Are you smarter than a fifth grader AU where Lan Wangji is the contestant, Wei Wuxian is the host, and the junior quartet plus a-qing are the kids.
Lan Wangji only goes on the show so he can ask out the host. When he gets to the choice of answering the One million dollar question or dropping out, Wei Wuxian asks,
"Lan-er-gege, what would you do if you won one million dollars?"
And with zero hesitation he replies, "If you were amendable, I would like to take you on a date."
The audience cheers and whistles.
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This is exactly 100% the very accurate dialogue the script-writers had in mind when they wrote this scene.
Image description under the cut.
Narration, as Wei Wuxian and Jiang Cheng come across Lan Wangji and Lan Xichen in the Unclean Realm in Episode 21: Just a normal encounter during the Sunshot Campaign...
Wei Wuxian, looking alarmed: oh no, my ex! who hates my new cultivation! who I also never began dating in the first place. can you break up with someone if you were never technically a couple?
Lan Xichen, looking at Lan Wangji with concern: I’m guessing you two are still on the outs...?
Lan Wangji, staring angrily ahead: No. There is nothing wrong. I am feeling nothing. This is my feeling nothing face.
Lan Xichen, now looking ahead with concern: ...alright, if you say so.
Jiang Cheng, looking at Wei Wuxian with concern: So, uh, you guys still going through a rough patch, huh?
Wei Wuxian, putting on a smile: Actually I am not bothered by this whatsoever. I am, in fact, very happy and normal and will say hello like a normal, untraumatized person whose crush isn’t rejecting him.
Narration, as the two parties come close and bow: *polite, normal bowing*
Wei Wuxian, looking at Lan Wangji: *YEARNS at Lan Zhan*
Lan Wangji, meeting Wei Wuxian’s eyes: *no yearning. no talking. still angry*
Wei Wuxian, looking to the side, somewhat hurt: oh. oh alright, cool cool cool
Wei Wuxian, covering it up with a stiff smile as he nods at Lan Xichen: anyway, nice seeing ya Zewu-jun
Wei Wuxian, walking fast past Lan Xichen and Lan Wangji: completely unrelatedly, time to go.
Jiang Cheng, looking up after Wei Wuxian in alarm: Wait, what? Really?
Jiang Cheng, also walking fast past Lan Wangji and Lan Xichen: Shit, I’m out too, then
Lan Wangji, turning around to stare at an off-screen Wei Wuxian: *YEARNS where Wei Ying cannot see*
Lan Xichen, also turning around to stare at the off-screen Wei Wuxian and Jiang Cheng: Well...that sure was something.
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look i just think that lwj should get to be as petty and mean and sublimely, perfectly dickish to jiang cheng as he wants, preferably in front of witnesses and with immense prejudice. say what you want about post-canon yunmeng shuangjie and their relationship but you can't tell me lwj would ever forgive jc even if he and wwx repair all their problems and get back to something approaching their relationship pre-war. there's no way lwj wouldn't make every lan clan gathering jiang cheng attends Actual Living Hell for the man with all the pointed subtlety that being Diplomatic 4D Chess Player Lan Xichen's brother has given him. jiang cheng cries multiple times every visit, and not even for nostalgic missing-the-good-times reasons. even the lan juniors feel sorry for him. lan jingyi once asked lwj if he thought he'd gone just a little too far when he told jiang cheng that there was a nice area up in the hills for sword practicing that 'had a good cliff edge he could use'. jiang cheng has never wished to die so many times in one visit. lwj would love to help him with that request, if the opportunity arose
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