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momentofch-aos · 1 year

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M's Marvel Thought of the Day (tis a long one - hold onto your hats)

Two similar conversations Daniel Sousa is likely to have had at two different points in time.

tw: mentions of PTSD

this got wildly out of control and long in the second part, i apologise

[ The Stark Mansion - 1947]

As he stepped out onto the patio that Jarvis had pointed him towards, he caught sight of her by the pool. It had been a little over 48 hours since they'd shared the kiss in his office. Since then, they'd attempted to leave the office to finally get that drink only to find out Jack had been shot and then jumped straight into their investigation. Between guarding Jack and pursuing any lead they could find, they had probably had 3 hours of sleep between the two of them in two days, and if Jarvis hadn't arrived at the hospital and dragged them to Stark's for dinner, they no doubt would have carried on till they collapsed.

Although he knew how exhausted she was, he couldn't but take in her graceful beauty as she perched on the edge of the pool, both legs of her jumpsuit rolled up to her knees as she dipped her toes in the water mindlessly. Clearly deep in thought, she didn't sense his presence until he came up besides her, her face turning to smile up at him.

"Mind if I join you Carter?" She gestured to the spot besides her as he very carefully lowered himself to the floor. Arranging his prosthetic so it hung over the edge of the pool, he sat a little further back than her. "What's rattling round that big brain of yours Peggy?"

He noticed the change in her demeanour after they'd visited Jack for the first time. He was still unconscious, pale and small of stature against the sheets. There had been a falter in Peggy's expression, almost imperceivable, before the mask she usually wore resumed.

"It's silly really." Her foot moved in the water, the ripples moving away from them as he watched.

"Tell me anyway."

"In the desert, Mr Jarvis and I... we argued. In the heat of the moment he said something, that he has since apologised for, but the more I think about it, the more it seems to be true." He didn't push, that wasn't the way to handle Peggy. Instead he waited for her to continue when she was ready. "Everyone around me dies." The catch in her voice as the words spilled out made his head immediately pick up, taking in her now slightly hunched shoulders.

"Peg..."

"Cannot say it isn't true. My brother, Michael. Steve. Colleen. And now Jack..."

"Jack Thompson is too stubborn to die. You know he'll be making us crazy for years yet. Plus remember the doctor said things were looking positive. He's stable and improving." Daniel tried to reassure her.

"Still. It seems to be a theme in my life. Everyone I care about comes into danger by being near me. Ana. Jarvis. Jason. You."

"That is not your fault." She moved to rebut his statement but found herself cut off, his hand landing on her arm in a soft grip. "Ana made the choice to go and confront Frost, she said so herself. Jarvis ran head first into danger at the first opportunity. And Steve... he made his choice, for the greater good. And as for me, it's my job Peggy, just as it is yours. We put ourselves on the line to protect everyone else, no one forced me just as no one forced you."

Her gaze was soft on him as she listened to his words, the honesty shining through. She leant into his shoulder, resting her head against his neck.

"I don't want to lose anyone else." She mumbled, feeling his strong arm loop around her waist and scoot her closer.

"I don't either, but the best we can do is continue to fight. Together, if that's what you want."

"It is. If you'll have me Chief, I think I'd like to stay in California for a while." She smirked up at him, pressing a kiss to his jaw.

"I think we can handle that."

***********************************

[The Lighthouse - 2020]

Despite being familiar with all the Shield bases in his own time, the extensive corridors and seemingly endless levels of the Lighthouse had been completely alien to Daniel. Luckily, he'd been accompanied by Daisy for most of the time since they had returned to this Shield team's timeline. It had been a steep learning curve for Daniel in the past three weeks, but the team had been endlessly supportive and helpful as he learned to adapt.

This morning Fitz had been making some improvements to his prosthetic, which Daniel had thought was pretty much perfect until Fitz adjusted something and there was a relief of pressure he hadn't even realised he'd been able to feel. The engineer made him run drills and lift weights to monitor the performance of the limb and once he deemed it satisfactory, he'd been let go, with the knowledge that there would be periodic adjustments in the future.

In awe of modern technology, he wandered down towards the bunks to find Daisy. She had been excited to see what upgrades Fitz would have in store for him. Rounding the corner to her bunk, she saw Jemma quietly shutting Daisy's bunk door, flinching slightly at the click of the lock. When she spotted Daniel, she put a finger to her lips and beckoned him towards the common room. Doing as he was told, he caught up to the biologist.

"What's wrong?" He asked in a hush tone.

"Everything will be okay, I need you to know that." Jemma said to the visible concerned man out of time.

"Jemma..."

"Daisy's having a bit of a day. She suffers with these anxiety attacks occasionally, which is expected after everything she's been through." Daisy has filled him on a lot of the team's activities before they met him and he'd read her file when she handed it to him a couple of weeks ago. "Similar to what you might call 'shellshock'. We call it PTSD now."

"Is she okay?" The concern laced through his voice.

"She's asleep now. Alya fell while they were playing and hurt herself... she's absolutely fine, clumsy like her father. But I think an overtired Daisy and the fact she feels responsible for everyone around her, may have just pushed her to the edge." Jemma fidgeted nervously with her sleeve. "She feels so much all the time, for everyone, that when she gets overwhelmed it bubbles over. She just needs time, needs to actually sleep. Hopefully, now she'll be okay for a few hours."

"Are you saying she's not been sleeping?" Jemma shook her head.

"She struggles with a proper sleep pattern outside of missions, you know what it's like. But I think with everything Enoch told us and the fact she knows things are changing, everyone...moving on. I've found her up at all hours a few times when I've been up with Alya."

"I didn't know-"

"That's not your fault Agent Sousa- Daniel sorry." Jemma caught herself. "Daisy bottles things up, doesn't want to inflict her pain and worries on anyone else. She's a tough person. If she doesn't want you to know something, you won't."

"Still..." His hand carded through his hair.

"Just give her some time, I'm sure..." Jemma was cut off by a tremor rippling through the base. The pair locked eyes before they both took off at a sprint towards the source. Flexing the new prosthetic, Daniel powered down the corridor to reach it first and find the door locked. He stepped to one side as Jemma appeared, pushing a fingerprint to the lock pad, the system disengaging as the door swung open.

Without much forethought to his own safety, Daniel threw himself through the door, taking the sight of Daisy curled into a tight ball on one side of her bunk, fists clenched in her comforter. Her face was scrunched and tears streaming out of closed eyes.

"Dais- Daisy, wake up sweetheart. Daisy." Daniel knelt by the side of her bed, a hand on her shoulder. "Cmon sweetheart. Daisy, come back to us. You're okay. We're here. We've got you." His hand cupped her cheek in an attempt to wake her and she leaned into the contact, the tremors settling as her eyes blinked open slowly. "There she is."

"Daniel? Whats.." Her eyes flickered to Jemma, who was crouched besides Sousa. "How bad?"

"Rattle the chandelier, not knocking down walls." She joked, smiling down at her friend. "How are you feeling?"

"Still fuzzy." Daisy pivoted herself into a sitting position, realising as he let go that Sousa had still had a hand on her arm. "Sorry."

Jemma sighed besides him, making him shoot her a look before she started to explain. "She always apologises. This is not your fault." She fixed her best friend with a look, which made Daisy crack a smile.

"Is Alya okay?" The worry hit her all at once as she remembered what had happened.

"She is absolutely fine. Mack took her for ice cream. She's having the time of her life."

"Good. Good, she deserves that." Daisy's gaze fixed on the blanket now and Jemma gripped her knee.

"She loves you Daisy, just like we do. Okay? You're her aunt." Daisy nodded in agreement. "You need rest, you've been pushing yourself too hard."

"Yes doctor." She mumbled, a small smirk on her face. Daniel who had been watching the interaction from his perched position, moved to straighten up and give her space to relax, only for Daisy to reach out and grab his hand, a silent question in her eyes.

He nodded and pulled up the chair from the corner of the room. Jemma hid her smirk as she bid them both goodbye.

"You good?" Daisy asked as she settled back against her pillows.

"I'm okay." He wasn't going to push her to talk about it, despite his endlessly curious about the woman in front of him.

"Thank you for staying, it... gets a little much."

"For as long as you want me here, here is where I'll be." He said, sitting back in the chair.

"You might not want to say that." She murmured. His questioning look made her sigh a little. Her instinct was to bury everything, to hold it her chest and keep it to herself. But something about him made that feeling wasn't so strong. Maybe it was a mirroring thing. He'd her about losing his leg when they were back in the barn and they'd had more open conversations. "You remember the team of Shield agents that were killed protecting me when I was a baby?" He nodded. She steeled herself with a slow breath.

"There was an agent we found shortly after I joined Coulson's team, he was one of the first on scene in the aftermath. His colleague was killed after dropping me at Saint Agnes's. He warned Coulson and May 'Wherever she goes, death follows'. They chose to ignore him, but I can't help but feel like it might..."

"No." He cut her off, shaking his head as he sat forward to be closer to her. "You can't think like that."

"But it's true, everyone dies. Trip, Lincoln, even the ones that come back. Coulson, May, Fitz. I put everyone at risk." The tears reappeared as she wiped them with her shirt sleeve, pulling her knees up to her chest.

"Daisy..." He moved then, sitting on the bed in front of her. "Their deaths are not on you. It's the job we sign up to do, we put ourselves on the line, to be a literal shield. To protect those who can't protect themselves. There are always risks, but that's what we sign up for. It doesn't make it easy and we let ourselves mourn, but it is not your fault." She looked up at him with glassy eyes.

"You really believe that?"

"I do. You are one of the best agents I've seen. And i've seen a lot in all my years." His joke made a small smile flicker over her face. "Is that why Alya falling upset you?"

"I just don't want anyone else to get hurt. Not on my watch."

"And she's a lucky little girl to have you looking out for her." There was a beat of silence, as if she was digesting his words.

"That speech seemed familiar to you. Like you'd said it before." Daisy questioned, with a tilt of her head.

"You might not be the first person I've had to convince about things like that."

"Because some of your favourite people are people like me?" The smile that lit up her face made his heart flip in his chest. He chuckled.

"Because some of my favourite people are people like you."

**************************

If ya'll made it through this mess of words you deserve a gold star ⭐️

the parallel came to me while i washing up and then this happened.