The Poets as Things My D&D Party has Said
Todd: I don’t understand any of these theatre references but I love him
Neil: youre supposed to be the sneaky one!
Charlie: look, the only thing I can do is flirt! I fail at literally everything else!
Knox: How am I doing more damage to you guys than the bad guys??
Pitts: WE’RE BAD AT JUMPING
Todd: I KILLED SOMEBODY I AM GOING TO JAIL FOR LIFE
Todd: *is having a panic attack*
Neil: oh… do you want a cookie?
Pitts: yikes I failed that perception check. I see jack shit
Todd: I think your eyes are closed
Meeks: guys, did we ever take that Really Important Book or did we leave it on the table
Cameron: no. We definitely left it
Meeks: fuck. Of course we did
Neil: shit I failed my final death save. I’m dead dead
Meeks: yikes. You rolled a nat 1 too. Technically you extra died
Charlie: I can’t pick the lock on the door
Neil: I don’t have any spells either
Cameron: HOW ARE THE ROGUE AND THE WIZARD BEING DEFEATED BY A LOCKED DOOR
Todd: so i have a ring that gives terrible advice? That’s real helpful, isn’t it
Knox: okay hear me out. I know i’m falling incredibly fast, so what if I held my cape open and pulled a vector to slow down my fall
Charlie: I tie up the unconscious guards
Cameron: yeah smart idea-
Charlie: then I tie them to my back like a backpack
Neil: I close my eyes and accept death
Pitts: can I just pick up Meeks by the head like a claw machine
Meeks: NOT AGAIN
Knox: how the hell do you fit a whole piano in your bag
Todd, completely deadpan: magic.
Neil: how hard is it to climb through a window anyway
Meeks: for you and Charlie, apparently incredibly
Knox: why can’t I be blessed by the flirting gods
Charlie: i’m just better than you
Neil: Cameron just DIED and youre STEALING FROM HIS CORPSE?
Pitts: can I roll to just step into his house i’m sick of this conversation
Cameron: literally DONT he will kick your ass
Neil: I know we just met but can I have your number?
Todd: oh I don’t have a phone
Neil: i’ll buy one for you
Cameron: call the police!
Charlie : Yeah! The number is 420
Pitts: BLAZE IT
Mr Keating: *says anything*
The poets, collectively: can you adopt me?
The poets: thanks dad!
Mr Keating: yeah ok this is happening.
I miss playing D&D gang come back I want to torture you all as the god of your world please!!
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Not sure if I’ll get any responses but…
D&D 3.5 people!
I’ve released a genie without the other players’ knowledge, due to me going “hey DM, before we leave game, can I pause in the hallway and identify these three magical objects?” and everyone else going, “good luck, Sweet! I’m out!” and leaving.
So. She’s a large creature but can chose to become any other large creature to disguise herself.
My character has a known habit of just finding a random creature and going “Oh! New pet!” and adopting it. (So far I have a giant snake, a veggie pygmie, a goblin, a mimic, and a fairy dragon.)
What 3.5 LARGE creature would be fun for this genie to transform into and be naturally integrated as my newest pet?
1. Can’t be a dragon, or any “intelligent” being.
2. Can’t be anything that the party would attempt to kill on sight.
3. Something that flies would be a bonus, but is not required.
Please please please post ideas!
(PS: I’m not an asshole. Our party has been together for 4.5 years, now. We love it when secret things like this happen, and when they are finally revealed.)
Posted: Tuesday, July 20th, 1:10pm EST.
I need to DM him my answer by Friday, July 23, 10pm EST.
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Y’all not to toot my own horn but I just ran my best one shot ever it had:
- a man sending the party on a dangerous quest because he loves his wife SO much
- mafia goblins in 3 piece suits shaking down the party and refusing to gender the lizardborn because “they’re a lizard how am I supposed to know what they want to be called”
- the party talking down the goblins and learning one of them wanted to be a biologist but didn’t get through school so they gave him a cool mushroom
- “roll a X check for me” “oh no” times 1000
- the party making a rope out of MONSTER PIECES to overcome an obstacle
- tickle me Elmo as the final eldritch monstrosity
- “I cast hold person on the owner of the wish-granting Elmo who can definitely kill me” the BBG rolls..... an 8.....
- the party soothing the Elmo with cookies and a pretty flower, tell it they’ll free it and roll well on convincing this little being. The Elmo’s head snaps back so it can make eye contact with the handler, still being held by hold person, and utters “DIE” in their little Elmo voice. The handler explodes.
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