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I need to say something. Some might think that this could ruin my blog, but idc. This blog belongs to me and no one else.

TW ⚠️ SH

Yesterday a follower messaged me and asked me about my journey to discover BDSM and the DD/lg community. I have shared this with him and he told me how amazing it was that it wasnt linked to any trauma.

The truth is, even tho me ending up in this community had nothing to do with trauma, that doesnt mean there isnt any.

I was 10 years old the first time i purposefully hurt myself. It was a one time thing, until i started to cut when i was 13. I did it on and off for about three years, with a few moments of sobriety in between and a lot more relapses. When i was 16, i had a severe panic attack and took 4 pills to calm down. It wasnt enough to die, but it was enough to be high in school and almost fall on the train tracks omw there. I got help after that and for over a year, i was fine. I had a few relapses, but i was mostly okay. The main reason why i managed to stay clean for so long, was bc i started vaping and basically replaced my sh addiction with a nicotine one.

2 months ago i had a relapse. I had broken up with my Daddy bc of a misunderstanding between me, Him and another person whose name i wont say. We got back together and everything worked out until a few days ago.

This third person messaged me. They said some pretty awful things and i am ashamed to admit that they really got to me and really hurt. This is mainly the reason why i relapsed again. This time its pretty bad. Bc no matter what, a part of me is blaming my Daddy, bc he is the reason this person came into my life and messed everything up. I am confused. I dont know how i feel and even less how to express it. My Daddy knows about my relapse. He is trying to help, but a friend helped me realize that this is something He should stay out of, bc he is in the centre of the drama that caused this relapse.

During this time i will also be absent from tumblr. This blog is dedicated to my relationship with Him and i know it will be too painful to even look at it. It might be a week, it might be longer. If i lose followers bc of this, so be it. I am thinking of myself now and i believe thats more important than some anonymous numbers on my screen.

Know that i am sorry to bother all of you with this. I would rather see it differently, but this is whats going on and i thought you all deserved an explenation.

If you are struggling, please know that you are not alone. Ive known how it felt for a very long time. I also know that no matter what happens, things always balance out and they always get better. If you need help, please ask for it. Bc every single one of you out there deserves to be alive, healthy and most of all happy.

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We arrived in Vegas so late.

But that didn’t put a damper on your spirit. You were still so eager to serve.

No sooner had we dropped our luggage to the floor, you were dropping to your knees. Undoing my belt, you released me.

Right there, backlit so that our silhouettes shone over The Strip, you took me into your mouth.

Even now I feel your fingers grabbing at my thighs as you held yourself steady. You were always a playful kitten, and I would need to take control to guide you.

Grabbing your thick hair and drawing it into a ponytail, it was my handle to guide you as I fucked your face for an unknown audience.

I forced every inch of myself down your throat, watching your big brown eyes as the smiled and shone in the neon light.

It was only the beginning.

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