#cptsd rants

[starfishinthedistance]

I've talked a bit about this before but if someone tells you they feel like their trauma wasn't bad enough to be valid and your response is to just start talking about """big T and little t trauma""" I hate you and sincerely hope you step on glass.

All that you're saying is essentially "Oh you feel like your trauma isn't bad enough compared to other traumatized people and it's causing you a lot of emotional turmoil? I have the solution! Here are two arbitrarily created boxes I've called 'Big Scary Traumatizing Valid Events' and 'small events but you're having reactions so I guess we have to acknowledge you', and you're actually in that second box! You actually don't have the same problem as the Big Scary Event People! They have the big problem and you have the little one! Do you feel better yet?"

Like, I've already talked about how trauma and its severity is subjective and the Big T vs little t bullshit has no set definition and varies wildly from person to person, but even setting that aside, do you think creating another box and separating the """little t people""" from other survivors is going to make them feel more valid and secure? Epescially how when people talk about """little t trauma""" they always talk about it like "oh the event wasn't that bad but you had a Big Reaction and it was your Feelings that caused the trauma" like...you're essentially saying they're overreacting disguised with a bunch of therapy buzzwords.

"The event wasn't that bad but we still feel hurt 😢😢😢". Go fuck yourself. ESPECIALLY when therapists/psychiatrists/etc tell this to their clients. To have a professional tell you your trauma doesn't fit into 'bad event box' and is just caused by you overreacting does so much fucking damage. Professionals should fucking know better, especially if you claim to be trauma informed.

Just say "Trauma is any event where the brain feels it is in danger, and trauma symptoms are simply when the danger response prolongs past the event. Doubting your experiences and the validity of them is a very common and severe trauma symptom. It's a way of your mind trying to separate itself from the trauma to protect you from the pain of it, and it's observed in almost all survivors with all kinds of trauma. In cases where the trauma is abuse, it's also indictive of severe psychological abuse using methods like gaslighting and other kinds of manipulation."

There. Gets the message across better than telling them they're just apart of the 'not that bad' group of survivors.

God I hate the wellness TikToker-ification of trauma discussions.

#rant over #little t trauma #big t trauma #ptsd #post traumatic stress disorder #cptsd #complex post traumatic stress disorder #trauma #childhood trauma #emotional abuse #mental illness #mental health #mental health awareness #trauma awareness #trauma survivor #neurodivergent #saneism #(for the part about professionals doing this) #original post

[neuroticboyfriend]

it is not my fault that ive been abused and neglected so much that i have to drug myself out of the constant panic and depression of survival mode. it is not my fault for being afraid and needing relief, but not being able to live a secure life. it is not my fault and i am going to survive.

#julian rants #good things #messages to myself #abuse tw #drugs tw #addiction #cptsd #ptsd

[lifexxxdeath]

Reflecting on my last appointment with my psychologist and her talking about our experience with paranoia and psychosis and how it relates to our DID and BPD diagnosis' because it really changed how I thought about my symptoms.

DID paranoia (C-PTSD psychosis) isn't about feelings or thoughts being invalidated/rejected like BPD is. It's the belief, no matter how ridiculous, no matter how small, that the person/thing/place/etc is here to harm me because they've resembled a familiar PATTERN. Now the system thinks the body or mind is in danger and is reacting how it's made too. But we aren't in that danger anymore or the threat might be harmless or misinterpreted. I don't think this is talked about enough in DID spaces because "psychosis isn't in the diagnostic criteria for DID" but it can and is, definitely a symptom if you have C-PTSD, which a lot of systems do.

I think this is what makes relationships very hard for our system because even though we may be in a healthy relationship, there can still be things done/said that resembles an abuser, now we fully believe we are in danger regardless of all the evidence to the contrary that's provided to us.

I can't tell you how many times I've been told "sometimes you treat me like I'm them" or "you're reacting like I'm doing xyz" etc. I'm literally stuck in a psychosis loop due to xyz and to me, at this moment, you ARE that person. Even though in actual reality, you aren't that person and very far from it.

Idk if this makes ANY sense to anyone else but it definitely helps me and most of my head mates on how we think about our triggers and how we respond to things.

#tw psychosis #tw dissociate identity #tw cptsd #tw therapy #dissociative identity disorder #dissociative identities #dissociative amnesia #bpd tag #traumagenic did #actually dissociative #actually multiple #actually traumagenic #endos dni #endos do not interact #tw rant #tw triggers #plural #actually did

[chronicsymptomsyndrome]

actually my body is a rock tumbler and my bones and organs and my brain and mind and spirit they’re all just rocks but the gritty goo stuff is missing so nothings actually getting polished everythings just tumblin around in there eternally and whatever combination of things is wrong with me…that’s what it all feels like sometimes

#adhd autistic #audhd things #comorbidities #comorbid conditions #bpd thoughts #personality disorders #mood disorders #psychotic disorders #did osdd #trauma disorders #complex trauma #trauma recovery #cptsd vent #neurodiversity #audhd #adhd life #mental health vent #mental health rant #chronic illness #chronic pain #disability vent #cptsd recovery #chronic fatigue #autistic burnout #adhd burnout #bpd meltdown #audhd problems #complex post traumatic stress disorder #manic depressive #autistic borderline

[sage-hazeline]

i’m not pathetic for fawning.

i shouldn’t get angry at myself for fawning.

it’s protected me from harm, it’s kept me safe.

fawning doesn’t make me pathetic. it is an indication that i am faced with a person who cannot regulate their emotions and who unduly directs their emotions at me. fawning is an indication that my body is working, working to keep me safe because it has learned from experience that this person’s behaviour will harm me.

i am not pathetic for trying to create safety for myself in a situation where the other person is emotionally volatile.

sometimes fawning makes me feel pathetic because i’m not expressing my true feelings or thoughts, because i feel like i can’t.

but i need to be compassionate with myself and interpret my fawning as something that has kept me safe, and it does not make me pathetic or feeble or spineless.

#cptsd healing #cptsd rant #cptsd vent #cptsd recovery #actually cptsd #healing #recovery #mantras #fawning #trauma response #fight flight or freeze

[iwillbreakyourfuckingskull]

doing my silly little spontaneous things make me feel like i'm finally in control of my life. i can just... walk down a different street than usual. i can go to a cafe for a coffee and just draw or play a game on my laptop. i can go to a social space and meet new people. i can just go to a bar and dance with strangers

this genuinely stopped me from ending my life a few days ago. when i felt like i was about to die, suddenly i wasn't afraid of just doing stuff. if i'm gonna die, what does it matter if i don't take shit from others? what are they gonna do? spit on my grave? fuck if i care. why should i fear rejection if i'm not even breathing tomorrow? when i turn away from them, they will have disappeared from my life forever. everything is temporary. i am no longer trapped. i am free

then when i went ahead and just went with the flow of the day, i slowly learned that even if i stay alive, i will still be free. yes, there are things trying to keep me down, but fuck it i will fight as long as my body lets me and never let any fucking person chain me again like a beaten dog

#ranting dunno if i make any fucking sense #tw sui #tw sui attempt #tw sui ideation #tw suicide #trauma recovery #actuallytraumatized #actuallydid #actuallycptsd #actuallycdd #trauma vent #actually did #actually cdd #actually cptsd #actually traumatized #did alter #cdd alter #my.posts

[suckmyskinnyballsmia]

TW ⚠️ ed si sh relapse sa abuse cptsd

Rant under cut

(I’m seriously warning you I’m not censoring myself like I usually do, I’m barley censored here ok)

Billy Joel at the end?

I can’t take this anymore

Like I genuinely can’t do this.

It fucjing sucks and I wanna k!ll myself.

It’s like sensory overload from the past couple days/weeks idk… I am hungry, and I don’t wanna be. People make god awful noises when they eat and I wanna scream. I can hear them chewing I can hear them breathing, I can hear them tapping, I can hear them scratching, I can hear them. I wanna klll mysself. And the worst part is I am literally so hungry right now and this is new and it’s scary. Like I guess after being forced to eat 6 times a day for over a month I have hunger cues back now…

(I relapsed and haven’t been eating that much since I was kicked out because fuck that I was kicked out so why recover??? And now they are coming back, it’s confusing )

I just hate my life

I can’t take this pressure

I can’t do it anymore

I don’t wanna go to therapy, I don’t wanna date people, and I definitely don’t want all that pressure of my first full time job.

And it’s night shift too… so like idk if that’s good or bad.

I’m going to actually scream one of these days.

I can’t do this anymore I want to bash my head into a wall

(But then the wall would break so more like cement)

I want to do damage. I can’t hold it in anymore.

I wanna run out in the rain and scream, i wanna go and run away from home without my car.

I wanna just leave

I need to go

The tactical hallucinations are getting worse. I feel him on me. It’s no longer manageable. It’s just too much. It’s crazy. I’m crazy.

I’m just crazy. I feel like if I look I. The mirror there will be bruises on my neck where he choked me. I feel like there is a handprint on my arm from being grabbed… I can’t sit down without feeling hands on my thigh. My outer and inner thigh…

It’s too much

Just too much.

Wait. Ok so Billy Joel. Is on the tv rn?

100th show at Madison Square Garden so they are broadcasting it!

I’m just like ok.

I love that man

Music is life. Music is honestly the only thing in life that works to calm me down.

Have a good night guys

(Disregard me please)

#tw rant #tw ed #tw sh related #tw abuse #cw vent #tw cptsd #ash’s stuff ? #french toast

[sys-thoughts]

Being a dickhead to uneducated people isn't going to make your case seem anymore strong than it already is.

Making fun of someone who is wrong is either going to make them think they are correct, or make them ashamed of expressing any type of opinion.

Beratment isn't the way to teach people.

Be kinder.

#hc did #ramcoa #trauma based mind control #programmed system #noahs sys thoughts #ptsd #tbmc #highly complex did #mind control #programming survivor #did osdd #didosdd #actually did #did system #did alter #did #Noahs sys rants #cptsd #hcdid #hc did system

[akrasianwords]

while we're at it let's stop fucking calling random groups cults. "(character)cult" "join our cult friendgroup" shut the fuck up. you think this shit is funny? cults are a joke to you? fucking prick. educate yourself.

#vent post #rant #cult survivor #cults #tw ramcoa #tw cult #actually cptsd

[falling6in6the6black]

╔══════════ஓ๑♡๑ஓ═══════════╗

The mental health system is a 𓆩♡𓆪 fucking joke. 𓆩♡𓆪

╚══════════ஓ๑♡๑ஓ═══════════╝

#I fucking hate our system #so glad I switched treatment centers last time they ever fuck with me & waste my time #rant #prob delete later #text #fallingintheblack #Love how therapists can decide not to show up yet I'm the one worrying about paying a no show fee & having my time wasted #mine #dont even get me started on state hospitals #no edginess intended just the truth #actually mentally ill #bpd #cptsd #mdd #ptsd #black and pink #vomitposts #literally fuck the system #falling6in6the6black

[starfishinthedistance]

People need to stop acting like therapists and other mental health professionals all know everything there is to know about psychology and can never be wrong.

First of all, they can be (and many of them are) racist, sexist, ableist, etc either on a conscious or subconscious level. I've seen people say "I was denied an autism diagnosis because my psych didn't believe women could be autistic" and then there's dozens of comments saying "well they're a professional so they're obviously right!!! Just admit you don't have autism!!!" even when the person explicitly said they were denied a diagnosis because of a sexist and inaccurate stereotype.

And also, I guarantee you most psychs are not as educated as you think they are (which plays into the above point, they aren't educated enough so they have these biases). Despite how long they spend in school, they often come out knowing about MAD and GAD (without tangible causes) and CBT, and that's about it. Often times certain disorders get mentioned once for a single paragraph and that's it, and/or taught about incorrectly. I've heard people say that Split was shown as an accurate representation of DID in their psych class. Unless a psych has specialist knowledge in a certain disorder, it's safest to assume they barely know anything about it, unfortunately.

Even when it comes to well known disorders. I'd say most therapist are not trauma informed enough to treat PTSD and C-PTSD. I've had MULTIPLE therapists admit to me that they know barely anything about OCD and I had to explain to them how to treat me. They don't even know about PTSD and OCD, so how they hell do you expect them to know about dissociative and personality disorders???

This is not to say all therapists and mental health professionals are unqualified. This is to say that they have biases and prejudices, and that the psychology training system teaches you about depression and anxiety and not much else. So no, you shouldn't treat them like flawless gods that can never be wrong ever. So yes, sometimes they misdiagnose. Sometimes they fuck up. That DOESN'T mean that the patient is faking. And this ESPECIALLY means you shouldn't believe a therapist's take about a certain disorder just because they're a therapist. For example, all the therapists who are not qualified at all in personality disorders saying shit about "narcissists" and "sociopaths" (especially on social media, because they do that stuff for clout and don't care about facts).

So the bottom line is: stop assuming mental health professionals know everything. And if they don't specialize in a certain disorder, don't take their word as law. You wouldn't take a dentist's opinion on cardiology, don't take a depression/anxiety therapist's opinion on NPD.

#this is a little all over the place lol #rant over #mental illness #mentally ill #mental health #mental health awareness #ableism #psychiatry #psychology #npd #aspd #autism #dissociative identity disorder #osdd #neurodivergent #disabled #ocd #ptsd #cptsd #cluster b #personality disorder #important #mental healthcare system

[furiousgoldfish]

okay you know sucks, when you feel that heavy knot in your stomach that is pulling you down, and you don’t want to go down, and you don’t know why it’s there or what fucking trauma is pulling at you now, and you distract and distract but you just continually get worse and eventually you can’t stand it anymore, it starts to get unbearable and at this point you can’t do anything, you can’t distract anymore, you curl up and shake and you say, okay, break me down then, i can’t take this, just tear me apart whatever it is and it doesn’t happen! You can’t make yourself hit the bottom and instead you just get more and more frustrated and upset and you understand this is not going to go away, you’re being called to re-live some shit, and probably you already are re-living  some shit but you don’t know what it is! You can’t control what its doing to you! At that point you’d do anything to break down even if it’s going to hurt like your body is being in flames but you know if it happened it would eventually be over, unlike this tension and pull downwards that feels never ending and makes you want to jump out of your body and go somewhere safe because nowhere inside of your body is safe.

#ranting #complaining #trauma #cptsd #tw upsetting content #tw descriptions of reliving trauma #this is why people do unhealthy things #to stop this kind of shit from lasting forever

[neuroticboyfriend]

it feels like there's a time bomb in my head but i can't see the countdown, only hear the tick.

#julian rants #vent #anxiety #panic disorder #anxiety attack #panic attack #cptsd #complex ptsd #c-ptsd #c ptsd #anxiety attacks #anxiety disorder #mentally ill #mental illness

[cripplingparanoia]

People care about mental health until

-You don’t want to recover

-You don’t want to keep seeing new therapists

-You don’t trust hospitals

-You tell them medicine doesn’t help at all and the only reason they think you’re better on them is because you’re terrified

-You need a safe space

-You have trouble eating around anyone and need to eat alone or you lose you appetite too quickly

-You know you shouldn’t keep seeing new therapists because you need consistency and you won’t be in therapy long term due to finances and the fact that if you’re with them so long that’d mean it isn’t working obviously.

-Giving in to the insanity makes you happier than putting on a face for the comfort of others (if you can’t handle being around someone, consider that if they couldn’t handle being around you, they probably just wouldn’t be around you, and so you probably just shouldn’t be around them, instead of damaging them once again. It’s not that hard to cut a tie you don’t want before you keep it too long and the damage is 5x worse, seriously)

Actually, I think

People care about mental health until they are around absolutely anyone who exhibits any signs of trauma or mental illness. You can preach mental health because your lack of struggle and illness and unhealthiness makes you view the words mental health ad the opposite of mental illness. You seriously are so entitled to think that mental health = normal and that it somehow fixes mental illness, as if that’s is how human people work at all. At this point, I shouldn’t need to recover. I should just need to live. I should just live my best. I should not have to feel this pressure to preform rather than be a living thing. It’s not fair.

#mental illness #actually autistic #actually adhd #adhd and autism #actually mentally ill #actually cptsd #rant/vent #vent #vent post #rant #rant post

[chronicsymptomsyndrome]

Can I just vent. For a second. Infighting really sucks in disability/mental illness/chronic illness communities. There are going to be contradictory experiences and endless nuances within any community. And its understandable to be upset and/or angry if you come across something triggering in your safe space. It sucks but that’s the inevitable reality of the internet.

Keep scrolling or report the content or leave a respectful comment about your difference in experience/perspective or let them know it was triggering and respectfully ask that they please tag a certain thing in the future or just block them altogether. Rather than attack each other, there are so many more constructive options. We all live in a world not made for us. None of us have it easy. We all know it’s a constant battle. We don’t need to be battling each other on top of that

#actually autistic #audhd #disability community #adhd autistic #autistic borderline #autistic community #neurodivergent community #solidarity #intersectionality #neurodiversity #bpd safe #npd safe #personality disorders #trauma disorders #psychotic disorders #mood disorders #schizospec #trauma recovery #late diagnosed autistic #pro self diagnosis #self diagnosis is valid #mental health education #disability advocacy #plural community #complex trauma #cptsd recovery #autistic trauma #physical disability #neurological disability #rants & reflections

[itsgivingautism]

I constantly question my autism as a late diagnosed autistic person but literally all my friends and partner are like “nahhhh you’re definitely autistic” but I still feel like a fraud. I just feel like a lazy pos bc I was so programmed to feel this way. Yknow ? It just fucking sucks. Bc I constantly just feel like I’m just lazy and not trying hard enough (I also have physical disabilities & chronic illnesses) bc I was abused so much most of my life and even my physical disabilities & chronic illnesses were gaslighted. I have no idea how to just be satisfied with myself existing as I need to bc of all my abuse & trauma even when everyone around me is validating my autism & disabilities/illnesses. I hate this programming from trauma. I wish I could cure myself of this human computer virus.

#late diagnosed autistic #late diagnosis #my perpetual autistic suffering #adult autistic #autistic things #autistic adult #autistic afab #adult autism #autism rant #autistic rant #actually audhd #actually autistic #actually cptsd #actually autism #autistic blogger #autistic experiences #autistic rambling #being autistic #autism things #autism burnout