Sincerely, A Schizoid - Romanticization of Apathy
Tried a new pen, Stylish Pen, on Ibis.
panel 1: That person doesn’t feel anything. They’re so cool!
panel 2: If it’s so cool, have my apathy.
So, Schizoid Personality Disorder. A disorder developed through Emotional Abuse and/or Neglect that affects one’s ability to feel, understand, or express their emotions. We can come across as cold, stoic, or blank.
… And somehow people romanticize the hell out of it. I have been around people who literally call characters like that as ‘mysterious’ or ‘hot’. People have been attracted to me because of it. Of course, they would eventually get bored with me because - surprise, surprise - hanging out with someone who seems to be apathetic most of the time is actually kinda boring and likely won’t return your desire for a connection.
I’ve been around people who’ve encouraged my unhealthy emotional state by complimenting me on ‘not caring’ about anything. This only caused me to bury my feelings further, especially when it was the only thing about my personality that I was getting complimented on. On the other side of the coin, there were people (usually gals) who’d try to get me to open up, but it seemed like it was more about them then about me. Something like… it’s sometimes felt like they wanted to get me to like them or fulfill some kinda Saviour Complex then have an actual friendship.
While I’m with better people today, I can find myself put on edge when I’m around someone who brings up my temperament, because I just don’t know their intentions.
Some days I just wanna whip out a machine or wand and give these people my disorder for a day or something. Let them know what it actually feels like so they’ll stop holding me up to some false ideal.
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dark eyed junco + black capped chickadee ˚ʚ♡ɞ˚
two of my favourite backyard visitors
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