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#cw anger issues
whump-card · 13 days
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Forged Divinity Unnamed Sequel: Chapter 2
1446 words
CW: dead body, like a real nasty dead body, dissociation, memory loss, amnesia, anger issues, past TBI
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~~~
Enjolras decided, since Leannan was catatonic, that she need to investigate the body. Some sick, sorrowful part of her needed to know how Phineas had died, and Leannan wasn’t about to tell her. She took one last breath of fresh air before ducking back into the shack.
She avoided the body at first, opening a cabinet on the far wall. There were a couple small sacks of oats, but little else. She grabbed a handful out of one sack, letting it run through her fingers. It didn’t look contaminated, but that didn’t mean it wasn’t – Leannan’s Iowan immune system could handle a lot more than Phineas’ could have.
She cupped a hand under the tap of their water barrel, and dribbled some out into her palm. It looked clear. She couldn’t smell it, though, not with the overpowering stench of the corpse filling the room.
She tipped out the water and wiped her hand dry on her pant leg. Finally, reluctantly, she approached the corpse.
The bloat and maggots told her it had been around a week since Phineas had died. She couldn’t imagine what Leannan had gone through, how thoroughly he must have been in denial, to live next to a corpse that whole time.
She carefully pinched the blanket covering the majority of Phineas’ body and pulled it back. She immediately spotted what she was looking for.
Cloth bound their chest flat, as usual, but more strips were wrapped around their waist, strained dark with old, dried blood. Phineas had died of an injury – a slash or stab to the gut.
Enjolras threw the blanket beck over the body before she could digest any more details – the flies, the maggots, the no, don’t look – and covered Phineas’ mutilated face with it as well. Then she turned, and fled, stumbling out the door and gulping down fresh air, tears stinging her eyes.
If Leannan had been able to bandage up the injury while Phineas was still bleeding, still alive, that meant Phineas hadn’t died immediately. They had died slowly. The thought, the sight, the smell, it all made her nauseous.
Phineas was still a part of her, as horrible as they were. Rapist, arsonist, murderer, yes. Her little sibling? Also yes.
Her eyes settled on Leannan where he sat on the ground, and she quickly brushed away her tears. She couldn’t spare the time to mourn right now. She needed to get Leannan home, before anything else went wrong.
“Leannan?” She touched his shoulder. He was still… gone, his empty gaze resting on the ground. She scooped her hands under his arms and lifted him to his feet, then led him by the arm over to the pickup truck. This, finally, seemed to rouse him.
“Are we leaving?” he asked.
“Yes,” Enjolras said.
“Is Phineas coming with us?”
Enjolras’ heart sank. Something was really, really wrong with Leannan.
“Uh… Yeah. They’re riding in the back. Can you get in?” She opened the passenger door for him.
“Mhm.” He climbed into the cab, and Enjolras shut the door. Then she looked back at the shack.
A part of her wanted to do something – to bury Phineas, maybe. But the ground was dry and hard-packed, and full of rocks, and she didn’t have a shovel anyway. It didn’t feel right to just leave them there, to be scavenged by animals, but there was nothing she could do.
Then she remembered the gun.
She steeled herself, and went back into the shack and looked around. It wasn’t immediately visible, but there were only so many places it could hide. She found it soon enough, tucked behind the cabinet: the Barrett M95 sniper rifle. She slung it over her shoulder, not bothering to search for the ammo. She just wanted to have it, not to shoot it.
It was Mom’s. She couldn’t leave it there.
She stashed it in the bed of the pickup, and glanced back at the shack one last time.
She wished she could make it right. But things had gone wrong a long, long time ago.
~~~
Leannan slept as they drove, leaning his head against the window again. Enjolras couldn’t help but glance at him constantly, trying to take in every detail while still watching the road.
He still wore the clothes he had taken with him when he left Goat Island. They were weathered and dirty now, and too big on him. The scar on his left temple looked like a gnarled lightning strike or tree branch growing out of his hairline. The soles of his boots were peeling away from the uppers. He was tanned and freckled, and his hair was sun-bleached even paler than it had been when they first met. There was dirt under his fingernails, and crusted into the lines of his face.
They had been driving for about two hours when Leannan awake with a small yelp, and started looking around frantically.
“Hej, what…?” Enjolras started.
“Where’s Phineas?” Leannan demanded.
Enjolras couldn’t answer. She kept her eyes on the road, her jaw clenched.
“Where’s Phineas?!” shouted Leannan.
“They died, Leannan,” Enjolras said quietly.
“No! No, you left them behind! You left them behind on purpose!” Leannan was working himself up into a frenzy, “You promised! You promised they could come with us! You lied to me!”
“Phineas is dead.”
“Fuck you!” Leannan shrieked, with a level of vitriol Enjolras had never heard from him before, “Fuck you! I hate you!”
Without warning, Leannan grabbed the steering wheel and yanked it to the side. Enjolras slammed on the brakes to keep them from careening off the road. While she was occupied getting the car back under control, Leannan flung his door open and jumped out of the slow-moving vehicle.
“Leannan!” Enjolras shouted. She finally got the car to stop and threw it into park, then jumped out to follow him. He was running back down the road towards where they came.
“Leannan!” She caught up with him easily, between her taller height, better nutrition, and better shoes, and grabbed his arm. “Leannan, stop!”
He swung around and punched her in the face. It was a pretty weak punch, but it surprised her nonetheless.
“I hate you!” he screamed, twisting in her grip, “You always ruin everything!”
Those were Phineas’ words. Enjolras would recognize them anywhere. She pulled Leannan close and wrapped her arms around him, pinning his arms to his sides, his back to her chest.
“I’m sorry, Leannan, but I need to take you home!” she said through gritted teeth.
Leannan screamed wordlessly in return, struggling like a wild animal.
“Don’t you want to see Shannon again?” Enjolras coaxed.
“Not… without… Phineas!” Leannan insisted in between attempts to twist himself free. Enjolras held him tighter.
“Leannan,” she felt a lump rise in her throat, “Phineas is dead!”
Leannan paused his fighting, panting hard. Enjolras could feel his thin body swell and deflate in her arms with each breath, rife with panic and anger. She felt the anger fade.
“I didn’t mean to,” Leannan whimpered.
Enjolras carefully loosened her grip.
“Didn’t mean to what?” she asked softly, already anticipating the answer.
“I just get really angry, sometimes, now, and I don’t know why, and Phineas was being a real jerk, and I just wanted them to stop…” Leannan’s words dissolved into soft, hiccuping cries.
“It’s okay. It’s not your fault.”
“Yes, it is!” Leannan wailed, “It’s always my fault!”
Enjolras released him fully, turning him around to face her.
“When did you start getting angry?” she asked.
“When I got hit… in the head,” Leannan gulped, his hand going to the scar on his temple, “Phineas says it made me stupid and weird.”
“Do you remember what happened?”
“No,” Leannan shook his head miserably, “Phineas says it was an accident.”
Enjolras tallied up the symptoms. Memory loss. Mood swings. Disorientation. A bad enough head injury, combined with some psychological trauma, would certainly explain everything.
“Leannan, I promise it’s not your fault.”
Leannan frowned up at her.
“You also promised you’d take Phineas with us!”
Enjolras sighed.
“I would have, I really would, if Phineas had been alive. But they’re not, they’re dead, they couldn’t come with.”
Leannan’s red-rimmed eyes drifted to stare past her. For a moment Enjolras was afraid that had dissociated again at the mention of Phineas’ death, but then he spoke.
“What am I supposed to do now?” he whispered.
“Come home with me,” Enjolras offered, “We’ll take care of you.”
He slowly shifted forward and, to her surprise, leaned against her, resting his forehead against her shoulder.
“You’ll take care of me?” he murmured, muffled by her shirt.
“Yeah,” she patted his back, “We will.”
~~~
Previous, Masterlist, Next
Taglist: @angst-after-dark, @sunshiline-writes, @flowersarefreetherapy, @thecyrulik
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leadandblood · 7 days
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EEEK, here it isss!!! First chapterrrr! Fresh Crozier-suffering, just for you <3
Chapters: 1/? Fandom: The Terror (TV 2018) Rating: General Audiences Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: Francis Crozier & Thomas Jopson Characters: Francis Crozier, Thomas Jopson, Alexander McDonald (1817-c.1848) Additional Tags: Alcohol Withdrawal, Withdrawal, Nausea, Vomiting, Canon Compliant, Anger, Past Abuse, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Whump Summary:
Crozier's terrible horrible not good very bad week? No... Two... Perhaps... Perhaps more. Crozier is having a bad withdrawl and Jopson tries to help as much as he can, along with Dr McDonald. Lots of comfort to come, though the first chapter is very much without comfort.
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voidselfshipp · 2 years
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"Well, now that me saving your asses is out of the way. Pick your jaw up from the floor and lets  get this Fucking mission done" 
"Woods?"
"Yes,boss?"
"I think im in love"
《♡♡♡♡》
C.o.d: cold. War. S/I!
Name: Jerico Von Terra.
Codename: Wildfire (army days) Pulpo (current one)
Specializes in: Hacking, Psychoanalisis,recon.
Mbti: INFJ.
Born and raised in: Terra,Ceres Argentina. Buenos Aires.
Parents: Raymond Von Terra (Father. Ex military) Eryz Bloom (Mother. Gardener and pre-school teacher)
Siblings: Valkiria Von Terra (heart sister. Brought up during teenage years by Raymond Von Terra, whose her uncle ex military. Now law student ).
Gender: N/A.
Biography:
Born And Raised in a somewhat disfunctional family, at the age of 16, Von Terra was found and quickly adopted in the family of Raymond Von Terra. Missing records of family history and no cooperation of Ms.Jerico makes her biography short
Psycological Profile
Jerico is a highly perceptive person. They have a great capacity for understanding and processing information, mostly quiet in Group talks, but highly charismatic, and caring, cant differentiate from profesional life and personal life.
But can also be deathly quiet, present and controlled anger issues, calculating And vengefull if people wrong him, this is only present when angry or in presence of bad people or people xey dont like. Very sincere yet good at lying.
Has a good heart and an established moral code.
Presents symptomps of ADHD. Present Anxiety.
《♡♡♡♡》
❤Likes:
Music (rock, pop), food, eating, napping, reading,drawing.
💔dislikes:
Loud noises, bright lights. Egoistic/selfish people.
《♡♡♡♡♡♡》
Ive also been instructed to make a note of Jericos cats...
The black cat is called Vica. Moody and a bastard. Seems to like Jerico and the other cat only. Highly protective of her owner.
The white cat is named Illa, lovely, to say the least,very clingy and sweet.
Though, these two cats unexplicably appear besides her. No matter how hard we try to Keep them away, they also have the ability to not be perceived by anyone they desire. When questioned about the cats Jerico doesnt give a Straight answer.
《♡♡♡♡》
Taglist: @tex-treasures @malewifehenrycooldown
Only mutuals allowed to reblog. Dont repost my art. If blurry Open the image. Moodboard is mine. The pictures arent mine.
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stil-lindigo · 10 months
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seeing clearer
(sequel to another comic of mine, the calamity.)
--
all my other comics
store
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hajihiko · 1 year
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Violent Impulses
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prince-liest · 5 days
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oh my god. your wording in one of ur latest anon answers. does…. is val the only one who does the dumping? does vox never dump val??? i always like… idk i assumed that they both broke it off in a never ending downward spiral, mutually. but oh my GOD? you’re saying val is the only one doing the breaking up? i….. this is shifting my entire perspective on vox. HOLD ON. HOLD ON. not to beat a dead dove here (that was a brilliant pun yes i’m stealing it), but……… this is sliding right into my vault where i keep my Vox and Domestic Violence Thoughts. he just seems so…. helpless. he’s helpless all the time and in complete denial about it. at first it was clear he’s pretty helpless around alastor -in both canon and your fic. alastor is stronger, and also, in the beginning had the Extreme emotional upper hand. i knew this, yet, like in canon, i assumed more or less alastor was the chink in his armor. vox DOES run the vee’s competently, he handles val, and he’s arguably the fourth most powerful sinner in hell (behind zestial, carmilla, and alastor). those 3 things are true, AND YET. let’s look behind the wizards curtain. how does vox live his Personal life. not his job or position of power. how does his close relationships define him. let’s see now. the initial intense obsession with alastor, which had ONLY left him rejected and humiliated. helpless. and now val. i Assume vox enacts some physical violence on val, too, but something in his wording in the last installment. vox made the point to compare alastors straight up murder attempts to how val acts. i do not think vox does that with val, at least not in a trivial and common manner (he has said the vee’s have all killed e/o before). and when i said “sure he can act disgruntled and upset in the moment” in another ask, i MEANT that vox could break up with val for a couple days before crawling right back like nothing happened. but NO. NOT EVEN THAT. vox endures, and he ultimately does Nothing. NOTHING. and not even that, he is subjected to val breaking it off in a cyclic manner, for superficial or nonexistent issues. and then after a week val will call and vox will come crawling back like nothing happened, and the timer for 4 months begins again. through everything, EVERYTHING, vox really just seems… passive in the grand scheme of things. it’s paradoxical, because he’s also outrageously ambitious. i think that’s one of his core character traits, a constant greed and pursuit of it. that’s unequivocally true about him. but then we look at his love life, and what do we see? he lets the two men he loves basically do whatever they want with him. and he does it because he loves them, as well as being unable to admit he’s suffering. i will say, from now on it’s clear that his relationship with alastor is veering off this direction, but i want to STRESS that it was actually ALASTOR that cemented that. vox, in a spurt of emotion, let it slip out his history of domestic violence. then, promptly brushed it off to appease alastor. he set the terms of the deal, but he did it as a silly pinky promise. he, again, never allows himself to take it SERIOUSLY. because IF HE DOES!!!! then he needs to set boundaries AND ABIDE BY THEM!!!!!!!! AND WHAT THEN. WHAT THEN. THEN THE NEXT TIME VAL OR ALASTOR CROSS A LINE, HE NEEDS TO END IT. LEAVE. DO ANYTHING. AND HE IS NEVER GONNA DO THAT!!!!!!!! and here’s the real fucking kicker…… he expects them to. to keep hurting him. that’s the root of it. it’s not a real boundary, because it’s an inevitability. valentino and alastor will always want to hurt him, so a relationship without that violence is nonexistent. (that’s what he believes btw. hopefully not the truth). and so, vox has made his choice. he’s a businessman, and he has weighed the pros and cons. the violence and crossed boundaries he faces is outweighed by his love for them, and ultimately, that means they can do whatever they want to him. he is helpless.
(this was an entire rant, dear god. and of course the disclaimer that this is all my personal delusions, and not necessarily your take on vox in your series. i swear, i never know how these asks get so long. i promise i start of with a simple idea, then it all implodes into an essay. so sorry. love you.) -🌓
I have good news and bad news for you, anon!
The bad news is that I have misled you slightly: My actual full perspective of the Valentino and Vox on-and-off dating situation is that Vox dumps Valentino when he feels a sufficiently angry flavor of upset that Valentino refuses to listen to him on some things (usually not, actually, the violence, unless Val breaks something for Vox to be angry about); and Valentino dumps Vox when he wants Vox to annoyedly pretend not to moon after him for a week. In both situations, sometimes Vox ends up giving up the ghost and functionally crawling his way back to Val, but more commonly Valentino decides that he's had enough and rather handily seduces Vox into a round of what Vox promises himself is hate sex and not makeup sex but is inevitably always very sappy makeup sex with a side of lovebombing.
This is. Arguably not that different of a flavor from what you're describing, haha, especially since a lot of Vox managing to be the one to break things off at any given point in time hinges on him being able to frame his rationale as "anger" rather than "upset," the latter of which just gets brushed under the carpet of Emotions That Are Not Taken Seriously. He can act on a great many things if he justifies them as something he is right to be objective and angry over, including outright killing Valentino at least once at some point in the past, but anything that makes him feel vulnerable or, ah, let's deliberately and pointedly use the word hysterical, is a pre-existing internal struggle that Valentino knows how to manipulate to his advantage.
The good news is that this lovely analysis inspired me to almost completely rewrite a section of the next 666 fic that I'd been dissatisfied with. I initially wrote Vox as annoyed; what he needed to be was Very Stressed And Upset in a way that distinctly refused to dare stray into anger because the fundamental concern was about what Alastor wanted - just as you described, Vox fumbling his own distress with his learned helplessness when it comes to intimate relationships. Anyway, now I'm WAY happier with it! So thank you very much for that!
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traumatizedjaguar · 1 year
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nonuggetshere · 2 months
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GOD I HAD AN IDEA AS I WAS FALLING ASLEEP TODAY
About FaaF naturally
A sad one, TW fir near child death and harm
Involves Xero's attempt at an assassination, or it could be literally just any guard controlled by the Radiance
PK and WL need to talk about something private, and WL looks at the tiny vessel tagging along by her wyrm's side
"Should it be here?"
"It wouldn't understand anything anyway."
"Still, it's...a little..."
He sighs lightly, "Yeah, I get where you're coming from... Vessel, come here."
He kneels down and orders them to sit by the door and wait for them while they talk, says he'll come pick them up once they're done and not to move, then the two go to talk on the balcony and close the door behind them
At some point, Xero/the guard bursts in and attacks PK in the middle of the conversation, managing to take them by surprise and so gets one good swing in before PK darts away and retaliates, pinning them down with soul blades, though he has to keep his wife from killing them on the spot - he doesn't want to be so hasty, knowing they're infected and not themself. He pulls out the sword from his chest and that's when they realise, it's covered in void...
Child harm/near death TW beyond this point
After a moment of shock White Lady, who's closest to the doors, runs out and all her husband can hear is a horrified, heartbroken scream. He feels nauseous, his stomach twisting into knots and feeling like his heart is in his throat as he runs out after her. He sees her in tears, cradling a tiny bundle soaked in void. There's- there's so much void. It covers the floor where he left their child vessel and soaks through his lady's shawl and clothes as she cradles them in her arms.
For a moment he's paralysed, before he just snaps. He flies back onto the balcony, screaming at the possessed guard that he'll kill her, he'll make her pay for this, and he slays them in his rage (something he'll regret and feel ashamed of later), still hitting and screaming at Her well after the possessed person is dead and she can't hear him anymore.
He collapses, panting, near tears, and just gets himself up and stumbles out the door and towards the two, he wants to see how bad it is for himself.
Flower survives, but just barely. They had multiple stab wounds and lost their left arm, if not for their parents immediately healing them they'd be dead. They're barely older than 5, still so very little and defenceless, PK is horrified at how could anyone hurt a baby this young and helpless (hypocrite), even if they're not alive.
They're still on bed rest because that was so much damage and their mother doesn't leave their side and their father only leaves when necessary. They still don't realise Flower's alive and they know they shouldn't be so attached but it still feels like their baby and they can't just leave them. WL spends the entire day by their side, gently stroking their hair and horns with her now permanently void stained hands and softly coos and sings to them
Of course, they quickly realise they ARE alive because no way in hell a toddler is getting this hurt and NOT crying and screaming the second they wake up <3
Which just makes this situation so much worse
#thylacines can talk#faaf au#mentions of child harm and near death in tags too btw#so dont read further if its something youre sensitive to or cant handle rn#i like to write him as more sympathetic in faaf but i cant state enough what a gigantic hypocrite he is#pk: How can you hurt a child?! they're FIVE!#child harm cw#radi: ...dude.#dont make your kid a child soldier but also you cant 'all fair's in war' your way out of stabbing a toddler radi#unrelated tangent but they both suck and god i need to focus some more on FaaF Radi. Ik this AU at times feels like sympathetic PK and evil#villain Radi AU but it's really not. They're both morally grey and while Radi is a bit more. questionable and less sympathetic imo. doesnt#mean shes completely evil. they're both meant to be morally grey and both did equally horrible irredeemable shit that they come to regret#and wish to fix. ik it doesnt come off this way at times because i have my things i prefer to write at times and this AU was always a#relationship dynamic exploration between Flower and all different characters. but neither PK nor WL are by no means forgiven. Most of their#kids range from ''i literally dont care about you you are not my parents dont contact me again'' to ''i hate your guts''#with sometimes an added flavour of ''And I WILL murder your ass if I see you again'' for some of them#(Razor my beutiful wife with unchecked anger issues <3)#sorry if the tags are incomprehensible it is 5 am and i instantly forget anything i write the second i cant read it fully#once i finish writing a tag and it collapses the contents of it instantly leave my short term memory. im not being dramatic btw the amount#of times i have to back out from editing tags to read them back bc i forgot what i wrote is annoying
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citruschaossys · 6 months
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I fucking hate having anger issues.
-🐺
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gnzma · 3 months
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Why are you angry, Guzma?
I just am, he says to himself-- to the reflection in front of him, that broken copy of himself in the dusty glass of the abandoned minimart -- knowing well that wasn't going to be an acceptable answer.
It wasn't when he said that to others who would believe his lie, it's not going to be when he lies to himself. It's an easier line to repeat, one others can understand, one that doesn't force him to focus on the details, the stupid reasons behind his frustrations, the whys and why nots.
I'm just angry is the easy way out. It's the one that doesn't hurt. The one that makes him look at his reflection - the bags under his eyes, the baseball bat held a little too tight, the fact that he lost weight despite all the shit he ate; his hair are a mess, his clothes are a mess, he's a mess - and makes him say, you're the problem, you're the reason I'm angry, all of you.
I mean, you're at least half right.
His copy almost sounds smug, and that's ridiculous. You're me, you can't sass me. Guzma frowns, the baseball bat moved ever so slightly to take the measures for the incoming swing.
Hating himself is easier to admit that he feels stuck. He feels stuck doing nothing, he feels stuck because he can't do nothing, nothing but making things worse. And nobody fucking listens to him, or respects him, or is intimidated by him. He's the fun guy, the jokester, the Boss who can't protect his Team, that makes things worse, that listens to her, a goddamn Mareep in Lyranroc's clothing nobody gives half a shit about.
A side character in his own pathetic life.
You're angry because you're back to the start, don't you? Because your anger is the norm. It isn't something people are worried about. It's something people pity or ignore.
You miss the worst side of you, don't you? When you were more than a JOKE.
-the bat hits his reflection, shattering it in pieces.
He's just angry. He's just angry.
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shiutsu · 11 months
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Mfs who say you should forgive your abusers are the worst.
Like those bitches (abusers) deserve to burn in hell and not fucking get away with it.
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soryualeksi · 5 months
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You will be missed so dearly.
It's like a hole has been torn into very structure of the station, and we're all just standing around it reeling from the shock.
It was good to cry with everyone. It was good to put up black ribbons. It will be good to say to curious outside voices, "We are in mourning, please do not badger us."
A man missing forever.
You had the brightest future ahead of you. You would have risen to be one of the greatest. You already were for us.
I will miss you dearly. We weren't personal friends, but we were colleagues, and I will forever cherish every minute I got to work with you. Your dry humour was the highlight of many a day. Your work ethics set an example I want to follow. You lived and breathed medicine, you were loyal, 100% dependable at all times, smart, diligent, literally wise beyond your years - what do you mean, I was a DECADE your senior?? Also the absolute funniest person around, no contest. Driest humour. Wittiest comments.
I wanted to listen to you talk more and I wanted to learn from you more. I can't believe I won't get to.
You were indispensable, and I think that hole in the structure will remain. We'll learn to live with it. With something being blown out in a blast. It's good to clear the rubble together, I think this helps.
I'm crying again.
Rest in peace.
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voidselfshipp · 1 year
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Would That I
Cw: anger issues ment, self loathing (from f/os part) description of drift being Half naked (only torso area). Food ment. Mentions of Fire. Lmk if im missing something.
Summary: jerico goes to check in on Drift and helping him through a bad day.
->Only mutual allowed to rb.
♡Lovely taglist: @tex-treasures @malewifepatrickbateman @mercuryships
-> pieces of the interview mentioned were found thru the internet, the haiku drift says was also found in the internet though im not sure to who it Belongs to. Lmk tho.
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Jerico was looking for drift everywhere, they havent seen him for a couple of hours now.
Sure, they knew that their robot lover was meditating, and he was prone to do that for an extended period of time.
They looked around their garden, only finding the yeager family's house in the distance.
Jeri looks around, noticing growing vegetation, the free house cozily decorated, the flowers swaying with a soft summer breeze and five meters away the Zen garden drift had asked for when they moved in.
A sigh scaped past their lips when they noticed the black and red Mercedes Benz Parked just outside.
They pat the hood of the car and ask-- drift? You there?
--By the cherry blossom-- the car replies.
"Ah...he must be in his holoform..." jeri thought, kissing the hood of the car and entering the garden.
It was decorated with plenty of streams and bridges, different types of trees looming over them, their leaves colored in a wide array of hues.
They notice the well kept koi swimming around the stream, the ocassional frog jumping by, making Jerico squeal with delight.
Finally, at the centre lies the big cherry blossom tree, nurted by none other than Drift himself, lanterns hung from the thick branches, origami that jerico had made for him.
They remembered that their partner had said that "he keeps it around because this place is supposed to give him peace. So he saw fitting that all the things Jeri made for him were kept there".
It always made them tear up and feel moved, Drift appreciated them like none other.
And speaking of the autobot in question, there was his holoform. A japanese Man, long face and sharp cheeks, a thin pencil moustache and a goatee that covered his chin decorated the Lower part of his face.
His clothes were more casual and comfortable,all in a black and red colorscheme. a black harem pant and boots with red accents. His signature samurai esque armor missing.his upper half completely naked. Maybe because of the weather?
But what really caught the attention of Jerico was the fact that his beautiful shiny black hair was down, reaching past his shoulders by maybe three inches.
It swayed in the breeze, making deep greyish red highlights appear and dissapear.
His holoform was just as breath taking as he was in his Real form.
Theres only silence. A heavy air hung around him and Jeri remembered how... sad he looked earlier when he came by, a gaze full of badly disguised self pity and something they couldnt quite place. His blue eyes gleaming as they always did..though then they seemed less bright as he greeted them.
They didnt know what was up with him and they had to know.
Regardless, they knew better than disturb Drift when hes meditating, so jerico goes behind him, eyes settling on the big kanji tattoo that says "honor" on his back.
Carefull fingers trace the symbols, making the Man shudder. Gentle hands move the hair away to reveal the back of his neck, lips place a tender kiss on there.
They put their head ontop of his, one arm falls loosely,elbow resting on his shoulder. The other wraps around his neck and their hand rests on their other arm's wrist.
Drift smiles, not opening his eyes, one hand resting on the arm thats around his neck-- My lotus, what brings you here?-- his voice soft and calm like it always sounded, yet with a hint of sadness.
--Im looking for my lovely boyfriend, have you seen him?
--Ah,maybe-- He said following along-- mind describing him to me? Maybe I have seen him
Jeri Snickered-- ah well, hes tall, handsome, black hair tied in a half bun, he has a very nice voice...likes haikus..
--hmm...he reminds me of me-- he teased.
--But really though, are you okay? Youve been here for a while-- they say.
Drift sighs-- ah well...,my mind feels heavy
--do you want to tell me about it?
He shifted, a little bit uncomfortable-- seems like im having a bad self steem day
-- oh i see, do you want to elaborate?
-- Well...youre aware that I was an ex decepticon-- drift started-- I cant understand how I got so lucky...
Decepticons Hate humans..but the simple thought of anything happening to you is the singlemost frightfull thing that could ever happen to me
You know I was a bad Man.. and yet here you are...I feel like I dont deserve you-- he explained, voice full of sadness,hurt, self pity and...
Self loathing.
Thats what they couldnt pinpoint.
Jerico tightened his grip around him and nuzzled his scalp-- wanna know why im with you?
--Enlighten me, 我が 寸 (my sun)
--Because you changed sides, because you chose to do good after a lifetime of being evil. Thats why.
Deep down youre a good bot, and im dating you because I fell in love with who you are now. Not who you were
Drift smiles, letting out a hearty chuckle-- どうも (Thank you)
--you can Keep meditating if you like, ill go fetch something from the house, love you-- jeri kisses the top of his head and runs off, leaving a very flustered drift.
They return twenty minutes later, sitting behind him-- can I braid your hair?
--Go ahead
Drift could feel the way his lover's hands carefully braided strands of hair, how they made sure not to tug at it accidentally or disturb him much while he kept meditating.
Thats when he hears them sing-- True that I saw her hair like
The branch of a tree
Willow dancin' on air before covering me
Under garden and calicos
Over canopy dabbled long ago
True that love in withdrawal
Was the weepin' of me
That the sound of the
Saw must be known by the tree
Must be felt 'fore the fight, the call
Friendly fire, but that was long ago
"Ah, that song" drift thought " what was that name again 'Would that i'? Yes, thats it"
He remembered telling them he liked the drums at the start.
Then, the lyrics got to him and the last sentence struck a chord within drift.
"Friendly fire, but that was long ago"
He changed sides because one of his fellow Decepticon wanted to kill some autobot prisioners. Drift had opposed and was called a trator.
But the autobots had managed to take down the other decepticon. And the words one of the autobots had said stuck to him to this very day "you'd make a Fine autobot".
That was all it took. He chose to do good.
Drift could not see it, but jeri's eyes were half lidded as they braided his hair, sticking fake flowers on it for decoration.
-- So in awe there I stood as you
Licked off the grain
Though I've handled the wood
I still worship the flame
Long as amber of ember glows
All the wood that I'd loved is long ago-- they sang. When did jerico make their way to almost the end of the song? Drift couldnt tell.
The song and its meaning, He recalls that the creator of the song had said that “There’s a weirdly elaborate pun in it: ‘would that I’ is like a way of saying ‘I wish’”. So the last line is also “All the ‘would that I’ loved is long ago.” Which means he not only moved past his old relationships, but also all the things he used to wish for. All his dreams and hopes don’t matter to him so long as he has Her. He is content."
And that was what drift felt now. Content. His old self is gone, Deadlock, (his decepticon name) is gone and dead.
Drift was content, he was happy, and he'll remain to be happy so long as he had Jerico.
Jerico...they loved him in spite of his manic outbursts of anger (which only happen when he is suddenly startled, or when someone interrupted his meditation), in spite of his past.
He had "handled the wood". His old self. But still "worshipped the flame" which meant that he was still taking the time to discover who he truly is.
--All done-- jeri announced-- ill make some tea and be right back
Drift felt his partner kiss him Gently on the lips, settling something on his lap-- a mirror so you can see what I did
And then he hears footsteps that become distant over time.
He opens his eyes and looks at himself, braids decorating his hair with colorfull fake flowers. Drift loved it.
When jerico came back they were carrying a tray with a teapot and some snacks.
Both sit under the shade of the massive cherry blossom and drink their tea in silence.
That is, until drift puts his head ontop of theirs (that was resting on his shoulder) and says--Your hair smells like fire,
your skin like new grass and sun.
I rest in summer
He had always associated jerico with Summer.
Warmth, joy, days of enjoyment with loved ones or days inside the house with Icecream and good movies. And of course, the sun.
Jeri giggled and took his hand,kissing his knuckles-- love you
--Love you too
After their tea and putting everything away, both return to the garden, under the cool shade of the massive tree.
Drift caresses Jeri's biceps, gently, lovingly. Then he moves his hands across their trapezii and resting on each side of their neck, caressing their jaw with his thumbs.
Jeri lets out a short breathy chuckle, unable to look away from him-- you always treat me with such carefulness, a decepticon would never do that
He smiles and cups their cheeks, leaning in for a kiss.They gladly kiss back, hugging his waist and pulling him closer.
Both remain like that for a while, a long while, showing eachother through a kiss how much they loved the other.
As they part lips, their closed eyes Open, and both smile, kissing again and again until both are out of air.
Drift's fingers Gently interlaze with jeri's, his hand falling from their cheek down their neck and arm to their hand in the shape of ghostly gentle touches.
--Lets go cuddle-- he proposed-- inside, prefferably.
Both exit the garden and they get inside his vehicle mode, who drives to Jerico's house and as they leave the car, drift Mass displaces And both go up to the human's bedroom, holding hands.
As they lay down, the autobot pulls his partner close to him, his spark beating against the humans chest, and both barely notice at how their heartbeats seem to synchronize.
--I love you-- drift said giving jeri a quick kiss.
--I love you too-- they reply, kissing him again.
--Sweet dreams, my Lotus
--Sweet dreams, my warrior
Jeri Hides their head on the crook of their lover's neck, who hugs them protectively.
--Ill have sweet dreams as long as youre around-- drift flirted under his breath, to then smile as Jerico giggles.
He deserved to be where he was. He was going to be okay.
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l0nd0n-3xists · 8 months
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Yknow what, This is why I don’t get close to people. Cause I try my hardest, And I know i’m not the best person, But you can atleast not trigger me on purpose. I should’ve never opened up or gotten close to you. I was excited, Excited to see you, Happy to be your friend, all that. Now I feel resentment towards you cause lately, All you’ve been doing is making me feel like absolute shit. You can call me dramatic, You can say all you want, I don’t care. I’m done letting myself be absolutely triggered by you.
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nebulouscoffee · 10 months
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bashir garak or ezri
Oooh great picks! I shall answer for all three😊
Julian
one aspect about them i love
That whole backstory with Kukalaka is SO endearing honestly; it really just gets to the heart of who he is, even by itself- but when paired with the whole 'Jules' reveal, it takes on a whole new poignancy
one aspect i wish more people understood about them
I've seen Julian described as naive a lot, usually because he "assumes the best of people"- and I'm not saying that isn't a valid read, but it just feels very incomplete to me! Yes he's childish sometimes, but he's not a baby lol- he's just strongly, strongly driven by the belief that people can always become better. We see him get VERY angry and snarky and (fearlessly) combative with people he believes are in the wrong; people who don't show any flexibility in their perspectives. But the moment a person shows any sort of inclination towards growth or evolution? He puts everything aside and believes in them. To me, this is not naivety- this is courage; even if (especially if!) he may get it wrong sometimes. DS9 (like the real world) is full of people who'll insist that wrongdoers will never change and only deserve to be punished for their mistakes- and imo, Julian makes a fascinating, refreshing, and essential foil to this. (On a more specific note- he does NOT hang out with Garak because he doesn't fully understand the atrocities Garak committed!! Not beyond 'The Wire', anyway. He literally heard (and at the time, fully believed) multiple stories involving Garak being 1. a Gul during the Occupation, 2. a mass murderer (with victims both Cardassian and Bajoran), and 3. an interrogator of literal children. If not the exact details, he certainly knows the magnitude of Garak's crimes- he just chooses to go to great lengths to save his life anyway. This says something way more interesting about him, I think- about his inclination to believe in anyone he thinks would grow better if given the chance, and his willingness to be the one giving them that chance. Which, incidentally, is also why I struggle to see him cutting off his parents, though I do understand why people find value in reading & writing stories like that)
one (or more) headcanon(s) i have about this character
He is a polyglot, but this is one skill he very much keeps to himself. The reasons why are complicated, and linked with how his ideas of home and family and lineage and history and Earth and connection and talking and talkative-ness and "skill" are all somewhat tainted by the discovery of what his parents did to him
one character i love seeing them interact with
SO many options, but let's talk about Jadzia- I love how they moved past the initial awkwardness of Julian's crush on her into this deep, supportive, fun (!!!) and extremely loving bond. There's a lot they have in common (Extreme Imposter Syndrome Buddies :D) which means they always know when the other needs a good pep talk, and it's adorable. I love how they have no boundaries sometimes (Jadzia buying him porn will always be funny), I love that they're in cahoots, I love that they make each other laugh- they care about each other so much!! I honestly think it was one of the best-written friendship arcs between a male and female character on Trek, which is why I'm always so *sighs deeply* about Julian's feelings for Jadzia being dredged up again in- ///cuts myself off because you've heard this rant before from everyone and their moogie haven't you///
one character i wish they would interact with/interact with more
Fascinating conversations Julian Bashir and Kira Nerys could've had (my beloved): long-term health issues in Bajoran mining victims & Resistance fighters; nature vs nurture and their "dangerous" Augment/Mirror selves; Sisko as Commanding Officer vs Sisko as Emissary; nerding out over Bajoran music; why must Jadzia Dax be so beautiful; complicated connections with cultural roots; Kirayoshi & postnatal care; the concept of "forgiveness"; revisiting that "frontier medicine" scene to highlight how much they've both changed; Kira offering a kinder approach to "Jules Bashir died in that hospital" through the concept of a pagh
one (or more) headcanon(s) i have that involve them and one other character
He never, ever let the whole Jem'Hadar thing go. In fact, he actually set up this secret rehabilitation centre in Goran'Agar's name after the war, which now provides intensive care for all the Jem'Hadar and Vorta left behind in the AQ. He told me himself :)
Garak
one aspect about them i love
It's been years since my first watch, but I'll never forget how excited I got every single time I saw "Special Guest Star Andrew Robinson" in the credits lol. You just know you're in for a great one; he's such a fantastic and scene-stealing character!
one aspect i wish more people understood about them
I just feel like, for a character whose most famous line is "They're all true, [especially the lies]", there is WAYYY too much discourse about him that approaches him from extremes? And it always misses the point imo. Garak was a spy, assassin, interrogator and torturer for the Cardassian government, who participated in (or at the very least, aided) a colonial and genocidal occupation, and expresses supremacist, xenophobic and fascist beliefs for the majority of the series. Erasing any of this is would be erasing not just who he was, but who he is. But the lack of imagination re how to move forward with him if we are engaging with such themes is equally, if not more, frustrating to me. Sure, a lot of the cutesy art and fanfics can have him behaving overly sincere and out of character- but the counter response is always "how dare you woobify this racist war criminal he's violent and dangerous and bigoted and therefore he would NOT do or say or feel any of that!!!", and- okay, so is the idea of him designing and sewing dresses out of character, then...? Is the image of him debating books over lunch with a bib tucked in too woobified? Is the notion of him trying to set up a fellow (Bajoran!!) business owner on a date too fanfic-ey? Because guess what- that's literally how he behaves on the show! Garak is a self-aware self-woobifier, that's literally the whole point, he's "just a plain simple tailor" wink, wink- and without at least some element of that comical mundanity, that sort of absurdist domesticity, the character just isn't recognisable imo. Garak is the con artist who fell for his own con; he's spent so long playing various roles that he now over-performs everything and has no idea where the performance ends and the genuine begins, literally what makes his character work is that you're looking at this war criminal just doing benign stuff like sampling drinks or watching a tennis match or gifting his friend chocolates and wondering just WHAT is going on inside his head- and, "he did horrible things and therefore must be incapable of any form of sincerity or affection or regret and the perception of any of those things is woobification" is such a reductive (and boring!) approach to him imo. I don't mean any of this as apologia; there are many, many ways in which a person can be bigoted and cruel, and Garak is those things- I just feel like people often misrepresent the manner in which he is those things (usually by making him unfunny and weirdly macho, which I just cannot understand at all😂)
TL;DR- Garak the poor sad misunderstood baby who never enjoyed any of the bad things he did and only thinks about Julian Bashir 24/7 is out of character, sure- but Garak the violent emotionless villain who treats all Bajorans abusively 24/7 and will never ever grow or change is... just as divorced from canon imo (imo!! Emphasis on "o"!!)
one (or more) headcanon(s) i have about this character
Garak himself doesn't always fully remember the details of his past; he has this very Cardassian ability to specifically delete anything he wants to from his memory, and he's better at it than most (though, still not always successful). Only thing Garak regularly tops is the List Of People Garak Lies To basically
one character i love seeing them interact with
Well, apart from the obvious- I think every scene between him and Odo in IC/TDIC is incredibly immersive and top tier! The actors are SO good together, and the only reason Odo isn't in the next category is I actually think it's perfectly in character for both of them to just never bring up the whole torture thing ever again
one character i wish they would interact with/interact with more
KIRAAAAA but tbh, I'm more interested in their post-canon dynamic than anything, so instead I'll go with Sisko! Every time these two are on screen together, amazing. The effortless back and forth. The intellectual battling. The subtly flirty line deliveries(!!!) The palpable shifts in the power dynamic. The oddly respectful snarking. Again, the way these two actors are SO GOOD
one (or more) headcanon(s) i have that involve them and one other character
Some may claim that Garak hates the more outlandish civilian outfits that Jake and Julian wear. I say he made them
Ezri
one aspect about them i love
The sheer impact of actually getting to spend a whole season with the next Dax (after years of only hearing about Curzon) just cannot be overstated imo. Like, we the audience got to experience firsthand what it was like for Benjamin to first see Jadzia walk out of that shuttle; for Jadzia to wake up one day and find herself the newest link in a long-revered chain- we actually saw the new host struggling to adjust, reconciling all those lifetimes of memories all over again, rekindling and redefining Dax's old relationships (the relationship with the audience very much included!)- and then on top of that, the new host wasn't even trained to take on the symbiont?? What an incredible character premise! I was obsessed from the moment she said "Hello Benjamin it's me Dax"
one aspect i wish more people understood about them
Ezri is Jadzia's successor; not Jadzia's replacement. She cannot replace Jadzia- that's literally the entire point of her arc, that she should stop trying! She's a fascinating character in her own right, and also extremely interesting to think about and discuss independent of whom she will end up/should've ended up with
one (or more) headcanon(s) i have about this character
Ezri Tigan was not "anxious" in a rambly nervous way like Ezri Dax, but more hyper-competent and "I'm always unhappy because everything I do HAS to be perfect so I'm never satisfied and I hate myself" (which was definitely how she was trained to think by her mother). For this reason, joining with Dax actually ends up being good for her in the long run! Nothing drives an oppressive voice out of your head quite like suddenly having eight other voices in there lol
one character i love seeing them interact with
I know some people don't like her and Worf mistakenly thinking they're in love and hooking up and then realising they work better as friends, but I actually think it's very understandable for both of them, and the friendship they form afterwards is so wholesome. That scene where he asks for her advice and she just calls out corruption in the Klingon empire is one of my favourite Ezri scenes ever :D
one character i wish they would interact with/interact with more
It is my firm belief that Sisko and Ezri's S7 arcs should have revolved around each other. Ben's journey at this point is so tied up in his ever-growing disconnect from linear time and corporeality, and imo nothing grounds this better than his three-lifetime bond with Dax! He should have talked about the Prophets and Benny Russell and the whole concept of destiny with his favourite old worm. It also would've been revelatory for Ezri, who herself is trying to adjust to the non-linearity (300 years of memories she can't easily get in order) and non-corporeality (whose body IS this anyway???) of being Dax
one (or more) headcanon(s) i have that involve them and one other character
I know we all have our theories as to why and how and when exactly she and Julian break up, and while I do enjoy the drama sometimes, I still fundamentally feel like it would be short and amicable and they'd remain close friends for life. Or maybe I'm just a big sap hehe
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