Challenge: I want you to break the rules. Eat ice cream for breakfast, cereal for dinner, lie upside down on your couch, wear nice clothes at home, wear Pjs outside of the house. Over share, tell someone you’re broke. Put your bed in the living room or your tv in your bedroom. Brush your teeth in the shower. The possibilities are endless. Do whatever it takes to realize that so many things we do, we do because we feel we need to. Unspoken rules dictate our lives. These rules don’t matter. We don’t have to live our lives based off of expectations that we think strangers have of us. Start small, do something rebellious yet silly and let the realization fill you that we don’t need to follow these rules.
It’s okay if you count on your fingers, if you continually change how you look, if you’re passionate about something you aren’t good at, if you’re confused about your identity, if you score low on tests often. It’s okay if you have an irregular skin tone, moles, frizzy hair, unevenly clipped nails, crooked teeth, acne, eczema. You’re enough, and you’re deserving of love.
We should still feel good about the little things we do! For tidying up, for eating a healthy snack, for going to bed on time, for not criticizing ourselves for a mistake. While it might not seem like much, the least we can do is thank our selves. ♡ All the little things make a big difference in our lives!
The biggest mistake you can do is undercut your own ability, straight from its source. You are your number one fan. You are the one person who should always one hundred percent believe in you most. If you can achieve that level of self-belief, self-confidence, self-attunement, then you will pass like a breeze through obstacles, ready to dust yourself off and try again; because the only limitations that have ever mattered or will ever matter are your own - and if you impose none on yourself, the universe is infinite.
Take risks, darling. Take risks, take risks, take risks. I know how hard it can be to finally do the things you are scared of: opening up, confessing your feelings to someone, quitting that job you do not like, starting a new job, quitting university if it turns out to be the wrong path, cutting out a toxic person, leaving that relationship, moving out from home, travelling on your own etc. In the end, what you are going to regret are the things you did not do, not the things you did. Do not let fear hold you back. All of these are big steps and therefore you are going to feel anxious, unsure, maybe even heartbroken at the beginning, but it will be so worth it. Do not let fear get in the way - you might miss out on something incredibly special. And I promise you, you would regret it if you did not do that thing, my love.
To really feel more confident and to get a clearer vision of how, establish what things in life your most confident version of yourself would have. What would they look like? How would they carry themselves or do things differently from you now? Create a vision board or write it down so you can understand what exactly you want and start working towards that right now.
Confidence is more than appearance. Which means if you feel you’re not enough, can’t achieve a certain goal, or succeed in life then that’s what your subconscious (inner critic) is going to keep feeding you. You have to feel, believe and know you can do anything you put your mind to in which, you can. Don’t let bad thoughts keep you from what you’re already destined for. Reprogram your subconscious beliefs. Try to be more optimistic.
Practice and preach self assured and positive affirmations everyday, multiples times a day. If you have to write them down on a sticky note and post them on a mirror or wall, do it. If you have to set some as your locksceen, do it. When saying affirmations, always say them in present tense. Examples; “I am successful in everything i do.” “There is power within me.” “I ask, I believe, I receive.” “My confidence knows no limit.” “I am beautifully made.” Being consistent in saying affirmations is steps of many to uplifting and boosting your confidence.
Stop comparing yourself to others, grow compare yourself to the person you was yesterday and how you can be better today. Everyday is a new day, a new start, use that to its fullest. Instead, look up to people that inspire you to learn and make you want to be your best self.
Have plenty of “me” time or moments where you spend time alone. Learning to be more comfortable in your own skin and get to know who you really are as a person is really important. It gives you time to learn how to be more in tune with yourself. Eat out alone, meditate, treat yourself to things that’ll make you feel better about you or at your best—skincare, makeup, clothes, plants, books. As well as taking needed breaks from social media. Which helps to clear your mind, give yourself a break and focus on tasks without distractions.
Speak kindly of yourself (reframe from negative talk), smile more, be kind to others, be softer on yourself and not to hard by focusing on solutions to problems and not all the bad of it. Stay away from negative people and things that could lower you vibrations or bring you out of character.
Don’t let outside validation value who you are nor seek it. Ignore outside opinions that don’t enhance your life.
Take steps in working on your presence and mimick the “confident posture.” If you walk and act like you got it like that, that’s what others around you is going to see as well as how you would feel. Examples; walk with your head held high, eye contact, compliment people, be more assertive and speak up and speak clearly when you talk etc. The saying “fake it to you make it!” is to act like something you are not, yet but you can become it if you put in the work.
Create personal boundaries, first step is to learn how to say no when you’re really saying yes. Challenge yourself everyday and push your self to grow. Set a small goal at first, achieve it and repeat. Getting out your comfort zone and facing your fears is the biggest goal of all and is very life changing. Accomplishing something you was scare to do and it turning out better than expected, is the most satisfying thing and￼ raises your confidence times ten. Understand that once your mind is set on something, you can be successful at it everytime. Also understand that if you run into a setback, it’s only a matter of time before you bounce back.
Confidence is not everyone liking you. It is feeling good about yourself, not needing approval & knowing you’re the “it girl” whether someone like you or not.
Lastly, remember to always be your authentic self and to know no one is better or more deserving than you. You have your own uniqueness, energy, and personality. No one is you or can be you, embrace that!
You attract what you focus over. It’s so easy to underestimate this fact, but in truth if you stop exposing yourself to certain energies, behaviors, kinds of people, you think about them less and less. Expose yourself to healthy energy that only boosts your overall growth. Be ruthless about what you surround yourself with, with time it starts defining your mindset.
do you have any advice on how to level up like your physical appearance and mentality? like i struggle with discipline and codependency issues and I hate it but when i try and change i fall back into my bullshit real quick
The above quote is from Saweetie. First and foremost, your energy will speak before your looks do.
1. Inner Work
Be sure to work on mindfulness from the inside. I always recommend that my followers look into how to be more mindful and spiritual.
-> Do a 15 or 30 minute yoga session. Look forward to learning poses everyday.
-> Journaling — a diary, gratitude journal, prayer journal, etc will help you think more about your goals, release balled up emotions, and set your intentions. Always refer to your journal first before a person. It will help you analyze your thought process.
- Digital: Day One, Google Docs
- Buy a physical notebook.
- Best pens: Pilot 0.38 and 0.7
- Best highlighters: Zebra Mildliners
-> Check in with your emotions daily.
- Mood trackers: Daylio, eMoods
-> Be grateful. List 5 things you are grateful for
-> Eat mindfully — cleaner foods and not just junk. Drink your body weight in water.
- Cleaner eating: no soda (if you must drink something drink ginger ale.), no dairy (cheese occasionally. I never drink real milk...), drink more teas and more smoothies. Eat oatmeal. Rice, fish, salad.
- Buy a reusable water bottle, or a mason jar with a lid from Amazon and refill it. This way you will drink your water.
- Take your multivitamins.
-> Have a list of affirmations you say daily: “I am beautiful, I am blessed, I am blossoming.”
-> Meditation to relieve your anxieties. It will clear your mind completely and leave you refreshed. Download Headspace app!!
-> Exercise and watch your mental health improve.
-> Watch less mindless TV. Read books or listen on Audible.
-> Have a steady routine. This is how you create discipline. Always have a morning routine and night routine. You must have good hygiene. Have a structured schedule so that you’re always in order.
-> Sleeping at least 8 hours, wake up early and start your day. If you have a decent bedtime routine that relaxes you you will be able to do this. Meditate, listen to chill or binaural beats, and avoid naps.
2. Outer Appearance
After you have envisioned and began to achieve what you want your inner self to look like, it is time to think about your outer self.
-> What does #she look like?
- For example: A high value girl will be put together — impeccable fashion sense, hygienic, and glowing radiantly.
- What is the style that you have always dreamed of having? What is your signature fashion sense? What is your It Girl Aesthetic? Is it traditional feminine, old Hollywood, 00s glam, tomboy girly? A mix of everything???
- Invest in high quality pajamas. I notice that when I have my silk robe on I transform into a baddie and I feel elegant at the same time.
- Wear clothes that fit to your body.
- Have signature jewelry, a signature bag, and a signature perfume scent. Make it fun.
-> What are the things #she does to upkeep her look?
- Teeth Whitening: Crest 3D whitestrips, toothpaste, and mouthwash. Flossing always!
- Nails: Always upkeep your toes and nails, at least have them filed/shaped and coated with oil. If you decide to paint them: Sally Hansen Gel Polish, preferably white on the toes because it is classic and goes with everything. white, Tiffany blue, baby pink, red are all flattering colors.
- Makeup: Light Foundation, blush, brows, lashes, lipgloss is actually enough, less can always be more. If you decide to wear heavy makeup be sure to set it with setting spray, Urban Decay or NYX.
- Skin: Have a skincare routine. Face wash -> toner -> serum -> moisturizer -> SPF* morning. Exfoliate twice a week. Aztec clay mask twice a week. Find products that work for your skin.
- Tree hut exfoliating scrub before shower. Lip scrub before lipstick. Burt’s Bees chapstick is the best and Aquaphor is super moisturizing for skin as well. Dr. Teals bath salts for a relaxing bath.
- Moisturize your body with cocoa or shea butter then oil after showers.
- Hair: Castor oil for eyelashes, eyebrows, hair. It’s a god send
3. Mindset & Overall Improvement
-> Grow your confidence. Know that you are a one of a kind individual and nobody can be like you. Affirm yourself... start saying things like, “I’m a living angel.” / “There’s only one me and I’m the baddest.” / “I’m a dream girl.”
It’s not overzealous, it’s confident. Trick your mind into thinking this and it will be internalized the same way you internalize negativity.
-> Maintain strict boundaries with yourself and others. Don’t tolerate less than what you deserve, and always do your best.
-> Develop your individuality. If you are putting someone on a pedestal, you will never glow up. Be independent and stop needing others approval for things, and learn how to rely on yourself first. Do more things on your own and fall in love with the new you. Buy yourself flowers, pamper yourself always.
-> Deep cleanse your life. Delete old contacts. Clean your space always and keep it appealing. Donate clothes you’re not going to wear. Delete old photos that do not make you happy. Focus more on yourself, and disconnect from social media. Always block schedule your apps. 20 mins per day on the ones that drain you the most.
-> To create more discipline, create goals worth fighting for. Create goals you look forward to at the end of the day. Look forward to the new life you’re going to have. Be gentle with yourself while also having the maturity to check yourself when you’re lacking. Don’t just look at the end result, look at where you are now. Appreciate the now, anticipate the future. Don’t just wait to be motivated, just start.
-> Always remind yourself that being human takes failures...ups and downs, but you will always come out on the winning side because you will be working towards flourishing and blossoming into a high value, high maintenance baddie.
ala recommends: youtubers to watch on your level-up journey
Ebony Nikita Okeke
The self-proclaimed Dominican princess (I love her). She gives off such a warm and light energy. I love her makeup style and the colour palettes she uses when deciding her outfits (they are a bit revealing for me though, not my style but definitely cute for her). I enjoy her housewife diaries, they are very relaxing and aesthetically pleasing. She also has a lot of good videos on being feminine, through your behaviour and habits.
Best for: femininity, lifestyle
A beautiful Azerbaijani woman who teaches such great lessons in general etiquette; from how to write emails correctly to having good posture - she does it all. It is a great place to start if you are unable to take in-person etiquette lessons (looking at you c*vid) or can’t afford etiquette lessons right now,
Best for: etiquette
Now this one may be a pretty niche suggestion, but her videos are just so aesthetically pleasing and she has this dry humour that I absolutely adore. She is a huge minimalist, so great for people who want to shift towards a minimalist lifestyle. She recently moved to Boston and it was really interesting watching the process of her looking at different apartments and finally moving in (especially during a pandemic). When levelling-up, you can sometimes feel pressured to only consume “level-up” content, but it is important to watch content that makes you laugh and feel good. Please watch Kelly. She is classy, quirky, cute and so much fun.
Best for: entertainment, minimalism, lifestyle
This is another entertainment suggestion but trust me she is gold. Lydia, to me, is the total package. She is very genuine and open with her subscribers and I just love the energy she gives off in her videos. She is the type of woman who could get along with anyone. If you want to learn how to make yourself seem more approachable and genuine, learn from her (can you tell I’m in love?).
Best for: travel, vlogs
If you are on a British woman, particularly woc, you should know Patricia. She was my first introduction to a Black-British woman on YouTube and she just exudes fun feminine energy. She is also bloody hilarious (please trust me - she’s just got this perfect mixture of dry British humour and sharp Nigerian wit). She is very good for clothing reviews (especially for my girls with little bums - hi my fellow rulers, how is the “thick girl” movement treating you? :’) ). She has also tried a few cosmetic treatments now so if you are considering them, why not check out her reviews. She is well-known for being a very honest and open reviewer, even if the brand is sponsoring her.
(Edit: she also has a channel where she discusses general business, career and financial matters, called “The Break”. Cr: @eianot for the suggestion.)
Best for: try-on hauls, clothing reviews, advice for women, entertainment
Highlight - Politics: Tee Noir & For Harriet
A lot of the time, when I see women start to level-up I notice them stop being so open to speak politically - they feel scared that if they speak out against racism, for example, that they will become an outcast. Not true. That is plainly not true. If your “social circle” outcast you because you offer your political opinion then they are not people you would want in your life, correct? Sometimes the “outcast-ing” we see done to people expressing their political opinions is because of the way they say it. Someone will argue that “we shouldn’t have to censor ourselves when talking about issues that affect our daily lives” and you are correct, but that’s not the way the world works, right? So as you level-up I suggest you start learning how to state your opinions in a way that considers multiple sides and is easy to digest. These two ladies do just that, they are eloquent, well-educated and well-versed in a myriad of political topics. The main difference between them is that Tee Noir speaks more on pop culture (sorry I like a bit of gossip sometimes, I’m human too) and For Harriet’s videos more often are about socio-political issues.
Best for: speech improvement, politics
Live From Layfield
Now this one tugs on my heartstrings (nostalgia is hitting me up). These three beautiful women, are everything I used to aspire to be as I was going through secondary school. They are three pharmacists who all studied pharmacy at the University of Kent and have now gone on to succeed in their individual careers and journeys. If you go back to their earlier videos you can literally see the organic procession of their own level-up journeys. You can even see how some of their opinions on certain matters have changed over time. I think the main aspect of their channel I enjoy is how spiritual they are and their sister-like dynamic. I want to highlight an amazing video I watched of theirs - the vulnerability, honesty and sisterhood was just incredible to witness.
Best for: feel good banter, spirituality, sisterhood
We welcome our first non-woc to the list and for a good reason! Regardless of whatever you women do during your level-up journey, the one thing I insist you do (I’m literally begging) is become financially literate. You should have already been financially literate, but I will blame our education system for that. Watch MamaFurFur - she easy to understand and a great place to start in your financial literacy journey.
Best for: financial literacy (if you guys don’t take my advice I swear-)
Now, Mela has no excuse being this pretty. None whatsoever. She is gorgeous and manages to make herself appear even more flawless every time I see her. She has amazing make-up and wig tutorials. She’s also just a vibe overall (kind of like a cool Aunt, who only drinks wine and says “darling” a lot).
Best for: makeup, skincare, hair, entertainment
If you don’t know by now let me update you. I love history. I love fashion. I love the history of fashion. In conclusion, I love Mina Le. Mina Le is up-and-coming Asian-American YouTuber and she does incredible video essays on both modern and vintage fashion. She is so eccentric, so intelligent and such a vibe.
Best for: fashion history, entertainment
Nella is not exactly who most of you women are aspiring to become aesthetically. She’s very tomboyish (self-proclaimed) and not the typical “feminine” YouTuber, but you know what she is? Confident. She exudes confidence and I know a lot of you need to work on that. She is also able to make anyone around her shine and feel instantly comfortable. She is hilarious.
(Note: I don’t condone everything she says or does but read between the lines. We’re learning confidence here. Take what she says and her actions with a pinch of salt.)
Best for: entertainment, serotonin boost, confidence
Highlight - Femininity Channels: School of Affluence, The Modern Lady and Linda Sandrine
Now this is a tricky one. I know a lot of people like these type of channels and I must admit they do have some very useful tips and tricks, here and there. However, you need to have a discerning eye when you are indulging in this content. Think: Is this applicable to me? Does this make sense in my environment? From my own experiences has this ever worked for me or any of my peers? I urge all you "levelling-up” women to take your time and evaluate those who teach you about “levelling-up” and hypergamy. Not everything will work for you and trust me they do not know everything, so just use their content as a guide.
Personally out of all of them I enjoy Linda’s content the most.
Best for: hypergamy, levelling-up, femininity, etiquette
Honorable Mentions (Some Personal Favourites)
OpenInkStand Art & Calligraphy
Best for: calligraphy
Kurzgesagt – In a Nutshell
Best for: interesting short videos to keep you thinking
Best for: OG of YouTube, stunning makeup and skincare
Handbag Clinic Official
Best for: my niche interest, learn about vintage and modern design bags
Best for: broadening your knowledge, hearing and learning from the highly-intellectual conversations uploaded, global issues
COLORS and NPR Music
Best for: amazing performances, discovering new artists
The Show Must Go On
Best for: free theatre performances (typically musicals) posted every week
Highlight - Ballet and Opera: Russian State Ballet and Opera House and EuroArtsChannel
Best for: ballet, opera, orchestral performances - just sit back and relax