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#criminal minds incorrect
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"Girls without boyfriends how's life?"
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spencestiel-michelle · 17 hours
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JJ: when did you fall? are-
Emily: the day i met you. just head over heels for you the moment you… that’s not what you’re talking about, is it?
JJ: um… no, Derek said you fell in the parking lot. i was going to ask if you were okay… 
Emily: oh. yeah. yeah, yeah, i’m fine. i’m fine… barely hurt.
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Hotch: Reid, can we talk in my office?
Spencer, already crying: yeah sure
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ssa-atlas-alvez · 11 hours
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Reid: last night I couldn't sleep so I tried knocking myself out on the headboard.
Morgan: ....
Hotch: *concerned*
Rossi: *concerned in pasta*
Reid: it didn't work, pass me the coffee.
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vervainariadne · 7 months
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Strauss: You need to hire a professional tech analyst for your team.
Hotch: *sees a scented homemade pink stationery resume written in glitter ink*
Hotch:
Hotch: That one. I want that one.
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JJ : An apple a day keeps the doctor away
Emily : Slowly bites into an apple while menacingly looking at Reid
Reid :
Reid : Emily what the fuck
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demonicbaby666 · 9 months
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Emily: [flips monopoly board over] Hotch: Prentiss! Emily: This is why your wife is dead Reid: Emily! Emily: This is why your girlfriend is dead Morgan: Emily: This is why you’re bald Morgan: I DIDNT SAY SHIT!
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jemilies · 3 days
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lust444men · 1 year
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Reid: I hate playing make believe with little kids. You shoot them with a laser and they're like "actually I went back in time, so it doesn't count." What are you talking about??? you just casually rip open a hole in the space-time continuum? irresponsible.
hotch:
hotch: are you talking about my son?
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91-1lover · 1 year
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Hotch: Yesterday, I heard Reid ask "Are you sure this a good idea? " and Emily said "Trust me"
Hotch: I have never move so quickly from one room to another
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lilliejareau · 14 days
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emily: *wakes up in hospital after battle with ian doyle*
hotch and jj:
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*Spencer zoned out*
Derek: What are you thinking about?
Spencer: How long i'd survive if you suffocated me with a pillow.
Derek: What's wrong with you?
Spencer: Do you want a list?
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spencestiel-michelle · 4 months
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*Fire alarms go off in FBI building at 7:45 am*
Hotch: alright, that’s the annual fire drill. everybody stay calm and exit the-
*Penelope RUNS out of the room*
Hotch: GARCIA? 
Penelope, running down the hall: I NEED MY PLUSHIESSSS. THEY WILL SURVIVE!!!
Hotch: it’s just a drill-
Reid, fretting: HAS EVERYBODY READ MY EMERGENCY FIRE DRILL PROCEDURES???
*Emily throws herself through the glass window* 
Derek: we’re on the sixth floor, how’s she gonna…? 
Hotch: will everyone please calm down, it’s ONLY a- 
*Reid stops, drops, and rolls around the floor* 
Derek shrugs and starts doing super-spy moves (somersaults, unnecessary turns, etc.) to maneuver around the building, evading the “fire”
Hotch: i truly don’t know why i even try…… where’s Dave? 
*David Rossi has yet to step inside the building this morning with the foreknowledge of the annual fire drill*
Rossi, sipping coffee, leaning against the building: i wonder how he’s doing this year. 
*JJ arrives late*
JJ: hey, what’d i miss? 
Rossi: annual fire drill. 
JJ: ah.
JJ: ooh. 
Rossi: yeah. 
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Penelope: I made you a pie
Luke: really?
Penelope: yip
Luke: what flavour
Penelope: pecan
Luke: but I'm allergic
Penelope: I know 🙃
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womenloverlmao · 6 days
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Spencer Reid X ADHD Reader Incorrect Quotes
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Y/N: Hey babe?
Spencer: Yes, love?
Y/N: So...the pharmacy is out of my ADHD medication for 5 days-
Spencer: Oh lord-
Y/N: In sickness and in health motherfucker
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[BAU Chief Emily Prentiss walks over to your desk before taking a seat beside you with an expectant look on her face]
y/n: can i help you?
Emily: I finished all my work
y/n:
Emily, smirking: I think you know what I want
y/n, sighing: which one?
Emily, sporting a massive grin: snail
[y/n laughs while opening their drawer before pressing a sticker to emily's shirt]
y/n: snailed it
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