#covid depression

[realthoughtsreal]

Asexuality: complications

The hardest part about being in the acearo spectrum, is not the alienation or isolation feeling from the rest of people that feel attraction ‘normally’ and the experiences ‘everyone’ relates to. For me, the hardest part is the dating.

Because I actually want a relationship, I want the love and the romance! It’s not that I don’t, I just want it in a different way from what is expected of me, and I haven’t felt anything for anyone in about 6 years! It’s so incredibly frustrating, to hope for that love and know that the chances of me finding another asexual person who I actually feel attracted to and feels the same for me in such a tiny ass country, are minuscule. Or even just any person of any sexuality who is okay with me being asexual and won’t pressure me or feel bad about it or rejected or try to force me or ‘convince’ me into something.

I want the late night cuddles, laying in bed and watching moves together while we share popcorn, I want to hold hands when we’re out outside, go for a hug whenever we want or need to; I want us to turn the lights off and just hug each other in bed while we talk about silly things and giggle, I want to cheer them up when they’re sad and be supported in turn when I’m feeling down; I want to listen to them just talking and be able to smile and just stare dreamily as they do and say ‘I love you’, I want someone who can bear with my rants and the excitement in my eyes when I’ve just read or watched something great and look at me with love and not annoyance or boredom when I do.

I want to hold that someone in my arms tightly all the time, caress their hair, hold their hands, kiss their face when I think they look cute; I want to fluster them and make them stutter, I want us to just be able to walk into the room for a hug whenever, and just leave naturally; I want to hold their hand when we go skating and gently wipe their mouth if they’re eating messily; I want to make them laugh until they’re crying and laugh when they tell a joke; I want to defend them when they’re being put down by someone, I want them to hold my hand and be there to stop me from losing control when my family is treating me like shit, I want us to be there for each other in all ways that we can be.

I want us to kiss if we want to, never feel pressured to, I want us to wake up in bed together in the mornings, legs tangled and feet cold while we get up and make breakfast; I want us to bake cookies together and then get takeout when we’ve forgotten to cook dinner; I want to come home to a dinner in the fridge and someone waiting for me in the couch so we can go to sleep together; I want them to sit on the shower and just let me wash their hair gently; I want to write them little love letters and litter them around the house so they can find them while they clean, I want them to give me flowers when I’ve accomplished something or just because they wanted to; I want us to sleepover and just be close in a non-sexual intimate way; I want to lay my head on your chest and listen to your heartbeat to fall asleep and hold you tight in my arms, just to make sure you’ll be there when I wake up.

But finding love like that is just too hard in these times, and statistically, ny chances are really fucking small. I might have better luck with online dating or if I live in another, bigger country for a while, but that doesn’t make me feel better.

Sometimes the fear of never finding that someone for me just brings me such despair I lay down to cry on my pillow.

#covid depression #depression #kinda depressing #sorry for being depressing #writing #depressing shit #fear #late night confessions #late night thoughts #depressing thoughts #depression things #depressive thoughts #confession #depression thoughts #lgbtq #lgbtpeople #ace pride #acespec #ace spec #asexual #asexual issues #asexual imagines #asexualidad #asexuality #acearo #aroace #asexual dating #lgbtq community #lgbtq love

[ohnaistars]

What COVID-19 Took From Us

I remember driving into work 3 years ago. I didn’t get the message sooner; I had refused to download Slack onto my phone, determined to maintain my strict line between work and home. I had brought candy into the office to help celebrate the upcoming Easter holiday. When I got into work, the office was empty. My Slack was full of messages about working from home and a virus. I packed up my laptop,…

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#covid anxiety #covid depression #covid lockdown #covid loss #covid vaccine #covid-19 #covid-19 vaccine #lockdown #long covid #social anxiety #social distancing #vaccine denial

[culturalgeekgirl]

God I wish the only risk of COVID was my own death. Like right now the percentage death risks for vaccinated people with normal immune response are pretty low. I could easily deal with that. But the risks that are much more likely are 1) killing someone else and 2) developing a chronic condition that makes my life A LOT worse, indefinitely. I already have one chronic illness and it sucks. Adding another would destroy me. But I’m so lonely and bored. I miss shows. I miss conventions. I miss comedy clubs. I’m just incredibly depressed and I feel like there’s no hope of things getting better any time soon. So, time to vent on the internet.

#covid #depression #covid depression #chronic illness #long covid

[iexistinmanyforms-blog]

There's a limit to how much you can lose before you drive yourself insane doing one thing over and over again while expecting different results.

Maybe I didn't give myself enough breaks. Maybe the constant repetition didn't help me learn to be better. Maybe it only helped me make more mistakes. But it doesn't really matter now that I've gotten rid of the game. Or games.

I've lost more than I gained, I realise, and I truly acknowledge it now that I've gotten rid of what's been upsetting me these past few days. I've lost so much time trying to be better at something that won't help me in the long run. All that it did was numb my mind and quiet my thoughts.

Games no longer give me the same dopamine rush. And it will stay that way for a while until I get my shit together.

#please help #i'm having pessimistic existential dread #i had multiple cycles of this and nothing has changed #*SOBS* #WHAT DO YOU MEAN NOTHING HAS CHANGED??? #covid depression

[queentsirona29]

Continuous Corona

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#controversy #corona #covid #covid depression #marriages in covid #online classes in covid #work during covid #work in covid

[carlyraejepsans]

i don't think I've ever enjoyed a birthday party with friends as much as today i am genuinely getting a bit teary eyed

#initially i wasn't planning to do anything but then i thought what the hell what if we go out to drink something #except it was all very up in the air so a good deal of folks couldn't come (which is fine that one's on me) #but the two who COULD make it are genuinely some of the funniest motherfuckers I've ever met and one of them brought his gf along #and we hit it off IMMEDIATELY and THEN we ran into another pal I hadn't seen in a while and hadn't had the chance to invite in person #who also joined in after he finished hanging out with other people and they got me a present????? 😭 #i haven't had a birthday with friends in fucking . 3 years between covid and everyone i knew moving away #I'm so happy i think my heart is going to explode #which ik. hey isn't that a very boring and simple hangout YES but also not to me baby i have been in a depression isolation all my teens #i started to genuinely enjoy my day to day life like. 4 months ago ever since starting uni #it feels like turning a new leaf yknow? like. i made it. i made it out. god i could cry #sorry I'm a little drunk

[coolerhope]

#rt #roosterteeth #rooster teeth #in all honesty this post covid game/entertainment industry is very fucking depressing #so much layoffs at the start of the year

[sentientsky]

i’ve been terrible at replying to people lately. i feel so guilty, but how the hell am I supposed to explain that i’ve been flaky because i can't stop thinking ab two fictional immortal losers that spend two seasons of a tv show and 5 and a half odd million years just homoerotically gazing at one another and yearning???

#well i mean it's also the adhd. mostly the adhd. and the depression adjaskdljas #in the middle of my apology tour right now. how do neurotypicals just. REPLY to emails and texts and stuff. HOW??!?!?! #actually pre-covid i was pretty decent at replying to people. but i was also exhausted and burnt out and running on pure adrenaline #and then i got diagnosed and the skill regression hit HARD #personal #good omens #shitpost #good omens shitpost #aziracrow #crowley #ineffable husbands #good omens 2 #aziraphale #go2 #adhd

[hws-lceland]

GOD i finally finished @pystake's Iceland DTIYS like a whole month late

#i caught covid and then depression #this was sitting here like 90% finished except for the 6th and 7th panels #for like ages #hws iceland #aph iceland #hetalia iceland #hetalia #aph #hws #emil steilsson #hetalia fanart #hetalia dtiys #iceland dtiys #i feel like you can tell which one i gave up on #emil.art

[decolonize-the-left]

Had a tik tok in my Facebook memories that said something about how with anti-maskers it ultimately comes down to them perceiving doing things for others as weakness since they grew up in a hyper-individulistic society. It's them exerting autonomy and refusing to stop under peer pressure, largely just for the sake of fighting something since that's a strength. A value. "I don't let others tell me what to do because I can't be controlled"

Made me think that everyone else bought into the same type of individualistic rhetoric through pop psychology: having "good" boundaries means never needing others and always putting yourself before everyone else regardless of circumstance and especially if they make you feel any feeling you don't want to feel. ...Like guilty for not caring enough to keep wearing a mask in 2023. That's a strength. A value. "I don't let others tell me what to do because I love myself"

The conclusion here being: being needed/needing others is a threat to your autonomy which is a Value to protect.

And when you really think about it applies to more than masking; supporting BIPOC, watching the news, showing up to protests, etc.

"I'm already depressed, I can't handle it. I'm watching out for my own mental health by not participating"

"it's all woke which makes me feel like a bad person cuz Im a bigot so I only watch what validates my bias"

And personally I get a little suspicious when two sides defined by their opposite social values come to the same social conclusion.

You should too. This rhetoric is holding us back. Individualism is holding us back. People need people. It's not toxic or abusive or manipulative to admit that, no matter how much society has tried to make you believe otherwise.

Oppressed people needing allies and your friends who need help moving aren't violating your boundaries or "bad for your mental health" just because You don't want to show up AND not feel bad about it.

Can the generation that grew up screaming "I don't know how to teach you that you should care about other people" at boomers please stand up and take a heaping tablespoon of your own medicine.

And then show gen z how to swallow it because growing up in the social climate we millennials curated online hasn't exactly inspired feelings of confidence in others or the future.

Both of which we still care about right? We still care about other people and the future? Not just ourselves?

Just want to confirm that we haven't gone Full Boomer as a collective yet cuz at this rate I wouldn't be surprised if someone responded saying that being expected to care about their friends is akin communist dictatorship

And could this be a Red Scare Psyop meant to discourage you from finding community, collectivism, and mutual aid in a time where your hyper-individulistic behavior and beliefs are being exploited for record breaking profits in the name of capitalism?

#remembering that thing I shared awhile ago where OP was talking about their friends calling it Traumadumping when OP talked- #about having a shitty few days. like?????? #sometimes friends are unhappy or even depressed and they shouldnt have to hide that from friends sry not sry #most times they way you feel when they're talking are just NORMAL feelings of empathy and sympathy and sad and mad for them #Yeah the ppl around you will have an affect on you-the answer for dealing with this is building your emotional IQ NOT isolation #they need you as much as you need them actually #liberals #self care #society #lgbt #mutual aid #capitalism #biden #covid #masking #healthcare #social justice #socializing #boundries #pop psychology #sometimes you will be uncomfortable and that's OKAY #THATS GOOD

[realthoughtsreal]

Unstable

I struggled with my depression and suic!dal ideation, and actual PLANNING OF MY DEATH for 90% of 2022. I wrote notes, recorded videos and audios for my loved ones. I did the research; I knew exactly what would kill me and how much of it I’d need. This was every week. I was struggling like never before, with suic!dal ideation and self-harm urges.

I only started to get better during and after Christmas. I was hit by very strong, overwhelming, and confusing feelings; because I had not expected to live to see Christmas, nevermind New Year’s. I spent a large part of the 24th and 25th sobbing, bawling, wailing like I haven’t in a while, feeling inexplicably overwhelmed. For the first time in my life, I felt grateful for being alive. I actually was feeling good. I felt grateful for getting to see my family and spend time with them.

And my good mood lasted for a while. My bad thoughts disappeared entirely, until February 7th, when my dad accidentally triggered me, after I was already starting to feel increasingly anxious and vulnerable. The 7th I actually put the blade to my skin and pressed; I was seized by the urge and sudden desperate need to do something, anything to release the pressure in my chest, my pain.

It was a wakeup call. I’m saddened, disappointed, but not surprised. It seemed too good to be true, for my depression and problems to suddenly just disappear entirely, like a Christmas miracle.

Dad spoke truth, harsh, cruel truth. And what bothered me the most, was that I knew it to be true. Disgustingly so.

And he did it without understanding me. It’s not his fault, but it hit hard.

Waves of self-hate and disgust hit me instantly and I closed off. The currents took me and I was helpless. I cried in my room, quietly. Put the blade to my skin and perhaps for the first time actually put pressure to my skin with the intent to cut for real. I barely caught myself and immediately threw away the blade, and curled into a ball, forcing myself to look away from it.

I felt horrible, all over again. The urges to self-har have been awful, but so far I’ve held myself back and found alternatives to actual cutting.

That day I felt like a storm broiled and simmered inside my chest. I was furious, hurt and sad. I considered seriously going for a run in the morning (something I’ve never done before because I’m scared of going out on my own so early and dressed in sport clothes) and disappearing for a few hours to give him a scare. (I was too tired though, couldn’t wake up early to actually do it. Shame).

I was still pretty quiet the day after and barely spoke a word. Dad didn’t poke, or approach the subject. I was still so mad and hurt, and to top it, I had to go to night classes on my own.

Going to night classes on my own scares the fuck out of me because I was born as a female. And I’ll never be safe. It’s just fact. To make matters worse, the area I gotta walk by on my own late at night to get to the bus is NOTORIOUSLY DANGEROUS, people have gotten killed, harrassed, assaulted, etc.

To my fury and discomfort, dad has expressed 0 understanding or sympathy towards my anxiety and concerns when it comes to going outside on my own. Then again, he’s a man nearing his 60s who has never been assaulted in his whole life. He’ll never understand what it is to fear for your life, your dignity, your everything everytime you step out if your safe space. He doesn’t, and will NEVER TRULY understand, what it is to live in one of the countries with highest r4pe rates in the WOrLD. All women I know, all my friends, have horrific stories to tell and have suffered terrible experiences of assault or abuse or harrassment or r4pe by men. Dad can be such an idiot when it comes to this, and it infuriates that he can be so clueless and insensitive sometimes.

These last 2 weeks I’ve been hit by a strong feeling that I need to talk to someone about this. My problems. The depression, the suicide, the self-harm urges. All of it. It’s like the words are flooding my lungs and trying to choke me. Yet everytime there seens to be a chance for me to open up, I close up. A vice tightens around ny throat and I cannot speak. I cannot bring myself to say it to anybody.

For some reason, it feels… almost humiliating. Denigrating. Shameful. To speak of this. Of how deeply I fell. And I’m afraid of being brushed off, not taken seriously. That’d hurt me worse. I’m scared of more pain. I cannot tell anyone.

But I know I must. I need to go to therapy for real. But I don’t want dad to waste money on it. Isn’t it just a temporary fix anyways? It’ll come back. It always does.

I don’t want dad to waste money on a useless cause, when he could spend that money in a house.

I need help.

#depression #kinda depressing #sorry for being depressing #covid depression #writing #depressing shit #loss #asexual #late night confessions #late night thoughts #asexuality #fear #depressing thoughts #depressive thoughts #depression things #suicudal #tw depressing stuff #depressing life #this is depressing #depressing post #depression thoughts #i need therapy #therapy

[queercatboys]

PSA Since everyone’s favourite virus is doing the rounds again:

If you’re on antidepressants, anti-anxiety or anti-psychosis medications, be very careful with anti-inflammatory drugs!

Some of the most common anti-depressants, including Prozac, Lexapro and Zoloft can be almost completely nullified by simple anti-inflammatory drugs like ibuprofen or diclofenac. COVID-19 is already an exhausting and depressing illness to have, so trust me when I tell you that you don’t want to suddenly lose all effectiveness from your regular medications on top of that.

Doctors are very overworked this time of year and might make mistakes, so be sure to be extra aware of what you’re taking. It might spare you a lot of grief

#PSA #anxiety disorder #psychosis #depression #medication #COVID-19 #coronavirus

[puppyeared]

they could make a new we didnt start a fire song with the amount of dystopian fuckery going on

#genocide and colonization; AI takeover; greedflation; american election; photomatt; covid pandemic; measles comeback #human rights violations; war crimes; tiktok; elon musk; low wages and layoffs at an all time high; ceo paycuts; online censorship #climate change; oil spills; car centric infrastructure #just to name a few off the top of my head. im not even saying this to be funny im like dead serious full on depressed #i hate being so negative on main because it feels defeatist and sends everyone into a spiral #but i really want to change the world if i can help it and that means not ignoring everything thats going on even when my brain is #screaming 'its so over.' i want more ways to change the world but thats exactly why the current systems in place thrive on supression #more ppl should hate the way things are instead of accepting it because none of this should be justified in the first place #please dont be sad. be angry because i think we all deserve to be the way things are going rn and i want to punch elons teeth in #vent #yapping

[aziraphales-library]

Hey so I’ve seen a lot more content regarding the lockdown recordings now that season 2 is right around the corner.

Do you happen to know any good angsty fics that portray the aftermath of Crowley asking Aziraphale if he could “slither to the bookshop with a cask of wine” and Aziraphale telling him no?

I also wouldn’t mind AUs where Aziraphale says yes and him and Crowley end up on lockdown together

Thanks in advanced

Hi. We have #good omens lockdown, #awake the snake, and #covid-19 tags that you can check out. Here are some angsty fics set after the lockdown phone call. Mind the tags, folks!...

Voicemail by edensdelight (T)

What happens to Aziraphale after Crowley says, "Goodnight"?

Moving Forward by Aegopixel (G)

If what he was doing was so right, then why could he feel the frosted edges of a deep hole forming in his heart? Was he scared that this might be it? That Crowley would sleep straight on till July, as promised, and then wake up as if nothing had passed between them? Aziraphale is certain that he is in the right when he tells Crowley that they can't see each other during the lockdown. But after two weeks of hearing "goodnight angel" playing on an endless loop in his mind, the angel stops and he wonders. He starts to fear that perhaps he was wrong to expect certain things, after all. And that maybe he is two weeks too late to rectify the situation that his heart desires.

May We Find Solace by Anonymous (T)

Aziraphale waits dutifully till July for Crowley to wake up, but he realizes he's been handling things a bit worse than he thought without someone there to voice his worries to. Or, in which they're both starved of each other's company, and Aziraphale just wants to sleep until everything is okay again

Guardian for a Guardian by Starlight_fallen (NR(

July took far too long to come for Aziraphale after Crowley said he was sleeping until the lockdown ended. When July rolled around and Crowley kept sleeping, Aziraphale was upset. He regretted not letting Crowley come to the bookshop to wait out the lockdown but he also knew he couldn’t impose himself on Crowley for such a long, undetermined time. When August rolled around and still no response from Crowley, Aziraphale slipped further into his own head until he couldn’t stand it anymore. Crowley wakes up and realizes that Aziraphale needed him and now needs to show his stubborn angel that he can be there for him too. Sometimes even angels need a guardian angel themselves.

In Search Of Your Glory by NuriaSchnee (E)

Aziraphale didn't know a heart could literally break. Let alone a demoniac one. When July arrives and Crowley doesn't show up and doesn't answer the phone, Aziraphale decides to go check on him to his flat. He finds him unconscious and not responding on his bed, with a dark mark marring his chest which is quickly consuming him to death. Suddenly, Aziraphale finds himself in a rush to save his friend's life.

Take Me Down to the Very Root of My Soul by zerodaryls (E)

During the lockdown, Aziraphale comes to realize the extent of his feelings for Crowley. And suffers the consequences.

- Mod D

#good omens #ineffable husbands #good omens lockdown #awake the snake #covid-19 #angst #lonliness #isolation #depression #depressed aziraphale #depressed crowley #mind the tags #mod d

[zebratimw]

#svsss #scum villains self saving system #shang qinghua #how I be feeling these days ahdnfjgkg #I keep stressing about life in general and its seriously bumming me out hajdjg #how nice it would be to not exist #everyday I wake up and do the same things I hate #time hasn't felt real in years and it goes way before covid times #I haven't felt real in most of those years either #Look I'm lucky I'm not like depressed or whatever but frankly this derealization shit is seriously startin to get a little worrying at times #tbf I only really notice it recently so maybe its just a bias #I've been chugging along this way for years all thats changed is my perception of it #but at the same time I really want to do more too #I get I'm a very boring and unreliable person #and I know I just said its my perception of it but like I do genuinely think my social skills my general living just like me mentally ig #I'm kinda deteriorating in my stagnation ig? artistically too but more worrying in my life idbfjg #priorities sorry anyways I also think I do have adhd or something and that rejection thing dhfjgjg I really can't start things anymore #idk I really just feel so clueless in most things now and I'm too scared or too confused or both to start fixing things #like how do I even fix things? what do I even search for in this kind of thing? #Idk I'm just gonna go sleep ig god I'm so tired of everything #I haven't been able to draw I've really lost passion for a lot of things again and everything irritates me #I can't stand my phone sometimes but it's kinda the only thing getting me through it all ha #ngl I wish I were depressed sometimes if only so I'd actually have the balls to do smth but Ik that's just the Metnally Ail part speaking so #chug chug going along #I also have to make wushi before I die. haha #god my life is so empty #what am I even doing #I'm really so tired why can't my life end here already? modern lifespans are too long how am I supposed to keep going on like this? #so pointless and vapid and its just me ? why did it have to be me that was born? couldn't someone else have been here I hate it here so much #I strive for nothing but I have such a long life and so many people to disappoint haha maybe I should go outside more

[okiankeno]

Ignatz

#I miss him #I married him three times btw #thinking about Covid days when I was depressed and I listened to ignatz’s s support lines to make me feel better about myself #fiery doodles #ignatz victor #feh #fire emblem #fire emblem three houses #fe16 #fe three houses