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emeraldbambi · 4 years

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Midoriya Izuku: Feeling alone

(Tw) Depression, selfharm, and suicide.

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It was hard getting through the day, when this heavy feeling weighed him down. The voices in his head were louder, telling him things he wished werent true. He wasnt alone, so why did it feel like he was?

Aizawa sensei was ignoring it as usual, Izuku wanted to believe that Aizawa was different. That he wouldnt let Kaachan hurt him, but he was a teacher and teachers usually turn a blind eye. He clenched his scarred hands, why couldnt the bell just ring already?

He sat in his seat behind his childhood friend, or more like tormentor, Bakugou Katsuki, or as he calls him Kaachan. The explosive blonde was in one of his moods, constantly yelling which wasnt doing Izuku any good.

"Deku!" The greenette flinched back at the angry voice narrowly avoiding an aimed explosion. Scared green eyes tentatively locked eyes with furious red orbs, he swallowed harshly. Why couldnt Kaachan leave him alone?

"Yes, K-Kaachan?" His voice trembled, he hesitantly casted fearful eyes towards Aizawa, he would stop the blonde if he got to violent, right?

"Stop fucking muttering, it's annoying and creepy!" He snarled. Izuku clamped his mouth shut and nodded hoping to appease Kaachan.

"Bakugou, is there a problem?" Aizawa's stern voice called out, Bakugou turned around sharply and grunted out a no.

Izuku pierced his fingernails into his palms, trying to steady his breathing. He hoped no one noticed his near hyperventilation. But he doubt they would, no one cared.

"Deku? Are you alright?" He stopped himself from wincing, he hated that nickname. Uraraka Ochaco, the pretty brunette from the entrance exam, tried to change the meaning of the name as she also tried to befriend him. But as nice as she was, she couldnt take away the pain it brought him still.

He glanced at her worried brown eyes and forced a smile. "Mhm, I'm okay." He could tell she wasnt fully convinced, but it didnt matter. He didnt matter.

The bell rang, startling Izuku who couldnt help the racing of his heart. "Midoriya, Uraraka, will we be sitting together for lunch?" Iida Tenya, a still boy who also tried to befriend the two, asked?

He bit his lip, he wasnt in the mood to socialize. He wondered if he could sneak out or claim he felt unwell. It was true, he really didnt feel good.

Mental health was important, right? Recovery girl would let him take the day off, wouldnt she? He really needed to be alone.

"Actually, Iida, Im not feeling very well. I think im going to head to the nurses offices. Thank you, though." He smiled, truly thankful Iida invited someone as worthless as him. The two nodded before walking away, chatting as they headed to the lunch room.

He fiddled with the hem of his shirt nervously, he just has to let sensei know as well so he didnt question him. He slowly walked towards the seemingly napping teacher. He reached a shaking hand out to wake the man, when he suddenly snapped his eyes open scaring Izuku half to death.

"What do you want, problem child?" The nickname served to bring his mood down even more, was he really that much of a problem? His teachers dark eyes looked at him searchingly, making his increasingly high nerves worse.

"I-I uh, I wanted to see if I could visit Recovery girl?" He asked, green eyes shifting around nervously. He couldn't help the tremors that violently racked his small body.

"Are you hurt?" Sensei asked, already sitting up.

"No, i just feel ill. Thats all."

"Go ahead." Izuku almost sighed in relief, grateful his teacher didnt ask anymore questions. He ran out quickly, rounding the corner, he froze.

What if Recovery girl didnt allow him to leave? Like the nurses from middle school, would she dismiss him? No, he couldnt go to her, the adults are all the same. He would just have to leave on his own.

He headed to the front, trying to act as casual as possible. He ran out the doors when he saw Kaachan yelling at a random student for probably bumping into him. Running out the gates, he let out a deep breath, he had to get home.

Hopefully his mom wouldn't be there, he loved her but she was always bringing him down the rabbit hole he was currently trying to escape. She'd cry and treat him like fragile glass, which was the last thing he wanted.

He reached his house and quickly dug out his keys from his pockets, he quietly unlocked the door. He didnt want to alert his mom in case she was there. He walked silently to his room, it was bare, all his posters and figurines were gone.

Despite All Might giving him a quirk, he was still the hero that broke him. Told him to his face he couldnt be a hero and to give up trying, only to take it back the minute he risked his life to save his bully, piss poor job he did.

He walked to his open closet and pulled out a small, locked wooden box. Walking back to his bed, he removed the key clasped to the chain around his neck. After unlocking it and digging around, he found the blades he hid in toilet paper.

He took off his jacket and shirt, pressing the cool metal against the untouched skin beneath his collarbone. He clenched his teeth as he dragged the blade across his skin a few times, letting the blood roll down his chest and onto his covered thighs. Blinking away the tears that threaten to fall, he placed the blade down.

There was still so much pain that he couldnt cut away, he wanted it to stop. Wanted everything to stop. Why wont it stop.

He banged his fist against his head, wanting to silence the screams thundering in his mind. "Please, just shut up." He whispered.

His phone ringing brought him out of his inner turmoil, he blindly reached for it, ignoring the pain the stretch brought. Clicking answer, he pressed the phone to his ear.

"Hello?" He voice sounded raspy, throat dry from all the crying.

"Izu, honey, sorry for interrupting your school time, but I was just letting you know that I'll be working overtime, ok? I won't be home till after ten, I promise in the morning I'll make a big breakfast to make up for missing katsudon night, okay baby? I love you." It was his mother, of course the shitty day could get much worse.

"Yeah, mom. It's fine, I'll eat some ramen. I love you, take care." They hung up.

He was so tired of feeling this way, but he didnt know what to do to make it stop. His collarbone still stung, he should probably wrap it already as its still bleeding. Maybe the cuts were a little too deep, but oh well.

He glanced at his bloodstained blade, ending it might be better. He'd no longer be a burden, no longer bothering his mother or society with his mere existence.

He should at least say goodbye to All Might, for trying to save him. But he was much too late to be saved. He dialed his number and prayed he'd answer.

"Hello? Midoriya, my boy? Is somethinh wrong?" The genuine concern in his voice caused a choked son to escape his mouth. "My boy?"

"I'm sorry, All Might. I couldn't do it. I couldn't handle the pressure."

"Midoriya, what's wrong? What's happening? Are you alright?" All Might's worried tone brought more tears.

"I called you to say goodbye and that I took a strand of my hair and placed it in a zip lock bag. The darkness plaguing my thoughts were too much, I couldn't save myself, I'm sorry." He cried, he ignored his mentors voice frantically asking where he was and hung up.

He grabbed the blade once again and gently placed it to his neck, feeling his pulse thrumming against his fingertips. "I won't feel alone anymore." With one large and deep slice, he cut the carotid arteries in his neck. Bleeding out, his world went black.

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My first try at a one-shot. I hope I did good☺

#bnha #deku #self deprecation #depression #selfharm #tw suicide

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