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#cucumber is actually a fruit

thegeminisage · 5 months

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food banks where you wait in line even if it's a long line and they hand you a bag or box when it's your turn: 10/10, wonderful, dignified, respectful, generous

food banks where they bring the warm and slightly sticky produce out an hour early and just let a crowd of hungry people Descend upon it like vultures with bare unwashed hands: 0/10, bad, dehumanizing, illogical, chaotic

#personal #one woman grabbed three fucking pineapples before anyone else got their hands on a first one #anyway they have like packages of precut fruit in those plastic boxes #and obviously they've been jostled enough to start leaking #because everything is covered in semi-dried fruit juice #i actually put a bag of cucumbers back because some of them were rotting and pineapple lady gave me an incredulous look and grabbed them #a nice reminder that however bad the sitch is it could be worse. stay humble everybody

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g-g-gh00st · 7 months

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Normal people would be arguing about whether or not a tomato is a fruit while I seethe in the corner because a large majority of vegetables are actually fruit but are called vegetables literally for aesthetic reasons and it kills me

#tomatoes are fruit but also CUCUMBERS ARE FRUIT #THEYRE THR FRUIT OF A PLANT NOT THE ACTUAL PLANT THEYRE FRUIT #i get really worked up about fruit and veggie classification talk #FRUITS GROW ON TREES OR BUSHES OR VINES TOMATOES GROW ON VINES #AND CUCUMBERS GROW ON VINES AND WATERMELONS AND GRAPES AND MELONS AND #ok I’m less angry now #ghost was here

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winter-jay-official · 2 years

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🍇: fav fruits (since u hate one of the best sm /lh)

Not cantaloupe >:( (/lh) actually bc I don't like cantaloupe now there's more for you and the other melon enjoyers <3 there u go <3

Uhhhh probobly 1. Raspberries 2. Blackberries 3. Pineapple 4. Cherries 5. Grapes (pref green :3) 6. Oranges 7. Watermelon

#i love fruit so much #im not counting vegatables that are technically fruits and squash which r technically fruit #otherwise i love tomatoes and cucumbers so much <33333 that is a good portien of my diet is tomatoes and cucumber actually #asks #smoozie deer

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headofocs-inklesspen · 6 months

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Not because why do we call them pickles and not pickled cucumbers like every other food humans pickle. Pickling is a chemical process, it’s a way of preserving food. It’s not it’s own unique vegetable but just, a way humans discovered to make things more shelf stable and for longer. Pickled eggs, pickled plum, pickled radish, pickled okra. Why are the cucumbers special???

#crow rambles #like you can’t even actually get made at people for genuinely not knowing I think #I remember I first learned pickles are just cucumbers and pickling is a storage process because of my great grandmother #the don’t like teach that in school #but also at least in English every other time we pickle something we just call it ‘pickled ___’#I feel the same about raisins and craisins #every other fruit when dried is just ‘dried (fruit)’ but grapes and cranberries get a special little name????

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spoipage · 2 years

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glacial cherry is the best flavor of gatorade with cucumber lime following close behind. however, if cucumber lime had some aspect of sour (like actual lime), then it would easily be the better flavor.

#its a shame cucumber lime is seasonal :( i want it all year #actual cucumbers with lime is a godly combination. add salt and its perfect.#as a flavor it translates very well into a drink. since both fruits have very distinct flavors that are hard to mask

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dragon-ascent · 4 months

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"Zhongli, if you were a vegetable, you'd be a cute-cumber!" You beam, waiting for your husband to go all blushy.

Instead, Zhongli tilts his head. "Botanically, cucumbers are actually fruit, my dear."

"Ugh, alright, if you were a fruit, you would be a cute-cumber."

"However to be fair, dear, cucumbers are regarded as vegetables because of how they are used in-"

You kiss him to get him to shut up.

#sini writes #zhongli #genshin impact #zhongli x reader #genshin #zhongli x you #fluff #drabble #hes so silly

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thethirdromana · 1 year

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Mem., get recipe for Mina: a food guide to Dracula Daily

Inspired by There and Snack Again (in which you eat along with the LOTR movies), this is your guide to eating and drinking along with Dracula Daily.

All under a cut because there's no way I can do this without extensive spoilers. I strongly recommend not reading this unless you already know what happens in Dracula. Also only if you're comfortable reading about alcoholic drinks - there's a lot of booze in this novel.

Let's eat!

2 May We start with the famous paprika hendl. Google "chicken paprikash" and choose whichever recipe most strikes your fancy.

3 May For breakfast, choose from mamaliga (cornmeal porridge, similar to grits), "impletata" (vânătă umplută - stuffed aubergine) or anything with more paprika in it.

4 May For dinner, Jonathan has robber steak: "bits of bacon, onion, and beef, seasoned with red pepper, and strung on sticks and roasted over the fire".

5 May Slivovitz, if you'd like it (Jonathan declines). Then, for dinner, Dracula serves up roast chicken, with some cheese, a salad and a glass or two of Tokaji wine.

6 May "A cold breakfast" for Jonathan. In Romania a cold breakfast might include boiled eggs, telemea (sheep's cheese), franzela (bread) with assorted spreads, sliced cucumber and tomatoes, and sunculita taraneasca (sliced smoked pork). Jonathan also has "an excellent supper", but doesn't tell us what that includes.

16 May Would it be too bleak if I suggested eating a symbolic Jelly Baby?

26 May A glass of wine as Quincey and Jack congratulate Arthur and drown their sorrows.

18 June There's a kind of Scottish fruit slice called "flies' graveyard". That might make a suitable snack given Renfield's meal today.

24 June I guess a gingerbread woman, for the wolves? IDK, it turns out doing this for a horror novel is a bit grim.

8 July Thankfully the internet has hundreds of ideas for spider-themed cakes so you can eat along with Renfield.

18 July The voyage of the Demeter begins! Celebrate by eating like a sailor: have some salt pork, or make ship's biscuit.

20 July Renfield has just eaten several sparrows. Provide redress by feeding birds near you, bird flu guidance permitting.

24 July Imitate the "feet-folk" from York and Leeds by drinking some tea or eating some cured herring.

10 August Lucy and Mina enjoy a "severe tea". There are lots of severe teas in Victorian literature, but few writers actually describe what's in it - e.g. the Churchman's shilling magazine, 1868, has a story with a severe tea "which implies coffee, tea, and muffins, with substantials". What are substantials? I have no idea, but that's what you should eat today.

11 August Dracula has a little nibble on Lucy. I don't suggest doing this for every vampire bite in the novel, but given this one is particularly significant, how about marking the occasion with some black pudding?

30 August No food details for a while, but in this entry, Lucy notes that she "has an appetite like a cormorant" and "Arthur says I am getting fat". Celebrate with some cake.

3 September Van Helsing has been! And surely he wouldn't have come all the way from the Netherlands empty-handed? Acknowledge his visit with some gouda or a stroopwafel.

4 September Eat some sugar, which Renfield has requested for his flies.

7 September To stay in line with what the characters actually eat and drink, have a glass of port (though ideally not if you've just given blood). But for the real spirit of the day, consider a corn-on-the-cob.

9 September Free space! Jack has "an excellent meal" but doesn't say what it is. Dig into your favourite dinner.

10 September A sip of brandy, with which Van Helsing wets Lucy's lips.

11 September The garlic flowers arrive. There's lots that you can make with wild garlic - personally, I like it in risotto.

17 September A boxful of garlic flowers arrive for Lucy every day. Time to make chicken with 40 cloves of garlic. Other options for today include more black pudding (in honour of Renfield lapping up Jack's blood) or sherry.

18 September The Zookeeper enjoys a teacake, and so shall we.

20 September No food, but the labourers have "a stiff glass of grog". This is rum diluted with water, but you could also add lemon or lime juice, sugar, and/or cinnamon.

25 September Nibble another Jelly Baby for the Bloofer Lady.

29 September A lot happens in this entry, but there's not a lot of food. There are thirsty labourers, however. Maybe have a beer?

30 September Mina makes everyone a pot of tea. Also, we don't know what they have for dinner, but they eat it at 7pm, if you'd like to time your evening meal accordingly.

1 October More tea! Since this is being gulped down by a working man, make it builder's style - strong, sweet, lots of milk.

2 October Jonathan visits the Aërated Bread Company. He only has a cup of tea, but you could have whatever you like best from their menu:

(source)

3 October Dracula forces Mina to drink his blood like "a child forcing a kitten's nose into a saucer of milk". You could either have some more black pudding, or drink a glass of milk in solidarity with Mina.

15 October The Crew of Light aren't focusing much on meals any more, but they have travelled on the Orient Express. Here's the 1887 dining car menu.

(source - I can't vouch for the accuracy of a random person on Twitter but it looks plausible)

29 October No one is thinking of food in this bit of the novel (though Mina makes yet more tea), but as they're heading to Romania, have some sarmale. These stuffed cabbage rolls are the Romanian national dish.

31 October Mina and Van Helsing have "a huge basket of provisions". Have a picnic in their honour, if it's warm enough where you are.

1 November Mina and Van Helsing have "hot soup" into which the local cooks have put an extra amount of garlic. Consider having a truly extra amount of garlic with this 44-garlic-clove soup.

7 November The Crew of Light return to Transylvania. No details of food, but in honour of their journey, I would suggest a final round of chicken paprikash, to bring us back to where it all began.

#dracula daily #dracula spoilers #long post #incredibly long post #let me know if i've missed any notable meals and i'll add them in #posted a day or two before the start of dracula daily so anyone wanting to eat along has time to get their shopping in

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seeingivy · 10 months

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enchanted

satoru gojo x f!reader

**part of my debut concert event

**part one of this fic here icymi (read before or its kinda confusing)

**part of my satoru as taylor swift songs series

content: satoru and your parents are annoying, like in the last part, readers mom just says a bunch of mean shit (including comments on body image, etc), gojo being defensive of his wife but also corny asf, babies megumi + tsumiki having lil nightmares and wanting to sleep w their parents

an: KING OF MY HEART IS ONE OF MY FAV FICS EVER. so glad the pookie who requested this asked for it bc I was so excited writing it. also corny lil enchanted lyrics are at the end. mister satoru gojo is enchanted to meet you and ur lil babies megumi and tsumiki just love you

“Dr. L/N?”

You look up from the computer, breaking away from your sheer focus of charting all the patients you just saw in the past hour (nine patients - which sounds mediocre, but in actuality is insanity on earth).

Because when they’re sick, their parents ask a lot of questions. Which you understand and always honor - but that means you’re always running on a back log, running from one room to the next with no breaks in between. Satoru thinks that you’ll collapse on the floor one day while doing it. And you tell him that he’s praying on your downfall.

“Yes, Sarah? What’s up?”

“Your husband’s here to have lunch with you.”

“Ah. I still haven’t caught up on my charting and I really need to-”

You feel a hand on your shoulder, your senior advisor, Dr. Aoki, giving you a warm smile. She’s almost thirty years your senior - soft wrinkles and grey patches spread throughout her hair.

And she really, really loves Satoru. Which you know because she doesn’t shut up about him, always going on about how sweet he is.

“Go. Have lunch with your husband. I’ll finish off for you.”

“Ah. Dr. Aoki, I can’t let you. Plus, you don’t even know-”

“You take detailed notes. And I’m old, but I’m sure I can figure it out. Now go eat lunch with your sweet husband before I do it for you.”

You smile, giving her hand a squeeze, before dragging your feet to the breakroom - suddenly hyperaware of the tension in the back of your knees, your shoulders, and the back of your eyes. Satoru’s waiting for you at the center table - two glass bento boxes and two iced coffee’s sitting on the table.

He’s scrolling aimlessly on his phone and you’re more than positive that he’s playing Cut the Rope. A game Megumi begged him to download, but now he plays more than Megumi. Which just pisses Megumi off, because Satoru plays so far ahead in the game that Megumi can’t even remember which level it was he stopped at.

You look down at the cup of iced coffee, Satoru’s handwriting inscribed on the side.

pookie <;3

Bastard. He knows you hate it when you call him that.

Satoru looks up and smacks his phone down at the table as you take his side, placing your head flat against the clear, white table. Satoru immediately directs his hand to the back of your hair, his fingers soothing into the tense muscles in the back of your neck.

“Hello my little workaholic.”

“Good afternoon my little pain in the ass.”

He laughs, lifting your head up as he opens up the boxes, sliding forward the food he made and sticking the fork in your hand. You look down at the line up - egg fried rice and a wild assortments of fruits and vegetables on the side. They’re all cut into sweet little shapes - the cucumbers in hearts, the strawberries in flowers.

Right. You had tasked Satoru with making Megumi and Tsumiki’s lunches for one week when you were on the night call. When you had returned, all he did was scold you for making very boring lunches for Megumi and Tsumiki.

Granted, you thought they weren’t half bad. You always made sure to give them a little treat - strawberry gummies for Tsumiki and sour candy for Megumi - and left sweet little notes in their lunch boxes, saying you were proud of them, that Megumi was going to do great on his presentation, and that Tsumiki looked pretty today.

Satoru resolved the situation by heading to the store and buying the special little cutouts, shiny new metal tin boxes for Megumi and Tsumiki, and even glittery stationery to leave them both notes.

Yeah and he never let you make their lunch again. He’d often drop by to the office to eat with you, since he knew that was the only time you would eat anything, and bring you by the third box he arranged with theirs in the morning.

“Hard day, my love?”

“Yeah, Satoru. And it’s not even over yet.”

He places the fork in your hand again, instructing you to eat as you keep talking, tasking himself with mixing up the layers of the coffee he brought you.

“What’s the point of working so hard? Didn’t you marry me for my money?”

“Well, obviously but-”

“Hey!”

“What?”

“That’s so rude to admit. You should keep that type of stuff to yourself.”

“Okay, Satoru. You married me as a cover for your girlfriend and-”

“Stop throwing that in my face! So you have one girlfriend and suddenly you’re the bad-”

“It is when you’re married!”

You both laugh, Satoru ruffling your hair, as he opens up the second box, sliding it towards you as you keep eating.

“You don’t want, Toru?”

“No. They’re both for you. You really do work too hard, Y/N.”

“Well. Our parents could cut us off - we don’t exactly do everything they want. And I want to be self sufficient and be a good role model for-”

“Tsumiki and Megumi. I know, my love. I’m just saying.”

You lean into Satoru’s touch, placing your aching head against his shoulder as he leans over, pressing a kiss to the top of your forehead. You finish off your own box (and Satoru’s) and down your iced coffee (and half of Satoru’s, before he starts scolding you about healthy caffeine intakes).

He gives you a sweet kiss goodbye, giving soft smiles to the rest of your coworkers, as you buckle in for the rest of your shift.

“Satoru.”

“Hm.”

“Look at what my mom texted me.”

He untangles himself from his position - which is just using you as a third pillow - and peaks his head up, squinting his eyes at your phone in the dark.

Your mom, heinous bitch she is, sent you a text reminding you about all the things you need to do for your dinner with the Gojo’s tomorrow.

Wear a dress. Make sure it’s appropriate, but enough to keep a guy like Satoru interested. You don’t want your husband running off just because you’re boring him.

Make sure to wear the wedding ring Satoru gave you, not the engagement. You’re going to look tacky otherwise.

Fresh flowers, that haven’t bloomed yet. Don’t embarrass me by bringing flowers that’ll die in a day.

And please don’t leave your hair fully down. It washes you out.

Satoru glares at the camera, looking up at your face. He finds it hard to read you in situations like this. Because in all honesty, he knows that you hate your parents. But he doesn’t miss the way you act differently when it comes to them.

Because when you’re mad at Satoru for not picking up Tsumiki on time or at Megumi for not telling you he had a project due tomorrow until nine pm, you get a reasonable amount of mad. Pink in the cheeks, a little bit of scolding, followed by fixing the problem and talking it out.

But with them you, you don’t really talk about it. And he’s not sure if it’s because he’s not privy to the conversations that you have with them, but for some reason, he thinks there aren’t any. And that you just take it, when it’s them.

Which he understands. Too well. That’s part of the reason he’s with you, in this bed right now. Cuddled up in your arms, pressing lazy kisses around your shoulder.

Because his parents asked you to marry him. Because you told him you didn’t mind if he kept his own life outside of it, that you were just doing what you had to do.

And now that he…loves you, parts of it all make him sad. That you’d take someone telling you what to do - telling you that you don’t look good with your hair down when you look good all the time and that you’re tacky or boring or-

“Hey. Y/N.”

“Hm, Satoru?”

“You know I…love you right? For real?”

“Yeah. You told me.”

“But like, for real, okay? Not just because we’re…married or whatever. I actually really, really love you. You’re very pretty and you’re always so good with Megumi and Tsumiki and you’re so good at your job and-”

You stop him in his tracks by cupping his face in his ands, quirking your head to the side. You lean down and peck at his lips, pressing your fingers into his dimples.

“I love you too, Satoru but what’s this about?”

He frowns, placing his head back in your lap as you start running your hands through his white locks of hair, soft to the touch. You can feel his cheeks are warm from his face lying against your bare legs and you can’t help but smile at the fact that he’s blushing. Even after one year of marriage (and eight months of real marriage), he’s still nervous around you.

“I don’t know. Your mom’s just stupid. You’re not boring or tacky and you look very pretty with your hair down.”

“Thank you, Toru. For getting so offended on my behalf. But I don’t care, let’s go to bed, yeah?”

He nods, shuffling the sheets around you as he sprawls across the bed. One thing about Satoru, he has to touch you when he’s sleeping.

Not in the…dirty way. It could be the coldest night of the year and he has his entire body weight on you, treating you like a stuffed animal he was sleeping with. Or it’s the hottest night of the year and he’s as far away as he can be from you - just placing his hand on your forearm or tangling one of his legs with yours.

Touchy. Even when he’s asleep.

After not even five minutes of sleep, you feel a tapping on your nose, your features crinkling up from the sensation.

“Toru. Quit tickling me.”

He murmurs back incoherently, tangling around in the sheets as a response. Right. Satoru also sleeps like the walking dead. And he can and will sleep anywhere and everywhere, almost instantly. It’s actually a talent.

“Um. That wasn’t him.”

You flutter your eyes open to find Megumi, standing awkwardly at your side. You immediately sit up, clicking on the light as Satoru starts groaning behind you, smacking his hand on the bed to get you to turn the light off. You look over at the clock and realize it’s well past three, meaning Megumi should have been asleep hours ago.

“Megs. You okay?”

“Uh, yeah. But Tsumiki, she’s like crying a lot. Usually, what I do works but she just won’t stop.”

You shake Satoru at your side, his eyes finally fluttering open as he looks at you and Megumi in confusion.

“Megumi-chan. You better be interrupting our sleep for something good.”

“Satoru, stop it. Go get Tsumiki. Now. I think she’s crying.”

Satoru immediately stands up, stalking out of the room as you turn back to Megumi, taking his tiny hands in yours. He looks like he usually does - blank expression on his face, avoiding eye contact, tiredness on his face.

You wrap one of your hands around his cheek and squeeze, feeling his skin warm under your touch.

“What do you think happened, Megs?”

“She had a bad dream. Usually, we kind of just stay with each other till it stops. But, it didn’t really work.”

“Have you had them while you were here? Or her?”

“Yeah sometimes.”

You can feel your heart clench in your chest and you immediately wrap Megumi in your arms, brushing your hands through his soft, black hair. You can still smell the shampoo in his hair from earlier, the fresh smell springing into your nose. They should be coming to you. Not each other. Megumi’s only five. And she’s just seven.

“Megumi. You know you can come to us about that stuff. Both of you. And you should be because we know how to help you and-”

You stop talking as Satoru walks into the room, craning your head to the side to survey the situation. Satoru’s carrying Tsumiki in his arms, something he doesn’t do very often, and you can hear her soft sniffles as he places her on the bed between you, rubbing circles into her back.

You take the cup of water on the nightstand (that Satoru leaves out for you everyday so you can stay hydrated) and hand it to her, directing her to calm her breaths. She’s shaking so hard and her eyes are so pink that she can barely hold the glass, Satoru taking it from her hands and tilting her head up so she can drink it.

You look over at Megumi, his eyes twitching as he looks at Tsumiki, and you direct him to sit on the bed next to you, right next to Tsumiki and in between you and Satoru.

You never really know what to do in situations like this. And neither does Satoru. I mean hell, you’re only twenty-three and Satoru’s only twenty-four. And they haven’t been your kids for too long.

Other parents, the ones who come into your practice, talk about how they know somethings wrong. They can feel it in their gut. Their parental instinct. But you don’t have any of that, especially not with Tsumiki and Megumi.

And you know it’s not something you can learn and something that just comes from being their parents, but you sincerely wish it was. Because Tsumiki and Megumi deserve to have someone who can read them like that, who knows what’s wrong with them, and talks for them when they don’t know how. And-

Satoru opens up his arms, with Tsumiki crawls into his lap and curls herself up against his chest. She looks so small, barely covering his entire frame as she hiccups into his chest, pushing the back of her hand against his eyes.

Satoru beckons Megumi to join her and he awkwardly crawls up, the two of them nestled in Satoru’s arms. Maybe you spoke too soon. Because it always seems like Satoru knows what he’s doing.

“You too, goofy.”

You roll your eyes as you scoot closer to them, laying your head against Satoru’s shoulders as you start running your hands through Tsumiki’s hair, rubbing soft circles into the small of her back like Satoru was earlier.

“Hi Miki.”

“H-hi Y/N.”

“How you feeling, sweet girl?”

“O-okay.”

You soften your hands in her hair, focusing on braiding the ends as you talk, the three of them hanging on to every word you say.

“Miki, Megs. I know you’ve…been together for a long time. Before me and Satoru came around. And I’m sure you have your own ways of…being there for each other. But, you can let us be there for you too, you know?”

You feel Tsumiki stiffen under your touch and you pull back, holding the braid in place on your head.

“I don’t mean to let each other go. You’re siblings and that’s one of the most important relationships you can have. But just know, Satoru and I can be smart sometimes. Well, I can. I don’t really know about him.”

“Hey.”

Tsumiki and Megumi laugh, which stops Satoru’s protests all together. It’s working. And Satoru’s jealous of you, because as always, you know the right thing to say. To get them to smile again, tell you what’s wrong. And sure, you’ve always had that effect on Satoru but he loves that you can do it with them too. You’ve clearly got this parenting thing more figured out than him, he thinks.

“But, we can help you too, you know? I’m a big girl. I can deal with whatever you give me.”

Tsumiki turns to the side, crawling out of Satoru’s lap as she crawls into yours, squeezing herself in your arms.

“Th-thanks, Y/N. But maybe not right now?”

“Whenever you want, okay? Let’s just go to bed now, it’s late.”

“Can I sleep with you, Y/N? And Satoru?”

Satoru leans forward, squeezing Tsumiki’s hand in hers as he nods, opening up the covers for her. Megumi awkwardly looks between you and Satoru and you catch on fast, signaling for him to join you under the covers as well. The four of you are squished together, Tsumiki clinging on to you and Megumi clinging on to Satoru.

They both fall asleep fast and you give a weary look to Satoru in the dark, which he returns with a smile.

You hate leaving at a time like this. And you hate your parents and even Gojo’s parents for making you come to a stupid dinner like this.

Your kids, that they don’t know about, need you. You had tried your best to make Tsumiki comfortable, making her a stack of warm, strawberry pancakes and letting her pick what you guys ate for lunch.

And when you had to leave her with Nanami and Shoko to go see the Gojo’s, you swear you could feel your heart clench at the thought of leaving her. And Megumi. And of the two of them being uncomfortable without you there.

You could tell from the look in Satoru’s eyes that he shared your sentiments, his gaze weary as he said goodbye, lingering by the door until you two really had to leave. And then you both made your trek to the Gojo Estate.

And god do you hate it here. In all but ten minutes of dinner, your mother, assfucking clown she was, had already found ten different things to pick on.

Your hair has split ends, you should cut it.

You should slow down on the food.

You could have worn a more flattering color.

Every spiky comment she makes, Satoru squeezes his hand in yours under the table, grounding you in the moment. If it wasn’t for him and the soft looks he was giving you every few minutes, you’re sure you would have broken the centerpiece in the middle of the table by now.

“Say, Y/N, Satoru.”

You look up to find Mr. Gojo beaming at you, the smile not meeting his eyes. You can feel Satoru’s hand tense in yours under the table and you know it’s your turn to protect him from his dad.

“Did you start trying for kids?”

“Dad.”

“What, Satoru? It’s an important question. You guys have been married for a year now and surely there’s no better time than now to start trying.”

You can feel your mouth dry at the thought. Kids. Kids of your own. Like, a crying, pooping baby - half parts you and half parts Satoru.

How in the world could they think you were ready for that? Because in all honesty, Satoru’s your husband in name but he feels like your boyfriend.

You’ve been together for eight months. You haven’t gone on a vacation together or met his college best friend and you don’t know what his favorite smoothie flavor is or what the first car he drove was and they want you to start popping out kids?

You and Satoru aren’t ready for kids. And really, you already have two kids. That need you right now. And you have all the time in the world to have more and you really, really just like things the way they are. For now, and-

“They’ll get working on it.”

You feel your eyes boggle out of your head as you crane your neck to look at your mom, a self-assured smile placed on her face. She can’t really be serious, can she?

“Oh, how sweet! A grandchild. Oh, I do hope it’s a boy. So we can pass on the Gojo name and all.”

It’s Satoru’s turn to glare at his mother and you’re sure that he has the same bitter taste in his mouth as you. Sure, they were the reason you guys got married but they had no right to treat you guys like this. Like you were put together to make some offspring for them to fawn over.

“Although, I wouldn’t mind a girl. Boys can be rowdy and insensitive.” says Mr. Gojo, a matter-of-fact tone in his words.

“That’s not true. Boys can be sensitive too. You just have to raise them right.” you respond, muttering the words under your breath.

Megumi’s sweet and sensitive. He always avoids stomping on flowers growing out of the cracks of the cement and he always writes cards for his teachers on holiday’s and always says please and thank you after every little thing you and Satoru do for him, even if it is under his breath.

“Well, I hope it’s a boy. Girls come with attitude.” your dad responds, the implication in his tone clear.

“No daughter of ours would take back-handed comments like that.”

Because Tsumiki’s never done that. Because Satoru remembers the day someone tried to pick on her in her class and all she did was calmly respond. Stand her ground, surely but firmly. Something he’s sure that she learned from you. And to think someone could dismiss that off as attitude is so fucking-

You squeeze Satoru’s hand under the table, signaling him to stop. Because he’s being rude. Because he shouldn’t talk back to your father even if he’s wrong and-

“Satoru. Stop.” you whisper, awkwardly eyeing the four of them as he deflates.

The four of you awkwardly sit in silence, the forks clicking against the plates. Satoru’s crushing your hand into oblivion under the table and you can see that he’s agitated from the way his shoulders are all scrunched up. And when his dad talks next, he really can’t hold it in anymore.

“Satoru, son. All you have to do take her to bed one time to pass on the Gojo na-”

Satoru smacks his fist against the table, the glassware making a loud noise against the surface. You look over to find Satoru smoldering, the way he often did when he was near his dad.

“Don’t talk about my wife like that. She’s not some thing for you to use. You can try that shit on anyone else but you know damn well I’m not letting you do it to her.”

Mrs. Gojo’s features scrunch up in frustration, a pinched look on her face as she starts massaging the bridge of her nose. Satoru stands up, pulling you up with him as he stomps out, dragging you out with him.

You two drive in silence the entire way home. Satoru’s still smoldering in his drivers seat, jaw tight against his skin as he clenches his fists on the steering wheel, knuckles going white. And you’re unsure of what you can say to him to ease it, make him feel better.

He parks the car in the driveway, leaning his head against the seat to look up through the sunroof, the stars glittering in the sky above you. He makes no motions to get out of the car, the engine and lights still turned on despite the fact that you and Satoru were home.

“Y/N.”

“Hm, Satoru?”

“You-you okay?”

“What? Yeah. Are you?”

He doesn’t respond and instead loosens his tie, the fabric hanging from the sides of his collar.

“I just…hate them. So much. Why would we rush having a child when we aren’t ready? And who are they to talk about you like that? Like all I keep you around for is to bear my children.”

You’re not sure what to say so you snake your hand into his, leaning over the glove box to lean onto his shoulder. You can feel him deflate under you, leaning his head on top of yours as he presses his hand against your waist, his hands rubbing back and forth on the fabric.

“Satoru.”

“Yeah, love?”

“You feel like my boyfriend, right now. I know you’re my husband but…we’ve only been together for eight months. And I know it’s weird to say but…I’d like to have a kid with you someday just…not now.”

His hand comes up, angling your face up so you’re looking at him, a big smile spread across his face. You can feel your cheeks burning from the admission and you clench your eyes shut to avoid seeing the teasing look on Satoru’s face.

“Y/N. You’d want to have kids with me?”

You nod and Satoru’s face splits into a big smile, his hands shaking in yours.

“Well, yeah. It would be cute, when the time is right. Megumi and Tsumiki can have a little sibling and it’ll be like…a little us.

“A little us?”

“Your nose, my eyes, hopefully all of my looks and none of your annoyingness.”

“You’re so sweet, Y/N. I don’t know how I ever lucked out with such a charming girl like you.” he responds, sarcasm dripping from his voice. You laugh in response, beaming at him as you talk on.

“I love you, Satoru. And I’d love to have kids with you but we’re just…we already have two kids and I think they need us right now. They haven’t opened up yet and-”

“I know, sweet. I agree. Trust me, I’d love nothing more than putting a baby in your right here, right now in this car but-”

“Pervert.”

“Why are you so rude? Every word is like a bullet wound in my chest.”

You lean over, pressing a kiss to his chest as you lean back and glare at him. He smiles at you, a sweet look on his face.

“What was that for?”

“You said bullet wound in your chest. I was just kissing your ego better.”

He leans forward, cupping your face as he kisses you, hanging off the ends of your lips as he squeezes his face in your hands. He pulls apart, pressing kisses all over your face as he talks, his words making your cheeks burn.

“You’re so-”

Kiss.

“Damn cute.”

Kiss.

“I hate you sometimes.”

Kiss.

“When we have kids, I hope they’re all like you. Pretty eyes, soft hair, snarky attitude. She’ll be so easy to love, all goofy and idiotic like you.”

“She, Satoru?”

“Oh, she’s totally going to be a girl. My three girls. You, Tsumiki, and her.”

“Sounds like you have it all planned out already?”

“Well, I’m waiting. For when you’re ready and I’m ready and all that. But yeah. I’ve already seen how our entire life is going to play out. You and I are going to grow old together. Sick it to our parents. Have the type of love kids dream about. All that lovey-dovey stuff.”

You and Satoru, hands pressed together, pad into the dark of the house, slowly climbing up the stairs. When you amble into your bed room, you can hear soft snores in your bed - Tsumiki and Megumi fast asleep under your sheets. There’s a tiny little sticky-note pressed to the light switch, which you and Satoru both squint at.

They want to sleep with "their parents”. Their words, not ours. - Shoko

You and Satoru quickly peel out of your clothes and climb under the sheets - Satoru leaning over to press a kiss to all three of your heads before fluttering his own eyes shut.

And you hate to say it, because all in all the night wasn’t perfect, but you really, really don’t want to let it go. Every part of this night is…sparkling in your mind. Satoru defending you, telling you that he loves you, that he wants to have kids with you. You-

You count yourself lucky. That you don’t have to wonder if Satoru is in love with someone else or what he thinks about you or any other thing.

Because you know the person he’s waiting on is you.

the satoru as taylor swift songs series masterlist

taglist: @porridgesblog @platrom @k0z3me @kayleegomez @yihona-san06 @bsenpai @sweetenertea @skzismyhome @mykyoon @violetmatcha @rebeccawinters

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finniusastraeus · 3 months

Text

This chart doesnt give you precise amounts and some numbers are innacurate so let me clear up here

30kcals per plum

78 per one 2-3'' apple(small), 116 per one 3'' apple (large)

45 per cup of chopped up watermelon

40 in 10 MEDIUM sized strawberries

1 kcal in 1 raspberry. So 10=10

In 10 red cherries there are 45 kcals

17 in 1 apricot

119 for a whole papaya so 59 for half

60 in a cup of cut cantaloupe

50 per 1 orange,

201 in a whole mango, 100 in a cup of cubed mango

37 per 1 tangerine

50 in 1 medium peach

105 in a 7'' banana, 70 if it's less than 6'' long

82 in a cup of pineapple cubes, 452 in whole thing (ik no ones eating a whole pineapple but yk)

20 in 5 olives

64 in a cup of cubes honeydew, 360 for whole thing

33 in 1 large cucumber, 10 in a mini, 8 in a cup of slices

42 in 1 kiwi

100 in a medium pear

240 in 1 avocado

82 in a cup of blueberries, 1 per blueberry

62 per cup of grapes, 2 per small grape

62 per cup of blackberries, 2 per small blackberry

EXTRA

Breakfast tips I learned at the hospital

One english muffin is 130 but if you cut it so you're only eating the edges it will look like youre eating the whole thing but only be getting a 3rd or about 45kcals!! and 1 teaspoon of margarine will cover both of those "halves" and there's 35 kcals in that. so 80 that looks like 160.

A cup of dry plain cheerios is also 80

78 in one large egg BUT throw out the yolk and only have the white. It looks like a full over easy egg but the white is only 17 kcals. Trust me on this one, have it for every meal you can get away with.

Fruit salad

10 raspberries=10kcal

half a small banana, thinly sliced=35kcal

5 thinly sliced strawberries=20kcal

15 blueberries=15kcal

2 tsp sugar free table syrup=0kcal LITERALLY BEST THING EVER

total 80 kcal and the syrup makes it the best breakfast in the world while adding no calories but it makes you feel like youre eating pancakes and keeps you full.

Frozen waffle/pancake, 1=95kcals

Lunch

Use the english muffin excuse to make a sandwhich with just lettuce in it and whatever veggies you like.

what I do is 1 english muffin cut to look like halves but its a 3rd = 45kcal

1/4 cup lettuce=1-2kcal

1 slice of tomato=3

if you want more you can have 30kcal of margarine (1 tsp) on the toasted muffin and half a cheese slice which is 56kcal. so i dont reccomend it.

plus 1 egg white if you want=17

or fake balogny (im a strict vegetarian of 8 years) for 20kcal and like 5g of protien

Supper

One pack of mr noodles has 190kcal. never eat more than half

always make a salad if you can. most can be made under 20kcals and actually taste amazing but dont add dressing they're really high cal.

RICE CAKE PIZZA

this is made to look like you're eating a lot

2 plain rice cakes=70

or one tomato basil=60

2 tbsp grated cheese=70

or 1 tbsp herbed goat cheese=35

slice some mini tomatos and mushrooms/peppers, onions, ect=5kcal

total 100-145 and it tastes amazing

this one would be hard to hide bc the brand name is literally skinny noodles but buy some skinny noodles (9 kcal per serving!! vegan and gluten free) and put them in a box or something. my family puts our noodles in long containers so it wouldnt be noticed and the package could be thrown away

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redbleedingrose · 5 months

Note

This idea popped into my head while making my coffee this morning. How do the batboys like their coffee? Do they like the specialty drinks or just a good cup of coffee?

I could honestly go both ways. Like some morning I just want a cup of coffee with some cream and sugar but some days I want a specialty drink that will give you a cavity by just looking at it lol

OH MY GOD!!! I LOVE THIS!!!

Coffee/Latte Orders of the Bat Boys and Vanserra Bros

Rhysand

I think it depends on the day but Rhys gives me Cold Brew vibes. He needs the espresso for sure with all his high lord activities! But he absolutely adds oat milk to it, because he does not want plain black coffee.

I don't think he likes the actual flavor of the cold brew, he def drinks it in the morning because he needs it to function, but later he would drink homemade caramel cappuccino.

And I think he wakes before you, so he will make you a cappuccino as well. He always sits himself at the edge of the bed, watching you sleep peacefully for a couple of minutes while sipping on his cappuccino, thinking about all the things he is grateful for, before leaning down to brush your hair out of your face and pepper kisses all over your face.

Once you wake up, and you give him his "proper kiss," he will leave you to continue his work, your piping cappuccino set on your beside table for when you're ready to start your day.

Cassian

Cass does not give me a cuppa joe kinda male. He likes his water and fruit juices and smoothies.

He drinks water throughout the day, especially because of the amount of training he does. He has one of those huge water bottles that has all the water he is supposed to drink in a day, and he carries it around religiously.

He def gets one for you and will check in on you throughout the day and remind you to drink your water, especially if you are behind on your water intake. He is the kind of male to make it into a contest between you two, just to make sure your competitive ass gets enough water.

He also appreciates putting strawberries, lemons, cucumbers, pineapples in his water so that the fruit can infuse its vitamins into the water.

And the smoothies are his morning meal. He adds protein powder, fruits, and greens into these and he loves them. He feels super refreshed by them, and will try to convince you (and his brothers) to give them a try, and they turn out to be pretty good when he makes them. If you attempt to make them, they kinda taste like grass in water.

Azriel

Az screams black coffee. He drinks his coffee hot, plain and simple. He uses this dark roast blend that is very traditional to the Illyrian mountains. His mother used to drink coffee like that, and I think it would remind him of her, and thus, he drinks his coffee black. He is proud of it too, smh.

I think it helps him poop, poor male is chronically constipated from stress

When he meets you, he teases you for adding milk and sugar to your coffee, but once he gets a taste of your coffee, he may or may not sneak in a sip or two from your mug when you aren't looking.

You both like to start off your days sitting on the balcony, steaming cups in hand with Az's wing wrapped around you to keep you warm, and you watch the sunrise together.

It tends to be really quiet in the morning hour, and it is a special time for you and Az to kinda soak in the peace and allow for your mating bond to glow as the bright as sun.

Lucien

Luc is for sure an oat milk chai latte girly pop.

He also appreciates a matcha latte here and there. I think he likes the earthy flavor, so if he is not feeling chai (which is very rare), he will go for the matcha. If he is feeling extra spicy, he will drink it iced.

I think the spice of the chai latte really brings him back to all the good times in his childhood, when Eris would sneak little five year old Luc some caffeine through the chai.

I think if Luc were to drink coffee, it would be a caramel apple flavoring that comes around only during the fall seasons in Day Court.

I feel like Lucien would be the kind of male who wants to support small businesses, so he would go to different cafes throughout the court to try their chai lattes and would bring you home a fresh pastry and warm coffee. It's especially fun for him when you wake up early and join him.

Eris

Er's coffee order is interesting and complex, just like the male himself.

He likes to drink Autumn-spiced mocha lattes. It is an espresso with steamed goat milk, chocolate, cinnamon, and other spices. It actually is incredible, and he gets it every morning with a warm almond croissant for breakfast.

He likes his goat milk. I don't know why, but he does. Fucking sexy ass weirdo

Later in the day, he will have a honey cream latte which is an espresso with steamed goat milk and honey. His afternoon drink is not because he needs the energy, but I think he likes to have a warm drink in between lunch and dinner.

You usually join him in the office, warm latte in hand with your own drink, and you sit together on his green velvet couch, his free arm around your shoulders playing with strands of your hair as you discuss your day and plans for the night.

When you're done with your drinks, you will take his empty mug back to the kitchens, but not before he kisses you.... and attempts to bite your cheek off.

he loves your cheeks, what can I say?

Masterlist which severely needs updating

#rose answers #acotar #acotar fanfic #acotar headcanons #rhysand x reader #rhysand acotar #azriel x reader #azriel acotar #cassian x reader #cassian acotar #eris x reader #eris vanserra #eris acotar #lucien x reader #lucien acotar #lucien vanserra #rose rambles

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xaeethebaee · 1 year

Note

random nsfw hcs part 3? 👀 (i’m tryna see sum about baji)

Random NSFW Headcanons Part Three

MINORS DNI! 18+ FOLKS ONLY!

You asked, so I am delivering. Just like the first two times, these are random sexual headcanons about the characters of Tokyo Revengers.

Warnings: Implied violence, mentions of vomit, implied food play, VERY awkward dirty talk, and rim jobs

A/n: Please keep in mind that every single character is over 18!

Hanma thought it would be funny to blow cigarette smoke into your pussy. He has a broken nose now. (Off to a great start lol)

Sanzu often thinks about whether or not he has a bigger dick than Mikey

Shion's favorite sex position is reverse cowgirl because of how fast it makes him cum. He also cums so hard that he quickly gets overstimulated

Speaking of Shion's love for overstimulation, he'll stay in that position until he's sobbing and shooting blanks

Izana has a peculiar habit of lifting your skirt and smacking your ass no matter the location

Yuzuha's favorite place to sit is on your face (as the Queen should!)

Rindou has an entire playlist for sex. These are all songs that he has mixed himself

Don't complain about period cramps around Benkei because he will definitely love to fuck the cramps out of you

Kisaki's favorite method of punishing you is by handcuffing your hands to the bed and edging you with toys for hours

Wrap a fruit roll up around Nahoya's dick and suck it until the candy dissolves will cause him to propose on the spot

Mitsuya secretly taught Inupi the trick of getting girls to squirt with just his fingers

The slow and romantic love-making types are SHINICHIRO, KAKUCHO, HAKKAI, MITSUYA, Kokonoi, Souya, Benkei, Peh, Rindou, Chifuyu, Sanzu, South, and Mucho

Baji has volunteered you to model for Mitsuya's newest and sexiest lingerie set

One day, Rindou accidentally walked in on Ran holding a cucumber. He quickly left before he could witness what could happen next.

Kokonoi writes erotica novels using sexual experiences told by members of Toman and Black Dragons

Takemichi made Hinata cum by just sucking on her nipples

Wakasa once sprayed whipped cream all over your pussy and proceeded to lick it completely clean

Who lives for fucking while being recorded? (wannabe pornstars lol) HANMA, SOUTH, RAN, Sanzu, and Shion.

Ran has MANY sex tapes with his ex-girlfriends

Surprisingly, Hanma has a low body count (less than 10 people)

Mitsuya never had a threesome until Baji randomly showed up at his studio with you - his girlfriend

These dudes LOVE to have their faces to be sat on. SHION, HANMA, SOUTH, Kokonoi, Shinichiro, Takeomi, Mikey, and Mucho

Kisaki likes head more than sex because it makes him feel more dominant

South gets so filthy when he is eating your pussy, so prepare for him to also give your ass some attention too. Honestly, he'll worship your entire body with his tongue

Inupi is actually really self-conscious when it comes to sex so please reassure him

Pah-chin and his wife are members of the Mile-High club

Draken's dirty talk NEEDS improvement. "You wanna be fucked, bitch?" he asks in a monotone voice, completely destroying the mood

On the flip side, the king of Dirty Talk is hands down WAKASA IMAUSHI. The things he'll whisper in your ear will have you feeling your heartbeat in your clit

Taiju loves fucking missionary since he gets to watch your face contort with pleasure under him

Speaking of Taiju, he has MAJOR breeding kink energy

Smiley once stuck his fingers so deep down your throat that it caused you to vomit. It turned him on more

The day Kazutora was given a boobjob was the day he shot boatloads of cum all over your chest. It was so much that he could've impregnated an entire village

Chifuyu went through a phase where he would roleplay cheesy porn plots with you (ex: wife fucking the pool cleaner guy)

The rough-fucking types (bye bye your ability to walk for a day): HANMA, BAJI, SMILEY, Kisaki, Mocchi, Ran, Izana, Senju, and Taiju

Hakkai forgets that he has a big dick way too often so he'll try fucking without properly prepping you. Please remind him unless you like the pain

Senju LOVES boobplay - whether it be receiving or giving

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

These are just some more that I can think of. Don't expect a part 4 any time soon lol

Just a quick announcement, my next big project is centered around members of the Tokyo Manji Gang. They will be sharing their wildest sex stories. If you want to be on the taglist for that, let me know. (If you're wandering, the Reader x Draken x Hanma threesome is included in that)

#tokyorevengers #tokyo revengers manga #tr smut #tokyo revengers hanma #tokyo rev headcanons #tokyorev headcanons #keisuke baji headcanons #hakkai headcanons #tr fanfiction #tetta kisaki #ran haitani #rindou haitani #shujihanma #kawata brothers #tr kazutora #baji keisuke #mitsuya hcs #tokyo revengers smut

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elicathebunny · 7 months

Text

HOW I DO A BODY RESET

Raw Till 4 Food Schedule: by Adina Yaffa on tiktok

this is the schedule she has given, but you can adjust it to what you need it to be.

6:00am -7:00am: electrical structured water 🥥 Coconut water (this acts as your internal soap to cleanse you in the morning. (Add extra detergent like lime, lemon🍋, mint, basil). An alternative to 🥥 water is watermelon 🍉 juice or astringent juice (orange 🍊 pineapple 🍍, grapefruit, 🍇 grape). Extra cleanser: shot of ginger, turmeric, cayenne pepper, lemon

7:00am - 8am: Fruit juice

8am - 11aam: break your fast with juicy fruits (exp: melons should be eaten alone, mono-meal of oranges, mango 🥭, berries 🍓🫐, papaya, guava, pears 🍐, plums, 🍑 grapes🍇, cherries 🍒)

11am - 12pm: drink more coconut 🥥 water if possible or a well-structured water 12pm: banana 🍌, sea moss nut milk 🥛for healthy fats and amino acid profile/ or a smoothie with proper fruit combining 12pm - 4pm: protein and veggies i.e. large salad 🥗 with nuts 🥜/seeds, legumes or fatty fruits like avocado 🥑, coconut 🥥and olives 🫒.

4pm: structured water (coconut, watermelon juice or really high-quality water in a glass bottle)

5pm: vegetable juice like a lemon ginger blast (a blend of celery, cucumber 🥒, ginger, turmeric, lemon 🍋, apples 🍎, parsley, cilantro, and kale🥬).

6pm: starches like (beans 🫘, peas, potatoes 🥔, yams 🍠, pumpkin 🎃, squash, quinoa, other grains) and veggies 🥗.

"So you will be able to adjust this schedule to whatever time you wake up. Basically on 8hr window of actually eating food that has to be digested & last meal 2-4hrs before bed so while you rest your body can go to work!"

If I do this I do this on the weekends.

#self improvement #self care #it girl

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emo-batboy · 1 year

Text

Depression meals Battinson has made himself at least once while unsupervised to the shock and horror of Alfred

(Alfred has to sleep at some point. that’s when Bruce decides to wreak havoc and make these barely edible monstrosities)

(Btw he’s vegetarian, fucking fight me)

Pepper jack cheese between two seaweed sheets

Uncooked ramen dipped in the seasoning packet

Ready rice with cold tofu

Spoonfuls of peanut butter

Instant grits with one slice of American cheese

Pop tart dipped in hot chocolate

Spaghetti noodles with no other ingredient than a mountain parmesan, didn’t even put salt in the water

“Technically bread” (water and flour, microwaved…he was having a really bad day)

Bread, cheese, ketchup, microwave = pizza

Cream cheese and jelly sandwich

Vegan hot dog microwaved without a plate. He picked it up from the microwave with a piece of white bread and ate it just like that. No dirty dishes

kraft mac and cheese with one single raw asparagus

Various little kiddie-themed smoothie shots

Dry cereal

Cheddar cheese wrapped in a flour tortilla

Vegan dinosaur nuggets (microwaved, tho he tried to cook it in his hot coffee once, it didn’t work)

Frozen snap peas straight from the bag, unthawed

Tomato soup with cheez-its sprinkled on top

Tried to make a meal completely out of vitamin supplements once, based entirely on the exact amount of nutrients you need in a day

A family-sized bag of generic brand corn chips

Hard boiled eggs (they were supposed to be soft-boiled) and paprika

Blueberry bagel, toasted, no butter

Cold chicken noodle soup in one of those paper cartons from the corner store (it gave him food poisoning)

Microwave grilled cheese

Cucumber rolls (cucumber slices he rolled in microwave rice)

Leftover cake washed down with a protein shake

A hunk of mozzarella cheese, microwaved

Frozen Garlic bread (it’s actually good like that, he swears)

Four 5-hour energy shots to make a 20-hour energy (his heart rate didn’t go back to normal for two days)

Fruit snacks squished between two slices of wheat bread

Tried to dry scoop protein powder once, worked about as well as the cinnamon challenge

Pistachios with the shells (it was an accident. He did not notice)

Refried refried beans (for protein)

Handfuls of mushy, room temperature blueberries

Tofu block cut up with a spam slicer and dipped in mustard

#battinson #bruce wayne #batman #the batman 2022 #the batman #batman 2022 #battinson needs a hug #alfred pennyworth #poor bruce wayne #wrap him in a blanket #gotham #i took some of these straight from reddit #inculuding the “technically bread”#dc universe #dc

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