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charles-simmons-fanfiction · 3 days

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Drawings - Todd Anderson / Neil perry

Description: lately Todd has started to get into drawing, mostly just when he's bored. But nothing inspires him like his best friend simply existing does. [Fluff, oneshot, 2,1k words]

This is the first fic for this blog, so please let me know if you like it, it would mean the world to me. Hope you enjoy it <3

What started as a sunflower doodle on the corner of the page was now a whole drawing of a garden. Todd knew he should be focusing on what the teacher was saying, Latin was not really an easy class, but the scribbles were simply more interesting at this point.

Especially now with the dead poets reunions, Todd grew to really like art, any type of art. He wasn't the best at it, which bothered him more than he'd like to admit, but in essence, he liked it. There was something about art that he could not quite comprehend. A way people connected with it, expressing feelings that he could barely understand. And that's not even talking about the skills art takes. Charlie, for example, was not just good with words, but also played the trumpet well.

"If only he could share half his confidence with the rest of school. There would be not one insecure person left" Todd thought. It was as annoying as it could be impressive, and he couldn't deny a strong sense of jealousy towards Charlie in a way.

Soon there was not much to add on the garden in his notes and he started looking for something else to draw. Nothing seemed to catch his interest though.

Then he looked at the friend sitting next to him, Neil Perry. He was truly an amazing and passionate artist, yet what Todd felt wasn't jealousy, but rather a strong feeling of admiration. Neil somehow was so perfect at everything. Smart, talented, nice, good looking. And although Todd was not one to even pay attention to looks, even he could notice how charming Neil was. His jawline, his hair, his so-expressive eyes. And, especially, his smile. The way it always felt so warm, so genuine and bright. Now that was something Todd wished he could capture.

His hands moved quickly, making a small sound of the graphite against the paper as he drew. The scribbles started to look like a face, surely, but it was still only barely recognizable as who it was supposed to be.

"Todd" The familiar voice talking to him made him snap out of his thoughts. He looked at Neil and instinctively hid his notebook as he muttered a "What?".

"Look at the board, there's an assignment to do." There was, in fact, an assignment to do. Todd hadn't even noticed. He embarrassedly thanked Neil and rushed to open his book.

After class he went back to the drawing. There was something so off about it. It was a boy, just not Neil. He tried to fix it a few times before realizing he would have to start over.

And he did. He started over, more than once.

Every chance he had to pull out his notebook would be used. If possible, he would try to stay somewhere he could see his "reference". It's not that he didn't know what Neil looked like by heart, he did, it's just that it was nice looking at him. Comforting, almost. Even when they didn’t talk, it was nice to simply have him there, somewhere he could see, or feel.

It might be stupid, but for Todd it felt like everything about Neil could make beautiful art. From the most special moments to the most mundane ones. Like when he wakes up in the morning, his hair all messy and his eyes sleepy. Or when he is so focused on what he’s reading that it’s like he’s unaware of everything around him. Or when he laughs. Especially when he laughs.

Regardless of Todd's efforts, though, the drawing never looked exactly like Neil. Even if it resembled him, it didn't have his essence, his charm. He got more and more frustrated, and, at some point, he got annoyed and gave up. He threw the notebook on his bed, there was homework to get done anyway.

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That afternoon, Neil had spent with the others. In theory, for studying. In reality, to chat and hear Knox talk about the girl he's in love with for the millionth time. They had invited Todd, who denied. It was always a shame when he did that, but not a surprise either. Neil understood he needed that time alone.

By the time he got back to their dorm, it was already dark outside. He opened the door carefully, expecting to find Todd asleep.

As expected, he was asleep, but with his head on the desk, which was full of books and paper. "He must've slept while studying again." Neil thought, unsurprised, as he dropped his bag on the floor. Just like he always did when this happened, he gently picked Todd up and put him in his bed. He also made sure to grab a blanket for him.

Before he turned off the lights, he took a second to admire his roommate. For someone who was that anxious while awake, it was nice seeing him completely peaceful. Neil almost didn't notice the open notebook on the corner of the bed, probably forgotten there. He picked it up to put back in its place, but his attention was caught when he noticed it had drawings, not words.

The first page had a drawing of a garden. Each flower looked different, and the style was inconsistent, in a unique way. Neil smiled,"I didn't even know Todd liked to draw", as he turned the page.

There was the drawing of a boy, who he didn't recognize, smiling and looking at the distance. Neil hesitated, not feeling sure if this was something he was supposed to be seeing. It was the curiosity, added to a light feeling of jealousy, that made him turn another page.

This time it was a full body drawing, with not too many detail, of a boy in a Welton uniform. It was clear it had been erased way too many times, and the paper was almost tearing. It could be anyone, really, but it bothered him a little that he didn't know who. He turned the page one more time, there were some doodles, probably for practice.

This was probably an invasion of Todd's privacy, so he told himself he would close the book after just one more drawing. Neil turned the page one more time, and when he saw it, it took him a few instants to process. It had a few drawings, all of the same person. Him.

Multiple drawings of him, in different angles, clothes, expressions. Under each drawing there were notes in a poorly written handwriting. "Why is it his smile that never looks similar??", "His nose looks better than that", "Wow, he's the only person who manages to make reading glasses charming" were some of those notes, along with some self criticism for next drawings.

Neil quickly closed the notebook, slightly blushing, and feeling like he had definitely just seen something he was not supposed to. He took a look at Todd, checking if he was still asleep.

In a way, he was extremely flattered. And more than anything, he couldn't help but feel very loved, which was probably stupid, those were just drawings. It still touched him a lot though. To have someone look at you and see something worth making art about. He tried containing his smile. No one was there to see it, but he still felt embarrassed of how much he was smiling.

It was getting late, and he needed to sleep. Neil glanced at Todd one last time. It took everything in him not to hug him, that would be weird, but he didn't see any harm on a small kiss on the forehead. He gently stroked Todd's hair as he did it, feeling relieved his roommate was asleep.

"I love you so much" Neil whispered, and went to bed before he could even think too much of what he said.

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Todd woke up in his bed the next day, instead of at his desk. As usual, he simply assumed he had walked to his bed on his own and forgotten about it.

Neil was already up, finishing some work before the class started.

"Good morning" Todd yawned, slowly getting off of bed.

"'Morning" Neil didn't look at him, just kept focused on what he was doing. "Have you slept well?"

"I did, actually. Had a nice dream for once. You?"

"I slept well too"

His answers sounded dry. Todd thought it was weird, but didn't question it. He got up and started getting ready. When he reached out to get his notebook, he noticed it wasn’t on his bed anymore. Instantly distressed, he began looking for it, taking off the sheets from his bed, then looking under it.

"What are you looking for?"

"My notebook! I could swear I had left it here!"

"What does it look like?" Neil looked around too, checking on the desk. "Is it this one?"

Todd's eyes widened and he quickly took the book back from his hands.

"Is that like a diary or something?" Neil asked, taken aback by how nervous Todd had gotten.

"Yeah, kind of" He threw the notebook in his bag and closed it. "You didn't open it or anything, right?"

There was a slight hesitation, or maybe Todd just imagined it. "No, I didn't. Don't worry"

"Good. Thanks." He sighed in relief, grabbing his bag and giving him a small wave as he left the room, feeling like he had just escaped what could’ve been a very awkward situation.

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It was a few days later, that Neil and Todd were sitting on the grass next to the lake and doing some physics homework. Somehow there was always something to get done. Not that Neil was complaining, it wasn't that bad as long he didn't have to do it alone.

Soon the sun would set and it was starting to get cold. It was a nice feeling, both of them doing their own work and only sometimes asking the other for help to understand the questions, but that was it.

"Hey Todd" Neil was the one to break the comfortable silence.

"Hm?"

"I need to confess something" Todd looked up at him, now feeling slightly anxious as Neil spoke. "I did go through your notebook that day. I apologize for doing that, and for lying."

There was complete silence again, now with a certain tension between them. Todd didn't look at him at first, nor did he say anything for a few seconds.

"I'm gonna jump into this lake" He said embarrassedly.

"Your drawings are very good, by the way" Neil tried to lighten the mood. "You never told me you liked to draw"

Todd put all his stuff in his bag, ready to leave, before Neil grabbed his wrist, lightly, barely holding it.

"If you're embarrassed about the drawings of me, please don't be, they're great and I think it's sweet-"

"Please, stop talking" Todd was blushing deeply, still looking anywhere but Neil's eyes. "I'm not mad at you, but don't go through my stuff"

"I won't, I promise" His hand was still on Todd's wrist, he didn't want to let go. Eventually, Todd sat back down again. "I meant it, I think it's very sweet you drew me"

"It's embarrassing"

"No, it's lovely."

Todd looked at him this time, looking for any sign of a negative reaction, but there wasn't any. Neil looked at him with so much adoration, and Todd could swear he had never felt this appreciated by anyone.

Neil's hand moved down to Todd's hand, hesitantly. Their fingers intertwined as both of them simply kept eye contact, admiring the person in front of them as if they were art. Because they were.

"I should write some more poems for you. To make it even, y'know"

“More?”

“Yes. More.”

Todd smiled warmly.

The sun was now almost set, and it was getting dark. They probably couldn't be seen from too far. Neil took a deep breath, taking courage, and gently put his hand on Todd's face, then leaned in and gave him a small kiss on the cheek.

"Out of all the artists in the world, you're my favorite" He whispered into his ear.

Todd squeezed Neil's hand lightly, reciprocating the affection. "And you're mine."

And that night, they walked back to their dorm still holding hands, chatting lightly, and generally enjoying the other's presence. For they were both the artists and the muses, and they knew that.

#anderperry #dead poets society #dead poets fandom #neil perry #todd anderson #dead poets fanfic #anderperry fanfic

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