#damn I need some of that potion haha

[male-body-swap-lover]

Becoming the Old Man Next Door

Carter Austin was annoyed that he had to be home for his parents 30th wedding anniversary. The model was only in town for one night, and even that was too much. He hated Fairview and missed the fast life of New York. The 28-year-old was one of the hottest models on the scene and couldn’t believe he was wasting his weekend in his childhood bedroom.

Hon, we are so excited that you are home. We’ve missed you.

You know how busy I’ve been mom. I’m one of the hottest models. I’m constantly booked.

I know. We told Mr. Jarvis that you were coming home and he was so excited to see you.

Mom, I’m 28. I don’t want to go see our old neighbor.

Oh, just do it Carter. It’ll make him happy. He’s lonely. His wife has been dead for 20 years and he has no children. Just do it.

Fine.

I went next door and rang the doorbell. Mr. Jarvis answered the door. I forgot how fat he was.

Austin my boy. So good to see you. Come in come in. Sit down. I’ll get you a drink.

As I sat in his living room, I looked around at his depressing life. The room seemed straight out of the 1970’s, and it reeked of tobacco. 15 minutes. That’s all I need.

Here’s a coke. So, tell me about New York.

It’s fun. I travel the world. I’m one of the top models out there.

I know. I’ve followed you. You are quite the good-looking young men. I bet ladies throw themselves at you.

I get my fair number of women. And men. I don’t discriminate.

I wish I had your life. My life was always boring. And it’s been worse ever since Marian died. I live a lonely life.

Well not everyone can have my life. This coke tastes weird.

That’s because it’s not coke at all. It’s a special potion. You see Carter, I’m tired of being an old man who never did anything with his life. I want a life in the fast lane. So, I am going to steal yours.

What. That’s not possible

I stand up and try to move, but I can’t. It’s like I am frozen in place.

Carter, look in the mirror. Can’t you see the changes have already begun.

As I stared into the mirror, I could see the wrinkles start appearing on my face. Suddenly I started breathing heavier as I felt myself get older. I ran my hands through my hair and it came out in chunks in my hand. I tried to run, to get out, but couldn’t move. My skin was aging. I could feel my youth leaving my body. Passing 30. All of my hair fell out. Passing 40. Stubble appeared on my face. Then it stopped. I looked in the mirror. Damn. I’m fucking old, but I’m fucking hot.

Haha old man. I’m still fucking hot. Look at me. Your plan failed.

You aren’t very smart are ya Carter. That was just step one.

Step one! I turned to him and saw that somehow his hair had grown back in and he looked middle aged. It’s like my hair and age went to him!

Yes, there are three steps. Let’s start step number two.

With that he clapped his hands and suddenly I felt bloated. My stomach was starting to rumble. I looked in the mirror and my face was bubbling. Suddenly it felt like I was blowing up like a balloon. 10, 20, 50, 100, 150, 200 pounds of fat just suddenly appeared on my body. For some reason as I grew, my clothes grew with me.

I was a whale. No one would ever recognize me. It was absolutely disgusting. I used to make fun of people who looked like this. Now I was one of them. I turned and looked at my captor. He looked good. He was so skinny. It’s like all of his weight transferred to my body! He was hot! I was so jealous. Wait he said this was step two, what was step three going to be?!

Damn, I never even looked this good when I used to be in my 40’s. This is amazing. I bet you are wondering about step three. Well, I suppose it’s time to start the final step. Get ready to say goodbye to any remaining part of your old life.

A wave suddenly washed over me. I could feel the life force draining from my body. My facial hair was turning white. My back pain was killing me. I could feel pain everywhere in my body. Arthritis. But I’m only 28. What is happening. I didn’t even think this was possible.

I’m Marvin Jarvis. Wait what! No I’m not Marvin… I’m um….i’m um. What is going on. It’s like I am losing my memories.

What are you doing to me. Why can’t I remember my name. Why do I think I’m you.

Because, Marvin, that’s part of step three. I become you and you become me. We might not look exactly the same, but the world will change to suit us. Why don’t you look at your license.

I could barely reach my wallet. I pulled out my driver’s license. It still said Carter Austin, and then it changed. Marvin Jarvis. 81 years old. 375 pounds. I looked at the photo and then at my reflection in the mirror. There was the same old man. Me!

You’ll never get away with this.

I already have. Your old memories will continue to slip away until you become Marvin Jarvis. Meanwhile, I’ll get your memories and live out my life again. A world-famous model. Carter Austin. My life is set.

Suddenly my mom entered the house.

Hello Marvin. I just came to get Carter. Dinner is ready.

I wanted to scream out. To tell my mom what happened. All that came out was “Of course Karen. It was lovely seeing Carter again. What a fine man he has become.”

Mom, I am just going to hug Mr. Jarvis goodbye and then I’ll be home.

Okay. See you soon honey. Goodbye Marvin.

The new Carter came and hugged me. Good luck Mr. Jarvis. You’ll need it. Don’t forget to take your heart pills, and back pills, and all the other pills. Don’t drive at night. Also, your social security check barely covers basic living expenses. Haha. Better get one last look at me. This is the last time you’ll see me. I’m never coming back to this hodunk town.

I started crying as the new Carter Austin left. He may not have looked exactly like me, but what does it matter. The world believes he is Carter and I am Marvin.

I sat down because my knees were giving out. I tried to remember everything about my old life, but I could feel it slipping away. I’m trapped. There is nothing I can do. You know what sounds good right now. A good pipe. I wonder if NCIS is on. 6:30pm. Almost time for bed. Well, maybe being an old man isn’t going to be so bad after all.

#male body swap #age regression #age progression #old to young #male body theft #identity theft #young to old #weight gain #body switch

[jamespottersmixtape]

rosekiller microfic: goldilocks 1,632 words

a bit of soft rosekiller!! this is inspired by @myrows rosekiller art which you can find here! it made me want to weep a little when I first saw it, so naturally I had to write something haha :) ngl this has been sitting in my drafts for a while and it's by no means perfect but enjoy!! <3

Barty has always cherished quiet nights at Hogwarts.

When the chatter in the halls finally dies down enough for his thoughts to come back to him and homework has been carelessly tossed aside to save for tomorrow.

There’s a sense of serenity to it all that Barty rarely finds elsewhere. A break that he craves most at the end of a particularly stressful day.

Sixth year courses have been—to put it lightly, beating his ass—no matter how well he does. Today, it had taken him ten tries to get the nonverbal spell to work in Transfiguration. Ten.

Usually Barty needs no more than six tries for complicated spells, less than that for complex potions. Disregarding that he still did it faster than over half the class, now he’s just fucking tired.

He groans and shoves his schoolbag off the bed, letting it hit the floor with a soft thud, then flops backwards dramatically onto his pillows. The dorm room is dim, save for a few small candles on his bedside table. Cloaked in various shadows that dance around the room from the flickering flame.

Barty closes his eyes, taking a spare second to just breathe. There’s the soft white noise of the shower running in the background—Evan is taking forever, as usual—and sometimes Barty imagines he can hear the push and pull of the black lake against their walls. Lack of windows be damned.

It isn’t long before the water shuts off, and Barty feels the smallest smile tug at the corners of his mouth. It’s just the two of them for now, Regulus off doing god knows what at this hour. So naturally, a lot of built up restraint is needed for Barty not to rip open the bathroom door. To go and take in the sight of a freshly showered Evan and gather him in his arms before he can be stopped.

He’s been in there for less than thirty minutes but fuck it, Barty misses him.

Grumbling, he goes to change into the first clothes he can find. Settling for some years old joggers and a loose tank top, the soft fabric already making him drowsy.

The bathroom door creaks open and his head snaps up, immediately catching Evan’s eye. Barty really can’t help it when his heart skips a beat.

Evan raises his eyebrows, chuckling when Barty takes no subtlety in checking him out. His hair is dry, most likely done by magic. A thin blue t-shirt hangs off his shorter frame and each step taken towards Barty casts golden shadows over his skin.

Looking like everything warm and comfortable; the smell of his shampoo in the air so familiar that it hurts.

Barty’s smirk is wicked when he tugs Evan by his shirt into a light kiss. He makes a startled noise but melts into Barty’s touch regardless, fingers cupping his chin. The kiss is short but effective in making Barty’s head go all fuzzy.

“What happened to hello?” Evan asks when they pull apart—though not very far—now standing chest to chest. Evan’s bare feet fit in between his socked ones.

 Barty makes sure to slather his words in extra charm, grinning. “Hello, gorgeous.” 

“Wow, smooth talker,” Evan deadpans.

“You know you love it, Goldilocks.”

Barty takes a blonde strand between two fingers, tugging lightly at the end and earning him a deep scowl.

“I told you that nickname is stupid.” Evan rolls his eyes but Barty catches the blush high on his cheekbones. A light dusting of pinks and reds that work to compliment his freckles. Barty pokes him on one cheek.

“And I told you I don’t care.”

“Brat.”

Barty hums noncommittally, threading their fingers together. Warmth settles in his chest from the steady weight of Evan’s hand.

He leads Evan past the emerald green curtains of his bed and down onto the soft mattress. It’s a routine they’ve created over the last few months, and every time Barty wraps the covers around them it becomes harder and harder to let Evan slip back into his own bed. Something about having him in his arms means a night free of restless tossing and turning.

They lie facing each other for a few minutes, minimal space between them and their heads resting on one pillow. Quiet voices and even quieter laughs, a sacred bubble that neither of them dare to pop.

“Wait, wait, wait,” Barty laughs, his voice barely above a whisper. “You told Cresswell what?”

Evan frowns, a crease forming between his eyebrows. “I told him…that if he feels the need to keep staring at you in class then maybe I should tape his fucking eyes open. You know, that way he wouldn’t miss it when I inevitably snog you right in front of him.”

“Evan!” Barty can’t help it, his laugh is loud when it bursts from his chest.

“Well, maybe I left out that last bit…”

It takes him a minute before his laughter dies down, the quiet settling back in. “You jealous?” Barty teases, raising an eyebrow.

Evan purses his lips. “No.”

Barty stares at him knowingly.

Silence.

Evan averts his eyes.

“Mhm sure, come here.”

He drags Evan in by his waist, the pair of them fumbling around until Evan’s head relaxes in the crook of Barty’s neck and his forearm rests over his chest. Their sides pressed together, Barty smiles—fully content now.

Wordlessly, Barty ghosts his hand over the warm skin, relishing in the way Evan shivers from the cold metal of the ring on his middle finger.

There’s silence for a few minutes. Evan’s hair brushes the side of his face and his warm breath fans across his chest, their hearts only slightly out of sync as they beat so close together.

It’s a lot for Barty to take in sometimes—the whole idea of them. Having someone so delicate, yet so utterly untouchable, be his. If anyone took the time to ask him, though, he wouldn’t change it for the world.

Barty knows Evan’s eyes are closed, can see the shadow of his eyelashes. He takes the opportunity to trace over his freckles; a messy constellation that follows the high points of his cheeks, crosses sporadically over the bridge of his nose.

Evan scrunches his face up, which should not be so endearing. “That tickles.”

Barty turns his head, placing the quickest of kisses atop of Evan’s forehead, debating whether or not he should just give in and lick the side of his face. Then ultimately deciding against it—Evan did just take a shower—he’ll be nice for once.

“I wasn’t jealous. I don’t get jealous,” Evan mumbles, his voice lulled and tired sounding.

“Of course not, Ev.” Barty resists rolling his eyes, Evan can’t see his face anyway. 

“Besides,” Barty continues, “If you were jealous, I don’t mind you threatening people for me…it’s kinda hot.”

Evan smacks him lightly across the chest, but snuggles deeper against his shoulder. Which definitely does not do a weird flippy thing to Barty’s stomach. Nope, not at all.

“Mm okay,” Evan yawns. Which, Barty can’t blame him. Exhaustion is slowly taking over his body the longer they lie here. At this point all he wants to do is blow out the candles and fall asleep. Keep Evan next to him the whole night.

“Hey Goldilocks.”

“Mhm…” Evan must be too tired to even rebuke the nickname.

“Reg is going to freak out if he finds you here in my bed.”

Evan huffs, not very different from a petulant child. He makes no move to get up or even open his eyes. “I don’t care.”

This time Barty can’t hold back his yawn. He shuts his eyes and allows his body to sink further into the bed. Further into Evan. “Maybe we can tell Potter how madly in love with him Reg is. Then they can finally leave us alone.”

“Payback,” Evan snorts.

They both fall asleep without really meaning to. Tangled limbs beneath the covers and hands that aren’t inclined to let go. As his mind quiets down, something in Barty feels settled. A puzzle piece slotting into place after searching and searching for the edge that matches. Evan tends to have that effect on him, he’s come to notice.

All is quiet for a while, the whole school in a coinciding state of slumber. A time when portraits snore softly and only ghosts roam the halls, the usual lively presence of magic at bay for now.

But not even thirty minutes later they’re awoken with a loud thud and a significantly darker room—Barty had blown the candles out after all—just in case.

“Lumos,” someone whispers.

Regulus stands at the end of Barty’s bed, hands on his hips and a look of annoyance on his face. His wand is now lit and shining far too bright for Barty’s liking.

“What the fuck, Reg?” he asks groggily. Evan groans beside him and tries to hide his face.

“Not my fault I tripped over your fucking books, Barty,” Regulus hisses. “And you guys are gross. You said no PDA in the dorm.”

Barty squints and gestures for him to lower his wand. Regulus does so slowly. “Yeah, well I’m a fucking liar. Let us sleep.”

It’s with a lot of grumbling and a sharp glare that Regulus turns and stalks to his side of the room. When he shuts himself in the bathroom Barty reaches for his own wand and spells his curtains closed.

He has Evan back in his arms in no time, steady and real and here. Absolutely not going anywhere, if Barty has a say in it. His fingers resume their path over his arm, tracing nonsensical shapes that neither can decipher. Before they both drift off again a thought pops into Barty’s head.

“We are definitely getting him back for this.”

#ahhhh another microfic i missed them #this is silly and self indulgent but i love them sm #so soft i'm kinda dying #shoutout to evan's freckles for being the sole inspo #and myro's lovely lovely art ofc #rosekiller #rosekiller microfic #barty crouch jr #evan rosier #barty x evan #evan x barty #rat's silly microfics

[arliedraws]

Rewatching the PoA movie as I do chores, and I gotta pause while I’m thinking about this.

People who know me even slightly understand that this is my least favorite HP movie. In my opinion, it totally misses the point of the book and tries to simply hit plot points without understand what ties them all together.

If this is YOUR movie and you LOVE IT, this post is NOT for you! Save yourself some grief and don’t click the ‘read more’ below.

Here’s what the film does right:

- Wise/playful Sirius. We get a wink and nice touchy moment with Harry, and I see a glimpse of the Sirius I love here. This is good! The quiet moments with Gary Oldman is Sirius are VERY good. As time goes on, I am much more confident that Oldman would’ve made a very good Sirius given the opportunity. That intimate scene with Harry and Sirius at the end is a good cinematic interpretation of the internal longing Harry expresses to the reader.

Okay, that’s it. That’s all I like.

Nitpicky bits:

- The editing is just. Weird. We see ONE dinner scene with Marge and it seems like Harry just blows up one night (or blows her up lol) as if he’s just got a short fuse. Harry is a quiet person. He watches, he listens, he puts up with shit until he breaks. This scene needed to be longer, it needed to have more tension. We needed to understand the deal between Uncle Vernon and Harry + signing the permission form for Hogsmeade. One way this could have been shot with Harry at the table with everyone and slooooooow down the conversation. Build the tension. Close-ups, shots of Harry trying to pretend he doesn’t hear her. The book scene is very tense because Harry is quiet as they are talking about him as if he’s not there. THEN, he quietly speaks, drawing their attention.

- Don’t get me started on the Firebolt scene.

- Sirius saying when Remus is transforming “OH NO HE DIDN’T TAKE HIS POTION” as if Remus regularly took Wolfsbane back in the day? And then Sirius pleading with Remus not to transform??? Like Sirius, I think you know werewolves don’t work like that.

- I hate the werewolf design. It doesn’t HAVE to look like the wolf in canon (which is nearly indistinguishable from a regular wolf), but damn, it just didn’t do it for me.

- When Harry sees Peter on the Map??? Dude that was so dumb.

- The scene with the animal noises? Why? I don’t care about the other boys in Gryffindor. Show me why the trio are close other than out of loyalty (something that the books honestly miss out on)

- Remus being so upfront with Harry that he knew his parents and then focussing on LILY??? And also, part of what we learn over time in the book is that Remus knew James but refuses to indulge Harry. He keeps all of that secret—the mystery of Remus is completely wasted in this movie. I would have personally played this up in the film. Build him up as the “cool” professor who holds back emotionally. The payoff when he shows up at the end at the Shrieking Shack would be like, “Oh shit! I knew there was something off about him!” when it seems like he’s helping Sirius. Then, he would have to earn back the audience’s trust just like he does with the trio.

- The Aesthetic: this movie relies on aesthetic so much more than “what makes sense narratively.” There is so much winking at the audience by the filmmakers it drives me bonkers. Anytime something weird happens, they’re like, “Haha this weird thing is NORMAL in the wizarding world! Look at how weird it is! But for them! It’s normal!” Like jfc we get it. I know the first two movies are like, “look at how beautiful magic and cool is” but GOD. This is the film where we need magic to be “normalized.” We get it. We’re three films in. This is a magical world. These cheesy, winking-at-the-camera moments aren’t even like…cute or fun. They’re boring and uncreative. “Oh, how about a maid opens a door and a monster screams at her and she’s bland about it.” Like. Is it supposed to be funny? Because…it’s boring.

When you’re focused on Vibes rather than Character, everyone turns into a cheap, bland caricature. The filmmakers do NOT understand who the characters are. Even in Sorcerer’s Stone, Ron is the comic relief but we understand that he is fiercely loyal. In PoA, he is pure comic relief. They don’t even understand Harry. Both his and Ron’s lines are given to Hermione in the Shack scene which is like…why????

But this is the problem. At the heart of every scene, it was as if the filmmakers didn’t understand why the scene was there. In the film, Harry is an angsty teenager and things happen TO him. Oh sure, they want to show that Harry feels something but…we don’t really, as an audience, FEEL it. They TRY to force that emotional tension by rushing events along and then showing Harry crying sometimes and yelling his feelings. yawn, honestly.

- There is SO MUCH SHOUTING in this film. Harry screams about killing Sirius when he hears the Minister/McGonagall/Rosmerta talking about the betrayal. This was so…poorly done. This boy needs to close himself off from his friends and stew in his hatred, not scream about it. We need to be angry with him, not feel sad for him. We need to want to kill Sirius too.

HOW THEY SHOULD’VE DONE THE BETRAYAL EXPLANATION SCENE:

Look, it would’ve been a boring movie scene if they’d done it like the book. This is not an adaptation-friendly book, and I’ll be the first to admit it. BUT. What they could have done was this: use flashbacks and montages. They do it in Sorcerer’s Stone when Hagrid explains how the Potters died and it’s effective—you see Lily panicking, dying, and then you see cute little Harry with a wand in his face. That’s emotional!

This scene in The Three Broomsticks should have been a flashback with voiceover from Fudge/McGonagall/Rosmerta/Hagrid. It should have shown us Sirius and James being best friends at Hogwarts. With them, we could see Peter and Remus (who we wouldn’t know was Lupin). Then, we should have seen Hagrid arguing with Sirius about who gets Harry (the little devil in me wants to hear Sirius’s voice break, but also, we should feel like Sirius is going to harm the baby Harry). Thennnnnnn we should have seen what the Muggle witnesses saw — Peter crying that Sirius betrayed Lily and James, a misleading explosion, and then Sirius laughing. Thennnnn a close-up of Peter’s finger. Back to present.

Why is this effective and why would it build tension? As the audience, we need to be presented with proof that Sirius is a bad guy. We need to understand why this guy’s gotta be caught!

Also, show us how scary Sirius is by reeeaaaallly playing it up with a scene with the Minister in Azkaban—quiet, sinister Sirius please. Again, give us the tension! (Sirius acting all crazy in the wanted posters instead of the book’s slow blinking, empty-eyed prisoner totally misses the mark for me.) Then, show us him sleeping and talking in his sleep.

This would have been effective becaaaaaaause you could have brought back this flashback in the Shrieking Shack scene.

Which brings me to: The Shrieking Shack scene.

The most disappointing part of the film, in my opinion.

This is supposed to be it—the built-up tension (which never actually happens) finally explodes here. But the movie holds no tension so this scene is reduced to a lot of yelling in the movie. And of course Hermione taking everyone’s lines for some reason.

As as audience, we can’t just be scared. We should be angry. Sirius needs to be quiet, softer. He’s lured Harry away from safety by kidnapping his friend. He needs to be grinning, taunting Harry (I mean, he’s not, but it sounds like it). We need to feel like Sirius is just fucking AWFUL. Sirius MUST compare Harry and Ron to James and himself. Stretch this out like a rubber band until it snaps—until Harry snaps. GOD THIS COULD HAVE BEEN SUCH A JUICY SCENE.

The explanation should have been all voiceover—Remus explaining what happened over shots of the Marauders’ time at Hogwarts. Otherwise, it’s weird that we don’t have an explanation of the Marauders…at all??

When Sirius explains what really happened November 1st, we would see shots that the original flashback didn’t show (Peter looking miffed/jealous/“suspicious” behind everyone’s backs, Peter becoming Secret Keeper, a shady glimpse Peter kneeling before a faceless Voldemort or some shit, and then finally—the missing shots from the explosion in the flashback from earlier in the film.) Then, let’s see Sirius wasting away in Azkaban, growing older and older. Give us the EMOTIONAL WEIGHT. Then, Sirius’s voice breaks and we cut back to the present. We see the trio fighting with their own interpretations with close-ups.

(I also wanna see Sirius seeing the photograph of Pettigrew when he’s explaining how he knew Peter was alive.)

Also, also. Peter needs to be the Gollum of this film. Gives us watery eyes, precious. There has to be a reason he isn’t dead, and it’s because he’s so pathetic, no one can kill him. As an audience, we need to be like, “GOD, he is SO PATHETIC and defenseless!” The idea of killing Peter should be like killing a really ugly puppy. Like…ughhhh, I just can’t do it! Show us why Harry saves him. We need to see gross begging, manipulative sobbing, and completely emotionless Sirius and Remus, watching and getting ready to kill him.

Why does the film miss the mark? Because it’s about friendship, and the filmmakers had no idea.

The subplot of the book is seemingly Hermione and Ron being on the outs because of Crookshanks and Scabbers, but like Peter does with the Marauders during the war, Scabbers drives a wedge between the trio. He seems so innocent and we think CROOKSHANKS is the problem, but it’s the quiet spy. (Sure, Hermione was a dick about her cat and if Scabbers hadn’t been Peter, it would’ve been different—I get that. Not excusing Hermione. But stick with me). Up until now, the trio’s friendship hasn’t been tested by personal problems, and now, we see how Harry and Ron respond to a challenging situation with a friend.

Which. I don’t think that’s the subplot. I think this is the crux of this book.

Harry and Ron fail very hard at friendship in this story. They fail Hermione who, while extremely flawed and misguided, has good intentions. Harry treats her with indifference and then ignores her; Ron treats her with outright antagonism. They fail Hagrid miserably when it comes to Buckbeak, and we find out that Hermione has been doing her best to help Hagrid despite being rejected by Harry and Ron. And this is important to the overall situation with Sirius Black because before we find out the truth, we think Sirius was a bad friend.

Okay, let me talk about the Firebolt now because the Firebolt was never really about Sirius.

The Firebolt plot was so crucial to the story that it’s outrageous they cut this out of the movie. (But the filmmakers had no idea PoA was about friendship so I guess whatever.) When Harry loses his Nimbus to the Whomping Willow, he expresses that it “felt like he had lost a friend” so when he gets a new broom that he really wants, he’s willing to sacrifice his true, human friend for it. He rejects Hermione because she told on him to McGonagall to keep him safe—not her best move but honestly, if Sirius had really wanted to kill Harry, it would have been very easy for him.

When you are making an adaptation of a book, you must ask essential questions. What is the POINT of this film? What is the lesson we are showing? Every part of that film should be building up to demonstrate that point. Trying to hit every plot point without knowing why is so lazy. “I want to make a Harry Potter film—but the tone has changed. It’s DARK now. You gotta know—he’s an ANGSTY TEEN!” Yeah, that does nothing for me, dude.

Harry’s willingness to sacrifice himself for his friends in the Shack is supposed to show that he is capable of growth and that friendship/love should come before all else. You need to be able to forgive (Snape subplot/Hermione subplot), and you should be willing to set aside petty quarrels/greed for your friends (Firebolt subplot/Peter subplot). Sure, the plot is that “a murderer breaks out of prison and wants to kill Harry Potter” but it’s not what the film is ABOUT.

If Sorcerer’s Stone is about making friends and building a friendship, Prisoner of Azkaban asks the question, “What happens when the honeymoon is over? What happens when my friends reveal glaring flaws? What happens when those flaws affect ME?”

Anyway, I really tried to give this movie another chance (I’ve seen it about 6-7 times since it came out), and it STILL does not do it for me. I’ve come around to Gary Oldman as Sirius (but not when he’s yelling or hysterical—does he EVER yell in the books?), but that’s it.

#this was unnecessary #but I had to figure out why I can’t stand this movie #and through this poorly written analysis i think i’ve figured it out #finally #they should NOT remake the movies into a show because rowling does not need more $$ #but please hbo if you’re gonna do it could you talk to me before you do season 3

[goodfish-bowl]

Saving Throw

Ectoberhaunt 2023 Day 6: Tabletop

AO3 Link

Summary: Danny invites Sam and Tucker over to play D&D, asking Spike for a favor to DM the game for them.

Warnings: minor character death, only dialog

Words: 829

“Okay, I’m going to enter the dungeon.”

“I follow into the dungeon.”

“I…  also follow into the dungeon.”

“Okay… so what do we see?”

“It seems to be some sort of laboratory, with metal tables lined up against the walls, open chests full of vials and potions all this bright green color. There are all sorts of tools, journals, and pieces of… something, lying on the tables, and it’s decently cold down here. And, taking up the entire back wall is a cavern, circled by runes, that the entire laboratory seems centered around. What do you do?”

“Oh! The artificer in me loves this place already! I go and investigate the things on the table! Gotta start with the small stuff before looking at the big picture.”

“Yeah, have fun with that. I go and investigate the big hole in the wall.” 

“Eh, why not? I follow… Raven to the back.” 

“Okay, Swave, let’s start with you. I need you to roll both an arcana and… eh, an investigation check works.”

“Cool, okay… that’s a… 7 for arcana and 16 for investigation.”

“So, on the table, you can definitely tell whoever lives here was tinkering with something magic, but you can’t tell what kind other than green and glowy. It’s just a bit too far removed from your area of expertise. Whatever it is, they don’t seem to be getting the results they want, judging from the notes. But, they’ve definitely accomplished something recently.”

“Damn, really wish I rolled higher on that arcana.”

“It is what it is. So, with Raven and Orion. Now that you’re closer, you notice that there are runes inscribed around the cavern, roll an Arcana.”

“Nice, 18 plus 3, 21.”

“I rolled an 8.”

“Okay, well, Raven, you completely recognize these runes, you even notice some blatant errors in some of them. They seem to be an activation sequence of some kind, a gate, even. Orion, you know what a small handful of the runes mean, but nothing coherent.”

“Okay… I uh… go inside the cavern.”

“Eh! I dunno dude, I don’t think it’s a good idea to walk into the giant magic gate in the underground lab.”

“Nah, let him, I’m curious.”

“It’s too late to take it back now. Raven, what are you doing while he’s walking inside?”

“Hmmm, do I notice Orion walking inside?”

“Roll a perception.”

“… that’s a solid 3.”

“Then no.”

“Okay, I’m going to fix the runes.”

“Are you sure?”

“Hey! Don’t do that! I’m literally walking inside of it right now! Can’t you wait until I’m out?”

“First off, I didn’t notice you go inside, second, the runes are wrong, of course I’m going to fix them. It’s what my character would do!”

“Oh no…” 

“Swave, I want you to also roll a perception check.”

“… Sorry dude, that’s a 5 at best.”

“Ughhhh.”

“Raven, roll an arcana again to correct the runes.”

“17.”

“Congrats, you’ve fixed the runes. Orion, roll a dex save.”

“NO!”

“AH!”

“Oops.”

“… a 2.”

“Ouch, man. Okay, so Raven and Swave. As Orion enters the cavern, and Raven fixes the runes, they start glowing, and there’s a tearing sound as green pours out from the hole in the wall.”

“NOooOooo…”

“Hmm, just for kicks, Orion, roll a con save.”

“Okay… man, this sucks, first session and I’m already… that’s a nat 20.”

“Seriously?!”

“Wow, this will be interesting. So, Orion, as you enter the cavern, now known to be a portal, it lights up with green magic, and races through you, like it’s cooking you alive. But due to the force, it launches you out, and you land in the middle of the laboratory floor… Lower your hp to 1, and use up two death saves. Also, change your race to tiefling. I’ll send you the rest of the stuff when I figure it out.”

“YOOO!”

“Haha… yeah… wow.”

“Hey, Spike, thanks for coming over to DM today.”

“No problem. It’s good to help a friend's sibling with something I’m good at. Especially when he’s trying to make new friends, and it’s not like Jazz was ever going to call in that favor.”

“Yeah, it was really cool. Thank you, but wasn’t it a bit ‘on the nose’ to use my parent’s basement as a reference?”

“Hey, it’s a good inspiration. Besides, you’re the one who walked into it, prior knowledge or not.” 

“Haha… yeah that’s on me… didn’t think it was actually going to do anything until Sam decided to fix the runes.” 

“Yeah, not the best move from a group perspective. But… Jazz said they’re expecting to finish it within the next year.”

“Yeah… maybe. Most of their stuff just covers us in goo. I just hope they finish it soon… they’ve been down there a lot, ya know?”

“Yeah… I do.”

“Anyways, I’m sure I’ll see you around. I’ll tell Jazz you said ‘hi’ whenever she gets home from tutoring.”

“Thanks, little dude. See you around.”

“Later.”

Ectoberhaunt 2023 Master Post

#ectoberhaunt23 #Day 6 #Tabletop #goodfish writes #danny phantom #dungeons and dragons #sam manson #tucker foley #spike #jazz mentioned #coming in with the horrible foreshadowing for a home run #it's a bit confusing but i made it pretty obvious who's who once you hear their character names #this was fun to write

[atsadi-shenanigans]

Feeding Alligators 19 - Bite Night

Astarion spills a little secret.

On AO3.

Astarion lurches back and onto his feet. Says something you can’t understand because you are rationing your last dirt potion. But this seems pretty goddamn important, so you reach for your bag without breaking eye contact. His gaze follows your hands, and even in the dim light from a dying campfire, you can tell his whole frame tenses. And then sags—less than an inch—when you pull out the potion bottle and unstopper it with your teeth.

Still tastes like ass.

“What the fuck,” you say.

“It’s not what it looks like,” Astarion says. He’s back up another three paces or so, hands still held up.

It looks like a man looming over you with his mouth fucking open. Are bath salts a thing here? Is he some kind of serial killer?

“What’s it look like?” you say.

“I wasn’t going to hurt you!”

“So, what, you just spend your nights breathing on us while we all sleep?”

“No, no. Nothing like that.” His usual smirk and swagger are gone. They’ve left someone with his ridiculous, poofy hair and the frilly ass shirt and the scaredest aura you’ve seen in a long, long while. When you don’t scream or try to kick him—his eyes track to your hands again—he continues. Winces. “I just needed a little, well, blood?”

You’re not sure that translates correctly. Then you’re not sure you heard it correctly. Because it makes no damn sense. Not at all. Gale is the cook, and you’ve never seen Astarion fucking around with potions—you’ve never seen Gale fucking around with blood in his potion brewing, but you brain makes that jump anyhow.

“Why?” you drawl.

He blinks at you. Seems a little taken aback, almost sheepish. Both at himself, and at you, for some reason.

His gaze darts behind you, to the rest of the sleeping party. He swallows visibly. “I…might have neglected to mention something about me. Not anything momentous! It’s just well, I might happen to be a…what’s the best way to put this. A vampire! Haha!”

The laugh comes out as this bright, theatrical giggle. Dude might as well be flashing jazz hands to go with it.

A vampire. Like…like fucking dracula? If it translated correctly. If your brain hasn’t started bleeding in your sleep as the worm hits some vital artery and this is the last, bizarre hurrah delusion as your cerebral tissues wither and die of oxygen deprivation.

“A vampire,” you say to see if it sounds like bullshit out loud and yep, sure does.

“Yes.” He still wears that fake smile. One that morphs as you watch. Twists into nervousness. “I’m not some monster, though. I feed on animals: boars, deer, kobolds. Whatever I can get. I’m…just too slow right now. Too weak.”

Boars. Like the one y’all found on the road two days ago. The one he just left there for anyone to see.

…you could have sworn he was smart. He couldn’t come up with half the shit he’s said to you without a touch of clever. But that seems so…amateur hour.

Then again, you come from a world with fifty-seven new murder podcasts a week, so there’s that.

“So like, ‘drink the blood of the innocent’, honest-to-god actual vampire,” you say. “That’s a fucking thing that exists here?”

“Gods have very little to do with it. Do you not have vampires in your realm?”

“No. Not, I mean. There’s people who call themselves that? But they just dye their hair and wear dramatic makeup and I think some of them actually do lick each others’ blood, but that’s how you catch hepatitis, so…”

It’s his turn to stare all baffled at you. He starts to open his mouth.

“They’re not like,” you say and gesture to him. “They’re just pretending.”

Red eyes and pale skin. You’d thought he was albino. Some kind of fantasy albino that could bask under the sun, because this is a whole different plane of existence and what the fuck do you know?

Looking now, he’s not the same type of pale, though. He’s more corpse-pale. And in the low firelight, as he’d loomed over you, you had spotted, you realize, a set of fangs he’s until now kept hidden.

Man is a fucking vampire.

“But you know what that is?” he says. “What I am?”

He keeps checking behind you. He was on first watch (…that explains so much right now; he always took first watch). Considering he’s kept the entire thing hidden until you caught him, you know, with his fangs over your neck, and considering the way his body language screams, you’re guessing he expects a strong, negative reaction.

“Maybe we should talk about this closer to your tent?” you say. “Y’know, out of earshot?”

It’s the second time he’s ever dropped his “smug bastard” look in surprise. At least that you’ve seen. His mouth even flaps a couple of times before he recovers and slides the Goblin Man persona back on.

“Yes, of course,” he says, sweeps one arm out to indicate “after you.” Seems to consider how vulnerable this leaves you and he sort of freezes. Must not like the idea of you at his back, either.

Well. He’s had plenty of time to slit your throat since you met. And he rolled back when you woke up, instead of lunging and pinning you and ripping your throat like some 30 Days of Night motherfucker.

You climb to your feet (fuck fuck! The burn! Why does your fucking scalp hurt??) and stagger past him like an arthritic grandma.

His footsteps follow a second later. You hear footsteps, which means he wants you to, so that’s likely a good sign?

You stop next to his tent, just at the edge of the dim glow of the embers, and give him the best look-over you can manage in the gloom.

“My people got all kinds of stories about vampires,” you say. “But they’re just stories, and a lot of them don’t match each other. I been saying we don’t have monsters or magic or all that. Just humans and other animals.”

“No monsters? At all?” he says. “How…quaint.”

“None,” you say. “So you’re gonna have to explain to me what this all means, and I’m gonna ask around later to make sure it all checks out.”

“Ask?” His voice goes hard and his entire frame snaps into harsh angles.

“Gale. About history. Monsters and such. I don’t know shit and everyone knows it. No one’ll find that weird.”

He watches you for a breath. Two. The muscles of his jaw work. Then he sighs all harsh through his nose. “I suppose that’s to be expected. Fine.”

And he explains. A “vampire spawn”, not a “real” vampire. Some fuckface named Cazador. He gives no details about his life, no emotions, only what you might call a wikipedia summary of what, exactly he is. But you can imagine a lot of horror around the words “puppet” and “slave.” You can imagine a lot.

“We’ll be in the swamp tomorrow to ambush this meeting you’re so curious about,” he says, moving on like he didn’t toss a psychological grenade into your lap. “If I need to fight, I need to get my strength up. And, well. I’m too slow to hunt at the moment. One too many ambushes, lately.”

“How often do you need, um, blood?”

“Oh, most days animals are just fine. I hunt most nights, but I can go much longer in between, if I need to.”

The tadpole shivers in your brain. You flinch, and notice Astarion do the same. It’s trying to mind whammy y’all. The connection flows between you, and you catch a sliver of cracked and quivering memories, of—

no no NO.

Of fear.

You slam it shut so hard the both of you stumble.

Fear. No.

Terror. The man is scared absolutely shitless right now. And he can go longer in between meals the way a human can technically survive a few days without water. You’d felt starvation chewing through his gut, an icy thing made of teeth chewing, chewing, chewing at him.

“Fuck!” you say and clamp a hand over your mouth.

None of the others stirs.

“Why didn’t you say anything?” you whisper shout. You’d felt it for less than a second and it had damn near turned your brains to scrambled eggs. You’re not even sure how the man is capable of standing upright, let alone using facial expressions and gesticulating.

A snarl tugs at his lips, even as his facial muscles twitch and you watch in real time as he smooths his expression out into a pleasant neutrality.

Motherfucker. This, he…this is so fucked up.

“At best I was sure you’d say no,” he says. “More likely, you’d ram a stake through my ribs.

You’ve demonstrated to god and country tonight that you literally do not possess the upper body strength to pull that off. Nor do you have a stake (he’d been watching your hands so carefully).

“No, I needed you to trust me. And you can trust me.”

“You put a knife to my throat the first time you saw me,” you say.

His smarm bleeds over him like a drop of water touched to a smear of paint. “Well, darling, it was quite a day. I’d been abducted and infected once already. I’m sure you can appreciate having a healthy amount of caution.”

He’s not wrong. If you’d found any weapons on the butthole ship, you probably would have pointed one right back at him. Had he not tackled you to the ground, anyway.

It was a fucking day.

You glance back to the others. Gale curled on his side with his toes peeking out. Shadowheart bundled into a ball with only her long ponytail to indicate she was anything more than a lump of bedding. Lae’zel on her back with one leg kicked up, for some reason.

“Have you bitten any of us before?” you say.

He makes a sound, one part smug, and one part wistful. “Darling, I’m good, but I’m not that good. You’d have noticed if I spent the night devouring you.”

You roll your eyes. “So what stopped you?”

“It seemed ill mannered to bite without asking. Present instance excluded.”

So he could have, but didn’t. Whether he’d actually considered it rude, or some other reason he’s not telling you (getting caught), y’all’ve been laying your necks out for the taking for days. He hasn’t been pulling a dracula and draining one of y’all slowly. He didn’t slaughter his way through camp in a feral blood rage.

And yes, you’re pretty sure part of that is the reason he’s tagging along with y’all anyway: security in numbers. Still. He can control himself, present instance excluded.

“Yeah,” you say. “Yeah, you been trustworthy so far. Mostly.”

“Thank you,” he says. For the first time tonight, the tension laced through him seems to genuinely crack and give. You think that’s the end of it, and almost turn back to your warm bedroll. But then he makes a hesitant gesture and you stop. “Do you think you could, ah, trust me just…a little further? I only need a taste, I swear.”

A taste…?

Oh.

Ohhh.

“My blood,” you say like a clever person.

“Not all of it! Just enough to get me back to top form. For whatever we find tomorrow.”

The vampire wants to drink your blood. That’s…

“Um,” you say.

Focus. You need to focus.

That hunger. Your own middle still shivers from the memory, and you’d only brushed his thoughts for a moment. You know hunger. Or thought you did (it seems a mewling kitten in comparison to the thing Astarion is carrying around). You wouldn’t wish it on anyone. And you donated blood back home on the regular. It’s just blood, right? Your body will make more, and the guy could use it.

But vampirism is a bit different from a sterile needle, and it has side effects in all the movies. You take a breath.

“Two questions. One, is this in any way, shape or form, going to result in killing me now or in the future?”

His face does something complicated before he answers, “Not at all. I don’t intend to take any more than you can handle.”

Your stomach flutters. This is batshit (ha). Surely y’all could bring him something still kicking in the morning? Go hunting for him?

You fold your hands so he can’t see them shake. “Second question: is this going to, in any way shape or form now or in the future, turn me into a vampire?”

The emotion in his next smile you can identify. Bitterness. His chin drops, casting even the faint shine from the embers out of his eyes and leaving them dark.

“I’m a spawn, not a real vampire, darling. My bite won’t do anything more than sip from that precious neck of yours.”

Okay. Right. Questions answered. You think he’s telling the truth? You hope he’s telling the truth. Sweet baby jesus on a pogo stick, this is the stupid idea. Stoopid with two o’s.

“Can you pass on any other diseases you might have?” you say because you still have a handful of braincells trying to do their job.

“That’s three questions.”

You stare.

He grins all fake; you’re learning to recognize it.

“D’you want my blood or not?”

He actually slouches as he rolls his eyes.

 “Alright, fine. Not that I know of.” He holds one finger up to silence the next question forming on your lips. “I can experience side effects if I feed on something rancid. But as I’m dead—technically undead—I can neither catch nor spread mortal diseases.”

…sounds logical. Also sends a cascade of biology questions churning through your mind. Maybe he’ll let you ask, later? This’ll probably increase your standing with him, if no one else, and that’s a step towards proving you aren’t a total drain on camp resources (the fucking irony). Besides, it’s not your first donation, even if the form and function are vastly different (are they, though?).

You roll your head onto your shoulders. Shrug a couple of times to loosen the tension. Say, “Okay then.”

He actually backs up. Not a full step, just a surprised sort of shuffle. In the gloom, the dead fire paints his shocked expression in shades of orange and red.

“Really?” he says, and even he can’t hide the genuine surprise in his voice. “I…of course. I’ll not take one drop more than I need.”

You’re doing this. Good god, you’re doing this.

He seems to psyche himself up, too. Straightens and gives his shoulders a wiggle. His chin lifts, mask slides back into place. He says, “Let’s make ourselves comfortable, shall we?”

#bg3 #baldur's gate 3 #baldur's gate iii #fanfic #astarion #astarion x tav #it's a goddamn isekai #i'm not sorry #no betas we die like men #tavstarion #plus size tav #demisexual tav #slow burn #feeding alligators fic

[racfoam]

Ughhh I’m tempted to write a snippet for that graveyard spin-off of nynn where Voldy licks Harry…

bc if Snape SEES Harry’s wrist and recognizes the blood smeared there as a tongue print, (probably a thing in some rituals, and they’d still be scrambling to figure out what exactly HAPPENED so ofc he checks the ritual wound while she’s KO’d from the stupidly blast) I feel like he’d put two and two together and assume the worst 😭

just… him strangling back a panic attack of his own and urgently trying to calmly and gently ask Harry if she needs a contraceptive potion as soon as she wakes up bc time is of the essence…. And also him snapping at Minerva when she starts freaking out too despite the fact that he’s not faring much better lol iui

…haha role reversal where Snape is the one puking while Harry flings herself away XD 😔😅

Voldemort would be cackling somewhere in absolute glee that people assume that. Poor Harry would be so confused and then just start crying harder while trying to say that no, Voldemort didn't do that but it's much too late, Snape and McGonagall literally go into full blown PANIC MODE.

Snape snapping at McGonagall and rushing out the room to get a contraceptive potion just in case and insisting Harry take it 😭😭 and Harry takes it not because she needs it but because she's never seen Professor Snape so fckn terrified.

Yeah, the roles would be reversed. It would be Snape who would need a barf bucket and Harry would be leaping away from him.

Damn it, anon, now I want to write it, too. How interesting how that snippet of Voldy licking Harry's wound could change everything 😲

And you know what? When Dumbles accuses him of it in the Atrium Voldemort is like “Yeah, I did 😌" you know...

Like a LIAR.

Harry keeps shouting “I AM A VIRGIN!” but nobody is listening to her 😭😭

And Voldy would probably yell back with “NOT FOR LONG, DARLING 😈” and Harry would just run for the nearest Floo fireplace to get the hell away.

#asks

[nirikeehan]

Happy Friday!! For DADWC "We made our choices" for the ever-enticing Nightmare!AU? Maybe for Thalia/Blackwall or Thalia & Solas?

HI GIN lmfao so this has been my oldest prompt for like awhile and I am finally filling it about a year and a half later haha omg. But thank you for it I have literally been thinking about it this entire time.

Solas is Ser Not Appearing in This Film, but Blackwall! He's around. Here's an emotionally charged convo between Thalia and Blackwall that's going in my next chapter, set after Thalia realizes he was listening to her bang Cullen in a tent. (Why am I like this?)

For @dadrunkwriting

WC: 2209

---

Some time later, Thalia returned to her tent, a bitter aftertaste lingering in her mouth. She felt a bit off-kilter, but relieved. Blackwall sat where she’d left him, his whetstone sliding along the edge of his blade in long, slow strokes. His eyes were on the fire. 

Irritation stirred in Thalia’s chest. “That must be the sharpest sword known to man by now.” 

His eyes snapped to her; his hand paused. Thalia felt a strange pang to behold him like this. Terrible memories churned in her mind: Blackwall’s sudden disappearance, his impassioned speech on the gallows in Val Royeaux, the way he’d looked at her through the bars of his cell. This is why I told you we couldn’t be together, he said, with perfect loathing, while her heart rent in two.

Thalia stood before him now, wringing the sash on her robe, waiting for him to speak. She should march past him and settle back into Cullen’s tent, because it was none of Blackwall’s damn business. But the sight of him before her was so much like seeing a ghost that she couldn’t quite manage it. 

“Did you get what you needed?”

She nodded, unable to meet his eyes. The pockets of her robe were heavy with additional potions, but only one stuck in her mind now. 

She chewed her lip and, with a huff, sat on a log opposite him around the fire pit. She arranged herself as stately as she could: back straight, knees together, hands folded in her lap. She forced herself to look at Blackwall and not flinch. “There’s something I’d like to discuss, while we’re both awake.” 

Blackwall slowly sheathed the sword and put aside the scabbard. “I’m listening.” 

Thalia took a breath, held it, thinking over what Lautilde had told her. “I think I might have a way to stop the spread of red lyrium corruption.” 

His eyebrows shot upward. That wasn’t what he expected me to say, Thalia thought with some satisfaction. 

“How?” Blackwall asked. 

Thalia pulled out the philter and held it up for him to see. The bottle was oozing black, threaded through with the darkest violet in the firelight. “Vivienne was experimenting alchemically. Before I left her village, I… took the liberty of procuring a sample.” 

Blackwall stared impassively at the bottle, then back to Thalia. “Does it work?” 

Thalia swallowed. “She told me she and the townsfolk had success with the prototypes. I drank some as well. I don’t think she had a reason to lie.” About this, at least. 

Blackwall remained in stone-faced silence, considering this. “May I see?” 

Thalia stood and moved closer, holding out the bottle. When Blackwall reached for it, his fingers brushed hers, giving her a jolt. She swallowed hard, remembering the night he’d appeared in her quarters unannounced. Grabbing her. Kissing her. I had to see you. 

That had been her first kiss. 

Thalia snatched her hand away, sat back down and examined her fingernails. She’d tried hard to scrub the dirt out from under them while in the bath.

Blackwall inspected the potion with the same level of scrutiny he used when analyzing a battlefield. “I don’t suppose Vivienne is still able to make more of the stuff.”

“I… doubt it. Considering the state of things when we escaped.” Thalia had been trying not to think of whether Vivienne had lived or died, fighting the Red Templars. “I looked for a formula in her notes, but you know her. She always kept things close to the chest.” Thalia licked her lips and continued, “I spoke to Lautilde about it. She thinks it might be possible to reverse engineer the components, given a proper laboratory.” 

Blackwall snorted. “And where’s one of those?” 

“Larger keeps sometimes have them. Or a city.” 

“The closest city is Halamshiral.” His voice carried a note of disgust. 

Images flashed through her mind: the Winter Palace, in all its splendor. Flitting from one opulent room to the next, trying to unravel the series of clues regarding the attempt on Empress Celene’s life. Court intrigue at its finest: she remembered visiting Dorian out in the courtyard, the cool night breeze hitting their faces as the minstrel played on. Vivienne in the foyer, subtly mocking Thalia’s clumsy attempts at the Game. And rounding the corner to see Blackwall, in his formal finery, coldly shutting down a courtier who thought him familiar. Thalia had walked right by the man who stared Blackwall in the face and wondered about the beard. 

And I suspected nothing, she thought, feeling a little sick. Or maybe that was just the effects of the tea taking hold.

Cullen had been there too, of course. Handsome, concerned Cullen, still only a friend, though one who looked half a heartbeat away from tucking a stray hair from her face. Who spent the evening surrounded by lustful suitors of all genders, setting off her envy. Had that really only been months ago? It felt like a lifetime.  

“Is it safe?” Thalia asked now, with the eternal dark clouds swirling overhead. “I imagine Halamshiral is much changed from our last visit.” 

Blackwall grunted. “Nowhere is safe. You don’t know the half of it.” 

“Vivienne told me some things. That Empress Celene is dead and someone named Calpernia rules in her stead.”  Thalia combed her fingers together over one knee. “Is that true?”

“As far as I know. According to the Red Jennies, every major city in Orlais is in the hands of Corypheus’s forces. Venatori and Red Templars alike.” Blackwall slowly tilted the bottle this way and that, watching the thick liquid move around inside. “Calpernia is supposedly the most favored of all his generals. That’s why he granted her the Orlesian crown.” 

Thalia’s eyebrows shot upward. Would Samson agree? “Is she using Halamshiral as her seat of power?” 

Blackwall shook his head. “Val Royeaux.” 

Thalia let out a breath of relief. “Thank the Maker for small favors.” Security would be laxer there and in the surrounding areas. Perhaps infiltrating Halamshiral this purpose would be more plausible than it seemed. 

“If you could learn the components, what would you do with it?” 

“Replicate it, if I can.” Thalia smiled tightly. “Then at least maybe we’d have a fighting chance against Samson and his Red Templars.” 

Blackwall sighed, getting to his feet. He crossed the space between them and stood towering above her. He held out the bottle for her to take back. 

Thalia did not like sitting there, in his looming shadow. She shivered and popped to her feet, pulling the robe right across her chest, where Cullen had lain his head not even an hour ago. She took the philter and put it back in her pocket, unable to look him in the eye.

“What about the Commander?” Blackwall’s voice was low and gravely in her ear, almost an accusation.

She forced herself to turn her face toward his. She could just barely make out the chiseled lines of his face, the crooked nose, the long, immaculately groomed beard. Only his eyes shone in the dim light, that intense, unyielding grey. “What about him?” 

“You’d have to be blind not to see he’s been through the wringer. Seems you and he left out quite a bit at dinner.”

Thalia shut her eyes. Their account of past events had been truncated at best, outright deceptive at worst. But it had been evident Cullen didn’t trust Blackwall nor the entire gang of Red Jennies, and Thalia, improvising, had been careful to keep the details sparse. At least until they were rested enough to regain keener judgment. “It’s a long story. We’d planned to tell it tomorrow, at the war council meeting.” 

“Well, if you want to commandeer my men for a suicide mission in order to further your science experiment, I think I have a right to know now.” 

Anger boiled in her chest. “What makes you think you have a right to know anything? Sitting outside our tent, just — listening in, apparently—” 

“Wouldn’t’ve wasted two on you, if I’d known,” Blackwall shot back. 

“I can’t believe you’re admitting it,” Thalia said, horrified. 

Blackwall sneered. “Oh, you think I haven’t heard worse, my lady?” 

Thalia put her face in her hands. Don’t you dare cry; it will give him too much satisfaction. It was embarrassing enough to consider him a voyeur, but her argument with Cullen hung fresh in her mind. Could he have heard all of that as well? She wrapped her arms around her torso and shivered.

“Should’ve just told me,” Blackwall grumbled, moving back to his seat across from the fire.

“Was it ever any of your business?” Thalia asked. “After you pushed me away?”

Blackwall froze. She watched his broad shoulders tense, his gaze stray toward the smoldering fire. The embers burned down low. “We both made our choices. The Commander’s office was always in full view of the stables.” 

And she’d visited him first, before climbing the stone stairs to knock on Cullen’s office door. Even when all he had to offer her was silence, arms crossed, expression like marble. Thalia’s shoulders slumped. She sat down on the log, rubbing her forehead, too fatigued to continue whatever this absurd conversation was. Blackwall stood unmoving, staring into the flames. 

“I love him,” Thalia said, voice breaking. “And I thought I lost him. Twice now. It’s a miracle he’s still alive.” 

Blackwall said nothing. 

“I got that potion for him, but he doesn’t want to take it. Not if learning more about it can save lives.” She wasn’t sure why she was saying this, but the anguish that accompanied the words surprised her. “I’m so scared, Blackwall. Everyone says Templars exposed to the red lyrium will fall victim to it sooner than later. You want to know what happened to him? Samson happened. When we were in Skyhold, Samson wanted to break him. Left the red lyrium outside his cell, just out of reach. When I found him he was half-mad and covered in bruises. The things he did to try to reach the red lyrium… and then, in Vivienne’s village, they were so terrified of the stuff. They called the corruption the rot. Vivienne locked him in a cell for a week to see if he’d — change. And when he didn’t, she still decided it was a wise political move to hand him over to her subjects, to sacrifice to some imagined god, just for what he represented.” 

Thalia was panting by now, feeling shaky and nauseous. Blackwall turned slowly, watching her with his unknowable eyes. “So yes, I’d like to make that potion available to everyone I can. But I also want to make sure he’s safe from that terrible fate. I don’t know what Samson is capable of, but I know he won’t rest until he gets what he wants. And that can’t happen with Cullen in the way.” 

Blackwall’s brows furrowed, ever so slightly. “And what he wants is you.” 

Thalia swallowed and nodded. Tears pricking her eyes, she whispered, “Blackwall, I’ve made the worst mistake.” 

He stared, and she worried he would scowl or sneer or make a snide comment. But he simply moved to her side and sat, at a respectable enough distance. He leaned his forearms on his thighs and said, “Can’t be worse than the ones I’ve made.” 

Her heart leapt into her throat. She used to think, all too often, of a carriage trundling along a tree-lined road in rural Orlais, and the shadows in which a younger, clean-shaven Thom Rainier had skulked with his soldiers. But the months had blurred his sins into the background, almost unrecognizable. 

She was telling him, quite suddenly, of Samson, of the cat and mouse game that he was determined to play. Every detail she feared speak to Cullen poured from her mouth, from Samson’s look of fear on the balcony to the way he watched her in the clearing, with something akin to longing. And the cave, and the dress, and the blade she’d held to his neck, feeling the way he trembled beneath her. 

“And I couldn’t do it,” she lamented, wiping tears from her eyes. “He wanted me to. He wanted to die right there. All I’d had to do was stop resisting, and he would have shoved the dagger in his own throat.” 

She’d wrested the blade away instead, and scrambled off him, and run. Half expecting him to tackle her again, knock her unconscious, do who knew what. 

But he hadn’t. He hadn’t. 

“I don’t know what it means,” Thalia said helplessly. 

Blackwall was silent for a long time. When he spoke again, it was with a low, zealous fury. “It means we know the bastard’s weakness. And when he comes for you again — and he will, men like that can’t stop themselves — he will be that much easier to kill.” 

Thalia looked at him in alarm. “I just said that was something I wasn’t able to do.” 

 “With all due respect, my lady, you’ve got a kind heart filled with compassion.” Blackwall lifted his head to her, and she thought there might be the ghost of a smile hiding under his beard. “You ought to leave the killing to those of us most suited for it.” 

#thalia trevelyan #blackwall #trevelyan x blackwall #trevelyan x cullen #cullen rutherford #nightmare!au #raleigh samson #fics #dragon age drunk writing circle

[theflikchic]

English Major Rereads Harry Potter to See If It's "Actually Bad and I Just Have Nostalgia" As The Internet Says Pt 1: Chamber and Filch You Good?

What is going on with the frog brains.

Okay before I explode into thoughts: we GOTTA talk about the humour (I promise it's related). Because it is genuinely well-played. Some of the chapter endings are a little choppy and standard-kids book-like. But when Ron says that a teacher "would have to be really thick" and then the next chapter starts with Lockhart? Freaking hilarious. (Ron's wit is so much more hardcore than I remember. Guy takes NO prisoners and is the ACTUAL smart one, hot take).

But much of the humour is derived from nonsense. Not a bad thing, just how it is. Basically, the narrator will describe the world during jumps in time: what the characters have been up to and the locations the characters are in as well, as what non-main characters have been doing in order to give Hogwarts a more homey feel. Not always necessary but it works. And sometimes it comes back for the plot. Ex. Fred and George blowing up the salamander introduces the firecracker for Harry to use in Potions.

BUT this type of description hits- my goodness- it hits DIFFERENT as an adult because the humour which is literally just "weird description of something, move on" is just whack nonsense and leaves me with so many freaking questions. Like, "ha ha the ghosts are playing Head Hockey". As a kid, you're like "haha the ghosts are playing Head Hocket" and now I'm like "THE GHOSTS ARE PLAYING HEAD HOCKEY?? ELABORATE???" It's funny, it works, but DAMN is it weird.

And right now, I'm hung up on: Why tf is Filch cleaning up frog brains in the dungeon with the fking FLU?

Like, as a child, I just accepted this moment. That Filch is both sick and upset because a bunch of third years splattered frog brains on the dungeon ceiling and that is what is important to the plot. It's just Hogwarts being funny and quirky! The end! But NOW I'm like- like- I have SO SO many questions.

1) What the actual hell were those third years DOING? I'm assuming making potions since it was in the dungeon. So-

2) Why tf is SNAPE not doing anything about it? Man LIVES down there and doesn't he teach Potions to, like, literally EVERYONE? The book describes how there's a bunch of staff and students with colds (to set up how Ginny is looking "peaky" from being possessed, nice little foreshadowing), is he sick too?! But wouldn't he have Pepperup Potion? Why is SNAPE not fixing this?!

3) Was it a prank? Were these dumb kids just "guys being dudes" or something and blew up a bunch of frogs? Again, if so, how tf is Snape not on their cases? They're IN THE DUNGEONS.

4) Okay, new angle. Maybe they AREN'T in class and just studying downstairs. Explains how Nick and Filch knew they were third-years. I still need to know: Where is Snape.

5) So Snape is unavailable (current situation) or just not wanting to clean up (doesn't seem much like him, usually he'd make the students do it or just magic it away) and there's only Filch- who has the fucking FLU?! Where is HIS Pepperup Potion?! What happens if the man HURLS? You gonna make him clean that up too?!

This leads me to the next big question. Aside from how Filch's office apparently smells like fried fucking fish (i'm SORRY?! HOW WHY), I'm really starting to wonder...wtf is going on with Filch at ALL?

Narratively for the second book, he's important. He introduces the concept of squibs (a very complex and...strange thing that I shan't get into here), introduces Harry's really powerful ability to have empathy, adds another antagonistic adult party to the staff, and works as a background character to flesh out the environment. But STILL.

Why is this guy with no magic cleaning up magic nonsense?! Why was he hired at all?? What dirt does Dumbledore have on him? Is it just cuz Dumbledore feels bad for him? Oh, you feel bad, Dumbledore? Where's the man's Pepperup Potion?!

I don't think Filch's past being neglected is really a flaw. I think it works well with his character being this gross, mysterious, pathetic (in both sense of the word) man who is every kid's worst fear without the moral complexity (like Snape). As of right now in Chamber, he's an idea (Joker voice) while still being a character. I don't think that's bad, it is a very standard idea for kids books, especially British ones like Roald Dahl. Filch is effective as an idea.

I just didn't realize I'd be thinking so seriously of him as an adult. And that Harry Potter is...like...kind of absurdist fantasy?! Huh?!

#rereading #harry potter #harry potter analysis #argus filch #filch #severus snape #long post #i wanna do a series of this #analysis #rereading harry potter #hp #strap in #boys girls and enbies #the ultimate question #Where Is Snape #trans rights #hogwarts legacy #no this has nothing to do with it #actually does Legacy have a janitor? #if so #this is a Hogwarts problem and I'll take back my Dumbledore rant #english major #chamber of secrets

[ogdoadfates]

I don't know if you're doing prompts or if you just wanted to share your new list (which I'm already having some ideas for them), but can I ask for 2. “You’re cute when you get angry.” with Vaxleth, please? :D (pls feel free to ignore this if you're not doing prompts)

Heya!!! Haha I am always taking prompts lol, for instance someone could send me a prompt from one of my lists or any I’ve reblogged at any time and I’ll write something for it! Tbh writing little drabbles for people helps me a lot when it comes to my own longer stories, gets my inspiration flowin! So feel free to shoot me prompts from any lists found on my blog any time, I’m also fine with people straight up coming up with requests lol. I just want to write XD even more so if it’s for someone other than myself, lets me take a break from commissions and relax. (art is relaxing but it’s different due to well it’s my job) Also aaa awesome! I love how many people like my prompts and it means so much that you like them as well! ^-^ We’re going Potions and Trinkets au for this since I got an idea for it as soon as I saw your ask lol. (sorry it’s a lil short)

Fluff prompts-2: “You’re cute when you get angry.”

Keyleth usually has a lot of patience, she works with potions after all a practice that can take literal months to create certain elixirs but her patience can only go so far. Percy was in the workshop out back with vex working on some special products for the twins and the rest of their group for their next outing, which left her working the shop. Vax sitting in the corner providing idle chatter when there weren’t any customers which she really wished was happening right now.

Keyleth’s been dealing with this same customer for the past hour, trying to explain to him that, no she can not make the potion he wants in just a couple hours and that in fact the potion he’s asking for takes not only months to make but she’d also have to import ingredients for, meaning it’d take even longer. To be honest she’s surprised she hasn’t raised her voice at this point, the man across from her had no such restraint though.

It takes another half an hour and Vax standing up from his seat in the shadows to get the man to finally leave but by then Keyleth knew her face was red with anger. As soon as the man exits the building Keyleth goes back to working on the potion she had been working on before the idiotic man entered. 

“Ah yes let me just buy extremely expensive shit for your extremely stupid potion and find a way to magically speed the progress because your life is so down the shitter you want a damn miracle cure. Trust me I know what you usually buy, Mr. limpdick.” She’s mumbling nonsense while she works and maybe handling some of her equipment rougher than she needs too but hey she’s frustrated.

Vax’s laugh rings out at her last statement, loud and boisterous, Keyleth turns to him huffing and puffing her cheeks up a bit in annoyance. She sees him trying to contain his laughter as he leans against the counter staring at her.

“You’re cute when you get angry.” He chuckles as he makes eye contact with her. Somehow Keyleth is sure her face gets even redder, she swats his arm with a grumble causing the man to laugh even louder. She rolls her eyes, turning back around to yet again continue with her work with a shy smile creeping up her face this time. 

Today might’ve been frustrating and a bit lackluster for the most part but Keyleth’s got a feeling it’s going to end on a good note as Vax starts to imitate the man’s voice in a goofy fashion asking her about outrageous orders and fake potions making her laugh.

Yeah, the day’s going to end just fine.

#Potions and trinkets au #keyleth #vaxleth #vax'ildan #vax #critical role #criticalrole #criticalrole fanfic #critical role fanfiction #vaxleth fanfiction #vaxleth fanfic #answered prompt

[nyaoi-warrior]

feel free to talk about your little guys!💖 but also about the fic part. I suck with words so I was always like., I have so many ideas but I can't write the fic that I want because that's just how it is. But after billion years I finally sat down and started one and yeah it's bad and it's frustrating that i cant put the vibes into appropriate words BUT!! It doesn't have to be good! I'm putting my little guy into situations! Don't let your dreams be dreams (or, ig nevermind all this if the reason is time constraints or something lmaoo) ((damn I also just realized that maybe you are a writer but are only experiencing writers block this is embarrassing um whatever take this as an encouragement in some other way anyway hjdfhkdfgk))

Calling myself a writer is a strong word haha but yeah it's more of writer's block situation. I have a guy and list of situations I need to put him in but he just doesn't want to go there. Very rude of him honestly.

Also do not worry this was very sweet and great encouragement. I adore it a lot and will be holding it to my heart.

Anyway guys from my brain time.

So I picked randomly who I feel like talking about and it just so happened to be Moira, because I support women's rights and wrongs.

(Please excuse my very bad picture, this is the only one I have on my phone)

So Moira's an incredibly powerful witch. Her mother made a deal with a demon that she will have a child with him in exchange for becoming the most powerful witch alive, so naturally Moira inherited most of that power. Her mother also left her pretty much as soon as she could, since she was not interested in being a mother. And hey, the kid's 5 now and she can read amd talk, she'll figure it out on her own. And somehow she did.

Moira's father was also not very present, on the account of being a demon. Who is sealed in another realm. But despite that he can use magic or sometimes dreams to communicate with his daughter. She can also summon him to talk. She doesn't, because she in fact does not like him.

Moira's kind of just there. She's very into magic from the young age. As it was kind of the only thing she could do, and it has always felt very natural to her. She's mostly into potion making though. Something about mixing ingredients in a big cauldron is just so much fun. She has especialy very high affinity for all kinds of poisons.

She had to learn it all herself though. And as result she has experimented a lot. Mostly on herself, with later in life finding the joy of just trying new thing on other people. Usually without their permision. As result of her self-experimentation and search for knowledge she has build up near perfect immunity to all known poisons, but also lost a leg, with stories how never quite seeming to match up.

Her pursuit for power is, however, just driven by natural curiousity and her own entertainement. She doesn't care about anyone but herself, but seems to be very good at prettending otherwise. She travels the world and offers her goods and services to those who ask. Never taking money, as she has no use for it, but instead trading for what she needs or making a deal for a simple favour in the future. She's got your best interest in mind, of course. She's your friend after all. You can trust her. Also everything you have been offered in the past 5 minutes has been poisoned. Good luck!

#long post #wafs' dumb answers #Moira #oc rambles #thanks for the ask!

[clover-the-awesomest]

WHY DOES NO ONE EVER TALK ABOUT THIS SCENE IN ARCANE!?!?!?!?!?

I AM WATCHING ARCANE RIGGT NOW AND I JUST SAW THE MOST BEAUTIFUL SCENE IN THE ENTIRE SHOW HANDS DOWN. IDC IF YOU AGREE OR NOT BUT THIS SCENE TUGGED AT MY HEARTSTRINGS IN THE MOST DEPRESSING WAY POSSIBLE AND I NEED TO SPREAD THE WORD.

I don’t know why the writers went so damn hard on this scene. But they did and now im gonna talk about it.

We all know the scene where Cait gives the healing potion to Vi in episode 6. Very iconic scene, 10/10, just like all the rest. HOWEVER!! HOW DID SHE GET THAT POTION!? YA GIRL HAD TO TRADE HER GUN, BUT HOW DID SHE EVEN FIND THE PLACE WHERE SHE NEEDED TO TRADE!? THE SCRAWNY LITTLE GUY FROM EPISODE 1!!!!!

And then after she gets the potion, Caitlyn doesn’t just up and leave. She tries thanking the healer, but they don’t give her enough time so she gets turned down. But she still doesn’t leave alone. Instead, she offers for Mr. Scrawny (idk his name) to accompany her and to see Vi, but the man sadly disagrees. Says he doesn’t want her to see him like this, but does want Caitlyn to tell the woman he’s sorry for everything he didn’t do. And what does Caitlyn do in response…?

She gives this poor, lonely, starving man a hug. He is clearly out of place here, and he most definitely does not belong in her arms as a misshapen drug addict underneath the deepest depths of the Undercity. Yet, she hugs him anyway, squeezing him so hard his bones could break. Calms down a bit after this, his eyes seeming more normal and his composure much more relaxed. He’s not satisfied, but he’s happy, and that’s all Caitlyn needed to do here. She then lets go, trudging onward towards her girlfriend, leaving the poor Mr. Scrawny to his devices. (Or lack thereof haha)

This scene. THIS MOTHERFUCKING SCENE MOVED ME SO MUCH. I HAVE NEVER BEEN TOUCHED BY SOMETHING LIKE THIS IN MY LIFE YET EVERY TIME I SEE IT I FEEL MY HEART BREAK JUST A LITTLE BIT MORE BECAUSE I KNOW NONE OF US IN THIS DAY AND AGE WOULD EVER EVEN THINK OF HUGGING A STRANGER WE JUST MET WHO LOOKS LIKE THAT. I KNOW FOR A FACT I WOULD NEVER DO ANYTHING AS KIND OR CONSIDERATE AS THAT. WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK????

AND YET FOR SOME REASON NO ONE IS TALKING ABOUT IT??? THIS SCENE PERFECTLY DEMONSTRATES HOW KIND AND CARING CAITLYN IS AS A PERSON DESPITE HER COLDNESS. YA GURL IS THE MOST EPIC AND AWESOME BADASS EVER IN THE ENTIRE FUCKING WORLD I LOVE HER SO MUCH!! She’s cold and calculating, never takes no for an answer, and can most certainly kick ass, but to me her biggest attribute is her unbridled kindness. Caitlyn was the first guard in episode 4 to notice the fire. Caitlyn was the first and only one to be reasonable towards the buff guy who got shot. Caitlyn was the first and only person to even think of going on an investigation. Caitlyn was the only one to question the guy when he was in jail. Caitlyn was the only one who heard out Vi when she’s been in jail for almost a decade! (I mean can ya blame her lol) Caitlyn was the only one who considered giving something, anything she had for the malnourished person in the camps. And if it hadn’t been for her, the ending to Arcane wouldn’t hit as hard as it did!

AND ON TOP OF ALL THAT YA GURL IS GOOD WITH GUNS!!!!!??????? NOW I SEE WHY VI FELL FOR HER LIKE WOW WHAT A GODDAMN PACKAGE.

However, this scene where she hugs Mr. Scrawny shows her doing the most good in her entire life. Nothing else she’s ever done in the show ever has and never will compare to how she treated Mr. Scrawny as well as his hungry companions. And for that, Caitlyn most certainly deserves a reward.

So with all that said, PLEASE PLEASE REBLOG OR COMMENT WITH YOUR OWN THOUGHTS ON THIS SCENE BECAUSE IT IS ONE OF THE BEST IN THE WHOLE SHOW AND I WOULD LOVE TO HEAR WHAT YOU HAVE TO SAY!

Thanks so much for reading and have a good day/night!

#I love Arcane man it’s such a good show #blog/ask stuff #wordz

[happyheidi]

‘a potion is brewing’ by titsay ♡

#damn I need some of that potion haha #and omg can we just take a second/minute/hour to recognize how insanely talented this person is?? I’m in AWE!! #cottagecore #art #cats #kittens #animals #Halloween #October #autumn #spooky #artwork #cute #witches brew #witchlr #witch aesthetic #dark academia aesthetic #witchy

[willowwhispersspeakeasy]

I JUST followed you so hi! :) I saw your character headcannons for the TWST boys and oh damn👀 I'm intrigued~ they all seem so thoughtful and like not realistic for obvious reasons but believable??i guess??

Also I have learned a LOT about octopi biology from this fandom and I'd like to know your take on it if that's ok :D

hello hello, love the Hyunjin icon~

I do have some headcannons for merfolk but I haven't done a lot of headcannons of our favorite eight legged fiend. (I do have a character analysis on him here)

so Octopi have blue blood, along with other creatures like snails and spiders. the blue color comes from them carrying copper rather than iron in their blood. so I'd like to think Azul has to be mindful of his diet to make sure he isnt ingesting to much iron from land folk foods.

he might even have to take potions or pills or such to make sure he doesnt get... whatever the copper equivalent of an iron deficiency is.

speaking of blood, Octopi have three hearts. which is kinda cool tbh. anyway, when hes human I dont think Azul would have need for the extra two haha. his blood may also loose some of the blue color while in human form? maybe it blends and makes purple?

I have a weird headcannon that Azul has back pain while in human form bc octopi are invertebrates. now, as a merman he needs some kind of spine, but in my brain his spine isnt made of bone like the twins and other merfolk, but rather cartilage. which offers him greater flexibility and lets him hide and move in smaller spaces.

octopi also have horizontal pupils. I've seen some art with him having those eyes and I adore it. it adds something so deeply inhuman when you picture it on him and I really really love that. the twins look very clearly inhuman to me, but Azul masks his own inhumanity more and I want to see him as the sea creature he is.

I have this scene of him in my mind. of him transforming in the water and his glasses floating away as his pupils turn from round circles to long log shapes as his skin darkens and tentacles curl. clouds of ink and black and the inability to tell where the darkened water ends and he begins. anyway,

its cannon that he produces ink. I believe its said he uses it to write his own spell books and contracts. I like to think if you punched him and his lip split he'd bleed that eerie inhuman purple, mixing with ink sputtering from his mouth. it would drip, color like the night sky, from his chin as his eyes morph sideways behind his glasses before he adjusts himself.

#anyway I could go on but here you go #twst #twst headcanons #twisted wonderland #disney twisted wonderland #twisted wonderland headcannons #twst azul #azul ashengrotto #azul ashengrotto headcanons

[simpingfortwst]

How about telling Azul, Jade, and Floyd the original tell of the little mermaid, where the witch warns her that if she turns into a human she only has a certain number of days to make the prince falls in love with her or she’ll be turn into sea foam and die, which she tries to do but fails as the prince falls in love with a nun who he thought saved him when it was really the little mermaid so her sisters makes a deal to the witch by giving her their hair, since mermaid don’t have souls in the story, to help save their sister life so she gives them a dagger and tells them they must have the little mermaid kill the prince with it and she’ll go back to being a mermaid but the little mermaid couldn’t do it so she jumps into the ocean as she turning into sea foam but the wind spirits turn her into one of them so that she can still live on, I think it would be interesting to see their reactions.

Reactions to the original story of The Little Mermaid (Azul, Jade, Floyd)

Haha I didn't realise that the original fairy tale was so different from the Disney story so this was super interesting to research 

Also I’m running on the assumption that in the world of Twisted Wonderland, the Disney stories would be seen as factual and that our original fairy tales are seen as dark and twisted spin-offs

Azul

Oh ho ho

He likes this version

Using her eels to clean the cauldron hmm? Yeah, you definitely didn’t miss the look that the twins shot your way when you got to that bit

And instead of her voice, the sea witch CUTS OUT HER TONGUE???

THE POTION FEELS LIKE IT’S RIPPING HER TAIL IN TWO?!

AND IT WILL PERMANENTLY FEEL LIKE SHE’S WALKING ON KNIVES?!?!

On one hand Azul finds some sick comfort in knowing that his payments aren’t as bad

Buuuut on the other hand he’s now contemplating raising his prices if people will still put themselves through that much torture no matter the cost

Overall gives the story a 10/10

The sea witch isn’t made a villain, The Little Mermaid doesn’t cheat her way out of the contract and the conflict is resolved without ever needing to make octopus skewers

Seems like a happy ending to him

Floyd

Oh hell yeah

He thought Flotsam was the best damn part about the original story so the gory, no-holds-barred version of his favourite eel should be nothing short of a masterpiece when he shows up…

...

…any minute now…

…

… HEY where the hell is he!!!

When he finds out that Flotsam was omitted from the story he’s completly distraught

The poor dear can’t understand why anyone would replace the best character in the story with a bloody cauldron scourer

Pouty boyo

Gives it a solid 4/10

Likes that the mermaid turned into sea foam at the end

And gets some satisfaction from acting like an arsehole knowing that if a wind spirit happens to fly past they'll have a year added on to their sentence.

Jade

He spent most of the story pretty annoyed honestly

Not because he didn’t like it or anything

I actually think he would prefer the darker versions of the story, he’s just kind of irked that his dear brother didn’t realise there were two eel’s missing not just one

Oh and don't worry that smirk isn't directed at you, he's just plotting a good excuse for cutting out Floyd's tongue for a spell so he doesn't have to listen to his whining

Aside from that though, he found the lack of a happy end quite intriguing

Probably spends a decent chunk of time afterwards debating with Azul over whether it's a happy end or not

#twisted wonderland #twst #disney twst #disney twisted wonderland #twisted wonderland headcannons #twst azul #azul ashengrotto #azul x reader #azul x mc #twst floyd #floyd leech #floyd x reader #floyd x mc #jade leech #jade x reader #jade x mc #twst jade

[idiotwhotalkstoomuch]

Haha, yeah Ace would absolutely do that!

I prefer a demon slayer Yuu though simply because of the angst potential. Since being a demon slayer is really dangerous, the prefect would obviously have a shit ton of scars so imagine how everyone would react to seeing them? Like in the event that the prefect is supposed to become the next pillar of a breathing technique, they’d have to be super skilled and have to fight a ton of powerful demons to reach that point so that just makes the amount of scars they have even higher!

Also during an overblot, maybe they get severely injured due to the debris flying everywhere but instead of being phased, they’re like; Tis but a scratch! But everyone else is like; No it’s not!

And the dorm heads after overblotting! Like if the prefect gets badly injured every time it happens which leaves a scar and they’re already aware of the other scars, they’d feel really bad for hurting the prefect, because they’ve already been through so much they deserve a peaceful life! Being at NRC, for the most part, has clearly given them the chance to truly act their age where they can also receive the help they need to work through their trauma and then because of the overblot, things are taking a few steps back again! Of course the prefect is like; “It’s fine, I’ve faced worse!” But that honestly just makes all of them feel worse because damn.

Knowing all this, I bet Crowley and everyone else would be reluctant to send the prefect back to their world cause they don’t want to see their friend suffer more pain.

Everyone is frankly quite horrified at the amount of scars they have on their body and how some of them are near parts of their body that could very well be fatal

They are 16! They should be going out pulling pranks and getting on the teachers’ nerves or being a good student preparing for their future not fighting in battles that could very well kill them

Crowley confiscated their sword because it’s dangerous to have in school but luckily they didn’t get through all those battles and be able to be a candidate to become a pillar only relying on their sword, they can make do with what they get

Despite Deuce’s horror at MC’s situation he’s also pretty curious on just what pillars are and about the demon slayer corps in general though of course he always goes about the topic gently despite the fact it really doesn’t MC that uncomfortable (he wants them to focus on having fun! Not fighting with their life on the line)

Ace takes it upon himself to make sure you have loads of fun in NRC and his shenanigans with MC are actually given some slack when MC is shown to be genuinely enjoying themselves (though he still gets punished, boi you thought)

Jack wants to protect them but also respects their strength so becomes more of MC’s self preservation because they don’t need to run into battle! There are magic wielded though MC can’t really be stopped when the situation escalates

Riddle would feel terrible if he scarred or injured you in any way (which considering he fought with rose bushes, I BET HAPPENED) and want to make it up to MC but MC is just dismissive of it insisting it’s okay when it’s not. (He gets Trey to teach him how to make tarts properly and gifts them to MC who accepts it cause free food!)

Leona on the outside is dismissive of the whole thing cause big whoop the kid has scars, not his problem. Inside however he does feel a little bad though considering the nature of his power they likely didn’t get too injured especially since when faced with demon blood arts that can send you flying without you even seeing (Reference: Yahaba’s demon blood art. The partner of the Temari demon), Leona’s muscles really doesn’t intimidate them

Azul feels pretty shitty about trying to take away their home after learning that they were okay with it for the most part because they didn’t really need sleep much anyway (seriously when do demon slayers sleep, they train in the day and fight demons to sunset the next day, if you think you can stay up all night become a demon slayer, they are on another level) but ultimately settles for treating them to a free treat in the Mostro Lounge and is off. He doesn’t like getting personally involved

Jamil was worried about his plans in all honesty with the fact that MC could see through him and is surprised when they approach him post overblot like he didn’t deceive them and send them flying with Grim. When MC explains he doesn’t need to feel alone, he just feels bad and mends their Haori as an apology (since he saw Riddle and Azul already apologize with food)

Vil didn’t insist on MC working with them since they had recovering wounds and scars that could possibly be aggravated by his strict training but they laugh off the idea his training is strict cause compared to demon slaying training it’s a breeze. When he accidentally injures them in his overblot (since he you know, DESTROYED THE STADIUM) as an apology he does something gets a gift personalized to something MC would actually like (since he luckily has Rook to find out what MC likes) and gets them some potions to speed up their recovery

The students would openly protest if MC was going to be sent home. They shouldn’t have to go back to such a bleak world where death is staring them at the face! They can just stay here and be a teenager!

MC however would insist on coming home because they still have precious loved ones at their home world who they wish to protect and they can’t just live a normal life here while their comrades are likely off fighting demons and possibly even the upper moons and Muzan Kibutsuji something that the students would reluctantly have to accept.

Okay so I know you prefer demon slayer! MC but Demon! MC has plenty angst potential too! I mean with some exceptions, most demons didn’t exactly want to become one because the life of a demon is not an easy one

They would be close to Malleus as a demon since they can only come out when it’s night and Malleus and his centuries of wisdom could be an interesting conversation buddy to the immortal (from everything but the sun and wisteria) demon.

Demon! MC would be way more nonchalant about taking hits than a demon slayer! MC because hey! Their arm might’ve been blown off but it’s already regenerating and since none of the guys have sun powers or Nichirin blades, they can only be killed by being pushed into the sunlight (which no one is possibly an asshole enough to do when they saw what happened to them after Crowley dragged them off to get some sunlight cause “it’s good for them”).

Demons feel the pain of their injuries (ex: Nezuko wincing when her leg was blown off by the Temari demon and the Temari demon’s death) so them using themselves as a meat shield while practical makes the NRC students feel awful when they recall them remarking on cutting themselves the other day or some other passing comment of pain cause they can feel it but take every hit.

The Pomefiore students and Crewel night even volunteer to work on a potion that could get them some form of sun resistance after a near miss after an overblot attack where the sun got exposed to them and if it wasn’t for Adeuce tackling them and hiding them under their bodies they surely would’ve been nothing but ash but MC just laughs bitterly at the idea of sun resistance as it’s after all what “that man” desires most

With demon! Mc being sent home, demon! Mc might actually accept staying in Twisted Wonderland unless they’re someone like Tamayo who’s actively making something to work against Muzan though if they’re just a demon with humanity still in them trying to survive I imagine they would actually like to stay which would make a happy ending but still full of angst potential

#twisted wonderland x demon slayer #demon slayer x twisted wonderland #twisted wonderland au #twisted wonderland #mc/yuu

[thesunicarusfellfor]

Hello!! Do you think you could do a part 2 of my request? An maybe a lil bit of angst with fluff where the reader comes to the mansion crying because someone hurt them?( Maybe techno or dream? Possibly jack manifold? 👀) Hopefully that's ok I just love the way you write it's so good plus it makes my day whever I read :D hopefully your day or evening is going good

<3

imhereforfan-fic : Omg can you do another yandere tubbo x reader x yandere ranboo romantic relationship please? Maybe where they get kidnapped by the dream team? Oh and adding on to my request can it also have some cuddling towards the end haha I’m touch starved and crap lol but can it a full length fic Okay okay okay. So. I'm so damn happy people loved this fic and I got two requests that I can easily add together. I hope neither of you minds too much having your requests mixed together ^^ I deadass wanna cry from how many positive reviews I've received from Too Sweet. ALSO. I'm a little wary of making romantic fics for characters Ranboo and Tubbo so I'm gonna play with the platonic marriage, just making it really fluffy and affectionate. PS: THIS ISNT AS FLUFFY AS I WANTED IT TO BE SOOOO OOOOPS. AAAAND. TOMMY ONLY TOOK ONE OF DREAM'S LIVES IN THE FINAL DISC WAR

LIKELY TO HAVE MANY ERRORS DUE TO BAD WIFI AND LACK OF SLEEP TW: Knives (+injuries that come from knives), kidnapping, taking of canon lives, Dream being power-hungry, minor panic attack, referenced strangulation.

Part One

Too Sweet (For This World) Yandere!C!Ranboo x F!Reader x Yandere!C!Tubbo Part 2

A few months had passed since you had moved into the mansion and some... How ended up involved in Ranboo and Tubbo's marriage, as well as being Michael's mother. At first, you were quite unsure about being a wife or a mother, but you saw how happy you had made the three boys and realized how happy they made you in return. In the beginning, neither of them wanted you leaving the mansion much without either of them, but then Ranboo started to notice small and minor declines in your physical and mental health. This caused him to panic and study your symptoms for a few days straight, to the point where you didn't see him once and you were genuinely scared he had lost his canon lives to the point where you kept checking your right wrist constantly for the message confirming Ranboo's death. But thankfully you never got it. When he had figured out what was causing your health to be less than absolutely perfect, he had spoken to Tubbo about letting you out of your room more often and getting you the sunlight you needed. It took a little bit to convince him, but once the goat hybrid learned that you could, or even would, become a lot sicker, he decided to allow you to go outside without them, as long as you stayed within Snowchester. You met a man the first few days you were out, who wore white glasses with blue and red lenses, and a headset with a mic, although he ran away from you the second you introduced yourself as Ranboo and Tubbo's (platonic) wife. Foolish had quickly become your friend around the same time though, which caused Tubbo and Ranboo to be a little unsure because of how he made you laugh and smile, but they noticed how you always kept him at arm's length with friendship and almost physically. Sure you didn't mind too much when he gave you a friendly side hug or pat on the head etc, but you were never really the one to initiate the contact unless you had to. Thankfully he didn't mind your awkwardness around strangers, trust issues, or lack of social exposure, so Ranboo and Tubbo didn't have to threaten a literal god. After saying goodbye to Michael for the day and putting him down for his nap, you got dressed into something more appropriate for travelling the snowy lands that Tubbo owned. Ranboo had to go to a Syndicate meeting, and Tubbo was working more on some buildings around Snowchester, saying something about prepping things to attack Dream who apparently escaped from prison? Not sure could've been rumoured or could be true? You had no clue honestly. You trusted Ranboo and Tubbo to protect you. The crackling of a few pine branches caused you to lift your eyes from the icy water below to turn your head. Walking out of the bushes were three men and one woman, pushing their way through the branches decorated with freshly fallen snow. One of the men was your crown-wearing platonic husband, although dressed up in an outfit you had never seen before, although not too far off from his normal get-up. Ranboo had a long black cape with golden edges and a high collar, held up together by a golden chain. His vest was now a deep royal purple with an eye of ender pin clasped on his tie, and his pants were half purple half black with golden designs sewn in. Beside him was a short female with shoulder-length pink hair and nicely done dark purple and black makeup. Her outfit consisted of a thick and warm lavender sweater with dark purple pants. On her hip was an enchanted netherite sword with a diamond-encrusted handle. You were quick to recognize her as Niki Nihachu, the baker who had lived in L'Manberg, but you hadn't heard much of her since the Pogtopia war. Off to the side, was a man you recognized easily as you had only seen him a few days ago when Ranboo invited him to see Michael, Philza Minecraft. His outfit wasn't too different from what he used to wear when he was a resident in the country, except for the black and gold cape and a black mask covering the bottom of his face. Then... The sight of the final male was the one to make you visibly react. A tall and buff male with a golden encrusted netherite

chest plate and a velvet red cape with gold accents as well. There was a rather majestic crown on top of his long braided pink hair and his dark eyes were narrowed behind a set of cracked glasses... His gaze pointing directly at you. Technoblade. Giving a shaky gasp, you stood up from your spot on the edge of the dock and turned to face the visitors. "Where's Tubbo," Techno growled softly, watching as you visibly trembled under his gaze. "Techno, mate. You're scarin' the hell outta her." Phil put his hand on his middle son's shoulder before stepping in front of him, blocking him from your gaze. "Hey, (Y/n), can you tell us where Tubbo is? We just have to ask him some things." "I'm here." An almost unfamiliar voice came from beside you before a hand was placed on your shoulder. When you looked over, you saw the goat hybrid with the coldest look you had seen him wear yet. "(Y/n), please, head into the mansion." Without another glance at the piglin hybrid, you quickly scurried towards the wooden mansion, faintly hearing the worried buzzing noises of your enderman husband in the distance before you slammed the large door shut. You almost ran towards your's or Michael's room in the basement, but then realized if any of them saw you heading down there, Michael's safety could be compromised. So, you quietly sat down in the living room and curled up on the couch, trying to keep your breathing stable as you fought to keep your mind off of the fact that the man who had almost killed you was standing a few feet outside the door of your home. You pinched your eyes shut and wrapped your arms around yourself, trying your best to simulate the hugs you would usually receive from your platonic husbands after a nightmare or a panic attack. ".../n)." "../n)!" "...(Y/n)!" With a terrified gasp, you flung your arms above your head to shield yourself from any oncoming attacker but only felt a gentle touch on your knee. It took a few seconds to muster up your courage, but you slowly brought your arms down and opened your eyes to come face to face with Tubbo, who immediately sat beside you and wrapped his arms around your shaking frame. After an hour or so with your face buried into Tubbo's shoulder, you felt another pair of arms wrap around you, causing you to look up and see Ranboo burying his face into your hair, "I'm so sorry... So sorry... I didn't think they would come to Snowchester..." You murmured a small, "it's okay," to him as you sat up a bit to return the hug for a few moments. Tubbo got up, murmuring something about going to get you a snack and a glass of water, knowing you must've been hungry or thirsty from panicking. After a few moments, Ranboo let go of you and briefly explained that Phil had given him some potions to help Michael adapt to the overworld, and he needed to give them to him. He rested his forehead against yours affectionately for a few seconds before turning towards the bookshelf and walking down the set of hidden stairs after opening the secret door. Once he shut it, you shuddered and rubbed your arms to get rid of the cold chill that had suddenly washed over you. Frowning slightly, you looked around for the source of the sudden cold, only to freeze as you saw the door cracked open, allowing the snow and cold wind to slip in. Ranboo wouldn't have left the door open... "Sorry kid." A deep and growly voice came from behind you, causing you to spin around and come face to face with Technoblade. The tall tusked male watched your expression go from confusion to horror in less than seconds, "It's nothing personal. Really. I just got a favour to pay off." A scream of terror escaped your lips before everything went black. "Hey, Michael!" Ranboo crouched down to greet the small zombie piglin child as he held a few potions of varying colours in his long arms, he set them and a thermos filled with a hot drink down on the table. "I got some new drinks for you to try today! Philza made them a little extra sweeter than last time." The small child squealed and made small tippy tap noises with his

hooves against the quartz flooring before he sat on the chair. He watched as his tall father sorted through the bottles carefully before uncorking one of the light red ones. Before he could pick up the small pipette, there was an almost unearthly shriek that came from the top of the stairs. "(Y/n)!" Ranboo screamed, unintentionally startling Michael, but that wasn't his main concern as he sprinted out the door then teleporting up the stairs and pushing the bookshelf door with his sword drawn and gleaming with enchantments. In his peripheral vision, he saw Tubbo dash out of the kitchen with his axe drawn and bloodlust in his eyes. Glancing around, the only thing the two men spotted was moonlight and snow spilling through the open door. Tubbo ran out without a second thought and screamed your name at the top of his lungs as he spun around, searching for any sort of sign that would give away your location. Ranboo decided to start looking around the mansion, even though part of him grasped that you wouldn't have screamed without reason. "She's gone..." Tubbo whispered, standing in the doorway, the moonlight creating a dark shadow over his wide eyes. "Footprints are leading to and away from the house, but they disappear on the docks..." Ranboo stayed still, a violent growling noise bubbling up in his throat before escaping past his lips as both his eyes turned purple. He threw his head back and took a breath to scream all his anger out, but froze upon hearing sad whimpering. He turned his head and saw Michael standing at the top of the hidden stairs, whimpering and shaking quite violently. There was part of Ranboo that refused to move, but his brain seemed to flick onto autopilot as he walked over to the child and picked him up. "Sorry... Michael... Something happened..." "Mama?" "...Mama... Won't be home for a while..." "Wake up!" A voice growled before something sharply came in contact with your cheek, shaking you awake. Your eyes shot open and came into contact with... A smiley face? "Aha... Sleeping Beauty graces us with her gaze. It's about damn time." A harsh grip landed on your jaw, making you realize there was a dull throbbing pain in your head. "Huh... Dre... Dream..?" You whispered, barely recognizing the white mask that helped destroy your home and turn it into nothing but a crater. "W-What?" His mask was lifted up enough to the point where you could see his mouth curved up into a sadistic smile. "You, my darling pawn, are just the piece I needed to make life easier for me... I just need to raise the stakes enough for them to be... Well... Stakes. I'm sure you understand." You went to move your hand to slap the gloved hand away from your face, only to give a small whine of pain as you felt a tight pinching on your wrists, making you realize that they were shackled together and likely chained to a wall. "What are you talking about you psychop- Ah!" He tightened his grip on your face to the point where you knew there would eventually be dark bruising. "I don't think you're in a position to be calling the king any names, pawn." Screams and shrieks of pain bounced off of the blank stone walls as the two people standing outside of the door put their heads down with their eyes closed. "You still sure he's doing the right thing, George? Are you still sure... He's the good guy in this story?" "You know better than to question him, Nick." "Don't call me that."

(Y/n) (L/n) was slain by Dream using Nightmare. Life: 2/3 (Y/n) (L/n) suffocated while trying to fend off Dream. Life: 1/3

"He just took two of an innocent woman's three lives. Just to use her as a hostage to make Tubbo hand over the nukes and to force Ranboo to follow his orders... He's a stranger, George. This isn't Dream anymore... Don't be stupid." Sapnap lowered his right arm that he read the messages off of and looked in the direction of his former best friend. The screams of agony were almost haunting as they echoed through Snowchester as silence fell down upon the entire Dream SMP. Shock slipped through the veins of everyone who read the message that appeared on their right wrists. - "I'm gonna kill him..." "I'm going to activate the nukes..." - "Techno... What did you do." "I owed him a favour. What he does after that is none of my business." - "...Isn't that Tubbo and Ranboo's wife?" "Yeah... She was my friend..." - "Tubbo's definitely not happy about this..." - "Ah... Atta girl..." Dream murmured in a mock soothing voice as he gently dragged his knife threateningly along your cheek. "Y'know... You would look better... With a smile." He leaned closer to you, the drawn-on eyes of his mask staring into your dull and tear-filled eyes as a stinging pain came from the corner of your lips. "Sh, sh, Relax... They're just shallow cuts, they won't even leave a scar. I'm not a monster." Time had passed quickly, but also excruciatingly slowly. You had no clue how long you had been down here, or how long you had been dead in between respawns. Dream just didn't seem to be leaving you alone. "Now..." He flipped the switchblade closed and threw it in his pocket before tremours shook the earth below and around you. "What the fUCK?!" He growled deeply before the door slammed open. "How did they even find this place!?" The door was blown off its hinges with a loud bang, causing Dream to duck out of the way of the flying piece of scrap. Light flooded into the room as you shut your eyes tightly, your ears ringing from the explosion. Once your eyes got a little bit adjusted, you opened them and saw five figures in the newly widened doorway. "Let's just say... It was an anonymous tip." "Sapnap?! You dare betray me?!" The black-haired male fell silent as he turned around and walked out, putting his hand on the shoulder of the tallest silhouette in the doorway as he walked by. Once you got completely used to the new light, you began to recognize the figures. Tommy, Tubbo, Foolish, and Ranboo. Tommy, Tubbo and Ranboo immediately ran forward and started a barrage of attacks on the masked psychopath while Foolish ran over and began to work on the chains binding you to the chair. After getting them off of you, he silently picked you up as you turned your head to look at the blond, brunet and monochrome boys. Dream's mask got knocked off and was thrown across the room as he was pinned below a growling Ranboo, whose skin looked almost purely black from your angle. Tommy was off to the side, rummaging through Dream's equipment, he already got his revenge when Dream was put into prison, this was Ranboo and Tubbo's revenge now.

"̷̛̲̪͝Ỳ̵̧̖͒̉o̸̟̔̆û̶̩̟̍͊'̸̧̺̎̉ṟ̷̰͘ế̴͍̰̎ ̶̤͆̎̒g̶̭̋̇o̸͍̐͑i̸̼̟̾ņ̷͊̈́̈́ĝ̷̰̤̈́ ̵̘̉t̵͖͠ȯ̸͎ ̴͎̐̈́r̸̰͙̾̑͝e̸͚͌͑g̴̛̗̦͑ř̷̳̳̱e̵̲̿̕ṫ̶̨͓͗ ̷̢͊E̷̬̪͒͊͂V̷̟̒͝Ë̸̜R̷͐̄̏ͅ ̶̲̟̤͗͋t̴̝̎o̵̖̐ư̴̞̾̇c̶̡̙̐h̵̹̜̣̒͂̂į̴̙̤͠n̴̤̼̻̅̚ǧ̵̹̙̌͜ ̵̥̞̏m̶̱̳̦͗̌y̴̱̮͒̒̄ ̶̮̈͑͆f̸͉̽̄à̵̹͠m̵͕̓̅͋í̸͇̩͔̿l̷̰̫̳͗͑y̸̡͌̊́.̶͓̇͝"̸̡͆ ("You're going to regret EVER touching my family.") Ranboo hissed lowly before he and Tubbo began applying weight to the sword pressed against the speedrunner's chest. You shut your eyes tightly for a moment before you felt a bottle press into your hands, causing you to re-open your eyes to see Foolish trying to hand you a healing potion. You eagerly took a small sip from it, feeling the small slices on your cheeks form back together and the pain from the bruises around your neck vanishing completely.

Dream was slain by Ranboo and Tubbo using Ranord

There was a clattering noise before two sets of footsteps running in your direction. Slowly tilting your head in their direction, you saw Tubbo with dark bags under his eyes and Ranboo with plenty more scars on his cheeks from tears. You were pulled from Foolish's arms and brought down to sitting on Tubbo's and Ranboo's laps, their arms completely wrapped around you. The goat hybrid was nuzzled under your chin while the enderman's face was buried in your hair. "We should have come sooner..." "We shouldn't have even left you alone in the mansion..." "I'm sorry... I should have never left the manor..."

#tubbo x reader #yandere tubbo x reader #ranboo x reader #yandere ranboo x reader #mcyt x reader #yandere mcyt x reader #mcyt #ranboolive #ranboo #tubbo #dream smp #dsmp #ranboo dsmp #ranboo dreamsmp #tubbo dsmp #tubbo dreamsmp #tubbo mcyt #ranboo mcyt