if hermitcraft had cars for some reason
brought to you by a car nut
bdubs’ car is a POS. he loves it to death but it fucking sucks. he got it secondhand from some punk writing it off, ““fixed”“ it and now it barely beats walkin’. She’s got rust holes and leaks and the seats smell so strongly of weed he’d be taken in for dealing if hermitcraft had cops. He also doesn’t understand the limitations of his own car, he thinks it goes fast and every time the fuel gauge dings he tells her to calm down. Somehow he’s never crashed and Somehow (possibly through sheer cartoon force of will) it’s never failed him. I think he’d own a v8 commodore sedan or something similar, and he estimates his boot space with how many bodies can fit in there (a lot).
there’s nothing technically wrong with etho’s car it’s just really old. It was made in the awkward era where no one really knew how to make cars but they were trying their best. He bought it new, learnt how to care for vehicles and has kept it in good nick. Every time he goes out he has to crank the engine to prime it even though he’s rebuilt the damn thing to keep up with the latest technology. (it’s an Etho job, so who knows how that thing works.) he doesn’t remember what model it is and he took all the branding off it so he wasn’t advertising for free. it still has a cassette player.
doc has an R32 GTR that he spent ten years hunting for. It has a candied green apple paint with a custom insignia (the G.O.A.T. symbol) on the hood and he’s only had to get the shocks replaced on it. This is what he tells literally everyone that asks about his car because goddamn is that a nice piece of metal and he knows it. Despite this he drives like an old grandma and is overly cautious about fuel consumption. he mostly uses it for long trips and prefers walking. has a custom-made screw on muffler in the boot that he puts on in crowded areas and takes off on the open road. He also has a second car he’s building from scratch to be “more G.O.A.T.-like”, whatever that means.
beef has a jeep :) and on the outside it looks like any normal car to ever exist. But this mfer can Go and boy howdy does he make it Go! Full new engine and only a 25% chance of catching fire next time he starts it! He likes it a lot because it makes going between hermitcraft and his other worlds comfortable and simple. he’s not very good at parking but he can drive offroad excellently after so much practice. and yes he knows the jokes. he has bumper stickers (custom made) all over it. he calls it the jeef. beef’s jeefs.
mumbo owns a car, maybe? honestly he isnt too sure these days. He knows he got one at some point and he thinks it looked like Grian’s one (he remembers buying it because it had funny flip-up headlights like Grian’s does.) it doesn’t really matter because he also owns a motorcycle (hayabusa) and he can just borrow someone else’s car if he needs to.
Grian stole mumbo’s car. he didn’t really mean to but it’s not like mumbo was using it and Grian likes it. It has cute little flippy headlights and everything! (its an MR2, painted blue and then badly repainted red after grian stole it. he keeps adding paint to try to make it look better but it just isnt working)
Iskall has a hoverbike. no one is quite sure how they have a hoverbike but they’re all jealous. i dont have much more to say except im also jealous
zedaph has a DeLorean! he’s not sure if it’s A DeLorean or if it’s The DeLorean. it’s surprisingly difficult to tell if you’ve traveled back in time when you move worlds so quickly. he likes the beep boop noises it makes though.
tango has a 240SX hatch. he got it for the flippy headlights and then realised mumbo and possibly grian also had a car with flippy headlights. then he decided he was gonna own the headlights and now the car has 75% more flipflops, beepboops and doodads than before, and also drives fast enough to kill god. it has flame decals.
xisuma drives a vauxhall chevette and it’s so small he has to bend in half to fit in it. (this is literal. look it up. they are so fucking small.) everyone on the server makes fun of him for having such a small car but he likes it. also if he has trouble parking (because he can’t move to see over his shoulder) he can just pick it up and move it himself. he thinks it’s kindof like a puppy and he’d be very upset if he had to get a new vehicle (because he’d be favouring one over the other then)
evil x drives xisuma’s car but every time he does he puts a skull sticker on the windscreen. it fits them much better but they wish the seat covers weren’t floral print.
scar’s car? you all saw season eight
TFC has a WB ute, with sun visor. it’s a reliable car and it does its job. he’s not much of a car guy. most of it’s white but the hood is sunfaded blue and one of the doors is highlighter yellow (seriously, who painted a car that colour?) from incidents.
Impulse has a mustang. everyone pretends they don’t really care but he knows better. he put a muffler on it and abides “speeding laws”, thereby completely ruining the entire point of getting a mustang.
cub has a sandman ute. he likes it. he wouldn’t get another car. he’s one of the few hermits that actually waxes their car instead of wondering why it gets so dirty so often. he only really uses it to go surfing or offworld driving, and a lot of the other time it has a special spot safe in one of Scar’s swaggons. hes also one of few hermits that puts their car in a garage instead of wondering why it gets so dirty so often.
I keep forgetting to post my piece for the hermits & friends coloring book!
The boatem guys invited cub to their gift exchange !
Remember to check out @hccoloringbook
Idk if you’ve drawn him yet, but I’d adore a Cub in ur style 💕💕
Have a season 8 and regular cub
Actually, the more I think about it the more I want the first episode of Hermitcraft season 9 to just be Joe and Cleo casually chillin while the world is just in chaos around them.
To be clear, I want Joe and Cleo just in a field somewhere in the new world being like “oh hey, fancy seeing you here!” And then having like several rockets crash landing in the background and them just ignoring them completely.
I want them casually chatting like “so, how’ve you been?” And then Doc and Tango sobbing into each other in the background wailing “this is all my fault!” “No it’s my fault!”
I want them going “so, what’s new?” And Ren coming on screen heaving with all his might as he tries to pull Tango’s horse somewhere on the other side and False running up to him, panting and out of breath going “If you see Gem, you never saw me.” Before running off screen. Gem runs in 30 seconds later going “If you see False, I’m not here.” Before burrowing underground.
I want them going “oh, Cleo you changed your skin!” And XB and Keralis just sitting curled up in a ball, muttering to themselves and gently rocking somewhere in the background as False’s giant eagle picks up Tango’s horse and carry’s it off to the sky with Ren just panicking and screaming as he chases after it.
I want Cleo being like “oh yeah! Isn’t it cool? Check out this stitching here.” And someone just shouting “INCOMING!” Before all of Boatem crash lands from the sky, landing directly on top of a very disgruntled Bdubs.
I want them being like “so, what are your plans for the season?” And Bdubs just starting to peel himself off the ground before someone shouts “LOOK OUT BELOW!” And Cub also crashes from the sky, knocking him over again with his llama.
I want them going “oh, well I was thinking about doing this, what do you think?” As Xisuma desperately tries to get order as Scar chases after the other Boatem members who are playing a game of keep away with his hat. Ren enters stage left now being pursed by giant eagle.
I want them just being like “oh, hey Etho!” As Etho just casually walks on screen with a string of chickens and a pickaxe and Etho just cheerfully going “Morning!” as an explosion goes off somewhere in the background with Bdubs trying to avoid all of the chunks of flaming metal falling from the sky.
I just want them having this overly casual conversation just like it’s any other day and completely ignoring all of the chaos happening around them because I think it would be funny as hell.
Reasons why the Mooners joined the Mooners group
Mumbo: created the Mooners out of fear
Impulse: curiosity and wants to hug the moon
Grian: for science and discovery
Scar: an excuse to murder people (especially Bdubs)
Cub: out of other options for how to stop the moon
Pearl: it's her cousin
Hermits are so good at the game.
Earlier today, Pete was talking about having a TNT-based game in MCC to replace HITW, and his chat was like "do you know Grian invented TNT run"
And now HBomb is like "ender pearl golf could be fun" (again to replace HITW). And Grian goes "oh like the trident+pearl one cubfan made?"