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#damn his brother really ruined his life smh
Yeah Manfred, for one, literally ruined two entires lives with what he did to Gregory. But the needing to be Perfect is like. I know the time line is all wonky but Miles is seven or six years older than Franziska so him leaving her behind as he went all baby prosecutor mode was just. Him being six or seven years older. She was a toddler when they met so he’s been her Little Brother basically all her life. And Miles really needed that kinda innocent adoration and interest she had in him when she was a kid bc if he had been alone? Can’t imagine how much worse things could’ve been in Manfred didn’t at least have his own kid to think about at the time. But poor girl felt like she had to give 200% in order to keep up with Miles when if she had a not ihhh objectively evil father they could’ve been an unstoppable duo from the jump. Or. Once Miles got a bit older bc again. Nine is kinda young to have your life stolen from you but. Gah.
Evil fathers / dead fathers / dead family is a big theme in this game. Why couldn’t Phoenix ever gotten like a case about theft it’s ALWAYS murder. (I guess he’s a criminal defense attorney specifically.???? But istg when I get to the damn circus in my play through I’m loading into the game and arresting 80% of the ppl in that case LEAVE REGINA ALONE)
"if she had a not ihhh objectively evil father they could’ve been an unstoppable duo from the jump" very true! some competitiveness is normal for siblings but franziska always felt properly in miles's shadow in a way that really messed with her own self-worth. and god the whole DL6 incident is so angsty from every angle for everyone invovled, you're so right that it was good that miles had a sister-figure to keep him company after that. my brain is kinda sleep-deprived at the moment so i can't quite put all my thoughts into words properly but you said it, these two have such an interesting dynamic and i love them, i love them so much
(also wait how far into the games are you? i don't want to spoil anything!) and yes omg regina is too young for this, let her live her life smh
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elytrafemme · 2 years
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HELLO!! HI! HOW ARE YOU DOING?! IM GREAT! This chapter was so good, and I'm still riding my metaphorical high while writing this- Anyway, lots of things I want to talk about as per usual so imma get to it :D Tommy in this chapter was so....like- he's such a boi... Like you have got his dialogue mastered! it's literally just Tommy, like he's said that in canon. I always hate (love) when cs!Tommy is causally like, "We're brothers! Family! You are my person! :D" to Tubbo who just thinks, "No we're not, not really, I'm ruining your family, you were better off without me barging my way in your life" It's sad but I'm also a huge fan of dramatic irony and characters being entirely oblivious to the fact that they're loved. I really loved the quote, "You are my least favorite brother.” That’s not going to be much of an issue in a minute." Like dude, such a wonderfully stark contrast in energies between the two *chef's kiss* Open your damn eyes Tubbo, you literally are Tommy's brother smh. But seriously, your portrayal of clingyduo is always so well thought out and written, they are idiots who would do anything for the other's betterment, and it's so sweet. They just be vibing bein' teenage bois but with a pinch of (a ton of) depression thrown in for fun! Next I'm gonna talk about the scene with Tubbo and Phil, because holy cow was that some good writing, 10/10 would scream again! The mood for this was just so bleak, and the context makes it so clear to the reader (or at least to me) that Phil's gonna adopt him as soon as he mentions Tubbo's situation. Yet Tubbo just keeps planning his escape, how he'll survive, how he'll break the news to Tommy. It feels like the equivalent to watching a soldier march to their own death by choice. So miserable- I LOVE IT!! And his reaction to actually hearing that, no he won't be forced away, he'll be part of the family for real, he immediately goes into a state of panic because he doesn't feel like he should be adopted- that they don't deserve to have him ruin their family, but it doesn't defy logic. In fact, it makes more logical sense than the alternative, so it just matches what Tubbo's brain has been set up as. He goes with logic first, feelings second. But this reveals that he feels disgusted with himself to the point to where it doesn't fit with his logic, his whole base for living, he loses it and can't comprehend it. (Sorry if that part was incoherent I don't know how to use words lol) Anyway, it's all so consistent with his character in a way that turns his system of operation on its head, and exposes its flaws! And I really loved that whole paragraph using invasive species in an environment as an analogy for Tubbo in their family. So beautiful and sad that Tubbo literally thinks of himself as detrimental to the growth of his loved ones!
Now it's time for me to talk about *looks at smudged writing on hand* uh- fruit salad with mental illness..? Jokes aside, we got so much food this chapter, so much beeduo!! Per usual they had a gay as hell car ride, and Tubbo ranting about his hyperfixations- just amazing. And the fact that, at least in my interpretation, Tubbo is so used to and in love with Ranboo's voice that it's the first thing he thinks of to get out of panic. Mans cannot stand 5 seconds in silence and his immediate solution is to ask ranboo a gay-ass question- so good! And the line, "Tubbo has this stupid thought, sometimes, that if Ranboo’s talking, Tubbo can breathe again." THIS LINE IS JUST!!!!!! SO GOOD SO GOOOOOOOD. Tubbo always feels like he's suffocating and Ranboo helps him breathe!?!?! THE SYMBOLISM ITS AMAZING! And then we get all of Tubbo's spiraling self-hatred yet his desire to be loved in spite of him simply existing! He wants to hold onto Ranboo so tightly, but he's worried he'll suffocate him by proxy, and I just can't- it's so well done!! AND THEN WE FINALLY GET TUBBO OPENING UP ABOUT SOMETHING!!! And he's trying to mask why being adopted would be bad because he doesn't want Ranboo to defend him when he doesn't know how horrible Tubbo is! And Ranboo tries so hard, and doesn't know what to do, he literally loves him so much and wants to support him any way he can, and tubbo wants to help him too but thinks he's only making everything he touches worse!! And then when Tubbo was faced with the idea that he could be loved in spite of him being evil and gross and wrong he just breaks down and spills his guts out because he doesn't know how to live with that. Reading Tubbo finally open up was so cathartic and was just amazing. He felt so broken in that moment in comparison to the start of the chapter where he masquerades his misery with apathy or jokes. And just to destroy my heart some more because you thought it'd be funny, you made Ranboo open up a little too. Which meant even more to me, because Tubbo's been cracking at the seams for quite a few chapters now, we knew he would implode eventually. But Ranboo? For him it doesn't fester out of repression and denial, he feels and releases that misery all the time just not ever in front of Tubbo, so the fact that he was willing to share anything at all was such a giant breakthrough for him in the terms of their relationship. And I think this chapter really just secured beeduo as together in such a strong way. Because people connect through joy sure, but pain, empathy, that can be argued to bring them even closer. Okay, jeez I think I like cs!beeduo a little too much that was a lot of words lol. But yeah, those were my thoughts! This chapter made me really happy because the best thing to happen to characters who repress or shame all their trauma away is to talk about it to others. who could've guessed? Your imagery as usual was so vivid and brilliant, the spiraling scenes felt so real, and the dialogue felt so natural. Thank you for continuing to write this wonderful fic, because not only does it finally give me use for taking ib english, but it also makes me so so happy. I don't remember if I've said this yet or not, but if I have idc I'll say it again. You are the best dsmp fic writer for modern/human aus, never have I seen a better more realistic approach, you should feel proud! Until the next cough syrup tuesday mare! Have a good rest of your day! <333
HEY SORRY ITS BEEN ABOUT A WEEK HI!!!
one of the things that you can't really see fully because of the POVs but i always consider with cs!clingy scenes is the fact that a lot of cs!tubbo's confidence in the family dynamic as we know is sort of a farce because he doesn't feel like he belongs, but a lot of cs!tommy's force behind it also stems from some internal issues. i mean i'll go more into it in one of the later chapters but cs!tommy doesn't always have that confidence with his family. i don't know if that makes sense i'm a bit tired
"It feels like the equivalent to watching a soldier march to their own death by choice." love u saying this bc this is such a good way to describe it and im glad my writing could convey that feeling-- THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR ALL THE KIND WORDS! i had to be delicate w/ that part because i didn't want to villainize philza in some kind of way but it's also a really complicated situation, and tubbo kind of jumps to what he sees as the most just option but his compass regarding what would be the best and worst option is skewed due to his self loathing
i wonder if you do a lot of writing yourself because i really am amazed by how you describe all these character connections its super fucking cool. but yeah beeduo!!! the process to opening up is really hard and what i want to demonstrate is this ebb and flow, this trust of one another but not an inward trust of themselves, and the idea that you oftentimes don't really dump all your bullshit on someone at once, you have some days you say more and then some aside comments and its some combination of that (albeit i have to accelerate the pace for narrative reasons that characters admit things to each other but yknow, cant have an 100 chapt fic) im really glad you like those two and honestly appreciate that a lot, the beeduo in the next upcoming chapters is going to be interesting to write so reading that was a bit like a pep talk funnily enough HAHA <33
YOU ARE SO FUCKING KIND TO ME WHAT THE HELL... THANK YOU SO MUCH!!! genuinely like, the fact that cough syrup can mean that much to you makes every single roadblock worth it and even if i have like, just one person out there who really really likes the fic, i'm never going to give up on it. because that means the fucking world to me. i appreciate you so much <3
see you in a week :]
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amerrymystery · 1 year
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Stuff about Carla’s eldest son, Elijah.
-Elijah, has a different father than his brothers. He’s Filipov’s kid (yeah the Filipov that we all know and hate). That’s why he proposed to her at the beginning of her seventh year. 
-Carla dumped Filipov after realizing how immature he was and not wanting to raise a kid with him. 
-Carla told Elias she would name her son after him mostly as a joke. She thought that she was going to have a girl whom she would’ve named after herself. Obviously that didn’t happen.
-Elias was also the first to find out about why Filipov proposed to Carla. Carla was still acting like everything was sunshine and rainbows and then one day she pulled him aside like “my life is going to shit, I need to talk to someone.”
-Elias and Liviana both deserve a drink for dealing with Carla’s shenanigans. Both of them already disliked Filipov and I doubt this helped matters.
-Elijah was born at the end of Carla’s seventh year. She still graduated, but she missed the ceremony. 
-Her husband, Abraham, did adopt Elijah. They don’t tell people that he’s not Abraham’s bio son, but Elijah does look different from his brothers. 
-Carla didn’t tell her younger sons until they were adults because she was ashamed of it (this was the late 1800s/early 1900s after all).
-Oh D A M N. Rip Elijah, imagine Filipov being your father
-Go queen
-Honestly I think Eli might still think she’s joking when the kid’s actually named after him lmao
-You know shit’s bad when you have to tell Elias Quintin about your problems
-Oh definitely. Elias is gonna fucking hate that guy
-Damn my man’s out here ruining his mum’s fun smh
-Ah well that’s sound enough of him
-Can’t really blame her considering the time period
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burnmyloveaway · 2 years
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I had some thoughts about Barok (spoilers mentioned).
I think an interesting character arc for Barok to have post-canon would be that of having an entire life to reinvent for himself.
After his trial, he wanted to leave the prosecutor’s office and the capital altogether because of the possible backlash his family could have suffered after the whole truth about the Professor came out, which was perfectly understandable.
Yet, Kazuma talks him out of it and he's convinced to stay and to train him under his mentorship.
However, everything Barok did in his life was following in other people footsteps and sacrificing himself for what he believed was the greater good: he became a prosecutor because his brother’s example inspired him deeply (perhaps the van Zieks family being involved in the judiciary could also have been a tradition, according to how the other members reacted to the revelation about the Professor case) and he quietly accepted the role of the Reaper if it helped to reduce the crime rate of the city, putting his life on the line in the process.
I think Barok’s selflessness is one of the most central traits of his character, so what if he decided to become selfish for a change? I can’t help thinking that in comparison to the other main prosecutors of the series, despite his professionalism and impeccable skill, working as a prosecutor ultimately gave him nothing, if not utter bitterness, misery, disillusion, and mistrust. He has a strong sense of duty and morals and maybe he wouldn’t let any of these matters interfere with his resolve but he already had retired once.
What if after Kazuma’s tutelage Barok decided to officially step out of the judiciary once and for all and to dedicate himself to other things, maybe pastimes he enjoys, hobbies of which he decides to make a new job? 
For example, given how passionate he is about wine and perhaps enology in general, what if he decides to become a winemaker and make his own wine brand? Or, given the fact he’s good at making dioramas, he engages in some art projects in collaboration with some museums, and the like? Or, again, he could decide to invest in scientific research financially supporting Iris and/or Benjamin/Albert? (I’d prefer the former, at least this way he’d have an excuse to give her “alimony”, I’m sure he’d want to, anyway, plus Benjamin/Albert’s inventions don’t seem reliable...)
If he left the prosecutor’s office it’d also be sort of a “reverse bookend(s)” in comparison with his brother.
If on one side Klint made a career and a name for himself to the point of deserving the role of Chief Prosecutor after which he became (and really was) the Professor, on the other side, Barok became known as the best prosecutor of the Empire who unjustly earned the moniker and fame of the Reaper (and really wasn’t) so to mirror his brother oppositely, him leaving his prosecutor job could fit...
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the twins (and Zhao Yunlan)
Warning: spoilers for the drama adaptation of Guardian (2018), some references to the novel, more mediocre translations between Chinese and English, some psychoanalysis, and more music analysis
first, props to the kings that are Zhu Yilong and Bai Yu for such astounding portrayals of their characters! the fact that Zhu Yilong has to shift between two characters—one of whom is in love with Yunlan and the other who thrives on hatred—is just... wow. and Bai Yu? like speaking from Yunlan’s perspective, imagine someone who wears the same face as your lover but holds all the wrong beliefs, all the contradicting beliefs, how heartbreaking that must be :(
the twins certainly break my heart (broke and continue to shatter relentlessly, which means i need to read more fix-it fics) because there’s just so much potential for them both??? this is why i’m such a sucker for fics where the twins work together (i.e., they share the burden of the Black Cloaked Envoy); they are equals, they should have been equals. they lost their parents at a young age; it was literally just the two of them against the world, and then the writers had the audacity to tear them apart and not just tear them apart, but make them enemies smh
(i just want me some brotherly teasing and shenanigans, is that so much to ask for? i want the twins to look out for each other but also irritate each other to no end, but they’d also never think twice about protecting each other)
anyway. right. equals. in the novel, these two are born as twin ghost kings with the same powers and same level in powers [if i’m not mistaken], but it was ultimately only Xiao Wei who caught the attention of the god Kun Lun. the drama mimics this as well with the powers the two Dixingren have: Shen Wei can learn other Dixingren’s powers, Ye Zun can consume other Dixingren and thus use their powers. their abilities are probably purposefully meant to be quite similar; this is just one of many instances where the twins, when stripped of all context, are virtually identical. but when you add in context, then the difference is of course that Ye Zun devours for himself whereas Shen Wei learns more in order to protect others. 
let’s look at how the way they interact with others provides more insight into their fundamental motivations. Professor Shen is polite, gentle, kind; Shen Wei has a near-obsession with the way he looks after Yunlan and the rest of the kids at the SID. (think about how after Ye Zun “devoured” Shen Wei and Shen Wei was mortally wounded when he saw Lin Jing... and his first instinct was to smile to provide reassurance and say how happy Yunlan would be if he knew Lin Jing hadn’t died.) Shen Wei lives to give and provide; he shares his life force with Yunlan to heal his eyesight, he does everything in his power to maintain the peace between Dixing and Haixing, he wants to uphold this hard-won peace because he knows what it’s like to lose everything, and he knows the cost of this peace and the treaty in place. his self-esteem is shot to hell—look at how many damn times he tries to sacrifice himself because he thinks he’s dispensable, because he believes this is all he’s good for. Shen Wei believes he HAS to provide for the people around them in order for them to stay. after all... wasn’t it his own fault, because he was too powerless, because he couldn’t do more, because he couldn’t give more, that he lost his younger brother and he lost Kun Lun?
now let’s shift gears to Ye Zun. Ye Zun focuses a lot on the desires of others in order to manipulate them (i.e., he asks Chief Zhao what he wants in one of the latter episodes, so that they may work together instead and is infuriated by the idea of a man who does not want anything). first, why this tactic? Ye Zun was captured by the Rebel Chieftain; his powers hadn’t awoken yet, so the only way he could be useful, could stay alive, was by pleasing the Chieftain. Ye Zun similarly feels he has to provide and again, like his brother, lives to provide and deliver. see? stripped of all context, both twins believe they need to give the people around them what they want in order to have meaning/live. second, in addition, Ye Zun knows first-hand what it’s like to be controlled and manipulated by others; he knows precisely what it feels like to have his mind, his thoughts, his feelings violated by someone else. it helps (?) that he also freaking devoured the Chieftain so that Ye Zun can literally use that mind control ability. he focuses on desires because he understands, perhaps too much, just how effective this manipulation tactic is. 
what about the way they talk? (another shoutout to Zhu Yilong for his phenomenal delivery of their lines again! i dont think i can credit a VA because, if i’m not misremembering, this show didn’t use much dubbing if at all, at least for two leads) Shen Wei is rather soft-spoken, patient, quiet and Ye Zun... Ye Zun is the same. Ye Zun usually does his whisper-rasp thing which 1) makes me incredibly anxious 2) might be because he’s been trapped in a pillar for 10 thousand years and hasn’t exactly had a corporeal body with tangible vocal cords to use 3) more importantly, sounds placating. Ye Zun speaks to tantalize because he seeks to manipulate. but why else would he want to placate? he grew up as a slave; it’s been ingrained in him that he shouldn’t raise his voice, it’s a survival tactic to not piss off his enemies/people with more power. Shen Wei also speaks to placate, but he speaks with no ulterior motive; if he approaches a spooked animal, he wants to help it. if Ye Zun approaches a spooked animal, he wants to ruin it. 
but wait, neither of them are always so placid you say, and well, of course, and Ye Zun definitely isn’t always so calm. Ye Zun has outbursts of excitement, anger (and you’ll find that the pissed off Envoy sounds very similar...); despite the mask he wears, Ye Zun is very childish. he wears his heart on his sleeve so to speak; he smiles when he’s delighted, frowns when he’s disappointed. he’s often more expressive than his brother even though Ye Zun tends to be the one who wears the literal mask when they appear in the same scenes. he never really grew up “normally” so to speak, which is why he’s so fucking furious that Shen Wei shared his life force with Yunlan. yet another grievance from the older brother! “it’s too boring!” Ye Zun complains, now that his brother is weakened and they aren’t equals anymore; it’s too boring, this game is too boring. Ye Zun is a child.
let’s also consider Ye Zun’s obsession with power. he went from slave to leader of the Rebels in a blink of an eye; what kind of freaking backlash must that have had on his psychological state? he’s hungry for power because it’s all he knows. “i am the master, you are the slave,” he taunts Shen Wei. “where is home? i’ve had no home since the day you abandoned me,” he tells Shen Wei.
“i’m your older brother,” Shen Wei reminds Ye Zun. “i never abandoned you,” Shen Wei explains softly to Ye Zun. if all Ye Zun knows is power (think survival of the fittest), then Shen Wei falls back on family, on love. he lost his blood family young, but then Kun Lun fell into his life and lit up his entire world. the Envoy protects his own people and Haixingren best as he can. Professor Shen has his students to look after. Shen Wei has Yunlan and the family at SID. Shen Wei didn’t grow up “normally” either, but he certainly grew up in a kinder world, and he definitely at least grew up knowing what it felt like to be loved.
Ye Zun: “I want to reform this world [...] This world is filthy.”
Ye Zun wants to destroy the world and recreate it; the “system” failed him. Shen Wei wants to protect the world by improving it; he knows the “system” isn’t perfect, but he also knows there are people living in the status quo and he has no right to strip them of that. Ye Zun sees the way his brother abandoned him, the way he himself was forced to survive; Shen Wei sees all the people he loves and needs to continue to protect.
now let’s turn to the respective relationships of the twins with Zhao Yunlan. i think i’ve mentioned this in my previous Guardian analysis textpost but one of the best things about WeiLan imo is that they’re both so fundamentally good. their ideals to uphold the peace and protect not just the people they love, but all people in need of protecting, are perfectly aligned. (this is also why i like WangXian from mdzs/the untamed)
Ye Zun, interestingly, comments that he and Yunlan are the same kind of person—someone who would stop at nothing for their goals. if Yunlan and Shen Wei match, then the younger twin is right. think of the Envoy’s solemn declaration that even the mountains would not stand in the way of him upholding his promise. WeiLan literally lose their lives for their shared goals. 
Ye Zun also mocks his brother that Shen Wei will be just like him, alone. but this condemnation doesn’t stem from the younger twin; the root of this lies with Kun Lun. i didn’t get why in the novel Kun Lun supposes it might have been better to kill Shen Wei at first... it’s because Kun Lun condemns him to thousands of years of loneliness both in drama and in novel. in the drama, when young Shen Wei brings up a what-if, Kun Lun (Yunlan) interrupts him and tells him that Shen Wei would still make this same choice, would still bear this same heavy burden. it is a condemnation, but it is also further proof of this understanding that ties WeiLan together. it is a condemnation, and yet it completes the string of fate and their infinite, cyclical love story.
Kun Lun (Yunlan) asks Shen Wei to forgive him if he has to disappear without warning one day. ten thousand years later, Shen Wei leads his little brother away, sparing just a few minutes to smile at Yunlan and return that lollipop wrapper to him. Shen Wei then walks away because he has complete faith that Yunlan will not blame him or curse him for it, no matter how heartbroken he will be. Shen Wei could forgive Kun Lun; Yunlan easily forgives Shen Wei.
(there’s also the parallel of betting between the twins. Ye Zun bets Yunlan on who will die first—the people Yunlan wants to protect, or Ye Zun. Shen Wei bets on whether or not he and Yunlan will find each other again. the younger twin bets with hatred and on death, the older bets with love and on life.)
i’ve said before that Yunlan brings out the human in Shen Wei. Yunlan brings out the human because they inspire love in each other; they are in love with each other. but Ye Zun, the dear little brother, also brings out the human in Shen Wei because this is truly the only blood family he has left. 
the last time we see Shen Wei’s glasses is before Ye Zun tortures his older brother; Shen Wei from then on is simply Shen Wei, no Professor, no Envoy. when he stands before them all, he is Ye Zun’s older brother, and he is Zhao Yunlan’s lover. when he blocks the blow, his theme begins to play—melancholic, calm, steady. his choice to protect Yunlan is fundamentally Shen Wei. ten thousand years prior, when the Envoy breaks the mask of the new leader of the Rebels, Shen Wei’s theme also plays. his little brother has been returned to him; Shen Wei is complete. his theme plays a final time when Shen Wei explains he never abandoned Ye Zun because again, his twin Ye Zun—like his lover Zhao Yunlan—completes Shen Wei as a character. Shen Wei is a character built entirely from love, from family. when he appears as a spirit to bring Ye Zun home, to offer family, Shen Wei is wearing the Envoy’s outfit of ten thousand years ago. the twins also complete a circle; the story begins with their wrongful separation, the story ends with their bittersweet reunion.
let’s continue with this music analysis! the Black Cloaked Envoy’s theme is 《万年不负》or “Have Not Failed/Disappointed for Ten Thousand Years”. he upholds his promise to Kun Lun/Yunlan to protect the peace between Haixing and Dixing for ten thousand years in the drama and five thousand years in the novel (he also protects the Great Seal in the novel that Kun Lun protected). Ye Zun’s theme is 《染灵》or “Dyed/Tainted Spirit”. Think about how dirty he believes this world to be, and how he proclaims “10 thousand years have passed. I can finally wipe off my disgrace!” (also how he’s a ghost king/hungry ghost in the novel from the Unclean Realm/Hell). 
Here’s a quote from the novel:  “我连魂魄都是黑的,唯独心尖上一点干干净净地放着你,血还是红的,用它护着你,我愿意。”
[Even my soul is black, only my heart where I’ve placed you is clean; there my blood is red, I’m willing to use it to protect you.]
i dont really remember the context of this quote but i think it’s the novel equivalent of where Shen Wei cuts his wrist for Yunlan. anyway it parallels the drama quote where Shen Wei says something like “my eyes are black, my hair is black, even my soul is black... but my blood is red.” it’s just another callback to the novel i think, that the twins are in fact twin ghost kings from the Unclean Realm. (and Kun Lun is a god. thinking about Xiao Wei curbing his bloodlust to become worthy of a god’s love and attention always makes me sob)
both pieces are commanding, lots of brass, but the Envoy’s is a quiet kind of commanding. an unnoticed protector, hovering just out of focus; perhaps a touch unsettling that he’s always there, but also a relief that his presence is a reliable constant. (think of when the SID first summons the envoy and he kind of melts out of the smoke like an unobtrusive shadow) Ye Zun’s is much louder; you cannot miss him, you will witness his triumph. consider how Ye Zun wears a gold mask and a white outfit, as if he were in the spotlight; the Envoy wears all black with only hints of silver. (perhaps the younger twin desperately wanted out from his brother’s long shadow.) 
the scene at the Dixing bar near the end when Yunlan retrieves the lantern. Ye Zun, dressed as the Envoy, enters and wow for a moment you can see all the hope and love in Yunlan’s face ;-; it’s Ye Zun’s theme that accompanies this false Envoy... and it almost lulls you into a false sense of victory. but it’s not the victory that Shen Wei has returned; it’s Ye Zun’s victory that he’s, in a sense, taken over/overpowered and “dethroned” his brother at last. (huge props to Bai Yu again; god i can’t even imagine... the love of your life dying to protect you but wait here he is but no it’s your worst enemy but they share the same face UGH)
the piece that plays when Kun Lun is sucked back by the wormhole is 《诀焰》or “Farewell Flame”. i think it also plays when he’s gonna sacrifice himself to light the Lantern. it sounds triumphant... but at what cost?
and the final piece i want to mention here is 《默守》or “Silently Guarding” and it’s kind of a rearrangement of WeiLan’s theme of 《时间飞行》or “Flying Across Time”. it plays when Shen Wei leaves his amber pendant behind for Yunlan to open. i always assumed this piece was from Shen Wei’s perspective but thinking again... this pendant, this lollipop wrapper, this memory of Kun Lun are what has kept Shen Wei going for so long. Zhao Yunlan is the one who has protected Shen Wei for so long. they will always protect each other. their love is a fated one.
anyway, listen to the soundtrack! rewatch and cry! if you’ve gotten this far, thank you for reading~
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bellamygateoldblog · 4 years
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The 100 7x01: Discussion
My general takeaway from the episode can be summarised like this: Echo is spectacular. (I might’ve said “oh my god look at her!!!!!” and “ugh she is just The Best” too many times to count).
This is long-ish because I really just wanted to consolidate my thoughts in one place. Bitch it’s me i got a lot to say!!!!!
The Good Parts
— The farmhouse setting. While it’s existence is strange and “a sore thumb” and worked to further push Sanctum being the abomination born of clumsily mixing genres and time periods in terms of construction/costuming, making everything appear disconnected and obnoxious, it was still a nice change. It made me feel warmer and more comfortable as a ‘modern’ viewer. It’s a breath of fresh air from the constant dark element: dilapidated post-apoc buildings falling from their foundation, endless woods, and equally cold-feeling labs and skeleton dungeons.
— Echo. This was a damn good episode for Echo and every second reminded me of why she’s my favourite. She’s a badass. I always love to see her falling naturally into leadership of her little ragtag groups who accept it wholeheartedly. From the “testing a theory” moment where she went ‘when Gabriel doesn’t speak >>>’, to right at the end when she killed the solider about to “eliminate” Hope (hesitation is death...oh no he can’t hear us he’s got airpods in oh my god). It was Echo that got them through the whole sequence with the anomaly, Echo who figured shit out, Echo who quickly judged the situations and formed plans to overcome the obstacles. In other words: she did THAT.
Favourite scene: Echo coming face-to-face with the projection of her own insecurities in the form of Roan and Echo 1.0, and physically overcoming them (shooting them down), along with the trauma and pain that they both represent. The perserverence and getting the job done despite the emotional torture felt like a callback to the Psychosis episode of 6x02 when she was clever enough to sedate herself to silence the voices in her head. I also think the dialogue chosen was also foreshadowing that she would become a leader by the finale (commander?) and i love to see it!
— Clarke and Madi’s conversation. Oh Clarke, you just keep reinforcing and validating my perceptions of who you are as a person over and over again lol. In all her self-importance failing to remember that Madi, in fact, had and was raised by her biological parents for half of her life (and the new knowledge that she spent six years telling her little mind tales from the book of her life whilst apparently never taking the time to learn about Madi’s or acknowledge/honour her birth parents in any way) is “yeah that’s about right” to me. Sure you could say she was still reeling from the events of six and her death-almost death-almost death again. But I’ve always had this Thing about the relationship between Clarke and Madi. And i’ve seen some of the lighthearted humourous reception that scene got from fandom, “#where do you think the child CAME from?!” which only served to remind me of my own impression that Clarke views Madi as wholely ‘hers’, as if Madi’s existence was tied to Clarke, but i might elaborate in a seperate post.
This scene was a lovely display of self-awareness I’ve rarely seen on Clarke (never even got it when she electrocuted said child two seasons ago- however that absense of apology and acknowledgement of the sheer wrongness of that action also fits very nicely with my view of her lmao, still though, a weird choice for your ‘heroine’).
— Clarke’s “feels like a different world.” Felt romantically-coded. I think Gaia/Clarke might be the most convinient relationship to transform into romance at this point. However I’m sincerely hoping this road they could go down won’t reduce Gaia to a crutch/accessory for Clarke, and that she doesn’t become merely a love interest. I’ve seen talk already of Gaia being “Clarke’s happiness” etc.. which is already confirming my worst fears. Sigh.
This moment very much felt like found closure and the turning of a page. But i will say it was a very sharp turn from the three seasons of shoehorned-in mentions of Lexa, and last season’s emphasis on Clarke’s very-much intact emotional response to her memory- “it’s why you cry when you think about Lexa”- to her looking at an image of Lexa’s memory of her, reminicing but having no emotional response to it, and brushing it off while sharing a soft look with Gaia (and this is a few days since s6? I don’t know how this timeline is working but Tbh it’s not like these writers ever concerned themselves with ‘realistic time frames’ anyway lol). Yep, Jason’s seasons are individual “movies,” alright.
Other *nodding approvingly* moments
— Raven’s subtle “elevator eyes” on Clarke when she started giving her orders again. I see you, Miss Reyes, and I appreciate you.
— Raven + the foot in her mouth and the cute way she catches herself both times. I just love watching characters fail at existing LOL. She was feeling more human than stereotype or plot device this episode.
— "Mommy and Auntie O” and the implication that Hope is a child inside an aged-up body.
— This quote: “I know what it’s like to lose your family 100 years ago and yesterday at the same time.” It’s so literal but I like it a lot.
— Clarke being ‘leader’ again is, as usual, solely a matter of convinient (and familial/love) circumstances and it felt very true.
The Rest
— The Eligius Situation. So Clarke and her inner circle conquer and live in a nice home, and we’re specifically told Clarke takes the master suite (and the dog), and I was like ‘fair enough’ but then she orders prison labour. She tells them to build her a compound that they won’t actually get to be apart of, and to live in tents while they do so. They aren’t getting anything out of this (before they resist and set their own terms). This is slavery. Also, those aren’t her people to boss around, look down on, and use accordingly for her own gain (in fact they barely know her or why she’s gone from being that one unloyal woman who executed their men and got herself captured like an idiot, then couldn’t make up her mind about which side she wanted to kill- to one in the uppermost position of authority...like...they woke up yesterday) But, then again, that never stopped her.
— Too much and not enough at the same time. The pacing of the episode in general was awful. Too much happening in quick succession, no breathing room, too many factions (no, actually Raven, where is ALIE when you need her? smh). I blink, I miss an entire scene and a character is now beating someone else up. Amazingly, i was still bored 90% of the time.
— The Children of Gabriel calling themselves “The Children of Gabriel.” It was always goofy, even more so when a grown man is saying it.
— Murphy + his self loathing over Abby’s death. Did I miss the part where she was ever good to him? One of their final moments together was of her telling him he deserved to die over Clarke after she spent the entire series treating him like he was inferior and disposable. uhhhhhhhhhh.
— The picnic scene. Jackson’s sudden violent outburst was unearned (it wasn’t even set up???), and also disrespectful. Wrong place, wrong time, bro. He’s grieving? Okay. But when Abby’s daughter is sitting right in front of you, making this about you, ruining a perfectly good toast in her honour with your uncomfortable accusations loses you points you never even had to begin with. And this is a ‘me’ thing but I can’t be bothered to be sympathetic when this is about Abby Griffin.
Also, I have to say it. Eliza’s acting took me out of the scene every time I looked at Clarke. I couldn’t for the life of me work out what those expressions were supposed to be.
— Russell, his manpain, and a fury over the consiquences of his own actions  that could rival the grounders (”my brother died in your ring of fire [while he was trying to murder you all]” hmm sounds like a you problem). But the worst part is, I simply couldn’t tell where he stood or what he was feeling. He’s so one-dimensional. He’s an evil man (so much for ”grey morality”).
— Clarke + Jordan. A small point to make but all Clarke has done since Marper made her ‘Godmother’ of their son has blame him for everything bad happening lol. Marper loses a lot of my respect as time goes on for that choice. As much as I dislike Jordan’s presence in the show, still not a great pattern to have noticed.
— Raven seeking approval from Clarke (specifically) for the Prime idea was...weird and very bad. When has Raven ever cared for Clarke’s validation, especially in the last few seasons?
Was also taken aback by how Indra and Miller are both suddenly so protective of Clarke, like i can make sense of the Indra part even though it relies on me making things up that aren’t supported by what’s on screen, but Miller?
— (Bonus moment that was bad for me, but not for the same reason it was for the rest of you: the scene of Hope finding the message in her arm. When she was removing the blood-soaked bandage I freaked out because I thought she was peeling her skin off. You’re welcome for that visual.)
The Mixed/No Feelings
— Clarke’s full-dark-no-stars. How many times have they told me now she’s “the head”? LMAO. 
I have no actual formed opinion on it. Only disjointed thoughts. Like i might’ve just gone “good for her” if Clarke wasn’t the person she is, with the history she has.
I appreciate the idea, to have her spend the whole episode declaring she is, in fact, completely fine, to end it having her explode with the repressed pain.
I mean...i realise the cognition behind it, but it’s eye-roll inducing at this point. This- kicking Russell to death (giving him exactly what he wanted and set out to provoke), and burning down a palace she promised to keep intact, once again going against the group to do her own Thing that they all ultimately have the suffer the consiquences of and help clean up- is just a repeat of past patterns, and Monty’s “do better” mantra that she desperately clung to like she owned it last season is nowhere in sight.
(Also, I can’t be the only one who spotted her physically smacking that Sanctum girl as she walked onto the balcony? Not cool. Wasn’t cool when Murphy acted like a dick to one of them either this episode.)
The rushed switch did a number on me, too, like Jackson’s did. Literally five minutes before she was preaching about a peaceful life for Madi that doesn’t take revenge (I think I know what they were going for with that but it just left me feeling confused and frustrated).
Furthermore, I’ve seen talk that this was her “burning down of a symbol of oppression”, something she experienced first hand (not so unlike Blodreina and the bunker she desperately wanted to escape and deliver her people from), but there was no noble, calculated intention there. She burned the palace accidentally in her rage because she was in pain and disorientated. The moral stuff was just an after effect.
The speech was also very ‘Clarke’. Feeling entitled to and making decisions on who lives and dies right after declaring this wasn’t their kill to make. She wasn’t the only person hurt by the Primes (but we’ve also been given no reason to care about any of the other victims- the manipulated, enslaved population have been turned into a joke and a punching bag for the main characters which...isn’t great either). And the castle could’ve been used to shelter some of the “too many people” we had problems with through the episode (or used to harvest resources from). It really comes down to if i think the situation justifies the reaction and if i hold her wholely responsible...and this is the part where i reiterate that i have no intact opinion and don’t actually care to have one either ha.
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isuzukuretsuki · 5 years
Text
Ikemen Revolution - Fenrir’s Route
Aaaand here’s one for Fenrir’s route!
My main comments are: FUCK those avatar challenges. It took me five thousand years to finish this damn route because I was stuck grinding for Lin for five thousand years because according to cybird, I can’t get the good ending w ma man unless I look cute smh.
The night that Alice lands in Cradle, she pretty much goes out to the garden to sob her eyes out because of the stress of being killed (oh honey don’t worry this game doesn’t have any bad ends. If you were in a game like Amnesia then I’d start crying LMAO). Fenrir happens to see her and wipes her tears away (*๓´╰╯`๓). He decides to spend the month with Alice to make her have as much fun as possible, and makes her promise that so there will be no regrets, the two will not fall in love.
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But we all know that’s not gonna happen.
I guess because the boys finally learned from Lancelot’s route to never send a nameless faceless nobody with Alice, Ray assigns Fenrir as her personal bodyguard. 
Fenrir takes it upon himself to be Alice’s personal tour guide, so they go on a date around the Central Quarter eating all kinds of sweets like a bunch of dorks D’AWW. Of course the red army are full of party poopers who crashes their alone time.
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@Red army boys, I LOVE YOU ALL BUT YOUR SOLDIERS NEEDA CHILL. Like my grievances from Lancelot’s route carry over in twofold because the nameless red soldiers are once again, STILL a bunch of blood thirsty hooligans who are clearly letting “may glory flow crimson through our veins” slogan get to their heads WAYY too much. 
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(☪̤̆_̆ ☪̤̆) THAT’S SO SPECIFIC LMAO.
But anyhoo I guess having a body guard with actual plot armor was really beneficial because Fenrir drives off all of the Red soldiers! And as it turns out, they were sent by Edgar (but of course why am I not surprised smh).
They return home and a few black army soldiers comes out shitting their pants because apparently there’s a ghost, and when Fenrir hears that HE shits his pants. 
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Luka has his priorities straight.
Fenrir pussyfoots outside the army headquarters for a few minutes because GHOST but then big bear Sirius comes out RURL pissed because everyone keeps making a ruckus.
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WHY DO I FIND THIS SO FUCKING FUNNY. LIKE IT’S PICTURE PERFECT. I CAN IMAGINE HIM DOING THIS IN MY HEAD FRAME BY FRAME.
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So the ghost was actually a magic cult goon creeping around like a lech looking for women's’ underwear, whom Seth covered for. I had zero interest in Seth before but I do find it interesting that more hints about Seth’s connection to the magic cult goons are being dropped, and if anything it makes me want to play his route now.
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I’d love to be your friend!!! But unfortunately Fenrir is a giant stick in the mud and won’t let me! But never fear because your route is coming out soon so soon I’ll be more than just your friend LOL!
 Fenrir gets news that some of their soldiers got cornered on the Red Bridge. Well what do you know, turns out the nameless red soldiers are still mad that they busted a nut in anticipation for nothing because they didn’t get to skewer any soldiers in Lancelot’s route, so now they’re taking out their pent up frustration here.
Luka hears the news as well and rushes to the red bridge just in time to see Jonah and the rest of the red soldiers man handling the black army soldiers (wtf Jonah I expected better of you). Luka goes from simmering with rage to boiling with rage and charges at the red soldiers. Obviously the red soldiers don’t care (or... they just can’t comprehend) that Luka is their superior’s freaking brother because all they can think about is reaping the reward for unnecessary stabbing and so they go into Ultimate Shish Kabobing Mode and decide to kill Luka.
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Jesus christ... these fucking red soldiers. I am so sorry but I think the only people in this clown of an army that has any shred of honor or self control are the red army love interests LOL.
Anyway Fenrir drags Luka’s delirious bloody corpse back to the black army and the scene ain’t pretty. But it’s okay because we all know that this game doesn’t have the balls to actually kill anyone so it’s not like there’s any need to be worried.
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See even Alice acknowledges it lol. This game’s too soft (not that that’s necessarily a bad thing... if I want angst I’ll just read fanfiction ¯\_(ツ)_/¯)
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Apparently the one who actually made swiss cheese of Luka was Jonah. At first I was just SO CONFUSION?? JONAH WOULD NEVER DO THAT! until this bomb dropped and my only reaction was honestly just “...yikes”.
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CRIES @ MY HEART
Jonah sneaks into Black Territory unarmed and Fenrir decides to arrange for him to see Luka like a the great wingbro he is. Alice’s left awkwardly keeping Jonah company but the ice quickly breaks and they end up spending the day talking about Luka ♡(.◜ω◝.)♡.
Fenrir successfully sneaks Jonah into Luka’s room but the two end up just having a screaming match and Luka boots Jonah out of his room. Understandable, considering how all the red soldiers are like little kids that you needa put those backpack straps on because who knows what the fuck they’ll do if left to their own devices.
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me whenever I have any kind of guests over.
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eat my ass @ Sirius 
When it’s decided that the Black and Red army are gonna go to war for realsies, Alice requests to go onto the battle field with Fenrir so she can repel magic. Sirius freaks out going all like “ojou-chan, you mustn’t! It’s not a walk in the park!!” but Alice ain’t having any of that and essentially tells Sirius to eat her ass. Fenrir being the amazing bro he is sticks up for Alice and asks Ray if he can take her with him, swearing he’ll protect her. Ray’s like sigh fine. This scene was honestly my favourite because I loved how much confidence Fenrir had in Alice and how he respected her desire to help. Unlike a certain someone ੧| ‾́ェ ‾́ |੭ (totally not throwing shade at Sirius LMAO).
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CRIES SOME MORE THAT’S SUCH A CUTE NICKNAME.
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I could have asked the exact same thing of you Sirius.
The rest of the Black Army can clearly see sparks flying between Fenrir and Alice but unfortunately, Fenrir has to join Sirius in the emotional constipation of “what is this feeling in my chest?! Definitely not love!” Granted Fenrir has an excuse because of the promise he made her, but it’s still frustrating nonetheless.
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oh my god can you shut up about this dumbass slogan for one minute. 
Ngl despite the heart warming moment of resolve when Fenrir decides to take Alice into battle, it’s pretty damn hard to take the war seriously because it feels like a bunch of 14 year old teenagers doing a play-war considering of how almost comedic it is. Again, I’m not saying that this game needs to be an angst fest where everyone dies, but for a story about two armies on the brink of war, it does a pretty bad job at building any real tension or showing this war as a source of any real conflict with any real stakes or any real consequences.
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I totally *do not* dislike that nickname 👀
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We cut back to the red army who are all quite frazzled because they all had that “oh fuck” moment when they realized that they’re getting their asses whooped by the black army.  Lancelot decides to stay his hand, whereas Jonah rages at Edgar’s incompetence but Edgar’s ultimately like “¯\_(ツ)_/¯ King’s orders”.
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Alice you’re doing amazing, sweetie.
Alice continues to fight with Fenrir on the front lines but she realizes that she really loves him and she doesn’t want to go home anymore! UNFORTUNATELY FOR HER, our lovely gentleman Fenrir “this feeling in my chest is totally love but I WON’T ADMIT IT!” Godspeed repeatedly dodges her attempts at confessing (¬_¬). GOOD SIR I KNOW WHAT YOU’RE DOING. You’re just trying to put off having a heart to heart about your feelings until the full moon so you can boot Alice back to her world without ever having to talk about it (ლಠ益ಠ)ლ.
Alice tries once again for the nth time to confess her feelings to Fenrir but this time they’re interrupted by the magic cult goons who are hell bent on capturing Alice. This plays out exactly as you’d predict and the two get cornered at a cliff LOL. Alice gets blown off the cliff and Fenrir jumps after her to save her.
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This, my friends, is what we call: plot armor.
They miraculously (and conveniently) survive their fall and end up in the castle ruins in the forbidden forest. I guess being lost in an abandoned forest with a totally not haunted castle next to them sets the mood for sexy time because they end up making out like their life depends on it. Conveniently, without actually saying they love each other ლ(ಠ_ಠლ). 
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GUYS... THE DRIVER IS LITERALLY RIGHT THERE.... GUYS....
They make it back to Black Territory in one piece with the help of Loki and Harr and Ray loses his shit because he thought they died T T T.  Fenrir is sent back to the front lines and Alice is totally ready to go back and kick some ass but I guess all the fire and confidence in this power couple completely deflated because Fenrir becomes Sirius 2.0 and refuses to take Alice SMH. 
Alice finds Fenrir boarding a carriage to leave, and she stops him and tries to tell him that she loves him. Fenrir responds by pulling Alice into the carriage with him and at this point I was HYPED because “is he actually gonna take her with him?!?!” but my hopes are quickly dashed when he shoves her into the carriage, initiates round 2 of INTENSE MAKE OUT SESSION LIKE YOUR LIFE DEPENDS ON IT..... then throws Alice’s sad ass back out of the carriage and leaves her behind once he’s finished (┛ಠДಠ)┛彡┻━┻.
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UGH! FENRIR! JUST--- AGHHHHHHH. 
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YOU CAN SAY THAT AGAIN. Like yea sex is great, but have you ever heard of proper verbal communication??
(I also find it funny how the driver was just sitting there the entire time they were making out doing a big boi sweat).
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me with group assignments in school.
Fenrir comes back on the night of the full moon and Alice for the 100TH DAMN TIME IN THIS ROUTE, tries to tell him that she doesn’t want to go home, but Fenrir, again, dashes her hopes and tells her she has to go back he won’t be able to protect her all the time. Which we all know is bullshit, but nevertheless Alice decides to listen to him. 
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Ha ha ha you are so full of shit.
And so Alice once again goes to the gates of hell garden portal which I officially dub as “The Hole Where Bad Things Happen” or more accurately, “The Hole That No Player Ever Wants To See”. 
Anyhoo Alice leaps back home and spends about a month moping in London until one day a black army soldier comes to London and begs Alice to go back with him because Fenrir’s in danger! Alice, having literally zero self preservation because I guess her time on the battle field taught her jack shit, blindly follows this fellow back to Cradle and the moment she arrives, the guy reveals himself to be a magic cult goon and so she’s kidnapped and taken to Amon’s sex dungeon.
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Look. I’m not gonna accuse Alice of “dumb mc syndrome” and I don’t necessarily blame her for falling for it but at the same time, COME ON. THIS IS THE DUMBEST PLOT POINT EVER. Of all the possible reasons she comes back to Cradle, THIS IS THE ONLY THING THEY COULD THINK OF? What makes it so aggravating is that it’s stated multiple times that any person from Reason can repel magic, so if that’s the case, the cult goons could have just kidnapped any random off the street instead of wasting time and energy looking for Alice. And if they could conveniently stroll into the land of Reason, why didn’t they do that ages ago?!
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You know that writing rule “make your villains smarter, not your protagonists dumber”, or something like that? Well in this case, everyone is dumb!
Anyway during the month Alice was gone, Lancelot finally decides to stop going radio silent and consults the Black Army about Amon and his weed stash. This felt really convenient and almost inconsistent with Lancelot’s character because in the other routes he was hell bent on not talking unless 100% cornered, but in Fenrir’s route he spills the beans like it’s no big deal. 
Fenrir hears the news of Alice being kidnapped by Amon and the Black army pretty much storms into the Magic Tower and fishes Alice out. Amon finally reveals himself but honestly he doesn’t put up much of a fight because Fenrir shoots him with one of those hiccuping guns and that’s enough to deflate all of Amon’s fighting spirit lmao so he gets arrested in the end. Talk about anti climatic as hell. This entire thing just felt really stupid because if all they had to do with storm the damn tower, they should have done so ages ago.
Admittedly I do like the resolution to this whole fiasco. Fenrir is totally ready to get down and dirty, but before that Fenrir and Alice actually, finally, and at long last, properly talk about their feelings and sort out their relationship mess. 
Dramatic End:
Alice officially joins the Black Army, and they hold her enrollment ceremony. Hosting it is usually Ray’s job since he’s king but since Alice is his best friend’s babe, he decides to let Fenrir take over. Unfortunately, Fenrir can’t keep his excitement in check and ends up picking Alice up and spinning her around in joy ╭(๑ ॔ㅂ ਂ ॓)و ̑̑. THIS WAS SO CUTE I LOVE THIS ENDING.
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Honestly I have a lot of mixed feelings about this route. There’s the good, the bad, and the ugly, but since I don’t wanna end this post on a salty note so I’ll just start with the ugly and work my way up.
The Ugly: The route starts losing momentum their promise of not falling in love morphs into the source for Fenrir’s self cockblock fest for the rest of the route and him repeatedly rebuffing Alice’s attempts to tell him she wants to stay in Cradle became unbearable frustrating. Playing Sakuya’s route in Norn9 alongside Fenrir’s route did not help at all because his route also had a “promise of not falling in love” premise and had the exact same problems as Fenrir’s route so honestly my frustration was just doubled at this point.
The Bad: The plot is balls off the rail in the second half if it isn’t obvious enough from my complaints earlier. The Hole That No Player Ever Wants to See making a reappearance in Fenrir’s route kills a lot of the build up between Alice and Fenrir and there was honestly no point of having Alice go back to London. The circumstances that lead her to returning were so stupid it had me head banging against the wall.
The Good: I think Fenrir and Alice have a very strong “friends to lovers” romance going on and it was honestly really sweet and wholesome. I loved how their friendship and subsequent romance builds them both up and makes them better people-- they’re both stronger together, they’re equals, they’re partners. You really get a sense of camaraderie between the two and their relationship is founded on mutual respect, understanding, trust, and confidence in each other which I’m 100% on board with. Fenrir taking Alice onto the battle field with him is a testament of the rock solid trust between them. They have a very strong partner in crime vibe that I love! 
I adore how Fenrir refers to Alice as his “best friend” or his “best buddy” and it was just so cute, it made my heart swell because I’m a firm believer that your s/o SHOULD be your best friend.
Overall imo, Fenrir’s route is about on par with Lancelot’s, though it has higher highs and lower lows than Lancelot’s route did.
Anyway, I’m making my way through Edgar’s route currently (♥ω♥*).
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nanlicia · 6 years
Text
alright dweebs it’s derek malik nurse’s fuckin birthday (!!!!!) and i’m on overnights which means i’m home during the day today and i’m also pathetically single so i have no plans so. time for some nursey headcanons (@nurseyweek )
nursey has never once in his entire life eaten a lima bean
he has fallen down, on average, 81 staircases per year
this statistic is actually inaccurate; 2009 was a bad year in which he tripped down almost 3 staircases a week because he experienced a growth spurt and was getting accustomed to it, and it shouldn’t have been counted
he enjoys playing defense but if he could choose to play any other position on the team it would be goalie
if his teammates could choose any other position on the team for nursey to never be allowed to play ever, even in scrimmages, even in practices, even as a joke, it would be goalie
he’s uncoordinated, folks, this is a fact
nursey once wore flip-flops to a SMH bbq and shitty just about burst into tears, exclaiming how proud he was of him for forgoing his hipster ways and embracing the carefree lifestyle flip-flops can give a person
nursey promptly left and returned an hr later wearing a pair of doc martens he went out and bought for the express purpose of being a troll
oh that reminds me
nursey wishes he was a troll, like he really enjoys harmless practical pranks too, and he’s very perceptive of people and figures out very easily how to make them crack, but the guy can’t keep a straight face to save his life and always always every single time bursts out laughing prematurely
he ruins the punchline to almost every joke he tries to tell
he has a pair of winnie the pooh slippers his sister got him for his 18th birthday as a joke, which he wears around his dorm every single day until he wears through the soles, at which time he goes and orders another pair online
when she visits him during winter break of his junior year at samwell and sees them, he just says they’re the same pair she had given him, and he wears them all the time and she tries not to make it into a big thing and he tries to just shrug it off but she screams internally over how much she loves her goofy-ass little brother
he also has a scarf his mom gave him way back before he left for andover, which he sleeps with sometimes when he’s homesick
that one no one ever learns about
he’s in four different groupchats with his family members
one: his parents and sister
two: his grandparents and sister
three: his sister and their cousins
four: his sister and the screenshots of all other gc’s they’re in and their combined Judgement™
he loves poetry but he is really bad with remembering poets and which works belong to them, except for a handful of really popular/important ones
he falls in love with poetry all over again every single time he reads a poem, even if it’s horribly written
he’s a very emotional person
he sobbed when he watched wall-e for the first time
he was 12 years old
also, he only owns two sweater vests
he wears them often enough people think he has a bunch but nope. just the two.
his favorite tv show is sister, sister
his sister, dana, used to watch it every day after school and because she was 7 years older she won every fight over the remote, so she got to pick and that was her show, and over time it became their favorite show together
as he gets older, anytime he’ll think about sister, sister it will bring such a strong nostalgia into his heart and he’ll tear up a little, then make time to call dana so they can bitch about their days to each other and he can hear her voice
his grandpa owns a bakery in midtown nyc and he makes the best damn pie derek’s ever had
he’s really really really nice to bitty about his pies, but tbhhhhh….. *side eye*
derek worked every summer in the bakery from age 8 to 16, before he started doing internships and community service during the summers to put on his college apps
his grandpa would only let him work out front because the back of the house just,,, wasn’t a good place for a young man as prone to accidents and personal injury as derek malik nurse
there was also an incident with a fire extinguisher and the main oven and grandpa just,,, would rather forget about it thanks
he met his first boyfriend working at that counter; a cute domincan boy with dark skin and deep brown eyes and a smile that stretched miles and it took derek two weeks to work up the courage to offer to hang out with adrian after work and then it was another three weeks of awkwardly dancing around each other before one day adrian reached out and took derek’s hand in his before they left the bakery together and derek just smiled and blushed and leaned into him as they walked down the street
summer boyfriends in high school don’t last long, but it was sweet and adrian was kind and derek was really glad to have had him as his boyfriend for those three short months
derek’s all-time favorite genres of music are funk and old school-golden age rap/hip hop, because that’s what he was raised on, but he does enjoy a very wide range of music and has favorite artists from so many genres
he likes to hum under his breath, and wishes he could sing well but he. can’t.
his favorite color is brown
every shade of it
fight me him
his favorite time of day is high-noon
his least favorite thing to do is push-ups but he absolutely loves running
he had an instant quiet crush on chris chow from the moment they met, which he will harbor in silence for the rest of his life, well past the time he meets, falls in love with, and marries his future spouse, he will always kinda crush on his bff
his spouse will know this, but also will know that derek’s not interested in pursuing it at all and will not ever be bothered by it
derek is just very loved and very cherished every single day of his life by every single person he chooses to keep in it and it’s only what he deserves
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imagine-wannaone · 6 years
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Lee Daehwi Super Powers Au
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Waddup So this was written yesterday and idk whether to do a powers au so I guess this is just a try??
In other news I got Seventeens new album for my bday today and got The8 i am blessed. Anywhere, here we go. also pls tell me if I need to tag any triggers, I’m not great at this stuff whoops.
 • Lemme get one thing straight, you didn’t want to use your ability for bad,  • It just kinda happened that you became a theif,  • You were trapped,  • You were a teen when you got dragged into a whole mess of a gang, when you went to take out a loan to pay for treatment for your brother’s illness,  • Because your brother was the most important thing to you but your family couldn’t afford his treatment,  • But you didn’t realise the loan company was actually kinda not a company and you had just officially ruined your life,
 • With gastronomic Interest, you had to pay them back the money with no way of being able to do it,  • Read the small print y'all,  • So they offered you another option: you hated it but there was no other way to help your brother, and they threatened to cut your brother’s treatment if you stepped out of line,  • And in a world made with certain people who had abilities, they made sure to utilize yours,  • Aka the ability to change your appearance and voice to fit it,  • They had you as a thief, and with your skill and ability you quickly became notorious around the city,  • Which made you extremely paranoid, causing you to constantly switch appearances,  • I don’t mean switching looks every minute or something bizarre,  • I mean you never showed your true appearance anymore, you were always someone else and started to panic at the thought of people seeing the real you,  • So you stayed in your place by day planning heists the gang had sent you to do, and went on the missions by night,  • And you hated everything about the way you lived, but you knew your brother was getting better, so you kept at it,  • The gang sent you a particularly dangerous heist one night, and you did not think it was a wise idea at all,  • Like there were shit tonnes of guards and cameras and the switch overs were smooth and the codes hard to crack,  • As a thief, you were known to be able to go in and out before anyone would even realise anything was gone, shifting into guards or ceo’s or customers,  • And you trained your ability to perfection, having no flaws in your transformation and being able to quickly switch features,  • A master™  • But you plan this near impossible heist anyway because you have to, you have everything to lose,  • And while bits of the heist are a bit by chance or freestyle,  • You hate yourself for being quite confidant, as always,  • But heists had started going wrong lately,  • A guard unconvinced and almost omniscient,  • Or the whole place closed for a day as if they already knew,  • Little things going wrong preventing the heists and causing them to go wrong,  • You didn’t know how because they were all planned to perfection, but something was happening,  • You heard whispers of a mole but no one ever told you anything so you had no idea really,  • So you’re dropped off by the usual gruff looking men who are going to wait down the street, safe for them,  • You where dressed as a medium height middle aged woman with brown hair, trying to blend in with the people around you,
 • Like a chameleon damn,  • You float into the bank and act naturally, milling around the atm’s and looking at posters,  • A boy around your actual age seems to keep glancing at you, which sets your nerves off,  • Not only is he cute, it’d be insanely weird for someone his age to be staring at a middle aged lady,  • You try to sway away from his prying eyes and keep your heart at normal pace and prevent your hands shaking,  • You always got nerves before a heist and this dude really wasn’t helping,  • At all,  • Smh doesn’t he know it’s rude to stare?  • You’re nearly set on going over there and telling him yourself, but with your ‘can I see the manager’ hair style you play your role and send him a disapproving mum glare and shake you head, moving on,  • Perfect, v realistic,  • But the dude doesn’t stop sending u shady side eyes, so you decide to get the hell on with it,  • So your eyes scan the floor before slipping into a side door,  • Smooth as always, might I add,  • You change your appearance quickly into a guard and take out a hand mirror quickly to check that you’re perfect,  • Indeed you are perfect,
 •You were about to take off down the hall when the door slides open again,  • You’re about to get into character when the boy from earlier locks eyes with you and lunges,  • You dodge as quick as a whippet and a fight™ ensues,  • You can tell idk how to write a fight omg,  • DW I’ll get better,  • You’re both incredibly good to the point you defo know this ain’t just a usual kid who’s taken some martial arts classes,  • Because as soon as you dodge one punch and throw your own, he’s dodged that and is launching another assault with a knee or elbow,
 • He keeps saying something along the line of 'Stop I’m trying to help’ but you ain’t buying no shady nonsense,  • And you’re both getting pretty beaten, bruises and small cuts appearing, a bloody nose or a broken finger,  • But shit really hits the fan when a guard comes round the corner and then you’re both in for it,  • You’re internally having a meltdown you’ve never had to deal with this before,  • And then your tryna fight the boy and the guards and - shit,  • A bullet grazes your leg but it instantly burns and shocks you to hell,  • Your appearance flickers before returning to the middle aged lady aka the wrong disguise, who0ps,  • Your leg burns and the shock throws you off balance long enough for the boy to wrap an arm around your shoulder and have you against a wall in a second,  • You’re about to swing your leg back to hit him when chloroform and damn you’re out cold,  • Actually outraged in your knocked out state,  • Who DaRe?  • Like you don’t blame them, you’re a damn thief, tbh you’d probs knock yourself out if you were in their situation,  • but hOw DaRe tHey?  • And you’re defo worried about who just chloroformed you but whatever,  • Idek if you can think all this while passed out but you find a way,  • You wake up with someone’s hand on your forehead and you stay still, trying to gather your bearings and figure stuff out before you let them know you’re awake,  • I mean the hand thing is so weird but you deal with it you til you gather that your head’s also in someone’s lap and your skin is tingling and you decide this is very weird,  • I mean not a hard conclusion to come to but a conclusion all the same,  • You slowly open one eye and wow,  • Bright lights,  • But you soldier through it and stare straight ahead at the face of the boy ahead of you,  • You’re about to jump out of your skin but the boys eyes are closed and he looks so peaceful with flawless skin and a slight frown, his brow creased in concentration,  • And then you realise your leg doesn’t burn and your hand and knuckles don’t scream like they did before you dropped,  • And you realise he’s someone like you, he’s a healer,  • And it makes your heart fly with joy, you’ve found someone else with an ability and all of a sudden you feel safer,  • Especially because he’s a healer,  • But then your eyes trail to your arm and your body and all the safety is thrown away,  • You have no disguise, no fake face or fake voice; it’s purely you and it makes you dizzy and sick,  • He must sense your panic because his eyes crack open and he smiles widely at you, removing his hand from your forehead,  • Wow his smile settles your heart and warms your cheeks,  • A million questions run through your foggy brain, where are we and what happened? Who is he and why is he so cute? Where’s the boy from before and what’s going to happen when your former gang know you’re not with them?  • “Y/N, right? I’m Daehwi, and give me a sec and I’ll tell you all the gossip,”  • While his soft voice is calming when you sit up, a wave of dizziness hits you like a wrecking ball ridden by Miley cirus  • (Wow my pop culture references about 5 years too late),  •But despite your swimming head you quickly change your skin, opting for the first thing you can think of, which happens to be Daehwi,  • You change your hair quickly and alter your face and body to match his within seconds,  • You’re kinda embarrassed that you just changed into him but you’re panicking,  • While the boy next to you may have seen your face, you’d prefer if no one else would,  • “That’s increadible,”  • The look on Daehwi’s face, as well has his bubbly laugh, makes you flush but you’re heart is still beating a mile a minute and your chest feels a little too tight,  • “While that’s really cool, and I’m really flattered, I thought your natural face was much prettier,”  • Your face (or is it Daehwi’s?) blushes violently at the comment but the fact you don’t look like yourself calms you a little,  • “A healer, then?”  • You ask simply to change the subject, although it’s pretty obvious at this point,  • “Yep, not one of the coolest abilities but pretty handy. You’re obviously a shape shifter, damn the whole city knows you’re a shape shifter, but seeing it myself, damn, it’s way cooler than I thought”  • He talks in such a laid back manner, leaning back onto his hands, his whole presence relaxing,  • He really suits his ability,  • “I think healing’s the best ability, you get to help,”  • Your voice is quiet but your words are the truth, and you can see Daehwi’s about to reply when the door swings open and the boy from earlier wonders in, doing a double take at the two Daehwi’s sat on the bed and sighing before dropping down into a nearby chair,  • He’s hardly met you and he’s already done with your shit lmao,  • But you’re eyeing him suspiciously because this guy FRICKEN chloroformed you and you still have no answers as to what the hell is going when he launched into a Hella Long explanation,  • To put it simply,
 • Daehwi and the boy, Guanlin, are part of an organisation that rescue abilities from sticky situations and tries to stop the people with abilities for using them nastily,  • (Avengers who?)  • There was indeed a mole in your gang as they planned to rescue you whilst intercepting a heist of yours,  • They didn’t expect you to fight so defiantly back but I mean,  • So then you explain that you’re really not nasty, I mean you used to put milk in before your cereal but yOu’vE cHanGeD,  • You explain your situation and they agreed  that they’ll see what they can do for your brother and you feel like you might cry because this is too good to be true,  • Half convinced this is some awful experiment or teasing you,  • So you spend a few days in the room you wake up in, just in case, in which you discover is actually Daehwi’s room,  • Which is kinda awkward,  • But you honestly can’t ask for a better first friend in the base they have there,  • Daehwi is oh so patient, painfully so, encouraging you to take your time and helps introduce you to the many people in the base, most of which have powers themselves which blows your mind a little
 • You’ve never seen so many abilities,  • And it takes you a while to trust Guanlin, but as soon as you do you realise he’s just a goof and you apologise endlessly for hurting him,  • And you start helping out at the base, doing small missions to help others by using your ability,  • And it feels good,  • Especially when you can come back to Daehwi at the end of the day and laugh and relax into the night,  • And you visit your brother for a very emotional reunion and he’s getting better and life just seems to be good,
 • And in the middle of it all is Daehwi, who you would trust with your life,  • I mean he is a healer many people trust him with their lives,
 • So you’re sat in his room (or your now shared one - you refuse to sleep anywhere else, feeling unsafe) chatting into the night,  • When you both reach a lull in conversation,  • “Y/N, why do you never walk, or sleep, or eat, or live in your normal skin?”  • The question is so out of the blue that your eyes snap to his,  • Which rest on you,  • They always rest on you,  • And you try to figure out a way to say it without feeling stupid,  • Because in your mind it is a whole concept and fear, but there aren’t enough words to describe how you feel, and to condense your thoughts into words belittles them endlessly,  • “It’s scary, showing your true self. I used to fear people would recognise me and arrest me, for being a thief, but nowadays it’s almost as if I don’t trust people enough. Enough to see my face,”  • You pick your words carefully but still feel as if it’s a weak excuse,  • “You don’t trust me, y/n?”  • His words shock you, make you question yourself, and you look into those soft, open eyes and brace yourself,  •You know he’s right as you relax, completely relax for the first time in years, letting all of your facade melt away to show your true skin, your true eyes, your true being,  • And there’s something in Daehwi’s eyes that you love as he looks at your pure self,
 • You feel insanely exposed but Daehwi himself settles you,  • And you know you no longer need to hide yourself from Daehwi anymore when he leans over, wrapping an arm around your real hips,  • Cups the back of your head,  • And gently smiles and he places his lips on your real ones,
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pharaohsparklefists · 7 years
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Episode 93: Kaiba begins to regret not rigging the Ultimate Bingo Machine.
The coma-toll continues to rise; so far we are 1:1 on comas to card games in the finals. If this was real life, how many comas would it take to get a major competitive event cancelled? Or at least, make them land the blimp? Answer: real life isn’t cool enough to stage the Olympics on a fuckin blimp.
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Shizuka has come into her own: she stays by Mai’s side, volunteering to look after her while the others abandon their dying friend to go watch two emotionally-stunted older siblings ”””play””” a card game. Why isn’t Mai in the goddamn blimp-hospital? Answer: a blimp doesn’t HAVE a real hospital it’s just a blimp-room with a quite-possibly-fake doctor in it   this show is garbage  even in near-death-experiences Mai gets fucked over.
Back on top of the blimp, Kaiba has deigned to stand with the Nerd Herd, presumably because no one wants to stand with Yami Malik cause he’s the kind of person to deliberately stand behind Isono to freak him out.
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Isis is soMEHOW late despite literally being able to see the future so I have to presume she’s late on purpose to annoy Kaiba, so ... yeah I’m here for that. You make him wait, girl!
Kaiba takes advantage of the delay to check in on Mokuba’s homework...
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Mokuba can’t translate the hieretic text on Ra’s card with Kaiba Corp’s resources, so he just nbd
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LOGS INTO INDUSTRIAL ILLUSIONS, presumably to find information on the card’s original design and stuff? Why does he have this code?? Answer: he probably just fucking cracked it, it appears to be a three-digit (maybe four) user ID and three-digit (maybe four) passcode. Even being suuuper generous and assuming it’s four, I have to assume it’s romaji characters (and probably numbers) since the screen is asking for the information in American English. So a brute-force attack would only need to test a little over 1.6 million possible options, which would take less than a second to crack. It may also contain symbols or non-romaji characters but four digits just isn’t long enough to stand up against any kind of attack.
Anyway, Kaiba tells him to keep him posted and DRAMATICALLY INSERTS HIS CARDS INTO HIS DUEL DISK
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eyes closed like he’s not hoping Yami’s watching
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Then he realises playing hard to get is foolish and just fuckin demands Yami’s attention #noticemesenpai
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“I’M DOING THIS FOR YOU BUT NOT LIKE IN  A GAY WAY, JUST LIKE THAT WAY WHERE I REALLY WANT YOUR ATTENTION AND THINK YOU’RE WORTH MORE THAN OTHER PEOPLE AND SEE YOU AS MY ONLY EQUAL AND FOLLOW YOU AROUND AND MY HEART BEATS FASTER WHEN I THINK OF YOU OKay fine in a gay way.”
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#Hondawisdom
Kaiba takes his place on the BATTLE DECK(tm) PUN INTENDED (name presumed from context) and the elevator arrives with his opponent...
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Damn, boy. Check your patriarchal expectations before you wreck yoursatriarchalexpectations.
... Wait are you really telling me Kaiba didn’t find out who the eighth duelist was?? Isono knows! Did Kaiba not ask??? I seriously would not have thought he would allow there to be an unknown person on his Battle Blimp...
Faced with a as-far-as-he-knows new person he is hosting at his tournament to promote a major new product for his company, Kaiba opens with
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aggressive disdain!
Alright so everyone’s like ~oooh who is this m~y~s~t~e~r~i~o~u~s and stylish new duelist with the face-covering veil~
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which is all well and good but
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WHY ARE YOU THIS SURPRISED YOU MET HER BEFORE
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SO DID YOU 
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YOU GREW UP WITH HER
HOW THE SHITTY SHITTING SHIT DO THESE REACTIONS OCCUR ONLY AFTER SHE REMOVES THE LORD-HELP-ME 10CM-SQUARE PIECE OF FABRIC COVERING HER LIPS AND NOSE SHE’S ISIS-SIZED AND ISIS-SHAPED AND WEARING ISIS-CLOTHES GOOD GRIEF FUCKERS LOOK UP FROM YOUR CARD GAMES ONCE IN A WHILE AND LEARN TO RECOGNISE HUMANS smh
So Isis tells Kaiba she’s here because of her fate and destiny and shit and he’s like
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“small words please. in fact, preferably numbers”
But she actually fucking does explain it in a way Seto Kaiba can understand!
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(and she looks damn hot doing it)
Of all the things on this earth, “I’m doing this to save my younger brother” is the only thing Seto Kaiba will always understand. And she skips right over all the clairvoyance and the long-foretold destiny and the ancient ghosts and even her magic necklace that--
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... okay yeah she immediately ruins it.
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convndrums · 7 years
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here the FAWK she ( the semi-finished masterlist of all my characters ) is ! took way too long but hopefully as you proceed to click on the linque below you’ll know why smh but yep ! i’ll be adding their pages on my account when i’m done with them soon i hope and maybe come back with a bunch of connections for each character but for now this is all i got & smash this like or im me for plots i’d love to get on those finally xx
reintroducing amanda wheeler;  intro & info page.
queen of irony. rich post- faux country gal who’s a loud homosexual and writes hetero fics/has an indie het smut for the absolute shits and giggles. dates a married woman she’s utterly in love with and will pull the life support cord for. said to be possessed by a possessed flapper. cute and knows it even though she looks like a republican. socially open & everywhere. morally grey.
reintroducing imogen yates; intro & info page. ( tw violence )
the grey area between your mom friend and your drunk aunt. happily vegan & owns a vegan restaurant called the fork, alt. the vegan cult’s lair. won’t kill you, but will convince you she really wants to. local brat tamer. minds her business via minding others. clashed head-first into nature’s very own reset button: amnesia. used to be satan and traumatized everyone. disgustingly active and accomplishing.
reintroducing ethan holland; intro & info page. ( tw suicide )
he is a sk8r boi, she said see ya later boy ( and meant it. they’re dating now. hey lourdes ! ) a nice person, so nice he doesn’t realize how fake he sounds/is. a certified headass. previously a bully/bully enabler, current guilty fuck. #torn. does the most for his loved ones. doesn’t remember his own birthday. googled foot fetishes once. trolls stan twitter with his fake selena gomez stan account when tumblr crashes. burned a sue of cide note with his name scribbled on it.
reintroducing sebastian miller; intro & info page ( tw violence )
kazimer sokolov whom. russian ex-cult member well-adjusted into a mundane life via lies, a fake canadian accent he’s ‘trying to get rid of’, being a twilight saga aficionado and a dickwad, a lame record store and a tumblr blog to keep himself sane by maintaining a general aesthetic and shitting on people and every discourse out there. knives/books sniffer. allegedly fucked a moose. probably kinkshames as a way to deal with his own “kinks” aka please keep the dead bodies away. ( im kidding i swear but [redacted] )
reintroducing prudence zima; intro & info page ( tw death )
parents died in a fire when she was two months old and it shows. idolizes avril lavigne & her favorite movie is lords of dogtown for aesthetics references. dude. social leech or effortless networker ? both. remains in her lane regardless. cry-types probably. here for a good time, not a long time. steals your stash and smokes you out with it. avid dick connoisseur. minimum effort lifestyle. either on her way to become a manager of some one hit wonder band that finds it’s demise in a freak accident, a drug dealer or god forbid, a guidance counselor; depends. mild cool girl syndrome. 
reintroducing jennifer meade; intro & info page ( tw death, violence and abuse )
bi/pussy muncher and proud misandrist, first and foremost. remembers killing her brother very fondly. the one girl in a room to call when you want to kill a bug and you’re relieved until she kills it with her bare hand. tops. unstable & chaotic evil, respectively. the ginger devil. biased and has her minion whom she invests a great deal of her time in brain washing and obsessing over. supposedly here to make amends but that’s not happening any time soon.
reintroducing margot williams; intro & info page ( tw mental illness )
deserves better. very gay. all her friends are heathens xtra, take it slow. corrects typos in the gc. a nerdy editorial assistant daydreaming about publishing houses instead of the magazine she works for. lowkey shy and she’s angry about it. goes off if she must. jacks off to #knowledge and yuri anime. helps with homework and essays and takes the kids out. deadpan because we’re original but she swears it’s just the face & unresolved trauma. stans her therapist. unofficial older sister.
reintroducing chandler accardi; intro ( re-written ) & info page
needs to do better. dropped out of college for culinary school then dropped out of that too. was engaged to an absolute goddess he ultimately wronged ( with her damn best friend, bitch disgostin* ) and got kicked out to the curb. currently residing in the couch of his sister until things are resolved. thot-by-default & annoying. has like three ( 3 ) redeeming qualities. has never been told to shut up and it shows. works at buzzfeed.
reintroducing abel gautier; intro & info page
french and “confused”. lives a minimalist n’ expensive life. if american psycho & french kiss were the same movie. wine sniffer. the devil bakes croissants. will watch you die. takes grudges to the afterlife. gets attached but either ruins it or ruins it to spare everyone, himself included. falls in love a lot but knows how to calm the fuck down. very giving, fortunately. manipulative but isn’t too wild about bending everything to his will. 
reintroducing simini gale; intro & info page ( tw abuse, violence & mental illness )
token white actress & character in rosie’s show. [ britney vc ] its me.... against dissociation. a loud mess with an intense mental state and anger issues dulled out by her prescribed meds and whatever pill she got in the bottom of her manager’s purse. dependent and distraught about it. grocery shopping for garbage food and attending comedy stand up shows half drunk as a hobby. stable ? where. very nice and super flighty. heels are hot. wishes she could fight someone without feeling the urge to actually fight someone. 
reintroducing calvin o’shea; intro & info page ( tw mental illness )
it’s not just the depression more than the incredible self hatred. walks into rooms with his bad energy, grumpy mood and cunty attitude. graduated college just to shut his dad up. wants to die harder than edward cullen. just doesn’t give a shit. has a baby named freddie mercury ( also known as the antichrist, with alanis, his mortal literal enemy whom he absolutely despises and will not hesitate to put his dick back in again lbr ) who will probably grow up to talk shit about his parents whom he also mentioned in his tell-all book on ellen. works at his family’s bookstore that sucks the life energy out of college students nearing a mental breakdown.
reintroducing isabel pavia; intro & info page ( tw drug use )
contemporary dances her feelings away. too ambitious for her own good but knows what she’s doing. in a goth ass secret society ( here ) a.k.a her new found purpose. knows everything eventually. oddly trustworthy. doesn’t know what speaking loudly is, let alone yelling. loves the moon & has that moon app. had to take painkillers when she twisted her ankle very badly and would take them for a while for stress and performance reasons, but has stopped. a quiet angel. 
reintroducing anastasia zeller; intro & info page
ambitious/multi-talented asshole. horror trash & an emotional/mental maze which translates well into her weird works on no sleep reddit and current horror comedy podcast. ( click here for info ). needs a therapist according to a friend, whom she dropped for saying that. will bite your head off. obsessed with her works to an unhealthy point. would love to establish a company and stuff out of it and is working on that. healthy relationships are a semi-foreign concept.
reintroducing morgan booker; intro & info page ( tw death )
vape-curious and takes photos of ghost towns and abandoned-everythings because #vision. had a roadtrip phase like the fake deep idiot he is. morally grey. genuinely here for a good laugh and spreading joy in the form of hover-friendships and taking lit candids of his friends. knows shit and comes off as a creep sometimes but does he really care. knows your mom’s name. lives in a disused hospital bc he’s marinating on that aesthetic. 
reintroducing bowie harmon; intro & info page ( tw drug use & abuse )
part of a duo in a web series as the anxious n’ cackling mess. showcases her depressión & anxieté by her colorful wigs n’ new hair dyes. painful receptionist at a tattoo parlor. recovering addict who advocates for drug use. thinks tattooing a ruler on someone’s dick one day would be the peak of her accomplishments as a tattoo artist. daily bad decisions. “ it’s complicated. ” when asked about literally any relationship she has with anyone in her life. traumas include her failed singing career. an ex viner-by-association.
reintroducing shaheen bin baz; intro & info page ( tw violence & mental illness )
the physical deception of going through hell in a short amount of time with zero mental durability to begin with during midterms. trigger-anxious. will shoot your toes off your foot if caught off guard. aided in criminal operations with the brilliance of his mind in codes. would not mind dying. seasons your food. waters his crops in his balcony garden. the grey area between a super laidback dude and a crackhead with violent tendencies. nearing a mental breakdown probably. 
reintroducing minka abbott-santos; intro & info page ( tw abuse )
defeats the evil stepmom stereotype one breath at a time. the human embodiment of a deer. gothic angel. alarmingly gets black swan. type to wake up to her staring at you from an armchair across the room, but lovingly, with a book she was reading in hand and two hot cups of tea; she was waiting to start the day with you. spooky until you get to know her and even more spookier when she’s ( note: calmly ) pissed but that’s extremely rare. gentle voice, soul and everything.
reintroducing reuben faulkner; intro & info page ( tw abuse & violence  )
rekt hell prince. lived in an amish community with his family until he got kidnapped away from home when he was seven into an awful living situation. doesn’t remember if the gas leak that happened five years later and killed everyone was his doing or not. knows where his real family is after months of tracking them down but. blood kink under investigation. shady bouncer at a shady club. has issues he has no care or time to diminish. fights for the shits and giggles. leaves texts at read. leaves you alone for your own good and his own sanity. 
reintroducing alexandra turunen;  info page
wants to do everything and be everything and doesn’t know what to do with herself ( read: post-graduation identity crisis ) currently investing in a motorcycle for no reason. essentially jobless. a “retired” kathryn merteuil who “outgrew” her cunning ways since highschool but really only found new socially destructive interests. appears to be self-possessed but she’s #shaken. doesn’t care about how well she presents herself anymore after getting rejected by four universities and refusing to accept her father’s offer to pull some strings to get her in one. sleeps a lot. 
reintroducing giuseppe del vecchio;  info page ( tw death & drug use  )
goes by pepe because well. son of italian oil peeps & is extra. said to be in a cult when all he’s in is this extra ass dining club that does the most for initiation ceremonies. ready to fall in love with you. goes to the king’s college in london and studies business & changes his minor way too often for everyone’s liking. into everything and will be down to do whatever. faux deep. mischievous shit. incredibly unbiased. had his rawrk n’ roll phase that died along with someone in a club literally. still has it but he knows god now & less drugs.
reintroducing kelian scott;  info page ( tw death & drug use  )
a father/father figure who tries™. runs a mechanic shop/chop shop because bad decisions and dire needs ( had his son to send to school and his daughter who passed away due to a disease he couldn’t afford to treat even after turning his shop into a chop shop. his wife then left him ). stares into the distance. wants the best for the kids but one of them is a junkie ( he doesn’t know yet ) and the other -- his niece -- is an orphan he’s worried about. thinks ahead 24/7. needs to pull out of this dull n’ depressing daily routine he has fallen into like the basic ass divorced dad he is. 
reintroducing sal presley;  info page
smexy trace & fingerprint detective. talks. the perfect illusion to bring home to your parents and friends. gets shit done which is both a good thing and a bad thing. looks calm, collected n’ well-rested but isn’t. his actual name is salvatore but no. knows how to mix drinks and more; used to showcase his multi-talented ass to make his ( currently ex ) fiancée look good now just himself. was engaged three times; two of those times with the same person. obsessive; gets into his job a little too intensely for no reason but #justice and maybe something else whom knows. loses sleep at least two nights a week as a habit at this point. has an extended family back home he misses occasionally. wishes he could calm down truly. 
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12x22 recap
The good, the bad & the ugly. A lot of ranting & a lot of Dean feels & Ackles praise. No sugar to be found in my coating. 
Ahoy lazy writing! That spell stuff. Smh. Ok Dean ilu but “Let's Shawshank this bitch” really? Ya do remember how that took years to do. This idea was ridiculous. Why are the writers hell-bent on making the brothers look incompetent this season?
“How did this happen?” ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME RN SAM I HAVE AN IDEA.
“Blaze of glory...sonuvabitch.” Now THAT is my Dean. A crazy as shit idea, but one that actually has a chance of working.
DEAN FINALLY GETS TO USE THE LAUNCHER HE IS SO HAPPY I LOVE IT.
On the other hand; “big, beautiful & dumb” fuck you, writers.
“yippee ki yay mother...” BOOM. This is why Jensen was excited abt 12x22. Nothing will convince me otherwise.
“Aww, ya wanna play mother to my son? He's all yours.” Ik I've said this half the season now, but DIE MARY.
Sam's speech: Y'all weren't dumb enough to fall for the BMOL bullshit like me & my mom but now they're trying to kill us all so let's team up & take them down. WHO IS WITH ME!1!11
Dean: “I'm not going.” In an extremely long list of shitting on Dean S12 has done THIS FUCKING TOOK THE CAKE. Oh yeah, go ahead Sam, go to your possible death, I'm gonna sit back here & deal with mom..smth that could totally be dealt with AFTER THE MAJOR SHOWDOWN YOU'RE GOING TO, but for Reasons I am, for the 1st time in 12 seasons, going to just chill on the bench voluntarily. It's not like I've spent the entire series protecting you at all costs...nah, I'll send ya off on your own, you got this. Yeah, sound totally in character, the Dean we all know. Great job bo bo. At least now that nickname makes sense bc this writing is nothing short of a joke. Oh but by all means, throw in an old line to garner nostalgia & a bro hug to distract us from this horse shit. All better now.
Dean & Mary scenes. All.The.Feels. At first Dean is trying to get her attention, thinking she's trapped...but then everything shifts when he realizes she wants to be in there. “I hate you.” AHHHH I screamed at my TV, seriously. That was sooooo huge for Dean, so hard & so needed to be said. Then it just gets so much more painful from there…
Tbh I'm too bitter that Dean was benched to give any fucks abt any of this BMOL shootout so moving along…
Back to Dean...ok this dialogue was a lot of shit. But I'll focus on Jensen's phenomenal performance before I complain abt that…
Dean calling Mary on her shit *standing ovation* Tell that bitch, Dean! “I had to be a father and I had to be a mother. To keep him safe. And that wasn't fair.” I HAVE WAITED 12 SEASON FOR THIS!
But here's where things go to shit…
“I couldn’t do it.” Seriously? You’re gonna put the shit that happened on him. Okay, sounds fake, but ok. I guess it’s fitting with the shit hole speech ya had him say next.
Sam this...Sam that...Sam Sam SAM. DEAN IF I'M NOT MISTAKEN YOU WENT TO HELL & YOU WERE TORTURED THERE YOUR LIFE WASN'T FREAKING PUPPIES & RAINBOWS EITHER. Would it have been that fucking difficult to put WE went to Hell, WE were tortured??? SOME acknowledgment that Mary ruined his life too??? It's Dean, so yes the focus is always going to be on someone else's hardships more than his own but leaving every other word the same & just switching WE in those 2 parts would have made all the difference in the world. But no. Dean doesn't matter. He isn't of import to these writers.
Back to Jensen's performance…
“I hate you. I hate you...and I love you. Cause I can't..I can't help it cause you're my mom. And I understand bc I have made deals to save the ones I love. More than once. I forgive you. I forgive you..for all of it..everything.”
The way his voice breaks on the 2nd I hate you /gross sobbing!!! This was so utterly heartbreaking on a number of levels. Dean, the guy who has put his family before everything else, who's mom was the one pure relationship he had-his go to happy place...and he's admitting out loud that he hates her. That was huge...& monumentally difficult. And his follow up “I love you bc I can't help it, ur my mom” that's part of why it was so hard on him. It's beaten into us by society to love our parents but society never factors in that some parents DON'T deserve our love. Kids don't wanna tell their parents they hate them, no matter how much the parent earned it. We're bombarded from an early age to love our parents & if not, if a child dares to question that love then THEY are seen as the ones in the wrong. In general, society doesn't account for horrible parents & kids who have them end up feeling shame &/or guilt over not loving them but they don't have to. You don't have to love a shitty parent any more than you have to love any other person who mistreats you.
The forgiving part. I've seen a lot of Dean fans unhappy he forgave her when she clearly didn't earn it but I have to disagree. The forgiveness had nothing to do with Mary & everything to do with Dean. Look how relieved he is when he says it. Dean had been carrying that bottled up hatred towards Mary his whole life & it got so much worse after her return. That's not good for anyone. Him saying “I forgive you” wasn't letting her off the hook or making everything she'd done ok, it was taking the weight off HIS shoulders of hating a parent. Having hate for someone you also love. That shit fucks with your head. Openly forgiving her was beneficial to HIM. If it made Mary feel better idgaf, the point is that Dean needed to do it for his own sake & that's why I liked it. That's why I won't add it to the list of “Dean apologizing to everyone” bc in this case it was in his best interest & that's what matters. As for Jensen, what can I say that won't sound like a broken record lol. He continues to amaze. He brought you right into that scene & you felt everything right along with Dean.
The Dean & Ketch fight. I waited so damn long for Dean to be able to his this asshole! But of course Mary kills him bc S12 Dean is a pacifist. WTF was that shit, seriously? Ketch is supposed to be a match to Dean but a little bullet to the shoulder & he's on his knees whining?? This is the killing machine the season built up as the big scary bad?? Lemme go vomit, brb. And what was with the “I knew you were a killer, you both are.” crap? Did he get some satisfaction in the last few seconds of his life to say I told you so? Lame ass end to a lame as plot.
Back to w/e the hell Sam was doing…
The umbridge bitch wasn't happy. Sam why the hell haven't you shot her yet? You dumb shit. He just stands there listening to her bullshit. SERIOUSLY SAM WHY IS SHE STILL ALIVE? Oh take out the scary computer, that helped a lot. At least Jody was around this time or Sam probly would've joined her team again.
Mary: blah blah a lot of excuses & justifying blah blah blah...BUT STILL NO GOD DAMN APOLOGY. I know “I'm sorry” is just words & actions speak louder but it's a damn start.
Oh but by all means, throw in another hug to distract the fans. Group hug=all is well with them. Sure, Jan.
Overall this ep was mediocre...which is an improvement on most of the season, but other than Dean finally getting to use the grenade launcher & Jensen killing us with the Mary flashbacks, it was poorly written & rushed.
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samanthasroberts · 5 years
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Vanderpump Rules Season 7 Episode 3 Recap · Betches
What’s good, Sexy Unique People? It’s your favorite recapper, Sgt. Olivia Betchson, here. I’m here one whole day early to recap Vanderpump Rules season 7 episode 3, which got moved to a new day for some reason. Smh, you think you can depend on something, like you have been doing for the past FOUR YEARS, and then they go changing it for no discernible reason. Is it so much to ask for my show to be on at a consistent time? Is it?? There’s so little I can rely on anymore in this world.
This week picks right back up at Pride, after James has called Katie fat. He yells at Katie to “lose some f*cking weight” before storming off and telling some guy that Katie can go f*ck herself. Way harsh, Tai.
Scheana is talking about how she doesn’t know if Hope hooked up with James. Which is fair because the only people who know that for sure are Hope, James, and God. And still Scheana gets sh*t for this very uncontroversial opinion. It may be besides the point that James cheats on Raquel a lot, but also, why is this anyone’s business? Scheana is the only one who actually likes and wants to be friends with Raquel, so she’s realistically the only one who is in a place to tell Raquel about any cheating rumors. Everybody else isn’t doing this out of loyalty to Raquel but a desire to f*ck up James’s life. You heard it here first!
Lisa arrives at Pride dressed like she’s going to the Kentucky Derby.
No further comments at this time.
Raquel comes back up to Kristen and Hope and steals Hope away for a second. Raquel asks her to tell her what really happened at Coachella. Hope claims that Coachella is only the tip of the iceberg and she and James were sleeping together for THREE YEARS!! Oh and I’m sorry, this Coachella incident was not at this past year’s Coachella, but it actually happened two years ago.
Me:
I’m sorry, hold the phone. So you mean to tell me that this alleged incident happened years ago, and we’re only just hearing about it now? Hope sat on this information for TWO YEARS?? And she’s bringing it up now as if it’s somehow relevant and current information? Seems extremely suspect. How can you even begin to verify something that happened years ago?? Also, is Raquel really meant to blow up her relationship over something that may or may not have happened two years ago? I’ve gotta say, this is not Kristen’s best work. Try coming through with receipts from this calendar year, hmm?
Stassi calling James an emaciated muppet literally made me spit out my drink. Speaking of said emaciated muppet, James is literally full-on in white Kanye mode. He’s f*cked up, slurring, wandering around and trying to order a pumptini. It’s not good.
Lisa pulls Raquel aside to basically be like “come get ya mans and make sure he doesn’t have another sip of alcohol.” Yeah, that will end well. When has anyone in the history of alcohol successfully stopped a drunk person from doing something stupid? Never. So Raquel confronts James again about the rumors, and all he does is call Hope a f*cking whore. Hmm, so she’s a whore for not sleeping with you? Reminds me of middle school when some girl called me a slut when I hadn’t even kissed a guy yet. Just fun misogyny things!
We leave this with Raquel saying she wants to stay with James for the Instagram exposure.
Raquel and James are trying to put together furniture while discussing the train wreck that was the day before.
Ok so James’s story is that he and Hope hooked up two and a half years ago, before he was with Raquel.
Me: 
Right after this, Peter calls James to un-invite him to his birthday. I kind of wonder what Kristen had to blackmail him with in order to get that to happen.
James: Well Tom’s drinks don’t taste like alcohol so it snuck up on me. Raquel: Mmm, no that’s not it.
Yeah no, that’s not what happened here. This is wild because I’ve never even heard Raquel speak this many words before, and I legit have met her in person. I’m into this, though. She says she doesn’t want James to have another sip of alcohol ever again. I’m not going to hold my breath waiting for that to come true, because I don’t wish to asphyxiate. Still, I can respect that she has a more realistic perspective of addiction than Scheana.
Some lady with a pageboy cap shows up to SUR to ask Lisa if she could give her brother a job. OK so it looks like we’re getting another Instagram model added to the cast… who’s probably going to date Scheana. Let’s just hope this guy shows up to the interview wearing pants and that he brings his resume.
Speaking of… Scheana shows up to Peter’s birthday party with Adam, which surprises no one. I’m glad they’ve finally taken their Instagram relationship public. The real question is… can he hang a TV in under 7 minutes?
Stassi is like, annoyed that Scheana doesn’t want to speak on rumors she doesn’t know about (aka James hooking up with Hope). Oh here’s the Stassi I knew and hated from season 5—the one who is only friends with people so long as they agree with her on all things and hate the same people she hates. That’s not loyalty, btw, that’s blind devotion!
Stassi and Ariana are finally joining forces to throw one birthday party. I would have commentary on this, but I knew this happened over the summer so I no longer have anything to say on the matter. Is Instagram ruining Vanderpump Rules? The title of my next think piece.
Ariana: Stassi just kept following me around and being nice to me so I gave up the energy to be bitchy.
Relatable.
Katie, Brittany, Stassi and Ariana are having a girls’ night and not inviting Scheana. Ariana is kind of being a mean girl by being like “yeah well I haven’t seen Scheana lately, it’s on her to work out her issues with Katie and everyone” rather than sticking up for her supposed friend and trying to get her an invite. Who has no loyalty now?? (I keep referencing this because later on this season, Stassi will come at Scheana for her supposed lack of loyalty.)
Jax and Brittany are going to a cheese shop because they’re starting a beer cheese company. a BEER CHEESE COMPANY. Literally watching Brittany act like beer cheese is a novelty you can’t get anywhere but her Meemaw’s basement is f*cking ridiculous. I’ve had beer cheese in Atlanta. I’ve had it in New York. Go to any artisanal brewery and you can probably find a beer cheese dip that comes with a soft pretzel. Damn, now I want a pretzel.
Brittany is going to invite Raquel to girls’ night, basically because she’s been cheated on by her boyfriend too. Let’s also invite Khloé Kardashian and Cardi B to this girls’ night. It’s Cheaters Anonymous up in this bitch.
Jax re: Raquel: Why would you want to be with someone who literally everybody hates?
LOLLLLLLLLLMFAOOOO IS THIS A JOKE?? Pot, meet kettle who everyone hates.
Jax has started his job back at SUR again. Again, what’s it like to have literally no consequences for your actions? MUST BE NICE.
Wait a sec, did Schwartz just call Katie his girlfriend? Yes he did. THAT’S YOUR WIFE! Or have you forgotten?
Schwartz goes to talk to James about calling Katie fat and the convo goes as follows:
Schwartz: Katie isn’t fat she’s sexy and luscious James: I know man Schwartz: Say it. I want you to say it.
You want another man to call your WIFE sexy and luscious? Weird flex, but ok. In predictable Schwartzy fashion, he doesn’t get mad at James or really give him any consequences for what he did. Maybe this is why Kristen has dubbed herself the Karma Police?
It’s girls’ night, and Ariana is SERVING in this see-through red lace number with a red thong. Everyone looks amazing, I’m really loving this. Looking at these outfits has cleared my skin, hydrated my body, and filled up my bank account.
View this post on Instagram
Don’t forget there’s a new #pumprules tonight at 9pm!
A post shared by Katie Maloney-Schwartz (@musickillskate) on Dec 16, 2018 at 1:51pm PST
Meanwhile at guys’ night, Jax comes riding in on a motor scooter. All I could think about was:
Jax announces he and Brittany are business owners, and claims they’re getting patented and whatever. I doubt that. Have you even filed an LLC yet? I’m not saying Jax is a liar, but a brief Google search for “Meemaw’s beer cheese” only pulled up a Bustle article.
Brittany tells everyone that she invited Raquel to girls’ night and you can see the group calculate whether they should throw their drinks in Brittany’s face or jump out the window.
It’s so rich that Brittany is inviting Raquel out to tell her that her boyfriend sucks. And yet, she’s still with Jax and is now pledging to be with him FOR LIFE, so?? The cognitive dissonance is astounding. Jax buys tampons one time and all of a sudden we’re meant to believe he’s a completely new person?
I can’t believe Kristen is telling Raquel that James has a really shitty temper. Spoken by the woman who punched James in the face??!? Kristen should get a gold medal in mental gymnastics. F*ck it, they all should.
Katie: I feel like I’m in the Twilight Zone where monsters are allowed to do and say whatever they want without consequences.
Yeah, welcome to 2018, bitch. Where have ya been?
We end this episode with Katie going to talk to Lisa to tell her about James calling her fat during Pride. I’m actually here for this Katie because Lisa is saying “James’ language is unacceptable” but not actually vowing to do anything. *Whispers into the void* just like when any high-powered man gets called out for unacceptable behavior. So Katie basically tells Lisa “it’s him or me.” You can tell Lisa is PISSED to not be calling the shots this time. Maybe if these men ever faced consequences for their gross behavior we wouldn’t have to resort to ultimatums! I mean, has anyone else ever thought about how the only person who has truly gotten fired from SUR and never gotten her job back has been Kristen? I have to wonder why that is…
And it’s possible I spoke too soon about this season being good, because this episode was kind of a bore. I tried to make this recap as exciting as I could, but putting jokes into this uninspired episode is like trying to inject life into a corpse… or into Giggy’s hairless body. Boom! And with that, I’m out of here! See you guys next Monday, because I’m pretty sure Bravo is f*cking with us yet again by changing the time of this show. For the record, I DO NOT SUPPORT THIS!
Images: Trae Patton / Bravo Media; Giphy (4)
Source: http://allofbeer.com/vanderpump-rules-season-7-episode-3-recap-%c2%b7-betches/
from All of Beer https://allofbeer.wordpress.com/2019/02/23/vanderpump-rules-season-7-episode-3-recap-%c2%b7-betches/
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adambstingus · 5 years
Text
Vanderpump Rules Season 7 Episode 3 Recap · Betches
What’s good, Sexy Unique People? It’s your favorite recapper, Sgt. Olivia Betchson, here. I’m here one whole day early to recap Vanderpump Rules season 7 episode 3, which got moved to a new day for some reason. Smh, you think you can depend on something, like you have been doing for the past FOUR YEARS, and then they go changing it for no discernible reason. Is it so much to ask for my show to be on at a consistent time? Is it?? There’s so little I can rely on anymore in this world.
This week picks right back up at Pride, after James has called Katie fat. He yells at Katie to “lose some f*cking weight” before storming off and telling some guy that Katie can go f*ck herself. Way harsh, Tai.
Scheana is talking about how she doesn’t know if Hope hooked up with James. Which is fair because the only people who know that for sure are Hope, James, and God. And still Scheana gets sh*t for this very uncontroversial opinion. It may be besides the point that James cheats on Raquel a lot, but also, why is this anyone’s business? Scheana is the only one who actually likes and wants to be friends with Raquel, so she’s realistically the only one who is in a place to tell Raquel about any cheating rumors. Everybody else isn’t doing this out of loyalty to Raquel but a desire to f*ck up James’s life. You heard it here first!
Lisa arrives at Pride dressed like she’s going to the Kentucky Derby.
No further comments at this time.
Raquel comes back up to Kristen and Hope and steals Hope away for a second. Raquel asks her to tell her what really happened at Coachella. Hope claims that Coachella is only the tip of the iceberg and she and James were sleeping together for THREE YEARS!! Oh and I’m sorry, this Coachella incident was not at this past year’s Coachella, but it actually happened two years ago.
Me:
I’m sorry, hold the phone. So you mean to tell me that this alleged incident happened years ago, and we’re only just hearing about it now? Hope sat on this information for TWO YEARS?? And she’s bringing it up now as if it’s somehow relevant and current information? Seems extremely suspect. How can you even begin to verify something that happened years ago?? Also, is Raquel really meant to blow up her relationship over something that may or may not have happened two years ago? I’ve gotta say, this is not Kristen’s best work. Try coming through with receipts from this calendar year, hmm?
Stassi calling James an emaciated muppet literally made me spit out my drink. Speaking of said emaciated muppet, James is literally full-on in white Kanye mode. He’s f*cked up, slurring, wandering around and trying to order a pumptini. It’s not good.
Lisa pulls Raquel aside to basically be like “come get ya mans and make sure he doesn’t have another sip of alcohol.” Yeah, that will end well. When has anyone in the history of alcohol successfully stopped a drunk person from doing something stupid? Never. So Raquel confronts James again about the rumors, and all he does is call Hope a f*cking whore. Hmm, so she’s a whore for not sleeping with you? Reminds me of middle school when some girl called me a slut when I hadn’t even kissed a guy yet. Just fun misogyny things!
We leave this with Raquel saying she wants to stay with James for the Instagram exposure.
Raquel and James are trying to put together furniture while discussing the train wreck that was the day before.
Ok so James’s story is that he and Hope hooked up two and a half years ago, before he was with Raquel.
Me: 
Right after this, Peter calls James to un-invite him to his birthday. I kind of wonder what Kristen had to blackmail him with in order to get that to happen.
James: Well Tom’s drinks don’t taste like alcohol so it snuck up on me. Raquel: Mmm, no that’s not it.
Yeah no, that’s not what happened here. This is wild because I’ve never even heard Raquel speak this many words before, and I legit have met her in person. I’m into this, though. She says she doesn’t want James to have another sip of alcohol ever again. I’m not going to hold my breath waiting for that to come true, because I don’t wish to asphyxiate. Still, I can respect that she has a more realistic perspective of addiction than Scheana.
Some lady with a pageboy cap shows up to SUR to ask Lisa if she could give her brother a job. OK so it looks like we’re getting another Instagram model added to the cast… who’s probably going to date Scheana. Let’s just hope this guy shows up to the interview wearing pants and that he brings his resume.
Speaking of… Scheana shows up to Peter’s birthday party with Adam, which surprises no one. I’m glad they’ve finally taken their Instagram relationship public. The real question is… can he hang a TV in under 7 minutes?
Stassi is like, annoyed that Scheana doesn’t want to speak on rumors she doesn’t know about (aka James hooking up with Hope). Oh here’s the Stassi I knew and hated from season 5—the one who is only friends with people so long as they agree with her on all things and hate the same people she hates. That’s not loyalty, btw, that’s blind devotion!
Stassi and Ariana are finally joining forces to throw one birthday party. I would have commentary on this, but I knew this happened over the summer so I no longer have anything to say on the matter. Is Instagram ruining Vanderpump Rules? The title of my next think piece.
Ariana: Stassi just kept following me around and being nice to me so I gave up the energy to be bitchy.
Relatable.
Katie, Brittany, Stassi and Ariana are having a girls’ night and not inviting Scheana. Ariana is kind of being a mean girl by being like “yeah well I haven’t seen Scheana lately, it’s on her to work out her issues with Katie and everyone” rather than sticking up for her supposed friend and trying to get her an invite. Who has no loyalty now?? (I keep referencing this because later on this season, Stassi will come at Scheana for her supposed lack of loyalty.)
Jax and Brittany are going to a cheese shop because they’re starting a beer cheese company. a BEER CHEESE COMPANY. Literally watching Brittany act like beer cheese is a novelty you can’t get anywhere but her Meemaw’s basement is f*cking ridiculous. I’ve had beer cheese in Atlanta. I’ve had it in New York. Go to any artisanal brewery and you can probably find a beer cheese dip that comes with a soft pretzel. Damn, now I want a pretzel.
Brittany is going to invite Raquel to girls’ night, basically because she’s been cheated on by her boyfriend too. Let’s also invite Khloé Kardashian and Cardi B to this girls’ night. It’s Cheaters Anonymous up in this bitch.
Jax re: Raquel: Why would you want to be with someone who literally everybody hates?
LOLLLLLLLLLMFAOOOO IS THIS A JOKE?? Pot, meet kettle who everyone hates.
Jax has started his job back at SUR again. Again, what’s it like to have literally no consequences for your actions? MUST BE NICE.
Wait a sec, did Schwartz just call Katie his girlfriend? Yes he did. THAT’S YOUR WIFE! Or have you forgotten?
Schwartz goes to talk to James about calling Katie fat and the convo goes as follows:
Schwartz: Katie isn’t fat she’s sexy and luscious James: I know man Schwartz: Say it. I want you to say it.
You want another man to call your WIFE sexy and luscious? Weird flex, but ok. In predictable Schwartzy fashion, he doesn’t get mad at James or really give him any consequences for what he did. Maybe this is why Kristen has dubbed herself the Karma Police?
It’s girls’ night, and Ariana is SERVING in this see-through red lace number with a red thong. Everyone looks amazing, I’m really loving this. Looking at these outfits has cleared my skin, hydrated my body, and filled up my bank account.
View this post on Instagram
Don’t forget there’s a new #pumprules tonight at 9pm!
A post shared by Katie Maloney-Schwartz (@musickillskate) on Dec 16, 2018 at 1:51pm PST
Meanwhile at guys’ night, Jax comes riding in on a motor scooter. All I could think about was:
Jax announces he and Brittany are business owners, and claims they’re getting patented and whatever. I doubt that. Have you even filed an LLC yet? I’m not saying Jax is a liar, but a brief Google search for “Meemaw’s beer cheese” only pulled up a Bustle article.
Brittany tells everyone that she invited Raquel to girls’ night and you can see the group calculate whether they should throw their drinks in Brittany’s face or jump out the window.
It’s so rich that Brittany is inviting Raquel out to tell her that her boyfriend sucks. And yet, she’s still with Jax and is now pledging to be with him FOR LIFE, so?? The cognitive dissonance is astounding. Jax buys tampons one time and all of a sudden we’re meant to believe he’s a completely new person?
I can’t believe Kristen is telling Raquel that James has a really shitty temper. Spoken by the woman who punched James in the face??!? Kristen should get a gold medal in mental gymnastics. F*ck it, they all should.
Katie: I feel like I’m in the Twilight Zone where monsters are allowed to do and say whatever they want without consequences.
Yeah, welcome to 2018, bitch. Where have ya been?
We end this episode with Katie going to talk to Lisa to tell her about James calling her fat during Pride. I’m actually here for this Katie because Lisa is saying “James’ language is unacceptable” but not actually vowing to do anything. *Whispers into the void* just like when any high-powered man gets called out for unacceptable behavior. So Katie basically tells Lisa “it’s him or me.” You can tell Lisa is PISSED to not be calling the shots this time. Maybe if these men ever faced consequences for their gross behavior we wouldn’t have to resort to ultimatums! I mean, has anyone else ever thought about how the only person who has truly gotten fired from SUR and never gotten her job back has been Kristen? I have to wonder why that is…
And it’s possible I spoke too soon about this season being good, because this episode was kind of a bore. I tried to make this recap as exciting as I could, but putting jokes into this uninspired episode is like trying to inject life into a corpse… or into Giggy’s hairless body. Boom! And with that, I’m out of here! See you guys next Monday, because I’m pretty sure Bravo is f*cking with us yet again by changing the time of this show. For the record, I DO NOT SUPPORT THIS!
Images: Trae Patton / Bravo Media; Giphy (4)
from All Of Beer http://allofbeer.com/vanderpump-rules-season-7-episode-3-recap-%c2%b7-betches/ from All of Beer https://allofbeercom.tumblr.com/post/183010553612
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allofbeercom · 5 years
Text
Vanderpump Rules Season 7 Episode 3 Recap · Betches
What’s good, Sexy Unique People? It’s your favorite recapper, Sgt. Olivia Betchson, here. I’m here one whole day early to recap Vanderpump Rules season 7 episode 3, which got moved to a new day for some reason. Smh, you think you can depend on something, like you have been doing for the past FOUR YEARS, and then they go changing it for no discernible reason. Is it so much to ask for my show to be on at a consistent time? Is it?? There’s so little I can rely on anymore in this world.
This week picks right back up at Pride, after James has called Katie fat. He yells at Katie to “lose some f*cking weight” before storming off and telling some guy that Katie can go f*ck herself. Way harsh, Tai.
Scheana is talking about how she doesn’t know if Hope hooked up with James. Which is fair because the only people who know that for sure are Hope, James, and God. And still Scheana gets sh*t for this very uncontroversial opinion. It may be besides the point that James cheats on Raquel a lot, but also, why is this anyone’s business? Scheana is the only one who actually likes and wants to be friends with Raquel, so she’s realistically the only one who is in a place to tell Raquel about any cheating rumors. Everybody else isn’t doing this out of loyalty to Raquel but a desire to f*ck up James’s life. You heard it here first!
Lisa arrives at Pride dressed like she’s going to the Kentucky Derby.
No further comments at this time.
Raquel comes back up to Kristen and Hope and steals Hope away for a second. Raquel asks her to tell her what really happened at Coachella. Hope claims that Coachella is only the tip of the iceberg and she and James were sleeping together for THREE YEARS!! Oh and I’m sorry, this Coachella incident was not at this past year’s Coachella, but it actually happened two years ago.
Me:
I’m sorry, hold the phone. So you mean to tell me that this alleged incident happened years ago, and we’re only just hearing about it now? Hope sat on this information for TWO YEARS?? And she’s bringing it up now as if it’s somehow relevant and current information? Seems extremely suspect. How can you even begin to verify something that happened years ago?? Also, is Raquel really meant to blow up her relationship over something that may or may not have happened two years ago? I’ve gotta say, this is not Kristen’s best work. Try coming through with receipts from this calendar year, hmm?
Stassi calling James an emaciated muppet literally made me spit out my drink. Speaking of said emaciated muppet, James is literally full-on in white Kanye mode. He’s f*cked up, slurring, wandering around and trying to order a pumptini. It’s not good.
Lisa pulls Raquel aside to basically be like “come get ya mans and make sure he doesn’t have another sip of alcohol.” Yeah, that will end well. When has anyone in the history of alcohol successfully stopped a drunk person from doing something stupid? Never. So Raquel confronts James again about the rumors, and all he does is call Hope a f*cking whore. Hmm, so she’s a whore for not sleeping with you? Reminds me of middle school when some girl called me a slut when I hadn’t even kissed a guy yet. Just fun misogyny things!
We leave this with Raquel saying she wants to stay with James for the Instagram exposure.
Raquel and James are trying to put together furniture while discussing the train wreck that was the day before.
Ok so James’s story is that he and Hope hooked up two and a half years ago, before he was with Raquel.
Me: 
Right after this, Peter calls James to un-invite him to his birthday. I kind of wonder what Kristen had to blackmail him with in order to get that to happen.
James: Well Tom’s drinks don’t taste like alcohol so it snuck up on me. Raquel: Mmm, no that’s not it.
Yeah no, that’s not what happened here. This is wild because I’ve never even heard Raquel speak this many words before, and I legit have met her in person. I’m into this, though. She says she doesn’t want James to have another sip of alcohol ever again. I’m not going to hold my breath waiting for that to come true, because I don’t wish to asphyxiate. Still, I can respect that she has a more realistic perspective of addiction than Scheana.
Some lady with a pageboy cap shows up to SUR to ask Lisa if she could give her brother a job. OK so it looks like we’re getting another Instagram model added to the cast… who’s probably going to date Scheana. Let’s just hope this guy shows up to the interview wearing pants and that he brings his resume.
Speaking of… Scheana shows up to Peter’s birthday party with Adam, which surprises no one. I’m glad they’ve finally taken their Instagram relationship public. The real question is… can he hang a TV in under 7 minutes?
Stassi is like, annoyed that Scheana doesn’t want to speak on rumors she doesn’t know about (aka James hooking up with Hope). Oh here’s the Stassi I knew and hated from season 5—the one who is only friends with people so long as they agree with her on all things and hate the same people she hates. That’s not loyalty, btw, that’s blind devotion!
Stassi and Ariana are finally joining forces to throw one birthday party. I would have commentary on this, but I knew this happened over the summer so I no longer have anything to say on the matter. Is Instagram ruining Vanderpump Rules? The title of my next think piece.
Ariana: Stassi just kept following me around and being nice to me so I gave up the energy to be bitchy.
Relatable.
Katie, Brittany, Stassi and Ariana are having a girls’ night and not inviting Scheana. Ariana is kind of being a mean girl by being like “yeah well I haven’t seen Scheana lately, it’s on her to work out her issues with Katie and everyone” rather than sticking up for her supposed friend and trying to get her an invite. Who has no loyalty now?? (I keep referencing this because later on this season, Stassi will come at Scheana for her supposed lack of loyalty.)
Jax and Brittany are going to a cheese shop because they’re starting a beer cheese company. a BEER CHEESE COMPANY. Literally watching Brittany act like beer cheese is a novelty you can’t get anywhere but her Meemaw’s basement is f*cking ridiculous. I’ve had beer cheese in Atlanta. I’ve had it in New York. Go to any artisanal brewery and you can probably find a beer cheese dip that comes with a soft pretzel. Damn, now I want a pretzel.
Brittany is going to invite Raquel to girls’ night, basically because she’s been cheated on by her boyfriend too. Let’s also invite Khloé Kardashian and Cardi B to this girls’ night. It’s Cheaters Anonymous up in this bitch.
Jax re: Raquel: Why would you want to be with someone who literally everybody hates?
LOLLLLLLLLLMFAOOOO IS THIS A JOKE?? Pot, meet kettle who everyone hates.
Jax has started his job back at SUR again. Again, what’s it like to have literally no consequences for your actions? MUST BE NICE.
Wait a sec, did Schwartz just call Katie his girlfriend? Yes he did. THAT’S YOUR WIFE! Or have you forgotten?
Schwartz goes to talk to James about calling Katie fat and the convo goes as follows:
Schwartz: Katie isn’t fat she’s sexy and luscious James: I know man Schwartz: Say it. I want you to say it.
You want another man to call your WIFE sexy and luscious? Weird flex, but ok. In predictable Schwartzy fashion, he doesn’t get mad at James or really give him any consequences for what he did. Maybe this is why Kristen has dubbed herself the Karma Police?
It’s girls’ night, and Ariana is SERVING in this see-through red lace number with a red thong. Everyone looks amazing, I’m really loving this. Looking at these outfits has cleared my skin, hydrated my body, and filled up my bank account.
View this post on Instagram
Don’t forget there’s a new #pumprules tonight at 9pm!
A post shared by Katie Maloney-Schwartz (@musickillskate) on Dec 16, 2018 at 1:51pm PST
Meanwhile at guys’ night, Jax comes riding in on a motor scooter. All I could think about was:
Jax announces he and Brittany are business owners, and claims they’re getting patented and whatever. I doubt that. Have you even filed an LLC yet? I’m not saying Jax is a liar, but a brief Google search for “Meemaw’s beer cheese” only pulled up a Bustle article.
Brittany tells everyone that she invited Raquel to girls’ night and you can see the group calculate whether they should throw their drinks in Brittany’s face or jump out the window.
It’s so rich that Brittany is inviting Raquel out to tell her that her boyfriend sucks. And yet, she’s still with Jax and is now pledging to be with him FOR LIFE, so?? The cognitive dissonance is astounding. Jax buys tampons one time and all of a sudden we’re meant to believe he’s a completely new person?
I can’t believe Kristen is telling Raquel that James has a really shitty temper. Spoken by the woman who punched James in the face??!? Kristen should get a gold medal in mental gymnastics. F*ck it, they all should.
Katie: I feel like I’m in the Twilight Zone where monsters are allowed to do and say whatever they want without consequences.
Yeah, welcome to 2018, bitch. Where have ya been?
We end this episode with Katie going to talk to Lisa to tell her about James calling her fat during Pride. I’m actually here for this Katie because Lisa is saying “James’ language is unacceptable” but not actually vowing to do anything. *Whispers into the void* just like when any high-powered man gets called out for unacceptable behavior. So Katie basically tells Lisa “it’s him or me.” You can tell Lisa is PISSED to not be calling the shots this time. Maybe if these men ever faced consequences for their gross behavior we wouldn’t have to resort to ultimatums! I mean, has anyone else ever thought about how the only person who has truly gotten fired from SUR and never gotten her job back has been Kristen? I have to wonder why that is…
And it’s possible I spoke too soon about this season being good, because this episode was kind of a bore. I tried to make this recap as exciting as I could, but putting jokes into this uninspired episode is like trying to inject life into a corpse… or into Giggy’s hairless body. Boom! And with that, I’m out of here! See you guys next Monday, because I’m pretty sure Bravo is f*cking with us yet again by changing the time of this show. For the record, I DO NOT SUPPORT THIS!
Images: Trae Patton / Bravo Media; Giphy (4)
from All Of Beer http://allofbeer.com/vanderpump-rules-season-7-episode-3-recap-%c2%b7-betches/
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loveandra0314-blog · 7 years
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Tweets!
All my tweets since August 29th, 2016
Currently renewing my unhealthy obsession with Harry Styles. Seniors- have a fun year knowing that all the people older than you in school get to sleep in on Mondays If it comes in rose gold, I own it Lol @ seniors who think they're the shit All of my stories start with "well first of all, bitch" I love myself. Thought you ought to know. When your roommate is THE SAME DISNEY PRINCESS AS YOU My mom keeps sending me pictures of her food Still in summer mode Drew some nice pics of myself getting electrocuted in math today I can literally find someone on the Internet in .002 secs with just a first name, but tell me to hand in my assignment online and I'll die LOOK AT THE LITTLE HEART #GreysAnatomy GREYS FOOTBALL AND HOW TO GET AWAY WITH MURDER TONIGHT IS THE NIGHT If you live tweet next weeks Criminal Minds season premiere, I'll report you for emotional abuse I have not lost my voice, my voice just doesn't like me so she moved out. I send my parents paragraphs and hundreds of pictures of school and I am repaid with one word sentences and blurry pictures of my dog. I come home to find that my parents literally did everything they could to conceal everything that has anything to do with me in my room ALSO MY BATHROOM SMELLS LIKE CLEANING FLUID AND I KNOW DAMN WELL IT SMELLED LIKE "sweet peony" WHEN I LEFT Anthony's favorite hobby is absolutely roasting people on the Hudl app MUZZ WAS SO EXCITED TO SEE ANTHONY THAT HE PEED ON THE COUCH On a scale from 1-10 of brokenness, I'm a $34.72. I'm really proud of myself because I finished 1/8 of an essay that's due on Thursday #overachiever Btw, Anthony replied to my hint with pictures of his papa I know it's the law... But could the train maybe not blow the whistle 6 times through a campus of sleep deprived college kids????? Spagetting to know you Julia and I are in bed watching a movie and wondering why it's so loud... ITS 8:00 PM But how the f is it October in like 2 days We're over here acting like its the damn ice age I've been coughing all over everyone and everything and IM A TERRIBLE ROOMMATE IM SO SORRY WTF "5 Crazy" I love you, SVU Women before us fought to have the right to vote - don't take that for granted #VOTE My bed is absolutely COVERED in pillows, blankets, wires, school supplies, clothes and Tide pods etc… This woman started vaping and then another woman told her to stop, and now they are full on screaming at each other. ON THE COMMUTER RAIL. Guys, this clown thing is REAL I'm having a hard enough time sleeping without all these inconsiderately loud people outside my building clown hunting The dangerous part about college is going back to your bed in between classes WORDS LITERALLY CANT DESCRIBE HOW EXCITED I AM FOR BEAUTY AND THE BEAST. Belle is my Disney princess and Emma Watson is my all time favorite actress I'm crying Constantly waiting for the 12th of each month so I can have some data You can now get a life sentence for animal abuse. Justice. When your roommates make fun of you for complimenting an absolute FIRE selfie of yourself <<<< SUNDAY SHOPPING SPREE I fcking love candy corn You don't understand... our school and social lives have to fit around the voice and grey's. Sometimes my hand slips and I accidentally share something to my Facebook page We're gonna miss you #ThanksPapi It would be fun to me Harley Quinn for Halloween, but I refuse to be one of "those girls" Never be afraid to be yourself!! Happy National Coming Out Day everyone Julia and I have been watching Netflix in bed for 5 hours. COME BE OUR FRIENDS OMG Tmlt I fcking love Evan Peters and AHS Netflix for dayyyyyyzzzz May god bless you and may your eyebrows be forever on point Dear very high people in the hall, please talk even louder! And continue to walk around in your underwear! Please! I'm DYING. As soon as josh got home he immediately told everyone not to ask any questions about the dance My baby brother is almost 14 and he's like a foot taller than me and his voice is deeper than my dad's My little brother got a 30 yrd touchdown and 40 yrd run Mo and Julia are asleep and I'm just laying here laughing my ass off Literally the worst thing in the world is realizing you have a hole in your leggings Backless dresses are just so incredibly beautiful I love them The girls are asleep and I am laughing like a fcking psycho. What's new? Sorry that I retweet a lot, I just feel like sharing the things I find awesome or funny are worth making your day too I love reconnecting I have heart failure walking to class when I start to hear a longboarder behind me Cookies and Gilmore Girls with my babes It's 11:00 and we're trying to sleep pls enforce quiet hour or I will Julia and I suck at life so we put it on the internet. #relatable "Omg have you seen @JeffreeStar new black highlighter?" "Isn't that just a sharpie?" NO JULIA IT IS NOT A SHARPIE I love late night phone calls with my man Rewatching greys is my fave thing to do Meeting guy friends at college is easy until you bring up your boyfriend I told everyone in my kindergarten class that I was a boy. So, surprise everyone idk what that was about Life update: the heater in our room is making loud, evil noises. This started yesterday and has not stopped. This heater needs medical attention I am honestly concerned for this heater's health. She's clearly leaking or dying or something College is not being able to afford a stapler and the professor refusing to collect unstapled papers. Derek Shepherd has been setting unrealistic expectations since 2005. Feliz Dia de Los Muertes! I'm so excited for Beauty and the Beast I'm actually crying. Real tears. I'm seeing it MINIMUM 10 times in theaters "THIS MEAT IS SO RAW A GOOD VET COULD SAVE IT" Anthony wutttttttt No Makeup November JULIA AND I ARE CRYING (not happy tears) The sun rose this morning and it will rise tomorrow morning My dad has had a variation of the same car since 1995 "You are SO loud" "I just don't care" lol k Anthony Scooby doo I cried twice today, first because I watched the Beauty and the Beast trailer, the second time was when I re-watched the trailer. My dream job is when it's always Friday Also no makeup November is going swimmingly, I may never wear makeup everyday ever again All the bathrooms on my floor are being cleaned and I've been holding my pee for an hour and a half. Can I be someone's creepy older prom date this year? I had some real good coffee this morning and I feel absolutely fantastic, this may be a new me Anthony is snapchatting me live from his room where his roommate is keeping him captive and asking deep questions about life College is being awake at 11pm which is just enough time to squeeze in a few more episodes of greys before 12 COLLEGE IS BEING AWAKE AT 12:30am BUT THERES ONLY ONE MORE EPISODE IN THE SEASON Hobbies include: coughing loudly and rudely when I pass people who are smoking When I'm actively trying to not laugh my ass off at stupid stuff because roommate Just a reminder to be careful and safe this holiday season I want a pretty case because the life proof one is too much but I can't afford a new phone sooo.... TMI: I threw up all over a bathroom stall today. I warned you. My professor shaded me in front of the whole class. I don't have room for embarrassment because I high key gained so much respect. Savagery Hahaha at least my eyebrows are fleeky The weather today is less than ideal. Julia made a tinder and then promptly deleted it when she saw an attractive man. THIS IS WHY. THIS IS WHY. True friends snapchat from across the room If the wifi would stay connected, I wouldn't run out of data every month The temperature was in the single digits today and I honestly don't know how I've ever been able to live like this for so long There is a full on absolutely raging party down the hall from my room. 24 hour quiet hours what College made me addicted to tums Sleep is great, but have you ever watched Netflix? Prof almost made us stay past the two hours like... fuck you thought?? Oh annnnnnd I woke my ass up at 7:00 this morning to get a waffle AND THEY HADNT PUT THE STATION OUT YET Why does my brother constantly ask what we got him for xmas?? Like we're not telling you and if we did your xmas would be ruined Trying to save up...but Sephora I can't even put into words how sad I am about Carrie Fishers passing. Rest In Peace. Someone get me on the slopes Can't stop won't stop crying at the Beauty and the Beast trailer. What did I do to deserve this Every time I lose a snapchat streak, I die a little on the inside I'm such a daddy's girl tbh Setting that 4 am alarm is absolutely killer Hey at least the Cubs won the World Series in 2016 Thought about making a resolution to go to the gym and eat green stuff, but I'm just gonna do me, eat cookies and walk occasionally Tmlt- moral: be happy, and do what makes you happy I really just slept until 5pm Traveling through Hoth in my damn Jetta was fun I should have just skied home from work smh These are the days that I wish my dad's Outback was automatic. Smh I share a bathroom w two teenage boys. There is a pile of underwear in the corner that grows +2 every day.
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