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necros-writing-stuff · 3 years

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You opened this can of worms. Now lay in it.

But I’m all seriousness if you have time can you do the wedding ask but with Kylar, Whitney, and great Hawk (I just think I’d be funny to try and explain a wedding to a harpy)

Aight here we go, part two electric boogaloo

NSFW below

Great Hawk

So, so confused. Does not get it, these strange landstrider ways of signing things.

Of getting permission from people to love.

Perfectly happy stealing you ring after ring until they find a perfect one though. If you want pretty jewellery, the harpy is more than happy to provide.

Its gonna be impossible to get the harpy into a dress or tux. Impossible to get them into town and find a venue or do anything normal.

And getting an official out in the moors? You better be paying good money.

But say you do do all that, manage to escort some poor priest or whatever to the tower, Great Hawk may get a little territorial.

Once you calm them down, they’ll allow the person inside. If it will make you happy, they suppose.

“Don’t worry about a witness,” the officiate says, obviously uncomfortable and wanting away from the situation.

If you dress up, Great Hawk will smother you in compliments, their mate looks amazing! So excellently preened!

The officiate goes through the words as quickly as they can, jumping when, instead of saying vows, the harpy screeches a song that declares their love for you.

You sign the presented papers, helping the harpy put their mark down, too. and the officiate runs off so they don’t have to risk their sanity any longer.

Buying a radio so the two of you can have a dance, sing along. Maybe even buying a small cake and feeding it to them, delighting in how they react to the sweet taste.

Great Hawk could fly you anywhere you wanted for a honeymoon. But what about the nest? Maybe you should wait till winter, then you two can find a nice spot somewhere warm.

Excited to mate that night, stripping your clothes and laying you down so they can breed you full of chicks. Tries to keep your clothes pristine for you.

Very thorough in their treatment of you, caresses your body and praising your everything.

You’re not entirely sure Great Hawk gets what happened. You’re still happy though, and so are they, knowing that you’re bound by their ways and yours.

Kylar

Oh this fucker planned.

Years and years in advance.

I’m talking slide shows, binders, cut-out collages of outfits and themes.

Proposes to you. The ring is goddamn expensive, and its perfect because of course it is.

The proposal was more of a formality, a definite put the plan into motion moment, you’ve always been bound to marry.

Lets you check the plans over, any changes you need to make are okay. Its your big day, too.

So happy to tour venues, to try catering, to find outfits. Everyone can see how excited Kylar is, how proud they are that they get to marry you.

Tells. Fucking. Everyone.

Old lady on the bus? Told. Local butcher? An earful. Don’t bring them to any poetry events, they’ll claim the mic to tell the whole room.

Really wants a Halloween themed wedding. Wants the two of you dressed like Gomez and Morticia, or Victor and Emily, or Jack and Sally.

If you let them do that, they’ll cry from joy and start practicing make-up every day so its perfect.

Don’t worry about price, they’ve got that covered.

The day comes and Kylar can’t wait to see you. Does not obey the traditional don’t see each other thing, will drag you off to touch you.

Most of the people from school are banned. Especially Whitney. May allow Robin, if you’ve assured them that you’re just friends.

Kylar’s family is there, they’re an interesting bunch. Rich, some a bit condescending. If this is your first time meeting his parents (unlikely) then I agree with the headcanon that one of them is probably just like Kylar - and gushes over you. Their little baby is getting a spouse all of their own.

Done in a church, even if its been dressed up in spiders webs and other stuff like that (if you let Kylar theme it).

Every guest is in costume, too.

If the PC is given away, then again you could use Bailey. They’ll smile and wave, knowing they can socialise and use it to their advantage. But I would find it funny if Doren does it, briefly telling you they were worried about Kylar in school, but you look so happy now! That's wonderful!

Kylar cries. Almost sobbing. Their mother/father stand beside them with tissues.

Records the wedding.

Personal vows. Its a poem, of course. Its not like the racy ones in English. Its heartfelt, beautiful, been drafted over and over again till it looked wrong and then right again,

One of you is getting dipped in the kiss. Be careful not to drop each other.

Honeymoon in Japan!

Going to the official stores of games you like, cat cafes, Kylar spending so long in the arcade.

Of course marathon sex. They’re not letting you go. You’ll be finding it hard to walk, room service being the only thing keeping you going.

Already said ‘I love you’ a thousand times during sex, now says it a million.

Time to start planning for babies, they’ll point out. They also have slideshows for that.

Whitney

You know how people get really drunk and do it impulsively? Yeah.

It would be on a trip out to some foreign country, you’re their slut so of course you get to come with. Doesn’t admit to having saved up for so long to take you away somewhere, just the two of you.

Parties hard throughout the vacation, taking advantage of the hot climate to dress in as little as possible, and wants to fuck you anywhere they can.

Until you wake up one night to find a signed marriage certificate with your names on it and a whole lot of missing memories.

Finds a camera, flicks though it to find out the two of you got married the night before. You’re dressed up in the worst outfits they’ve ever seen, but you’re smiling so wide, the kiss looks so full of love.

Oh look you took photos of the consummation, too.

Divorces are expensive, you know. Besides, not like you’re leaving them anytime soon. Its convenient to stay married.

Years down the line you could convince Whitney to do a proper ceremony. A recital, just so you can have one you remember.

They give in, and let you plan. But dear God are they nervous.

Terrified to tell their family. Doesn’t really want them there, scared they’ll say something to you. But if you insist.

Jokes about inviting Leighton for a brief second before deciding against. Bastard would show up and ruin everything, knowing them.

Almost runs off. Even if you’re already married, if its just a little ceremony with close people, Whitney feels vulnerable. Their friends will be there, will they think they’re weak?

But they suck it up and go to the recital.

Tries not to cry when they see you. Fails. Quickly wipes their face before anyone can see. Everyone already saw.

Whispers their vows to you. So quiet everyone leans in, but you hear them perfectly. They mean it when they say they love you, and you can only tell further when you go to place the ring on their finger to find a black band a writing around where the ring goes.

Its your name. Tattooed in a band, around their finger.

Okay now you’re both crying.

The after party is one hell of a show. Even if the venue, the food, the DJ aren't expensive, Whitney and their friends make it so that it isn't dull.

The best man’s speech is embarrassing for both of you, whether its your best friend (Robin, probably) or Whitney’s recounting something like you two stabbing at each other with protractors in Maths.

At one point you hear Whitney’s friends congratulate them. Telling them its okay they cried, they’re all happy for them.

The honeymoon? The place you got married in the first place. And you’re going to recreate the photos from the night, too.

Whipped cream and strawberries. Whitney covers you in it, licks it off and is eager to try other food-related kinks with you.

Whitney is very happy they didn’t run.

#degrees of lewdity #degrees of lewdity whitney #degrees of lewdity kylar #degrees of lewdity great hawk #spill your guts #anonymous

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bee-kathony · 5 years

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Fraser Memorial | Ch. 9 “Spontaneity”

a/n: Thank you always to @sassenachwaffles for being my beta on this!

June 2016

Sometimes things don’t go as you expect them to. Like most of our wedding vendors cancelling nearly last minute, giving us no explanation, but telling us we would get our money back. Jamie and I were supposed to be getting married in two weeks, on June twenty-ninth, but now, the wedding looked like it wouldn’t be happening.

We had come to visit Jamie’s family at Lallybroch, and make final arrangements for the wedding because we would be having it here. Ever since yesterday morning when I received three calls all in the same day, cancelling our cake, flowers and band, I had been distant from Jamie and the occupants of Lallybroch.

“Sassenach?” I heard Jamie enter the room.

“Hmmm,” I hummed, sitting in a chair by the fire in our room. Jamie came to stand in front of me and I could feel the uneasiness flow from him. When I didn’t look up, he crouched down on his knees, sliding his palm over my leg.

“Do ye still want to get marrit, Claire?”

That made me look at him, his blue eyes watery, fear etched on his features. Silently, I leaned forward, sliding my hands on his shoulders and pulled him to me, holding him to my chest.

“Yes.” I nodded, feeling the overwhelming sense of failure crash over me. I just wanted our wedding to be perfect. “That’s the only thing I want, Jamie.”

Jamie placed a soft kiss to the base of my neck, then pulled back to look at me, his hands gripping mine. “I ken ye wanted a weddin’ wi’ all the normal stuff a weddin’ is supposed to have.”

“Like cake, flowers, a band, and maybe some guests!” I laughed. Over the last month, we had received RSVP’s from our guests and half had said they couldn’t attend. If I believed in superstitions, then I would take this as a sign to not get married to Jamie.

“That would be nice, aye,” Jamie chuckled. “But at the end of the day, Sassenach, ’tis you and me that will be gettin’ married. It’s a promise we make to one another, a vow.”

“I know that,” I pressed my fingers lightly to his cheek. “That’s why I wanted everything to be perfect. For us.”

Jamie bent his head, his eyes lingering on his hand on my leg. “What if we got married tomorrow? Here at Lallybroch?”

“Without any of our guests?” I asked, and my mind started trying to come up with a list of reasons why we shouldn’t get married tomorrow, but I came up short.

“Aye, just you and me. My family. Our family. What more do we need, Sassenach?”

I sat back in the chair and my head turned towards the wardrobe. I thanked God and Jenny Murray that I had decided to keep my dress here at Lallybroch, because Jamie would be less likely to take a peek than if it was at our home.

“Let’s do it,” I smiled. “Let’s get bloody married tomorrow!”

Jamie grinned, and then pressed his lips against mine, his body pinning me to the chair. I felt his hands slide around me and soon I was being held in his arms bridal style. “What are you doing?” I laughed.

“I’m carrying my soon to be bride downstairs,” he laughed and started walking towards the door. “We’ll tell our family the great news that there’s to be a weddin’ tomorrow and then we’ll call the priest!”

++++++

I went to sleep that night in a different bed than Jamie, but when I woke up, he was there. He was laying next to me, hand propping up his head, a smirk on his face. “Morning, Sassenach.”

“You’re not supposed to be here,” I grumbled, wiping my hands over my sleepy eyes.

“Aye, but I couldna wait to see ye,” he smiled and leaned in to kiss me.

I wrapped my leg around his waist and he rolled on top of me, bracing himself on his arms. “The honeymoon isna supposed to start until tonight, Sassenach.” Jamie laughed, then kissed me slowly, his tongue sliding across my lips.

“Nothing has gone the way we wanted it to,” I moved one hand to the front of his boxers and he moaned. “If I want to start the honeymoon now…” I bit his lip, “We’ll bloody start it now, Fraser.”

“Oooo a wee vixen,” Jamie laughed and his body pressed down on mine.

++++++

I stood in the kitchen, nervously smacking my lips that I had just coated with a light pink lipstick. I felt slightly overdressed now that we would be having the wedding in Jamie’s family living room, but I knew this was the right decision.

Jenny came through the door, wearing her bridesmaids dress and I felt better. I was thankful that I hadn’t gone all out on the dress. It was very simple, a cream colored linen gown with a thin band around the middle and quarter length sleeves.

“Are ye ready, Claire?” She smiled, handing me a small bouquet of wildflowers she had just picked this morning.

“Yes. More than,” I hugged her, holding her tightly. I wouldn’t only be marrying Jamie, but I would have a new family, and after spending so many years missing that part of myself, I finally felt like I was coming home.

“We better get out there, or I think Jamie will come and fetch ye himself! Rather impatient that one,” Jenny rolled her eyes.

“I’m ready,” I nodded and she walked through the kitchen door. I followed down a short hallway that led to the living room.

There they stood. Brian and Ian, standing next to Jamie near the unlit fireplace, and Ellen, holding baby Maggie and standing next to a restless young Jamie. When Jamie and I first started dating, the prospect of dating the owner of the hospital’s son felt like a much bigger deal than it really was. I had grown close with Jamie’s parents and felt safe and comforted by their presence.

Every girl that dreams of her wedding, imagines that her father would be the one to walk her down the aisle, so when Brian stepped forward and offered his arm out to me to lead me the rest of the way to Jamie, I nearly burst into tears.

“Ye look beautiful, Claire.” Brian kissed me on the cheek and then passed me over into Jamie’s hands. I gripped them tight, not wanting to ever let go.

“Mo ghraidh,” he smiled. “Ye are the most beautiful bride I’ve ever seen.”

“I sure hope so!” I said, making everyone, including the old priest laugh. “You’re not too bad yourself,” I whistled and looked him up and down, dressed in kilt and jacket, he was dashing.

“Shall we begin?” The priest said and we turned our attention to him.

Jamie and I repeated after Father Bain, vowing to love one another in sickness and in health, for richer for poorer and til death us do part.

Young Jamie came forward with the rings, beaming as he did so, proud of his one task. My fingers shook as Jamie slid my ring over my finger and then he squeezed it tight before I slid his ring on his hand.

The next bit of the ceremony, I was feeling quite nervous about. I thought it a bit pagan when all was said and done, but Jamie really only cared that this part of his culture be included today.

Brian came to stand before us, pulling out a small sgina dubh from his sporran and a piece of white cotton fabric. I held out my arm next to Jamie’s, wincing slightly as the blade slid quickly across my wrist.

“Are ye alright, Sassenach?” Jamie asked, folding his arm over mine, pressing our wrists together.

I nodded, trying to concentrate on anything other than the faint smell of blood. You would think I would be used to blood because I work in a hospital, but when it’s my own blood, I tend to get a little queasy at the sight.

Brian tied the white fabric around and around our wrists, and then went to stand by Ellen, his arm around her waist, no doubt remembering their own wedding day.

“Repeat after me,” Jamie smiled and began to speak in Gaelic. I repeated the best I could, stumbling over a few of the pronunciations. Jamie said this was an old Gaelic blood vow, something his parents did and his grandparents before them.

“Ye are Blood of my Blood and Bone of my Bone. I give ye my Body, that we Two might be One. I give ye my Spirit, 'til our Life shall be Done.”

“Ye may kiss yer bride,” Father Bain said cheerfully. With our wrists still tied together, Jamie leaned in, his other hand cupping my cheek and kissed me deeply. Claps and shouts of celebration went around the room and I melted against Jamie. It was so simple - no fuss - nothing but us and the people we loved most in the world around us.

I knew I wouldn’t hear the end of it from Geillis, so I would have to make it up to her by letting her take me out for a post wedding bachelorette party. Jamie untied our wrists, placing his lips gently against the wound before covering it with a fresh bandage.

“I love ye, Sassenach, so much I think my heart will burst!” Jamie smiled, kissing me again.

“I love you, Jamie. God I love you,” I pressed my forehead against his and we stood there for a time, simply holding each other. Our family went in the kitchen, I knew to pull out the food for celebration, but Jamie and I held each other in the middle of his living room.

“We’re mated for life, ye and I.”

Pulling back, I ran my thumb over his lips, “Aye, like penguins,” I laughed.

“My bonny penguin,” Jamie kissed me. “Are ye hungry?”

I slid my hand over my stomach, “Starving!”

“Let’s feed ye then, Mrs. Fraser.” Jamie slid his hand around my waist, and led us into the kitchen where we were greeted with more cheers and a chant for us to kiss. Christ… I love my family.

Present Day - December 2018

We all took care of the twins in shifts. I knew the first few months would be the hardest, adjusting to life with a newborn, let alone two newborns wasn’t an easy task. Thankfully, Jenny and Jamie’s mother helped as much as they could. It’d only been three weeks since Malcolm and Lilidh had come into the world and already it was a better place because of them.

When I wasn’t falling asleep on the couch after breastfeeding, I was changing a diaper or trying to eat something that resembled food. I was on maternity leave from the hospital, but Jamie was only able to get one month off, even being the head of the hospital, he had a lot of responsibilities that couldn’t just be pushed aside. That meant that in a week’s time, it would be me and the twins on our own.

Ellen promised to stop by at least once a day, which I was extremely grateful for, but I knew it wouldn’t and couldn’t be like this for all the twins lives. At some point, it would just be me, them and Jamie.

It was one of those rare quiet moments, when the twins had fallen asleep at the same time. They were in their nursery, breathing deeply, small smiles on their faces and I had crept away to find peace in the kitchen. I had just reached for a container of cookie dough when Jamie walked through the front door, back from the store with food and a butt ton of diapers.

“Hello, love.” Jamie smiled, dropping the bags near the entrance of the house. He kissed me on the cheek, wrapping one arm around my waist and then looked down at my hands. “Ye ken yer no supposed to eat raw cookie dough, Sassenach…”

“Everyone does it Jamie, besides,” I opened the lid and swiped my finger through the mixture, “It’s delicious.” I held my finger in front of his mouth and could almost see his tongue salivate.

His eyes squinted, mouth smirking, but he opened his lips and took my finger, cookie dough and all, into his mouth.

“Aye, yer right.” He smacked his lips, and reached his own finger in for another glob of the stuff. “Carry on, mo nighean.”

Laughing, I closed the fridge door and took a seat on one of the bar stools. “Did you enjoy your adventure out there in the real world?”

Jamie grabbed the bags from the store and started to unload them one by one. “Och, of course I did. The lights,” he sighed, “the people, the smells! Christ, Sassenach, a whole world out there that isna all bairns and shite.”

I covered my mouth to stop from laughing loudly, and looked down the hallway where I knew the twins would be sleeping soundly.

“But they’re so cute!” I half whispered, and took another bite of the cookie dough. I made sort of an orgasmic sound at the taste, feeling both of Jamie’s eyes boring into mine. “What?” I mumbled.

“Ye dinna make sounds like that, Sassenach.” He said, placing both hands on the counter. “Not when ye’ve got yer wee finger in yer mouth and there’s no one but us and sleepin’ bairns in the house.”

“What sounds? I don’t make sounds,” I lied, quirking one eyebrow. Jamie walked around the counter slowly, his eyes still on me. He came to stand before me, his gaze traveling from my lips back to the container of cookie dough.

“Aye, ye do make sounds, Sassenach. Lots of wee noises,” Jamie smirked, scooping a bit of cookie dough onto his finger and brought it too my lips. “Suck, mo nighean.”

“Jesus H. Roosevelt Christ,” I muttered, committing my soul to God and opened my mouth, taking Jamie’s long finger with the dough on my tongue. The sweet, chocolatey flavor of the cookie dough, mixed with the saltiness of Jamie’s skin was the perfect combination. I closed my eyes, swirling my tongue around his finger, and moaned softly.

“There’s one I havena heard in awhile,” Jamie laughed, his other hand sliding across my knee, traveling slowly up my thigh. Just as I opened my eyes and leaned up to kiss him, I heard the familiar cry of Malcolm and let out a large groan.

“Your son has the worst timing,” I laughed and stood to Jamie’s objections.

“Och, so now he’s only my son when he interrupts the proceedings of tryin’ to bed ye?” Jamie laughed, following me down the hallway to the nursery.

“You’ve got that right, Fraser.” We came into the nursery, and Jamie went to Malcolm who was crying, kicking his little legs out — poor lad.

“Shhh, mo chuisle, it’s yer Da.” Jamie hushed him, cradling him to his chest. I looked over at Lilidh and she was still fast asleep, her thumb in her mouth — taking after her mama. Walking around the small crib, I came to stand behind Jamie, sliding my hand around his waist, resting my head on his back. He started to sway gently, rocking Malcolm and whispering sweet things in Gaelic that I didn’t understand.

“Yer mam and I love ye verra much, lad. Dinna forget it,” Jamie spoke softly in English and finally after awhile, Malcolm stopped crying. “And we love yer wee sister too, don’t we mo cridhe?”

“And we always will,” I smiled and pressed my lips against Jamie’s back, swaying with him as we rocked our son back to sleep.

#fraser memorial #jamie fraser #claire fraser #jamie x claire #outlander fanfiction #ch 9 #bairns #twins #fraser wee bairns #mclairefras #they got married sae cute

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filosofablogger · 7 years

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Once again it is that jolly day of the week, the day we start the week with a spot of coffee, a sweet treat and a chuckle or two. How was your weekend? We spent some family time together, which was nice, and Chris is just now finishing up the orange lights around the windows, so our house is looking festive and has a warm glow. And now, let us see if we can start this week off right …

How To Launch An Airplane …

I’m sorry, but I just don’t think this is going to work. No matter how many people join in pulling that aircraft, I don’t think they can get it in the air. What? They aren’t trying to get it in the air? Ohhhhhh …

This is part of an annual fund-raiser held in Newark, New Jersey, to benefit the Special Olympics. 50 teams of 20 people each took turns trying to haul the Boeing 737 a distance of 10 feet. Awards were handed out to the team able to complete the task the fastest, and to the team with the lowest total weight able to achieve the feat. The weight of the plane? 93,000 pounds!

“It’s a lot of fun and people practice for this year round,” said Robert Belfiore, a retired police chief and current director of the New Jersey Law Enforcement Torch Run for Special Olympics. All for an excellent cause!

The event was hosted by United Airlines and the Port Authority of New York and New Jersey. Proceeds were donated to the Special Olympics of New Jersey.

The case of the missing traffic cone …

Paul Baxter, a 50-year-old British postal worker, was convinced he had lung cancer. He had suffered a nagging cough for a year or so, when a bout of pneumonia led to a chest x-ray, where doctors noted what appeared to be a tumour. So, the docs scheduled Mr. Baxter for a bronchoscopy, a procedure that allows doctors to look at the bronchial tubes, and also remove small bits of lung tissue for biopsy.

The ‘tumour’, however, turned out not to be a tumour, but a traffic cone! No no no … not the kind you see alongside the highway, but the kind that comes in a Playmobil toy set. The cone had been in Baxter’s bronchial tube since he was 7 years old, when he received the toy set for his birthday. He said he vaguely remembered swallowing it … only he apparently aspirated it, rather than swallowing it.

The Biomedical Journal Case Reports explains that “This may be because aspiration occurred at such a young age that the patient’s airway was able to remodel and adapt to the presence of this foreign body.” Mr. Baxter’s symptoms have now mostly subsided and he is relieved to know that he does not have lung cancer.

Do not feed the elephants …

The man, a tourist in Sri Lanka, was trying to be nice — he saw the elephant and wanted to share his food. So he stopped the tuk tuk he was driving, got out, and gave the elephant a bite of his lunch. To show his appreciation, the elephant … well, just watch …

Lessons to be learned from this: 1) elephants are greedy, 2) elephants are unappreciative and will always want more, 3) elephants are bigger than tuk tuks.

Now I want a tuk tuk … aren’t they just the cutest thing? I wonder how much one costs? Hmmmm … can’t you just picture me bopping ‘round da hood in this? Might make a nice Christmas present … Herb, Chris, Miss Goose?

I would prefer blue …

More not-so-bright criminals …

23-year-old Ushio Sato decided to steal a car in Numazu City, Japan. It was just after midnight when Sato approached an unlocked car. Imagine his surprise when he very stealthily opened the door and began to enter the car, only to realize that there were two undercover police officers already occupying the car … an unmarked police car!

He tried to run, but the police were quicker.

Tea for two, a wedding for one …

I talk to myself often. Sometimes just because I am trying to work something out in my mind, and I need a second opinion, other times just because I am trying to talk some sense into myself. So, a two-sided conversation with only one person I get. But a wedding with only one person?

Two years ago, Laura Mesi, then a 38-year-old fitness instructor and vlogger from a small town near Milan, Italy, broke up with her significant other after 12 years. At the time, she bemoaned that she had yet to find her ‘soul mate’ and said that if she had not found one by the time she was 40, she would just marry herself.

And that is what she did. And she did it up right … no Justice of the Peace for she and herself! She had a full-blown wedding ceremony complete with white dress, three-layer wedding cake, bridesmaids and 70 guests. The wedding cost her around 10,000 €, or nearly $12,000 USD. I can only picture some of the conversations:

“Honey, would you mind bringing me a cup of tea?” “Get it yourself, I’m going to shower.” Or how about this one … “Where have you been? I was worried …”. “Well, if you don’t know, I’m sure not going to tell you.”

Now, it turns out that this is a current ‘trend’, marrying oneself, called sologamy. I cannot find information regarding how many people have married themselves, but it appears to be more popular in Europe than the U.S. I try not to be judgmental, but truly I find this just a bit strange. What do you guys think? I don’t anticipate ever getting married again, but if I do, I really rather want somebody besides myself waiting at the altar.

Don’t look up …

It was rather reminiscent of H.G. Wells’ War of the Worlds, but on a smaller scale.

Traffic Scotland shared an image of a spider dangling directly in front of one of its traffic cameras on the M8 motorway giving the appearance of a giant spider floating in the sky. They played it up with the following tweet:

*NEW* ⚠

LARGE spider 🕷 invading the #M8 at Livingston❗

Our advice…RUN AS FAST AS YOU CAN 🏃 😆#edintravel @SETrunkRoads

6:02 AM – Sep 28, 2017

Twitter followers joined in on the fun comparing the “giant” spider to monsters from horror films and asking when the roads would be safe again. Before any serious damage was reported as the result of a the “threat” it was announced that the spider was “long gone.” All in good fun, but can you imagine if that happened in Washington D.C. at evening rush hour?

Oysters on the half … ????

When I was a kid, you could get soda, potato chips or cigarettes from a vending machine. Not surprisingly, I usually opted for cigarettes, and compred to $6+ a pack today, a quarter, twenty-five cents, didn’t seem too bad. Since that time, however, things have changed and we shouldn’t be surprised at anything we find in a vending machine. Sandwiches, personal items, birth control … you name it. But still, I was surprised by this one …

I love shrimp, scallops and crab, but never could quite bring myself to eat oysters, snails, or calamari. But I’m not sure, even if I like oysters, that I would want them from a vending machine.

Well, friends, as you can see by the clock, it is time for us all to get busy and start this week off on the right foot … or left foot … whichever. I hope you found something that brought a smile to your face, and please remember to share that smile, for it means so much and you all have such beautiful smiles … it would be a shame to keep them hidden! Keep safe and I hope you have a great week! Love ‘n Hugs!

M Is For Monday … Jolly Monday!!! Once again it is that jolly day of the week, the day we start the week with a spot of coffee, a sweet treat and a chuckle or two.

#cartoons #giant spider #oysters from vending machine #Playmobil traffic cone #self-marriage #sologamy #special olympics #tuk tuk

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koreaneverythingworld-blog · 7 years

Text

Wedding Ideas And Traditions In Asia

I was reading up on wedding traditions in Asia and i found china, Korea and Thailand to be the rather interesting. History plays big role in it all, and its so full of life rather than just looking pretty and walking down the aisle which is no problem for some but for me personally I love to mix the old with the new, so reading this has made my planning my friend wedding even more exciting. I hope this will inspire others like it did for me.

Korean Wedding Traditions

by The Knot

If you'd love to include your Korean heritage in your wedding but aren't sure where to start, look no further. We turned to an expert for a run-down of Korean wedding traditions. Shu Shu Costa, author of Wild Geese and Tea: An Asian-American Wedding Planner (Riverhead Books, 1997), describes a few commonly practiced rituals that are meaningful -- and fun.

Betrothal

Traditionally, Korean betrothal gifts were brought to the bride's home by a band of the groom's closest friends. The gifts were placed in a box called a hahm. The group, dressed in costume with blackened faces, would arrive singing at the bride's family home. They would stop just outside the house, chanting, "Hahm for sale, hahm for sale!" The bride's family would rush out and offer money to the group. Through fun negotiation and laughter, the bearers would be bribed until at last the hahm was delivered.

Engagement Parties

Most Korean-American engagement parties are now held in restaurants. Gifts are exchanged -- sometimes worth $30,000 to $40,000! -- and family members are formally introduced. The bride may wear the traditional hanbok (a special engagement dress). Entertainment is expected, but can range from classical Korean music to family members singing along with a karaoke machine.

A Wild Goose

Before the wedding, a beautiful tradition takes place: The groom gives the bride's mother a wild goose (traditionally, a live goose was used; today it is often a wooden goose). Wild geese mate for life, so his gift is a promise that he will care for her daughter for life.

A Gourd of Wine

The traditional Korean wedding is held at the bride's family home. Vows are taken in a ceremony called kunbere: Bride and groom bow to each other and seal their vow by sipping a special wine poured into a gourd grown by the bride's mother.

Dates & Chestnuts

A few days after the ceremony, the couple visit the groom's family for another wedding ceremony, the p'ye-baek. Here the bride offers dates and chestnuts -- symbols of children -- to the groom's parents, while sitting at a low table filled with other symbolic offerings. The parents offer sake in return, and as a final gesture they throw the dates and chestnuts at the bride, who tries to catch them in her large wedding skirt.

In the United States, the p'ye-baek is most often held at the reception, with the bride and groom in full Korean costume. It is usually a family-only affair, hosted by the groom's side. The throwing of dates and chestnuts is the highlight. Family members also offer gifts of money in white envelopes to the bride.

Wedding Banquet

Korean wedding banquets can be very simple: Noodle soup is the only required dish. In fact, the wedding banquet is called kook soo sang, which means "noodle banquet." Long noodles -- symbolizing a wish for a long and happy life -- are boiled in beef broth and garnished with vegetables. Dok, a sticky rice cake, is served at most Korean events, especially weddings.

https://www.theknot.com/content/korean-wedding-traditions

Ancient Chinese Wedding Traditions A look at the cultural customs that shaped today's celebrations.

by The Knot

What's your wedding day lineup look like? Here, we give you the basics behind ancient wedding day customs, from bridesmaid games to the wedding banquet.

Preceremony Traditions

Obtaining the Bride In Chinese culture, it was customary for firecrackers, loud gongs, and drums to mark the start of the procession (and fend off evil spirits) from the groom's home to the bride's house. The groom would lead a procession, accompanied by a child (to symbolize future sons). Attendants with lanterns, as well as banners, musicians, and a dancing lion would follow.

Bridesmaid Games When the groom arrived at the bride's house, the groom's party would be met by the bride's friends, who would haggle with the groom or his representatives. They would make him perform stunts or tricks, and not "surrender" their friend until they were satisfied with red packets of money.

Arriving at the Groom's House As the couple made their way back to the groom's house, firecrackers would be set off just before the procession arrived. A red mat would be placed before the sedan chair for the bride so that her feet wouldn't have to touch the bare earth. The entire household would be waiting to receive her. The bride would be required to step over a saddle or a lit stove to cross the threshold -- the fire was thought to cast out evil influences.

Ceremonial Rites

Ceremony Chinese ceremonies are historically simple compared to other Chinese wedding elements. (In fact, the wedding ceremony was seen more as a way to announce the wedding, which was then followed by the banquet.) During the ceremony, the bride and groom would stand at the family altar, where they would pay homage to heaven and earth, the family ancestors, and the kitchen god, Tsao-Chün. Tea, usually with two lotus seeds or two red dates in each cup, would be offered to the groom's parents. Finally, the bride and groom would bow to each other -- completing the ceremony.

Nuptial Chamber Immediately following the ceremony, the couple was led to the bridal chamber, where both would sit on the bed. In some areas of China, honey and wine were poured into two goblets linked by a red thread. The bride and groom would take a few sips, then exchange cups and drink the rest.

Tea Ceremony Either following the wedding ceremony or sometimes the next day, the newlyweds would serve tea to the groom's family. The couple would serve tea in order, starting with the groom's parents then proceeding from the oldest family member to the youngest. After the tea was offered and a sip was taken, the couple would receive lucky red envelopes (lai see) filled with money or jewelry. This was considered the formal introduction of the families.

The Celebration

Wedding Banquet The parents of the bride and groom would often host separate wedding feasts. There might be a single feast for each family, or a series of feasts over several days. The most important feast was considered to be the one given by the groom's family on the day of the wedding. This banquet was seen as a public recognition of the union. Historically, the more lavish the display and the more food and leftovers, the more wealthy the hosts. Most of the foods commonly served were symbolic -- a whole fish would be served because the word for fish, yu, sounds like the word for plenty, meaning a wish for abundance. Serving sweet lotus seeds for dessert symbolized a wish for many children.

The Day after the Wedding The day after the wedding, the bride would wake up early to honor her ancestors at dawn. It was then that she would also be formally introduced to all of the groom's relatives and friends. As she knelt before each of the older relatives, she would receive a small gift. The groom's parents would then give her a title, according to her new husband's seniority in the family.

Three Days After the Wedding Three days after the wedding, the newlyweds would pay a visit to the bride's family at home. At this time, the bride would no longer be considered a part of her family, but rather a guest in her parents' house.

Information about the elements of ancient Chinese wedding ceremonies is generally credited to scholars of the Warring States period (402-221 B.C.). Even during this period, etiquette underwent changes and simplification and differed among provinces, cultures and families.

Sources: Chinese Historical and Cultural Project (CHCP.org) Wild Geese and Tea, An Asian-American Wedding Planner by Shu Shu Costa (Riverhead Books, 1997)

1. The Thai Marriage Proposal

Not so long ago it was common for Thais, especially in families from higher society, to arrange their children’s marriages. Even if it were not an arranged marriage, it was very important the parents of the bride and groom be consulted.

If the groom’s parents agree with their son’s choice of wife, it would be the parents who go forth to the bride’s parents to ask for their son to marry their daughter. The bride’s parents would then negotiate the ‘Sin sod'. Westerners would call this a dowry.

2. Choosing the Wedding Date

Thais believe that there are favourable dates and times for planning significant and important events. A special and important monk with knowledge of astrology is consulted to help decide what date would be best for the union in order to be blessed and the marriage to be strong.

3. Wedding Invitations

Since there are often multiple ceremonies involved with the Thai / Buddhist wedding, there may be a separate invite of each event – however, it is commonplace for everything to happen on the same day. Most often, one invitation will suffice. Traditionally, the invitation would be hand delivered by a member of the adjoining families.

4. Making Merit and Honouring the Bride’s Ancestors

Most often, before any important event or holiday, a Buddhist will “make merit” to call good things into one’s life.

There are numerous ways to “make merit,” such as the release of a captive animal or donating money to a temple, but usually, for a wedding, the family will invite monks to bless the bride and groom as well as their home. The monks will chant, as well as offer life lessons, and in return the family will feed them before sending them on their way.

This ceremony may be treated as a separate event entirely. It could happen days before the actual wedding. These days it will often become part of the wedding day’s happenings. If the merit ceremony happens on a different day than the wedding, the couple will still likely wake early to meet a monk for a quick blessing.

5. The Thai Wedding Dress

Though it has become common for modern couples to wear the typical western style white dress and suit, the Thai classic attire is still widely used. The traditional bridal dress can vary a bit with about six different styles of outfit. The men will usually wear the Thai traditional pants but will sometimes switch out the traditional Thai top for a western style suit jacket and tie, though usually still made from silk.

6. Bridesmaids and Groomsmen

As in wedding parties all over the world, the bride and groom will choose any number of Bridesmaids and Groomsmen that they like. However, it is rare to see a best man or matron of honour. Their duties will very depending on the needs of the couple.

7. The Thai Engagement Ceremony (Khan Maak Procession)

Having reached an agreement for the Sin Sod (dowry), the groom can now go to claim his bride. In past times the groom would travel on foot from his home to his bride’s home, accompanied by a procession of his family, friends, and other well-wishers.

The groom’s paraders would carry offerings for the bride’s family. On their way, they would sing songs, play instruments, such as traditional Thai long drums, and basically have a traveling party. The offerings they carry all have very specific meanings.

For Thais, it is quite common nowadays for the engagement to take place on the same day as the wedding. In many Thai-foreigner relationships the engagement often follows the western tradition of being a romantic one-on-one occasion that is then announced to others afterwards. We had an informal engagement, not a traditional one.

The procession was held in the hotel and we walked to the wedding hall. The lobby was fairly big so it felt quite authentic.

You’d usually find gold or coins, flowers and the leaves and nuts of a young Betel plant arranged on the Kan Maak tray. The meanings of the items range from health and prosperity to fertility and long life.

Additionally, the traveling guests will also carry various foods such as fruits and desserts. In modern times, the procession is likely to just start down the street and end at the wedding venue, which will be a house or, more frequently in modern times, a hotel.

8. The Grooms Gated Approach

When our groom finally makes it to his destination, he still has another challenge to face. His way will be blocked by a series of gates held up by the bride’s maids and various family members. The gates are commonly made from a necklace or belt made of gold.

Some of these gates can be passed simply by a payout of money, whereas others will ask the groom to answer questions, or he may even be required to perform any number of what may be a somewhat humbling task such as, yell out a profession of his love or sing a song.

Children from the immediate family manned the gates. I gave an envelope with a small monetary gift inside to each so I could pass through.

9. Retrieving the Bride

After satisfying all his tasks, the groom may now enter to find his bride. Commonly, the bride will be waiting in a room separated from the guests. When the groom is waiting inside, the bride’s parents will bring out their daughter from behind closed doors and present her to the husband to be.

My wife to be waited in a separate room for me to collect her and bring her to the wedding stage. This was the most emotional part of the wedding for me.

10. Presenting The Sinsod (Dowry)

Having retrieved his bride. it is now time to present the bride’s parents with the Sin sod. A tray where all the gifts and money are resting is offered. After the gifts are accepted the items will be wrapped in silk and handed to the mother of the bride.

As tradition dictates, and to display how generous the groom is, the bride’s mother will make a show of carrying the heavy loaded package as if it’s extremely heavy.

Our Sin Sod presented in a decorative bowl. There was also two items of gold jewellery.

11. Sai Monkhon (Joining by Thread)

We now arrive at what some would consider the most heartfelt portion of the wedding. The bride and groom must sit or kneel next to each other. Their arms will rest on a small padded table and their hands must be held together in prayer position.

An elder member of the family – who is considered to have a successful marriage – will place the traditional headpiece called Mong Kol on the head of both the bride and groom. This string headpiece, previously blessed by monks, must be made out of one piece of cotton and will join the couple during the rest of the ceremony, and symbolically for the rest of their lives.

The Sai Monkhon: We are joined by a thread by my father.

12. Rod Nam Sang (Shell Ceremony)

With the bride and groom seated next to each other (bride on the left,) and joined by the Sai Monkhon thread, the guest will begin to line up to have a turn with the couple. The two hold the their hands close together as their most honoured guests use a special shell, usually taken from the sea, to pour water over the uniting pair.

It is customary for the person, while pouring the water, to wish the couple well and give advice on having a good life together.

My wife having water poured on here hands during the Rod Nam Sang.

13. The Thai Wedding Reception

After all of the guests have had a chance to pour the water and wish the couple well, it’s common to invite them to eat and mingle. This part of the ceremony can range from a simple gathering at a table to a full on party with dancing and games.

The reception where everyone enjoyed food and drink.

It is here in this part of the ceremony that you may find a more western influence, but the Thai still have their own ways of doing things. Usually, one or two friends of the bride and groom will be chosen as the master of ceremonies for the evening.

It’s this MC’s job to host the events, games, videos and of course, introduce the newlyweds. Family members and friends are invited up to speak about the bride and/or groom. The couple may even have to take part in a game show style quiz. As in western weddings, it is quite common to see a cake cutting and bouquet toss these days too.

Of course there had to be some karaoke!

14. Preparing the Bridal Bed

Perhaps the final thing to happen on the wedding day will happen in the bedroom, but it’s not quite what you may think. The bride and groom will be escorted to the bedroom where an older married couple will present them with an array of items to demonstrate the path to a successful marriage.

The bed will likely be covered in flower petals as well as a brass tray of traditional symbols. The most common items on the tray include a bag of beans or seeds to show prosperity, a bowl of water to symbolise harmony, a mortar to represent solid love, an unripe squash to bring a happy marriage, the figure of a sleeping cat to show the want to be comfortable at home, a rooster to promote waking up early, and finally a cane as a symbol of long life.

Tradition says the couple should sleep with these items in the bed for three days, though that rarely happens anymore.

On most occasions, it will be the parents that prepare the bed and explain the symbols, and once they’ve completed the lessons, they will leave the newly married couple alone in the bed to show the desire for children.

This part of the ceremony is pretty rare these days and wasn't part of our wedding.

Thai Weddings In the Modern World

I hope you now have a better understanding of the traditional Thai wedding ceremony. Please note that these are just the most common and recognisable practices. Thailand is a large country with many regional influences that affect the way engagements and weddings are conducted.

For example, the northern and southern parts of the country may conduct certain parts quite differently; you can also expect differences among the ethnic Thai-Chinese community, not to mention all the modern storybook ideals thrown in the mix too.

While most foreigners marrying in Thailand will experience many of the same traditions, tailored weddings that represent both the bride and groom’s cultures are becoming increasingly common. So feel free to assert your own input and get fun and creative. I wish you all the best with your Thai wedding.

https://www.thethailandlife.com/thai-wedding-ceremony

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