#confused with myself

[mysticdragon3md3]

Oh no. She's so cheap. O_O I might have to get her. Seriously, Monica was $70! I don't know how they managed to get Yuri to only $41, but for my favorite girl, I'm glad! <3

Actually, I'm unsure if Yuri is my favorite. But I think so? I thought I had a thing for pastel, especially lavender hair, but I guess purple catches my eye too. <3 But I also thought I liked deredere best. So shouldn't I like Sayori and Monica more? But their Nendoroids released and I didn't feel too bad about skipping them.

I never before thought of myself as a yandere fan, but love how unhinged Yuri can be. Maybe I just like that "unassuming dangerous girl" trope. Like Devil Homura, Kikyo, or maybe even Yor Forger. I also love the timid archetypes, so Yuri being both unassumingly dangerous AND timid, really gets points from me. (That's why I love Homura Akemi. She's the whole package: "Moemura", kuudere Homura, AND Devil Homura! <3 ) But if I like that, then why haven't I been into yandere before? Or, why haven't I noticed this about my tastes before? I wonder if it's because most yandere (I've seen) don't have the "split personalities" that I like. Usually, you've got the "girl who seems regular and cute" side, offset by the "girl violently obsessed with her guy crush". "Girls centered around their crush", especially guys, has always been one of my pet peeves. I'm just too old to not be tired of these amanormative and heteronormative cliches anymore. But wait. Yuri's unhinged side is obsessed with her crush on protag-kun. So how come I like her? Maybe her fixation on a guy just didn't stick in my head, as much as her general unhinged actions. There's a lot of implication in DDLC that Yuri is actually the homicidal psychic girl in the novel she's reading, so I think more of that when she's unhinged, vs her obsessively crushing over protag-kun. I do like a girl who can be scary, ominous, and dangerous in that unassuming "serial killer" type of way. And her self harm is personally relatable to me. And I also love the uncanny, especially flying under the radar in "normal" settings. That's why I love the "yokai genre" and Natsume Yuujinchou. I especially love when the "scary, uncanny" character is interacted with normally, with empathy, and treated with regular interpersonal respect. Yuri kind of fits into that. Maybe that's why I like her so much?

I'm not sure, why I like her. But I'm worried that if I can't feel confident about liking her a lot or dubbing her "my favorite" from DDLC, then maybe I won't be able to justify to myself, buying her Nendoroid before her preorder window closes.

But she's under $45, pretty, has purple hair, and has some archetype tropes I like. That should be enough to justify spending and purchasing for me. Let's hope I don't wait too long to preorder.

#favorite characters #confused with myself #archetypes #processing thoughts #figure collecting #yuri #tropes #wallet dying #preorders #ddlc

[md3artjournal]

Been trying to get back into watercolors.

Even though I don't really have watercolor paper. LOL Actually, I think I have a pad of watercolor paper, but I'm not sure where to dig around in my room for it. Or maybe it's in storage; not sure. But either way, I've always been too anxious to be anything less than stingy with art materials. It was a real problem in painting class, when everyone kept telling me that I don't mix enough of the paint colors that I need. But I just couldn't stand the idea of throwing it out at the end of class. And even though I've switched to alcohol markers, I'm still too nervous to use expensive paper like watercolor paper. When I'm too afraid to mess up with expensive supplies, I end up drawing nothing, for months and years. Though, it is strange that I have no problem using Copic markers and other artist markers, though on cheaper paper. Maybe it's because I almost always get my markers on sale at anime/comic book conventions. Never pay $8 for one Copic marker, when convention booths will usually have them for $5 each.

Been making some notes during these past few days, while experimenting with getting back into watercolor painting:

5/12/2023. Tried to make intentionally messy, to differentiate from marker coloring. I wanted this to be obviously watercolors, to make switching from my usual markers medium, worthwhile.

5/12/2023. Still practicing watercolors, so tried doing my final linework as only pencil. Sometimes I wonder if the softness of pencil fits better with watercolors. I still want to differentiate my watercolors from my marker/ink drawings. So I tried some wet-on-wet techniques and allowed a lot of messy imperfections.

5/14/2023. I know I should have stuck to my usual Copic markers, since I was short on time. But it’s been a long time since I’ve done referential drawing, and I wanted the pencil’s ability to erase mistakes. Also, I’ve recently been experimenting with trying watercolors again. Back before markers, I primarily used watercolors. (Then again, back then I also had sketchbook paper thick enough to handle watercolors, and that’s not really the case anymore.) I may be comfortable with alcohol markers and ink pens now, but I keep wondering if something good might come of me returning to watercolor painting. Maybe it would look nice to color more organically, and allow some loose messiness, the way watercolors are often afforded. Maybe that type of style could really work for me. So I’m trying watercolors again. Today reminded me how much I love drybrush, when I use brush pens—even though I haven’t gotten the hang of setting up that technique with a paintbrush yet. So I might practice more drybrush with watercolor paintbrushes.

5/18/2023. My last watercolor drawing reminded me that I could use drybrush with watercolors, to mimic the feeling of using brushpens, which I love. So I did a lot of hatchlines, like I would do with my usual pen/ink drawings. I actually wanted to do more sharp detail, but needing lighter colors for those details necessitated more water, which made the brush tip less tapered, so those smaller details I wanted, ended up broader and messier. But didn't I recently get back into watercolors, wanting to differentiate them from my pen/ink drawings? And I determined that allowing watercolors to be messy and looser (since people usually afford/expect that from watercolors) would be how I would differentiate my watercolors from my marker drawings? Then again, I had been wanting for a long time to find a way to break out of my hyperfocus on one medium at a time. If I could switch to dip pen in the middle of a watercolor painting, maybe that will bring me closer to mixing color pencils on top of marker drawings, or mixing pastels on top of marker ink, and just mixing more mediums. I want to be able to use the mediums to achieve the effects I need in each case, but I keep unconsciously locking myself in to only one medium at a time. But if dip pens make my watercolors too precise and erases that lovely, organic, messy looseness, then what's the point of me going back to watercolors from alcohol markers? Hmmm….We'll see what happens.

#watercolors #drawing practice #art mediums #processing thoughts #confused with myself #progression

[redflagsandbanners]

Why do I like this girl she's too dreamy for me

#jesus christ #she's hot i get it but like #why. #folks my knees go weak for her #but holy shit #at what fucking cost #confused with myself

[chloesimaginationthings]

Michael learns about FNAF Movie Sparky...

#myart #chloesimagination #comic #michael afton #sparky fnaf #mike schmidt #fnaf #fnaf movie #sister location #fnaf fanart #five nights at freddy's #SPARKY THE DOG MENTIONED 🔥🔥 #the way I felt when I first watched the fnaf movie and saw sparky just there #craziest thing to have become canon #I’ve been wanting to draw sparky myself for awhile so here’s the boy #Michael would be so confused seeing sparky #I like to think sparky was just a myth for him too #so like just seeing that dog animatronic is like if we found out like Bigfoot is real #and is actually kinda chill BAHAH #Michael doesn’t spooked by many things but this got to him a lil

[kelocitta]

Anthro Au Survivor drafts feat. too much worldbuilding because I cant just put pants on a slugcat like a normal person & my godawful handwriting

The Survivor (Their full, scavenger-given name includes the 'The') was separated from their family while traveling between colonies and stranded in the dangerous unpopulated wilds. Against all odds they managed to survive (and wander) far longer than they should have been able, but rather than reconnecting with their (or another) slugcat family, they instead made contact with one of the many wandering scavenger troops- But unfortunately not one that had ever met a slugcat nor had any idea what to make of a stranded one. Regardless the group gave it their best, ended up committing to the role of slugparents, and The Survivor and their troop still consider themselves close family long after Survivor finally reconnected with their sibling. (They're a bit of a mess though, understandably)

#rain world #rw anthro #subject to change and sorry if you actually try to make sense of this #but since arti is more anti-scav and survivor is a lil 'plain' i thought mixing scavengers in them would be a fun thing to explore #with the vanilla slugcats #unfortunately it means survivor was a very confused child who is a still confused adult #Also just cause of the way this is set up I think they have reconnected with Monk at this point #making this all so much harder on myself by not just going 'yea theyre in high school they ride bikes and drive cars' instead im being weir #and theyre turning more to rw if the creatures were sentient enough to do taxes #scribbles

[ninjafuuzz]

im going batshit insane over these twos,,,, god bless

#twin peaks #dale cooper #harry truman #trucoop #found myself another tv show from the 90s to hyperfixate on for the next 3 months #anyways #live laugh love gay cops #the lack of content with these twos is terrifying #gifs #also is it just me or is everyone is this cast f*ckable #me finishing the first 2 seasons confused and getting a weird attraction to kyle maclachlan #they cast kyle maclachlan as a hardboiled fbi detective type with a weird aura and kitten energy and expect me to not be attracted to him

[andsewingishalfthebattle]

Novice sewing pattern: Cut out shapes. Line up the little triangles on the edges. Stitch edges together. We've also included step-by-step assembly instructions with illustrations.

Novice knitting pattern: yOU MUSt uNDerstANd thE SECret cOdE CO67 (73, 87, 93) BO44 (63, 76, 90) 28 (32, 34) slip first pw repeat 7x K to end *kl (pl) 42 * until 13" (13, 13, 15) join new at 30 pl for 17 rows ssk 27 k2tog mattress lengthwise BO and sacrifice a goat to the knitting gods. WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU WANT "INSTRUCTIONS," I JUST GAVE THEM TO YOU

#knitting #no it's not a real pattern but I can't write one that makes sense because I have no freaking clue what any of that means #How do you make things that aren't basic rectangles #Why has every knitter I've asked for help just said 'patterns are easy; you just have to know how to read them' & then refused to teach me #Where do I even find a goat to sacrifice #How do I join the pattern cult #I am so confused #I've been knitting for almost a decade but I can only make scarves and potholders #I learned one (1) stitch by watching a YouTube video and none of my friends or family knit so I have no IRL resources #And nobody I meet seems to want to take the time to explain the rest to me #I taught myself to sew through trial and error but that doesn't really work with knitting because error is pretty much just... Unraveling? #Anyway sorry for the tag rant I'm just frustrated that I see pretty things I want to make but the instructions are in an alien language #And the gap between 'absolute novice' and 'intermediate' seems to be about 20 years of experience and formal instruction

[help-itrappedmyself]

Danny punches a Clown Part 7

Masterpost

Danny wakes up some time later. Red and Agent A are there waiting for him in chairs on either side of his bed.

“Hey, how are you feeling?”

“Less tired at least.” Danny was well enough he could feel his wounds trying to heal. “Could probably use some food though.”

“I will go retrieve it for you now that you are awake.” Agent A walks out of the med area.

“You feel up to meeting a few people? They’re going to be around so you should know who they are.”

“I guess so.” Danny sits up on the bed, bringing his knees to his chest.

Red leans out past the curtain and waves some people over. When he takes his seat, a man in a blue and black suit with a mask on and someone in an all-black suit with a head covering that comes down over his eyes comes in behind him. They stay standing by the curtain.

“You met Nightwing earlier, and this is Batman.” Red introduces. Nightwing waves when Red says his name. “We all work together here.”

Danny nods.

“Hey, Danny!”Dick comes over to sit in the chair on the other side of Danny’s bed. “We have a few questions that we would like to ask you if you’re feeling up for it.”

Danny shrugs.

“Okay, well we know you haven’t been in Gotham long, where did you come from?”

Danny wonders if he tells them a different dimension if they would believe him. If they would try to send him back. “Illinois.”

Nightwing let out a short whistle. “That’s a long way Danny.”Danny snorts at that. “Did you come here by yourself?”

“Yeah.” Danny starts picking at the edges of the blankets, trying not to look anyone in the eye- not that he could, they all have some form of mask on.

“Okay. Well, we have some concerns. Don’t know if you remember what you were talking about before you went to sleep, but you said some things about being shot at a lot, by your parents and some other people.”

“What part of that is a question?” Danny leans forward and rests his cheek on his knees, watching himself pick at the blanket. He found a loose thread that he’s started twirling around his fingers. 

“Can you tell us more about the people who were shooting at you? We’d like to look into them.”

Something in the tone Nightwing is using makes him sound all clinical. Like a social worker. Or a cop. It shouldn’t matter really because the people that did this to him are inaccessible unless they have some way to dimension hop. 

“Doesn’t matter anymore, I’m here now.”

“What made you come here? Do you have a family member, or friends that you were meeting?”

“For real, are you a social worker? Psychologist, cop, what.” Danny looks up at him. “You brought me to a cave f and you’re all wearing masks, but you’re talking to me like I’m going to freak out or something. You can stop acting like I’m a child. I know what’s happened to me. Frankly, the fact that I’m trapped in a cave with people dressed the way you are is more concerning for me than being back on the street. So can we get on with you doing whatever you’re going to do?”

“We’re not going to do anything Danny.” Red leans towards him. “We just want to make sure you have somewhere to go.”

“I don’t.” Danny states plainly. He knows his circumstances and he can’t risk going back home for a while, shouldn’t go back at all except to grab his stuff and leave again. 

The three share a few glances back and forth, having quite an in-depth silent conversation. Danny rolls his eyes and goes to stand up, they all immediately try and stop him.

“Whoa, what are you doing?” Nightwing asks.

“Where are you trying to go?” Comes from Red.  

“You’re injured, you should stay in bed.” Comes from Batman.

Just then, Agent A pushes aside the curtain, walking in with a tray.

“I do hope you aren’t overwhelming the patient.” He brings the tray over, Danny straightens his legs and A situates the tray in his lap. “This boy needs to eat, and to rest. You don’t need to worry about where he’s going until he is fit to be out of bed. He’s not going anywhere until he’s improved.”

“Sir, I’m sure it’ll be fine-” Danny starts.

“Nonsense. I will not stand for it. You need proper treatment or your wounds will get infected. Now, eat or your body will not have the necessary fuel to heal.”

Danny bows his head and looks at the tray in front of him. A brought him chicken noodle soup, he starts to eat as A shepherds everyone back out and closes the curtain behind them.

“Now, I know this cannot be easy for you, being injured and alone.” A comes to sit in the chair that Red vacated. “I assure you that you have a place here at least until you are better. Even if you wish to leave now, you will not be able to get better on the streets.”

 “Thank you.” Danny says. “I didn’t mean to snap at them.”

“I’m sure they will forgive you for it, you are under a lot of stress right now.”

Danny nods. “Thank you for the food. It’s amazing.”

“Of course, Mister Danny. I will be making sure you are well nourished while you are with us. Please, let me know if you have any preferences.”

“Anything that’s not alive is good for me.”

Agent A just looks at him. “You did mention something about fighting your food last night. I had thought you were talking out of a bit of delirium.”

“Oh, no that used to happen. The chemicals my parents used reanimated the food sometimes. Had to fight some hot dogs. A chicken. Our kitchen was a hazard.”

“I dare say so.” A has a very scrunched up look on his face. “Rest assured nothing of the sort has ever happened in my kitchen.”

#dcxdp #dpxdc #dc x dp crossover #batman #danny phantom #alternate universe #fanfiction #my writing #nightwing #red robin #agent a #Danny is very confused and overwhelmed #a lot is happening for him in a very short time #the batfamily is also very concerned #Honestly don't know how this turned into what it is #this was originally a one-shot #what happened #what have i gotten myself into #<- me @ like all of my writing #danny punches a clown

[dandelion-roots]

[ID: a digital redraw of the scene where chuuya shoots dazai in the shoulder. on the top of the drawing is chuuya holding a guy to dazai's head in the red and grey hallways of the prison. on the bottom of the drawing is dazai's pained face. the gunshot is shown stylistically as hectic lines behind his bloody shoulder. over the image is half a quote from goncharov that reads 'if we really were in love you wouldn't have missed.' the signature says dandelion-roots. end ID]

This quote from Goncharov (1973) in relation to soukoku has been haunting me from before I even got to that scene in the anime (the full thing is: Katya- Of course we're in love, that's why I tried to shoot you/ Goncharov- If we really were in love you wouldn't have missed). Violence as a tool for communicating emotions, especially love and hatred, especially love and hatred makes me go feral- how could I not think of the iconic quote that says that katya's miss was a sign of a lack of love/a fake love when chuuya didn't miss? Just... losing it over here.

#bsd #bsd s5 #bungou stray dogs #soukoku #soukoku fanart #bungou stray dogs season 5 #bsd spoilers #dazai osamu #chuuya nakahara #not to tell on myself but i just realized that i. used the wrong screenshot as ref JKDSKDJKDJ i have too many saved. its fine. u get it #just saying it in case anyone was confused #goncharov #also just to be clear if someone didnt understand the caption- i used the quote to be the opposite of what was happening #not to describe what was happening in the scene or to imply that chuuya later not killing dazai was him 'missing' #i get VERY specific imagery in my mind and i disregard everything else #and i do it in the way that would be incredibly confusing to most ppl at first glance. such is the world #im not wordy rn i cant fully describe my feral state after finishing bsd earlier today or this thing. hope u enjoy it anyway! #it was rly fun to do a screenshot redraw the bsd animation crew is so freaking talented and i got to see which colours they used where #i changed them bcs they wouldnt been too desaturated but lots of blues in the bg! colour theory babyyy #and got to play around w csp! fun fun been so long since ive done digital art

[mysticdragon3md3]

💜...

I never thought before how FE3H used Bernadetta to make jokes that laugh at people with social anxiety. Then again, i was the idiot so desperately happy to see geek culture on TV, back in the day, that i didn't notice The Big Bang Theory was making fun of geeks, until i heard more from internet fandom. I was just happy to see something relatable. I just did that Leonardo di Caprio "point at the tv" meme and didn't think beyond that. Thank goodness we have the internet and YouTube now for finding better representation of subcultures.

I'll have to go back and watch Bernadetta's Supports and how she's used in the main story. I'm woefully underinformed on both. I just watched a few of her Supports, and not even finishing some that i did watch. I just wanted to see people being nice to her. As soon as it wasn't about that, i ditched.😅 And I'm still not interested enough to watch through Black Eagle routes. So maybe I've had a picture of Bernadetta and how FE3H used her in its story, mostly full of gaps, that i let my brain fill up with only nice interpretations.

...Or maybe I'll watch it all and still like Bernadetta, because I'll still relate to her and because I've always liked characters who are just struggling with unconfidence. I like watching other characters be nice to them, create a safe space for them, encourage them, or when they have character growth to slowly gain more self esteem. Maybe I'm just so desperate for that protection fantasy, I'd overlook the anxiously relatable character being the butt of jokes. Who knows what will happen with my reactions.

I feel the same way about Marianne. That's why i really hate Lysithea's FE3H Support with her, but prefer their FEW3H Support. I have seen a lot more of Marianne's cutscenes and Supports, and i still like her. So maybe that foreshadows how I'll feel when i finally see all of Bernadetta's scenes.

Or maybe I'll completely turn on them when i finally start analyzing how the story uses them, instead of pointing and saying "ooh! Relatable!". That's what happened with me and Big Bang Theory. Yikes, that was problematic...!

I'm kind of afraid to look deeper, because i really like just feeling protective towards emotionally frail characters. I like ingenues and small cute mascot characters. It's how i hope the real world regards me when i feel similarly unconfident. Maybe indulging such fantasies is the hope i cling to, to convince myself it wont be so scary to go outside my comfort zones, and to have hope that people won't react with scorn at my fummbles. Or maybe it really is my fantasy of how i wished interactions played out, to indulge as reprieve from real life memories of bad interactions, I'd like to smother with distraction. That stuff is important to me too. I kind of dont want to let go of liking Bernadetta and Marianne.

But i have a history of being easily swayed by others' food for thought, especially opinions from people i already respect. Would i be able to hold my own, differing opinions, or would i feel too guilty if someone else's opinions viewed mine as problematic? I hope i can remember that this is just fandom and people can validly hold different opinions. I mean, representation is important, and FE3H as well as other media I've loved, can still have problematic aspects to improve, which should be improved. But i have to stop taking things so seriously that i torture myself with guilt for liking things/characters that others interpret as problematic. The important thing is to not let problematic media influence yourself into being hurtful towards real life people in the real world, right? That's the argument we always use vs antis, when they say problematic, dark stories/characters shouldn't exist, because they falsely equate representation with advocation. I shouldn't crumble if it turns out my opinions differ from someone else's that i respect. I should be...more confident.

#lrb~lrt #relatable #interpretations #personal preferences #favorite characters #processing thoughts #confused with myself #please ignore my idiocy #redeaglesfe #social interaction #social anxiety

[seance]

If you were truly as evil as you like to paint yourself, you would've done that. Nah. That's the trouble with you lot. You don't just see things in black and white. Sometimes, you've just gotta blur the edges.

#goodomensedit #goedit #good omens #good omens spoilers #aziraphale #crowley #ineffable husbands #edits #tusermyra #jameszmaguire #the parallels were sick and twisted #sick and twisted i tell you #the unadulterated joy on aziraphale's face throughout the whole season every time he saw crowley #contrasting SO MUCH with the post-kiss confusion/pain #i literally wanna kword myself cause david and michael really gave us everything in terms of performance #it was a crescendo with the perfect peak #heaven once again confirmed most toxic work place in the universe #rs: hereditary enemies

[canon-gabriel-quotes]

wear headphones :)

Wasn't expecting another one of these so soon huh.

Transcript and context under the cut

Transcription: Fuck. Goddammit. K-Ugh. *whimper* Come on...

Context: An inside joke between some people on twitter resulted in them commissioning artists to draw gabe failing at pottery and it became a trend for a bit. This is him voicing that specific scenario

Audio source (Yeah I edited it a little to make it worse. I will not apologize.)

Link to a thread of the pottery fan art. This isn't all of it but this is the only collection I can find to link to. -> Link

If anyone has more that wasn't included here feel free to drop a link in the replies :0

#ultrakill #gabriel ultrakill #thank you anon for naming this one #that 'come on' okay. bottom. #eat up u animals (is also an animal myself) #im gonna delete the posts from earlier about naming it #ill leave the asks though to confuse anyone who stops by later >:) #why does he do this for the most random ass requests #its not nearly as bad if u listen to the og one im just insane and made it worse #sadly very short but with YOUR HELP you can accidentally create more :) (threat) #voice post

[spacepunksupreme]

this is what this movie was about to me

#renfield (2023) #renfield #dracula #hannah is talking #I made myself bust up laughing at the thought of this on like friday night and have just been waiting for this movie to get uploaded to my #fav pirating site so I could take these screenshots lmao #also rewatching this little confrontation scene. nicholas hoult and nic cage are both so good. renfield being completely pathetic and the #face journey dracula goes through when renfield pulls out his stupid little self help book. he goes from like confusion to disgust to #amusement to anger. it's so good

[l0vergirls]

What pet names do you think the batboys would have for their s/o?

i think dick would have the most petnames in his vocabulary, only using the cheesiest ones just to tease you in public, like cupcake or honey bunny. but he definitely uses babe, baby, sunshine; he sticks to the classics. though don't be surprised if he calls you his sugar bear in front of everyone.

jason, i cannot see using anything more than babe or doll (ive seen this one around a lot and i cant say it didnt grow on me; i quite like it now), usually at least. perhaps a darling or beautiful, if he's feeling particularly romantic. maybe a nickname derived from your name too.

tim, i also cannot see going further than babe, or a nickname.

damian, by default, gets the best ones! things are just more meaningful in arabic. definitely a classic حبيبي or حبيبتي in there, it means my love iirc; حياتي is one of my favourites, it means my life; and probably قلبي too, which is my heart. and of course, beloved. safe to say he would probably say the arabic ones in english as well.

ty anon 4 this adorable ask <3 putting my very minimal knowledge of arabic to use!!! that said, i had to type all those out so if there's any typos im sorry orz

#when i first started learning arabic manyyy years ago #i got confused between qalbi and kalbi 😭😭😭😭 #caught myself before anything happened thank god #dick grayson x reader #jason todd x reader #tim drake x reader #damian wayne x reader #batfam x reader #dc x reader #— yan writes. #— dc. #— mail.

[rieojc]

why hello there nevermore tumblr community

#nevermore webtoon #the idea for this piece came to me as i was dozing off so i myself am confused #interpret it as you please #also the fact that lenore’s revolver is unloaded never crossed my mind up until halfway through the rendering oopsie daisy #annabel lee nevermore #lenore nevermore #annabel lee x lenore