#dc fucking hire me

[gayshitanddadjokes]

Tim Drake: I have three relatives

Steph: ooh this one is gonna be good

Tim, counting on his fingers: Cass

Cass: *smiles*

Tim: Dick

Dick: score

Tim: and my stepmom Dana

Bruce: wait what

#steph: yo I love dana wanna share #dana winters didn't die to me #she's fine #she moved cities but she's still alive and Tim visits her once a month #dc hire me #tim drake #dick grayson #cassandra cain #bruce wayne #dana winters #red robin #nightwing #black bat #batman #fuck it all i just want dana winters back #< first thing that showed up when i typed in dana by the way #spoiler #stephanie brown #a

[lustwithoutlore]

Bruce: I'm retiring. Someone will need to fill my place.

Dick:

Tim:

Jason:

Barbara:

Duke:

Damian:

Stephanie, launching into a dramatic monologue: There comes a time when one has to step up and do what is right. Gotham needs a Batman, I will heed the call-

Bruce: Uh, Dick, how about you? You've been Batman before.

Stephanie: HEY!

Dick: Um.... I'll pass, thanks, Bruce.

Stephanie: No matter. I will become the beacon of hope this city needs. I will-

Bruce: Tim! You'll one day be an even better detective than me. You'd be a perfect Batman.

Jason, muttering: Over my dead body. Hey, wait...

Stephanie: DON'T IGNORE ME!

Tim: I'm already a better detective than you. And, if I had to take on anyone's mantle, I would pick Nightwing.

Dick, tearing up: Awww, Tim!

Stephanie: Again, it leaves me as the only option. The underbelly of Gotham City needs a figure to invoke fear, and I vow to be that figure-

Bruce: What about you, Damian? You've fought over the title of Batman many times!

Stephanie: YOU JERK!

Damian: Yeah, when I was twelve. I'm not a child anymore. I would rather be Nightwing.

Dick, sobbing: The both of you want my mantle? How will I choose a successor? This is getting to be too much. Babs, catch me!

Stephanie: I will fight for vengeance. No, I am vengeance. I will bring upon a dark reign that will be unleashed whenever a force threatens my city. For I am-

Cass, appearing out of the shadows: I will do it.

Bruce, happy because Cass was actually his first pick: Oh thank God.

Cass: But only if Steph is, too. We are Batgirl together. We will be The Bat together.

Stephanie: HA! YES! CASS YOU'RE THE BEST! I'M BATMAN!

Bruce: ... Actually, Stephanie, your words from before moved me. I've decided to be Batman for a while longer.

Stephanie: NOOOO! I was so close!

Cass, patting her back: There, there.

Dick: That's it! Tim, Damian! You can both be Nightwing! If Cass and Steph can be The Bat at the same time you guys can both take up my mantle one day, too!

Tim:

Damian:

Tim & Damian: ... I'll pass.

Dick: NOOOO! I was so close!

Barbara, patting his back: There, there.

#stephanie would actually be a good batman if dc sets it up right #i might make a post about it because i feel like no one talks about it #cass though is totally bruce's ideal successor #if anyone thinks differently ur just sexist #nah jk u may not be sexist but you ARE wrong #tim and damian both as nightwing is atually a genius idea #dc comics you better fucking hire me like god #the comedy would be unmatched #the arrogance would also be unmatched #most of the fight scenes would be between tim and damian #even when they're mid-battle they'd bicker with each other #batfamily #batman #jason todd #red hood #batfam #tim drake #bruce wayne #stephanie brown #cassandra cain #dick grayson #duke thomas #damian wayne #batgirl #spoiler dc #signal dc #batman and robin #alfred pennyworth #nightwing #dc robin

[queerclarkkent]

He missed out on having mildly electric powers and being called BatTerry

He missed out on having mildly electric powers and being called BatTerry

He missed out on being called BatTerry

#batman #batfamily #batfam #battery #Bat Terry #IT COULD HAVE BEEN SO GOOD DC HIRE ME PLEASE #terry mcginnis #unfulfilled promises #dreams #shattered #shat upon #my dreams #dc #why the fuck could you #euauuuugh TEERRY

[bruciemilf]

let me give you biiiig hug you look like you need it 🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂

Tyyy

#just one of those days yk #i cant study i cant draw i cant watch YouTube i cant watch movies. no song is satisfying and just tires me out #everything tastes gross and i don't want to eat but ik i have to or ill be more irritable #its too hot its too cold i want to cry i cant cry #i want to sleep i wanna talk to ppl i dont want to talk to anyone bc im so mentally maxxed out #idk i think its seasonal burnout. sucks that it happened a week right before my exam but oh whale #only the 4th time i fail #i will tell you i dont have the nerve to off myself. but if i could hire someone to swiftly shoot me in the head #i would do it TODAY. fuck. like life is worth living but im just so grossed out #not dc #vent #depressive episodes fucking suck

[bombusbombus]

I keep thinking abt Ted Kord and his loony toons relationship with cops, SPECIFICALLY his theoretical relationship with Jim Gordon. Imagine saying something sexist to your daughter and the next morning all of the furniture in your office is upside down. Imagine you made a tasteless joke about affirmative action and now there are 60 small Bluetooth speakers (all playing ska) hidden around your home. Ik I've briefly speculated about Ted & Jim meeting before (glue trap, shaved moustache, etc) but like. Does Babs think about that too. Does she ever have a bad argument and think "can't let Ted find out about this or he'll start paying kids on the street to make (doctored) viral videos of my dad peeing his pants a little bit at press conferences. Again."

#im so serious when I say Ted would obliterate Jim Gordon in the battlefield of comedy #like a whimsical poltergeist intent who really truly believes ACAB with his whole soul #the joker WISHES he had what Ted has #the premise of the joker is that hes not actually funny. the premise of ted is that he's extremely funny and he fucks #I need them to be narrative foils for one comic #dc hire me #barbara gordon #ted kord

[themyscirah]

Started thinking about the Amanda Waller + Ben Turner relationship again.... fuck, I'm gonna need a minute

#I JUST- SHDIAUDJSHDSHEYEYRYRYRY guys. guys #i know none of you see my vision and thats okay. i will make you see my vision. i will force you to see my vision. i will- #like jesus fucking christ oh my god. its so interesting and gives me so many emotions and just!!! #i know im not making sense bc none of my moots are sui sq fans and also like half of the content fucking me up specifically here is in my #head because i cant stop thinking about my absolute power fix it au but like!!!!!!! #also the fact i have a fix it for a comic that isnt out yet is so funny to me. its literally fucking real though. god knows we need it #may my own content carry me through the dark times (extreme villain waller arc) #anyways this fucks me up so bad you dont even know. someday ill actually explain it #dc hire me to write a suicide squad ongoing PLEASE. i could do it so good it would be so fucking good dc PLEASE 😭😭😭😭😭😭 #also like this isnt me shipping them btw. like 110% not that. just to clarify. #i wouldnt even call it a friendship bc like. theyre not friends really. he has the most equal dynamic with her i would say but it still isnt #equal. shes v much his boss even though they have an understanding and respect there #like she believes and trusts in him much more than anybody really even himself. like she sees the good man and the leader even when he #doesnt. but she isnt nice about it. and there is a lot of conflict between them when there needs to be #like as much as ben is “wallers man”--the team leader she wanted from the beginning before rick flagg pushed his way in #ben i would say is still a very moral person even when lost and unsure of himself and his goodness (which is like one of his main things) #like i feel like while amanda can lean very into a “the ends justify the means” mindset in her worse moments and do bad things to get #herself out of a corner ben has like a deep and meaningful understanding of how the choices of your methods and how you act can weigh on you #like even though he was brainwashed and whatnot (thats still the story right? i cant remember) he holds a lot of guilt and baggage over his #actions and i think is able to temper amanda's worse tendencies in terms of that by calling her out when he recognizes that behavior #idk. i just really think that amanda waller and the suicide squad as a whole has lost its way without a more moral authority presence there. #like someone who can call her out and keep them more on track. which i really thing ben is and could be #i just very much am interested in their dynamic and how that would look like as equals and how i think they could help each other. #which ofc is what my wip is about and revolves around #blah #sui sq

[roseworth]

Stupid Respawn theory because...it's stupid

But..hormones.

Like, they intentionally made the test tube baby cause Slade to have some weird hormonal reaction to his clone and become fatherly to it as a defensive mechanism for the test tube child. Just something DC uses to explain or retcon Slade's oc behavior.

Like a weird alien horror movie I've watched that would cause other species to care for their offspring before it grows old enough to care for itself and eats its care taker

Like I said, stupid. Disregard if you like

this isn't stupid at all i love it ! everything surrounding respawn is so insane so the explanation that his existence caused some chemical reaction is fantastic <3 respawn literally being genetically engineered to make slade want to take him in

actually im taking it a step further because i also dont like the fact that ra's just. made a secret talia slade clone baby then tortured him for 15 years. so im saying that respawn was just kinda created. he was some kind of frankenstein thing crafted to look enough like slade and damian that the story would be believable then sort of,,, had memories programmed into his head of ra's to give him a backstory that would make slade (and rose for that matter) want to take him in and help him. and i cant even be proven wrong because ra's has never seen respawn so he cant confirm that he knows him and now theyre both dead :) im right about everything always

#ive connected the dots (made shit up) #alright heres how it goes #someone (idk who. doesnt matter. one of slides enemies) wanted to spy on him #and said 'i know exactly what to do' and made a kid #then they were halfway through making the kid when someone else was like 'hey so slade kinda pushes away every single one of his kids' #but this person already had the kid made. all the eggs were in the fake kid basket. #so they had to figure something out #and they were like 'ok. all i need to do is implant an exaggeratedly sad backstory to make slade pity him #then genetically engineer some kind of hormonal reaction to make sure slade actually takes him in' #so they do that. then the kid takes a detour at lazarus island so theyre kinda pissed off but whatever #but finally the kid finds slade. they can do what they wanted. then the kid dies like 2 days later #all that work for nothing #the end #dc hire me ill retcon everything about respawn so fucking good

[figofswords]

man doing research for my steph essay is just continuously making me mad about her treatment in the writing. girl i’m sorry chuck dixon can’t write women i’m so glad becky cloonan has you now

#dixon is usually a good writer despite being a conservative asshole but his writing for steph is. oof #unfortunately. he did come up with her and then she really only shows up in robin for a long time and dixon was writing that #and then they did the steph as robin 'but not really' bs and then fucking WAR GAMES happened #so like pretty much up until she becomes batgirl its like ugh ugh ugh ugh free her oh my god #slamming my face into a wall baby girl we gotta get you out of here #anyway one of these days dc is gone hire me to write a steph comic and I will fix things #I will give her a gf bc she should not have to put up with men anymore holy shit

[un-pearable]

my sincerest condolences. godspeed soldier

THANK YOU THEYRE DEARLY APPRECIATED

#IM LAUGHING SO HARD I FINISHED TYPING THAT WHOLE RANT AND RELOADED MY NOTIFCATIONS TO SEE THIS 😭😭😭 TY WHALE #why. why do they keep doing this to him. he’s demonstrably one of their most popular characters right now #the only reason we got the mini series was bc he won a tournament against 15 other story pitches!!!!! #why do we keep fucking him the moment our backs are turned #the funniest thing to me is that last time this happened (they put him on the suicide squad and teased another dumb relationship) #they revealed it was his clone match and people rejoiced. and now this moment which was clear meant to convince yj!animated fans to read #comics (which they won’t) and now everyone’s begging for it to be a fake out again . hilarious. dc PLEASE hire a lore consultant even marvel #kicking your ass at this point <- notoriously inconsistent w lore and continuity

[robocops-a-christ-allegory]

Im still wondering what the deal was with the joke at the start of peacemaker tries hard about people being mad about lore being retconned (and also how anybody mad is a dumb idiot who doesnt understand how comics work). Like the only people I've ever seen talking about Peacemaker's previous stuff being ignored in a negative way besides ME are people who arent actually interested in the character and just wanted to hate the show because they hate James Gunn (and it is very obvious from the way they talked about it that they didnt actually get who Peacemaker was as a character since most of those people were also convinced he was a serious antihero pre-show which like. Yeah ok.)

I dunno. Still convinced it was making up a guy to be mad at and is part of why I was annoyed with this miniseries from the start. Also because of the fucking sexual assault joke Im not ignoring that.

#I am still really pissed off about the casual joke about Peacemaker assaulting people what the fuck was that #am i the only one who saw that what was that #but yeah I dunno sorry complaining about this fucking miniseries again. its kind of interesting to me how rough it is. #Also my friend found out Red Bee is currently in a JSA somewhere so now I am like #CERTAIN DC handed Starks a list of characters to include and that explains everything #WHICH MAKES ALL THE JOKES ABOUT NERDS EVEN MORE ANNOYING TO ME. AND THE COMIC REFERENCES FLEXING. #Like if you just got hired to write a peacemaker comedy book thats fine man you dont have to PRETEND youre like #SUPER INTO COMICS and also constantly talk about how much you hate those #frothing at the mouth peacemaker stans who are so mad about peacemaker's lore being retconned. the hundreds of them. #Is it a angry fanboy georg situation. am I bringing up our numbers here by complaining too much. #ok done now. thanks.

[fallenangels1987]

i hate seeing how bad current marvel & dc comics are because every time i do i become overwhelmed with the feeling of I COULD FIX THISSSS I COULD FIX THIS FUCKING COMIC BOOK

#listen to me. i have clear ideas for how i would write arcs for certain books in a way thats interesting and fun and gives the characters #the development they so desperately need #marvel. dc. hire me. i will fix your fucking books i swear #it doesnt even need to be a popular one just give me any book whatsoever. i will fix it.

[raven]

I deserve @wmata it hasnt been used in over 10 years i want to make a fan blog for wmata

#let me move back to dc and ill do this #wmata hire me ill be your brand manager i love you and yes you have fucked me over so mucy and i love you anyways always and forever

[benbamboozled]

I would like DC to start just fully setting minis in specific comic time periods like fanfic do.

“This mini is set between issues 37-38 of Captain Whateverthefuck.”

DC already does comics like fanfic do, might as well embrace it

#this definitely is NOT because of the long list of characters who have been short shrifted through the years. #adding to my list of ‘things I will manifest when I rule DC comics’ #it’ll be… #1) Make all my ships canon (yes all of them) #2) Jason finds out that Dick killed the Joker. #3) Make a universe bible for easy reference + hire some fucking archivists for canon research purposes #4) Nightwing live-action movie written by ME. #5) this idea

[pig-wings]

between d*ckk*ry and "fridging" being used in comics in the year of our lord 2022...quit letting characters get meta! characters don't know they're in stories! characters don't know fandom shit! they don't know tropes! argh!!!

#gotta be honest...dc desperately needs to hire some meaner editors #sometimes...sometimes it feels like people don't always want stories #they want...idk. snippets? #stories that exist for us to point at and go 'look they did the thing' every time a character talks drive me insane #characters getting meta is not cute IMO #idk if META is even the right term. but the fucking joss whedon marvel creep drives me insane #every character is aware that they're on a page/in a movie/whatever

[0-patches-0]

there's only so much grant m*rrison bullshit I can put up with before I send my trained to kill sheep across the pond to track them down

#dc comics #grant morrison what the fuck is wrong with you #you old fart #grant morrison #most ppl forgave them for the racist retcon of talia cuz they apologised #they haven't really done much worthwhile lately to justify putting them on books anymore istg #fucked up the authority and we all ate it up cuz we were starved for our team to be back #and now with the batcesty shit?? #imma kms #fr #like what is up with dc hiring all these batcesters and weirdos #like c'mon now #devin was the devil for many reasons #so was robfielf #i think that's how it's spelled but don't correct me i have no respect for him #then i find out joelle jones is a batcester after she was caught tracing multiple times #then otto schmitd turns put to be a nazi/pedo sympathiser im siccckkk of y'all

[fandumb-whimsey]

Today was a "think about The Elite and how, with a few tweaks, they could be a really sympathetic found family group who have all been disadvantaged, used, or failed by the system in various ways which is how they became cynical and ruthless in their sense of justice" kind of day.

Manchester Black in and of himself could be a brilliant, consistent foil to Superman's optimism, a constant challenge to his philosophical views while still being a vigilante and not having him descend into outright villainy. And if he does turn villainous, have it be a bump in the road instead of the end of it (as was the case in the New Earth timeline). I think he would be a lot more interesting this way.

#The Elite could be such a fun regular crew but they get immediately torn apart after their introduction which was a huge mistake #I know they're pretty OP together but that just means more “good guys” can team up to stop them from their vigilantism #it's also painful to see artists struggle with Manchester's design like DUDES give him more of a punk lean to his look it fucking WORKS #adds to his contrast against mr. kent! #just hire me to make your characters interesting dc