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jessicawicket · 4 years

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A Big Witchy Guide on Palmistry

Palmistry shows how your entire life is mapped out in the palm of your hands. Even Julius Caesar used palmistry to help him make decisions. The future is read in your right hand and the past in your left hand. The hand revealing your past gives information about the inner you and the influences in your life when you were growing up.

The history of palmistry dates back thousands of years and has been spoken of in the Hindu scriptures and the old testament. Palmistry most likely originated in China or India and was used by the ancient Greeks and Romans. Philosophers astrologers, alchemists and theologians studied the art of palmistry. The Romani also adopted palmistry and it was used in fortune telling. Palmistry became a serious study for scientists and scholars who considered palmistry to be a valid and accurate science. Palmistry is also known as Chiromancy.

Your entire life and can be read with incredible accuracy, all information about you is contained in your palm such as your strengths and weaknesses as well as your past, present and future. Each person has a unique palm, no two are the same, according to palm readers, the shape, texture and lines contain everything about the person’s life. A palm reader will examine the entire hand, including fingers, nails and back of the hand. Police will often use fingerprinting in their work and this could be seen as a practical use of palmistry.

Your hand has four dominant lines, fate, head, heart and life lines. The size of your hands, the length of your fingers and thumb, is taken into consideration. If one of your lines is missing, your fate line for instance, this is not a sign of foreboding, it actually means that you will have many changes in life and adapt well to them, you will be one on your own, you will be unique. Whether your fingers are close together or spread apart reveals what kind of employee you will be, those with fingers close together tend to be more stable in work than those with splayed fingers. Although do not be alarmed if you have splayed fingers it just means that during your life you may well find it worthwhile to consider carefully before making any changes in your work environment.

LIFE LINE

The life line is the curved line around the padded area located at the base of the thumb, do not be perturbed if there is a short or broken line as it doesn’t mean an early death. The life line actually reveals the quality and the vitality of your life. A life line that is deep denotes fewer problems than a line that is fine and difficult to see, the difficulties of life are easier for the person with a deep set line to cope with and they are usually more resilient mentally, emotionally, and physically. If the life line is deep and red is shows a more aggressive personality. The life line is often joined to the head line which runs parallel. The point of separation between the heart line and head line reveals when you became independent from your childhood home. If there is a faint line within the life line this is called the line of protection. Breaks in the life line show times where there are challenges.

FATE LINE

Fate Line Missing

The fate line runs vertically up the middle of the palm. Sometimes the fate line runs from the bracelet lines on the writs to the mounts of the fingers thus revealing influences in your life. Don’t worry about a missing fate line as this means you have control of your destiny.

Extra Long Fate Line

An extra long fate line means it goes past the heart line. This denotes a very, very long and active life and you will find success early in life by being ambitious with a will to succeed. The difference between your active and passive hand is how you have developed your natural potential. A strong fate line means you have taken charge of your life and learnt how to maintain balance. A weak fate line shows there may be a lack of control and you need more balance in your life.

Fate Line Beginning On Your Life Line

If your fate line begins on your life line it reveals a close bond to your family in your childhood. You will have influence over others if your fate line ends on the mount of Jupiter. The mount of Jupiter is located at the base of your index finger.

Fate Line Beginning On The Mount Of Jupiter

You will be a formidable person of great influence if your fate line ends on the mount of Jupiter.

Strong Fate Line

With a strong fate line you know early your rhythms and settle into a pattern of life.

Fate Line Ending On The Mount Of Apollo

If you fate line ends on the mount of Apollo you will be drawn to the arts and achieve success in this field. The mount of Apollo is located at the base of the ring finger.

Fate Line Ending On The Mount Of Mercury

If the fate line ends on the mount of Mercury you will have a good head for business, you will also have an eye for the stock market. The mount of Mercury is found at the base of the little finger.

Fate Line Branching To More Than One Of The Mounts

When the fate line branches to more than one of the mounts it is a very auspicious sign and reveals you will be successful in life.

Breaks In The Fate Line

If there is a break in the fate line it means that a career choice will be interrupted for some reason, if parts of the line overlap there will be a straightforward transition from one thing to another.

Weak Fate Line

A weak fate line can reveal some instability in life and work, and difficulty settling into a suitable work environment, there may be several career changes.

Fate Line Starting From Bottom Of Palm

A fate line starting from the bottom of the palm denotes someone who matures early and settles into their life path easily.

Fate Line Ending At The Head Line

If the fate line ends at the head line it means there is a stumbling block, a challenge that needs to be met and overcome, it can denote those who experience emotional difficulties, approximately between their late twenties and their early forties.

Fate Line Tied To Heart Line

If your fate line is tied to your heart line it can mean that during your early childhood there were certain tensions or restrictions placed on you.

Two Fate Lines

Two fate lines means some duality regarding career choice as though a choice has to be made between one direction or another alternatively, you manage to balance two careers at once, this will all depend on your personality.

HEART LINE

Curved Heart Line

A curved heart line reveals a sensitive and demonstrative person, very romantic and forthright in love, the curved heart line starts under your little finger and curves up to between your middle and index finger.

Strong Heart Line

A strong heart line reveals confidence and emotional stability, someone who is self possessed and able to make astute emotional decisions with clarity.

Weak Heart Line

A weak heart line reveals someone is likely to have difficulty in relationships due to insecurity, if revealed early in life they are able to work on self worth issues to foster self confidence.

Straight Heart Line

A straight heart line reveals someone who is more reticent to show emotion, a passive romantic who needs the other person to make the first move.

Heart Line

The heart line can reveal not only what has or is happening in your life, it can also reveal why things happen the way they do.

Heart Line Steep Curve

If your heart line curves steeply and dramatically ending in between your middle and index finger, you will have an active libido. If the line curves up towards the index finger you will choose a partner very carefully.

Heart Line Curves up to the middle finger

If your heart line curves up to the middle finger you may be quite needy and insecure in love relationships and by knowing this about yourself you are able to work on and through your anxieties.

Heart Line Straight And Short

When the heart line is straight and short the person will have a rampant sex drive and be short on romance.

Heart Line ending On The Mount Of Jupiter

The heart line ending on the mount of Jupiter belongs to someone caring, a humanitarian who will pursue this end, some with this line step away from society at some point in their life and lead an alternate lifestyle.

Heart Line Meeting Life Line

Those with a heart line that meets the life line can be fragile in love and they are easily hurt by others, they are sensitive souls.

Two Branches Of The Heart Line

Two or more branches of the heart line reveal a changeable emotional nature.

Similar Lines As Your Partner

A relationship where both partners have similar lines often works very well.

HEAD LINE

Short Head Line

The head line is located in the upper part of the palm, it reveals your intelligence and gives an indication of your approach to problems. A short head line denotes a no nonsense thinker who comes straight to the point and they don’t bear fools lightly.

Long Head Line

A long head line reveals that you are a deep thinker with a rational approach to problem solving.

Straight Head Line

A straight headline denotes a deep and thoughtful thinker.

Curved Head Line

A curved head line belongs to a person who is imaginative and has an intuitive approach to problem solving, this line belongs to a creative person.

A Sloping Head Line

If you have a sloping head line you will be artistic and creative and will be less practical in your approach to problem solving, writers often have this line

Horizontal Head Line

If you have a horizontal head line you will possess a straightforward no nonsense manner.

Forked Head Line

If you have a forked headline you will be full of ideas possibly with entrepreneurial abilities, also an excellent mediator.

Floating Head line

If you have a floating head line which is not anchored to any other line you possess a carefree attitude towards life and are always ready to help those with a less than relaxed approach.

Head Line That Starts Under The Index Finger

If you have a head line that starts under the index finger you possess a quick mind and are extremely intelligent, you love to read and are always ready to learn something new.

APOLLO LINE

The Apollo line runs vertically from the bottom of the palm around one centimeter in from the edge of the palm up to just below the ring finger, it indicates fulfillment and success, possibly acclaim for something you do in life.

SIMIAN LINE

The simian line is a line that runs straight across the hand replacing the heart and head line, it is very rare, people with this line are often found to be extreme in their thoughts and ideas. Those with a simian line are proactive and determined. No challenge is too daunting for them. The learning curve for those with this rare line is to learn to be flexible as it isn’t always necessary to do things your way.

WHAT A STAR DENOTES

If you have a star on the mount of Jupiter, Mercury or Apollo, or at the top of your fate line, you can expect serendipitous happenings in your life, you will also find success, those drawn to the theatre often have the star. Correctly placed the star is a money magnet, abundance is associated with this mark.

MEDICAL LINE

Medical line is the name given to fine lines underneath the little finger, these are so named as it is usually the hand of a doctor or medical person such as a psychiatrist, psychotherapist or counselor. Those drawn to healing and massage therapy also have these markings.

MARKINGS ON THE WORRY LINE

Fork At The End Of The Worry Line Crossing The Heart

The worry lines are the fine lines radiating from the base of the thumb. If there is a fork line at the end of the worry line that crosses the heart it reveals some tension that needs to be worked on in a relationship or marriage.

Worry Line From A Star On A Mount Of Venus

This sign is indicative of tension with relatives and diplomacy may be needed especially regarding in-laws.

Island Worry Line

Extreme difficulty within a relationship is revealed when there is an island on the worry line.

LINES OF INFLUENCE

Line Of Influence Crossing The Life Or Head Line And A Red Dot

With this sign you are urged to pay attention to your health and to be sure you are taking care of yourself.

Worry Line From A Star

If a worry line starts from a star on line of influence and crosses the life line it reveals health concerns within the family.

MERCURY LINE

You will find a canny business person has a mount of Luna line branching from the mount of Luna, entrepreneurs often have this line.

Those with a mercury line across the Venus mount will often be drawn to something in the medical world, doctor, dentist, nurse, psychiatrist and psychotherapist.

MARS LINE

You will find the mars line runs inside the life line and offers protection throughout your life.

MOUNTS

Mount of Jupiter

The mount of Jupiter is located at the base of your index finger. If it is well rounded it denotes that you are an extremely gregarious, confident personality, the mount is to do with your self-worth.

If the mount covers a wide area it reveals you are a giving person with spontaneous acts of generosity, you give of your time also.

If the mount of Jupiter is high you are an organised person who always seems to be telling others what to do.

Mount of Saturn

The mount of Saturn is under the middle finger. A large mount suggests a somewhat serious and dour personality.

Mount of Venus

The mount of Venus is found at the base of the thumb, if it is well developed (fuller mount) you possess an extremely healthy libido.

An underdeveloped (flatter) mount of Venus means it is necessary to look after your health as you may be prone to ailments.

Mount of Neptune

The mount of Neptune sits in the middle at the base of the palm, if is well developed you are a charismatic and charming entity, drawing people from all walks of life to you. If the mount of Neptune is undeveloped a person can often have difficulties expressing feelings.

Mount of Apollo

The mount of Apollo is located at the base of the ring finger, if well developed it reveals a very artistic and creative nature. A person with an undeveloped mount of Apollo is usually down to earth.

Mount of Mercury

The mount of Mercury is found at the base of the little finger. A well developed mount of Mercury denotes a very gentle, sensitive and giving nature, someone who bruises emotionally very easily, they need to surround themselves with like minded souls.

An underdeveloped mount of Mercury reveals someone who would rather keep to themselves, the loner.

Mount of Luna

You will find the mount of Luna in the bottom corner of the hand under Mars negative.

Well developed mount of Luna reveals someone who is spiritual and very likely psychic, they often become involved in all manner of esoteric practices.

PLAIN OF MARS

The plain of Mars lies in the center of the nine mounts, if overdeveloped it is necessary for you to watch your temper as you may have a short fuse.

If you have an underdeveloped plain of Mars you are not particularly at ease with others and may be quite shy.

Mars Positive

Mars positive is inside the thumb crease. If your Mars positive is well developed you have a get on with it manner and show courage in the face of adversity, others look to you for guidance.

If your Mars positive is underdeveloped you may be very judgemental towards others and be a harsh taskmaster.

Mars Negative

Mars negative is found on the outside edge between Luna and Mercury.

A well developed Mars negative means you never give up and never give in, you always follow something through to the end, any blocks in your life you view as challenges to be overcome, you are also a very good motivator.

FINGERS

THUMB

A persons attitude , their determination , their focus, their ambition is shown by the shape of the thumb as it reveals how they will approach things. The top of your thumb reveals your willpower and the bottom of your thumb tells you how much effort you will put in to attain what you want.

Large thumb

If your thumb is large this denotes a dominant personality, if this is you, you know what you want and will put any amount of effort to reach this end.

Small thumb

Small thumbs show a gentle sensitive personality.

Long wide thick thumbs

Long wide thick thumbs show drive, motivation and ambition.

Small wide thumb

A small wide thumb belongs to a person who lacks drive and motivation.

Long narrow thumb

A long narrow thumb belongs to someone who wants to succeed, and who needs encouragement along the way as they may lack the follow through.

Thumb with a very wide top

An aggressive person has a thumb with a very wide top.

Very narrow thumb tip

A very narrow thumb tip shows a person who doesn’t like to push, and they may have a tendency to hold back.

Thick top thumb joint

The person with a thick top thumb joint, is straight to the point and doesn’t spare anybody’s feelings.

Slim top thumb joint

A slim fine top thumb joint reveals the absolute diplomat.

Thumb close to hand

A thumb that stays very close to the hand indicates that the person may need to learn generosity.

Thumb not close to hand

A thumb not close to the hand that sticks out away from the hand reveals a light-hearted gregarious soul.

LITTLE FINGER

Small little finger

Those will small little fingers have likely been told on more than one occasion they are immature, if this is you, take heed.

Long little finger

A long little finger denotes the writer, the creator, they have a healthy libido and are very intelligent.

Low set little finger

A low set little finger may denote some difficulty communicating with one parent.

Little finger sticks out

If the little finger sticks out you may be in a relationship that needs some work to allow better interaction, alternatively you may not want to be in the relationship at all.

FINGER SIZE

Long middle finger

The person with a long middle finger values life and all it has to offer they take a serious approach to most everything and usually succeed as they are not easily deterred.

Short middle finger

A short middle finger denotes someone who needs to learn the lesson of self-motivation.

Long index finger

If the index finger is long it shows someone who will work hard to succeed in everything they do, they are self-starters full of confidence. They are ambitious and like to do things their way, they make excellent business heads.

Short index finger

A short index finger reveals someone who may need to work on their self-confidence and may consult with someone to help them to be more outgoing.

Curved index finger

People with a curved index finger have a tendency to try many things in their life, every time you see them they have started something new, it can be anything from fly-fishing to cartomancy, to interior design, to gardening.

FINGER SETTINGS

Arched Setting

Those with an arched setting practice what they preach they are the deciders and the doers they have a pleasant calm demeanor.

Fingers Evenly Set

People with evenly set fingers are very confident and find success in most everything they tackle, they are often independent business entities.

Uneven Setting

If someone has uneven set fingers they may be shy or lack confidence they need to work on what they are good at to help them believe in themselves, they like to be around sensitive people.

Teacher Setting

If you have a square under the index finger you will be involved in teaching of some kind, it can be in any field. You will find there is a need to help others to learn.

FINGERPRINTS

Whorl fingerprints

Whorls on your fingerprints reveal someone who is charming, charismatic and talented they often specialise in something creative.

Arch fingerprints

Arch fingerprints these people are not afraid of hard work, they are determined they roll up their sleeves and get on with it. They can also be quite sceptical.

Composite print

A composite print denotes someone who is not easy to get along with and has the tendency to be argumentative, but of course if you know this about yourself you will be able to temper this trait, this is a rare fingerprint.

Tented arch

A Tented arch belongs to those who throw themselves into life, anything they do they give it their full attention. People with loop fingerprints are fantastic communicators and are very social.

NAILS

Half moon overlarge

Half moon overlarge indicative possibly of thyroid problems.

Pale Nails

Pale nails can mean you have an iron deficiency.

Almond Shaped Nails

Those with almond shaped nails have an active imagination, the dreamy poet.

Fan Shape Nails

Fan shaped nails reveal that you may be suffering from stress, look at what in your life is causing this and endeavour to do something about it.

Broad Nails

Broad nails denote a fiery temper and a larger than life personality.

Narrow Nails

Narrow nails reveal an egocentric person.

Square Nails

Square nails mean you are someone who is easygoing and social, liking harmony in all situations.

Red Nail

A person with red nails wants things to happen quickly and can be quite impatient if they don’t.

Wrap-around Nails

Wrap-around nails may reveal a smoker or someone who is prone to respiratory problems.

JOINTS AND KNUCKLES

Those with smooth knuckles rely very much on their instincts and are sensitive and highly intuitive, they have empathy and are genuinely interested in the wellbeing of others.

People who have uneven knuckles are easy going and have a calm approach to life, they like to maintain balance in all things and you will find they are extremely organised.

Those with pronounced top and bottom knuckles are deep thinkers they take their time making decisions and have a philosophical approach to life. They are astute managers with money and possess the ability to invest successfully.

ELEMENT HANDS

Fire Hand

The Fire hand has a long palm and short fingers, this hand belongs to the extroverts of the world, often found on the hand of someone who talks a lot and is always the life and soul of the party. Those with fire hands are creative, enthusiastic and need to be busy, they often go from one project to another and their learning curve is to complete what they start.

Earth Hand

If you have an earth hand you will be very creative, someone with an earth hand has square palms and small fingers. They like to establish themselves and security is extremely important to them, they are organised and may be carpenters, also artists and photographers possess these hands. Someone with an earth hand is likely to be reserved in demeanor.

Air Hand

The person with an air hand has a square palm and long fingers the lines are thin and the prints are loops. They are the orators and writers of the world and they are optimists. You will always feel uplifted spending time with a person who has an air hand. This person loves to learn and is likely a traveler. Those with an air hand have a quick active mind and some are positively eccentric but always entertaining to be around, they are warm hearted and generous with their time.

Water Hand

Water hands are rectangular with long fingers, they are highly intuitive and very sensitive. They usually follow a creative career path they are the writers, artists and designers of the world. They are highly emotional and empathic and have a colorful imagination, when in a relationship they are loyal and loving and always feel at their best with an honest and trustworthy partner.

HAND FLEXIBILITY

Flexible hand

A flexible hand means you are open-minded and will always listen to the point of view of others. Someone with this hand adapts well to new situations they are the ones who learn how to dance on a shifting carpet. They are very intelligent and usually well read, they are self possessed and know what they want out of life.

Firm Hand

This hand belongs to someone who likes their own way and usually gets it, they are strong-minded and very sure of themselves.

Stiff Hand

A stiff hand reveals someone who is more rigid in their thinking and it is difficult to change their mind. Someone with a stiff hand doesn’t like change and has difficulty adapting if it is thrust upon them.

PSYCHIC HAND

Crescent Of Intuition

The crescent of intuition lies in the center between the head and heart line this is indicative of an evolved psychic, those with this line have a heightened sense of intuition.

Crosses On The Hand

Crosses on the hand reveal psychic ability.

Triangle Mount Of Saturn

A triangle on the mount of Saturn reveals psychic ability and often those with these markings work using their abilities.

Spidery Lines On Hand

Those with spidery lines on their hands are often psychic and form businesses along these lines.

INHERITED MONEY

The inherited money line is a curved line that runs from the base of Apollo on the side of the mercury finger, it indicates you will come into money via a windfall or inheritance although no time frame is given.

PALM READERS

Palm reading in this century seems to be more scientific with rules and guidelines, it is certainly an intriguing and engaging way to learn more about yourself, your friends and loved ones.

I hope this helped you, my Witchy Darlings! Sorry it’s a little long, I wanted to make sure I got EVERYTHING in there. Please let me know if I may have missed anything! :)

What other Witchy Guides would you like me to do? Let me know! :D

Brightest Blessings to you all! )0(

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mostlysignssomeportents · 3 years

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The music monopolists

Writing in Wired, Institute for Local Self Reliance researcher and anti-monopolist Ron Knox gives a thorough, important account of how music industry monoplization resulted declining revenue for artists, even as the industry itself has reaped greater profits.

https://www.wired.com/story/opinion-big-music-needs-to-be-broken-up-to-save-the-industry/

Importantly, Knox describes how concentration has come to every link in music’s supply chain, from radio to recording, streaming to live performance. The monopolists who dominate these sectors fight fiercely between each other, but no matter who wins, artists lose.

Let’s go segment by segment. Two thirds of all North American music comes from three labels. The labels grew through anticompetitive mergers: giant companies, awash in investor cash, bought out mid-sized, successful labels, turning them into subdivisions of the Big Three.

The more concentrated the labels got, the worse they were for everyone. They spent the nineties and naughties price-gouging record companies, pocketing hundreds of millions from an illegal price-fixing conspiracy. The fines they paid were smaller than the profits they reaped.

But at least they distributed music. Today, the struggling physical record store industry — a network of passionate music sellers who serve the most intense music fans — find themselves getting “record shipments” that turn out to be boxes of random stuff like cough syrup (!).

That happened when the Big Three all piled their distribution into a single company, the monopolist Direct Shot Distributing. As Direct Shot started to fail, its operations descended into chaos, and record stores started to receive boxes of random consumer packaged goods.

It was bad news for the non-monopolized, music-first record stores, but it barely registered for the Big Three labels — today, they buy an average of two new acts every day.

The labels don’t make money from selling records, of course. They get their money from streaming.

Streaming is also massively concentrated, gathered into the hands of just a few companies: Spotify, Apple, Youtube, Amazon — with the notable exception of Spotify, the industry is dominated by companies that also monopolize other sectors.

Monopolies are good to these companies. Spotify’s market-cap doubled during the pandemic — the market values its 150m subs (twice as many as subscribe with Apple) at $50b. The major labels get $1m/hour from streaming. 99% of their artists see $25/year in streaming royalties.

Spotify may be the biggest streaming service, but it’s not the lowest-paying. Youtube — a Google division, whose unsuccessful attempt to launch an in-house video service convinced it that it had to buy someone else’s success — drives the worst bargain.

Spotify uses its industry dominance to extract heavy fees from the labels — creaming 30% of the total revenue generated by a typical track. Big Three monopolists with fat margins can absorb this. Indies? Not so much.

Spotify’s market cap growth is in part due to the new ways it’s come up with to shake down the labels — a variety of tactics that all boil down to one thing: payola. Spotify will sell labels pop-up ads, placement in “radio” algorithms, and access to “Discovery mode.”

Like all forms of payola, Spotify’s rate-card is a way for monopolists to edge out indies, buying their way into your ear-holes. I’m sure that the Big Three would rather keep the bribes they pay to Spotiify, but the consolation prize is pretty sweet.

If the Big Three are the only ones who can afford to buy access to Spotify’s audience, then creators are driven to sign with them, and have less bargaining leverage when they negotiate their deals.

Spotify, meanwhile, can consolidate its gains by driving up those fees, pitting labels against each other in a bidding war for access to listeners. This effectively drives down the royalty rate Spotify pays, because every new track will have to buy in to get any reach.

Spotify talks a good game about how it uses big data and machine learning to pick the songs you hear, but increasingly, the algorithm is getting far less compute-intensive, a simple sort-by-highest-bidder system you could operate from a laptop running Windows 3.1 and Excel.

In theory, streaming losses can be made up with touring. Acts who attain digital popularity can charge access at the door to clubs and other venues. The only problem is that live performance is also a monopoly business.

The 800lb gorilla there is Livenation, a division of the ticket monopolist and notorious arm-breakers Ticketmaster — spun out of Clear Channel, the monopolist that we now know as Iheartradio.

Livenation parlayed its access to the capital markets to buy out $1b worth of venues and promoters, before being acquired by Clear Channel for $4.4b in 2005. Today, it’s a division of Liberty Media, consolidated with Ticketmaster, Pandora, and Siriusxm.

What goes around, comes around: Liberty’s private equity owners are in the process of buying up Iheartradio, re-merging all of Clear Channel’s spinouts into one giga-monopolist.

The conglomerate already coerces artists to book exclusively in its clubs and using its ticketing, starving independent venues. Add 850 terrestrial radio stations to the mix and it will choke off all the oxygen that independent venues, promoters and ticketers rely on.

Liberty didn’t buy all these companies because it’s passionate about music and wanted to ensure artists got a fair shake. By rolling up the entire live music/radio supply-chain, it bought the power to extract vast sums from musicians, and to keep rivals out of the market.

Well, not all competitors. Lollapalooza co-founder Marc Geiger raised tens of millions for “Savelive,” a new would-be monopolist that offered to “rescue” live music venues in exchange for a 51% stake in them.

Savelive illustrates an important point about the nature of monopolies: they beget more monopolies. Consolidation in the labels meant that only the largest streaming companies could negotiate a sustainable rate.

But consolidation in radio drives consolidation in labels — and many of the indie radio stations that survived the first wave of consolidation were picked up cheap by Iheartradio once monopolistic streamers ate their lunch.

This is a pattern across the whole entertainment industry: bookstore mergers and big box retailers drove consolidation in publishing; that was accelerated by consolidation in online ebook and physical book retail.

It’s not limited to the entertainment sector either. As David Dayen describes in his essential book MONOPOLIZED, hospitals didn’t start consolidating until the pharma industry underwent a wave of brutal mergers and started gouging for drugs.

https://pluralistic.net/2021/01/29/fractal-bullshit/#dayenu

Hospital consolidation led to gouging insurers, leading to a wave of insurance consolidation. Today, nearly every part of the health industry is monopolized, from pharmacy benefit managers to medical labs.

The only parts of the supply chain that doesn’t monopolize — that can’t monopolize — are the ends of the chain: the people who work in the system, and the people who use it.

Monopoly punishes doctors and nurses and other health workers — and it punishes patients.

It punishes writers and publishing workers, and it punishes readers.

It punishes musicians and independent venue owners, and it punishes listeners.

When every part of the supply chain gets so monopolized that it can’t easily be squeezed by any other part of the supply chain, these giants turn on us — the workers and users of the system. We, the atomized and fragmented, cannot resist the squeeze.

But as Knox writes, the tide is turning. After 40 years of waving through anticompetitive mergers in the name of “efficiency,” the DoJ and FTC are under new management, with two-fisted trustbusters like Lina M Khan at the helm.

https://www.eff.org/deeplinks/2021/08/party-its-1979-og-antitrust-back-baby

This new cohort of monopoly fighters reject the “consumer welfare” theory of antitrust (the idea that monopolies drive prices down and are therefore good for society), going to war against the hegemonic orthodoxy that began with Ronald Reagan.

https://doctorow.medium.com/epic-v-apple-d3e59893b4f3

The new antitrust is surging, with bills in the House and Senate, executive orders from the White House, regulatory proceedings at the DoJ and FTC, and an interagency-cabinet coordination committee that ties it all together.

This new antitrust promises workers and users of monopolized industries a better alternative than rooting for one giant to beat another in hopes that they will drop a few crumbs for the rest of us to enjoy.

Creative workers don’t have to choose between Big Tech and Big Content based on their assessment of which monopolist will abuse them the least. Instead, we can root for antimonopoly, for giant-slaying, and the right to self-determination.

The most important immediate step towards that future is blocking new anticompetitive mergers, like Sony’s bid for AWAL, or Liberty Media’s use of a $500m SPAC to go on a vertical monopoly shopping spree.

The agencies have the power to stop these. They should. When you find yourself in a hole, stop digging.

But ending anticompetitive mergers won’t get us out of that hole: most industries (from beer to cheerleader uniforms to wresting to eyeglasses) are already monopolized.

The new trustbusters — and the ILSR — want to use antitrust law to break up these conglomerates. I think that’s right: vertical monopolies will always engage in self-dealing to the detriment of independents, workers and customers. Break. Them. Up.

But breaking up is hard to do. When the DoJ tried to break up IBM, the company’s lawyers outspent the entire DoJ antitrust division, every single year, for twelve consecutive years, and in the end, it escaped breakup.

That doesn’t mean we shouldn’t try. IBM escaped justice because Reagan was elected and neutered antitrust. And even though it remained intact, it was never the same — for one thing, it decided that it was too risky to make its own PC OS.

IBM knew that antitrust enforcers were very suspicious of tying software to hardware — so it tapped a couple of hacker kids, Bill Gates and Paul Allen, to sell it DOS, from their new company “Micro-Soft.”

Unfortunately for all of us, antitrust enforcement only declined after that, so IBM was able to return to its monopolistic ways, and Microsoft escaped from antitrust scrutiny after a mere seven years in regulatory hell.

Antitrust enforcement can sap monopolists of the will to power, as they become increasingly concerned that their actions will attract aggressive legal reprisals.

Think of how Apple “lost” the Epic lawsuit but still “voluntarily” rescinded its heretofore hard rule against apps providing links to web-pages where you can use third-party payment processors to make purchases.

As monopolists lose their nerve, space opens up for all kinds of pro-worker, pro-user interventions, far beyond those afforded by traditional antitrust.

Next year, Beacon Press will publish THE SHAKEDOWN, a book I co-wrote with Rebecca Giblin about the monopolistic corruption of creative labor markets and how creative workers, regulators and fans can resist it.

The Shakedown catalogs the ways that monopolization of investment, distribution and sale of creative works allows entertainment companies, Big Tech, and major retailers to shift an ever-larger share of the creative industry’s revenues from workers to themselves.

More importantly, we identify tools beyond breakups that we can use to de-monopolize the industry — things we can do right now, without having to wait for the conclusion of an antitrust suit that might run for decades.

Take reversion rights: many copyright systems allow creators to take back their rights after a set period (35 years in the US). This lets artists who signed bad deals — before they were proven successes — to resell their catalog or extract reparations by threatening to.

But reversion is really hard to do, and 35 years is way too long. Only an handful of creators — even those with valuable catalogs that could be renewed through reversion — ever manage it.

https://pluralistic.net/2021/07/06/backsies/#take-backs

Congress (and other legislatures around the world, including Canada, where this is likely to come up in the new Parliament) could fix reversion: make it easier to do, and make it available after a shorter period — say, 14 years.

And what about those bad contracts? The “freedom to contract” has always been subject to limits, where some clauses are deemed unenforceable “as against public policy” or because they are “unconscionable.”

With the entertainment sector consolidated into just a couple of states, state legislatures could act to void the most abusive clauses — for example, clauses that allow labels to claw back royalties indefinitely to recoup (often inflated or fictitious) “expenses.”

Our book explores dozens of these kinds of ideas, from co-operatives to trade unions; better accounting practices and direct arts subsidies; radical interoperability and collective licensing; minimum wages for creative labor and collective bargaining.

None of these are replacement for reducing the size and power of conglomerates throughout the supply chain, but all of them are interventions we can make as the power and nerve of conglomerates declines, changes that will hasten that decline and open more space for breakups.

And all of them are applicable, to a greater or lesser extent, to helping workers and users of all the other consolidated industries, from health care to cheerleading.

For example, expanding California’s ban on noncompete clauses would help fast-food workers nationwide — because today, fast food employers are the most aggressive abusers of noncompetes.

That means that a fried chicken cashier earning the tipped minimum wage can’t quit to work at a burger joint across the street for a $0.25/hour raise. Creative workers aren’t the only ones suffering from monopolization — we’re not even the worst off.

But by definition, creative workers have a platform. We reach people. We have the potential to help form the kind of unstoppable coalition that we’ll need to reverse the generations of oligarchic, post-Reagan consolidation.

You may have heard about how Danish McDonald’s workers earn $22/hour and get six weeks’ paid vacation and sick leave. That didn’t come about because McDonald’s was required by law to pay it.

It was worker solidarity that did it. As Matt Bruenig writes, McDonald’s initially refused to sign the voluntary “hotel and restaurant” collective agreement. So its workers went on strike.

https://mattbruenig.com/2021/09/20/when-mcdonalds-came-to-denmark/

Now, if McD’s workers had struck alone, they’d probably have lost. But Danish law allows for sympathy strikes — that is, it allows workers in other parts of the supply chain to take industrial action to support their sisters and brothers who are striking.

When the McD’s workers walked out in 1989, sixteen other sectoral unions joined them. They didn’t just help picket at leaflet in front of McD’s restaurants!

Dockworkers wouldn’t unload McD’s shipments. Printers wouldn’t print their cups and placemats.

Builders downed tools on McDonald’s construction projects. Typesetters wouldn’t set the McD’s ads in the daily papers. Truckers wouldn’t deliver to McD’s restaurants. Food industry workers wouldn’t produce the drink syrups, fries and other inputs to the McDonald’s kitchens.

McD’s caved.

Now, as Bruenig points out, these kinds of sympathy strikes are illegal in the US, but it’s a mistake to think that workers don’t have power because sympathy strikes are illegal — rather, sympathy strikes are illegal because workers don’t have power.

Workers across all sectors face the same kinds of monopolistic exploitation. Workers across all sectors have a common enemy (literally, thanks to “common ownership” where companies like Vanguard and Berkshire Hathaway hold significant stakes in almost every major company).

With a shared cause, shared tactics, solidarity and a renewed sense that we can do more than root for the giant we think will mistreat us the least, creative workers and their sisters and brothers in every sector can reverse generations of losses.

That’s why the new antitrust matters — because it is an assault on the consolidation that gives all industries the power to shift money and other forms of value from workers and users to a small elite of investors.

#pluralistic

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justletmeplayminecraft · 3 years

Note

It doesn't happen often, but sometimes Mumbo will find himself frozen in place, struck down with fear and doubt.

He'll find his mind echoing with the "but what if" and "you're not good enough to stop them leaving" and he'll begin to lose his vision as his eyes become clouded with tears.

He'll take out his communicator and, with shaking hands, send a message into chat;

<MumboJumbo>: Hey I need some reassurance, could someone stop by?

And the hermits will always stop by. Sometimes just one, sometimes many, but he'll always get at least one hermit at his side in a matter of minutes.

"It's okay" they'll tell him. "We'd never abandon you" they'll say.

"Wherever we go, you'll always be welcome. Until the end of time."

oh my gosh this is so good ;-; hold on lemme see what i can write

warnings for self-doubt, fear of abandonment, implied anxiety attack

Mumbo knows what caused it this time. A combination of late nights, feedback on the HCBBS and being in Scar's base. Everywhere he looks is an incredible creation, more amazing than he could ever hope to achieve. He's felt the thoughts building over the past few days, shoving them down as deeply as he can. Which is always a mistake.

Ironically, it all spills over when he's looking at those same tiny mushrooms that excited him so much before. It's just so clever! It's so smart! And it's something Mumbo would never think to do. He's not smart like this, doesn't have Scar's creativity. He has no idea why the hermits keep him around when they could have more people like Scar. Probably because they know he has nowhere else to go, because they're good people and-

No, no. He tries to remember Xisuma's advice. He needs to breathe. Don't spiral. Long breath in, hold, long breath out. In, hold, out. His vision is blurry, eyes stinging with tears.

He keeps that mantra in his head as he pulls out his communicator. Hands trembling, he manages to navigate to the global chat. He doesn't bother reading the previous messages.

<MumboJumbo> csb somebody come over? need somrone rn

<Xisuma> mumbo? where are you?

<GoodTimeWithScar> Mumbo?

<ZombieCleo> where are you mumbo?

<MumboJumbo> msgic village

<ZombieCleo> omw

<Xisuma> let me know if you need back up

<ZombieCleo> will do.

By the time Mumbo hears rockets overhead, he's curled into the base of a tree. The bark presses hard against his back, his face hidden in his knees. He focuses on his breathing. All of those thoughts are blocked out of his head. He knows they're stupid, he knows. The hermits must be so tired of this by now-

"Mumbo." A voice calls, derailing that notion. "Where are you?" He raises his head, rubbing his eyes with a sniffle.

"I'm over here." Mumbo's voice shakes as much as the rest of him. There's a crunching of grass, and he flinches when he hears a twig snap. Soon enough, a wave of red hair falls in front of him, Cleo crouching to his level. She has a gentle smile that is in such contrast to her usual sarcasm.

"Hey, Mumbo. You want to go inside?" He nods. He can't quite find the words to say, so he accepts Cleo's hand as she pulls him to his feet. His suit is crumpled, pulling in all the wrong places and it only feels more stifling. Cleo walks with purpose, searching each building until she finds one that's mostly liveable, with a fair amount of grumbling about Scar and chestmonsters.

It is nicer inside the house. She sits him down on an old sofa, ruffling through already messy locks. The suit jacket is discarded and laid carefully over an armchair. Mumbo tucks his feet onto the edge of the sofa, wrapping his arms around long legs. A blanket is soon wrapped around his shoulders. Mumbo snuggles into it, disappearing until he's a head and two black socks in a pile of blue fabric.

"There you go, do you want some tea?" Mumbo nods. Tea sounds nice right now. He gets a good hair ruffle before Cleo vanishes in search of the kitchen. He can still hear her moving around, cursing under her breath as she tries to navigate Scar's overflowing storage. Mumbo laughs softly, more air than noise. He closes his eyes, resting his chin on his knees.

Cleo's good to him. She came here so quickly, like she often does. If not Cleo, then it would've been another hermit. They always drop everything to come help him. He just- is he really worth that effort? He doesn't do anything in return for them. Maybe it was a mistake calling someone over, he should've just dealt with this on his own, they're going to get frustrated he keeps doing this-

"Mumbo," Cleo calls. Mumbo blinks as he finds himself back in reality. "I can hear your thoughts from here. Do you want honey in your tea?" Mumbo squeezes his fingers into the soft material of the blanket, listening to a distant kettle boil. He breathes in a scent similar to a library. Something old, with a hint of magic.

"Yeah, honey would be nice."

"Got it!" He occupies his mind by looking around the room, naming each of the things he can see. There's a bookshelf against one of the walls. The top two shelves are decorated by various trinkets. Little statues and toys, sentimental items that Mumbo doesn't know the meaning of. The bottom shelves are filled with books from various designers. Scar showed him some recently, pouring over the art with a bright grin. Mumbo hung onto every word he said. A solitary redstone book sits amongst them, and Mumbo huffs an amused breath.

When Cleo returns, he's looked at the curtains, one of them pulled tied open, the forgotten mugs on the coffee table, the various doodles scattered in sheets of paper, the plants that are somehow alive and Cleo, who isn't. She smiles, passing Mumbo the mug. He curls his hands around it, pleased the heat isn't unbearable.

"So which ones do I need to fight this time?" She asks. Mumbo chuckles. The blanket has slipped further back so his hands can stick out.

"You don't need to fight anything," he replies. Cleo crosses her arms, dropping into the space next to him.

"Really?" He looks into the steaming tea. Cold isn't a problem in the jungle, not during the day. But the heat is a good grounding point. Though he could get lost in the way the steam catches the light, shimmering white patterns painted in the air.

"It's the usual," he finally concedes. "With some added 'I'm only bothering you and you're all going to get tired of needing to help me.' You know." Cleo hums. She does know. Mumbo sometimes wishes his doubts would get more adventurous, and then remembers what a terrible idea that would be.

"Do you have the book?" She asks. Mumbo shakes his head.

"I think I left it in my- no, Scar's base." He would usually keep his book of affirmations in his enderchest, but he was a bit flustered with the whole move. He thinks he left it under his pillow.

"I'll ask Scar to bring it over later."

"You don't-" She gives him a look. "Okay. Thank you," he amends. Taking a sip of the tea, he sighs. Cleo knows just how he likes it. The honeyed taste is a much-needed treat.

"So, you know what I'm going to say?"

Mumbo smiles, telling her, "Say it anyway."

"Mumbo, you could be the biggest spoon in the world, and we'd still keep you around, right?" Mumbo laughs, falling into the script with ease.

"Right."

"You're our family. We don't care if you don't achieve these incredible feats, though you do, by the way. We're lucky to have you here, and it makes me smile everytime I see what you're up to. Big or small." He hides his wet smile behind a sip of tea. There's no hiding the tears gathering in his eyes. "Mumbo, you're an amazing person, alright? The best annoying baby brother I could ask for. Wherever we go, you can come with us. As long as you want to."

"And if that's forever?"

"Then it's forever. And I'll consider myself lucky everyday you decide to stick around." Mumbo sinks back into the sofa, finally letting go of the tension he was subconsciously holding. "Right. Now let me read all the chat messages."

Mumbo laughs, reaching up to wipe his eyes, "Seriously?"

"We care about you, you dork." Cleo sits forward, holding her communicator up. She takes a deep breath, continuing in her best gameshow voice, Mumbo laughing the moment she speaks, "And first up, we have Xisuma! Asking me to tell you that he cares about you and he's always here if you ever need to talk." Mumbo settles back, a wide grin on his face, content to listen.

Cleo carefully takes the mug from Mumbo's hands, the redstoner offering no resistance as he yawns. His eyes are half open, blinks growing longer every time. She brushes hair from his face, gently lying him down until he's resting in her lap.

"There you go," she soothes. Mumbo quietly rearranges, hugging Cleo's legs. "You've done so well. You can rest now." Mumbo's sleepy hum brings a smile to her face.

She watches as Mumbo's breath evens out, his body growing heavier on her. She carefully tucks the corner of the blanket in before pulling out her communicator, snapping a quick photo.

<ZombieCleo> mission successful

<Xisuma> :-D

<Stressmonster101> awwwwwwww <3

<iskall85> some much needed sleep i'd say

<GoodTimeWithScar> I'll be over with the book when I find it

<ZombieCleo> don't worry, i think he'll be out for a while lol

She smiles at her communicator and the lanky redstoner in her lap. There are very few sights that warm her undead heart more than this. She leans back, and settles in for however long Mumbo needs her.

#hc #mumbo #cleo #my writing #ask #scarred-but-still-smiling #i feel like i should maintag this because i like it #but also. no. jkjggfd #but yeah i had to write this #the image was very vivid in my mind

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esshetic · 2 years

Text

PICK A CARD READING

Venus Retrograde

Retrogrades bring us back to catapult us forward on the correct timeline.

See what message Venus has for you, to support your retrograde.

Pile 1 - Current Energy

Your Beliefs - Queen of Swords

Your thoughts - King of Wands, 2 of Wands, The Star

Your Behaviour - 9 of Cups RX, 4 of Pentacles

Here you are putting your heart away denying desires that you believe is bad for you, can you just relax and enjoy love for what it is and not what you think it should be. Delusions of grandeur and hopes that this fantasy person will build you up, complete you, or establish your self esteem or worth, just hoping that this BIG counterpart will be worth the wait, the sacrifices that you have done the Prince Charming to sweep you off your feet. Oh how the fairytale feels too good to be true, and once you taste the sweet nectar you will savour it for ever. Keeping your desires locked in a treasure chest with a diamond key that someone somewhere has, is really you denying your chance to be happy now and experience love now, it has you holding off of opportunities blocking the gifts in front of you.

What the retrograde will give you

10 of Wands, Ace of Swords, 6 of Wands.

The passion blocker will end, it will consume you, your desires and then you will feel like why not me, why not indulge, why to have, you will feel better and have more confidence and happiness as you give yourself what you need and you will.

Pile 2 - Current Energy

Your beliefs - Queen of Wands

Your thoughts - Since of Swords, Ace of Cups, King of Pentacles

Your Behaviour - The World, Princess of Swords RX

You know that you are meant for more and are capable of being so much more than you are currently allowing for yourself. I can see that your energy and power especially creatively and sexually is enormous and beyond these 4 dimensions that we live in, your womb is a portal and your sexual energy is potent, it has overwhelmed you and you have shrunk it out of fear of persecution possibly from past life memories but this time is different you have trained before and your life mission is tied into you embodying your power. Its time for you to step into your feminine energy and allow it to guide you, you have so much prosperity awaiting you, there are flowers waiting to bloom and flourish the grouch is fertile you are in the process of manifestation and don’t walk away right now. Get rid of the old and allow God to open the doors to the new.

What will the retrograde give you.

The Magician, The Emperor, 2 of Cups

New ideas and old dreams coming together to be manifested into your reality, you have shifted your perspective of yourself and will be feeling confident and aligned to follow your heart you can feel it coming?

#tarot #pick a card readings #pick a pile #venus #astrology #divination #whitchblr #tarotblr #tarot community #pick a card #witchblr

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asksythe · 2 years

Note

So... if it's ok to ask, why did you stop writing fanfic all of a sudden? I know you have mentioned recently that you are in a better headspace now, but before that you went radio silent for years. I've followed you from the days of Tis Femina and by the way you write, you don't seem the type of writers who lack for ideas. If anything, you seem to have too much of it. So it can't just be writer's block, can it?

Man....

... Ok...

Yeah, I think I can answer that. Well, but before that, thanks for staying with me for this long. How long is it? Somethings like 10 years? Considering I started Tis Femina while in university.

Gee... I dunno. It's a whole bunch of things that came flying at me all at once starting around 2016 and escalating. It's not any one thing, but a whole bunch and they were all long term issues that kept escalating until I couldn't take the toll I guess. In order of events:

1/ I was working under a fairly abusive boss in a life style magazine, doing the job of three different persons and being paid for one, because that was how you made it as a writer, I was told. That was not the case and in 2018, I quit that job for good.

2/ I... had a sister. Around the time she was 16 years old, she was diagnosed with a rare disease. No cure, though we kept hoping and pouring money into it. At one point we were paying 10 thousand dollars per month for treatment alone. It took its toll of course. We managed this for 10 years before she passed away. That was in 2018.

3/Both of the problems above had a compounded effect on me, and by then I had turned myself into a recluse mostly because it's hard to maintain close friendship when my house had become one of mourning. There's an entire year when you could hear my sister's screams every day because they had to slice her leg open and scrape the rot out manually, every day, without anesthetics, for a whole year. By the last year of sister's life, my creative energy had close to desert me, and when she passed away, I just... didn't feel like writing anything anymore. It became an impossible thing. Like it hurt too much. I can't do it. By then, the task of healing myself and my family took precedents, and everything else just slipped to the wayside.

4/ Because I was going through all this crap, my career around 2018 - 2019 went to the gutter too. Because I couldn't write anymore. For close to three years I didn't write a single thing. I did turn out some monkey-with-a-typewriter marketing stuff, but merely to keep my income on life-support. Even then, I burned through several big contracts with big clients and made a fool of myself... because I was too deep in grief and constantly self-sabotaging.

At one point, my professional stuff was stolen and plagiarized and the entity that did this was a big corp that tried to bully me into silence.

5/ And while all of the above was going on, reviews on ffnet were growing abusive too. To be fair, due to its anonymous and lawless features, ffnet has always been easy ground for abusive trolls. I got people coming in shooting demands like they didn't read entire novels worth of free writing, or nitpicking things that didn't go how they like because, you know, how dare I write according to my preferences and not theirs? At one point, it got pretty bad, and from then on I just turned off the review alert emails altogether.

Yeah, if there's one thing I don't miss about ffnet, it's the abuse.

... So... yeah. That happened, and that was why even though I take so much joy in writing fanfics, I took a swift exit stage left. Because at one point it was just too... too much. I needed to take care of myself first.

Yeah, and then the pandemic happened. You know how that went... how that still kinda goes.

But I am in a much better place now. I am happily married. I have repaired the damage to my career and my pen name. I have tons of jobs lining up now, and that abundance means I don't have to work with people who jeer at an Asian woman writing professionally in English, or don't value the work that I do. The writing jobs I take now are either ones that pay well, or ones that I am genuinely passionate about. And now, once more, I feel a spark of joy when I write fanfic (and also because I'm tired of trying to look for something to my preferences and finding none. So I might as well write it myself!!). So here I am, back at it again.

#Ask Sythe

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fixyourwritinghabits · 4 years

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Do you have any advice for people who tried so hard to keep writing that they broke their writing brain and now the thought of beginning a new work or even looking at old work just fills them with dread? I tried for months to fix a story I thought I might finally be able to write more than a few chapters before getting permanently stuck, like everything else I’ve ever written. I loved it. I was so excited. And now I can’t write anything at all. I just freeze up. Has this happened to you?

My friend, you are suffering from burnout. This happens to everyone, and it can happen about anything. This isn’t writer’s block, where you can’t think of anything new. This is your brain telling you that it’s built up so many barriers toward something you’ve stressed over that it can’t just tear them down again right away. You need a break.

Don’t write. Seriously, take a break. Think of your writing brain as having a sprain. It needs some rest, and so do you. How long of a break depends on how you feel, but I can’t stress this enough, don’t go back to work on it too soon. If you need to write in some way, find another output for it. I’m on the tale end of my own burnout, and instead of revising, I’ve been writing fanfiction. (Don’t tell my agent.*)

Consume other media. Read books. Watch movies. Get into a fictional podcast. Do something that still tickles your story-telling side without it feeling like work. You will feel better, and your brain will feel better about getting back to telling your own stories.

Do other hobbies. Paint, knit, get into mask making. Do something with your hands, pick up hiking. Stream some video games. You need that rest, and you need time to let your mind wander.

This generation (and the next) faces enormous pressure to turn whatever hobby they have into something with a profitable, marketable outcome - but creativity doesn’t work on demand, and capitalism is lying about your self-worth being tied to your output. You need a break. Don’t feel bad about taking it.

(*My agent already knows, alas.)

#coymoonrising

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joneswuzhere · 3 years

Text

hello join me in thinking about some books and authors that are, or might be, part of s5′s intertextuality

5.10 in particular offered specific shout outs, and also u know i’m always wondering what might be ahead so i have some ideas on that:

- first, as mentioned in a previous ask post, i know i wasn’t alone in keeping an eye out for 5.10 parallels to the lost weekend (1945) the film that gave episode 1.10 its name and several themes - or to the 1944 book by charles r jackson which the film is based on

- s5 has not been shy about revisiting earlier seasons, especially s1. altho i feel that 1.10′s parallels to the lost weekend centered characters other than jughead (mostly betty), a 1.10-5.10 connection involving jughead and themes from jackson’s story (addiction, writers block, self reflection) seemed v possible if not inevitable

- but like,, , for a hot minute after the ep, i was really stumped on understanding how anything from the book or film could apply, even tho the pieces were almost all there

- jackson’s protagonist don birnam goes thru and comes out the other side of a harrowing days-long drinking binge that could be compared to jughead’s one-night hallucinogenic writing retreat

- but jughead is struggling primarily with traumatic memories, not addiction and self control like birnam. and tho drinking activates birnam’s creativity, it paralyzes his writing as he gets lost in fantasies; he’s never published anything. jughead’s drug trip recreates circumstances that already helped him write one successful book. even the rat that startles him mid-high doesn’t line up with birnam’s withdrawal vision of a dying mouse, symbolic of his horror at his own self-destruction thru alcohol

- and maybe the most visible discordance: in the film there’s a romantic motif around a typewriter. first it’s an object of shame; birnam’s failure to write, tied up with his drinking, makes him flee his relationship. he tries to pawn the typewriter for booze money and finally a gun when shooting himself feels easier than getting sober. but with the help of relentless encouragement from girlfriend helen, he quits drinking, commits to her, and focuses on typing out the story he’s dreamt of writing. rd goes so far to avoid setting any comparable scenario that jughead has brought a wholeass printer into the bunker so there can still be a physical manuscript to cover in blood by the end, even without his own typewriter. the subtle detail of his laptop bg image is a little less noticeable than his avoidance of betty’s gift

- tabitha might be closer to a parallel than jughead is, but she’s still no helen. both refuse to take advantage of the inebriated men in their care, but birnam takes advantage of helen, financially and emotionally. jughead refused a loan from the tate family and now has resolved to deal with his shit before he considers a relationship with tabitha. instead of helen’s relentless and unwelcomed attempts to get birnam sober, tabitha reluctantly agrees to help jughead trip safely bondage escape notwithstanding. she even helps him get the drugs.

- whatever potentials exist for parallels to jackson’s story, they were not explored for this episode. ok so why tf am i even talking about this? what was there instead?

- i have arrived at the point

- s5 has been revisiting s1, not directly but with a twist. and jughead’s agent samm pansky is back. u may recall, pansky is named for sam lansky

- jughead’s trip-thru-trauma is a story device tapped straight from lansky’s book ‘broken people’

- lansky is like if a millenial john rechy wrote extremely LA-flavored meta but just about himself no jk very like a modern successor to charles r jackson. both play with the boundary between memoir and fiction. lansky is gay; jackson wrote his lost weekend counterpart as closeted and remained closeted himself until only a few years before his death. both write with emotional clarity and self-scrutiny on the experiences of addiction, sobriety, and the surrounding issues of shame and self worth

- i feel like a fool bc after this ep i had been thinking about de quincey and his early writings on addiction (c.1800s), but i failed to carry the thought in the other direction, to contemporary writers in the genre, to make this connection sooner

- lansky’s second book, broken people, follows narrator ‘sam’, mid-20s, super depressed, hastled by his agent to write a decent follow-up to his first book, but too busy struggling with his self-worth and baggage from several past relationships. desperate, he takes up an offer to visit a new age shaman who promises to fix everything wrong with him in a matter of days. not to over simplify it but he literally spends a weekend doing psychedelics and hallucinating about his exes. jughead took note

- unless u want me to hurl myself into yet another dissertation about queer jughead, i think his parallel to sam - who, unlike jughead, has considerable financial privilege and whose anxieties center on body dysmorphia, hiv scares, and his own self-centeredness - pretty much ends there

- But,, the gist of the book could not be more harmonius with a major theme shared by the 2 films that inform the actual hallucination part of jughead’s bunker scene: mentally reframing past relationships to get closure + confronting trauma head-on in order to move forward

- so that’s neat. what other book and author stuff was in 5.10?

- stephen king and raymond carver get name dropped. i’m passingly familiar with them both but u bet i just skimmed their wiki bios in case anything relevant jumped out

- like jughead, carver was a student (later a lecturer) at the iowa writers workshop. also the son of an alcoholic and one himself

- i recall carver’s ‘what we talk about when we talk about love’ is what jughead was reading in 2.14 ‘the hills have eyes’ after he finds out about the first time betty kissed archie (at that time he does not respond as would any of carver’s characters)

- this collection of carver stories deals especially with infidelity, failings of communication, and the complexities and destructiveness of love. to unashamedly quote the resource that is course hero, ‘carver renders love as an experience that is inherently violent bc it produces psychic and emotional wounds.’ very fun to wonder about the significance of this collection within the s2 episode and in jughead’s thoughts. and maybe now in the context of the s5 state of relationships. or, at least, the state of jughead’s writing as seen by his agent

- anyway pansky doesn’t want carver, he wants stephen king

- i have too much to say about gerald’s game in 5.10, that’s getting its own post someday soon

- lol wait king’s wife is named tabitha uhhh king’s wiki reminded me of his childhood experience that possibly inspired his short story ‘the body’ (+1986 movie ‘stand by me’) when he ‘apparently witnessed one of his friends being struck and killed by a train tho he has no memory of the event’

- no mention of that in this rd episode but memories of a train could be interesting to consider with the imagery that intrudes on jughead’s hallucination. i still feel like it was a truck but the lights and sounds he experiences may be a train

- ok now we’re in the speculation part of today’s segment

- if jughead’s traumatic memory involves trains, then it’s possible this plot will take influence from la bête humaine <- this 1938 movie is based on the 1890 novel by french writer émile zola. this story deals with alcoholism and possessive jealousy in relationships, sometimes leading to murder. huh, kind of like carver. zola def comes down on the nature side of the nature-vs-nuture bad seed question (tho i should say he approaches this with great or maybe just v french compassion). also i can’t tell if this is me reaching but, something about la bête humaine reminds me of king’s ‘secret window’ which we’ve observed to be at least a style influence on jughead post time jump

- but wow a late-19th century french writer would be a random thing to drop into this season, right? then again zola also wrote about miners, which we’ve learned are an important part of this town’s history + whatever hiram is up to this time. and most notably, zola wrote ‘j’accuse...!’ an open letter in defense of a soldier falsely accused and unlawfully jailed for treason: alfred dreyfus. archie’s recent army trouble comes to mind.

- since the introduction of old man dreyfuss (plausibly Just a nod to close encounters actor richard dreyfuss, but also when is anything in this show Just one thing) i’ve been wondering if these little things could add up to a season-long reference to zola’s writings. but i had doubts and didn’t want to speak on it too soon bc, u know, it’s weird but is it weird enough for riverdale??

- however,,,

- (come on, u knew where i was going with this)

- a24′s film zola just came out. absolutely no relation to the french writer, it’s not based on a book but an insane and explicit twitter thread by aziah ‘zola’ wells about stripping and? human trafficking?? this feels ripe for rd even outside the potentials here for the lonely highway/missing girls plot.

- that would add up to a combination of homage that feels natural to this show

- anyway pls understand i’m just having fun speculating, most of this is based on nothing more concrete than the torturous mental tendril ras has hooked into my skull pls let go ras pls let go

#accompanying image has no meaningful organization it's just there to make me look insane. enjoy #riverdale speculation #filmref #but books #adhd has me like. this is Not the post i've been trying to write for weeks but my brain gave me no choice

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arcticrxt · 3 years

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Some dream smp mbtis and enneagrams bc I love it!!!

@dreamsclock here it is!!

Characters:

Wilbur

Ghostbur

Tommy

Dream

Tubbo

Quackity

Karl

Under the cut bc they’re kinda long. Keep in mind this is the characters and not the content creators :]

WILBUR

Personally for me I’d type c!wilbur as ENFJ which is interesting for a villainous character. When he spirals into madness, you can see his dominant function (Fe) become more unhealthy, leading to him being very manipulative. He shows Ti-grip when his Fe is left to burn out, becoming critical of others and their methods, preferring he do it instead (seen with tommy during their exile). Ni auxiliary is shown in his ambition and drive for his goal of L’manburg.

For his enneagram, i know wilbur said he based c!wilbur off of the song eight by sleeping at last, but hear me out,,, I was thinking maybe a 3w4. The 8 characteristics could be seen in a tritype of 368. Type three is named the achiever which in itself stands for his vision and ambition of L’manburg. 3w4s are often working towards personal growth and professional success. When unhealthy, 3s can get extremely competitive and prone to one-upping others. May reject their sense of self and develop intense mood swings. At worst they can backstab ruthlessly (tommy and the whole of L’manburg and pogtopia) and destroy others reputations solely for their benefit (“if i can’t have this no one can”). The tritype Im a bit if-y on but I’ll say 368 because it focuses on working hard, achieving personal best and developing a winning image. They will want to protect others from those they perceive as a target (dream, Schlatt), they will warn and caution others and seek “worthy” authorities they can respect.

GHOSTBUR His Si is incredibly high so imma say ISFJ. His main motive (id say) is wanting to collect stories of his past and the history of the nation he built, his “unfinished symphony”. Fe auxiliary is very strong as well as he shows a lot of compassion to others, offering them some blue in times of need and also not wanting anyone to feel sadness like he feels it. Ghostbur ignores his own feelings in order for others to feel safe. His Ti is shown through his need for gathering knowledge to understand alivebur and i could also see it through his internalised logic that the blue will help people. Not sure on inferior Ne, maybe through not wanting to see other possibilities in regards to his resurrection, however he was under a lot of stress since his home just got blown up, and friend died, so I can’t blame him.

He clearly doesn’t want conflict so I’ll say type 9. Needs peace and harmony (he gives out blue to help people). Soothing voice, and collected (except when Phil blew up L’manburg but that’s reasonable). He’s complacent, and humble, and will go the extra mile so long as to not rock the boat. Appreciative of the small things in life and enjoy simple pleasures.

TOMMY For Tommy I think ESFP which is probably one of the ones I’m up for more opinions on bc I’m not completely sure of his type. Se as dominant as he thrives on living in the moment but in an unhealthy way (unnecessary conflicts) He’s got a strong Fi auxiliary and you can see that through his personal morals and the way he usually makes decisions based off of emotions rather than objective facts and logical reasoning. He’s good at planning, but not at thinking out the longevity of it. Eg when heady exile and found technos house and lived under there, thinking techno would find him, this all shows Se-Te loop. He gradually develops an unhealthy Fi which leads to him disregarding external relationships (his friendship with tubbo) and commitments to maintain his internal love of the discs.

Enneagram wise, I’m definitely leaning towards 7w6. 7s are usually jumping from one thing to another and are constantly getting bored. The wing 6 brings loyalty and protectiveness. When unhealthy, sevens become narcissistic in their actions and presentation (see his confrontation with tubbo after tubbo thought he was dead, and the “the discs are worth more than you ever were” granted he quickly realises what he said but the mentality was still there).

DREAM I think he’s a fairly obvious stereotype unhealthy ENTJ. He has a very low Fi. When we see him driven by emotion (usually anger) it’s terrifying and we have no context about it at all except that it’s for a need of control. He knows how to manipulate people through his charisma and power in an ENTJ fashion. He lost attachment to his things very quickly (using Te and Ni to go forward logically while also showcasing his inferior Fi)

Dream is a very painfully obvious 8, probably an 8w7, but he is defined an 8. The eight has fiery passions and is usually stubborn and headstrong, they are serious about control over their environment. They are goal-oriented and self-competent. Eights are direct and aren’t shy when taking the lead and making tough decisions. They are often seen in leadership positions. The eight type is part of the “body based” triad and they often act impulsively. They crave respect and enjoy being likes by the group. When unhealthy, eights can become tyrannical and intimidating, scaring off others at first glance. They become addicted to the pursuit of power and will destroy anything blocking their path. Feelings and emotions become insignificant (spirit :’)) challengers become stone-cold and take an antagonist stand to anyone who questions them or their motives. This is the one I’m most most sure of out of every typing I’ve done bc it seems painfully obvious.

TUBBO I’d say probably an Fe dom so maybe ENFJ/ESFP but I’m leaning more to the ENFJ side. Tubbo realised after he thought tommy had died that, without tommy he was himself. Something Fe doms struggle with the most is self worth and personal identity. They’re caught up in wanting to help others that they don’t tend to their own needs. He’s careless and self sacrificing when it comes to the needs of others (him giving up his life so that tommy could have the discs and be happy) and bc he has such low self esteem he doesn’t realise that that’s not what tommy wants. The reason I’m more leaning to ENFJ is because of his inferior Ti. Though he didn’t want to due to dominant Fe, he was lead to believe exiling tommy was the best possible solution. You can see he regrets it after tommy and dream had left. When he was working under schlatt we saw his remorse and guilt even though he knew it had to be done. We see his dominant Fe during his time as president when others push him to do things and he usually agrees. He was manipulated through guilt by dream which is very unhealthy ENFJ.

(I wrote this before the ghostbur one so sorry for any repetitive language) For enneagram, type nine: the peacemaker. Type 9s are motivated by their need for peace and harmony (tubbo was manipulated into believing that getting rid of tommy would achieve this). They have a calm demeanour and are agreeable. They’re hardworking, friendly, and modest but also more serious and diligent than expected. (I’m not too sure on his enneagram which is why this is so short)

QUACKITY Estj imo. Like dream, he’s unhealthily obsessed with power, (unhealthy dominant Te). He abandoned L’manburg because schlatt wouldn’t let him have any say, and he was shoved to the side, despite it being a coalition government. He is very logical and controls others. He makes sure he comes out as the hero and that his hands are clean, learning it from past experiences (Si). He quickly finds ways to get out of situations through the use of tertiary Ne. Doesnt show a lot of Fi and he usually underestimates his opponents abilities and/or strength due to his overconfidence. He’s willing to kill anyone who goes against what he thinks and is stubborn and argumentative. He doesn’t like it when people are lazy and don’t contribute.

Also, similarly to dream, I’d type his enneagram as 8w7. The same with his obsession of power, and his strong/weak mindset where he thinks the world is made up of protectors and those who need to be protected (see him taking it upon himself to execute technoblade for the better of L’manburg) which is all very textbook 8. The opinions of others don’t have much effect on him. Eights are concerned with justice, combating oppression, and protecting the weak. He takes the lead in making tough decisions (he’s the butcher army leader). He becomes more antagonist and villainous with his actions against technoblade, believing he’s in the right. (I didn’t want to just copy out what I said for dream so this is a shortened version)

KARL Torn between ENFP and ESFP but leaning toward ENFP. He’s time travelling because he believes it’s the right the to do which is more so Fi, but could be Fe wanting to help others at his personal cost. But also the Fi-Te pair keeps him going and he won’t stop until it’s fulfilled (which is pretty Te imo). He is creative and good with imagination and ideas (Ne) (at the masquerade, although it was a comical excuse, he came up with minecraft streamer quickly, he was also able to answer billiams questions pretty quickly).

Even though it’s now canon he doesn’t choose when and where he travels to, which would have been a stronger argument for a type seven, he’s still enthusiastic at the times he travels to. He’s optimistic (with the mentality everything will go right for him because he believes it has to, even though he’s loosing a lot of memories atm). He’s got childlike energy and curious eyes. He wants to bounce from one place to another, he created two towns already, although one technically no one knows about gogtopia except for the founders and tommy who travelled through it. He’s well like and popular, which is often a 7 trait. The type 7 is part of the “heart-based” triad, and we can see him act through this with the way he seeks excitement as a means to distract himself from the darker, and more painful things in life. He ignores his fears in favour of positive experiences. For a wing, probably a 7w6 in favour of 7w8, the same as tommy. He’s loyal and a strong leader over being tough and more career-driven. If he was to turn unhealthy in the future, we might see him loose his groundedness, and start to live in a perpetual fantasy instead of reality.

Sorry for any typos or bad grammar :]

#I posted this on some other account but deleted it and just decided to post it here :]#I’d like to do more in future bc I love mbti and enneagram but idk #Wilbur soot #tommyinnit #ghostbur #dreamwastaken #tubbo #quackity #Karl #dsmp #dsmpblr #dream smp #mcyt #mbti #enneagram

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quietrainfan · 4 years

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Unsymptober Day 6: Mind Control

Trigger Warnings: Unsympathetic Patton, Mind Control, Forced self harm, Blood, Knives, Dehumanization, Verbal/Emotional/Physical abuse, Gaslighting.

Note: Beginning is after Accepting Anxiety and end is after DWIT.

Once Virgil had formed an understanding with the Light Sides, he felt a weight lifted off his shoulders. Of course this didn't mean all of their feuds were resolved. There was still the issue of Janus and Remus needing Thomas to be aware of them and accepting them as facets of his personality. Not to mention the tense relationship between them and the Light Sides. Hopefully, though, this could lead to the Lights to open up to the idea of understanding Janus and Remus as well.

The anxious side opened the door that served as a barrier in the mind palace between the Darks and Lights. Virgil couldn't help the amused smirk that stretched across his lips as the spooky- most would call absolutely terrifying- sound echoed from inside the long pitch black hallway, confirming that the thing entering was another Dark Side. Janus had put a protective spell on their door that had been there- since forever, really- as a precaution in case the Lights tried to sneak in. It was strong enough that even Virgil had a difficult time getting in every once in a while. Thankfully, though, Janus could sense when it was him and can let him in at any time.

Virgil shut the door behind him, the usual yellow glow around the rimms flashed for a brief second before disappearing, leaving the anxious side in complete blackness. The lengthy hallway was freezing and there were always sounds of...something growing along the walls. Virgil was able to proceed without a care, though. Maybe it was because his purple irises that were made to help him see in the dark automatically switched on by instinct or that he was just used to the atmosphere of the Dark Side home. Probably both.

"Hey, hey! Look who's home! Say, Dee, ya think I should melt into the wall and try and spook 'im when he gets to the living room?!~"

"You do realize he can hear you, Remus. It wouldn't be much of a surprise. And no, I've already spoken to you about melting into the walls."

"Aw, you're no fun!"

Virgil rolled his eyes, the smirk never leaving his face at the familiar voices echoing in the distance. He finally made it to the aforementioned common room and waved at the two taller figures waiting for him.

"I'm home.", Virgil greeted, letting out an 'oof' as Remus wrapped an aggressive- but affectionate- arm around his shoulders.

"Hey there, tiny! Took ya long enough!", The creative side pulled him closer for a rough noogie, laughing as Virgil tried to break free to no avail.

"Augh, Remus! Let go!"

"How did it go today? I hope they didn't give you too much trouble.", Janus approached the two shorter sides with crossed arms.

His voice was even and calm but Virgil could tell Janus was on the defensive, for his sake, against the Lights. He always was when he returned. The things Virgil told him of his experience with them had his protective elder brother mode cranked up to a million.

Virgil snapped out of his annoyance towards Remus at the question, "Uh...yeah, about that. We need to talk."

"What did they do?", Remus had loosened his grip on Virgil a bit, his tone quickly went from playful to low and dangerous. Which prompted Virgil to explain before he did anything that would reverse all the progress they made.

"N-Nothing! Well- not nothing but….", The anxious side saw their eyes narrow and he cleared his throat, freeing himself from Remus's embrace, standing up straight and rubbing his neck nervously, "Uh, so- They kind of...accepted me? They came looking for me and we talked. Thomas is no longer resisting my spot at the discussion table."

Remus scoffed, "Yeah, right. After all that?"

"I was skeptical at first, too.", Virgil admitted, "But they really made a genuine effort to understand me."

The creative side wasn't buying it, turning to Janus. The deceitful side nodded, "From what I can tell he's being truthful, Remus. And I doubt he'd speak of it if he didn't feel like all of this was for certain."

Virgil was calmed by Janus's ever present rationality. But he knew this conversation wasn't over. "Although", He began again, "I am curious about what they said about the rest of us."

The anxious side bit his lip.

Janus's expression softened, "It's alright. Take your time."

Virgil sighed, "They-well, Roman, really- said that I was nothing...compared to you guys."

Remus chuckled bitterly, leaning against the wall, "Fucking typical. What'd I tell you?"

"I understand and trust me, share your anger, Remus. But they were not only willing to hear Virgil out but also came looking for him after he, to them at least, went missing.", Janus turned back to Virgil, "Remember that this is for Thomas's sake and working as a unit is far more efficient than doing it separately. Regardless of how...strained our family ties are."

Virgil responded with a smile which the taller side returned. He knew Janus would be understanding but it was still relieving to hear out loud. The deceitful side was known to be incredibly protective of all of them and unapologetic about his opinion towards the Lights. But thankfully that didn't mean he wasn't unwilling to make amends, provided they offered the same courtesy.

"So we're letting them in just like that?", Remus protested.

Janus laughed, "Absolutely not. I'm not going to let go of all the bitterness I feel simply because they were nice once to one of us. They have quite a ways to go to earn my trust and even longer to earn my respect.", He layed a gentle hand on Virgil's shoulder, "But what happened is worth noting."

Remus hummed, still skeptical of the whole thing, "We're going to still have to worm our own way in. Plus Thomas isn't even conscious of us yet."

Janus nodded, "Naturally. We can't just have our stormcloud being the middle-man for us forever.", A fond smile stretched on his face at Virgil's small grunt in response to his pet name.

"Eh, whatever.", Remus sighed, "You're the boss. If it means I can get my ideas heard, I don't really care how."

"Very good.", Janus clasped his hands together, "Now, it's been a long day. We'll discuss this further in the morning."

The three sides separated for the evening. Virgil distinctly remembered the following morning. They had started discussing ways to ease Thomas into accepting the parts of himself that he blocks out and working from there to get the others to follow suit. Virgil still had the memory of the last thing he said to them.

"I certainly hope any of these scenarios will work. Virgil, are you sure about this?"

"Yeah, no worries. Leave it to me. I just don't want you guys to have to hide anymore."

Leave it to me.

He had said. And he meant it. He would've followed through with his promise but he didn't anticipate the situation he managed to get himself into.

Virgil was speaking to Patton while they got together for a movie marathon. Everything happened so fast. He brought up the Dark Sides, their recent reconciliation, and the possibility of them being able to come to an understanding since he was accepted. Before he could read Patton's expression as his smile fell, Virgil...felt something change in him. The anxious side wasn't able to decipher what at the time but by the time he had, it was already too late.

"I don't think you should trust them, kiddo. Stay with us."

That was all he said. Virgil opened his mouth to try and defend the others, try to convince Patton that it was possible for everyone to get along. But the words died in his throat. What came out instead shocked the anxious side.

"You're right, Patton. I'm so glad to finally be away from them. Thanks for...embracing me and giving me a proper family.", Virgil had a hard time processing what he said. He hadn't meant a single word of it yet his tone, body language, and expression reflected his words perfectly.

"Your welcome, kiddo.", Patton smiled warmly at him.

"I didn't mean any of that. Patton, the others can be trusted, you guys just need to give them a chance."

"Honestly, I don't know why I stayed with them for so long. All they did was cause trouble and made me miserable.", A spiteful growl left Virgil's lips.

The anxious side thought he saw Patton's warm smile fade slightly.

"Maybe because you didn't have any other option.", Patton smiled sadly, "We didn't give you any. We had no idea how horrible you had it. But now we do and there's no need to worry anymore. We won't let them hurt you."

The moral side placed a comforting hand on his knee, "I promise."

"They've never hurt me! I was perfectly fine! I just wanted respect. And they deserve the same!"

"I'm….still afraid, Pat.", Virgil mentally swore. What the hell was going on?!

"I know. But I'll always be here. And so will Roman and Logan."

"Thanks. That makes me feel a little better.", Virgil finally returned his smile.

"No, you all are part of the problem. I'll never feel comfortable if I have to choose between two halves of my family!"

His true feelings were locked up nice and tight. Virgil learned very quickly that what he actually thought was met with consequences. Nasty ones. Patton pulled him aside after everyone had fallen asleep.

"I'm sure you've caught on by now, Virgil.", The moral side said simply, "Unfortunately, as I predicted, you aren't weak enough to convince completely. You still have some free will in there. You Dark Sides really are a pain."

He adjusted his glasses with a sigh but smiled brightly nonetheless, "But that's a-okay! I've got a little back up! If you're going to be our family Virgil, I'll have to set some rules first!", Patton handed him a small pocket knife, "Hurt yourself."

Virgil blinked at the request. Patton's sweet smile remained, "For every forbidden thought you have, you are to hurt yourself with varying severity."

The anxious side's blood went cold. Judging by his expression, Patton wasn't kidding. "Hmm, since you had three forbidden thoughts today, let's start off with three wounds. Do it.", He commanded.

Virgil's hand moved, despite him trying to fight back against the urge forced on him. He reached for his face, ready to cut just below his eye but the moral side caught his wrist, guiding it back down.

"Ah, ah, kiddo. Not on areas where others can see.", Patton purred, "We wouldn't raise suspicion now, would we?"

He guided the anxious side's hand down further. , "Here. Your stomach. I think there's a good start."

Patton released him, watching as Virgil lifted his shirt. "Under your belly button, Virge. Since you had the guts to bring them up in a positive light."

Virgil's teeth sank into his bottom lip as he penetrated his skin, dragging it along to the other side, hot blood already beginning to soak his lower half.

"Your chest now, kiddo. One under and one in the center."

Virgil complied, holding back a scream as the excruciating pain shot through him. Patton let it drag on, taking his sweet time in telling him to stop.

"Okey dokey!~ That's enough for now.", Patton clapped.

Virgil stopped on command. He made a mess, though it was nothing compared to the agony he felt. His blood was still gushing out of him, the sight, the pain, made him burst into quiet tears.

Patton's smile remained but he rolled his eyes, "Oh, hush. You're a Dark Side, you've had worse and those wounds will heal almost right away.", The moral side pat his cheek, "Now go clean up and head to bed. We have some filming to do tomorrow."

Patton began to walk away but stopped briefly, "Oh, and welcome to the family!"

With that, he left.

From then on Virgil was forced to treat the Dark Sides exactly how Patton did. He didn't know how long Patton had him under control but it was apparently it was long enough that Janus had decided to take things into his own hands and make an appearance. Virgil was so overwhelmed with joy, he had completely forgotten the situation he was trapped in.

"Dee! I'm so happy to see you!"

"Anyone who doesn't understand that should just shut up.", Virgil felt sick to his stomach. No, no!

The hurt on Janus's face filled him with so much guilt, "Virgil...it's me.", He said with an uncertain, broken voice, pointing to himself. , "Aren't we friends?"

"Of course we are! More than that, we're family!"

Virgil scoffed, "I'm not so sure we are."

Janus proceeded in his attempt to convince Thomas on his own and all Virgil could do was sit there, wishing he could scream that he didn't mean it.

Eventually, Janus being the clever snake he was, found his own way of having his voice heard. Virgil was happy, proud even but the guilt he felt was awful. If he had been there, this transition period would have been a lot smoother and they could've worked on it together.

Patton was having none of it. The more obvious it became that the Dark Sides were getting closer to their goal, the more he doubled down on Virgil behaving more and more cruel forcing him to take his side at every turn.

And every time Virgil wanted to shout that he was being controlled. That he didn't mean a word of it. He desperately wanted to embrace Janus and Remus and apologize for every nasty thing he was forced to say to them.

And every time he thought that way, Patton punished him. There was nothing he could do. He may be stuck like this forever, regardless if the others were accepted or not. Patton would find a way to use him to undo all their progress.

----

"Virgil really just abandoned us all and cozied up to ol' four eyes, huh?", Remus snarled with disgust.

Janus hummed with agreement, resting his chin on his conjoined fingers, "Yes, it seems so.", He turned to the shorter side, "You know why, right?"

Remus kicked the chair next to him, " 'Course. I ain't fucking stupid! But what are we going to do? Personally, I just want to charge in there and beat the shit out of him until he lets Virgil go. But I'm guessing you're looking for something more tactful."

Janus, "Leave it to me, Remus. We'll go with the original plan of getting the other's defenses down."

"And Virgil?"

"We'll set him free, rest assured. But as you said we can't just rush into this. There's also the subject of demasking Patton's true nature. We'll have to settle that first if we want a solution long term."

"It sounds like Virgil's going to have to hang in there for awhile.", Remus gripped his sleeve in frustration.

"Yes, with you watching over him."

Remus blinked, surprised.

Janus merely smirked, "I trust you can protect him as much as possible in the meantime. Just...try not to be too obvious. I don't want to put our stormcloud in any further danger."

Remus beamed, pounding his chest proudly, "Roger that, cap!"

"Good.", Janus turned away from his younger sibling with a frown, "It'll be a long road but eventually, he will pay."

The deceitful side looked down, rubbing his thumb along the old hoodie Virgil had left behind. "Stay strong, Virgil."

@unsympathetic-october-2020

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inventors-fair · 4 years

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Rock and Roil Commentary

What a wild one! Everyone did a great job this week, I saw a lot of really creative cards, and I was happy that we same a very nice mix of lands and non-lands. I noticed a common trend in a lot of them. I wish in my article I had talked about the idea of giving the player the choice. We had a lot of entries that either forced the lands to become creatures, or turned them in to creatures permanently. I don’t know if people realized how dangerous that is, making players put their lands at risk of getting hit by removal or sweepers with very little way to protect them. I don’t think every card should have avoided it, I just worry that some people didn’t realise it was as much of a downside it is. Also, nobody wanted to make a lategame beater like most of the landfolk are, everyone wanted to make giant busted gods.

Anyway, here’s the commentary for everybody! It’s in alphabetical order based on your tumblr name.

@dabudder - Oran-Rief Awakening

I see you took this contest to its logical conclusion. What if they were all creatures? First things first, I like the first trigger. I like how it’s optional, I like how it trigger at combat, I like how it untaps the land as some sort of weird ramp, I wish it granted haste. I like how it can either be a sort of slow finisher in green ramp decks or a way to turn your ramp spells into blockers as you wait for your big stuff to come out. Pretty good. The win the game trigger, however, I do not like. A five mana enchantment that wins the game with nothing but a Zuran Orb is too strong in my book. It’s also not hard to ramp this out with creatures by turn 3, giving you only 3 lands you need to animate. I really wish this were more like a planeswalker ultimate, where it only MOSTLY wins you the game. Preferably something that scales with land creatures, such as “put X +1/+1 counters on each land creature you control.” Your heart’s in the right place, I just wish you would have made the payoff a little more interesting.

@deafeningsandwichpeach - Ranged Wildlands // Borlox

There is a LOT of text on this card. Enters tapped unless you control an animal, sure, though might be a little strong considering it’s already fine as a tapped triland. The Slate of Ancestry ability is REALLY strong on a land, considering it still seems some minor play when it cost 4 mana to play. And the Borlox, which admittedly does cost a lot to flip, is also really really powerful. I think you could remove half the abilities form both sides of this card and it would still see tons play. On non-power level concerns, I think the card may be trying to pull in too many directions. Try focusing it into doing just one thing well instead of a lot of things all at once.

@emmypupcake - Flooding Mire // Deepmire Serpent

One of the few untapped lands, but the fact that it can only flip on endstep is a really cool way to sidestep the haste issue. I also really like that mana fixing downside because it is a pretty major downside, especially in decks that are playing enough basics to flip it. But boy, that downside is really made up for on such a strong card. In a controlling shell, that guy can really do a lot of damage (figuratively). It might be decent in aggressive becks as well, but the unreliant nature of the mana and the creature might be more trouble than an agro deck wants. Which brings me to my biggest issue with this card, and it’s a big one: the flip isn’t optional. This means that a control deck might be forced to keep lands in hand to not flip it (either this land or basics), or play the land just to lose another. I know it can be played around with appropriate sequencing and deck building, but it just seems like an unnecessary problem. If you just put “may” on this card, it becomes a lot cleaner of an execution.

@fractured-infinity - Presence of Solara

I was expecting a lot more auras, but I’m happy with this one. So, at three mana this plays like a slightly worse Dungrove Elder, trading off hexproof for trample and some commander stuff, but I don’t think the trade-off is quite worth it. I really like the presence mechanic, and I like how you incorporated commander damage into it, though I’d be worried about Presence on an equipment. But as for the card itself, it seems fine, I could see a lot of decks using it, but it’s not really pushing any design space, and I don’t understand why it needs to be an aura as opposed to just a creature with the P/T ability. I know there’s stuff that can be done with that, like arbor elf to give it vigilance or animating a Nykthos so you can untap it with creature untap abilities, but those combos seem pretty minor as opposed to the headache of rules or losing a land every time someone kills your commander.

@dimestoretajic - Sower of Vengeance

Wow, that’s a card. This is a fun card to read as it just gets nuts the further you go. It’s in the right colors, the set symbol is good, the abilities all interact in cool ways, the theme is fun. I checked, though, and multi-blocking doesn’t grant more than one counter, so that’s awkward. I like the idea of storing up damage until it dies and you get a massive army of huge creatures, but I think there could have been a neater way to do it. As is, some lands will have different counters than others, and some won’t be able to attack but others might. I also wish it only lasted for a turn, instead of lasting forever. It’s bound to either win you the game or lose you it very quickly. All that said, as messy as a card it is to play, I can’t ignore the fact that there’s a lot of really cool ideas going on here, and out of all of the hard to gauge cards submitted, this was the one I most hope is playable.

@gofytomcat1 - Monument to the Ancient Way

Always nice to see jeskai representation. I like the strict upgrade to mystic monastery, a card that was just barely under playable in standard, but sees a lot of play in casual formats. I like the cost on the activation: a 3/2 flyer for 4 is good, but the three color restriction reins it in a bit. I like prowess here for the jeskai throwback but I think it plays a little bit against the card. The fact that you could activate the ability twice means you could get two instances of prowess, which will both trigger independently, and if you somehow activate a second time after casting spells, you will have to remember that some spells have been doubled up and some haven’t. Also, you’re usually going to be activating this late game when you’re out of cards in hand and have nothing better to do with your mana, so prowess won’t come up often, which I guess is good considering what I just mentioned. Anyway, good card! Prowess is a little awkward on it, but I like what it does in the colors it’s in.

@gollumni - Krug, Utmungr Worshipper

So it ramps when attacking, and has menace? Seems solid. I like how it’s not ramp unless your opponent’s board is clear enough, but maybe that’s fine because you can always choose to not do it. I’d almost suggest to give the land menace instead of trample to link it closer with Krug, but it’s fine as is. Very solid card, not much to say.

@i-am-the-one-who-wololoes - Dormant Earth

Lots going on here, but I think I like it for the most part. I like the bounce effect, it’s something you don’t see a ton but works really well in land-centric decks. It also helps balance the manaless activation cost. I like the simple ETB tapped effect to deal with haste problems and the colors are good. As for the main event, the landfall ability, I’m a little torn. I like using landfall as an animation tool, since if you’re topdecking lands, chances are you’re fine throwing one into combat. I really wish it didn’t trigger itself, but I know landfall has to trigger on all lands, so your hands were kind of tied there. Similarly, I wish it was optional, since getting your land hit by a bolt when it entered tapped anyway and wasn’t going to attack just feels bad. I think this card was just a scant few steps from being at the top.

@illharg-the-rave-boar - Tomb of the Buried Ancients

This card scares me. Any land that can tap for multiple mana is terrifying, and giving it to dredge is a whole other thing. The downside is paying life, which as we all know, is why no one play ancient tomb (hey wait a minute). But I said I’d be judging cards in a standard-level environment, and it’s much tougher to self-mill in standard, but a couple looting effects and you have an extra mana or two scarily easily. As for the animating ability, it seems by far to be in the background. Not being usable until you’re got 10 or 11 mana means it’s not going to see use except in some very long games (which if you’re acelerating with this, probably won’t happen). It’s also odd that the untap ability wants deserts in your graveyard but the animating turns them indestructible. I really wish that last ability weren’t on there, because otherwise I think this would be a great card, but with it there I just think it will break... everything.

@industrialsalad - Genju of the Future

Callbacks on callbacks on callbacks. I like the use of frame, considering it’s using a future sight mechanic (and has future in the name). I like the card! Paying two to make a land into a 2/2 is pretty good, especially at uncommon, and making it repeatable is nice. It’s a good way to deal with flood but has use in the early game if need be. I don’t understand the need for the unattach clause, other than to prevent animating multiple lands in a turn, but that doesn’t seem like THAT bad of an idea. Upping the fortify cost could have covered that, which I probably would have suggested anyway. I just worry that playing it, fortifying for free without intent to use it for a few turns, then getting hit with a naturalize that also takes out your land is rough. I know it’s flavorful, but it makes for some disheartening gameplay. I think this is a really cool idea and a lot of it is done really well and cleverly, but it just needed a little more time in the oven.

@kavinka - Face Island

I liked this card when I first read it, but the more I thought about it the less I liked it. At first I liked how it has a straightforward enters-tapped taps for blue base, and I like how the ability is really pricey, meaning it’s meant only for late-game decks (which is what blue usually wants). But there are a bunch of minor things that bug me. First, the last ability is worded such that it isn’t obvious if it needs to be a creature or not for it to “die.” If not, this is very strong with cards that let you sacrifice lands, but I don’t think that’s the intent. I like how it gives you a consolation prize if your opponent kills your expensive creature, but the prize is 2 more lands when you already had at least 11. And lastly, the fact that the giant has reach, while I’m sure it’s just for flavor, makes me think you’re going to block with it somehow, which seems... unlikely. So, as whole it’s very good, but starts to break apart after some thought.

mardu-lesbian - Barricade Inciter

In soviet gruul, gate crashes YOU. Old memes aside, a neat card. I like gate synergies, I like the menace. I don’t quite understand the 2brid mana, it seems kind of unnecessary, since at rare this is mostly going to be constructed, and you should be able to make triple green pretty easy by turn four in ravnica blocks. I also don’t quite get the untap. Usually animation spells that untap are nissa abilities that use them to generate mana. If it’s just there so you can target a gate that you already used to pay for the ability, I think that it’s okay to ask them to pay attnetion to what they’re tapping. As for the ability itself, I like it, but I really wish that fight were optional, especially with a three toughness creature. I know you could always just target a basic, but the fact that it could actually be a downside on a bad draw is a little awkward. I don’t know how I feel about it also being gate hate (since you can target opponent’s gates), but I don’t think it’ll come up except in super awkward mirror matches. There’s a lot of things I like on this card, but I wish it had just a few less quirky interactions.

@monoblue82 - Mountain Memorialist

Mount Rushmore maker? Cool concept. I get why you made it red: red gets land animating, red is the color of artists, and its got mountain in the name! But this is definitely a black card. Even though it’s happening to a land, this is a reanimation spell. It is taking a creature card in a graveyard and making it be in play. If it were black, I’d say the card was fine. It seems weird that the card would still be a land, but all of the land abilities would be overwritten. I think. I don’t know if keeping it as a land lets it keep its land subtypes. I think the ability might be a little overcosted, based on Obsessive Stitcher, but I’m not sure. This is a tough card to evaluate, but my main concern is just that it isn’t red.

@nine-effing-hells Hojamu, Quiescent Caldera // Rohojam, Raging Heart of the Land

The volcano requires a sacrifice. Nice. So, sacrifice a creature, get an 8/8 first strike trample? And your opponent can only stop it by sacrificing creatures? And if they don’t have any, they’re screwed? I think this might be a bit too good compared to effects like jinxed idol that also bounce back and forth by saccing creatures, but kill much slower than this. It also seems weird that this god isn’t indestructible, considering the amount of effort it takes to bring him out. I really like the story it’s telling, but I think it would have played better on an enchantment.

@reaperfromtheabyss - Sacellum of the Sun

I like what this card is trying to do. I like the very slight but not insignificant downside. I like how the color ability requires a permanent in play, and the animate ability also requires permanents in play. I also like that this is in white. I’m sure it’s meant to be a cycle, but white specifically has access to a lot of high-devotion permanents that are relatively hard to remove. I really like how this card helps enchantment (especially prison) decks close out the game, even getting through Enduring Ideal. There is a little bit of issue when it comes to summoning sickness, since you don’t want to give it haste as it’s sort of a white card, but if you have two in play, it’s very easy to misclick if you’re playing on a digital client. I’m also concerned on the blowout potential of removal in response to the activation, which isn’t fun, but I think if you’re at the point where you’re turning a land into a creature with only one card giving devotion, you know what you’re risking. so yes, a very well made card with a couple of random minor nitpicks.

@shakeszx - Standing Battlements

More fortify! Cool! I like the replacement effect, I think it is phrased correctly. It’s actually kind of cool how, even though damage doesn’t get removed, it’s no longer a creature, so if it dies in combat you’ll end up with a land with damage marked on it (just don’t attach another standing battlements to it). I also like how the replacement effect interacts with it being a fortification. If it was an aura, it would just have totem armor, but you instead give the player the opportunity to just lose out on a land if they would rather have the battlements out. I’m not sure on the cost of this fortification, since you’ve basically got a blackblade reforge that can attach to lands, but also costs colored mana, but also protects the user. If I were playing it safe I’d tack another mana onto the casting cost, but I kinda just like playing it safe. I also don’t know what deck outside of limited wants this, since it feels aggressive but kind of requires a lot of mana to make use out of. There’s some real cleverness to it, but I just don’t know where it goes.

@shandylamb - Consuming Marsh

You asked, and yes, this fits the bill. This card compares very favorably to Hissing Quagmire. gaining haste and dropping the cost but instead sacrificing a creature, which on its own isn’t a fair trade, but having the land itself enter more than makes up for it. In fact, it makes up for it a bit too much. Any land that enters the battlefeld untapped unconditionally already has some power concerns, but tapping for two different colors of mana and being able to turn into a creature pushes this way over the edge. That said, in a world where lands were allowed to be a little stronger than basics, I could see this being a very cool, fun, good card. Deathtouch and haste is a good way to get through board stalls, which is when sacrificing a creature is easiest. If it weren’t for power level, I think this card easily could have made it into the runner ups.

@shootingstarhunter - Soiled Spirit

I’m down with this bog. I like the tap condition (I would have been fine if you put the Morbid ability word on it) to power it down just a little, but still comes into play tapped if played on turn one or two. I like how powerful that last ability is, letting you slowly accumulate counters over time until you’re ready. I like how it still needs some building around, since you need to find a way to kill a creature before combat. I think in the deck that wants this, it’ll be a fun, good enough card, but requires enough to go your way that it’s not too powerful. I think it’s a nice card, but I do wish it had a bit more of an out if you’re going against hard control or something else creature light and counter heavy. I think this guy would end up stranded in play pretty often. Though thanks for making it a may! You were one of the few who caught that.

@snugz - Blackgrove Bastion

So, if you’re really flooding, you can use lands in hand to turn lands in play into big beaters. Honestly, you could have just stopped there. I don’t think having to bounce the land is necessary. You’ve already discarded a card, paid for the fortification, turned your land into removal bait, and risked your creature in combat. The fact that you can’t even tap it for mana without it bouncing is rough, too. I think you could afford to drop that ability or turn the equip into a mana cost and be fine. I appreciate the haste concern.

@socialpoison - Garom, the Loamwarden

I know plant thing when I see him. I like how this is a new type of land animation that plays on a few angles. If you ignore everything else, he’s a 5/5 for 5 that you can basically regernerate by paying 2 or more and sacrificing a land. I also like how it keeps getting pricier everytime you do it so he’s not too tough to kill, but he can make that cheaper, though even with that I think you didn’t need to up the price THAT much. It’s already pretty difficult to make sure it dies when you have mana open, I don’t think you also need to punish players who take advantage of its main mechanic. The flavor of him coming back is really cool, too. At first I didn’t really understand the last ability, but I get that it’s a way to offset the fact that you keep turning your land into creatures and having them die. It’s a little hard to judge how powerful that ability is on its own considering it’s a free sac outlet and graveyard recursion, but only for the weakest permanent type. Newer players might also think that they could return the land they sacrificed, but on a mythic (though I think this would be fine at rare) I think it’s fine to be a little counterintuitive. Altogether it’s a cool card, but for a legendary mythic I kind of expected something a little bolder.

@starch255 - Iotrene, Vengeful Arbor

So what if Urborg was alos dryad arbor? I’m not a judge (well, not that kind) so I’m just going to pretend that it will never cause rules problems. At least none of the effects take place in zones other than the battlefield. Anyway, the card itself seems... just kind of bad? It seems really risky to turn all of your lands into very tiny easily killable creatures, and if you’re not mono-green, then you’re just turning some of your lands into 1/1s. I think it has combo potential, but I don’t think this card is worth the headache to play. Points for trying though, your execution is perfect, no formatting issues I can see and you even got the reminder text in there!

@teaxch - Stalking Hemlock

What if Kamahl was a Stronghold Assassin? I actually like all of the intersections of abilities on this card and how many options it gives. Four mana and tap to sac a land/creature to kill a land/creature is cool from a design stanpoint, but it’s really hard for me to approve of repeatable land destruction in standard. This is one of those “if it survives, I win, if it dies, I don’t” that reminds me of cards like Mercurial Chemister and WAR Nissa. I think that makes it tough for this to see play in competitive formats, and the land destruction angle makes it hard to play in casual formats. A very clever card, but I just don’t know what to do with it. The flavor text, however, would have gotten you into the winners circle alone if I didn’t have the fair’s reputation to uphold.

@thedirtside - Unhallowed Ground

I like the understated nature of this card. It starts off as just a guildgate, and the ability is a little tough to activate, being two colors and requiring a card in a graveyard, and the size of the creature is a little small, but altogether it comes off as a neat little uncommon. As I said in my example post, graveyard hate in the land slot is always nice, and this serves as a great way to punish slower graveyard decks like some of the god-pharoah’s gift decks in historic right now. Even at uncommon, I think this card could afford to be pushed just a little more, perhaps by making a bigger creature, because as is it’s hard to reason spending effectively 3 mana for a 2/2 for a turn compared to cards like mutavault and Mishra’s Factory. Still, not a bad card, I like what you’ve done.

@tmstage - Facsimilake

Love the pun. The card’s pretty good, too! I like how it’s got a bit of a pricey activation compared to a lot of landfolk, but this one definitely needed it. Five mana reanimation on a land is very strong (Atzal comes to mind), and the fact that it doesn’t exile the card means you can do it again next turn. I think the enchantment nature of the card does more harm than good in both design and play: the fact that your land can be erased for a single mana at instant speed is a nice downside to bring the power down a bit, but there are going to be some decks that ignore its activated ability entirely ad just play it as a constellation enabler. It just seems a little unnecessary, at least before it transforms. I also think you probably could have skipped the “still a land” and mana ability since it’s unlikely to become relevant unless something has gone terribly wrong, in which case it’s fine to punish reanimator players. So yeah, a little unfocused and overpowered, but a neat card that has potential.

@walker-of-the-yellow-path Spine of Lasai // Lasair the World Eater

Getting some very nice hideaway land vibes, but what if valakut? I like random red rares that are just like “sorry you didn’t burn them out, have a consollation” like Valakut and dragonmaster outcast. Big red is also always fun. So this is already looking very good! I like the flying 8/8 trample, I like how it being a land is flavorful but also sneakily lets it avoid some removal considering it’s a finisher, and I like that its ability ties into its flip condition. I kind of wish the front half weren’t legendary, but I know that feels really weird, but legendary lands are just always a bit of a bummer, especially tapped ones that don’t even act as one-of mana. Making it fetchable kinda evens that out, meaning that you can have just one in the deck but still have 8. Anyway, the real meat of it: that activate ability. I think it is way too strong outside of multiplayer. If you do nothing but play mountains and this card, you can win as soon as it flips by tapping all of your mountains to pay for themselves and dealing 21 to your opponent’s face. I know that doesn’t make it that much stronger than valakut, but valakut is a broken card. I think if the mana cost was even just two mana this card might be fine. That’s my only problem with the card. otherwise I love it.

That’s all folks! See you at some point in the future

-Mod Mr. ShinyObject

#contest #entries #rock and roil #custom magic card #inventor's fair #mtg #commentary

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whaq · 3 years

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Fuck You, Animu (1/4)

A dumbass’ war of heart and mind A few months ago, I hit a creative block. Despite considering myself a jack of many mediums, I couldn’t for the life of me bring myself to make--well... anything. While I do have a Google Keep of creative ideas I’ve come up with over the years, I was unable to find the drive (pun shoehorned) to get started on any of them. This sent me into a bit of a spiral. A lot of creatives probably empathize: you find yourself lacking the motivation to create so it starts to negatively affect your self-worth, which is tied to your ability to make things, and this lack of confidence compels you to just succumb to melancholy, finding yourself the victim of a self-fulfilling prophecy to become a slacker because you think you already ARE one.

I was a couple months into this when a buddy of mine hit me up asking if I heard about a call for local anime reviewers. At that moment, it almost felt like divine intervention from God, who I only ever felt in the burning sensation radiating through me whenever I was within 10 feet of a church. An anime news site, let’s call em Animu, with a relatively large following, was searching for writers who would join their staff to review anime being released in the winter season with a salary to boot. As an avid anime fan myself, who just so happened to have honed his critiquing skills over years of media consumption {that has since ruined my viewing experience for the foreseeable future (I legitimately suck the joy out of every piece of media I consume now)}, I saw this as my opportunity to be able to use my skills for some form of monetary gain; which was always a concern of mine throughout my life. Growing up, I was never really good at anything that could easily become a profession later in life. I was too awful at biology to become a doctor, not smart enough at maths to be the next Pythagoras, nor was I athletic enough to shoot a basketball, let alone make it in the NBA. I was good at talking in, and understanding, English... and that was it. At the time, I didn’t realize I had a knack for writing and oration, but even once I did, I found that the trajectory towards being a professional for either of those fields wasn’t so simple. Most people still have the childish idea that “Oh, writers write books and speakers do… speaking things!” but it waters down such a wide yet closed off section of the professional world. Writing alone has so many different specializations: journalism, screenwriting, book authoring, all such niches that don’t have as established a path as scoring high on the Bar exam or being scouted on varsity; it’s difficult to find a place in this world with that skill set, a fear that a majority of creatives have. So I needed some form of validation, an instance of acceptance that’ll allow me to finally believe that my work is worth something and, most importantly, enjoyed by someone. So I started working on my application for Animu by selecting three different series that I was interested in tackling: Re:Zero, Cells at Work, and Kaguya-Sama: Love is War. Starting from zero The posts after this contain these reviews in the state I submitted to Animu. I spent about a month working on these. Re:Zero’s review was close to my usual style of critique, which focuses on the technical aspects and their execution as well as commentary on any relevant subtext, minus the subtext. I wanted to seem as professional as possible with the first one and tried to keep to the proposed 1200 word word limit. With Cells At Work, however, I tried to have a bit of fun. There were many rumblings around the community about the series’ cancer episode which I was eager to capitalize on. That said, upon rewatching the episode, I came across some potentially problematic scenarios that could’ve been blown out of proportion by some headline-chasing media outlet; so that’s exactly what I did. No, I wouldn’t in my right mind compare chibified blood cells to Nazi sympathizers (then again, I’m never in my right mind). Lastly, was Kaguya-Sama, which became my favorite anime of the past couple years. This series was the first anime that got me to actively follow the source material as it hit two of my most identifying traits, being a cinephile and humor academic, as well as a side I’m slightly embarrassed by, my interest in romantic comedies. I wanted to attempt a review that was just hype-hype-hype as it was what the series sparked within me. Oh, and you SHOULD read Kaguya-Sama. Bleeding out After a modicum of proofreading, as well as some peer review from my closest confidants, I sent over my application and I waited. As my heart raced on the day of the announcement, my name was nowhere to be found. To add insult to injury, I was informed that I scored absolutely horribly by Animu’s criteria, my highest grade being one that’d flunk in the most forgiving of schools. While you’d expect me to be crestfallen, I was actually ecstatic to know that the community I’ve been a part of, a local one no less, had people with an even larger passion and greater skills than even I. As someone who went through childhood being made fun of for my interests that have somehow developed into geek chic and gone mainstream (something that, contrary to most of the community, I’m happy to see), I was glad to see how much people like me had developed from waifu worshipping weaboos to outstandingly ornate otaku. Hell, I was content to have made some content. I was looking forward to seeing the fruits of labor from those who were more deserving than me. So imagine my surprise when what I found posted a month later was absolute garbage. I’m not going to get into detail, seeing as said details could lead to someone getting doxxed just because they didn’t meet MY oh so high standards (/s), but what I will say was that the quality of the content indicated something more telling about the whole ordeal. I have taken part in two completely different student publications in my time, and I can say with utmost certainty that THE GRADE SCHOOLERS I MENTORED WROTE BETTER, AND THEY WEREN’T EVEN PAID. Still, it was nice to know I still had it in me to make something of substance. And on this commemorative day, I open up my blog by making public my entries for all to ridicule. As much as I talked down the winning entries, I don’t believe mine were perfect. Like most of my work, it’s rushed and rambly, full of tangents and misnomers. But, it’s very me, and I’m quite happy to see something from me see the light of day.

I hope you find some amusement in my bemusement.

p.s. Yes, the headers are attempts at relating to the three shows p.p.s.s. Yes, they’re BAD attempts at relating to the three shows

#anime #manga #review #anime review #rant #petty #spite #critic #critique #nerd

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violetsystems · 3 years

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#personal

I was invited the other day to join a community as a Creative Advisor from a survey I filled out for Adobe. I made the choice last November to purchase Creative Cloud for an entire year at a discount. When I worked at an art school I had all those applications free. Anybody in the arts community will tell you that software is expensive. I don’t necessarily feel too connected to the local arts community these days. But being a Creative Advisor basically means I participate in focus groups and offer my opinions in writing. It’s a not a bad way to stay active as a creator. I bought a drone basically so I had 4k footage to mess around with in Premiere. I am a YouTube Creator by definition. Yesterday after posting a video of the stream there was another survey in the right hand corner. I cautiously opened it and read through it. It was an inclusion survey. YouTube wanted information to help with their community. The first question was what race I identify as. I can’t really argue I’m not white. The next question was if I identified as part of the LGBTQ community. I don’t so I answered no. The third question was what gender I identified as. I said male because I’m cis. I completed the survey and went on about my business. A few minutes later another popup asked me how satisfied I was with the YouTube community after all this. I answered Very Satisfied and closed the window. I’m also part of a larger community here in Chicago. This can be drilled down so far that you can find yourself standing in a lonely circle with a thousand fingers pointed back at you. My immediate neighbors identify. I wouldn’t know what specifically or why so I don’t ever really pry. I live on a pretty diverse property when it comes to tenants. That expands into a pretty diverse neighborhood with a pretty diverse set of issues when it comes to power sharing. I live the mad max sort of mentality these days. Think more Fury Road than Road Warrior. Where he helps out then silently fades away to focus on his own car wreck of a life. One winter while shoveling snow I discovered somebody had written something in front of one of my neighbor’s doorstep. It said “gay people live here.” I processed it, shrugged and shoveled it away. I couldn’t tell if my landlord was supposed to discover it, if my neighbors actually wrote it, or if it was somebody being hateful. I made a judgement call on the account of safety and made a mental note of it then made it disappear. I cared enough to think about it no matter how much this entire process exhausts me. People join communities for connection. People seek out authentic communities for safety, pride and respect. And people in America should be able to do this freely without being exploited, judged, watched, or compared. Communities overlap and the geopolitics therein get a little tricky. When you live in a city with so many different influences, cultures, and hang ups the fog of the ideological war muddles up everyone’s intentions. I think we retreat to the sanctity of our own communities because they understand the narrative and context best. I’ve been welcomed into many communities that aren’t my own. But my circle is pretty small these days. Mostly because for all the care and attention I apply to the concept of community, I’m often left out to fend for myself here in my bachelor Castle of Doom. Communities do consolidate power for better or for worse. Just like rich people hoard money and dodge taxes. Communities have their own cultural queues and signifiers. Communities in America have increasingly become more like tribes in the economic desert. Impenetrable communes at war with myopic definitions and hidden rules that are meant to keep people out for resource sake. So much so that the Road Warrior doesn’t seem like science fiction to me from personal experience.

It was the great poet Lord Humungus who may have set it best. Just walk away. Safe passage in the wasteland they said. Be your own boss. Own your sexuality and answer for your horny crimes. Shit, I don’t even know where to begin when it comes to where I belong in all of this. For me things have become equally obfuscated and easy to understand at the same time. I’m more of an anarchist these days than I would like to admit. I don’t really want to be on Tucker Carlson’s radar. Simply because everyone is looking for something to label you as so they can pass an easier judgement on you. People want you to identify so they can fit you into whatever conversational hole they wish to project at you. I run into my neighbors all the time. I treat people like people. Simply because I’ve been treated enough like shit to know I don’t want anyone else to experience that. I don’t really want revenge. I want all this nonsense to stop getting in the way of my pursuit of life, liberty and happiness. And the constant arguing and debate team every step of the way is troubling. It’s people with a beaten down sense of self confidence proving themselves in the arena of mob rule. For all the chest beating online on twitter or facebook people are kind of shook in the streets. It is a winner take all mentality. And even the more valid sides of the fight have taken to dirty tactics leaving some of us in the middle of an absolute shit show. Par for the course if you ask me. There are plenty of opportunities to be the hero these days. Not many to be acknowledged as one. You can be you and still support people that think differently. I had a dream about guns last night. I don’t own a gun. That’s not the right choice for a person like me. It doesn’t mean I can make a sweeping generalization for the rest of America. Neither do I actually care to. I’m cis. I don’t spend my time psychoanalyzing or judging gender or sexuality other than my own biases towards it. This is to treat people better and learn respectful communication. Communication is a two way street. And some communication is blocked, obfuscated or hidden for it’s own protection. It can also be self serving. Some of my closest friends are behind infinite onion layers of identities. Layers of firewalls that I pirouette through like a whirling dervish just to show I still care deeply. We take the time to show love. We take the time to understand the obstacles. And we have patience to understand that we have to sacrifice things sometimes for the sake of change. Make no mistake the way I see things on my own is fucked. I am part of a community here on Tumblr. A much wider community. There are times when I don’t fit in. When it’s not about me or you or whoever behind the screen. It’s what we connect to and how we learn to respect each other as human beings first. Not as names. Or fame. Who we really are behind all of this doesn’t really matter as much as the content and ideas we share. Community has it’s own memory and it’s own duty to hold things sacred. Some larger communities do a totally shitty job of understanding the needs of their ideological neighbors. And passion, pride, and lack of patience can burn bridges more quickly than building them. There are times when you realize you are part of a community that doesn’t honor your identity at the core. Sometimes it’s worse. You find you aren’t welcome in a community for whatever reason. If you are an abuser this is a safety issue and not really up for argument or discussion. But sometimes its far less deserving. And it’s a game of musical chairs to understand where you fit in and where you aren’t welcome. For me I’m part Swedish and also a minimalist in nature. Just look at Ikea and my habit of rearranging furniture. I grew more inward this year in terms of who I trust. Now it’s just me and a small percentage of screen names that might be owned by the same person or people. I identify them as my closest friends.

The thing about community I’ve learned over the years is that it can always be infiltrated. Trust can always be broken. We find we don’t belong to the bigger picture because motives are out of place. We long to just be normal and accepted for that. It’s exhausting to have to identify every time you walk out the door. I identify as human. Mostly I identify as Tim. Freedom in America is best summed up by a quote by my favorite person in the world. She’s from China. She said once she loved New York because it was the only place where she felt free to cry in public without anybody prying into why. I’m paraphrasing. But that shit has stuck with me like a knife for years. That isn’t what America is about right now. It’s almost like it’s looking for victims. Looking for signs of weakness to trick into a confidence game. It’s a setup on every corner. A prank waiting to happen. A constant obstacle to your main quest. And this isn’t what America is about. At least not the way I live it. I don’t think I solve the situation with more policing. I don’t think I solve it by doing anything other than continuing to live free. The challenge here in America is constantly evolving as it is around the world. America’s idea of free isn’t always well thought out. It’s riddled with paradoxes. And yet this is all I really have. I’ve seen enough people stalking me in the streets with shirts emblazoned with messages. Freedom isn’t free. Penetrate the world. Blue lives matter. Make seven up yours. I’ve made statements too and found myself more and more alone. And then I’ve started to realize geographically what’s worth fighting for. I’m tied to an address. That’s the address where the government sends my ballots and rejects my state taxes at. That’s the address where the utilities are in my name and I pay my rent on time. Sometimes even a month ahead. I’m fiscally responsible for once in my life. I’ve conquered years of societal glue that held me to mediocre and half assed standards. I’m a diamond in the rough except I’m not really all the rough. I’ve stood up for people who aren’t like me so much that I feel more isolated and weird every day. And I learn that sometimes it’s better to shy away from places where you aren’t welcome than to make a scene. I am stuck in my little hole here. If the answer were getting out there and networking, I’d ask people to look at my passport. It’s not good enough for the state to acknowledge as proof of my identity. But I spent a lot of money going back and forth to Asia trying to do just that. And I paid off all that debt awhile ago. I know the world is bigger than me. And I believe sometimes people think they’ve travelled the world in their computer. They’re the authority on everything. And here is the problem with freedom in America. The authority isn’t always right. This is why we seek out communities. For democracy. For peer review. To have our narrative understood and respected. And we need communities to be more about democracy and less about autocratic reactions to a zero sum game. I think it’s okay to not be part of something you don’t belong. And I also think it’s okay to respect people’s wishes to seek out where they do. But we have to learn to live together in America despite of this. And well this would require us as Americans to really look the beast in the eye. And doing that alone is scary. I should know. I do it every day. So much so that I’m literally not fucking around with much of anything other than what’s easy enough to read. Even when it’s easy to read it doesn’t mean it’s done in earnest. I can only really worry about the things I hold intimate and secret. The creative culture I’ve salvaged with my bare hands. I really don’t care if you don’t get who I am. But I want you to know I care about the world being free. At least for the people I care about. If you ever catch yourself crying in public just remember I’m right there over your shoulder cheering you on. I’ll fight for your right to cry about it and scare off anybody who interferes. That’s just who I am and nobody will know or even acknowledge me by name. Sometimes I do feel like a ghost. I’m not trying to walk through walls people set up for protection. But I will break down the barriers people put up to keep us from living together. <3 Tim

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duker42 · 5 years

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can i request this: Y/N is a well loved chubby lil cook for the soldiers, known to be really friendly but socially awkward. she one day bakes multiple batches of cookies with her own ingredients for heckin everyone but saves an extra special one with a little heart made of chocolate chips on it. she gives it to the last person to grab food, levi heckin ackerman. fluff, slight angst from a misunderstanding, and hilarity ensue. sorry if it's too specific ;w;

***So it was a little specific, but hopefully I got the gist of what you wanted. This one was a challenge, but I think it turned out well!

💜Baked with Love💜

Y/N hummed as her egg timer went off. She grabbed a thick towel and reached into the ovens, pulling out the last trays of cookies. Setting them to cool, she began to tidy up the large kitchen, her white uniform covered by the neat apron she wore.

She wasn’t a soldier but her gently rounded curves wore the uniform of one. She supported the soldiers, as their cook and it had just made sense to her higher ups to wear the standard clothes. It was a sometimes grueling job, making their meager budget stretch to try and fill those active bellies with sufficient food. Y/N was creative though. She had managed to convince Commander Erwin that the money saved on frighteningly expensive herbs was worth the time and effort she put into the small gardens in the castle courtyard.

Still, she tried to spoil the Scouts before any upcoming missions beyond the walls. Most of them were frightened kids, unsure of what was to come, unlikely to make it home again. So she did her best to try and remind them of better times if they had those memories or create them if they didn’t. And everyone loved chocolate chip cookies.

The dinner was prepared, and the cookies cooled by the time she had finished washing the last of the pans. Gathering the trays, she began to fill the bowls and plates, certain that the people would start to rush in now that the hour had chimed.

As the people passed through, she gave them a friendly smile, but tried not to talk. She normally stuttered from embarrassment or got tongue tied when there were too many people around.

The line had dwindled out, so she turned her attention to the last of the pans, scrubbing them vigorously as she let her mind wander back to that one last cookie. She had baked it in hopes to give it to one man that seemed to make her heart flutter, but she hadn’t seen him in the Mess Hall tonight.

Lost in thought, she stood for Lord only knows how long before a loud “Oi!” Broke through. Looking up, she spotted the abject of her thoughts standing in the doorway, a bored expression on his handsome face.

“Oh, Captain Levi! Sorry, sir. I’ll get your food right away! She washed her hands diligently and quickly set up his tray of food. With a slight blush, she carefully put the special cookie on the tray before handing it to him, avoiding his eyes.

He walked off without saying anything and she sighed in relief. She stopped herself from looking out across the dining room after him as she turned her attention back to the pans in the sink.

~~~~~

Levi looked down at the cookie with something akin to horror. About the size of his palm, the sweet treat had chocolate chips baked onto it. He HATED sweets. Picking the plate back up, he marches back towards the kitchens.

“Here” He thrust the plate back towards, Y/N throwing her rag down to grab the offending item from him. “I don’t want this shit.”

Spinning on his heel, he walked back out of the kitchens, unknowingly leaving a broken hearted Y/N behind.

~~~~~

Everyone had noticed that Y/N was not her usual smiling self. But no one could quite figure out what was the reasoning for it. The cheerfulness of the kitchens had been replaced by a melancholy air.

Levi’s eyes narrowed as he went through the line for his tray. Y/N had looked away from him every time he had come through lately. Was she upset because he hadn’t eaten her cookie that day? No that couldn’t the case....too many others loved the baked goods she spoiled them with.

He hated sweets for a very good reason. They hurt his stomach, BADLY. That one cookie would have been enough to send him to the bathroom for hours, praying for relief. While he enjoyed his shit jokes, he hated enduring the cramping ass burning pain that came with eating sugar, so he avoided it all together. He figured that he was that way because of the limited diet he had growing up in the Underground. Now, it was just something he lived with.

Maybe he should talk to Y/N. Hopefully he would be able to sooth any ruffled feathers without revealing his embarrassing personal fight against sweet treats.

~~~~~

A light knock on the door pulled Y/N away from planning the next day’s menu. Shuffling to the door, she opened it to reveal Levi, his normal expression in place.

“Can I come in?” His words were smooth and easy, like he hadn’t stomped on her heart a few days ago. She seethed in anger that he would approach her after working hours.

“No.” She moved to shut the door when he placed his foot in the frame, blocking her from closing it in his face.

“Shit, I didn’t think you would be this mad about not eating a damn cookie.” His slightly surprised tone pissed Y/N off even further.

She gave a short bitter laugh. “Yep, I’m upset because you didn’t eat the cookie. That’s what it is.” Her sarcasm wasn’t lost on him, but he was confused on why she was so damn angry.

“Then what the hell is the problem?” Rude and to the point as always, his grey eyes flicked to hers.

“Could have something to do with the fact that I gave you a special cookie, one where a HEART was formed from the chocolate chips, letting you know how I felt. And you returned it, saying, I quote ‘I don’t want this shit.’ Maybe....could possibly be the reason I’m upset. Now if you will please leave.......” She trailed off, nodding towards the door as she turned her back on him.

Understanding made him freeze. He hadn’t paid attention to the damn cookie. Once he realized the confectionary treat was on his plate, all he could think about was getting the devil food away from him. He hadn’t noticed the heart shaped laid out on top. Shit.....She had tried to tell him how she felt the only way she knew how, through her food. And like a complete ass, he had unknowingly rejected her.

He had wanted Y/N for years. Had been intrigued by the curvaceous little cook when she had first joined them. Watched her awkward social interaction in large groups, knowing that she was similar in her clumsiness in making small talk. But he had also noticed her passion for making the lives of the Scouts around her better by making the crap food they used to eat feel a bit more like something that would be served at a family dinner table.

Walking over to her, he placed a hesitant hand on her shoulder, feeling her tense under his touch. He would have to tread carefully and watch his abrasive tongue if he was going to set things right and perhaps earn a chance with her.

“Y/N, I’m sorry. I didn’t really look at the cookie. I didn’t see the heart on it. If I had, I would have never returned it to you.” He fought to keep the tremor from his voice. Every time he had practiced talking to her about anything other than food, he had stammered. He didn’t want to make a fool out of himself now.

“Would you have eaten it?” Her question was quiet. He winced, he couldn’t lie to her.

“No.”

Her shoulder slumped under his hand. He sighed, resigned to having to reveal his reasons.

“I didn’t want to spend the rest of the night shitting myself. So no, I wouldn’t have eaten it. Sugar upsets my stomach. I haven’t eaten any of the treats you make. I can’t.” He closed his eyes as his face begins to turn bright red.

She shakes underneath his touch. Her hand had moved up and covered her mouth, small noises coming from her. Shit....he made her cry. Feeling like a complete jerk, he carefully turned her around.

His eyes widened as he look at her. She was red-faced, her eyes dancing in amusement. The little shit was laughing at him. She released her mouth and grabbed onto his arm as her bright laughter filled the room. Rolling his eyes, he looks away.

“I didn’t realize....I’ll make you some savory treats next time. So you aren’t the butt of your own shit jokes.” She snickered, pulling his face back to meet hers.

Giving in to his own wants, he lowered his head to hover his lips over hers. “Your jokes are shit, Y/N.”

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trashbaggage · 4 years

Text

started with a throwaway idea for ridiculous immortal!jaskier

had a breakdown about how one of his biggest fears is probably to matter so little as to be forgotten

bon appétit

He doesn't remember Before.

Before he had become a lost wanderer. Before he had woken, cold and alone, in a nameless town of strange faces. Before he forgot where he came from and started towards a life hopefully worth remembering.

If he focuses hard enough on that blank dark ocean of what was, he can see a twisted shape and a hunger never met with satisfaction. If he traces the small mark at the base of his skull, he can feel an ice-sharp claw of fear reaching in and pulling. He doesn't know how the mark came to be, but he knows it is jagged and hurt and there - an exit wound made raw by the relentless scrape of memories being extracted and consumed.

He had felt so hollow, those days after whatever had attacked him. So full of emptiness he could scream just from the paradox alone. At least he had come to in a room already paid for, with a few possessions that seemed to be his. For three days he stayed in that space, just to feel the walls block out the rest of the world he could not remember being a part of. But he could not stay there forever, and even though he ate during the days, a growing hunger still gnawed; he soon realized he had seen its match Before and he could only hope it would not prove as terrifying and insatiable.

That was a very short hope.

On the fourth day he left his little room, its comfort no longer enough. He told himself he just needed some fresh air to clear his head, some solid earth beneath his feet. But in the back of his mind, centered just by that mark, he knew he was hunting.

As the night fell around him, so did his new instinct, a cloak of stalking need - and even worse, a wanting thrill. He likes to tell himself he doesn't really recall what happened next, that it too was lost to him just like the Before. But this....this he remembers in scarring detail. A man ahead of him in the crowd, making his way between two buildings, thinking the shadowed alley will get him home quicker to his waiting family; following the man and calling out a greeting, a seemingly innocent question of direction - a trap to bring him closer; and the snare of his hands catching fast and quick upon the back of the man's head, his eyes going distant and glass-like in seconds. The only consolation he can give himself is that he didn't drain the man dry, but the man - Szymon, another thing he can't forget though he wishes dearly he could - went home that night with no memory of his ten year old daughter. Those years gone, and he does not know how to give them back; does not know if he even would after they had filled up that cored-out hollow inside, had quieted that hunger. For a time.

He goes back to his room that night and doesn't sleep.

He moves on the next morning, packing up his things and walking out of that town with a straight back and feet that want to run. He has no idea where he is going, or who may be waiting for him somewhere, anywhere; he fears, deep down to his marrow, that no one is. He just keeps moving, trying to stick to smaller villages and less-traveled roads; he thinks he has never done so much camping, but that's just an educated guess. Anything to keep away from other people, with their rich pasts calling out to him like feasts waiting to be consumed. He stretches himself thin, starving until he can no longer take the gnashing hunger, and even then he only tries to take the scraps he hopes no one will miss too much. There are a few slip-ups here and there, but his control gets better through gory practice.

And yet another problem arises; he feeds his hunger, and while that keeps him alive and going, it does not change how wrong he feels. Not just the heavy guilt from taking that which isn't his, but another wrongness. He has all these memories of other people's lives, all their mundanities and extraordinary moments, all their loved ones, all their lives lived, and though he owns them, for awhile, in a sense, they are not his. He is still blank. By the gods, he doesn't even know his own name! If anyone bothers to ask it of him, he gives a different one each time - nothing feels right. He knows nothing; he is nowhere and no one.

He is nothing.

Another few weeks. A handful of "meals". More names; his victims', that he can't forget, and those he shrugs on for a few days like an ill-fitting coat, soon to be forgotten. It doesn't really matter, anyway.

Nothing he does matters.

He had left behind a pendant, in one of the many cold rooms in the many towns full of strangers that had become a map of his sorrow. Not of his life, as he is not really living - merely surviving. They were mostly running and blurring together, at this point. But that pendant, a delicate lark with topaz chips for eyes, had been one of the few possessions he had from Before - he couldn't bear to lose any of those last ties to his past, no matter how small or frivolous, and no matter if he couldn't recall any memory attached to them. He just liked having tangible proof that he had been a real person, at some point, the kind that was thought of fondly and often, the kind who might have received such a necklace as a gift. So he made his way back to look for it.

He dearly wishes he hadn't.

It took him a few days to realize the item was missing, and by the time he noticed, turned around, and made it back to Velen, about two weeks had passed. He found his way back with little trouble, a cozy place with a red roof (creatively called The Red Roof Inn), just on the border of Novigrad. The same lovely young woman greeted him as he walked in, and he made his way over.

"Hello again, Ada! I know you must be tired of seeing this weary face, but I do believe I left something here and would very much like to see its return. Did you or any one of your lovely patrons find a little gold pendant? In the shape of a lovely lark? It's very important to me, you see." He may be a tad more desperate to find it than he thought - he's using more words and charm than he has in the past few weeks, but it does feel nice to converse with someone. And the girl had been very friendly to him during his first visit; they had even passed one of the nights with silly card games and some really excellent cakes she had made. It seemed they were both lonely souls.

A strange look passed over her face, and she just stared at him for a good few moments. He was about to ask if something was wrong, when she very hesitantly threw his world into disarray. "I'm sorry, sir, but - um, eh, do I... know you? We don't usually get a large number of people coming through here, but I do let some slip through the cracks, as they say." Ada gives a slight, self-conscious little chuckle, and he can see that there really is no recognition in her face. "When, um, when did you say you were here last? And you lost something? Maybe - "

"No, no, that's alright," he breaks in, amazed he can squeak anything out with the way his lungs can't seem to find enough air. She doesn't know him. She doesn't remember him.

Of course.

Of fucking course she doesn't! He can feel himself losing track of his surroundings, but he can see her face becoming concerned. She says something, but the words can't get past the rushing in his ears, and he just mutters out a few more "sorrys" and "nevermind, don't worry about it" and "made a mistake". He turns and runs out the door, almost tripping down the few steps outside, and keeps going until he finds himself in a pocket of quiet around the side of a building. The wood feels solid and harsh against his back as he slides down it to puddle on the ground, and he sits there for a long time, trying to get his breath and his mind back.

He leaves without the pendant.

The coin in his bag is running low, and he's not even sure how he gained it in the first place. He starts picking up odd jobs here and there, small things that toss little company and a few coins his way. It keeps him focused during the day, but the nights are still hard, yawning open and calling out for him to fall further adrift. He finally picks up the scuffed but well-loved lute that was with his possessions when he woke - he had only run his hands over the strings briefly, before he shut it away in its case. Now he brings it out and lays it on his lap, waiting to see if it sparks any memory; it doesn't, unsurprisingly - at least, not any visual memory. But as he brings it up, he finds his hands curling around its body, cradling it, and he feels settled for the first time in a long while. The notes he picks out are rough and scattered, nothing you could even generously call a song coming forth. He keeps working at it, though, and as the stars wink above him he welcomes the night with an aching but proud melody. He looks at the calluses on his fingers, built up on years of songs he can't remember, and thinks maybe I can create some beauty for the world, to help pay for my ugliness.

He falls asleep just before dusk, the lute still in his arms, and he does not dream of names and faces that don't belong to him. It is the best sleep he's ever gotten, and in the morning he comes awake slow and warm and refreshed. And so he keeps playing, his hands remembering where his mind forgets, and he makes up new tunes and lyrics and songs aplenty; it seems his hands were just waiting for that first chord to be struck. It creates a different hunger in him, but this one he isn't afraid of.

He is in another small town, just on the outskirts, helping out an older couple with their broken fence. They had offered him a warm meal and a warm bed for his work, and he is grateful for the kindness. He tries to keep himself so distant from people, to not hurt more than he can help it, and he gets so very lonely.

The sun is high overhead, the afternoon at its peak, and he has found a shaded spot for a break. The woman, Lena, had brought him a tall glass of cold water, fresh from the earth, and it tastes clear and sharp on his tongue. He decides to bring out his lute for some practice, and starts playing a silly little song about the flowering spring come to play, with her green locks buzzing with the hum of honeybees and her feet waltzing through streams and time alike; it feels the perfect atmosphere to play it. As he finishes a verse and rounds back to the chorus again, he hears a little voice from behind humming along, echoing his words back at him. He keeps playing, but turns to see the couple's granddaughter, a young girl of about eight or nine, dancing there with a basket of fresh-picked flowers; he thinks they will make an excellent wreath. As he winds down his song and slowly fades out the notes, she comes closer to him and holds out her dirt-covered palm, smiling the smile of two friends sharing a secret.

"I like your song," she says shyly. "You have a nice voice. Dziadek says nice things given should be thanked, so thank you." She shakes her outstretched hand slightly, and the little flower resting there catches his eye. It's a sunny and bright buttercup, and it's presented with the same gravitas as if it were solid gold. He reaches out to take it, and twirls it as he brings it up to his nose to breathe its fresh scent deep.

"Well, thank you for the thanks, and I shall treasure this token of our great and legendary friendship!" He cannot seem to stop smiling, and his chest feels like it's blooming. "Would you like to hear another song? I think you'd enjoy the ballad of Zofia the adventurer, who roams across the continent and makes friends with everyone she meets."

Her eyes light up and she plops down before him. "That's my name! Yes yes, play it!" A pause as she settles for a moment and says solicitously, "please", before she's back to dancing in her seat. He definitely can't hold back a laugh at that, and rewards such good manners with the promised song. He plays for her for a good twenty minutes before she's called back to the house, and as she leaves, still humming and singing snippets of the song he made for her, he reaches up to the buttercup tucked behind his ear and doesn't feel that ever-lurking hunger.

At the next place he stops, the innkeeper asks for his name as he's buying a room. He smiles as his mouth forms around "Jaskier", and it doesn't feel like a lie.

It's been a few years since he became Jaskier, and he still travels about like a petal on the breeze, uprooted but still going. Still alive. He can scarcely believe it himself. Lady luck seemed fond of fucking him over, but there was one benefit she tossed out like a battered bone to a starving dog: he doesn't seem to be aging. He hasn't caught any sickness in the past few years either. He's gotten into a few scrapes and dust-ups here and there, some truly unfortunate misunderstandings, but they healed pretty quick - especially if he'd been fed.

Which is another small miracle as well. The "rules" surrounding his condition aren't quite as set as he'd first believed. Certainly, the quickest way to address the hunger was to glut himself at the source, to find some poor soul and latch on for a quick meal. But other people's memories of their own lives and personal histories are not the only sustenance that can feed him - it seems writing himself in their memories works too. The more lasting the impression, the more energy he gains, and they even....taste different as well.

Memories unconnected to him taste bland in the worst way - like you know it tastes of the sweetest ambrosia to others, but it turns to ash in your own mouth, and you get echoes of what could have been, what everyone else seems to have but you. The memories he creates and becomes a part of have more substance. More zest. He's been playing taverns and inns along his meandering path, and those nights with generous and receptive (and drunk) crowds are the best - as people stumble out after or up to their rooms, still humming his songs, he feels full for at least a week, and he can taste happiness like crisp apples or a cold ale. And as he has become more comfortable around people again, in control enough to sate his loneliness on a more face-to-face basis, if you will, he's found himself some lovely company, and those memories he leaves his lovers with are tangy citrus and refreshing for a quick snack or pick-me-up. Although, of course, there are those few unfortunate misunderstandings he finds himself in, usually, he admits, in conjunction with those romps, and the tang can soon turn more sour and acidic - he's still full for a day or two, but it's uncomfortable and doesn't sit quite right.

He knows he has become louder over the years, everything about him calling out for a look, a remark, for attention. Brightly colored doublets garner admiring glances; a flash of silver or gold about his fingers make others want to reach out and touch; a sly wink and stories told through movement as much as words gathers people closer. After keeping himself so separate and quiet, shrinking himself down to pass unnoticed and hopefully unharmed, for all parties concerned, to let go and be so blatantly present is a thrill; he may be forgotten, but he refuses to be ignored.

(On his more maudlin days, he does wonder if this newfound freedom is truly a blessing - is being Jaskier the slow return of who he was Before? Is there anything real in the artifice he adopted to fit in and make life easier? Getting too philosophical makes his temples throb, so he just gives thanks that he may still be lonely now, but at least he's not so alone.)

#the witcher #witcher #jaskier #julian alfred pankratz #witcher fanfiction #fic #this is just the first bit #i mostly know where i'm going with this #i'll prob post to ao3 when i have it more solidified #and it will be geraskier #but for now here's jaskier struggling with feelings of inadequacy and loss he doesn't even know the extent of #it'll get better #and then worse!#and then maybe better again :)#creature jaskier #functionally immortal jaskier

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