There’s a pool of gold in front of me, deep and rich, amber to sunshine, beautiful.
It’s the sweetest thing I’ve ever smelled, flowers and sugar so strong it fills my nose and mouth, but I don’t know what to do when faced with it, such a vast lake and beautiful sensations.
There’s someone across the pool. They put their hands in, and when they take their hands out, they’re covered in honey, a perfect coating of gold.
That’s probably what you’re supposed to do.
There are fruit flies, drowned in the shallow bits, dead and suspended in the pool, eager to taste the sweetness, unaware that they suffocate themselves to do so. I don’t want to touch them.
I can’t see if the other person has fruit flies on their side. Maybe they don’t. Or maybe they do, and ignore them.
That’s probably what you’re supposed to do.
I dip my hands in, expecting warm water, liquid metal, gold to run through my fingers.
When I pull my hands out, they drip on the white floor, puddles of honey, and it covers my hands, turning me gold and amber and sunshine
But when the honey touches the air, it hardens, and becomes sticky, tacky where it stops coating my wrists, dripping onto my clothes. I’m making a mess. It doesn’t feel warm and beautiful anymore, and the sweet smell is cloying, clogging my nostrils with honey, coating my tongue with honey, coating my hands with honey.
I look across the golden lake. The other person submerges their arms in the vat of honey.
There’s flies in it. It’s sticking to my skin. It’s making a mess.
The other one pulls their arms out, and it’s like they’re turning to gold. Not a droplet splatters from them.
That’s probably what’s supposed to happen.
I like honey, I tell myself as I lean over the edge of the pool and push my arms deeper into it. It’s sweet. It’s tasty. It’s beautiful.
I bring my arms up slowly. It’s hard to pull myself out. The honey sticks to itself and weighs my arms down and sticks to my clothes and drips on the ground. I hear a fly buzz by my ear. I look across the pool.
They are already wading into the pool, glistening, amber and sunshine and smelling like flowers. Honey pools from their hands and flows smoothly back into the pool.
Okay. Okay. I take a deep breath. I will go in slower. I lean over the pool again to put my arms back in and avert my eyes from the flies and try not to think about the tacky feeling of my clothes sticking to my skin, but my arms are heavy, laden with honey, and I topple over.
Suddenly all I see is honey, deep and rich, amber to sunshine, molten gold. All I smell is honey, flowers and sugar, and it coats my mouth and nose.
It is beautiful. It is sweet. I like honey.
But there are flies and I am covered in sticky, heavy, liquid. I try to drag myself upwards, out of the pool, but I make no progress. I can’t breathe. I am going to drown like the fruit flies.
I cannot even thrash. It slows my movements. I’m stuck.
All I taste is honey.
Something grabs me, and I am pulled out of the pool. It sucks on me like it doesn’t want to let me go. I spit. It’s golden. I heave in a breath and look up.
“Thanks,” I manage to say. I need water. I like honey. It’s sweet. But it’s covering my mouth and throat.
It’s the other person. Their coat of honey is like a glowing sheen around them. They are confused, slightly frustrated, looking at me as if I missed something obvious. “Why did you do that?”
I try to swallow the honey that’s lodged in my throat. Everything is sticking to my skin. It’s in my hair. It’s dripping on the floor. “I fell. It was an accident.”
“How?”
How? How what? I fell. “I… It was a mistake. I didn’t fall in on purpose.”
“How did you make a mistake? Don’t you know what to do?”
“No,” I say.
All I taste is honey. I can barely focus. It’s everywhere, it’s on me, I don’t know what I’m doing wrong. There’s too much honey. I don’t know what I’m supposed to do. I want a shower.
Suddenly I feel myself crying.
“Don’t you like honey?” comes the other person’s puzzled, irritated voice.
“I like honey.”
“Then why are you crying?”
I am sitting on the floor, honey dripping from every inch of my body, flies stuck to me, hearing them buzz, desperately thirsty, not knowing why I’ve made such a mess or what I did wrong.
And someone is standing across from me, someone who knows what to do and why we do it and how to do it, deep and rich, amber to sunshine, liquid gold, not a drop staining the floor, looking down at me, asking why I’m crying. Asking how I made a mistake. Asking if I like honey.
“I don’t know,” I say. I try to wipe my face. I smear honey across my cheek.
There are people that don’t like honey. They don’t have to come here because they can’t do this. I like honey. Why am I still doing it wrong? I like honey.
The other person walks away, content with my answer. I like honey. I must not need help.
I lie down on the floor and try not to think or feel what’s happening. I look at the pool. Flies in the pool don’t buzz and struggle.
There’s a pool of gold in front of me, deep and rich, amber to sunshine, beautiful.
It’s the sweetest thing I’ve ever smelled, flowers and sugar so strong it fills my nose and mouth, but I don’t know what to do when faced with it.
So I turn away from it and let the honey dry on my skin like glue as I will myself to sleep. Tomorrow I can take a shower and try again. Some days I don’t bother washing off the dried honey. I can watch someone else walk into the honey pool. I can walk in with them and hope something changes.
A fly lands in front of me. The honey makes my arms heavy. I don’t have the energy to slap it away.
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