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atths--twice · 2 months

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Chapter Four

Painting 101: A Study in Art

Saturday afternoon

“Here,” Scully said, handing Mulder two clothespins. “If you gather the edges of the tarp together and pin them, it lessens the chance of it flying off the table. Or blowing up and hitting the rocks we’ve painted.”

“Smart,” he said and she nodded as she picked up the tarp she had brought with her and began to unfold it. He took one end and she took the other, spreading it over the picnic table. “It was a good idea to bring this. Considerate, I mean.”

“Yeah well,” she said as she pinned one side of her corners together. “I know it’s a public bench and who knows what other people have done here… oh, like write Janey blows hard in permanent marker. Lovely.” He looked at her and watched her shake her head as she read the words written on the table. “So, I thought bringing the tarp would both keep us from touching or seeing those previous activities and protect the table from further ones.” She pinned the other corner and looked at him with a smile.

“Hence the tarp,” he said, smoothing down his own side and smiling back at her.

“Yeah… hence,” she replied, her smile growing.

“Alright then,” he said, quickly finishing his task as she began to lay out the rocks she had gathered and some others they had found when they had gone to a bonfire the previous evening.

Hannah, and some of Dana’s other friends, had arranged to have a bonfire at the beach. While it was not Mulder’s usual scene, he had gladly joined them.

He and Scully had walked along the shore in the dwindling sunlight as the fire was set up, holding hands and hissing when the cold water hit their feet. She had stopped to pick up rocks, putting them into her pockets and then asking him to do the same when she had run out of room.

When they had returned to the group, the rocks were transferred to her backpack and she had smiled as she closed it up, setting it next to them on the blanket they were sharing.

“We’ll have a lot to paint tomorrow now,” she had said, taking his hand and leaning her head on his shoulder as the fire popped and crackled.

She had stretched her legs out and crossed her sandy feet. He had frowned as he noticed something and as she wiggled her toes, he leaned forward to get a better look.

“Are you… is that a ring on your toe?” he had asked and she had shifted, beginning to pull her feet back.

“Oh… yeah. I forgot to take it off,” she had said quickly.

“What is it?” he had asked, moving to take a hold of her foot.

“Fox… Mulder, you don’t…” she had said, trying to stop him. “It was just a silly thing my sister sent me and I… it’s not me. I just forgot to take it off.”

“You don’t like it?” he had asked, gently wiping away the sand to get a better look, but watching her face to wait to do so.

“I do,” she had said quietly with a nod. “I just… it’s not me. I don’t… I don’t know.”

“Can I look at it?”

“Yeah,” she had whispered and he had smiled as he looked down and moved her foot closer to his face to see it in the glow of the fire.

It had been silver, not thick but also not thin and in the middle of it, a moon and two stars had been cast.

“How is it not you?” he had asked, rubbing the ring and then her toe gently. “The design?”

“Wearing it at all,” she had said, looking down at it. “It’s more something my sister would do.”

“I see,” he had said, remembering how she had spoken of her sister. “Did she make it?”

“Yeah. She said she is learning how to cast and work with silver.”

“I think,” he had said, rubbing his thumb across the moon and stars. “With my limited knowledge of your sister and my growing knowledge of you… you should definitely wear it.”

“Why?”

“Hmm,” he had said, looking down at it and smiling. “You said you liked it?”

“Yeah.”

“Then let’s call that reason number one then,” he had said and she had exhaled a breath. “Reason two, unless you’re wearing shoes that expose your toes, you’re the only one who knows you’re wearing it. So, no one can comment on it- either for or against.”

“Yeah,” she had said again, looking down at her foot and nodding.

“And reason three,” he had said softly, causing her to look up at him. “If it makes you happy, makes you feel any way… different than yourself or whatever, then you do what you want. Who cares what anyone has to say, how they may look at it, or what their personal opinion is. They don’t matter. They can fuck off.”

She had gasped and her mouth had dropped open, her eyes widening.

“You said fuck,” she had whispered.

“Yeah, I did,” he had said, a smile stretching across his face.

“I didn’t know you vineyard boys said things like that,” she had said and he had laughed, his hand moving from her foot to her ankle, his thumb rubbing around it softly.

“Oh, we definitely do,” he had said and she hummed as she scrambled up and was suddenly straddling him, her arms around his neck.

“What else do you do that I don’t know about?” she had whispered, her lips dropping to his as he wrapped his arms around her waist.

A loud chorus of ohhhh and wolf whistles had filled the air. He had pulled back and she had laughed as she kissed him once more and then moved off of him. He had felt his face flushing as she goodnaturedly called for them to shut up and mind their own business. Kissing sounds were then heard and he had exhaled deeply as she had taken his right hand in her left and then flipped them off with her right.

The fire had crackled and then popped again, smoke blowing toward them as they waved it away. His head still buzzing from their kiss, she had laid her head on his shoulder and stretched her legs out again.

“I’ll keep wearing the ring,” she had whispered and he had smiled as he looked at it. “Because… fuck ‘em.”

“Exactly,” he had agreed. “Fuck ‘em.”

“You certainly added more rocks last night,” he said as he looked at the large group of them on the table. “I like the ones you chose.”

“Thanks. I like to find ones that are large enough to paint something interesting but also some that are different. Like this one,” she said, picking up a rock that was completely smooth except for two small holes that appeared on both sides. “I think I like this one the best and I know how I want to paint it.”

“How?” he asked.

“You’ll have to wait and see,” she said and he nodded with a smile. “I’ll get the paints and stuff out now. Pick your rock.”

He looked through the numerous rocks and decided on one as she finished setting up the items they would need to paint.

“Okay. Let’s get started,” she said and they smiled as they sat down beside each other and prepared to paint.

He paused and watched her, appreciating the way she selected her paint colors and added them to one of the paper plates she had brought before moving onto the paintbrushes. Dipping the brush into black paint, she began to add it to the rock with the two holes.

“I can feel you watching me,” she said, turning her head to look at him. “It’s a little unnerving.”

“Sorry,” he said, grinning as he reached for a paper plate and a tube of paint. Creating his own palette of colors, he stared at his rock and waited for inspiration to hit. “Have you always done this? Is painting rocks a hobby of yours?”

“No. Well, not exactly,” she said, shaking her head as she continued to paint the rock black.

“Do you paint other things instead? Like canvases?”

“No again,” she said, looking up at him with a smile.

“Alright,” he said, smiling back at her. “So…?”

“I had a rock collection when I was younger,” she said, her attention back on the rock as she painted slow strokes. “Like I told you, we moved a lot with my father being in the Navy. I had rocks I collected from California, South Carolina, Washington state, and Japan.”

“Japan? Really?” he asked, picking up his paintbrush and tapping it softly against his rock. “What was that like?”

“I don’t remember much about it, being so young. Well, except the base and the sea. I was only five when we left, but I brought my collection with me. They were sacred.”

“I’m sure they were.”

She smiled at him and nodded. Setting her paintbrush into the tall plastic cup she had filled with water, she clasped her hands together and sighed.

“I never painted the rocks in my collection and to be honest, it never occurred to me to paint any. But, I worked as a counselor at an overnight summer camp when I was eighteen and it happened to be one of the activities we did with the campers. Someone had collected rocks from the beach and brought them to the camp. We were only supposed to observe and offer assistance if it was needed, but there were so many rocks, I painted one with my cabin of fifteen year olds.” She smiled as she picked up a different paintbrush and touched the bristles. “I told you that I was going through some things last year, things that wouldn’t have allowed this…” She gestured between them and he nodded, remembering their conversation on the boat. “Well… I guess you could say it started around that summer and kind of continued on in waves.”

She laughed almost bitterly and he stared at her, waiting to hear more.

“You know how some people are late bloomers when it comes to puberty?” she asked and he nodded. “Well, for me, I suppose it was rebelling.”

“Hmm. You have an older brother. And a sister,” he said, watching her face. She met his eyes and nodded. “You saw them grow up and then leave. You were done with high school and college was on the horizon. I could see all of those factors leading to a bit of rebellion.”

“Are you studying psychology?” she asked and he chuckled softly.

“No.”

“You might want to reconsider that,” she said, looking at him with raised eyebrows.

“I’ll think about it,” he replied, chuckling once again.

“It could have been all of those things,” she said with a sigh. “But I think I just… I don’t know. I just felt angry and upset a lot of the time. I felt… kind of out of place in my own skin.”

“Well.. in my… studies and from books I’ve read,” he said, his tone serious as he put a hand on his chin and stroked slowly. “As well as in my observations…” She grinned as she watched him and he smiled back with a shrug.

“You’re so adorable,” she whispered and then leaned toward him, kissing him softly before pulling back.

“I was serious, though, about the changes in your life,” he said. “They can all manifest to cause turmoil we never anticipated.”

“Yeah,” she agreed with a nod. “I know. But at the time though, that kind of thinking would have really pissed me off.”

“I completely understand,” he laughed and she smiled again.

“It was just…” She sighed and then looked at him, her eyes traveling over his face. “I’ve never really talked about this with anyone.”

“Not even a friend?”

“Not in its entirety,” she whispered and he nodded slowly.

“You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to. You can-”

“No, I want to. I just… I don’t want you to think less of me. Or… I don’t know.”

“I wouldn’t,” he promised, shaking his head and smiling slightly as he gently squeezed her knee and she sighed again with a nod.

“I was tired of being perfect Dana. The one everyone kind of babied and kept an eye on, but then seemed to forget about. I was… the result,” she said and he frowned, not understanding. “My sister had pushed the boundaries of things as she grew up. So as the result… I was treated differently.” He hummed and nodded. “I had stricter curfews, rules about makeup, dating, school, and friends. Bill, my older brother, behaved like my father at times, especially when my father was gone, telling me what to do and how to behave. We got into many fights over it and I really hated him sometimes. When he left for the Navy, I was more happy than sad to see him go.”

“That’s not too unusual,” Mulder reassured her. “Especially if he acted more like a father figure than your brother.”

“I know, but I felt guilty about it after a while,” she said and he nodded. “But I kept it pushed down, not wanting anyone to know. Then my sister left. Well… she sort of left as she would come and go, not having, as my father would say, a known purpose. But, even though they would fight, my parents asking her, sometimes pleading with her, to have direction and drive, it would end in a sigh and a shrug as if to say, Well, that’s just Missy, what can you do?” Scully sighed heavily and shook her head, her eyes downcast. “It felt… felt unfair and like… everything was then put onto me to be better than perfect and do what they thought I should do. At first I did, being the person I am. But then it made me angry and I started rebelling. It felt good at times, but shameful at others.”

“Sounds about right,” he said quietly, tapping her arm gently. She raised her head and looked at him, her eyes wet with tears. “Middle of four children… it’s hard not to be overlooked and also forced to excel.”

“Yeah,” she whispered, setting her paintbrush down and wiping her eyes with her sleeve. “Yeah.”

They were quiet for a couple of minutes and then she sniffled as she wiped her eyes again.

“It was small things,” she said, letting out a deep breath. “Staying out past curfew. Not calling if I’d be late. Leaving my room a mess, even though that killed me.” She laughed and then sniffled, wiping her eyes again. “I was technically an adult, but still living at home for the time being. I fought with them, acted out, went on dates with men that I… that I didn’t really like, because I knew it would bother my parents. But when the men wanted more from me… I broke it off and then…” She shook her head and he gave her a small smile as she looked at him. “I was so self destructive, if I had met you then, I would have hurt you with my actions.”

“You know,” he said softly, setting down his paintbrush and taking one of her hands. “I’ve always been a really good judge of character.”

“You don’t have to brag,” she said with a sob and he chuckled as she shook her head.

“Sorry,” he apologized with a smile and she nodded, sniffling softly. “But what I meant is that… I tend to observe, then act. Always have. I would have seen past that bravado you put up. Seen you. And I would have been your friend.” He leaned closer and gently kissed her forehead as she let out a shaky breath. Pulling back, he smiled and she scrunched her chin as tears filled her eyes again. “But… that wasn’t the journey we were on. So the past is the past and the present is now.”

“Yeah,” she whispered and he nodded.

“I’m sure I would have wanted to know that Dana. Just as much as I want to know this one. Older and wiser.”

“I’m twenty. I’m not old,” she said, rolling her eyes dramatically and he laughed softly. She smiled as she dried her eyes again and then stared at him. “Thank you. For listening and understanding.”

“Of course,” he said, squeezing her hand.

“We kind of steered off topic,” she said, glancing at the rocks on the table.

“Does one have to do with the other?” he asked and she looked back at him.

“Yeah, in its own way,” she said. “When we painted the rocks at the camp, I was listening to the girls in my cabin talking. There were two camps actually. On one side of a large lake was the boys camp, and on the other side was the one we were at, the girls camp. So naturally, the girls wanted to figure out a way to get to the boys camp.”

“Of course they did,” Mulder said with a laugh.

“And of course, my job as a counselor was to discourage such behavior. But then I thought about all of the times when I wanted to do something, and I was told no, or simply given a look that meant that was not how I was to behave, and I remember saying under my breath- fuck it. And then I said it loud enough for them to hear me and all of them stared at me in shock.”

“I’m sure.”

“As we sat there,” she said, touching the rock she had painted and smiling. “We came up with a plan to sneak around the lake and see the boys. The rush I felt from doing something… bad… made me feel invincible. It was different from how I had ever felt before and I liked it. A lot.”

She glanced at him and he smiled, encouraging her to continue.

“Well, we snuck over, although…” She laughed and shook her head. “I don’t know if snuck is the right word as we were quite loud. We had invited another cabin so it was twenty four girls and four counselors walking through the woods at night, laughing and chatting in loud whispers.”

“How far did you get?” Mulder asked with a chuckle.

“Nearly to the cabins. But the boys' camp leader met us in a golf cart, shaking his head and crossing his arms. The girls all screamed and started to run, us counselors following after them. I was in the back of the group and when I looked back, he was laughing.”

“I bet.”

“We all laughed as we walked back and some were planning when our next attempt would be, but for others it had been enough. I felt torn as I would normally have been scared to go once and mortified to go a second time. What if that leader was there again?” She looked at him with wide eyes and he laughed. “But then, as we got back to the cabin, and the girls started getting ready for bed, I thought about how exciting it had been to break the rules a little. So the next time we planned to go over, I was one of the counselors who took them. The group this time was smaller, and even though we didn’t make it much further, instead of heading back to the cabin right away, we stayed by the lake for a little bit. We threw rocks in the water and looked up at the stars, talking about boys and growing up and… everything and nothing.” She smiled and he nodded, picturing the moment perfectly. “I heard them talking, thinking about how they were different and braver than me. I wouldn’t call them defiant, but my father certainly would have. But sitting with them there, I thought about how I wanted to make a change.”

“And so you did.”

“Yeah,” she said quietly. “ I did, and like I said at times, it was great and at times I hated it. It was a year of some serious soul-searching before I started to come back to myself. And strangely enough, it was finding both my rock collection, and the one I had painted at the camp, that had turned things around.”

“How’s that?” he asked.

“Well,” she said with a smile. “The rock collection made me think about myself as a child and the things that I had held dear and were important to me.” She smiled again and let out a sigh. “And then as I looked at the rock that I had painted, with the added thumbprint of each girl to remember them by, it made me think of myself as the grown up I now was. Staring at the two together, I realized that I’m more like my younger self than what I believed to be my older self. They are two sides of a coin, and yet I am more like one than the other.”

“But you need both sides to make the coin whole,” he said softly and she nodded.

“Exactly. That’s exactly it. I was trying so hard to be one or the other, I didn’t think about the fact that I could be both. So,” she said, laughing through her nose. “So, I changed again, or maybe not changed, just embraced who I am. A people pleasing, good girl at heart, with a bit of a rebellious streak that might not be right at the surface, but definitely lingers below.”

“Huh,” he said, his hand once more at his chin as he stroked it thoughtfully, his eyes on her. “Yes, that would be my assessment as well.”

“The girl at the country club who would work up the nerve to convince you to join her in some debauchery, scared and thrilled that we’d be caught at any minute,” she said, her eyes shining as she placed a hand on his knee.

“And the boy who was just simply terrified of everything- getting caught, you for being so bold, and myself for the joy it brought me,” he replied, covering her hand with his own.

“That place wouldn’t have been able to handle us,” she whispered and he laughed as they both leaned forward and their lips met.

“Ewwwww!” came the cry of children’s voices and they pulled apart to find the source of the sound.

A small mixed group of boys and girls around the age of seven were staring at them with disgusted faces.

“Kissing is yuck!” one kid said and the others agreed, nodding vehemently.

“You’ll change your mind one day,” Scully called to them and they shook their heads before running off toward the playground.

“They will,” she said to Mulder. “Especially if the person is as good a kisser as you.”

“Back at ya,” he said and she laughed. “Whaddya say we get back to these rocks? I was promised Toni’s after this and I’m starting to feel a little hungry.”

“Yeah,” she said, squeezing his knee gently. “Let’s do it. You know what you’re going to paint now?”

“I do,” he said with a nod.

“Then let’s get started,” she said, turning her attention back to her rock. “Thanks for listening. And understanding.”

“Of course,” he said with a nod. “It’s free of charge this time, seeing as I don’t have a degree in psychology.”

“Yet,” she said, raising her eyebrows as she glanced at him.

“Right,” he agreed with a laugh and she nodded as she picked up her paintbrush.

After painting six rocks each, they began to clear away their mess and the extra unpainted rocks as they left the others to dry a bit longer. When everything else had been done, they looked at the creations they had made.

“I like them,” Scully said, smiling at his rocks. “This one especially.” She pointed to one of the last ones he had made and he smiled happily.

“I made that one for you,” he said. “I’m glad you like it.”

“What?”

“It’s this picnic bench,” he explained, pointing at it. “It looks ordinary on its own, the sun setting behind it, but it’s not. It’s a place where I learned more about you and why rocks are important and what they represent.”

“Fox… Mulder,” she said, her fingers running lightly across the rock. “I love it.”

“You’ll notice I didn’t add Janey blows hard, so it’s not completely accurate,” he said and she laughed.

“It’s better than accurate,” she whispered, wrapping her arms around his waist. “Thank you.”

“You’re welcome,” he said, hugging her close. “Thank you again for telling me.”

“Hmm,” she hummed and then looked up at him, silently asking for a kiss. He smiled as he kissed her, the wind blowing softly around them. “I made one for you too. Can you guess which one it is?”

“Oh, let me see,” he said, letting go of her and looking at her rocks, which were painted and detailed much better than his own.

He looked through them all twice before he shook his head and looked at her.

“I don’t know. They’re all beautiful and very well done, but I…” He shook his head again and she smiled.

“This one,” she said, pointing to one with a medium blue background and what looked to be purplish blue berries clustered together on a dark green branch.

“I don’t-”

“You gave me your sweatshirt on the camping trip,” she said softly. “Without thought of being cold yourself. It was so warm and smelled so good. We didn’t really know each other and yet you did that. Then you fell in the water and didn’t ask for it back.”

“Well, I had other clothes.”

“Still…” She shook her head and squeezed his hand. “Then you heard me singing while we were looking for plants and things to eat.” She laughed and shook her head. “God, I was trying so hard to get your attention.”

“What?”

“I wanted to know you better. And as I gathered up the berries, I promised myself I would do just that,” she said. “So, I painted them for you. Because now that I have gotten to know you better, I want to know even more.”

She looked at him and he grinned, lifting her off her feet and kissing her as she squeaked in surprise.

“I do too,” he whispered, kissing her again and setting her down.

“How about we accomplish that over an early dinner?” she asked, her eyes sparkling. “Say… Toni’s? My treat?”

“It’s like you’re reading my mind,” he teased.

“Imagine that,” she said, smiling as she began to gather up the rocks.

“Yeah,” he said quietly, picking up the rock with purplish blue berries painted on it and smiling. “Imagine that.”