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kidsviral-blog · 6 years

Text

Internet Confirms That Kids Say The Most Hilariously Screwed-Up Things

New Post has been published on https://kidsviral.info/internet-confirms-that-kids-say-the-most-hilariously-screwed-up-things/

Internet Confirms That Kids Say The Most Hilariously Screwed-Up Things

Ah, the internet. This vast digital landscape holds certain truths to be self-evident.

Like the fact that 90 percent of humanity at large does, in fact, suck. And that high school students will continue citing Wikipedia as a legitimate source of information from now until the end of days. Oh, and that the verbal garbage that comes out of kids’ faces is pure social media gold.

googletag.cmd.push(function() googletag.display(‘VN_PG_DCBP_ATF’); );

Because oversharing is a thing, I bring to you a collection of lovely exchanges between parents and the little ones who trouble them so deeply.

1. This kid really hates her dad.

iStock

(via @XplodingUnicorn)

googletag.cmd.push(function() googletag.display(‘VN_PG_DCBM_BTF’); );

2. Same dad, different child. He’s raising some sassy ones.

iStock

(via @XplodingUnicorn)

3. Buckle up, kiddo.

iStock

(via @kellyoxford)

4. Close except not at all.

iStock

(via @lisa_nonos)

5. Well played.

iStock

(via @Dadmissions)

googletag.cmd.push(function() googletag.display(‘VN_PG_DCI1_BTF’); );

6. Stepping into total oblivion at a young age. I love it.

iStock

(via @FoodieAndFamily)

7. So there!

iStock

(via @XplodingUnicorn)

8. Hit her right where it hurts, kid.

iStock

(via @MichelleBobeli)

9. Who needs phones or money, am I right?

iStock

(via @CrazyExhaustion)

10. This is alarming and I live for it.

iStock

(via @jessokfine)

googletag.cmd.push(function() googletag.display(‘VN_PG_DCI2_BTF’); );

11. That guy got his groceries with a side of existential dread.

iStock

(via @House_Feminist)

12. It’s science.

iStock

(via @FoodieAndFamily)

13. Listen to your mother, little one.

iStock

(via @cray_at_home_ma)

14. And this is why we don’t give phones to children.

iStock

(via @Izabellllaa)

15. Someone’s learning how words work and doing a comically terrible job!

iStock

(via @NancySauriol)

And there you have it. Definitive proof that children are, in fact, the strangest little creatures on Earth.

Read more: http://www.viralnova.com/screwed-up-kids/

#entertainment #family #funny-kids #grownup #hilarious kids #insane #insane-kids #kids #life #madeline-distasio #toddlers #weird #witty

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ongames · 7 years

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33 Tweets That Sum Up Life With 2-Year-Olds

Two-year-olds are a pretty formidable bunch.

Between the tantrums, messes and general toddler shenanigans, there’s a reason people call this phase “the terrible twos.” Fortunately, parents can commiserate with humor.

We’ve rounded up 33 funny tweets about parenting 2-year-olds. Keep scrolling for some hilarious anecdotes and spot-on reflections.

Get off the table. Stay away from the trash. Stop licking old pizza. Don't play in the litter. -Me, talking to my 2yo, not my cat

— Salty Mermaid (@Jenn_H_Scott) February 27, 2016

My 2-year-old is running around the house naked and screaming, "No, monkeys! No!" Being a toddler is a lot like a bad acid trip.

— James Breakwell (@XplodingUnicorn) February 19, 2017

"So can you tell us what makes you qualified for the position of hostage negotiator?" "I have a 2 year old." "You're hired."

— full metal mommy (@FullMetalMommy) May 4, 2015

A dog once waited in the same spot for 9 years for his dead master My 2-year-old is doing the same thing for an empty push pop I threw away http://pic.twitter.com/aGBOh9jAxd

— James Breakwell (@XplodingUnicorn) October 15, 2016

You haven't known suffering until you've taken a 2-year-old shopping for a birthday gift that isn't for them.

— OutnumberedMother (@OutNumbMother) September 3, 2016

I know my 2yo loves me because I'm the one he runs to when he's stuffed too much food in his mouth and needs to spit it into someone's hand.

— Missy (@MamaFizzles) February 23, 2017

Our 2-year-old has reached that adorable milestone where he communicates through unintelligible words, screaming, and physical violence.

— Ramblin' Mama (@ramblinma) May 3, 2016

Just fell down the basement stairs. My 2-year-old saw it and was concerned, so he walked down to kiss it better - and stepped on my balls.

— Aaron Gouveia (@DaddyFiles) April 12, 2016

Telling a 2 year old "Don't make a mess" is like asking me to give up wine. It just ain't gonna happen.

— MommieKnowsfresh (@MommieKnwsFresh) April 8, 2015

You know you're crushing this parenthood thing when one of your kids says your 2 year old is drinking coffee and you don't even investigate.

— Kelcey Kintner (@mamabirddiaries) January 30, 2016

How a 2.833333 year old plays hide and seek. If I can't see her face, she must not exist right? #SchrodingersKid http://pic.twitter.com/8CTYAh1wor

— Brachmann (@VivaBrachmann) November 30, 2016

I wish I loved anything as much as my 2yo loves her shadow.

— CrazyExhaustion (@CrazyExhaustion) February 25, 2016

Snapchat brings out the true essence of my 2yo. http://pic.twitter.com/NduXAa1X9j

— Missy (@MamaFizzles) February 18, 2017

Child's new thing is to spin in circles till he's dizzy and falls down. This is the 2 year old equivalent of going to the bar.

— dadpression (@Dadpression) October 24, 2016

I guess "please poop on the potty" sounds like "please poop on the coffee table" to my 2-year old son.

— Jim Gaffigan (@JimGaffigan) August 17, 2015

I told my 2-year-old to get toilet paper to wipe her nose She grabbed half a square I told her to get a big piece She came back with this http://pic.twitter.com/0X0lzH5Xmu

— James Breakwell (@XplodingUnicorn) December 18, 2016

You think GG Allin did some fucked up stuff? Come meet my 2 year old that's learned to take off his diaper.

— Julia Segal (@juliasegal) January 19, 2017

Two things: 1: 2yo has begun wandering the house, creepily asking "Mommy, where are you?". 2: I am now in a horror movie.

— MyMomologue (@MyMomologue) October 11, 2016

My 2-year-old threw a temper tantrum because she wants to eat cereal but both her hands are full of stuffed animals. The struggle is real.

— James Breakwell (@XplodingUnicorn) June 18, 2016

It has taken my 2yo less than 24 hours to make friends with the mannequin heads that hold my grandma's wigs.

— MyMomologue (@MyMomologue) August 5, 2016

The ultimate toddler paradox: an unstoppable 2-year-old meeting an immovable sliding glass door.

— Mommy Owl (@Lhlodder) June 19, 2016

Want to know what privacy looks like when you have a 2 year old? This. http://pic.twitter.com/4Y1jfvhvpN

— Brachmann (@VivaBrachmann) September 18, 2016

Doorbell just rang. My 2 year old:"oh! It's chocolate!" I like the way you think, sister.

— Stephanie Rodham D (@StephDsays) October 11, 2016

After 10 hrs of flying, my 2-year-old emerged from the plane, ripped off her diaper and peed on the tarmac. Girl knows how to make a splash!

— Mommy Owl (@Lhlodder) April 24, 2016

FYI if a 2 year old gets ahold of a sharpie, she'll make Anna & Elsa look hard as hell http://pic.twitter.com/eOU70rMdGZ

— Brian Gaar (@briangaar) August 9, 2015

My dad gave my 2-year-old a birthday candle to lick. He ate it instead. And then threw up on grandpa. Happy birthday! #parenting #Family

— Aaron Gouveia (@DaddyFiles) April 17, 2016

My 2-year-old threw a fit because I didn’t let her wear two shoes on the same foot. I’m no longer sure which of us is being unreasonable.

— James Breakwell (@XplodingUnicorn) February 20, 2017

A 2-year-old's sole purpose in life is to make as big as mess as humanly possible and then scream when you try to intervene.

— HowToBeADad (@HowToBeADad) February 1, 2016

2-year-old: *offers me imaginary food* Eat it. Me: Mmmm. Yum. 2: You ate dog poop.

— James Breakwell (@XplodingUnicorn) February 19, 2017

Nothing creepier than your 2-year-old making intense eye contact while peeing on the potty. A real power move.

— Jessica Grose (@JessGrose) May 23, 2015

The difference between my 2 year old and a tornado in my living room is that a tornado doesn't pee on my floor.

— John Kinnear (@askdadblog) February 26, 2015

I've never shorn a wild badger, but I assume it's just like giving my 2yo a haircut.

— MyMomologue (@MyMomologue) September 26, 2016

One thing I admire about my 2-year-old is that he'll step on your face with his shoes on if you are lying on the floor. He doesn't care.

— Abe Yospe (@Cheeseboy22) March 6, 2015

-- This feed and its contents are the property of The Huffington Post, and use is subject to our terms. It may be used for personal consumption, but may not be distributed on a website.

33 Tweets That Sum Up Life With 2-Year-Olds published first on http://ift.tt/2lnpciY

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yes-dal456 · 7 years

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33 Tweets That Sum Up Life With 2-Year-Olds

Two-year-olds are a pretty formidable bunch.

Between the tantrums, messes and general toddler shenanigans, there’s a reason people call this phase “the terrible twos.” Fortunately, parents can commiserate with humor.

We’ve rounded up 33 funny tweets about parenting 2-year-olds. Keep scrolling for some hilarious anecdotes and spot-on reflections.

Get off the table. Stay away from the trash. Stop licking old pizza. Don't play in the litter. -Me, talking to my 2yo, not my cat

— Salty Mermaid (@Jenn_H_Scott) February 27, 2016

My 2-year-old is running around the house naked and screaming, "No, monkeys! No!" Being a toddler is a lot like a bad acid trip.

— James Breakwell (@XplodingUnicorn) February 19, 2017

"So can you tell us what makes you qualified for the position of hostage negotiator?" "I have a 2 year old." "You're hired."

— full metal mommy (@FullMetalMommy) May 4, 2015

A dog once waited in the same spot for 9 years for his dead master My 2-year-old is doing the same thing for an empty push pop I threw away http://pic.twitter.com/aGBOh9jAxd

— James Breakwell (@XplodingUnicorn) October 15, 2016

You haven't known suffering until you've taken a 2-year-old shopping for a birthday gift that isn't for them.

— OutnumberedMother (@OutNumbMother) September 3, 2016

I know my 2yo loves me because I'm the one he runs to when he's stuffed too much food in his mouth and needs to spit it into someone's hand.

— Missy (@MamaFizzles) February 23, 2017

Our 2-year-old has reached that adorable milestone where he communicates through unintelligible words, screaming, and physical violence.

— Ramblin' Mama (@ramblinma) May 3, 2016

Just fell down the basement stairs. My 2-year-old saw it and was concerned, so he walked down to kiss it better - and stepped on my balls.

— Aaron Gouveia (@DaddyFiles) April 12, 2016

Telling a 2 year old "Don't make a mess" is like asking me to give up wine. It just ain't gonna happen.

— MommieKnowsfresh (@MommieKnwsFresh) April 8, 2015

You know you're crushing this parenthood thing when one of your kids says your 2 year old is drinking coffee and you don't even investigate.

— Kelcey Kintner (@mamabirddiaries) January 30, 2016

How a 2.833333 year old plays hide and seek. If I can't see her face, she must not exist right? #SchrodingersKid http://pic.twitter.com/8CTYAh1wor

— Brachmann (@VivaBrachmann) November 30, 2016

I wish I loved anything as much as my 2yo loves her shadow.

— CrazyExhaustion (@CrazyExhaustion) February 25, 2016

Snapchat brings out the true essence of my 2yo. http://pic.twitter.com/NduXAa1X9j

— Missy (@MamaFizzles) February 18, 2017

Child's new thing is to spin in circles till he's dizzy and falls down. This is the 2 year old equivalent of going to the bar.

— dadpression (@Dadpression) October 24, 2016

I guess "please poop on the potty" sounds like "please poop on the coffee table" to my 2-year old son.

— Jim Gaffigan (@JimGaffigan) August 17, 2015

I told my 2-year-old to get toilet paper to wipe her nose She grabbed half a square I told her to get a big piece She came back with this http://pic.twitter.com/0X0lzH5Xmu

— James Breakwell (@XplodingUnicorn) December 18, 2016

You think GG Allin did some fucked up stuff? Come meet my 2 year old that's learned to take off his diaper.

— Julia Segal (@juliasegal) January 19, 2017

Two things: 1: 2yo has begun wandering the house, creepily asking "Mommy, where are you?". 2: I am now in a horror movie.

— MyMomologue (@MyMomologue) October 11, 2016

My 2-year-old threw a temper tantrum because she wants to eat cereal but both her hands are full of stuffed animals. The struggle is real.

— James Breakwell (@XplodingUnicorn) June 18, 2016

It has taken my 2yo less than 24 hours to make friends with the mannequin heads that hold my grandma's wigs.

— MyMomologue (@MyMomologue) August 5, 2016

The ultimate toddler paradox: an unstoppable 2-year-old meeting an immovable sliding glass door.

— Mommy Owl (@Lhlodder) June 19, 2016

Want to know what privacy looks like when you have a 2 year old? This. http://pic.twitter.com/4Y1jfvhvpN

— Brachmann (@VivaBrachmann) September 18, 2016

Doorbell just rang. My 2 year old:"oh! It's chocolate!" I like the way you think, sister.

— Stephanie Rodham D (@StephDsays) October 11, 2016

After 10 hrs of flying, my 2-year-old emerged from the plane, ripped off her diaper and peed on the tarmac. Girl knows how to make a splash!

— Mommy Owl (@Lhlodder) April 24, 2016

FYI if a 2 year old gets ahold of a sharpie, she'll make Anna & Elsa look hard as hell http://pic.twitter.com/eOU70rMdGZ

— Brian Gaar (@briangaar) August 9, 2015

My dad gave my 2-year-old a birthday candle to lick. He ate it instead. And then threw up on grandpa. Happy birthday! #parenting #Family

— Aaron Gouveia (@DaddyFiles) April 17, 2016

My 2-year-old threw a fit because I didn’t let her wear two shoes on the same foot. I’m no longer sure which of us is being unreasonable.

— James Breakwell (@XplodingUnicorn) February 20, 2017

A 2-year-old's sole purpose in life is to make as big as mess as humanly possible and then scream when you try to intervene.

— HowToBeADad (@HowToBeADad) February 1, 2016

2-year-old: *offers me imaginary food* Eat it. Me: Mmmm. Yum. 2: You ate dog poop.

— James Breakwell (@XplodingUnicorn) February 19, 2017

Nothing creepier than your 2-year-old making intense eye contact while peeing on the potty. A real power move.

— Jessica Grose (@JessGrose) May 23, 2015

The difference between my 2 year old and a tornado in my living room is that a tornado doesn't pee on my floor.

— John Kinnear (@askdadblog) February 26, 2015

I've never shorn a wild badger, but I assume it's just like giving my 2yo a haircut.

— MyMomologue (@MyMomologue) September 26, 2016

One thing I admire about my 2-year-old is that he'll step on your face with his shoes on if you are lying on the floor. He doesn't care.

— Abe Yospe (@Cheeseboy22) March 6, 2015

-- This feed and its contents are the property of The Huffington Post, and use is subject to our terms. It may be used for personal consumption, but may not be distributed on a website.

from http://ift.tt/2m3hdaI from Blogger http://ift.tt/2mph58W

#http://www.topwaytohappy.tk/2017/03/33-tweets-that-sum-up-life-with-2-year.html

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imreviewblog · 7 years

Text

33 Tweets That Sum Up Life With 2-Year-Olds

Two-year-olds are a pretty formidable bunch.

Between the tantrums, messes and general toddler shenanigans, there’s a reason people call this phase “the terrible twos.” Fortunately, parents can commiserate with humor.

We’ve rounded up 33 funny tweets about parenting 2-year-olds. Keep scrolling for some hilarious anecdotes and spot-on reflections.

Get off the table. Stay away from the trash. Stop licking old pizza. Don't play in the litter. -Me, talking to my 2yo, not my cat

— Salty Mermaid (@Jenn_H_Scott) February 27, 2016

My 2-year-old is running around the house naked and screaming, "No, monkeys! No!" Being a toddler is a lot like a bad acid trip.

— James Breakwell (@XplodingUnicorn) February 19, 2017

"So can you tell us what makes you qualified for the position of hostage negotiator?" "I have a 2 year old." "You're hired."

— full metal mommy (@FullMetalMommy) May 4, 2015

A dog once waited in the same spot for 9 years for his dead master My 2-year-old is doing the same thing for an empty push pop I threw away http://pic.twitter.com/aGBOh9jAxd

— James Breakwell (@XplodingUnicorn) October 15, 2016

You haven't known suffering until you've taken a 2-year-old shopping for a birthday gift that isn't for them.

— OutnumberedMother (@OutNumbMother) September 3, 2016

I know my 2yo loves me because I'm the one he runs to when he's stuffed too much food in his mouth and needs to spit it into someone's hand.

— Missy (@MamaFizzles) February 23, 2017

Our 2-year-old has reached that adorable milestone where he communicates through unintelligible words, screaming, and physical violence.

— Ramblin' Mama (@ramblinma) May 3, 2016

Just fell down the basement stairs. My 2-year-old saw it and was concerned, so he walked down to kiss it better - and stepped on my balls.

— Aaron Gouveia (@DaddyFiles) April 12, 2016

Telling a 2 year old "Don't make a mess" is like asking me to give up wine. It just ain't gonna happen.

— MommieKnowsfresh (@MommieKnwsFresh) April 8, 2015

You know you're crushing this parenthood thing when one of your kids says your 2 year old is drinking coffee and you don't even investigate.

— Kelcey Kintner (@mamabirddiaries) January 30, 2016

How a 2.833333 year old plays hide and seek. If I can't see her face, she must not exist right? #SchrodingersKid http://pic.twitter.com/8CTYAh1wor

— Brachmann (@VivaBrachmann) November 30, 2016

I wish I loved anything as much as my 2yo loves her shadow.

— CrazyExhaustion (@CrazyExhaustion) February 25, 2016

Snapchat brings out the true essence of my 2yo. http://pic.twitter.com/NduXAa1X9j

— Missy (@MamaFizzles) February 18, 2017

Child's new thing is to spin in circles till he's dizzy and falls down. This is the 2 year old equivalent of going to the bar.

— dadpression (@Dadpression) October 24, 2016

I guess "please poop on the potty" sounds like "please poop on the coffee table" to my 2-year old son.

— Jim Gaffigan (@JimGaffigan) August 17, 2015

I told my 2-year-old to get toilet paper to wipe her nose She grabbed half a square I told her to get a big piece She came back with this http://pic.twitter.com/0X0lzH5Xmu

— James Breakwell (@XplodingUnicorn) December 18, 2016

You think GG Allin did some fucked up stuff? Come meet my 2 year old that's learned to take off his diaper.

— Julia Segal (@juliasegal) January 19, 2017

Two things: 1: 2yo has begun wandering the house, creepily asking "Mommy, where are you?". 2: I am now in a horror movie.

— MyMomologue (@MyMomologue) October 11, 2016

My 2-year-old threw a temper tantrum because she wants to eat cereal but both her hands are full of stuffed animals. The struggle is real.

— James Breakwell (@XplodingUnicorn) June 18, 2016

It has taken my 2yo less than 24 hours to make friends with the mannequin heads that hold my grandma's wigs.

— MyMomologue (@MyMomologue) August 5, 2016

The ultimate toddler paradox: an unstoppable 2-year-old meeting an immovable sliding glass door.

— Mommy Owl (@Lhlodder) June 19, 2016

Want to know what privacy looks like when you have a 2 year old? This. http://pic.twitter.com/4Y1jfvhvpN

— Brachmann (@VivaBrachmann) September 18, 2016

Doorbell just rang. My 2 year old:"oh! It's chocolate!" I like the way you think, sister.

— Stephanie Rodham D (@StephDsays) October 11, 2016

After 10 hrs of flying, my 2-year-old emerged from the plane, ripped off her diaper and peed on the tarmac. Girl knows how to make a splash!

— Mommy Owl (@Lhlodder) April 24, 2016

FYI if a 2 year old gets ahold of a sharpie, she'll make Anna & Elsa look hard as hell http://pic.twitter.com/eOU70rMdGZ

— Brian Gaar (@briangaar) August 9, 2015

My dad gave my 2-year-old a birthday candle to lick. He ate it instead. And then threw up on grandpa. Happy birthday! #parenting #Family

— Aaron Gouveia (@DaddyFiles) April 17, 2016

My 2-year-old threw a fit because I didn’t let her wear two shoes on the same foot. I’m no longer sure which of us is being unreasonable.

— James Breakwell (@XplodingUnicorn) February 20, 2017

A 2-year-old's sole purpose in life is to make as big as mess as humanly possible and then scream when you try to intervene.

— HowToBeADad (@HowToBeADad) February 1, 2016

2-year-old: *offers me imaginary food* Eat it. Me: Mmmm. Yum. 2: You ate dog poop.

— James Breakwell (@XplodingUnicorn) February 19, 2017

Nothing creepier than your 2-year-old making intense eye contact while peeing on the potty. A real power move.

— Jessica Grose (@JessGrose) May 23, 2015

The difference between my 2 year old and a tornado in my living room is that a tornado doesn't pee on my floor.

— John Kinnear (@askdadblog) February 26, 2015

I've never shorn a wild badger, but I assume it's just like giving my 2yo a haircut.

— MyMomologue (@MyMomologue) September 26, 2016

One thing I admire about my 2-year-old is that he'll step on your face with his shoes on if you are lying on the floor. He doesn't care.

— Abe Yospe (@Cheeseboy22) March 6, 2015

-- This feed and its contents are the property of The Huffington Post, and use is subject to our terms. It may be used for personal consumption, but may not be distributed on a website.

from Healthy Living - The Huffington Post http://huff.to/2n3oi08

#Healthy Living - The Huffington Post

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yes-dal456 · 7 years

Text

The Funniest Tweets From Parents This Week

Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the funniest ways. So each week, we round up the most hilarious 140-character quips from moms and dads to spread the joy. Scroll down to read the latest batch and follow @HuffPostParents on Twitter for more!

Never was there a woman so sought after as a mother talking on the phone OHMYGOD I'LL ANSWER YOUR 37 QUESTIONS WHEN I'M OFF GET AWAY FROM ME

— CrazyExhaustion (@CrazyExhaustion) January 5, 2017

One of the hardest parts of teaching your kids to be independent is watching them tie their shoes for 8 minutes.

— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) January 4, 2017

Oh, we're running urgently late & need to get out the door now? Here's a meandering, plot-free, 15-minute story. - kids

— Valerie (@ValeeGrrl) January 5, 2017

Dinner is ready!! - How I gather my children around me to hear them complain about what I cook.

— Meredith (@PerfectPending) January 6, 2017

Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me 1000 times, welcome to parenthood.

— Andy Herald (@AndyHerald) January 4, 2017

What I say: Stop that. Somebody is going to get hurt. What my kids hear: http://pic.twitter.com/v1wrf9pYH8

— The Glad Stork (@TheGladStork) January 3, 2017

Nothing in my wedding vows prepared me for how much of our lives we would spend talking about the size and shape of our kids' poop.

— Jennifer S. White (@yenniwhite) January 3, 2017

"This is the last time I'm going to tell you!" *Biggest lie parents tell kids "And I mean it." *Biggest lie parents tell themselves

— Midlife Dish (@MidlifeDish) January 5, 2017

Things my 4-year-old lost this morning: 1) her toothbrush 2) her shoes 3) her backpack for preschool Things I lost: 1) my sanity

— James Breakwell (@XplodingUnicorn) January 6, 2017

Being a parent means never having to ask "How did ketchup get up there?"

— Brenna Jennings (@SuburbanSnaps) January 5, 2017

I'm just trying to hide my bedhead & guzzle coffee while dropping my kids off at school. Meanwhile, the PTA moms: http://pic.twitter.com/OC5nUDy19W

— Six Pack Mom (@Six_Pack_Mom) January 3, 2017

I bet I could eliminate 50% of the tantrums in my house if I just started referring to dinner as "snack time."

— Unfiltered Mama (@UnfilteredMama) January 4, 2017

And then one day he broke down and screamed at the heavens: "WHY ARE THERE ALWAYS SO MANY CHILDREN'S SOCKS ON THE FLOOR?!?"

— Robert Knop (@FatherWithTwins) January 4, 2017

You know at the end of the day when you can FEEL yourself morphing into the exhausted mom from a stock photo?

— Emily McCombs (@msemilymccombs) January 6, 2017

78% of parenting is spent anxiously praying they don't notice the minuscule lego piece you just vacuumed up.

— Blue Moon (@Bluestmoon_) January 5, 2017

Happy New Year, parents! I know you're well-rested because you drank two glasses of wine and went to bed at 10:30pm last night. Don't lie.

— Doyin Richards (@daddydoinwork) January 1, 2017

I can only assume my hopes and dreams are buried underneath the pile of laundry that never leaves the couch.

— Ramblin' Mama (@ramblinma) January 4, 2017

As I leaned in to kiss 8 good night last night, he whispered softly... "I already know who I want to be for Halloweeen." http://pic.twitter.com/znZlMLzikD

— Domestic Goddess (@DomesticGoddss) January 4, 2017

Ok, I'll come to your "party" and buy some stuff I don't want, but it's only because as a mom, this is as close to me-time as I get.

— Sara Says Stop (@PetrickSara) January 4, 2017

Damn. Kid's vitamins are expensive! Fortunately I can make a single bottle last three years by never remembering to give my kids vitamins.

— MyMomologue (@MyMomologue) January 5, 2017

Thinking about being snowed in with the kids this weekend, at our power outage prone place, alone, since my wife is essential personnel... http://pic.twitter.com/cC98p3WTdl

— Jacques Nyemb (@jnyemb) January 6, 2017

-- This feed and its contents are the property of The Huffington Post, and use is subject to our terms. It may be used for personal consumption, but may not be distributed on a website.

from http://ift.tt/2iYyOQT from Blogger http://ift.tt/2i0FSOm

#http://www.topwaytohappy.tk/2017/01/the-funniest-tweets-from-parents-this.html

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imreviewblog · 7 years

Text

The Funniest Tweets From Parents This Week

Never was there a woman so sought after as a mother talking on the phone OHMYGOD I'LL ANSWER YOUR 37 QUESTIONS WHEN I'M OFF GET AWAY FROM ME

— CrazyExhaustion (@CrazyExhaustion) January 5, 2017

One of the hardest parts of teaching your kids to be independent is watching them tie their shoes for 8 minutes.

— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) January 4, 2017

Oh, we're running urgently late & need to get out the door now? Here's a meandering, plot-free, 15-minute story. - kids

— Valerie (@ValeeGrrl) January 5, 2017

Dinner is ready!! - How I gather my children around me to hear them complain about what I cook.

— Meredith (@PerfectPending) January 6, 2017

Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me 1000 times, welcome to parenthood.

— Andy Herald (@AndyHerald) January 4, 2017

What I say: Stop that. Somebody is going to get hurt. What my kids hear: http://pic.twitter.com/v1wrf9pYH8

— The Glad Stork (@TheGladStork) January 3, 2017

Nothing in my wedding vows prepared me for how much of our lives we would spend talking about the size and shape of our kids' poop.

— Jennifer S. White (@yenniwhite) January 3, 2017

"This is the last time I'm going to tell you!" *Biggest lie parents tell kids "And I mean it." *Biggest lie parents tell themselves

— Midlife Dish (@MidlifeDish) January 5, 2017

Things my 4-year-old lost this morning: 1) her toothbrush 2) her shoes 3) her backpack for preschool Things I lost: 1) my sanity

— James Breakwell (@XplodingUnicorn) January 6, 2017

Being a parent means never having to ask "How did ketchup get up there?"

— Brenna Jennings (@SuburbanSnaps) January 5, 2017

I'm just trying to hide my bedhead & guzzle coffee while dropping my kids off at school. Meanwhile, the PTA moms: http://pic.twitter.com/OC5nUDy19W

— Six Pack Mom (@Six_Pack_Mom) January 3, 2017

I bet I could eliminate 50% of the tantrums in my house if I just started referring to dinner as "snack time."

— Unfiltered Mama (@UnfilteredMama) January 4, 2017

And then one day he broke down and screamed at the heavens: "WHY ARE THERE ALWAYS SO MANY CHILDREN'S SOCKS ON THE FLOOR?!?"

— Robert Knop (@FatherWithTwins) January 4, 2017

You know at the end of the day when you can FEEL yourself morphing into the exhausted mom from a stock photo?

— Emily McCombs (@msemilymccombs) January 6, 2017

78% of parenting is spent anxiously praying they don't notice the minuscule lego piece you just vacuumed up.

— Blue Moon (@Bluestmoon_) January 5, 2017

Happy New Year, parents! I know you're well-rested because you drank two glasses of wine and went to bed at 10:30pm last night. Don't lie.

— Doyin Richards (@daddydoinwork) January 1, 2017

I can only assume my hopes and dreams are buried underneath the pile of laundry that never leaves the couch.

— Ramblin' Mama (@ramblinma) January 4, 2017

As I leaned in to kiss 8 good night last night, he whispered softly... "I already know who I want to be for Halloweeen." http://pic.twitter.com/znZlMLzikD

— Domestic Goddess (@DomesticGoddss) January 4, 2017

Ok, I'll come to your "party" and buy some stuff I don't want, but it's only because as a mom, this is as close to me-time as I get.

— Sara Says Stop (@PetrickSara) January 4, 2017

Damn. Kid's vitamins are expensive! Fortunately I can make a single bottle last three years by never remembering to give my kids vitamins.

— MyMomologue (@MyMomologue) January 5, 2017

Thinking about being snowed in with the kids this weekend, at our power outage prone place, alone, since my wife is essential personnel... http://pic.twitter.com/cC98p3WTdl

— Jacques Nyemb (@jnyemb) January 6, 2017

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from Healthy Living - The Huffington Post http://huff.to/2iLYa4N

#Healthy Living - The Huffington Post

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