#cycles of abuse

[littlediscoveredstars]

Alright I’m on my Yugioh shit, but I think what Pegasus did to Seto Kaiba was waaaay more personal than any other Yugioh villain.

None of my thoughts are organized, but I’ll try to get it out in some kind of way that makes sense.

Let me first start by saying that Seto Kaiba is a minor through the whole series. This is important to his character, almost more than the others, because it is exactly what he’s trying to erase about himself.

Kaiba dresses himself up in outfits that accent his masculine features similar to how an adult will. His shoulder pads make his shoulders seem broader. His coat goes inward to give a very triangular shape to his torso. He’s got belts everywhere (and while yes, this is just the style of Yugioh, I believe it cannot be completely written off as just that).

At the base of it, Kaiba wants to be seen as an adult. He NEEDS to be. He runs a company and is in near constant threat of being taken advantage of by others. We see this many times throughout the show, especially by Pegasus.

Now, to connect things once again. Kaiba is a minor who was thrust into adulthood far too early, yet, he engages in child-like activities. Duel Monsters, while used for their ancient shadow games, is still just a game. A game Kaiba is OBSESSED with, to the point he becomes the face of the Blue Eyes White Dragon.

(Which is his symbol of power and autonomy over others, which further proves why he so badly hates the ancient talk, but that’s another essay)

Pegasus is the created (re-created, technically) of Duel Monsters. He made the paintings, the cards, the rules. He shows in many tournaments (assumed based off episode 2) and given how much Kaiba has won? I’m guessing they met before becoming business partners.

In short, it makes sense that Pegasus would be an important figure to Kaiba. Maybe an idol, an inspiration, or whatever it might be. Kaiba saw Pegasus and saw a man who’s game kept him alive through his years with Gozaburo, who gave him a connection to his own brother.

Pegasus is powerful. Pegasus has full control of his own actions. He is everything Kaiba wants and changed KaibaCorp. to be.

A little ways down the line, Pegasus becomes his business partner. Kaiba gets to work a littler closer with him. We never see what exactly that entailed besides letting Kaiba use the Blue Eyes (and other cards) without copyright issues and Pegasus using the holographic stages, but even that is a significant exchange.

(Makes me wonder if things hadn’t turned out the way they did, would Kaiba and Duke Devlin view him the same way?)

Then, Pegasus starts Duelist Kingdom. He uses Kaibams vulnerability to his advantage and steps in to take over. He kidnaps Mokuba, then takes his soul and shows it off like a trophy.

Pegasus has not just betrayed Kaiba’s trust, but he turned into a real person for Kaiba. It shows him that, just like everyone else, Pegasus is greedy and selfish. He takes what Kaiba worked so hard for, what he loves, just because he can. And he does so with the same smiles and teasing as before.

It’s beyond disappointment. This is heating your favorite person side with your abusers. This is a childhood hero watching you get kicked and laughing as he kicks you alongside them.

So, naturally, Kaiba won’t forgive him. We see in Battle City how bruised Kaiba’s ego is. He’s mad at Yugi, he’s mad at Izushi, no one is saved from his ire. Even Mokuba gets the short stick every so often. He is compensating BIG TIME and it’s directly connected to how things went over last season.

Might I add that Duelist Kingdom takes place less than a year after Kaiba took over KaibaCorp? This is a still pretty fresh CEO with some very big trauma that he simply has not dig into yet.

I think in a world where Pegasus was not so disillusioned by his own desperation to revive Cecelia, he would’ve been a good mentor to Kaiba. They both have a love for games, for the visual experience (painting and holograms) and they’re both very particular. Honestly, their traits would work relatively well, all things considered.

But it didn’t and we see Kaiba go through cycle after cycle of trying to get better and stumbling every step of the way.

Anyway, that’s my TedTalk. As a Pegasus enjoyed and Kaiba analysis, I found this topic very fascinating.

#yugioh #seto kaiba #maximillion pegasus #pegasus j crawford #character analysis #duelist kingdom #not toonshipping! #essay #cycles of abuse

[decolonize-the-left]

Dems: *after Roe v Wade, affirmative action, and lgbt protections fall* Look, I'm still on your team, okay? I just needed to let off a little steam. *Snaps fingers*

Dems: See? Back to the status quo. All good.

Voters: No. No. Not all good. You keep saying that we need you, or we'll end up getting tortured forever. But then when we do help you out, we still end up getting tortured. I'd rather just be tortured than choose it.

Dems: But I said, "My bad".

Dems:  Look, this is a ✨ promise ✨ to codify gay rights and Roe v Wade. It contains human rights and never before seen apologies and pride festivals. The point is, I promise to fix everything if you vote for me again.

Voters: Cool.

[Voters take the promise and drop it into the trash without even a glance]

Voters: This isn't an apology. It's a bribe, and I'm not interested.

Within this context let's please remember the dynamic between oppressor and oppressed is similar to the relationship between an abuser and the abused; the major difference being that oppressors Literally control your life and environment.

The first step in breaking the cycle of abuse is to acknowledge that there is one. Often, a partner’s abusive behaviors are viewed as isolated incidents instead of a repetitive pattern. Reconciliation and calm periods are believed to be the abuser at their most authentic self.

While it can be difficult to change this thinking, it's key to recognize that by participating in these stages the abuser is effectively regaining control over their partner.

#incorrect quotes from The Good Place #ita accurate because democrats are also demons #queer #lgbt #can we stop #can we not keep falling for Democrat's bullshit? #the good place #democrats #voters #abuse cycle #cycles of abuse #oppressor #oppression #capitalism #biden #people in power are NOT your friends!!!!!!!!

[thensson]

Succession, Season 4 Opening || H of H Book, Anne Carson || Wolf in White Van, John Darnielle || With Open Eyes, Succession 4x10

#dark academia #web weaving #academia #on circular stories #cycles of abuse #shiv roy #siobhan roy #succession hbo #anne carson #succposting #tom wambsgans #he's the new logan roy #john darnielle #poems #quotes #litblr #alternative academia #poems and quotes #succession

[faintingheroine]

Why when modern media examines dysfunctional families and cycles of abuse it often feels anvilicious and pretentious and incredibly forced but it comes off as perfectly natural and convincing in Wuthering Heights despite it literally being a part of a devious melodramatic revenge scheme there? Is it because Emily Brontë didn’t know the terms for it?

#wuthering heights #cycles of abuse

[blackteawithmelodrama]

Not Kendall acting like Logan, manipulating and gaslighting emotionaly vulnerable and totally unstable Roman...

#succession #succession spoilers #succession season four #roman roy #kendall #cycles of abuse

[theghostofloganroy]

having profound sympathy for Logan for unspeakable abuse and cruelty he experienced as a child at the hands of a caregiver and having profound disgust for the unspeakable abuse and cruelty he dealt out to his own children are two thoughts that can co-exist.

#logan roy #tw: abuse #succession #cycles of abuse

[squash-the-dork]

#baldurs gate 3 #enver gortash #cycles of abuse #bg3 gortash #bg3 orin #bg3 ketheric

[the-greatest-fool]

what's your opinion about Bojack's self destructive tendencies?

I think that broadly speaking, BJH (which I hereby use to denote BoJack Horseman, the show, vs “BoJack”, the person) does two things with his self destructive tendencies. Spoilers.

The first thing it does for much of its run is peel back the layers of his self-destruction. From the first episode we see fairly relatable examples of BoJack’s self destruction. So for instance, he fails to meet deadlines, doesn’t like commitment, etc. But, over the course of the next seasons, we see him destroy his public image, sabotage the closest he’s ever had to a healthy relationship, commit ethical violations you wouldn’t even want say out loud—in short, he fucks up real bad.

So what do I think about that? It’s easy to say he’s just a simple moral metaphor, a cautionary tale. Don’t be consumed by alcohol, sex, self-loathing, and pettiness like him. Don’t cope like he does, do the terrible things he does. But maybe that’s too easy an answer. We see his back story of childhood abuse, constant self-doubt, and alcoholism. There are many times when I feel the BoJack in myself coming out.

It’s “easy”, and even in vogue, to believe in Good People and Bad People. We normal people watch in horror as The Bad Men, or indeed The Bad Hollywood Men (you know who), have their way and wreck wanton violence on the world for their gain and pleasure. But we have the kernel of possibility within us, and in many ways act out similar behaviors in our lives. Here I am somewhat ready to blame this conclusion on my masculine perspective so that I can be One Of The Good Men who knows It’s My Fault and I Should Do Better. Which—yes! I should. But the fact that there are even Bad Hollywood Women (fine, just think about Princess Carolyn if real world examples are too controversial) goes to show that it’s not so simple so as to reduce the problem to people’s “fundamental natures”, whether it’s just that “some people are bad” or “men are bad.”

And this brings us to the second thing the show does about BoJack’s self destruction: it tries to undo it. The last season comes in the midst of MeToo. Should BoJack see justice, or at least be freed from his Sisypheseun cage? Well—it’s complicated. He works on himself, as I should, and as we all should. He tries to better himself, make amends, and do good unto the world.

But even after all that, he seems to fail. He starts drinking again. His attitude towards women—as disposable or instrumental—seems to remain. He loses it all. And in a moment so rare in fiction or real life, he gets punished, *but* has a chance for redemption in the final. What I read from this is the genuine difficulty of changing.

I have terrible habits. I wish I didn’t have them. I wish I treated my loved ones better. I wish I processed pain and difficulty better. It’s not easy, but everyday you wake up and you just have to try. You have to. It’s what we’re called to do. We do right.

And the thing is, destruction is NOT just self-inflicted. Self-care can’t undo structural harm. BoJack runs into producers who commodify and pervert his genuine artistic dreams, media environments that are swift to condemn and unlikely to admit fault or nuance, and generations of trauma, violence, and misogyny. What’s truly needed is a family of care and love, a little luck, and his bravery to try to live in the face of a world that seems not to care.

For most of BJH, BoJack feels like a tragic character in the truest sense, always seeming so close to redemption or fulfillment before crashing down. I don’t think there’s a guarantee we always get a happy ending in life. We can only try to live not as bitter cynics and nihilists who don’t care because it’ll all fall apart one day, but as genuine artistic romantics who do right for right’s sake.

#bojack horseman #bojack #my ramblings #thoughts #ask #cycles of abuse #breaking the cycle #will to power #existentialism

[lovestuckyhatemarvel]

Let’s talk about cycles of abuse and how characters in Good Omens react to it.

Heaven and Hell in Good Omens are a true ‘both sides suck’ example. This isn’t news to anyone who watched the show either season. It’s made clear numerous times that they both have arbitrary evils that they commit, but only one side (Hell) actually admits that their actions are evil.

And so you get characters like Beelzabub and Gabriel who are both, predominantly, bullies. They have some power within the structures that they’re in and are some of the people spearheading the apocalypse. Other people pointed this out but neither were really afraid of their station so walking away from it, while definitely scary, wasn’t as scary as it would be for someone else.

And then you get people like Crowley and Aziraphale.

Crowley questioned Heaven thousands of years ago, learned they won’t ever forgive him for his existence. And Hell? Well Hell is only every happy if he’s pretending to be monstrous but he’s always one mistake away from being destroyed. He knew that. He’s known it for a long time. He ‘quiet quit’ (gag) before that ever became a thing. And he makes it clear what side he’s really on in season 1. He’d turned his back on his abusers ages ago. That’s not to say he’s thrilled about it, he still acts out his trauma in his plants and pulls away from love, but he’s given up on becoming something his abusers like. He stayed out of convenience but he asked his angel to run away with him years ago.

Aziraphale meanwhile has bought into the lie of Heaven this entire time. He has never once admitted that it’s an abusive system that has never cared about him. He thought the apocalypse was a misstep rather than emblematic. And that’s how he reacted every time Heaven was shown to be monstrous. And so he is the epitome of someone who believes a bad situation just needs new leadership. So when he’s given a chance to FIX Heaven, to make Crowley a ‘good guy’ again who smiles easy and calls the world gorgeous, he clings to it. Because this had to have been going toward something. Heaven has to be worth saving. Aziraphale has been telling us for thousands of years that he can’t admit heaven has always been fundamentally broken. And let’s be clear, that’s incredibly naive, but it’s a naive character. And also the thing that might have been able to convince him otherwise, his attempted execution, is something Crowley shielded him from. And that was good for his safety but he was never forced to confront that ugliness that Crowley could never forgive or forget.

And also I should have seen it coming with the arc that Nina goes through which I believe (and shout-out to @mywingsareonwheels for being lovely to talk to about this) was foreshadowing. Nina is in an abusive and controlling relationship with a character who is never seen. All we get to see are the hurtful messages and how Nina reacts. And the way Nina reacted was to alter her behavior in an attempt to save the relationship. The reason it ends, the reason Nina gets away, is because her partner dumps her. Not because Nina realized on her own that she deserved better. And also her arc still ends with her not being ready to do anything further with Maggie.

And I just don’t think it’s a coincidence that an abusive relationship only ends in season 2 because the abuser gets tired of the abused right when Aziraphel goes back to heaven. Mark my words, that angel is going to have to be forced to see the truth in season 3. And it’s going to be a long fall.

#good omens #good omens 2 #season 2 #spoilers #crowley #ineffable husbands #abuse #cycles of abuse #Gabriel #beelzabub #it took me ages longer to admit one of my parents was abusive than the other #and that’s because i believed my mom was good and loved me so I just couldn’t face both being awful #I don’t like what that angel did but Gdi I get it #aziraphale

[howifeltabouthim]

Yet it always happened that just when I couldn't stand it anymore and had decided to leave him, he would come to me transformed: passionate, confiding, irresistible.

Siri Hustvedt, from The Blindfold

#manipulative #cycles of abuse #love bombing #toxic relationship #quotes #lit #words #excerpts #quote #literature #siri hustvedt #the blindfold

[hussyknee]

The fact is that an unscrupulous tyrant mobilizes the suppressed fears and anxieties of those who were beaten as children but have never been able to accuse their own fathers of doing so. Their loyalty to these fathers is unswerving, despite the torments suffered at their hands. Every tyrant symbolizes such a father, the figure whom the abused children remain attached to with every fiber of their being, hoping that one day they will be able to transform him into a loving parent by remaining blind.

This hope may have been what prompted the representatives of the Roman Catholic Church to demonstrate their compassion for Hussein. In 2002, I turned to a number of cardinals for support when I presented the Vatican with material on the delayed effects of spanking and asked the authorities there to do what they could to enlighten young parents on this subject. As I have said, not one of the cardinals I approached with this request showed the slightest interest in the universally ignored but crucially important issue of physically abused children. Nor did I come across the slightest indication of Christian charity or compassion in connection with this issue. Today, however, those same representatives are eager to show that they are indeed capable of compassion. Significantly, however, this compassion is lavished not on maltreated children or on Saddam’s victims but on Saddam himself, on the unscrupulous father figure that the feared despot symbolizes.

As a rule, beaten, tormented, and humiliated children who have never received support from a helping witness later develop a high degree of tolerance for the cruelties perpetrated by parent figures and a remarkable indifference to the sufferings borne by children exposed to inhumane treatment. The last thing they wish to be told is that they themselves once belonged to the same group. Indifference is a way of preserving them from opening their eyes to reality. In this way they become advocates of evil, however convinced they may be of their humane intentions. From an early age they were forced to suppress and ignore their true feelings. They were forced to put their trust not in those feelings but solely in the regulations imposed on them by their parents, their teachers, and the church authorities. Now the tasks facing them in their adult lives leave them no time to perceive their own feelings, unless those feelings happen to fit in precisely with the patriarchal value system in which they live and which prescribes compassion for the father, however destructive and dangerous he may be. The more comprehensive a tyrant’s catalogue of crimes is, the more he can count on tolerance, provided his admirers are hermetically closed off from access to the sufferings of their own childhood.

(Source: The Body Never Lies by Alice Miller)

#parts of this book are frustrating because she pronounces these sweeping psychoanalytic theories as fact #much in the same way as Freud‚ ironically‚ considering she broke with his school of thought‚ and later psychoanalysis itself #and sometimes the way she ascribes the illnesses and character of historical public figures feels invasive #and more confirmation bias than anything #but it's a highly fascinating read because 1) she's one of first public figures in mental health to reject the need to forgive abusers #and 2) she was an abusive mother herself and formulated these theories only after her children were grown #3) her son's own healing journey involved understanding his mother's violence by studying the effects of the Shoah on its survivors #intergenerational abuse is so real y'all #when they say ‘those who do not learn from history are doomed to repeat it” they def also mean your own life and family history #abuse #child abuse #parental abuse #corporal punishment #violence #authoritarianism #fascism #xtianity #patriarchy #psychology #cycles of abuse #intergenerational trauma #intergenerational abuse #colonialism #alice miller #knee of huss

[bananonbinary]

also worth noting that "abusive" doesn't actually mean "irredeemable" either.

there's a lot of people that have done things in the past that were bad, because they weren't taught any better, or they were in an overall toxic situation where EVERYONE was shitty (like a cult), or they were just at an especially low point and hurt others for it.

you don't have to forgive them. you don't have to ever speak to them again. you can be angry with them until you die if you want.

but society cannot function if we don't allow them to move on. to change their behavior and fuck off somewhere else and build meaningful relationships without bothering you again. we need a path for people to change, or nothing ever will.

#like re: the last post #npd SHOULDNT mean 'youre an abusive person' #but also people who have abused people in the past can still become better people in the present #you know? #and as i metioned vaguely in that post. the way we currently treat people with NPD probably CAUSES THEM to lash out at and abuse others #if u abuse someone they lash back out at you and suddenly theres fun mutual abuse happening #so they need a way out of that cycle

[calltoamentor]

You Can Never Go Home, You Will Always Be There

Living in an abusive household feels like drowning, to such a degree that your first breaths outside of abuse can burn. Today, an update on my recovery journey.

Daily writing promptWhat place in the world do you never want to visit? Why?View all responses CW: Familial abuse, trauma recovery You’re So ResilientMy first memory of drowning feels dreamlike, false. Just my aunt pushing my six-year-old body below the surface in the bathtub one of the few times I bathed alone and holding me there, laughing. Like one of her “jokes” that were really the…

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#abuse recovery #cycles of abuse #dailyprompt #dailyprompt-1910 #familial abuse #Life change #narcissistic abuse #recovery is not linear #Recovery struggles #trauma Recovery

[victims-of]

#drake bell #nickelodeon #cycles of abuse

[bluegoblinfox]

"They fuck you up, your mum and dad.

They may not mean to, but they do.

They fill you with the faults they had

And add some extra, just for you.

But they were fucked up in their turn

By fools in old-style hats and coats,

Who half the time were soppy-stern

And half at one another’s throats.

Man hands on misery to man.

It deepens like a coastal shelf.

Get out as early as you can,

And don’t have any kids yourself"

This Be The Verse by Philip Larkin 1971

I am gen x, raised by boomer parents who hit their thirties in the 1980s. In Thatcher's Britain, when women were told they could have it all and the social mobility of the yuppies and suburban snobs were considered the ideal. It was about wanting more than your parents had, giving your kids better than you had and glass ceilings be damned.

The capitalist dream was being wanked over by people up and down the country. Apart from the miners, steel workers and little kids missing their school milk. They were not so pleased about Thatcher's conservative ideals.

I however was far away from steel mills and coal mines. I was in a London overspill town. Where my parents who came from poverty and working class roots were now living in a detached three, soon to be four bed house in a middle class area, taking holidays abroad and making fists full of money with every house move they made.

Around the dining table homophobic, misogynistic, racist talk was casually bounded about when talking about family, politics, sex and religion. My Dad's views were that Thatcher was right to break the backs of unions and to close the mines. A view I'm definitely opposed to now that I live in what was once a pit village.

Back then though I soaked up the "wisdom" that my parents dispensed like a sponge. I internalised the bigotry well and truly.

I was a latch key kid from year 5 occasionally and everyday from year 7. I spent hours alone daily and as the youngest by 7 years much of my weekends were spent either in the company of my parents at their caravan, visiting friends or on my own. This progressed to me being home alone every other weekend, for four or five days at a time by year 10 and then two weeks in the summer also by year 11 and post 16.

I lived a middle classed life of privilege and had everything I physically needed and many luxuries provided. However I was alone often.

My parents were loving but not validating. I was bullied and when I talked to my parents they pointed out I dressed weird and if I dressed like that people were bound to take the piss.

Compared to many others of my generation I had it easy. I was not hit often and was beaten once. The lack of parental interest in my emotional well-being and not being present took its toll on me. This isn't a woe is me. Its just facts. That's how it was.

My parents were not evil, bad or horrible people. They were raised by people who were raised think children were to be seen and not heard, spare the rod and spoil the child etc. My grandparents were taught to put baby outside and too many cuddles would spoil the child and make a rod for your back.

My parents had and have their own trauma to deal with and boomers as a generation are not good at dealing with feelings. Their own especially.

I don't need to vilify my parents to acknowledge that my needs not being acknowledged or met had and continues to have an impact on me. Acknowledging the impact my parents childhood trauma had and has on them doesn't diminish my own suffering.

I forgive my parents because it helps me and benefits me to do so. I can enjoy my relationship with my parents now better that way.

My parents are flawed. As am I. I'm not a perfect parent either. Larkin's poem is fatalistic but it's not a given that man hands all of his misery to man.

Each generation should break some of the cycles of trauma of the past and not add more cycles of violence into the mix.

My parents broke many of the cycles of generational trauma and violence that exist in my family. They enabled me to continue that trend. My children, if they have kids, will do the same.

We can pass on generational hope by talking to the next generation and owning up to our flaws. Encouraging the next generations to do better. Give them the power to pass on hope not just trauma.

Ling and River Ty

#philip larkin #mental health #gen x #gen xers #1980s #living with cptsd #did system #plurality #actually autistic #plural system #generational trauma #cycles of violence #cycles of abuse #break the cycle #forgiveness #self love

[reconstructwriter]

#star wars #jedi #Sith #writing #my writing #reconstructwrites #Yet Each Man Kills the Thing He Loves #Sith OC's #tw child abuse #cycles of abuse #tw antisemitism #the fantasy version anyway #cause Jedi are Space Jewish Buddhists #Sith should be their own warnng #tw ableism #Cause the Sith have a very 'cure or die' mindset regarding Hanahaki