#days take forever to pass but i dont remember anything

[highvern]

Work Me Out

Pairing: Kim Mingyu x fem!reader

Genre: Smut, 18+

Warnings: working out, flirting, touching, almost car sex, making out, breast play, fingering, oral, face sitting, multiple sex positions, big dick mingyu, protected sex (gasp!), strength kink, dirty talk, choking, spanking :) lover boy gyu as always. let me know if i missed anything!

Length: ~5k

Note: y'all thought cheol rot was bad but the OG bias wrecker is back. dont come at me for gym terminology i go by vibes. replaced my gym crush with mingyu and this is what happened <3 i have a bonus/pt 2 in the drafts too but I'll wait to post it bc too much muscle pig mingyu is bad for the soul... and the [redacted]

to the anon that sent me a seok ask forever ago about his arms, im sorry i used it in this fic. but know i have a seok fic with exactly what you asked for in the works rn. everyone say thank you anon.

@bbychocolat do not hit my line about mingyu for at least 24 business hours i need to recover

Remember: Tumblr runs on reblogs and I run on validation in the tags and comments :)

read part II

read more here

This blog is intended for 18+ only! Minors/blank blogs will be blocked!

Figuring out the ins and outs of a new gym isn’t easy but it isn’t impossible. Go too early and you’re surrounded by creepy men old enough to be your grandfather. Right after work is a sure way to experience hoards of gym bros crowding around machines like they own them. 

So you go as late as possible. 

Only a handful of people are dispersed through the large space. A few run on the treadmills lined on the catwalk of the second floor, several switch through different weights in front of the mirrors. You make your way through the maze of equipment towards the leg press; your final sets before you can go home and wash away the grime of the day.

Or you would if someone wasn’t occupying the one machine you need.

Peeping your head around, you notice a black backpack and matching water bottle on the ground. You glance around, unable to find a clear owner since the next closest person is halfway across the gym doing a different exercise.

Would it be that rude to take the machine out from under someone if they’re not even using it? You could probably get in all your sets before the person even came back if you moved quickly.

You wait a few minutes. How embarrassing would it be to have the mystery person walk back up the second you sat down? But after five minutes pass and no one emerges to claim the spot, you set about changing the weights out.

And just when you slip into the seat, you look up and find someone approaching.

He’s tall, he’s handsome, and he’s barely ten feet away. Your saving grace is that he hasn’t spotted you yet thanks to his phone. 

But that doesn’t last long.

“Oh! Sorry! Were you using this machine?” You ask, trying to sound cordial. 

“It’s okay!” He smiles at you. “Do you need it?”

Yes.

“No, I can find something else to do.” 

You rise to do just that when he stops you with a shrug.

“I don’t mind sharing.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah, I take long breaks between my sets anyway so it’s no big deal.”

So that’s where he went.

“Okay, thanks.”

“No problem.”

He moves to lean against the wall, face buried in his phone once again as you work through your set. Honestly you think he forgot you were even there until you start standing up and he pushes off his perch. 

Exchanging polite smiles, you skirt around him and snag your water bottle before occupying the same spot against the painted bricks. You try not to be a creep but watching the way the muscles in his legs bulge and coil with each rep is impossible to look away from. Especially when there’s just so much to look at.

He racks up twelve reps with ease and switches back off with you before wandering out of sight.

You work through two of your sets before he comes teetering back. 

“I tried putting it back to your weight.” You laugh, sipping from your water bottle.

“Three forty? Ouch.”

“What? Should I have made it lighter?”

“Try heavier. Like four hundred.”

“My sincerest apologies.” You mock, placing your hand over your heart. “I’ll remember that next time.”

He laughs again before slipping back into the seat and working through the motions.

This time you don’t bother hiding the way you watch him over your phone. He looks good, it’d be a waste not to watch the swell of his chest or the stretch of his thighs. The gym shorts and snug black t-shirt only exacerbate how cut his physique is. 

And if he makes a comment you can always twist your not so subtle gawking into a compliment about his form.

When he finishes his set again, he snags his bag and water bottle off the ground before turning to you. “All yours. Have a good night.”

“Yeah, you too.”

And he’s gone.

Over the next few weeks, you learn mystery man works out at the same time you. He’s there when you arrive and remains when you leave after an hour and a half of sweating and gasping like a dying fish, only absent on Wednesdays when you manage the most last luster workouts of your life. The disappointment the first time you realized you were looking for the backwards cap sticking out amongst the free weights would have been embarrassing but what's wrong with a little eye candy while breaking a sweat? 

And what a great view he makes. Your brief peeks into the mirrored walls are full of nothing straining muscles and glowing skin. The first day he did arms in a cutoff tee will go down in history as the worst day of your life. Only rivaled by all the other days he works his legs in shorts accentuating just how nice his ass is with every squat.

Your friends all ask when you’re going to talk to him again. As if you’ll just walk right up and interrupt the best part of your day. No, you’d rather watch him move across the gym floor from the corner of your eye, throw him a friendly nod, and go about your business than run the risk of making things awkward.

Unfortunately, doesn’t possess the same desire to remain a friendly nameless face like you do.

His name is Mingyu. Or that’s what the employee with glasses calls him while they joke around one night. You don’t mean to eavesdrop but they’re loud and the only exit takes you right past the U-shaped desk. Mingyu throws a grin as you pass by on your way out and the flash of teeth spikes your heart rate higher than any exercise you’ve done that night.

When he officially introduces himself at the water fountain the next night, you have to bite the urge to tell him ‘I know.’ Instead you snort at his extended hand, providing your own name over the firm shake like you won’t be haunted by the feeling of the calluses on his fingers or the heat of his palm for the next week. 

What’s worse is how he says your name back, rolling the sound across his tongue and past his quirked lips. 

And the final nail in the coffin is when you leave and you see the way he turns in the glass doors to watch, bidding you a goodnight with your name signed at the end.

Mingyu might be the worst gym crush in the world. Mostly because your thoughts of him extend beyond the brick walls he should only exist in. And partially because he’s caught you staring more times than you care to admit. 

Not as many times as you’ve caught him, but the point stands.

No, the worst part, you find out, is Mingyu is an incorrigible flirt. And he knows it.

Tonight you’re off schedule, runny nearly half an hour later than usual.; work clothes sticking to your skin as you make your way towards the off shooting hall housing the entrance to the locker rooms. In a rush, you step around another body only to end up in front of one much more familiar.

“There's my girl.” Mingyu smiles. “Thought you were skipping out on me.”

My girl. My girl. My girl, my girl, my girl….

There isn’t a thought in your head beyond the bold casualness he drops that bomb on you with so you nod awkwardly and force yourself not to sprint the next twenty feet to hide.

Half an hour later, when you catch him watching you in the mirror over his own weights, the bastard smiles like the cat who caught the canary. 

But you end up on top when Mingyu offers to spot you while doing weighted squats. He’s at your back, an appropriate amount of space between your bodies you wish he’d close. You don’t need his help. Your form is better than his (you would know, his ass and thighs give you tunnel vision when its his leg day). And the weight on the bar isn’t even enough to make you strain but why pass up on the offer? Especially with how Mingyu meets your eyes over your shoulder in the mirror with each dip.

And then he cheers ‘that’s my girl’ again when you re-rack the equipment with ease and it's over.

“Shit,” you grunt. 

Mingyu pops up from his perch between your breasts under your shirt, hair a mess and eyes glazed. “Good?”

“No, your steering wheel is in my back.” You wince, attempting to wiggle away and ending up further up his lap.

“Sorry, let me just…”

The seat flies back under your combined weight, throwing your forehead right into Mingyu’s chin.

“Fuck!” 

“Oh my god!” You gasp. “Are you okay?”

Mingyu’s head falls back as he releases a massive sigh. Each second that ticks by has you both coming to the same conclusion.

“Yeah,” you breath, sitting up. “I think this was a bad idea.”

“Oh…”

“I just mean like your car is small and you’re too big and I—“

The guffaw Mingyu tries to hide slips free too easily. “That’s what she said.”

“God, you’re gross.” 

Your nose crinkles as you rise up, using his chest for leverage. It feels as nice as it looks and its the worst knowledge you’ve gained in you life.

“Sticks and stones,” he hums.

“Well this was fun. I’ll ugh… see you around?”

When you try to shift back into the passenger seat to exit, Mingyu’s hands flex over your thighs to keep you in his lap. His sweats do nothing to hide his semi. Something he doesn’t even seem to consider as a concern given the way he unconsciously curls into you.

“Or we can go back to mine.”

He’s trying and failing to sound nonchalant. Like he won’t go home and fuck his fist in the shower with the echoes of your sighs filling his ears if you turn him down. You can see it in his eyes. What hinges on his offer and how much you’ll both regret it if the tension fizzles and dies in his SUV.

From where you’re sitting, it’s incredibly difficult to think with your head and not your hormones. Mingyu is hot, he’s nice, he seems decent enough. His behavior doesn’t hint at him being a creep. If he’s normal enough to fuck in his car, is he not normal enough to fuck in the comfort of a bed?

The thumb stroking your thighs and the hopeful eyes staring you down make the decision for you.

“Yeah, okay.” 

With his address in your phone’s GPS, you trail after his SUV in your own car. The roads are familiar because they’re the same roads you drive when you return to your apartment that turns out to be only three blocks closer to the gym than Mingyu’s. 

All this time he’d been so close and you never even realized. Did he think about you the same way you thought about him when he drove home? If he did, you’re in for a night.

Rolling into a space only a few down from where he parks, you pause to hype yourself up. 

People have sex all the time. It’s no big deal. I can do this. 

A knock at the window interrupts your spiral, finding Mingyu smiling sheepishly through the glass. The muscles in your chest squeeze when he opens the door and holds it for you to exit; and threaten to explode when his hand finds the small of your back and guides you towards the stairwell.

Footsteps echo down to the hall, Mingyu only a fraction ahead to lead the way to a non-descript door with a seasonal doormat that's seen better days.

“Ugh, this is it.” 

His apartment is shockingly clean for a guy your age. Not clean in the ‘I don’t own enough shit to even be dirty’ way. No, Mingyu’s apartment is cozy. There’s throw pillows and blankets on the couch. He has a lamp and bookshelf in the corner and the walls are adorned with a collage of artwork thoughtfully pieced together. Several personal photos are littered throughout, some with an obviously younger Mingyu propped next to what must be a sister or a cousin, a few of him with friends. One of him and a familiar man with glasses, their faces blurry but the glee clear as they’re frozen in time. Your lips lift with a soft smile at the personal touches bleeding into every corner of his space.

Turning over your shoulder you ask, “You and the guy at the gym are friends?” 

Mingyu’s watching you with something unidentifiable in his eyes, stepping forward to figure out which frame you're looking at until he’s only a foot behind you.

“Yeah, we went to the same middle school.”

“And this one?” You say, fingers tracing the edge of the wooden frame.

“My little sister.” Mingyu follows, still only a step behind.

“And I’m assuming these are your parents?”

“Actually those are Wonwoo’s parents.” He chuckles. “These are my parents.”

Mingyu’s arm reaches around to point at the correct photo, his chest brushing against your back.

“Wanna give me the tour?”

Mingyu manages to show you everything in five minutes. The living room and connected kitchen you’re already standing in, the door of the hall bathroom, and finally his bedroom. You take a seat on the edge of the bed, discovering the new smattering of details that uncover more about the man waiting with baited breath in the threshold. 

“Why are you over there?” You ask.

With arms crossed and shoulders up to his ears, Mingyu resembles a kid waiting to be scolded rather than a man who tried to hook up with you in his car less than thirty minutes ago.

“I’m nervous.”

You can’t stop the satisfaction from spreading to your face. “I make you nervous?”

Mingyu pushes off the door jam, shuffling forward until he’s standing a foot in front of you. “Yeah. I don’t really do stuff like this.”

“Stuff like what? Try and fuck girls in your car?”

“Haha.” Mingyu mocks, face descending until he rubs his nose with yours.

Your eyes slip closed when his do, breathing each other's air. “Stuff like what, Gyu?”

Your hands find the material of his shirt stretched across his shoulder. Each brush of his lips across your cheek, down your jaw, until he finds your ear.

“I don’t sleep around with girls I’m not dating.”

Oh.

“We don’t hav—”

“Which is not the best way to ask you out.”

You press him out of your space, far enough that you can look him in the eyes and see if he’s serious. The tips of Mingyu’s ears burn red but he’s looking right at you despite how embarrassed he clearly feels.

“You’re asking me on a date?”

“Ugh, yeah. I think it’d be fun. But you don’t have to! If you just wanna do this that's fine t—”

Whatever words Mingyu was trying to say fizzle on the tip of his tongue as you pull him into a kiss. He curls over you, pressing you further into his bed with every fervent pass. Wedging one hand under the small of your back, Mingyu lifts you up and carries you while he crawls to the center.

Your mind wanders to all the other ways he can manhandle you into the mattress.

He settles flat against you, hips cradled between your own while delving into your mouth. You fill your hands with his ass, dragging Mingyu’s covered cock against your core. A groan backs apart your lips as Mingyu falls into the curve of your neck. 

“This is a yes to the date by the way.” You pant now that he’s taken over, hands scratching up his back in an effort to get rid of his shirt. “In case that wasn’t clear.”

Mingyu’s clothes disappear over his head and across the room, yours following shortly after. The heat of bare skin on bare skin is better than anything until he takes one of your breasts in his palm and the other in his mouth. 

Every curse you know flies through your lips as he sucks and pinches until you're sore between the legs.

He takes the squeeze of your thighs and the rock of your hips as a greenlight, hands leading where his lips follow until it’s nothing but your panty clad core an inch from his face.

“This okay?” Mingyu asks in the fat of your thigh, tongue trailing fire across the skin.

You nod with a sigh, “Mingyu, please.”

He doesn’t need much more than that, the fabric barrier gone in a blink and his nose traces your folds until he’s dying for a taste.

Mingyu eats pussy like he doesn’t need oxygen. The path of his pointed tongue around your clit is nothing short of precise, meticulously tracing every ridge and curve until the sheets stretch under your fingers. When he flattens it to pay broader attention, your legs squeeze and Mingyu’s hands force them wide around his shoulders.

Your feet flatten on the bed and thrust up his mouth, wet and crude with fingers in his hair and your whines in his ears. Every suck of Mingyu’s mouth forces the muscles in your neck to lerch until they hurt and your head falls back. He takes pride in the way you drip for him, making the best mess he’s ever had the privilege to clean up.

You reward him with an lavishing praise at the next twitch of your insides, “Fuck, just like that.” 

Taking advantage of the slight arch in your spine, Mingyu’s hand sneaks under your back, fingers unforgiving as they dig into your ass. He curls your hips up and buries a finger in your core with mortifying ease.

Between your legs, Mingyu catches your eyes. Pupils blown wide, mouths bruised around stuttered breath. A matching set of debauched expressions. He’s more familiar like this; skin glowing with sweat, and hair matted to his forehead. Next time you see him at the gym you know it's all you’ll think about. Next time you're alone in your room, or the shower, or the grocery store. Or anywhere you’ve day dreamed about him before.

He leans back to watch the digit disappear, only to reappear soaking. “Feels good?”

“Give me another and it will.”

You savor the rhythm he sets, thick fingers working to prep you for what you felt under his shorts. His tongue is hard and wet at your clit, fingers stretching and spreading until your stomach dips and you nearly buck him off as your clit swells from abuse.  

Your fingers pluck at your nipples and Mingyu apparently likes to watch because he manages more enthusiasm, forces his finger to crook just the right way, and continues to suck even after you start screaming.

“Oh fuck, oh, fuck, fuck, fuck!” You chant, voice cracked.

Something sounding suspiciously like a ‘thank you’ drops into the mix but Mingyu’s the only one to hear it. In his opinion, he should be the one doing the thanking; you just gave him enough spank bank material for the next six months.

You don’t dislike the taste of yourself on his tongue, his lips, his chin, his cheeks, and even his chest when you flip Mingyu over and aim to return the favor. He blushes when you lap against the hollow of his throat; embarrassed from the way he goes boneless with such simple affection.

He sinks into the plush of the mattress, propped up by the mountain of pillows at the headboard. Mingyu’s stomach stiffens under your tongue and the twitch blooms a smile on your face. Predictable.

“Sensitive?”

Your nails raking up the shape of his thighs turn the denial falling from his lips into a whine, and it makes you wonder what other sounds Mingyu will make with his cock in your mouth.

The vein bulging along the underside of his length gives your tongue something to trace along as you lap from base to flared tip, sucking down until it shines from spit and pre-cum. You take all you can until the curve of your throat protests.

Mingyu’s big and he’s loud.

“Oh God, shit.” He babbles with abandon, hands fisted at his sides until his knuckles turn pale.

You focus on the cock in your mouth rather than how pretty Mingyu’s chest would look covered in bite marks. How a bruise on his hip would be just visible when he reaches over his head to do pull ups, and red streaks from your nails on his bicep would make a great accessory.

A hand lands on the base of your skull, gentle until it's not. His thumb dips to stroke the bulge of his dick through your throat as you take him deeper. And like some ridiculous porno theres still an inch you’ll never be able to take even if you do nothing but let him fucking your mouth until the only thing you taste is cum.

“Fuuuuck,” Mingyu groans from a harsh suck on the upstroke.

He distracts you with his tongue on yours, keeping you from diving back down and destroying his ego from how quick you almost made him cum. Your one solace is the lazy grip you have on the base of Mingyu’s length, fingers tightening around the head while he cants into the squeeze.

You think Mingyu is going to plant you on his cock and make you ride it until one of you is crying. But he keeps pushing and pulling until you’re kneeling over his face, knees cushioned in the pillows and hands against the wall to steady you while he dives in again.

His head shakes back and forth, tongue out to swipe messily at your clit as you grind into his face. The last grip of sanity you have gives you the mind to reach back, jerking Mingyu off while he eats it, a cycle of moans moving through you; him into your folds when you squeeze from a grating pass off his tongue that has you whining to the ceiling fan.

“Shit, need you to fuck me.” You whine but don’t stop curling against the latch of his lips, legs stiff with ache.

It’s Mingyu who brings things to a halt, raising you away from his mouth until you're left on your knees while he stands to rummage in the drawer for a condom. You listen while the paint of the wall cools your forehead.

The hand at the dip of your spine makes you melt when he checks in, “Still okay?”

Nodding, you find him over your shoulder with a thick swallow. Mingyu’s nose follows the slope of your muscles, lips untying all the knots he’s worked into them over the past few weeks.

“Want it like this?”

“Yeah.”

You drop until your chest meets the bed and arch until it hurts just to put on a good show. Mingyu shuffles behind you, knocking your knees wider with his own, palms molding to your ass and spreading it apart to take a good look like he wasn’t tongue deep inside your pussy already. The room is nothing more than the sounds of grounding breaths; Mingyu watching the way your torso moves around the air, releasing a long exhale before moving closer.

The feel of his chest against yours was great, but the hard muscle of it along your back, his chain caught between and leaving a definitive mark, is life ruining. It shreds the last bit of humanity you’ve been clinging to since you dragged Mingyu to the parking lot and tried to stick your hands down his pants while leant against the passenger door.

No matter how well Mingyu stretched you for his cock it was never going to be enough. Taking the first inch nearly splits you in half. But you're soaked and needy; nothing short of the end of the world is going to keep you from getting the satisfaction of feeling him in your guts. You take it with measured breaths and affirmations to relax. Slow arches of his hips work him in until he’s flat with your ass and whispering absolute depravity into your ears.

“Fuck, you’re tight.”

Arching your ass higher, you whimper, “You’re huge.”

Your ass stings under his punishing hand, thrown forward by an involuntary buck of his hips.

“Don’t say that.”

You turn until you can look over your shoulder again, meeting wild eyes. “You feels so good.” You moan, eyelids low and wrecked.

“Didn’t—shit, think you’d have such a dirty mouth.” He bites into the side of your neck, sucking a bruise like a depraved teenager. 

“I knew you’d have a fat cock.”

You get what you want so easily it's almost insulting; Mingyu’s hand forcing your face into the sheets and his hips rushing into you with pure need. Every prod into your cunt has you wailing. It’d destroy your self respect if you could think of anything beyond how he’s ruining you for anyone else.

Pillows topple off the edge of the bed as you scramble for a hold. Anything to ground you against the burn in your veins with every tight squeeze around Mingyu’s cock. His balls slap against your clit teasingly, more degrading than the way he has you bent in half. 

“Harder,” you beg.

Mingyu falls back on his haunches, pulling you with him until you're sitting up right. His arm comes into view, curling around neck until your throat sits in the crux of his elbow and his hand latches on your shoulder; a crude headlock he uses as leverage to keep fucking into you. You’ve been choked but this is infinitely better. Whatever Mingyu wants to take from you, he’s in a position to do so.

“Gonna cum?” He nips into your earlobe.

His hand shoves its way between your legs, swipe roughly against your clit before you can even hope to answer.

A pathetic nod is all you manage thanks to the muscles gathered under your chin limiting your mobility.

Mingyu let's go then and your hands prevent a crash into the headboard, putting you back in the same position as before but you have to work for it now; ass bouncing in his laps as you ride him. Finding your balance, you drop one hand to your clit as Mingyu’s pinch your nipples.

“Let me have it, let me make you come." Mingyu pants into your spine. "Fuck you look so good like this, shit.”

He keeps rambling, flying with you towards the edge hand in hand; both breathless from the slap of your thighs against his.

“Mingyu, feel so good. Oh my god, oh my g—”

The softness of the pillows greets you once again while everything flashes white. Mingyu scrambles behind, fucking you into the mattress while you soak his cock. Muscles twitching, teeth ground till they crack, you come and come and come while begging him to do the same.

Mingyu gives in without hesitation, all his weight behind his hips as he fills the condom; dragging you back with an arm around your waist. Every jerk of his cock against your walls from the force makes you vibrate until he’s slipping out, soiled and used against the back of your thigh.

The last thing you register is his lips finding your shoulder again, rubbing back and forth as he comes down.

You fall asleep under the heat of his body for who knows how long, content in the mind shattering numbness of what just happened. Mingyu seems to feel the same, dead weight hanging half off you so you can at least manage to breath.

When you wake, whether it's twenty minutes or two hours later, Mingyu is snoring into the pillow, still naked. His lips pout in his sleep and you swallow the urge to shower them with kisses thanks to the drool at the corner of his mouth.

Even without the covers, you're warm. The kind of heat that slips over your skin, sinks into your bones and keens for you to fall asleep and stay. But Mingyu asked you on a date, not to spend the night. And you’d hate to assume and ruin whatever this is before it as a chance to start.

“Where are you going?” He pouts.

You don't make it two inches out of his arms before he’s pulling you back, tangling them around you so there's no chance of unnoticed escape. Mingyu digs his nose into your cheek and waits for an answer like he has all the time in the world.

Something tells you if he knew you were attempting to head home, Mingyu would throw a fit. And what use is that when you want to see what a night sleep with a giant human furnace is like?

“Bathroom.”

Adding to the list of information you’ve learned, Mingyu is a stage five clinger. He latches on to your back, guiding you into the shower stall for a quick spray down that leaves half your face, part of your thigh, and almost none of him clean.

He falls asleep against the base of your skull while brushing your teeth, because of course he has a stash of extra toothbrushes under the sink just in case. 

And when you crawl under the fresh sheets, he pulls you into his chest, leaves a kiss against your forehead, and tells you he can’t wait for your breakfast date tomorrow.

Taglist: @tomodachiii @cvpidyunho @miniseokminnies @ddaengpotate @arycutie @gaebestie @primoppang @gyuguys @mine-gyu @doremifasire @missminhoe @toplinehyunjin @crvs4vldtn @prettygyuuu

© highvern. copying/reuploading/translating my work anywhere is strictly prohibited.

#svthub #ksmutsociety #kvanity #svt x reader #kim mingyu x reader #mingyu smut #kim mingyu #svt smut #seventeen smut #kim mingyu smut #🫡 highvern

[sliceofajayke]

enhypen as dads

here are some headcannons on how i think enha will be as dads :)

warnings; babies, talk of pregnancy, theres a mention of sex in hoons but nothing graphic.. thats all i think but plz lemme know if you see anything that should be added<3

likes, comments and reblogs are much appreciated<3

heeseung <3

-okok right from the beginning, when he had first found out u were preggers he started singing to ur belly

-and at night he cant sleep and he thinks ur asleep he'll talk to ur belly

-like if ure having really bad morning sickness he'll be like

-"hey baby,, i know ur growing in there but please dont give ur momma too much of hard time... we love you forever and always and we can't wait for you to get here"

-and suddenly the next day you got no morning sickness!! so hee kisses ur belly "thank u baby u always listen to dada huh?"

-okay now for gender. reveal!! he doesnt care if the baby is a boy or a girl

-he just wants to be able to hold his baby in his arms, and he got sososo excited when the doctor told yall so the doctor asks "oh were you hoping for a girl?"(first one is girl i feel like theyll all be really good girl dads)

-and u giggle "he wasnt hoping for anything specific. hes just happy that were this far along cuz that mean babes coming out soon"

-and we'll skip to birth. hee has done so much reading on parenting books, and all that jazz

-but when babygirl finally comes hes in tears and forgot everything he read. hes just too happy. he sees you holding his baby and he thinks, despite the sweat and tears. this is the most beautiful you look because you have been so strong and brave through out the whole process

-u call him over and ask if hes ready to hold her and something snaps in him "oh um... can i??"

- he just got so worried?? for some reason?? so the nurse smiles and tells him to go sit on the chair so she can pass her to him and while sitting he remembers skin to skin right right

-so he takes off his shirt and when baby is in the nurses arms she starts crying soso hard,

- but once baby was place into hees arms and lying on his bare chest she immediately stops "oh babygirl... hi its dada"

-and ik babies dont really smile unless they're pooping or smthng but the baby smiles at him with her eyes closed

-skip to her first everything,, hee has it all filmed, her first steps, her first taste of solid food, any of her first, you name it

-he'll be one of those dads who are sososo encouraging of every single thing she does

-(even if shes bad at it... "who cares what they say. if you like doing it then continue doing it. only quit if its for yourself not for them")

-shes a lovely singer, she'll somehow remember the songs hee would sing to her while she was in mommas belly and when she was a baby

-he'll cry when shes 10 years old because "my baby... shes not a baby anymore shes in her double digits:((" and she'll hug him even if she feels embarrassed and whispers to him "dont worry dad. i wont be a baby forever. but i'll always be your girl"

-thats what he calls her "my girl" he originally called u that

-and he still does,, whenever he gets home he goes "where are my girls?" or if his babygirl wins something he goes "thats my girl!"

-hes just a really good supportive dad:(( she'll even go to both her parents if shes having relationship problems because she can trust them and they are very trusting of her

jay <3

-ok so jay i think u’d just tell him straight up that ur pregnant

-u guys have been trying for a while and it finally happened so he was very very happy

-i think jay will also talk to ur belly

-he’ll tell baby a lot of random fun facts

-even tell baby about how big/small they are at the moment

-when baby comes hes just ready for it all.

-hes very encouraging of you, tells you that you did amazing before even taking a look at the crying baby

-finally when its his turn to hold his babyboy hes ready.

-the nurse takes the baby from ur arms and tells jay he can either stand or sit on the couch, he prefers to stand

-so he takes off his shirt and holds his arms out for baby

-jay cries while looking at his baby

- so baby is a bit older now, like hee. jay films all the firsts… and seconds

-baby is really smart too

-jay actually got his son an ipad

-but the kid is NOT an ipad kid, he’s actually very very good at time management???

-all the games on the kids ipad are actually some kind of learning games (reading apps, those crossword games, etc.)

-jay loves cooking and so does his son.

-it started from watching his dad cook

-to mixing the soup on the stove

-and finally to just jay watching and tell him what to do/add next

-actually on mothers day and ur birthday they’ll make u breakfast in bed

-their bond is very good<3

jake <3

-so lets say u nd jake already have some fur babies

-yall got two doggo okok so u dress them up wearing those ‘best big sister’ nd ‘best big brother’ sweaters

- “go to daddy” so they do:)

-with u following them slowly so you can see his reaction and he baby talks the dogs lol

-”now what are u silly babies wearing?”

-he takes them both on his lap and his eyes widened when he was able to read it,,

-the pups jump off his lap cuz jake sounded excited so they want to be excited too!!

-”no way…” he goes to run to you nd tbh he almost ran into you so he hugged u

-”is this for real? plz dont be a sick joke”

-”of course its real!”

-he kisses you

-a lot

-he kisses all over ur face nd all over ur belly

-so for this ultrasound its pretty late into the pregnancy and suddenly there are two heartbeat

-”oUR BABY HAS TWO HEARTS?!?”

- both u and the doctor laugh and tell him that has to mean twins

-so u guys go home and suddenly panic arises again

-”....i need to redesign the babyroom”

-u guys have a boy and a girl <3

- so both are very into music and sports

- he teaches them everything he knows and he loves loves LOVES bragging about his kids

- he doesn't do it on purpose but..

- heeseung is telling the group about how his daughter won at her school talent show and jake cant help but mention his kids

-”ohhh *son and daughter* love singing too! actually they’ve been practicing as a duo wanna see a video?!” (he’ll pull out the video before anyone can even say yes)

-hes very good at helping them regulate their emotions too, he lets them feel what it is and lets them talk about them openly

-he never raises his voice at them and if by chance his kids get so angry that they raise their voice at him??

-they’ll immediately apologize because they know its wrong and they’ll say that they promise to do their best not to do it again

-kids are hard especially if theres two the same age

-they argue a lot

- A LOT

- they always make up very quickly, jake and u don’t even have to interfere.

- BUT when u do have to interfere that means it gets really bad

- idk theyre kids so lets say they broke eachothers crayon :(

-both are crazy mad at each other, daughter is a daddys girl, son is a mommys boy

-first move as parents; get them to stop crying

-second to figure out why it all started

- “we wanted to share but we got mad”

- (y'all bought them each a set of crayons…)

- in the end, they make up and showed u their shared drawing of their family… with an extra member

“mommy and daddy we want a baby sibling”

sunghoon <3

-ok hoon wants a baby soooo bad

- he’ll always send u tiktoks of babies and their familes that show up on his fyp and goes like “could be us soon”

-what he doesn't know is that u are pregnant

-idk why u thought he wouldnt want a baby but thats what u thought

-anyway u talk to jay nd ur like “how tf do i tell him?? what if he doesnt want a baby?”

-*que sunghoon sending u another baby related tiktok*

-jay goes “... he spams u with baby and family tiktoks u really think he doesnt want that??”

-”maybe??” anyway so now u go home, thinking instead of how to tell him, not of a bad reaction from him

-finally u thought of it

-make a tiktok revealing it(not posting it publicly just yet. u just saved it to ur phone)

-tiktok is pictures with music first, pictures from ur first date, …post sex selfie(its a cute one ok like ur both smiley) of the date you most likely conceived baby

-then it comes to videos, theres one where u guys were making dinner and started dancing together,

-one where u guys are just smiling at the camera together then he attacks u w kisses

-finally the reveal of the pregnancy test and u at the end saying “im pregnant”

-so you send him that video while ur in the kitchen and hes on the couch living room

the text read “babe look at this cute baby video!!” and he clicks it so fast

-he watched it one… two… three more times and hes crying by the end of it

-”i love you so much!!”

-baby is now born and hes just the happiest hes ever been

-he has a baby boy:((

-i think he’ll record everything and anything his kid does and saves it all until his son is of age to consent to his parents to post his baby photos/videos

-his son loves it lol, he actually encouraged his dad to make an instagram for him so when hes old enough to post on his own he’ll post on that account

-but sunghoons account is basically u, his son, family photos and like a selfie every now and then

-he’ll encourage his son to do everything he wants.

-ur son wants to sing?? sunghoon will bring him to the studio and let him record a bit

-he wants to play soccer?? he’ll go to every single practice day and night

-he wants to ice skate?? hoon will be the best coach

-hoon will never ever force him though. if his kid wants out he’ll try to encourage them to keep trying but if they really dont want it, its over then

-hoon rememinds them if they ever wanna try again that they always can

-by the time his son is a teenager, hoon likes to think of himself as a dad and a friend

-so when his son comes to him with a problem hoon will ask “do you want dad advice first or friend advice first?”

-he’ll always give advice from both perspectives too so his son makes the final decisions on things based on that

-anytime u are out for business, they’ll have movie nights nd fall asleep on the couch together, ur sons head on hoons shoulder and hoons head resting ontop ur sons head<3

sunoo <3

-ok honestly see sunoo as such a good girl dad:((

-he found out u were pregnant before u even did lol

-he made u ur favorite food but u didnt want to eat it so he was like “???”

-he gets excited then says “i’ll be right back!”

-he left to get u take out and to buy some pregnancy tests. he lets u eat first then shows u the tests

-”if u arent we could always try again,, but i’m pretty sure u are” so u took a few

-all were positive

-sunoo smiles the biggest u’ve ever seen him smile

-he picks u up nd twirls u around

-so now ur going to ur 5 months ultrasound, u want to have a gender reveal party but sunoo just wants to know(he does want to have a party tho)

-he jokes with the doctor “if i slip u a signed photo card will u tell me the gender” that earned him a smack from u lol

-u give the envelope with the gender to two j’s cuz they volunteered the fastest

-as much as u guys like the whole blue for boy and pink for girls,, u didnt want that to be the colours so u did purple for girls and orange for boys

-jake and jay made cupcakes but somehow made them all brown…

-they forgot the food colouring lol

-anyway they whispered it to sunoo and sunoo begins to jump around “A BABY GIRRLLL”

-so now the birthing… sun couldnt control his face, this was a beautiful moment but gosh did it look…

-not so beautiful, but his babygirl is here!!

-after a little bit u tell him to lie next to u, he said there was no room so u made room

-”now there is room. lets look at our babygirl together” <3

-now her first birthday,,, sunoo couldnt help himself, he calls her princess so it was princess themed!

-she looked so cute in pigtails, her tiara and of course her little purple princess dress:((

-he also records everything at the party, hes vlogging it all

-so she grows up a bit nd he shows her the video as he does her hair

-”did mom do my hair or did u?” “ i did isnt it obvious?”

-“...dang dad thank goodness u got better at this” “excuse me young lady?” they laugh

-anyway now ur girl is hmm 16

-sunoo still calls her princess and she loves it. she gets princess treatment

-sometimes they even kick u out of the front seat so she sit beside her dad as she drives🤭🤭

jungwon <3

-wonie loves loves kids

-when he goes to film some content with kids he LOVES to send u little videos and pictures of him and the kids hes filming with

-when he gets home, u nd the 6 boys are there. u planned it all together

-so u ask him to check the oven cuz ur baking(u didn't actually bake it, u bought it lol)

-”babe its not even hot… are u sure u baked?”

-"oh wonnnie what did you just do?”

“...take bread out of the oven?”

-”jungwon its buns.. theres buns in the oven”

-”..what does that even mean”

-”...shES PREGENT WON.. BUN IN THE OVEN!!”

- he dropped the bread lol

-finally when it registered in his mind he ran to u nd hugged u “but why did u tell them first??”

-okay baby is born and hes in tears

-”are you okay?...our baby is crying and the doctors and nurses got him rn.” he says wiping ur hair out of ur face

-”i’m okay.. and i’m so happy but in so much pain ahaha”

-he smiled and kissed ur forehead, then ur nose nd finally ur lips.

-the nurse brings the now clean baby to u and gently places baby in ur arms

-”she looks so beautiful..” “she’s gnna grow up to be just like you y/n”

-jungwon was wrong. babygirl looks exactly like him but with longer hair hehe

-she even has his deep deep dimples, shes so cute when she smiles:((

-both of u cant even be mad that she looks like him(he realllyyy wanted a mini u when he gets a daughter)

-anyway now shes like 3? she loves calling her dadda for everythinggg

-she wants to play princess? dadda on his way

-she wants a piggyback ride for the 960427195 time? dadda is on his way

-she still counts on him always now that shes older, just now she calls him dad.

-dad always drops anything and everything for her.

-dads filming some content but his personal ringtone for his babygirl goes off. hes outta there

-she loves to dance too!!

-actually she watches jungwons dance from i-land(she hasnt watched the show yet but she seen a lot of the happier clips/edits)

-she tries to copy it a lot cuz she wants to be just like him dancing wise

-anyway shes a total daddys girl

(uncle) ni-ki <3

-alright we know ni-ki is… well you know how ni-ki is

-but he is the best babysitter ever!!

-he’ll come over without even getting asked to lol

-”hi guys i’m here to babysit!”

-”...but ni-ki we weren't even going out today..”

-”yeah well i got bored so get out of here so i can hang out with my minis”

-so they leave ni-ki with the children

- ni-ki is actually a really good babysitter, he knows how to have fun but also knows when things get too far

- “alright kiddos show me where your parents hide the candy. we get 2 pieces each after a healthy dinner”

-he knows his hyungs hide the candy high up cuz the kids cant reach it

-when things get out of hand, he will never ever raise his voice.

-he’ll give a big sigh and the kids just know to stop what theyre doing and to listen to him

-he wont ever use 'negative’ words i.e instead of “no fighting” he’ll say smthng like “lets all get along”

-then he sets up some music for them to dance to

-if they ask him, he’ll dance with them too

-they’ll even ask him to teach them and he happily will teach them

-hehe the kids will request to learn billy poco heheh

-ni-ki hates it but teaches it nonetheless

-once theyre all tired out (including ni-ki) they all sit on the couch and put on a movie

-they all fall asleep on ni-ki :)

-all the parents have pictures of ni-ki nd their kids sleeping

-actually all the kids come together and make like a slideshow of all the fun they’ve had with their favorite unlce for his birthday:)

tags; @criceofpain @celeste-hoon @jaylaxies @ajayke-reads

#enhypen #enhypen headcanons #enhypen heeseung #enhypen jay #enhypen jake #enhypen sunghoon #enhypen sunoo #enhypen jungwon #enhypen nishimura riki #enhypen niki #enhypen au #enhypen x reader #enhypen heeseung x reader #enhypen jay x reader #enhypen jake x reader #enhypen sunghoon x reader #enhypen sunoo x reader #enhypen jungwon x reader #enhypen niki x reader #enhypen riki #enhypen riki x reader #enhypen fluff #enhypen x you #enhypen heeseung fluff #enhypen jay fluff #enhypen jake fluff #enhypen sunghoon fluff #enhypen sunoo fluff #enhypen jungwon fluff #enhypen niki fluff

[dylansslutt]

not forbidden / j.m

 authors note// this show has had a grip on me & so have bella and pedro... so this could not not be done. enjoy my loves ( all work is mine, i dont own the show or characters tho)

warnings: age gap (reader is in their late 20s) , violence, death,

 summary: being involved with Marlene and the fireflies leads you to take Ellie with Joel…

 after being stuck with joel and tess, to protect ellie on this trip to get her to the other location. due to marlene getting shot, and now being with them things have been something...

   you were younger than joel and tess, but not a teen or anything. seeing how him and tess were towards each other you didn’t even bother trying. even though at any chance your gaze shifted onto the man near you. yet deciding to just prove yourself smart and worthy.

 after tess’s death it left the two of you with ellie, things have changed dramatically. you were protective of ellie in your own way, but being alone now with joel the atmosphere shifted. more for you since he was off standish.

   about a week of being out in the wild has gone by; a fire was going and ellie was snug in her sleeping bag asleep. as you watch her, the similarities of your younger sister, who was about her age when she died, and ellie we very much the same.

 gulping that thought down, your eyes shift and catches joel’s who eyes were already on you. clearing your throat, you sit up more.

 “get some rest, i’ll take first watch.”

 you hope he doesn’t argue with you since the idea of sleeping made you sick. shockingly he actually agrees, before heading over across ellie on the other side of the fire. you shift your gun before walking around slightly, checking the perimeter before getting comfy by a rock.

 hours pass and you strolled around atleast 6 times, until settling back in your spot. eyes shifting on joel who was facing toward you, he looks peaceful. not scowling or seeming stressed or tired, something you weren’t use to seeing.

 glancing over at ellie who was still in deep sleep, you bit your lip. thoughts creep in... your sister died almost a year ago, with you being the one to have to do it.

 you escaped FEDRA with lara, after your dad passed from one of the guards doing. being only about 17 and your sister was 13, you two found marlene about two weeks later.

 until then things were good; you two were together, fed and somewhat safe. you did runs with marlene but you made lara stay at base since it was too dangerous. till one day your sister who thought since she was getting older insisted on coming...

 “i told you no, i don’t give a fuck it’s already dangerous enough.” you glare at her, tired of her trying to be reckless. running your hand over your face in annoyance.

 “marlene said i can so i’m going. you cant treat me like a kid forever!” she yells at you, your eyes snapping in her direction furiously. stalking forward giving her a huge shove, she stumbles back in shock.

 “im your sister! i fuckin’ look out for you, so don’t you ever tell me what the fuck i cant do. until you stop acting like a child, i’ll keep treating you like one.” your anger was obvious but you try to retain it the best you can.

 her face matches yours, chest heaving with resentment. “i’m going.” she shoves you back softly, you giving a warning look.

 “if ya’ get in trouble don’t come screaming for me. i warned you once.” with that you grab you pack, stalking out the room. your eyes find marlene’s and anger courses through you.

 “if anything happens, i sw-”

 “she’ll be fine, she’s ready.” you scoff, ready your ass. “she’s fourteen!”

 “and you were only a few years older, if i remember correctly.” you glare at her, sighing in annoyance. “i swear marlene, anything.”

 -

  “y/n!” the violent scream echoes as you round the corner shooting the clicker in the back of the head, making it topple over on the side of lara.

 “lara!”

 rushing forward as she sobs reaching out to hold onto me, “it’s okay. it’s dead- it’s dead.” trying to reassure her, as you gently pull her up in your arms. eyes watering at the look on her face.

 “i-im so sorry.”

 you push her hair out of her face her face scrunches in pain. “ow.ow...” she moans out clawing towards her shoulder, as your eyes follow on the deep bite mark on her.

 your heart sinks, shaking your head in disbelief. this is your fault. this is all your fault.

 her eyes glance down at it before her lips start trembling, “i’m so sorry y/n/n...” shaking your head at her.

 “shhh... im so sorry i yelled at ya’ earlier. i should’ve never left you alone.” eyes water as you pull her in tighter, rocking back and forth anxiously.

 you should’ve never left her alone, your baby sister.

your responsibility.

 “please, pl-please don’t leave me alone.” her voice breaks and it hit you, the roundness of small baby fat still lingers on her filth cover cheeks. her small frame of being so young, so young...

 “no, no you’ll be just fine.” wiping her tears you pull her into your arms like a child, and she clings to you in pain. “it hurts so bad. y/n/n im so scared...”

-

 “no! no!” the voice pulls you out of your thoughts, joel sitting up gasping. true fear shown across his face, the way his hand shook as he brought it up over his face.

 his eyes roam around and catch yours, shuffling under his gaze. deciding to air out the silence, “i get ‘em too.”

you confess which didn’t help much. he nods keeping quiet before looking around.

 “how long was i out for?”

you hum softly, “only a few hours.”

 he nods stretching his body slightly, “here, i’ll take over. you go ahead.” you shake your head, “it’s okay. i can’t sleep tonight anyways.”

 he looks at you confuse, “i bet if ya’ try-.”

 “when you do this long enough, you’ll know when those nights come.” that’s all was said before you look away, focusing on the tree line.

  joel attempts small talk after 10 minutes which shocks you slightly, but the question made everything else disappear.

“you mentioned before you had a sister, is she back at fedra?”

 “uh, no sh- she’s dead.” you clear your throat, looking at his reaction. which was unreadable, “sorry to hear.”

 “same to you...” it was hesitant and small,  “i never got to say it, but im sorry about ya’ girlfriend. tess.” his eyes flicker over to you, he shakes his head.

 “she was my friend, not my girlfriend.” you give him a look but leave it at that. he looks like he wanted to say more, but as time pass you ended up falling asleep.

 with it cold out, joel places his bigger coat over you in attempt to keep you warm. he could tell there was a lot to you, been through some shit. he wanted to know what exactly.

- 

 you woke a little later, joel still on look out. ellie was still asleep, as you grab your pack and hand him his coat back. “thanks.”

a small smile toys your lips as he stares down at you with a nod.

 you walk off around some trees that were out of view. opening your bag, grabbing out another shirt. one you were able to wash in a creek a few days ago. dropping the bag onto the ground, tugging your shirt off.

 throwing it on top of your bag, leaning down grabbing the new shirt. flipping it from inside out before your name was called out.

 “y/n!?” joels voice rushes from the corner, you barely having the shirt on.

rushing to tug it down your eyes connect with a shocked pair. “What?”

 “i-i, my bad i thought-“

His eyes look elsewhere but he never leaves.

 “it’s fine.”

you shrug still a little shocked he caught you shirtless, but you lean down to get your bag. “it’s boobs.”

 he swallows thickly at your blunt answer, only being able to nod slowly. with a small smirk you walk past him, “we need to stock up again soon.”

He grumbles something under his breathe following behind you.

-

 “okay let’s clear through here.” joel stands in front of the door staring ellie in the eyes. “behind me, don’t touch nothin’ either.”

 you snicker slightly, “joel can you just go in?”

ellie gives him a pointed look as he just sighs. he swings the door open quietly, all of us fall into hush silence.

 his gun is held high as he steps inside, ellie following behind him. gripping your gun tightly as you step forward. making it further into the house with no sign of anything. joel looks back at us.

 “alright look for anything important and only of what ya’ can carry.” his eyes fall onto you and you know its because you had to unload your bag after the first raid. you stuffed everything you could find in it.

 walking down the hall you pass by a room. swinging the ajar door open, you scan the room. a crib with a few baby toys and stuff display all over the room, making you swallow.

 you look around finding two small blankets and some rags. deciding those would be useful in future times, you roll them up and shove them down inside the bag.

 the sound of footsteps makes your head lift up. they were coming from upstairs, you didn’t even think to check there.

 heading down the opposite side of the hallway, turning at the corner the stairs come into view. just before you reach them ellie comes out, “imma check upstairs, find anything yet?”

 “yeah a few things, i’m gonna check the garage.” you nod at her as you walk up the steps, wondering if joel found anything up here.

 not even hitting the top stairs, a yell rings out from downstairs follow by a loud thud. your eyes widen as you go to move back downstairs, but you halt at the sound of footsteps coming your direction.

 “scott?” the mans voice made you freeze as he comes into view. his eyes narrow onto your figure as you step down one of the steps cautiously.

“fuck!”

 another yell rings out before a gun shot, the man in front of you rushes forward. his body hits into yours making you slip and fall down the stairs. landing at the bottom with a harsh groan.

 your gun slide across the floor, unable to move for a second since the wind was knocked out of you. registering his footsteps coming down the steps, you push yourself up.

 struggling to move quickly to where your gun was, the man grabs a hold of your hair. “you’re a pretty one.”

 your elbow flies back into his ribs, him releasing you slightly. you move forward ignoring how it felt when some of your hair pulls out. “fuck you.”

 kicking his knee he stumbles, before spitting in your direction. your eyes flicker down the hall as another gun shot rang out. in a split second his left hand met your jaw, leaving you to stumble almost falling.

 your ear rang as your hand cups your cheek, blood lingers on your tongue. his hands are on you again scooping you up and tossing you onto the ground like a rag doll.

 wheezing as you scramble to move, but his foot connects with your stomach. you hunch into a ball as his knees drop on the ground beside you.

hands grabbing onto your arms holding them as he tries straddles you. your heart sank as he his free hand starts lifting your shirt, unable to breathe or get out of his grip.

a gun shot rings out and his blood splatters onto your face. his body lands halfway on you and the ground beside you as you struggle to inhale.

 joel throws him off of you, his harden expression drops at the sight of you. eye swollen, the side of your face bruised and bleeding. “y/n.”

 he lifts you into a hug feeling how your body was shaking. you grip onto him tightly as your eyes land on ellie, who is only staring at you in worry. your ribs ache horribly making you wonder if any of them are broken.

 “he-he t-” joel pulls back pushing my hair slightly out my face.

 “hey, it’s okay. he’s dead-he’s dead.” you nod slightly as his eyes connect with yours, him unable to know exactly how you feel.

“You’re safe.” He reassures and you stare down at your shaking hands.

 -

 you three made it to a small house that was checked by joel alone. him not wanting a repeat, trudging in slowly you take in the place, small but warm.

you felt how tired you were and how everything today took a toll.

 “there’s two beds.” ellie sings out almost as she comes back into the living room, your bag was now on the ground. your hands held a spot on your ribs as you nod.

 “go ahead and get some rest.” you motion to her to go grab one and she nods rushing off.

 “you should too get some rest, i’ll take watch.” you didn’t care to argue with him. you head in the back checking out what room, seeing ellie on a twin size bed and seeing there was a king.

 you turn back and into the living room where joel was checking his weapons. “can you check this out?” your voice was hoarse as you lift the side of your shirt up slightly.

 the red and purplish splotchy color kisses up and down the side of your ribs. joel’s shoulders felt heavier as he goes to speak, “definitely bruised, doesn’t look the best but it’ll heal.”

 you nod, “thanks.”

you walk past him grabbing your bag off the ground.

“there’s a huge bed in here, if you get tired... i stay on my side.” you offer out to him not really knowing what to expect.

his eyes linger on you for a moment, “thanks.” he clears his throat.

 pursing you lips you move forward, “goodnight joel.”

 “goodnight, darling.”

the nickname wasn’t unusual but it was rare. It felt like something shifted inside the two of you.

you drop your bag on the ground beside the bed, pulling out some of the band aids and the small mirror you found a few months back.

switching your flashlight on and setting it where it faces you. You analyze your face, a small cut was open on your cheek. sighing softly feeling everything replay back, your eyes start to water.

blinking rapidly so you wouldn’t cry, you grab one of the little cleansing wipes out the box of bandaids.

hissing in pain, you bite your lip as you clean it. opening the bandage and putting it on, you hear footsteps head towards the room.

joel walls in almost hesitantly as he notices what you were doing. “decide to rest after all?”

he lets out a breathe maybe one of a laugh, as he sets his stuff on the ground. “something like that.” he mutters.

you move your stuff over to the side of the bed scooting yourself over. shoving everything back in the box, leaning off the side of the bed to set it in your bag.

he sits on the edge of the bed. sitting back and laying your pillow down, he takes his shoes off. “are you...” he starts shifting himself to look at your sorta.

 “are you a virgin?”

the question was random to you, but not to joel. he saw what that guys intentions were for you when he was sliding your shirt up. he wanted to know if you ever lost it or that was something that he almost took.

 “i’m not try-”

 “no joel, i’ve had sex before.” your eyes narrow at him. he looks like his mind was racing but not in a sexual way. was this about earlier?

deciding to drop it he stands up, “you uh sure?” he motions to sleeping beside you, leaving you to nod in response.

 you honestly didn’t wanna be alone. “after earlier i don’t really wanna be alone.” the confession was nice because after earlier he didn’t want you out of his sight.

 your shiver as the blanket does nothing for the cold air. joel slips in beside you moving his pillow slightly, you turn the flashlight off. the moonlight shines through the window as joel shifts getting comfortable.

 you turn to face the wall as he faces you, another shiver runs down you. “here, i can’t deal with that all night.”

 he moves his arm around your waist, pulling you back slightly in his chest. his body heat hugs you making your eyes widen slightly. “oh.” was all you could say.

 “thanks.” you mumble actually enjoying how you felt wrapped up in his arms. you don’t know what exactly shifted between you two. maybe seeing how he was with ellie, or how you were slowly starting to care for him.

 his other arm lays out flat, “lift your head.” he mumbles out as you do what he says. feeling his arm slide under you, you lay down more in his embrace this time.

 “thank you joel, for saving me earlier.” your hand wraps around his forearm softly, he rest his head softly onto you.

 “i’d kill anyone who would try to hurt ya’.” he confessed and you went quiet. not knowing what to say you allow yourself to slowly drift to sleep.

-

the next few days were a little awkward. you two talked and what not but never mentioning that night. you were so close to where joel’s brother was suppose to be at.

 “alright let’s camp out here tonight. where about less than a day away.” joel looks around as ellie shrugs her bag off. 

 “fine by me.” she mutters and you look around. the sun was setting soon, “no one should be around this part, so we can build a fire right?”

 it was freezing and you hated the cold. joel nods, “well i’ll gather fire wood then.” you drop your bag on the ground beside ellie, stuffing your gun in your waist band.

 you walk around the woods, gathering a big pile of small sticks and a few leaves. joel gets them together and starts working on the fire.

 leaning down you shuffle through your bag, pulling out a few granola bars you found. you hold out one to ellie, “here.”

 she takes it reading what it says, “thanks.”

 you smile softly as you open yours up, “there we go!” ellie exclaims as the fire start. you sigh in relief pushing yourself up and over closer to the fire. ellie does the same, as you drop your bag on the ground. bending down you pull out your sleeping bag.

 laying it out, you sit down before looking over at joel. “here take this.” you hand over the last unopened one and he looks down at it.

 “haven’t seen these in years.”

 “good, enjoy.” you joke as you finish yours. the sun went down as you three talked softly, joking about a few things.

 eventually ellie passes out with her book and you glance over at joel.

“hey, i’ll take watch first. you did it last night.”

 he shakes his head, “it’s fine i got it.”

you give him a look.

 “we’ll both stay up then.”

you mutter standing up. he gives you a questioning look.

 “im going pee.”

with that you walk off in the dark. trying to see your way through. a few more feet you end up tripping over something, letting out a shriek as you fell.

 hitting the ground with a thud, you groan softly.

 “y/n!” joel yells from not too far behind. you lift yourself up seeing the big root you fell over.

 “i’m fine.”

 you call back but he appears in front of you, gun held tightly in his grip. he notices you on the ground, you giggle softly.

 “i fell.”

“jesus, you scared the shit out of me.” he glares at you, letting his arms fall from their stance.

 “that’s why you pay attention! your damn yelling is gonna cause infected to come crawling this way.” his voice was harsh, not as the tone before. you stand up, glaring back in his direction.

 “fuck off joel, i fell it’s not like i purposely tried to do that.” you step closer to him as you start to get angry.

  “you think they care when you get ambushed and bit, because you didn’t pay attention?” it’s like he’s trying to scold a child. or give a damn lecture.

“i already know, jesus your not my father and your not my boyfriend.”

the last part sent a feeling over joel who moves closer to you. “i can’t keep worry about you and Ellie, damn it.”

“never said you have too! Jesus, why do you care joel?” tired of him trying to argue.

 “because i care about you!” it slips and you feel yourself tense up.

  “no you don’t.” you mutter out, going to walk past him. giving up on your idea of peeing at the moment. joel says stuff but he doesn’t mean everything. besides this wouldn’t be what you wanted.

 you were younger, he made sure you knew with his constant scolding.

 his hand wraps around your bicep stopping you from leaving.

 “i-” you cut him off before he gets to speak.

 “look i don’t know what you want joel, but i’m not interested in having my emotions toyed with so j-”

 he cuts you off with his lips landing on yours, feeling his beard scratch against your bare face.

 his tongue licks across your lips, before your tongues touch. his hand slips up into your hair, the other around your waist pulling you closer. you pull away breathing heavily, eyes gazing in each other.

 everything was dark but the moon was full only letting you see the outline of each other.

 “i don’t wanna mess with you darling, i care about you y/n.”

 his hand comes up and under your jaw, his thumb rubs over your bottom lip. your stomach flutters as you push yourself up to kiss him again. this time he pushes you softly against the nearby tree.

 “oh gross.” ellie says from behind you two, waking up from the yelling she came to check out where you two went.

 “i thought someone was attacked, now i see it’s you two attacking each other.” she groans making you giggle softly into his chest.

 “oh god..” he mutters in your ear.

#joel miller x reader #joel miller imagine #the last of us #tlou series #the last of us fluff #joel miller fluff #pedro pascal

[pinkcannibal]

Would you pretty please Misty for the yandere alphabet 🥺

https://www.tumblr.com/dear-yandere/188860909008/yandere-alphabet

u asked so nicely omg....<3 OF COURSE!!!

-

misty quigley + yandere alphabet (x reader)

Affection: How do they show their love and affection? How intense would it get?

misty 100% shows intense affection (only once shes completely sure its reciprocated, but even then this would not stop her) if you were neighbours shed always show up with baked goods, gifts, or something you mentioned to her in passing that you liked. you are completely knee weak for it everytime, bc its incredibly sweet and thoughtful (even when it borderlines on confusing and concerning, some things she knows abt you are...hyper specific, and you dont remember telling them to her)

Blood: How messy are they willing to get when it comes to their darling?

oh death, murder, kidnapping, poisoning. you NAME it. misty is ride or die, when you have her affection, you HAVE it. she is willingly to go to the ends of the earth for you, that includes getting very messy. even if it didnt warrant going that far. covered in blood for you? sure! lying to police? no problem!

Cruelty: How would they treat their darling once abducted? Would they mock them?

misty would be very understanding and tender to you when she does, she would pout when you're initially scared and very confused at being in her basement on that bed. she would think; 'why are you upset?? she did it in the most gentle, caring way, there's no reason for you to cry, you don't even have one mark on you, besides the handcuffs'. and if you keep up the fear and uncertainty even after explaining the situation, then misty would mock. she would hands on knees duck down to you saying "aw, if you're so scared, you shouldnt have made it so easy, sweetie!"

Darling: Aside from abduction, would they do anything against their darling’s will?

i dont see misty doing anything against their will besides that, she loves you, it would hurt her seeing you in distress for too long. shed do her best to calm you down, and be very doting to your every need when you're in her care.

Exposed: How much of their heart do they bare to their darling? How vulnerable are they when it comes to their darling?

lots! misty would act similarly to how she acted with jessica with you, portraying intense bouts of sadness and hurt to garner your sympathy. she knows this works, bc you DO eventually end up softening to her and making sure shes okay if she cries/confides in you after a hard day. you always feel awful when those sad brown eyes blink back to you </3

Fight: How would they feel if their darling fought back?

very upset! but misty would not fully understand why you're acting the way you are. she cooks you 3 meals a day! and always makes sure you're safe! so at first, shed be head tilted blinking blankly behind her glasses when you call her names, or dodge her palm at your cheek. she would be VERY dejected, and guilt trip you at how youre treating her (which inevitably ends up working)

Game: Is this a game to them? How much would they enjoy watching their darling try to escape?

not much, this is a forever thing for misty. you trying to escape would be seen as an act of betrayal </3. but! she does find it amusing and very cute when you try and guilt trip her back to let you go, because it will never work

Hell: What would be their darling’s worst experience with them?

when you found out she was tracking your phone, you were understandably upset and explained to misty this is not normal. misty does not get your outrage, and would put her foot down in believing its for your own safety, and confused why you arent agreeing. (this ended in a 2 day fight where misty begrudgingly decided to take it out, instead agreeing to keep your location on)

Ideals: What kind of future do they have in mind for/with their darling?

misty wants a co-dependent, homoerotic best friend ship that slowly develops into you being irrevocably in love with her. and honestly, who doesnt?

Jealousy: Do they get jealous? Do they lash out or find a way to cope?

VERY much so. mistys jealously is something both endearing and slightly terrifying to you (its nice to know you are so loved that misty would literally kill someone if they so much as flirted with you) but she has to control it if she gets jealous while you're out in public, when you're home tho, this would escalate into showing you who you truly belong to

Kisses: How do they act around or with their darling?

at first, misty would be very hesitant in RECEIVING affection. she is very okay in giving it, loves to in fact, but being given it is something else entirely. shes used to rejection and scorn all her life, so having you, who would love to just be spooned by her and kiss her entire face all day, is something she has to get used to. but when she does, misty is very okay and content in you cuddling up to her while watching movies, or kissing her randomly while you're in public. holding hands too <3

Love letters: How would they go about courting or approaching their darling?

misty knows what she wants, and knows exactly how to act for someone to like her (see s1 date scene, and how she moulds to the personalities of others to gain their attention) so courting you would be very the same! shed find out what you're into, and talk abt it as much as she can with you. if you like corny jokes, she will tell you puns whenever she can! if you like someone whos more quiet and reserved, she will tone down her exuberance until you like her back. it sounds sad, but this is how misty has navigated her relationships. once you're together for a while, she'll drop the act once she knows you love her

Mask: Are their true colors drastically different from the way they act around everyone else?

yep! like i said above, in my head misty masks ALOT. and will chameleon her way through her relationships. once shes comfy around you though, she will be her normal insane goofy, dorky, self <3

Naughty: How would they punish their darling?

definitely a heavy amount of guilt tripping, manipulation, and dumbification. youd be very content in taking it too, after all, she said you deserve it for being so rude and misunderstanding her intentions

Oppression: How many rights would they take away from their darling?

not many! shes not a fan of depriving you of what you need, she will still coddle you and lather you in affection, esp after a punishment

Patience: How patient are they with their darling?

surprisingly very! but it can waver on the thin side in certain circumstances. if you'd flirt with other people to get her attention? zero patience. none. immediately she's grabbing you by the bicep and hauling you away

Quit: If their darling dies, leaves, or successfully escapes, would they ever be able to move on?

misty would be irreversibly crushed and changed if any of the above happened. she loves DEEPLY and without boundaries, completely emerses herself in the person she loves. so no, i dont think so </3

Regret: Would they ever feel guilty about abducting their darling? Would they ever let their darling go?

yes! misty isn't some unfeeling psychopath, she has intense and overwhelming emotions. if she abducted you, it would have been out of need to have you to herself, or wanting something from you. she would feel bad at your constant pleading, but in her head this is whats best for you, so the guilt would turn to knowing she's doing what you need

Stigma: What brought about this side of them (childhood, curiosity, etc)?

lets just say crash landing in the canadian wilderness, eating her teammates, chopping off her coaches leg, doing cannibalistic hunts/rituals, starving for 18 months, and generally going through trauma worth a life time, made her....transition into a 'normal' socially adapted women a little hard. although, its in my heart of hearts misty would have turned out like this regardless <3 ksdksdk

Tears: How do they feel about seeing their darling scream, cry, and/or isolate themselves?

terrible! awful! misty does not like it when she sees you hurt. shed want to know WHO or what made you like this, and protect you. if you didnt want to talk to her, shed beg for you to tell her whats wrong. "are you okay? what can i do? ill do anything you need, just ask" and her concern would be too loving to ignore. her love language is definitely acts of service and gift giving

Unique: Would they do anything different from the classic yandere?

i dont think she'd control who you see/talk to/be friends with. misty is very okay with you having a life outside of her, but she WOULD want to meet these people and get to know them bc she wants to suss them out and maybe stalk them to know they arent going to hurt you

Vice: What weakness can their darling exploit in order to escape?

caligula. 100%. OR threaten to hurt themselves. misty would first shrug and say "fine, do it" but panic instantly at you being serious and intentionally harming yourself

Wit’s end: Would they ever hurt their darling?

hm, i think so, but only in a lapse of control/passion during sex. maybe misty holding you too tight to her, nails digging, or biting your neck too hard and drawing blood.

Xoanon: How much would they revere or worship their darling? To what length would they go to win their darling over?

any length! as far as misty can possibly go, she will. shes nothing if not determined and head strong

Yearn: How long do they pine after their darling before they snap?

in my head, a couple of months of intense day dreaming and stalking is enough. misty needs you and wants you, and she can get very impatient

Zenith: Would they ever break their darling?

yes! as in, break them in? definitely yes. misty is persuasive, cunning, and manipulative, you wouldn't last long in denying her affections. esp when she is so sweet and caring and devoted to you. it wouldnt take long for you to be completely enraptured around her finger, voice, touch and words <3

#misty quigley #yellowjackets #misty quigley x reader #misty quigley x you #tw yandere #misty quigley x fem reader #yandere female #asks #christina ricci #reader fic

[tokusaatsus]

HI HI POOKIE CONGRATS ON 300!!!!! U DESERVE ALL THAT N MORE MWAH MWAH (wipes tear... they age so fast)

aside from that im here for the event aswell >:) Q R W with natsume leo and tsukasa if i may request !!!! if you dont feel up to it feel free to change the characters or ignore! congrats once again <3

SAKASAKI NATSUMI, SUOU TSUKASA & TSUKINAGA LEO + Q, R, W

warnings: mild mentions of guilt/unhealthy coping mechanisms (leo)

q = quizzes (how much would they remember about you? do they remember every little detail you mention in passing, or do they kind of forget everything?)

Despite Natsume’s lax personality, he’s actually quite good at remembering things. Though he may act like it slips his mind, he will never mention it ever but he’s trained himself to memorise all those important dates–like your anniversaries, birthdays, etc. He might not be as good at recalling everything about you, but he does his very best to at least keep the things that he or you deem important in mind. Your favourite food, your favourite colour, your likes and dislikes–and so on and so forth. Though it may not seem like it, he hoards all the information you tell him, treasuring every part of you that you share with him, because it comes from you. 

The minute you say something, rest assured that Tsukasa is noting it down–mentally, if not physically. A compendium of notes in a small booklet that he carries around everywhere, containing nearly everything you’ve ever told him about yourself. He takes care to memorise as much as he can–and it’s enough that, if tested, he can rattle off a rapid list of information pertaining to you. It’s cute, honestly. This is his first time being in a relationship, and Tsukasa doesn’t want you to ever feel underappreciated. He cares for you, truly, and he does his best to show it to you by paying attention. And if you remember things about him, you’re guaranteed to make him smile and blush.

When it comes to this, Leo’s funny because his brain is almost always on overdrive. He’s constantly thinking about something or the other, composing countless melodies in his head, that anything he’s told goes in one ear and out the other. Oh, sure, he tries to pay attention but, well–it’s hard. However, that’s not to say that Leo doesn’t remember anything about you, he does. It’s just… Leo’s the kind of person who doesn’t know your favourite colour, but knows the name of your third-grade teacher. He knows all your obscure knowledge. It’s endearing, really, when you think that he at least made an effort to learn about you–even if he still doesn’t know your favourite colour.

r = remember (what is their favorite moment in your relationship?)

Natsume’s favourite moment is when you confessed to him. You were so cute, stuttering slightly as you told him, I like you! It had made his heart skip a beat, watching your eyes dart here and there, as though you couldn’t bear to meet his gaze–like you were afraid of rejection. But how could Natsume ever say no to you? The way you smiled tentatively as he accepted, replying to your declaration of love with a confession of his own, is something he’ll never forget. A memory that is always circling in his thoughts. Of course, it definitely helps that he got to kiss you afterwards–got to taste your chapstick and hear you giggle against his mouth.

Leo’s favourite moment is any moment when you’re paying attention to him. He likes resting his head in your lap, like a spoiled cat, while you pet his hair as he rambles to you about his day or vice versa. Just being able to spend time with you is calming to him, soothing the nervous energy that circulates through his blood, like he’s just taken a shot of espresso. When you look at him, he feels seen. He knows you’re a busy person, but that only makes it all the more special when you take time out of your schedule to be with him. Staying with you, no matter where in the world you are, is something Leo feels he could do forever and never get tired.

Tsukasa’s favourite moment is when he gets to shed the pretenses and simply be himself with you. There’s no specific scenario, to be honest. He just likes spending time with you–not as the Leader of Knights or the Suou Heir, but just… Tsukasa. Your Tsukasa. And he thinks he might like that part of him best. The one that gets to hold your hand, that gets to go on dates with you, that gets to kiss you…! Any time that he’s with you is important to him, is special to him. As long as he’s with you, he’s content. He’s happy to do anything, so long as it’s you who’s next to him as he does it. Being with you is one of the pleasures of Tsukasa’s life–one that he wouldn’t trade for anything.

w = whole (would they feel incomplete without you?)

Natsume wouldn’t necessarily feel incomplete without you. He’d feel a little empty, sure, but it’s not like it’s something time won’t fix. He’s not the kind of person to give love too much importance, so he’d be more calm about it. He’d miss you, definitely, but he wouldn’t make a big deal out of it. If you ever break up, it’d take him a while to get over it, but he’d manage in the end. Natsume would try to treat you the same, and not act like there are any problems that stem from his lingering feelings, but he’d be good at putting them aside if he deems it necessary. He’d force himself not to think too much about it, only allowing himself to indulge in nostalgia when he’s feeling especially down.

For Leo, who’s the kind of person to love unconditionally and passionately and with wild abandon, he’d feel hollow. Not incomplete per se, but something similar. He’d blame himself at first–for not being good enough, for not convincing you to stay, for all those things–and he’d self-isolate. From you especially. Keeping away from the thing that hurt him, hiding himself away as much as possible. Being around you reminds him too much of how things used to be, which is a constant ache now, and Leo is a master of not dealing with things healthily. He’d probably just keep avoiding you for as long as possible, not giving any chance for either you or him to talk your issues out.

Tsukasa would feel guilty. His first relationship crumbling? And so easily? Was it…was it something he did? Not incomplete, but he’d feel awful. A sick sort of feeling, a persistent ache that won’t go away, that won’t leave him alone. Heartbreak, Narukami-senpai would tell him, a wise look on her face and Tsukasa thinks, oh. Maybe his heart is breaking…? Interactions with you after that would be awkward, because he isn’t quite sure how to treat you, other than not like a lover and not like a stranger, leading to a strange mix of overly-familiar and overly-distanced. He wants to ask you why, but he doesn’t want to ruin this carefully crafted equilibrium, so he just stays silent.

notes!

WC: 1.1k words

reze txt HI NATSUME TYSM <3 ILY ILY SM OMG !?!??! ofc u can request babyyyy i hope u enjoy ur skrunklies !! here they are !! at long last !! tysm again and mwah mwah <33

#⭐️...reze's 300 follower event! #✒️…scribbles! #sakasaki natsume x reader #suou tsukasa x reader #tsukinaga leo x reader #enstars x reader #sakasaki natsume #suou tsukasa #tsukinaga leo #switch #knights #enstars

[rin-hanarin]

There's this 11 years old Homestuck fic that forever changed my perception of the post scratch timeline called Like Forgetting the Words.

I think about it sometimes and I imagine Rose and Jade would remember important bits and pieces, but Dave and John wouldn't. Alpha Dave gets the shades and the bunny, "had brief obsession with Con Air" according to Dirk, built and entire memorabilia museum, but he doesn't consciously remember. He'd watch things John Crocker was starring in by accident and have a good laugh at how dumb and friend shaped he is and get an unbearable sense of longing for something, but he wouldn't remember anything still. Then one day Rose takes him to some random grave in Washington and says that she needs to visit a friend, and she brings flowers and talks to the stone, and Dave just kinda watches her do that. She asks him vague questions and he has no answers, so he one day comes back alone to the grave and brings red flowers, saying something like "thats probably blasphemy or some shit i hope your family doesnt freak out if they ever see that". He finds the meaning of these flowers in a book by a certain J. English Rose conveniently gifts him one day, and it's something really specific, written in a manner young girl would write and not a famous old rich woman. He comes back to the grave every year in April, talks about whatever at it and has one-sided conversations with himself, and wishes "John" a Happy 13th one day in 2009 and finds it hysterical that it's the date of his death on the gravestone for some reason. He comes to the grave one last time after killing the juggalos because he thinks he saw a flash of blue there and says that he "wanted to bring these motherfuckers heads to you didnt you hate clowns or something? thats kinda fucked up now that i think about it i dont wanna defile your grave with these pieces of shit bro my bad". He dies to the Condesce and thinks that maybe he'd get to see them again.

Young John Crocker would spend hours listening to clocks ticking and writing in journals in different colors, trying to find the right one with the right voice to go with it. He ends up being left behind by his sister, the last thing remaining is her garden with a wide selection of rose plants, so he looks after it to pass the time, begging of Betty not to destroy it. He has a great interest in film and the way it develops during 1900s, but never someone to share it with, and he so desperately wants to that he end up writing his every thought about it like he's writing a letter to someone. He would collect vinyl records and scratch them sometimes for no apparent reason, and asks his son in his will to auction his collection some day after his death, only for some rich movie director to buy them later for such an obscene amount of money that Mr. Crocker expects him to ask for a refund. He never remembers anything, but his family recalls how detached he was sometimes, like his thoughts were in a completely different world, and in the end of the day no amount of movie roles and comedy gigs made him any less lonely.

#johndave #davejohn #homestuck #alpha dave #poppop crocker #i'm holding alpha dave and his con air obsession in my hands #and shaking him #aaaahhh

[ja3gerb0mbb]

bloodsucker flashback 3: invisible string

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

word count: 1.5k

content warnings: brief mentions of death

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

eren’s pov:

the years following my mother’s death were dark. i was still a kid; glimpses are all i can remember. when my father turned; a cult formed around him. ranked with blood purity, and kept in line with blood lust. the cruelty in which he killed his own wife is what kept his followers loyal. but the first death i have memory of seeing isn’t my moms; it’s hers.

humans were easily drawn in by my fathers charm. if he himself wasn’t convincing enough; the draw of prolonged youth and improved abilities was. but with a system in place that kept vampire bloodlines clean, these people were set up for execution. free fodder for the loyal followers.

at age ten, grisha declared i was fit enough to join ‘the society,’ he called it. i already knew what he was; what zeke and i would become. but they were whispers. i never saw anything concrete until that day. i don’t remember what was in front of my eyes, but i remember the screams from the execution line. screaming from the venom coursing through their veins, changing them. it had been easy to forget my fate until then.

their shrieks of agony were easily drowned out by the squelching of their throats being slit before they could turn. maybe there was a time where i remembered the images clearly; but they are dark and blurry now. most of my memories are like this, except the first woman in line, clutching a photo with her hand as it went slack with the loss of life. 

that’s the only image i can remember clearly. just a girl and her mother. it was the price of humanity my father was ending. their faces forever burned into my mind. 

zeke was exposed to everything five years before i was. he wouldn’t be turned until he reached eighteen, but there was already a change within him. the brother that would console me, and take the brunt of our fathers anger was gone. he was the spinning image of him now. i learned quickly to camouflage in false commitment and adornment to the cause. i stood by as my father and his followers committed atrocities; refusing would be a fate worse than death. 

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

“why are you crying?” a few minutes had passed since i threw historia off of me; both of us regaining our breath. i don’t even know who’s room this is, my shoulders lightly shuddered at the thought. historia got on my nerves easily, but it was rude to leave a girl crying. 

“god! sometimes i just cry!” she pouted, voice rising in anger. why you should just leave a girl crying. even after months of sleeping around with her, i knew next to nothing about her. i’m sure the same applies to me. she turned to the side, back facing me now. the phone screen lightly lit up her side, grabbing my attention. i didn’t really look at what she was doing; my peripheral told me she was just scrolling through pictures. 

getting up to leave, i pulled my shirt back onto my body; my eyes locking on the screen when it passed over my head. “who’s that?” the question left my mouth before i could register that i was speaking. i knew who that was. the girl in that photo. it looked like a few years of time had passed, but i would recognize her anywhere. 

the revelation blocked out anything historia might’ve said. my head was throbbing; i didn’t know how to feel. i saw her mother get murdered, and i’ve been sleeping with her friend for months? the thought that we have been indirectly close to each other made my skin crawl. how am i supposed to feel? i had never thought about what i might do if we ever came into contact. the idea seemed so far from ever being a reality; that i never considered it as a possibility. but now, i had to. 

her voice slowly drew me out of my own head, “i didn’t mean to, really. i dont know what the fuck i was thinking with porco.” porco? who was that? maybe we weren’t as connected as i once thought. but that’s a good thing. this girl had already gone through too much at the hands of vampires; i needed to keep whatever distance we had in place. especially when the day that i turn comes… it would be any day now.

“it really was a mistake-” she cut herself off with increasing sniffles, “god. the look in her eyes. i knew y/n would never forgive me. even if she did, we would never go back to before. so i lied. i let her think i hated her the whole time. that i was manipulating her. and thats why i’m here. i should be at princeton. fucking princeton!! but i wanted to go to sina with her. everyone thought she loved me more than i did. but that’s not true!” fuck. and now i knew her name. the feeling of being connected to her was overwhelming. 

it was hard to wrap my head around the story with my mind running miles. “you can just transfer back to princeton. you have the money. no big deal.” i sighed. i didn’t want to listen to her pointless girl problems. not when they didn’t tell me anything relevant about the girl who’s face had been etched into my mind for years. 

“no. this is my punishment. it was my fault. it was me who started hooking up with porco. i deserve to watch her be happy without me.” historia’s sniffling were echoing through the room; heard even through the loud muffled behind the closed door. 

it was the last time we ever hooked up. i made a promise to myself that i would keep my distance from her when she eventually transferred to sina. if she did. after marco.. the best thing i could do was stay away. 

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

staying away is easier said than done. even with her attending sina, i had the upper hand; i could check who was in the class before it started, and i had already been gone for a year. i was sure she already had her group of friends; and she would stick to that just like everyone else here did. 

how quickly everything came crashing down on me. she was the first person i laid eyes on in that stupid fucking literature class. my eyes always seem to be drawn to her. and now my body was; i felt no control over it as i walked myself over to her; sitting down. fucking idiot. 

the scent of her blood wafted towards me immediately; but it was easy to ignore the urge. at least i can control the bloodlust easy enough. it was quickly followed by another scent; one that wasn’t hers. a trace scent that was embedded into her clothing. my body’s innate reaction was to take care of whoever the scent of malice came from, but i knew that would only cause more harm than good. getting involved in her life; even if i did it carefully.

the class continued like it would never end; my nose was overwhelmed with that scent; taunting me. you have to do something! i didn’t even look at her. i couldn’t; i was already too attached. i didn’t understand how this could’ve happened. my mind was at war with itself, leaving my body to act on its own. i shoved my phone into her before i could realize what i was doing. 

getting her phone number was the least of my worries. i could’ve dropped the class, but i quickly found out how pointless it would be. discovering how embedded she was with my friends was the cherry on top. i knew it didn’t matter what i did; my curse would invade her life even further. i had failed. 

but if i already fucked it up, i could still do something about that god damn scent. it was at the party. in the basement; it intensified when she was on jean. initially i figured it had to be coming from him until the fair. the time bertholdt ran into her. it was then that i realized his scent was everywhere she went. it wasn’t just on her clothes; he had been following her around. 

even after cleaning up that mess; i was faced with the reason i had to stay away from her. her mother. but that crashed down too, when i realized she had no clue her mom wasn’t even alive. when y/n said the word ‘left’ and not ‘died’ i knew any barrier i tried to build would just come crashing down eventually. just like every one so far. i was totally fucked, and so was y/n. 

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

a/n: sorry for the short chapter; i'm very excited for the next two though ☺️

spotify playlist

#eren jaeger #eren jeager x reader #eren jaeger fanfiction #eren jaeger smut #eren yeager #eren yaeger smut #eren yaeger x reader #attack on titan #jean kirstein #mikasa ackerman

[prettyboykatsuki]

Hii plz just ignore this if you’re uncomfortable or reply to it if you'd like to reply I really would appreciate it but I just need to get some stuff out of my chest

I feel so so bad I just cant see whats the point in my life anymore I feel as if Im just consuming and not giving anything in return I feel useless I dont know how to take a joke or how to make one I dont know how to express my feelings and emotions properly and people keep getting the wrong ideas and Im tired of explaining anything to anyone and I feel as if all of my friends aren’t really there like Im just a passing person on their life I keep losing people and I keep leaving people afraid of them leaving me sometimes and I dont get what the hell is wrong with me sometimes I wish I was never born or if I were someone else but then again I wish I had the power to keep moving and make my life better but I cant even do that I study day and night and I dont get the grade that I want while some people I knew spends their whole life on social media and they are getting full grades literally I feel like Im useless in every aspect of life and I know I shouldn’t be complaining and there are people who have it worse but I really needed to get that out of my chest and I can’t trust anyone of the people I know to tell them all of this also Im going through exams and shit so I just feel really pressured and all

Anyway thank you if you wasted your time reading this or not it doesn’t matter but I really enjoy your writings as well they make me feel alive so thank you for existing🩵

hello!

i thought for a long time today on how to reply to this. or if i should. get asks like this that are triggering can be very tricky to navigate, because on one had it is hard for me. and on the other, i care and have sympathy for you. and i think sometimes, it is easier to reach out to stranger about how you feel than people you love. so i would never blame you for that, or want to make you feel worse.

mostly, i want to say i am unqualified to help you completely. because im just a person who's live a vague concept of a life. take my words with a grain of salt.

i think the most important thing for you to remember is that everything you are experiencing is temporary. and i dont say that to dismiss you, but because i think it worth examining everything in your life and thinking that when it gets to be too much. you are worrying about so much at once, but you'll disillusion yourself in that process.

suffering, pain, excitement, joy. these are all very temporary things to feel, even when they seem like they'll go on forever. they are big, abstract concepts that will torment you near relentless if you let them. the only thing that you have with you concretely, is what you are able to do right now.

i wont tell you that life will immediately get better because to make a life that doesn't make you suffer takes so much time. it is so much work to build a good life and it is constant work - but never impossible. but i think it will quell the pain a little to take a deep breath and slow down to process what you're experiencing, which is a big brush of hopelessness that is so encompassing.

everything feels hopeless because you trying to tackle everything all at once. to me, it doesn't sound like you want to die. it sounds like you want it to be easier. it sounds like you want to burden the lessen, which ultimately means you desire a life. and you sound like you're trying very hard to do that all while worrying about everything else at the same time.

i dont know if i have any advice for you. any good advice, but if i could urge you do anything - it would be to take a deep breath and remember it will pass. it always does. and after that, sort your problems out one by one. and once you've done it, pick the thing that is most urgent that you can change, and start to work towards it. do it slowly and try to keep everything else out of your mind.

if you fail, forgive yourself. you have to forgive yourself. sometimes, the only thing you are able to do is live. or try to live. that doesn't make you useless. no human beings worth is measured by what they can and cannot do. you wouldn't love someone based on what they do but who they are.

and maybe you don't like who you are. maybe your friends aren't the right fit. maybe it will be lonely for a while. you can change it. you can find something new or maybe it will teach you to like your own company. it will pass and you will come out of the other side. but the only way to change those things is to try, and sometimes fail, and to forgive yourself after that and then try more. the world is not ending you just have to take it one day at a time.

it will be fine because everything passes unwillingly. and eventually this will just be another bad day. you're not useless. give yourself some grace for trying. and i hope it gets easier.

#return to sender #suicidal thoughts tw #suicidal ideation tw #ask to tag #i love you and it will get better #but most of all it will pass. it always does.

[eirian]

i hate how my first instinct when faced with an art frustration is to go on tumblr and post about it instead of working through it lmao

like for example right now im overwhelmed with work but instead of taking the time to sit and think about how to work through it im here making a text post about it <3

i guess tbf talking it out does help. so maybe thats why i do that. i need to get my thoughts out somehow or else theyll burst from my ears

anyway i guess for this instance i gotta remember my commission turnaround time is a month. i have a month to do each commission from the time they pay in full. i am currently in no urgent rush for any comms to be finished (not until like, almost the middle of august) so i can take my time with the ones i have and its fine. i dont need to stress over them i just have to chip away at them, its ok

as for my comics, like i tried to tell myself before, im in no position where i need to urgently make money from comics. i want to be a comic creator, yes, but right now im Just Starting that professional career path so its unrealistic to expect it to take off right away (especially when i dont have a full comic to show for it yet). so i dont need to stress about that either. i make rent with my commissions every month, i'll be just fine

i am also getting overwhelmed by the scope of my projects which..idk. i keep telling myself "the time will pass anyways" b/c yeah theyre gonna take like forever for me to finish them at the pace im going at but at least im working on them. if i dont work on them at all then the time is still gonna go by i just wont have anything to show for it which i dont want. i just hope im able to get on adhd medication that actually works and doesnt put me to sleep all day

#thank u to everyone who still follows me despite my constant ramblings. i hope u know u dont have to read them #this is just my blog where i post things <3

[schizopositivity]

i have occassional bouts of catatonia (akinetic and excited) and i've never really met anyone else with it. would you be interested in talking more about what's it's been like for you?

if not, then i hope you have a good day/night regardless. also i love your blog. it's comforting and informative ^_^

aw thank you! and yay i love hearing about people with lived experience of catatonia cause its so hard to find people talk about what it feels like so im happy to share!

so all but one of my catatonic experiences happened before i was diagnosed or medicated for schizophrenia, and was a teenager, and was living with my immigrant mom who has very little understanding of schizophrenia (besides her horrible father) so she legit didnt know what to do with me at these times. i dont blame her for not knowing but this is just a disclaimer as to why she handled certain things the way she did.

there were a few times (maybe around 10) where i was left alone, saw a bunch of hallucinations and then conciously "woke up" (usually i was hiding under a table) to my mom yelling at me to move. and then i was just stuck. i couldnt move at all even tho i wanted to and was told to. she was usually freaking out herself and super worried about me. she thought i was "faking it" and would demand that i stop. obviously this didnt help my situation at all, all i wanted was to move and show her i could atleast act okay, but i couldnt. i would usually black out what had led up to me hiding under the table so i couldnt even explain this if i wanted to. i dont really remember how all of these situations resolved, just that it was very stressful and i would try to move any lil muscle but couldnt. i dont really know what would help in these situations, just that she probably shouldve gotten me professional help.

another memorable moment of catatonia for me kinda is hard for me to personally destinguish from some sort of dissociation just because i was in and out of conciousness. but what i do remember was me being in the passengers seat while my mom was driving and kinda bashing around and yelling and feeling like i had no control over those actions. my mom, being scared that i would hurt myself or her, couldnt think of anything to help besides forcing sleeping pills down my throat, which eventually knocked me out. in that moment i think i shouldve been taken to a hospital.

the most recent time ive experienced catatonia is the one i remember most clearly because i was already diagnosed at the time and on antipsychotics. i wasnt home alone, but i was alone in the room i was in. i dont rememeber what led up to it but i had a panic attack that left me sitting strangley on the floor. from there my breathing suddenly slowed down and i couldnt move at all. i felt compeltely stuck no matter what i did. i wanted to move so badly, i wanted to yell to the other people in the house to help me, but i couldnt. i felt stiff and uncomfortable, and in the moment it felt like id be stuck like that forever. after some time that felt very long had passed, and i had attempted to move every muscle i had, i was able to bend my elbow. so i did that over and over to try to get someones attention but it didnt work. i probably looked so "out of it" like i had drool and snot hanging down and was bending my elbow and extending it nonstop but i was fully aware of what i was doing and how i looked, i just couldnt do anything about it. after more time had passed i started moving my fingers and toes and everything else came after that. idk what wouldve helped in this situation since it did pass eventually, maybe just someone there to be with me and tell me it was going to be okay.

im no expert on catatonia i just have my experiences. its generally said that you should make sure the persons airways are clear and that they are in a confortable position and not close to any dangerous objects. its also said that you should take the person to the hospital, and for me i dont think thats needed. id just like someone i trust to be there and tell me its okay, to time it to see if it lasts longer than an hour than i should go to a hospital, and maybe try to move my limbs around to see if that would help.

#tw meds #tw pills #answered #catatonia #catatonic

[kavaeroexe]

Hell and heaven.

Yan!Durandal x reader gn

Summary : "its true that i cant be with you, who is my world all of the time, but i will clean this miserable world just for you to see."

Warning : TYPOS, Yandere content

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"Oh great heavens miss Rita! Good afternoon, i prepare the morning glory flower as you asked! "

There you are, holding a bucket of flower that you had just done decorate it by yourself, your smile shine warmly, as usual as you used to present every time you work at your flower shop

Your eyes catch miss Rita, but there is so blondie behind her, besides its definetly not Rita's hair since Rita's not a blondie and her hair is so short..

"I see you bring a company from work, may i know who are they? "

You asked, watching at Rita bowing and presence herself with a smile appear at her face, in behind there is a pretty long haired girl, with shining blue eyes and with a strong appearance

"Good morning miss/mister [L/N] she is master Durandal, S rank valkyrie from schiksal"

"Rita, is she your work partner? "

The girl who named Durandal, furrowing when Rita just shakes her head and then answering with "no master, miss/mister [L/N] is just a normal flower shop owner"

Durandal looking at you, who is standinh, holding a bucket of flower, with a jumper and a long skirt that covers your knee, standing still as you both making eye contact, there is a silence, but you can feel its a warm and comfortable moment of silence.

"Hello there miss Durandal! Im [L/N] [Y/N],. And welcome to frieden flower shop! Since miss Rita ask me to prepare the perfect morning glory a few days ago, let me prepare the flower so you guys will not wasting your time in my place, its still noon, you guys have a lot of work to do right? "

Rita nodded, as soon Durandal nodded as well, they both decide to sit in a white clean bench while looking at the flowers and plants that taken care goodly by you the owner

"Rita i thought we're not telling our work identities to normal citizen"

"Master Durandal, [Y/N] is one of a victim of third honkai eruption, for their amazing will during the apocalypse, they survived with some honkai energy left in their blood, so i trust them that they understand more or less about our job and what are we do with this job"

"I cant say anything but to let it slide this time, Rita"

"Miss Rita, miss Durandal! Sorry to make you wait long..! "

You walked in carefully, holding a pot filled with a bloomimg glory that shines its colour, Durandal stand in silence until she saw you passing the bucket to Rita carefully

"Miss Rita, i know that you request for the perfect morning glory but morning glory will die soon in the evening remember? "

Rita nodded, she understand the morning glory growth but aside from that, she still search for it.

"I know, but if i request you to grow a morning glory that will bloom as perfect as this forever, you will never get away from your perfectionist side, because in the end you will take an amazing care towards the plant i asked, i dont want to make you spend your time doing just my order, i love every part of your work, like this one, perfect as usual, thankyou for your good seevice miss/mister [L/N]

"Do complaint me if you find something wrong with the flower..! "

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"Master Durandal, its a gift for you, please take care of this morning glory"

"Huh? Me? I seems that i cant even have a free time tomorrow to take care of this flower..? "

"Exactly, i leave it to you master Durandal"

"R-Rita what do you mean by that?? "

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"Rita asked me... So perhaps i need to do everything faster so i could water this plant... Huft.. Rita.. What are you planning? "

Durandal carefully put the small bucket to the desk that near the window that provide light and beside the bucket, there is a small tumblr of water.

"But first.. Let me water you a bit.."

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As the time passed, one day, two day, theee days, Durandak find ut difficult to take care of morning glory since her schedul as MASSIVE, but she will water it a lot at morning after she had breakfast, snd look at the morning glory oreparing to bloom at night, so the next morning she will find them bloomimg slowly grows become her favorite daily scenery she sees

Three days grow into weeks, weeks grow into month, Durandal seems to have a personal portion about this flower in her head

Formal occasion? Have you water the wormning glory? Daily mission? Does the morning glory get enough light? At night rest? Where is the morning glory??

Durandal cant take her eyes off this flower weirdly, she then remembees you, who raise this morning glory so it will stay bloom so beautiful as she usually look every day for a whole month

Tomorrow she have a free 2-hour session aside from her heavy schedule, maybe she need to pay a visit?

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"Good afternoon... "

Your eyes remember that shiny blond hair, the shimering blue eyes, its Durandal!!

"Good afternoon [L/N], sorry to interupt your time.. "

"No not at all! You're here as a customer so i will be delighted to be a service! "

Durandal sat on the same clean white bench, what's different is now beside the bench, there is a morning glory as well

"Does the morning glory catch your eye? Do you want a morning glory just for you? I think you guys both should have a nice matching morning glory"

Durandal let a chuckle, and then straight up relaxing herself and looking at the plants that shiny after you water them

"Actually, Rita gave the morning glory to me, so i dont think i need another morning glory"

One sentence become a long 30-minutes conversation, Durandal felt a same warm when she first time walking into this flower shop, is this a different form of happiness?

"Well, you're a very good owner, you made it eats after you eat, and you both rest at night, and in the morning you'll both blooming, shining, ready to shine anything around you guys"

You laugh while cutting the plants to make it looks prettt, Durandak seems to be enjoying, too enjoying this moment, at a very few seconds, she doesnt want to lose this moment, but she quickly aware that time is moving without her consent.

"I need to thank you for growing such a beautifull and easy-to-take-care flower, you have a good material, you grow it with patience, with perfection"

"Pff- its only base in the way you take care of it everyday, im just growing it just the way i used to be growing another plants, its not like i have a special trick"

You finally braving yourself to sit beside Durandal, hands placed at your thighs, while one hand holding a scissor

Durandal take a peak at your palm hands, a shock appearred in her eyes

"[L/N], is that a honkai infection..? "

"Oh this? This is from the last honkai eruption, yeah it stings at furst but i get ysed to it as the time passed, and it doesn't grow anywhere for this whole few years, so i dont mind getting this thing stuck in my hand, people used to think its tattoo"

Durandal grow silent

"Would you.. Would you like to be under schiksal's treatment then? Im sure it will begone in the matter of time if you get take care in schiksal"

You shake your bead instantly

"Thankyou for your concern, just like miss Rita i see, but its okey, i have been under their treatment before and it didn't work, i already accept it as it is, i dont mind it one bit"

You look at Durandal's face, a sudden laughter coming out from your mouth, you can't hold it, her face is funny!

"No need to show me that expression! Come on don't worry, no need to think what already happened to me, what important is to change this world's future while you still can"

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"Master Durandal, it seems that you enjoy to meet miss/mister [L/N]"

"A good company indeed, you do make a good connectuin with normal citisen, Rita. "

"Do you want me to settle your schedule so you can meet them once or twice in a week?"

"..... Please do, Rita, i count on you"

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Now every once in a week, Durandal occasionalky meet you, sharing good stories, sometime sharing her weapon (i see that you're interested) and you both (sometimes with rita) enjoy a tea under warm light of sun

Just a 1-2 hour of meeting, but she gratefull to spend time with you, its a good time for her whole week, especially when you start to introduce many more unique plants that catch her eye

How long has she been doing this? She doesn't even know, maybe for a month? Anyway now she likes your appearance in the flower shop, greeting her with a smile and then sit together like a close friend

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"We both need to agree that [L/N] is a very good friend of ours, right Rita? "

"Indeed master Durandal, but i can see that you more than just 'like' miss/mister [L/N]

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Durandak woke at the exact time, was just going to water the morning glory but something seems odd..

"The morning glory... Dies? "

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(WOOOOO A YAN!DURANDAL SERIES, THIS IS JUST A FIRST CHAPTER, OF COURSE ITS SWEET, NOW YOU GOTTA WAIT MUHAHAHAHAHA)

#yandere honkai impact #yandere honkai #honkai impact #honkai x reader #honkai layouts #durandal #honkai durandal #honkai bianka

[heypvrker]

c!Owen and c!Apo

and im having intensive brainrot, so ill tell u why.

lets give context to the title of the poem.

Scheherazade is a character/narrator of a story called a thousand and one nights in which a king, who is known to marry women and behead them the next morning, marries Scheherazade. in order to avoid being killed she tells him a story that ends on a cliffhanger so the king will have no choice but to keep her alive to listen to the rest of the story. this goes on for a thousand nights up until she runs out of stories and at that point the king does not kill her as he loves her

now that being said, owen is the king. apo is Scheherazade.

the first line is very important (to me lol) because the dream of the bodies in the lake are in actuality the hopes and dreams that the people in the maze are alive (hense dressing them in warm clothes as if they are alive, a lot of people in the maze like to talk about the dead as if they are alive because they are in denial that they are dead)

the second line, the one about the horses is actually the freedom everyone in outsiders craves. they want to run free from the fact they are in a maze. they also want to run free from the fact they may have done something wrong in their past to have ended up there or that they are apart of something Bigger.

i dont have much for the tree metaphor nor the policeman’s radio, but i can offer the thought that they may find comfort in the fact that they COULD stay in the maze forever, even if that later is proven false by the meltdown.

the carpet part and the days being bright red reminisce on the best parts of owen and apos relationship and the part with the kiss we can gloss over and pass as non-literal and instead take it as a metaphor for vulnerability and intimacy everytime they “kissed” (displayed real vulnerability to each other) there was another apple to slice. the apple to slice being the prolonging of their relationship and their love for each other (no matter what kind) this connect to them specifically because apo pie obviously but in a literary sense because apo is trying to prolong what he has with owen. he is also trying to escape from owen’s prejudice towards demons by keeping him happy with him.

i also dont have much for the window pane and the light but i suppose it connects to how much time they have in the maze + the clearing. apo only has so long to convince owen to leave his prejudice ways and by noon, owen will remember his past and perhaps return to his ways. apo perhaps knows that it will all end. for him, his love for his now dead family ruined him and its gonna happen again. thats really all i have for the “and love too will ruin us” line srry

the bodies being possessed by light im not sure if i have anything good for it but hear me out. the light is the fresh start given to them by the maze. the absence of memory is a semi blessing because it allows them love even if the love will one day be ruined (by memories and betrayal)

owen is telling apo to promise theyll never get used to this type of intimacy or vulnerability. unfortunately getting used to it was inevitable, and it doesnt end well for this Scheherazade (apo). while apo was maybe never gonna get used to saying these things to owen, owen has gotten used to hearing these things from apo

#outsiders smp #apokuna #owengejuicetv #c!owen #c!apo #outsiders hurt me bad #tldr: apo and owen tried to escape what may have been inevitable #i think about them. #how do i use tumblr #this is my second ever tumblr post sorry #im rambling im sorry #bye

[pansypr3p]

hi i desperately want to show our poetry to someone and cas just wrote this shit someone check it out its nuts /pos i love him dearly

uh little warning for the fact that its a love poem for sure and it has lots of religious themes 👍

i sometimes really hope you see how much i try to show i love you every day all of the time maybe not in the ways you need or want or like most of all but in the ways i like and the ways i know how i share with you exactly how i imagine it would be so good to be loved because i need need need to show you all the time i need you to know how hard im willing to try to prove my everything to you to show how deeply i care for you and i may not need to but its an ingrained goal simply one i cant escape and so i try and try and try and give and give and give and you let me take in return and i still feel so blessed for someone so utterly angelic and perfect as you the love of my life to recognize me and find me worthy in some way of your trust of your love of your affection i will take anything my god will grant and my god is a gracious one who gives when he can even when i doubt his love he does not anger he does not abandon me he reassures me and my place in his heart and i feel so so blessed i am so lucky i am so lucky for you for this for us i have worked so hard and i rest knowing my god sees me and knows me greater than anyone else in this world and yes someday we both may pass and maybe no one will recall what we can but we will live eternal in the moments of the past for the past always exists whether we remember or not they ask does a fallen tree make noise when no ones there to hear it and the answer is yes time itself will render us immortal our love is divine and unholy in all of the ways that matter and all of the ways we know we are reckless we are ugly we are stupid we are cunning we are genius we are gorgeous we are love we are life and i love you i love you i love you do you get it? its kind of a lot i recognize the way i speak and the cadence i do it with but its so important to me you know that you are the closest thing to a god i have past any belief i do not put blind trust in you for i see you as you are and i choose to trust in that with all the freedom i have you are the thing of which i would worship the podium that i would finally bow before and risk being lesser than the only thing that i could be safe with you dont understand. you dont understand. do you? do you? understand that i would treat us as utterly ineffable at its core we. are. love. perhaps i am prideful clouded by my own want to be greater than i am but a being is not its vessel we are a billion moments and more emotions than even that we are forever in the eyes of whatever consciousness time has we are forever in a way i find meaningful and is that really prideful? am i full of myself for that? i dont care. do you understand.

#poetry #writing #castiel #fictive #uh #religion #????????? #love #. alot of it #can you tell we're in love with our boyfriend yet or what

[azurextz]

Idia Shroud headcanons as a boyfriend!

GN!Reader x Idia Shroud

This blog is a "x reader" or the so said, you! Well, the gender used is none at all, everyone can read! This is pure fluffy! I wanted to share some things of my mind with some people from tumblr, also, this is very shitty and its totally made for fun, dont expect something so good...

remember, i am not a native english speaker or a very good writer, i only write this because i was bored and wanted to try something new.

Very short, and maybe some things of the character could be wrong since idk so much about him, sorry...

Idia usually would at any contact feel extremely umcomfortable, he is really a person that didn't have alot of physical affection of literally anyone, and any contact feels very weird and strange, he would try to act cool and even try to accept the touch to not make you feel bad, but you probally would see in his eyes that he was umcomfortable, was very clever when he was, which would be exacly why every time you said this in these moments he would say the truth, but of course, trying to act very cool and confident (which he failed alot, and you tried to cover just to dont make him feel embarassed, sometimes you teased him for this, but thats another thing, for another headcanon or scenario-).

Like said before, everytime you said about his faking confidence he would say the truth, though, if you stayed with your mouth shut, he would continue trying to act cool and confident as he most of the times looked (or at least tried to look, so much in front of you).

He probally lives for your compliments and praises, he act like he dont care so much, but, deep inside he feels very flustered and shy, he even feels like he is slowly going to explode, gosh!

He is trying his best to be the perfect boyfriend forever, he really do try, but sometimes he fails which makes him very insecure, like, VERY insecure, please hold him and tell him its okay and that he is a good boyfriend, before his insecurities takes over his mind (its not cool, its never cool, you dont want your boyfriend very anxious because of it, do you?).

He indeed its very anxious and stressed, any affection and love, care and attention and all lovey dovey stuff would make his day a calmer and better, i promise you, a good and comfortable hug could make his day 100 times better.

He plays alot of games, like, a very big amount, and most of the times would call you to play with him too, maybe some pizza while playing would look good? Hell yeah! Want some others things? Not pizza? Maybe some sweets? Candy?

You love to tease him, or probally would, its so fun to tease him until he turns into a flustered mess, he just looks so adorable! Kiss his cheek and say you love him, you will get a cute reaction from him, he will get the colors of a tomato as if he is doing a cosplay of an actual tomato.

Talking about cosplays, you're two do duo cosplays, usually of couples, he loves you very much and want his partner to cosplay cool couples with him, be them from animes, games or even films, at the final of all he just want to have some time with you.

His love language its more time quality or acts of service, as he would pass much time with you, and help you all the time If possible doing favors and overall trying to help you, he has his flaws, but, he really tries to be the best boyfriend you could ever have, to him, you deserve only the best.

He prefers dates in his room, he clean his bedroom, if not, the whole dorm itself to look completely, and utterly beautiful for you, he want to have perfect dates with you, so much in his room which he also himself thinks its not normal, and tries to make anything comfortable for you, he wants to have good experiences with you, not only good experiences, but fun ones.

Buys you some things you wanted, like that jewel you found yesterday, or that beautiful anime figure you found today and felt bad for dont having the money to buy.

He also says, "LOL" and "LMAO, FR" among many varied others when playing and sometimes even when not playing, he just says, nobody can change my mind about that!

He is either more chatty/talkative or very quiet, dont have in between, only some little exceptions, but, i can promise that in either way, he still listen to everything you say, he truly do.

Pretty boy, a very shy one.

FIRST WRITING, OMGGG, IM SO EMBARASSED KLAGJSJSJSS, SORRY ITS SO CRINGEY AND ANYTHING, ITS MY FIRST WRITING HERE AJSHSJS. 😭

#IdiaShroud #xreader #TwistedWonderland #twstxreader #IdiaShroudxreader #twisted wonderland #xgnreader

[brandnewhuman]

HI HOW ARE U DOING?

omg i haven't been in tumblr for a while D": i mean i wasn't that inactive, i logged in when i felt like it but i was not that active and interactive

so how have you been? :D have you been drinking enough water? have you been eating properly?

From my part i haven't been really well, i feel like everything is going bad instead of good, like i am not getting better but just getting worse and acting like i'm aren't. BUT luckily everything will get better :D i try to keep that mindset when i can ;;

BUT I'M NOT HERE TO COMPLAIN, MAN I AM SO MAD AT HALLOWEEN END, IT'S LIKE, I DON'T KNOW HOW MANY MINUTES PASSED AND WE DIDN'T GOT A CHANCE TO SEE MICHAEL MYERS. IN HIS OWN FUCKING MOVIE, i mean yeah corey was kinda hot but 😔 like man i wanted so bad to be horney for michael and in the end we didn't got as many scene moments to see him, AND IN THE FINAL MOMENTS HE GOT INSTANTLY KILLED, AND WHEN WE HAD THE CHANCE TO HAVE SOME SCENES HE WAS JUST GETTING BULLIED BY COREY, I JUST- i don't know dude i got so excited for the movie and i just ended up dissapointed 😭 but well, at least it entertained me :D

ALSO, I WANT TO DRAW SOMETHING BUT I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DRAW AND I WANT IT TO BE SLASHER THEMED SO PLEASE GIVE ME IDEAS. IF I GET TO DRAW SOMETHING I WILL SHOW IT TO U ( >▽< )

(Also- i got another of those weird dreams with slashers 😭 i was really short but it was about billy lenz. I remember that in the dream i woke up in my room and billy was there in a corner and i obviously started screaming (i don't know if from fear or from enthusiasm) but then he tried to kill me, and all of suddendly i grabbed an fork from under my pillow (i don't know why) and started to threaten him HAJSJJA and for some reason he also had a fork and well we started having an fork fight. Then i woke up 💀 my dreams are really fucking weird but they are so funny i just can't get enough of them-)

WELL BYE SORRY IF THIS IS LONG BUT I LOVE INTERACTING WITH THIS ACCOUNT ;;-;;

OH MY GOD BRO HIIIII. I WAS GETTING KINDA WORRIED

You did the right thing in taking a break if you needed it. Don't force yourself into interacting or doing stuff that drains your already very low energy. Take good care okay? Eat, take your meds, drink water, try to go for a walk if you can and do something that makes you feel happy and relaxed. I DON'T WANT ONE OF MY FAV GREMLINS TO GET SICK OR ANYTHING OKAY?

But no for real bro, I may not know exactly what you're going through but I know the feeling of not getting anywhere good with your life and its really hard when you feel like that. Not gonna tell you yOu hAVe tO bE poSiTivE or yOu dOnT hAVe to WoRRy abOuT it. If you need to feel sad or you need to say rant ecc then do it bro. You have every right to feel bad or sad and to complain about it.

You're very right about the fact that things can't stay forever like this. One day it would be less hard to go on and other days won't, you just have to find some reasons to keep going until the good days come back. SO YEAH TAKE CARE AND DON'T LISTEN TO ANYONE GIVING YOU SHIT OR SAYING HOW OR HOW TO NOT FEEL.

Now speaking of halloween ends THAT SHIT WAS ASS. THEY BULLIED MY BELOVED PEEPAW, THEY TURN HIM INTO A USELESS OLD FART USING A SEWER AS A RETIREMENT HOUSE. THEY LET A DERANGED TWINK BEAT HIM UP AND STEAL HIS MASK AND CALL HIM AN OLD MAN.

Like for real WHO THE FUCK THOUGHT THAT MOVIE WAS SOMETHING RIGHT TO DO

Like I was so happy too about it cause I have been feeling like shit and I was so hyped to see some peepaw content JUST FOR THEM TO PULL THAT FUCKING SHIT.

Yes corey was hot, yes he was a good character BUT THEY RUINED HIM TOO SO WTF WAS THE POINT OF PUTTING HIM IN THE MOVIE.

ANYWAYS BRO YOU SAID YOU NEEDED SOME IDEAS FOR SLASHER DRAWINGS? I've been trying to draw slashers but like as cute ghost and doing Halloween things I KNOW ITS BASIC BUT YOU COULD TRY. YOU'RE CERTAINLY WILL DO BETTER THAN ME

Bro your dreams should be subject of study CAUSE AT THIS POINT NOT EVEN I CAN KEEP UP WITH THEM. WHERE DOES YOUR BRAIN FIND SO MUCH IMAGINATION

[yellowbentley]

fuzzy takes an unneccessarily long bus ride across the city because they saw somewhere that diversifying your every day route can reduce depression and holy shit shes desperate: the saga

first half was entirely fine. drove past some burnt out houses and my moms work and the edge of the city which was cool

drove through some parts of the city i legitimately havent been to in /years/

there was a little girl playing with a blown up latex glove. lmfao.

i was on there the longest. some other guy who got on at uni got off and walked past the back and saw me and poor dude looked like he saw a ghost

accidently made eye contact with a later guy n struck up a conversation but he complimented my mask so its ok

got off where i was meant to. wanted to look around. immediately got lost and didnt know where to go to transfer. cue me frantically messing about in google maps with freezing cold hands.

i probably looked so pathetic

i had gone over it on google maps several times before this bc ive wanted to do this all year. still fucked up.

figured it out! crossed a freeway and got to the stop right as bus #2 turned the corner

i DID get a transfer! im used to paper transfer tickets so i didnt even register it

two very loud children got on. one of them stood on the seat :|

dropped my phone :|| whole bunch of people looked at me. oh well.

saw a guy with earmuffs, a cowboy hat, and a fanny pack. only in sask lmao (and i say this with love)

i sat on the wrong side on the second bus so i had part of the same view both ways but that isnt a big deal

i love seeing people going about their daily lives. were all just Some Guy. very special to me.

does my brother know that every time i pass a bus i peer at the driver trying to see if its him? does he know how desperately i miss his face?

the second bus was busier then the first which i did not expect because the first time i took the first route it was PAAAACKED

i zoned out so bad the last 10ish minutes i lost track of where we were and almost missed my stop :||| i only made it because its a fairly busy stop and it was going to hang out for a few minutes anyway.

i love where i live. even if i dont want to stay here forever. its trashy as hell but its mine

i got idk a block into my walk home? 2? idk and my legs started to scream

agony

i knew i was out of shape but holy shit

im reasonably sure i was limping bc omfg pain. PAIN. not the worst ive ever felt by far but fuck dude i dont even remember it being this bad when i first started working at walmart and that was fucking awful

ive had. a tightness in my legs for a while but i never do anything so ive ignored it. this wasnt much longer then a walk i did last month and it was fine so ????????

im in bed now. thank god.

#adventures #long post #i have things to do but my legs have to stop spasming first #lol. lmao. i will not do anything about this. if i ignore all my problems for long enough theyll go away #:)))) #i do feel slightly better mentally. i liked seeing the city without a parent yapping at me #also i saw my usual bus. momentary moment of rage espec w my legs hurting