was frozen, unmoving, and limp in my arms. And as I held his body to my heart, screaming for the Lord to bring him back, Jesus wept.

#fiction #symbolic #lgbt catholic #catholocism #short story #original work #original writing #catholic #altar boy #altar server #hussite #ich bin hussite #martin luther #writing

[thesffcorner]

We Are the Ants

We Are the Ants is YA contemporary sci-fi novel written by Shaun David Hutchinson. It follows Henry, a high school student who gets abducted by aliens. The aliens pose Henry with a problem: the whole world is going to end on January 29th, 2016, and he’s the only one that can stop it; he just has to push a button. I’m slowly working my way through the really popular queer authors in YA, and Shaun David Hutchinson had been on my list for a while. I had been avoiding reading his books because I knew they dealt with heavy topics and a lot of abuse, and boy was I right about that. This is one of the most glib and sad books I’ve read in a while, and though that is mitigated by lot’s of humor and a hopeful ending, if you are at all sensitive to topics such as suicide, assault, and bullying, I’d suggest you stay clear of this book. First thing I’ll say is that Hutchinson’s writing style, is an acquired taste. You really have to enjoy this type of sardonic humor in order to get through this book, because especially for the first 100 pages, it’s relentless. We get the story in the form of Henry’s diary, and Henry is a very difficult character to like. He’s mean, he’s locked in a loop of self-loathing, depression, and hatred, and his entire outlook on life is justifiably bleak. As such, so is his humor; he spends a good chunk of the book calling his brother’s unborn child a ‘parasite’, and a lot of his internal monologue is the definition of the ‘too edgy for you’ variety. To give you an example: ”Turn on the news; read some blogs. The world is a shithole, and I have to consider whether it might be better to wipe the slate clean, and give the civilization that evolves from the ashes of our bones a chance to get it right” pg. 18 Personally, I was hooked. A few books have taken me back to what it felt like being a teenager so effectively, and this brought me straight back to the dark days, the endless drudge of school, confusion, hopelessness, feeling small and isolated, and like saying the world is shit and humans are idiots was the smartest thing anyone had ever said. Like Henry I too spent a lot of time pontificating on the futility of life and the universe, on being alone or dying, on the meaninglessness of existence. I did it for very different reasons that Henry, but the memory and effect were still the same. The fact of life is, when you’re a teenager you feel like you have all the answers, and all the adults are just too stupid or too ‘bought’ to see what is obvious to you, and this book really captured that feeling. The plot was not what I thought it would be, considering the premise. The book does revolve around the aliens and the end of the world, but it’s not an active part of the plot. Most of it comes down to Henry thinking about pressing the button, coming up with increasingly insane doomsday scenarios, and asking the characters around him if they’d push the the button if they were him. I found the various answers interesting, mostly in how they were all really unconvincing. I think that’s an intentional choice by Hutchinson, because really when you are in such a state as Henry is, what would be a convincing answer? Maybe you could make the most reasoned, researched argument, but at the end of the day, if you feel like you have nothing to wake up for, nothing will sound convincing. The alien are in reality are just a speculative element that Hutchinson uses as a way to externalize Henry’s internal conflict and mental state. Henry is dealing with a lot throughout the book; he’s dealing with the devastating suicide of someone close to him, with his father leaving him, his bad family situation, and the constant and relentless bullying at school and at home. The sluggers have a lot to do with that, and the abductions seem to be happening to Henry whenever he feels like he’s at an impasse or in a situation in which he needs to make a difficult choice. The main focus is dealing with loss, grief and depression, all of which I thought were presented extremely well, and believable. People deal with loss in different ways, and when it comes to suicide, especially the kind where the person leaves behind no explanation, no note, no last words, it’s almost impossible to conceive of a future where that specter wouldn’t haunt you for the rest of your life. Henry, his friend Audrey, and the person’s mother all blame themselves for the suicide, and the book in a way agrees with them; it was everyone’s fault and no one’s and the lack of concrete blame is infuriating and insurmountable. Henry especially tends to blame himself for pushing people away, and he feels like he wasn’t enough to keep the person alive. He’s obsessed with finding out why they’d done it; for someone who spends paragraphs talking about how nothing happens for a reason, how patterns are just in the human mind, and how life is meaningless and nothing matters, he is determined to find the reason behind the suicide, ignoring everyone who keeps telling him that the reason won’t bring the person back. It’s easy to see why Henry would blame himself; he’s someone who’s been dealt a really bad hand in life. I too was pretty badly bullied, especially in middle school, but it was nothing compared to what Henry goes through. Some of the scenes were so unsettling and so brutal I genuinely was sick reading them. What the characters in this book do to Henry goes beyond mere bullying and crosses into criminal assault, and I was glad that the adults and the police got involved, even if ultimately they were useless. It was at least a little comforting to know that though Henry felt like he was alone, there were people there for him, even if he didn’t see it. However, while I was glad the adults were present in the book, I don’t think they handled the situation appropriately. For example, Henry’s brother Charlie says and does some awful things to Henry, and there wasn’t ever a point where he’s called out on what he’s done, or a moment where he’s faced with the consequences of what he’s been doing to Henry for his entire life. It’s clear that Charlie loves Henry, but the way he treats him is not healthy or right, and he should have been held accountable, especially for the part where he blames Henry’s assault on Henry. The bullies too, don’t quite get what they deserved. Though it’s in a way realistic that they’d get away with things, the fact that Henry so easily forgives, especially one of them really didn’t sit right with me. Sure, there are always reasons for why people act the way they do, but what that character does to Henry is unforgivable, and goes way beyond simple growing disagreements. I’m not sure the message of forget about the people who made your life a living hell for years is necessarily the best one. The only other thing that annoyed me in the book, was how perfect the ending was. I think, especially considering how sharp and unflinching the story had been up until that point having the romance work out, and having no consequences come to Diego after what he does was a bit unrealistic. I am grateful that this book had a hopeful ending, but I just think it was too easy. Let’s talk about the characters. Everyone in this book felt and read like a fully realized person, and I loved that. We don’t have many characters, but the ones we do, especially Henry’s family were well developed. I loved how close Henry was to his Nana, and she was probably my favorite character. She has dementia, but she’s never used as a ‘burden’ or obstacle for the other characters; she’s a fully fleshed out person, and the surprise Henry throws her was so touching, it made me tear up. Audrey was a welcome presence in the story, and I liked her a lot, though she does suffer a bit from only girl who is Henry’s peer in the book. I liked that she had a lot of personal struggles, outside of Henry, but I found that they weren’t handled very well. She has a lot of backstory, but none of it plays a part in her relationship with Henry once they make up, and I found that she was unrealistically patient and wise for a teenager. I can absolutely say the same thing for Diego; there were many scenes where I was shocked to see him act so maturely around Henry, which just isn’s something I think teenagers would do. I’m also not gonna lie; Diego reminded me too much of Andrew from All For the Game. Not only do they have very similar backstories, his relationship with Henry was pretty reflective of that between Neil and Andrew. I thought he was fine as a character, but he did suffer a bit from manic pixie dream love interest. Finally we have Henry. I both loved and loathed Henry. He was one of the best written characters I’ve read from, which also entails all his flaws. He reminded me a bit of Mila from Undead Girl Gang; he’s confrontational and mean to everyone around him, in an attempt to deal with and hide the pain he’s still processing. The bullying that Henry endures in this book was beyond something I thought people experience, but I absolutely believed it would happen. It was both weird and nice that at least it didn’t revolve around his sexuality, not that what it does revolve around is any better. I can’t imagine what it must feel like to lose someone the way he has, and I though the dull, ever present grief he feels fully through every page of the book. It’s not about saving the world really; it’s about Henry finding the strength to save himself from his own depression, and I really, really appreciated that Hutchinson has Henry get on medication and go to a hospital. The state he’s in isn’t anything he can handle himself, and I’m really glad that he was allowed to seek out help. Overall, I really loved this book. It’s a difficult read, in spite of the sardonic tone and humor. If you think you can handle the subject matter I think you should give it a read; I can definitely see why people love it so much, even though it isn’t perfect.

goodreads

#we are the ants #we are the ants review #moni talks #book review

[bbbb-barnes]

Look After You - Bucky Barnes X Reader [2]

 A/N OKAY HI!! (I’m Elle by the way) Quick one just to let you know this is my secondary blog, im pretty new to Tumblr not sure how it works tbh but you can reach me here orrrr @jbbtraash with is my primary but ill keep the fic coming on this account. If you like this please let me know I love feedback and would love to get to know some of you so thank you if you’ve reacted to the first chapter it means the world!! This fic is a slow burn but will be introducing some of your favourite avengers characters in the next chapt so hold tight.

Summery; Bucky Barnes discovers his sister is still alive and finds comfort in the endearing nurse that cares for his dying sibling 

Chapter 1 

Warnings; mention of dementia (??) angst, crying 

Word count; 1770 

The harrowing feeling of looking around for help in an overwhelming situation only to realise YOU are the person who is supposed to know what to do is truly terrifying. The woman was 86 years old and had stage 3 Dementia and was hysterical because she thought, no she was adamant a highly trained assassin that had recently obliterated the United Nations building was her brother that had died in 1943. As utterly absurd as it all sounded, something deep down wanted you to believe this woman and as you looked into her eyes, filled with utter confusion, pure shock and probably the scariest shimmer of hope, one you had never seen before as she begged you to help her find him, begged you to help her bring her Bucky home, finally.

 That was a month ago, one whole month. You promised to Rebecca you would help her, you didn’t know why seen as all your professional training has steered you away from humouring the seemingly crazy ideals dementia patients got into their heads. You could lose your damn job, she told you not to tell her children as it would only worry them, and you knew better than to tell your supervisors at work. You were trying to be coy, you didn’t let on to Becca you were helping just as much as you were because that really would get her hopes up, however you had found yourself getting progressively more and more invested in this mystery as certain things began to unravel. Thankfully day to day didn’t change, you still did your due diligence to care for this woman day in and day out. These days she just asked more about him which made you cringe and try to answer as diplomatically as possible. Truth be told Rebecca’s mental state was rapidly deteriorating and you were quickly searching for an answer before she ran out of time. One thing was for sure, that man was Bucky Barnes. The news report even released his name James Buchanan Barnes and comparing the grainy CCTV photograph to the watermarked, old photograph of Bucky Rebecca kept in a frame by her bed proved it clear as day, it was the same person.

“Okay Rebecca, that’s me finished for today do you need anything before I head home?” I asked softly popping my head around her bedroom door. She was bundled up in the blankets I had thrown over her just 10 minutes previous in an attempt to protect her from the freezing cold November air that you just could not seem to escape from. Her bedroom light was off and the garish room, filled with pink frills, even more pictures and a rather large, obnoxious vanity was lit dimly by the pink bedside lamp. The old lady grasped an old book between her weathered hands and smiled vacantly up at you.

“Oh, Mother, come here please, read for me?” Her voice, much like her eyes, was distant and pleading, imitating that of a small child you sighed sadly before stepping into the light of the room, rounding the small space in a few steps and sitting by her on the rosy pink bedspread, this was not uncommon anymore and it was almost always at night time. It always surprised you however, that she couldn’t remember what she did 10 minutes ago but her she recalled her childhood with crystal clarity even reverting back to that same, scared child sometimes when the darkness hit…

“Rebecca, It’s me. Y/N I am your nurse.” You spoke firmly and clearly to her your voice holding familiarity that you hoped she would notice and clutching her cold hands. You looked deep into her eyes, willing her to come back to you.

“Mama, where are we? shouldn’t we get to the shelter the telegram said there’s another one due tonight” her distant voice more panicked now, her head whipped around the room, her face etched with confusion and worry, and you could just tell by her eyes, she wasn’t here right now. She started scrambling at the various blankets that caged her in attempting to get up, her movements jerky and urgent. You stayed calm, you always had to stay calm. You placed your hands softly and slowly on her shoulders, guiding her back towards the bed. She looked utterly lost and it broke your heart.

“Rebecca Barnes. You are safe. I am here with you, I won’t let anything happen to you. I’ll look after you” you repeated those words over and over until your voice didn’t sound like your own and the words didn’t sound real anymore tucking her back in to bed, tenderly smoothing down her soft hair. Calm tone of voice. Repetitive actions. Soothing nature.

 You left the house one hour and forty minutes later than usual however if it was up to you, you wouldn’t have left at all. You hated leaving her especially these days when she was becoming a danger to herself but ‘company policy’. You huffed and pulled your large coat tighter around your frame, loose tendrils of hair dancing around your face in the bitter wind, you hurried down the badly lit road and felt relief flood your senses as you quickly rounded on to a lighter and busier street with people whisking past you, arms full of shopping bags and you made a mental note to start Christmas shopping soon. It was 9:30pm but consumerism stops for no man and the multiple store fronts that littered the long road twinkled and gleamed with the achingly bright Christmas lights. You slowed your brisk walk down to a stroll and allowed yourself to take in the festive atmosphere, you reached the end of the street and stood idly by the bus stop allowing yourself a moment to just breathe, you closed your eyes and leaned your head back against the metal pole of the bus stop for a few golden, silent minutes, you shivered as a vivacious gust of wind and an obnoxious squealing of tires signalled the arrival of the bus and you jumped back up again thankful for the opportunity for some slight warmth.

 The bus home was uneventful and boring, and you jumped off at your stop, ecstatic to be so close to a shower, some food and your bed. You almost sprinted the block that separates the bus stop and your apartment block, your sneakers squeaking against the linoleum of the stairs as you took two at a time because the elevator was broken again. Three floors up and you arrived at your destination unlocking the door with freezing and fumbling fingers you almost threw yourself inside emitting a loud sigh as you did so your back pressed against the front door. Finally. It wasn’t much, but it was home, the apartment had a shared kitchen and living area and was all open plan, one door led off to your bedroom which was cosy to say the least and another door adjacent to your bedroom housed a big bathroom. You had filled the place with blankets, cushions, candles, fairy-lights and pretty much anything and everything to make the place homelier.

 “Rufus” You called out in a sickly sweet baby voice, crouching down and squinting around the large room and on command your very large and very fluffy ginger rag-doll cat Rufus came slinking out from under one of the many throw cushions positioned on the sofa, he plodded his way over to you and purred at all the attention you were giving him.

 An hour later, you were showered, fed and warm. You had Rufus cuddled up to your side and a movie you weren’t paying attention to playing on the TV. Your mind was in overdrive as it had been non-stop for the past month, chewing on your lip you pulled your laptop towards you opening it up to the last web page you had visited.

“Captain America and the notorious Winter Soldier fought side by side in elite World War Two special unit ‘The Howling Commandos’ sources say the pair share the same ‘Super Solider Serum’ famously injected into Mr Steven Rogers”

You had done the reading, you had done the research, this had been your night time routine for a whole month. Your eyes fell on the tatted black notebook that lay carelessly strewn on the coffee table in that book was everything you knew about James Buchanan Barnes, from when he was born, to when he ‘died’, leaked files from his years as a HYDRA agent, Captain America’s best friend and now taking up camp in the shiny new avenger building in New York. Rufus let out a soft meow beside you.

 “Yeah, I know buddy, I’m going insane” you sighed, scratching behind his ears.

 Your eyes drifted to the window and instantly fell on the distant, ostentatious silver building that was ‘Avengers HQ’ you raked a hand through your hair in frustration, if you knew one thing for sure it was that you needed to talk to Steve Rogers, he would know what to do however, you knew getting hold of Captain America wouldn’t be easy but it was proving to be frankly impossible. You had tried everything, you called and he didn’t take phone calls, apparently he doesn’t take meetings with random strangers, certainly doesn’t answer his emails (though you’re not sure if he even knows what an email is), you even turned up, at the tower and demanded to see him but you just got escorted away by security in the front lobby. So technically they had led you, forced you into this, you stared nervously at the white name badge you had placed neatly on the coffee table by the notebook. You had booked a day off work and somehow convinced Tony Stark’s administrative team you were an interested investor looking for a stake in Stark Industries, and it had taken a month to be invited to group guided tour of the tower to assess assets and talk numbers. All you needed to do was break away from the group, find Captain America convince him to help you find your dying patients brother, who happened to be his best friend, who happened to be a brain washed assassin, in a place full of high tech security and enhanced individuals. You groaned and threw your head back against the sofa your stomach turning with the nerves and your head swirling with all the possible things that could go wrong as you fingers massaged your temples.

You clambered into bed and set your alarm for 7:30am you let your head sink back into the fluffy pillows and shut your eyes in a feeble attempt to try and get some sleep. Tomorrow was going to be an eventful day.

Tag List (Let me know if you want to be added) 

@mizz-kraziii

#sebastian stan #bucky x reader #bucky barnes #steve x bucky #james bucky barnes #bucky #bucky imagine #bucky drabble #Steve rogers #steve x reader #avengers fic #bucky fanfic #bucky fic #bucky barnes fandom #bucky barnes fanfic #loki laufeyson #mcu #avengers #avengers x reader #tony stark #natasha romanoff #captain america #sebastian stan x reader #loki x reader #stucky

[elliehdzg]

Everything sucks 011422

Hello dear old blog of mine,

it's been a while. Unfortunately it hasn't been a good while for me. it seems like I'm set to have the most of unfortunate events follow me. The last post I wrote about was when I went to a club and Marco came to the rescue. Nowadays I can't call on him for a rescue because we are no longer a thing. We stopped talking on November 17th & his reason was because he didn't want to keep something going when he didn't know what he wants at the moment, he was super depressed and didn't want to deal with anything, not even me. So he let me go.

It hasn't been easy moving on from him. I still think about him from time to time and even though I'm trying to get over him it's not easy. I wish he wouldn't have let me go. It doesn't make it any easier knowing he left me a voicemail on January 1st to wish me a happy new year. It's the first time I hear his voice in more than a month. I listen to it here & there because it's the only way I get to hear his voice. I know this isn't healthy and I shouldn't be doing that but I miss him so much. I miss his touch, jokes, kisses I miss all of it. But I can't keep doing this to myself so I'm trying to let go of him slowly, even if it hurts.

Anyways that's not the only terrible thing the year has brought to me already, I got covid again even after getting both shots. I guess the only good thing about it was that this time I didn't feel like I was dying from it. All I felt was a sore throat, fatigue and cough. Not so bad compared to the first time. Today is my 4th day sick and I'm feeling much better than before, the only bad thing is I dose off randomly for no reason so that must be the fatigue talking. At this point I'm debating if I should get the booster shot because I don't see the point if I already got covid again, but most likely I'm gonna end up getting it. What a year it's been and it just started.

ALL NEGATIVITY ASIDE

this year has to be the best year for me for the following reasons:

1) I'm in my last semester of school (finally!!!)

2) Graduation august 23rd!

3) My birthday lands on a Tuesday and the numbers are 02/22/22! those are angel numbers and I only get this opportunity this one time. So I have to make it the best birthday!!

Despite all the hardships I started the year with, I believe and know that this year will be my year for sure. I am a good soul and I deserve good results in my life. I will get them.

side note:

I finally fucked a Korean dude so I can die knowing I finally got some asian action! I don't know if he wants to talk to me because he never does (honestly idc) but I finally got it in with an asian dude! woooooooo lol.

Blog finito: 011422 @10:40pm

[iseilio-blog]

馬 勒

到底是誰在歌頌大地？ 你所不知道的《大地之歌》 (storystudio.tw)

【名家導聆】馬勒狂想 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=26sikLvKiCk

Por Una Cabeza｜女人香主題曲 《小提琴與豎琴二重奏 林天吉&李哲藝》 - YouTube

遼 尉 臣 筆記 — Mahler (tumblr.com)

交響曲，從傳統的旋律、情境的欣賞，到了 馬勒，進入了

生物學意義的精神狀態。

令人憐惜的愛情，馬勒第五號交響曲第四樂章真的是封「情書」嗎？ (youtube.com)

Forschungsstelle Gustav Mahler – Die Neue Südtiroler Tageszeitung

Gustav Mahler's Composing Hut (Komponierhäuschen) Maiernigg - YouTube

馬勒 第四交響曲 第三樂章 26:18 - 47:35 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YnfhInZLmUQ

Symphony No. 6 (complete) / Gustav Mahler / Jukka-Pekka Saraste / Oslo Philharmonic (youtube.com)

馬勒 第九交響曲 Mahler - Symphony No. 9 - Abbado - Lucerne Festival Orchestra 2010 - YouTube

4:19 it's a very magic moment, bravo !

17:43 most magical part of any symphony

54:45 is that sweat or tears ?

58:10 My heart ....

My favorite time stamps were 16 : 57 – 19 : 14, 44 : 48 – 46 :0 4, and 1 : 17 : 26 - 1 : 19 : 11

Tomika Vrbanc

Something more about silence at the end... It was lucky moment

(serendipity!) that first performance I ever heard of this

masterpiece was exactly this conducted by Abbado in 2010. I

was struck by fading away of last sound of strings, and that very

slow transfiguration of sound to silence. And that meditative

silence that continues as maestro slowly moves his right hand

with stick to his bosom, and after that the same with his left ...

And that freezed, still moment that continues, like time no more

existing... It was some years ago, but I still remember that

moment and feeling of slowly dying away of everything, and

that reminds me of what could be the real dying, a moment of

quiet leaving, yielding, immersing in a big consolation, in God

who is Love... I have trouble with putting this feeling in words,

this experience of music I compare only to that when I first

heard beginning of the second movement of Beethoven's 5th

piano concerto, Adagio un poco mosso... And then I heard this

symphony many times from than, and experience is always the

same, yet every time more profound. And this morning, when I

searched internet on this Mahler's mark "ersterbend" (“dying

away”) at the end of score, I found something on Richard

Nilsen's blog (https://richardnilsen.com/tag/ersterbend/). He

writes about great music critic Dimitri Drobatschewsky, who

said that "the highest experience he ever had in a concert hall

was the Mahler Ninth conducted by Abbado in Amsterdam" in

1995. And continues: "As that last note hung in the ether and

finally could be heard only in the mind’s ear, Dimitri said he

was afraid the mood would be destroyed by the expected

applause". That is exactly that astonishing moment when last

note vanish, and "could be heard only in the mind’s ear"... Yes,

that sound which continues to live "in the mind's ear", that is the

moment when we must stay in quiet adoration, in moment which

surpasses us, which surpasses our transience. And really,

expected applause didn't come, that night in Amsterdam 1995,

as it was in Luzern in 2010. I read posts about that moment in

which applause finally come at this performance, and that

silence could last longer if someone in audience didn't start first

to applaude... Someone could tell that this will be exaggeration

to expect that this silence should last, but I perfectly could

imagine the situation in which, after "the end" of this symphony

(which does not exist, because of that sound which continues to

live "in the mind's ear), audience stays in silence, and after some

time in meditation, slowly starts to diverge, one by one, or in

small groups, accidentally... As at the end of the Holy Mass,

which this symphony, specially it's last movement, is

comparable to, at the end of this music which depicts death, but

is in the same time celebration of life, fulfillment of life, fullness

of life. Nevertheless, it is touching that at the end of this

performance, there are musicians which marks the end of the

event. After maestro Abbado retreat at what seems to be his last

appearance at that concert, and while applause in the audience

continues, musicians start to congratulate and greeting each

other. That greetings, shaking hands, smiling, all that

expressions of comradery between them, is in fact expression of

celebration the life, life that streams between them, between all

the participants, life that made possible all that what happened in

hour and some thirty five minutes that evening. And life that

continues to stream in us, who continues to participate in it

every time and time again. And finally, musicians starts to

diverge and leave the stage. Audience continue to applaude, and

maestro appearing in the top of the hall, waving to them, and

than leaves through the door… Maestro, rest in peace! I'm sure

you now enjoy in company of Mahler and all the angels and our

Heavenly Father, in the abundance of music, in the abundance of

life !

1803 Hector Berlioz - Symphonie fantastique op. 14 (full) (youtube.com)

[thesoftkitty42]

I’m posting original content???

Hey there friends. So, I never actually post anything on my blog, but I wrote this for my Creative Writing class and I thought that people might like it, so I’m gonna share it with y’alls. Basically we had to write a How-To article, so I wrote one about How to be Emo. It’s really long and really stupid but it’s still kind of entertaining. Here it is lol

How to Become a MySpace Ready Emo God/Goddess Overnight in 5 Easy Steps: Welcoming yourself to the Black Parade

By Grace Burns  Feb. 7, 2018

You know that feeling when you log on to the oh-so-popular website, MySpace.com and you see a super cool, badass, edgy emo queen on your feed, and then you look at your sad, boring, “normal” profile and it just looks lame in comparison? And then you start to think of how cool you would look if you attempted to take sick pictures at that same awesome angle, but when you try you just look like dumbass? Well, I’m here to teach you exactly what steps you can take to become the saddest, baddest, raddest emo of your nightmares.

1 Wardrobe is Everything

Alright, first things first. You can’t have that MySpace fame unless you look the part. You need to start off this journey with a trip to every emo’s favorite place on Earth (other than Warped Tour) Hot Topic. Hot Topic is a safe haven for our kind, housing all the band merch and aesthetically pleasing accessories that you could only dream up in your head. As you walk into the shop, notice the music they’re blasting through the speakers? If you recognize the song, dance along to the music in the store. This is an easy way to make a friend if you both happen to be rocking out to the same artist. Your first stop should be the jeans section. They’re all black skinny jeans, so you better get used to having all your leg fat squeezed into your body. But, you do have the option of whether or not you want jeans with or without rips in them. This will all depend on the aesthetic you are trying to achieve. For someone who is just transitioning to the emo lifestyle, I would suggest starting slow and steady and picking out some plain black skinny jeans without any rips in them. After you grab your bottoms, it’s time to consider the tops. Hot Topic has a cornucopia of band shirts at their disposal, so you have a lot to choose from. Again, I’d suggest starting off easy by picking a shirt from a more popular emo band, preferably something from the holy emo trinity, My Chemical Romance, Fall Out Boy, and Panic! At the Disco, and then as you continue your transition you can start branching off into other bands. The last essential part of your wardrobe is the accessories. Chokers, studded belts, and lots of piercings are all good choices. And you can always get fake piercings to try things out before you commit to piercing lots of holes in your body. The last part of your clothing look is shoes. There are a few different options here. You could go with Vans or Converse, but many debate over which shoe encompasses the emo look more effectively, so to be safe I would go with a classic pair of combat boots. You can never go wrong with combat boots.

2 Hair and Makeup

The next step in becoming the emo nightmare you’ve been dreaming up is the hair and makeup. This goes hand in hand with your clothing and helps complete the whole look. The first thing to change is your hair. If you have soft, wavy, shiny hair, that is the first to go. Your hair needs to look like it’s been beat to shit, much like you have been beaten by your emotions over the years. Do you have bangs? No? Get bangs, they help block out the haters. Is your hair black? If not, you should probably dye it. And of course you need to buy a hair straightener so you can destroy your hair even further. If you aren’t experiencing long-term hair damage, you aren’t doing it right. Now, onto the makeup. Firstly, foundation. You need to make your skin look as dead inside as you feel. Buy a foundation a shade or so lighter than you normally would, and apply to the face and set with a powder. While your pale complexion is essential, your most important tool is and always will be your eyeliner. Eyeliner is what blinds you from the world’s sorrows. It is what gets you into character. Eyeliner is the single most important part of your emo look. Here’s how to apply it:  

Grab a pencil or gel eyeliner from your local makeup store (you could even grab eyeliner from Hot Topic)

Apply along upper and lower lash line, making the lines fairly thick.

Smudge eyeliner to perfection

If you need extra tips or inspiration, look at pictures of pre-hiatus Pete Wentz, as he is the unofficial king of emo.

You could just leave your eye makeup as is, or you could take it one step further by adding eyeshadow. You could go for a dark black that matches your soul, or you could do a classic emo eyeshadow color, red. Emo God Frank Iero was famous for his red eyeshadow during My Chem’s “Revenge Era”. This era should be the inspiration for a great deal of your aesthetic. To apply the eyeshadow, all you need to do is take a fluffy eye brush, dip it in the shadow, and sweep/swirl the makeup all over your lid, almost touching the brow bone, and don’t forget to put some of the eyeshadow along your lower lash line as well. After your eye makeup is complete, add mascara to the lashes to finish it off. Lastly is deciding if you want to wear lipstick or not. Many emos choose not to wear lipstick and tend to leave the lips plain, but times are changing, and of you feel like adorning a color on your lips would complete your look, go for it! A big part of the emo mentality is expressing yourself and being who you are free of judgement. You could easily sport a sexy red or black lipstick, or if you dye your hair a fun teal color, you could pick up a matching lipstick from your local Hot Topic.

3 Music

The single most important part of becoming an emo is listening to the right music. The bands that you choose to listen to will be like a safety net. They will comfort you in times of need. The most important bands to listen to are, of course, the three bands that make up the holy emo trinity of music. Chances are you have probably heard the chart topping music created by My Chemical Romance, Fall Out Boy, and Panic! At the Disco on the radio over the years. Fans of these bands, myself included, have claimed that these artists have saved their lives with their music and their words. You must listen to all of their music like it is your religion, and slowly it will become your religion. You must obsess over these bands and their members. Gerard Way is your inspiration and reason that you are not afraid to keep on living, Patrick Stump is the small adorable man with the kindest words that make you feel better on a bad day, Brendon Urie is a talented man with lots of advice on how to deal with your problems. But, the most important thing to remember as you slowly slip into the bandom culture is that every band member is just as important as the others. Fall Out Boy is much more than Pete and Patrick, Joe Trohman and Andy Hurley are just as amazing as their fellow members. The same goes for My Chem, while Gerard and Frank are fantastic people, don’t discredit the utter beauty of Mikey and Ray because they are just as worthy of your praise. When it comes to Panic! At the Disco, even though Brendon rapidly lost all of his members and can’t seem to make anyone stay in the band anymore, don’t forget about those who have fallen from Panic!. Ryan Ross is still an inspiration, and without him we would never have gotten the sheer beauty that is Pretty. Odd. which is debatably the best album Panic! has ever produced. You will listen to this music to the point that you know every last lyric, guitar riff, and drum beat. You will constantly thank God for Esteban and reference every single song on a daily basis. The majority of the things you say are emo references that no one else understands. You will be sad when you stumble upon a phenomenal emo meme on the internet and have no one to share it with. But that’s okay, because you can always cheer yourself up by watching old band interviews and by re-watching the same music videos that you’ve seen countless times before. You will count down the release of new albums, and you will cry when bands decide to call it quits. It will be a rollercoaster of emotions that will slowly consume your life.

4 Attitude

Your attitude is important. If you’re going to try and live that emo lifestyle you crave, you need to have the right attitude. Long gone are your days of cheerful comments and a sunny-disposition. The way you present yourself is a major part of living that dark, gloomy emo life. If you go about talking about pop music, or things that the general public find enjoyable, you will never be able to pull off being emo. You need to walk about as if you are dying inside, and present yourself as a self deprecating, pessimistic,  depressing person that brings the mood down in social situations. If you are the token emo in your friend group, you have to try and convert your friends into the lifestyle. Start by getting them into newer Panic! At the Disco and Fall Out Boy songs which are more pop punk than they are traditional emo, especially compared with their earlier works. Once you butter them up with the more modern and radio playable songs, slowly start introducing them to older songs and see if they like it. If they do, you’ve got em. It’s only a short time before they too are emo with you. Along with converting your friends, you just need to talk about emo things nonstop to the point where your friends either need to convert, or they are constantly annoyed by your antics. If you go a whole day without mentioning the new Fall Out Boy album, are you really a fan? If you don’t own merch from every era of My Chemical Romance, can you even call yourself emo? You need to make sure that you have the right mentality, or you will never be able to be a true emo. Another important thing is making sure you have the right tools to protect yourself from harm. Haters are everywhere, and you can fend them off by just blowing them off, or you could spit a bunch of facts about why the emo culture is very important to you and many others.

5 Actually Becoming Emo

Last but not least, an essential step is actually becoming emo. While you might start off doing this ironically, or just to try something new, you will become trapped in the culture. By researching the bands and listening them to fit in, you will actually begin to become obsessed with them and you will really believe that they are the most wonderful people that God has ever created. The emos will trap you, there is no escaping once you start. Eventually you might buy some clothes will color in them, or some jeans that are a little baggier, and you might lighten up on the eyeliner, but anytime you hear that ear-piercing g note that opens up the song Welcome to the Black Parade, you won’t be able to control yourself and you will probably start getting emotional remembering the good old days. You might open up your closet and see that Hot Topic sweater with the safety pins in the sleeves hidden away behind your favorite top, and all you’ll be able to do is laugh at your old style, but you’ll still secretly love it. And years down the road you’ll drop your kids off at school and turn on the classic rock station. You recognize the song that’s playing, but you can’t quite place what it is, and then you hear the lyrics “Am I more than you bargained for yet?” and you will be taken back to your emo days and you’ll drive home and pull out you old albums and put them on, remembering how this music and lifestyle made you feel. You will always be just a little emo on the inside.

#emo #fall out boy #my chemical romance #panic! at the disco #pete wentz #patrick stump #andy hurley #joe trohman #gerard way #frank iero #mikey way #ray toro #brendon urie #ryan ross