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#d&d memes
contextfreedungeon · 2 days ago
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"We eat Ezekiall first."
"Dude, I'm literally a Copper dragonborne, I don't think you want to eat acid."
"We remove the acid gland first and then eat him."
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vaults-n-wyverns · a year ago
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Things I Include In My D&D Games That My Players Don't Know About
If they hold a wooden bowl and walk into a locked door, they'll phase through it like it's Skyrim
If they attempt to jump backwards up a set of stairs, with a high enough dex roll, they will launch up the stairs, through the roof, and into the upper atmosphere
There is an Anti-Tarrasque.
Trolls have 12 different blood colors, with only 2 existing in aquatic troll varieties.
If they enter a new area fast enough, they can catch the birds flying without moving anywhere.
Trees DON'T make sounds when they fall and no one's around, there's just no one around that can prove that
Lazer guns exist, they're just shy
If you get knocked prone on a sloped surface, there is a 1% chance of clipping into the terrain
There's a 1% chance of the textures in someone's face not loading correctly
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dndaddyissues · a year ago
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I pass one of my players a folded note. She reads it. Her eyebrows raise, and her peers heckle her, trying to take the paper from her. She insists it is nothing. The gnome is now cursing. My player curses back. The fighter calls her a traitor and declares an Insight check. I allow it. My player attempts a Deception check. I allow it. It is a dead tie. The table erupts in hoarse accusations. The note falls to the ground, forgotten. It says: “Read this; raise your eyebrows; say nothing to the others; and I will give you a +3 longsword.” I lean back behind my DM screen and watch the fireworks implode. This is my design.
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shiny-polyhedrons · a year ago
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DMs be like “i know a spot” and then lead you directly into the consequences of your actions 
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nevergetstuck · a month ago
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madzapan · 2 months ago
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my amazing, perfect D&D character ideas
Spite Cleric
patron is some petty goddess
can and will only resurrect people they hate
to make fun of them for dying
Elf Pet
human raised by elves
named whatever the elvish word for "Spot" is
what do you mean I have to hunt for my own food
Two Gnomes in a Trenchcoat whose steed is Two More Gnomes in a Horse Costume
trenchcoat gnomes don't know about horse gnomes
horse gnomes don't know about trenchcoat gnomes
one of the gnomes is actually two pixies in a trenchcoat
Wrong Centaur
human head replaced by horse torso
2 arms, 2 legs, 2 horse legs, 2 many limbs
horse brain means INT 5, loves carrots
Tarrasque Puppeting Dead Adventurer It Killed And Felt Guilty About
don't worry you guys I'm feeling totally alive today
isn't it a great day to fit inside buildings
having thumbs is my favorite
Hivemind of Shitty Merchants
we got all the races and languages in this bad boy
always selling the party something
hey did you hear about my quality copper ingots?
Questionable Gary
are those googly eyes? nah, you're seeing things
no discernable class
lip sync when speaking is... inconsistent
Gary there was no way out of there, where did you go?? "I went the other way :)"
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mocha-mothman · 14 days ago
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Zodiac D&D don’t ask why
I made this procrastinating on an essay, please enjoy. I’m a folk hero Tabaxi Druid myself
Sun: Race
Aries: Genasi
Taurus: Firbolg
Gemini: Tabaxi
Cancer: Aasimar
Leo: Tiefling
Virgo: Elf
Libra: Aarakocra
Scorpio: Goliath
Sagittarius: Dwarf
Capricorn: Half-Orc
Aquarius: Halfling
Pisces: Dragonborn
Rising: Class
Aries: Fighter
Taurus: Barbarian
Gemini: Warlock
Cancer: Druid
Leo: Bard
Virgo: Sorcerer
Libra: Paladin
Scorpio: Rogue
Sagittarius: Ranger
Capricorn: Monk
Aquarius: Wizard
Pisces: Cleric
Moon: Background
Aries: Pirate
Taurus: Scholar
Gemini: Entertainer
Cancer: Hermit
Leo: Criminal
Virgo: Spy
Libra: Knight
Scorpio: Outlander
Sagittarius: Folk Hero
Capricorn: Noble
Aquarius: Sage
Pisces: Acolyte
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"Can I have some of your shirt, I'm small."is the most underrated line from Fantasy High and the fact that there aren't fanarts of Gorgug in a crop top offends me personally.
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dndaddyissues · a year ago
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the DM: and then the reigning champion emerges from a cloud of dust. the four of you stare up at...
the players:
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the DM: ...her...
the players:
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[Image ID: The first picture is of a cartoon cat, staring attentively at something off screen. The second picture is the same cat, except their pupils are blown wide to a ridiculous and adorable amount. End ID.]
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borksmemes · 10 months ago
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Wizards Of The Coast: It's a dungeon that's wheelchair accessible.
People: But that's not realistic! Literally the WHOLE point of a dungeon is to be less accessible. That's WHY there are so many traps.
****MEANWHILE****
Dungeon Builder: All this heavy s*** and you're saying there's not a single ramp in this whole place?
Dungeon Architect: Yeah. It's hard to enter DUH.
Dungeon Builder: Sorry so you want 3 tons of rock and a boulder-of-doom transported via *reads notes* a 5ft spiral staircase? F*** this I'm adding a ramp. Try and fire me and I'll tell the dwarves in town that you only pay in vegetables and soy milk.
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