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#d&dclassesquotes
dndclassesquotes · 2 years
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Paladin: Can you do something for me?
Rogue: I would literally cover up a murder you committed, plant my DNA at the crime scene, and take the blame for it.
Paladin: Can you do the dishes?
Rogue: *already leaving the room* No.
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dndclassesquotes · 2 years
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Fighter: I live for two reasons.
Monk: And those would be?
Fighter: I was born and I haven't died yet.
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dndclassesquotes · 2 years
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Fate may be in the hands of the gods, but these hands of god are about to throw down! ~Paladin
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dndclassesquotes · 2 years
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Paladin: Who's the Leader here, me or you?
Paladin: Wait, it's me?
Paladin: Shit.
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dndclassesquotes · 2 years
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Sorcerer: Honestly, I'm just so evil. So full of darkness. I feed off the souls of the living, I strike fear into-
Cleric: Sorcerer, you sleep with a teddy bear.
Sorcerer: He's my secOND IN COMMAND IN MY ARMY OF DARKNESS!
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dndclassesquotes · 2 years
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Artificer: Scientists can now turn stress into energy!
Rogue:
Tumblr media
(https://interestingengineering.com/scientists-can-now-transform-stress-into-electricity)
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dndclassesquotes · 2 years
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Cleric: Hey Warlock, did you know that all words ending in -ie are sweet, like cookie and cutie-
Warlock: and Die.
Cleric: ...
Cleric: No Warlock.
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dndclassesquotes · 2 years
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Wizard: Barbarian doesn't have a life plan. They don’t have a day plan. I once found a note they wrote to themself that said ‘Put on pants.’
Wizard: It was followed by a question mark.
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dndclassesquotes · 2 years
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Rogue: Yes, mistakes were made.
Paladin: By you.
Rogue: And people got hurt.
Paladin: By YOU!
Rogue: But there’s nothing that could have been done.
Paladin: YES, THERE WAS!
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dndclassesquotes · 2 years
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Wizard: I wish you would just admit that you made a mistake..
Rogue: *stirring their coffee* I actually prefer it with salt.
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dndclassesquotes · 2 years
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I love being visibly queer but like, in a way that confuses people. Most people who encounter me in the wild can tell I'm not a straight/cis person, but other than that? It’s anyone’s guess. ~Bard
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dndclassesquotes · 2 years
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Bard: I've never photographed anything less than perfect before.
Rogue: Your camera roll is just full of selfies.
Bard: You heard me.
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dndclassesquotes · 2 years
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We're all a sad magician on the inside. ~Wizard
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dndclassesquotes · 2 years
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Warlock: Just to clear up some rumors...
Warlock: I DO have blood, and I do have ALL of MY bones. I didn't take them from anyone, I grew them myself so stop asking.
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dndclassesquotes · 2 years
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Paladin: Warlock, where are you going?
Warlock: Well that depends...
Warlock: When I die, probably hell. Right now though I'm going to the bathroom.
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dndclassesquotes · 2 years
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Lay on hands? BRUH I'm 'bout to THROW hands at your ass! ~Paladin
s: mischief-pixie
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