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daddy-trio-blog · 7 years

Text

Thank you

TW: Self-harm, depression, blood, anxiety attacks, mentions of suicide, and swearing

Lance inhaled a shaky breath trying to calm his racing heart as his tears streamed down his face. He rubbed his eyes with the balls of his hand, streaking tears across his face in a desperate attempt to make them go away, but to no avail.

The words his teammates said to him rang through his head as he sat in the bathroom, making it hard to think of anything other than their constant annoyance from his presence. ‘Am I that bad?’ he questioned to himself

He tried to return his breathing to normal but every time he thought he was fine, the words would tumble back into his mind and the knot in his throat would return. Why was it always him who screwed up?

The team was off celebrating their latest victory. Meanwhile, here Lance was having a panic attack and falling apart "how pathetic" he muttered to himself.

He picked up the blade sitting next to him and dragged it across his skin. He watched as the blood trickled down his wrists and thighs, little droplets sprouting along his skin. He let out a sigh as the pain calmed his nerves and at the same time built up the anxiety inside. The pain took over and the panic attack slowed. If this was the only way to make the terror stop he would let it consume him for now.

He could hear blue in the back of his mind trying to calm him down, but his thoughts and insecurities were just too much at the moment.

Lance slid the blade across his thigh one more time before rinsing off the blade. He could hear blues cries of sadness at her cub hurting himself, she wailed at him to stop through their link and he blocked her out as he hopped in the shower and watched the blood lazily flow down the drain. Once the water stopped coming out red, he turns off the shower head and got out, pulling on his robe. He made his way out into his room and searched through his drawers for a pair of pants that wouldn't chafe the fresh cuts along his thighs. He pulled them up slowly being careful not to touch the wounds. Once his pants were on he threw on a t-shirt and his jacket to cover the scars on his arms. Sighing he looked at the mirror and wiped his face, preparing for a long day.

He stood in the bathroom looking at his reflection, and he practiced his award winning smile for a solid 5 minutes before he was ready to go out. He wandered the halls looking for his teammates, he checked the kitchen looking for the yellow paladin with no luck. He checked the hangers for Pidge and the training room for Keith but just couldn't find anyone. Lastly, he checked the common room where he saw the whole team including Allura and Corran talking and having fun without even realizing he's there. He felt a pang of jealousy and sadness watching them laugh and be happy just reminding him of the obvious, he isn't wanted or needed.

He turned on his heel and walked out, walking swiftly down the halls looking at his feet. He bumped into someone. It was Keith, looking at him with a scowl. "Watch where you're going. Find something useful to do instead of staring at the ground." Keith mumbled. "Yeah, yeah, yeah, mullet, it was nice bumping into you too. You must feel blessed by my presence." Lance forced his signature shit-eating grin and let out a chuckle, before turning to walk away quickly, he couldn't deal with the emo teen right now, his feelings for the boy always got in the way when Keith made jabs at him, and in his already fragile state he couldn't deal with the little needle of every insult jabbing into his heart.

Lance hated how cocky he sounded to Keith. He didn't mean any of it, he was just tired, not physically tired that could be solved with a few hours of sleep. He was mentally tired of himself and all of his bullshit that he put up with to make sure that none of his teammates suspected something of him.

His pace picked up into a sprint, he needed blue. Blue is the only one who understood his feelings. Lance sprinted into her hangar, to his lion, her calming voice and the waves of affection rumbling in his mind and immediately calmed him down.

He curled up in her cockpit and let out a tiny whimper, before the calm and the soothing voice of blue lulled him to sleep. He waded off into a dreamlike state, completely peaceful until there was a figure standing over him. It was Hunk, shaking his head with a look of concern.

"Spill it. You only fall asleep in Blues cockpit if something is wrong. What happened?" Lance let out a sigh, why did Hunk have to know him so well?

Being friends with him for years, telling Hunk most of his darkest secrets, and being one of the seven people on this God forsaken ship, you're bound to notice when something is wrong with someone who's usually ‘happy’, "I- I don't know, to be honest. I guess I'm just homesick."

Lance knew he wasn't telling the full extent of his thoughts or feelings and felt bad for lying to Hunk, but he just really didn't want to talk about it.

"Are you sure that's it? it seems like more than that, you've been really distant and I saw you walk out of the room earlier today. Plus Keith said you made a really really bad come back and then ran to Blues hangar. There's no way that you're just homesick. Please tell me? I'm your best friend, you can say anything you want to me and I'm here to listen." said Hunk frowning in concern.

Lance felt his heart stop. Hunk must have his own theories about what was going on, but he didn't know for sure. Forcing a warm smile on his face, Lance patted Hunk on the back, "Could I ever lie to you, buddy?"

Hunk didn't accept his answer but knew not to press any further so instead, he told Lance “When you feel like talking I'm always here for you buddy." with a soft and warm smile.

Hunk scooped up Lance bridal style, in a bone crushing hug, in an attempt to make Lance feel better, Lance winced as he felt the cuts slide open a tiny bit. The hug worked slightly as Hunk gave good hugs and Lance knew the bigger male cared about him and his feelings. This made him feel a little better, so he gave Hunk a small smile and waved to Hunk as he left the hangar. The slight sting of the wounds did not bother Lance, as he curled back up in Blue's cockpit and took another short nap. This time he was awoken by a finger poking his face. He opened his eyes to look at Keith staring intently at him."Why are you still in here?" Keith's brow was furrowed and his lips pouted out a bit "Blue is comfy." Lance murmured still half asleep and stretched out. He heard Keith make a small squeak of horror and looked quizzically at the small male. "Lance," Keith's voice was suddenly very hard and angry, but at the same time held so much concern and was soft, "What. the fuck. is THAT?" pointing to Lance's blood stained pants. Lance immediately knew what he was talking about and let out a sigh of defeat.

"It's a wound." Lance deadpanned.

"How the fuck did it get there?" Keith's face continued to deepen in concern.

"I put it there? But you can't tell Hunk, EVER!”

Keith stared at Lance's leg, that had red bleeding through his pants. No, not staring, more like glaring at it. He hated the thought of the way it broke Lance's perfect skin and how- okay, okay, that's enough of those thoughts about Lance,"Fine I won't tell Hunk unless it gets worse. Anyway, it's dinner time and we've already started without you. If you want something to eat at all, I recommend you go now."

Lance groaned but felt another pang of sadness, they forget about him and started eating. Lance composed himself best he could but Keith could see through the fake smile when Lance got up to walk away Keith grabbed him by the wrist "You can tell me if you aren't okay" Keith says softly, completely unaware he reopened the slits on Lances wrists.

Lance winced noticeably and quickly pulled his arm away. Keith grabbed his arm gently and rolled up the sleeve, revealing scars. Some were long slashes, others were tiny little scratches, some looked like Lance had gripped his arm until it bled. Keith gasped as his hand went over his mouth, tears threatened to fall from the shorter boys face.

" Lance...." the black haired boy whispered he looked up into the brunette's eyes. The brunette looked away, but turned back startled when he felt something press against the scars on his skin, it was Keith, kissing every scar and scratch, avoiding the fresh ones but kissing around them with butterfly soft kisses. Keith looked up at him and said the nicest thing Lance had ever heard Keith say to anyone, ever.

"You're beautiful" Lance felt tears rush to his eyes and his felt them slowly slip down his face. Keith pulled him in close and stared up at the blue paladin, before leaning in and kissing him on the lips gently. The brunette pulled the smaller male closer, enjoying the fact his crush liked him back. Sitting down he pulled Keith onto his lap before yelping and pushing Keith off. He had forgotten about the cuts on his thighs.

"Lance, you gotta stop doing this to yourself. I know you're probably told this a lot but we care about you and if you need to talk, just talk." Lance didn't know what to say as Keith talked to him in a soothing voice,

"Now, are there any more cuts?" Keith knew that there were more cuts, but he didn't want to push Lance, he needed to tell him on his own.

Lance sighed and gave in, to Keith's surprise " I have never been told that. Ever, by any of you...If we go to my room I'll show you" Lance says softly, turning away with a blush.

My Cubs about to get laid! he can hear blue saying in the back of his mind. This only adds to the embarrassment and Lance's face turns red as a tomato.

Lance pulled on Keith's arm as he rushed through the halls to his room, making sure that Hunk didn't see him, or his slightly bloody pants. Once Lance was in the safety his room, with the door locked, he began to take off his clothes, one garment at a time, until he stood in only the skin tight underwear the castle had provided them with. Lance turned around to face Keith and he stood there shocked. Lance had deep gashes up and down his thighs, a few still oozing tiny drops of blood out and over Lance's beautiful skin. The cuts ran up into the Cuban boy's underwear and all the way down to just above his knee on both legs. Lance's arms had scars and cuts everywhere, from down by his wrists all the way up to his elbow, all around his arm, what made Keith most upset was the deepest gash that ran down Lance's arm instead of across, it started at his wrist and went halfway up his forearm. The left arm had fewer scars, but more new cuts.

"Oh my god..." Keith let out a shaky breath and rushed to Lance pulling him into a big hug and snuggled into the crook of his neck. Lance's face turned red as Keith brushed up against his soft spot. Lance let out a noise when Keith brushed over it again and the smaller boy turned to look at the tan male standing in front of him. He pulled away from Lance and smirked at his super red face, letting out a soft chuckle.

Lance put his arms over himself defensive and embarrassed.

"Lance... my sharpshooter. Everything will be okay now." Keith pressed a soft kiss against Lance's lips.

Lance could feel his face turn an even deeper shade of red if that was possible. He felt like a tomato. Keith gently kissed Lance on every single scar on his body making Lance's body tremble and shake, the deeper scares the black haired boy paid more attention to and he graced over Lance's fresh cuts with soft lips that made Lance feel more loved than he had felt in his entire life. Lance felt warm on the inside, bubbly, and Keith's kisses made him feel just as good, if not better than Hunks hugs did. He knew this boy loved him, otherwise, he wouldn't be here. Keith slowly worked his way along every scar nibbling on a few and making Lance giggle. Keith came back up to Lance's mouth and kissed him passionately, letting the blue paladin know that he had been wanting him for a while. Lance began to kiss back with as much passion as he could muster, telling the red paladin that he wanted this more than anything in the world.

They finished their make out session and went to go get Lance food. When Lance got to the dining hall, Hunk gave him a bowl of food goo that tasted like lasagna. Lance moaned he felt like he would melt right there on the spot. Keith's face was red, redder than the tomato colored goo or the red lion that he piloted.

Lance winked at him, making a promise that it would happen later. Keith blushed the deepest red Lance had ever seen. He felt better, now that he was with Keith, more complete.

Hunk noticed the wink and looked between Keith and Lance, smirking. "Okay guys, pay up! Shiro, Allura I know you guys bet against it."

Keith and Lance watched in confusion as Shiro and Allura handed over a tiny bead with a look of shock.

Pidge and Coran gave each other high fives as Pidge whooped.

Pidge ran to her computer and started typing, pulling the camera feed that she had installed in Lance's room up on the holo-screen, while Lance was in blues hangar earlier that day. She was looking through the feed in Lance's room. It started with Lance pulling Keith in his room, then slowly he took one article of clothing off at a time. At first, Pidge thought they were going to have sex so she went to close the projection, but she was surprised to find that Keith looked shocked and sad. She zoomed in to see what Keith saw and started crying.

She watched in horror as Lance stripped down to his underwear, she saw the self-harm marks that littered his body and then he turned around she gasped at the burn marks on his back. Lance just watched in horror from the side of the room as everyone looked at the paladin they thought was upbeat and happy. Except for Hunk, Hunk looked like he had seen someone's ghost.

"I thought you'd stopped..." Hunks voice cracked and he began to cry. Lance just sunk down the wall. This wasn't supposed to happen, he couldn't breathe he felt himself start to hyperventilate, he curled up into a ball on the floor to hide from his teammates voices as he dealt with the second panic attack of the day. He couldn't breathe. He choked out sobs and rocked back and forth freaking out because now everyone was terrified, stepping closer to help the boy. Lance let out a choked sob, moaning, and scooted away, he felt trapped and cornered. The closeness made it worse, they we're too close and Lance couldn't catch his breath. This was one of the worst panic attacks he had ever had. Hunk was crying for his friend who had chosen self-harm over talking it out and he hadn't been able to help him. Pidge just sat in shock, the person who was the happiest out of all of them, who she saw as a big brother, felt so much pain on a daily basis and she hadn't done anything but make fun of him and yell at him for getting in her way.

Shiro stared at the Cuban boy huddled on the floor, he wore the jacket that Shiro had never seen him take off, except for missions, and he wore loose pants that were probably so that they wouldn't chafe the cuts on his legs. Shiro was horrified by the video. Lance had more scars all over his entire body than Shiro, even when the older male’s arm was gone. Shiro looked closely and saw the one mark stretching up instead of across and felt his heart break. This boy was so unhappy he had tried to kill himself. The boy who always smiled no matter what, who cracked jokes in a serious situation to make the others feel better, yet the tan male couldn't do the same for himself. Shiro felt tears welled up in his eyes and he covered his mouth, this boy that he considered a brother, a son, family, was so unhappy, he felt the need to hurt himself instead of telling the team, tell him. He felt like he had failed as a leader as he recounted all of the times Lance's smile was actually a wince of pain when someone had touched one of his cuts.

Shiro sat down next to the boy and put a hand on the boys back, slowly and gently rubbing circles up and down his spine to soothe him, Lance sobs turned into soft gasps as he struggled for air. Hunk came up to the boy and pulled him onto his lap hugging the lankier boy tightly to his chest. Quieting him with soothing words. Lance was still struggling though until Keith stepped up and kissed Lance, he kissed every part of his face he could get his lips on, making Lance look at him. Lance slowly began to breathe and his muscles stopped convulsing in terror.

The entire time this had been going on, Allura was in full blown shock, she couldn't hear what was happening around her as she stared at the screen which showed Lance standing there, scars running over all of his limbs, in places just hidden enough that no one would be able to see. She stared in horror at the scar from the explosion running across his back, they had never even thanked him for saving Coran. They had not thanked him for his cheerful attitude that had kept the team from collapsing, she had never thanked him for his terrible jokes and pick up lines that boosted her confidence and made her feel special even when he used them on other aliens too. Her vision was blurry with tears and she swayed from the weight of this new information she had received on her blue paladin.

She sat back on a chair in the dining hall and put her hands on her face, wiping away the tears.

Next, to her, Coran was a wreck, he cared for Lance like a son, he cared for Lance so much, and this poor boy had been dealing with the great weight of war and his personal battles all by himself. Never asking anyone to save him from the demons that had lurked under the boy's skin. The boy who was drowning in pain all the time. Coran wanted to go back in time and protect this poor child from the demons that tormented his Lance’s mind into wanting to slice his skin and bleed. He saw the blast marks on Lance's back from when the boy had almost died saving his life from a galran explosion. His tears flowed freely as he remembered he never got the chance to thank Lance for this act of chivalry and selflessness. Lance had been brave and strong and Coran hadn't told him that he thought of the boy in that way. Coran felt his heart break at the sight of all the scars that covered the boys body. Coran looked over at the real Lance and was shocked to find him lying on the floor hyperventilating, with Hunk and Keith and Shiro surrounding him. The boy was sobbing and the tears fell freely and at full force down his face, Coran noticed the calm look Lance took on when Coran too joined them on the floor.

"I'm sorry boy I seem to have forgotten to tell you something of utmost importance." the orange haired altean choked back tears. Lance tilted his head in confusion and curiosity.

"Thank you, Lance. For saving my life and making jokes with me. " Coran smiled

"Thank you for being you."

Lance managed to look up at everyone, his face red and puffy with tears, “I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry…” The sorry's faded away as everyone hugged him and told him it was okay, and now that they were there surrounding him with support, he would be.

#langst #klance #daddywrites #voltron #vld lance #angst

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