Tubbo: I swear to God, Chat - I promise you, if it's the last thing I do, I am going to break up Fit and Pac.
Mike passed the crown of #1 Hideduo hater to Tubbo, and Tubbo took that title very seriously.
[ Full Subtitle Transcript ↓ ]
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Pac: I have a date with Fit tomorrow! You know the news, Tubbo?
[ Tubbo's Homophobic Arc ]
Pac: I got a date with Fit tomorrow!
Tubbo: You're - no... You're kidding..
Pac: Yeah, for real! Look - Mike shaved my hair you know, and gave me a new outfit so I can be like, sharp for tomorrow. ...You guys like it? You like it, Sunny?
[Judgemental silence]
Tubbo: That's so cool man, what he hell. That's fckin' sick.
Pac: Yeah, thank you! I knew it, I knew you'd- Oh, thank you, Sunny! I knew you guys were gonna love it, you know? I knew it.
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Tubbo: I swear to God- I swear to God- We need to add homophobia to the QSMP, I swear to God- I swear to God-
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Tubbo: Guys, I have to do everything in my power to break them up. What do you mean "no"?! This is awful, Sunny! This is awful!
Sunny: But why Pa?
Tubbo: THEY WERE NEVER MEANT TO GET TOGETHER! The stars told me so! They were never meant to actually get together!
Sunny: WHY PA
Tubbo: It's just wrong, Sunny! It's just wrong! I dunno how to explain it to you. It's just wrong!
Sunny: But it's loveeeee
Tubbo: ...If that's what you want to call it.
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Tubbo: HOW IS THERE GONNA BE ENOUGH SPACE BETWEEN THEM FOR ME NOW, SUNNY?!
Sunny: You're telling me you've never been in love Pa?
Tubbo: Listen, it's just not right.
Sunny: But I like bodyguard Fit and driver Pac :(
Tubbo: I like them too! They're my best friends! But they can't be together.
Sunny: I think you are projecting
Tubbo: PROJECTING WHAT? HUH!?
Sunny: I will find you someone, Pa.
Tubbo: I DON'T WANT SOMEONE! I DON'T WANT SOMEONE IT ONLY SERVES TO DISAPPOINT ME AND GET MY HOPES UP AND LEAVE ME- LEAVE ME NOTHING BUT A SHELL! A SHELL OF A MAN!
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Tubbo: Sunny - They're gonna hurt each other, Sunny- they're gonna hurt each other! And how will there be enough space between them for me now?
Sunny: Why would they do that if they care for each other?
Tubbo: People that care about each other, Sunny, hurt each other all the time! ALL THE TIME!
Sunny: But I care about you, and I don't hurt you.
Tubbo: No, that's different! That's different! The love that we have for each other is unconditional. Ok?
Sunny: Pa, I think you're just scared.
Tubbo: I'm not scared, I'm logical. All flags look red when you're wearing rose-tinted glasses.
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Tubbo: [In response to Sunny talking about Aypierre's agreement to build her a statue] You already have a statue! [Sunny hits him] Ow!
Tubbo: What about the one Fit and Ramon made you for your birthday? [Tubbo has an idea] See? Do you think Fit would have time to do stuff like that if he's too- if he's too preoccupied with his little shag buddy? I don't think so! I don't think so!
Sunny: Wait.
Tubbo: See? You see what I'm saying? You see what I'm saying!
Sunny: You have a good point now
Tubbo: See? You under- yes, exactly! We HAVE to break them up! They can still be friends! Fck it, friends with benefits! But they cannot be together. We cannot let them.
Sunny: OK I'M IN
Tubbo: [Claps] I KNEW I COULD COUNT ON YOU! I knew I could count on you!
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[Looking at fanart of Pac, Fit, and himself]
Tubbo: We- we have to split them up. We have to fckin' split them up. Oh, but I'm in this one! Oh, that's so-[Realizes it's him crying as a third-wheel] SEE?! SEE?! THEY KNEW! THEY KNEW! THEY FCKIN' KNEW! THEY FCKIN' KNEW!
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Tubbo: [In a thick "red-blooded American" accent] Wha- I just don't understand why they have 'ta keep shoving it down our throats! Goddamnit! I JUST WISH IT WASN'T MY SMP! [He hits his desk and laughs]
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Dono: Streamer becomes homophobic 'cause he can't get any
Tubbo:
Tubbo: Sunny, I'm just gonna need to brb for a moment.
Tubbo: [Stands up from his desk, walks away, and screams]
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Tubbo: I swear to God, Chat - I promise you - if it's the last thing I do, I am going to break up Fit and Pac.
various do it for Chuuya boards I’ve made to get me through midterms, each of different flavors (manga panels, harukawa official art, anime shots, studio bones official art, wan manga, and wan anime)
Chilchuck analysis speedrun: As a hardworking half-foot who grew up poor and discriminated against and had his gullibility taken advantage of multiple times in his early adventuring days, Chilchuck thinks optimism is a dangerous flaw. He’s stressed and strict all the time because his job is noticing details like traps that could get everyone killed before anyone knows it, he takes the lives of everyone to be on his shoulders, and with the way he speaks about it that probably partly reflects how he felt about taking it upon himself to provide for his family too. His life’s always been pretty centered around work and has become even moreso now that his wife left and everyone is independent, and due to past events he’s very iffy with bonding with coworkers. He thinks feelings and job are a disaster mix. Like with his wife or with parties hiring him as sacrifice, being open or having good faith is vulnerability which can get you hurt, so he processes and shows all his stress as anger instead of worry. Doing strict dieting probably isn’t helping the irritability what with hunger, and on top of being a hunger suppressant alcohol might be the main stress reliever he has.