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bonefall · 3 months

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what’s up with BB! Puddleshine? been having thoughts about him recently lol. i find it funny that rowanstar grabbed this random child from the nursery and was like ‘bam here’s our brand new doctor and spiritual leader everyone’

(*shaking twelve year old in the background*)

You know what's pretty cool about AVoS, buried underneath the slog of it all? The thing I keep going back to about this arc, in spite of how annoying it is to be forced to say in ThunderClan as everything interesting happens off-screen?

The way that so, so many young warriors are horrifically traumatized by both the structure of the Clans, and the Kin that they turn to.

It's a shame that the Erins were so committed to the idea of the Clan social structure NOT being the problem, because this whole arc is a perfect time to show how flawed it structurally is. LET these kids have a point, that maybe they were rebelling against something broken, but Darktail was a malicious actor who exploited their naivety to serve HIS ends.

A recap of what's happening in BB!AvoS before I explain my intentions with the Puddy Boy;

The big problem that I want Rowanstar to display is a problem that ALL the leaders of this time period also have. Commitment to Clan rivalry.

After Firestar was killed in AVoS by Dark Forest warriors, Bramblestar considers diplomacy secondary as a tactic. "ThunderClan will not be bullied any longer. We have been too soft with the other Clans for too long; and they have humiliated us by taking advantage of our kindness." (Note: Harespring and Breezepelt being part of the assassination patrol is not revealed until TBC. For MAXIMUM drama reveal.)

He escalated a border dispute that Firestar had worked closely and intimately with ShadowClan to resolve; a fight for a knoutberry patch on their border, just before Winter.

After Russetfur died in this painful battle, Blackstar backslid hard from his redemption arc. This caused the Thunder/Shadow alliance to dissolve towards the end of OotS, ending a friendship between the two Clans that had lasted through all of Po3.

He was open to Sol's manipulation, and while Tawnypelt was trying to fight the Dark Forest trainees who took over ShadowClan in the meantime... Rowanclaw became deputy by organizing a patrol of cats to remind Blackstar how much he means to them.

So Rowanstar inherits the Clan with this in mind. ShadowClan solves SHADOWCLAN'S problems. "ThunderClan had a quarrel with WindClan, but decided that we were their enemy. Leaving ourselves open for betrayal was a mistake; if we cannot handle our own problems, we will inevitably succumb to them when our so-called 'allies' don't come to help." (Note: he isn't completely wrong. His words are borderline prophetic for what's about to happen.)

Onestar has a smug chuckle at this. Since taking leadership, he's been appealing to the strongest, hardest members of his Clan. Those who once tried to kill him for his "weakness" in the Civil War. The "lesson" ShadowClan learned is one that he's known since the day Onewhisker died and Onestar was born, on the night of that sabotaged muirburn. "That so-called peace was always a farce. We are warriors of the four Clans; it was always going to come down to honor, and putting ourselves first. My WindClan isn't foolish enough to pretend like ThunderClan ever acted in anything but their own, hidden self-interest."

And Mistystar respects the direction Bramblestar has taken his Clan in, and approves of the "honesty" that the Clans are now showing. "As the branches of the honeysuckle fight and win the light for themselves, sometimes there are beautiful flowers that die in the shade. We can mourn the end of an era, and prepare for a future that will be made all the sweeter for our shared struggle. This is the way of the Clans, and StarClan's solemn light shines upon us all." (Note: god I love writing Misty's speeches)

In the family tree reworkings, Rowanstar is now the brother of Littlecloud. Sons of Brokenstar, honor-sired for Newtspeck.

Littlecloud... is suffering from early onset Alzheimer's.

He didn't want to choose an apprentice after Flametail's horrible death, heartbroken and stressed out, especially when he couldn't reach his nephew through contact with StarClan.

He can't remember, anymore, that Flametail was freed. He keeps forgetting this, over and over

He keeps ending up in different times of his life, where he's best friends with Cinderpelt and still calling Leafpool by her pre-Honor Title name, where he's inventing a mobility device for Wildfur, where he's still escaping the plague and before he knew his mentor caused it, where he's on the Great Journey...

Rowanstar is in a lot of pain, watching his brother forget so many things, scared and confused half the time. He doesn't want to believe that this is really the end, or that... many of these cats are now so young they can't recognize the various eras that Littlecloud is finding himself in.

Puddleshine and Slatefur are going to remain in Pinenose's litter. Either Lion or Birch MIGHT get shuffled to another one; and ALSO the shuffler might survive the Kin. (SO voice which one you want to survive, if you have a preference!)

SO, Violetshine has either two or three adopted siblings... plus another.

Pinenose's oldest surviving child is Happypaw. Happy is the half-sibling of Puddle/Slate-- the death of Weaselkit in the Great Battle caused his parents (Pinenose and Owlclaw) to break up.

(this is why I'm thinking about just reducing the litter to Puddle/Slate, so Violet has three major adoption-siblings to remember instead of four.)

And now we're ready to talk about Puddleshine.

He isn't the first young cat to be shoved into an extremely high-pressure position because of a Cleric becoming incapacitated. Kestrelflight was also forced to become the holy speaker of his people when he was far, far too young, after Barkface died in TNP. He dealt with this obediently, with only Jayfeather ever really being able to get him to think about it in a different light.

Unlike Kestrel, Puddlekit did voice that he was interested in becoming a Cleric, in BB. But he was too young to be properly making that choice, to know what he was getting into. He mentioned it practically offhandedly, and BOOM Rowanstar had rolled him into the position.

But Puddlepaw has a deep sense of responsibility. "Wise beyond his years"-- likely because of how tumultuous his home life was.

His mother's oldest child, Happypaw, was openly a bully of his half-siblings. Pinenose distanced herself from him as a result, causing Happy to be closer to Owlclaw, who was still not over Weaselkit's death.

But Puddle's Ba Spikefur is not a cat who handles his kit's emotions well. Instead, he encourages ambition, tells him to get back at his half-sibling by being more influential than that twerp could ever be.

Puddle will often go to Violet, the new POV, to vent about these things.

And one thing he mentions to her is how amazing Kestrelflight is, when he gets to meet him at the half-moon conferences. He learns SO MUCH from him, it's like he GETS what he's going through...

Puddle doesn't even feel sure that Littlecloud knows what he's doing anymore. If he's learning the right information at all.

But Rowanstar won't DO anything about Littlecloud-- and he CERTAINLY isn't about to let Puddlepaw go train under someone else's Cleric.

As a result of this, Puddlepaw becomes a VERY important member of Sleekpaw's little group. He wasn't one of their friends to begin with, buuuuut...

When he sits to chat with Sleekpaw and Needlepaw, with Happypaw good and far out of earshot, she makes a lot of sense.

A LOT of it.

ShadowClan is run by old men who don't know what they're doing. Rowanstar is too emotional to make good choices. Puddlepaw, barely even old enough to begin apprenticeship, is running all the medicine for an entire Clan.

And, sure, he doesn't have much in the way of a connection to StarClan, no, just a little more spiritual than the average cat...

But who can point this out? If Littlecloud is slowly losing his mind anyway?

"It's not right, how much pressure's on you," Sleekpaw growls, "And it wouldn't be this way if we could challenge Rowanstar. You should be training with Kestrelflight right now."

"But we're dealing with the shells StarClan dealt, and the Clan is looking to you now," Needlepaw points out on behalf of her friend, "You have much more sway than you know."

This time around for BB, Sleekpaw starts as a young hero. She's right. Rowanstar should be challenged, his emotions are affecting the ENTIRE Clan, and Puddlepaw is in a bad position because of it. Needlepaw is like her best diplomat, surely to become her deputy someday.

They would have made an excellent set of leaders for ShadowClan. But they trusted the wrong person, and were exploited. When Darktail and The Kin came to the lake, they were swept up by it, and WindClan began an embargo.

Puddlepaw eventually oversees the Yellowcough Outbreak, and at first just thinks it's Greencough. He has no idea about strains, or the special types of Color Cough that Clan cats have historically dealt with. Even when he finally does learn it's not JUST Greencough, he's powerless to do anything about it. A lot of cats die because of the lack of mullein.

After that, with ShadowClan so weak and the Kin so strong... he's one of the cats who calls for the merge. The most important one, in fact, leveraging his position to say that this is StarClan's will.

Sleekwhisker and Needletail were right all along, and he's happy to stick it right into everyone's faces. Onestar's tantrum of an embargo killed his Clanmates, Rowanstar stopped him from properly training, he's been under pressure from the time he was small with Littlecloud not fit to be a mentor, and he's ready to welcome in ShadowClan's new era as something that is not a Clan.

...unfortunately, it turned out to be the wrong choice. Not because his thought process was wrong. But because Darktail had other plans in-mind.

#Also I did decide on it being early onset alzheimer's for BB!Littlecloud specifically #It means a lot to me... my great-grandmother had it in her last days. And it's very likely I'll get it someday too #and the line that leads from her down to me #it scares me. So I want to explore it. For myself #especially in such a terrible situation like this #BB!Puddleshine #obsessed with all of these children making big choices for their Clan and the way it's going to make them turn on their IDEAS #They were right. They were right to be mad at what they were mad at #But it was a bad actor who ruined it.#If I have to deal with a born-evil foreigner in BB. Then I'll lean into it. I'll reveal he wasn't such an outsider after all.#And I'll show that the xenophobic backlash was the WORST possible route for all of these cats to take #and yet... they do. They attack the one thing they felt they had control over #When the truth is that it wasn't their fault.#BB!Rowanstar #Better Bones AU #BB!AVOS #Their biggest mistake was being mislead. I hope Puddsy realizes that when he looks at Shadowpaw #Kindness for himself through kindness for another.

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pastadoughie · 5 months

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If u be 16 I is oldr thn u...

good for yuo??? i swear why do ppl comment on my age sm when i menshin it as if itse liek, some kind of choise i made?

i literaley onley have my age their so peopl can kno not 2 make nsfw commentse on my postse (but all of those "miners dni!!! i blokl ageless blogs!!!" fuckrse still interact with me on the regular n add some, rlly inapropriate tagse n stuff 2 my art)

i usd 2 be a bit less open abt my age and honestley itse much nicer becaus i didnt have 2 deal witf people being liek "ur a child so ur opinions on things dont matter" but i sweaer ppl r so weird when ur uncomfortabl with telling ppl how old u r like they assume ur 9 or 52 with zero inbetween witchever they disrespect moar

#people love 2 judge people for things they have no control over literalley constantley #like people think that not having a job or going to school SOMETHING THAT I VERY MUCH DID NOT CHOOSE somehow reflects badly on me #like im not allowed to complain abt how certain things are stupid because i am in a situation where i cant go outside much #all that touch grass shit when i am not chronically online by choice #like i am begging u to stop looking down on people for being in a worse situation then u it is never ok #no matter how many layerse of internet buzzwords you bury it in #the beast speaks #ask #asks #anon #anonymous

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carlyraejepsans · 10 months

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the stuff with ralsei wouldn't be the first time toby utilizes sexuality as a reinforcement of narrative, the weird route heavily makes use of heteronormativity and wedding imagery (noelle's white dress, the freeze ring) with kris and noelle (two very queer characters) which furthers the feeling of something being deeply wrong

YEP! that was precisely my point in the first post i made about this. there seems to be a recurring motif in deltarune where uncomfortable romance is forced on kris to represent their lack of agency. their lack of agency towards the player is represented by snowgrave, while their lack of agency towards fate might be represented by ralsei. the wedding imagery with noelle was particularly brilliant in setting this up, all the while firmly establishing her own separate feelings for another character for contrast, someone that actually helps her grow and heal.

#to paraphrase nic in one of our discussions about this: it's not that it would be impossible for kris to pursue a relationship #with any of the other kids their age when the story is over. it's just that as long as the player is controlling them it's just impossible #for it to be genuine OR healthy #yes even if we make every single choice they would've preferred #we're still controlling them #answered asks #deltarune #kris #noelle #entry log

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novelconcepts · 1 month

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You know that feeling, when you’re listening to someone tell a story, and you can just feel in your gut that what actually happened is SO much darker than how they’re relaying it? And they’ve put a ton of effort in, right, to sand the edges down. They’ve gone over it a hundred times, beating all the wrinkles out, practicing like you’d practice a presentation or a stand-up routine. By the time they tell you the story, it’s perfect. You can’t help but be charmed by it. Can’t help but laugh at all the little silly bits. Can’t help but see it the way they want you to, so you don’t ask questions, you don’t dig in to the open wound just behind the plaster, you don’t let the certainty that it was Bad, Actually sweep you away. It’s just a fun anecdote now. Smile with them. Laugh with them. They’re here now, so it’s fine, right? Right?

I get the feeling that’s just Simone’s entire marriage to Taissa, and I feel so fucking bad for them both.

#yellowjackets #taissa turner #Simone deserves so much better and I say that as a number one Taissa stan #I love tai. I live for tai. oh my GOD watching her relationship with Simone gets under my skin #it has to be perfect. it has to be perfect so it can never be real #whereas with van they had no shot at perfect. no choice but to be real.#and tai got out of the woods. and out of the next three years or so (presumably) with van #and went ‘cool cool cool how do I do the opposite of that so I have control over myself’#and the answer is: a lie. a pretty lie. shined up. put all the realities in a box. tell her NOTHING.#look cool and fun and hot when you’re in a good mood. shut her out when you’re not.#and watch with surprise when the house of cards you’ve meticulously built just blows away the next time a hurricane rolls into town #how MANY conversations over YEARS did Simone look at her and KNOW she wasn’t getting the real tai #and just. coping with it out of love and hope that she’d get there some day #gaaaaaah. Justice for Simone. get her and Sammy to a beautiful home faaaaar away from Jersey and wilderness gods

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ccarrot · 10 months

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genuinely sorry abt being annoying about this but I cannot ever get behind the idea of mori being abusive to skk. If someone starts on how dazai's been tortured by mori have to click off immediately, i just cannot do it with that. Dazai doesn't hate mori because mori hurt him, it's because mori betrayed his trust! It's an emotional wound! Mori would never TRY to hurt dazai, not only is that a highly impractical idea, he really does like the kid! Mori ain't the monster y'alls are making him out to be.

#unimportant #bsd #alsoalso! I think it should be a more recognized point that nearly everything that Dazai goes through is his explicitly own choice #all his crimes and his own suffering and all the good things he's done too! they're all dazai's choices #dazai has the MOST control over the plot #ppls looove taking his agency away huh?#mori #dazai

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dykedvonte · 1 month

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An independent Courier would actually hate being in charge or enforcing standards in New Vegas. At least in my mind.

They made Vegas independent but I feel like that playthrough/style so clearly makes it apparent it isn't for them. They are making Vegas a place where people can live freely, like how House genuinely didn't care what people did but without the behind-the-scenes Big Brother surveillance he did. Having every family, faction, and other influence group or person comes to them about alliances or rules would be draining, and boring, one note.

In an independent Vegas, The Courier is also Independent. They like getting rid of lines and borders that impede freedom, they like to help give people the tool but I don't believe they want to be the one to shape it.

#a lot of this is like how ncr started but then lost its way #the courier would like a democracy but like one that is truly run by the people like if public votes or letting people split off and embrac #their traditions instead of a universal standard like house changing the tribes caesar wiping out so many cultures and the ncr whole thing #with their money being worthless in territories they have not taken control over cause people dont want to #the courier doesnt want to be house 2.0 and i see that so often in peoples interpretations of that ending and I just dont think its the cas #like theyd stay to help it stablize for a but ultimately i think theyd leave to clean up any loose ends or just travel the mojave like #a lot of the dialouge good or evil is very much like the courier doesnt want the responsiblity to be placed on them rather they choose what #they want to take on that is not presented in sort of a scenerio where they losely rule NV cause everyone else would go to them even if the #say they arent in charge #i at least for the follower quest tell them their choices are theirs and no one elses so i see that as their outlook so im biased #cause im also good karma just for how nice I am and I like doing crazy adventure shit and its actually hard to have fun when everyone hates #you for being legion #anyway make of this what you will #fallout #fallout new vegas #fnv #the courier #courier six #courier fnv #the strip fnv #robert edwin house #caesar’s legion #new california republic #independent vegas

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puhpandas · 7 months

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And How Big The Little Things Can Be

(2,196 words)

Evan reminisces over how cold his house feels compared to Gregory's warm one, and gets some help when his emotions over it all get too much to control. Oh, and its also Halloween. 🎃

Evan has always hated the cold.

His father will keep the house at below sixty constantly. Both his father and Michael like it that way. They like the house being so cold it nips at Evan's ears even during Winter.

It's why when Evan first got the chance, he'd used the little amount of money he'd made on his own to buy a couple sweaters. His clothes had already been getting too small because of his growth spurt, but his Father wont take him to buy a new wardrobe until he physically cant fit into them anymore, or he looks ridiculous wearing clothes that rise at his stomach and choke his collar.

His Father had long since convinced their neighbors of his... feelings about the way Evan is. So when Evan had offered to do work to make money when all he had was T-Shirts and tank tops and shorts, they'd jumped at the opportunity to pay him for doing work like a 'real man'.

Since then, the cold had been a little more bearable, even though he has to wear two layers of socks and retreat to his thick comforter after school if he has no business outside.

Autumn has long since arrived, with the leaves turning shades of auburn and yellow, grass yellowing, and Evan's school library having spiderwebs and skeletons decorating its insides. His sweaters have gotten more use since the season started, with the harsh heat finally cooling until theres a pleasant breeze, the feeling of Halloween just around the corner.

But his sweaters cant stop the feeling of always having that chill in his chest when he'd hear a thump come from another place in his house, or when he'd hear a door slam, and that would signal somebody being home.

What a stark contrast that is to where he is now, warm, bundled up, and comfortable.

Hes sitting next to Gregory on that scratchy rug his house has in front of its fireplace, lights dim, the sun having long set, with a fluffy throw blanket wrapped around his shoulders and tucked neatly between his legs. He has only one hand free, just to bring the hot, piping mug of delicious hot chocolate to his mouth.

Fragments of their Halloween costumes are strewn across the floor, half-finished and homemade. It's the night before Halloween, or Halloween Eve as Gregory likes to call it, and they'd both come up with the bright idea of having matching costumes this Halloween.

They'd run around all day, jumping from store to store to gather supplies, since Gregory insisted on making their costumes from scrap. They'd already been tired when Roxy had taken them home, but still persisted and almost completely completed their costumes in one night.

Evan's eyes had been left stuttering and heavy at the end of it, shoulders sagged and body weary, but Evan hadn't felt bad. It's the first time Evans found out there can be a good kind of exhaustion. Where you've spent all day having fun, and still feel the remnants of excitement in your stomach.

They'd chosen the generic Angel, Devil, theme, but Gregory had promised him they'd have plenty of time to get through them all, someday.

It's only Evan's first Halloween since meeting Gregory, and he'd tried not to appear too affected by Gregory's words right in front of him when he'd first said them.

Never has Evan felt so... so excited for Halloween. Usually, its just the perfect opportunity for Michael to grab a one dollar mask at their local Spirit Halloween, and scare the living daylights out of Evan when he'd come back home from a good day, turning it into a worse day, because he wouldn't be able to shake the fear from his chest the rest of the night.

But this year, Evan has Gregory. Evan has people who actually treat Halloween like something fun, to look forward to, and not just as an excuse to scare him. This year, hes going trick or treating with his best friend, his family, and Evan's going to enjoy spending time with them. No looming prescense of Michael, just waiting to strike, or his Father, waiting for any excuse to comment on Evan's nature.

Its the first time he's felt excited for something like this, instead of dreadful. It's the first time Evan's been able to sit comfortably, and think of the coming days as something to look forward to, instead of something uncertain to be scared of.

It's the first time Evan's been warm, comfortable, and content in a long time.

The room is silent; save for the crackling of the fireplace and the soft music Gregory's house always seems to have playing. The only other sound is the general presence of Gregory and Roxy in the room with him.

Which is why when Evan suddenly has a wave of emotion wash over him, Gregory immediately snaps to attention from where he was nodding off when Evan starts crying.

"Evan?" Gregory asks worriedly, letting the blanket fall of his shoulders when he twists his body to face Evan. "Hey, are you okay?"

Evan shakes his head, gesturing vaguely with his hand. "Im-- I'm alright." He sniffs, and looks away when the tears keep coming, hiding his face as much as he can in his blanket covered knees. "Um, dont worry about me, please. I'm okay, I swear."

Despite looking away, Evan can still feel Gregory's hovering, worried presence at his shoulder, and Roxys watchful gaze on him.

"Did something happen?" Gregory asks, spitfiring. "Evan, if somethings wrong, can you tell me? You know I never judge you. This time is no different."

Evan shakes his head, removing his face from the blanket and facing Gregory. "Theres nothing wrong." He promises, and at the look Gregory sends him, he insists. "No, I promise! I-I dont know what's wrong, or... why I'm crying. I was happy just a few moments ago."

Gregory looks as confused as Evan feels. All Evan can do is bring the sleeve of his favorite sweater up to his cheeks and wipe the tears away, even if more follow right after.

Roxy hums, and sets the laptop she had in her lap to the side, sliding off the armchair she was sitting in to sit in front of Gregory and Evan, careful to move the headbands with a halo and devil horns they had been working on out of the way.

"Evan," She starts gently when she settles. "Are you sad right now?"

Evan's eyes widen, and he shakes his head, pulling the blanket tighter around himself. "No! I'm not." He insists. "...Which is why I'm so confused as to why I'm crying."

Roxy just tilts her head, leaning on one arm on the floor. "Okay, then let me ask you this, bud." She starts. "Have you ever cried because you were just so mad, or frustrated?"

Evan only thinks about it for a moment, his head nodding almost immediately, because he doesnt even have to mull that over. Theres been so many times where Evan would just smush his face into his pillow, and scream as loud as he could in his house. Because frustration is an emotion Evan is so used to, when Evan will wonder why Michael hates him so much.

"Yes." Evan says after a moment. "Yes, I have."

Roxy just nods, smiling that kind, but also wolfish smile of hers. "Then have you considered the idea that you might be crying because you're so happy?"

That makes Evan pause. He freezes, taking a moment for Roxys words to process as he turns them around in his head.

...It sounds awful when he thinks about it, doesnt it? The idea that he didnt even consider the idea of being happy enough to cry, because all he'd ever known is being mad, or sad enough to cry.

But that's what it is. That's what he reflects on, when for the first time, he's introduced to the idea that maybe, his emotions are just felt times two, and sadness and anger isnt the only thing he can feel intensely.

And also, that hes finally in a place where being so happy he can cry is a possibility. Is a reality.

Gregory must have noticed his intense thinking face, because then he seems to sag in relief, chuckling and shifting to get more comfortable. "So you were just so happy, that you cried?"

Evan doesnt answer for a moment, then finally tears his eyes away from the hole he was burning in the rug to look at Gregory. He nods, at first slowly, then more sure of himself. "Yeah." He sniffs, smiling. "I-I think so, yeah."

"Phew!" Gregory says exaggeratedly. "You had me worried for a second. I was afraid we somehow made you sad, or something."

Evan laughs, too, more tears pricking his eyes and following the tracks down his face, but all he does is wipe them away. "Me too." He says. "I was just confused. Because I'm not really sad around you guys."

Gregory just grins at him and grabs him in a side hug, shaking him slightly, but Roxy just chuckles, and hums again.

"Hang on." She tells them. They pause, glancing at her questioningly. "You two know how I go to the gym every Friday?"

Gregory nods, his hair tickling Evan's cheek, and Evan does too. Evan's been friends with Gregory for multiple months at this point, and he remembers Roxy talking about her weekly errand.

"Well," Roxy begins, smiling and looking pointedly at Evan. "I go to the gym because like you, Evan, I feel my emotions more intensely than other people might. But instead of it being all of them, like you, I just felt angry a lot. And it could get worse, and then I would blow up at people, or cry really hard."

Evan listens intensely, eyes wide. He nods, an invitation for Roxy to keep going, and she keeps that encouraging smile on her face. "It was like that for a long time. From when I was your age, to when I was a teenager. But it was only that way because I hadn't found my outlet yet."

Evan tilts his head. "Outlet?"

"I found out that hitting, or punching things, helps me channel my anger into one place, and let it all out without it affecting me or somebody else in a bad way." Roxy explains. "It helps to know you have a special time and place to let the emotions that build up inside of you out, so when they start to get bad before you're at that special spot, you can control them easier. Save them for when you know you'll be able to let them out."

Evan nods rapidly, soaking up every word. Hes never heard an adult talk about things he struggles with seriously before, let alone somebody who also experiences the same problem, and knows how to help. "So if I punch things, will it help me not cry so much?"

Roxy shakes her head, still smiling. "Probably not, Rockstar." She tells him, but before he can get too disappointed, keeps going. "But, we dont know. Things may not be the same for you the way they are for me, but if you try things out, eventually, you'll find the way that works best for you to let all your emotions out, so you dont blow up or they dont get uncontrollable in places you dont want them to."

Evan smiles, running the words over in his head. It's the first time theres ever been any indication that he can change, not for his family, but for himself. It's the first time Evan's felt like theres light at the end of the tunnel when it comes to his inner turmoil.

"If I could do it, you can too, Evan. My family didnt know how to help, but it was their support along with my friends' that helped me learn how to help myself."

"Well, you got us." Gregory pipes up, voice loud in Evan's ear. Gregory squeezes his shoulders a little tighter, twisting his body to be in Evans field of vision. "I'll help you find what your..." He pauses for a moment. "outlet is. I promise."

Evan smiles, moving to shift his neck to be pressed against Gregory. "Thank you." He says. To both of them. He meets Roxys eyes, and tries to express his gratitude with just his gaze.

Roxy seems to understand, because she just nods at him, as if to say 'I know you'll do great'.

"You should try punching Michael to see if thats your outlet." Gregory says. "I think that's a pretty good idea."

Evan splutters a laugh at that, and he can see Gregory grinning, too.

Evan's eyes are heavy, and sore from crying. Both from the exciting day he just had and from the emotions he just filed through, so when he let's himself lean against Gregory, body weary and cheeks littered with dried tear tracks, Gregory sits strong, and leans back as well.

Evan falls asleep like that, surrounded by warmth in more ways than one.

ao3 link

#i said it in the fic #but this is only months into their friendship #so evan hasnt developed more control over his emotions yet and that only actually starts here.#but evan is for sure already aware of how much more he likes it with gregory and his family than his own #and is close with gregory at this point #also where hes starting to bond more with other members of gregorys family #roxy was a good choice for this fic i think because i feel like with roxys obvious emotional issues #alongside self image issues they could relate!!#evan for sure feels bad about himslef for being the way he is #because hes only ever been taught that the way he is is bad or wrong or embarrassing.#but roxy being an actual adult whos been there done that who can help and takes him seriously is like. huge for him #flashlight duo #flashlight duo modern au #gregory and evan #the fazbears #pandas writes #holiday oneshot #halloween oneshot #flashlight duo oneshots #fnaf gregory #evan afton #my fics #oneshot #ficlet #fnaf fic

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maegalkarven · 6 months

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I understand what you’re saying about the Chosen of the dead 3, but I think Orin and Gortash are in the same boat. She wasn’t part of the plan at all, she killed or tried to kill her sibling to actively be part of the plan. She wasn’t even Bhaal’s chosen, she forced into that position herself. And if her abuse is grounds for understanding, then I’d say Gortash’s abuse is too. Sold to a devil as a child and tortured for years until he escapes and he grasps at anything to be in control so no one can control / hurt him again. I think he’s a shit person that did shit things, but I do like the character. And I don’t think Orin’s abuse outweighs that of Gortash. Someone/something messed them both up really bad. Bhaal uses Orin’s bloodlust and trauma to get her to do what he wants, Bane uses Gortash’s fear and need for control to get him to do what he wants. Gortash isn’t more/less redeemable because he’s the smart one that put the plan together. Also being Bane’s chosen means if he fails, he’s tortured for eternity. After being tortured for years, I’d imagine he’d do quite literally anything to not end up there again. Either they’re both redeemable or they’re both not in my eyes at least. Ketheric is the most redeemable for sure, he started out with a decent reason at least.

Gortash is my absolute fav actually because of all the layers. He's a fucking onion.

"Trapped in narrative- escaping the narrative"wise Gortash is the only one who actively walks into His.

He could do anything he wanted after escaping Hells. He wasn't exactly chained up or forced to climb the ladder to world domination.

Back then he still had a choice, even if his mind, twisted and turned by being Raphael's captive, didn't want that choice. Because fear is a strong thing, fear can control person in the worst possible ways. I believe Gortash chose "be the worst ever so no one can hurt him again" road and narrative himself.

But he CHOSE it. (The same way, some might argue, Ketheric chose not letting Isobel go, but I think Ketheric simply wasn't able to let her go)

Orin is different because she didn't exactly force herself into the narrative; she had always been in the narrative. She was born into the narrative.

No Bhaalspawn is ever free and no Bhaalspawn is ever not Bhaal's tool. She would inevitably be put on Durge's path because Bhaal loves putting his children against each other and because only One Bhaalspawn can remain. She even tried to play by the rules and challenged Durge, who didn't take her seriously and refused.

Both Orin and Gortash are more tragic than Ketheric because they're broken children who can never let it go.

Gortash is willingly not letting it go while Orin is literally trapped in it (her family, her cult, Father Bhaal in her head).

Ketheric is someone who, if convinced he can actually redeem himself (and if Isobel is alive), would try it.

Orin can only be redeemed if you forcibly take her out of her cult and cut off Bhaal's influence getting DIRECTLY INTO HER MIND. (Bhaal doesn't really have children, only victims)

Orin could easily be on Durge's place, tadpoled and amnesiac. Tbh I feel like her losing memory is the only way she could ever break free because for her where was nothing but Cult and Bhaal. She wasn't allowed anything else. Confronted with the truth about her upbringing, she's horrified; she also had been punished by Bhaal before for disobedience, Bhaal commands her what to do and Bhaal literally strips her of her own will and body because this is what Bhaal does. But if we can claw her out of it, knock her memories away and cut Bhaal off? Then she has a chance.

That's pretty much the only way she can have it (there's a reason Jaheira calls her lost soul).

But Gortash would not want redemption because he was not forced into the path of tyranny. He chose it. He quite likes it up on the top. He's comfortable over there being the worst and selling people and giving explosives to children. The only thing better would be if he had someone to share his kingdom with, someone who gets his genius.

If put on the ground, he will try to climb right back again. He doesn't care about freeing himself because in his mind only on the very top is where he is free. This narrative not his cage, it's his castle, he build it and he's not giving it up.

That's why any attempt to actually "redeem" him would fail because he is Not Interested in That. He is interested in Power and Being the Biggest and Strongest. Also so ppl would love him, idk how he plans to balance it out with his tyranny, but he pretty much requires the gaping audience. Admire him, everyone.

I have several plots of dragging him off his high horse bc the other alternative is his death, but all these plots require things to be the way where he's actively stripped of power in some way or another bc only his own survival will make him somewhat cooperate on an equal level (one particular ally, durge or tav, but more often durge aside). He is not a team player. He pretends he is.

There are, sure, some AU salvations for him, but no redemption because He Genuinely Does Not Regret a Thing, nor will he.

Neither is Orin, but Orin is a broken doll with a god of murder in her head. She lost herself so long time ago no one even recalls it.

Gortash has himself because no one ever had him. He will do anything for his survival and this is why he does not want or require redeeming. Not dying from Netherbrain, that's another story. But he inevitably always serves his own interests first.

Orin fights for the awful love and approval of a cruel god, Ketheric's love for his daughter transcends her death.

Orin and Ketheric's narratives are two sides of the same coin.

"A child craving affection of a cruel parent" VS "parent doing unimaginable horrors bc of the love for their child."

Gortash is out of that particular narrative, his narrative is "There's No One But Me. Only I Matter. No one loved me so I will love me in excess. No one loved me so no one deserves my love".

It is an echo and awful influence of his tragic past, but it's something he actively chooses. He loves that narrative of his, even if it doesn't exactly fulfill him 100% (because it's lonely on the top. Because somewhere deep inside Enver Flymm still lives. Because he can't let Enver Flymm go no matter now pathetic that past self of his is).

His tragedy is of being lonely af and not admitting it/not having anyone to match him in his genius, but not his Tyrant Path. This one he chose for himself.

The thing is, of course gods use their Chosen ones. I think Gortash knows that, and I think he also actively uses Bane. He wears the coat protecting him from the fear and is a chosen of a Dread Lord. That's telling. He doesn't actually serve Bane, he serves himself and aligns himself with Bane for as long as it works for him.