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#dc batfam
goggles-mcgee · 3 months ago
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Totally Normal Day At Wayne Enterprises
Doors bust open and men crowd in holding guns. One shouts: "Bruce Wayne's kids! You're coming with us! If you don't, well, me and my boys might just get a little trigger happy."
All the Bat bros just standing there before turning and looking at one another. Tim: "Yeah I have a meeting in ten minutes it's going to have to be just you guys this time."
He turns and hands the closest gunman a card. Tim: "I was hoping I could save that for a day off or something but a CEO never sleeps, right? I'm using my 'Get Out of 1 Kidnapping With No Consequences Card.' Effective immediately."
Criminal #1: "You have got-"
Criminal #2: "Woah, woah, woah, man. That things legit. Every top Rogue signed off on those things like 2 years ago. I didn't think there were any left. I know for sure Riddler discontinued printing them."
Dick: "I knew I recognized you! David right? You were one of Riddler's question dudes! Good to see you got out of that but really, I gotta say man, this seems like a downgrade."
Criminal #2, David, looking embarrassed: "Hey Pretty Boy. I had to leave man, Riddler discontinued giving us "lower level" goons dental and with the amount of times Batman and the Birds show up? It just wasn't worth it."
Dick nodding: "Oh yeah totally understandable. Plus didn't he only give promotions to people who could solve his riddles?"
David now putting his gun down to shake his head in frustration: "Don't even remind me about the stupid Promotion Riddles. Once, our checks were given to us in little locked boxes that could only be opened if we figured out the sliding puzzle on the top!"
Criminal #1: "Goliath...or David...whatever...could you not...y'know, act like this is fucking brunch!? We're trying to kidnap these boys! Get your head in the game!."
Jason, Tim, and Dick snicker. Dick: "Wait Goliath? Is that your new "goon" name because I love it. It's so witty!"
Criminal #1: "Shut it Calvin Klein! Now hands behind your backs! All of you!"
Jason: "Damn dude. You're not much of the romantic type are you? The least you could do is take me out to a nice dinner before you decide to get freaky."
Tim: "You mean everyone except me! I have a card."
Damian: "Todd, what does a fine dinner have to do with your hands being tied behind your back? I fail to see how the two correlate. And if Drake is not being kidnapped then I most certainly will not be kidnapped either. Today I have to restock the animals food."
Criminal #1: "String Bean has a....I guess legit??? It's really legit? Wow...okay....a legit reason to not be kidnapped. And Mini-Me, you need to get food for your pet? You really think that's more important right now?"
Damian: "Of course. I have to buy not only dog food for two big dogs, but cat food, turkey feed, cow feed, and recently I just found and have adopted an injured bat. Bartholomew will require food and other things."
Jason: "Gremlinnnnn, you already named it? B said no more pets!"
Damian: "He is not a pet! He is a companion!"
Dick: "Oh actually Dames, can you get some food for Haley? I brought her down so Bruce could meet her."
David: "Damn....what, do you guys have a zoo somewhere in Wayne Manor?"
Criminal #1: "Not the point Goli-David!.....but yeah....that's a lot of animals."
Jason: "Oh hey, I just remembered, I can't be kidnapped today either, I'm babysitting for Roy tonight. I promised."
Criminal #1: OH COME ON!! This. Is. Not. A. Negotiation. You guys are being kidnapped!"
Tim: "You mean 'you guys' but all but Tim right?"
Criminal #1: "......"
Everyone in the building watching or taking part: "......"
Criminal #1 shaking his head and throwing his hands up in the air: "You know what!? No one is getting kidnapped! No amount of money is worth you guys!"
Criminal #1 turning around and making a circular motion with his finger pointed: "Let's go boys. I need a drink."
Dick: "Bye David!"
David waving before Criminal #1 grabs his hand and pulls him along: "Don't respond David!"
Everyone left in the building: "......."
Jason: "Bets on how long main dude lasts here?"
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sinigangbot · 2 months ago
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every time i see ur timsteph art....chef's kiss. 10/10! all your art just makes my heart 💥
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😌 me 2 dude
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Batfam and pictures I drew bored in math class
I fucking hate math
Bruce
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Dick
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Jason
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Tim
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Cass
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Duke
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Damian
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phoenixstartedthefire · 2 months ago
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Damian: I am darkness. I am an power. I am your worst nightmare. I could kill a man in more ways than you can imagine. I am the night. I am fury, I am a weapon, I am-
Tim: A doll.
Dick: A cinnamon roll.
Jason: A sweetheart.
Damian:
Damian: ...stop it.
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inamindfarfaraway · a month ago
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Duke: Hi, I’m Duke Thomas, the newest member of the Batfamily.
Tim: I see. What kind of a Bat hero are you?
Duke: What kind?
Bruce: Are your biological parents dead?
Duke: No, but -
Cass: Abusive or neglectful?
Duke: No!
Steph: Have you gone through any convoluted romantic drama?
Duke: No.
Tim: Do you wear a cape and cowl?
Duke: No.
Damian: A domino mask, then?
Duke: No.
Steph: Were you tortured?
Duke: No!
Barbara: Permanently injured?
Duke: No!
Dick: (excitedly) Kidnapped or enslaved?
Duke: No! Are you okay? Are you all getting therapy?
Jason, with Damian pretending to stab himself with his sword, Cass miming slitting her throat and smiling calmly and Dick clutching at his heart and gasping as if dying in the background: (brandishing a crowbar) Have you ever been murdered by a villain and subsequently revived? Bonus if your mother held some amount of the blame.
Duke: No! Good lord! Why would any mother do that to their kid?
Dick, suddenly dangling by his feet from the chandelier above: And I have to assume you enjoy doing daring acrobatics across the city skyline at lethal heights in spandex?
Duke: (backing away in confusion) However acrobatic you are, you shouldn’t be able to just appear up there…
Damian: Have you ever been trained by assassins?
Duke: You have?
Bruce, Dick, Jason, Cass, Tim and Damian: We all have!
Bruce: And now for the million-dollar question: do you have an unstoppable, unwavering drive to help people and deliver justice to prevent as many as possible feeling pain like you have, even - or especially - at the cost of your own wellbeing?
Duke: Oh, totally. I led an illegal teen vigilante movement for a while, making myself an enemy of both criminals and the law. It was badass.
Everyone Else: He is a Bat!
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kayhyuns · 2 months ago
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dc you already did the batfam, so what's stopping you from doing the og fab five titans webtoon???? WHAT'S STOPPING YOU DC WHAT IS????
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daydreamerhabitz · 6 months ago
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It's my boy: Tim Drake!!
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(Reposting this because I didn't really like the quality of the last photo)
So! My dear friend @mas-que-loucura-menina and I made a bet in regards to this drawing of Tim Drake that I made a few months ago and, since she asked me so nicely, I decided to post it!
If I win the bet she'll buy me food hehehehe
Feel free to like and reblog, but please do not repost!♡
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goggles-mcgee · 3 months ago
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Visit To Arkham, Batman's Broken Arm, & Joker's Sanity
Batman and Gordon go to Arkham to question Joker about recent crime that seems to involve his followers. Joker notices that Batman's left glove is off and the Dark Knight has a black wrapped wrist. He of course ask what happened and Batman simply answers he sprained his wrist. Now Joker won't focus on anything but the wrist and keeps coming up with bizarre ways Bman may have sprained his wrist till Batman finally says: "I was pursuing some thugs when I overestimated the distance of a roof and slipped and landed on my wrist. That is all."
Gordon: "It was bound to happen at some point. Anyways we better get going Batman. The clown isn't going to give anything up."
Batman who noticed the interrogation cell's camera had been turned off during their talk with Joker at some point (he really needed to have a firm talk with the staff.): "You go ahead, I have one more thing to ask Joker."
Gordon, though a bit reluctant: "Okay...be careful."
Once Gordon leaves Joker looks over at the Bat and tilts his head: "Whatcha wanna ask Batsy? I'm all ears."
Batman: "Do you want to know how I actually hurt my wrist?"
Joker now very curious: "Yes...?"
Batman taking out his "Bat-phone": "I was hula hooping. The family and I attend a class for fitness and fun."
Joker: "Oh, my god."
Batman showing off pictures of him and the family: "I've mastered all the moves. The pizza toss, the tornado, the scorpion, the oopsie-doodle."
Joker, who is now ecstatic but confused as fuck: "Why are you telling me this?"
Batman showing him deleting all the pictures: "Because no one will ever believe you."
Joker gasping in shock and disbelief and looking at Batman in a new light: "You sick son of a bitch."
And with that Batman left Joker to stew in his disbelief.
[Source (well good chunk of it): Brooklyn Nine Nine]
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butwhyduh · 4 months ago
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Getting tall
Summary: Damian finally hits his growth spurts and the fam have opinions. Some damijon, timkon, jaytemis, and dickori mentioned.
Damian was an adorable tiny murder baby when he first showed up at the manor. Like a feral kitten. Short end of normal growth at 10 years old and thin too, Dr Leslie found. Make sure he eats 3 square meals and snacks when he wants and he’ll be just fine. Alfred had made it his mission, as he had done for both Jason and Tim, to put weight on Damian.
The first family member he outgrew was Cass. She reached over to ruffle his hair only to reach up above her head rather than below it. She didn’t mind. 5’4 isn’t very tall. She’d just have to remember that the next time they spar. Height wasn’t an important factor to her.
It was a few months later that Damian hit a massive growth spurt and grew 4 inches. He passed by 5’6 Stephanie.
“Hey little dude. What are they puttin in your food, miracle grow?” She asked when she noted how tall he was and how big his feet had gotten. Damian was a bit like the giant puppies all gangly. Alfred was adjusting the Robin costume monthly after Damian rushed to put it on for patrol one day and every time he raised his arms he felt his stomach show. Clothes were constantly being bought that met his newest height increase. The Kents were very appreciative of the barely worn clothing Jon got as Damian went through another pair.
“I’m perfectly normal in growth,” he said pulling on the hem of his shirt that was growing shorter by the day. Stephanie eyed him but left it. Tim hated the height jokes they would make when everyone started passing him in height. Nowadays Tim just rolled his eyes and deferred all short jokes to Bart who Damian was now taller than. Bart didn’t care at all because he was short but he was also at least top 3 faster people ever so who cares right?
For a very short time, Damian was taller than Jon. He liked that. Jon thought it was pretty funny.
“D, I’m going to be taller. My dad and mom are both taller than yours. I’ll be taller in the end,” Jon said with a grin before Damian pushed him off the roof. Jon giggled and stared at Damian with obvious heart eyes. The kid was definitely smitten.
Tim was half an inch taller. He didn’t acknowledge it in any way. But it wasn’t surprising. His mother was tiny, his father lower end of average, and Tim probably skipped too many meals with working during an important growth phase while he was becoming Robin. 5’8.5 is a perfectly normal height for a man. He had an easier time with stealth.
Bruce watched as his son grew more handsome and taller everyday. He recognized things he hadn’t taken the time to see with Dick or Jason and had missed completely with Tim. Aftershave, cologne, and deodorant budget went up exponentially and Damian was barred from bringing any of his shoes in the house and his Robin uniform had to double washed occasionally. He spent far longer in the bathroom doing his hair and agonizing over any spot on his face.
Bruce even once caught Damian do the lean on the doorframe while talking to someone they like when Jon visited once. He had to give the worst birds and bees talk of all time. Bruce also noted how Damian had Talia’s nose and his lip curled the same way hers did when he smiled. He stretched when walking to the breakfast table the same way Dick did.
Damian didn’t get another true growth spurt for 2 years. There was plenty of jokes that he jumped up to his height and didn’t move again. Jon was once again taller than Damian. Alfred was ready this time with the massive amount of food the 15 year old could put away and panels in his costume for easier adjustments.
Talia smiled proudly at her son as he grew taller than her. He was turning out handsome like his father but kept her feature and in her mind, that was the perfect combo. She never told Damian because she didn’t him to grow arrogant.
Dick didn’t notice it right away. He was so busy with Bludhaven and the Titans that he didn’t notice Damian had gotten a full inch taller than him. He only realized when him and Damian practiced a complex move that required a taller and shorter partner while training. They paired up as they always did and the maneuver completely fell apart. Dick was mentally putting together why it failed when Damian walked over and it clicked. Little D was not so little anymore.
“You’re taller than me,” he said brightly. Damian immediately grinned.
“So now you’re little D,” Damian said back. Dick laughed at that one.
“Don’t let it go to your head. I can throw you around like a tilt-a-whirl,” Dick warned. Of course, that’s exactly what happened the next time they sparred when Damian tried to use his height advantage.
“I can beat Jason so don’t think you can beat me just by being bigger,” Dick said standing over Damian who rolled his eyes.
Dick had no problem with Damian getting taller. It was his own height he had a complicated relationship with. See, Dick grew up as an acrobat. Being tall is a disadvantage. More weight to swing, more body to move. And his father had told him growing up that almost every Grayson man has been 5’8. It’s a legacy as strong as flying above the circus crowd.
And so when at 15, Dick was very distraught with the fact that he hadn’t stopped growing at 5’8. It felt like a part of his history and family legacy had died. He wasn’t one of the 5’8 Grayson men. He never told anyone beside Kori, late at night where she told him she loved him tall or small. She had already far outpaced Dick and was on her way to being 6’4.
Duke and Alfred and Damian were the same height for a short while. Duke would joke that he could just wear the Robin’s costume since they were the same size. Damian would threaten to disembowel him if he touched it and that made Duke laugh even more.
When he grew taller Duke once again joked with Damian calling him a not so jolly green giant and Alfred considered his nutrition attempt a complete success. Damian went from a tiny kid to a tall strong young man.
Damian and Jon were practically the same size for a while. Jon barely bent his neck to rest his chin on Damian’s shoulder as his partner worked on a complex mechanical part. Then Jon hit another growth spurt to end in his final height of 6’2, same as Bruce and his father. Damian enjoyed having a taller boyfriend for a while but would never say anything. High school dances were nice.
Bruce could see Damian getting taller and stronger and was practically grown. Dr Leslie warned Bruce that growth could continue until Damian was in his early 20s and he could end up a quite tall young man or stop tomorrow.
Jason liked being the tallest and biggest in the family. He had an entire inch in height on Bruce and was at least 20 lbs heavier. He was built like tank. When Jason had died at 15, he was terrifyingly thin. Alfred had tried his best but Jason had suffered malnutrition and hunger from practically birth. He was short and thin and Dr Leslie had told Bruce he probably always would be. And so when Jason came back to life a giant 6’3 and over 200 lbs, it was a shock. It took him forever to accept his size as anything more than an amour to create fear in his enemies. The first time he had accidentally scared a woman walking in the street at night, Jason had hated that he was so big. But within his family, it had become a source of pride. He was certainly taller than Dick and Alfred and even Bruce.
So when he visited Cass’s birthday party and Jason stood next to Damian and realized that the kid was taller than him, he was a little shocked. Damian had reached his final height of 6’4.
“When the hell did you get so big?” Jason asked while cake was being served. Dick nosed in the conversation.
“Little D is taller than you now,” he said with a teasing grin at Jason.
“And yet you insist on calling me Little D,” Damian said with an eye roll.
“I call him Big D,” Jon said with a smile. Dick blanched and Jason coughed out an awkward laugh.
“Good for you, bro,” he said patting Damian on the back. Jon blushed at the sudden understanding.
“No! I mean- he’s taller than me. I didn’t mean- uh,” Jon stuttered. Damian grabbed him by the shoulder and dragged him away from his brothers who were laughing.
“It’s weird you know,” Jason admitted, scratching the back of his neck.
“The fact that he is dating Jon?”
“No, they’ve been together forever. That he’s taller than me,” Jason said.
“Are you- does it bother you that you aren’t the tallest?” Dick asked with a gleeful smile.
“No,” Jason said abruptly.
“It could be like how I learned my little brother was bigger than me,” Dick teased. “All of a sudden you were just massive. My tiny little brother was this big dude. Good thing I’m comfortable with my masculinity.”
“Your girlfriend is like 6 inches taller than you. If that isn’t emasculating then there’s nothing I could do,” Jason answered.
“Yeah, she’s always been taller than me,” Dick said with a fond smile. “You can’t talk with the Amazon you’ve been hanging with.” He pushed Jason’s shoulder with a grin.
“We’re just friends-I guess,” Jason said uncomfortable. “That’s not the same-“
“Well at least Tim will always be our little brother,” Dick changed the subject but mentally noted Jason’s reaction to the mention of Artemis.
“Yeah, he’ll always be a shrimp,” Jason agreed.
“Honestly fuck you both,” Tim said from across the room. With Kon standing next to him he certainly looked tiny.
“Hey, it’s my birthday and I am the shortest and I can still kick all of your butts,” Cassandra reminded them both and they laughed but neither corrected her because they knew she was right.
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Tim Drake definitely has ice cold fingers and puts them on Jason's neck when he's least expecting it using the "Well you tried to kill me!" excuse to get away with it
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phoenixstartedthefire · a month ago
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Red flags in dc fans🚩
*disclaimer*These are just my opinions don’t come at me. Also feel free at add more if you have them.
If they idolize/stan the Joker. To be clear, you’re allowed to like his character and find him interesting. But he’s not someone to look up to. He’s a cool character but still is a homicidal maniac
If they think Harley and Joker had a good relationship. Honey no…
If they got pissed when Tim Drake and/or Jon Kent came out
If they hate Damien Wayne
If they get pissed at people interpreting characters as poc/deny that a canonical poc is one
If they harass/are jerks to people for not reading the comics
If they blame Jason Todd for dying/think he deserved it
If they ship any members of the batfamily together
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Tim: If I had to describe my brothers, it would be with coffee.
Tim: Jason is like classic diner coffee, bold and warm.
Jason: *smirks*
Tim: Dick would be a latte, sweet and soothing.
Dick: *blushes*
Tim: Damian would be espresso.
Damian: Because I'm strong and posh?
Tim: Because you're tiny and bitter.
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intergalactic-bastich · 5 months ago
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nyxthechaosdragon · 9 days ago
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Bruce has that built-in sound identification thing so he knows exactly what sounds his children are. Like he'll hear curses and running feet and he'll yell "Tim" to get Tim to stop panicking and eat breakfast. Or he'll hear various animal noises and he'll yell "Damian" so Dami knows he has three minutes to think of a lie to explain his newest pet.
So one time the JL is fighting off these bad guys and there's a huge explosion and out of pure instinct, Bruce yells "Jason!" as loud as possible so he's heard over the noise, and the villains stop at once because of the power of the Disappointed Dad VoiceTM.
So the JL is just like "???What just happened?" And half way across the country, Jason wakes up feeling the need to apologise for blowing stuff up.
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