#cuz her story and personality have changed a lot since i first thought of the 'penny bun" character
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I just saw Dune Part 2 (2024) with some friends so here are some Thoughts i guess
I feel like on the whole these movies are trying to either downplay or cut out a lot of the misogyny/sexism in the book, although Herbert's view of gender roles is so pervasive in the book that it's hard to change without completely changing the worldbuilding (the Bene Gesserit especially) and/or certain characters and getting second-order effects that weaken or change the main plot. But they did a good job at least making it much less in-your-face and offensive than in the book. One of Chani's lines is about how "men and women are equal" in the Fremen, and while I don't really think that's supported by how the movie depicts Fremen I can see and respect where they're coming from
It's still a very male-dominated movie, but it's honestly pretty faithful to the book, and like--what are you gonna do? It's Dune. You can't exactly just genderbend Paul and get the same story, at least not when the Bene Gesserit are still what they are
wait now i'm thinking about an AU where the Kwisatz Haderach turns out to be a trans man. ideally you'd get both the canon critiques of white savior mythos/the Messiah trope and a deconstruction of the sexism and strict gender roles of the society of the Dune universe. also ideally you'd get a whole bunch of other queer characters in the same AU. you could also do an AU where the Kwisatz Haderach/a potential Kwisatz Haderach turns out to be a trans woman, or even nonbinary, but i feel like those would make for very different stories cuz AGAB/ASAB seems to matter like A Lot in the Dune universe
the movies did manage to completely get rid of the homophobic parts of the Harkonnens' characterization though. i did like that
although it was still using disability/deformity as shorthand for Ugly Evil Guy which :/
but enough about the Problematic Elements(TM) let's talk about the actual story
Chani was a lot more politically and generally assertive in the movie than I remember her being in the book, although it's been A While and she was also very much a Main Character who had thoughts and opinions and importance outside of the male characters she was affiliated with (as much as anyone can escape the political black hole that is Muad'dib but) AND! she actively advocated for Fremen self-governance in the beginning! although she didn't keep it up cuz she got sucked into the Paul black hole. this may have happened in the book it has been like two years since i read the first book and it was very disjointed reading cuz College(TM). I also liked the ending part, where it was implied that Chani was leaving, on her own, because she was angry with Paul, which implies More Character Development. (Also they didn't seem to do the Fremen polygamy/concubines thing in the movie, which was a good call, i feel like that part of the book was maybe informed by anti-Arab racism)
Jessica was incredible, of course. Love me a good ruthless woman. Her main character trait/motivation was definitely Paul's Mother but her main personality trait seems to be incredible ruthlessness. there is no madonna/whore complex to be found here no sir
(i may be wrong about that part but eh)
And of course the Harkonnen Blood reveal. the story definitely sets up Atreides as The Good Guys (fair, just, merciful, looking out for and caring about the people under their rule) and the Harkonnens as The Bad Guys (cruel, unjust, power-hungry and traitorous), which makes the reveal that Jessica and Paul have Harkonnen blood an incredible symbol of Paul's corruption arc. He goes from "I must do anything possible to avoid the holy war" (the Atreides way) to "CONQUER ARRAKIS AND ELIMINATE ANYONE WHO STANDS IN MY WAY" (the Harkonnen way) over the course of...technically years, in the book, although that wasn't super well communicated in the movie I feel--in the movie it was only months, cuz Alia hadn't been born yet by the end. And right before we see the worst of it we end up learning that Jessica, his mother, was a daughter of Baron Harkonnen. Jesus fuck.
there's definitely some Not Great elements about using ancestors/blood to determine morality but still
princess irulan was introduced! as an independent character and actor in her own right oh my god! although she still falls prey to the sexism infusing the original material
the dune books (at least the first two) are in this weird state where there are very strict and specific roles/walks of life that female characters are allowed in (domestic/family life and religion) and men dominate Everything Else and nobody every questions that, not to mention the whole thing about how apparently even the very female religion/psychic field is supposed to be dominated eventually by This One Man who can do it better than all the women, and yet all of the female characters are well-developed and feel like people. ykno aside from the complete lack of protest in being shoved into a sexist role
anyways irulan got more development than i remember from the books, i loved that, and that we got her POV too. these movies are really working to uplift and spotlight the female perspectives that were often somewhat sidelined in the books and i love that
also stilgar's (blind?) faith REALLY came through which i liked
overall, yeah, the movie was great. it's very faithful to the spirit of Dune while addressing some of its flaws/datedness--it understands what its message is and what it's saying, and the way it's constructed really hammers home the critiques of imperialism and racism the original was built on
I think this is gonna end up a trilogy, based on only the first book, and it very much seems like the third (and final?) movie is going to specifically focus on the war against the Great Houses after the Emperor falls, which iirc was kinda glossed over in the book/between Dune and Dune: Messiah. I can't wait to see what they do with it
#dune#dune part two#dune part 2#dune part two spoilers#dune part 2 spoilers#dune 2 spoilers#dune 2#also that one poster where it's paul and chani walking forward with the sun to their backs and chani is VISIBLY IN FRONT OF PAUL#frank herbert could never
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Hi my loves!
So I would like to inform u of some problems about the fanfic Savior i am Co working on and the truth on how my Fanfic Ideas of my OC Izumi x Geto got taken advantage of. And how the tragectory of everything went on. From the start to the reason why I wanted her to stop/delete my FF.
As u know I have had my OC Izumi for some years now as a staple in my artworks and I got so much love and curiosity from yall to know more about her. I ofc had a whole backstory in my mind already fleshed out from the start for Izumi, since i just love to make up stories and backgrounds for OC characters. Its just something that comes naturally and all my maladapive daydream girlies will know exactly what im talkin about 😂 and after so many DMs about wanting to know more about her i was like, a fanfic would be amazing to do!
The problem was, English is not my first or second language and I just didnt had the means to bring my thoughts rightly to paper. I also am really invested in drawing here and that takes up all my freetime already. So i had no time or skills to make this FF work.
Thats how I came across a tumblr user who had open a requests on her page so I dmed her. I liked her other work she made with Geto (even tho it was kinda brutal) i liked her writing style a lot. So I asked her if she would like to write this story with me. We agreed that I would give her my ideas and she would write it. I saw her as a friend and trusted her.
But soon she wanted to add and change things up, she said that thats how it is with co writing and thats just how its gonna be. I was okay with that at first, since the changes were sometimes beneficial and it was fun to brainstorm with her. It was clear that this was my vision and any changes had to get through me. We both agreed on that but I was naïve and let myself get talked into things. I just wanted her to keep writing and was dependent for her collaboration.
For anyone who read the FF: The character Kai was never planned by me, it was a character she wanted to have in it, hes someone who abused Izumi in her captivity. He was like the prisonguard of her. I was like okay fine u can add him but i said from the beginning that I do not want him to touch Izumi in a sexual way.
I shouldve known immediately that things will go south as the writer said she wanted to add sexual abuse in it.
I was very reluctant but I sensed how she spoke that she wouldnt wanna write further so I agreed in just very mild things, which already were awful enough but i tried to make the best out of her wishes. Since she was insisting. And i hoped that if id agree to this mild things that that would be it and hopefully not picked up further in the story and at last forgotten by the readers.
My only thing i always said was: I dont want to have any of this abuse to interfere with Izumis and Getos relationship. That was a big thing since I wanted them to have a romantic and loving relationship further on. The NSFW scenes were planned to be sweet, and sensual especially cuz Geto wouldve been all Izumi knew sexually and her first (and Geto is just peak hotness and perfect for that) Izumi should enjoy her firsts with Geto fully.
Going on she started to change more things.. and it got further and further away from how Izumi and all was. She started to change Izumi and her personality. Shes so far off of what I pictured her to be and what was discussed. But that wasnt the worst thing.
Then the writer just started to take things to new levels, Izumi having to be forced to suck Kai off for food, Kai fingering her to her orgasm against her will etc.
Pls know that she just posted the chapters without informing me, so i always tried to talk her into removing these scenes but to no avail.
Boiling point was now the latest chapters cuz she made Izumi have panic attack and flashbacks. Worst, she made her having one as Geto and Izumi tried to take things further in the bedroom. She made Izumi think of Kai and her sexual abuse. Tormenting Izumi with memories of Kai sexually abusing her when Geto was touching her. Its awful.
And that was what made me just so so sad. Cuz Kai wasnt even supposed to be in the story at all. And now exactly what I didnt wanted happened. At this point i wasnt even invested anymore in the story cuz it just wasnt enjoyable to read about all this mess. Izumi was snappy, her personality is weird and unpleasant and it was just such a weird vibe between Geto and Izumi. The writer always talked her way out by saying thats just how trauma works ect. Without acknowledging my wishes and my OC Izumi. Izumi and Geto just were soo weird together and after this all their whole dynamic was not there anymore. It wasnt loving, it wasnt sweet.
And i would like to add that im a sucker for Angst. Like im not someone who reads fluff. But this was even for me not even Angst anymore, it was just uncomfortable.
Like it was the drop that made it overfloat. What made me not wanting to be associated with it anymore. She wrote on many Autors Notes especially the recent ones, that she does not have the drive to write more on the FF. That she healfheartly literally ended the FF today in 3 chapters. This fanfic just has nothing to do with what I imagined anymore and im sad that i gave away all my ideas away to her tbh. If i had known I wouldve never asked her to write my ideas out. It also became her most read Fanfic. We discussed sooo many cool ideas and scenes for this fanfic till the end chapters like i just dont understand why she just insists in having this sexual abuse in it and tormenting Izumi. And also drag it over so many chapters. So many of you DMed me and said hoe uncomfortable it made u feel reading the latest chapters and how the storyline just didnt seem the same anymore. Which was as u see now absolutely true.
I asked her many times on why she insists on having sexual abuse in it so much? But shes never gave me an answer, no she tries to turn in on me saying "u agreed to it". Which as I discussed with u above was not what happened AT ALL. She says she cant remove it anymore, wether the scenes or Izumis mental torment and trauma. But she COULD.
ITS A FANFIC. U can always make it work.
Its also funny how she tries to say "im doing it for free" to hint that she can do whatever she wants. In that case i just have to say; i also gave all my ideas for free like? Its insane how this is even a conversation.
The gaslighting she is doing in the chat is hard to manage and Im srsly so sad and also annoyed that this had to happen.
I wont engage in this with her more cuz I have to keep my mental health in tact.
You saw how she is turning things around, how she manipulates and changes the context of conversations. I remember vividly how the first times she laughed at how emotionally invested i was in my story and belitteling me. I created Izumi nearly 4 years ago while I was batteling severe anxiety while i was homebound. How she always blackmailed me in saying "ur not paying me so I can do whatever I want" and when I then gave her some payed content for free she is now changing the narrative as if she never asked for money. I was the one who thought we would do this for fun and was always hurt when she talked about this tid for tad mentality.
I tried to build a friendship and let things that she said pass during our "friendship" out of good faith. I was hurt how she treated me and dismissed me and my character requirements and how now that I was the one saying I dont see her as a friend anymore she turns it around to make it seem im the "mean" one for now standing up for myself. I am still shook about this disingenious behavior. I never sent hate to her even tho she tries with all her power to say so. I even insisted to keep things kind and graceful. And after she shit on me and I saw that she wouldnt budge, I stood up for myself. Also; Calling me a bitch and telling me to fuck off is no "quirky" way to talk to people as seen below. Especially in this context.
Shes now deleting every comment that doesnt benefit her on the comment sections. Im not surprised. So be it.
Tbh I do not care anymore. I just made story posts but since she showed the DMs I wanted to post the truth for u to read here as well. Iwont let this negativity from her linger any longer and give her any platform.
As I said in the DM i rather had kept this private but I had to share the truth in this matter since she spread misinformation. You deserve to know how things really went behind the scenes. And im sick and tired that my kindness is always taken advantage of.
I had to speak up for myself, my Ideas and my OC. Thank u for all that messaged me and having my back! Everyone of u sent nothing but love and support my way my heart was bursting out of greatfulness.
I LOVE YOU.
If you've read so far im so so grateful for ur time. And in due time I will tell the real story of Izumi and Geto in a FF worthy of their love.
Latesr DMs she also posted but here with context.
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I am so curious as to what you'd think about Nina and Hoodie as a duo. They've been two of my absolute favorites (even if Brian technically isn't even a creepypasta) since I was younger and I've always loved them as a sort of big brother/little sister pairing. They are so siblings to me I adore them. What are your thoughts on the sillies..
OHHH this is actually super interesting... but also im worried i do not have a lot to say because they won't mesh very well/very much. but i will try. not super realistic headcanons i think but what do i know... <3
brian isnt very present in my story, partially bc ik some mh fans dont like the crossover very much. and by time ninas in the story, i want him+tim to kinda separate from slenderman as toby and kate take over. he's still involved and coming around since he gets horrible slender sickness(but its from the operator) if he's away too long, but he doesn't live near or befriend most of the main cast..
nina is very present in my story because i love her and she is such a good and fun representation of the fandom yk. but brian is much more realistic and late 30s man, while nina is a very cartoonish early 20s girl. theyre on very different fields character and life wise...
BUUUUUUUUUT they would still meet of course.
she'd be bubbling around the entire cast, meeting people through jeff. people initially think she's in the same vein as jeff, natalie, and toby, with a LONG list of blood on their hands influenced by the operator, so they just don't think much about it. theyre mostly surprised by how cheery she is, but the proxies are the first to find out she's just... obsessed with jeff..... so thats very off putting. brian isn't fond of it.
nina would develop some light slender sickness(again, from the operator) just by being around jeff all the time, but the operator never infected her because he didn't see her as a worthy vessel. so, she would have to come to the proxies about it. if toby isnt in the mood or busy, she'd just have to hope brian/tim are around with some pills that'll soothe the pain
brian is more likely to help. with nina, he'd be quick to take on a more protective role, trying to console her as she cries on the couch holding her head whining about static.
initial convos would go smth along the lines of "do you want some coffee ? or uh kids like hot chocolate huh... maybe tea" "i'm literally in my 20s please tell me toby has weed somewhere" "that does not help with this pain i promise" "how would you know" "haha. water it is."
brian was a major stoner back in his early 20s and nina thinks its fucking hilarious. . . she'll try to get him to smoke with her but he's rlly not interested LOLLLL.... hes like 15 yrs older than her he thinks its weird .
again, he's not around a lot, but she's always happy to bump into him. she'd be squealing n shit 'HIII BRIANNNN how r u :3' and he'd just be like :) hey nina. and then never answer the 'how r u' bc he doesnt actually wanna sit and talk .
its a good change of pace. he's been through hell and back for well over a decade by this point, everyone around him is a sad sack of shit, and he spent a long time just. fighting to be an optimistic, cool guy to hang around . . but .... like.... um..... its hard to be that kind of person after all he's been thru. something about nina just forces that sort of like..... glee out of him . its not a huge difference where he's suddenly bouncing and giggling and whatever, he's still just Some Guy. but he'll be like :) lol .
mayhaps he'd catch her trying on toby's goggles and he'd offer to let her try on his mask. but nina would fake gag and be like 'no i dont want that dirty musty nasty sack on my head' and he'd be like ?????. then he'd say she can wash it and then try it on. which.. as an older sibling.... is the type of shit i'd do just to get my sister to do smth for me that i dont wanna do LMFAOOO. she might fall for it just cuz my dear nina is the ultimate fangirl
i dunno i kinda struggled with this one just cuz in my au, they wouldnt be all that close and the Type of characters they are don't mesh very well, but i am super fond of the concept and would love to try expanding on it more
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Btw, I promised Dune thoughts, didn’t I? Let’s get into it. Apparently they changed a shit ton from the book to be able to fit it into the film. Can’t really comment on the changes, cuz I haven’t read the books and I don’t plan to. Spoilers from now on for my fellow anons btw.
Movie Chani is very different and you can pry her from my cold dead hands. I love that girl. She goes through so much shit. Idk, I just love how she’s the only person to not fall for this planted project (the only surviving one anyway). And part of it is the fact that she didn’t believe in it in the first place, so did her friends, so they back each other up and it’s nice and it influenced Paul too. But then she gets to know him, and she sees him at his most human, right? She sees him at his most vulnerable and after his nightmares and that “I with love you as long as you stay true to yourself” or whatever the exact words are is killing me. Because her love had always been conditional and she made that choice and stuck to it and she was forced to be part of a prophecy she didn’t even believe in in the first place and I am ILL.
Then there’s Paul. Poor boy had his future set in stone, yet he still made the conscious decision to go there. He wasn’t dragged into it kicking and screaming. He willingly drank the Water of Life. He doomed himself (and everyone else in the process). And it’s just so interesting to watch the shift, because the more people follow, the more he denies it, the more he sort of surrounds himself with people who don’t believe even when his mentor is the most loyal believer of all. And still he makes that choice. And it’s to protect other people, right? Because he couldn’t see and he couldn’t predict and he could have saved them if he had seen, so he needs to see and he needs to take that role, but once he does everything shifts. My man literally dies, comes back wrong, walks in all arrogant, gives ONE speech and raises an army to commit not 1 but 2 genocides within the space of a day, then kills of half of his remaining family and starts a intergalactic war. Completely insane.
Quick little aside about the filming itself, because the start and the shots and there’s so much non verbal communication. Really using to medium to it’s fullest with the way it starts like we are one of the characters, crouched in the sand, looking around, equally confused. It’s so fun. And the visuals are all gorgeous. And it’s just a lot of subtitle story telling that I feel I can’t fully grasp without having read the books, but appreciate all the same.
Anyway, Bene Gesserit. I am Intrigued. I am all here for the planning and the scheming. This is so interesting but also so morally bankrupt on so many levels. They really feel like this all powerful force that’s fully in control of everything happening in the universe. Idk, it feels like even the emperor himself is just a puppet to them. And the princess is more aware, and well trained, but she’s still only in control because they allow her to be in control. They allow her to have power and should she become too much of a threat, they would probably end her just as easily as they tried to end the House of Arteries. Idk. Anyway, we like badass women and we support their wrongs in this household.
Lastly, Jessica. I feel like she’s the one who started it all. It’s been a looooooooong time since I watched Dune part one, but isn’t the entire catalyst that she was meant to have a daughter, but she fell in love and Leto wanted a son, so she gave him one. (And maybe she knew she had a promising bloodline and wanted to try and see if her son would have been the one.) To me, her character seems to be this combination of love and this life long manipulation that has led to arrogance. She is so terrified until she drinks the water of life and then she becomes absolutely ruthless. She’ll do what it takes to protect her family and she’ll sacrifice everyone else to get a way out. But at the same time the “You should have believed.” Sorta shows her own arrogance again, this belief that she had before that her bloodline was good enough (when her son never asked for any of this).
That’s enough for now. Not sure if I have more to say anyway. Enjoy the ramble!
-🌲
YESSS DUNE THOUGHTS. I also haven't read the book so we are in the same boat
god I love Chani so much. she's SO interesting. the fact that she and her friends were part of the Fremen group that don't follow the religious legends of Lisan Al Gaib so she never approaches Paul thinking he's this messiah, but just thinking that he's interesting and seems to genuinely want to learn and understand her culture means so much. he's just a person to her. she falls in love with a boy and sees the parts of him no one else does. she sees his nightmares, hears his fears, learns that he doesn't want to be this messiah even though everyone else is trying to push him towards that future. she tries to hold onto him so he has an anchor to the human being he is instead of this myth, but the prophecy must be fulfilled. and chani is forced to have a hand in completing that prophecy against her will. god. my heart.
paul is also very interesting as a character because there's so many facets to what's going on with him. like, he's being pulled towards this destiny that's been predetermined for him through centuries of bene gesserit interference. everything happening around him is telling him he has to go down this path, it's the only way. and he tries so hard to fight against it. because he knows he's not any real messiah and that the abilities he has is only the result of his mom's weird witch cult, and even the religion itself was planted by the bene gesserit as well. it's all outside manipulation of these people who have been subjugated for centuries and he doesn't want that, he doesn't want to hold this false power and especially not to lead so many people to their deaths. but like you said, he steps into this role willingly in the end. yes, there are outside forces pressuring him, but he drinks the water of life all on his own. and then boom it's genocide time.
(also, before I saw the movie I saw a meme on twitter describing the water of life as "the juice that makes you worse" so that's literally how I kept referring to it in my head the entire movie. he and jessica both drank the juice and got So Much Worse)
the film itself is SOOOO gorgeous and the elements of filmmaking are so well utilized. denis villeneuve the man that you are. he uses so much subtle storytelling just through the shots and the colors and everything like that. and yeah that opening scene is fantastic. great way to really throw the viewers back into the deep end.
I find the Bene Gesserit so fascinating in all of this. like it's very clear they're the ones who really control what's going on in the larger galaxy. none of the houses will make a move against another without getting permission from the Bene Gesserit. but of course the movie also makes you wonder what their end goal is. what exactly are they trying to accomplish with Arrakis? and what's the princess's role in all of this? like you said, it very much feels like she's only has power because the Bene Gesserit allow her to. so I'm just curious what's going on with all of them.
ahhh Jessica I love her she is so unhinged. yes, in the first movie it's mentioned that she was supposed to have a daughter, but instead chose to have a son. from what I've heard about the books I believe that if Jessica did what she was told, she was supposed to have a daughter, and then that daughter would give birth to a boy who would be the Kwisatz Haderach. but she decided to skip ahead a generation and have a son. it was her love for her husband that first led her to disobey the Bene Gesserit, and from there she wanted to protect her family and see her son ascend to what she believed was his rightful place as the Lisan Al Gaib. it's so jarring to see how different she is before she drinks the water of life and afterwards. she knows now, she can see what she believes is the only way now, and she's willing to do whatever it takes to achieve the best ending for her and her son. and of course, she's incredibly arrogant about it all at the same time. I love her there's so much wrong with her.
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@void-botanist the rant incoming ⬇️⬇️⬇️
KASPIAN CALDWIN is a werewolf as aforementioned and he’s actually a single father with 3 separate litters (hence why his story was called ‘litter support’ before i thought he could fit well with hue and jihan and added him to the bunch). tl;dr his first litter was with a woman who groomed him 😬 and he had them young and he barely has contact with them, the second litter the mom passed away during childbirth and the grandmother of his kids hates him bc she blames him for it (she never liked him when he and his baby mama were dating). she managed to get primary custody of that litter and tries to badmouth him to the kids but they adore him and wanna spend time with him more (these are the ones who go to school with ozzi; the first litter is slightly older than esther). finally, he has a third litter with a one night stand gone wrong but he and the mom (corah) have a really good relationship as friends and they coparent. these kiddos are young and he spends more time with them but Man they are a handful LMAO. here’s a more in depth explanation of his situation actually. i forgot i wrote that lol.
to support all his kids (well the second and third litters really) he works like LOOOOONG ass hours as a construction/handyman/day laborer/honestly whoever will hire him) but he’s always barely scraping by. he and jihan end up meeting at a mutual friends house randomly. jihan offers to help with his kiddos since kas is clearly stressed and barely knows how to be a dad, and kas doesn’t really care about giving han blood in exchange bc unlike SOME people (hue cough) giving blood makes him sleepy so it helps him take a nap LMAO. han has never fed on his neck tho that’s too intimate.
he’s a good guy, just got into a Lot of bad situations in his youth and he’s just about pushing forty still trying to straighten it all out. he’ll probably think more about living his own life when the kids are all grown (so he says) but corah is always nagging him to actually LIVE a little. he listens to her. barely. i don’t really know where i want his story to go per se—nor do i know if i wanna make him a partner or not or if i should test the waters of him and corah actually getting together. thing is—they never were a couple. literally they were drunk, fucked, she got pregnant and they’ve been strictly friends ever since. (not that their kids understand that lmao, ESPECIALLY not gwin). but he’s a really sweet guy and he’s always down to help anyone in a bad situation even if it comes before his own needs. he and han are actually pretty alike and laid back like that. i care He.
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at the interviews yeah they’re sitting—cuz it’s not for esther it’s actually mostly for them. tldr the WRP (witch resurgence program) matched witches with supernatural couples to deal with the sudden influx of witches suddenly returning to existence after being basically hunted out of existence. jihan and hue were chosen bc they were a couple and stable, but also because jihan (like some older creatures) has dealt with witches before, bc he’s so old lmao. bc esther is actually particularly powerful, and because this is the first group of witch children to make it to college age (esther and her peers) they need all hands on deck while they navigate these changes, so there have always been constant check ins from the government to see how es and ozzi were doing. the interviews themselves aren’t the weird part, it’s just they also get interviewed about their personal lives and relationships because (some) witches have powers strongly tied to their emotions and an unhappy or unstable home life could trigger Bad Shit LMAO. plus the government is trying to understand the toll of magic on families you get the idea. they’re both SUPER well behaved—almost. Too behaved if that makes sense. even if hue is the divorcer it’s not because he doesn’t love jihan—far from it, he’s divorcing him bc he loves him too much (i can’t make it make sense either) so he would never bad mouth him and same thing for han. but they’re not a couple. but the interviewer keeps saying mr. and mr. rvynwell and asking them about their yknow. marriage. so they’re both just so. awkward with it. they don’t deny it bc again cuz of the special circumstances of the WRP “technically” they can’t divorce but at the same time. they are super divorced. LMAO. so it’s mostly just them being extremely stilted and awkward and hue wanting to PERISH bc this is a nightmare
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100000% that is what hue is doing he is so dramatic he’s so stupid like i cant make this man nor his midlife crisis make sense. he’s really just standing in a parking lot staring at a photo of he and jihan cuz (insert social media app) gave him a reminder of their like 20th anniversary or some shit and he’s like. losing it. quietly. in the middle of a street. but losing it. he’s so dumb i love him.
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also yeah💀 he mostly waited to tell jihan how he felt bc he promised his older sister agni (who got pregnant and dropped out of college to take care of the litter) that he wouldn’t get into a serious relationship or have kids until he graduated. he takes his promises quite seriously, and because he KNEW jihan was special he like. held out for two extra years after realizing he liked him just so he could get his degree LMAO. but he absolutely scared off a n y o n e else who looked at han—hue kind of has a jealous streak if you couldn’t tell. he’s not like. Possessive (he’s not hya) but he gets jealous lmao
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Thoughts on the Tanjiro and Nezuko role swap au?
Oh i love the swap au!! I think abt it alot in my own time. Ive always wanted to like, make my own content abt it but i tend to get pretty stuck on the mechanics of everything
Like, taking the world building of kny and applying it to a swap is super interesting to me, and i like trying to work it out. But there are a lot of specifics in kny that are harder to work around in a swap au. But thats not a bad thing! If anything it leads to more interesting story telling because it ensures that the swap isnt to 1 to 1. its just, a lot of work. and would take a lot of planning. If i were to like, write out a timeline of how i think the swap au would go, id have to figure out exactly how the mechanics and all the plot reasoning first. Cuz the way i see, it once you establish the world and lore rules, you can better mold the characters around that.
To start, demon tanjiro is such an interesting concept on its own. I feel hes the easier of the two to establish a character for, because we have his canon series counterpart to go off of. We can pick and choose from the many traits we’re given in canon and apply them to demon tanjiro, and its really fun reinterpreting them. Demon tanjiro basically takes the whole Im The Eldest Sibling trait to the extreme, and turning it into what giudes his reasoning now that he's stuck in a demon mindset (presumably similar to canon nezukos). Older Brother tanjiro is the best. :D
I can still see him being that little ray of sunshine he always is and just, being stuck to nezukos side at all time, whether it be in protection, or just wanting to help her with daily tasks. Like a lost little puppy <:D. Hes just fueled by the desire to be productive and helpful because that's where he thrives, and hes just going to do what feels correct in his little demon mind. I can see him like, taking things out of nezukos hands wordlessly to carry for her because his reasoning is, “little sister shouldnt be the one carrying everything. Im the eldest sibling! I will do the heavy lifting for her!! >:[].” meanwhile nezuko just like, “brother can i pls have my bento box back pls i appreciate ur help but that's not what i need <:3!!” hes just trying to help in anyway he can, even if he doesn't fully understand why/what hes doing.
I feel tanjiros presence would also be very important to nezuko. Shes young, and the only one there for her is her demon brother. While hes not able to speak, nezuko would still have one sided conversations with him. And in moments wheres shes unsure of what to do, she’d just think, “what would oniichan do?” because even if he can’t offer advice now, he’s still her older brother, and she looks up to him, demon or not.
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Roleswap nezuko is interesting. We already have such a well established personality for tanjiro, but nezuko can be a little tricky since we dont have a lot to go off of in canon. Theres bits and pieces we can take and interpret to the best of our abilities, and it kinda makes it more fun (for me at least) cuz we get to see how people interpret her character in so many different ways. :]
i actually came up with a design for her! nezuko is canonically good a sewing, or at least knows how to. her haori is made of up her old kimono and obi. i feel the checker pattern is important to keep because its kinda what all the kamados wear. also shorts/hand cropped uniform pants. i wanted to do pants but they didnt mesh well with her black leg wraps </3 (also pluggin my old hair timeline post bc its relevant <3)
(i didnt design a swap tanjiro bc hed just look like ep 1 tanjiro but muzzled. but he might have an outfit change like nezuko did in ep one.)
My TLDR version of early story swap nezuko is basically: During the beginning of her journey as a official demon slayer, she is veryyyy determined to change tanjiro back to a human as fast as she can, and is essentially bee-lining it from mission to mission. People are fine, but she is not going to linger for too long if she doesnt have to. Shes got her brother! And thats all the company she needs :]. this of course changes as she meets, trains, and fights alongside other people. She learns to slow down and appreciate the people around her more and how they can help her cause too.
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When trying to write out how the events of a swap au would go, i try to take nezukos character into mind ensure her experiences are different from tanjiros. Because they're different characters, different people, even if they face off against the same demon/character, they're going approach it differently, and have different takeaways from the things they experience
Now as much as i would love to write out/draw detailed scenes, that's a lot of work and planning and time that i do not really have atm. And i'd need to figure out A Lot of in world mechanics in order to create something I would be proud of. But in the meantime, i can establish a scene with nezukos' emotional beats to get a feel for her :D!
In the giyu confrontation scene in ep 1, nezukos first “emotional” arc would have a very different setup, almost opposite to tanjiros. When giyu steals the now fully demon tanjiro from nezuko, she’d be really angry at him. Shes angry someone thinks they can just take her brother away from her, dare to hurt him even, just because they think theyre stronger, just because think they know whats right (giyu ofc is just doing his best but. she doesnt know that </3). At first she’d try to retaliate, fight back immediately, in any way she physically can to get tanjiro back, but of course it wouldnt work out very gracefully. Shes no where near skilled enough to face a hashira, but she doesnt care. Her actions are blinded by her grief and rage from any rational thought. All she sees is this man stabbing her brother, threatening to kill him, and shes the only one who can save him. she has too. hes all shes got left. and this man is in threatening that. She’d tire herself out pretty quickly and fall to the ground, to tired to make another move. When giyu sees this, she’d get talked at for being too brash, running into a situation without thinking, without a plan, with only a goal in mind and no way to execute it. In a battle, you need to remember the people that youre trying to protect, not just the target youre trying to destroy. You need to remember who youre fighting for, cuz you cant fight for them if youre dead. Anyway funny axe throw scene now [insert plot things that happen that i have yet yo work out yet because the involve swap tanjiro. hes gonna be intersting] and we’re done. Even if her efforts to save her brother didnt turn out, there is potential to hone that determination into something, and giyu recognizes this. He believes that its something nezuko can effectively use if trained properly, maybe even help her find answers for her brother. After waking up, giyu would send the kamados off to urokodakis to be trained.
TLDR nezuko has really bad tunnel vision <3
We’re told in canon that Nezuko was not afraid to stand up to an adult if they were being mean, even if she's the smaller one in the situation. This trait is exhibited through her actions in Nezuko vs Daki, and I thought it was good scene to reference for how this scene might play out. i find the situation to be similar here. While it may seem out of her gentle character archetype, weve seen time and time again how fiercely she protects the people she cares about. hell, we even see her do the same thing in this scene in ep 1 when tanjiro is passed out!! In this moment if swap, she’s in shock, having just lost her entire family. she has already broke, this is just pushing it!!
i reallly wanna write more for this post but it is already. long lol. i have a few blurbs of texts about certain topics, and hopefully i can share them someday because i!! really like thinking abt this stuff! i really want to solidify and share my interpretation of demon tanjiro and how he works. things like how nezuko approaches battle and her overall fighting style. how the kamados fight together and help each other protect those they care about. maybe one day!
#god i have so much to say so much i wanna draw#but alas. i have been demoted to Poor College Student#kny#demon slayer#Kimetsu no Yaiba#nezuko#tanjiro#giyu#nezuko kamado#tanjiro kamado#giyu tomioka#roleswap au
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I redesigned my Main Antagonist
Kivihk, the God of Blood and Beginnings, has slowly risen from "antagonist of one story arc" to "main antagonist" and thus, he needs a new design and personality to match.
What was I working with? He had this arrogant, abrasive, "I'm waaay better than you" sort of attitude before. Imagine like... stereotypical misogynist college bad boy who drinks and parties too much and stuff. And he wanted to take over the world because he was an entitled baby.
So. He was evil and boring.
And also, he wasn't wearing enough clothes and this made him LESS hot, imo. I mean, look at this mess...
So then, I fixed him.
Initially, I fixed his second-in-command, Vanya, and gave her an actual tragic arc and stuff. And she went from "boring, evil goon" to "realistic depiction of a trad wife being gaslit into thinking giving birth was her only value, only to be put down for doing the one thing they told her she should do." So, she's this EMOTIONAL MESS and she hates him but she loves him cuz she doesn't think she has options...
Except the Demonic/Eldritch horror version. So her body will eventually be consumed and taken over by him. And she has to just be happy about this... SEE? That's FUN! (And by "Fun", I mean, it's horrific.)
So, next, I thought "Maybe, I'll remove Kivihk from the story except as a force-of-nature villain, with Vanya as his face!" Especially since "God of Blood and Beginnings" sounds a lot like "birth" to me -- so making him more of a feminine villain just made sense. I even started doing some sketches for this potential change -- Below: Vanya as she is now and Vanya as she could be as the avatar of a dead God.
But then I thought about how much editing that would require and died inside...
So I went and fleshed out the last 2000 years of backstory. And lo and behold, my usual trick of "just imagine going through their backstory" gave me a lot more empathy for the kind of people these two would be... And for one: Kivihk would not ACT like an entitled little baby all the time. He would, in fact, be pretty gentle, patient, and nice. He's a God, after all. He's a God who is superior to all other mortals and he has forever to achieve his goals. As I described it to my Discord:
He doesn't hate humans... he just doesn't see them as people. Do you gloat at cows? No. You aren't insane.
You DO still get mad at them if they break your fence or refuse to eat the food you give them, though...
So, with this in mind, I went and redrew him to give him that "JRPG Final Boss First Form" vibe. In his human disguise atm, he's got darker skin because the majority of humans in that area have dark skin. But most of my Demons have ashy-silver skin, so that's kinda what I'm going for with his "Godling" form.
To be clear, in his TRUE true form, he'd probably have like 5 more of those black "burned" arms, 6 more eyes, and like 3 flaming halos or something. I also think his God form would be more fishlike, since fish lay a lot of legs, and take a lot of influence from sea angels (since they're clear/white but have a red core and I think that's a great aesthetic for a God of Blood).
So yeah! That's a list of all the changes atm. I'm not even sure if this is the final destination of my changes so if you have questions or suggestions, I am open to them. Thanks for going on this journey with me! Now I just have to do a proper illustration to update this banner already... Hee hee!
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Heya, hope u have nice, sunny day here👋
Should I say I'm blessed that I found ur blog? Prob yes cuz thanks to you, i got out of my artblock hole first time in three years 🛐 God is a woman truly, in Pinnie I trust- No jokes, thanks dearly. Let me throw some quick messy sketch on idea I got after crunching on some good stuff at your blog and by this morally prepare myself to throw some little drawings of ur ocs later lmao
Some visuals: https://ibb.co/album/LrrXvv
Looks like here's a strange new visitor, huh...
Meet Double Trouble!
First impression.
It's hard to tell that here's a monster in front of you – after all, "main" body looks 100% human! Ah, yes, for sure, Eve is true femme fatale with this charming looks of hers. It's no surprise she steals attention easily with this seductive eyes and lovely lips- And what about her long, luxurious hair? Perfection as it is!
Ah, but she looks kind of sick, you know? And it's not even about her deadly pale skin- Sometimes it seems like she's talking- even arguing with herself- And her hair moves strangely even without any wind from times to times. Sometimes she can even puke out very strange things... Hmm, have you ever seen her eating them, actually? Or just eating at all?
Of course, pretty ladies never walk alone – and in case of Eve, her guardian dog is glued to her... Well. Quite literally. Grghaath never delays his early introduction, opening his massive jaw on the back of her head just to slip in some comment every time he hears something intriguing without thinking twice. Or, for example, when he can sense some food nearby- And, well, with amounts he's consuming, here's no surprise Eve doesn't have to bother herself...
How he decide "what is food" is a different story tho. Pft, what a brute.
"I'm hungry, so hungry... Eve? Eve? Look, this thing looks delicious..."
"... Please, don't take him seriously, he is definitely not a brains in our duo."
What are they?
Joke of nature Very strange case of symbiosis between human and... Well, something non-human. Roughly speaking, they're closer to changeling in the matter of literally turning inside out if they feel the need to swap. For the most of the time, Grghaath hides inside Eve, letting her communicate with outside world; in cases of danger, they change, since in terms of raw power Grghaath is a clear winner. It's needless to say that their harmony and teamwork are impressive – no-no, what is truly shocking, that even after years of being in such unique alliance, sharing thoughts, etc., both of them saved their original personalities and clear lol minds. For now, they are like roommates, but with different sides of body... Bodymates? Side neighbours?? Inside-outsties??? 🤔🤔🤔
Grghaath looks like giant, constantly wriggling and moving mass of flesh with a lot of mouths full of sharp teeth (prob will remake it lol). Eye on his body belongs to Eve.
Eve looks like human mostly, no special features aside from long "scar" on her back and big mouth at the back of her head.
Both can use tendrils(?) masked as hair; both can talk with eachother in thoughts if needed, share senses/thoughts/memories/etc. Eve become much stronger after their fusion, Grghaath gained higher intelligence for those of his kind and brighter emotions.
Quick description.
Eve: maneater😏
Grghaath: maneater😧
Eve, as been said before, brains and beauty, face of the pair and the main reason both of them haven't gone insane honestly – mostly because of her incredible self-control. She has realistic outlook on life and strong personality, and she was already mature enough at the moment of fusion- This is why she successfully asserted dominance over her at that time new neighbor in a shortest time possible. Not a mothering type, but "cool elder sister with knowledge behind her back" type – smart and reliable one, doesn't afraid to take responsibility for her actions. Can be overly pushy and even suffocating tho-
Grghaath, well... He's not a baddest neighbour for sure. If you will ignore his bad eating habits, he's pretty chill dude! Can and will talk with people around him about some silly random shit. Usually mistaken for the some type of parasyte, which makes him so offended........ And leads to funny and emotional protests. Scarily fast learner! Will laugh it off if someone points it out. Very good hunter, adapts to every condition so quickly– well, yes... He doesn't like to get scolded if he gets catched for eating some lame loser. It's a need to be smart and fast enough. Still too animalistic to clean up his meals perfectly, so he still gets scolded :(
What's their motivation?
Grghaath wants to find truth. Both of them has no information about what in the goddamn world fused them nor who they were before their meeting, all their memories are foggy. Must say, it's not a "i want to get rid of her" thing, mostly just interest.
Eve doesn't have any strict plans for life, she goes where wind blows. For now she tries to find someone like them- well, like Grghaath. She knows that he feels lonely. Sometimes she wonders if it's better for them to be separated, so he can live normal live for his kind.
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Phew, this was exhausting- Anyways 😔🙏 hope it wasn't too bore for you lmao. Maybe I will polish this idea later. Only best wishes, I will come back with some sketches again soon-
Oooooooo-wow, that is a giant wall of text. Your general writing style reminds me of someone too. Hm 🤔.
I don't really know if this oc is connected to anything regarding my narratives or you just decided to show me them? In which case thank you, but I would really suggest you post this on your account because it's likely to get swallowed in a cluster of other asks here. And you deserve visibility, honestly.
I'm glad I broke that 3 year artblock that's one Hell of a fucking badge to wear! 💪👀
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hi i literally know nothing about cyberpunk but im DROOLING OVER UR DESIGNS…i like do not have the patience or mind to ever do smth like that so its so cool to see other ppl make really cool designs for several characters like wow. i think zane and harumi r my favorite IM OBSESSED.
what kind of things did u use for inspo ?😳
OH MY GOD?? OH MY GOD?? THE CLAM IS IN MY INBOX?? DIES
anyways hihihi sorry it took so long to answer this eeee
Okay so I didn’t actually do that much formal research for it, because anytime i try to do that i feel my creativity and livelyness is sapped out of me (probably one of the reasons i hate school lmao) anyways
It’s actually a really funny (and long) story how this au came to be, so at first i saw the party clone of MK in lego monkie kid (this won’t make much sense if you haven’t watched that show sorry, but also at the same time if you haven’t YOU REALLY SHOUDL ITS REALLY GOOD AND THE ANIMATION MAKES ME DROOL NGL) and i was like yo wouldn’t it be cool if Lloyd had an evil party clone too? and then it expanded to an RGB evil clone au (cuz i’m a sucker for RGB siblings haha) and then i got the idea for nya to be a racer and to have a cyborg gf (cough cough pixal) and i was like okay scrap all the clone stuff were making this a completely independent au because this is MUCH cooler. and yeah, idk where the whole cyberpunk thing came from, i just thought it would really fit into the themes of fighting rings, clubs and races :DD
After that i was a bit busy for a while with school (just like i am now :c) but the brain rot for this AU was still going strong, so I made a pinterest board where i saved just a fuck load of cyberpunk shit that i thought looked cool, and whenever i had time i’d use those to draw the designs! here are some sketches with their references :D (zane and harumi included since they were ur favs! ps zane is my fav too, he just gives off such manager vibes but, hot, HAHA)
(ignore the lines, procreate just fucks up stuff if you change the canvas size and you try to access prior versions of the drawing through the timelapse option lmao)
anyways as you can see not even all of the references are cyberpunk stuff
AND YEAH I USED UR LLOYD AS INSPIRATION, I REALLY LIKE UR ARTSTYLE OKAY MOVING ON
some of the stuff was different and changed a lot through the process, like for example i decided against harumi having the furs because she would never wear them in this AU, she needs practicality in her fighting matches haha. I also changed a lot of lloyd design, cuz i was like “hehe, heelies” cuz zoom zoom, yk? and then u have zane, which was really straightforward coz i had almost exactly how i wanted him to be set in stone in my mind xd
Here’s a link to the pinterest board if ur interested! there’s a bunch of stuff in here i never got to use, so if anyone is interested idm it being used for stuff ^-^
ANYWAYS THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR SENDING IN THIS ASK, I HOPE IT WASNT TOO LONG AA
#me when cool artist sends an ask#HFBFBFHFH#dies#marsipain speaks#marsipain asks#marsipain art#ninjago cyberpunk au
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The Story of Kunning Palace 命转皇后/宁安如梦
Started watching the canto dub with eng subs when it came on tvb!! I’ve wanted to watch it for a while but I didn’t want to get another streaming service to watch it. On episode 17 now and I couldn’t resist making a post about what happened so far lol. Please don’t give me spoilers!
I love Ning Er so much. She’s clever, and she’s trying her best to change things, but she doesn’t know everything from her past life and things have changed so she’s having to act on the fly! And I love seeing how she uses her wits in these moments! And how she outsmarts her opponents!
I love the dynamic between her and Xie Wei. The brat and teacher power dynamic? But she’s just as clever as he is? And he’s constantly like, how/why do you keep showing up when shit goes down?? She infuriates him but he’s also sooooo fascinated and charmed by her and he wants to protect her.
So this probs real obvious but I’m gonna put it down here anyway. Xie Wei is the missing Xue Ding-fei and he and the current Xue Ding-fei swapped identities so that he could be sneaky and undercover.
I… don’t think the male cast is very good-looking tbh :”) Zhang Zhe’s probably the most attractive to me. I guess Xie Wei is hot when he’s being all smug and domineering and shit. Also I love how Zhang Zhe (and Ning Er, but more so Zhang Zhe) had been going “You’re working for him too??” like, constantly and getting more and more incredulous but he can’t react cuz he’s undercover lmao.
I feel like this is the start of the second arc, like we’re leaving the palace, the stakes are higher, but maybe I’m wrong. More hilarious moments: when Zhou Yin-zhi tells Xie Wei Ning Er has been kidnapped and internally he’s like: What?? Why??? How??? WHY like girl is gonna make him go grey. And also when she tells Zhang Zhe she told the rebels they’re cousins but they’re in love so they ran away to elope is HILARIOUS. He’s like, why would you tell them that?? But tbh it was a good plan to get them to stop questioning her. And then the rebels acting increasingly awkward around them. Love that the auntie ships them. She’s like, ah young love.
It definitely appeals to me that Xie Wei is so clever but also fucked up. Like not necessarily in a bad way, but man has been through A LOT, since he was like 6. And he’s been plotting and scheming and deceiving for so long, that’s gotta have an impact on his personality.
I have so many fav moments when Ning Er out-smarts her enemies or comes out with the upper hand. A cute recent one is basically the whole “getting the second half of the letter” plot, but specifically when the bank notes reveal her little turtle drawing. So cute!! It’s like she’s saying, hi 👋🏻😙 and then when he shows it to the others and they are just so confused because they don’t have context for the turtle??
Okay wait wait before I end this post I wanna talk about what intrigued me so much about this show in the first place. I’ve always loved reading time travel fix-its, seeing how things change or stay the same, what characters do with what they know and i thought it'd be so interesting for a story to start like a time travel fix it fic, but because the audience doesn't have the established "canon", it's revealed slowly through the story. And then this show showed up on my tumblr and I was like ??? wth this is exactly what I was looking for
Anyway that's it for now!!
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Okay so Kaname opinion is that.
As much as Yuuki dissapointed me in the manga. By not being the kind of heroine I wanted, not being the kind of woman Kaname deserved, not being loyal etc
In a way I kind of see where she was coming from. Life is complicated. Sometimes things happen without us planning it. Yes, she loved Kaname since she was born and even without memories she was insanely drawn to him and wanted him. You’d think the story was set from there. That someone would be loyal and monogamous. But it doesn’t work that way. She was very young and immature and had a lot of insecurities. She didn’t feel like she could be Kaname’s equal. She always felt useless to Kaname. She was attracted to him yet he made her nervous. So she kind of ran away and kept a distance using Zero as a shield and a reason to give her purpose and feel useful
. And then she found she could be useful to Zero by offering her blood. It was her way of feeling useful for once. She didn’t know what this meant. The blood drinking is only supposed to be done between lovers. And so it basically changed her brain chemistry and made her attached to zero forever basically. There was no turning back from this. It was like a connection and bond she made with someone who she wasn’t supposed to end up with. Thing is from here on out things were never the same. She got closer to zero through the continuous blood drinking and spending time together.
At this point Kaname was keeping his distance and for whatever reason, not doing anything about this. Which I will discuss in a bit. It’s kinda like when you have sex with a guy you don’t love. And you don’t expect anything to come out of it. You both agree to do it but agree it doesn’t mean anything. However, sex is an act of intimacy. Sharing your bodies together you can’t plan the emotions you’ll feel and accidentally develop an attachment. You can’t expect to do an act that is reserved for lovers and come out the other side the same. Sometimes you come out the same and unaffected but not always. That’s why you don’t play with this. Usually the attachment happens with someone you’ve actually had sex with rather than the person you haven’t done it with.
Similar in vk. Zero was the first man she shared blood with. The experience bonded her to zero while Kaname was still the distant figure. At this point her feelings for Kaname are just a crush and adoration but not too deep cuz she hasn’t shared that bonding experience with him yet and she had it with another man first. So basically, she’s already changed. By the time her and Kaname have the opportunity to bond and spend time together, her heart is already anchored by the attachment of the man she shared blood with first.
So yea it’s really sad for Kaname. He made plans to have Zero be Yuuki’s bodyguard and that they would share blood. He hated it but let it happen to turn zero into a strong vampire to defeat Rido later. However, this plan backfired on him. He let Yuuki wander off and let her be in a position where he could lose her. Now, I’m not saying he should have controlled her or anything but. He shouldn’t have played with fire like this. You can’t just set up a situation where the person who loves you can get close to another man. He did not do enough to get closer to her or even fight for her enough tbh.
He had issues too obviously, he hated himself and thought he didn’t deserve her so he kind of kept her at a distance to protect her. This backfired. He said himself he didn’t expect zero to fall for her and I wonder if that implies Yuuki too. Sometimes I wondered if this was his plan all along but this statement contradicts that. I guess he saw that she would never be the same girl who loved only him anymore. That girl was gone. And he saw that she was attached to zero and she couldn’t get over it. Knowing how observant and experienced he is at reading people and human nature, he didn’t see a point in being there anymore. She was no longer the girl he fell for. Even when Yuuki made the step of finally committing to him, it just wasn’t enough for him. She just wasn’t the same anymore. He didn’t want her when she’d be missing zero. And tbh I don’t blame him? Who wants to be with someone knowing they’ll have the love is not only for them? Most people don’t like sharing. And he was once again tired of living and didn’t see any point in sticking around since he had already lived too long. He decided to leave Yuuki in the hands of zero while telling Yuuki how he truly did love her and she could move on.
So the lesson from all this is: fight for the ones you love. Don’t play games and put yourself in a position to lose them. Don’t do open relationships! Don’t allow any kind of cheating. Don’t push people away
Now I’m not saying I would have did the things Yuuki did. I am just trying to apply a realistic interpretation to it where things don’t always go the way you wanted them to.
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Hey. Lili as well
The Lili De Rochefort Case File
The Asuka Essay
My first impression of them
A bitch. Buffoon. Loved the self-assured and calculating vibe; Karin Kanzuki in Tekken but make her overtly fruity and even more commanding. Even if she dangles whether or not she's gonna help someone, she ultimately still helps. GirlBoss attitude you either love or hate. Like Asuka I saw her for the first time in the SFxT trailer and I was so confused as to why she left Asuka behind after she did get serious helping her; I thought she'd be a backstabbing villain. By extension if Lili was a villain maybe Asuka was also since they were a team, or maybe Lili was blackmailing her or something. I wanted to play her for the drama jskdfjak Looking back now that trailer is still gay from her perspective; I love the little smile she throws Asuka's way when they pair up to go 2 v 2.
When I think I truly started to like them (or dislike them, if you've sent me a character I don't like)
Like Asuka the SFxT gameplay sealed the deal for me. I had to play them both or pair one with Ibuki whenever I wasn't pairing her with Sakura, cuz I hated that Rolento was Ibuki's official tag partner so I never used him. I saw Lili's super finisher and her Pandora form in YT videos and it made her look even cooler. (For fun here is Asuka's and Ibuki's - Asuka reacts to Lili dying then her receiving uncontrollable power that hijacks your mind like OOOH I Get to go All Out Now! whereas poor Ibuki is like It's no use, I can't control it!) To my surprise Lili wasn't a villain at all in the story mode she was just cunty and silly. She wants the Pandora Box just because its status might benefit her Dad despite having no idea what it does, and her devotion to achieving her goal was magnetic.
I also loved how she was ready to fight Asuka for the Pandora Box but the minute they lose it because of her own nonsense she just cries so pathetically jsfksdjf But unbeknownst to her Pandora would have made them kill each other like the other teams. I went back to Tekken 6 to learn more about her there too, and that's when I saw the extent of her connection to Asuka.
To this day I can't play her well in Tekken itself at all, but I used to have so much fun playing her rushdown style in SFxT. A lot of her new Tekken 8 moves look like they gave her back some SFxT stuff so that she plays faster now; I'm hoping she'll be easier for me to use.
A song that reminds me of them
Amel Bent - Pardonnez-Moi
Clara Luciani - La Grenade
How many people I ship them with
Her lame boyfriend, her equally rock headed "Mon Coeur"
My favorite ship of them
AsuLili Nation Rise!!!
THEY CANONICALLY MET ONLY THREE TIMES LOLLL
I have to start by outlining how I see Lili's arc as a coming out narrative. She has a childhood where she fits into what's expected of her and within her family. Then during the start of adolescence, she has an experience (getting kidnapped for ransom in this case) that awakens a feeling she's never known before but it's thrilling, it feels part of her and it changes her outlook, her desires. This puts her at odds with her family and those old expectations, because this new desire clashes against their principles. She has to hide what she is in order to keep fitting in, because she still loves her family and wants to keep her position. She thinks she can have both if she keeps them separate and secret from each other.
Then she meets someone who can be open about sharing the same desire she does. And this person isn't just open about it, they embrace it and thrive in a way she feels she can't. There is jealousy and shock but also joy and exhilaration. There's finally someone who gets her, who's made of the same core she is in the drive they share. The pull is so strong eventually she leaves what's old and having to hide behind her to be around what allows her to embrace her true nature.
That is Lili's relationship with awakening to violence and martial arts, her relationship to Asuka, and the hiding it all from her father because of his disapproval. It shares the same beats LGBT stories face. She's gone from "in the closet" tip toeing around her father so she can fight, to "on the fence" meeting and having her perceptions shattered by Asuka, to "out" by leaving Dad's influence to fully embrace fighting and Asuka. It's not just about the homoerotic tension from fighting each other, it's also gay by how it aligns the situation into likely an unintentional allegory for LGBT experiences mixed with coming of age. So I don't think it's reading too much into it to say Lili is homosexual if you just go by what is in the Tekken games; to say nothing of how much gay material they put her in for crossovers or spin offs. Whether it was done on purpose or not, her narrative itself is gay.
And going by that it doesn't take much then to view her as being infatuated with Asuka. Not only as a fighter but physical attraction and from clashing against her personality. Asuka is special to her for being the one who finally broke her "perfect" world. By that metric alone Lili is not letting anyone harm or get in Asuka's way because in her eyes that is now someone important- like her Father or Sebastian.
I say this because like I mentioned in the Asuka essay, it feels as if her theatrics moving into Asuka's house and fixing her dojo is in fact a cover. We have prior history showing Lili despises Mishimas. It makes sense from many angles to stay close to someone your enemies can use as to block them off. It would mean they can't make a move on that person without you knowing immediately. It would mean if something does happen you can respond on the spot and at least put up a fight.
Not a single Mishima finger will touch Asuka Kazama nor will anything inconvenience her without Lili having the chance to intervene. She could care deeply for Asuka and her infatuation, or she could be simply saying 'My enemies won't take what she brings away from me'. More than likely it's both. In the worst case scenario which doesn't look like its gonna be canon to be honest, it could even mean 'I will humiliate her before the Mishimas can'. But again I don't think that makes sense and there's no solid indication for it. If she truly viewed Asuka as a "thing" she would discard her the same way she does her father's material gifts.
If she didn't like her on some level she would either ignore her or seek to eliminate her, given what she's done in T5 & T6 as well as her vengeful sadist streak against those she hates in 6. People who think Lili is hating Asuka did not pay attention to how she views Jin, or how she treated Lars. That is her hate at most and her venom at least. Asuka would already be dead or Lili would die trying if it was hate. She wouldn't make such an effort to act generous or playful/teasing at ALL; and as implied in her T8 machine translated bio, (from which I can confirm it does still say she bought the dojo with pocket money in JP) do so without telling her father yet again. Asuka is deathly important to her for one reason or another regardless of how you view her methods. Her "affections" as Sebastian points out are very clear.
Their three meetings so far were like trial runs. Lili gets a feel for Asuka and keeps being drawn to her over and over. She's attached and she attaches easily because she has no non familial company she doesn't pay to be around her. She may not even have entirely admitted it to herself yet (because of the problems recognizing her feelings much less exposing them), which may be controversial to say. But she's pulled by the drive to bond with her. It is still at the border between infatuation and falling in love, in my opinion. Lili views Asuka through the sense of what purpose they have in common, what ways Asuka will thrill her, through excitement and fascination. She hasn't seemed to realize she doesn't properly communicate with or understand Asuka as a full person.
So she chases that high of their similarities and first impressions and invests her strong emotions down that perception for now. I think though, given how loyal she is to loved ones, once she listens to and understands Asuka she will connect fiercely. The passion of the infatuation stage boils over to intense love and devotion. Lili is like a kicked puppy looking for meaning she's never had. To be seen in a way she's never been. I'm not surprised she doesn't know how to handle this situation in a normal way.
At least I hope repair and honesty is the angle the writers take. Otherwise this is all for nothing and wouldn't just waste the character, it'd drag Asuka's arc down further. There'd truly be no justification for Lili's character and why they bothered tying her to Asuka in the first place. There'd also be no way for Lili to redeem herself and the stress she's caused.
Though if I'm being fair to her, she has been remarkably mild actually. As far as canon goes all she's done is show up for one unofficial rematch, which is annoying but understandable. She goes home. Then when the Mishima's terror on the world grows too strong, when her own family is weakened by them, she goads Asuka to meet her through the only outlet they've had so she can announce the world is going to shit, Asuka could be forced into it, and she is here to give aid and stick around just in case. That's it.
The motives don't justify her manipulating Asuka (very poorly anyway) into the 7th Tournament; the methods and desires do have clear boundaries though. She's not trying to live up her ass 24/7 or constantly seeking to humiliate her every waking second. Fans are the ones who made that shit up and don't bother thinking about evidence. It's like talking to a wall and the wall can't fucking read anything other than a toddler shapes book. I can't tell how much is ignorance, stupidity, or actively projecting maliciousness (and their homophobia), but people twist their relationship to reactionary extremes that make little to no fucking sense. Or they interpret it entirely through exaggerated memes and surface impressions. Or some are just pedophiles fixed on porn of them. It's extremely frustrating.
EDIT 11/15/2023: I have been further vindicated on this!!!! Harada revealed Lili's mother is an awful person who treated her like shit and influenced Lili's personality. She modeled love and affection as something to be dangled and twisted.
Of course Lili treats Asuka the way she does and struggles giving her straight answers. Nobody ever did that for her. No one ever showed her love as something more than not being listened to and not doing much listening. She would ask for anything and get vague responses that barely matched what she expressed. Her voice was ignored and turned on her. This still doesn't excuse her!!! But now we can better understand everything she's done. It gives new subtext. This was a big reveal that explains so much and can help predicting what'll happen next.
Anyway AsuLili Gay Tom and Jerry, recognition of the self through the other, the homoeroticism, the repression, the stubborn draw toward one another. They have all that. They're so funny when you put them in a situation but under everything they'd complete each other. I said what I needed to say on that in Asuka's analysis. I hope Lili drops her entire guard around Asuka and leans on her, asks to be leaned on in return. Vive le sex gay etc etc.
The only thing that can match a gorilla is another, equally crazy gorilla. Their enemy is the same. And they'll regret ever fucking with them.
ALSO! DO NOT FORGET THAT LILI'S HIDDEN AFFECTION MECHANIC IN TT2 MEANS SHE'S INSTANTLY PISSED WHENEVER ASUKA TAKES DAMAGE!!!
I love you Netsu System <3
EDIT: I have to add that just as I said the same thing in my Asuka essay, nobody told Lili to do what she does. Nobody ever asks her to attempt looking out for them, her dad never says he wants her to fight to protect, avenge, or honor him. She does the exact same thing Asuka does; gives in to her emotions and uses them as an excuse to do what she wants. They are the same character lmao
My least favorite ship of them
I have seen people take her with Ganryu seriously...people would rather be homophobic and pedophilic just to put a girl with a man for any reason
A quote of them that you remember
"You surely don't believe you can beat me?"
(Tekken 8 has the BEST line read for that yet by far)
Your favorite outfit of them
Walk walk fashion baby
Your least favorite outfit of them
What the actual fuck was this; gross on every level, even Asuka doesn't want to look
Describe the character in one sentence
The Squall.
What’s the first thing you think about when thinking about the character?
My old friend, that bitch. 💖
Sexuality hc!
D SLUR D SLUR D SLUR D- (Lesbian, have you seen this bitch) QUEEN F*GGOT
If it's not that for whatever reason then it's Oui, avec des hommes...des femmes...avec d' autres...
Your favorite friendship they have
Lili technically has no friends per se. Sebastian works for her so there's always that hierarchy between them. Asuka is the closest thing she has to a friend if only because they keep each other's company among other things, but they don't talk about or do activities the way normal friends do. I do love the way Sebastian supports her no matter how ridiculous she gets, even against her Dad. She's like his child too in a way, that might be part of why he dotes on her aside from fulfilling the loyal butler trope. Lili not having friends despite being a trust fund baby though? What a loser! jdfikajdasj Pathetic little Minou; I'm sure this is contributing wonders to her psyche. The closest other person I can think of is when they paired her with Leo for the non canon online comic. Every time I've seen art with them together its always funny, so there's that lol.
Best storyline they had
It hasn't happened yet in my opinion, Tekken 8 feels like she's finally gonna get a proper plot and I'm hoping they give her something to shine in. I say that because like Asuka she doesn't really have a storyline, she's a character who makes one off appearances to serve as a convenience (giving Lars his SUV in 6) or is the one off rich girl trope. This is of course whenever she's not involved with Asuka- I find it so funny they've canonically only met three times??? Three times! Once when Asuka first beat her, again at Asuka's school to fight her then run home, and again at the 7th Iron Fist tourney. Outside of that she's twice tried to stop Mishimas from stressing her dad out but when it doesn't work she immediately gives up. That's pretty much it. She has a handful of events that happen to her worse than Asuka's track record for the same thing.
Worst storyline they had
Nothing applies because I feel like everything she's gotten has either built implications about her relationship to her father or her relationship to Asuka, or both. Or it builds on her disdain for Jin and Mishimas. The only possible exception is that comic where she moved in with Asuka, but that's moreso her poor characterization rather than the gag plotline itself. Speaking though of bad canon characterization, whatever hardcore sadist shit they were going for in T6 makes me uncomfortable whenever I see things from Scenario Campaign. It's very one note, too edgy, and she's 16 in that game so trying to make her sound like a violent killer crossed with a dominatrix who is practically **cumming** mid threatening dialogue is especially gross. It was her first game after T5 so they probably were testing what direction to take her character. I'm glad they moved away from that angle to be honest, but we can keep her hate for Jin, it's understandable and adds to her. A lot of that T6 dialogue makes her seem shallow and its hard to sift for what's insightful.
A childhood headcanon
Did not eat worms or take risks and tussle outside all day long. Wished she could though beneath conforming to normalcy, and that subconscious desire for something daring became her drive for battle when it awakened.
What do you think their first word was?
Money, unironically, because she'd heard her dad use that word enough times coming home from meetings. Everyone looked at her and went Oh look she's truly his little heiress already thinking of business! sjfkjfksjf
How do you think they were as a kid? (Like, were they shy, noisy, wild, etc)
Spoiled little shit getting lots of material things, having her way as long as she could still look perfect for her family, and being doted on in the sense of a show dog. Also already proud of what her family is supposed to represent with their status even if she's too young to understand it, because adults keep telling her how successful the De Rocheforts are. More than likely acted out often for attention whenever trying to be perfect didn't get her affection she wanted.
I imagine her parents were busy with the business, especially her Dad since she's constantly trying to do things that he'll praise and notice her for. Rather than spend much quality time he tries buying her off with expensive things she doesn't care about. He probably does love her for her to have that attachment at all (or she thinks being given the slightest of his attention is enough to make him great in her eyes because that attention is so rare), but because he's busy and strict about what values she should have, he's distant and can't connect to who she is as a person due to his own morals.
As a kid she wouldn't understand all this, so it created this crisis of trying to please others while being herself, thinking she has to do something great or extraordinary to have value. It's not enough for her to exist and be loved, love has to be earned by increasingly drastic acts. If she proves herself over and over then finally she'll be worth accepting and staying around for.
The isolation, expectations, and perfectionism that fuck her up later would start early. Sebastian would've been the only adult she could count on for unconditional familial-like love; but because she internalized not expressing care directly she doesn't always know how to express that back to him the way he does for her.
The most random ship you've seen people have with them
JIN? HELLO? JIN? THE GROWN MAN SHE HATES FOR A VARIETY OF REASONS? THAT JIN? JIN?
A weird headcanon
Collecting dolls and plushies itself is not weird, but she arranges her collection in dioramas and protection circles around her room and bed. Every day and night. Walking into her room is like having an army stare you down; she's overly attached to them in this sense because she has no human friends. When she initially moved in with Asuka in my fic, Asuka had her sleep in a futon on the floor; the plushies guard that thing 24/7. She's still quite childish and lonely like that.
When do you think they were at their happiest?
Every time she sees Asuka; every time she thinks about Asuka the longer they know each other. Briefly whenever she succeeds in getting her father's positive attention. Every time Sebastian has looked out for her before she realized she needed the support. She appreciates him enough to have taught him some of her fighting style for Tag 2 if I remember right. I'm sure even if she doesn't always say it, she's happy when she feels he understands her.
When do you think they were at their lowest?
Also Tekken 6 like Asuka, but I want to extend this to include the short time gap before T7. She has already failed at winning any glory for her father in a pathetically short lived attempt during T5. Asuka is fixed in her mind not just for revenge but because failing to advance thanks to her, meant failing the father she loves when she wanted to do good by him. Then suddenly the Mishima Zaibatsu takes everything from them. Effectively holds them hostage to use their oil for their global wars over utter bullshit they can't resolve between themselves. Lili is rendered powerless once again at helping her father, even his health fails. Consumed with rage she runs off to stop at nothing to kill Jin if he will not relinquish what he's stolen. Again she fails.
There's no hope left and no way out, except for one last bet. If she can't yet save her father she can still do something for Asuka Kazama. Thus starts Tekken 7 with a Lili who's probably holding back all that rage and fear to look cool in front of the one person she thinks she has left to impress.
If T6 Lili sounds familiar to Asuka's arc, I really think they did that on purpose. Make them lose everything over and over; render them powerless despite their might. Drain all happiness save for the will to meet tomorrow.
Future headcanon
Does not succeed the Rochefort empire but passes that role on to someone else so she can stay with/around Asuka and help her. She still technically has access to the family money but she uses it to fund whatever Asuka needs, for philanthropy, and invests that further into supporting martial arts which is her true calling. Succeeding her father's position is never something she actually seems to care about as opposed to maintaining his health and honor. If she fights for the company it's only because she cares about him not the business itself. And because their morals and philosophies are at odds, Lili would probably think it better for her father's legacy if someone else who could do the job right took on his burdens. As opposed to her, who loves him but doesn't see eye to eye with him including professionally. Despite their differences she'd want him to be comfortable in retirement.
I think eventually she expands her fighting style moving from jetting to street fights and tourneys into formal training. She hops around from school to school devoting years to different styles- Feng Wei but without the need to conquer other dojos and become the most powerful ever. Sebastian of course is there serving and helping until whenever he would pass on, because he cares for her personally. If she and Asuka aren't married or a couple then they still remain in touch, still rivals but out of mutual affection and testing each other's skill this time. She loves pop music too so maybe using her nepo baby status to snag a recording gig and see if that fits her lol.
What do you think is a secret they have that they never told anyone?
Like Asuka, any time she doubts or is afraid because she's just as proud and will rebuke anyone coming close to guessing her true feelings. Also secrets like how much she loves those close to her, the full details of her feelings on them.
When do you think they acted the most ooc
That entire online comic where they originally had her move in with Asuka. Horrid. Completely tipped her character over to the creepy irredeemable controlling stalker who sexually harasses Asuka and gropes her because Haha She's Gay And Lesbians Prey On Women! They don't know what No means! Everything about her was stripped back for the sake of a homophobic stereotype as a punchline. And the assault "gags" weren't even attempting to be darkly funny gags they were just creepy; then on top of all that they still found a way to sexualize Lili with things like explicit crotch shots and shit. When I see people like it just because Lili does overtly gay things I throw up in my mouth a little, how do you not think when looking at it eugh. Lili is not in the right for pestering Asuka but she still has her limits and straightforward reasons for it, rather than being a complete caricature.
When do you think they were being "themselves" the most?
The short conversation about her "affections", Asuka's T7 ending, complimenting Sebastian, all of her T8 trailer interactions counting her intro (it was cute seeing her try to dismiss caring for Salt when she faces her opponent, as well as her little smile and the subtle shift in her eyes when taunting Asuka- it feels affectionate rather than intimidating), threatening to kill Lars if he doesn't kill Jin, being sad she couldn't fight Asuka in T6, and demanding Jin restore De Rochefort Enterprises. All of these involve her guard being lowered and her emotions coming out away from her Cool Sassy Bitch demeanor. The front has been fun but I want to see more of this heart on her sleeve Lili in the future, at least around those she cares about.
The look I give girls when I "hate" them and don't want to tongue them silly and am NOT in love with everything about them and I would HATE if I showed them La Petit Mort because I don't want her carnally and I'm NOT thinking about taking her last name in sickness and health:
Side note do you think one of Lili's moments in T8 is gonna be asking Lars why the fuck Jin isn't dead yet, when she EXPLICITLY asked that twunk be obliterated. I want to see it.
If they could meet a character from another show/movie/etc, who
would be the most fun for them to meet?
Ok I feel bad but I can't think of anyone I may edit this answer
The most unnecessary thing they ever did?
BLOWING UP A LIMO TO REJOICE IN THE GLORY OF COMBAT
How do you think they would be as a parent? (and if they are a parent, how do you think they would be if they weren't?)
That child is getting spoiled their entire life; even long after they're an adult what Lili sees first is her cute little baby. She buys them things but emotionally she's also got a pretty overbearing streak with wanting them safe and happy. She doesn't read it as this or see the problem it can be though until it makes her kid lash out and feel suffocated. I feel like even with Asuka if you were to point out to Lili her overbearing side when it comes to caring for others, she takes it as a personal attack/failure because to her it's like, "Well would you rather I not care about you? I care so it justifies most of my behavior." She doesn't quite understand yet that's not how that works. People need independence and are allowed their own responses to your actions. That you can hurt people by not allowing them control over themselves.
It's difficult for her to remember moderation. It would be easy to see where this comes from because on one hand she grew up at odds with her father so she doesn't want to repeat that. On the other hand she also grew up wanting his affection and approval for many things, so she thinks she'll receive that same loyalty by being so dedicated on her end. She's doting in a very lofty sense and her child's honest perspective would need to bring her back down to earth when she gets to be too much. They'd be closer once she accepts not smothering them.
But also I think Lili would be perfectly fine raising a cat or two with Asuka, rather than them having a baby necessarily so it can go either way lol Realistically they probably do just stick to pampered pets, like Salt. Lili's attitude then would be something like "Why do we need children when we have sweet angels right here!" *hugging the life out of all their pets*
She tries to convince Asuka they can take care of a bear once; Asuka nearly has a heart attack. They do not get a bear.
The funniest scene they had?
All of it. She's a professional clown. BUT my favorite is her T5 ending. "I have protected Daddy's earnings by destroying his competition!" *triggers an economic collapse bankrupting her family*
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Quick question but have you seen the picture of Arven down at Sada’s lab? Cuz when I first found it in game I legit just sobbed because I felt so bad for Arven.. also if it isn’t spoilery, could you give ur thoughts on the Professors?
Since I have now finished the main story and it's been an entire month (i'll still tag it as spoilers), I can go all out here.
I saw it - IN FACT, when I first went into the lab where you first met Arven, I was looking around, and noticed there was a photo frame that was empty there, I was like, "HELLO????"
And later on, when I went back to the lab in Area Zero to check out everything else, I noticed the picture of Arven and Maschiff there and I just about went, "OH NOOOOOO"
LIKE, THAT'S SO FUCKING SAD.
That's all Sada (since I had Scarlet) had to keep her motivated since she was focusing so much on her work, LIKE...the way she said she needed more time, that she couldn't focus on her work and also keep an eye on Arven. Not to mention, the Koraidon she had in her possession sometime before Arven's birth. AND THEN HER HUSBAND JUST LEFT HER. LIKE....bro, what the hell. (just reverse everything in Violet so you can apply it to Turo - and it's still the same situation)
Nothing really excuses Sada/Turo from neglecting Arven, but it certainly does explain the circumstances that led to this, especially when you have the system in place to prevent the time machine from being shut down. Like, of course the AI would see more logic instead of letting emotions control them as Sada/Turo have, given their circumstances and (possible) desperation.
I truly believe it was only until after they protected the passive Koraidon/Miraidon from the aggressive one and took a mortal wound from it to realize that they made such a serious mistake. But by then, it's already too late. Nothing can be done about it, because they're dying.
So the AI is left with the aftermath, since by this point, they have their own sentience that leaves them conflicted. Again, the AI sees things more logically, and Sada/Turo's first personal experience with Koraidon/Miraidon was with one that was docile and smaller (when you compare it to the more aggressive one).
My personal headcanon at this point that is starting to ring more and more truth is that the Koraidon/Miraidon first caught was a baby, which allowed it to effectively get domesticated without any issues. Like a feral kitten having an easier time getting socialized, versus a feral adult cat.
Honestly, I just think it's tragic, because Arven is left with the entire burden of dealing with all this, without any way of getting full closure, beyond finding out that yes, his parents did in fact love them. They were absolute idiots and their parenting was terrible, but that doesn't change the fact that they loved him.
And if they had the chance, they would've gone back to him, but they can't. They're dead. He's alive - this is what he'll have to deal with the rest of his life. Things happen, I'm sure Arven is just relieved to know that he wasn't hated despite it all. But obviously, he's going to need a lot of support and therapy (like the rest of us, GOD DAMN).
Anyways, Arven deserves better, I still want to fight Sada/Turo, but I don't outright hate them. I genuinely like the angle the story went with, because you don't HAVE to be evil to do shit like that. Sometimes, things happen, and it just sucks.
But at least Arven isn't alone, and we were able to help out his Mabosstiff. And honestly, I'm good with that in the grand scheme of things (in terms of the experience I had with Scarlet).
(keep in mind Black and White is still my favorite game, and N Harmonia is my first crush, so I already know what the other end of terrible parenting and hatred looks like, and that's Ghetsis)
(I am honestly glad that despite the similarities, Arven doesn't have the exact same backstory as N)
#ask#pokemon#pokemon scarlet and violet spoilers#pokemon scarlet and violet#sada#turo#arven#i am an absolute mess like arven deserves better#but what's done is done#all we can do is be there for him#and also write aus#but otherwise just give arven a hug and therapy god damn
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My Ranking of Anne Rice's Books
Full disclosure: My ranking is totally not based on the quality of AR's writing (which I absolutely love); it's just reflecting my own personal preferences for certain characters, plots, and themes. Some of her books I deliberately chose not to read; while some I only read once and didn't care for them, hence their low rank on my list. (I saw the Feast of All Saints movie but never read the book.)
S Tier: The Witching Hour, The Vampire Armand, Taltos, The Wolf Gift, The Wolves of Midwinter, Blood Communion
A Tier: Cry to Heaven, Servant of the Bones, Blackwood Farm, Prince Lestat, Queen of the Damned, Memnoch the Devil
B Tier: Realms of Atlantis, The Vampire Lestat, Lasher
C Tier: Blood & Gold, Interview with the Vampire, The Mummy
D Tier: Blood Canticle, Tale of the Body Thief, Merrick, Angel Time, Of Love and Evil, Pandora, Vittorio, Violin
(I used the tier template here as my base.)
MY THOUGHTS (I tried not to spoil anything):
S Tier: Spectacular!
13/10 The Witching Hour
My favorite Anne Rice book. The plot was utterly insane. The buildup surrounding the mystery of The 13, and the Door, and what exactly Lasher was and what he wanted was SO good. I thought Rowan was a effing idiot, but I LOVED seeing Michael slowly realize what his purpose was, in the face of this loooong tragic history about the "eunuch" Mayfair husbands. Julien Mayfair is really the GOAT! I was on the edge of my seat; it's a legitimately scary ghost story! IMO Lasher is AR's best villain, cuz he's so awful. (I'm waiting for Season 1 of AMC's Mayfair Witches to finish before I watch it--I'm already bummed from the changes I heard about. [EDIT] I watched it, and it's trash. 🤦)
10/10 The Vampire Armand
I am HELLA biased. TVA was one of the very first AR books I read in full, and I was hooked. Marius/Armand are my favorite vampire ship, leave me alone--the Renaissance was a different time; read a book. Armand and Lestat are my fave vamps, cuz they're both fabulous and crazy. But I empathized with Armand more, because he was so YOUNG. I saw the IWTV movie before I read TVA, and was so shocked that he was just a kid! (Antonio Banderas was fiiiiine AF though!) I was fascinated by Marius since TVL, and getting to see him in his natural habitat was such a treat, as he tried to deal with his feelings for his beloved black-winged angel/demon Amadeo. Plus we got to learn A LOT about the Children of Satan/Darkness, and it was SO effed up what happened with M/A & Santino.
10/10 Taltos
This is the payoff I was waiting for after The Witching Hour. I could care less about Lasher--ASHLAR was precisely the type of Taltos I wanted to know more about. I loved getting his perspective on all the Celtic lore about the Picts and Stonehenge, and the dwarves, etc--it was so mythological; I love it. And the whole icky background about the Talamasca, and the lengths they went through to get the Taltos together...dang. SUCH a good story. 10/10.
10/10 The Wolf Gift & The Wolves of Midwinter
These two are tied--the WoMW sequel flows perfectly from TWG, and I never read one without reading the other immediately after. AR is famous for her vampires, but IMO her werewolves are her very best immortals. They're just really well-adjusted to immortality, and are a big happy wholesome family, the way the rest of her immortal species are NOT. Like, there are very few setbacks to being an AR werewolf, compared to other types of supernatural--especially if you have Margon and the Goldings looking after you (Stuart, you lucky bum!). I want to live at Nideck Point, throwing holiday festivals and carousing with the woodland creatures. I guess kinda like WoMW slightly more, because it continues following the pack as they settle in together, but TWG sets up AR's werewolf universe so perfectly that it gives it that slight edge.
10/10 Blood Communion
I hate that AR was so nasty to fanfic authors and scared a lot of the fandom away, cuz all I want is 500k+ on The Chateau Era, as the vampires live together being fancy and lavish and finally getting their ish together. Blood Communion only gave me a taste of that, cuz it was so dang short (the illustrations were such a cute touch!). But my favorite part was definitely when Armand flipped the eff out over Marius--I was like YES! FINALLY!!!! ^0^ I was so tired of this will they/won't they thing that had stretched out between M/A ever since QoTD, and I just wanted them to come clean about how they REALLY felt. Plus, I was glad/relieved that Louis & Lestat finally ironed everything out; I felt really bad for them, for once! I just wanted more, but I kinda felt Blood Communion was likely where AR was gonna end everything, and TBF it was a really good stopping point.
A Tier: Awesome!
9.5/10 Cry to Heaven
Who knew reading about castrati could be HOT!? This book made me cry--the title was apt! Guido is one of my favorite AR characters; I felt so bad for him!!! Tonio reminds me a lot of Armand, but...I felt worse for Armand? Like, yeah, being castrated sucks, but Tonio got to have this amazing career, and the book ends on a high note--LOL! But Armand was literally psychologically tortured for 300+ years and never really recovers--he gets Trinity Gate & Night Island & his coven, but he's clearly unhinged and maladjusted. I just felt that Tonio was lucky to have a support system in Guido & his patrons, and Armand was decidedly more unlucky, and hence more tragic? Whatever--this was a really good book, even without any supernatural elements.
9.5 Servant of the Bones
I looooooove this book~! I'm a sucker for mythology and world religions and immortality and all of it--this was SO GOOD. If supernatural creatures were real, I legit think AR might be on to something--you can't tell me SOMEONE didn't do human sacrifices like that, trying to make their own "genie" or whatever. VERY Solomon's Ring. And I love how AR threw in all these historical events & characters--making deals with the "devil." It was so creepy; yet thoroughly tragic, as usual with this woman. I just wish we got a bit more clarification on what exactly Azriel was--cuz there's NO WAY he's an angel/djinn/demon, if everything that happened in Memnoch & Angel Time was legit. Is he just an incredibly powerful GHOST, like Lasher??? 🤷 (Azriel would beat the dog snot out of Lasher in a fight, IMO. He's just way more experienced.)
9.5 Blackwood Farm
I LOVE AR's ghost stories. Between Amel, Lasher, Azriel, and Goblin, I pitied Goblin the most. He's VERY similar to Amel, but because of the way he was created, and how he had to exist, I just really felt for him and just wanted to give him a HUG--my poor baby! :( I enjoyed seeing Lestat in a domestic sphere, with the grandma tryna adopt this whole vampire living under her roof, cuz the Blackwoods are like: meh, what's another spook; we're used to weird shenanigans in this family. XD And Mona Mayfair--she won me over here, cuz I did NOT like her around Michael & Rowan; get friends your own age, brat. I'm mad at what AR did with Merrick Mayfair though, like really???
9.5 Prince Lestat
AMEL. O_O I was already fascinated by whatever Amel was when Maharet gave her backstory in QoTD, but once AR started fleshing (LOL!) him out in the Prince Lestat trilogy I was like yaaaaaaaas~! I need DETAILS! As much as I like the other VC books, I really enjoy reading QoTD and PL back to back, cuz it's just a natural continuation of what happened to ALL the vampires afterwards. And it's effed up. Lestat's one bold soul, cuz I would NEVER.
9/10 Queen of the Damned
The hype was real! Maharet's lovely, but Mekare's the GOAT. I was TOTALLY on board with Akasha's plan though, NGL. But you could tell that she was crazy, too. However, getting Amel's perspective in the later books, and seeing what happened with Rhoshamandes, I sympathize with Akasha even more, cuz how much of that was REALLY her???? But yeah, she had to go. (I cannot wait to see who AMC casts--no one can beat Aaliyah's performance, but I want to see them at least try to prove me wrong.) However, the build up to the concert and facing Akasha was a bit too drawn out for my liking (I could care less about Tough Cookie and Killer and all the random AF auxiliary vampires that showed up at Armand's, or the compound. And I DO NOT like Devil's Minion--I love Armand to pieces, but Daniel was INSANE, and vampirism ALMOST turned him into another Nicky, which I was NOT feeling).
8.5/10 Memnoch the Devil
Dante's Inferno meets Dracula. I like this book. But it was confusing, because I was like what was the point? I would've tried WAY harder to keep Lestat in Hell, if I was serious about making THE Devil's Minion. I felt like MtD was an elaborate excuse for AR to bench Lestat, so she could focus on Armand & Marius & Louis for a few books. Like, we know Lestat's trash, but dang--just leaving him on the floor like that? XD And Memnoch's even more mysterious than Azriel in SotB, cuz what is he really? He was able to psychologically torture Lestat in that church from...another dimension?? WHERE was Lestat's eyeball REALLY? Were they LEGIT demons? Like...? Cuz I had the same questions about Louis in Merrick, like, was what he was seeing REAL? We know powerful vampires like Armand can use the Mind Gift to create whole worlds in people's heads. So who knows what actually happened to Lestat.
B Tier: Bravo!
8/10 Realms of Atlantis
I like the alien plot--SUE ME. It's weird AF, and I don't really like what happened to Amel (I'm undecided about trusting that he's redeemable and if he can be excused for being a literal MENACE), but I enjoyed getting those final answers. In TVA Armand said he saw a city of glass when he turned, and I nearly jumped out of my seat when I read RoA, cuz it tracks! And the alien parasites made sense. Look at what happens when regular HUMAN ghosts gained autonomy in AR's books. Look at GOBLIN in BwF. Look at Memnoch even--whatever he is [EDIT: I'm not buying AR's weak AF retcon that he's a ghost Replimoid, cuz then what was Angel Time for?]. Of course a whole extraterrestrial species would have drastic consequences on humans.
8/10 The Vampire Lestat
A must-read for context and mining information, but TVL's never been a book I ever go back to just cuz I want to reread it for funsies. But I enjoyed it WAY more than IWTV, mostly cuz the tone was drastically different.
8/10 Lasher
Anne Boleyn. Really? XD And folks wanna complain about aliens? XD I was not here for Lasher--let the devil speak and tell his story blah blah blah. I was with Michael the whole time, just counting down to when Lasher would stfu already so we could get back to business. There was NOTHING Lasher could say to make me care. Regardless of what he was when he was alive, in death he was thoroughly EVIL. Lasher's a very interesting parallel with Lestat, who was also very religious and wanted to be a priest and was physically & prematurely ripped from his home and from his life. And yes, vampires are mass murderers, and Lestat likely killed way more people than Lasher. And they're both totally selfish; parasites feeding off the living. But it's the METHOD that bothers me with Lasher. Vampires killing just to drink blood is one thing. But Lasher RUINED that family--it was SICK, the things he did to the Mayfairs--both in the past, and present. He DELIBERATELY drove people crazy and abused people for sport and strategically hunted the "eunuch" husbands and turned women into his sex toys, and god knows what he was up to with Julien--and for WHAT??? Lasher was NOTHING like St. Ashlar, and it shows. Bye, Felicia.
C Tier: Can't Love It
7/10 Blood & Gold
I was so hyped for Blood and Gold, cuz Santino was just a PLAGUE upon these poor vampires! I got a lot of answers that I really wanted after TVA, but I understand why some people hate Marius, cuz really my guy?????? It really is his way or the highway. I still love Marius, but my opinion of him definitely dropped quite a few notches--I was PISSED at him just like Armand was, all the way up to Blood Communion.
7/10 Interview with the Vampire
Groundbreaking, iconic, never done before, etc etc. But IWTV is one of my least favorite AR books. I honestly think she just got better as she kept writing. But also the tone of IWTV, and especially Louis as a character just never appealed to me. Louis never had a personality other than bitterness, like…. I just couldn't relate to him at all, like what are you complaining about???? If you hate being a vampire so dang much, END IT. Lestat honestly impressed me (Armand's patience was impressive too!), cuz I'd've been GONE, and left Louis to his own devices; eff how pretty he is. The movie--as fun and awesome as it is--definitely didn't improve my opinion of Louis; he was even more mopey, wtf! (AMC's IWTV handled Louis BRILLIANTLY, and went a LONG way endearing me to Louis, where I absolutely LOVE him now--protect Louis at all costs!)
6/10 The Mummy
This was REALLY good, until it wasn't. I got similar vibes with SotB, as ancient civilizations grappled with magic and immortality and the divine and the dead/undead--my bread and butter. But Ramses just reads as way more naive and clumsy than Azriel. It got tiresome, seeing Ramses scramble to fix all the mistakes he kept making, like omg dude--LEARN. And what was the purpose of that girl? Whatever her name was. Like...yawn. And then Cleopatra.... 🤦 Why is she so evil? Is it just the brain damage? What a walking disaster--and Ramses was AGAIN at fault! I couldn't take anymore, it got frustrating.
D Tier: Didn't Care
4/10 Blood Canticle
This book was DEPRESSING. First of all, I honestly don't understand why Lestat was even there? Just let Quinn & Mona & Rowan & Michael deal with it--a drug/gun cartel? REALLY? Morrigan! Ashlar was one thing, but come on, REALLY?? I was so bummed! Then Rowan had the NERVE--! I was disgusted. I never liked her, but even the scraps of empathy I felt for her EVAPORATED. Poor Michael! :(
4/10 Tale of the Body Thief
I was squicked out. There was nothing appealing about this situation. If he was in his OWN body, like if Dr. Fareed could "cure" vampirism, that would be one thing, but this was just...no. And poor David! I liked Mojo though?
4/10 Merrick
God, spare me. I never liked Louis in the books, so this was just one long psychological torture experience I wasn't feeling. Especially since I couldn't really be sure if the ghost was legit when I first read it. But having read so much more of AR's ghost stories, I'm more convinced now that it was the genuine ghost that had it out for Louis, which is awful, cuz that really puts into perspective what was going on in NOLA vs Europe/Paris. So, I feel bad for him--but the most interesting part was getting Lestat's reaction.
3/10 Angel Time
I barely remember what this book was about. It was a murder mystery in a hotel near a church in Cali somewhere and an angel selects some assassin because....? IIRC he went back in time and infiltrated a pogrom or something disguised as a monk? And.... I...don't remember.
-/10 Of Love and Evil
I own it, but literally don't even remember what this was about.
3/10 Pandora
I could care less about Pandora/Lydia/whatever her name was. I do not like this woman. I get that she's bitter about Marius ditching her, but omg. Stop. You don't see Bianca complaining; get over it already. There was something about bees and the Talamasca and Pandora being worshipped and....something.
-/10 Vittorio
I own it, but I literally don't even remember what this was about.
-/10 Violin
This was an impulse buy. I was so hyped at first, cuz I thought this was gonna be about Nicky and Lestat. Then I actually read the summary, and was immediately like wtf. But I gave it a go cuz there's wibbly wobbly timey wimey ghost stuff going on, but.... Nah.
Thanks for reading!
#anne rice#the vampire chronicles#the vampire armand#the vampire lestat#mayfair witches#interview with the vampire#anne rice ftw#i love myself some anne rice but#fanfiction#headcanon
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HEY HI WALLY UM SORRY TO SCREAM INTO THE VOID OF YOUR INBOX BUT I WATCHED 8 EPS OF FIONNA AND CAKE AND I SAW THAT YOU DIDNT LIKE EP 9 AND 10 WHICH MAKES ME CONCERNED CUZ I REALLY LIKE THIS SO FAR EVEN IF IM A PRETTY CASUAL AT FAN. IDK WHAT I MEAN BY SENDING YOU THIS JUST THAT. MAYBE I WONT BE AS DISAPPOINTED IDK?? ok ill stop screaming now i hope youre having a good day/night :"3
HIII SU YAYY IM GLAD YOU LIKE FIONNA AND CAKE!!!!!!!!!!!!!! o(^▽^)o despite my beef with the last 2 eps i really really do like f&c as a whole ... it feels like such a natural and intriguing progression for adventure time's story while also being creative enough to have its own identity. when i was watching it i was blown away with how much it exceeded my expectations!!! i wanna see where they take the 2 stories and im excited to see where the team decides take this universe (˘◡˘) ♪ ......
full disclosure im a #fake at fan i havent watched since iwas like 13 or something so take what i say with a grain of salt . but ig the main appeal of the first 8 eps for me is that i felt like it was set up as a subversion of what we knew about fionna and cake and, by extension, adventure time as a series. it takes a look at at's typical storytelling formula but from a more detached lens so it provides a new take on adventure time's storytelling by subverting it's key elements while offering a new perspective and tone (i was very pleased w how different f&c are from their at counterparts!) . simon's depression only seems to spiral with time despite everything "ending well" in the original series. fionna, who was initially excited to escape her boring life, becomes slowly disillusioned when she realizes she's out of her element amidst all the magic. both fionna and simon were stuck in a point where they can't progress in life (though in varying degree) because no matter what they do, there isn't really anywhere they belong. so their arcs are set up to have them live for themselves and carve an identity outside of wanting to escape their situations!! i found that very interesting!!
but then. episode 9 and 10 ...... gotta say i was pretty underwhelmed w these ones ha!
(extended thoughts beyond the cut bc its wayy too long and kind of a downer.. ^^ dont click if u havent finished yet!!):
i mean. eps 9-10 do a good enough job in wrapping up the story .... its just that the tone and way in which conflict was resolved felt kinda disconnected from the first half imo. fionna's struggles and what she needed was set up as a fairly complex problem and seemingly extended beyond her surface level desire to escape. but by the end shes like no wait im ok with my town actually i just needed to accept it :) which while yes that was the resolution the show was setting up, the way it's handled feels too. easy ig? idk her journey in the last two episodes feels wayy more cut-and-dry than i was hoping. it really feels like they wanted to delve into her struggles a little longer but weren't given enough time to do so, so they just kinda had to skip to The Part where she learns her lesson, but for me that kinda undermined the complexity of the conflict being set up and resolved things in a pretty generic way. also nitpick but her decision to not change her world mainly coming from gumlee going like "nooo we just got together!" was like disappointingly simple to me (._.)
which brings me to simon. ouuugh simon. i loooove fionna and cake's take on simon as a character a lot but im sorry betty and simon's resolution left me with more mixed feelings than it did closure. their story is bittersweet and doomed from the start so i dont have a problem with them not being meant to be but "simon was selfish too" being the major takeaway is so strange to me? throughout the show simon is shown to be incredibly selfless and self-sacrificial so having THAT be what we take away from his character feels so out of left field. and yes bc we dont see much about simon's personal life in the main series i dont doubt that he was prone to being selfish. it could be an interesting direction to take him in! but.... his selfishness towards betty is only brought up in episode 9 (we didnt see betty till episode 8 mind you) through an exposition dump via casper and nova (whose segments+designs were admittedly rlly cute) and directly called into question in the last episode, which was ALSO their last meeting. and it leaves such a sour taste to me ....... if youre basing a climax off a specific conflict....why wait UNTIL the climax itself to directly bring up said conflict with little to no buildup. i couldnt feel any closure bc i didnt think this was the conflict theyd choose to build their relationship on at all (then again i have bad foresight)
also "we could've made better choices" still confuses me bc literally WHAT..... if simon never put on the crown he wouldve died and never wouldve found marcy. if he escaped the crown's curse he wouldve projected his madness onto pb. idk. maybe i was reading too much into those isolated incidents. but also somehow i doubt that betty turning insane and ice king's existence were consequences of his selfishness 😭 mind you he literally tried to stop betty from saving him in at!!
additional nitpicks the tone kinda switched back and forth and it felt jarring. going from the somber tone of simon and betty resolution/final meeting and the lighthearted/vaguely humorous tone of fionna and friends trying to stop the bad guy kinda messed with my investment a lil bit...also jay permanently living in fionna's universe was so strange to me likerwyt2r!^%@%#& DONT YOU HAVE SIBLINGS?
anyways i sound really critical but its only bc im rlly invested and believe it could be better if its given enough time to explore its concept better!! and even if the last 2 eps werent for me as a whole there are a lot of things i love about it . the visuals (casper and nova, simon and betty's resolution, the scene of simon returning to ooo, the dandelion scene, the epilogue, GOLB) were sooo beautifully done and did such a good job giving the scenes weight like seriously props to the creative team. i also looove beth and shermy we've only seen very little of them but already their dynamic is so endearing. there's so much passion and creativity jampacked into this project i reaaally can't wait to see what else they have in store
#PHEW im done....ive been working on this one in my drafts 4 quite a bit! sorry again 4 late reply (>﹏<)#but ANYWAYS. im rlly glad you liked it yayyyy ^__^ sorry it got long you gave me an opening and i just had to take it#ive been thinking abt this for awhile so ty for giving the opportunity to actually verbalize it :] (consumed by the f&c brain mold)#https://catabolicseed.com/txt#fionna and cake
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A Brief Study of Loneliness Analysis #4 - alone against the world
To be honest, I’m questioning if I’m mentally well enough right now to do a proper analysis post. And this isn’t the topic I intended to write about either (that post will be published later) but something I decided on this morning after I woke up feeling too many emotions from thinking a lot these past few days.
Since writing is often an effective way for me to purge my state of mind…I owe myself this space to release some of that turmoil. So feel free to look the other way if this bothers you. And plz don’t interact with CLAMP-related commentary or whatever cuz that isn’t what this post is about.
{TW: mental illness, depression, topics of abuse}
Loneliness. Solitude.
These are the things Kaito has always known as far back as he can remember.
Isolated because of his powers, he was always alone. Even the few who genuinely reached out to him weren’t able to lift that belief from his mind.
Because he’s been carrying this emotional and psychological trauma from his childhood for so long that the thought of connecting with people, trusting others, is greatly damaged as well.
The only exception to that is Akiho. She had to endure abuse similarly to how he did so he could relate to her suffering. But she was also always beside him as a positive, healing influence and that helped alleviate some of that pain he felt.
However, it didn’t erase it because there were many things that kept that wall up between them.
He had to hide the fact that he is a magician from Akiho in order to not frighten her. Because every other magician she knew had only ever hurt her for not having magic. Kaito didn’t want that. He wanted her to feel safe, to grow up feeling that she can be treated normally.
So he never used magic in front of her (or, at the very least, not in any way she would notice) so that she could interact with him without being afraid.
He hides his schemes in the shadows because he doesn’t want her to become aware of what her clan and the Association did to her, what he’s trying to fix right now. Finding out that she was turned into a magical artifact would be the ultimate thing that could destroy her heart and she’d immediately lose her soul to the spells carved into her body from the magnitude of that revelation.
He deflects her concern for his rapidly deteriorating health for the same reason.
“Don’t ask, don’t look this way, please think of yourself first”
All this is done for Akiho’s peace of mind.
Kaito shoulders the heavy burden of secrecy, his own massive guilt, anxiety, and despair so that Akiho wouldn’t have to. So that she wouldn’t worry and can be free to be happy like he wants her to be.
And that in itself is another loneliness for him to bear.
The loneliness of being at the top by yourself.
The loneliness of taking on a goal only you can fulfill, one that you absolutely MUST fulfill. A task that you can’t trust or rely on others for and are running out of time to complete.
The loneliness of not being able to be your true self, especially in front of the person you love most. Because that just might be what breaks her and you lose her forever.
The feeling that you are up against the odds, the world, alone.
“You’re on your own, you always have been”
Even when half of these issues are dealt with and made better post-climax-finale-whatever, the fact that Kaito had felt and experienced this pain won’t ever change. It will remain buried deep in the corners of his mind and at times, it will come back to haunt him when he’s at his weakest and most vulnerable.
Because it’s already part of him, what made him who he is now.
It is a pain unique to him so…even Akiho will never fully comprehend why or how he feels this way.
That’s just how humans are. It’s very difficult and perhaps impossible to completely understand one another because others can’t be you and you can’t be anyone but yourself. That’s the barrier that sets us apart.
And it made me realize something at the end of the latest chapter (68).
Knowing his story, his background, I have always stood on Kaito’s side and prayed for him to achieve what he wishes for (i.e. saving Akiho’s life). So from that position, I have to also come to understand how he perceives the world and how (he assumes) the world perceives him.
The world (or the majority) will typically side with the protagonist, the hero, the one considered “sane”. Like the boy holding up his sword right in front of him or the heroine Kaito placed in this story he wove. The side that is overwhelmingly painted as “good” and in that effect, sheds a negative light on the one standing opposite of it.
The “good” side (talking in general here, not Sakura) is willing to accept things they consider clean-looking. “Pure”. Sanitized.
So it’s easier for them to accept Akiho because despite her problems, she is shown to behave in what many still think as the “proper” way (by keeping her head down to herself and not starting any trouble).
The reaction and the reception towards Kaito’s actions, however, is more alienating and wary and outright hateful even with the bigger picture there to illustrate why. Even though he has good reason to explain his behavior (he acts sneakily and drastically precisely because he’s been pushed into extreme desperation), he will always be deemed as crazy and harmful and by some, even “evil”.
Because those people can’t register in their own brains the extent of the suffering in someone else’s mind and how that affects whatever that person does. So they shun them. They shun what they can’t understand and automatically label it as “bad”.
When in reality, most people who are mentally ill don’t have it in them to look and behave in the ideal standards that others ridiculously hold them up to.
It’s already a huge struggle to get up in the morning and to act normal before those we have to interact with. It’s already a constant and exhausting fight with yourself beneath the surface to not let your inner demons win.
Once something breaks that fragile façade, what do you honestly expect to see? Cuz it’s definitely not a perfect angel. It’s the broken and the ugly but still very much human part that we’re doing our best to reconcile in ourselves.
That, I believe, is a way to describe another loneliness Kaito possesses.
Nobody but him understands the conviction he has to hold onto as he faces every obstacle that blocks his way. Nobody knows what it’s like for him to do everything on his own for the sake of this plan to save Akiho. Nobody can comprehend the terrors that he and Akiho escaped from, that magician society that he had to likely fend off regularly while making sure the plan in Tomoeda goes accordingly without a hitch.
They just see him as “wrong” because they don’t want to accept what he’s gone through. What he is going through right now. Cuz it’s easier to blame something they don’t understand.
And it’s sad because Kaito believes this, too. That he is wicked, “evil”, and that there's no saving him.
That’s not true at all. He’s just doing his best in the limited ways available to him to ensure that Akiho survives.
And if life didn’t fuck him up like this, if it didn’t shape him into someone who couldn’t trust others, if he weren’t still so affected by his trauma and factors beyond his own control, do you honestly think he would go to such dangerous lengths just to poke in someone else’s miracle fountain? When there are probably safer ways to save Akiho out there?
No.
If a person’s mind was clear and healthy, mentally stable…they wouldn’t be viewed so derogatively. But when they aren’t those things, they’re thought of as less than a person. That it’s their fault they are that way.
It’s no wonder why he said “I am alone”.
Indeed, he may not be completely alone because Momo will not stop trying to make him see otherwise and most importantly, Akiho will never abandon him for anything and already loves him wholly and unconditionally…and those two are all he’ll ever need to go on…
…but he has known and experienced too much to ever forget this feeling.
The loneliness that nothing can totally cure, that nobody else but he can really understand. Because again, it was born within him, exists only within him and will always be a part of him.
But even so, even if the loneliness never vanishes, I will still be on his side. I don’t think his actions were “wrong” because if I were in his shoes with not many choices to pick from, I’d probably be pushed to do the same as well. I want to try to understand that much about him at least.
And of course, I want him to succeed in his plan, whatever it is, because I don’t believe for a second it can be malicious in any way.
More importantly, I want him to survive this ordeal and live to see better days. I want him to have the chance to overcome that loneliness because it’s not always going to be like that and he has the right to know what that feels like as well.
Because nobody deserves happiness more than Kaito. Because nobody in this entire goddamn story worked as hard as he did and actually put their life on the line and suffered through hell after hell after hell as much as he did.
#i hate depression#it messes up everything on my schedule#but i ain't so weak that i can't fight for my boy#going to bed now plz give me space thx#yuna d. kaito#🕰️🌾🐇
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