I had to give Sable a bath today. Normally, you don't have to bathe guinea pigs, but he had a big matted clump of oily hair on his back end he couldn't reach to groom. Guinea pigs mark their territory with this oil, but since we got Neil and Buzz, Sable's been going into overdrive and the extra oil had dried and matted his fur. Thus, he got a bath. I don’t think he'll ever forgive me, but he'll feel better in the long run without that nasty mat.
To prove my thesis that guinea pigs are, in fact, not real animals, but some kind of chibi keyring creature that accidentally came alive, I have produced a series of artworks by tracing over photos of my guinea pigs:
They are all the same two pigs, I've just recoloured them various ways for fun. And look at them. You see what I mean? Huge heads, tiny feet, button eyes, perfect potato bodies. These cannot be real animals. There was some sort of accident at the gacha factory.
I promise you, these are traced. These are genuine photographs of these living plushy toys in their natural poses. I simplified the outlines but I didn't change them or rescale them. This is just what guinea pigs are like.
Though honestly, I wouldn't blame you if you didn't believe the last one. The vet says he must take more exercise and honestly she has a point.