JJ: when did you fall? are-
Emily: the day i met you. just head over heels for you the moment you… that’s not what you’re talking about, is it?
JJ: um… no, Derek said you fell in the parking lot. i was going to ask if you were okay…
Emily: oh. yeah. yeah, yeah, i’m fine. i’m fine… barely hurt.
31 notes
·
View notes
Hotch: Reid, can we talk in my office?
Spencer, already crying: yeah sure
34 notes
·
View notes
Reid: last night I couldn't sleep so I tried knocking myself out on the headboard.
Morgan: ....
Hotch: *concerned*
Rossi: *concerned in pasta*
Reid: it didn't work, pass me the coffee.
20 notes
·
View notes
Strauss: You need to hire a professional tech analyst for your team.
Hotch: *sees a scented homemade pink stationery resume written in glitter ink*
Hotch:
Hotch: That one. I want that one.
3K notes
·
View notes
JJ : An apple a day keeps the doctor away
Emily : Slowly bites into an apple while menacingly looking at Reid
Reid :
Reid : Emily what the fuck
1K notes
·
View notes
Emily: [flips monopoly board over]
Hotch: Prentiss!
Emily: This is why your wife is dead
Reid: Emily!
Emily: This is why your girlfriend is dead
Morgan:
Emily: This is why you’re bald
Morgan: I DIDNT SAY SHIT!
3K notes
·
View notes
Reid: I hate playing make believe with little kids. You shoot them with a laser and they're like "actually I went back in time, so it doesn't count." What are you talking about??? you just casually rip open a hole in the space-time continuum? irresponsible.
hotch:
hotch: are you talking about my son?
3K notes
·
View notes
Hotch: Yesterday, I heard Reid ask "Are you sure this a good idea? " and Emily said "Trust me"
Hotch: I have never move so quickly from one room to another
3K notes
·
View notes
*Fire alarms go off in FBI building at 7:45 am*
Hotch: alright, that’s the annual fire drill. everybody stay calm and exit the-
*Penelope RUNS out of the room*
Hotch: GARCIA?
Penelope, running down the hall: I NEED MY PLUSHIESSSS. THEY WILL SURVIVE!!!
Hotch: it’s just a drill-
Reid, fretting: HAS EVERYBODY READ MY EMERGENCY FIRE DRILL PROCEDURES???
*Emily throws herself through the glass window*
Derek: we’re on the sixth floor, how’s she gonna…?
Hotch: will everyone please calm down, it’s ONLY a-
*Reid stops, drops, and rolls around the floor*
Derek shrugs and starts doing super-spy moves (somersaults, unnecessary turns, etc.) to maneuver around the building, evading the “fire”
Hotch: i truly don’t know why i even try…… where’s Dave?
*David Rossi has yet to step inside the building this morning with the foreknowledge of the annual fire drill*
Rossi, sipping coffee, leaning against the building: i wonder how he’s doing this year.
*JJ arrives late*
JJ: hey, what’d i miss?
Rossi: annual fire drill.
JJ: ah.
JJ: ooh.
Rossi: yeah.
1K notes
·
View notes
Penelope: I made you a pie
Luke: really?
Penelope: yip
Luke: what flavour
Penelope: pecan
Luke: but I'm allergic
Penelope: I know 🙃
22 notes
·
View notes
Spencer Reid X ADHD Reader Incorrect Quotes
Y/N: Hey babe?
Spencer: Yes, love?
Y/N: So...the pharmacy is out of my ADHD medication for 5 days-
Spencer: Oh lord-
Y/N: In sickness and in health motherfucker
785 notes
·
View notes
[BAU Chief Emily Prentiss walks over to your desk before taking a seat beside you with an expectant look on her face]
y/n: can i help you?
Emily: I finished all my work
y/n:
Emily, smirking: I think you know what I want
y/n, sighing: which one?
Emily, sporting a massive grin: snail
[y/n laughs while opening their drawer before pressing a sticker to emily's shirt]
y/n: snailed it
2K notes
·
View notes