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#couldnt read for shit until i was 6
yuridovewing · 9 months
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Oh god the “tell don’t show” syndrome is. Bad. It’s bad here.
#i know about twigbranch’s apprentice problem being solved offscreen but damn#so. needlepaw joins the kin. she takes violetkit with her. we do see that scene#but we skip to a gathering where THERES BEEN AN OFFSCREEN BATTLE??#why are you skipping the battle in the battle cat books. especially when shit actually happened during it#why not show that through violetkits eyes?? that sounds terrifying for her!#show her desensitization to violence show how needletail functions in battle#but instead we get alderpaw being Told this secondhand bc we gotta get a useless alderheart chapter in#and we dont even get twigkits reaction bc WHAM 4 MOON TIMESKIP she’s already accepted this whooooo cares#bc alderhearts reaction to violent cats holdimg violetkit hostage is so much more important than her ORPHANED SISTER.#its not even like twigkit has been hogging the book at this point! i gotta count but im pretty sure most of this has been alderheart!#twigkit didnt get a pov until like chapter 5 or 6 and im 180 pages into this#im pretty sure she’s literally only had two up til this point. we REALLY couldnt sacrifice the pointless alderheart chapter?#im not opposed to multiple povs in one book. i am doing that. a lot of books do that really well (read bullet train)#but you have to balance them and decide ‘’what needs to go to this character to progress the plot’’#they shot themselves in the foot with alder as a pov bc he adds jack shit at this point that twigbranch cant#avos liveread
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mschimdt · 10 months
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OBSERVE pt.1
5455 words
recom!navi!quaritch x recom!navi!fem!reader
summary: you were reborn into a navi recom inorder to fight for pandora, but soon you ensed up feeling a connection to eywa, and you ended up escaping only to be caught by the colonel and punishrd accordingly, till he find you one dy during your heat cycle
this is a 100 folower special, thank you all so much, yes this is a series now and this is part one out of maybe 2 or 3
warnings: p to v, degrading, mention of injury, embarassment, public humiliation, sex, heat cyle, this hasnt been proof read so theres alot of typos, ill fix them soon when i have the motivation to
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you opened your eyes, a bright light blinding you, you saw blue figures wandering around you, you went full panic mode thinking the navi caught you, you sat up, your head hurt but you couldnt let the dirty navis get away with this, your vision started coming in and one of the blue navis came towards you to attack you "LEAVE ME ALONE!!"
you stood up and attempted to punch them "(Y/N) CALM DOWN" said an oddly familiar voice, you were in a medical room, weird, they must have attacked bridgehead while you were out cold you didnt notice the 'little' humans under you
the blue guys came towards you restricting you from delivering anymore slaps and punches to their faces. you couldnt move, they were all holding you, "LEAVE ME ALONE YOU DIRTY BASTARDS" you said, still not noticing thay youre litteraly navi
you were still trying to set yourself free when you heard the familiar voice again. "y/n its us, stop freaking out, its me quaritch" he said "wha-" he cut you off "lyle, Z-dog" he said pointing at each of them, "okay okay let me go" you said
they let you go and you still hadnt noticed that you were navi, you were the same height as them but you didnt think anything of it, until you looked down "what the-" you said cutting your self off staring at your blue feet
you walked towards a reflective window observing your new look, fangs, a tail, blue skin, stripes, ears, and shit you were even 8'11
some scientists walked inside and told you to sit down so they could take your vitals and make sure youre good before letting you go
they took your vitals and you were infact good to go, they handed you some clothes, the others already left to inform the others that you were okay
you put the clothes the scientists gave you on and walked out of the door, this was a completley new area, not the hells gate you remembered, luckily there was a small map hung on the wall, you stared at it wondering where everyones gonna be
you didnt know where they might be, so you just headed in a random direction hoping youll ens up finding some other blue guys wandering around, after a few minutes of walking you infact did find another navi, it was mansk, atleast thats who you thought he was because of the shades, you walked toward him
"heyy uhh do you know where the others are?" you said regreting your life decisions, sure you knew mansk but this was awkward, "yeah, theyre over there in the lounge" he said, straight face "okay thanks, mansk right?" "thats right, y/n?" "mhm, thanks though" he gave you a little smile and continued walking towards wherever hes going, you headed towards the lounge only to find quaritch awfully speaking navi, you didnt know how to either but atleast you werent speaking gibberish
"we need to look navi, eat navi, hunt navi, the only way were gonna get jake sully is we act, like jake sully" you walked in and leaned against a wall listening to quaritch, then you spoke "they stull didnt kill jake? its been 15 years" you said fully expecting jake to be 6 feet under right now
"unfortunatley they didnt catch him, its our job now" quaritch continued rambling about how were gonna kill jake and how were gonna give humans a "bright future" and get rid of all the savages
before you knew it, you were already out on your first mission, you didnt even have time to observe your body and get used to it before you were sent out to explore, ever since you came back as navi, you felt a connection to eywa, similar to what jake felt
one part of you wanted to be with the people and the other wanted to kill the people, eventually you forgot about this arguement eith yourself when you saw 2 navis walking through the forest, they were omaticaya people, jakes people, or should i saw toruk makto
they were 2 teenage looking navis arguing with eachother, they didnt know you were there so they were screaming random shit in navi, the others noticed the noise and slowly walked behind the 2 kids, they were still arguing, which signaled they hadnt noticed you
suddenly lyle and walker snuck up on them and restrained them by their queues they started fighting them, you walked oit of the bushes along with the others, you had a decent military rank, you were a seregeant, right under lyles rank but higher than the others, so if quaritch and lyle werent there you'd be incharge
you walked up to the kids behind quaritch, as a form of respect, "what're yr' names" he was death staring them at this point, the kid said something in navi and quaritch replied back, both the kids started laughing at his bad pronounciation of words
" i dont like to repeat things, whatre yr names?" quaritch said, it lookes like he was about to fucking explode
"n-neteyam- and loak.." one of them said "neteyam what huh?" quaritch replies forcefully grabbing the other kids hand, noticing the 5 fingers on his hand, "lo'ak and neteyam sully huh, i suppose you know where he is dontcha" you were still standing behind quaritch incase anything happened
quaritch said something into his ear peice, "cuff them" he said turning away, "yes sir" you said walking over to the kids and harshly grabbing their arms to cuff them, when you notices something in the distance, before you had any time to tell the others, an arrow peirced through walkers skull, knocking her to the ground
quaritch stared at the arrow, imediatley recognising the arrow, it was neytiri, sullys woman
you spoke up "is that you Mrs. sully?" you said dragging the kids with you toward a tree, they kept kicking you with their legs, you ended up also having to cuff their legs "listen here little bitches, you stop squirming and trying to wiggle out of the cuffs, or else it wont end too well for you" you said completley fed up with their shit, you heard a scream from behind you and now fike was down too, he had an arrow in his leg, you were surprised about how quick these arrows could kill a person, they must be poisonus, quaritch came over and helped you carry the 2 boys
"cmon hurry up, dont wanna get one in the head" you said as you swung one of them over your shoulders ran for your life
one of the kids ended up activating a tear bomb with their fingers, and they somehow uncuffed themselves and escaped while you got knocked to the ground for a few seconds, you regained your consiousness only to find yourself on lyles shoulder, "lyle im okay you can let me go" you said waiting for him to drop you onto the floor
he let you go and a bright light shone from above, the helicopter was finally here and you could leave this shitty mission and think about what you were going to do about your "connection" to pandora
you got on the helicopter and finally arrived at what now was called bridgehead, walking over to your assigned room, you took your shirt off and stayed in your sport bra not having the energy to change your clothes
you layed in your bed thinking about what you were going to do to stop this awful feeling of emptiness because you werent living freely, roaming through the forest, embracing the culture of navi
after a few days you were fed up with the feeling of having to destroy a place you wanted to embrace so bad, so, you made an escape plan
you were going to leave on the next mission, ans youll turn your comms off aswell as your location so you couldnt be tracked, it was the only way you could do this
you woke up the next morning heading to the bathroom to brush your teeth and do your morning routine, you slipped on some cargo pants and left your room
you were in a shared "apartment" with all the recoms, there was a small room for each recom with a bathroom each, and a living room and a kitchen between the rooms, it wasnt bad just a little cramped
you headed to the living room, lyle laying in the corner of the L shaped couch and quaritch awake drinking a mug of coffee on the other side
"goodmorning sir" you greeted, you knew nott o get on the colonels nerves, hes DEADLY and when i say deadly i mean it.
"g'morning" he said back, not even looking at you, you headed to the kitchen to grab yourself a warm cup of tea so you could head back to your room
suddenly a voice spoke "why're ya up so early?" quaritch said, you couldnt read his emotions, he was basically unreadable
"i didnt realize it was so early, pandora timing is really confusing" you said, you actually didnt realize that ot was early, since the sun was up you just assumed that it was when you usually wake up
"makes sense" he said, still not looking at you, god this man gets on your nerves sometimes
awkward tension was building up, yoh were inpatiently waiting for your water to start boiling so you could make the mother fucking tea because you couldnt handle the overly dominant aura quaritch was giving off
finally, after what felt like an hour of waiting, the water finally boiled and you made your tea as quickly as you can so you could go back to your room, you went back to your room, finally
it was pretty early outside, almost 6am, you wondered why quaritch would be up so early, you took a sip of your tea, it was bitter, god fucking damn you forgot to add sugar
now you had to go back into the room that had the energy of 100 men radiating off 1 man, great
you unlocked your room door for the second time in the past few minutes and headed towards the kitchen again, already feeling the tense atmosphere, you also felt quaritchs eyes burning through your skull
you grabbed the sugar and turned back around, expecting to see quaritch staring at you because you could feel his eyes poking holes into your skull but no, he looked unbothered reading some book about the navi body that he was reading earlier
you entered your room AGAIN and you inhaled a breath, not even knowing you held your breath back there
you were bored so you decided to map out your escape plan on a peice of paper, or aeast write down the steps to it incase you forgot
you heard a loud knock on your door followed by other distant knocks on other doors, you flipped the paper over so whoever was there couldnt see it and you walked towards the door to unlock it wondering who wouls possibly need you at 7 am,
"surprise training, meet me outside in 10" quaritch said to you and the 3 recoms beside your room, going to bang on the other doors inorder to wake the rest up
you wandered into your room again, slipping on a sports bra and a tanktop with camo shorts and headed to the outdoor courtyard to meet quaritch,
"ardmore said theres a mission today at 3pm, they saw some savages running through the forest and ordered us to try and find them, meet me at 2:30 in the helicopter room" quaritch said , ofcourse he had to give us some shit to do for absolutley no fucking reason
training was the worst thing youve experienced in your entire life, you felt like quaritch was torturing you on purpose because he made you run 30 extra laps because your hands gave up mid pushups
you went to the female showers, your muscles were basically torn, you ran almost 6 miles because you failed one singular pushup out of the 40 you did before
you washed off with warm water, it felt soothing to your muscles, quaritch was basically a torture machine that tortures everyone, dying was better than having him torture you then it hit you. this mission was your chance to finally put your escape plan to use
your muscles barely felt like they hurt anymore, you slipped your clothes on and rushed out of the showers running towards your room, tiny scientists gave you weird stares but you didnt give a fuck, you were finally going to leave this place once and for all, forever hopefully
you were leaving, finally going to take care of yourself, you locked your door and flipped over the map from earlier, revising your escape plan before reaching into your closet to grab some clothes, a grey tanktop, you stayed in your camo shorts from earlier
it was almost meetup time and you didnt want to get on quaritchs bad side before making him mad forever, you headed to the helicopter room, this was it, the last time youll be in this place, hopefully
you sat inside the helicopter which is now taking off, no one has mumbled a word, you were glad, youwere never friends with any of them but you really didnt want to start a bond with them before leaving, because it might make you rethink your decision
thankfully, no one said anything the entire ride, it was quiet, atleast as quiet as it can get with raging helicopter flaps buzzing above your head, the aircraft started landing and soon before you even knew it, you were already down in the pandora forest, you were split into teams of two, you ended up with mansk, you knew he wouldnt be hard to distract
you walked off into the forest with mansk, waiting for t he perfect moment to stab him with an anesthetic shot you stole from the medical lab a few days ago
you saw 2 navi figures walking in the distance, it was time, you hit mansk in the back with the needle, he tried to fight you off before landing on the floor with a loud thud, you needed to leave fast, the colonel probably already knows about this, he probably doesnt know its you, you dropped your comms on the floor, you needed to leave now
you started running toward the 2 navi people walking around, it was one of the kids from last time, and another short kid according to your memory this kid was called loak, you didnt know about the other one though, they noticed you and went full alert until they saw you raising your hands up as a universal sign of defeat, "help me please, get me away from them" yopu said desperate to go far enough because if you stayed here they could easily find you, "and how are we supposed to trust you?" the older one said backing away and sheilding his younger sister behind him
"please, i dont know how to prove it, get me away from here before they find me, here you can cuff me just plase get me away from here" you say offering him the cuffs on you which you gladly took, he cuffed your hands behind your back to ensure that you wouldnt be able to do anything to him
"you know any navi?" he asks, "unfortunatley i dont" he says, you followed him "we're going to have to secretlet meet up with my dad first" he said holding the little kids hand dragging her with him, you arrived somewhere "stop here, im going to go call my dad, dont want anyone seeing you" you nodded and watched him walk away, just a few minutes later, he was back with his dad, jake sully
"y/n?" jake said while lo'ak stared at him confused "yes i know her! never expected her to end up liking the na'vis though. you sure this aint a trick?" you were still trying to convince him "i can assure you it isnt" jake was basically shocked now. "the clan isnt going to accept this easily, but imgoing to try my best, if they dont though, i cant reallydo anything so you;d have to find another clan to be with"
"okay"you said, jake uncuffed you and lead you toward hometree, it was a bit hard for the navi at first, but they ended up accepting you
now back to what happened to mansk
quarith found him unconsious on the ground with a needle stillstuck in his back and your comms crushed on the ground, you did this. he thoughtyou were loyal, he informed ardmore of what happened and called you "jake sully 2.0"
they ended up heading back to base, quaritch was fuming, once he reached the recom quarters he broke down the door to your room and destrooyed almost everything in it, when he came to the desk. he found a paper. labeled as "escape plan" and thats when he knew you'd escaped
a few weeks latee you were wandering around hometree, some havwnt accepted you yet but you knew theyd end up accepting your presence
you were still being taught the way of the people and they were trying their best to help you, quaritch was looking for you and yoh knew that, he was gonna come for you at some point, you needed to fight
at this point quaritch scrapped all the plans of finding jake, he doeant care about jake anymore, his only goal was to find you
he wasnt gonna kill you, he was going to torture you and force you to be a loyal member to the RDA so they can finish with the jake sully mission
you were sleeping, when you heard a sound, a sound like a helicoptera proppelers, thats when you kmew, they'd found you, and that was soon confirmed when a bright light shone into your sleepy eyea
you opened your eyes to find the one and only, quaritch, with a shit eating grin slapped on his face
he had found you
"thought ya could run huh?" he said through the grin, you got up to run away, find somewhere to hide untik they were gone, but it was too late
quaritch bent down and cuffed your legs, you still had your hands so you desperatley tried to crawl away but they were soon cuffed too
you found yourself on a helicopter back to bridgehead, you were basically sobbing, "fuck you" you said through your choked sobs "maybe one day" he said followed by a laugh, you soon landed in bridgehead and you were shoved in a cell
quaritch didnt care about jake now, the only thing he wants to do now is torture you, so he begun
he walked into your cell just a few hours after waking you up from your sleep, threw you some clothes, and tols you to get dressed because you were going to go on a 5 hour training
he wasnt leaving though, he stood at the door staring at you waiting for you to change
"turn around?" you said "no"
you kmew tjere was no arguing with him so you got up and changed, he wasnt hiding the fact that he was looking you up and down, you changed and he cuffed your hands and held you while your braid while you walked out of the cell to go to the courtyard
he closed the door that led outside to the courtyard and shoved you by your queue
"alright, 20 laps right now" he said waving his fingers to shoo you off, you actually ran the 20 laps, you were already exausted after but he shoved you by your braid to the ground "50 pushups and for each one you fail 10 will be added" lets just say you ended up doing over 200 pushups
"good job, now we're gonna begin training, that was just warmup, still 4 hours left" he said walking toward a wall with knofes hung all over it, grabbing a knife and handing it to you
he taught you some ways to stab someone and each time you did one correctly he mumbled a little "good job" followed by claps
"this is going to become a daily thing, and we wont stop till you can do 50 pushups in a row without fail"
you knew this was going to be a long week, or month maybe, even year
after a few training sessions, you warmed up to quaritch and you'd have little conversations here and there, he gave you your room back, it was all back to normal other than the training that you had everyday, but you were getting better, you were close to finally being done
you walked into the courtyeard for training, as usual you did some pushups, he ordered 100 and you did them all inna row without fail
he praised you and moved on to combat, you got everything right, he was shocked how fast youve improved
"i guess my jobs done here, you gotta promise me not to run off again, your not allowed into any missions till i say so"
"yes sir" you reply knowing that if you tried to run off again you were going to he in deep shit
you decided to not run off, and serve for the RDA, they wete using yoh as a puppet to track jake down and you were giving them locations, you ddint want to get on quaritchs bad side
plus after hanging out with quaritch you guys became friends, you thought you had feelings for him but you got rid of the idea knowing you shouldnt be inlive with your superior
the next day you were finally allowed permission to go to the gym, showering after the gym, it was the first time youve been in the gym for months, you noticed something change about the shower rooms but they probably changed while you were gone
then you heard a few male voices, the shower rooms looking different made alot more sense to you now, you were in the mens showers, thankfully the rooms had doors, you were going to wait it out till they were gone
you waited for 30 minutes until someone noticed the locked door thats been locked for way too long, without wster running or anything, they could see under the door and saw feet confirming that there was someone in there
"hey whoevers in there u good" you recognised lyles voice, you tried to make ur voice deep and let out a "mhm"
"didnt know we had an extra member huh, thats weirs, the others are outside it was just me, quaritch, and a few girls at the gym" you just stay silent not wanting to embarrass yourself any further
lyle walks away to save you the ebrassasment, he realized it was someone that wasnt supposed to be here, preferabley a woman . so he decided to just leave
but quaritch stayed, he wasnt going to leave till you left, he wanted to know whos in there "whos in there, come out would ya' its been an hour" you realized that theres no running away from this now, you got dressed and glowly peeked through the door to see quaritch with his hands crossed across his chest standing infront of the stall, "why're ya in here sweet 'eart?" he says, a dirty grin smacked across his face
"i didnt realize this was the mens room till i heard you and lyle come in, tried to wait it out but that didnt work well" you said, embarassed you came here in the first place
"well its alright, grab yr' stuff n leave now, shouldnt be in e're" " yes sir" you said, grabbing your things preparing to leave the mens showers, you dont know how you didnt notice this was the mens bathroom, after all theres some urinals in the corner, must've not seen them
you and quaritvh had grown close, you were basically friends now, not normal friends though, you wouldnt hangout or anything, just occasionaly have talks
your feelings for quaritch just grew in the past few months, you had a crush on him, without a doubt, you werent really friends with the recoms, so you'd end up hanging with some scientists, they werent that bad, they were just tiny compared to you
the next day you were in bed, you were uncontrollably horny, it must be the heat cycle, you heard about it but never did proper research about it, you're fucked, litteraly, because from the things youve heard, it lasts about 2 weeks and the only way to stop it was mating, it was mid day and you couldnt handle it, you took a day off and just stayed in bed
you didnt know what to do, but then, an idea popped in your mind, sure you need to mate to get rid of this, but you could try masturbating to relieve some of the feelings you were feeling, you were pretty nearvous because 1- your door has no lock so anyone can walj it, quaritch removed it because he didnt want you making more shitty plans 2-you never touched yourself in this body.
you layed down under the covers, and slipped your shorts to your knees, you slid your hands between your legs, and you started experimenting, your cold hands on your throbbing,warm,wet pussy felt funny but relieving
you rubbed your clit, the way it felt was amazing, you were sure you'd never be able to feel like this as a human, you slipped your other hand under the covers to push a finger inside yourse;f, maybe this could solve your problem, you were pumping your fingers in and out of yourself making sure to keep an eye on your door incase someone opened it, they tend to do that alot
and, it opened, you stopped your movements quickly putting one of your hands above the covers to make it seem more natural, it would be obvious if both your hands were under the covers
and you guessed it, it was quaritch "y/n why're you talking a day off, we need you today" he said, completley oblivious of what you were doing before he came in
"i just.......needed- a little uhhh break" you said, you didnt now how you were going to explain what was happening to you to him, so you chose not to
"ya sure? ya dont look too tired dya, anything going on that i should know about? dont wantcha makin' one of ya' little plans again do i now?"
"o-okay look sir- so basically... youve heard of the heat cycle shit or whatever it is? basically its happening to me right now and i really CANT join training or anything" a smirk appeared on his face only to soon fade away, "why cant'cha tho? dont know anything bout this stuff but ya' surely can join us?"
"not unless you want me to be incredibly fucking horny while training!" you said fed up with him asking questions, you needed him to leave now, you were just getting hornier by the moment, and his strong musk didnt help
"damn so thas what is is, coulda told me earlier, coulda helped" he said, smug smirk plastered across his face "y' want me to help?" you stood still shocked for a moment, the colonels never offered you help in anything, so the first time of him offering you help, BY HAVING SEX WITH YOU was definently weird "u-uh if you could sure..." you said unsure of what you were saying, your hornyness taking over
quaritch walked over to you, sitting himself on the bed right next to you, this is the closest youve ever been with him, the losest you ever got to him before this was when he tried to teach you how to do something with a knife, you didnt quite remember but that didnt matter right now, all that matters is that you need to have sex with the colonel to get this heat cycle shit over with
quaritch stared at you, then he leaned down, joining your lips together, kissing you, holding your chin with his thumb, the kiss quickly turned into a makeout session and every once in a while one would break the kiss to get a clothing article off, until quaritch was left in his boxers and you completley bare, while you were kissing you pushed the pants that were on your knees off your body, leaving you completley exposed
he cupped your breasts, qauritch was now ontop of you, in a plank like position, still making out, you were both under the covers, quaritch reached his free hand that wasnt holding him up down to pull his boxers off, he pulled them halfway off and broke the kiss, pulled them off, "holy shit.." you said not expecting him to be this big, you were looking at his shaft, it was leaking beads of precum, straining against his lower abdomen. you could say he was ATLEAST 15 inches long, thankfully you were navi and hopefully- could take it
"holy shit i didnt expect you to be this big" you mombeled out of shock, "oh yeah? and youre gonna take it all bitch", he didnt know if you liked being called names, but by the way your body responded, he confirmed that you enjoyed being called names
he reached his hand down your torso, approaching your dripping cunt, he needed to prep you, it was necessary because he was aware of how big he was
he stuck a digit inside you, and you let out a moan, it was more of a whimper because you knew you couldnt be too loud, soon enough there were 2 fingers thrusting in and out of you, ocassionaly scissoring you
he pulled out, reaching for his member to line it up with your cunt, he couldnt wait any longer and neither could you, you need to feel any form of release, you knew you were going to cum less than a minute into him fucking you, but who cares, atleast you'll get this over with, then you remembered you heard some scientist speaking about how if someone was in their heat cycle theyd need to form the tsaheylu bond with their "mate" or else it wouldnt work
you werrnt just about to ask quaritch if you could mate, you didnt know how he'd react to that, who knows maybe itll work if you do it without a bond, it it didnt work then you were going to have to suffer through the remaninig days of this torture
quaritch was pounding into you, you couldnt supress your moans and you were now moaning, you knew everyone could hear you "ya' like tha fact that eveyone can feel hoe good im makin' ya feel huh? dirty slut" him saying that was just getting you closer to your release, quaritch ocassionaly letting soft moans out into your ears, you never expected to hear this man moaning even if it was inaudible
"im about to-" you said, not being able to complete your own scentence "go ahead sweetheart" and thats all it took for you to cum all over his cock, helping you ride out your orgasm nearing his own release
you were being over stimulated now, he finally reached his orgasm with a loud groan, filling your hole up with his seed, quaritch's body went limp and he collapsed on top of you, his head laying next to yours, he regained his strength and he pulled out "we should do this more often" "yeah we should"
quaritch kissed your forehead "cmon go get cleaned up for training" "yeah dont think im gonna be able to walk" you said " well, too bad princess because im forcing you, colonels orders" "ugh" you mumbled with a loud groan sitting yourself up "i heard that" he said reffering to your "ugh"
you got up to go shower, unfortunatley for you, there was no shower in your bedrooms bathroom so you had to go use the recom shower
quaritch left your room a bit ago, you dressed yourself and left the room to head to the showers across the hall, your bedroom was right next to the living room you heard some recoms cheering for you, your face turned purple in embarassment as you walked to the shower not looking back, this was going to be a long day....
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soufcakmistress · 1 year
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In the Heat of the Night
A/N: Babies what is good!!!! I am so rusty but I’m so happy that I got this out for yall. Yall know I love me some Jonathan Majors, but I don’t write for real life folks. That’s just MY preference, no shade to those who do. Please comment and like and reblog to let me know how yall feel. Let’s get into it!
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The south side felt different duting the summer. Kids were out of school, frolicking in the streets and turning on the fire hydrants. The ice cream man made several stops throughout the neighborhood, the old heads played their card games and dominoes until the wee hours of the morning, and the bars stayed packed with ladies and gents to take a load off. Summertime Chi felt larger than life.
Delphine Freeman sat up in her bed and stretched her arms to the sky. Looking behind her, she saw an empty bed with nothing but a small note on her husband’s pillow. “Picking up some things for breakfast. Be back soon, my love.” She picked it up and held it to her heart. That man of hers.
Delphine remembers the first time she encountered Atticus. Her family had just moved from Virginia, and she was totally new to the Midwest. At first, it was hard making friends at a new high school in a new place. Her accent and bumpkin ways attracted the wrong kind of attention among these city folks, so she kept to herself. Until one day when Atticus was helping his club attract new members, and he passed a flyer to her in the hallway. “You should come. Who knows, you might find a friend here.” He had her, hook line and sinker with his gentle way and sweet smile.
Atticus looked like 6 days of beautiful creation from God above AND the seventh day of rest to her - she missed seeing his face this morning. Delphine laid back against the pillow that smelled like him and reminisced on their roller coaster ride of a relationship. Fighting entitled white people over magic and who it really belonged to and his birthright, his trauma from Korea and monsters straight out of a pulp book— nobody with sense would ever believe it. The storm was over now, and her and Tic lived in peace, as well as holy matrimony.
The memory of her betrothed looking so debonair in his suit on their wedding day made her heart palpitate. Her legs squeezed together, recalling those shoulders filling out that blazer and kissing those lips as they said ‘I do’. She especially loved the surprise on his face when the ceremony was over and she slipped her hand in his pants right outside their wedding suite and him allowing her to take what was hers. “Oooh, I love that man.”
She was feeling frisky now. The window was cracked with a moderate breeze flowing into the room but Delphine’s heat couldnt be contained. Flashes of him saving his entire family from catastrophe, him shirtless and bespectacled reading aloud one of his favorite pulp books while he laid in her lap, the look of adoration and love when they bought their home on the South Shore. Tic was all man….and all hers.
Sweat dripped between her large breasts, her coochie ached in the best way and she couldn’t take it anymore. Delphine took Tic’s pillow and put it in between her legs. The reflection of her in the vanity bureau with her slinky nightgown raised up on her hips made her feel like she was a bit unhinged. If she didn’t cum now, she would lose it. So she rode that pillow like its name was Atticus Freeman and he was the only thing that could satiate her.
Her clit hit the seam of the pillow so precisely, it almost took her over before she was ready. “Shit, shit….oooh Tic baby…damn..” She pushed the straps down from her nightgown to expose her breasts and she really got to moving.
The key in the front door lock clicked with Tic lumbering in with a couple brown paper bags of breakfast stuff. He went to the kitchen to put everything away, but could have sworn that he heard something from the shared master bedroom. He got the baseball bat they kept in the coat closet and inched toward the room. Tic pushed the door in slightly and what he was met with could have knocked him on his back.
His sexy ass wife rubbing her pussy in figure 8’s on his pillow. Tic made sure to be quiet putting the bat along the wall, and rubbing his crotch slowly to take Delphine in. He knew when she showed signs of her incoming orgasm— shaking her head back and forth, fingers tangled in her hair, stomach fluttering…..she was almost there. When she finally shouted in delight, he couldn’t take it anymore.
The sound of a zipper coming down and broke her out of her trance. Delphine gasped when she saw her fine ass husband staring with bedroom eyes and pouty lips that made her wanna howl to the moon. “Looking for this?” He pulled his dick out of his pants and a deluge of fresh slick coated the meeting place between her legs.
Delphine almost started up again on the pillow but when the object of her deepest affections was just as hungry for her, it would be criminal to not take advantage. “Damn straight. Bring yo ass over here, four eyes.”
~
BB King played on the kitchen radio, and the lovely couple made breakfast together. Tic already put on a hot pot of coffee, and he sipped on a mug as he fried up some bacon. Delphine stood next to him in one of his shirts and panties, making her famous blueberry pancakes. Both hummed along and caught cute ass glances at each other, floating on their sensual high. It felt so good. Not having to worry about what the next day held and being allowed to just live.
The phone rang while Tic started cracking eggs, and he wiped his hands on the tea towel. “Freeman Residence. Lester, my man! What’s shaking? Nothing much brother, just me and the Mrs. making some breakfast. She’s doing VERY well, I’ll let her know you asked about her.” Delphine turned around with feigned shock when he said that, knowing his subtext and that he blew her back out for the ages just twenty minutes ago. She walked over with a huge smile and popped a blueberry in his mouth and kissed his lips.
He pinched her butt when she went back to the stove and finished chatting it up with Lester. “Sunday? We’ll be there brother. See ya then.” Tic looked at the calendar on the wall next to the phone, to see if there was any extra obligations needed for the guidebook and his aunt Hippolyta. He also did some math and tried to remember his wife’s last cycle. “That’s why she’s so frisky…”
~
Lester had a block party over where he stayed in Bronzeville, and it was jumping! All kinds of rhythm and blues and guitar singers filled the south side with a plethora of food to choose from. Little girls playing jacks and double Dutch, little boys doing bike races, the teenagers making googly eyes at each others and the elders trading recipes for lemonade and greens. Everybody would pitch in and bring something for the community to enjoy. Delphine took all of Friday to make 5 sweet potato pies from scratch and Tic grilled so many slabs of ribs, it was insane. Irene, Lester’s wife was tight with Delphine; her and the other young women gossiped while sipping beers on their stoop.
“Uh oh, ‘Phine. Tic is over there getting rowdy at that card table.” Irene loved to tease—he was putting them back and with each hand he won, the louder his voice carried. “Oh hell. Lemme go feed my baby.”
Delphine made Tic’s plate with everything he loves — ribs, chicken, potato salad, cornbread, sausage dog with relish and an ice cold Budweiser. “Hey baby, you been doing a whole lot of drinkin but not a lot of eating. Come on now.” Tic acquiesced and moved with her away from all the men. She sat on his lap at an empty table and fed him some of the food before he took over, and started feeding her too.
Tic’s skin was all tan and his arms and pecs were bulging in his shirt. He didn’t even have to try to get her riled up. Delphine rubbed his back, and absentmindedly played with his ear. “All right now. You know that’s my spot.” They both had their fair share of alcohol that evening, and Delphine usually would have to beat Tic off with a stick. The shoe was on the other foot now. “Tic……I don’t have any panties on..”
He almost choked on his beer when his minx of a wife started talking so salacious like in his ear. “I like this Delphine. She takes what she wants. What you trying to do? Only if you say it, will you be able to get what you want.” Delphine’s skin pimpled because he meant every word. All the ruckus and commotion around them meant nothing in that instance. Just her and her husband. “I want you to take me in that alley…..and do whatever you want to me..”
That sinful jawline clenched, and she knew he would do just that. Wasn’t any more talking. He drained his beer, and dragged her down a few streets to a secluded alley. Delphine stood at the brick wall, flushed with the strap of her linen dress down her arm. Tic cradled her face and they kissed each other so deeply that they breathed for each other. She undid his pants letting them fall to his knees, and he picked her up.
Delphine was so wet, the slick was almost to the inside of her knees. Tic’s thrust was so strong, they both gasped aloud. “Yes Tic, fuck me hard!” His face lived in the crevice of her neck, licking and kissing. Just like every muscle on his sculpted body, Tic was rock hard and filled her up so deliciously. The same BB king song from the other morning played and they were able to hear it still. Everything swirled around the both of them and yet nothing at all mattered. His low grunts were so sexy and she could tell he was about to cum.
“Oooh I love this pussy baby, I love this pussy….I fuckin love you!” Atticus filled his wife up all the way that it spilled down her legs and the heat of it all triggered her to orgasm. She pulled him in even more and he expelled more of his love inside her. Tic brought her down to her feet, and she stumbled immediately. Tic steadied her and stuck his tongue down her throat yet again. “Atticus Freeman….the man of my dreams..”
~
The guidebook was doing so well.
Atticus and Hippolyta had been able to come to an agreement on operations; Atticus would be able to make final edits and handle submissions to the publisher and Hippolyta would be able to do most of the trips to update the stops. She acquiesced to Tic’s request that he would join her to assuage his nerves if she went more than 3 states away.
The book was flying off the shelves and Hippolyta had been able to meet some publishers in Kansas City and Detroit to put in some local Negro owned shops and apothecaries. It was the second Saturday in August, and the entire South Side would be at Washington Park for the Bud Billiken parade and festival. Delphine and Tic packed up their station wagon with fold up chairs, a cooler full of beer and pop, and more food to last a winter. Dee was finally feeling better and she rode with you guys to the Bud as she was Delphine’s favorite little cousin.
Everybody was rocking and rolling to the marching bands and majorettes. Delphine and Dee looked at all the floats and picked their favorite one. “Oooh Dee, you see the grand marshal? That’s a good lookin man!” She made sure to say it in earshot of Atticus; she loved him a bit jealous and possessive. He cut his eyes at her, smirking behind his beer. “All right now, don’t get in trouble.”
“Baby, there is nothing more that I would love to do than be punished by you.” Delphine stuck her tongue down her husband’s mouth, and Dee gagged at the public display of affection. “Y’all are so gross I swear!”
The grand marshal announced who had the best float and the best marching band in Chicago, and the party went on until late in the night. “Come on, dancing queens, let’s get y’all home.” Atticus loaded the car up and Delphine and Dee fell asleep in the backseat holding each other. Atticus looked in the rear view full of gratitude and unbridled joy at his two girls. He stopped at Hippolyta’s house and carried Dee inside.
Delphine moved to the front seat after and waited for her husband to drive them home. The angles of his face illuminated by the streetlights made him even more handsome in the low light. She couldn’t help but to stare. That same feeling from that other morning came back with a fierceness. He felt her eyes on him and winked at her. “You looking like you still hungry for something…..”
“That mouth on my body…that’s what I need.” Delphine sat with her back to the door and lifted her dress, pulled her panties off, and put them in his lap. Tic took them and sniffed them and was instantly engorged. That station wagon moved a little quicker then.
Fireworks were being shot near the lake and Tic and Delphine had a clear view from their balcony. “Ooooh let’s see baby! Her ass clapped in her dress and Tic had to grip his meat walking after her. “Lemme make sure the shoggoth is okay first. Keep it tight for me baby.”Tic went to the basement and fed the shoggoth and calmed him down since they were gone all day. He had it down to a science now. Feed him a racist white man a day, and he would cooperate.
Delphine was out on the balcony totally enthralled. She jumped like a little kid when several popped at once, entrancing her with the bright colors. Standing at the window, he just gazed upon her. How did he get so lucky? Tic joined her on the balcony, wrapping those muscles around her waist. All the kisses behind her ear made her giggle just like how he intended. While she was off guard, he unbuttoned and unzipped his pants, and lifted her dress in one motion. “Now what you doing back th—OH!”
He slipped right into her pussy with the most earth shattering intrusion Delphine could ever experience. “Shhhh shhh. We have to be quiet. Now Mrs. Freeman…..I think I know what’s gotten into you cuz I did the math. It’s that other time of the month, ain’t it?”
A breathy yes fell from her lips and it clicked for her. She was always incredibly horny and with shiny hair and skin at this particular point of the month. “You tryna have my baby?” Tic whispered in her ear, and pinched her nipple as his hips stroked back and forth. “Delphine, are you tryna make me a father?”
She loved when he got rough with her, especially when they were at risk of being seen in the act. “Yes, Atticus give me your baby.” His hands gripped hers on the railing and he let her have it. Delphine had already came twice but Tic was always generous; he wanted his wife to be satisfied. “Here it come..” Atticus held her right to his chest and gave her devastating thrusts and came deep inside her. Her head rolled back on his shoulder and they stood together still united as one as the fireworks show gave the finale. “I love you so much” they both said in unison and gazed at the sky.
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heesbaby · 2 months
Note
OMG JAKEYN FLIRTINGGG⁉️⁉️🔪😭 THE SLOW BURN IS SLOW BURNINGGGG🙏🙏 CINNA U R SLAYING EXPONENTIALLY LEFT NO CRUMBS DELICIOUS SCRUMPTIOUS AND EVERY OTHER WORD THERE IS THAT MEANS SLAY? LIKE LEAVE SMTG FOR US TO EAT⁉️ ALSO HELP I FELL DOWN IN THE RESTROOM AND MY LEG IS NOT WORKING😭😭 WOULD BE BETTER IF I KMS LIKE ACTUALLY IT HURTS SMMMMM AAAA ANYWAYSSSSS AND WHY ARE PPL ATTACKING MY ANGEL RIGHT WHEN I GO TO SLEEP😨😤
NO STOP I WAS SUPPOSED TO GO OUT TODAY AND COULDNT BCOS OF MY STUPID LEG AND TOMORROW THERES AN EVENT IN MY CITY THT I RLLY WANT TO GO TO UGH I HOPE ILL BE ABLE TO GO ☹️
ALSO NON-WHITEWASHED JAY⁉️
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on my knees rn. I need him in ways that is actually offensive to feminism.😭😭
my life is shit actually. Buttt I like smone(don’t tell Jay) he’s so cute I can’t and he’s really nice too🤭🤭 I feel like crying my period came and it hurts so baddd 😭😭😭 and then there is this guy threatening me like back tf off?? Bro I’m a black belt in taekwondo so not scared of u sorry. (He is a bit creepy tho at times) anyway sorry for litch rally ranting😭 and NOT ASKING ABOUT YOU??? how are you girly? did you take enough rest today? if not pls do🙏🙏 I promise you that ur doing amazinggggg so many ppl on this app love you! Me too! do NOT take stress on posting my love,yeah?
ALSO SHOULD I MAKE THE FIRST MOVE ON THIS GUY I FEEL LIKE I WANT TO BUT AT THE SAME TIME NOT IT DOESNT MAKE SENSE😭 also just realised 😭 is my most used emoji like? I need to chill tf out bro. I feel like the guy is too good for me and he deserved better than me? Idk I just feel very insecure 😕 ugh I hate feeling insecure🙄🫠 enough abt meeee
omg ur one of the best writers on enhablur I can’t even make that up like⁉️ okay take as much rest as you need and drink enough water AND REMEMBER THAT WE LOVE YOUUU🫶🏻🫶🏻 again sorry for the rant oml I need to learn to keep my mouth shut 🤐 sorry for boring you. Sending love from my corner of the Internet byee💗💗💕
also I love this emoji🐸 idk just wanted to say that LIKE ITS SAUR CUTEEE (like youuu) omg is jakes rizz influencing me? ( sorry cinnas man🫡)
Ok byeeee love youuuu
ok bff let me unpack all of this I feel like I got whiplash reading this ask so much is going on 😭😭😭😭
1) THANKU SM I’m so glad ur enjoying after hours it makes me so so happy 🤍🤍🤍
2) I hope ur leg is ok now omg u gotta be careful angel 🤍
3) jay is so gorgeous he’s literally glowing I love that man so much genuinely would do anything for him id sell my soul for him 🫶
4) u like someone??? that’s so cute omg I hope it works out well with them !!!! and fuck whoever is being rude to u wtf
5) I’m ok just v v tired atm and super sick but only one more day to go then the weekend so I’ve got this !!
6) if u like him then make a move!! what’s the worst that could happen? you’ll never know until u try 🫶 trust me,,,, at the start my man was so shy and hardly made any moves but he got more confident and finally now he’s super affectionate etc hehe 🌟
7) ilysm have the best day ever 🤍🤍🤍
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gizkasparadise · 3 months
Text
2023 wrapped: webtoon edition!
my final 2023 wrapped post for the year! unlike previous ones, this list is every series i read this year vs. ones that started this year. previous lists for this year:
cdrama edition
kdrama edition
ranked from least favorite to most favorite, which doesn't mean objectively best, just ones that hit me more. ones that are completed series will have a * after the title
15 my deepest secret*. omfg i hated this webtoon. the twist was asinine and frankly ignorant. none of the characters were likeable by the end. hate quit this one with like 5 chapters left to go i just couldnt
14 my second husband. seemed promising at first! i was hooked for the first 40 chapters or so but then it just started getting weirdly paced, had big plot holes, and nothing ever felt like it was getting resolved. the ML had like 0 charisma as well. dropped.
13 to love your enemy. this one was REALLY fun until the cult arc hit and then it was the biggest wtf is happening. dropped it shortly after
12 i dont hate us*. i liked this one until the timeskip ending, where then everyone and everything just felt really off. the second female lead gets a special mention because i HATED her at first but by the end she was my favorite character <3
11 romance 101.* this was okay. the art style was really cute and i loved the FL. but there never seemed to be any chemistry with the main ship to me, and the plot became really focused on the app/programming club which bored the hell out of me. dropped this one around chap 100
10 shadow bride. nothing bad but nothing particularly noteworthy for me. fluff read.
9 high spirits neoma. im not very far into this webtoon yet, or it'd be higher up the list im sure. im around ch 5 and finding it really charming and i love the color palette for it
8 dreaming freedom/freedom in dreams. although the art style isnt my cup of tea, i really enjoyed this fucked up high school revenge/romance webtoon but where im currently at (ch. 111ish) it's starting to feel a little circular. hoping it goes back to what it does best which is Unsettling Shit
7 my reason to die*. man this would've been in my top 3 but the ending arc is just. really boring??? like i dont want to watch them search for a pot farm for 10 chapters. i havent finished this one yet, but ive been putsing getting back into it ever since post reveal. the drama is very pretty though and the reveal chapters hit me like a truck in a good way
6 operation true love. i borderline hated this webtoon when i first started, but the reviews had me wanting to stick it out and im so glad i did!! around ep 10ish it really finds its footing and just keeps going for it! very kdrama in flavor and endearing FL.
5 unholy blood*. a fun, dark, and nostalgic webtoon about vampires and vampire hunting that brought me back to my tween years in the best way. the character designs are really awesome. it's a little lower on the list because the ending felt a bit rushed, but it's a really solid horror/action comic with a lil romance
4 surviving romance*. this one's complete but i got about 10 chapters left. it's a really fun horror comic (NOT romance, dont be fooled by the title) that reminds me of extraordinary you but if the plot was focused on the metaphysical horror of it a little more. fun characters and relationships. a little lower just because the second "return" arc feels tedious/unneeded so far. we'll see. TEAM RINA.
3 maybe meant to be/fate found by chance. ive found that i tend to gravitate toward darker webtoons, so this is my c-c-combo breaker! cute, funny, quirky, and really endearing. standard contract marriage plot but between two delightful weirdos
2 purple hyacinth. this series is everything. the art is gorgeous, it has its own OST built into the reading. the characters are nuanced and complicated and omg it's a ride and a half so far.
1 olgami/trapped*. INCREDIBLE characters and such an intense look at enemies-to-lovers. the drama starts as a psycho-thriller about gravedigging for a vampire and ends up about two leads who have never learned how to love willing to try it with one another in their fucked-up way. dysfunctional. hot. SO GOOD. the art evolution for this series was great as well
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ihavedoorinsurance · 1 year
Text
big long post abt bokutachi-kun bc i have worms
so. a little over a week ago, SoapOpera46 (or Yoli-chan) blessed us with this video and i would like to talk abt it at length. piece by piece. this is the true definition of sadan. so much so that it's going under a readmore (if those even matter anymore. i hear fumblr truncates posts automatically?) anyway
full disclosure: i didn't plan any of this. what's to come is basically word puke, off the top of my head, with no organisation or structure to it.
you won't be interested in this unless you're clinically insane. if you're looking for worthwhile opinions on the video, i recommend browsing the comments section. they're short, sweet, and easy to read. nnnnow, without further ado.....
I KU ZO
i'll start off saying i don't know shit about Dream (YUME-SAN as he is so graciously credited in the vid description)! not a damn thing! all i know is he's a Minecraft YouTuber, and up to just yesterday i didn't even know he made music! what seems to be very emo music if this song is anything to go by.
i looked up the lyrics seperately bc tbh i couldnt extrapolate anything from that singing. bokutachi-kun's a star talent and all bless his heart but i needed expert assistance. also according to the blurb at the bottom of the page i referenced, this song references the struggles of depression and ADHD! and myopia, most tragically of all.
here's a student copy.
what to note before we forge onwards: this is contextualised to us by Yoli-chan as a look into Bokutachi's history, saying she: "feeling it fit bokutachi-kun no past very much!!!"
i'm not sure how far in the past this is, but i have some vague ideas pinned on the information that, expressed by Episode 10, Raku and Koneko have already graduated (or dropped out of i'm not discounting that) college by the time the mainline story is in effect.
you also see these silhouettes
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of what i assume to be the girls? at around 1:22, so i'm giving it anywhere from 6 to 14 years ago.
and if that seems like a wide ratio that's because it is!! i have no way of knowing what year of high school he's in, when exactly he graduated, how long it's been since then, or anything. i mean he's a fairly young man so i'll take that into account but that hardly helps
(also grant that none of the story takes off until after Raku and Koneko have left college long enough for Raku to call her fellow alumni "old" friends....also wtf what did they major in i've been asking this for years..you don't see them with jobs ever I MEAN PERHAPS KONEKO MAJORED IN NURSING THE COVID PSA DOES INDICATE SHE IS A PROFESSIONAL SO IDK)
but damn if any of that actually matters. you can't even peg the year by identifying hiis fatback monitor and Windows 98 ass OS
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he is using some..EQUIVALENT of early msn messenger, maybe that puts this in the ballpark of 2000-2003
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ik the Covid PSA isn't like properly canon or anything but i'll bet Raku is still using Win98 well after the OS's discontinuation anyway (it went out of service in 2006 if that helps.)
so if Bokutachi's old enough to be in any year of high school in 1998-2000 (assuming this computer is any indication. it might not be!), i'd wager a guess he's anywhere between 24-30 years old by the time NNSG properly starts (again assuming, that 2010 is the actual year the show takes place. once again, it might not be! it's at least post-Hatsune Miku, judging by the Christmas episode). this leaves room for college, but i doubt he went.
kind of what i already assumed, but it's fun trying to put these pieces together.
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also can i just say i'm intrigued by the "nya, rawr" adlib in the beginning? that is Hitoshi's Thing, as we well know, but additionally, in the very beginning of the video, there is a box of pocky on the floor of the hallway.
pocky would happen to be one half of Hitoshi's favourite breakfast (plus ramune. this fuck drinks soda and eats cookies for breakfast what is wrong with him.), so i wonder if he had some knowledge of Hitoshi already this early on. we're operating on the premise that this is Bokutachi's younger self singing, right? did Hitoshi go to his school? we don't see him anywhere unlike Raku and Koneko, so idk. maybe "nya, rawr" is just a popular, cool phrase to say in Amerijapan.
potential cool thing: the one pocky stick upside down and sitting outside the box but near it might allude to Bokutachi himself. you do get the feeling he's lonely throughout the song, he's not got one close relationship with a real live person. not in school, not at home...
let's start talking about these lyrics.
I wear a mask with a smile for hours at a time Stare at the ceiling while I hold back what's on my mind And when they ask me how I'm doing I say, "I'm just fine" And when they ask me how I'm doing I say, "I'm just fine"
--
so i like this set of frames
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you see him happily chatting away, but abrubtly he gets tense and stops himself. only after his mood swing is acknowledged does he try to perk back up and affirm to whoever's asking that he's "just fine". clearly he feels some kind of pressure to bottle up his emotions.
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the facade begins to wane slightly here: despite the open ears he remains reticent. another thing: he seems to just be very guarded when he's around people. like physically!
you see him holding himself in the midst of confrontation here, earlier he'd balled up his fist because he got upset thinking about something too long... his stance in general is very tight in public, from what i can tell.
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here, he's got his arms firmly placed at his sides as he turns away from whoever it was that confronted him earlier. shortly afterwards when he's sure he's not being looked at, he drops his little half smile.
in the first image of this post, again at around 1:22-1:25 you see him holding his bookbag straps and powering through the hallways the longer he continues to walk, like there's a sense of urgency there.
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and here, he's around people that are likely just minding their own business but he's just. not comfortable in any way. the song mentions at this point:
"Always bein' judged by a bunch of strange faces Scared to go outside, haven't seen the light in ages"
even though it seems he's being ignored for the most part. everyone who's addressed him thus far in the song has only ever asked him if he was okay. i have to wonder if he's being gossipped about behind his back for being an outcast and is well aware of it.
"haven't seen the light in ages" strikes me as metaphorical. light as in hope. light as in a reason to keep going.
ALSO I WOULD LIKE TO TAKE MOMENT TO HIGHLIGHT THESE LYRICS
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But the fact is I can never get off of my mattress And all that they can ask is "Why are you so sad, kid?" (Why are you so sad, kid?)
--
my guy has been in bed all day long, just awake and in bed dawn to dusk, tossing and turning unable to get to sleep. or even will himself to get up. he hasn't eaten, drank, brushed his teeth, showered, just. bed. and the first thing his (probably) legal guardian thinks to ask him when he FINALLY manages to find some strength is why he's so sad.
it'd be nice to interpret that in a compassionate way. i think best case scenario, his guardian(s) don't know how to help him and want to talk with him. approaching the subject of utter disengagement from the world is difficult when you haven't lived it, and i can't imagine mental health resources are plentiful in early 2000s Amerijapan.
but also he doesn't seem to trust his legal guardian(s)?? he's just as guarded with them as he is with strangers, look at this at around 0:56
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he looks anxious trying to address either of them. the way he's looking back and forth between them it's like he's trying to get a word in edgewise but can't.
they're not particularly given identifiable features. they look fairly similar to the "strange faces" he sees judging him, except they're bigger. they cast a longer shadow and they're no comfort to him at all. helps that the lyrics accompanied are:
"And it just keeps on pilin' It's so terrifying"
--
which implies to me he's constantly in the habit of racking up shames in his legal guardian's eyes. like they pick at him frequently and find reasons upon reasons to scold him, and remind him of everything that's going wrong. maybe the pressure he feels to perform normalcy is derived from them, because if someone finds something "wrong" with him, they're going to pick and pick and demean him and lose faith in him. and that hits too close to home for him.
(i'm willing to bet he is/was physically punished too. like, shot in the dark, but that makes sense to me with how stiffly he walks and how clammed up you see him around ppl. i might be projecting though but hey. never said i was sure.)
I'D LIKE TO ACKNOWLEDGE THAT MY GUY IS JUST CHRONICALLY ONLINE TOO
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morning to night, he finds himself whiling away HOURS on the computer. time spent online (on messaging clients and what have you) outweighs time spent on homework, and studying, possibly eating. anything else that might beg his attention is forgotten.
anything else that might stress him out is forgotten when he turns on the computer. he can mask (OHOHOHOHO) his struggles online because there's no burden of expectation or obligation.
there's a freedom in his anonymity, in how he can choose his company, and lie about being happy, and they'd believe him. no-one asks questions. there's no pressure. and that makes him "happy" so to speak.
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i say that because only when he's messing around online do we finally see him peaceful enough to go to sleep. the fog on his brain is lifted when he turns himself into this person that's full of confidence and takes life easy. and even though he might be faking it...
Been wearin' a smile for so long, it's real So long, it's real, so long, it's real
that'll happen to you when you use another skin to cope with your own shortcomings. i'm acutely aware of this in particular. this might be what some people refer to as irony poisoning? when you do something enough times, even if it's only for show, it becomes habit, and your habits aren't you as a person, but they can certainly shape you.
i wonder if he joked about dark sshit like kidnapping people and committing felonies, etc. to try and make himself let go of the fear of being judged by others. make himself stop feeling empathy so he'd stop acting so careful, thus unchaining himself from his own thought paralysis. plenty of people do that (and some become criminals later on, go figure)
anyhow later on we have a mental breakdown from about 1:31 to 1:39 with:
But I've been places So I'm okay-ish, so I'm okay-ish Yeah, I'm okay, bitch"
--
coupled with what seems to be a violent start from a dream of some kind?
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not sure if this dream IS or is connected to the following scenes of walking through the school hallways + out in the grass, but that would actually make a lot of sense considering "haven't seen the light in ages" compared against his internet addiction. like he found a distraction and thus has little incentive to leave. i imagine he's skipping school and holing up in his room or something.
the effects of what he's doing seem to be catching up with him. you can see him high strung when he gets out of bed, and when he answers to what's likely his guardian(s), it snaps him.
i get the impression he either woke up with all this tension, then realised he slept through the morning and made it worse, OR. the dream sharply reminded him of his current circumstances and THAT made it worse.
maybe he's spiralling because he feels powerless. to stop himself from making bad decisions, from disappointing people, from pushing people away, from underachieving, from misusing his time, from taking his life for granted, from being alone...challenging these doubts about your own agency over your life is tough when you don't know where to start and also you're a teenager.
he's clearly wracked with despair over this but can't act in his own best interest due to closing off all avenues to recovery thanks to never opening up to anyone. god the more i think about it, the more i consider "why are you so sad, kid?" to be accusatory. if you feel singled out in being honest, of course you'll try to avoid that.
also note:
But the fact is I need help, I'm failin' all my classes
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damn straight.
jesus that report card. look at that thing, that is straight Fs all the way down. i mean we know he hasn't been doing his homework but god ALL F'S??? IN EVERY SUBJECT????? you'd think he wasn't going to school at all, which kind of lends itself to my idea that he's just altogether not going. or when he is there, doing literally anything else but the work. god damn. relatable
that combined with his outburst, that epic door slam?? that might be what pulls him into the doctor's office later on. like his legal guardian(s) are just sick of his shit and so they get him psychoanalysed.
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A FINE ANALYSIS FROM DR. ^w^ PHD, FUCKING "NORMAL JA NAI", WHAT A GENIUS ASSESSMENT. I'M SO GLAD THEY COULD TAP INTO THE HEART OF THE ISSUE AND ADDRESS THE ROOT CAUSE OF HIS SUFFERING IN A THOROUGH AND SPECIALISED MANNER. BASED
no seriously even though that shit kills me every time i see it, i like the implication that they only vaguely diagnose symptoms, write a prescription, and send him on his way. like what's really wrong with him is being overlooked by professionals because the mental health awareness just isn't there. as exemplified by:
"They think that I need glasses"
which is a lyric i laughed at but also...that's kinda true to life. you'll say to your school's counsellor, everything that sings to the tune of someone with executive dysfunction. a spectrum disorder even. and they'll be like
"hm. move em up. they cant see the board that's why they're not taking notes right. have you talked to an ophthalmologist". offering bandaid solutions for bigger issues. and speaking of bandaid solutions, DRUGS
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"I just really wish that I could pass this (Wish that I could pass this)"
That's what the mask is That's what the point of the mask is"
SDGLKMFKFKLDHNFGJKNGVF I RAN OUT OF IMAGE SPACE LMAOOOO
okay so basically from 1:49-1:59 Bokutachi goes through a moment of crisis where he laments his fate of being labelled as "NORMAL JA NAI". either he doesn't like the things the medication is doing to him or he's skeptical of taking them at all. regardless those shits are going inthe TRASH. my guy is like "fuck big pharma" out here
he is not in a stable frame of mind at all throughout this video. who knows if those pills would have helped. we'll never know because he doesn't trust them. he doesn't want to think of himself as someone who needs that kind of thing.
as far as he's concerned he doesn't! he has his chat group, he has FUCKING MINESWEEPER; if he were to try and "fix" himself now, what would happen to those spaces? would he still be able to navigate them? find the same joy in them as he once did? they're all that matters to him! he's become accustomed to the isolation and this is his only reprieve (read as: escape) from a hostile environment.
(how hostile it really is, that's sort of up in the air. i'm thinking he's got the makings of a dude with some kinda cluster A disorder. ADD and autism are also on my mind, depression because of the song's origins itself, but eh. i digress.)
you can see him calm himself down once it's time to boot up the computer again at 2:00.
so it would seem, he's already given up on trying to be more than what he is right now. change is scary though, i don't blame him. especially when you feel like it's being forced on you when you didn't ask.
maybe this is him trying to regain some kind of control, but...in a decidedly unhealthy way. by sticking his head in the sand and acting like nothing's wrong. burying the idea that he needs help makes him feel less like a problem that needs to be solved and more like a well adjusted person that's just misunderstood.
at 2:09 he pulls out his planner (i refuse to believe that's a smartphone LIKE COME ON THE TIMELINE. PLEASE) and you can kind of watch his stomach churn knowing there's shit to do but his alter ego doesn't care.
his alter ego isn't concerned with that bullshit. "nah i'll have time. i'll do it later. and if i don't get it done tonight, who cares? nothing's gonna happen to me and i don't gotta answer to anybody. i'm not scared." he's developing an apathy to responsibility b/c it frustrates him he can't manage it.
i have to ask if this is where his rebuke of social acceptability took root.
you even see him at around 2:21-2:26 pull out his medical records and write "daijoubu" next to the diagnosis. which also slays me but next to "NORMAL ja nai" it kind of reads like "not being normal is okay".
that's a perfectly fine stance to have when you're just a little kooky! just a tad silly! eccentric even! i don't know if that's something you should be saying to wave away EVERYTHING that could be affecting you (and potentially others if it goes unchecked), just because it makes you uncomfortable to stare it down! that's dangerous!! particularly when you don't know your limits
i'm also kind of loving 2:28-2:32??? where he raises his head to his legal guardians and he's smiling for the first time in front of them.
but now we're well aware all his smiles are performative. he's wearing the mask for them now too.
the fake it 'til you make it policy seems to be his safety net. in order to avoid being treated and seen like a walking blemish, something to be fixed, he's slowly grown to be more comfortable acting well to do, or at least unaffected. then people leave him alone. when he's loose and devil-may-care, he's allowed to be himself. which would be fine if that were honest.
in truth, he's extremely emotional. he's sensitive. he's scared and wound up. he's angry and he's self conscious. he cannot function in the way the world wants him to, and he can't stand his own inaction in the face of his self-inflicted demise. but when that's too shameful to bear, you don't seek anyone out. imagine how much more painful it would be to have someone see you flounder. they'll poke fun. they'll judge.
it's like he sees the world telling him to be better, and his response is to create what he thinks is an objectively better person. even though at the end of the day he is still who he is.
i wonder if he starts wearing that mask permanently because at one point he'd become aware there was no running from himself. with this being his only way to reconcile his failures, it was inevitable.
we end the animation with him going to sleep and his maegami "masked" self looming over the end credits. smiling is equated with wearing a mask consistently throughout the song, so i find the image of him going to sleep with a smile on his face pretty solidly telling me that he's starting the transition into becoming the Projected Bokutachi as opposed to Plain Bokutachi.
this is the beginning of his descent into a more dangerous, yet exciting and outgoing person. he is mentally unwell and owning it. i don't know what happened between high school and the NNSG plotline (or god forbid, what happened between childhood and adolescence), but here we definitely introduce some catalysts for his face-heel turn.
and now i have even more reasons to reconsider this little rat man's true motivations and character depth.
arigatou gozaimasu Yoli-chan (੭*ˊᵕˋ)੭* ੈ♡‧₊˚
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irl-romano · 4 months
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why do you not like Germany as a character?
ohhhhhh boy. uh. putting this under read more because MAJOR trigger warnings (check tags first)
honestly this is probably really pedantic and stupid to most people, but i dont care lol. trauma doesn't make sense. basically, when i was in middle school, my friend group all had different characters assigned to us. my best friend was veneziano, i was romano, we had a hungary and china and russia and england and america and a few others i dont remember right now (it's been so long). but the most important one to this little story is the person i had a HUGE crush on: our germany. fortunately for me, she liked me back. and we dated for a while, until the bigotry of our classmates got too much for me to handle, and i broke up with her. but she stayed my friend, and i was so happy she did. she was essential to my life and well-being, i felt like my whole world revolved around this one person. my mom was a piece of shit, we always fought and she would often get violent. most of the time i'd fight back, but a few times i would just be very depressed and let her take her anger and frustration out on me. one time was so bad that i kinda snapped and ended up in the hospital. our germany visited me as often, if not moreso, than my mom did, and was such a comforting presence through that misery. i ended up dating this other girl, who was very toxic and abusive, and i was isolated from my friend group — including our germany. but i wound up in the hospital again, and she came back. it was like a breath of fresh air to have her in my life again after nearly a year, that i just had to ask her out. and she said yes. we went to different schools at this point, but we still tried to hang out as much as possible. we went to prom together. but something changed since we last dated. she was more grown up and as a result expected our relationship to be more grown up. she was very handsy in ways i wasn't totally comfortable with, but we were dating so i found it difficult to tell her no. i would say things like "i need to go change, stay down here until i get back" but she would follow me anyway, sneaking in when i was half-undressed to kiss me and touch me. the worst time was during her birthday party, when we were surrounded by other people, and she put her hand down my pants and i couldnt do anything without drawing attention to us. so i did nothing. eventually i needed it to stop, and at the same time i found an identity i thought fit me: asexual. which means there would be no reason for her to try and do anything sexual with me. everything seemed fine, and she even stopped trying to touch me because im ace! it doesn't do anything for me! it was fine until i found out she started dating someone else, someone who was just as hypersexual as she was. she had the audacity to try and claim AFTER they started dating that she was "polyamorous" and even tried to say it was the same as my being asexual. it's not, not even close. so i broke up with her a second time. after talking to my therapist about the break up and the things i was still uneasy about, i was told point-blank that what she did was rape me, and that being in a relationship isn't enough of consent for the unwanted touch to be anything else. but, of course, being in a different school meant that when i tried to tell my so-called friends what happened, they took the germany's side instead. and she kept bad mouthing me to everyone until i literally only had online friends left.
so... yeah. that's why i don't like germany. because in my mind, those two are the same and at the moment i cannot differentiate them. i'm trying to, i'm writing a germano vent fic by loosely basing the events off my own life, and i'm hoping that it'll help me heal. i am in a much better place than i was 6 years ago, when all of this happened, with two wonderful girlfriends of my own and so many friends i hold dear to my heart. it's through their support im able to unpack so much of my damage, even if i'm a little scared that i'll just get dropped again if they end up supporting me on their back.
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theygotlost · 1 year
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TWENTY. YEARS. OF RATCHET AND CLANK. LOOKS AT YOU WITH BLOODSHOT EYES. i really wish i had the foresight to draw something for the anniversary but it just didnt happen. i think i still will draw something but it will just be late and thats ok. anyway I would like to share MY experience with the series ❤
my first ever rac game was tools of destruction. my dad brought it home one day and i had no idea what it was, I dont think HE knew what it was, I have no idea why he bought it. we never had a ps2, only a ps3, so nobody in my family had ever played the og trilogy. I didnt even know there were earlier games in the series for several more years. idk exactly how old I was, maybe 8 or 9, so this was a few years after tod's release (2009-10??). I watched my dad play it, and I thought it was the most awesome shit ever. I rarely actually played it myself cause I was bad at video games but I had such a huge crush on ratchet i wanted him to be my catboy bf so bad (some things never change 😑....) but my little brother became OBSESSED with it and played it over and over and over. he was only like 6 so he couldnt even read and didnt know the actual title of the game so he just called it "THE ROBOT GAME". i remember being so fucking confused and pissed off by the ending LOL. we had quest for booty pretty shortly after that and played that a million times too. i dont even think i registered that it was a separate game from tod and tbh i still think of it as tod dlc.
next was the acit demo, which again we played a million times, until finally our parents got us the full game (again a few years after release so probably around 2011-12). I distinctly remember my brother and i thought qwarks line in the opening cutscene "space. its big. so big in fact, that if you lost your car keys in it, they would be almost impossible to find" was the funniest shit ever and we quoted it constantly.
(and when I say "we played", i mostly mean i watched my le epic gamer brother play while I pissed him off with my backseat driving the entire time. sometimes this ended in physical violence.)
then we got all4one, and i remember my brother and I begging our dad and a family friend to play it with us so we would have a full party. our friend was like "idk guys, this is kinda wacky and quirky 🤨". I always insisted on playing as ratchet cause he was my specialest little boy and my brother mained nefarious. he LOVED nefarious he would run around screaming ANNIHILATE HIM!!!!!!!!!!
our parents got my brother into the nexus for christmas 2013, but at that point i had kind of lost interest and didnt care so i didnt play it (or just watch him play it like i did most of the time). for the next several years I really didnt give the series much thought. I might have played some of tod or acit again, i dont remember, but it was just something I used to like as kid.
and then well. spring 2020. I think a lot of people returned to things from their childhood after the pandemic started because all that fear and uncertainty makes you want to return to a seemingly simpler and safer time, especially if you were living away from your family and had to suddenly move back in with them like i did. so during quarantine I replayed all the rac games we had just for kicks, and it reignited my passion for these games and reminded me just how special they were to me. i became so intensely obsessed with them (especially acit). MY HORRIBLE SON DEX WAS BORN. (dexo is 2 years old now awwwwwwwwww) and ciro lent me his copy of the og trilogy ps3 port and I played the original games for the first ever time. and as luck would have it, rift apart was announced at e3 during that same period. kind of insane to think about. there was no way I was gonna get a ps5 so I just watch other peoples playthroughs 1 million times. i still wanna play it so bad 😭
ratchet and clank isnt even a game series its like a brother to me. its everything. its so important. learn your herstory. for some reason I was under the impression for a long time that rac was a super mainstream series that everyone has played. that a playstation and a copy of acit was made free for all americans by the president. but unfortunately the fandom is so so small with barely any active members on tumblr. there was a HUGE surge in content last year cause of rift apart, but 90% of people quickly forgot about it and moved on. i am eternally grateful to my rac mutuals and followers that continue to post and talk about it. o7
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oh-s-a-m-u · 1 year
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rant about its just a burning memory
i just listened to its just a burning memory and i wondered how it came to be because it sounds so.. depressing? i couldnt even explain it. the feeling it brought to me was unexplainable, yet melancholic enough for me to want to find out more. It was scary, yet sad, but at the same time i just couldnt pin-point the feeling. Then, i found the album. i cant remember the exact name, all i know is that its something along the lines of "everything at the end of time" or "its jsut a burning memory", i cant remember. And that was what was so horrifying about it. i started listening to it, and as i did i read through the comments on this 6 hour long video, of so many different songs. So many comments said they listened to it all and it changed their view on life, or how 15 minutes in thye were crying. I thought they were just being dramatic, so while i listened in my dark little room, i read through the comments of this horrifying album. Most of the comments talked about their family members sufering from dementia, the way it just kept getting worse and its just so *sad* to read. I read, my eyes filling with horror at the stories i heard. And yet, now i cant even remember them. Which would be normal, of course, until you remember the album is about *dementia.* it makes me anxious, thinking how could i, a young fella, forget about something that made me cry so easily, filing it away somewhere in my mind where i couldnt reach.
The song was split into a lot of chapters, A1 being its jsut a burning memory, the next one being A2, then A3, A4, A5, A6, and then B1. All the songs were about 3-5 minutes long, and they were all named after dementia/alzheimers. A1 is the start of dementia, where you just have this bad feeling, gnawing at you, but its probably nothing, Just a burning memory. A2, mostly the same, but the feeling has faded a bit, so its calmer. But you still dont know whats happening. After a bit, i have personally listened until B6, so i dont know if its true, but at the later stages, close to the end, the music is so horrific but its just too *real.* I had listened to B6, and had started crying while reading, just the idea of dementia giving me goosebumps, making me shiver. It probably didnt help that i was alone, in my house, lights turned off completely, phone at 14%, slowly going down until it inevitably would turn off. I didnt have a charger available, (i did but in the dark and sobbing hysterically i couldnt see it-) so it just reminded me even more of dementia, of how the people who are close to the patient have to see the way their body remains fine, but their mind is decaying. Watching, listening, interacting, knowing that theyre gonna forget them inevitably. Are going to die. A slow, painful death, not even aware of it because they *wont even remember their name.*
My eyes are tearing up as i write this, but its just so agonizing i cant help it. The way music could give such drastic changes to peoples's *lives* had gotten me laughing, giggling, thinking thats impossible, until i listened to the album. Even after i turned off my phone, turned off the comments, sat there and tried to stop thinking about it, i couldnt. Because suddenly, all the little things i couldnt always remember were screaming at my mind, making me try to remember. 'What was my friends' dogs name?' 'I don't know.' 'I can't remember.' '*I CAN'T REMEMBER.*' 'Okay- okay, what about ah- shit, i dont know- the grandmothers name?' 'my mums name?!' 'her maiden name?' 'ANYTHING?!' I just tried so hard, but i still couldnt remember and it drove me insane. The fact that people with dementia had to suffer through this, but worse and unable to remember their way home, their closest friends name, their parents, children, *family, pets, work, even their life-* it just makes me sick.
And all this, after i listened to 15 minutes of a 6 hour album.
God save those who's friends, family, anyone they know is suffering from dementia. It's so horrific to think about, yet people live their everyday lives, complaining about an exam they didnt study for, being late to work, such small things.. when they could be forgetting their entire lives, their friends and family, pets and children- I sound like a broken record, repeating similar things so much, but its true, its real, and its horrifying.
Bless you.
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spoonfulstar · 2 years
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ive been scrolling through the r/antiwork subreddit and it made me look back at all my shitty job experiences and im bored (and slowly editing) so im just gonna list them out here for fun
1) 15 years old. Worked 30 hours of 'free labor' at a Boston Pizza because my high school required us to do 30 hours free work anywhere. They made me prep food in the kitchen, clear tables, etc... since I wasnt a legitimate employee there, I didnt get any breaks and was just kinda used to do all the dirty work. For my performance review, my manager was 30 mins late and then wrote that I wasnt good at the job because I was too quiet. 2) worked at an animal hospital when I was 16. I don't know how I got this job, the place was owned by a family who would constantly leave in the middle of the day and leave me there. would expect me to do things like grab certain medications despite not training me on anything. the vet would yell at me a lot. quit shortly after a dog came in with birth issues (one of the puppies was stuck/couldnt breathe or something). the vet wasnt present and I had to call him to come in. took him like 20 minutes to arrive and I was stressed the entire time. 3) worked at an AYCE sushi place near my house. the kitchen was super cramped and they made me walk around for an hour just filling peoples cups with water. the place closed down before i could really start to hate it. 4) worked at a jewelry kiosk in a busy mall. I had to memorize all the different cuts of jewels or whatever and we were forced to give a compliment to anyone who stopped by the kiosk. It was a very salesy job despite us not making commissions on sales. I was let go for.. being too quiet lol 5) found a job in the same mall at a place called Urban Behaviour. Their employee schedules were all on paper and could not be modified. my very first shift I was supposed to be off at 9pm. They kept us there cleaning up until midnight and I was told by other employees that we were not being paid for this extra time. I called in the next day and said I quit. should have done it at 9:01pm the previous night tbh.
6) first year of college I worked as a waitress at a fish n chips restaurant owned by one (1) misogynist who only hired asian girls and would overwork us while paying us legally below the min wage (would also take a cut of all of our tips). I was so burnt out after 3 months of working there that I had a mental breakdown seeing the schedule and seeing myself scheduled alone for 7 days in a row. I was so suicidal that my mom sent me to live with my aunt in south korea (weird solution but it worked). My last day at work I left a letter on my boss' desk saying i wasnt coming in the next day and that i'd be out of the country. I never got my last paycheck but I was ok with it. 7) worked as a private english tutor in sk for a year while also going to school there. it was ok but my boss made me travel to each students house so I'd just spend some days taking the bus from one apartment to the next. other than that the job was easy and the families would always give me fruits and bread. Looking back, I feel like doing this was maybe dangerous.
8) came back to continue college back home. worked at mcdonalds for two years. constantly had hot oil splash on my arm from working the fries. some bitchy co-worker called me 'fries girl' when I was new because she didnt care about learning my name. I'd do overnight shifts and come home at 6am, had to work christmas eve and new years. still not the worst job ive ever had. 9) did stock at abercombie and fitch. overall no complaints since I never had to deal directly with customers. It was a lot of organizing and counting and I got written up once for leaving without getting my bag checked. liek i would have ever wanted to steal their ugly piece of shit clothing lmao
10) worked as an instructor for three years during my last years of college teaching reading and math to kids. I liked the work itself, but management overworked me (made me do receptionist duties, and a bunch of other admin stuff without a proper pay raise). In the end I left for what I *thought* was a better job 11) currently working doing customer/tech support for a telecommunications company. so burnt out as is normal for working for a startup. just overall not happy and if I quit in the near future I just wanna go on a long rant about everything.
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k1ll3r-k4rg0 · 7 months
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okay in continuation with the writing thoughts im like hmmmm m m m m i should post my PORN too coz i sure write a lot of that but like im realizing i have these Concerns?
that ive always written a lot (just general stuff) as a kid and growing up etc and my parents have always known me as The Writer so ig to try and control it / protect me they would tell me stuff like dont just post it anywhere, make sure it doesnt get stolen etc, so i was always kinda afraid to post shit!!!! and i didnt know where to post the stuff so id put it on deviantart coz thats where i read my fanfic and also fanfic.net which i dont think exists anymore
i wasnt allowed to be on the internet at all. i really liked tumblr and wanted an account but they told me i couldnt so i didnt. i didnt really break rules. as a result i didnt really find out about ao3 until like my first year of college like 6 years ago and only made an account last year when i wanted to comment on a fic (but because i had to wait, couldn't comment right then and there so never got around to it)
thsu the porn doesnt get posted either coz im super scared of getting in trouble and oh if youre a professional and people find that they'll fire you and shit. just lovely things my parents have told me
also! also. adhd = i have the damn hardest time posting shit. coz im literally just posting for myself coz no one reads my stuff no matter how short (except, you know, my two lovely friends / mutuals who don't need to read the stuff posted here coz i've already sent it to them in dms). so then im like probably professionally would be a Good Idea to put warnings and tags and info about the ship and what story it's from etc but i literally . the easiest for me is to just copy paste from notes and release it into the wild
hm. anyways
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tyrantzeye · 1 year
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doijg oc infodump hour now bc i havent done it previously 4 a while.... huge tw, see in tags....featuring fune aitsuko & natsuki(unknown lasg name)
so guys yk fune & natsuki the 2 ocs i talk ab the least n are basically copy n paste versons of eachother n therefore are besg friends????? SO UHM HERES A. (HEAD)CANONS B. A CANONICAL N SAD STORYLINE & C. NEW OC DROP TEASER
a. (HEAD)CANONS
1. they tease eachother constantly. but its intellectual sounding as FUCK. instead of going "youre short" they go "you appear to be vertically challenged, i love how it matches your mental state" 2. they do little study sessions together n they eat tea and biscuits n fake british accents 3. they have a pet snake together. his name is jerryl. fune has him on weekends. you will not recieve any other details. 4. fune spends most of her time staring at her drawing tablet n natsuki just spits out ideas at her which she WILL make into a poem later 5. fune has a litrle crush on natsuki (canon) but natsuki is oblivious n ir would be rlly funny in like acomedy show its like imagine phineas and feeb and that 1 girlypop 6. they are basically troy and abed(intellect edition)
b. STORYLINE
our story begins in a library.fune is reading n shit n natsuki comes up 2 her n is like "what book r u readinf" n they nerd out n instantly click and then they text and.hang out again n beckme best friends but.natsuki kept being distant n then they eventually moved in 2gether n every other nighr natsuki has someone new in the house n she has a weapon collection n her room is like not whag ud.expect it 2 be like at all considering how timid n shit both her n natsuki r yk?? they have a talk.ab it n irs resolved(hint hint nudge nudge) n anywayz fune keeps finding weird things n hearinf weird things like she finds a crumpled photo of tbem in the trash & sees a glint of like an eye in the closet door but she ignores it n it escalates n fune kicks her out but ir makes ir worse adn nqtsukis begging her to be let back in bur she doesnt and then.theg try to ralk it out in a public space and instead of talking ab shit natsuki talks ab books n her most recent poems n all tbe stuff she loves ab funes mkst recenr art n then funes walkikg to the bus n she thought natsuki got in her car n left already but she DIDNT and she's following her and natsuki taps fune on the shoulder n pulls out a gun but her hands all shaky ad shes crying rlly hard n instead of shootign her she shoots herself n theres a note that reads...."and i hold the gun in my handsand i pull the trigger but where does it point?i don't remember.i love you - natsuki"n funes confused and sad and grieving n then she finds out that natsuki has a bounty on her head bc when she was younger she did a bunch of fucked yp shit in a different country n she fled n didnt want fune 2 find out and couldnt figure out a better way to stop it bc she was worried fune would turn her in but she physicallt couldtn do it so instead yk........she.....yk... n fune is filled with all this regret & shit n js stops everything she xant draw anything other than vent art n cant get out of bed basically can only feed jerryl yk?? BUT then she does a sbit ton of research n stops the bad guys !!!!!! yay !!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (aka i couldnt think of a better way to end it.sorry😓)
BAD ENDINF......natsukis finger is on the trigger, and she pulls. she shoots. it echoes. and she runs. she runs and runs far far away. she runs until her legs give out and shes in the middle of nowhere and shes dropped the gun a while back and shes scared and sad and shit because she wasnt supposed to do that n she sits there and cries until dawn n eventually she recollects herself n just flees again n eventually she dies in like some tiny country with like 50 different names following her
C. cant think of a name. but he is going 2 be besg friends w thag 1 kid on tunelogic n is basically kerenzas brief(platonic) like in paswg. give ideas if u dont mind👺
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bringmyselftobed · 2 years
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lease renewed in august
Three years ago from yesterday i was celebrating my engagement. We were at stormking in new windsor upstate new york. two of three figures in a grass field. I shared the moment with a richard serra sculpture we had just been admiring, well he admired and i admired him admiring. Those little corrections seem to matter so much now. We went to a little tapas bistro in lower manhattan that night to celebrate, one he mentioned he had been to before with his ex so he knew it would be good. I kept the receipt and still have it buried in a box of artifacts on my dresser i wouldn't dare to open. I remember the drunken uber home pleading with god to let me get all the food i had just engorged on back up by any means necessary. I dont remember if we had sex or not, i remeber not being able to get all the fried octopus out of my stomach. It was the first vacation i had been on in 4 years.
In about three weeks give or take i will be considered a year practically recovered from bulimia.
In about three weeks give or take, one year ago, i was moving out of my house. My mom came over and let me lay my head in her lap, she told me i had to be the one to leave. In common daughter and mother practice i defied her for arguments sake. My only argument being denial. I wanted to hold onto the house forced upon me, committing to my life being one big larp of house wife and arguments and getting too drunk to even remember making up. Where i thought i could be comfortable. I really did love him though. Like a stray beaten dog loves its foster family. I thought he could save me and i thought he was the only one who could save me. How would you feel forcing that stray dog back onto the streets? Thats what i thought he was doing to me. My friends had a spare room and i promised them it would be max 6 months until i figured all this shit out. In about three weeks give or take i will have been here a year. They helped me pack my shit, drove cars back and forth with boxes, loudly declared “no we got it” every time he offered his help all while I couldnt even mutter a word let alone bark. I let him keep our cat we adopted together fearing hed grow to resent me if i held my ground. My mom was the only one who told me to let him keep the cat, and for some reason i didnt argue with her on that.
Bulimia was a center point of my life and identity long before we got together. it was my main focus for our entire relationship too. And i could say something hardly profound about how the day he broke our engagement off was the day i finally stopped binging and purging. Although I think not saying it keeps it still profound and weighted in my head. But in hopes of humoring the reader, i think the true weight, the lies he told me, the situations i couldnt make up if i tried, finally didnt matter. I didnt have to worry if he was going to cheat on me with my friend anymore. I was released from this karmic cycle of insecurity and bottom line that drove me to insanity. All the fights about it didnt even fucking matter anymore! And i was thankful! In a weeks time of being out of the house i had a calgary of beautiful friends i would have never known were there, a widened circle of people who wanted to hear me talk, laugh at my jokes, i was telling jokes again! They heard me laugh as they heard me cry and you cant always get friends like that, you cant always be as lucky as i was. As i am.
This year, right here right now, im on day three or four of my first quarantine with covid. See i told ya im lucky. And im writing something i want to be proud of for the first time in 3 years. And im remembering how easy it can be, and that it doesnt have to be painful it just has to be honest. I hope i let people read this one. My roommate just brought me some dinner she made, knock knock its outside dont forget to put your muzzle on to grab it! Ive never felt love like this.
And if i were to think of a year from now, id like to hope id let myself fall in love again. And i know that it wont feel like saving and it wont feel like pressure or shame. And after a year im flooded with what feels like a lifetime without him. A lifetime of two very bad hookups, parties where everyone complimented my cooking, doing yoga in the living room with anna, coffee dates with morgan, crying at my serving job, getting drunk with nick and sidney, smoking weed and completely wigging out, learning how to make a career from logan, and feeling her tough love, dancing and stealing flowers from neighbors with cayla, laughing until i pee with shelly, understatement of the year, ordering clothes on the real real, crying in the car with my mom, making out with lippy, then telling lippy i didnt want to make out when the coke wore off, deciding i didnt wanna do coke anymore, making out with whatever random lunged at me in a club, deleting hinge and redownloading and deleting again for good i think (a couple weeks ago), ordering clothes on depop, a couple insatiable internet crushes, falling asleep on the couch, rewatching game of thrones twice in 3 weeks, sleepovers and new tattoos in my kitchen with jacob, reminiscing with ana about music wishing i saw her more often, watching romcoms with tori in her attic apartment, and laughing with austyn, in the middle of a crowded italian restaurant which is clearly understaffed all because i made him do lady and the tramp noodle. getting free dessert and never even considering how id get it back up. Thats what a year feels like, a lifetime.
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hella1975 · 2 years
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I GOT TICKETS FOR JJK 0!!!! IM GOING WITH MY BROTHER BC I HAVE NO ANIME FRIENDS BUT STILL, IM GOING TO SEE IT!!!
shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut the fuck up i want to be you so bad
#how does it feel. to live MY DREAM#i feel bad you're clearly excited and im just here like >:((((( IM SORRY#im already so pissed that i have to wait for the deadline like a fucking local#like mappa dont you get it im not like other jjk viewers i know this media intimately what do you mean i couldnt watch it on xmas eve#AND NOW I CANT EVEN SEE IT IN CINEMA BC NO ONE I KNOW IRL WATCHES IT#LIKE SOME OF MY HOMETOWN FRIENDS DO BUT THEY ARE CURRENTLY SCATTERED ACROSS THE COUNTRY AT VARIOUS UNIS#actually wait hold on i just had a thought#basically today my friend messaged me bc she found my spotify (pure terror moment i was absolutely bricking it)#((like have you SEEN how sus my spotify is all it would take is 'what's this playlist for?' 'why do you get so many likes?' and im DONE))#and OF ALL THINGS she sent me a pic of my itadori playlist being like 'im gonna need an explanation'#and i was like shit shit shit fuck fuck mayday#but i worked with it super well with a cheeky lil 'lmao yeah most of my playlists are just inside jokes dont ask'#and she was like 'no no it's not that. my friend sent me vol1-6 of jjk' WHAT SORRY FUCKING WHAT???#SHES READ UP TO VOLUME 2 AND SHE JUST??? DIDNT SAY ANYTHING??#like this is how normal i come across to people she actually didnt know i even knew what jjk was until she saw my playlists#like that's how good an actress i am we need to address the manipulate mansplain malewife of it all#SO WHAT IF SHE GOES WITH ME? VOL 0 WONT BE TOO CONFUSING FOR HER RIGHT? IT'S BASICALLY A PREQUEL ANYWAY#OMG OMG BESTIES#okay im going to spoons with her now i might subtly drop it into convo and pretend to be normal about it wish me luck#ask#jjk
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koivatile · 5 years
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What’s actually hilarious to me is that I played on the internet before I could even read
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ravysu · 3 years
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Sannin headcanons and thoughts
The last thing I would like to post for the sannin week. It is still 24.04 here! :D @sannin-central
This is long. Spoiler alert. Mostly Orochimaru, some Tsunade, a little of Jiraiya (because his story is pretty clear and spoken and idk what I can add). Also I recommend to read this meta about Orochimaru, it has influenced me a lot and has some good points. Sorry for any posible grammar mistakes. Also I really should put here a lot of references to the manga or anime but it was something that was piling up for a year and I'm soooooooo lazy. After all, those are just headcanons. Also: Im not excusing Oro's bad stuff here, Im trying to understand the reasons.
Ive already posted some hcs, here, here and here.
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1. First if all, the chronology pic of sannin lifetime based on the info i found on naruto wiki and also some statements about wars from this post. It was tough considering what a mess naruto’s chronology is.
2. Sannin story shows what it cost to be a legend. They're like Team 7 but more realistic. Tsunade literally carried the war but left with nothing and developed a ptsd and have problems to just live on. Also anger control issues. I think she can be pretty bossy and stubborn which is not always nice. Jiraiya is the hero of the day but also very idealistic and can ignore some important details in the real word whether its the fight (he always injured during flashbacks maybe because each time he took too much to handle and on the one hand it's heroistic but on the other is a mistake that can lead your team to situations like in that Iwa cave) or your friends issues (I bet he saw what's going on but thought it's fine until Oro actually got red handed and left). He lives in his world and may have problems to get out to see it through someone else's shoes. As for Orochimaru, it seems like he was a normal guy for 20+ years (I mean, he didn't do crazy criminal shit and had something good in him and it was stated somewhere that it was his teammates influence. It is obvious they considered him as a friend, I don't thinks it was for nothing) but we mostly know his darkest side. Despite being a moster he is a human that have empathy and some ordinary human traits (man just decorates every bit of an environment he is in lol).
3. Tsunade was the leader of team Hiruzen.
4. Tsunade sometimes hit Jiraiya for some stupid things he did or said but never touches Orochimaru even if he did something same. Jiraiya complained about it once and almost got another hit.
5. Jiraiya had problematic parents that didn't care about him much and a lot of time he was wandering in the streets.
6. Judging by the look of Oro bangs and hair, he sometimes cut it off. A stress relief huh? And the fact that he doesn't do it now in Boruto..
7. It was shown that Tsunade and Orochimaru was acknowledged before they become a team. Maybe they did just before, or maybe some longer time before. I prefer the second option and hc that they met because both had no real friends - Orochimaru seemed weird and scary for everyone and Tsunade was Senju so everyone wanted to hang out with her but didn't really care. They weren't seen as what they were - people put the labels on them. But they didn't care about each other's labels and actually saw each other in true lights.
8. Tsunade knew it was an accident and it's not right but still she blamed Orochimaru for Nawaki's death for some time. It was something that seriously damaged their friendship and the team. Orochimaru was mad but also guilty, after all, he was responsible at least as a shinobi since Nawaki was under his watch. So he started to act cold and emotionless and was trying to distance himself from his teammates.
9. Jiraiya was in Ame while Dan died.
10. The whole his orphans mission was a bit irresponsible tbh. They already fought Hanzo and as he stated the conflict between Konoha and Ame is going to an end with Konoha's win. It's weird to stay here for three years in the middle of the war while there were other lands to fight. He left his teammates for some idea. Maybe that caused another crack in their team friendship.
11. If Tsunade would have find a way to live on with her trauma and follow the will of fire and stuff it would affect Orochimaru as well just as her grief affected him. It's like he would get an example that you can live on with this pain. So death isn't above human capability and we are not just the slaves of mortality (sounds stupid but i dont know how else to describe sorry). But as we know what he actually saw is that it broke her crucially to the point she couldnt be herself again. And so the death is above everything.
12. Oro wasn’t just acting as a cold pragmatic bitch in that cave but also tried to save Tsunade. Jiraiya knew it and that’s why he showed this sign to him like "I see what youre doing here" and that stunned Oro because he would prefer to look rather like a cold pragmatic bitch hehe
13. Just a thought. People in the village probably treated Oro as a foreigner or just wouldnt accept him because he looked so differently and had a weird attitude. That's why he sometimes didn't feel that Konoha is his home. After the wars where people were treated as means and tools, even the children, he himself developed this view on people - he dehumanized them and used as the means to his goals, just as his village did. Funny thing some people were straightly dehumanizing him too like Ibiki thought that he was a demon (tho he was a child). And he probably weren't the only one. Anyways the point is that it's logical that Orochimaru don't care about anybody but some few people, he's the product of his era. He's like Naruto that would chose the hatred way. But naruto had some good and understanding people around him and.. Orochimaru had them too, but match how Iruka treated Naruto and this Hiruzen's "I sAw tHe mAliCe in This cHiLd fRoM tHe BegGinNinG". And oro didn't even have a big ass evil fox in him. sry i hate hiruzen
ANYWAYS the moral of the story is not "go criminal if they hurt you" but always treat people like people. Waving my hand to Kant.
14. The reason why Orochimaru didn't pick some good morals to stick with through the hard times no matter what (like, idk, Jiraiya or Naruto) is because 1) I think he is/was pretty depending on people around him 2) the war fucked him and his friends up too much (Nawaki incident + Tsunade) 3) twisted addictions (though I don't think he's that sadistic, we never saw him torturing randoms just for fun, it was always some science experimental shit. He tends to get fun out of cruelty only when it's personal) that maybe developed as a way to sublimate anger and sadness caused by his parents loss (that's what they share with sasuke - unlicke naruto, they knew their parents and it's other kind of pain. Sasuke developed a revenge issue and Orochimaru - cruelty pleasure which... is kinda the same but less epic and more occasional lol).
15. Speaking of that, Orochimaru cared for Sasuke because he saw himself in him.
16. Oro hold grudges against Hiruzen for not choosing him to be Hokage not only because he was ambitious and/or egoistic, but also because Hiruzen was some kind of a father figure for him and his approval was important tho i doubt he was aware of that. He also probably could tell that Hiruzen was suspicios about him when he was a child and that led to many conflicts and was hurting as well.
17. Tsunade knew things weren't pretty with Orochimaru after the wars but she never expected them to be this bad. During the week that she was given in her arc she thought not only about how much she wants to see Nawaki and Dan again despite how wrong would it be but also was trying to bury all the good memories she had left of Orochimaru so it would be easier to kill him.
18. She poisoned Jiraiya exactly because she knew he would not let her do it. Jiraiya was always hesitant to kill and inclined to forgiveness, while Tsunade, as mentioned by Orochimaru, could be merciless (so much so that he was not surprised when Kabuto suggested that she wanted to use Jira for Edo Tensei).
19. That was one of her traits that scared Jiraiya and fascinated Orochimaru.
20. Remember how Oro grabbed Jiraiya's neck when the latter was trying to cover with hair jutsu? On the snake, in Tsnade's arc. Orochimaru could have easily kill Jiraiya by pulling the sword out of the mouth (arteries are right there) but he didn't. As well as he could kill Tsunade when she was still shaking - just aim for the neck or the heart. Instead, he just injured her lung and kicked her which is not a big deal for the kind of shinoby like her at all.. Also he helped Anko not accidentally kill herself but it would be way much profitable to let her do it. "Orochimaru has no feelings".
21. The reason he suddenly wanted to kill Tsunade instead of forcing her to heal his arms as it was planned (which is weird since it will not going to get him heals and he kinda said that he wouldn't want to kill her just minutes ago) is that not only she refused to help him (he thought he could work it out) but she also prefered the village over him (from his point of view). Out if everyone she was the closest to being able to understand him since the village caused her painful losses too but nevertheless she agreed to be on it's side.
22. He wasn't fighting her back in the end partly because he thought he deserved that. Somewhere deep inside hahah.
23. Tsunade got a fear to develop deep bonds so they probably weren't very close with Shizune (also the way she knocked her down in this hotel.. oh).
24. Orochimaru will be here when she'll die.
25. Orochimaru's eng dub to Tsunade: "I often wondered what it would be like to ring that pretty neck yours". No comments.
26. Orochimaru is either bi/pan or ace. Anything or nothing lmao
27. Hiruzen knew about at least some of the Oro’s illegal experiments and was okay just as he was okay with the Foundation all the time. Because it’s useful. Then he has discovered he went too far OR he knew everything and oro just became too inconvenient because of his methods. The way Orochimaru tells Sasuke about reasons they are well treated as the criminals is based on in his experience with Hiruzen.
28. As you may know the lyrics in Orochimaru’s music theme goes “don’t talk with the silence of the heart”. It was taken from one Indian song that also had lines like “don’t question life too much”, ”pain arose somewhere in the chest”, “don’t speak to the wounds of the heart”. Though I’m not sure 100% because I was translating it with some hindi dictionary with like zero knowledge of hindi
29. I like to think that this “silence of the heart” theme and the fact that he called his village a hidden sound village are somehow connected. The hidden sound is the possible explanation of all things waiting to be listened to but the truth is silent and you know it deep in your heart and it bothers you. The world is silent just like the life is meaningless but people can only hear. *Sigh* anyways
30. Orochimaru’s journey is the one about accepting death. When he saw Karin released her chains while was trying to get to Sasuke he understood that the death is a part of human’s strength.
Can’t wait to feel that everything I wrote is wrong or not enough or stupid and obvious lol. Anyways, it’s something that I wanted to share until I move to some other fandom.
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