#cw: self-hate | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

monstrouscrew · 1 year

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*looking at the twitter thread (explaining how i perceive the treatment of Arthur's blindness in the story) i've just written, realised no one cares what i write because i can see & i'm afraid of losing my sight. and no one will care that Kayne doesn't "fix" Arthur, that he's used to live in his new state and his blindness literally protects his mind*

fuck.

there are moments i really wish i fucking died. or cut my eyes that make me so privileged out. i can't do this, because i'm weak. and i should do it because i'm wrong. i have no right to like what i like because it's wrong and praises fixing healing normalcy whatever. *sarcastic af*

just. fuck.

why i exist at all.

probably, to write this story inspired with a video where Steve Paxton himself is dancing with a blind partner, and it looks alright.

research. all this stuff.

and to be ready for death threats. i should be (i see how people read the words everywhere. fuck this brain wiring thing)

HG should be ready, too, i think, and i'm worried abt him as much as i can worry about a mortal stranger with good voice acting and soundscape building skills.

#k's wave #oh it's thinking #cw: suicidal ideation #cw: ableism #cw: self-hate #angry autistic #malevolent podcast #masked #'you have no right to like this and to write about this' is a big fucking trigger and i'll die like this #just fuck this life sometimes #although i'm wondering is any of the fans here on tumblr blind OR.

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thewolfinsideyourheart · 10 months

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I'm shaking and I can't breathe. I'm trying to focus on what I ate, or rather, what I didn't eat, and tell myself I should be proud. I should be proud. I feel light-headed. I'm waiting for another couple of hour and taking more Seroquel (with a cup of water and collagen) hoping it'll help me skip dinner. I'm doing great. I'm doing great. I'm finally punishing myself as I always should have done.

God, please come back to me.

(I need to be patient. I need to be patient.)

#cw: eating disorders #cw: self-harm #cw: self-hate #personal

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lostmf · 8 months

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I wish I could stop counting every bite ..

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shcultureis · 6 days

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sh culture is losing blades and being terrified for a few weeks that someone will find it

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yall-hate-kids-tourney · 1 month

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Round 5 (main finals): Chara Dreemurr (Undertale) vs. Amane Momose (MILGRAM)

Propaganda below the cut

Chara Dreemurr (?):

They were constantly blamed for killing all of monster kind in the no mercy route, despite players choosing to go that route. People ignored that they sacrificed themselves to attempt to free the monsters from the underground.

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everyone wants to blame their own actions (genocide route) on chara, who is a literal child. i don’t know how to tell you this but you are the one playing the game. it’s about YOUR CHOICES. chara is there is punish you for that, you killed the only family that ever loved them! how could they not be upset at that! also if you don’t mind, here’s a good video essay on the subject

youtube

Amane Momose (12):

Amane was voted guilty in the first trial so that she would acknowledge her guilt. It backfired, and now she’s considered a threat. Well, everyone is a threat, but nobody’s threat level has been as heavily discussed and debated as hers. Consider the next prisoner in line, Mikoto. He’s objectively more dangerous and cannot be restrained. He beat up the guard in trial 1, and he was able to hold his own when the other guilty prisoners were attacked. But a good incentive to forgive him is so that he will calm down. You know what? That’s a good incentive to forgive Amane too! But she *can* be restrained, so a good portion of the discussion went into how she should be voted guilty so she *will* be restrained and not a threat. Since her vote was a near 50/50, of course a good chunk of the voters expressed dissatisfaction with her forgiven verdict. Some are already planning to vote her guilty for trial 3, calling her a “lost cause”. She hasn’t even done any concrete harm yet. Hold the pitchforks until she actually causes harm, please? And what if she *was* voted guilty in trial 2? We’ve been warned that she will continue to deny our judgement. A second guilty verdict won’t make her better either, and then what? She’d be called a “lost cause” as well. There is no winning with her.

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Where do I even start? So first of all she’s an cult child who was physically and mentally abused and tortured by her parents and then (presumably) murdered her mother after her mother killed a cat that she took care of.

Now everyone in Milgram is a murderer but when Amane came and her MV showed her murder and circumstance in an admittedly highly fictionalized depiction of it the audience decided to…repeat the cycle of abuse!

She was voted guilty for the main reason of “teaching her” and helping her “realize that she was abused.” I would like to note that this tough love approach is something her parents utilized against her. “We are only doing this to help you.”

So the audience replicates Amane’s abusers and repeats the cycle of abuse and that’s pretty shitty but it isn’t exactly “Fuck Em Kids” level.

And then Trial 2 happened. Cause Amane is bitter and angry and horrifically traumatized so she acts aggressive and hostile. Especially towards another prisoner.

Now, again, everyone here is a fucking murderer (of atleast could be constructed as one) These people being able to Harm is a core concept of this series.

Yet for some reason it feels like people treat Amane as a “delusional creepy kid who wants to kill people” which completly takes away the nuance of her character. She does have the capacity to harm! Everyone here does! She’s not Uniquly Dangerous! She just has a Reason to be Dangerous. A Reason we GAVE HER by REPEATING THE CYCLE OF ABUSE.

In short: In a series full of Murderers I’m honestly a bit pissed that the 12 year old abuse victim is the one who’s treated like the guy from American Pyscho.

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TL;DR: "We metavoted this abused, indoctrinated child guilty in trial 1, but it didn't work. Now she is a threat to three grown adults: one who is fully free and two whom she has been shown to get along with. Please metavote her guilty again so she will be restrained and unable to attack them, even though that means subjecting her to further psychological torture." Amane Momose is the youngest of ten murderers, prisoners of Milgram who are to be judged innocent (forgiven) or guilty (unforgiven). In the first interrogation (voice drama), she said that what she did was in line with her religion's doctrines. If we judged her the "wrong way", she said she will just deny the verdict. Combining the voice drama and music video, you could piece together that she was raised in a cult and abused, even though she is cheerful and downplays her pain. She never shows *who* she killed, only *why* she did. After the first day of her vote, she was 81% innocent, but this wouldn't last the whole three months. Many people voted her guilty so she would "see her sins", part of the practice commonly known as "metavoting". Her innocent percentage rapidly decreased, and she hit guilty in the last 15 days, finishing at 51% guilty. At the end of the first trial, Jackalope (who is something like a host) went over all the prisoners' verdicts and commented on the general reasoning. When he got to Amane, he *laughed* at the audience for voting that way to make her realize her sins. Trial 2 rolled around, and it was revealed that Amane's victim was her abuser. On day one, she was at 74% innocent. Seems like a cut-and-dry case now, right? Well... in the intermission, two of the prisoners (Fuuta and Mahiru) were badly beaten up and became reliant on the care of Shidou, a doctor. Amane became hostile to Shidou because what he was doing was against her beliefs. She visited all three of them on their birthdays to convince them to change their ways. She seems to be especially close to Fuuta, who is now murmuring about salvation. Guilty prisoners are psychologically tortured, forced to listen to voices that reject their beliefs. Fuuta and Mahiru both say that the mental strain is worse than their physical injuries. But Amane, who also looks worse for wear, was thrown under the bus because she isn't injured and is considered a physical threat to them (never mind that she gets along with them). She's considered a threat to Shidou, a grown man who is twice her size and fully free, while she is partially restricted by the long sleeves in her trial 2 uniform. She might indoctrinate Fuuta even though, in a prison of ten people and one guard, she's the only voice of her cult. Fortunately, she got a break. Her vote was falling at a similar rate to the first trial. But this time, it stabilized at 51% innocent, 12 days before the end of her vote. But there's no way this is over.

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dreamy-selfships · 2 months

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LISTEN I DIDN'T MEAN FOR THIS TO HAPPEN OKAY

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fictionkinfessions · 3 months

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not sure who needs to hear this, but you deserve to forgive yourself. you had a past life, yeah? that means this one is new.

it's lovely that you care about those you have hurt in the past, and it is so important, but no matter how illegal or irredeemable your crimes were, you died. you were reborn and now you are new. have joy! revel in your experiences and appreciate your knowledge! feel guilty as it comes, and let it go like a soft little bird, because you already paid your price. you're new now!! it's never bad to apologize to those you knew in a past life, but don't hold yourself accountable for something you did not do in this life. you deserve better. you deserve forgiveness from others, and you deserve forgiveness from yourself.

(and if you were hurt in a past life you don't need to forgive the one who hurt you, but please forgive yourself for being hurt. you were trying your best.)

🌋

#fictionkinfessions #fictionkin #apology #prevabuse #self hate cw #mod party cat

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hungerpunch · 3 months

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i have decided to follow valtteri's example and, at the age of 33, start behaving like an unbothered hot bitch, unashamed of the physical shell i have been assigned by this life

#i type nervously with sweaty palms #dw guys i absolutely did talk to my therapist abt this #if i practice behaving like i dont fully hate my body maybe one day i will wake up and it will just be the truth #okay. got this. (crying)#self-hate cw just in case #driveby post

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fifiophobia · 8 days

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With enemies like these, who needs friends?

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f41l1ng-0c34n-cr34tvr3 · 7 days

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I fucking wish I wasn’t such a baby

cause if I wasn’t, my body would be covered in scars and I would probably like myself more

I want to cvt all over but I’m terrified of my parents finding out

and I can’t wear long sleeves in the summer because I have issues w/ thermal regulation (if I get too hot I freak out and have a meltdown)

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shcultureis · 9 days

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sh culture is carving sentences you want said to you into your skin, hoping it'll have the same effect

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bubonickitten · 2 months

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Another thing I think is worth discussing:

Transphobic and other anti-LGBTQ+ violence perpetuated by, against, and among youth isn't just a matter of punishing the aggressors for their actions.

Adults throughout the U.S. -- school administrators, school boards, lawmakers, etc. -- have actively and willfully created an environment where LGBTQ+ (particularly trans and nonbinary) youth are dehumanized by not only institutions and the adults that run them, but by their peers.

They effectively deny kids the right to do something as basic as use the bathroom. They ban teachers from using the names and pronouns of trans/nb youth. They create policies requiring schools to notify parents when kids express LGBTQ+ identity (which puts those kids at risk of isolation, abuse, and "conversion" attempts if their families are transphobic or homophobic). They challenge and ban books by and/or about LGBTQ+ people (again: especially trans/nonbinary people), invoking "parents' rights." This not only infringes on (most importantly imo) kids' basic right to read, but also infringes on other parents' rights, dictating how they raise their children by removing anything they deem "inappropriate" from school libraries and curricula.

They have sent a message to LGBTQ+ youth themselves through these actions -- "you are unwanted; you are unwelcome; we do not see you as children worthy of an education and basic human decency, but as boogeymen and the embodiment of the types of people we hate." This erodes the mental health of and contributes to the already disproportionately high rates of self-harm and suicide among LGBTQ+ youth.

But these adults have also sent a corresponding message to straight, cisgender youth that their LGBTQ+ peers are to be silenced, denied humanity, and eliminated from any space they occupy at any cost (whether that means bullying them into the closet and locking the door, or using violence or ostracism to silence the ones who cannot or do not hide their identities).

There's also a broader discussion to be had about how the criminal justice system deals with violence perpetrated by minors: punitive vs. rehabilitative approaches; accounting for the developmental stage of the minor(s) in question while still centering and ensuring justice for the victim(s); discriminatory practices in conviction and sentencing (as well as whether someone is tried as a juvenile or an adult), particularly with regards to race and class.

But, point is, I don't think we can stop anti-LGBTQ+ and other hate-based violence and bullying by focusing on the individual perpetrators involved in each instance, or addressing it on a case-by-case basis. The adults in charge are (whether implicitly or explicitly) sending the message that all LGBTQ+ people, including LGBTQ+ kids, are -- in the words of Oklahoma State Senator Tom Woods referring to Nex Benedict -- "filth". At the end of the day, these are grown adults bullying and abusing literal children. They can't absolve themselves of responsibility when those kids' peers mirror that hate.

#transphobia #transphobic violence #lgbtq+#bullying #hate violence #self harm mention cw #suicide mention cw

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ellieboom5 · 7 months

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#tw sh in tags #tw depressive #sh mention #cvtt!ng #tw self h4rm #s3lf hate #slef harn #beansblr #tw sh implied #i wanna cvt #g0r3c0r3 #cw: gore

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yall-hate-kids-tourney · 2 months

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Round 4: Chara Dreemurr (Undertale) vs. Ken Amada (Persona 3)

Propaganda below the cut

Chara Dreemurr (?):

They were constantly blamed for killing all of monster kind in the no mercy route, despite players choosing to go that route. People ignored that they sacrificed themselves to attempt to free the monsters from the underground.

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everyone wants to blame their own actions (genocide route) on chara, who is a literal child. i don’t know how to tell you this but you are the one playing the game. it’s about YOUR CHOICES. chara is there is punish you for that, you killed the only family that ever loved them! how could they not be upset at that! also if you don’t mind, here’s a good video essay on the subject

youtube

Ken Amada (11):

y'all are all for "murder and revenge plots" until is a 10 y/o boy who watched his mother die and started to become conflicted after realizing his moms killer is a secretly kind traumatized teenager to the point where the 10 y/o boy attempts to kill himself by giving himself up to assassins.

bro he's 10.

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ken amada is such an interesting character with the unfortunate circumstances of having little screentime and atlus deciding to ruin his reputation forever by giving him a romance choice in the fem protag route. ken is a child who lost his mother at NINE. nobody ever believed him when he said that she was murdered, and that he saw who killed her. hes miserable, and all everyone around him does is give him sympathy while hes suffering and was forced to grow up before even going into middle school. hes angry and determined to get revenge on the person who killed his mother, and he doesnt even see the own value in living anymore beyond getting that revenge. hes more mature than most of his peers, and is desperate to be seen as an adult.but at the same time, he is still a child who likes superhero shows.

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OH GOD WHERE DO I START

First there's the normal "The fandom hates kids" complaints of "He's so whiny" "he's so annoying" "oh my god kid just SHUT UP" y'know, the typical fandom stuff that makes you wonder if these people have ever talked to a child in their life

Second, there's (spoilers)...

October 4th, and the ENTIRE FANDOM is calling this kid a murderer.

For context, the moment in question doesn't necessarily paint him in the best light but its still understandable. Your team is going on a mission while Ken and another character named Shinjiro are away. In an alleyway, they have a talk where it is revealed that on that night a year priar to the game, Kens mom was killed in that allleyway by Shinjiro's Persona (Which, by the Rules of the Game Lore, basically means By Shinjiro). Ken tried to tell the authorities, the authorities didn't believe him because Magic Reasons and the death was ruled an accident.

Of course Ken is Fucking Pissed and wants revenge

However, because of Talk, he ACTIVELY CALMS DOWN, and realises "Hey, I probably shouldn't kill someone. Despite them, y'know, killing my mom"

HOWEVER REVOLVER JESUS COMES IN AND RUINS EVERYTHING BY SHOOTING SHINJIRO. AND LIKE, IF YOU PLAY P3P YOU CAN /AVOID THE DEATH THING/

AND EVERYONE BLAMES /KEN/. AND ONLY KEN.

And third (yes, there's a THIRD) IS THE FUCKING FEMC ROMANCE THING. WHICH JUST...SHOULDN'T HAVE EXISTED IN THE FIRST PLACE. BUT NOW HE'S "SHOTA BAIT" BECAUSE WE HAVE TO BLAME THE CHILD FOR THE AUTHORITY FIGURE COMING ONTO THEM 😒

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