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You know what really pisses me off? One thing, in this current time of uncertainty, fear, and (for many like my husband and I) the threat of illness, that just really gets under my skin, and makes my blood boil? Well, let me tell you…

I CANNOT STAND PEOPLE WHO ARE WILLFUL IDIOTS. I am constantly bothered by those, who search for any reason under the sun, to not wear a mask. ‘It’s just a hoax.’ ‘If I get it, I get it.’ ‘Masks make it hard for me to breathe’. I have heard all of these, and just about every other fucking lame-ass excuse imaginable. And, every single time, I roll my eyes, and want to scream. But today…Well…

 This morning, after finishing my work for the day, I hopped on Facebook, and saw something that took it not just one step further, but put it in a whole different fucking ballpark. “The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) website recently reported that very few died solely of the virus. Out of the 161,392 deaths in the CDC data, just six percent (9,700) were attributed to the coronavirus alone. The CDC is now admitting that the coronavirus is not even as dangerous as the average flu season and that the people most vulnerable to coronavirus are those people with all sorts of other pre-existing health problems.” This was posted by someone who I share a blood tie with. And, it is just DISGUSTING. Plain and simple. JUST FUCKING DISGUSTING! When I read this, it is full of information that leads me to see just how this person REALLY feels. By stating that “just” six percent of those infected, die from covid alone, it says to me that this person sees this number (be it fake or real) as a suitable number of lives lost. It is like saying: “Oh, well…as long as covid, itself, is not killing 10% or more of those infected, then that is okay.” Then, you take into account the blatant lack of concern that is shown, for those who are at high-risk–those who, like my husband, have pre-existing conditions–which, apparently seem to not matter, and it just makes me FUCKING sick! I have tried, and tried…AND TRIED! I have honestly attempted to see this through some other–any other–lens. Yet, my mind seems to be able to only find one lens to view this quote through. And that is, by posting this, this person is showing that it is okay that “some” people die, because it is not as bad as we originally thought. (Still not sure this is true, but that is irrelevant to the point I am making here. I also find it odd that the new article this person posted, to get the numbers, was published in early September.) In the end, it comes down to this. Any ONE life that is lost to covid, at a time where we KNOW how to minimize the risk, is ONE LIFE TOO MANY! To suggest otherwise, or try to play down the impact this horrible disease is having is, in my opinion, showing how desensitized one has become, and how little they care for their fellow man. 

Beyond being angered by this, I am also crushed, over the fact that this relative, who I was so happy to have the opportunity to get to know, has literally STOPPED talking to me, altogether, based off of the fact that I was not going to let political views be pushed onto me. I have seen, in this individual, more than one side of humanity, that I am saddened by. First, I have seen that there are so many out there, who have this belief that, as long as sickness is not affecting anyone in their lives, that it is not worth their concern. (This is so sad, to me.) And, I have seen that to some, politics is actually worth DESTROYING a connection. To these people, it does not matter what type of person you are. If you are not on their political “team”, then you are easy enough to throw away. (Again, this is sad, to me.) 

But, of course, the covidiocy did not stop with just this one circumstance. 

My husband and I had to go to get the oil checked on our car today. And, knowing that Florida is covidiot central, we both have heavy-duty respirator masks, that we wear, whenever we have to go out in public. (Green rubberized masks, with respirators on either side, and an air vent in front. These fuckers let NOTHING pass. But, they are BEYOND uncomfortable. And yet, I still wear it. See…responsibility.) We get to the Toyota dealer, and I knew that some people would not be wearing masks. But, for fuck’s sake. At least 90% of people at the center were not wearing masks, or face shields, or coverings or any kind. Customers…workers. No masks. Even the man who was helping me kept his mask in his shirt pocket, only putting it on when he worked with me, but taking it off, to work with others, who were not wearing masks. And, at one point, some old dick head looked at the husband and I, wearing our masks. He shook his head, rolled his eyes, and muttered out: “Jesus!” (Yep, you jackass. I was thinking the same exact FUCKING thing!)

The reality is that today has been beyond overwhelming, on the front of dealing with people, who seem completely uncaring about covid. I have never seen so many damned fools, in one single day. It is literally mind-fucking-blowing. And honestly, it kind of grosses me out, to see so many people not giving a rat’s ass about the safety of anyone else. It is completely shocking to me, how the human race has shown that, by and large, it lacks this thing called BASIC HUMAN COMPASSION!

Sadly, today, I did not accomplish that much, in the way of knitting. Being the fact that my day started out with the upsetting Facebook post mentioned above, I found myself unable to give full focus to the knitting. And, while I was able to get a few rows done, I soon found that my mind was focused on the insensitivity of others, as well as their stupidity, rather than the project on my needles. And, not wanting to mess this project up–as I said yesterday, I NEED this one to be perfect–I would only allow myself to knit a row, ever so often, so I did not screw it up, by having my mind wander somewhere else. 

Perhaps I am too emotional, as my husband says. But, every time I deal with something like this–every time I see a post on Facebook from this person, who shows such disrespect, or see so many people just not giving a fuck–it really crushes my spirit. It takes all of the happiness out of me, and leaves me feeling empty, and honestly, just wanting to cry. But honestly, every time something like this happens, it only makes me think of my husband, and how high risk he is. And I just wish–stupidly, perhaps–that people could just spend a little bit of time, thinking about the safety of others, rather than just themselves. 

Tomorrow is Thanksgiving…or, for us, just another day. And hopefully, staying home, and locked safely indoors, I will find myself with less stress. That would be nice. 

I am sorry that I do not have much to report on the knitting front, today. But, honestly, it has just been a shit day!

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Yall remember the blood curse epidemie in world of warcraft.

Remember how like scientists wanted to study it for sociology and psychology.

And that there was those people who intentionally went into infected areas and return to safe ones to spread it.

Remember how they hypothesized those individuals as JOURNALISTS WHO WOULD GO INVESTIGATE AND RETURN TO DO THEIR RAPPORT.


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Rethinking attending a large Thanksgiving gathering, but feel bad canceling at the last minute? Here are some perfectly acceptable excuses for you to choose from:

-Unfortunately I won’t be able to make it because I only just now clicked on my first Wikipedia article of the day.

-I had every intention of coming, but I‘m really confused by the feeling of pants right now.

-Sorry, a cat just curled up on my chest.

-I know I should have told you earlier, but I no longer recognize Thursdays as existing.

-I was looking for my keys, but all I found was an opportunity to rewatch all of Star Wars.

-You see, we don’t know where all the murder hornets and fluffy, venomous caterpillars are nor do we know where they’re not.

-It’s so weird. I typed the address you gave me into Zoom, but it said the meeting doesn’t exist.

-Unfortunately, I double checked my progress in the Hero’s Journey, and I’m still in the abyss.

-I wish I could make it, but I’m still responding to everyone who texted me about voting in the election.

-I finally found the motivation to complete that house project where I turn every room into a functional bedroom.

-Given the Covid-19 pandemic, I will be staying home and staying safe this year, but I look forward to attending next year.

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I need to scream about things and this is the only place untouched by people I know irl. I have never been so angry at a friend before. I’m so unbelievably upset at the whole group but I feel like if I tell them I’ll be treated like the villain. I fucking told them that a four day vacation mid global pandemic was a bad idea. But nooooo “it’ll be fine” they said, “we’ll be safe” they said. Then, like a day before we leave, a fourth person gets invited! Ok, fine, I know this person is responsible and if there where any chance they were exposed they wouldn’t go, its whatever. THEN DAY FUCKING TWO!!!!!!! They invite someone from outside the group to lunch! That’s not ideal! And of course I don’t say anything because I’m a fucking pushover and even if I’m uncomfortable I’ll go along with anything. Then this new person gets invited back to the hotel room to stay the night, and I just go along with this too because no one else seems worried that this group of 3 is now a group of 5 who all come from different places and interact with different people. 4/5 have jobs and we all have families to go home to, but sure!!!!!!! Person 5 leaves the next day and we continue with the days planned activities which is cool, then that night person 4 gets a text from person 5 saying that one of their coworkers tested positive and that they had a shift together recently. So now there is a chance that all 5 of us have covid, cases are the highest they’ve been and are only going up, and every testing center near me and person 5 are booked for the foreseeable future. Idk about the others. I’m so fucking angry. I’ve got kids to look after here. Person 3 lives with their grandma. Person 2 already fucking lost someone to covid. We should have fucking waited. I should have stood my ground more, or just said I didn’t want to go. I had a good time too, but I’ve been on the verge of a fucking panic attack since that first text and it’s ruined the whole experience in my head. We never should have gone. Everything is closed for a fucking reason. Everyone is staying home for a fucking reason. This is was irresponsible and selfish of us. We went to breakfast and dinner at two different restaurants, if we did get it how many more could we have infected? People are going to have to clean that hotel room. Someone has to touch the room key. We paid for things in cash. I don’t think I’m even mad at them for insisting things were gonna be ok, I think I’m mad at myself for not standing my ground. I suppose it doesn’t matter though. What’s done is done. Even if I didn’t feel good about it I went along with it and now I gotta suffer the consequences of my actions.

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I havent been very active in a bit now because of the obvious; this years hell. That and I workfull time in a daycare on a hospital campus, which right now? Thats spicy and im surrounded by germs. And while youd think doctors wouldnt send in their children when they have colds, youd be dead wrong so ive been stressed and sick on and off for a few months now. And now with covid cases rising to an unprecedented high all across the country, deaths surpassing initial estimates, and just everything being a literal shit show I thought id share some of my personal experience with covid, as a grim caution. Because while I have been extremely fortunate thus far and havent gotten covid myself (although given where I work it feels like a waiting game) the same cant be said for those I love.

I lost my great uncle in April, while I didnt know him very well, our relationship mostly being us sharing a birthday and my grandmother using that as a way to trick him into having a birthday party because he never wanted one. So shed tell him “well its not for you its for jenna so you better come” but he knew. He got my grandfather through my grandmothers death. I really dont where hed be if it werent for his brother. And my great uncle died alone. No funeral, no closure. They were only able to have a small outdoor rembrerance of life ceremony a few months later. While he had health issues he had been getting better, we were optimistic; and then he got covid. It breaks my heart to think of the time my grandpa lost with him.

My parents and brother got covid over the summer. While my brothers case was as mild as they come; we dont know if it will ever affect him down the line, given the unknown nature of covid. My parents cases werent as easy. While their cases were still mild; for them that meant being fatigued for months. Once they got past the initial illness; the fever, fatigue, coughing, shortness of breath, what lingered for both of them was fatigue. Regular chores were exhausting, going back to work was difficult. My mother continued to have some breathing issues that she treats with an inhaler now. My mother also tested positive for 3 months, something that nearly became a huge financial strain as her job requried weekly testing for her to work, and she got hit with a 4k bill. She had to fight her job for over a month before they agreed to pay it. My father still cant taste or smell. 6 months later and the most he gets is the painful heat from spicy food and a occasional bitter after taste. We dont know what this means for their health in the long run, and its terrifying.

My point of sharing all of this is to urge people to not wait to care, to take this seriously not just for your sake, or your families, but your communities. Dont wait untill this pandemic rolls up to your door, and enters your families lungs to give a shit.

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So… I’m so tired of quarantine. 

I know that it is an effort to be made for the greater good of all. I know that everyone must do something about the Covid crisis. I sympathize with those who are going through situations a thousand times more difficult than mine: the healthcare workers who are fighting the epidemic every day; those who live with a large family in a small space; those who live on the streets when winter is coming; those who are ill; those who are totally isolated… 

I am grateful for everyone’s efforts to improve the current situation. I admire the work of the healthcare workers and the public actors who are trying to stop this crisis. I am grateful for my own situation, for the privilege I have of being healthy, of having the financial means to have a comfortable home, something to eat, something to live on. 

But I also know that it is normal to feel tired of restrictive measures from time to time. I used to walk several hours a day before. It was my way of fighting anxiety and depression. I loved taking public transport. I loved to have appointments, to see people. I loved to have concrete, daily obligations and goals. And since I am introverted, I loved going home in the evening, plunging into bed with my phone off and telling myself that I had earned my solitude, my tranquility. And all that no longer exists: we can no longer go out without an urgent pretext, we can no longer see our relatives and friends, we can no longer go to work normally, we can no longer move around normally. 

And I know perfectly well that this is for the greater good. I am by no means a martyr of this crisis, I am fully aware of how lucky I am and that the situation is more difficult for so many other people. But expressing my fatigue in the face of the crisis, my negative feelings, also helps me not to feel sorry for myself, to accept that these feelings exist in order to better move on and bounce back.

You who read this post: I hope you are doing well. I hope that you are as happy as possible, that you are coping with this crisis as best you can. I hope so much that you are living in an environment that is as comfortable as possible. And if you too, one day, you’re tired, you’re overwhelmed, you’re fed up, don’t hesitate to write and share your emotions. If that can make you feel better, even for a few seconds, then it’s already a good thing. I wish you as much happiness, luck and courage as possible. 

Sincerely, Plum

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Hold Up est certes construit comme un reportage complotiste, avec des témoignages tronqués et la petite musique qui va avec. Naïf cependant serait de croire qu'il n'y a pas d'éléments à prendre en compte et d'informations inquiétantes qui sont déjà des faits et non des théories farfelues. Que les riches mènent une guerre mondiale contre les pauvres est un fait, que ceux qui disent le contraire sortent un peu de leur confort personnel et ouvrent les yeux sur le monde qui les entoure. Que les transhumanistes préparent un nouveau monde où les pauvres, les personnes handicapées, les malades et cie n'auront aucunement leur place c'est un fait, que les aveugles qui mangent le foin des médias tenus par les grands groupes se cultivent un peu et lisent les projets de ces transhumanistes, il sont accessibles à tous et il font froid dans le dos. Qu'il y ait une alliance entre la finance et ces pseudos scientifiques est un fait, que les sceptiques visionnent un peu les excellents documentaires d'Arte sur le sujet, à moins qu'ils aient décidé de faire d'Arte une chaîne complotiste ! Là où cependant Hold Up voit des machinations je vois des conjonctures, là où Hold Up voit des plans concrets je vois des tâtonnements permanents et des collusions d'intérêt. Là où Hold Up voit en la crise sanitaire un fait préparé je vois plutôt un hasard transformé en opportunité, là où le reportage voit le Diable, je vois la banalité du mal selon Hannah Arendt, c'est-à-dire un effondrement moral généralisé et un vide de la pensée. De ce vide de la pensée découlent des décisions inhumaines, chacun obéissant à son poste aux ordres, sans poser de questions, chacun ne regardant pas plus loin que le bout de son nez en ne souciant plus guère de la finalité des décisions prises par des politiques corrompus. Pour finir je dirais que la vérité n'est jamais dans l'officiel, l'histoire le montre depuis les origines des civilisations, elle n'est pas non plus dans les constructions mythologiques qui donnent au mal sa saveur démoniaque, elle est ce fil, ce chemin pavé d'obstacles et rude qui fait fi de toutes les facilités et ne se laisse happer par aucune naïveté. La vérité des faits est hélas très prosaïque là où Hold Up tente de faire maladroitement un peu de poésie. Pas sûr cependant que le résultat de ces processus mondiaux en cours soit plus agréable pour autant.

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