Tumgik
#cruellest suburbs
evcryopeneye · 4 years
Text
@rcdwrxck​ asked: “How could you think I ever loved you? You seriously think I’d sink that low?” // oh look. He's doing that hurt them to push them away thing. (For jessie)
Tumblr media
Maybe they were always destined to fail.
Jessie had considered it, deeply, but it had always been because of circumstance, because of what they did with their lives, not because he didn’t love her. She’d imagined death, taking him far away from her, returned to the planet with the horrible truth to live with, that he could be consumed by the reactors before they could meet again.
Somehow, this scenario had escaped her. So much so that the shock and confusion is pained across her face for all to see.
Tumblr media
Jessie, had searched for love in so many places. In the darkness of dingy dancefloors of Golden Saucers. In queues of coffee shops of the upper plate suburbs. She had kissed in the early hours of the morning, to too many nights of her life, wondering if they kissed her because of who she could one day be, because of the short dress she had on, or the winged eyeliner. Kissed because of expectations that she was a type, that love could be a transaction. Had her heart trampled on for not subscribing to it.
It had never been that way between them, maybe that was why she had managed to convince herself it wouldn’t be their faults it ended in disaster.
She fought the burn at the back of her throat, or the fact that she could feel her eyes watering. This, right here, was the worst feeling she had ever experienced. She wanted to rage at him, to lash out at him, scream, but she wasn’t angry with him. It was something else that for the first few moments she couldn’t identify, this searing pain that cut deeper than she knew pain could.
She should have known better.
Should have known her place.
There’s still stunned silence, brown eye’s watching him as tears threatened, little saline drops danced on eyelashes. She’s processing it, what the implications were…it was over, that much was apparent, but there was another sinking feeling. It had all been a lie? The thought alone, was enough to push a silent tear over the edge, a shaking breath.
All she could hear was static. If he said something Jessie wasn’t convinced she would hear it. Things ended, not with a bang, but with a whimper. It was funny wasn’t it, how people assumed the massive things in the universe would be the ones that hurt the most, that the world they lived in was some cruel place, and in that moment, the cruellest thing was a lie. Maybe the real reason the world was an awful place, wasn’t some cosmic force, really what it came down to, was people were just cruel to each other.
Jessie would never understand it, how you could hold someone like that, and lie?
A shake of her head, brown eyes dropped to the floor. She didn’t know what to say. Words had suddenly left her, for the girl who never shut up, it was a strange feeling.
Maybe her silence, said more than she ever could.
2 notes · View notes
avpdnoisearchive · 6 years
Text
i just woke up to the news that wigilia (polish x-mas celebration) is gonna be at my uncle’s house this year and i wanna fuckin die now. it’s always been at my babcia’s (grandma) house and that has been so important to me. i love my babcia more than anything in the world and having it at her house made seeing my family members who i hate bearable (even tho that was the house i was abused in by my aunt so now i have complicated feelings towards it etc etc, point is i did feel a comfort in it that i rarely feel in places)
i never talk about this bc his abuse wasn’t as bad as my other two abusers but my uncle was fucking AWFUL to me a few years ago, just said the cruellest and most uncaring things to me and really fucked me up. plus my abusive aunt is gonna be there. and i hate my uncle’s house so much as it’s up in the suburb of the suburbs. so all in all it’s gonna bad people in a bad place. i do have family members i like and my babcia is still gonna be there, but now it feels like i won’t be able to handle seeing the bad people, since it was difficult even at my babcia’s house
ik this sounds overdramatic and in the grand scheme of things it’s not a big deal and it’s just one day to get through. but wigilia has been so important to me my whole life. i don’t do well with change, especially change this negative, and i’m just absolutely gutted over this
i guess mostly i’m just upset right now because i thought i wasn’t gonna have to deal with the negative side of the holidays (seeing evil family members) until closer to actual christmas. i’ve been so focused on all the good vegan food i’m gonna eat in toronto and seeing my cat and i really thought these negative feelings wouldn’t come so soon. idk.. the holidays are really hard for me and i’m just bummed they’ll be even harder this year and that i’m already feeling this way in november 
2 notes · View notes
Text
Observer picture archive: 24 January 1965
Jane Bown photographed life in British prep schools for a feature in the colour supplement at a time when state schools were denting pupil numbers
On the whole, the prep schools of England act cheerfully but sleep uneasily. All except the best and strongest of them feel vulnerable. They suspect that politicians see them as the soft underbelly of the private system. As fees edge up, impecunious parents go over to the State. Small classes are still a strong attraction, but State primary schools don’t carry quite the old stigma in the suburbs.
Cruellest of all, the prep schools fear that the public schools – the only reason for their existence – would, if pressed politically, abandon them, and settle for State-educated children.
Continue reading... https://www.theguardian.com/gnm-archive/2018/jan/21/observer-picture-archive-24-january-1965
0 notes
mealha · 6 years
Text
Observer picture archive: 24 January 1965
Jane Bown photographed life in British prep schools for a feature in the colour supplement at a time when state schools were denting pupil numbers
On the whole, the prep schools of England act cheerfully but sleep uneasily. All except the best and strongest of them feel vulnerable. They suspect that politicians see them as the soft underbelly of the private system. As fees edge up, impecunious parents go over to the State. Small classes are still a strong attraction, but State primary schools don’t carry quite the old stigma in the suburbs.
Cruellest of all, the prep schools fear that the public schools – the only reason for their existence – would, if pressed politically, abandon them, and settle for State-educated children.
Continue reading... from Photography | The Guardian http://ift.tt/2Biqjbj
0 notes