#content warning: robert's been a little depressed!

[bradshawssugarbaby]

Hurricane - Bradley Bradshaw x Reader

summary: Bradley's regretted breaking off his relationship with you for months, but when he sees you walking into the country club after his round of golf, he knows he has to fix things.

a/n: I haven't written much angst before but I'm really trying to branch out a little bit. Inspired by Hurricane by Luke Combs, and also this weird recurring dream I keep having.

pairing: Bradley Bradshaw x reader

warnings/content: buckle up bc there's a lot? angst (happy ending), parental death, depression, hurt, cancer, goose's accident + carole's reaction, carole literally never getting over losing goose, bradley being a commitmentphobe, pregnancy (i think that's it?), also entirely unrealistic bc you know what? I can't keep roo sad for long.

word count: 3.6k

taglist: @avengersfan25, @nouis-bum, @floydsmuse, @mamachasesmayhem, @jessicab1991, @atarmychick007, @b-bradshaw, @djs8891

Then you rolled in with your hair in the wind Baby, without warning I was doin' alright but just your sight Had my heart stormin'

Bradley narrowed his eyes beneath his sunglasses, the glare of the hot mid-morning sun harsh on his chocolate brown eyes. He grabbed his nine-iron from his golf bag, taking a practice swing before teeing up for his next shot. Bob, Jake, Reuben and Javy stood to the side behind him, watching as he lined up to take his shot. He hadn’t golfed in years, in fact, he’d only ever golfed a handful of times in his life, all of them back when he lived in Virginia. His uncle had taught him when he was 15, a welcome distraction when his mom became sick, and he’d gone out a few times when he was in college after a roommate of his on the school’s golf team had invited him out. He held his breath as he heard the club make contact with the small, white orb, watching as it soared through the air, disappearing somewhere onto the course. Jake let out an impressive whistle as he looked on, placing his hands on his hips as he shook his head in disbelief.

“You’ve never golfed before, Bradshaw? You sure?” He drawled, raising one of his manicured (though he’d deny it if asked) blonde eyebrows suspiciously.

“I told you, a handful of times. Not never.”

“You did say less than five,” Bob shrugged as he cleaned his glasses before replacing them on his nose. “Less than five suggests you haven’t really hit a course.”

“Not to mention you said in years. That was the swing of a man who’s at least hit a driving range a few times,” Reuben pointed out to the course in the general direction of where Bradley’s ball had landed as Javy, Bob and Jake nodded in agreement. 

“I wish Nat had tagged along, she wouldn’t ride my ass this hard,” Bradley huffed, shaking his head. 

“Nat doesn’t golf. You know that. She acted disgusted that I even asked,” Jake shrugged.

“Maybe it was how you asked,” Bob suggested as he disguised his jab at Jake as a helpful criticism.

 “Just take your turn, Robert,” Jake hissed, rolling his eyes dramatically as Bob smirked.

Bradley normally would have joined in with a quip of his own directed at Jake, but his heart just wasn’t in it. His heart wasn’t even in the game. The only reason why he’d agreed to go golfing with the guys for their usual monthly game was because you left him. He needed to get over you and move on - it’d been six months and with no deployments coming up, he had nothing to focus 100% of his attention onto. Reuben had noticed it first - Bradley was withdrawn on nights out, his usually chatterbox self now quiet, calm and keeping to himself, barely breaking eye contact with his beer bottle. Then came Natasha’s barrage of questions - he knew she meant well, but God, it was hard to listen to. 

He didn’t want to admit it to himself, but he knew why you left. And it was entirely his fault. You’d gotten upset because he’d stopped spending as much time with you, kept getting cold feet about committing to your relationship. He’d never tell you why he couldn’t commit - it was too hard for him to explain to anyone, really. In fact, he was fairly confident that Reuben was the only other person aware of it. 

Bradley wanted to be the partner you needed - he really did. He wanted to be the doting, affectionate boyfriend who’d whisk you off somewhere beautiful, propose to you, start a family with 2.2 kids and a dog, cart the kids around to sports practices on weekends - the American dream. He knew you deserved that much. And yet, no matter how badly he wanted to give that to you - he couldn’t. He’d told you he didn’t want it - he didn’t want to get married, he didn’t want to have kids, he never wanted it. He watched you fall apart the minute the words left his mouth, and it killed him inside. He wanted to hold you close and tell you he was making a mistake, tell you it wasn’t true and he didn’t mean it, but he couldn’t. 

He couldn’t, because he was terrified. 

Growing up without his dad was one of the hardest things he could have experienced, he was sure of it. He was too young to truly remember how his mom reacted when she learned her husband had been killed in a training exercise, but he remembered her crying a lot, feeling paralyzed by loss and guilt, angry with the world for taking the man she loved away from her. He remembered as he grew up, she never remarried, never went on a date, never even as much as looked at another man. His dad was her everything, and losing him crushed her. 

When she got sick, Bradley was a teenager - old enough to understand what it meant for her, what her odds of recovery were, and old enough to be realistic about the future. When they found out she wasn’t going to get better, he’d half expected her to react the way she did when his dad died, but instead, she seemed almost at peace with the idea. She’d spent 14 years of her life missing his dad, and she knew that, even though she was horrified by the thought of leaving Bradley on his own, she wouldn’t have to spend another minute missing her husband.

Bradley decided then that he’d never want to put someone through that. He’d never be able to hurt someone he loved like this - leave them widowed before they turned 30, alone with a toddler at home to raise on the opposite side of the country from their family and friends, with nothing but a military pension and an apology over his death. 

It was at 16 years old that Bradley decided, if he wanted to become a pilot, he was going to have to spend life alone, and for the most part, he was ok with that. 

That was, until he met you.

He tried to deny his feelings, pretending you were just a casual fling, some fun sex here and there between deployments and missions and nothing more. That was, until three months in, he accidentally told you he loved you. It wasn’t a lie, he did love you, but it caught him off guard when he said it - he didn’t mean to blow his cover and let his guard down like that. And when you said it back? He knew it was game over. 

He tried his hardest to push his fears aside, he tried SO hard. He was getting older and beginning to realize he didn’t want to spend the rest of his life alone, especially as he neared the mandatory 20 years of service cutoff for aviators. He’d grown almost fond of the idea of settling down with you, seeing you with a ring on your finger, picturing you with a baby in you, his baby. He wanted it. He wanted all of it. But, the fears and anxiety he had reared its ugly head, and he couldn’t bring himself to get past it. 

It was on their last mission, when he had to eject and landed in the middle of a snowy mountain, unsure if he’d make it back home to you. His mind raced with thoughts of how you’d react if he didn’t make it home - how you’d crumple to the floor when you saw the two uniformed officers on your doorstep, the blood-curdling scream you’d let out in pain when you heard them say it, tears staining your pretty little face as you were handed that folded American flag - he couldn’t bear it. He couldn’t stand the idea of putting you through everything his mom had gone through. Not when you were so young and had everything ahead of you. When you could find a man who wasn’t putting his life in danger nearly every damn day, risking himself and risking a chance he might not come home to you. 

This golf trip was meant to take his mind off you. Reuben had mentioned it in passing to Jake and Bob, who exchanged worried looks with one another. Javy had overheard Nat’s line of questioning when he and Mickey returned to the table with a fresh round of beers, both of them offering Bradley silent looks of sympathy as they nodded in agreement to Nat’s advice. Bradley was struggling, in over his head with emotions and regret and sadness, but he knew he’d fucked it all up. And he knew that even if he tried, you wouldn’t want him back, and who could blame you? 

Bob had suggested he reach out to you and apologize, and for a while, Bradley considered it. He strongly considered calling you, going to your house, begging for forgiveness and begging you to take him back, but after how you reacted when he broke things off with you, he wouldn’t even take him back. He’d been a dick in every sense of the word, and now, he had to try and move on, adjusting to life without you in it. 

The next nine holes passed by with little conversation from Bradley and worried glances exchanged between his friends. He wasn’t in the mood for talking, he’d explain, shrugging the concern off before focusing back on the game. Bradley was thankful for his friends’ efforts, but it was beginning to feel like nothing would help him move on. 

He slumped down into a chair at a table in the country club after their round of golf, sipping back the beer Jake bought him. He caught himself downing the liquid quicker than he should have, but at this point, being drunk would at least provide him with that much needed numbness he craved. He could hear Bob bickering with Jake over golf scores and who truly won, prompting an eye roll from Javy as he pulled the crumpled scoresheets from his pocket and placed them on the table. Reuben noticed the glazed over look in Bradley’s eye and clapped a sympathetic hand down on his shoulder. 

Bradley was about to thank Reuben for being there for him when he saw your face. You were walking into the country club with a couple of your friends, laughing and smiling as you spoke. 

God, he loved that smile. 

He gulped back the rest of his drink before placing the glass back down on the table, the sound of Bradley slamming the glass down a little harder than he intended prompting Jake to spin his head around as he saw you.

“Oh..shit,” he murmured as Bob and Javy both turned to look discreetly towards you.

Bradley’s eyes widened as you walked past the bar, revealing a very unexpected new figure. He blinked his eyes a few times to ensure they weren’t playing tricks on him - positive that this had to be some kind of optical illusion or something. It was impossible. You couldn’t be.

“Pregnant.” Jake whispered as he leaned into the table, “She’s pregnant,”

“Did you know, Bradley?” Bob inquired as he pushed his glasses back up the bridge of his nose.

“N-no.” Bradley choked out, feeling the walls closing in around him as the room started to spin.

Without hesitation, Bradley rose from his seat and made his way over to you, despite the protests from Bob and Reuben, the two voices of reason to Javy and Jake’s voices of impulse. Bradley approached you cautiously, clearing his throat for a moment to garner your attention. You spun your head around, your cheeks rosy and your skin glowing with that pregnancy glow everyone always talked about. Bradley had never really believed in that kind of stuff, but you were proving him wrong. 

“Bradley?” you asked, your face paleing to a shade of ghostly white. 

“Can…can we talk, please? I need to talk to you,” Bradley rambled with desperation written on his face.

You huffed a sigh, nodding your head slowly as you excused yourself from your friends, who were now whispering and exchanging uncomfortable glances with one another. Bradley followed closely behind you as you stepped out into the fresh air, finding a discreet corner of the parking lot to discuss everything from the last six months. 

“I…Is it mine?” Bradley whispered, almost afraid to hear the answer as his eyes wandered to the bump that was evident under your sundress.

You sighed again, following Bradley’s gaze down to your abdomen, a protective hand resting on your bump as you nodded slowly, humming in confirmation.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” He frowned, shaking his head quickly, “I-I, I would have helped you.”

“Bradley,” you said, narrowing your eyes and shaking your head quickly, “You told me you didn’t want this. You dumped me and told me you never wanted to settle down or have a family, you didn’t want to be with me anymore, and being in a long-term relationship wasn’t what you ever wanted. You told me you didn’t love me. So please, tell me why I should have told you?”

“Because,” he said softly, his heart aching as he heard your side of things, “I didn’t mean any of that. I was wrong.”

“Oh, you were wrong? Tell me, were you always wrong, or are you only wrong now that you’ve seen me six months later, heavily pregnant?” 

Bradley was speechless. He gazed down at his feet, kicking at the pavement in his golf cleats. He sighed as he thought for a moment, taking a second of quiet reflection to compose his thoughts before speaking. He wanted to get this right. He couldn’t afford to fuck it up again.

“I was always wrong. I was wrong when I said it, and I knew I was wrong,” he shook his head vigorously before looking up to meet your gaze, “Did I ever tell you about my mom?”

“You told me she died when you were a teenager, and you didn’t really mention anything else about her. Or anyone in your family, for that matter.”

“Right,” he nodded his head slowly, taking a deep breath before beginning to explain. “My dad died when I was 2. He was an RIO, a Radar Intercept Officer. You know Maverick, right?”

“Mhmm,” you nodded slowly, a look of annoyance flashing across your face as you listened to Bradley, you were used to his excuses, and you were really hoping this wasn’t another one. 

“So, Maverick was my dad’s pilot. Best friends. Did everything together. He was flying when my dad died, their plane lost control, had to eject, my dad hit the canopy. Died instantly.” Bradley paused, taking another deep breath as he felt himself getting choked up, “My mom, she, uh, she was really young. My dad was 25, my mom was 23. He was her high school sweetheart. She was devastated. I was too young to remember a lot, but I remember her hurting, and being sad all the time, unable to function some days because she just missed him so much,” he explained as tears began to roll down his cheeks.

“Bradley, I’m sorry,” you sighed, shaking your head as you sympathetically rubbed his bicep to comfort him.

“I just…when she died, she was…peaceful, I guess, because she knew she wouldn’t have to miss him anymore. She wouldn’t be lonely. She never remarried or dated after him, she couldn’t bring herself to. She’s buried with her wedding ring still on her finger. I couldn’t bring myself to take it off her,” he took another deep breath, exhaling sharply before looking up at you. 

“I couldn’t do that to you,” he finally said, blinking back the tears that threatened to spill over again, “I couldn’t leave you like my mom. Heartbroken and alone your whole life. She never moved on, and I didn’t want that for you if we got married. God, I would have given anything to marry you. I would have taken you to the courthouse and married you on the spot if you would have agreed to it. But, I couldn’t risk breaking your heart. Not like that.”

“Bradley, you’ve always come home in one piece,” you said softly, fingers still stroking his upper arm soothingly.

“But I almost didn’t. I had to eject and all I could think about was you getting that knock at the door and going through what she went through, and I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t do that to you, or…or to a baby.”

You shook your head, processing everything that Bradley had just said as he poured his heart out to you. He’d never opened up like this to you before, but you could tell each and every word was genuine. As much as you hated him for leaving you, you couldn’t deny that you still loved him with all of your heart. 

You missed him. 

You missed waking up to him after the two of you had fallen asleep watching a movie together. You missed the way he yelled at the tv when watching baseball, how passionate he got over football games, how he’d pick the olives out of his nachos like a toddler and put them on your plate. You missed how he couldn’t eat apples unless they were baked in a pie, how he’d scarf down an entire red velvet cake if you didn’t gently stop him, then regret it hours later. You missed the way his big brown eyes would stare at you, a look of pure adoration on his face like a lovesick puppy whenever you spoke to someone else, as if he was hanging on every single word that fell from your lips.

You burst into tears, throwing your arms tightly around Bradley as you shook your head. “God, you’re an idiot, you know that?” you murmured, laughing softly as you hugged him.

“I know, I’m the biggest idiot. I still would marry you if you let me. I wanted to have kids with you, I want to be around for this one,” he nodded, gesturing his hands at your bump. 

“Really?”

“Cross my heart,” Bradley said with an expression of complete seriousness on his face, “I wanna know everything about them. Everything. I wanna know what you’re having, what name you’ve picked out, what your cravings are, how you’ve been feeling, when they move, what does it feel like? I want to know how far along you are, and how they’re doing, if they have my nose or your nose, or if they’re gonna be tall like I am, I want to know what helps you sleep at night when you’re pregnant, and what their favourite song is. I want all of it, honey.”

“Ok, ok, slow down, breathe, Bradley,” you chuckled, shaking your head. “Take a walk with me?”

As you and Bradley walked around the pedestrian pathway on the golf course, smiling as you spoke fondly about the baby, answering all of Bradley’s questions. 

“Well, baby’s a girl, I don’t have a name in mind for her yet, I’ve been craving oranges and Sprite, anything sweet and citrusy. I’ve been ok, better now the morning sickness finally dissipated. It feels like bubbles or something when she kicks, it’s like a fluttering, almost? I’m 28 weeks along, so I have about three months left. She looked like she has your nose on the ultrasound, there’s a 50/50 chance on her height, I sleep pretty much sitting upright because I get bad heartburn otherwise, and I play her music all the time. She likes Elvis and The Beach Boys, just like her dad.” 

Bradley’s smile spread wide across his face, a small laugh of disbelief escaping his mouth as he nodded along with your words.

“That’s great. A girl? Really? You’re gonna have a daughter running around,” he said softly, almost as if he was daydreaming about what the little girl would look like.

“We are going to have a daughter.”

“You’re gonna let me be there? After everything?”

“Bradley, as much as I hated you for what you did and how you ended things - I never truly hated you. I loved you, more than anything. I still do.”

He held you tightly, burying his face into your hair as he kissed the top of your head, murmuring softly against your hair. 

“God, I love you so much, honey. I promise, I’m never going to do something stupid like that again.”

“I know you won’t,” you laughed, shaking your head as he looked down at you, “I know you’d never leave Carly and I again.”

Bradley froze in place for a moment as he stared at you, his voice barely above a whisper as he spoke. 

“What did you call her?”

“Carly. I thought, I don’t know, after you told me about your mom just now, I thought maybe you’d like to name the baby after her? Carole’s nice too, I just figured Carly gives her a name that’s her own too, they share the same root.”

“Carly,” he nodded slowly as he repeated it, “I love it.”

Bradley took your hand in his, his large fingers enveloping your hand as he held it tightly, as if he was terrified of letting go. He made that mistake once before, he wasn’t about to do it again. 

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[ash5monster01]

Truths of Our Past Part 1

Pairing: Older!Charlie Dalton x FemReader

Warnings: mentions of suicide, depression, depressing thoughts, past trauma, facing trauma, romance, understanding, fluff.

Summary: You had met Charlie in University, were married shortly after, and had become accustomed to a beautiful life together. When you receive a wedding invitation to one of Charlie’s previous classmates weddings you discover that Charlie had a dark past, one he had been trying to forget. In the midst of it all you try to help him through it while finding out that he’s not the guy you thought you married at all. Maybe he’s even better.

word count: 2.6k

Intro ←→ Part 2

Masterlist

10/3/69

Day 1/8

You loved the drive to Vermont. You and Charlie did it at least two times a year and it had never gotten any less beautiful. There was something magical about the scenery turning from giant skyscrapers to deep forests. You always told Charlie it was so romantic, poetic, and all he could ever do is smile at you when you said it. You knew he was uneasy, like always, but a small part of him was still comforted by it. The sad thing about reminiscing was it always held the good with the bad. So every time you made a trip out here you made sure it held more good because even if it didn’t erase the pain maybe it could somehow make it less.

"Recite me something darling" you asked sweetly, sliding across the front seat of the car to be pressed against his warm side. Charlie smiled as his hand curled in your own, resting on the plaid of your skirt.

"What do you want to hear?" he asked as you flew down the country roads, orange leaves spiralling up behind you. You loved the countryside. Especially in the Fall, it was so much more magical.

"Something about the season, how everything is so pretty this time of year" you told him, head coming to rest on his shoulder. You felt his lips brush softly against your forehead.

"O hushed October morning mild,

Thy leaves have ripened to the fall;

Tomorrow’s wind, if it be wild,

Should waste them all.

The crows above the forest call;

Tomorrow they may form and go.

O hushed October morning mild,

Begin the hours of this day slow.

Make the day seem to us less brief.

Hearts not averse to being beguiled,

Beguile us in the way you know.

Release one leaf at break of day;

At noon release another leaf;

One from our trees, one far away.

Retard the sun with gentle mist;

Enchant the land with amethyst.”

You hummed in contentment as he recited this to you, the golden sun kissing the tops of the trees as you reached the town of your destination. The beauty of it painted exactly like the poem.

"Robert Frost, how lovely" you told your husband and a small laugh fell from him as he took the familar route to Knox and Chris' large white house on the edge of town, miles of field behind them.

"I love that you know old dead poets" he told you, shifting the car into park, and you leaned your head up to smile at him.

"I love that I married a dead poet" you told him earnestly and his lips met yours in a soft kiss. You only pulled away when you heard the screen door on the porch slam shut. That could only mean one thing. Charlie was out of the car in an instant, helping you out beside him as the six year olds feet thumped fastly against the hard ground.

"Johnny!" your husband bellowed as he squatted down to meet the height of the small brunette boy.

"Uncle Charlie" the boy was squealing right back before launching into his embrace. You laughed as he lifted the boy to his feet, spinning him around and tossing him into the air.

"Careful Charles!" Chris was already calling from the front porch and you snickered lightly at the fact he was already in trouble. It had only been a minute.

"Sorry little man but your Mom would not hesitate to suffocate me in my sleep if you get hurt" Charlie said as he placed the boy down to the ground but the six year old didn’t care before he was already barreling over to you and wrapping his small arms around your legs.

"Hey kiddo" you said, hand ruffling through his hair and he smiled up at you.

"Aunt Y/N! Do you want to see my new toys?" he asked sweetly and your heart instantly melted.

"Of course I do" and then you were holding hands with the six year old and walking forward towards your husband. Johnny reached for Charlies hand as well and you were both swinging the small boy between you as you moved the rest of the way to the porch.

"I hope the drive went okay" Chris said once you were up the short three steps and you smiled, letting go of Johnny to give her a hug.

"Beautiful as always, Charlie recited a poem for me" you grinned and Chris chuckled as she looked to the boy, his hair shorter than the last time she saw him.

"Our boys, such charmers" she grinned and Charlie was leaning over, pressing a sweet kiss to Chris' cheek.

"You tease but I recall a poem or two that Knox wrote you and won you over" Charlie said and she just laughed at the fond memories as Johnny curled his hand back in your own, tugging you towards the house.

"Knox is inside finishing up some work, save him Charlie I beg" Chris said, putting her hands together to convey her seriousness and Charlie chuckled as he let himself into the home and made his way to the study. You and Chris followed Johnny to the living room where he did indeed show you all of his new toys.

"Hey Mr. Lawyer man, work is over" Charlie’s hands clapped down on the shoulders of the boy who sat hunched over his desk, pencil danglng from his lip.

"Charlie, you made it" Knox was turning with a wide smile, meeting Charlie in a hug. No longer concerned about the extra work he needed to get done in his week off for the wedding.

“Yeah well, Todd is getting married and I had to come check for myself that it was actually happening” Charlie said and Knox laughed, reaching to tug his tie loose.

“Yeah, it’s shocking honestly but we’re happy for him” Knox responded, shuffling over to the bar cart and pouring out two scotches for them.

“I hope me and Y/N aren’t intruding. Todd did offer a room if we needed” Charlie said as Knox handed him the crystal glass half full of amber liquid.

“Nonsense, we all want you here. Chris and Johnny would’ve had me hung if I didn’t offer it to you first” Knox said before taking a sip from the glass.

“Either way it’s good to see you, good to be back in Vermont” Charlie said but Knox didn’t miss the way his eyes nervously darted around the study, a shaky hand reaching the crystal to his lips.

“Since when did you start telling me half truths?” Knox asked and Charlie sighed, dragging a hand down his face, gold wedding band glinting from the desk lamp.

“Sorry, it’s just. It’s Vermont, I wasn’t given much choice in leaving and I didn’t have much control of what happened either” Charlie said and Knox gave him a tight lipped smile, hand falling on his shoulder.

“I know, you get used to it though. Take the week and you might find it’s not as hard anymore” Knox said, him and Todd being the only ones to stay in the neighborhood but that was mainly because of family. Charlie stayed in the city after attending Columbia and Meeks and Pitts had an apartment together somewhere in Boston.

“I heard Chris wants Johnathon to be a Welton blazer boy” Charlie said, directing the conversation in a different route.

“She suggested it. I’ve been considering. It’s tough because I know Welton is the better school for him and he’s crazy smart for a kid, but when I start thinking about all these successful things I want for him I worry I’m turning into my own parents. Forcing a kid to conform who just wants to enjoy life the way it is” Knox explained and Charlie nodded knowing exactly what he had meant. Getting older made you realize you didn’t give your parents the benefit of the doubt at the time. Maybe they really truly wanted what was best for you and not just them.

“Listen, as the guy who did not survive Welton maybe give it a shot. I heard that old bag Nolan isn’t in charge anymore and maybe you can attend classes, see the curriculum, determine if they’ve changed the last ten years” Charlie offered a suggestion and Knox’s eyebrows rose.

“I’m surprised Charles, you hated Hellton more than the rest of us” Knox exclaimed and Charlie just shrugged, sipping more of the scotch that made his insides buzz.

“If anyone can be different Knox it would be you. You wouldn’t force him to do anything, if he said he didn’t want to go to Welton anymore you’d let him leave in an instant. You’d actually have him come home on weekends and for holidays. It wouldn’t be like how it was for us” Charlie said reminiscing one too many lonely winters where his parents had yet again sent a gift instead of bringing him home for Christmas.

“I know, which is why I think we might enroll him next Fall” Knox said and Charlie gave him a smile.

“At least you can trust he’ll make good friends” Charlie told him and Knox realized he had agreed with his decision. It was possible Welton wasn’t a soul crushing machine anymore.

“Lifelong friends at that” Knox told him before clinking his glass with his own.

“Boys, dinner!” Chris called for them and Knox gave Charlie a grin before finishing his drink and heading for the door.

“Let’s go Nuwanda, Chris made meatloaf” Charlie was chuckling at his friend, finishing his own scotch before following him out the door.

Vermont made Charlie feel uneasy of course but the five of you sitting at the dinner table felt like the safest place in the world. Even if it had been months it felt like the most natural thing, easy conversation, bottomless glasses of wine, and collectively keeping Johnny from spilling his milk. Charlie realized it was the first place since Welton that made him feel comforted like that. It was funny how the worst of places could be the ones you felt the most comfortable in. So after a short prayer you were all digging in, catching up as if you didn’t call each other at least three times a week.

“Y/N dear, please tell me you brought some copies of the times. I so wish to read some of your latest articles” Chris was saying as she passed the potatoes to Knox who scooped them onto Johnny’s plate. Charlie was the one to catch the milk glass when Johnny hit it with his fork.

“Of course I did, and I brought my famous blondies for Knox” you said, pointing to the man who just smiled wide.

“That’s why you’re my favorite” he told her and the group was laughing again.

“How about you Charles, how is Wall Street, you know stocks, and money?” Chris asked, everyone laughing again at her confusion over Charlie’s work.

“It is so good Chris, our company is doing very well” he informed her and Chris smiled widely, pouring some wine into your glass.

“I’m so glad you all could get off of work for this week, we have so much to prepare” Chris said, starting to dig in to her own meat loaf.

“In layman’s terms that means the girls decorate while we do all the heavy lifting” Knox explained, reaching for a napkin to wipe Johnnys chin that had gravy dripping down it. Charlie leaned over, pointing to his own mouth to which Knox just rolled his eyes.

“He’s exaggerating. Tomorrow my mother will come over and watch the kids and we’ll go over to the Anderson’s to build centerpieces. I think the boys are going over to the venue to start setting things up” Chris explained to you, hand patting your own, and Knox chuckled.

“See heavy lifting” but Chris rolling her eyes at him was enough to shut him up.

“Kids?” you questioned and Chris suddenly beamed.

“Yes! Todd’s older brother Jeff has two, Michael who is eight and Clara who is five. She’s going to be the flower girl, isn’t that so sweet” Chris grinned, eyes blown wide at the thought of so many young kids. After her own complications during Johnathons birth she had been waiting before considering more children but you all knew she wanted at least five more.

“Wow, I bet she’ll be adorable” you tried to beam back but Charlie could see the uneasy look on your face, how you both hadn’t been able to conceive yet. It wasn’t that you were necessarily trying but you were never that careful either.

“Either way I am so excited, the whole week has been planned out. I haven’t been in a wedding since yours and Ginny Danbury’s” Chris smiled, clearly excited, and feeling the love in the air.

“We’re excited as well, I mean Todd. Forget the blushing bride we’re going to be having a blushing groom!” you teased, pivoting the conversation from children as quickly as you could.

“I’ll drink the that” Charlie said to his wife, raising his wine glass, and the group just laughed.

“I’ll serve breakfast at eight and then we can ride together to the Andersons after” Chris told you and you nodded quickly, eager to agree with any terms because she was so kind to have welcomed you in her home.

“This will be a wedding for the books” Knox said before shoving a large bite of meat loaf in his mouth that made Johnny incessantly giggle at the goofiness of his father. This also cause Charlie to follow along and when Johnny went to try himself Chris stopped it, muttering about choking hazards, and you were so thankful for Charlie allowing you to be apart of this life.

“I’m glad we’re here” you told him later that night in the guest room, hanging your dresses in the closet after folding all his dress pants into the dresser.

“Me too, Johnny has grown at least five inches since we last saw him” he said, now propped up nicely in the bed wearing an old Columbia sweatshirt and plaid pajama bottoms. You admired his wife rimmed glasses tucked on his nose and the way his thumb kept his place in his book despite his attention being on you.

“You ever miss it, the countryside?” you asked curiously, closing the now empty suitcase, and reaching for the curlers to put in your hair.

“Sometimes, I forget how quiet it is. I like the quiet” Charlie said and you were smiling, sitting beside your husband. A man of many trades and attributes. Gentle but overconfident. Teenage him must’ve been relentless.

“You do not like the quiet, I think you like that this is still home” you told him, hand resting on his knee from your spot on the edge of the bed.

“Well that’s where you’re wrong dear, because wherever you are is my home” he told you, permanent flirtatious smirk on his face, and you hoped one day he could share everything about this place. The good and the bad, because all of it shaped him into the man you loved today.

“Sweet talker” you teased, leaning forward to kiss him but before you could pull back he was tucking you softly against his chest.

“Only for you Mrs. Dalton” he told you and you couldn’t help the butterflies that flapped in your stomach, there permanently for the last six years.

“Keep it that way Mr. Dalton”

Comment if you want to be added to the taglist :))

#charlie dalton imagine #charlie dalton x femreader #charlie dalton dps #charlie dalton x reader #charlie dalton smut #charlie dalton fanfic #charlie dalton #charlie dalton series #dps imagine #dps au #charlie dps #dps fic #dps boys #dps fanfiction #dps fandom #dead poets aesthetic #dead poets fanfic #dead poets fandom #dead poets society #dead poets honor #dead poets society imagines #dead poets society series #dead poets society neil perry #neil perry #todd anderson #steven meeks #gerard pitts #richard cameron #john keating #gale hansen

[avelera]

1589 - 1689 - My rough timeline for how Hob Gadling went from a knighthood to penniless in "Giving Sanctuary"

So this came up in the Discord I'm in for how exactly did Hob go from, presumably, landed gentry with a knighthood to completely penniless by 1689.

Now, obviously a huge factor in this is, y'know, the bleak depression Hob fell into after losing his family, but I'm talking logistics here because 80 years is still a really long time. I'm clarifying that it's for Giving Sanctuary because, obviously, I can't speak for canon nor do I think this is canonical. Indeed, there are many astoundingly good fics that cover this same period differently than I choose to, such as "waking world" by qqueenofhades, and I designed my own so as to not simply copy that one because it's so damn good as to feel basically authoritative.

Content Warning: It gets rather dark in this timeline, guys, this is Hob in the 1600s. Alcoholism is, by far, the lightest thing discussed below the cut, albeit in abstract terms, but please be mindful of your own experience here.

Anyway, without further adieu, a rough breakdown specific to "Giving Sanctuary" as to how Hob went from Sir Robert Gadlen in the White Horse in 1589 to how we meet him in 1689:

~1587/1588: Hob marries Eleanor and purchases and/or moves into the town where he will reside for 40 years as Sir Robert Gadlen. In the summer of 1588, the Queen sleeps at his house.

Fall, 1588: (Ok I lied, we're going back a little further) - Robyn Gadlen is born. I specifically put his birth in the fall so we can semi-realistically have a portrait of him as a rosy cheeked toddler by June 1589 and be 20 years old in the spring of 1609 for it to be exactly 80 years since Hob's life went to shit.

1599: Eleanor and what would have been their second child die. This is the most arbitrary of the dates I picked, as it's actually a bit unrealistic that Hob's wife at say, ~30 years old died in childbirth after only their second pregnancy (though in theory there could have been other failed pregnancies before). Mostly the idea was that Robyn was around 10 years old, able to remember his mother and keenly feel her loss, and Hob's next century started off not with a bang, but a whimper.

1599-1609: Hob raises Robyn as a single father on the Gadlen Estate and refuses to foster him out to other noble families out of a desire to keep him close to home. During this time, the two grow incredibly close, Robyn knows the truth about his father, and their relationship at times resembles that of a very close elder and younger brother more than father and son due to the fact Hob never ages. At age 20, it was not uncommon for Robyn to invite his father out to drink with him and his friends but, on the occasion of the tavern brawl that ended Robyn's life, Hob refused, in favor of working on the accounts of the Gadlen Estate.

Spring, 1609: Robyn dies in a tavern brawl at age 20. Hob's horrible 80 years begins.

1609 - 1629: Hob doesn't go out much after his son's death. Having already planned to fake his death and move to a new identity as a distant uncle to Robyn's children and his grandchildren no later than 1619, Hob instead loses track of time and, in the mounting hysteria over witchcraft in the first decades of James I's reign, his longevity is noticed and the town turns against him.

1629: After 40 years, roughly, of living in the town where he intended to raise his family, Hob is dragged from his house, put on trial for witchcraft, and sentenced to death by drowning. He's swept downriver and, eventually, manages to free himself after being thoroughly traumatized and left with nothing.

1630-1637: Hob makes his way back to London. He assumes the identity of a Gadlen family offshoot, the usual play when faking his own death, and returns as his own nephew to call upon Hob's rich and powerful connections in London. He pleads that his uncle, who left everything to this nephew in his will, was wrongfully accused of witchcraft and, at the very least, this nephew deserves his inheritance. However, most of Hob's connections in London were dead or disinterested in him by this time, as he did little work at maintaining these connections over the last 20 years of his mourning.

Still, Hob manages to scrounge together a little goodwill and regain some personal items, like Eleanor's portrait, under this guise. The rest of the property has been confiscated but he is invited into the business of some of his connections to help rebuild his wealth. Unfortunately, one of those investments happens to be Tulip Mania, which a still shaken and traumatized Hob sees as his best bet for rebuilding his former wealth in a hurry. By 1537, when the tulip market crashes, he's lost it all again.

1637-1645: While Hob lost the bulk of his money in the tulip crash, he wasn't totally without assets or connections willing to lend him money and he sets about rebuilding once more, this time with fewer associates and less goodwill as the last of his rich friends as Sir Robert Gadlen pass away or lose interest in this newly impoverished nephew. Hob manages to scrounge together a few more risky bets and uses his last ship to deliver a cargo of fine silks on behalf of an associate, in exchange for a huge cut (at his own expense) of the profits. However, an unlucky storm leads to his ship being wrecked, and while the crew survived, the cargo was totally lost.

1645-1655: Debt collectors begin to call on Hob, who had overextended himself in that last gamble. He spends the next decade in and our of debtors prison, a poverty trap where his debts only mount further. He attempts with his final wealthy connections various schemes such as gambling his way out. However, with his instincts shot and his desperation mounting, none of these attempts pay off and indeed, he ends up further in debt until finally, at risk of being imprisoned "for life" in a way that would certainly give away his secret, and already 25 years into this identity, Hob fakes his death and cuts ties entirely with the Gadlen name.

1655 - 1666: Hob's fortunes continue to slide. He makes some last attempts at an honest living under a new, more modest identity, but the stress, PTSD, and depression from his losses continue to compound and he falls deeper into alcoholism to self-medicate, making it difficult to hold down work. He tries his hand at a return to banditry and theft but rusty instincts and substance abuse reduce his effectiveness and he's wary of being imprisoned, limiting such efforts.

What little he manages to scrape together is lost when the Great Fire of London tears through the city, leaving him once again with nothing except a growing sense that the world itself has turned against him.

1666 - 1689: With nothing left and longer living at the margins, Hob goes thoroughly under. The highest point of his fortune is probably when he serves as a guard at a brothel, where they don't mind his drinking nearly so much as more honest businesses, and provide him a bed for those hours during the day when he's not working. This money is padded further when Hob, seeing no reason to refuse, accepts overtures from certain clients of the brothel to offer his own services. However, the misery of this work only compounds his dive into the bottle and before long he can no longer hold down that job either. He has various short stints after that in jail for debts, or public drunkenness, brawling, prostitution, and even a short stay in Bedlam when he tried to tell others the truth of his immortality. Those could be considered the only time he had a steady roof over his head.

In the final decade before his meeting with Dream in 1689, Hob realized he was truly out of options as far as any sort of last, desperate bid to regain his fortune or even stability before Dream arrives, since Hob didn't dare risk leaving London, unsure he'd be able to afford to come back in time, or to risk any sort of grand scheme that could see him imprisoned long term or have him deported as an indentured servant. Forced to live along the margins, out of sight, Hob fell to begging for enough coin to stay properly drunk and to eat, and then, when that failed, simply to eat and then, for long stretches, he could not meet even those needs. On more than one occasion, Hob was forced to defend the little he had by killing his attacker. The last years before 1689 are a blur of starvation and desperation and frequent nightmares until their meeting on June 7th.

#1689 fic #hob gadling #giving sanctuary bts #giving sanctuary #this gets DARK towards the end guys #tw alcoholism sex work and general desperation

[taleasnewastime]

Caught in the crossfire | Epilogue

Summary: Taehyung gets paid to kill people, he isn’t ashamed to admit it (though it’s not something he shouts about). To date he has never found a reason that someone didn’t deserve to die. That the person hadn’t committed some hideous act. That the world wouldn’t be a better place without them in it. But that was before he got sent your information.

Pairing: Taehyung x reader

Genre: assassin au; strangers to lovers; 18+ rating.

Word count: 11.6k

Warnings: lots of feelings, seriously it’s probably v cringe in places, explicit sexual content, protected sex, slight oral.

Authors Note: The final part of this series. It’s another big one, with a lot of feelings. I found it hard to write, as I find the end of every story, there were a lot of things that needed to be said, and I hope you’re happy and satisfied with the ending. Thank you for reading this series, it’s been so nice to read all of your comments, so thank you for leaving them! Enjoy the final part!!

Series masterlist

4 months later

Why is it always the wrapping paper that runs out? Sure, you can understand that the books are slower to go as people have different preferences and they’re more expensive, that makes sense. But why the wrapping paper? Why not the pens, or the little magnets you sell, or even the novelty birthday cards?  

Not that you are complaining. Since the whole affair with your dad ended, business seems to be good. Maybe it was just because you were actually back in the shop, no longer stuck in Taehyungs flat, that you felt so positive about it, but sales were up, and you had increased the amount of coffee mornings and author evenings you did, which also increased the number of customers.

You hadn’t seen Taehyung since you left his car 4 months ago. And while it feels like a good thing, not seeing him means you’re finally safe, you also can’t stop thinking about him. It was him who had suggested that you should increase the amount of author evenings, it was him who came into the shop most days before you left, it was him who you watched TV with every evening for over a week, which now feels slightly depressing to do in your flat alone.

While you hadn’t spoken to Taehyung, you’d spoken to Jin recently, you’d had to as he was still arranging interviews with the media. Four months and the media are still buzzing over the Robert Morton story. While you had opted to remain anonymous (something Jin had warned would mean less money), Jin was your go through for people to request interviews and/or comments on certain matters, which meant you had regular correspondence with him. Neither of you ever mentioned Taehyung, Jin probably waiting for you to ask about him, you trying to push him out of your mind. What was the point in thinking about him? He obviously didn’t want to see you, if he did, he would have come to the shop, he would have messaged you, he would have contacted you somehow, not left you in silence for months. It was better to move on with your life and try to forget Taehyung (easier said than done).

Though, one thing that distracted you over the last four months was Robert Morton disappearing. It didn’t surprise you, though Jin had been quick to reach out to several big media outlets with the information you had, Robert had obvious upped and gone after your meeting with him. By the time the story was printed the following morning, no law enforcement could find him. It annoyed you, made you a tad angry that he could continue to run from his mistakes, but if it had really bothered you, you would have taken the matter to court. The fact his reputation is in tatters, and he can no longer show his face is enough for you.

Your mum hadn’t agreed with you. She was nervous that he would come back for you, hire someone new to kill you off again. And as much as you reassured her that he wouldn’t be that stupid, you still jumped at bangs in the night, still went rigid when you thought you could hear footsteps coming up the stairs, still feel like you should have some sort of cover when going anywhere near a window.

As Jin predicted, you managed to get some good money from all of your interviews with the media, not quite as much as the £1.2 million Robert offered you, but still a lot. But as you had always said, it wasn’t about the money. You didn’t want any of it to happen from the start, it’s not like you went in to exploit someone for money, you had been brought in as an unwilling participant, would rather it never happened in the first place than have the money. So when all the money recently came through, you gave it away. You had the shop, and were safe, and that’s all that mattered.

Sat on the floor of your shop, replacing the wrapping paper, you feel a mixture of emotions. Happy to be back in your shop, frustrated that your dad slipped away, but also glad there was some consequence and hopeful that one day he’ll have his comeuppance. But also lonely and sad that though you had met some amazing people, or an amazing person, you were back to being alone.

You place the last sheet of wrapping paper on the rack, a dark blue sheet with small, happy suns dotted around, and stand up from the ground. It’s almost comical how your knees crack and creak as you stand, like you’re some old woman. You’ve hardly fully stood up when the bell dings behind you, indicating someone has entered the shop.

“Hello,” you chirp as you spin on your heels, automatically going into customer service mode. “How are you -”

The following words die in your throat as your eyes land on the man walking through the door.

“Tae?” You say softly, his name a question as if you can’t quite believe he’s really here.

The bubbles that always form within you when you see him slowly start to fizz and rise in you as if you haven’t had months apart. Emotion rises into your throat making it feel tight, and you feel a bit stupid as your eyes threaten to water. But one look at Taehyung’s face and you can tell he isn’t feeling any of the glee you currently feel, his face like thunder.

He charges at you, his long strides close the distance between the two of you in no time, and in the shock, you concede steps to him. Taehyung seems to be unaware of how your glee turns to panic as he backs you up against the counter. He at least leaves a foot of space between the two of you, doesn’t fully press into you, leaves a small gap for you to escape if you need to.

“What is this?” He spits the words at you, his hand outstretched, phone pushing into your face.

“Hi Tae. How have you been?” You say as calmly as you can manage, recovering slightly, though your heart still pounds.

“What the fuck is this?” He ignores you, waving his phone from side to side.

You look at his hand and the item in it. “Looks like a phone,” you say blandly.

He gives a humourless laugh. Dropping his hand an inch, shaking his head.

“Don’t do this. Please don’t do this,” he sounds tired and exasperated and your heart gives a pang, not because you’re scared any more. “Just tell me what this is.”

You look at his phone. A long string of numbers at the top and underneath your bank details with a shorter string of numbers. Well, at least you have it confirmed now, he honestly is loaded, and the amount you gave him looked like a drop in the ocean.

“It’s the money I owe you,” you say as if it’s the most obvious thing.

Taehyung finally drops his hand, his arm falling limply to his side, seeming to get the answer he expected but didn’t want. “You don’t owe me anything.”

Now he’s calmed down, you step around him. He doesn’t try to stop you as you head back to the display of wrapping paper and pick up the empty box. You lift the box into your arms and spin to look at Tae who is stood rooted in the spot you left him, he hasn’t even turned to watch you walk away so now his back is to you.

“I owe you for a lot of things, least of all the window you paid to replace.”

“Then pay for that. Ask me how much that was and pay me for it,” Taehyung says with his back still to you, the words sounding like he’s pushing them through his teeth.

“And would you tell me how much it was?”

“Yes.”

“And what about all the food I ate and the hot water I used and the electricity I used at your flat?”

“You were a guest.”

“Still, I’d like to pay for it.”

You hear the breath Taehyung takes in, as if he’s doing everything he can to remain calm. You know you’re doing it again, being difficult with him, but this was something you wanted to stick by. Through this whole thing you had felt so useless, had felt like you owed Taehyung so much, and this was just one of the ways that you could think to repay him. All that money that you got paid for the interviews, you sent to him. Jin had helped with the bank details, and you had merely sent him the sum. You wished it was more, wish it was a lot more, but it still felt like something. A short step in repaying the man you owe everything to.

“And what if I bought all the books in this shop just to pay it back to you?” Taehyung finally turns to look at you.

You shrug, the empty box still in your arms. “If that’s how you want to spend your money, then do it. But just so you know, I wouldn’t actually get 100% of the money, I do have to buy the books, it’s not like I get 100% of the sale.”

He works his jaw, the muscles in his face twitching.

“Can’t you pay me back some other way?”

“And what way would you rather?”

He pauses, looking around the room as if for inspiration. Then he looks at you and you can see he knows what he wants to suggest, but isn’t sure whether he should. You wait, letting him battle it out internally.

“Let me take you out on a date?”

You stiffen. That was not what you expected him to say, and too quickly you come back defensively. “So you want me to repay you by letting you take me out on a date? Doesn’t that seem a bit backwards?”

A smile plays on the corner of Taehyungs lips, a cockiness coming over him as he realises you haven’t outright turned the idea down.

“Fine. You can repay me by taking me out on a date.”

You feel flustered under his gaze and the question. You don’t know what to say. You kind of want to accept the offer, but part of you still wants to object, the part that always has a guard up around Taehyung. Though you’re questioning whether that part of you is needed anymore, whether it was ever really needed.

As if sensing your inner turmoil, Taehyung carries on.

“Let’s just start afresh. I know it’s impossible, but let’s just pretend none of this happened. Just give me one dinner and if you still hate me then fine,” his voice has a pleading edge to it showing you how much he wants this. “Just one dinner.”

“I don’t hate you. I never hated you,” you frown. You didn’t know Taehyung thought you felt that way and it upsets you to think that you gave him that impression.

“Then you’ll do it?”

“Ok,” you say, and then carry on before Tae can get too excited. “But I’m still paying you for fixing that window. And I’m paying for dinner.”

The smile on his face doesn’t lessen at your words, if anything it only grows. It’s big and boxy and you regret not spending all your time trying to get him to have it permanently on his face.

“Deal,” he beams. “I’ll pick you up at 7 tonight.”

He doesn’t give you a chance to question him. Still beaming he turns and walks out of the shop, looking over his shoulder occasionally as if to check you’re still there and that all of this is real. It’s so sweet that you can’t help but smile back at him, your heart panging loudly in your chest.

Y/N: So if this is my date, am I supposed to be organising it all too?

You almost immediately send the text after Tae leaves the shop, a question he hadn’t given you time to ask before leaving. You pace nervously round the shop while you wait for the reply, unable to do anything useful, just straighten a few piles of books and move some pens in a pot meaninglessly. Tae doesn’t make you wait long for a reply though, only a few minutes having passed before you phone dings.

Taehyung: Your choice.

You groan. This was his idea, his bargain, couldn’t he decide? You aren’t sure which option is better, don’t want to take over if Tae had already made plans, but you figure that Tae would have told you if he had already done that. It might be safer if you make the plans, keep the ball in your court.

Y/N: I’ll figure it out.

Taehyung: Nowhere too expensive though x

Right. Because this was just to pay him back for everything he’d done. A slight jab that he didn’t want you to pay him back, that he was only doing this because you insisted. But it was his suggestion, something he wanted to do. He wanted to go one a date with you.

You think back on all the time you spent together. You could clearly see the signs that he liked you, he’d even been the one to initiate the sex, to tell you that he liked you. But with everything else going on, you had pushed it out of your mind, it could have been a distraction from everything, possibly a nice distraction, but you had ignored it, pushed back against it. Now you have to wonder whether you should just give into it. Everything with your dad was over, what other excuse do you have for denying your feelings?

You need to do what Taehyung said to do; you need to start a fresh. Forget everything that has happened, forget any of that weird tension that always rose when you were around each other. Try to go back to when he would just turn up to the shop and you had no idea who he was or what was secretly happening to you.

Start a fresh. It sounded so easy, and you know it wouldn’t be that easy, but you’ll at least try. Because you wanted this. You wanted him. In any way he would have you.

So instead of spending the day threating about going on a date with Taehyung, you spend the day threating about where you’re going to go on a date with Taehyung. Why the hell did you say you’d organise it? You can’t remember the last time you went out for a meal in the city let alone went on a date with someone. Do people even go out for meals on dates anymore? Or is it all bowling and weird cocktail bars and arcade bars? Taehyung had said dinner, but maybe that didn’t mean food, maybe that was just another word for date. You’re not even that old. Just very, very out of touch.

You hadn’t known Tae long, but you felt like you knew him enough. Living with someone, in their space, can do that. You’d eaten with him, had watched films with him, have seen the space that he lives in. As you scroll through the internet you try to remind yourself, that whatever had gone on between the two of you, you know Tae, probably a lot better than you realise. Which, if you’re being honest, made the whole thing a lot harder.

No, he doesn’t really drink, so that cocktail bar is pointless. Yes, he’s an assassin, but would it really go down well if you took him axe throwing? You watched films and TV together, but you always thought a date at the cinema was pointless, surely the whole point of going on a date was to talk, so the cinema was a no. He liked art, he’d mentioned it when you asked about one of the paintings on the wall, but when you explored that possibility it was either paint a plate or paint a nude model, and both didn’t quite seem right.

You circle round every possibility. Even go as far as Googling the words where to go on a date and even that seems to gain no results. At one point you even consider texting Jin to get his opinion, but shoot that idea down quickly. You weren’t embarrassed to go on a date with Tae, in fact you were excited, but you were both still in such a weird place, neither of you knew whether this whole thing would be a shambles. It’s not like you had ended things well, you had a lot to talk about. And getting the opinion of one of Tae’s friends just seemed like a massive jinx. Tae may already have told him, but in your mind it felt like the more people that know, the less likely things will go well, and then you’ll just have to tell everyone that.

And even after you deem this the issue with asking for Jin’s help, it still takes you far too long to realise that it’s the issue with everything.

You want this to work too badly. You want the date to go well so much so that you’re overthinking everything.

It’s a date. Just a date. You try to remind yourself as you go back to basics. But it’s late in the day now, and a Friday night, so when you ring up a few of the fancier restaurants they’re all fully booked. You try not to panic, try not to scold yourself too much as you ring up your favourite Italian. It wasn’t fancy, wasn’t expensive food, but it was good and when they say they have a table free you give a small sigh in relief.

Now you just need to not panic about what you’re going to wear.

As promised, Tae is outside your shop at 7. The closed sign is turned to the outside world and while you stand behind the till, fully dressed and ready to go sorting out a few bits behind the till while you wait, a smile comes to your lips as you watch him hesitate at the door. He’s just human, like you, unsure whether to enter a shop that has a closed sign on the door, even though he can see you smiling at him. It instantly puts you at ease.

“I think you did that to trick me” he says in way of a greeting, clearly aware of how amused you found his hesitance to enter.

“Just trying to keep out the riff raff,” you bite the inside of your cheek to keep the smile off your face as you finish the few things you had left to do.

“This better not be your way of trying to tell me the dates off,” he says it casually but you can sense the unease. Again, it weirdly settles you, he’s just as nervous about this whole thing as you are.

“And this better not be your way of insulting my outfit,” you raise an eyebrow at him. “I don’t wear dresses like this for anybody,” you gesture down to the long floral dress. It hugs your curves in all the right places, you’d bought it for a wedding a few years ago but hadn’t worn it since, it always felt way too formal even though you loved it, but tonight felt the perfect occasion to bring it out.

Taehyungs eyes flick down at your body but don’t linger. The fact that he does it twice, quick sharp peaks at your body, tells you he likes what he sees. And even though you’d invited the looks, you heat under his gaze.

“You look beautiful,” he says it like it’s a breath. “You always look beautiful. But that dress – I think it might be my new favourite.”

You continue to heat. You hadn’t quite expected that. And again, although you had prodded him to say it, you could tell he meant every word. He could have just ended it by saying you look beautiful after all.

“You look good too,” you wish you could say it in a similar manner to him, wish you were eloquent enough to put into words what you saw, to tell him how much you liked the plain shirt he wore with the plain trousers. That they didn’t look plain on him. Tell him how affected you are by the top two buttons of his shirt being undone, how much the shirt tucked into his trousers with the belt, all showing off his slim waist, make you feel flustered and unable to form words. How him stood in front of you, looking like that, makes you question why this was his suggestion, make you question how this was what he wanted in return for everything he’s done for you. But you look good too, is all you can manage.

“This isn’t going how I planned,” Tae admits and your heart nearly stops beating. Was he ending it all this early? “I’m messing this up. Shall I just leave and come back in so we can pretend this never happened?”

“You’re alright,” you laugh at his nerves, because it is still nice to know you’re not alone. “I don’t want to forget how you nearly didn’t walk in just because I had put the closed sign up.”

You push off the counter and start to head around the counter towards him, picking up your bag from the floor on the way, only stopping when you’re stood in front of him.

“Plus, I thought this was my date, and so far, I think it’s going great,” you beam up at him.

He tries to hide the smile, but you can see the amusement dancing in his eyes. This wasn’t going terribly at all. Neither of you had killed each other, and for you, that was a win.

“What will you be treating me to tonight then?” He asks.

“It’s a surprise,” you say as you step around him to get to the door.

“I don’t like surprises,” he says flatly as you step out into the street.

“Of course you don’t,” you laugh lightly as you lock the door and then turn to look at him. Your breath loosens in your throat even though he is just stood there, much like he was just stood in your shop, and you wonder if you will ever not be affected by him.

“It’s an Italian, a few streets over,” you snap out of your thoughts, focusing on the moment and trying not messing this up before it’s even begun. “We’re walking, it’s not far.”

You don’t give him a chance to say anything as you turn and walk in the direction of the restaurant, and you feel rather than hear him fall into step with you.

“So,” you worry when he hesitates, panicked that the whole nigh will be full of stilted awkward conversation. “What have you been up to the last four months?”

And just like that, the worry dissipates. Easy conversation flows as you walk to the restaurant, continues when you get shown to your seats, and even when you get your meals. You wonder how you have so much to talk about when you both avoid every important topic; your dad, what happened months ago, and his job. It truly is like you have started the friendship all over again. But throughout the unspoken topics bubble.

You know you have to talk about it sometime. Even if you could avoid the topics forever, it wasn’t healthy to hide all the feelings attached to what had happened. You couldn’t keep avoiding it, needed to talk about it at some point.

As if having the exact same thoughts, towards the end of the meal, a point that you know he must have thought about, a time where if things went shits up now it wouldn’t be awkward to up and leave, Taehyung speaks.

“I read your interview in the Guardian.” Tae looks down at the tomato he’s stabbing as he says the words and you realise that this is it, the light talk is over.

“And what did you think?” You encourage him.

“I was surprised you mentioned me,” he looks up at you. “I mean, not by name obviously. I just wasn’t expecting you to talk about the guy that took you in and looked after you.”

You want to look down at your plate and avoid his gaze, but you force yourself to hold it. It felt important to look at him.

“Of course I’d mention you. Why wouldn’t I mention you?”

“Because you always seemed to hate staying with me. I always felt like I was keeping you prisoner in that flat, you constantly wanted to leave and I felt like the enemy forcing you to stay locked up.”

That word again, hate. It has much the same effect as it did when he said it before. A pain in your heart as if someone has stabbed you there.

“I never felt like that,” Tae raises his eyebrows unconvinced. “Ok, yeah, I felt a bit like that. But that wasn’t it really. It wasn’t you I was angry at. I was angry at my – at Robert for causing it all, but I took it out on you because you were there. You helped me; he took away my freedom, my independence, not you.”

Taehyung looks down at his plate, continues to toy with the tomato. You wonder if he’s going to eat it or just stare at it all night. You get your answer when he sticks his fork into it and lifts it to his lips. Buying for more time possibly, but you don’t give it to him, finally feeling free to let your feelings out.

“But you weren’t perfect,” he doesn’t react as you expect, just continues to chew on his food. “I will forever be grateful for what you did, but did you really have to toy with my emotions? When you knew my emotions were already a mess, did you really have to fuck me against a wall and then essentially ghost me when your ex came and said a few home truths?”

“To be fair, I wasn’t expecting that from Louise either,” he points his fork at you like a finger, sauce dripping everywhere.

“That’s not really the point,” you narrow your eyes.

He lets out a small sigh, setting down the fork. “What do you want me to say? Because I’m not going to say I regret it.”

“You don’t regret having sex with me and then never mentioning it again? You don’t regret leaving me in your flat, avoiding me at all costs?”

“Fine, yes, I do regret that.”

“It was selfish,” you say flatly, digging the knife in a bit deeper.

“And cowardly,” he adds, helping you out. “And unkind. And thoughtless. And arrogant to hope that you would care enough about me that I had to avoid you.”

“Yep,” you say but the fire has gone out of the words, not expecting him to actually admit he was wrong.

“Yes, I regret it,” he sighs, running a hand through his hair. “Let me rephrase, because even now, I keep messing this up. I regret everything. I regret that the reason I met you was because you were sent to me as a job. I regret that I wasn’t kinder to you, that I thought the best way to make you comply to my requests was to be forceful and blunt with you, not to be gentle and kind. You frustrated me, I couldn’t work you out, still can’t, and it frustrated me that I didn’t know what to do for once in my life. I knew you were fighting back against me because you were going through hell, and rather than try and help I kept pushing you. So, yes, I regret it.”

You have no words. Just sit and try and process the words you thought you’d never hear. He wasn’t the only one to blame for everything, as he suggested, you weren’t exactly a walk in the park. But it was nice to hear him shoulder some of the blame for what happened. He was so stubborn that you had never expected it.

“You did help me though,” you finally say, because as stubborn as he is, you’re just as bad.

The words seem to pop the balloon, the tension that was building around you blowing away. Taehyung visibly relaxes opposite you, his shoulders sagging, his fork stabbing the last tomato and piece of pasta in his bowl.

“But there are a lot of things I don’t regret,” he says through the mouthful of food. He swallows before explaining. “I don’t regret helping you. Which is why you don’t have to repay me,” you roll your eyes at the words, opening your mouth to bite back, but Tae doesn’t let you. “I don’t regret letting you stay in my home. I don’t regret doing everything; keeping tracks on your dad, breaking into to his house to get evidence, because it meant you could end it all. I don’t regret shouting at you when you went to your mums, because that was truly stupid. And I don’t regret having sex with you.”

The waiter comes over at that moment and you are dragged back into the room. Unable to reply to Taehyung, even if you had the words to reply you wouldn’t say them with a witness. It felt awkward enough to think that someone might have over heard your conversation already.

“How was everything for you?” The waiter asks as he gathers up your empty plates.

“Great thanks,” you reply when Taehyung makes it obvious he isn’t going to.

“And can I get you the dessert menus?”

You flick a look at Tae, trying to silently ask him what he wants to do, but he gives you no reaction.

“Uh,” you turn back to the waiter. “I guess we’ll have a look.”

“Good decision,” the waiter smiles at you before disappearing.

You turn to look back at Tae, suddenly feeling very nervous and unsure of yourself. Tae continues to look at you, emotionless, from across the table.

“I’ve never actually stayed for dessert here before, but I hear it’s good,” you state nervously, not wanting to get back to the previous conversation with the knowledge that the waiter will be back with menus any minute. Not particularly wanting to talk about your sex life, or tell Tae some really deep thoughts, only to be interrupted with the dessert menu.

Tae continues to not say anything, though you haven’t technically asked him anything to answer, he doesn’t need to say anything. But the fact he just stares at you makes you fidget. Did he have to do that? Could he not give you a second to breathe, to think about what he said before you give him a reply?

“The mains are always so good, so I imagine the desserts have to be just as great,” you ramble on. “But if there isn’t anything you want, don’t worry, we can end this here. I guess this is your payment after all, so you can decide when it ends.” What the hell are you going on about? You know you should stop, but somehow you can’t. “I mean, we could go somewhere else for dessert, or just go home, or stay here. Like I said your decision.”

You think you see the crack of a smile on Tae’s face as he watches you, a twinkle of amusement in his eyes. But you are thankfully saved by the waiter returning.

“Your menus,” he lays them in front of you. “I’ll be back in a bit to see if there’s anything you want.”

And as quickly as you’re saved, you’re back to being able to make a fool of yourself. At least now you have a menu to hide behind. Your eyes scan the page even though your brain doesn’t take in any of the words, too busy taking in Taehyung from the corner of your eye and seeing him completely ignoring the menu.

“They have a good selection,” you say lamely, the silence eating into you, worried that the date is ruined. “Tiramisu is always a good bet.”

“Do you regret anything?” Finally Tae speaks up, ignoring your rambles, the words making you forget the menu as you look up at him. “Do you regret what happened?”

“I didn’t have a choice in it, Robert didn’t give me a choice, so I can’t regret anything.” Taehyung levels his gaze, not what I was asking, it seems to say. You take a breath before speaking, you always found it hard to tell your feelings, but he had done it, so you could return the favour. “No, I don’t regret it. I wish I could regret the way I treated you at times, but I don’t, in the moment I was so messed up, didn’t know what was going on, that my only reaction was to fight back against you.”

He nods his head in understanding. You’d basically just confirmed everything he’d said anyway. You were a mess of emotions back then, thrown into an unknown situation, of course you were going to act irrationally.

“And I don’t regret what we did,” you carry on. “The sex. But it hurt like hell when you ignored me after it. Maybe I should have said something first, maybe I shouldn’t have left it up to you to bring it up, but you didn’t say anything.”

His eyes search yours, though his face remains expressionless, impossible for you to read what he’s thinking.

“You know why I did it though, right? You know why I pulled away?”

Your heart pangs at the memory. The car ride to Jins where you both sat in silence, the realisation that he’d been holding back information from you, going behind your back to get information about your dad, then the final blow of Louise blowing up outside Tae’s flat. Then silence, he’d left you, ignored you for all those days before meeting your dad. It hurt like hell, even now after all the months since it.

You knew you’d have to talk about it at some point, knew that you would probably talk about it tonight; wasn’t the whole point of this date to see if you could overcome everything and move on from it? To do that, you’d have to discuss things like this. Still, it was hard to lay yourself bare to Tae, to trust him enough with the fragile parts of you, to show him your vulnerable sides and trust he wouldn’t mock you for, thoughts you’d hidden from him, even through everything.

“Uh – I mean, I guessed it was because you didn’t want anything serious,” you wish the words came out more confident, and you couldn’t even look him in the eye as you say the words. “I mean, you and Louise were obviously something, I mean something casual, which is fine. But I guess you pulled away because you got scared that we’d get too close?”

“I mean yeah, that’s weirdly accurate,” Tae lets out a small chuckle as if he hadn’t expected you to get so close to the truth. Your heart sinks at the noise, still not looking at him.

You hum, the only noise you can manage without giving away how much you’re affected by the conversation. How much you’re affected by him admitting that he didn’t want anything serious. Picking the dessert menu back up, your fingers toy with the edge of the card while you pretend to be engrossed in the words again.

Part of you had hoped you’d been wrong. Part of you had hoped that he felt the same way as you did, that he held feelings for you too. And he obviously did, he’d said as much, had admitted he didn’t regret anything, didn’t regret the sex. And he wanted to go on a date with you, he wouldn’t want that if he didn’t like you. But he doesn’t want anything more than that, doesn’t want anything serious and that’s what truly hurts.

“So what do you think? Can I tempt you with any of the desserts?” The waiter comes back, oblivious to the tension that has descended over the table.

“I think we’ll just get the bill,” Tae answers this time.

“Of course,” the waiter smiles, taking your menus off you and disappearing.

You no longer have anything to hide behind. Nothing to look at to distract you from the man sat opposite you. He remains silent, his eyes on you while yours dart around the room. Before either of you can attempt to once again break the silence, the waiter is back with the bill and card machine.

“How are we doing this then?” The man asks, looking between the two of you. “Down the middle? Or all on one card?”

“I’ve got it,” you reply, reaching down to get your purse.

Numbers are punched into the card machine, card tapped, receipts printed, thanks exchanged and then it’s over. The date you had built up so much in your mind, the date that had started off so well, but had inevitably turned, a tension you couldn’t read now hanging over the two of you. It was stupid of the two of you to think you could work through whatever had gone on, too much had happened for you to draw a clean sheet.

You still have the walk home. Ten minutes left together. Nothing in the grand scheme of things. Ten minutes until you’d have to once again learn how to live without Tae in your life.

He holds the door open for you as you leave the restaurant, and you walk side by side down the pavement in the direction of your shop. And though you expect the whole walk to be silent and awkward, you’re barely a few steps from the door before Tae is speaking.

“Can I just clarify something?” You glance at him sideways, your silence confirmation for him to carry on. “What I said earlier, I just want to make sure we’re on the same page about it, because you didn’t react in quite the way I expected. When I said that you were weirdly accurate with what you said, I meant that you were right that I pulled away because I got scared, but not because I didn’t want something serious, but because I didn’t want to take advantage of you. I was supposed to be keeping you safe, looking after you, not trying to pursue you. I just didn’t want to do anything that you might later regret. I know I did it in completely the wrong way, but I know that your head must have been a mess and I didn’t want to shove myself into that equation and confuse you even more.”

You continue to walk as he talks, the distance to your shop getting shorter and shorter. You take a beat once he’s finished and then let out a small, breathy laugh.

“You’re truly shit at this,” you shake your head but a smile comes to your lips. Tae looks like he doesn’t know whether he should be relieved or more worried. “You didn’t want to mess with my emotions more than they would have been because of what Robert was doing? And yet, after you had sex with me up against a wall, you thought the best solution was to push everything under the rug, to not talk to me, to not let me know what was going through your head?”

“Ok, yes, I think we’ve established I went about everything the wrong way,” Taehyung replies, his tone lighter as he realises he should be more on the relieved side. “I’ve never done this before.”

“Taken a woman into your house to shield her from her crazy dad?” You tease.

“Tried to tell someone that I like them more than I have ever liked anyone else. Tried to tell someone that I don’t normally do relationships past sex, but that I want to do everything, have everything, share everything with them.”

Your inside heat, you mind scrambles, your body has the desire to curl up within itself. But you try to hide all of those natural reactions, try to look calm and collected as your shop comes into view.

“Maybe you should have just tried saying that from the start?”

“And had my head bitten off by you? No thanks.”

“I wasn’t that bad,” you attempt to defend yourself, but when you glance at Tae, he lifts an eyebrow so you know how he feels. “Ok, yes, I was awful. But, you could have at least tried to tell me that and not ignored me.”

“I thought we’d been through this,” he says, clearly a tad embarrassed.

“We can go through it again,” you tease.

“Do you want me to get on my knees and beg for your forgiveness? Maybe I could treat you to another meal out, a way to say sorry, just like this was a way for you to pay me back.”

You realise you’ve reached the shop when Taehyung slows and comes to a stop on the path in front of you. For once he wears a big boxy smile on his lips, a smile you hardly get to see, a smile you’ve missed.

“You want to do this again?” You say and Tae cocks his head to the side, clearly confused. “You don’t think it was a total mess? You’d want to go out to dinner with me again?”

The smile widens on his face. This relationship will give you whiplash, the constant change of who is flustered and who is cocky.

“I’d love to go on another date with you,” he says.

“Oh,” you say, awkwardly looking around you for what to say next.

Of course you want to go on another date with him. Everything still felt fresh, there was still things you needed to talk about, still things you had to work through. But tonight felt like a step in the right direction, an idea that you could work through it, that there may be a future where Tae is in your life.

“Well, I was more thinking. Uh. Do you – uh – do you want to come in?” You ask very unsure, eyes on the locked shop door. “For a coffee maybe? Or pudding, as we didn’t have any at the restaurant.”

You risk a look at him, the smile still on his face, the glint in his eye as if he enjoys when you’re flustered around him. When he takes too long to answer you start to panic.

“You don’t have to if -”

“Just unlock the door,” he cuts you off, a small chuckle at how unsure you are around him, even after everything he’d said, even though he’d told you he wants to share everything with you; you’re still acting as if he’s going to turn you down.

You follow his orders, unlocking the shop door and letting him in before you lock the door again behind him. You don’t look at him as you brush past him to the back of the shop. You need to not make this weird, you’ve lived in the same house as him for more than a week for gods sake. Yet, this felt so different from then. Going up to your flat after a date, going to your flat that you have never seen him in (besides at the door when he basically threatened to knock it down after you’d been shot at), being in your flat that was so much smaller than Taehyungs flat, that would make you feel so much closer to him, after he had just said everything he’d just said.

But you put off all those thoughts as you reach the top of the stairs, barely hold the door open for Tae as you walk straight to the kitchen.

“Alcoholic or soft drink?” You ask over your shoulder.

“What are you going to have?”

“Is it bad to say a tea?”

“Tea’s good,” he replies, and when you turn to look at him you regret it immediately. He’s certainly made himself at home, lounged on your small sofa, perfectly placed for him to watch you nervously skitter around the kitchen. But the main problem is his shirt. His arm draped across the top of the sofa pulling his shirt so tight across his chest you worry for the buttons.

As quickly as you turn to look at him, you spin back to put water in the kettle, now completely conscious of the eyes on you.

This was a bad idea, inviting him up here was a bad idea. Just seeing him sat there on your sofa makes you want to do unspeakable things to him. But you need more time before jumping into anything. This is barely on track as it is, and you can’t help but remember the last time you had sex, it felt like that was the straw that broke the camels back. Who’s to say that wouldn’t happen again?

If you wanted this to work you needed to just drink your tea and say goodnight. But that feels like an impossible task when you turn with two mugs in your hands and see Tae with his neck twisted to look at your windows. It exposes his elongated, stretched neck to you, almost asking you to run your lips along the skin. Was any part of him not beautiful?

“The new window looks good,” he says as if he can feel your eyes on him.

You step towards him, his words loosening your feet, enabling you to move. You set the mugs on the coffee table and opt to sit on the chair rather than the empty seat by him. He gives a small thanks as he turns to look at you.

“I always forget that you’ve been in here,” you say.

“A couple of times now,” he smirks as if it’s some sort of competition.  

You hum, look around the room. “So did you come in here before everything? You know, when you were thinking you were going to kill me?”

Questions you’ve never asked. Things you’ve always wanted to know, but had always felt too awkward to ask. But if this was the two of you attempting to be open and honest, then why not?

“Uh, yeah. At that book signing, when I said I was going to the toilet.”

You nod. “I should have guessed. Especially now I know you. A book talk about re-wilding doesn’t really seem your thing.”

He seems to relax after your words, you hadn’t even realised he was tense, but his shoulders drop letting you know how hard he’s finding this. All the things he’s done, he’s obviously worried about how you would react, hearing you don’t mind obviously means more to him than you realise. So you carry on.

“You know I don’t care,” you say. “I don’t fully understand your job or what you do. You kill people, sure, it’s not exactly something you’d rave about, but I don’t understand it enough to figure out how I feel about the morality of it all. So I don’t mind. I know you, I trust you, and that’s enough for me to know that you wouldn’t do anything immoral. You chose to save my life rather than kill me for money, I think that’s proof enough of your morals.”

He stares at you his eyes shining with an emotion you can’t read and you wonder if you’d gone too deep. You always struggle to read him. His face is sometimes so obvious, giving away his every thought, but he can switch it off so easily, become a closed book, not letting you see the thoughts flowing through his head. You wish he wouldn’t do it, wouldn’t shut you out sometimes, but you figure you still have a long way to go.

“I don’t deserve you,” he says, eyes still searching your face, voice coming out thick with emotion. “I never have, in any capacity, I have never deserved you. I used to think that you were my redemption, that you’d been brought into my life so that I could atone for all of the sins I have committed in my life. That by saving you I would be somehow making up for all the horrors I have caused. And then I thought that maybe it was the opposite. Maybe you were brought into my life as punishment, that you were here to taunt me, to show me everything I want but can never have.”

He pauses, and you don’t say anything. The silence hangs in the thick air, neither of you breaking each other's eye contact.

You didn’t realise he felt that way about you. Never thought he felt that strongly. Maybe if you’d properly thought it through it would have made sense, but you’d been so blinded by everything else to see it. You’d questioned why he would extend such kindness to a stranger, to take you in and protect you in your lowest moments when he didn’t even know you. But you’d never thought it was because of these feelings for you that ran so deeply. You were just you, and he was him; so spectacularly out of your reach that it made no sense.

“But now I don’t know any more. I can’t work out why you’ve been placed in my life.”

“I didn’t realise you were religious,” you reply.

“I’m not,” he says with the huff of a laugh. “I guess I believe in destiny, fate maybe.”

“And what if it’s nothing. What if it’s just as simple me coming into your life and you being kind enough to help me when I needed it? Everyone deserves some happiness in their lives Tae, regardless of what they have done. You always told me that the people you killed were better dead than alive; wasn’t saving me supposed to live up to that rule?”

His throat bobs as he swallows, the only sign of the emotions swimming inside of him. You really hadn’t realised he felt this way. Here you were thinking he was too good for you, and Tae was feeling exactly the same; that somehow his job had cursed him, had meant he didn’t deserve happiness and you were the punishment.

“You deserve better than me,” he carries on, as if seeing where you’re going.

“Maybe,” you carry on, now knowing that you needed to be the one to be brave. Tae had given you everything he could, had told you how he felt, but there was still something stopping him from taking it any further. It would have to be you to break the final wall between you, if you wanted this, then it would have to be you. “But what if I want you anyway?”

He shakes his head as if not believing the words. “Y/N.”

“What was the point in all of it Tae? Why did you tell me any of this if you don’t want to take it any further? Why did you come back if you don’t think you deserve to even be friends with me?”

He shakes his head again, but doesn’t speak.

You almost roll your eyes at him, huffing out some air. One second he’s telling you that he likes you so much that wants to share everything with you, and then he’s saying he doesn’t deserve you. You push yourself up from the chair and take the few steps so you’re stood in front of him.

“Tae.” You watch as a small shiver runs through him, satisfaction running through you, gaining more confidence at what you are about to do.

“Y/N,” he says your name like a broken man, like he knows what’s going to happen and is still fighting it, still thinks that he doesn’t deserve it. Well, maybe it is your turn to look after him, to help him see how amazing he is.

You kneel down in front of him so that your faces are more level. His eyes follow yours down, his face still unreadable, but you know you have him, you know he won’t stop what you’re about to do.

“I want this Tae, you want this. We need to stop fighting it,” you whisper the words out.

You don’t give him a chance to respond, just lean forward, your hands coming to rest on Tae’s knees to try and support your weight. It ends up being way more awkward than you envisioned, but you knew standing up would have been more awkward when leaning to kiss him sat on the sofa, and you weren’t about to sit on his lap uninvited. You push up on your knees to reach his face and catch a smirk on Tae’s face as he watches your struggle before he finally helps you out.

It’s the first time you’ve properly kissed, at least in this way, with so much emotion behind it. It’s slow and soft, and your heart flutters as his lips move against yours. While your hands remain on his knees, his move to the back of your head, tilting it up into his so he can delve in deeper. His tongue swipes along your bottom lip but before you can chase it with your own, it’s gone.

You make out like this for what must be only a few minutes, Tae holding your head, moving it and holding it firm so that he can do whatever he wants to your lips. You’re lost in the moment, wanting to stay like this forever, while also wondering why you didn’t spend every evening at his doing this. You have both wasted so much time avoiding this, being stupid idiots who were too proud being stubborn than talking about your emotions. But as amazing as it is, it is slightly ruined by the pain that comes with your knees digging into your carpeted floor.

The pain gets so all-consuming that you pull away from Tae and sit back on your legs.

Staring up at Tae you finally see what deep shit you’re in. His lips now a deep red, already swollen from your small make out session, his pupils blown out as he looks down at you. You feel like you’re worshipping him as you sit in front of him, and the thought doesn’t even bother you, you’d gladly set up churches in the name of this man, send out brochures with pictures of him looking like this, you’d surely have a few people keen to sign up.

He leans back against the sofas back, and the image becomes 10 times better as his shirt buttons once again strain against the expanse of his chest. His legs spread wide from making room to accommodate you in between them. You decide this is the image you want tattooed in your brain.

Again, you don’t feel any embarrassment as you trail your eyes up and down his body. Don’t miss the strain starting to form in is pants. And when you look back up at his face there is the now familiar cocky smile on his face, as he watched every emotion flick over your face as you took him in, knows all the thoughts that went through your mind.

You don’t give it much thought as you lift yourself back up onto your knees, leaning forward, but this time aiming your mouth for somewhere much lower on his body. Tae’s hands come to your shoulders just as your hands reach out for the belt holding up his trousers.

“Wow, wow, wow,” his grip hardens with the words and you look up at him, cocking your head to the side to show your confusion. Didn’t he want this? “I, uh, I won’t last.”

“That’s fine,” you say through the smile that spreads across your face at how flustered you’ve made him. “I think that might even be the point,” you resist the urge to wink as you tease him.

“No,” he sounds strained as he takes one of his hands from your shoulder and runs it down his face. “I mean, if we’re really doing this, then I’m not making the mistake of not doing it properly again.”

Heat shoots to your core at the words, it’s not like you hadn’t been anticipating that that was the end goal, but hearing Taehyung say it out loud did something to you.

“They’ll be plenty of other opportunities for you to show me how good your mouth is.”

Fuck. You don’t waste a second as you stand up, holding your hand out for Tae as if to help him from the sofa. He laughs, but takes you up on the offer, engulfing your hand with his and then not using it to help pull up his weight at all. Still, he doesn’t let go as you lead him in the direction of your room.

You go to sit down on the bed but Taehyung tugs your arm gently to get you to stop before you do. You feel him step close to you and then his hands are on your hips and he’s turning you around.

“You need to lose a few items of clothing before you touch that bed,” his voice is deep and thick as he leans down into you.

He reattaches your lips, this time wasting no time as his tongue slips between your lips. He seems to explore every inch, running along your teeth, the roof of your mouth, before finally playing with your tongue. You’re so consumed by his lips on yours that you hardly realise his hands moving to the zip on your dress. Slowly he drags the zip down, until his hand is resting on your lower back. It doesn’t stay there long though as he moves both hands to the straps, easily slipping them off your shoulders so that your dress becomes a pool of material at your feet.

You become more and more impressed as Taehyung’s lips continue their onslaught against yours, his eyes not needed as his hands continue their journey around your body. Now moving to your back, his fingers release the clasp on your bra, which just as quickly gets disposed on the floor.

Finally, he breaks the contact between your lips. But he doesn’t even spare you a glance as his lips move along your skin. His hands hold your hips steady as he works his way down your neck, nipping and kissing the skin, not enough to leave any marks, but enough for you to throw your head back to give him more access. He hums out appreciatively at the gesture.

He only pauses when he reaches your chest, spending a minute to appreciate each of your breasts, sucking and nipping each nipple before continuing down. Frustratingly, he only gets as low as your belly button before he’s withdrawing. His hands on your hips applying a bit of pressure, making you step backwards, your knees hitting the edge of the bed making you realise what his plan is.

He helps you lay down on the bed, legs dangling off the edge as you stare up at him.

“Fuck,” he says as he rakes his eyes down your near naked body.

His hands go to the bottom of his top and he pulls the material off. You suddenly have an understanding of why he’s looking at you the way he currently is. It’s the first time you’ve seen him like this. A peak of the bottom of his legs is the most bare skin you’ve seen on him. This, the smooth, tanned planes of his chest, is something completely different.

“You’re being very quiet for once,” Tae says still looming above you. “If I realised this was how to shut you up, I would have done it a lot sooner.”

“I believe you did try it once, and I’m not sure how successful you were,” you tease.

He huffs a laugh as he unbuckles his belt, tugging down his trousers and then disposing his pants. Now fully naked standing over you. He looks even better than you could have ever imagined.

“I know I said I’m not religious, but fuck,” he shakes his head as his eyes roam your body.

Before you can respond, before you can think of any way to respond to that statement, he falls to his knees. Much in the same way you did earlier, he seems to worship your body as he places his lips on your knee and then moves upwards. You let him have his fun, concentrate on breathing as he edges closer and closer to your still clothed core. But as soon as his tongue runs along your pants, as soon as his teeth nip on your clothed clit, you place your hands on his head.

“Much like you,” you say breathily. “I won’t last.”

You can feel his smile as he ignores you, his teeth continuing to gently nip at your clit. You’re not really annoyed by the fact, enjoying the sensation too much.

“Just trying to get these off,” he says in way of an excuse, his teeth now nipping at the edge of your pants.

You hum out as if his statement makes perfect sense. As if, of course, he has to use his teeth to remove your pants, and can’t just use the hands that rest on your thighs. And to be fair to him, he gives it a valiant effort, trying to drag your pants down with just his teeth, but they obviously don’t move as easily as he expected. You try and refrain from laughing as he obviously, begrudgingly uses his hands to drag the material down your legs.

He effectively shuts off the laugh that manages to escape you with a swipe of his tongue through your now bare folds.

“Tae,” you warn, even as you arch up into him.

He hums as if he doesn’t understand your reprimanding tone. One of his hands move from your thighs, and as soon as his tongue dips into your core, his finger starts to draw circles on your clit.

“Tae,” you say again, his name coming out half warning, half moan. “Tae, I won’t last. Just want you in me.”

His fingers circle you twice more before he removes them and then he drags his tongue all the way through your folds before he fully retreats and looks up at you. His face the picture of innocence.

“I was just checking you’re ready for me,” he says just as innocently.

You keep your eyes on him as he moves up you, pushing yourself onto your elbows so you yourself can move to be fully on the bed, no longer have your legs dangle off the edge.

“We both know from last time I don’t need any prep,” you say when his head is finally level with you.

“Still wanted to check,” he says before dipping down to peck your lips. “Condom?”

“Top draw,” you nod at your bedside table.

You shuffle around to try and get comfortable as Tae leans over to where you indicated and pulls out a square packet. Straddling you, he sits up on his knees as he rips the package with his teeth before rolling the material down his length. His eyes rake over you once more before he is falling down on top of you. He supports himself on one arm, while the other takes his length and pushes it through your folds, dragging his tip from your entrance to your clit and back.

“I’ve thought about doing this, about having you like this, since that time I had you against the wall,” he looks down at you as he continues to move himself through your folds. “I never thought I would ever actually have it. I can’t quite work out if this is a dream or not.”

Even as your heart swells at the words, your hands go to his back and drag down until they rest on his ass. You push down to indicate what you want and then say, “you talk too much.”

He huffs a laugh, but still stops when his tip reaches your entrance. “And you still can’t let me live I see.”

He doesn’t give you a chance to respond as he pushes into you. The stretch feels just as good as it did last time. And he doesn’t stop until his hips are fully push up against yours. The only sign he shows of how affected he is, is the huff of air he lets out in your face. He remains fully in you, unmoving, for a few beats, as if he needs a moment to compose himself, his eyes closed as his hair falls into your face.

But you know that you’re more fucked than him when he opens his eyes, or at least you’re going to be more fucked than him.

A smile plays on his lips as he starts to move, his hips pulling away from you before drawing back in. It’s softer than last time, not as rough or as fast paced. But it feels so much better. Lay down on your bed, Taehyung’s body fully covering yours, his hips hitting yours with every stroke. It feels so much deeper, seems to reach places with in you you’re not sure have ever been reached.

You arch up into him, and his lips attach to your neck as you bare it to him, his hips starting to speed up as if he can feel you starting to convulse around him. Neither of you need to say anything, as if your bodies naturally know what the other needs to feel better.

Noises build in your throat, small moans escaping your mouth. While Tae remains silent on top of you, as if all his energy has been placed on the movement of his hips slamming into yours. Huffs of air tickle your neck as he can no longer even focus on kissing it.

You know he must be close, know how desperate he must be for you to get to your release when he shifts enough to reach between your bodies. He doesn’t say anything as he starts to draw circles on your clit, just continues to grind into you.

More inhuman noises escape you and your body arches back up into him, as you peak. Tae continues to grind into you as your body convulses, pleasure spreading through you like a blinding white light. His continued thrusts elongate the pleasure, and you know he’s reached his high when he grunts above you, his body spasming much in the same way yours did.

He falls down into you, his arms making sure he doesn’t fully crush you. And when he regains himself, he places a few light kisses on your neck before pulling himself out and rolling into the empty space next to you.

For a minute the only noise in the room is the small breaths you both release. But then Tae breaks it.

“Give me five and I’ll be able to do that again.”

You laugh, twisting to look at him looking at the ceiling. “Ever the romantic.”

“Sorry, you forget that I’ve never done this before.” But despite his words he wraps an arm around your shoulders and pulls you into his side.

“Had sex before? Now I know you’re lying.”

Even with your head resting on his chest, you still see his eyes roll into his head as you look up at him.

“Well, I don’t usually do this either,” you carry on, attempting to ease any worries he might have. “Sleeping with someone after a first date isn’t really something I aim to do.”

He laughs as you planned, his face lighting up as his arm squeezes you affectionately. Yeah, you could definitely get used to this.

“I don’t know if it was your aim. But you haven’t distracted me, you know,” he looks down at you, as if to gauge your reaction. “I haven’t forgotten that you paid for dinner tonight, and yet the money you paid me still sits in my bank.”

You push yourself up so that your face is hovering over his.

“Damn,” you joke. “And is there some other way I can distract you? I think I remember you saying that you wanted to see how good my mouth is,” you say, satisfied by the look that falls on Tae’s face. “Surely you don’t need five whole minutes to be ready to go again.”

As you talk, you slowly drag a hand down his chest, going lower and lower, Taehyung’s expression getting darker and darker the lower you go.

“Why don’t we find out?” You’re impressed with how steady his voice comes out given how affected his face shows he is.

You laugh, completely enamoured by him. Leaning down you press a kiss on his lips, pulling away, a massive smile graces your lips. You don’t think you’ll be able to wipe it off for a long time. If the man currently under you continues the way he is, you know it will be near impossible.

Yeah, you both still have a long way to go, issues to resolve, but lay here with him you know it will all be worth it. It may not be easy, but for him you know you want to at least try.

#kim taehyung #taehyung #taehyung scenarios #taehyung bts #bts taehyung #taehyung smut #taehyung scenario #taehyung series #taehyung drabble #taehyung imagine #taehyung fanfic #taehyung fluff #taehyung fic #Taehyung one shot #v bts #v fanfic #v fic #v smut #bts fic #bts smut #bts fanfic #bts fanfction #bts fluff #bts series #fic: caught in the crossfire #caught in the crossfire epilogue

[spine-buster]

Structures ft. Jacob Markstrom | Act 1, Scene 2

gif credit @/niallhoranhasthat1thing

CONTENT WARNINGS:

This fic will deal with mental health issues, including (manic) depression, thoughts of self-harm, thoughts of worthlessness, and issues regarding struggles to conceive.

A/N: This entire chapter is a flashback and it gives you some insights into how Jacob and Geneviève met. I hope you guys like it! We get to see a little bit of what Geneviève was like when she met Jacob.

June 18th, 2016 (flashback)

Having just graduated from Oxford University with a DPhil in English literature, Geneviève Monette found it acceptable to smoke a cigarette. She hadn’t smoked in years – since she was a precocious fourteen year old at her all-girls school in Paris and wanted to rebel in the most socially acceptable way possible – and she thought it was as good a time as any. Not that she’d make a habit out of it. This was a treat, and it would fit the stereotype if people began to gather around her and listen to what she had to say about whatever subject they pressed her with, as they oftentimes did.

Her parents hadn’t made it to the ceremony, and neither did her older brother Maxim, but her younger brother, Sacha, was able to sit in and take a photo with her afterward as proof of his attendance before escaping back to Cambridge. Her fiancé, Daniel, was double-booked, and was watching his younger sister graduate from St. Andrews. Before the ceremony, she attended a lunch with her best friend Margaret Farquhar’s family, and after the ceremony, she rejoined them for a quick dinner before she and Margaret began their night at The Eagle and Child, the famous Oxford pub where the literary group The Inklings and its most famous members C.S Lewis and J. R. R. Tolkien would often meet. Fitting, she thought, for such an occasion.

A week ago, Geneviève had signed a contract to publish her first book, a collection of her essays – some new, others already published – with Bloomsbury. She was still looking for a title. Though she’d been quite well-known for some time now, having developed herself as a cultural critic, humourist, satirist, and public speaker personality for years, the book deal was something she’d always wanted for herself. A part of her would be immortalized in writing. She was more excited about her collection of essays being published than she was her PhD dissertation, which, considering its subject matter and popularity, may probably help more people: The Women of Shakespeare's Tragedies: Underestimating Strength and Stabilization.

She’d already had too much to drink and it was barely nine o’clock in the evening. One cigarette turned to two, turned to five, and soon, she was pressed with different subjects to speak about, and she was being gathered around by listeners, and she was making everyone hang on her every word, speaking them as if they were the most profound insights anybody had ever heard. Many people thought so – that she had the most profound insights of her generation. Those quotes about her work from influential writers would definitely make the cover and back of her future book.

As she finished her fourth juniper sling and opted to stay with gin, she heard a bit of a ruckus at the front door of the pub. She turned her head to see a group of men enter, the one wearing a Sweden football jersey letting her know where they were from. Considering the UEFA Euro tournament was happening in France, she wondered why they weren’t there.

“Geneviève, darling, you must let Robert know who you’re working with at Bloomsbury, and you must tell the joke about the Upper East Side!”

She’d have to wait to engage them in conversation. Seriously. They should be in France.

***

“What’s the hat for?”

Geneviève looked to her left, only to be greeted with the tallest man with the sweetest face that she’d ever seen. She smiled wryly. He’d been from the group earlier, but he wasn’t the one in the Swedish football jersey. “It’s not a hat, it’s a Tudor bonnet,” she corrected him. “Plus, you really can’t tell?” she pressed, raising her arms to show off the bell sleeves and its scarlet cloth and blue silk.

“I thought all people in Oxford dress like that,” he smiled.

“Wouldn’t that fit the stereotype?” she mused, grabbing hold of her drink.

“So you graduated?” the man asked. Geneviève nodded her head. “I thought robes were black.”

“I graduated with a PhD,” she explained.

“A PhD?!” the man repeated, very clearly impressed by her accomplishment. “My my, that’s quite a title. So what should I call you? Dr…?”

Well, he was suave – she’d give him that. “Dr. Geneviève Monette,” she explained. “And you are?”

“Jacob Markstrom.”

“So tell me something Jacob,” she began. “I saw your friends enter earlier, and the short one’s wearing a Swedish football jersey. Why aren’t you guys in France?”

“Because I had to see you.”

Geneviève’s cheeks flushed red.

***

They couldn’t stop talking. They couldn’t stop talking. In so many conversations with Daniel, there were lulls, quiet pauses, changes of subjects, silences when there was just nothing left to say (which was hard for Geneviève, as she was a public speaker for crying out loud). With Jacob, there were no lulls, quiet pauses, changes of subjects, or silences. They spoke as if they were old friends and had known each other for years, cracking up and telling jokes. Jacob would listen intently when Geneviève would pontificate on and on about her research about Shakespeare, and when he spoke about his life as a goalie for the Vancouver Canucks, she was enthralled by his stories. When he found out she was actually born and grew up in Montreal, there was a giant pull towards each other. They spoke about Montreal at length. About Vancouver at length. About everything at length.

And the more they spoke, the more Geneviève was pulled towards him and pushed away from Daniel.

“We’re going to Jericho,” Margaret said to them, after keeping an eye on them for the better part of an hour. “Antony’s brother’s band are playing soon. Are you coming?” she directed her question towards Geneviève.

“Of course,” Jacob answered instead, making Geneviève smile.

***

Oh, how they danced.

The band played covers of all the latest hits, and the best bits from everyone’s childhood – Backstreet Boys, Outkast, Avril Lavigne. Any time her Tudor bonnet would start to slide off Geneviève’s head, Jacob would catch it and readjust it for her, saying “We can’t have that, now can we doctor?”. His tall gangly body wasn’t the most fluid and ethereal, and he stepped on her toes more than a few times as they danced to the beat of the songs. Geneviève barely felt it because she was so wrapped up in him, but she’d watch his cheeks go red and hear him apologize profusely until she’d grab his hands and help him make her spin and twirl. Every time their hands touched, Geneviève felt like a million electric jolts were running through her body.

Something she never felt with Daniel, even in the early days.

After hours of dancing, Margaret approached her again. “Turf’s next.”

“On to Turf!” Geneviève grabbed Jacob’s hand.

***

The streets were filled with other graduates, but nobody else was wearing their robes besides Geneviève’s group. She and Jacob stayed about twelve paces behind the group, in their own little world, talking. About what they envisioned for themselves in the future. About the type of person they wanted to be. About what they wanted in life. About how Jacob had found it hard to meet someone genuine until tonight, when he heard her voice back in The Eagle and Child. About how, despite plans to marry him next spring, Geneviève felt like Daniel didn’t truly know or understand her.

***

At Turf Tavern, the group went straight to the garden. They saw old friends, and one of them asked Geneviève a question on a topic she was particularly passionate about, and she started. She sat on top of a picnic bench and an acquaintance handed her a Marlboro Light and she began speaking, humouring everyone, bringing up amusing anecdotes and logical points, and everybody ate it up. Almost the entire beer garden was listening to her pontificate from a park bench. Jacob watched and listened too, and with every minute that passed, he knew.

When he went back to the bar to get another drink, he was surprised when Geneviève followed just a few minutes after. “I need a refuel after that,” she said, ordering a gin and tonic from the bartender. “Have you ever heard a woman speak so confidently and so much from the top of a park bench and have the audience in the palm of her hand?” she asked, half-joking. She knew she had a skill, and had harnessed it for most of her life to make herself successful. She wasn’t ashamed of her mouth or her brain at all.

Jacob smiled as he watched her pay the bartender and grab her drink, though neither of them chose to move back out to the beer garden. “I think I’m in love you with you,” Jacob said.

Geneviève gulped. “Oh yeah? Why’s that?”

“You have no self-doubt.”

Geneviève stood stoic at Jacob’s words, at how, in just a few short hours, he seemed to know her. Really know her. See right through her. Here was a man that just proclaimed “You have no self-doubt” to her in the Turf Tavern over drinks, and all she could think of was Daniel’s favourite saying: “I know you doubt yourself sometimes, darling, but I see your confidence growing every day.” Geneviève never doubted herself. Maybe she was one of the only women in the world who didn’t. And Jacob saw that. Daniel didn’t.

Her heart was racing a mile a minute because with those five simple words, she knew.

“I think I might break up with my fiancé tonight,” her voice was barely above a whisper. She could see Jacob’s lips curl up slightly. “I think you know me better than anyone else and I’ve only just met you. How is that?” she asked.

“I could say the same about you,” Jacob responded. “Love at first sight is supposed to be impossible, but look at us. You’d break up with your boyfriend of four years to be with me?”

“If the roles were reversed, would you?” Geneviève asked.

“I wouldn’t hesitate,” Jacob responded.

“I haven’t felt your lips on mine yet,” Geneviève continued. “I haven’t even felt how you touch me.”

“Doesn’t matter,” Jacob said as his eyes flashed. The thought of his lips on hers at any point in time was enough to make him weak. But the thought of touching her, too, sounded like a version of heaven afforded only to him. “We were made for one another, don’t you think?”

Geneviève smiled. “I don’t think – I know.”

***

Geneviève waited as the phone rang. This would simultaneously be the easiest yet hardest phone call she would make. Despite this, there was no fear in her. She knew she was making the right decision. Everybody around her most definitely wouldn’t think so, but she had no doubt she was making the right decision.

“Gen? Darling? Everything alright?” Daniel answered the phone after several rings. He must have been out with his sister celebrating too, because she heard the noise of many people talking in the background.

“I can’t do this anymore,” she said quickly.

“Do what? Celebrate? Get Charlie or Angus to take you home, darling. Margaret’s always making you stay out too late,” he said.

Margaret, her best friend, never made her stay out too late. Margaret hardly ever did anything wrong. She and Geneviève were as thick as thieves, and Geneviève hated that Daniel always thought things were Margaret’s fault or because of Margaret’s doing. Margaret was there before Daniel, and if Geneviève knew anything, it was that Margaret would be there after Daniel, too. “No. Listen to me. I don’t want to be with you anymore.”

There was a slight pause on the other end. “You what?”

“I’ve found someone else.”

“Geneviève, are you drunk?”

“NO!” she exclaimed. “How dare you think that! I can’t be with you anymore, Daniel. You don’t know me at all.”

“What’s this about Geneviève? Hmm? What do you mean you’ve met someone else?” he demanded.

“I’ve met someone else tonight that knows me better than you do,” she said simply.

“Geneviève, I’ve known you four over four years—”

“You know me but you don’t know me. You were never made for me, Daniel. You know that.”

“How can you say that? How can you say that?! The entire time we’ve been together I’ve been nothing but supportive. I’ve been the one helping you with your self-doubt this entire time.”

And there it was again. Geneviève shook her head. “I have no self-doubt, Daniel. Don’t think for a second I ever did.”

“We’re talking about this when I get back tomorrow. This will be the worst mistake you ever thought of making,” he said.

Geneviève smiled to herself. “Thought of making? Daniel, it’s already done.”

#jacob markstrom #jacob markstrom imagine #jacob markstrom fic #jacob markstrom fan fic #calgary flames #calgary flames imagine #calgary flames fic #calgary flames fan fic #jacob markstrom blurb #calgary flames blurb #nhl #nhl imagine #nhl fic #nhl fan fic #nhl blurb #hockey #hockey imagine #hockey fic #hockey fan fic #hockey blurb #structures series

[athingthatwantsvirginia]

Nora Roberts Shit Like That

PART FORTY-THREE OF THE DO YOU SEE HER FACE? SERIES

Pairing: Jess Mariano x Original Character (Ella Stevens)

Warnings: mentions of depression symptoms, plentiful pop culture references

Word Count: 4.4K

Summary: Ella performs another exercise in spontaneity.

A/N: We've still got the epilogue left, but this is the final regular chapter. Sorry this took so long; endings give me writer’s block. Thank you so much for reading! I have absolutely loved writing this story. I hope you like this chapter! :)

By late May, summer was blooming early and warm and fragrant in Philadelphia. Ella pulled her hair back in a low bun as she padded out onto the terrace. The sun was finally going down, painting the sky a pinkish orange. In the small view of the city past the other apartment buildings, she could see the buildings beginning to light up, tiny and twinkly. Jess was already out there, with a copy of Sharp Objects in hand. He chewed on his eraser, his brows furrowed as he concentrated on the words. There were already chunks of Ella’s messy cursive decorating the pages, and she’d insisted he read it as soon as she finished it the week before. He was already three quarters of the way through.

“This book is fucking crazy, Stevens,” he said as she walked out, not looking up from the text.

“Yeah, cutie. That’s why I like it,” she told him, smiling widely and leaning against the railing next to him.

“So unpredictable,” he deadpanned.

“Whatever, James Dean,” she replied, rolling her eyes and snorting a laugh.

Smirking, he finally shut the book and tossed it back onto one of the mismatched armchairs. Following her gaze, he saw the flaming orangey sun descending behind the cityscape. With the evening light reflected against her freckled face, he could see the green flecks in her eyes when he turned to look at her.

At first, she had not wanted to go to the graduation ceremony at all. She certainly wasn’t walking across the stage in a gown. But, she decided to go for the undergrads she had been the teacher assistant for. They clapped in the auditorium, and went out with Chris, Leo, Matthew, and Mabel to try the new Italian restaurant, which ended up being decent. It wasn’t entirely unceremonious, but there wasn’t much fanfare. Jess didn’t expect Ella to want anything more. She’d ended up finishing her finals a week before the actual ceremony, anyway.

But, still, she was finally done. Chris had even ordered a cake for the table in celebration, despite Ella’s blushy protests. She doubted it would sink in for a while. She was a perpetual student, and was already beginning to feel anxious without steady classwork and homework. But she would start teaching her summer classes in a week or two, and she was planning to fill her time with art and helping out at Truncheon until then.

For the moment, though, she watched the sunset. She felt the night begin to cool down, breezes blowing past her. And Jess could practically feel her relax. Since deciding to take the job at Penn, she’d seemed calmer. He hadn’t realized just how heavily it had been weighing on her until after it was over. She was using vibrant color in her paintings again, which he hadn’t seen in what felt like years. She was coming around to Truncheon after her classes, spending nights with their friends up in the apartment. She was playing music with Leo and running lines with Mabel.

Of course, she still had days when she felt so hopeless about the state of her life, and honestly, the world, that she couldn’t even explain her sadness. But she was working on it. She was trying. It made Jess so proud he almost couldn’t handle it. Watching her, so comfortable in her own skin, made a tiny smirk form on his lips.

As though she could feel his gaze, she suddenly faced him again. “What?”

“Nothing,” he said lightly. “Just looking at you.”

“At me?” she mocked him with dramatic batting of her eyelashes and a breathy voice.

“What can I say? You’re irresistible,” he quipped with a shrug.

She rolled her eyes, trying to brush off the flush rising to her cheeks. “You have to stop saying Nora Roberts shit like that to me.”

“Never,” he shot back smugly.

“Jackass.”

“Nihilist,” he said, then pressed a kiss to her rosy cheek. “A nihilist with a master’s degree.”

“Yeah, it seems that way,” she said, her words a sigh.

“Hey, Stevens,” he began, tilting his head at her a little.

“Yes, Mariano?” she echoed, teasing.

“I’m really proud of you,” he said sincerely.

She bit at the inside of her cheek and smoothed her hands over her simple olive green dress, fidgety and blushing once more. “Thank you. I’m proud of me, too.”

Jess’s smile widened but he felt his heartbeat picking up, stomach churning with anxiety. He felt so wholly content standing next to her, so completely enveloped by love. Dimples and Bette Davis eyes and a loud laugh. So stubborn and passionate and understanding. She was the end and the beginning of everything for him, and he almost felt out of breath at the thought of what was going to happen next. He cleared his throat and ran a hand over his mouth anxiously.

“You okay?” she asked, noticing his uneasiness.

He nodded. “Yeah, Elle...yeah.”

Sighing, Jess decided to bite the bullet, rip off the bandaid. His hands were shaky with excitement. He went over to the suit jacket draped over the armchair behind him. Reaching into his inside pocket, he grabbed the small velvet box. Ella looked on in confusion, as he turned back around and landed on one knee.

A thick shadow of realization crossed her face and her mouth fell slightly agape. “No way.”

“Look, I know you don’t like the big romantic stuff. And please stop me if this all too much of a patriarchal mating ritual for you. But I love you and you love me and we love each other,” he began, looking up at her. He had told himself not to cry, but he was already starting to. With the sunset behind her, Ella looked ethereal and beautiful. “And we’re supposed to be together.”

She rolled her eyes though they were growing tearful, letting out a scoff as he repeated back his own words from years earlier. The night he had tried to get her to come with him to New York flashed across her mind, but her heart didn’t twist in pain at the memory. Instead, it fluttered pleasantly.

“You Hemingway motherfucker,” she whispered through a watery laugh, though she blinked away the tears.

He chuckled breathily, face hot with scarlet color. “I’ll take that one as a compliment. But...I think we should get married. What about you?”

A small giggle escaped her lips before she could help it and she just couldn’t wipe the smile off her face as she spoke. “Y’know, most of the time, I don’t really see the point in getting married.”

Jess’s face fell for only a second.

“But that’s most of the time,” she said. “Not when I’m with you, James Dean.”

After a moment of shock on his face, he scoffed and gave a dramatic groan. “Fuck off, Daria.”

Ella shrugged. “Just thought I should give you a taste of your own medicine,” she told him, smile turning to a smirk. “But, if you still wanna marry me after that one, then I’d love to.”

“Really?” he asked.

“Yes,” she replied. “Really.”

Rising quickly, he enveloped her in a tight hug and kissed her. His lips were gentle and sweet, and almost reminded her of their first kiss so many years ago. Then again, each time he kissed her was pretty much as good as, if not better than, the first time. And, to her surprise, she felt no fear. Something clicked inside her, and she was completely certain. When she pulled away to look at him, she wiped at the stray tears which had fallen on his cheeks.

“I can’t believe you got down on one knee and everything,” she said.

He shrugged humbly. “I try.”

“That you do.”

He looked away from her intense gaze shyly and took a step back, holding the open ring box out to her. “Do you want this ring, by the way?”

“Ah yes! I almost forgot!” she said emphatically. As he had spoken, knelt down, she hadn’t been able to tear her eyes away from his own. Brown and sparkling and kind.

Her breath hitched in her throat as she saw the tiny stone. A polished light purple amethyst shone in the center, and she took it out and slipped the thin gold band over her left ring finger, staring at it. It fit perfectly, and Jess almost couldn’t believe it. After having found it in a tray in the antique store, he’d thought at least some resizing would be necessary.

“I know it’s not huge or anything, but-”

“It’s perfect, Mariano. I mean, it’s fucking lavendar,” she said, flabbergasted.

Jess smirked a tiny smirk. “Yeah, well, lavender is for luck.”

.   .   .

Sat at the island with a paper open in front of him, Jess munched on his cereal. He couldn’t help the smile which was constantly tugging at the corners of his mouth. They were getting married. In all honesty, he hadn’t been entirely sure she would say yes, given her aversion to most things traditional and romantic. Then again, she had certainly seemed to come around to his idealist ways as of late, at least a little bit. And he’d wanted to do it the way it was usually done, on one knee with a ring box open in his hand. He didn’t know exactly what had possessed him to do so, but he was glad. She deserved something normal, something just the right amount of sweet.

Padding on bare feet, Ella waltzed towards the kitchen wearing nothing but one of Jess’s t-shirts, body and mind light from the night before. The early sunshine of the morning bathed the apartment in a sparkling golden glow, made more beautiful by their own joy, it seemed. On her finger, she wore the ring, still new and foreign. But she felt her heart speed up a bit every time she looked down at it. She, too, had been surprised at the way he’d proposed. But, somehow, it managed to feel perfect. It wasn’t over-the-top, but it felt like Jess. Earnest and charming.

He didn’t hear her, too engrossed in his reading, until she pressed a kiss to the top of his head on her way by. He winked at her when they made eye contact, and she rolled her eyes playfully in response as she put on some tea and coffee.

“Hey, Jess?” she asked, leaning over the counter across from him, mimicking their days at Luke’s Diner.

“Hm?” he said, looking up from the news with eyebrows raised.

“Do you wanna get married?” She bit at the inside of her cheek, slightly anxious.

“Well, considering I just proposed to you yesterday, I’d say yeah, I wanna get married,” he replied, teasing and slightly confused.

“No. I meant today,” she continued.

He chuckled a bit, but then saw she was serious. “Today?”

A smile blossomed on her face and she shrugged. “Yeah. Why not? Let’s just go down to the courthouse. We could call up Chris and everyone, to see if they wanna be our witnesses. ”

He gave a surprised scoff, raising his eyebrows. “Pretty spontaneous of you.”

She shrugged, a small smirk on her lips. “I learned from the best. I mean, do you really wanna spend all that money? I don’t really care about having a wedding. The whole tradition seems pretty antiquated to me, anyway.”

“Agreed,” Jess replied, nodding. “Except, what about Luke and Lorelai? And Lane?”

“I mean, we’ve all been to weddings. They’re pretty much the same every time. We can send them a card or something. I just wanna do it, Mariano,” she said, eyes wide and starry with excitement. “I don’t wanna wait. I mean, we’ve been together, more or less, for like, seven years.”

“Minus about four years in the middle there,” Jess pointed out, chuckling.

She rolled her eyes playfully. “Like you weren’t pining for me that whole time, loverboy.”

“Hypocrite,” he shot back. “You really wanna do this””

“Abso-fucking-lutely,” she said, with the most certainty possible. It made Jess so happy he almost wanted to start crying.

“You sure you don’t wanna plan it out and everything? I know how much you love planning,” Jess said. His heart was racing in his chest at her proposition. But, he was waiting for her to second-guess it, for her feet to turn cold. He didn’t want her to doubt her decision later, even if the idea of marrying her immediately made him beyond ecstatic.

“I love you more, though,” she said. “But I only want to do it if you want to also. What do you say, James Dean? Is today our wedding day?”

His smile grew, and he was practically beaming. “Yeah. It is.”

.   .   .

After a couple hours waiting on cold, hard wooden benches in the lobby of the courthouse, with Chris snapping as many pictures as possible on his fancy camera (which he bought inexplicably) and Mabel fussing over whether she had done Ella’s makeup well enough, the six of them stood in the air conditioning of the courthouse’s makeshift chapel. In her hands, Ella held a bouquet of thirteen yellow daffodils Jess had picked up from the supermarket on the way. Her stomach was doing flips, her smile was beginning to hurt her cheeks. Despite the spontaneity of the decision, she was beginning to feel like she had been waiting forever. The period after arriving at the courthouse when Leo had to sweet talk one of his friends from high school, who worked as an administrator at city hall, into giving them a marriage license without the customary 24-hour delay had been agony. But they had pulled it off.

They had all made an effort to look presentable, though Ella could hear her mother’s voice in the back of her mind calling them ragamuffins. Jess wore a simple white button-down with black pants, along with his only pair of real leather shoes and a belt to match. Over it, he wore the suit jacket Ella had been so shocked to see him in when she’d first come to Truncheon’s open house. No tie, of course. The only white dress Ella owned was covered in a pattern of black flowers, and she found the traditional sentiments about virginity behind white dresses to be troubling, to say the least. Instead, she opted for a plain navy blue dress with spaghetti straps, made from satin. It was the fanciest piece of clothing she owned, bought for a party at Truncheon two months earlier that had ultimately been cancelled due to a phantom March blizzard. If she had known at the time that it was to be her wedding dress, she would have laughed in disbelief.

On her feet were her old black ballet flats. She felt as though not wearing them would violate old time’s sake. Her hair was curled and pinned half-back. Her makeup was minimal, with small winged black eyeliner and muted pink lip gloss, a little less than she would have done on herself. But Mabel had practically squealed with delight when Ella asked her to put together the wedding look. Her heart swelled at the sight of Matthew and Chris standing behind Jess, and the thought of Leo and Mabel behind her. After so long feeling out of place, Ella thought she was exactly where she was supposed to be, with the exact right people. If she didn’t know any better, she would have called it destiny. But, at the idea, she wanted to roll her eyes at herself. It was Jess’s job to pull out the Hemingway bullshit.

Jess. As he stood across from her, she could see the ghost of the boy she’d met at the diner back when she was a frustrated high schooler. Back when he had been an angry kid. She thought of love at first sight, and how silly it was, and how whole-heartedly he believed in it. A jewel of fondness sat warmly in her core, and her eyes shone brightly with affection. Even back then, he had given her some sort of lively joy when her world was flat, filled with monotony, drudgery, grief. He had shown her how life could be, if she stopped holding onto her pain so tightly. And she liked to think she had shown him a thing or two, as well.

He looked so grown up. Still, it often struck her how much he had changed. The stubble on his jaw, the slight crinkles at the corners of his eyes when he smiled his slightly crooked smile, or, of course, smirked. His more respectable haircut and his more mature way of dressing. But there would always be a part of him that was exactly the same as it always had been. The foundation that sometimes cracked but never crumbled. The two of them against the world. She thought, not for the first time, of how wholly she trusted in him, more than she ever had before. He felt safe. She felt like she had known him for all eternity. And she felt so sure of marrying him that it was staggering. She swallowed thickly as the officiant gave his dull spiel about legal commitment, which he probably gave to some hopeful young couple every day. Blinking back the happy tears, willing them not to fall and ruin the makeup Mabel had worked so hard on, Ella did as the officiant said and passed her bouquet to Leo behind her. She and Jess joined hands. For some reason, the gesture seemed a bit cheesy, but she did it anyway, not without a sardonic smirk. He gave her fingers a squeeze of reassurance, winking at her, reading her expression expertly. She almost snorted a laugh, but bit the inside of her cheek to stop it. The officiant asked who would like to say their vows first, and Ella immediately spoke up.

“I will,” she said, looking over at the man and then back into Jess’s eyes. “You’re the writer here and I have no interest in following whatever you’re gonna say.”

Jess laughed a little, along with the rest of them, and nodded. He took in a deep breath, still shocked at what was happening. For the life of him, he could not remember a time he had ever before felt so content. The small, nagging voice in his mind told him he didn’t deserve her. She was perfect, after all. But then, she wasn’t, was she? She was stubborn and pessimistic and sometimes stuck in her ways. He loved those things about her, too, even if he sometimes didn’t like them. He had loved her the moment he saw her, and still did, even after finding her flaws. And she loved him, even after finding his. The thought made the voice in his head go completely quiet, for the first time in a very long time. The broken pieces of the puzzles which made them up just happened to fit together exactly, and that was all that mattered, he decided. And he wasn’t scared. He wasn’t nervous about her falling out of love with him. He wasn’t worried about her realizing he wasn’t enough. Instead, he felt complete. He felt ready.

Ella cleared her throat, biting the inside of her cheek again. Then, after taking a moment to compose herself, she began: “So, here we are, Mariano. I’m really happy we decided to do this today, but that means we didn’t have time to plan what to say beforehand. And, like I said, you’re the writer here. So, I’m just gonna try my best...like we always do. We try for each other. I promise I’ll keep trying forever. Because there’s not been one second since I met you that I haven’t wanted to be with you. I miss you whenever you’re gone, even if you’re only gone for a minute. Even when I fucking hate you, I want you with me. Because you are the only person who’s ever made me feel like I’m home.”

Pausing for a moment, she blinked back her tears again. And she disentangled one of her hands from his, to wipe away the dampness on his cheeks with her thumb. His face reddened with embarrassment, but still, the small smile was ever-present on his lips. She clasped her hand in his once more, and continued.

“I love you, simple as that. I didn’t even believe in love when I met you. But then you came and fucked that mindset up royally. You gave me a bed when I was drunk, and you wrote notes in the margins of my books, and you showed me the Hudson River. And a million other things. I have never known a person who is more kind and intelligent and generous and thoughtful. And such a smartass,” she added, and everyone laughed.

She shrugged playfully, and squeezed his hands in return. “You’re the fucking best. You’re it, cutie. I know you know how I feel about that hopeless romantic bullshit you’re partial to. And I never thought I’d believe in soulmates. But, today, with you, I do. Because you’re mine, James Dean. And I’m yours. You once told me we belonged to each other, and I think that’s true. So, why not make it official in the eyes of the law?”

Again, they laughed. But Jess had to choke back more crying at her words. And he had to prepare himself for what he knew was coming. She had always been the better public speaker. He was so nervous he could barely contain himself, despite her beautiful vows. In fact, maybe even because of them. She wasn’t the writer, but she’d pretty much nailed it, he thought. For a fleeting moment, he felt sick from the anxiety. What if he fucked it up? But, again, she squeezed his hands.

And he felt more sure of himself as the officiant passed the torch to him. He cleared his throat, sniffed, and met her ardent hazel gaze. At once, he felt like it was just the two of them.

“I may be the writer, Stevens. But in just a minute everyone will see why I didn’t go into public speaking,” he began. She shook her head a little at him and giggled, urging him to go on. “When I came back to Stars Hollow for my mom’s wedding, all I could think about was you. You were everywhere in that town, even when you weren’t. I wanted to tell you how much I loved you, and I didn’t know how. Granted, the plan I came up with to tell you definitely wasn’t the best. But, while I was there, Luke gave me this book to help me...learn about open communication.”

She let out another laugh and her cheeks were mirthful roses.

“Hilarious, I know,” he deadpanned, and she kept giggling. The sound made his grin widen. “Anyway, I’ll spare you the details, even though you’ve been asking me for them for years. I always wanted to spend the rest of my life with you. Pretty much since the minute I saw you, honey. Even if you can’t relate to that Hemingway stuff, as you so eloquently put it. But there was one part in the book that made me decide to tell you. The narrator’s talking about the divorce of these two middle-aged tragedies named Philip and Judy. The narrator says Philip would have figured out how much he loved Judy if he had asked himself a few questions.”

Pausing, he averted her gaze for a moment. “I can’t believe Luke isn’t here to see me put this shit in my vows. I’m sorry, Eleanor.”

She chuckled through the happy tears welling in her eyes. “It’s okay, cutie. It’s perfect.”

He cleared his throat, nodding slightly. Taking his hands out of her grip, he reached into his jacket pocket to pull out an old, folded book page. He opened it, looking down, and began once more. “He should have asked himself the following questions: ‘Whose phone calls or visits are never unwanted or too long? Do you see her face? Who would you most like to have in your life to ward off moments of loneliness? Do you see her face? When you travel, who would make your travels more enjoyable? Do you see her face? When you’re in pain, who would you most like to comfort you? Do you see her face? When something wonderful happens in your life, with whom would you first want to share the news? Do you see her face? Whose face appears to you?’”

After the recitation, he folded the piece of paper back up and tucked it inside his jacket.

“Did you keep that this whole time?” she asked, blurting out the question before she could stop herself. She was overwhelmed with affection at the gesture, and for the moment, she could see no one else besides Jess as he stood across from her.

“Yeah, I ripped it out before I gave the book back to Luke,” he explained, lowering his voice, conspiratory.

She laughed. “Thief.”

He shrugged, unaffected. “Que será, será.”

Stifling another laugh, she nodded and composed herself. “Just checking. Go on.”

He retook her hands gently. His joking air disappeared and all at once, he was feeling the full weight of his emotion again. Clearing his throat, he hoped to ward off the shake in his voice. “I saw your face every time, Elle. Every single time. I wanted you to be that for me, and I wanted to be that for you. Because you’re beautiful, and you’re brilliant, and you’re the most unselfish person in the world. And I don’t want to spend one more second not married to you.” Then, after taking a deep breath, he finished: “Eleanor Stevens, I have been in love with you since I was seventeen.”

A smile so wide it hurt her spread across Ella’s face. She shook her head at herself as she began to cry just a little harder. Before she could think to say anything else, she pulled him in to place an affectionate kiss on his lips.

“Hey, we’ve still got a few paragraphs to get through, kids,” the officiant scolded them gruffly, though not unkindly.

Images of a flannel-clad diner owner back in Connecticut appeared in Ella’s mind. She caught Jess’s gaze, and he seemed to be thinking the same thing. She bit her lip, and then put her head to his shoulder, laughing loudly. His arm wrapped instinctively around her waist. Standing there, leaning on each other, they shook happily with messy giggles.

#gilmore girls fanfiction #jess mariano fanfiction #jess mariano x oc #jess x oc #gilmore girls au #jess mariano au #gilmore girls au fanfiction #jess mariano au fanfiction #gilmore girls #jess mariano #jess #oc #oc fanfiction #original character #x oc

[tysondabs]

Forest Lawn Memorial Park (Hollywood Hills)

trigger warnings and contents: death/parental death, a cemetery visit, L.A. traffic, expensive whiskey. 

************

If he was a smart person, Tyson would have known he could just google his father’s details and find out where he was interred from there. One simple google would have done it, but not being an internet-first person, he resorted to texting Angela instead. She was more than happy to give him the details, and mention in so many follow-up texts how happy she was he had decided to go see him. The knots in his stomach started then, something inside twisting at the way she said she was happy, proud, and that Johnny would be happy to have him visit, he was sure. There was a succession of emojis, hearts, flowers. The sailor knots twisted themselves tighter.

He set off the next day, somewhere between 2 and 3 on the drive. Had taken another day off at work, more sour faces from Lisa and threatening that he’d all but used up all his vacation days this year, but fuck her; he let any thought of her pass not to ruin the day, started his beat up, paint-chipped Honda civic and hit the road. Stone cold sober, nothing in his system but the black coffee he’d slammed back minutes earlier.

Cruising down Silverlake Boulevard, some familiar scenes until he left the familiar scenes for unfamiliar road, then merged onto the freeway. It was fine until he hit bumper to bumper traffic. Now? Midday? Fucking hell.

He hated driving in L.A. on the best of days, but now, without music, and the heat, and stopping every two minutes as the cars crawled up the drive, he was starting to get stir crazy minutes into the journey. At the next stop he pulled out his phone, checking notifications; a thought occurred to him, or rather, a desire. Maybe he could text Sasha. But he couldn’t picture a way to word ‘going to see my dad’ to her without it sounding fucking weird or stupid, so he tossed his phone to the passenger seat and continued driving (only to pull it back up again a moment later because he forgot he had the GPS going).

At some point, he got too engrossed in his thoughts, and missed the turn into Cahuenga Boulevard. Fucking hell, part two. Maps rerouted though, and after a very long roundabout, he was finally at a stoplight, opposite some weird building-slash-cottage. ‘Valhalla Entertainment’, the banner said, and that rang a bell (wasn’t that Jude’s kid’s name?). 14 years in this city, and he had absolutely no clue which part this was. Somewhere between the Hills, before or past the Hollywood Bowl, he rarely came here unless it was a party. The distractions had him nearly missing his turn into Barham, but he pulled it just as the light turned green, the odyssey getting longer by the minute and it would be a miracle, he felt, if he made it at all. At this point, there was an itch to just Fucking Get There, wherever ‘there’ was. He drove past a flower shop, contemplated stopping but decided against it. What good were flowers anyway, he had something better with him — a bottle of Four Roses bourbon, sitting passenger seat beside him. Johnny liked that one. Or so he thought. At any rate, there was a photo of him holding a bottle of it somewhere on the internet, one he looked psychotically happy in, that was burned into Tyson’s retinas. 

He drove past a sign for Universal City, and then a building loomed large, the New York Film Academy building (that made no sense to Tyson, why would the New York film academy be here? In L.A.? It made no damn sense). This entire city was Hollywood, it ate the city up and swallowed it whole, chewed and then spit it back out. That’s what it did to people, at least the ones who came seeking something in the realm of fame, anyway. Everyone else in the city was stuck under its heel, suffering and poor. The rich elite and the hoods; night and day contrasts. He knew which part he belonged to, and would prefer it over anything fancy that this town had to offer because it was all a farce, all an illusion. Though he wouldn’t begrudge any of his friends chasing fame money and success. He had plenty of those, and he hoped they could navigate the labyrinths in this concrete maze better than many did. Better than his dad sure had.  

Forest Lawn Drive creeped up on him as buildings thinned out and disappeared, he was close now, he could feel it. Before long, there was a large white building beside a brick church, and he was here. He stopped at Information, gave the coordinates he was looking for and they directed him. Straight up that road and it was somewhere in the middle, coordinates marked. The knots got tighter now as the boom barrier lifted and he drove into the cemetery. Thoughts narrow, throat dry. He pulled up to the right space, or what he thought was the right space. A piece of trivia fell into his head, remembering that Lemmy was buried here too. Maybe he’d snap a photo for Emma, if he could find it, if he could even remember. He followed the numbers as he slowed his car, looking out at names, gravestones marked in the ground in even rows. He stopped the car at the assumed right spot, parked it by the curb and killed the engine.

Now the hard part. In his stomach sat a lead pretzel. His breaths dug deeper and he thought of a girl with fair hair to try and bring himself out of it. It sure would’ve been nice if she was here, maybe he’d even be cracking jokes right now. He tended to do that in her presence, even when he was peak anxious and scared; like when they were boarding that plane. But there’s no one here, just him and his multiple personalities, the angry ones and the sad ones this time mostly. It was quiet up here, and he saw someone walking amongst the graves, and a caretaker not too far from that person. The church stood behind him down the slight incline of the hill, and everything else fell flat, in neat green rows. He thought of another girl, one from many years ago. She knew his deal, knew how he would get on this day, he’d told her as much. And when that day came around one time, she surprised him with a trip. They drove out of town to some peak overlooking the city, she’d packed a picnic, and made sure they had a day of it. That had been real nice of her to do.

He couldn’t sit here and rehash memories endlessly to avoid what he came for though, and Tyson got out the car, grabbing his trusty tin and the bottle of whiskey he’d brought with. The lead pretzel undid itself and became a slithering snake. Walking amongst the rows, he looked at names, family lots. Looking out for the right one. None of them were the right one. Angela had sent directions, but they were haphazard and not exact. Some five minutes passed this way, Tyson beginning to wonder whether he was in the right section at all, passing name after name, some sounding famous, some not. Some with fancy words the grave, or markings, and flowers left by them. He passed one with a shitton of flowers; either a recent or old Hollywood star. He came down one side and down the next row, starting to wonder if he should give up here and move on to the section directly below this one, maybe it was there she’d meant — when it caught his eye, the gravestone in the corner of an enclave, sitting flush with the earth.

John Robert ‘Johnny’ Dobbs. Beloved husband and father.   8/15/1964 - 4/27/2001 And when the winds carry you home, Remember who it was that sang your song.

There were bunches of flowers shrivelled up beside the grave, two sets of them. His throat felt heavy, scratchy as he stopped and kneeled before it, wondering who’d left them. It was hard to swallow now, impossible.

There was nobody around, but even had there been, Tyson didn’t think he’d let that stop him from doing what he did. He tried talking quiet at first, but maybe Johnny couldn’t hear him that way. Who knows how this thing worked. He took a tentative seat on the ground and crossed his legs, sighing. Looking up and squinting to the sky that still had a sun up high in it, still far from sunset, nowhere near it. A sheen of sweat showed on his brow between the parts obscured by his backwards cap. He frowned, and spoke to some space between the grass and the corner of the memorial stone.

“Well… I made it. I’m here.” Now that he thought about it, he probably should have come on his birthday instead. Because this…this was fucking depressing. The 20th anniversary. Twenty years it had been since he died in that hotel room all alone, and not since the actual funeral had he ever thought to come here. “I know I don’t…come here at all…ever…but I just wanted you to know I think about you…think of how you are…don’t even know if I believe in that heaven or hell shit, who knows…”

He tore out strips of grass that were beside him, and arranged them in a little, methodical pile. “Maybe this reincarnation shit is real and you’re out there somewhere…maybe on another planet. That would be cool. You were too good for this one anyway.” Rip, rip, more pieces of green to join the little pile he was making. “I wanted to…wanted to, uh, say something, actually.” He sniffled, not sure when his nose had started running, but it had now.

“I’m sorry.” He couldn’t finish the rest out loud but he thought it. I’m sorry for ever being mad at you, for throwing tantrums, for being a shit son. I’m sorry for pushing you away when you would come back because I thought you had left us. I know it wasn’t like that now. It wasn’t like that at all.

The tears rolled freely now, another unexpected surprise from the day. “Wish I could…I wish I could find the…” he shook his head, over and over, anger mixing into the rest of the feelings churning inside him, so much frustration, rage. That things even turned out this way. Had it not been for that, his dad could have been here, alive. Disappointing Tyson in the flesh and Tyson in turn disappointing him, but alive at least. “Fuckin’... kill them all…every last one…” He’d do it, too, no one could stop him. Not even the thought of a life in prison. “I know why you were the way you were, is all I wanted to say. Shit, I’m like that too. Maybe it runs in our genes.” He looked up like he was talking to someone, like there was a physical body here receiving his words, looking back at him. “Wish I could listen to your stuff too, because it’s good stuff. But I can’t…sorry.” There were people out there though, who listened, and still loved him, and had not forgotten him. He remembered the messages from fans he would get. That counted for something, at least. Maybe they could all listen in his place, since he could not. He knew Angela didn’t listen to his stuff either, and there was something to be said about that. At least he wasn’t alone feeling like this. 

He picked up the bottle of bourbon he’d brought with him and twisted open the cap. Tipping it back, he took a big drink, quenching his thirst, feeling the burn as the liquor travelled down his system. Gasping for breath as he pulled back, he poured the rest over all the grass. Here, all for you, he thought, some dark amusement to that. Probably haven’t had a drink in a long ass time, huh? He stopped when he’d all but created a puddle of whiskey before him that was getting too large. One more sip stolen of his own, and he placed the bottle right side up next to his gravestone. “That’s for you.” Surprisingly, the knot was easing up, or maybe it was put on hold. Maybe this wasn’t too bad. Maybe he could do it again next year, or in the summer when it came time for Johnny’s birthday. Twice a year.

Tyson let out a long breath he had been seemingly holding in, cheeks puffing out, chest heaving. He started to feel sickish now, queasy. Maybe he needed a smoke. Yeah. His tin came out, the usual stash of two prerolls in it. He hesitated, then pulled the spare one out, placing it next to the whiskey bottle. “I know you never liked this shit dad, but give it a try yeah?” he said, like he was persuading Johnny to change his mind on Tyson’s drug of choice. At the same time, lighting the other one he’d brought with him.  “Don’t know what kinda shit you had back in the eighties, but this is good stuff. Promise.” God, he was going crazy, fully lost it out here, smoking a joint and talking to a gravestone. A fucking joke. But nah, it wasn’t him, it was the world that was a joke, and he was just fine.

He stayed some time longer, until he’d smoke down the joint to the end, the buzz it offered providing some sort of calm to his frayed nerves, definitely making everything better. In a weird twist of events he felt hesitant to leave now, but eventually he did, getting up, dusting himself off. Crossing eyes with a woman across the lot as he did, somewhere in a not-so-far off distance. He wondered if she was visiting someone, but her husband joined her, photo camera in hand and it became quickly apparent they were tourists. He felt some kind of bile about that, the temptation to cuss them out as he walked past high, but he resisted. 

Fucking tourists.

Back in his now-overheated sat-in-the-sun-too-long car, he rolled the window down all the way, and breathed a long, relieved exhale again. His head went to the steering wheel as he tried to collect himself, pick himself up from what just happened. He was in a state but coming out of it, slowly, gradually. That hadn’t been too bad. He forgot half the things he’d wanted to say, but maybe he would think of them again on the drive back, write them down somewhere and then say them when he was back here again. If there was anything he wished for after all, it would be more time with Johnny. And Angela. He’d make a point to go back to Texas if it meant driving for two days. Alone. It was the tradeoff for spending time with his family, what he had left of it anyway, because in the end, that’s all you had, wasn’t it? 

Talking himself through and down some weird freakout episode wasn’t easy, but gradually, in this hot ass car that wasn’t getting any cooler, he somehow cooled down himself. Then he pulled out his phone and dialled a number. 

#self para #ft. johnny dobbs #death tw #parental death tw #grieving tw

[nico-di-genova]

omg i’m that same anon. i’m always down to read and i’m in college and i’ve had trouble finding books that aren’t cliche y/a (which are still fun not dragging them completely) and my moms nora roberts collection💀so any book recs you have at all i would read them all. the secret history sounds so good!

Okay wait, this is just the ask i’ve been waiting for. I have so many books for you!!

Ninth House by Leigh Bardugo

It’s a great book to read if you’re looking to step from YA into adult fiction. 

Spooky vibes (gore warning tho, it can get kind of gross.)

Also a college setting, takes place at Yale. Basically, the premise is that Yale has a bunch of secret societies and Alex is a member of Lethe who oversees all these other societies and keeps them in line. 

I am absolutely obsessed with this series tbh. Badass female lead, (seriously, Alex is one of the best female protagonists ever) intriguing plot that always leaves you on the edge of your seat, and Darlington (another character) is an amazingly well written character who I would die for. 

A Little Life by Hanya Yanagihara

If you’ve been following me for a while, this shouldn’t be a surprise rec tbh. 

Huge content warning for basically any trigger you could think of though (this book is a little soul crushing, but in a good way)

Follows a character named Jude St. Francis from his college days up until his fifties, also delves into his childhood. 

If you’re looking for help understanding life, and finding meaning in it, I highly recommend this book! Also, it’s great for anyone who struggles with feeling like they’re a burden (you’re not btw, and this book WILL tell you that). 

Willem. Just Willem 

The Goldfinch by Donna Tartt

Details loss, and the impacts it leaves, so beautifully. 

The imagery in this book *chefs kiss*.

Kind of gore/death warning. 

As someone who lost my parent at a young age, this book is honestly so personal. Similar to A Little Life, you follow the main character, Theo, from his childhood into adulthood. 

SPOILERS: The metaphor of the painting being Theo’s heart. I just!!!! Ahhhh!!!!

The Martian by Andy Weir

The movie with Matt Damon was based on this! 

Possibly one of the funniest books I have ever read, and also the only time I have ever enjoyed learning math/science. 

If you like space, and also a (headcanoned) asexual astronaut just being funky and getting depressed on Mars, it’s a great read! 

Watney’s internal dialogue is honestly just one long Tumblr shitpost. it’s amazing. 

The Raven Boys by Maggie Stiefvater

Technically YA, but this is hands-down my favorite book series so I had to include it. 

First book of the Raven Cycle series. 

Follows a group of high schoolers who are trying to find a dead welsh king so they can wake him and ask him to grant 1 wish. It sounds weird, but I promise it will only get weirder. 

Blue is also one of the best female protags ever! Gansey is a sweetheart, Ronan is a little shit, but he’s my little shit, and Adam, oh Adam :(. Basically all the characters are amazing!!

Sorry this got so long. I just really love talking about books. Anyway, I hope this helps!

#I currently have 30+ books on my bookshelf right now that I haven't read btw #but these are just a few of my favorites so far! #things from the inbox

[viviennes-tears]

Are you following me Mr Hiddleston? Chapter 1

18+ blog: It is YOUR responsibility, as a reader, to think about the content that you consume at your own discretion. 

~

Summary: Margot Foster takes her dream trip to New York, whilst she’s there she attends to a performance, of Harold Pinter’s Betrayal. After the performance, she and the rest of the audience wait outside the stage doors, for the cast Tom Hiddleston, Zawe Ashton and Charlie Cox to meet them. Yet, this is not the final time she sees them, especially Tom.

Warnings: anxiety attacks, depression, smut, mentions of blood clotting, ill family members, mentions of dead loved ones, mentions of cancer, stalker, out of body experiences and swearing.

Spoiler alerts: (for those who have never seen or read) Betrayal by Harold Pinter and mentions of other series etc.

------------------------------

Margot waited nervously on the damp pavement, with the rest of the crowd, (clearly there was a down pour whilst they were inside the theatre). They were packed and sectioned off by barriers, so they wouldn't hurt each other, or the cast when they came out the stage door. Luckily, she was right up at the barrier, which made this experience all the more special for her. Margot had gone alone, travelling all the way from Oxford, for this once in a life time opportunity, to see Betrayal on Broadway. As she stood there she kept to herself, not really focusing on what was going on around her. And, her hands began to shake a little, as she tried to keep a steady breathing rhythm.

The crowds on the other side started cheering, as the stage door opened. Margot's greeny-blue eyes darted over to the door. Zawe Ashton was the first out the stage door, swiftly making her way over to those on her right. Margot was in awe of Zawe's elegant beauty.

"Zawe!" Some fans called her name, as they waved their playbills in the air, at her.

"Hi guys! How are you?" Zawe said, as she got closer and took the first playbill in hand, with her black sharpie at the ready.

"Hi Zawe! I'm good thanks how are you?" A fairly young fan next to Margot, pushed her playbill forward, as she replied to Zawe.

"I'm very well, thank you for asking" Zawe quickly signed the playbill, before handing it back to her and reaching for the man's, who was stood behind her.

"You were amazing tonight Zawe" The man said, just as Zawe was passing his playbill back.

"Awh, thank you and thanks for coming!" Zawe spoke cheerfully, before moving on.

"Hi Zawe, you look absolutely stunning! And you were sensational tonight" Margot spoke with such enthusiasm, and was glad she even managed to form words.

"Thank you lovely, you're so kind. What was your favourite part?" Zawe took Margot's playbill and Betrayal poster to sign.

"I can't choose. Although, I rather enjoyed the first scene, when you were telling Jerry that Robert knows about the affair. The courage it took for your character to tell him, after all that time clearly was difficult. Oh and when you were all crying it made me cry." Margot smiled wide.

"I'm pleased you enjoyed the show." Zawe smiled back. Margot took her playbill and poster back and thanked her.

"Could I possibly get a photo?" Margot used her fingerprint to unlock her phone, straight onto the camera.

"Yes of course!" Zawe kindly accepted. Margot rotated the camera onto selfie mode as she turned around, in order to fit Zawe in the frame."Thank you!" Margot called, as Zawe began to move on, just as Charlie Cox came out the stage door. He too headed in the same direction as Zawe had to start with.

"Hi, did everyone enjoy the show?" Charlie came over, and began smiling at the fans.

"Yes!" Several fans answered him.

"Love you Charlie!" Called out a fan, who mustn't have been any older than eighteen.

"Love you too!" Charlie answered back and added, "a Daredevil fan are we?" As he pointed at an A4 poster she was holding from season 3.

"Yes! You're brilliant in the role, I've seen it over ten times." She handed over her poster and playbill, for Charlie to sign for her. "Save Daredevil!" She clapped with giddiness, then they posed for a photo together. Her smile was as wide as her face, and her eyes sparkled with excitement.

"Dude you were amazing!" A male fan extended his hand out, and Charlie shook hands with the man in thanks. Followed by a signed autograph on his playbill.

"Hi" Charlie spoke first, as he approached Margot.

"Hey, well done tonight, you did amazing!" Margot handed over her playbill and poster.

"Thanks, glad you could make it" Charlie was actually more handsome up close, and he spoke softly.

"Will you play squash anytime soon then?" Margot teased, remembering the scene that Robert and Jerry had a discussion, about why they don't play together anymore.

"We shall have to see" Charlie spoke in a flirty manor. He then handed everything back and signed, before posing for a photo with Margot.

"Thanks Charlie and save Daredevil!" Margot beamed. Suddenly, the fans went crazy as the stage door reopened. Margot's eyes snapped into the opposite direction, and her heart melted, as Tom Hiddleston stepped out.

Tom waved and smiled at the fans. He then turned to his left to sign autographs on that side, while Zawe and Charlie were still on the right. So many heads began bobbing up to see Tom better, as he was so close, yet so far away on the other side. Although, the fans had gotten louder as soon as Tom appeared, they still weren't anywhere near as loud, as Margot had expected.

"KNEEL LOKI!" Shouted a male voice, near the back of the crowd. Tom simply giggled and carried on signing autographs.

Margot started filming Tom interact with the fans, on the other side, until he crossed over to the right, as the other two passed to the left.

"Hi Tom, I'm such a huge fan!" A female fan at least in her early 30's, was gushing with excitement, as he approached. "I saw you in Coriolanus four times!" She added, as he began signing his name.

"Well thank you for going so many times. Which do you prefer, Betrayal or Coriolanus?" Tom asked, handing her things back.

"Coriolanus because, I love Shakespeare! Betrayal was fantastic by the way. But ugh...listening to you speak Shakespearean, is just...wow!" She couldn't hold back her fangirling, which only made Margot worry, about how she was going to act around him, when he got close.

"Tom you're my future husband!" Pipped up another fan, which made everyone nearby laugh.

"You'll have to buy me a drink first, ehehehe" Tom began to blush, a little, at her comment.

"How's it goin' Loki?" Asked a guy, who was almost taller than Tom, who was stood at the barrier.

"Very well, thank you. How's it going with you?" Tom asked politely, and started signing his name.

"Good yeah. Thanks man!" he replied, then took his playbill back, and his twin brother spoke next.

"Loved your performance tonight." He handed over his playbill.

"Thank you, very much appreciated." Tom quickly signed his playbill too.

"Can we get a photo?" One of them asked, as his brother prepared his phone's camera.

"Of course!" Tom swept his hair back, to make it more presentable for the selfie, after all there was a slight wind, which messed it up.

"Oh god here he comes!" Margot started to breath in deeply, at the thought, as Tom got closer and closer.

"Hi." Tom was now stood in front of Margot, taking her playbill and poster.

"Hi Tom, you were extraordinary tonight." Margot nervously began playing with her phone.

"Thank you, lovely. A clear English accent, a Londoner right?" Tom smiled at her, with the corners of his lips turned up.

"I live in Oxford, but I was born in London, and lived there until I was nine. I hope to move back to London next year though." Margot tucked a strand of her shoulder length brunette hair behind her ear.

"A true Londoner at heart." Tom winked, which made Margot's cheeks blush to a light pink. Tom then handed everything back.

"I loved the part where you, Charlie and Eddie couldn't keep it together, during the restaurant scene." Margot said.

"Ehehehe, we had messed up the other night, and Eddie had to set us off again tonight." He replied, and as he laughed, the corners of his eyes crinkled.

"Thank you, Tom." Tom was about to move on to the next fan..."Oh!" Margot touched Tom's arm lightly, regaining his attention, as she remembered another scene she wanted to mention. And, in that moment she felt a spark, before removing her hand. "The scene where Jerry goes to talk to Robert, in the middle of the play about the affair, that was a great scene. You could feel the tension between them, and the annoyance Robert had, but it was hilarious at the same time. You and Charlie played off each other amazingly." Margot bit her lip, trying to stop herself from freaking out, after touching his arm.

"It certainly is an awkward moment, but a fun scene to do." Tom smiled again at her.

"Could I get a photo quickly!" Margot managed to keep him a tad longer, as he agreed to take a selfie. He bent lower down, popping his head over Margot's shoulder, and smiled at the camera. Tom was then swiftly made to move along, but he lightly patted Margot's back. "See you soon, gorgeous." He then walked away, greeting the other fans.

"Oh god he called me lovely and gorgeous! Keep calm Margot he's friendly with everybody, and probably calls all the ladies that." Margot's heart was skipping a beat, then she breathed in deeply, as she checked out his bum.

As Tom finished up he touched Margot's hand, as he passed giving her one last smile. Margot couldn't help blushing again, at his touch and watched him walk away. He even glanced back at her, before joining Charlie and Zawe. They waved goodbye to the fans before disappearing back inside.

"BYE!" The fans all shouted, as the stage door closed.

The fans quickly began filtering out, into different directions. Margot couldn't move at first, as she was fixated on the stage door, hoping it would reopen and Tom would come back out.

"Please move along now, Miss." A security guard came up to Margot, snapping her out of her gaze and thoughts.

"Yes sorry, I'm going now." Margot began to leave, waiting for the traffic to pass, before she crossed the road.

Margot stood apposite to the Bernard B. Jacobs Theatre for a while, taking in all its glory. All lit up and standing proudly, gold framed doors shining under the light, its large blue sign, with white lights with gold trimming. And, covered in Betrayal images. Margot smiled to herself, as her gaze traveled over to Tom's ocean blue eyes, on the close up cast photos on the side. Then she turned right heading down the pavement a while, before crossing again and carrying on up, until she saw the sign saying Sombrero written in red. She turned left there down West 48th, passing a small ATM Deli and Grocery on the corner, and passing the Sombrero Mexican restaurant, which is next to it before crossing to that side further up. Margot couldn't stop smiling, the entire way back to her hotel, The Belvedere. She stepped through the door, seeing people in the corner of her eye at the desk, being checked in. She stopped in front of the golden covered doors to the lifts, still smiling, holding tightly onto her playbill and poster. Once, the lift doors opened she followed the couple in front of her, inside.

"What floor?" The man kindly asked, pointing his index finger at the buttons, while he held hands with his wife with the other hand.

"Four, please." Margot replied, before turning her gaze down at her playbill and poster, in hand taking in a deep breath.

The woman peeked over to see what Margot was holding, then she quickly looked away, once Margot looked up again. Margot smiled at the couple, just as the doors opened on the fourth floor.

"Well this is me! Night." Margot nodded a goodbye.

"Night!" They sounded after her exit.

Margot walked down the corridor on the left, heading for the door right at the bottom. The more steps she took the less everything felt real, that just had happened. It was starting to feel like a blur, time seemed slower, yet her breathing was still unsteady, and her heart is racing. Once she unlocked the door to her room, she turned on the lights, passing a small kitchen area on the left. Followed by the bathroom and a small walk in wardrobe, to the right, then reaching her double bed. Margot slumped down onto the bed, kicking her black heeled ankle boots off, and finally lying back, with her legs hanging off the end. She dropped her poster and playbill on the floor, as her grip loosened. She stared at the ceiling, trying to take control of her breathing, and time seemed to be going at the normal speed again.

Tom Hiddleston Masterlist

Source: @viviennes-tears

#are you following me mr hiddleston #fan fiction #tom hiddleston fanfiction #tom hiddleston #hiddles #HIDDLESTONERS #betrayal #Harold Pinter #charlie cox #zawe ashton #margot foster #chapter 1 #viviennes-tears

[jocelynscloset]

NSFW Alphabet : Kylo Ren Edition

– This is the Kylo Ren Edition of my NSFW Alphabet series! If you have any suggestions for who you’d like me to make one for next feel free to send me an ask, and if you’d like to be added to the tag list for Emma Roberts’ characters, let me know! If you’re unaware of the concept, NSFW alphabet is an unpacking of a person/character’s sex life, and it’s a small paragraph for each letter describing your personal head canons about them. Please like, reblog, and share if you enjoy it.

Warning(s): smut, cum, this is all about sex so…

Word Count: 1,883

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A - Aftercare

Kylo is as affectionate as he is aggressive, when it comes to you. Aftercare is a simple thing for the two of you, most of the time. He knows that you like to shower with him before bed and fall asleep wrapped up in his bare arms, with your face buried in his neck. He’s especially careful with you after a particularly rough night together, making sure to caress every inch of your skin with a feather light touch while he takes care to wash you in the shower, brushing his fingers gently through your hair and over your skin in small, rhythmic motions while you fall asleep on top of him, taking solace in the sound of your small puffs of breath against him.

B - Body Part

Kylo loves your hands. They’re tiny and fragile compared to his rough, calloused ones and he loves to hold them, stroke them, kiss them, etc. He particularly loves how they look when you’re asleep with one arm resting across his abdomen and your arm slightly bent so one hand rests curled against him, so small and delicate against his broad, muscular chest. He also thinks it’s kind of adorable when you’re stroking his cock and you can barely touch your thumb to your other fingers around him.

C - C*m

Kylo likes to release onto your tummy, watching you writhe underneath him and squirm at the warm liquid coating your skin. He never leaves you like that long, though, as he always wants you to be comfortable and doesn’t find joy in that kind of degradation for very long at a time.

D - Dirty Secret

Kylo is big into the predator/prey dynamic in the bedroom and he wants to introduce it to you in a way that doesn’t necessarily devolve into your regular sub/dom routine. He’s not into animal play but he does like the idea of resistance (ironically enough) and sort of earning his way to you.

E - Experience

Kylo isn’t super experienced, but he’s naturally intuitive when it comes to your body and his and how they fit together. He’s been with a few other people, and had the chance to explore a lot of his interests with them, but he’s been more open to the intimacy involved with a sexual relationship now that he’s with you.

F - Favorite Position

Kylo loves any position where one of you is in complete control. It depends on the mood of the night, whether you’re submissive or dominant, but if one of you is clearly in charge of the evening, he likes to keep that person physically in control because it adds to the immersion of the dynamic. He’s more often than not the dominant in your relationship, but when you want to take control he really embraces it and tries to support you by keeping you physically dominant over him, even if he needs to hold you up.

G - Goofy

Giggles happen between you and Kylo, but rarely. Things are fairly smooth when you’re having sex, so there’s not a lot of awkward situations that prompt one or both of you to react with humor.

H - Hair

Both of you take it upon yourselves to stay well groomed and fresh, because both of you kind of have a thing about hygiene. Maybe you didn’t before you two got together, but Kylo’s incessant neatness and order kind of seeped into your routine and now it’s a priority. You mainly do it because he likes it, and he mainly does it for his own comfort. Those pants are tight.

I - Intimacy

Kylo’s intimacy with you didn’t come naturally. He was cold and unavailable at first, but opened up at his own pace and eventually the warmth was welcomed by him. The same evolution occurred parallel with your sex life. Things at one point were routinely rough, cold, and to the point, but now he takes his time, praises you, and holds you close afterward. He makes sure that not only are you sexually satisfied, but you’re fed, clean, happy, and entertained. It took a long time to develop but it happened.

J - Jack Off

Kylo has a lot of pent up emotion and anger, and he usually channels it into his work or into just.. destroying things. He’s found over time, however, that the stress relief he feels when he gets himself off is far more effective, both in effectiveness and cost of replacing equipment. It’s not necessarily something he looks forward to because of the orgasm, but because he knows it will release the tension in his muscles and his mind and just give him some reprieve from his constant stream of thoughts and responsibilities.

K - Kink

He’s always been a little partial to roughness in the bedroom, but Kylo particularly loves restraining you, whether partially or completely, and then being torturously slow and gentle to the point where you’re begging him and whining and writhing for him to do anything. He also loves when you give him a little shit, like “Kylo, I’m busy, we can do this later” when he knows you’re absolutely on your own time and that you want him just as much as he wants you.

L - Location

Kylo will fuck you pretty much anywhere on Starkiller Base, including before the eyes of his subordinates. However, it completely depends on your comfort. He’s happy to get his hands on you, even if it’s confined within walls of your shared bedroom. He knows you like your privacy and intimacy, and he respects that. If you’re in the mood to get a little risky, though, he’s always right there with you.

M - Motivation

Kylo is almost always either annoyed, angry, or sad, and those are by far the easiest to convert into sexual energy. You’re an expert at this maneuver, and you’re usually the one who instigates sex because you are so good at flipping that switch. If he’s depressed, you’re gentle around him, loving, and that makes him want to give you pleasure because you’re just so goddamn precious to him and you make his life worth living. If he’s annoyed, you’re the first one to escalate it to the point where he’s full on snippy and you turn it into the kind of cat-and-mouse game you two enjoy so much. If he’s seething, murderous, etc., you tend to either ask him to take it out on you, you know, rough you up a little, throw you around, be a bit rougher than usual, or you calm him down and take control, straddling his lap and getting in a quick, tiring round that makes the tension flood from his body.

N - No

Kylo doesn’t have a lot of hard limits to your sexual endeavors, but he refuses to degrade you. He has so much respect for you that he can’t imagine even pretending that you’re below him. He truly believes that you’re a goddess that was given to him to love, and he doesn’t like the idea of that kind of dynamic being introduced. He’ll do subtle degradation, though, especially in more sub/dom situations, like mocking your desperation for him.

O - Oral

Kylo has a huge thing for having his hair tugged at, and there’s no better position for that than being buried between your soft, smooth legs. He loves to hear your unrestrained cries and screams and desperate panting. It’s the act that makes him feel he’s most in control, and he always likes to make sure you have at least two orgasms in a night, so this usually triggers the first one.

P - Pace

It really depends on the mood. Kylo has a tendency to be somewhat gentle with you, no matter the tone of your night, even if he’s throwing you around like a doll, he’s always careful to make sure you’re still comfortable. Kylo generally takes his time, unless he’s unable to, like if you two are sneaking in a quickie between two other events. If he’s going really rough on you, he still likes to drag it out, and if he’s worshipping you, he really, really savors it.

Q - Quickie

Not huge in your relationship, surprisingly enough. He’s the master of the castle, so there’s nothing he can’t push off in favor of spending time with you, so you two typically get to take your time. However, on really busy days where you both can’t spare two seconds, a quickie isn’t unheard of.

R - Risk

Since Kylo’s in charge of the First Order, there’s really no risk in you two bringing your sex life outside the bedroom, however, it’s fun to pretend there is because you don’t actually have to worry. Sometimes you just really need him and you two have a slow, sloppy make out session while he’s sitting on his throne and being addressed by different subordinates periodically. Sometimes it… escalates.

S - Stamina

Kylo has steadily built up his stamina over time and he can usually go once or twice in a night, but he also loves to drag out a night with you. Literally fuck you all. night. long. So, he has a lot of time to recover between the times when he’s inside you.

T - Toys

Not a huge thing on Starkiller Base, but he does use the force on you frequently and his lightsaber has seen some interesting places.

U - Unfair

Kylo doesn’t tease you very much, or at least not on purpose. He knows you find his uniform very sexy and that you love watching him work and boss around people like Hux, but your neediness in relation to these things is somewhat out of his control. He does make sure to take advantage of it, though.

V - Volume

Kylo mostly expresses his pleasure in low growls or groans, being especially loud when you go down on him. He likes to let you know you’re making him feel good, so he’s not shy with his noises of praise. Though, he loves to hear the whimpers and moans falling from your lips more than anything, so he restrains his own voice most of the time so he doesn’t drown them out.

W - Wildcard

Kylo loves when you help him train, especially because you two usually end up on the mat in a more… intimate position than most combat partners do. Oh, and he loves fucking you when you’re wearing his shirts.

X - X - Ray

Kylo is well-endowed. No doubt. His size took a while for you to adjust to, and it was a few times with him before you could actually take all of him at once, so needless to say, he’s impressive. Pretty looking, too.

Y - Yearning

It’s very, very uncommon for Kylo to reject your advances, and it’s rare that a night ends without one or both of you having an orgasm. Sex is just an organic part of your routine that neither of you really grow tired of, so yeah you’re both pretty horny for each other all the time.

Z - Zzzzz…

`Kylo falls asleep almost immediately after sex, especially on a rougher night. He always pulls you close and makes sure you’re clean and comfortable, first, and usually you shower together before passing out in bed in the warmth of each other’s embrace.

__

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[allthefilmsiveseenforfree]

Joker

It’s hard to write a movie review for a movie that everyone already has an opinion about (whether they’ve even seen the film or not). And I know that comes off as very “boo hoo, pity me, the poor movie reviewer who saw this movie for free and now has to WRITE WORDS about it for fun” but listen, there’s some real pressure here. Todd Phillips’ vision of Arthur Fleck (Joaquin Phoenix) and his descent into madness at the hands of a cruel and violent world is nominated for 11 Oscars, including Best Picture, and even though as a society it feels like we’re kind of over the Oscars, they are also somehow still Very Important all at the same time. So is this film a gritty, IMPORTANT, timely warning of the dangers of a man pushed too far? Or is it a sad power trip that encourages an all too common sense of entitlement and violence amongst the men who are presumably most likely to resonate with its message? Well...

Honestly? Fucking neither. It’s shot beautifully (how could it not be when Todd Phillips is just trying to do everything Martin Scorsese would do, but a little less well) and Joaquin Phoenix’s performance is truly, singularly committed and brilliant. But Phoenix is suffering from the same problem as Rami Malek and his incredible performance as Freddie Mercury last year - the movie each man is at the center of (in spite of their incredible acting) is not nearly as clever or interesting as it wants to be or could have been. 

Some thoughts:

Arthur is certainly a man in pain in a world that doesn’t really care about him. Gotham is a tense, struggling city, and all the people Arthur encounters treat him with disdain or cruelty. To me, this is less an issue of the moral decay or lawless attitudes of the city, and more about the ways in which poverty poisons people’s lives and souls. This movie depicts class warfare in a way that feels garish and cartoonish, which would be appropriate and possibly kind of cool if it weren’t trying to take everything VeRy SeRiOuSlY. 

He’s isolated, depressed, full of rage, and everyone thinks he’s creepy - sure, random coworker, hand him a gun, that checks out.

Also, the movie places us in a weird position almost from the start, because Arthur can’t help that he has brain damage and a disability (his laughter) that makes people uncomfortable. But we’re also supposed to...feel bad for him? understand his frustration? when he gets fired for bringing a gun to a children’s hospital. I don’t think the film necessarily positions us to sympathize with Arthur by the end of the film, but it doesn’t not do that either. 

If a man you don’t know walks outside your gate with a clown nose on, you turn and run.

If a man you don’t know puts his thumbs in your mouth, you DEFINITELY turn and run.

One interesting thing that I did ruminate on for quite awhile - Arthur never harms any people of color. Zazie Beetz and Brian Tyree Henry both have interesting supporting roles and are true highlights of the film, and they manage to escape their encounters with Arthur relatively unscathed (albeit disturbed). Let it be said, Arthur only punches up, not down.

A big part of the reason why I say the movie isn’t as clever as it thinks is the lack of engagement with all of the big, nasty themes running through it. A lot of big thematic punchlines are left unexamined, and I’m sorry, just pointing out LOOK AT THIS THING THAT EXISTS is not the same as engaging with it. This is like the Ready Player One approach to social justice issues, or if that phrase is too triggering how about simple fucking human decency, and it rings hollow. For example, two police officers heavily imply that Arthur’s mother (Frances Conroy) is to blame for the violence she and Arthur suffered at the hands of an abusive boyfriend. Is Phillips’ script trying to comment on victim blaming and rape culture here? Based on Arthur’s reaction to the news, I would say no. Or how about the social worker Arthur goes to for counseling saying her department is being shut down due to budget cuts. Is Phillips trying to interrogate the lack of infrastructure in place for mental health support or any other social safety net meant to enhance the public welfare? Well, considering people who have a mental illness are more likely to be the victim of a violent crime than to perpetrate one, I’d say again, no. 

When this thing gets bloody, it gets REAL BLOODY. I was prepared, kind of, but it still turned my stomach.

I’m unsure how to feel about Arthur’s appearance on the talk show - the southern belle accent, the dancing, the makeup - it all feels very camp, very queer coded villainy in a way that feels regressive rather than a loving homage to theater and film history. 

In fact, describing anything about this movie as loving feels impossible. Even the beautiful cinematography and the effective score - it all feels like it’s born out of spite and ugliness. Like someone dared Todd Phillips to make the most anti of antihero movies, and he wrote the script by fear pissing the words into a snow bank. 

Did I Cry? Um yeah, no. 

From a structural standpoint, the beats are solid and the tension is tight. It builds and builds until Arthur’s face-off against the late night talk show host (Robert De Niro) who was once his hero until he brutally mocked Arthur on his show. It’s the climax of the film, the pot that boils over, the match lighting the gasoline, and I was so tense I thought I was going to cry and then....I wasn’t. The balloon popped too early for me, the scene verged into something so over-the-top that I completely lost any sense of narrative tension for the rest of the movie. 

Which brings us to the ending, that shit-eating-grin-ain’t-i-a-stinker ending. If it undermines everything that came before it, I feel like well what was the point? And if it doesn’t, I feel like well what was the point? You can only play with ambiguity so much before the audience either gets bored or gets mad. Also, I’m gonna have a real hard fucking time if this movie that ends like an episode of Scooby Doo wins a Best Picture Oscar.

The performances are all top notch, but I found this a deeply unpleasant movie watching experience that feels like a very expensive meal at a fancy restaurant. The ingredients are all there, but throwing them all together in very small quantities and dressing them up with pretty garnishes doesn’t necessarily leave anyone feeling satisfied or full of anything but the potential for what could have been. 

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#119in2019 #joker #joker review #joker 2019 #joaquin phoenix #robert de niro #zazie beetz #frances conroy #Brian Tyree Henry #movie reviews #film reviews

[sanguinarius-archive]

im not that familiar with treatsforbeats i watched like. a few videos but other than that i know nothing! but i would be glad to hear you info dump!

there is SO MUCH..... im gonna put a read more below because this turned out to be way longer than i expected. but you asked for me to infodump so here goes

okay so. treatsforbeasts, i dont know what the whole meaning behind the channel is. i cant specifically say what the goal of the channel’s content is because its all in my interpretation. but i do know that there are meanings behind each video as silly as it may seem and im just gonna list them off here (note that not all videos will be included since i may not be able to interpret every one, also this is going from earliest to most recent)

1. men with small hands carry very little treats to give to little girls with the sharpest little teethinterpretation of this video is csa/child sex trafficking. “little treats” refers to pills or some form of drug (small, makes u trip). however the “sharpest little teeth” could represent the little girl fighting back.

2. mom ordered ants for my birthdaychild abuse. mother forces son to watch and/or possibly engage in inappropriate activity with her husband.

3. i love jesusobviously a dark parody of christianity/catholicism. shows how blindly some fanatical christians/catholics will follow their beliefs, to the point where they no longer truly “follow” it as theyve warped the message to fit their own morbid desires (using christianity/the bible to excuse hatred and judgment upon others).

4. i me you love godanother dark parody of christianity/catholicism. i believe it mocks how fanatical christians/catholics focus only on the negative aspects of the bible instead of learning the true messages, as many of the words used are from the bible and are negative words.

5. behdsPROBABLY just a silly video but, i think it represents how people let negativity embed itself into their lives and complain about it even though it’s so easy to just let go of it.

6. jaffreymocking some sitcoms for how dumb and repetitive they can be.

7. kiss papa’s mustachepossibly child abuse, again.

8. storytimereferences/implies child abuse. storytime is also the name of one of treatsforbeasts’ songs on his Sanguinarius - Sin Nomine album.

9. hymns for him (1 + 2)just total parody albums of christian rock. vocals make you feel like youre dying but its actually kinda good to listen to in some parts

10. i screaming inside my headRoii (the character)’s first appearance. also probably symbolizes how depressing some kinds of music are

11. felines have nine livesnot sure but i feel like this is a warrior cats reference, in complete and total honesty (dont watch it if you dont like c/at d/eath though, its fictional but. yeah)

12. beastsreflection of society as a whole

then there’s. the two short films and sin nomine. so i’m gonna delve into that now and be warned, it’s fuckin long

treatsforbeasts is the self-titled short film and the first longest video on the treatsforbeasts channel. basically what i get from this is that treatsforbeasts, the channel itself, symbolizes an actual channel that chauncy (the child character in the short film, who is portrayed as a literal oral fleshlight with a body) watches. he consumes these concepts, such as internalizing misogyny (claw-paw skit), toxic masculinity (can i like balloons skit) and being exposed to a normalization of christianity (heaven and hell skit). there’s also a skit in which a spider binge eats and then proceeds to throw it up, which chauncy actually mimicks when his father brings him food.his father very much disapproves of these messages being shown on tv. he tells chauncy in regards to the claw-paw skit, when chauncy belittles the female character, “that’s not very nice, now is it”, and says “you can like ballons, you can love balloons if you want to”. his father goes on long tangents about how many institutions have normalized and inherited the concepts of christianity, and that it is one of the contributing factors of violence in the world. he references colonization, the holocaust, and in general mentions minorities.we learn that the father actually ended up being a father to chauncy in the first place due to (nsfw tw) masturbating in a sock to a picture of robert smith, and 9 months later chauncy was born. so technically there is no mother. the father talks about the meaning of life, and how everyone on the inside is a little bit of a freak, but there’s only two real ways you can accept that: 1) realize that your freakishness gives you a special lense through with you see the world and aid it in the ways the sane and happy ones probably cant, and 2) realize that real way number 1 is just lying to itself and that youre still a somewhat integral part of the lives of those you care for so deeply. he says that choosing which way to live really reverts back to the meaning of life, that you cannot live day by day believing there’s no reason to. “but whatever reason you give yourself to live, [...] you do it, because it is correct to live.”

sin nomine comes after the first short film, but i’ll delve into that after because really it touches on many many of the points and interpretations here.

the second short film, the beast is dead, was released just this year on valentines day! i think the main focus of the short film ranges from relationships to just once again a mockery of christianity/catholicism. once again it starts off with a father and his son. there is no mother figure present though she’s said to have left, due to the father watching too much “birdies”, a show, which i think is a metaphor for porn addiction. the father is implied to being prone to neglecting the son’s wants and not really caring for him, being disappointed in him, etc. etc..something important about the beast is dead is that it uses masks to portray those who are “followers” and those who are not. the father, interestingly enough, does not wear a mask. he seems to acknowledge what his son is saying when he goes on philosophical rants as well, but disregards them as nonsense and ends up leaving after bonking him with the stupid spike (metaphor for how parents will shut their children up by giving them a phone or toy to play with).the three other characters who don’t use masks in the beast is dead are Roii, Tom, and Doctor Zoughth (pronounced Zoth). Roii makes a comeback, finally! but this time he’s singing a song called “i love the sound of screaming babies”. it symbolizes how men will impregnate women and then run off, whether or not because they fantasize about pregnant women. it could also be a want of seeing a hurt child (hence the line “i know that all of you watching must think i’m insane, for loving when something so innocent is in so much pain”).however another interesting factor is that, the characters who don’t have masks, aside from Tom and the father, have red eyes at some point. this is a metaphor for how they’ve lost their humanity. Roii, at some point in the music video scene, only has one red eye whereas his other is normal. this hints at how part of him has lost his humanity while the other is still in tact.the other character that has red eyes is Dr Zoughth, but instead of him having only one red eye, both his eyes are red. this doesnt show until later though when he’s taken Tom away from the masked characters (followers). Dr Zoughth is very much self-aware. he is not blind, but simply has lost his humanity. Tom tries to reach out to him, to get him to think differently, that maybe resorting to coping with emotional struggles by worshipping something simple like flesh or something more higher than himself and forgetting his own mortality isn’t the healthiest way to live. but Dr Zoughth, having been long gone already, does not accept this and executes Tom.his own personal disciples grow tired of his tyranny and kill him and perform a ritual of some kind, disposing of his body (in the river i think, not sure). this entire ending of the film is basically the title, the beast is dead. but, i believe the beast is not dead, personally, because someone like Zoughth will always live on in other people, other beasts.there’s also a scene called grandma hespar and i think it implies how little people focus on sexual abuse towards men (when it’s from women).

anyways, with that being said, it’s time for sin nomine.

so now that i’ve explained pretty much all of treatsforbeasts to you, and whoever else is reading, it’s clear that the person behind this has issues with christianity (or catholicism), and child abuse. the person behind treatsforbeasts is Jordan Diniz, as he is also the person behind sanguinarius.

sin nomine is a very personal reflection of jordan’s life from what i gather. it depicts his struggles with how he views the world around him, whether that be due to personal experiences or not. at first i interpreted most of sin nomine to be the story of someone who is lgbt, but with jordan himself coming to me and telling me he is straight (POLITELY), it’s clear that is not the case.

so it most likely has to do with trauma. either religious or not, or both. it even says in the song storytime (remember i mentioned it earlier?), “fast hand, white hot trauma, reverberates inside the skull. innocence and intellect raped, reveals a view of a darker world. flesh on flesh, the bonds of affection - confused for the bonds of submission and fear. self-hatred and mistrust repel all beauty that comes near.” i don’t like to say that this solidifies a personal experience, but it’s highly possible.

a lot of sin nomine kind of goes over the same points in different ways, but it makes you think. i definitely feel like something happened to jordan at some point in his life but that is his story and it’s not my place to truly tell, since i don’t know him personally.

there’s also the other channel, adrianturcher. it has videos with seemingly no real purpose except for there being two videos with the same names of two songs on sin nomine, “nex memoria” and “a fetish for psychos”. nex memoria is just a compilation of clips that seem to symbolize the process of death (nex memoria is a latin phrase which very roughly translates to “memory’s death”). a fetish for psychos is a bunch of old clips from parties and shows that possibly jordan himself attended. they’re from 2002 judging by the date in the video. the lyrics in the song “a fetish for psychos” also seem to hint at these events, so it’s possibly that it’s like looking back on happy memories that make you feel sad instead or something. the song also might possibly reference a mother at the beginning.

sanguinarius also has its own channel simply called sanguinarius. there’s the music video for divine comedy (one of the songs on sin nomine) and a cover of because you’re young by david bowie, posted on his birthday a year after his death.

anyway, that’s. pretty much all i have to say. jordan diniz is a fuckin’ mastermind, he’s really good and cool and he’s very kind from my experience talking with him a couple times. he supports the gays as well!

sooooo, treatsforbeasts does have some very creepy/unsettling moments in its content but its EXTREMELY good and i recommend getting into it if you can. 100/10

#asks #tfb #treatsforbeasts #sanguinarius #ok 2 rb #deerlcorn

[lcdrarry]

LCDrarry proudly presents:

The LCDrarry Box Office Hits 2019

It's Reveals Day! Thank you so much for participating in and following along with the first edition of "Lights, Camera, Drarry"!

We hope you enjoyed the fest and all the wonderful creations as much as we did.

Your LCDrarry Mods, Suzi and Tami (@erin-riwen & @llap115)

PS: Now check out who wrote your favourite fics and created all that wonderful art under cut ;) And please share this post to show your appreciation! Thank you!!

Draco Malfoy’s Stupendous Seduction Seminar

Prompt: #3 | "Legally Blonde" - 2001 - Robert Luketic Author: @lettersbyelise Word Count: 8,700 words Rating: Explicit Warnings: No warnings

Summary: Draco Malfoy offers to help his coworkers to improve their seduction techniques, with unexpected consequences.

Read "Draco Malfoy’s Stupendous Seduction Seminar" on AO3.

Love, Harry

Prompt: #118 | "Love, Simon" (2018, dir. Greg Berlanti); "Alex Strangelove" (2018, dir. Craig Johnson) Author: Zzzara / @big-draco-energy Word Count: 26.4k Rating: Explicit Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings

Summary: Harry Potter keeps a huge secret: that scary thing he can't tell anyone about. Until a mysterious penfriend changes his life, because he keeps a secret, too.

Read "Love, Harry" on AO3.

Harry Potter and the Disorder Of The Phoenix

Prompt: #93 | "Harry Potter and The Order of The Phoenix" (2007 - David Yates) Author: @postjentacular  Word Count: 1.3k Rating: General Warnings: It's all getting a bit meta

Summary: An exasperated werewolf-slash-professor, a decidedly not-dead drama queen, a brat, and a straight white man settle down to watch a movie. It goes as well as you'd expect.

Read "Harry Potter and the Disorder Of The Phoenix" on AO3.

Heavy Burden

Prompt: #132 | "Howl's Moving Castle" - 2004 - Hayao Miyazaki Author: ViridianJane Art Medium: digital Word Count: 225 Rating: General Warnings: N/A

Summary: Harry offers to help ease Draco's burden, and Draco can't find it in himself to refuse.

Enjoy "Heavy Burden" on AO3.

The Shape of Desire is Your Name

Prompt: #8 | "Call Me By Your Name" - 2017 - Luca Guadagnino Author: @dracoismytrashson​ Word Count: 44.6k Rating: Explicit Warnings: Internalized Homophobia

Summary: In those days, I often felt like I wanted to burn the world or I wanted it to burn me, scorch me with it’s mysteries and mundanities until I was a blackened strip of a thing, rapturously spent and reshaped into something far more interesting than I’d ever been. I was waiting for something to happen to me, some indelible experience to come along and justify this dangerous searing feeling inside me, this dormant volcano that felt at turns exciting and oh so volatile. I was certain Harry Potter was that thing. The match to my tinder.

Read "The Shape of Desire is Your Name" on AO3.

The Extraordinarily Magical Host Club

Prompt: #94 | "Ouran High School Host Club" - 2006 - Series Author: @bafflinghaze​ Word Count: 20.6k Rating: Teen and up Warnings: No warnings

Summary: One day, Harry Potter, Saviour of the Wizarding World, breaks a one-hundred-thousand galleon magical artifact that belongs to the ‘Host Club’, consisting of six not-so-mysterious purebloods. Unable to be reparioed and Harry’s inheritance tied up in charities, Harry’s forced to work for the Host Club to pay back the damages! Cue all the hijinks that come with dealing with a bunch of (mostly rich) purebloods...and maybe a bit of romance, too??

Read "The Extraordinarily Magical Host Club" on AO3.

The Thing I Hate About You

Prompt: #140 | "10 Things I Hate About You" - 1999 - Gil Junger Author: ElleGray / @diligent-thunder​ Word Count: 1030 Rating: Mature Warnings: poetic mentions of blood, slut-shaming/use of the word 'whore'

Summary: An epistolary of a poet and his future lover, in which Draco is annoyed, Harry is a messy little shit, Blaise is a Bad Friend, and shit goes down in a flood of gin and hot chips. Ultimately, Draco laments his inability to master his heart, and oh so dramatically falls apart (in iambic pentameter).

Read "The Thing I Hate About You" on AO3.

A Series of Unfortunate Ghosts

Prompt: #61 | "A Christmas Carol" - 1984 - Clive Donner Author: bottseveryflavorbeans_jrayoh23 Word Count: 25.8k Rating: Mature Warnings: death talk, depression, self-hatred, physical and emotional abuse (not between H&D), suicidal thoughts

Summary: It’s sixth year and Draco Malfoy’s life is about to change thanks to some meddlesome ghosts who show him the path he is on is not the only path for him. Between their ghoulish advice and some deep soul searching, Draco regains some of the hope he lost.

Read "A Series of Unfortunate Ghosts" on AO3.

Nightingale

Prompt: #44 | "The Great Gatsby" - 2013 - Baz Luhrmann Author: Forgetticus Word Count: 5.6k Rating: Teen and Up Warnings: none

Summary: Harry, Draco, Millicent, Pansy and Blaise pile in the Duesenberg to go to a party in the Great Gatsby Universe.

Read "Nightingale" on AO3.

Hot Air

Prompt: #36 | "Avatar: The Last Airbender" - 2005 - Series Author: fantom_ftnoise / @fantom-ftnoise​ Medium: Digital Art Rating: Teen and Up Warnings: Rated T for a wee little rude gesture

Summary: When firebenders butt heads with airbenders, it can be explosive. For Draco Malfoy and Harry Potter, it's just another year at Hogwarts School of Elements & Bending.

Enjoy "Hot Air" on AO3.

Revelation

Prompt: #127 | "Boy Erased" - 2018 - Joel Edgerton Author: Zzzara / @big-draco-energy​ Word Count: 26k Rating: Explicit Warnings: Rape/Non-Con (not between H & D) - please read the tags & author notes!

Summary: I know I'm lost forever. From now on, I am not able to un-trust him. It's like falling in love, but deeper - more secure and safe. Something that's not easily undone, not with him. It’s a revelation. Have you ever fallen in trust?

Read "Revelation" on AO3.

Run Away

Prompt: #115 | "Titanic" - 1997 - James Cameron Author: carereren / @straightasdrarry​ Word Count: 5.8k Rating: Explicit Warnings: internalized homophobia, period-typical homophobia (set in 1912)

Summary: Draco Malfoy has to choose between love or his family as he boards the RMS Titanic.

Read "Run Away" on AO3.

Dying in L.A.

Prompt: #143 | "A Star is Born" - 2019 - Bradley Cooper Author: tsundanire / @breathofmine Word Count: 9.6k Rating: Explicit Warnings: Angst, Drug use, Implied/referenced alcohol abuse/alcoholism, implied/referenced drug addiction, mental health issues, addiction, implied referenced self-harm, Inspired by "A Star is Born", Ambiguous/Open ending.

Summary: After the war, Harry loses all sense of purpose. He travels the world aimlessly, from one spot to the next, chasing a high that never lasts. When the morning comes all that's left is a pounding head, and a foul taste in his mouth. Until he stumbles into a bar in L.A., where his past and present collide.

Read "Dying in L.A." on AO3.

Nobody Tells You How

Prompt: #137 | "Return to Me" - 2000 - Bonnie Hunt Author: @thirdeyeblinkings​ Word Count: 34.2k Rating: Explicit Warnings: Canon Character Death, Grief/Mourning, Explicit Sexual Content

Summary: Draco never expected to find love once, let alone twice. But how does love work when your heart's still broken? **OR** Harry gets a heart transplant and develops feeings for Draco, but those two things are not related. Until they are.

Read "Nobody Tells You How" on AO3.

We Are Going Back In Time

Prompt: #68 | "Skyfall" - 2012 - Sam Mendes Author: GlitternGlow Word Count: 4.7k Rating: Mature Warnings: Graphic Depictions of Violence, Major Character Death (MCD), Swearing

Summary: Draco has been 007 for a while, his mother and father, even his friends are part of MI6. One day he sets his eyes on his new handler, a scruffy black-haired youth with enough balls to stand up to him. Can they beat Silva and bring him down before anything else happens? And will Draco have the guts to tell Harry how he feels?

Read "We Are Going Back In Time" on AO3.

Expecting to Fly

Prompt: #15 | "The Sure Thing" - 1985 - Rob Reiner Author: ruarcher / @coriesocks​ Word Count: 45.5k Rating: Mature Warnings: Excessive drinking, attempted kidnapping

Summary: While at university in America, Harry plans a cross-country trip to get laid. He doesn’t count on having to take this trip with Draco Malfoy.

Read "Expecting to Fly" on AO3.

Rest your heart in my hands

Prompt: #133 | "Moulin Rouge" - 2001 - Baz Luhrman Author: saphira_black Word Count: 2.7k Rating: Mature Warnings: implied sexual work (but not really)

Summary:His heart skipped a beat. A slender figure stepped through the curtains. The music changed and the whole crowd started to roar. "A man?" It was not more than a faint whisper, but the twins heard him, nevertheless. "You didn’t know? His name’s Draco Malfoy," answered Fred.

Read "Rest your heart in my hands" on AO3.

Lost in Blue

Prompt: #75 | "The Blue Lagoon" - 1980 - Randal Kleiser Artist: @sirene312​ Medium: Digital Art Rating: Mature Warnings: half-naked wizards ;)

Summary: [Fan Art] Harry and Draco accidentally get trapped on a desert island. A "The Blue Lagoon" movie AU

Enjoy "Lost in Blue" on AO3.

When The Universe Reels

Prompt: "Meet Me In St Louis" - 1944 - Vincente Minnelli Artist: @maesterchill​ Author: wishes to remain unnamed Word Count: 1.2k Medium: Digital Art Rating: Teen and up Warnings: none

Summary: After a week of convincing himself it wasn’t really a date—they were only taking a trolley ride together for Merlin’s sake—the agreed hour arrived and Draco waited anxiously at the trolley station. But where on earth was Potter?

Read "When The Universe Reels" on AO3.

Slick

Prompt: #59 | "Grease" - 1978 - Randal Kleiser Author: milkandhoney / @fictional  Word Count: 10.4k Rating: Teen and up Warnings: Slight Virginity Shaming

Summary: Slick is the word. Harry's bike is a bird. And Poor Draco's a sex noob.

Read "Slick" on AO3.

The Loudest Bang

Prompt: #51 | "MythBusters" - 2003 to 2015 - Series Author: @jeldenil Word Count: 1.2k Rating: Teen and up Warnings: none

Summary: “You’re not going to use a nuclear weapon on Gringotts’ strongest vault, Potter.”

Read "The Loudest Bang" on AO3.

A Truth Universally Acknowledged

Prompt: #12 | "Pride & Prejudice" - 2005 - Joe Wright Author: epsilonargus Word Count: 23.9k Rating: Teen and up Warnings: none

Summary: It has been four years since the war. Mr. Henry Bennet is perfectly pleased with his domestic life at Longbourn, managing the affairs of his demanding mother and many sisters. But a new Muggle gentleman moves into Netherfield Park, and he brings with him a surprising figure from Mr. Henry's past ...

Read "A Truth Universally Acknowledged" on AO3.

Man Eater

Prompt: #25 | "Little Shop of Horrors" - Alan Menken Author: milkandhoney / @fictional Word Count: 2.4k Rating: Mature Warnings: Implied/Referenced Domestic Violence (not between H & D), Dark Draco, Implied Sexual Acts

Summary: “You can’t lie to me.” The plant released Draco and he stumbled, overbalanced by his own gangly limbs. “I've watched you. I've heard all your idle thoughts. All your whispered secrets. I know what Harry means to you.”

Read "Man Eater" on AO3.

I Wanna Get Better

Prompt: #139 | "One Day at a Time" - 2017 - Series Author: donnarafiki / @rose-grangerweasleyisbae​ Word Count: 5.0k Rating: Mature Warnings: Mental Health Issues, Mental Breakdown, Suicidal Thoughts, Depression

Summary: One night Draco comes knocking on Neville's door, with a tape recorder and a desperate need for a hug.

Read it now on AO3.

A week at the Humdinger

Prompt: #9 | "Pretty Woman" - 1990 - Gary Marshall Author: AhaMarimbas Word Count: 52.2k Rating: Explicit Warnings: Rape/Non Con (not between H & D), Being Outed, Ace-phobia, Rude and Derogatory language

Summary: What happens when Europe's richest business tycoon asks London's poorest (probably) prostitute for directions? An adventure at the Humdinger, and a love story to last the ages. Or at least the week.

Read "A week at the Humdinger" on AO3.

Stop Me If You Think You've Heard This One Before

Prompt: #33 | "Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind" - 2004 - Michel Gondry Author: @thefifthbiscuit​ Word Count: 1.2k Rating: Teen and up Warnings: none

Summary: Harry's used to being recognised wherever he goes. Then he meets Draco Malfoy, possibly the only person in the wizarding world who doesn't know what Harry Potter looks like. Based on Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind.

Read "Stop Me If You Think You've Heard This One Before" on AO3.

Four Years Gone

Prompt: #141 | "Point Break" - 1991 - Katheryn Bigelow Author: ladderofyears / @clemandben Word Count: 10.8k Rating: Explicit Warnings: Relationship breakdown, Bank Robbery, Sexually Explict, Obsession

Summary: Four years ago Harry Potter let Draco Malfoy fly away in a snow storm that no flyer could possibly have survived, and ever since that day his life has been on hold. Then, one day he receives a photograph of a Mountain Range. The Pir Panjal mountain range, in India. Draco is alive. Will Harry chase him, and give up everything he cares about?

Read "Four Years Gone" on AO3.

Our Husbands Are Gay

Prompt: #134 | "Grace and Frankie" - 2015 - Series Author: MarchnoGirl Word Count: 14.5k Rating: Explicit Warnings: Infidelity (not between Drarry), Explicit Sexual Content, Older Characters (60 yo)

Summary: As soon as they stepped foot inside, all his willpower crumbled once more. Draco grabbed Harry’s arm again, making him stumble backwards. “I can’t. Let’s run away. You and me; we’ll build our lives together somewhere else, somewhere far away. Please, say yes.” Harry turned properly to him and smiled softly. He adjusted Draco’s jacket, smoothing his hand down his chest and stopping at his heart. “I learned long ago that running away is not gonna solve my problems. C’mon, Draco.”

Read "Our Husbands Are Gay" on AO3.

Please help promote the fest by sharing your favourite submissions, so more people can enjoy all the amazing new Drarry works of LCDrarry.

Thank you! See you in 2020 ;)

#lcdrarry2019 #lcdrarry #lcdrarry 2019 #lights camera drarry #lights camera drarry 2019 #drarry #drarry fic #drarry fic rec #drarry fanart #drarry fic recs #drarry fest #hpfest #hp fest #hpevents #lcdrarry 2019 masterlist

[umccall71]

Chapter 16

Characters: Prince Liam and MC Lady Sexy

Rating:Mature content includes profanity, sexual content,talks about depression.

Word Count:5789

Disclaimer:All characters are property of Pixelberry except my OC Lady Saige. The use of these characters are for entertainment only and i am only borrowing them.

Summary:After a summer of a lifetime,Prince Liam thought he could have it all.He was carefree, free, and sharing time with the woman of his dreams.When life was easy, a balancing act between love and duty, he realizes his truths are lies, wrong is right, and decisions do have consequences. Lady Saige never imagined she would be one of his consequences.When an utter act horror throws her world into a tailspin.

Warning: This series contains subject matter of depression and hopelessness.The story may trigger certain individuals. Please be advised. If you are reading this series you are acknowledging you are 18+.

A/N:Sorry for the long delay.Things have been hectic in my life for a bit.I had to take some time to focus on my health. Thanks for your understanding and support.

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@eadanga @ao719 @lodberg @silviasutton1989

@rainbowsinthestorm @silverofdreams @ownworldresident @the-soot-sprite @jared2612 @sashatrr @jovialyouthmusic @smalltalk88 @custaroonie @kuladekiwi @whenyourheartskipsabeat @marietrinmimi @furiousherringoperatortoad @gibbles82 @choices97 @fantasy-of-fiction @romanticatheart-posts @drakesensworld @simsvetements @blackcoffee85 @3pawandme @indiacater @hopefulmoonobject @elles-choices @carabethpow

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It was finally here … Coronation day for the newly crowned king. Liam effortlessly moved about the palace signing off on every detail that had been planned for weeks. As much as he knew this would be a huge responsibility for him, the crown, he was more anxious what the transition would mean to his queen. Saige was already apprehensive about her new role and the pregnancy, but she was also spending more nights tossing and turning in her sleep. She hardly slept nights with this underlying fear for her boogeyman… his father and visiting the bathroom several times a night from becoming sick. He would feel her trying not to disturb him as she slowly slid out of bed making her way for her nightly ritual. Some nights Liam would lie in bed with his eyes silently listening to Saige talking to their unborn child. He did not want to encroach upon those private moments hearing the promises and hopes she had for the baby.

“Hello my little wish.. I hope that I am the mommy that you need. You are so lucky to have Liam as your daddy.”, she softly smiled while rubbing her barely there belly. “I never imagined being anyone’s mommy until I met your daddy. He makes any girl wish and dream a little bigger. He loves us so much and we can’t wait to meet you. I can imagine you being placed in his arms for the first time… the pride will be undeniable. He cannot wait to introduce you to the world.”she sighed , “I just want to keep you nestled in our arms only for us , as long as I can love.”

Liam couldn't help but feel the weight of her fears as he listened to her sniffle before drifting off to sleep.

Liam bought his thoughts back to the present day, preparing for the coronation and the grand announcement of his marriage and the next heir. He mulled around pointing and correcting the tiniest detail… everything had to be flawless… going off without a hitch. He wanted Saige’s official welcome to be seamless, the perfect welcome home. She would be spending this night … her first of many hopefully in the royal quarters. He looked forward to carrying her over the threshold to their home within the palace. He made certain that Constantine and Regina were no longer residing under the same roof. Bastien had worked around the clock with the guards and staff to get them setup in a distant property belonging to the royals, but also insuring him some distance from the former king and queen. He needed no reminders to Saige of what his father had done to her peace of mind , and stealing more of her dream state.

Liam had made arrangements for The royal Phantom Rolls Royce in White to be sent ahead to carry his queen to be and Duchess Olivia to the palace from Lythikos. Inside waiting were two dozen sterling roses wrapped in royal blue and gold , and tied with an ornate gold ribbon. He also made certain there was small spread of royal blue roses representing the royal family inside.

“Liam really went all out for you Saige. He wanted nothing but the best for his wife… his soon to be queen.”,Olivia grinned like a proud mama. “You certainly have our soon to be king head over heels in love and .. loving every minute of it. Once Cordonia learns that you are queen … it won't be long before the press and the people are hounding you both about how long until the royal heir.”,she giggled.

Saige sat silently tracing the rose closest to her.She did not respond… that caused Olivia to pause. “Wait a minute.. Your rather reserved for such a big expectation.I would think you would chewing your right arm to get away from such a pressure.” Saige looked out of the window as the Rolls Royce made its way closer to the palace.

“I wonder what time Liam wants me to start getting dressed? This is a big night for him… for us.”Her voice grew quiet thinking about the big announcement. “I just hope his father stays as far away from me as possible. Would it be too much to expect to avoid him all together?”, she spoke her private thoughts aloud, deflecting on the conversation OLivia had started about expectations of an heir. She and Liam had not shared with anyone that they were expecting a child , not even her best friend. The number of people that knew , she could count on one hand.

Olivia arched her brow staring daggers at Saige, “No comment about what i've said?”, she questioned.

“So Liv , will Drake be joining you tonight? As your date? This is a big night for Liam and myself as his … wife. When are you planning to tell Liam that your involved? He has a lot of questions and even mentioned introducing you to some eligible nobles.”

Olivia snapped her head , “he wouldn’t dare… I do not need the next king to set me up like some old spinster. I can find my own dates, thank you very much!”,she emphasized the H at the end of her statement.

“You know all of this could be squashed if he only knew that you were already spoken for.. by Drake. He’d be happy as a clam to learn two of our best friends are in love.”

“Who said anything about love Saige? We enjoy relieving stress and being a warm body every now and then.” She seemed to protest louder as the conversation steered away from an heir to her love life. “Let us not get caught up in labels, he’s a fun ride, much like this gorgeous car. As those words were spoken the car came to a stop in front of the palace doors. The ladies were greeted by several members of the royal guard. The door to the Rolls Royce opened and Saige was formally greeted, Lady Saige, your grace… I am here to escort you to the boutique per his highness order. I am instructed to not leave until he meets you .” Saige was taken aback by all the attention.. Especially now. “That won't be necessary… we can find our way.”, she spoke softly. “Maam , I do understand, but I have my orders. The king would have my head if I left you alone… I'm sorry.”, the guard lowered his eyes as the two women slid from the back seat and made their way to the front doors in similar maxi dresses until they got dolled up together for the evening.

Moments after arriving in the boutique, Saige felt her purse vibrating from her incoming call...she instantly smiled. “Hello.”, her cheeks were hurting so much from smiling.

Liam cleared his throat, “ I have it on good authority that the next queen of Cordonia has arrived.”he smirked.

Saige twirled a loose tendril of her dark hair as she listened to the deep sultry tone of her husband on the other end of the phone. “I too have it on good authority that the next king is in the building … and he is gorgeous,'' she chuckled. “Love..In about two hours the transition of power will be complete...then you and I will take reign as the future rulers of Cordonia. For now.. I will leave you to get ready with Liv. I hope you enjoy my surprise. I will meet you in an hour to personally escort my bride to the ball.”

Saige ended her call and the boutique staff approached her with garment bags, stylish shoes, and hair and make up stylist were ready. They were ready to coif the beautiful auburn hair and porcelain skin of the next queen. The transformation was underway. She felt like Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman , without the chosen profession of the lead character.

“My God Liv… is this really happening … all these people attending to me like a ….”, she trailed off.

“You mean like a queen? That is your title within the next few hours… Liam’s queen. Get used to it, having people anticipate your every need or want. Women would fall over themselves for your life, your man… your king.”, she lowered her voice for the tail end of the statement. “Get used to the fact that he loves you and he wants you with him, by his side in every facet of his life.

“Liv I know he loves me… that’s not my issue, it’s what the other nobles will think.”

“To hell with what they think… the only people that matter are you and Liam. As long as your both making each other happy, that’s all that counts. I don’t give a damn Saige what those uptight sons of bitches think about my best friend and the man she loves and he loves the hell out of her.Saige, your no consolation prize for our soon to be king Liam… you're his prize. That man chose you because you are what makes him happy… makes him smile… makes him see a future, your his future.”

Saige fell quiet, unnoticeably touching her belly. She stood in front of the antique mirror as the staff scurried around her preparing her hair and makeup. Olivia’s words washing over her like a thunderstorm filling the night sky and bursting out of unsuspecting clouds. No corner of her mind went unoccupied as she replayed her best friends words. Saige sat in the chair as the hair stylist composed her auburn locks into a meticulously braided updo.The elegant style was finished off with majestic flowers and greenery. She sat still as her porcelain skin was accentuated with light touches of blush , eye shadow, mascara,and lip stain.

When the finishing touches were placed upon her eyes , the ocean blue popped from her eyes. “Oh Saige … you look beautiful… There will not be a closed mouth as you enter the ballroom on the arm of your king.”, such pride laced every word as Olivia beamed at her friend.

“Thanks Liv… I appreciate your kindness.”

“It’s not kindness if it’s true. Everyone will see exactly who Liam sees. He didn’t fall in love with you, he leaped in love with you.”,she smiled.

“The phrase falling in love implies that you slipped and you didn’t know where you were gonna land. It was no accident that Liam wanted to court you and eventually marry you.He saw what a phenomenal woman you are Saige.” Olivia gently grasped her friend’s hand. Moments later the royal tailor appeared with a cobalt blue gown, satin flowy, off the shoulder gown meant for a queen. There was a slender tie detailing her midsection. The seamstress helped Saige into her gown and covered her mouth in awe of the beauty before her. Saige slid on a set of rhinestone stilettos that adorn intricate details on the heel.

“Madame… his majesty will be in awe of the sight of you.”, she grinned at the reflection of the full picture of Saige standing in the mirror.

“I couldn’t agree more Celeste. My love, you look stunning. I expected nothing less from you. You always take my breath away.” Liam slid up behind her and leaned down kissing her cheek as their eyes locked upon her image standing before him. Liam was dressed in his formal Royal uniform. He wore black with a red sash and royal blue and satin metals draping the sash.

“You look so handsome Liam… then you always look so handsome.I am a lucky girl to be escorted by you for such a night.”, her smile filled her face from ear to ear. Her dimples on display as she bursted with love in her eyes.

“Are you ready my love… this is our night and no one will stand in our way. I will formally introduce you as my wife and my queen.”Liam tipped Saige’s face up to look deeply into his eyes as he whispered, “we will be celebrating the upcoming birth of our child next. I am looking forward to making love with you in our royal quarters tonight.”,he stared at her with lust blown eyes filled with desire.

“I know the way to the ballroom and… I know when I’m a third wheel”, Olivia laughed, “i'll see you two soon .” She sashayed out of the boutique and down the flight of the grand staircase.

“Our guest awaits love… come.”Liam extended his arm and Saige wove her arm through his resting her hand in the crook. They both smiled softly as they made their way down the grand staircase flanked by the royal guards. As they approached the ballroom the sound of the orchestra playing bellowed down the hall from the acoustics. The doors opened and the trumpets sounded announcing Prince Liam and his date, Lady Saige.All eyes were on them as they were surveyed from head to toe. Saige swallowed hard trying to contain her nerves. She felt Liam reassuringly squeeze her hand. “You will be fine love… this is our night. Everything was planned down to the second.”, she nodded in acceptance.

Liam ushered Saige by the hand as he made introductions and his rounds before the formal announcement was to commence. She smiled as she met everyone officially and was reintroduced to Penelope and Kiara. “It’s lovely to see you both again, they curtsied knowing that Saige and Liam were already married and she was by right royalty.

Liam led Saige out into the center of the elegantly decorated ballroom where he led her in the Cordoniam waltz. Everyone disappeared as the couple danced effortlessly around what felt like every inch of the ballroom. “ I can’t believe you get to live like this all the time.”, she leaned her head down as she giggled softly.

“This is our life and we have a lifetime of happiness to experience.”, he kissed her cheek. The music slowed and then came to a stop as the staff started circulating with flutes of champagne to every noble in the room.

Olivia stood by the bar where she inconspicuously grazed Drake’s manhood as he sported a dress suit that was a surprise. “ I never thought I’d see you in a suit.”, she shot a sly grin.

“Don’t get used to it… it was only at the request of our king to be.”, he knocked backed a glass of whiskey.

The trumpets sounded again announcing the arrival of king father Constantine and queen mother Regina.

Saige cringed at the sight of her attacker, standing in front her bold eyes and entitled. She slid slightly behind Liam as they neared the dais.Liam gripped her hand as if to send her a message… that she’s safe with him.Olivia and Drake moved closer to the front in case Liam lost it and assaulted his father again. The two of them knew what very few knew… the events of the last night she spent in this ballroom.

Saige chewed the inside of her cheek as her nerves turned into battling butterflies in her tummy. Olivia moved to her best friends side knowing her internal struggle to keep it together. “We’ve got you Saige”, she grinned in the direction of Constantine, “besides I’m wearing my knives.. we can certainly cut him down to size.”, she sneered.

“ I’m okay.. tonight is about Liam and him being crowned king. Nothing will get in the way of his big night.”, she began dusting invisible lint from her gown.

Constantine cleared his throat, “ ladies and gentlemen, thank you all for joining us on this auspicious night. We come together for the next dynasty to lead Cordonia into prosperity. I have enjoyed spending the last three decades as your monarch, and now… I look forward to passing the baton to my son… Liam. He may not have been the first crowned prince, but he is destined to lead Cordonia forward. He is the next monarch Cordonia deserves. I am proud to pass the Royal signet to my son… our next ruler. I present … King Liam .”

The room burst into thunderous applause and the clinking of champagne glasses. Liam made his way to the dais where his father and step mother hugged him and raised glasses in celebration.

He raised his hand to silence the room before he began his speech. He smiled down at Saige as she stood beside Olivia, Liam’s blue eyes veered to his side watching his father and Regina.

“Thank you all for helping to usher in the next chapter in Cordonia’s future. I only want happiness and prosperity for all our people and myself. I only want the best and brightest future as your king. I will work tirelessly to be the best leader I can be to all of Cordonia. I want a Cordonia that will be legacy to all of our children, and grandchildren. This country, this kingdom is a home I aspire to build where families can come together and help shape a brilliant path for Cordonia. I owe lady Cordonia my life, and I will be forever indebted to her for bringing me such joy and pride. I know it is tradition that when a king ascends to the throne he must be engaged or married.”, Liam smiled brightly out into the crowd watching the women adjusting their dresses and primping in hopes of being honored to participate in the next social season. “ I will honor the tradition, but I also announce that there will not be a social season . You see … There is no need for a social season… I am proud to announce that I have already found my queen. I met my queen and fell in love with her upon sight. She has shown me that I can be a better man, a better king, a better husband and, soon I will add the title as a better father.”, his blue eyes sparkled as the light of the chandelier hit the flecks in his eyes. “I would like to formally introduce my wife, my new queen and the mother to the next heir to the throne… all hail her majesty , Queen Saige.”

The room was filled with gasps and shock as their newly appointed king had revealed he had his queen and a child on the way. He managed to silence everyone, including his father. Suddenly Olivia led the round of applause and a toast to the new king and queen. Penelope, Kiara, and Drake made their way forward as Liam walked down the stairs of the dais to greet his queen. He led her back up to the dais to show off his wife to all in attendance. Saige smiled gently, trying to hide her nerves as all eyes again landed on her and Liam. She felt as though she were under a microscope as the news was sinking in that she was married to the now king and carrying his child.. the next heir to the throne.

“Liam what did you just do? She continued to smile as the crowd cheered and applauded the royals. “Love… you and our baby are nobody’s secret. I am proud to have you by side… and now you will be celebrated for the queen you are in my life.”

Liam came down on one knee, “a king only kneels to his queen.”, he bowed his head, kissing her hand. He rose to his queen and led her out onto the floor heading out to the balcony doors when they were headed off by none other than king father Constantine. Saige’s face grew white as a sheet upon laying her eyes on her perpetrator.

“Liam… I wanted to pay my respects to the new queen … I would never have thought that such a simple woman would plant herself in the path of history as a concubine to the king.”

Liam locked eyes with his father, “I would choose my next words wisely old man. Go ahead... try what little patience I have dwindling when it comes to you. You will respect my wife, my queen… your reign of terror is over Constantine . Saige is my wife and the mother of my child. You should be bowing in her presence as the mother of the next Rhys that will ascend the throne. I strongly suggest you call upon your training to show your other nobles that you are happy for us… or I shall make sure everyone in this room learn of your past transgressions.”, Liam was seething but his reaction was hidden from an untrained eye.

Regina walked up and scowled momentarily as she smiled at Saige, “ I suppose you should be congratulated on your chess moves my dear , marrying the now king and then passing off some..”, she was cut off by Liam, “we bid you both good night .”

Liam took Saige by her hand and led her out onto the balcony closing the doors behind them.

He pulled her over into the alcove and held her in his arms and chest as she released her breath and her tears that she was fighting to conceal until she was away from prying eyes. As much as she wanted to break down in front of Constantine, she couldn’t give him the satisfaction.

“It’s okay love, I’m here, I’m not going anywhere.”, he whispered into her hair as she clung tightly to him as she collapsed in his arms holding onto him for strength and to hold her up, at least until she could fall apart in his arms, in their bed.

Saige looked up at Liam through wet lashes and saddened eyes, “I’m sorry Liam.. I didn’t want to ruin this night for you.”, she fought back sobs.

“Saige, you have zero to be sorry about love. This night is for us and no.one will take our joy.”Liam met her lips with fiery passion and he found his soulmate in that moment as the night sky burst into fireworks and he wrapped her in his arms as vibrant burst of gold and blue blaze a path across the sky.

Liam took a handkerchief out and dabbed the corners of her eyes as they glided back into the ballroom and nodding as they made their way toward the door. Liam thanked his guest as the evening wound down. The new king and queen slowly walked the darkened halls of the palace toward the royal quarters. After climbing the stairs and turned a maze of hallways they reached the ornate set of golden gilded doors.He turned and landed his blue eyes upon her matching set of blue eyes. “Welcome to our new home my queen.”He lifted her in his arms and carried her across the threshold kicking the door closed behind them . His lips melded to her as he carried her down the hall and to their suite.Liam gently laid her back on the tapestry of this duvet cover and the mountain of decorative touches and pillows. He slowly eyed her beauty as he was consumed with lust and love. “God you are beautiful.” His hands ghosted over her face, her chiseled jaw, her slender neck, her ample breasts and slid around to undo her zipper. His gaze never left her eyes as his fingertips traced gently down the soft skin of her back.

Liam undid the satin wrap around Saige’s waist and slid her cobalt blue gown down her frame. His lips were soft and warm as they gently sucked and nibbled her neck , her pink buds that stood erect under his touch, and relished the sensation as he moved effortlessly down her chest and paid homage to her tiny belly that was nestling their baby away safely.

He looked up as her manicured nails teased at the nape of neck playing with his fine hairs.

“ I crave you my love… let me serve you tonight.”Liam slowly parted her thighs so warm, as he seeked solace in her center.He felt her satin thong, “your so wet for me already love.” He laid a soft kiss to her perfection over her underwear feeling how damp she was for him. “What would you like my queen?”, he whispered as he stared between her eyes and her sex.

She panted in anticipation, “ I want you, only you Liam, my king.” With those words rolling off of her tongue like a soliloquy.His teeth locked on the waistband of her underwear and guided them slowly down her thighs.

“Oh Liam”, her fingers locked into his hair as he removed her underwear that were soaked from her desire.He eased up her thighs nipping at each exposed area as he found her now bare skin lying before him.

Liam smiled at her before he worshipped her, “the things I want to do with you love… I can’t wait to pay my respects to my beautiful queen.” He rubbed soft circles on her clit and slid his fingers between her slick folds. Saige’s body relaxed under his touch, growing slightly impatient wanting to feel his lips on her . A deep breath escaped her as she finally felt his lips latch around her pearl working his magic instantly.Liam curled two fingers inside her as he increased the pressure he applied to her clit.

His eyes slowly closed as he had his way , his tongue tracing slow figure eights as it danced around her sensitive clit. Her stomach rose and fell as she felt her lips fluttering around his tongue as she neared her release. “ Liam.. oh god… I ..,”, she trailed off riding this pleasurable wave as she tipped over the edge as he continued to ride her with his tongue and lips as she came undone under him. He smiled as he watched her lift her hips off the bed .

“Good girl… I love you my queen. Just know”, he licked his lips enjoying tasting her essence on his mouth. “ I’m just getting started my love”,he smirked as he moved like a cat with his prey up here body. He nipped and sensually ran the tip of his tongue up her sides. He played with her slick folds with his impressive girth and length. Liam was no small man, but she loved the way he made her feel, not just physically, but with the love he exuded as they came together time and time again.

Liam came to hover just above her as her nipples rose to come in close contact with his chest and chiseled abs . Saige was writhing beneath Liam counting the moments he would make her his ... again... only this time in the royal boudoir.

“Are you ready for me?”, he ran the tip of his massive member along the seam of her entrance. Liam ran his thumb over the tip coming in contact with his precum. He lifted his hand to her lips, “do you want taste what you do to me love?”, he smirked as her mouth fell slightly open allowing her lips to capture his thumb as she gently sucked and licked his fresh nectar. “Tonight is about you my queen.” He nibbled her chin as he plunged deep inside pausing for a moment allowing her to adjust to the way he filled her eager sex. Liam felt her stretching and gripping around him. “Are you okay love… I’m not hurting you am I ?”, he kissed her sensitive area beneath her ear. Saige shook her head no. She lifted her hips to meet his , pleading silently for him to move. She realized how desperately she needed him, she needed to be with him. Liam obliged by slowly working his manhood deeper inside of her quivering walls. Liam watched as her head fell back each time he hit her spot perfectly as he drove himself deeper. He lifted her leg around his hip allowing himself to move his hips driving her closer to the edge again.

Liam knelt on his knees lifting her hips , legs dangling over his toned thighs as he lifted her hips repeatedly as he met her thrust gently pushing her further as the fire built in her belly each time she felt her body getting closer… wanting to scream as he grinded his hips into hers . “Liam.. I’m about to …”, her words were swallowed by his kiss. “ come for me Saige… I need to watch you cum with me love “, his eyes flashed from deep sky blue to a darkened gray as he became consumed with his body molding to hers in perfect sync. He felt his abs tightening and his breathing becoming ragged as he picked up the pace . “Fuck Saige … you feel amazing. His mouth locked on her buds as she began shaking , thighs were weak as she coated his manhood as she came undone for a second time. Liam felt his member pulsing as she fluttered and clinched as she rode her release, he picked up speed and drove deeply into her pounding her spot over and over as she screamed his name losing herself. Something about hearing his name on her lips in that sensual growl sent him over the edge and he too met his own release.

Liam held her close to him , lowering her hips, allowing her legs to go limp beneath him. He gently kissed her belly before laying his head on her stomach. His fingertips slowly played with her belly as they both slowly felt their bodies and breathing returning to normal. They both laid covered in a light slick film of sweat as evidence of their passionate love making.

He kissed her belly, “I love you… I love you both with all my heart. I can’t imagine being as happy as I am tonight… lying beside you, here in the dark , feeling your heartbeating with mine… softly hearing your shallow breathing … I know that I’m home in your arms. I promise to work faithfully to make you happier each day we spend together. I may be king… but I will first and always be your husband.”

Liam maneuvered up and behind Saige’s body, wrapping her in his arms , inhaling her scent of jasmine as he nuzzled her neck with his nose .

“Are you happy my love? I want nothing more than for you to be happy… I hope your happy with me.” Saige listened to her self assured husband flashing a morsel of doubt. He seemed to fear that she would not feel that he was going to continue to make her happy.

Saige laid there quietly before she rolled over facing her king, “Liam… you never have to doubt that your my happiness… my best friend… my soulmate. I can never imagine a life without you.. without us.” , she exhaled. “ I’m just glad that your … father is gone from here… I don’t know what I would do if he were still ...still under this roof. I want him to stay away from me… from our baby. I can’t imagine spending the next thirty three weeks fearing that he will take our child.” Liam cupped her head in his large hand as he held her close to his chest. “ shh… don’t worry… we are going to be fine. He would not dare to come back here.”

Liam would not release Saige , he laid in the dark listening to her breathing slowly calming down before falling to sleep. He thought to himself, “I hate him for this hell he cursed upon you. Baby … I’m never going to let him hurt you again.” Liam leaned back holding her tight as he stared up at the ceiling with silent tears running down his face, as he cried for the pain of his bride. “This too shall pass... I have to restore her peace of mind... at all cost.”

[sketchynebula]

Locked, Chapter 2:

Chapter 1,

taglist: @sos-fandoms @peanut0303​ @minekitkate​ @confinesofpersonalknowledge​ @that-one-transguy @ffsas-side-account​ @arandomkoalainaustralia​ @hissesssss​ @irrelevantspecimen​ @hamilin-manuel-miranda​ @insanityandimperfection​ @idiotauthor​ @darkle-elkrad​ @definentlynotjustanotherlemon​ @blubblubfish @okaybirdboy​​ @halffictional​​ @fandomsailer @thewinterhunter @stressed-and-quite-depressed @thats-so-crash @bbydreamer @threepeppers @prettyraddawg @imsotrancy2 @pikachu-12 @staarpops @grey-lysander @littlespacefin @softestsanderssides @ailithnight @emeraldfoxface @niatsu-fullbuster @seas-space-and-stardust @msu82 @cadefailure @onehundredphans @thesanderspals @nightmarejasmine @ccws18 @heir-of-the-founders @anxiety-induced-devil @allofmygays @freepaperie081 @agent0612 @mattlovesrain @twinkly-lights @thisisshien @twinkly-lights @loving-life-my-way @occasional-lamp-doodles @fandomsofrandom @adashofaroace @rainbow-ro-indigo 

Also: read Amydiddle's 'Growing Up Parts of a Whole' series because this was inspired by it

Content Warning: childhood bullying, breathing description/panic description

Pairing: none

Word count:  3557

Genre: Hurt/Comfort, Family

AU/trope: none

Summary:  Heart felt great which meant that Thomas felt great too, and he should! because it was his first, ever, day of school!

Heart was so happy! Skipping through the halls, and humming as he entered the main room. He jumped up standing on the edge of his chair by the screen.

There he could see Thomas packing together his stuff. Putting his folder and new pencil case in his back-pack and zipping it up.

Heart felt great which meant that Thomas felt great too, and he should! because it was his first, ever, day of school!

Smart said he was ‘excited’, and Heart didn’t know what that word meant but he saw how Smart was glued to the screen in the main room, so Heart figured they both felt the same thing even if they didn’t use the same words for it.

Smart says they’re going to learn things, and Heart thought learning was cool but he was more happy about meeting the other kids in the school.

Thomas was going to make so many friends, and they were going to come over to his house like his babysitter Robert did, but they were going to be Thomas’s age and like playing with his batman toys instead of talking on the phone.

On the screen, Thomas looked through his closet and picked out his clothes. All by himself! Heart basically jumped up and down as Thomas pulled out his favourite shirt.

Oh, Heart was so ‘excited’! He was excited and any other good word for happy! 

After eating breakfast, and a drive that seemed like the longest drive Thomas had ever been through, they finally got to school. 

The building was big and red and both Heart and Thomas had openly stared at the fenced playground with the swing set in the middle.

Thomas’s mother walked him inside, and after talking with the lady at the front office she also started to walk him down the hallway. 

He was looking around at all the new surroundings as they walked by, peaking into classrooms and up staircases. Smart had craned to see what the teachers were writing on their boards, squinting his eyes to see. Thomas was so distracted he almost ran right into his mom when she stopped walking. 

When Thomas walked in his new classroom, the teacher, Mrs. Davis, introduced herself. Heart heard Smart whisper her name to himself a couple of times to remember it.

“Go on and play with the other kids in the room while your mother and I talk okay sweetheart.” Mrs. Davis said and his mom gave him a kiss goodbye. 

There were a lot of kids all playing with different toys and talking. Thomas paused, looking around and Heart jumped up to help as Thomas stood there unsure. 

Heart’s eyes stuck on a couple of kids playing with legos, he almost fell out of his chair as he slammed on one of the buttons in front of him. Thomas raced forward, stopping just in front of the other two kids.

“Hi, my name’s Thomas! Can I play with you!” Thomas said his speedy introduction and the other boy on the floor smiled.

“Thomas, like the train? That’s cool, my name’s Mikey.” Mikey pushed a pile of legos closer to Thomas. The girl sitting next to Mikey waved at Thomas.

Heart was smiling so hard he thought his cheeks might break.

“Me and Jess were gonna make the Ninja Turtles hide-out wanna help?” Mikey said, gesturing to a little building with some tables and stairs.

Heart jumped out of his seat, Thomas loved Ninja Turtles! Thomas said as much as he sat next to the other boy, and Mikey started asking him questions about what Ninja Turtle he liked best.

Heart was squealing, and spinning around in his chair.

A friend! 

Thomas just made a friend! On his first day! Or maybe even two friends if Jess and him get along as well. He’s so proud of Thomas and he’s so proud of himself!

Heart turned to see Smart glance over to him, a small smile on his face as he watched Heart bounce in his seat.

“We already made a friend Smart!” Heart said, beaming at the other side and Smart nodded his head. 

“We did.” He said, and Heart turned back to the screen to see Jess and Thomas talking as well. Thomas made Jess laugh and Heart squealed again.

“We made two friends Smart! Two of them!” Smart shook his head, a smile still on his face, before leaning forward and pushing a button. 

Thomas slotted a few legos together in a square, before slotting together a few pieces to make a hole that a flat piece could rest in for the manhole cover.

“Oh, that’s really smart!” Jess said to Thomas and Smart nodded, swinging his legs a little from his place on his chair. 

“Yes, it was.” He stated and Heart clapped his hands together as he turned from Smart to the screen to Smart again. 

Jess’s smile disappeared and she glared over Thomas’s shoulder, making both Smart and Heart stop and stare at the screen.

Heart’s hands had frozen together, fingertips hovering as Thomas turned to see another boy approaching behind him. The boy shouldered Thomas out of his way as he grabbed a fist-full of the lego pieces Mikey had laid out on the floor.

Heart’s eyes were wide and glancing around the screen. 

“Go away Andrew!” Mikey yelled at the other boy.

“No, you go away!”

Heart surged forward pressing buttons, and Smart bit his lip staring at the board in front of them.

“He can play with us-,” Thomas started but Mikey leaned in whispering.

“No Thomas, Andrew lives on my street and he’s mean because his dad’s running for sheriff.” Mikey said and Heart frowned. Why would that make someone be mean?

Andrew stormed between them pushing Mikey back as he went. Mikey stood up and Thomas grabbed his arm. 

Heart frowned his hands firmly on his part of the board. He turned to see Smart looking nervously at the screen.

Smart’s hands hovered over the buttons in front of them. He bit his lip before slowly his eyes looked over to Heart. 

“Oh uh.” Smart said, eyes immediately connecting with the board in front of himself again. Before he slowly pressed a button.

“there’s two Lego boxes, we’re not even using those one’s why don’t you play with them?” Andrew huffed before tearing apart one of the walls of the building they were making.

Heart slouched in his seat, Smart’s eyes wide and mouth tight as he watched Mikey yell at the other boy only to be pushed down again.

Mikey sniffed and Heart froze, feeling something bad rise up in his chest. 

He looked to Smart but Smart’s hand only hovered over the board, forehead scrunched up. Heart’s eyes shot to the screen again, watching as tears welled up in Mikey’s eyes. 

Heart’s hands twitched before he just pressed another button, Thomas grabbed Mikey’s arm and helped the other to stand up. Mikey gave him a watery smile in thanks and Jess walked over, grabbing both of their hands.

“C’mon guys,” Jess said leaning in and speaking quietly, and Thomas looked at her as she started leading them away. “Let’s draw at my desk, I have new glitter crayons.”

Smart swallowed, and Heart felt his hands nervously twitch in his lap but he didn’t take his eyes off the screen.

“I- uh.” Smart started, “We can’t be friends with everyone.” He stated, and Heart turned to see Smart looking at him, eyes a little wide. Heart smiled to the best of his ability, clearing his throat.

“Well! We still made two new friends and we helped Mikey!” Heart said, trying to stay happy.

If he’s happy, Thomas is happy because he is Thomas’s happy.

Jess had gotten out her pink paper, and all of them were at her desk. Thomas’s tongue stuck out as he looked at the crayon selection in front of himself. Jess was in the middle of drawing some kind of cartoon character and Mikey was drawing an octopus space monster. Heart quickly pressed a button and soon Thomas was drawing a puppy.

Smart chimed in, pressing another button, and Thomas was colouring the puppy in brown.

“Aw I wanted purple.” Heart said and Smart looked at him with a raised eyebrow.

“What’s his name,” Mikey asked and Thomas smiled.

“Scooby!”

“I love that show!” Jess chimed in. 

Heart beamed and looked over to Smart who seemed to have finally relaxed again.

Locked

Smart was basically glued to the screen as the teacher went through addition, but Heart couldn’t help himself from looking over at Mikey who sat a row over and in front of Thomas. Jess said she wanted to show Thomas and Mikey something cool at recess!

So when recess did finally come, Hearts hand slammed on the buttons before Smart could even reach for them.

“I wanted to talk to the teacher,” Smart frowned at him and Heart blushed. 

“I’m sorry.” Heart said, “But Mikey and Jess-,”

“This way!” Jess said and Thomas followed behind Mikey to the backpacks. Jess unzipped one of her back-pack pockets pulling out a super-ball.

“Woah! Is that the one that gets super high?” Mikey asked and Jess smiled.

“Yup!” She said handing it to Mikey and Mikey bounced it once to Thomas who caught it. “It could go higher than the middle-schooler basketball hoops outside, wanna see it?”

“Yeah!” Mikey said, holding his hands up so that Thomas could throw the ball back to him. 

Thomas did, only for Mikey’s hands to miss it mid-air.

The ball bounced off the side of the teacher's desk, rocking it and knocking a lamp over, shattering the lightbulb.

Heart and Smart were both sitting their eyes wide. There was laughter coming from behind Thomas and Thomas turned around to see Andrew standing there.

“I’m telling and you’re gonna be in so much trouble!” Andrew said, and Heart’s eyes stung. 

Thomas was going to get in trouble on his first day of school!

Mrs. Davis walked back in the room and suddenly the entire button board lit up yellow. Heart and Smart both jumped as Thomas surged forward before Andrew could even open his mouth.

“Andrew broke your lamp!” Mrs. Davis looked startled, eyes looking from Thomas over to the broken light bulb and from that to Andrew.

Heart’s mouth hung open as Thomas lied to his teacher.

“Wh- No I didn’t” Andrew yelled, “Thomas broke your lamp,” He pointed to the other and Mrs. Davis crouched down to look at them.

“Well, this seems to be quite the situation here? Jessica, Michael, did you see anything.” Jess looked at Thomas before looking back at the teacher and pointing at Andrew. 

“He’s lying.”

Heart gasped, eyes wide. 

“No! That’s not okay though! That’s not what’s good!” Heart shouted, banging his fist on the board and standing up. The yellow buttons weren’t working, and Smart glanced from Heart to the board, again and again, hand hovering.

“Do something Smart!” Heart yelled but Smart’s eyes only scanned over the board again and again.

“I can only help with the lying!” Smart shouted back at him and Heart roughly scrubbed away tears off his face with the back of his hand.

“Well,” Mrs. Davis said looking back to Andrew. “Andrew what do you have to say?”

“I’m- we’re not,” Heart choked out, before turning and slamming down all the buttons.

“I- No wait!” Thomas said, getting the attention of the teacher again. “I- I broke the lamp…” Heart sagged in relief, hands still shaking as he relaxed, looking at the screen. “I was just mad at Andrew for making Mikey upset and didn’t want to get in trouble.” 

The teacher's eyes widened. “Well.” She began. “Thank you Thomas, for telling the truth. I think spending recess inside today will be enough of a punishment.” Thomas slumped a little and Heart sagged in his seat. He really wanted to play with Jess’s ball, “Now, what happened to make Mikey upset?” 

Heart slowly smiled again as he watched the situation play out. 

This was right! 

Smart made a noise in his throat wildly gesturing for Heart to look down at the glow coming from the board. The board was lit up again, but instead of the board’s normal white colour or the new yellow one, the side of the board Heart was sitting by started glowing a pale blue. 

“Wh-what?” 

He watched as the yellow colour was chased out of the board, being replaced with a blue colour.

“Now Andrew, you know that pushing is wrong. I’m going to have to tell your dad about this when he comes to pick you up-,”

“No! He’s gonna be so mad at me!” Andrew was on the edge of tears and Heart smiled, leaning forward and pressing one of the blue buttons.

“It’s okay! If he helps us build a new Ninja Turtle hide-out we can forgive him!” Thomas looked behind himself to Mikey and Jess. Jess shrugged at Mikey who glanced at Andrew before slowly nodding.

Mrs. Davis smiled at them, before turning back to Andrew, “Well, if you think we can all play nice for the rest of the day, but if this happens again I’m going to be making some calls home okay?” Andrew and Thomas nodded their heads, Andrew sniffing quietly. 

Thomas grabbed Andrew’s hand and led them all back to the Lego’s.

Heart turned excitedly to Smart, “Look, look, look!” Heart pointed back to the side of the board that was coloured light blue.

Smart moved his head down level with the board. His eyes squinting as his hand reached out to press at the buttons there only for nothing to happen.

“I think that only you can use this part of the board now,” Smart said head shooting back up to look at Heart.

Heart squealed jumping up and down only to fall suddenly as a loud noise crawled through the halls shaking the room, creaking and thumping. 

Heart and Smart froze, looking at each other before scrambling up. They ran into the hallway, freezing as one of the walls warped. They watched with wide eyes as it slowly turned black and started twisting into itself.

Heart grabbed Smarts arm, tightly hugging it and covering his ears as they both watched the wall cave in.

When silence finally settled again and Heart slowly pulled his hands away from his ears a black wooden door was settled into the wall.

Heart tilted his head, looking from Smart to the door before slowly reaching out to the doorknob. Smart quickly grabbed his wrist. “We don’t know what that is.” He stated, pulling Heart back.

Heart watched as Smart’s eyes traced the door, with a scrunched up forehead. Before he turned back to the main room, pulling Heart behind him.

“Well, nothing happened to Thomas.” Smart said, looking at the screen before turning back to look at Heart, “I guess we’re okay unless something else happens, but don’t touch it. We don’t know what it is.” 

Heart watched Smart walk back over to his chair, looking up, he saw Thomas showing Andrew how to make a hinge with legos.

Heart smiled at Thomas before slowly turning back to see the new door again.

Heart frowned.

The rest of the day came and went and when he got home, Thomas happily showed some of the drawings he did to his mom. Right now though, Smart was glued to the screen as Thomas did his homework, slowly tracing the letters on the paper in front of him.

Heart kept glancing over his shoulder at the new door. 

He watched Smart press a few more buttons, eyes following everything carefully. Slowly, while looking back at Smart, Heart pushed off of his chair.

He landed on the floor quietly, before walking over to the threshold of the main room, peering into the hallway again.

Heart tilted his head at the large shape, a new part of the house.

A new part of the house that felt.

Felt?

The way it felt, felt important. 

Locked

Morality. 

A new word, and possibly a new name.

“That’s me.” Morality said to himself and Logic paused turning away from the dark blue on his side of the board and toward Morality. 

“Yes,” Logic said, tilting his head to read the definition of the word on the paper. “That does fit your job well. Are you sure?” 

Morality nodded his head as Thomas continued down to the next word on his spelling homework. 

Thomas was almost done with second grade, and Morality was just so proud to see him growing up. Logic was beyond happy that Thomas had graduated to ‘actual books’ even if they are magic treehouse books.

Mr. Berkley’s voice pulled Thomas away from his spelling work as he got the classes attention. “For the last few weeks of this year, I thought that we could try something fun,” Morality perked up at that, he loved to do fun things. “I want all of you to try writing what your own story-book adventure would be, like the ones we started reading this last unit, and when you’re all done we can have a book made with all of the stories and drawings in it, now I want you too-,”

Morality watched as the other kids excitedly started talking about their ideas. He smiled, glancing around the room to see Andrew and Mikey talking rapid-fire about this one book series they both loved called Flat Stanley.

As Logic leaned in to see the requirements that were being written up on the board, Thomas had already jumped with a piece of paper and was already writing down ideas. 

Morality laughed as Logic rolled his eyes, letting his hands slip off his dark blue section of the button board and cross over his chest.

The carefree air was broken by the sound of a door slamming, making both Logic and Morality jump out of their skin.

Morality was out of his seat in an instant, bolting to the hallway only to stop in front of the, sadly, undisturbed black door. 

“Heart- Morality!” Logic yelled from the main hub, Morality’s heart rate spiked again and he was running back into the room only too see green.

The entire board lit up with green and Morality’s eyes widened.

Morality paled as he saw what Thomas had written down on his paper.

“Erm-,” Logic began, “That is an- interesting one?” Logic said and Morality’s jaw fell. “He’s been doing that a lot more lately-,” Logic finished, and Morality frowned.

“Yeah not like we haven’t been trying to get him to stop-,” Morality said voice cracking a little at the end.

“Uh- Hi!” A voice behind them made them both whip around to see another side, decked in red standing there. 

Morality was thrown for a loop as he saw the other staring at them with bright eyes. 

Logic tilted his head shoulders tense as he pointed at the other, “Who are-,”

“Ew!” Suddenly the other side yelled glaring at the screen in front of him. “That’s a bad idea!” 

Morality couldn’t help but agree with him. The other pushed past the two of them, and they didn’t stop him from setting his hands on the board as he pushed himself up to look at the other ideas on the screen. 

Red spread out from around from where the other’s hands touched the board.

“No!” The other shouted out before turning his head, looking back and forth from Logic to Morality. “Here’s what he should do, he should write about a knight! And the knight has to save a prince from these bandits-,”

“I think those stories usually go ‘knight saves the princess-’,” Logic began but Morality started talking over him.

“I think It’s a great idea! Better than that other one,” Morality said complementing the new side and looking at Logic in a way to tell the other to ‘let him do what he’s going to if it meant getting that thought away from Thomas’s head.’ 

Morality pressed one of his buttons, and the green was chased away as red and light blue overtook the board. 

Thomas scribbled out the other idea with a blush before circling the new idea supplied by the red side who squealed at seeing Thomas take his idea enthusiastically. 

“Now.” Morality began with a sigh, his heart rate slowing now that Thomas wasn’t thinking- anyway. 

“My name is Morality, and that is Logic. What do you think you are?” 

The red one looked at them blankly before smiling and jumping up and down, “A prince! I’m the prince!”

Logic’s eyes narrowed in confusion and he opened his mouth, “That isn’t-,”

“Okay!” Morality cooed with a smile, watching the other get so excited. “For now then- You are the Prince, now why don’t you show us where it is you came from.” 

“This way, This way!” Prince yelled running down the hallway. Morality laughed, and Logic gave Morality a look before jerking his head behind them, gesturing to the board, before following after Prince.

Morality turned to see a red section of the board newly blinking next to his. 

He smiled, turning only to freeze as a bright green glow quickly flashed under the black of the hallway door. 

Morality felt something in his stomach sink.

#sanders sides #My fic #Locked #patton sanders #roman sanders #logan sanders #deceit sanders #remus sanders #sanders sides fic

[goingknowherewastaken]

Divine Me A Masterpiece Challenge

♦ About

Welcome to my 1000 follower challenge!!! With there being a lot of seasonal challenges right now I thought I’d do something a little different. I thought that maybe we should get in touch with magic that’s in the air right now ;)

So for this challenge we are looking at tarot! First I’ll go over the rules and expectations, then gloss over tarot, and finally round out this post with the characters and prompts. So let’s get started :D

♦ Rules

To Enter

You must apply through my ask box so no anons. If you are using a side blog and don’t want your main shown to the world tell me so in the ask and I will not post it publicly. 

Every entry needs to be inspired by a Major Arcana card and must be focused on a character or ship I listed.

Each card is limited to one person!

Entries must be sent by ask and will be posted publicly!

I have bonus prompts listed at the bottom of this post; you need to use at least one (1) and you are limited to three (3) total! Sentence prompts are all first come, first serve! The majority of the AU prompts have a two person limit.

What your ask should include - the tarot card you wish to claim, the character or ship you wish to write for, and 1-3 of the prompts/AUs I have listed (You need to use at least one from the list).

All angst must have a happy ending and no cis-swapping.

I am accepting - fics, fan art, moodboards, edits, and playlists (you need to make a cover for it).

Note: I work second shift so please don’t panic if I don’t respond in the afternoon/evening hours.

November 24th, 2018 - I currently am just shy of 1000 followers and will not be posting a due date for these until I get 1000 followers. I will tag all who entered when that happens.

When Posting Your Work

All entries are due on February 22nd, 2019. Please do not post before then.

Make sure to list - the character/ship you wrote for, any warnings, and if it is nsfw.

Tell me how you interpreted the card for your work.

Make sure to tag me @goingknowherewastaken and @jiminthestreets-bonesinthesheets (Ashley is my assistant during this challenge)

Please use this tag within the first 5 tags - #DivineMeAMasterpieceChallenge

If your work contains nsfw content please make sure to tag it accordingly.

Please send me the link to your work through my ask box!

♦ About Tarot

We’ve all seen the decks of cards with beautiful designs used for helping find possible answers to questions we may have, but not everyone knows what’s going on with them. I will gloss over the bare minimum of info here, but I encourage you all to read up on tarot if you are unfamiliar with it.

Tarot cards are used for uncovering possible answers to questions we have about our lives - from love to career. Cards can be drawn and placed in a certain layout (spread) and are then read in a specific order. They are meant for enlightenment and what they tell in the spread is not set in stone - they are cards and you can ignore their take if you wish.

There are two ways to read the cards depending on how they appear in a spread - upright and reversed (upside down). If the card is revealed to be right-side up you are to read the card as is and if it is reversed then it’s meaning is reversed.

Depending on the deck, the description of the card can vary slightly, but overall they are similar. Also, the meaning behind the card is affected by the other cards in the spread. For this challenge you will only have to worry about the card you selected.

Because there are in total 78 cards in a standard deck (divided between the Major Arcana and the Minor Arcana), we will only be using the Major Arcana which totals 22 cards.

Please read up more on the card you select!!!!!

The Tarot Cards (the words listed are just brief overviews of the cards that I gathered from Biddy Tarot)

Fool - @haveyouseenmymind 

Upright - beginnings, innocence, spontaneity, a free spirit

Reversed - naivety, foolishness, recklessness, risk-taking

The Magician

Upright - power, skill, concentration, action, resourcefulness

Reversed - manipulation, poor planning, latent talents

High Priestess - @frostingsfics 

Upright - intuition, higher powers, mystery, subconscious mind

Reversed - hidden agendas, need to listen to inner voice

The Empress

Upright - fertility, femininity, beauty, nature, abundance

Reversed - creative block, dependence on others

The Emperor

Upright - authority, father-figure, structure, solid foundation

Reversed - domination, excessive control, rigidity, inflexibility

Hierophant - @bsotstory 

Upright - religion, group identification, conformity, tradition, beliefs

Reversed - restriction, challenging the status quo

Lovers - @the-goddamn-queen 

Upright - love, union, relationships, values alignment, choices

Reversed - disharmony, imbalance, misalignment of values

Chariot

Upright - control, will power, victory, assertion, determination

Reversed - lack of control and direction, aggression

Strength

Upright - strength, courage, patience, control, compassion

Reversed - weakness, self-doubt, lack of self-discipline

Hermit - @auduna-druitt 

Upright - soul-searching, introspection, being alone, inner guidance

Reversed - isolation, loneliness, withdrawal

Wheel of Fortune - @kjs-s

Upright - good luck, karma, life cycles, destiny, a turning point

Reversed - bad luck, negative external forces, out of control

Justice

Upright - justice, fairness, truth, cause and effect, law

Reversed - unfairness, lack of accountability, dishonesty

Hanged Man

Upright - suspension, restriction, letting go, sacrifice

Reversed - martyrdom, indecision, delay

Death - @captainsbabysitter-blog 

Upright - endings, beginnings, change, transformation, transition

Reversed - resistance to change, unable to move on

Temperance

Upright - balance, moderation, patience, purpose, meaning

Reversed - imbalance, excess, lack of long-term vision

Devil - @bookcaseninja

Upright - bondage, addiction, sexuality, materialism

Reversed - detachment, breaking free, power reclaimed

Tower - @haveyouseenmymind 

Upright - disaster, upheaval, sudden change, revelation

Reversed - avoidance of disaster, fear of change

Star - @filatarcangelus

Upright - hope, spirituality, renewal, inspiration, serenity

Reversed - lack of faith, despair, discouragement

Moon - @resistance-is-futile81

Upright - illusion, fear, anxiety, insecurity, subconscious

Reversed - release of fear, unhappiness, confusion

Sun - @and-i-cant-resurrect-you 

Upright - fun, warmth, success, positivity, vitality

Reversed - temporary depression, lack of success

Judgement 

Upright - judgement, rebirth, inner calling, absolution

Reversed - self-doubt, refusal of self examination

World  

Upright - completion, integration, accomplishment, travel

Reversed - lack of completion, lack of closure

♦ Characters And Ships

Characters (for reader inserts)

Jim Kirk (AOS)

Leonard McCoy (AOS)

Spock (AOS)

Scotty (AOS or TOS)

Steve Trevor

Steve Rogers

Bucky Barnes

Clint Barton

Bruce Banner

Thor

Peter Quill

Skurge

Owen Grady (Jurassic World)

Nicholas Devereaux (The Princess Diaries 2)

Cinderella’s Prince (Into The Woods)

Bernie Webber (The Finest Hours)

Jack Ryan (Jack Ryan: Shadow Recruit)

Toby Howard (Hell Or High Water)

FDR Foster (This Means War)

Dr. Alex Murray (A Wrinkle In Time)

Robert the Bruce (Outlaw King)(I can’t help it he’s too precious with Elizabeth!!)

Eomer

Vaako (The Chronicles of Riddick)

Gavin (Pete’s Dragon)

William Cooper (RED)

John Kennex (Almost Human)

Vincent Stevens (The Loft)

Kirill (The Bourne movies)

Ships

McKirk

WonderTrev

Jim Kirk x Eomer

Jim Kirk x Vaako

Jim Kirk x Scotty (Scirk)

Owen Grady x Charlie Weasley (from Harry Potter)(I know no one will use this ship but I have to have hope ya know?)

WonderKirk

Napollya (Napoleon Solo x Illya Kuryakin from (T.M.F.U.)

Merthur

I have expressed interest in other crossfandom ships in the past that involve one (or some) of the characters listed above so if you have an ship in mind ask me about it and I may grant an exception to it (no sp*rk though so don’t even try that)

♦ Other Prompts

Sentence Prompts (gathered from around tumblr)

“I…think I’m in love?” - @the-goddamn-queen 

“Are you scared? Don’t be. ‘ll protect you from today onwards.” @haveyouseenmymind

“It’s crazy, isn’t it? Two complete strangers who know nothing about each other being brought together like this.”

your car slid into a snowbank and i’m the mechanic that comes to tow you

i hate the holidays more than anything in the world and you drive me nuts because you love the holidays more than anything in the world and this is why we aren’t friends (enemies to friends to lovers hello)

i’m constantly dragging all my friends to your hockey games because i think you’re so much fun to watch and i don’t think you’ll ever notice me

you knit me a sweater for christmas and i realize i am in love with you @bsotstory 

your birthday lands on christmas so no one ever remembers except this year i’ve asked everyone to delay their holidays to throw you a proper birthday bash

I build a fort in the college courtyard and have been throwing snowballs at people passing by and you are not impressed

our first date is spent walking around our small town holding hands and talking as soft snow falls around us @resistance-is-futile81 

I mean life is full of surprises. You could find the love of your life tomorrow, but you could also wake up bald. @the-goddamn-queen 

Will you press pause on your SHIT for 5 minutes? @the-goddamn-queen 

“Let’s not confuse healthy eating with a hot dog.”

“I’m gonna lay down and die for like a half hour okay?”  @auduna-druitt

“So MacGyvering this out of my tuckus right now.” @captainsbabysitter-blog 

“I just did some calculations, and I’ve been able to determine that you’re full of shit.” @frostingsfics 

“You screw with me, I’ll screw with you.”

“i’m pretty good at providing distractions.”

“Why is there a picture of Steve Buscemi in your bathroom?!”

“These stars are nothing compared to the ones I’ve seen in your eyes.”

“Are you ready to dance with the devil?” @bookcaseninja

hey i just moved into the house next door and i just wanted to let you know that your dog keeps getting into my yard an - wait what? what do you mean that’s a cat????? that’s not a cat it’s fucking huge!!!! (turns out it is a cat, it’s just really big and fat) @haveyouseenmymind 

The postal worker delivered your package to my place accidentally and I was expecting something so I totally didn’t look before I opened it and… wow that is um… quite an interesting thing you bought and I’m here to return it

our dogs are in love with each other and it’s making things awkward at the dog park AU

I injured myself doing something stupid at a holiday party and you’re the doctor at the emergency clinic AU

I just moved into a new apartment and went to buy groceries, but I bought more than I could carry back. I’ve stopped to catch my breath when I hear someone asking if I need help and I look up and the sun is literally making you glow like a damn angel. @and-i-cant-resurrect-you 

where one person is actually famous and sets up a dating account with their real picture and the other sees it and is like, oh dude you are not fooling anyone with that picture and when they actually meet the other is pissed because DUDE YOU’RE THAT FAMOUS PERSON and the other is like, yeah, i mean, i thought you knew…

i have a soft spot for cats so i always feed the fat one that’s always hanging out in the hall with treats and now it started hanging around me fuck i’m so sorry i didn’t mean to accidentally steal your pet @filatarcangelus

“ur just a random stranger and i’ve been ranting to you for like 20 minutes about how much i hate this one band but now several groups of people came up to you asking for pics and autographs, and oh shit it turns out you’re in the band i’ve been going on about” au

You’re a famous viner and I constantly witness you doing the weirdest things AU

“I went to see you live in concert and was front row and you went into the crowd and I grabbed your hand, but started freaking out so much that I was touching you that I couldn’t let go to the point where security had to physically tear me away from you and now you’ve invited me backstage literally what” AU

AU Prompts (each of these (baring the Soulmate AU) has a two person limit)

Soulmate AU (there will be no limitations on this prompt) - @frostingsfics 

A/B/O AU

Shop AU -

Book shop,

flower shop,

bakery,

coffee shop/cafe,

ice cream shop,

boutique/antique store

Professors/Teachers AU

Wings AU - @bookcaseninja 

Supernatural Creature(s) AU

vampires,

werewolves,

fey,

shapeshifters,

Ghosts,

demons,

Angels

merpeople

Magic/HP AU - @haveyouseenmymind 

Celebrity/Famous Face/Hollywood AU

Fake Relationship AU - @captainsbabysitter-blog 

Youtuber/Viner AU

Circus AU - @kjs-s 

Roommates AU - @auduna-druitt

Historical AU

Fairy Tail/Disney AU

Spy/Secret Agent AU

Royalty AU - @and-i-cant-resurrect-you 

Classic Novel Pride & Prejudice AU

Tagging those interested: @musicmandy1991 (tumblr won’t let me tag you????) @haveyouseenmymind @outside-the-government @tardisoftheshire @bookcaseninja @miraclesoflove @exiledtime @cynically-optomistic @frostedej

#divinemeamasterpiecechallenge #star trek #marvel #wonder woman #tmfu #merlin #wondertrev #mckirk #wonderkirk #jim kirk #bones #napollya #merthur #eomer #i'm just tagging some of the bigger things but not all