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blooming-violets · 10 days

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My headcanon for frat peter is that he joined one after gwen dies to distract himself and as a bandaid fucks everything that movies and gains a reputation oc / reader is his best friend very similar to dancing on my own ik but anyway she tries supporting him but peter is really unhealthy and she leaves for a while how do you think peter would feel about the hole she leaves behind cause she used to basically do all his emotional heavy lifting on hard days

He acts like he's fine. He's learned not to show his emotions especially around the guys. They were never big fans of her, anyway. It takes him about two weeks to finally notice that she's gone. It happens the day he's set to touch up his blonde roots. Usually he heads on over to her dorm, sneaking into the women's bathroom, while she does his hair for him. During those times are when he typically feels more free to speak his mind. They shared a lot of heart to hearts over those moments of the two of them, giggling alone in the bathroom, while he enjoys the feeling of her fussing over his hair. He feels the weight of the world leaving his shoulders for a short time whenever she's around.

This time, though, she doesn't come when he calls.

All his texts go unanswered. At first, he's worried she's hurt. He immediately thinks the worst. It's in his nature to assume that the people he loves will end up dead. Taken too early. It's not until he sees her walking around campus he's able to feel a sense of relief.

He jogs up to her, big, cocky grin on his face, and falls in step next to her. He expects her to open up like usual. Expects her to play along with his teasing. When he only receives a cold shoulder and the silent treatment, he reacts with anger.

Peter's been so angry lately. He's been struggling to feel many emotions but anger is one that always seems to make it through his closed off walls. They say that anger is a massive part of the grieving process but it's one he hasn't been able to shake.

They get into a huge, blow out fight in middle of campus over how he treats her now vs before and how he let's his friends treat her like shit. She's sick of his behavior and only using her whenever he needs something. It's never the other way around. Peter no longer shows up for her like she does for him. She can't take their one sided friendship anymore. This isn't the Peter she grew up loving.

It draws a crowd. People are watching them like they're today's entertainment. It ends with her crying, running back to her dorm, and Peter cursing out the crowds and stalking back to his frat house.

He mourns her loss in his life like he mourned for Gwen.

Denial.

It was her fault. She was being stupid. He had done nothing wrong. So what if his frat brothers teased her from to time. It was her fault she couldn't take a joke. He turned a blind eye to their behavior. He let them get inside his head. He didn't need her. He had lines of women waiting to throw themselves at his feet. What was the loss of one, stupid, annoying girl he knew as a kid? According to his brothers, she refused to put out, anyway. It was no loss to him. He didn't need her.

He buried his hurt by sleeping around more often than usual. A new woman every night. Sometimes two in the same day. He even slept with her best girl friend just to extra piss her off and get back at her.

He wanted her to hurt as much as him.

Anger

He was already the king of anger. He felt its power invade his every pore. It lived deep in his bones and consumed his every waking thought. He was getting into multiple fist fights every week. Not even as Spider-Man, just as Peter Parker.

He fought his frat brothers, he fought guys at the bar, he fought dudes on the street, he even fought his own reflection in the mirror. That one left him covered in blood and surrounded by shattered glass. He needed stitches to close up the wound. He couldn't stand the sight of his own face. He despised the man who stared back at him.

He didn't know this person. He didn't know Peter anymore.

Maybe she was right. Maybe had lost himself.

Bargaining

If he could just see her again...

If he could just see her one time. Hear her voice. That's all he wanted. He could watch her anytime he felt like it. He could overhear her talking to friends whenever he spied on her. He was Spider-Man. He was the master of stealth and shadows. But that wasn't enough. He wanted her voice to be directed at him. He didn't care what she said to him as long as she was talking. All he wanted was a fraction of her attention.

He would trade it all to get her back in his life. Just one conversation. That's he wanted. One, little talk just like old times.

She refused.

He couldn't blame her. He was a destroyer of lives. Anyone he touched crumbled around him. Whether they were killed in a plane crash, shot in the street, fell from a building, or were shoved away...they all left him in the end.

It was his fault. It was always his fault.

Depression

When he lost everything, he used to turn to sex. Now the thought of touching a woman who wasn't her only made him sick to his stomach. Alcohol was too risky. It fucked too much with his emotions. Made him reckless.

Pot was the cure.

It calmed him. Made him forget for a while. Allowed him to just relax and zone out.

He stopped going to his classes. Stopping talking to his brothers. Stopped answering his texts. It was just him, a strong joint, and the quiet of cave of his bedroom. In here, he could wallow in peace.

Peter Parker was not someone who could be trusted in the real world. He deserved to be locked up like an animal. No one needed him. He was better off alone.

This was where he would stay. In the dark. Where he belonged.

Acceptance

The state of his hair told him how much time had passed. It was back to brown. Greasy and unkempt. Shaggier than he typically liked it but he didn't care enough to get it fixed. The only person he ever wanted to touch his hair again was her.

And she deserved an apology.

He had been reading about grief online. There were five stages, so the internet says. There is no specific time period for each and they can jump between the stages whenever they feel like. He liked to hang out in the anger stage more often than the others. It was where he felt most at home. At least he understood anger. Anger made sense to him. Smoking helped quell the raging beast. That was a vice he didn't want to give up. Not yet. He wasn't ready for that step.

The world was an angry place and he fit right in.

But he was learning where to put that anger. It didn't belong on her. That was misguided. She had done nothing wrong. All she had ever done was love him. Anger was okay as long as it was placed in the right direction. He knew that now. Spider-Man could use anger to his advantage. Bad guys deserved anger. His frat brothers deserved his wrath for how they treated others. He, himself, deserved the anger. But not her.

And he needed to make amends. Even if she didn't fully forgive him, he needed to try, because she deserved to hear it, and he deserved to say it.

All it took was one text. After months of no contact. One text and she replied.

Coffee. 9am. Just the two of them.

One, little talk...just like old times.

I LOVED THIS!

It is very Dancing On My Own coded. I think what some people don't fully grasp in that story is that Peter was severely grieving through the later half of it. Gwen died because he couldn't catch her in time. He lost the love of his life because he wasn't good enough at the ONE thing he was supposed to be good at. He fully blames himself for her death. Do people not realize how seriously fucked that would make someone?? I think that's why I like to write dark!Peter so much. Because TASM Peter would be dark after that. He would not be normal. He would not be able to go back to being friendly neighborhood Spider-Man. It would ruin him. We saw that in NWH. It's still eating him alive like a decade later. The college days of Dancing On My Own took place a year after Gwen's death. The boy is fucked up.

Grief makes you do stupid things. Anger and reckless behavior is part of grief. Obvious that doesn't mean that it's okay but to completely write someone off as a monster undeserving of love just because they're hurting doesn't sit right with me. Not that you did that, I'm just going off the comments and complaints I've gotten on the fic that always low key piss me off.

And maybe I'm just not the greatest writer so that didn't come off as well as I wanted it to in DOMO but I tried my best haha. Maybe I shouldn't have ended it where I did and allowed them to grow a bit more after but I really thought that kind of stuff would just be assumed by the reader because it made sense in my head that that's how grief and healing and forgiveness go. But no one lives in my head but me so that's my fault for not executing my intentions properly!

I lovelovelove exploring grief and the different places it can take a person. Grief/depression/anger/angst are my favorite topics. Always have been since I was young. Like how Peter in this story feels most comfortable hanging out in his anger, I feel most happy in my angst and darkness. Sad people sometimes do bad things. Hurting people sometimes hurt other people. Even people they love very much. Does that make them completely incapable of change? Does that make them forever unlovable or not worthy of forgiveness? Sometimes people think too much in black and white and forget that the world is full of all sorts of grays.

Not that this was even about DOMO and I'm completely going on a tangent I know I'm so sorry haha but it's close enough to domo because it's dealing with Peter's grief and hurting of a close friend.

Here's some of my favorite pages from my favorite children's book (Michael Rosen's Sad Book) that talks about grief and the loss of someone you loved very much that's meant to teach children how to better understand their sadness and hurt and that even if you do bad things sometimes it doesn't mean that you are a bad person who doesn't deserve love and forgiveness:

ANYWAY

I just wanted to say that I love this and I love when people come to me with headcanons. That's what fandoms are supposed to be about. We're all supposed to be pestering each other 24/7 with our ideas and creating stories together and collaborating and building shit that we all love. Always send me your ideas. No matter how unhinged you might think they are bc I'm sure I've got equally as crazy ideas to play along with you!

#asks #headcanon #tasm #tasm headcanon #tasm headcanons #peter parker #andrew garfield #tasm x reader #tasm peter parker #tasm peter #tasm peter x reader #tasm peter parker x reader #peter parker headcanon #dancing on my own extras #dancing on my own #tasm fic

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ragsforless · 28 days

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Dune crack!au (2)

Paul: Chani.

Chani: Yes, Paul?

Paul: I love you and only you.

Chani: I love you too.

Paul: My only beloved-

Irulan: Hit it, Feyd!

Feyd: Anything for you, princess!

Paul: Why are you guys even here?! This is our royal bedroom!

Irulan: Yes, “our” royal bedroom. Mine, Feyd’s, Chani’s, and yours.

Paul: That’s not what we’ve agreed!

Irulan: You have been ignoring me and Feyd for the past 2 months!

Paul: Chani is my wife!

Irulan: I’m your legal wife!

Feyd: And I’m your gorgeous concubine number 2!

Chani: Yikes.

Feyd: *turns on the stereo* It’s time to sing, princess!

Paul: Not again!😩

Irulan: *starts singing* 🎶I'm in the corner, watching you kiss her, oh🎶

Chani: Can I record-

Paul: No.

Chani: But-

Paul: I will literally die from embarrassment.

Feyd: *joins in* 🎶I'm right over here, why can't you see me?🎶

Chani: Oh-

Paul: Please, my love, don’t join them.😞

Chani: Why?

Paul: Their stupidity is quite contagious.

Irulan: 🎶And I'm giving it my all🎶

Feyd: 🎶But I'm not the guy you're taking home, ooh🎶

Irulan: 🎶I keep dancing on my own-

Jessica: *walks in* Could you fools please shut up?! It’s the middle of the night! I need my beauty sleep!

Feyd: Oh, Muad’Dib! The bloody witch is back!

Irulan: Run!🏃‍♀️

Feyd: Parkour!

Irulan: Don’t forget to grab the stereo, Feyd!

Jessica: I’m confiscating that!

Stilgar: *randomly appears out of nowhere* My lady, that’s not part of the prophecy!

Jessica: What prophecy?!

Stilgar: They have to finish the love song!

Jessica: I don’t care! Now give me that bloody stereo, boy!

Feyd: *hisses like a feral cat* Never, you witch!

Paul: Can you guys just get out of my bedroom already?!

Irulan: Our bedroom!

Paul: My bedroom!

Chani: Well, I’m just going to bed and sleep this weird fever dream off. Goodnight.

Feyd: Night.

Irulan: We’ll be back!

Chani: Whatever you say, loser.

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constantcompanion · 6 months

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Your NLCS bound Phillies.

#philadelphia phillies #nlcs bound baby #dancing on my own

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brittanagirlcrush · 3 months

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#hemo rules #heather morris #brittany s. pierce #dancing on my own #SoundCloud

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phillyphangirl · 7 months

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Source @phillyphangirl

#philadelphia phillies #marshcam #phillies #i just want to celebrate #i think that were just locked in man its red october and we're coming.#songs playing do you get the vibes #if you don't get it then get the fuck out of philly #dancing on my own #postseason 2023

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laniidae-passerine · 1 year

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the only thing worse than all the terrible “Running Up That Hill” covers I’ve had to endure this year is that atrocious cover of “Dancing On My Own” everyone prefers over the original despite the fact it completely misses the point and massacres the song and its meaning

#I am a hater actually I was raised on this music and you’re ruining it for me #running up that hill #kate bush #dancing on my own #robyn

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snazzystarlight · 9 months

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What a jam!! This is “Dancing On My Own” by Robyn as I see it because of synesthesia!

#robyn #dancing on my own #art #my art #synesthesia

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postwarlevi · 2 years

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Dancing On My Own

Content: 2.2k words of letting go of false feelings when someone shows you true ones.

a/n- a product of sudden inspiration while listening to a song on repeat and my wifi going out. Yay :) Start with this version, end with this one!

Credit to @jayteacups for the divider!

Sliding into the corner booth, here you are again.

Another night. Another night of self loathing. Watching them dance with each other, watching the one you want, not dancing with you.

But it was never going to be you. It was in your head.

But that doesn't make it hurt less.

At one time you thought there was a chance. It seemed like it, anyway.

"Hey." You hear a soft voice just over the music.

Blinking you look over to see your friend slip into the booth next to you.

"What are you doing?" He asks, but really, he knows. He wants you to stop it.

You shrug and look back out and feel your heart hurt as you watch them share a tender moment right there in front of everyone.

"Don't do this to yourself." He begs. He can't stand it.

"I…" You trail off. "I'm done." You look away and lock eyes with Jean. "I'm done." You say more confidently.

He searches your eyes to be sure.

But it's true. This is the last time you are willing to let yourself feel this way.

"Wanna, get out of here then?" He asks gently, like he might scare you.

And he almost does. "I don't know if we should, together." You admit some doubt.

"Why? You think…you think something, that I would…" He can't even form a sentence to respond.

"I don't know what I think. I just know I could be better, and don't want to make you, make anyone…" You turn away in shame.

You trust him completely, but tonight you are emotional, and don't know if you trust yourself not to do something that could lead to something else.

Because if it can't be with the one you want, you might want it to be with someone.

"I wouldn't." He insists, trying not to be offended by your thoughts, knowing you're not thinking straight. "Come on."

He takes your arm and you let him lead you away, neither of you looking back.

It's not far to your destination, so you walk, the cool breeze making it a little easier to breathe.

"Jean." You say his name faintly.

"What?" You feel him tense against his will.

"Don't be mad." You ask of him, leaning further into him as you walk.

"I'm not." He promises.

And it's true. He's not, not really. He's mad that you're pining over some idiot who while has been kind to you has, lead you to believe there could be something more, only to drop a pile of bricks on that dream.

It's not their fault, they can't help who they love. But it hurts him to see you suffer.

Jean lets you go to unlock the front door so you can both stumble in.

Both of you have had a drink or two, you can't quite remember. But it hasn't been so bad that you couldn't make it back to his place, so you'll probably make decent decisions, you hope.

He gets you settled on his couch and pours a glass of water for you, watching you to make sure you drink the whole thing while he has a glass too.

"Thank you." You look up at him as you hand the glass back.

"You're okay." It isn't a question. You are okay, he'll make sure of that, just like always. "You'll stay here." He doesn't give you an option. He doesn't want you to be left alone.

You nod and lean back against the couch as Jean disappears, going to get you something to sleep in.

He returns and you stand without thinking you stand and start to strip right there and he respectfully turns around.

When you're done you reach out and touch his shoulder and he feels tingles down his spine at your light touch.

Turning to you, you both lock eyes. Jeans mouth parts but he doesn't know if now is the right time to tell you.

Then you make the decision for him and step forward. Dropping your daytime clothes on the couch, you wrap your arms around his waist and rest your head on his chest.

He gulps. "I'm sorry." He says, smoothing your hair with one hand, the other going around you.

"I'm okay." Something finally clicked for you tonight. It's hard to say what, but you don't worry too much about that. After watching them together for another time your brain finally said, enough, and you agreed.

"I know what it's like." Jean starts, terrified.

You pull back but keep each other in hold.

"To watch someone you want to be with, want to be with someone else." He leaves this open. Please, don't freak out. He doesn't think you will, but maybe so.

"Oh. You mean, them." The other person, the one your person is dancing with. You know Jeans been watching them too.

But you are only confused when he shakes his head. "No. Not them." Maybe at one time, a long time ago, before you.

You raise an eyebrow, and suddenly gasp and pull back with realization, no more alcohol in your system.

"Jean." You put your hands up to you mouth.

You're so stupid. So, so, so…

"It's okay." He says to you, keeping his hands to himself as you work this out.

You shake your head and tears form.

Somewhere in the back of your mind you knew it. It's been there for a while. If your unreturned feelings would've stopped trying to take over, you would have seen what was right in front of you.

You collapse onto the couch, covering your eyes with your hands as you sob quietly.

Jean doesn't know if he should sit next to you. Are you crying because you're still emotional, or…?

"I don't want to make you feel like you're a second choice." You manage to say.

He's not. He never was. It's just terrible timing and your heart and mind playing tricks.

"I…won't feel that way." He says honestly as he eases onto the couch as far from you as possible.

He understands the way this works. You had no control over it. Neither does he. At some point he moved on faster than you had, and he isn't going to hold that against you.

Not even if it still doesn't end up how he wants it to.

"Can I, stay with you?" You ask with teary doe eyes. You don't want to be alone, and trust that no matter what you say or do, he will always respect your boundaries.

Jean thinks. This could mean a lot of things, but at least you want to be with him.

He nods and stands up, holding out a hand to help you up as well.

A few minutes later he's undressed as well and you're both under his bedsheets, laying on your backs, heads on separate pillows. For the first time, it feels a little tense.

"Come here." You instruct him closer to you, because you don't know if you can move.

He stays stationary, except for turning his head towards you, which makes you do the same.

"You're too far away." You tell him, reaching out.

He allows your hand to find his and lets your fingers intertwine.

"I told you, I'm not gonna do anything." He reminds you.

"Do you, want to?" You question, heart speeding up.

"Tomorrow." He answers, eyes never leaving yours. Even in the darkness you can see his honey colored irises on you.

He wants to make sure you will still feel the same in the morning.

Without warning you've pushed yourself up and are hovering over him, making his eyes widen.

"You're not a second choice." You remind him, voice almost harsh.

He gives a slight nod. "I know." With his free hand he lightly touches your cheek.

"What if I want you to kiss me?" You push further. You're in your right mind. You're sure of it.

"Tomorrow." He repeats, moving his hand to your collarbone, preventing you from leaning in.

Neither of you budge as you continue to assess the situation and your muscles finally become weak from holding yourself up.

You take your hand back and Jean lowers the one on your chest and you heave yourself back to your own side.

"You better, better kiss me tomorrow." Your voice wavers.

Jean looks over to you again. "I will. If that's what you want." He promises. It's taken everything he has to not press his lips to yours tonight.

You turn away from him and he can tell you're back to overthinking, your breathing never steady.

But at least now you're thinking of him. And tomorrow.

He finally does as you asked of him before and scoots closer, putting an arm around you. It's not the first time he's held you while you've slept, so this doesn't necessarily feel like breaking the rules.

You sigh contently and he can feel you settle.

You put your arm on top of his, running your fingers across his skin multiple times.

You want to tell him he will always be our first choice. But you're angry with yourself for not seeing it sooner.

But in a lifetime where it is very possible to fall in love more than once, that doesn't mean you loved either person any less.

It's an interesting sleep, full of both dreams and what feel like nightmares, but you are pulled out of them when you feel a gentle tug around your middle, and a soft "you're okay" before falling back to sleep.

In the morning you are alone in the bed and sit up slowly.

Your head hurts but it is not from any drink or the response to closing a chapter in your life.

All your mind can and has been thinking of is Jean, and you think you physically ache now that he is not with you.

You make your way to the bathroom and take a moment, wiping your face with a cool rag before going to find Jean in the kitchen, making breakfast.

It's something he always does for you, and yet it feels different.

You've been wandering so quiet he hasn't heard you come in. Partly due to the soft playing music he's put on to hum along to and make sure doesn't disturb your slumber.

"Morning." You say softly so as not to startle him as you come to stand beside him.

He smiles and looks at you. "Morning. Sleep okay?" He hopes you did a little besides tossing and turning.

You shrug. "I think I will from now on." It feels like you will.

You look up at him expectantly but he looks away, flipping the pancakes once more.

"Almost done." He says proudly. Ready just as you woke up.

You frown. "You promised." You whisper.

After another minute he shuts the stove off and plates breakfast for you both.

"What are you doing?" He chuckles as he turns to put the spatula in the sink but you block him.

"Dance with me." There's a song playing now that makes you want to. More than any time in a long while.

He smiles and flings the spatula into the sink and puts his arms around you, leading you a couple feet from the hot stove.

Finally with his arms around you, you think your headache lessens.

"Look at you, dancing." He's happy you are, and that it's with him.

The music is upbeat but you move slow together, and that's fine with both of you.

"I was always going to." Even if it was on your own. But, you like this option just as much.

Jean squeezes your sides. He never doubted that for a second. Even if it's taken you longer than he would have liked.

The way he beams down at you, like you will always be his first choice. You don't want it to end.

Your hands move up his arms, his neck, to hold his cheeks, and you stop moving.

"You promised." You say as you pull him down closer to you. "And I want you to kiss me."

And then your headache is replaced by butterflies in your stomach as he complies with your orders and your lips finally meet.

You thank your lucky stars that he doesn't hold it against you for taking longer to realize it's supposed to be him and you forever.

Whatever those other feelings were, as real as they felt, it was some sort of false attraction. But you're no longer upset that they got in the way, because at least, here you are now.

"Breakfast. Don't want it to get cold." Jean says against your lips, trying to catch his breath.

You smile and lean in for a few more pecks.

"Be careful there, I might expect this every morning." You say as you release him and take your plate to sit at the table.

Jean watches you, sitting there in his clothes, at his kitchen table, eating the food he prepared.

Oh, you have no idea. "That won't be a problem." He says as he sits down across from you.

Because nothing will ever be just his anymore, but yours, too.

#attack on titan #aot #jean kirstein #jean kirschtein #jean x reader #jean x gender neutral reader #jean kirschtein x reader #gender neutral reader #hurt/comfort #i think #modern aot #modern au #happy ending #robyn #dancing on my own #friends to lovers #because with jean that is the only way #shingeki no kyojin

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