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#d&d shenanigans

So our party encountered a peryton…

DM: Okay so you’ve wrangled the peryton to the ground and have cast Calm Emotions on it. It still wants to eat your elf friend, but you can talk to it now.

My Ranger, who Does Not Like to kill things if he can help it: Friend, why do you want to eat our elf so badly?

Peryton: I need the heart to give to a doe so we can make babies happen.

DM: (after a successful Nature check) Yeah you know peryton females can only reproduce after they’ve consumed a humanoid heart. They prefer elves or half-elves.

Me: Okay. (turns to our bard, a half-elf) Hey. Do you have any paper?

Bard: …yeah…?

Our party proceeds to draw several Valentine’s Day cards for the peryton to give to his prospective doe.

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Y'all, D&D fans!

Did you know that if you crit on lvl 3 divine smite with vicious glave AND blinding smite you get 8d8 radiant dmg + 1d10 dmg + Strength + 7?

I didn’t, until Samael ran my poor Acererak through for like 70 dmg on a single strike.

He literally went from:




Needless to say he teleported away like two turns later, having almost killed Samael before (had like 2 hp after he got slapped with Finger of Death) and nearly disintegrated Sebastian (Yuan'ti Wizard).

It honestly hurt to add all those numbers 😫

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You can tell normal ocs apart from d&d ocs because d&d character art always embodies the concept of bastard. Wiry little goblin men to graceful, regal nobles to huge, gorgeous barbarians, they always look like they’re waiting for you to turn your back so they can swipe your possessions and sell them for weed.

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anyway here are some dumb hypothetical post canon pictures of my boy. if he ever manages to ditch beatrice he’s going to be PLAGUED by other mysterious entities

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