Last night, goodnight texts said there were issues at his house, but he assured me all was okay.
This morning, he said he was in his head.
I didn't freak out, dig, or need answers and details. I trusted him.
This is blowing my mind.
I wanted to know what was going on out of love and concern, nothing like the need to know for my own spiraling mind or fear.
Is this what truly trusting someone is?
I haven't been faced with what him "in his head" looks like or what his needs are in that. So i simply showed up how I know he needs me to when stressed & overwhelmed. And he recognized it. He told me it made him feel so very loved that I did so.
This healthy relationship leaves me shocked so often. Like, whoa, this is how love can be consistent and not hurt regularly?
Love i was taught, always came with pain, sacrifice, give and take, never fully balanced, Fuck ups to work thru, emotional injury...
This human..... is so different. This love is so different. I feel so lucky to experience it.
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Maurus, Chronicles of Narnia + a moodboard for every oc (118/?)
tag list: @akabluekat, @arrthurpendragon, @bravelittleflower, @foxesandmagic, @juliaswickcrs, @kendelias, @kingsmakers, @nixdragon, @ocs-supporting-ocs, @starcrossedjedis, @sunlitscribe, @villain-connoisseur, @waterloou, @wordspin-shares
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Things
In life, the things we see are good are not good at all; in fact they are random. But in the great expanse of life, things may happen anyway, that occur to us at random times: this is constant combat.
I have seen many good things happen to many good people. I like good people. Good people are generally preoccupied in humdrum affairs. That is fair enough. We live in a difficult world, and few people really know what is going on, and what is the case; that's why we tend to summon all available resources to pinpoint the precise location where people are stuck in difficult predicaments that can thereby become understood. This is the flow of life. Everything flows, as Heraclitus said. Wisdom can support us in difficult times; in fact, wisdom is the only thing that is going to get us to regain control. This is a theme in those Shaolin advertisements that we see on our apps. I like those commercials, because I kind of believe in it. I am sure you can be content when you follow a Zen-Chinese trajectory into the magnificence of self-control, or self-mastery as they call it; but I also understand that it is probably all marketing, and there isn't really that much to gain; we see, that the best thing in life is probably still asceticism, that is to say something that we can do to regain control. I believe, that simple acts of sloth or repetition can create great effectiveness in the flow of life, that is constantly reliant on simple things to happen; in fact we really need to do something and ordinary activity doesn't really help us overcome the many obstacles that the world throws in our path. Constancy, the quality of training the mind to be in control, is a great boon.
Do we really know how to say something? Some people have stated that we live in language, but that not true. Language is a tool, and our relationship to it is like to a tool. Obviously, we can use language to structure our world, but I think we will find that it will not really change anything. Language, where it is used philosophically, cannot contribute to our warmth in life.
Logic demands that we say what we really mean. So I state that in general I believe that people say things - in an increasingly confused state - to hurt us. It is quite an astounding feat. When we just do normal things, we will still be hurt by people, and they have this look on their face of amazement or displeasure, or they raise their eyebrows or open their mouths in amazement, like they never seen a body before and it really pisses me off. I practice to say things all the time, but it really is no art. I mean, the art of writing is simple, but the art of speaking is rather silly - because the thing is that we are constantly stuck in this unaware state where language doesn't exist, or we forget about language, we forget to pick it up. This is where I see the importance of the signality. We all know reality, but we don't really understand signality. Signality is the division of beings in space. They don't mean anything, and yet they can be signaled. But it is of no concern. I believe in a ludicrous effigy of redaction that can sometimes amaze me, but the flow of simple events keeps putting me off at times, and I am just dreaming all the time. You know, today I was playing piano for a while, and I must say writing is no different than playing piano, only the instrument is different. Of course, writing is harder because the words require processing, but we ought not be confused by this, because music is hard as well, and we can only write music when we are very much ready to write, ready to compose; and by the way, this "piece" is also a composition, and I am quite proud of it even though it doesn't really amount to anything in the entire totality of the universe, but we can be proud of something for its sheer size and inventiveness; and I have learned much today.
You know, I sometimes said that my English is better than my Dutch. I don't know if that is true. Sometimes I say things in English and it just seems very cumbersome. Nevertheless, I understand English is the world language, and we really can't do without it. I practice Mandarin on Duolingo but I am not even sure if I want to learn it. English is well-suited as an international language, considering how it has interpreted the Latin vocabulary, and now really impresses people, all right, with its lack of affectation. I personally really like the British way of speaking English, although I think American sounds really good as well. Still, we can't deny there's something especially aristocratic about British English, although that is seemingly on the way out, although they certainly did their best to preserve the English of the empire. I mean, everything is about style. English is the language of empire, you say, but I say it is simply the language of business. America is the land of business, and it really is American English that is the reason English is doing so well communicatively, whereas the fact it was once spoken in the British Empire has really only survived in the corners of the world where people still try to behave classy. I don't really care, I accept English.
Socrates said: there is only one evil, ignorance. This is one of the best quotes every said, although it rings with the Platonic lack of pithiness. Still, this quote has merit. As always with Socrates, it seems to teach us that people really aren't to be despised, no matter what the odds; and it is this kind of universalized, back-to-basics reasoning that inspired the schools of Stoicism and Epicureanism. People ought to know that what makes us better than others is just a matter of training and, indeed, "wisdom", rather than any particular quality. Why fight each other? Things are real, and when we undertake actions we automatically discover how pleasant it is to help each other. Indeed, it often seems we are just veering through life with no qualms, but that is not the sizeable situation in our heart of hearts. Worries can easily overtake you; we need to be prepared for the worst kind of situations; moreover we need to understand. I don't feel particularly good right now. I just want to write something nice before I continue watching the episode of The Big Bang Theory, a show I don't particurlarly admire, but that's enjoying enough to watch; and I've got this whole silly philosophy about how a day should be lived; and I never have anything to say in public. But I suppose today I learned, or rather, embraced that it is possible to say something worth listening to, or worth reading, without knowing too much, but it did help me that I had a philosophy, you see I was just so eminently confused all the time. I think my favorite book right now is The Catcher in the Rye and it really fills me with happiness to think that I can live up to the ideal sketched in the book, and I am something of an idealist. I want to say nice things; you know, right now I can't think of why my life would have to be hard, but I just know that there are so many situations in which you just can barely keep up with the changes of things, you know, there are so many disasters waiting everywhere, and when vexations come the only thing you can do is pace around the room, and frankly it just seems there isn't that much to talk about with everyone, you know, even when they're dying. A girl I met in Taiwan said that we use words to look into each other. I am not sure if I can subscribe to that statement, but it's probably true.
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Zolena of Calormen, Chronicles of Narnia + a moodboard for every oc (108/?)
tag list: @akabluekat, @arrthurpendragon, @bravelittleflower, @foxesandmagic, @juliaswickcrs, @kendelias, @kingsmakers, @nixdragon, @ocs-supporting-ocs, @starcrossedjedis, @sunlitscribe, @villain-connoisseur, @waterloou, @wordspin-shares
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