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aestheticsuwu · 3 years

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🛋 I Wish I Didn't Care All The Time 🛋

F.W.B AU! Klarker

Clark Barker x Jack Kline

.... ..... ..... ..... ..

Many people have many opinions on F.W.B , but one opinion that is mainly seen and heard is that at the end it tends to blow up at your face .

Jack wasn't one to get involve into some shit that he will regret . On the other hand , his best friend Clark has done some shit that have gotten both of them in trouble .

Keep in mind half the time Jack wouldn't be involved and he somehow get caught red handed . He blames it all on Clark , well that's his excuse cause he doesn't want to get the wrath of his parents .

Sure he can ignore the raven man and hang with his other friends and live a simple , relaxing life . The problem is that Jack doesn't quite have other friends . He just has his older sister Claire . And her friends only talk to him out of pity .

He met Clark in high school when the guy tried to convince him to do the class project all by himself . From then on they sorta clicked , they were inseparable. Many people thought they were dating .

He wasn't blind , his friend was attractive and by all the times Clark had told him he was hot . He could see why people thought that they were a couple , the latter was quite touchy .

And it wasn't like it never crossed his mind , but the thing was Clark is basically fuck boy . He doesn't do relationships , the only thing he can commit is to drugs, food , and music .

On the other hand he didn't have a problem with commitment issues , but all his relationships just never seem to work out . The problem mainly being Clark , that's what his exes would tell him .

" Fuck them , they dont know what their missing out , And being honest she was annoying . "

That was always his response , pointing out what he didn't like about the person .

" you don't like no one " it was like a relative

thing . He wasn't lying when he mentioned about his failed attempt at love .

" I like you , don't I " Rolling his eyes , as the raven haired holds him close . All he can do is take in the somehow soothing smell of cigarettes and cologne .

.....

Being in college is frustrating , mainly being filled overload with homework , essays , projects , and you can't forget anxiety . Jack was just overwhelmed , he just wanted to go home to his dad's and listen to them bicker . Have a fight with Claire about anything , help his father with his garden and watch the bees .

He wants to spend time with his uncle Sam maybe playing football , even he's terribly bad at it . Laugh with his aunt Eileen, when Sam and Dean get competitive over who's actually winning . he just wants to be with his family .

Thank God break is coming soon , if not he would've exploded . When he mentions it to Clark, he just say he's probably frustrated because he hasn't gotten any action . He usually just throws his pillow at him .

..... ...... .....

It wasn't the first time he seen his friend drunk , it was after all was a constant thing he would do . Watching as his friend struggle to take of his jacket and stumbling to go lay down , it wasn't no surprise when he had fell down . He also couldn't help but laugh along with Clark.

" seems like you had a fun night , here let me help you " Helping him stand up , he starts to remove his jacket .

" Fuck yeah I did , you should've have gone . You could've released some of your pent up frustration . " Clark spoke as he looked at the blonde .

" can you not , just be glad you did . God you reek of ciggaretes . I don't know when your gonna learn when to stop smoking .

Hold on I'm gonna help you change , please try not to fall . "

removing the other boy shirt , he walks to the drawer taking out what he needs . returning to the now slighty naked drunk .

" I missed you "

" i missed you too . you should lay down. " turning around to lay down , he was stopped .

" can you lay with me tonight . please . "

Clark asked still holding on to his wrist . as they both layed down , he didn't know why his heart was beating so fast . Maybe it was the way his friend was looking at him or how all he can think of how was to kiss him . But there was that warning bell

going off his mind warning him to not cross the line . but by the time he was gonna acknowledge it , Clark had started kissing him .

He wasn't the one to be blamed , if you were being kissed by the same person who was incredibly a good kisser you would also ignore all the warning signs .

His lips tasted like beer and cigarettes. Clothes were thrown across the room . Darker hands roamed gently across soft pale skin , Holding him down firmly . As he racked his nails down the ravens back from the pleasure he was receiving. And he should've known everything wouldn't be the same after that night .

.... .... ....

The morning after , Jack got his ass up from the bed and quickly left as he could . Scared he had to face him . cursing himself for being so weak , he shouldve have stopped . He knew he should go back to his dorm and got talk to Clark, but it didn't mean he couldn't avoid it for a few more hours .

walking in the dorm , he expected to see the latter in the room but he was nowhere to be seen . So he sat down and waited . minutes after minutes then turned to hours . Might as well get started with his paper that was due this week .

It was dark when he heard the door open . looking up from his computer , watching as Clark walk in . Obviously ignoring him , he went straight to bathroom . They didn't spoke at all , just Jack watching him change . but he didn't once look at him .

Right he was about to step out , he just quickly spoke and left .

" I'm going out , don't wait up "

The silence didn't quite helped him feel better .It made him feel like shit , it just made it worse when he started to cry .

.... .... ....

All he can see was darkness , he kept glancing at the clock . The time was just there mocking him as if it knew he was waiting for someone that might not come . checking again it was still 2 : 00 AM like it was two seconds ago .So he just turned on the lights .

Coming to the conclusion that the raven haired was probably in someone else's bed . He gets out of bed to turn off the lights , the door opens .

" your awake , I thought you were asleep already ." a surprised look coming across his face .

" I was going to , I was just ......... " silence overtook the conversation . they just standed for a good minute until Clark spoke but didn't even look at his direction .

" alright . night . "

Shame crept up in his skin , he knew he should've kept his mouth shut . but the words just tumbled out his mouth .

" you had fun ? I mean by looks of it . "

finishing getting undress , he responds by shrugging . not being able to stand the cold shoulder , he tries again but unfortunately that's when his tears started to come in .

" Jack , are you crying ? "

startled by the voice , he looks up. He didn't even notice when his friend came closer. He latches on to the older boy ,not wanting the other to leave him . feeling Clark hold him tight and giving him a kiss on his temple made him calm down .

Later that night they talked and both agreed it was an amazing beautiful mistake but both knew it would affect their friendship . So they agreed to move on , keep going with their life's.

Unfortunately , Clark haven't been able to sleep with anyone else after night. It seemed nobody was good enough for him . It just seemed pointless , and he doesn't want to remember when he try to have sex but he couldn't get it up .

So it lead him to masturbating and smoking . But he couldn't do it because he didn't have time to do so . And it seemed both him and Jack were playing a game that they didn't even know the rules to .

All broke loose when he saw a guy try to give Jack his number in front of him . HE was just boiling and it was like the blonde knew what it was doing to him . He started flirting back with that dumbass .

When they both got back to the dorm , they locked the door .

The next day they both went to find the guy and jack had to explain to the guy he wasnt interested , not because what had happen in that same day .

And if Clark had a smug smirk all day nobody mentioned it

.... ....

They agreed on a Friend with benefits agreement . There were rules that had to be followed so at the end their friendship wouldnt get ruined .

* 1 . Don't tell anyone

* 2 . once feelings start to form they had to call it quits

* 3 . They're aren't allowed to sleep with anyone else

( Jack agreed with that one right away , he wasn't trying to catch a disease or something . well that's what he kept telling himself .)

* 4 . They can stop whenever the other doesn't want to continue .

* 5 . Always ask consent !

Jack was really proud he came up with that , even if Clark retorted

" I think when your all over me it should be more clear that you want me to F- "

covering his mouth he ends the conversation to point out their first time .

" you were the one that had asked me the first time .:

And well they couldn't quite finish the list , because one kiss lead to another and well how can you blame Clark when the blonde was smiling at him like that .

When both come to the conclusion that had fallen way before they had come to the point they were . The blonde tries to show the other , how maybe they didn't have to be just friends . While the other pretends , it all just distraction like playing a board game .

Even if it broke Clark's heart having to remind himself , it was just that and nothing more .

...... ..... .....

there should be more klarker fic

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sara78 · 4 years

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Thank you, Supernatural

I don't think a simple thank you can cover everything these boys have done for me, for many of us out there.

For lots of people, supernatural is just a show.

But for me and for lots of other people it means many more.

Let's be honest, this year sucked.

2020 for me started empty. I would wake up every morning with emptiness in me, because one person I really looked up to and loved with all my heart, my grandpa, suddenly died in front of my eyes and I couldn't do anything but watch. Even though everybody thought I bounced back from that really fast and adapted to it, it was just my very well built mask. I didn't want them to know. That maybe wasn't the right thing to do, since I for sure wasn't the only one mourning, but I just got used to throwing out masks and smiles whenever it was a bad day because they usually wouldn't understand why am I upset and would tell me to stop being a crybaby.

The fact that I lost my grandpa who was my father figure, who raised me up and was the only one who ever supported me and had my back, tore me apart. I was aware I will never go and spend summer breaks in village with him, I will never be able to watch "Only fools and horses" with him on TV.

It just couldn't settle.

And then, the Corona virus happened.

Let me be honest, school and certain people in it helped me with mourning. A lot. Being able to focus on schoolwork, studying, projects, it took my mind of for a brief time. But then, we were all of a sudden closed in our houses because of this whole situation and I didn't thought it was going to be this painful for me.

I was always thinking "Meh, I rarely went out anyways, I got used to being home" but the fact that I was back in the apartment where my grandpa died, and the fact that I woke up every morning and went to the living room to see an empty bed and a turned off TV, instead of him sitting there, reading the newspaper while waiting for a certain TV show on the TV... It didn't feel like home.

I closed in my room. Most of the days I would spend by trying to figure out everything about school, who's using what platform etc. Soon enough, my mother, a nurse in city hospital, told me that she will be transfered to work on a Covid part of it.

I didn't really think it would change anything, but hell, was I wrong.

Every day, she would come pissed from work. She would scream at me, yell at me, blame me for whatever happened in her shift, blamed me for everything that wasn't in my power.

Listening to constant hate from her never had such an impact on me. She would usually do that but grandpa would always be there and talk to me. My mom would usually go to my grandma to see her and talk to her about her troubles at work, but she couldn't risk going to her place, so she decided to obviously, yell and scream at me, thinking I don't bother because I never showed it.

She would just randomly slam the door of my room open and start telling me I'm a terrible daughter, that I don't want to do anything, that I'm useless, that people will never love me, that I'm stupid etc. Those words now started to settle down in me and started piling up. Day by day, the pile became bigger and bigger and I was in a darker place than ever before.

I didn't talk to anyone about it. I didn't want to bother and others had problems too, much bigger then this one.

I was really desperate. I needed a way to get out.

One of those days, I called one of my good friends, and asked him to tell me something that he likes to watch, or to play. I needed a run from reality and I decided to find it in a video game or a TV show.

That's where supernatural came.

April 5th, 2020.

Just when I thought this year would never get better, it did.

I tested the waters with the pilot - he told me that I would like the show since I was a fan of The X Files and Scooby-doo. He was right. It took me one episode, and Dean's famous "Dad's on a hunting trip. And he hasn't been home in a few days" to get me hooked.

Every day, I would turn on the show and would run away from reality. Every time it all became too much, I would watch them. Soon enough it felt like home. Those boys going around the country, hunting, having each other's backs, it really was unique and interesting to see how well they worked together.

As the show progressed and the boys went more mature, I started feeling better. I wouldn't have dark thoughts, I wouldn't feel empty anymore. Even though I could never talk with them in person, their presence helped me deal with my grandpa's death and my mother's sick obsession of blaming me for everything.

Sam and Dean taught me to stand up for myself. That's what I did. I stood up for myself and told my mother to stop being such a fuss and blame me for whatever happened to her on work because I'm no God (Chuck now 😂) and I'm not controlling anything. She was at first pissed when I talked back to her yelling but soon she stopped as well. I don't know where did she take out all of that anger and I honestly don't care. As long as it wasn't me, I didn't care.

Sam and Dean taught me that nobody really dies. Well, those boys never seemed to stick to that title. But the ones who did, as for example their dad, mom, later on Bobby, Jo, Ellen, Ash, Crowley, Rowena, Jack, Kevin,... You shouldn't think about how you lost them, about how you will never get to see them again. You should remember and cherish the moments you got to spend with them, and to be grateful that you were able to spend time with them. I started watching at grandpa's death from another point of view. Instead of missing him, I remembered him. Whenever I felt that feeling of empty, I would take our photo album and watch our photos together. I would read my old diary entries in which I wrote about how he took me to a fair and bought me a gigantic burger. Instead of tears, I would smile and be happy for being able to spend the time of my life with him and was grateful for making me who I am.

Sam and Dean taught me that family don't end with blood. But it doesn't start there either. I started taking better care of my friends, tried to talk to them more, ask them more often how they felt. I knew how bad I wanted someone to ask me that when I was in a bad place and I knew someone would appreciate that. But as well, I opened up more to some of them. It really felt nice, knowing that they don't care that you're broken and that they are more than ready to help you deal with whatever you need to.

I binge watched the whole show in about 4 months. I watched the boys grow up, and so did I. I learned so much from them, I loved them for who they are, I cried and laughed with them, I was scared and happy with them, I would stay up late at night just thinking about Dean and Sam and whatever they were dealing at the moment or rant to my friend who never even watched the show about how much I love Castiel for being who he is.

Also, I fell in love with the actors. Jensen, Jared, Misha, later on Mark Sheppard, Alex Calvert,... I laughed for hours when watching their panels, comic-cons and other interviews they did. I learned about the always keep fighting campaign, and much much more.

I was happy to be in this fandom.

And so, I want to thank them for giving us the opportunity to watch Sam and Dean's adventures. I want to thank Jensen, Jared and Misha for sticking with the show for years, for giving us a ticket for the most wild and exciting ride that will always be a great, bright memory in our lives.

You guys left a legacy behind, a big legacy. As long as there's us out there, you will never be forgotten. The show will never be forgotten as long as there's people to remember it and talk about it, write fanfictions about it, re-watch it, laugh about it.

The show might be ending, but what it's left behind, that never ends. This family the show has built, there is no other like this one. There's no other Fandom like ours. This fandom is much more than just a fandom. This fandom is also a place where everyone is welcome, there is no judgments, no hate. This fandom is a family. A legacy. Not much shows can say that they've left a legacy behind. Right?

As much as I am sad the show's ending, I'm happy it happened. I'm happy I got to see 15 seasons of it, knowing many shows don't make it past 10. I'm happy I got to see Team Free Will kicking names and taking asses.

So, don't cry because it's over. Smile, because it happened. Part of a journey is the end, but then, nothing really ends.

Carry on... ❤️

#supernatural final season #supernatural season fifteen #supernatural fandom #jensen ackles #jared padalecki #misha collins #alex calvert #dean winchester #sam winchester #castiel #jack kline

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pathetic-has-been-rockstar · 3 years

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Memories and a movie

Pairing: Castiel x Dean

Written for: @spnchristmasbingo

Square filled: Miracle on 34th Street

Warnings: none

Summary: Dean Winchester has never been one for holidays, but he's fond of his few good childhood memories. When Castiel unwillingly upsets him, he will have to find a way to make up for it.

Words: 2391

Beta: @raspberrymama

my work can be found on AO3, here! If you’re interested in the whole series, you just have to click here!

Dean is in the kitchen again, making popcorns and humming a cheesy Christmas song that he heard while grocery shopping, and just won't get out of his head. He's not too bothered about it, all in all.

You won't be joining them at the bunker at least for another day, due to the closed roads, but the rest of them can start to get in the Christmas spirit. They decided to watch a Christmas-themed movie, so to give Cas and Jack the full holidays-are-coming experience. While he throws some more butter in the popcorn, he looks for the salt, trying not to spill stuff around.

A moment later, Sam walks in the kitchen, holding his pc and looking at him.

“Hey. Need a hand with that?”

“Yeah, pass me that bowl. Do we have it?”

“Yep. Miracle on 34th Street, as usual. Are you sure you don't want to watch the new version, too? I think maybe Jack...”

Dean stops him before he can go on. “Sammy, we've been over this. You and I are going to show the kid our Christmas movie, and that's it. If he doesn't like it, he'll show us his favourite one, and we will never forgive him for that.”

Sam scoffs softly and clicks a key on his pc. “Alright, then, I'll throw in the subtitles and we're good to go. We'll wait for you in the...”

“Dean cave!”

Sam sighs, exasperated. “... yes, Dean, we'll wait for you in the Dean cave.”

“Don't say it like that. It's a temple of happiness and comfort. It's the Dean cave!”

Sam opens his mouth to say something, then decides against it. He sighs and walks away from the kitchen, smiling. Dean is insufferable, of course, but it's a different kind of a pain in the ass. A light-hearted, happy Dean who teases and mocks people around him because it's fun, and not to keep a distance to avoid painful separations. All in all, he's glad of being nagged like that.

He walks in the infamous Dean cave and he finds everyone already settling down. He connects the HDMI cable to his pc and goes to sit on the couch, next to Eileen. She makes a small hint at him, and Sam nods. He clears his throat and looks at Castiel, curled up on an armchair next to the couch.

“Uh, Cas... why don't you give us the armchair? We can definitely be more comfortable there. Here, take the couch.”

Shrugging, Castiel moves on the couch. A moment later, Dean walks through the door with a ridiculously huge bowl of popcorn, and goes to sit next to Castiel. Jack stands up, going to turn off the lights, and Sam hits play on the pc before going back to the armchair and letting Eileen sit on his legs.

“So... did you love it, or did you adore it?” Dean beams at Castiel and Jack as soon as he turns the light back on.

“I like it! It put me in a good mood”, Jack nods, smiling. Dean chuckles, satisfied, then turns at Castiel, who still hasn't spoken, and looks pretty confused.

"What troubles you, Cas?" Dean asks, curious to see if he will have to explain something.

“I don't really understand the point of this movie.”

“The-the point? Cas, it's the best Christmas movie ever made, until Trading Places, what do you think is the point?”

Castiel shakes his head, an incredulous expression on his face. “Dean, it's a terrible story about how the American system cages a man for believing to be a fictional character. The judge emits his sentence on a case that doesn't belong in a courtroom, based on what's written on currency. It all stems from the troubles of an alcoholic man. How can you love this movie?”

Dean looks at Castiel, horrified. Sam knows that face. It's the same expression he had when he was forced to destroy Baby to survive a ghost attack. Whatever it's going to happen, the happy atmosphere of movie night is about to go up in flames. Surprisingly, Dean just sets his jaw and nods.

“Alright, I get it. Not everyone can appreciate it.”

“I'm just saying that there's not a lot that...”

“Shut up!” Dean barks, a second before walking away without giving anyone the time to stop him. Confused, Castiel turns to Sam.

“What did I say?”

“Cas, uh... Dean loves this movie. Very, very much. We... we used to watch it with dad, so... I-I think he was hoping you'd like it, too.”

For a long moment, Castiel stays quiet, then nods. “I understand. I suppose I'll go apologize to him.”

“It's not... let him cool off a bit, maybe.”

“Don't worry, Sam. I know exactly what to do.” Castiel ignores Sam's suggestion before going after Dean, leaving Sam, Eileen and Jack in the room. Jack stands up and stretches, still in a good mood.

“Don't worry Sam. If there's anyone able to calm Dean down, that's Cas.”

Sam chuckles, taking Eileen's hand. “You know what? You're right. Let's clean this place and go to bed, we'll deal with the lovebirds tomorrow.”

They all laugh, and start tidying up the place.

Castiel walks in Dean's room, awkwardly standing just a few steps from the door. Dean is sitting at his desk, going through some stuff, and Castiel can take a look at him. He studies how his dark blond hair is slightly ruffled on the back of his neck, after being pressed against the back of the couch for the last couple of hours, how the shirt's fabric stretches on his broad shoulders. It's looking at the movement of his shoulders that Cas realizes that Dean is moving. He turns to him, and gives him an indecipherable look.

“Hey, Cas.”

“Dean... I wanted to...”

“Ah, look... it's fine, man. It's just a movie. No big deal.”

“Sam explained to me it was a sort of tradition. I should have known there was a story behind it. There's always a story with you.”

Dean's lips curl again in one of the half smiles that Cas has learned to map and interpret down to a fine art... in a few seconds. There's always a moment or two of pure amazement at seeing how his whole traits seem to turn him from a weathered hunter into a smiling man, showing the Dean he's always cherished so deeply.

“You know... you're right. Guess I was mad because it's one of the good stories, this one.”

“... would you like to share it with me?”

For a fleeting moment, Castiel sees the surprise in Dean's eyes, as clear as fleeting. It almost hurts to think that he could be surprised to be asked to share something obviously so dear to him, but Castiel stays quiet and watches Dean nodding in agreement.

“It's just... you know we didn't have exactly an easy childhood. I had to take care of Sammy from day one, cause dad... you know. You heard more than enough. But Christmas... soometimes it was not about... this.” Dean says, gesturing at the room around him. “Sure, it was always in a different motel, always after some monster. But... the police rarely work on Christmas' night. Families stick together, making it harder for the monsters to hunt. Motels would offer something to their guests, especially to us. They saw a single dad working his ass off with two children... it tends to make people feel sympathy, especially at Christmas.”

Castiel nods, entranced by Dean's voice. He keeps smiling, and it's clear that, despite everything that man put him and Sam through, he still misses his father. His dad.

“And no matter where we were... that movie is a classic. If it wasn't on a channel, it was on another. When he managed to stay with us, Dad would make some popcorn, usually with so much butter that you could see through the bag once you were done, and we would all hunker down and watch that movie together.”

“... it sounds like a wonderful memory, indeed.”

“Yeah, it... it is. One year... one year Sammy was so upset that we had to decide: telling him that Santa wasn't real, or inventing an excuse to justify the fact that, once again, we didn't get a new house.”

“How did you deal with that?”

“We told him that Santa couldn't get a new house for us because we had to move constantly, to stay safe. We had to stick with that for a couple of years, before he grew out of that. I... I did my best to let him be a kid, Cas. Standing up to dad wasn't easy, and I... I just did my best.”

Castiel must fight the anger he feels understanding why Dean sees himself the way he does, and walks as close as possible to Dean. He places a hand on Dean's shoulder, trying to find the right words to say.

“Dean... you did a wonderful job with Sam. You shouldn't have been forced to look out for him. Your father was supposed to do it... and I'm sure that Sam is grateful for it. I'm sorry I didn't appreciate the movie.”

“Ah, Cas, it's fine. I overreacted.”

“No. It's not fine. Allow me to apologize.”

“... there's no need to...”

“Dean, I understood that around Christmas is customary to make kind gestures to each other. Please, let me.”

Dean chuckles, raising his hands.

“Alright. Let's see what you got for me.”

“Fine. Get dressed.”

“... what?”

“Get dressed.”

Dean smiles, curious to see what Cas has in mind and stands up to grab his coat. He puts it on, takes a scarf and a hat, puts on his gloves, and finally turns to face him.

“Is this enough?”

“It is. Are you ready to take a flight?”

“Not a fan of it, but... whatever makes you happy.”

Castiel gives him a small hint before placing a hand on his shoulder, and Dean experiences the familiar and dreaded feeling of his stomach being mashed from the inside during teleportation. A second later, when he opens his eyes, he manages to steady himself against a brick wall and take a deep breath before bending down and trying to catch his breath.

The air is cold, heavy, and Dean knows the smell lingering in the air, even if he can't pinpoint where or when. It feels familiar, but somehow distant, and it brings mixed feelings with it. When he finally feels his stomach settling down, he straightens his back and looks at the angel who just brought him there.

“Cas... where are we?”

“Why don't we go find out?” Cas answers, with a small smile that lets out his anticipation. Dean, affected by Cas' visible excitement, starts walking towards the exit of the alley where they appeared.

Before they walk out of it, Dean has a clear idea of where they are. There's only one city in the world that has that particular kind of bright night, those sounds mixed in a cacophony so terrible to result irresistible, topped with the smell of a thousand different foods, people and exhaust pipes. When they walk out from the alley, his hypotheses are confirmed, and Dean laughs, incredulous, turning to Cas.

“You brought me to New York?”

“So it seems.”

“What the...”

“There.”

Cas points at something behind Dean, who feels his heart stopping for a second, then starting to beat furiously in an attempt to catch up. Sure enough, turning around Dean sees the building of Macy's, dressed in blinding lights and Christmas decorations.

For a moment, Castiel is deeply worried. He never saw Dean reacting like that. His mouth fell open, while his whole face transformed into a blank expression of utter disbelief. He just keeps staring at Macy's, his eyes running up and down the building the only movement that Cas can see, as if trying to find a way to get in, or something like that. After a few very long moments, he decides to risk a question.

“Dean... are you alright?”

Dean turns to Cas so quickly that he almost takes a step back. He raises his arm, pointing at the building.

“You... you brought me to New York. On Christmas' week. To friggin' Macy's? Because you didn't like my favourite Christmas movie... you thought it was a good idea to bring me into it?”

At six and seven for Dean's reaction, Castiel nods. He thought he'd appreciate the intention behind the gesture. Perhaps he's been too intrusive. Perhaps he interpreted the sharing of his story in the wrong way, or perhaps Dean didn't mean that...

“Cas... that's the... that is the most stupid, senseless, sweet thing that anyone is ever done for me!” Dean practically shouts in Castiel's face.

“Why are you yelling now?”

“Because you are not supposed to... Cas, how... why did you do this?”

When he finally realizes why Dean is so upset, Castiel smiles. A big, wide smile that makes his eyes crinkle and the most human side of him flash clearly like one of the Christmas lights around them. Dean Winchester, the legendary hunter, the man who came back from Hell, the one who died and came back to tell the tale more than once... is embarrassed. The most brazen, skilled conqueror of waitress of the United States has no idea about how to react to a genuine gesture of care and affection.

The smile of Castiel erupts into a light-hearted laughter, and Dean is bedazzled in finding out that, in fact, he loves that. He thought he'd hate Castiel laughing at him in a moment like that, but... he was wrong. He adores his laughter. It tells him that Cas just read all the right things in his reaction, understood where they came from, and why they are there.

Dean blushes, sticks his hands in his pockets and mutters, in a falsely angry tone “Shut up” at Castiel. He doesn't stop Castiel when he nudges him with a shoulder and stays close to him.

“What do you say about we go and take a closer look at that place?”

Trying to keep his coolness, and failing miserably, Dean nods. “Well, since we're here...”

Cas shakes lightly his head, impatient and slightly exasperated. “Yeah, we're here. Thanks for seconding me. Come on, let's go.”

----------------------------------------------------------------

Thank you for reading!

I truly hope you enjoyed this little story. Every kind of feedback is very much appreciated, just as much as likes and reblogs!

Please, do not repost my works or part/s of it on different places, not even if you give credits.

#spn #spnfic #spnchristmasbingo #dean x castiel #fluff #christmas movie #romantic gestures #cas got moves #fanfic

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caranfindel · 5 years

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Recap/review 14.18: “Absence”

THEN: I am a Winchester! Which means I do awful and wonderful things! Like saving Sam (Saaaaaammmm!!!) and torturing Nick and doing Something Bad to Mary! And possibly losing my soul! Whoopsie!

NOW: Sam and Dean are just getting back to the bunker after the events of the previous episode. I assume they've given Donatello a ride home (which, as we've established, is x hours away), but maybe they stuck him in a cab like they did with Claire that one time. Maybe they found a car for him back at the abandoned warehouse. Sam drops his bag on the map table and they both start calling for Jack and Mary, but aren't too terribly concerned about them not being there. "They probably just stopped for a bite on the way back," Dean hypothesizes, when they settle in the library with a couple of beers. Um. Jack zapped them to Nick's cabin, didn't he? So what is on the "way back?" Are they going to zap to a McDonald's first? What is important is that Sam is still wearing that orange plaid shirt. And they're both pretty unperturbed, even for them, about what just happened.

Here's to another miraculous Sam Winchester survival. Gotta say, man, if Jack hadn't have healed you... you know, lately, it feels like we'd be up the creek without that kid. I mean, first he takes care of Michael, and then Nick...

I know, and he even got the blood out of my new orange plaid shirt, which means I can keep wearing it for this entire episode.

Yeah, I been meaning to talk to you about that. You've been adding a lot of orange to your wardrobe lately.

Just this shirt and that one jacket.

It's more orange than anyone needs. Sure, it fits you great, but so does that red and black plaid. Why don't you wear that shirt some more? Or that solid black shirt you have?

Sorry, but you know I'm a Texas fan. You're just going to have to put up with the orange.

At least I think that's how the conversation went. I could be remembering wrong.

I'm just saying. It's a lot of orange.

The point is, Dean appreciates Jack and recognizes everything he's done for them. Dean pulls out his phone to call her and they hear a buzzing, which is her phone, on the map table, right to Sam's bag. Sam, I know you're recently back from the dead (or near-dead) but it does seem like you would have noticed the phone there. (Also, how close is the library to war room? This makes it look like the map table is practically in the library.) Her keys are next to her her phone, and it's not until this very moment that I realize they didn't know she and Jack zapped to the cabin - they must have thought she and Jack drove there. Because obviously they didn't have a lot of conversation about it. Even though they had a long drive back and it does seem like Sam would have called his mother and asked how their end went.

Anyway. They're perturbed now. Sam tries to call Jack and we see him, staring, ignoring Sam's call.

Title card! (ha ha, I forgot we were still in the Now.)

The guys are making phone calls to all their contacts, and Sam reports Rowena has a spell that might be able to track Jack down. Oh, I love that Sam calls Rowena for help. LOVE IT. Dean gets a call from Cas and gives him the scoop. "Were they together?" Cas asks. “Alone?" Cas looks more Cassy than usual, and then tells Dean about the snake. "I don't think Jack is well, Dean," he says. Dean hangs up on him, which seems kind of rude, but neither he nor Sam act like the snake story is particularly significant. Then Sam gets the brilliant idea to track Jack's phone. (Sidebar: Should Cas be able to use his angelic powers to locate Mary and/or Jack? Discuss.)

Sam fires up the phone tracking website and expositions that they should be able to track him as long as his phone has power. (Listen, guys. You need Find My Friends. Best parent app EVER. It locates him in Nepal, but then he immediately appears in Peru. "Jack's flying," Sam says.

Eventually Jack tires of Paris and Lima and Madagascar and and flops to the ground back at the Cabin of Death, next to Nick's stolen truck. He pulls out his phone, revealing a low battery (so much for that plan, Sam) and several missed calls and messages from the rest of TFW 2.0. He has some flashbacks to happier times with Mary, and then in the background we notice someone standing on the porch of the cabin. They're wearing jeans, and their face is hidden in the darkness, and I'm open to the possibility that Jack actually zapped Mary somewhere instead of killing her (and according to the 14.17 poll, some of you are also open to this), so for a second I think it's going to be Mary standing there. But no.

On the TV:

Nick?

Hmm. Guess again. Hello, son.

At my house:

OH FUCK.

Sorry. I'm just really tired of him.

So, after Jack left to do more important things (Saaaaaaammmmmm!!!!), Lucifer made it back into the world? I mean, this is awful, but it would mean Lucifer is the Big Bad instead of Nick, so... not ALL awful? But it's not Lucifer either - "I'm your subconscious, or whatever," he says. Oh god, it's Hallucifer. Jack has his own version of Hallucifer, JUST LIKE HIS PRIMARY DAD. He's here to help, allegedly, though he doesn't seem all that helpful. "Buddy, you killed Mary Winchester. You cannot come back from that, and you know it." Well. I guess she's officially dead, then. Or is she? Where's the body? I mean, Hallucifer is just Jack's subconscious. So if Jack thinks he killed Mary, so does Hallucifer. That doesn't make it so. Jack tells Hallucifer that it was an accident, and he's all, sure, tell Sam and Dean that, I'm sure they'll understand. (It's funny because it's not true!)

Cut to the Winchesters, driving through the night. Sam expositions that Cas will meet them at the cabin (how do any of them even know where this cabin is?) and speculates that maybe Lucifer is behind whatever happened, not Jack. And maybe Jack thought he was being kind when he killed the snake. Because Sam is grasping for anything that exonerates his son (sob!). But Dean's not accepting it and doesn't want to talk about it. Then Sam's laptop or tablet or whatever he's using beeps with notification that Jack's signal has been lost. Uh oh. (So I guess that's how they found the cabin?) Oooh, yes, we actually get confirmation that it's in Longton "KA" (which doesn't exist and I suspect is supposed to be KS, SERIOUSLY, GUYS).

Longton KANSAS is 4.5 hours from Lebanon. In case anyone but me is curious.

When they get to the cabin, there's no sign of Jack or Mary or Hallucifer. Just the stolen truck. Sam goes inside and Dean looks outside and oh, who's going to be the one to find the body? First I'm sure it's going to be Sam, because there's a lumpy pile of blankets on the bed, but it must just be blankets, and Sam doesn't even look under them. He does find a body, but it's Nick, not Mary. And then I'm sure it's going to be Dean, because he comes across something disturbing outside and ignores Sam's calls. But what he found is... well, it's hard to see what it is in the dark. Apparently it's a blast zone. A big one.

Cas is sitting in his truck somewhere, having his own warm and fuzzy Mary flashback where she eats a candy bar after a hunt without washing her hands and refuses to let Cas heal her because she's still a little bit afraid of him. He tells her that, no matter what other things there are to deal with, Sam and Dean are glad she's here. "Finally they don't have to be so alone." Wow, that's a dumb thing to say. Mary agrees with me and says "Castiel, they were never alone. And if they were, me being here wouldn't fix that, since I'm always off doing other things." That's how I remember it, anyway. Reverie over, Cas gets out of the truck to face the music - he's at the Cabin of Death.

Inside, Sam is covering Nick's body. He and Dean have some concerned conversation about whether Nick deserved whatever Jack did to him and conclude that Jack must have made it as painful as possible or otherwise killed him in some inappropriate way. And there are very good, valid reasons for them to come to this conclusion. I mean, I can't think of them right now, after watching the episode twice and ruminating for several hours, but I'm sure something will come to me very soon. Let me just go check my Tumblr feed again. I bet they're there.

(Seriously. Nick looks like he was burned out by an angel. That's all.)

They're surprised when Cas walks in, because they didn't hear his giant truck or see his headlights in the dark Cabin of Death. They tell him they haven't found anything except the blast site that looks like something "angelic, but bigger." Dean theorizes that it could have been Lucifer, but Sam points out that Jack said he took care of Lucifer, and I'm not sure why they've reversed their positions. Because in the car, Sam was the one who thought it might have been Lucifer. Script mix-up? Someone brought Jensen the wrong pages? Anyway. Dean says "If he did something to her, if she is... then you're dead to me." Pointing as Cas, because Cas knew something was wrong with Jack. Well, that hardly seems fair. When he first told you the snake story, Dean, you didn't think it meant anything at all. But NOW, all of a sudden, it was some ironclad harbinger of doom?

"I was scared. I believed in Jack for so long. I believed that he was good. I knew that he would be good for the world. He was good for us. My faith in him, it never wavered, and then I saw what he did. It wasn't malice, it wasn't evil, it was like Jack saw a problem and he solved it, with that snake. What he did wasn't bad. It was the absence of good, and I saw that in him. But we were a family and I didn't want to lose that..."

And I'm going to stop here, because this is the most important part of Cas's speech. This is the core issue. Jack's not bad, he just might not be good either. He thought he was doing the right thing. And he's family. Is any of this familiar, Dean? Any of it at all? Cas also says that he wanted to "fix it" on his own, so he left and didn't tell anyone. Neither brother asks how he thought he was going to fix it, but I guess they'll get the story of the failed faux Samulet someday. Right now we just have Sam looking sad and guilty and Dean looking angry and guilty but mostly angry.

Sam's phone rings - it's Rowena. She says she was unable to scry Jack because "his energy is too unstable; it's like looking at the sun." And as for Mary? "I don't know what happened, or where she is, but I can tell you with certainty - Mary Winchester is no longer on this earth." At this point, I'm still ready to accept that she's been zapped to a different dimension. I mean, there's no body. But TFW accepts it as her being dead, and Dean starts throwing furniture and Sam is despondent and flinchy (and hoo boy, I love that combination.)

So what do we do?

What do we always do when we lose one of our own?

Bad things. Very bad things. He declares "we fight to bring them back." And they will call on Rowena, because "she's got the Book of the Damned; she's resurrected herself more times than we can count." (Not to quibble, but we've only seen her resurrected twice. You yourself have been resurrected more times than that, Dean.) He orders Cas to go to Heaven and find Mary, and orders Sam to tell Rowena they're on their way. Mmmm, angry bossy Dean. I like that combination too.

Another thing I like about this scene is that it's one of those times when Sam turns into the little brother. When he looks at Dean and asks "what do we do," because that's how this works.

So much to like.

We go to Rowena's place, and if you're wondering where she lives and how far it is from the Cabin of Death, you're not alone. She's working away on her spell, though it sounds like she says cumin so maybe it's actually a chili recipe, when someone bangs on her door. "That was fast," she says. But when she answers the door... oh god, it's Jack, and for the first time in this episode I actually feel some concern. DO NOT HURT HER, JACK. (Rowena, I apologize for not appreciating you when you first arrived on the scene. I adore you now and you must remain.)

She pretends she doesn't know what happened, asking if he's well and telling him 2/3 of his dads are looking for him. He admits he accidentally killed Mary by just thinking it for a second and oh, imagine how horrible that would be, if the awful things that popped into your mind for one second actually came to pass. Or maybe I have more intrusive thoughts than y'all do. Anyway. "I need to undo it," he says. "You need to help me undo it." She explains that the magic she normally uses has to be in place before you die, so he suggest the book (I adore the way she says book) and she tells him about the spell. It requires "enormous power" but simple ingredients that could probably be found in the bunker.

Someone bangs on the door again - it's Dean. Jack accuses her of stalling, but they only talked for like 90 seconds, so, okay. She asks him to talk to his "kin," but he grabs her arm. Sam kicks the door in (with hair in his face and yes it is hot) but it's too late - Jack has zapped her out.

Sadly, I have not found a gif yet, so this will have to do.

Cut to Cas at the Stairway to Heaven, calling for Naomi. No one responds.

Jack and Rowena appear in the bunker, and he pulls her along, but happens to notice some gouges in the floor. And now we get another flashback. Mary is trying to teach him how to handle a knife, and he keeps dropping it on the floor. She's all sweet and supportive and blah blah blah, and Jack says Dean will kill him for gouging the floor when they get him back, so this must be during the Michael!Dean period. Mary pulls the table over to cover the damaged floor, but who is that in the background? It's bearded Sam! Oh, long lost Beard of Despair! How I've missed you! (Is it fake? Is it real? Was this a deleted scene? Or did they plan for what was coming, and film this before he shaved it off? Does Jared just grow a beard that quickly? I DO NOT CARE.)

He feels bad for not being there for Jack while he was busy looking for Dean, and then he apologizes for complaining to her. But she's relieved not to be the only one with "parental guilt." Because they went through so much without her, and then things were "complicated" when she got back. "I'm just saying, parenting is always a struggle. You always feel like you're failing, but then you look at them, and somehow, they're amazing. Somehow, they're literally the bravest, kindest, most heroic men on the planet." Well, this is true. Very true. And I'm glad she's giving Sam the praise and validation he SO deserves but come on, Mary. What do you know about parenting? You did it for four years. When did you feel like you were failing six-month-old Sam?

YES, MARY, I WANT TO TOUCH IT TOO

Fade to Sam. Interesting that Jack's warm fuzzy flashback turned into Sam's. (It's because Sam is his primary dad! It is known!) They're still at Rowena's, and Dean is still ranting about Cas not telling them about the snake. EVEN THOUGH DEAN DIDN'T CARE ABOUT THE SNAKE WHEN CAS FIRST TOLD HIM.

Cas, Cas should have told us. As soon as he saw Jack going Dahmer on his stupid snake, he should have told us.

Dean, it wasn't just Cas. We knew Jack was dangerous. We always knew. Long before he killed Michael. You more than anyone. I mean, from the very beginning you knew. But, you know, we fell for him, because he had a good heart and a good soul. And then, he didn't. And that's on me, too, by the way. I mean, I'm the one that made the call to bring him back. He didn't ask for that. I decided for him. And you warned me.

Oooh. Sam. No. Because:

1) Dean didn't KNOW from the very beginning. He was, in fact, WRONG at the very beginning, when he thought Jack was evil. Jack was not evil, and you insisted on giving him a chance, and YOU WERE RIGHT. Jack becoming "evil" in the future (and he's not even EVIL, he's just naive and untrained and too powerful for his own good) wasn't anything Dean predicted.

b) Dean didn't exactly fight very hard to stop Sam from bringing Jack back. Seems like most of his concern was that it wouldn't work, not that it was a bad idea in and of itself.

Then Sam says "You know, after Maggie and the other hunters died, I just left. I just dumped Jack on Cas and left." Well, I'm not a big fan of "Maggie and the other hunters" (reminds me too much of "Sting and the Police" and I don't know why Maggie - or Sting - were so damn special that they deserved to be singled out as the only ones in the group with a name), but I also don't have any memory of Sam leaving after Michael killed the other hunters. And when he did, he wanted to take Jack, but Dean wouldn't let him. But Sam says he knew something was going to happen and he's wallowing in guilt. Dean admits that he also knew there was a risk, because of what Donatello told him about not being sure. Well, thank Chuck for that. I'm glad Dean's not letting Sam shoulder all the blame for something that wasn't his fault.

Angry Dean and sad Sam, two things I adore.

Back at the bunker, Rowena is gathering her cumin and other ingredients. Jack's getting impatient, and she tells him that she could have fought him, but she didn't. "Because you want the same thing the boys want. That I want." This is a beautiful, beautiful moment, with Rowena wanting what "the boys" want, but it's interrupted by Hallucifer, who doesn't even know why Jack is doing any of this. "To ease your guilt? But you don't have guilt any more, do you, Jack? Admit it. You don't feel anything any more." Well. Everything Hallucifer says comes from Jack's head, so what do we think about this? Does Jack really not feel anything any more? I disagree. If he didn't feel anything, if he didn't want Mary back, if he didn't care about forgiveness, why would he even bother? So I think our boy does feel something. Rowena is disturbed by Jack talking to his hallucination, but she carries on and finishes the spell. They have everything they need except the body. Oh.

Stairway to Heaven. Cas isn't going anywhere until Naomi talks to him. Someone finally shows up, but it's Duma.

Where's Naomi?

Well, I'd tell you it's none of your business, but you already know it's none of your business. Naomi just gets paid more than I do, and we've already got all the regular guest stars in this episode, so we had to cut some corners.

At least that's how I remember it. She tells him Mary is at peace in "a special Heaven" and "is complete" and he should just let her be.

Jack takes Rowena to the Cabin of Death, but Mary's body isn't there. He thinks she should be able to complete the spell anyway, but she says she can't. He wants to do it himself, but she says he's in no shape, and "disposition affects execution." She tells him that whatever he brings back won't be Mary, and refuses to help him and OH I'M CONCERNED FOR HER AND HE REACHES OUT AND PUSHES HER and she just ends up being shoved back into her apartment. WHEW. She calls Sam and tells him what Jack is doing, and that it won't work because there's no body, and Jack has snapped and they need to stop him." Necromancy is a delicate art, unpredictable under ideal circumstances. In his state, I fear your boy will bring back something terrible." WELL, THAT'S ENCOURAGING. (Also, Rowena is hilarious in this scene.)

Jack sits in the corpse-less blast zone and performs the ritual and a huge swirling purple cloud appears overhead and I'm thinking, is this our out? Is Jack going to summon something awful, something that can be the Big Bad so he doesn't have to? Please? He notices the Impala nearby, and uses his powers to stop it in its tracks. Luckily it's just right outside the cabin. Sam and Dean run toward him, and we see him looking down at whatever he has summoned, but he doesn't look happy about it. Neither do the Winchesters. "It didn't work," he says, before zapping out.

Oh, the thing he brought back is Mary. Well, Mary's corpse, apparently. Dean holds her and finds her still dead, and he's sad and we get his flashback, which is just Mary leaning on him, asleep in the car, and then Sam comes and holds Dean as he holds Mary and everybody's sad, we're all sad, so terribly terribly sad and we get a crane shot and it's a very lovely scene but I can't help thinking um, correct me if I'm wrong, but we do have that missing piece now, right?

Jack ends up at some industrial kind of place, where Hallucifer tells him there's no going back. "Cas, Sam, Dean, they're never going to trust you again. And you know what that means. You can never trust THEM." And oh, this is Jack's head telling him that. Poor baby.

Bunker. Sam has his box of treasures and he's looking at the few remaining family photos. He looks up, full of hope, when Cas comes in. But Cas tells him Mary is in Heaven and at peace. Dean shows up in time to hear this, and asks if he's just going to take Duma's word for it, because she's a known liar and also might possibly be that dude from The Empty. He says no, he actually saw Mary's Heaven, and we see her door with the dates 1954-1983 and 2016-2019 on it, which of course begs the question of what Sam and Dean's doors are going to look like.

He says he saw her with John (way to bury the lede, Cas), and they're full of joy. But was it really John? Haven't we established that most people are in their own individual Heavens, and if she has a John, it's just an avatar? I mean, John's name wasn't on the door. And I expect Dean, at least, to insist they try to bring her back anyway. But Sam says Rowena told him that what Jack brought back was just an empty replica, "incapable of holding life." (I mean, I feel like that sometimes.) "So what are we supposed to do now?" he asks. And again, Sam is looking to Dean to lead them through this, and yet he's got to know what they SHOULD do. He's got to be thinking of Mary, safe and happy in Heaven, and of ripping someone (anyone, no one in particular, right Sam?) away from that and forcing them to continue on Earth just because you can't be without them. He's got to be thinking of that.

"What we always do," Dean says. And the last time he said that, in this very episode, it meant we do something awful, we throw our own lives away or make some horrible bargain or damn the world in order to bring her back. But this time, it just means that we give her a hunter's funeral. And Sam doesn't look like he was ready for that after all.

So Mary gets a very dramatic pyre, and a montage? Did anyone else get a montage? Ellen, Jo, Bobby, Kevin, Crowley? JOHN? ANYONE? A FREAKING MONTAGE? NO. Grrr. Cas tries to get closer to Dean and Sam puts out a hand and stops him. Also, Sam burns a photo of her and I don't know why.

And finally, we cut to the library table where Sam and Dean carved their initials and we see they are joined by a M.W. Um. What about John? Didn't he get to carve his intials? (NO. Those are only for people who get a montage.)

Also, now that I'm going back to get screencaps, it doesn't look like her intials were there at the beginning of the episode. So she didn't carve them, one of the guys did. And not Dad's? Cold, boys.

You know, last week, like, five or ten minutes before the end of the episode, I thought if Jack hadn't cemented his place in Dean's heart already, he's certainly there now. Because he saved Sam. No matter what else Jack did or is doing or will do, he saved Sam. And I want someone to point that out. I want Sam to say "no, I'm not ready to give up on him, and you realize the only reason I'm here to argue with you is because Jack saved me, right? And if he is soulless, he lost it by saving our asses, right?" (Is this because I watched "Clip Show" a couple of days ago and watched Sam frantically try to soothe Sarah as she died from Crowley's handiwork, and I want Jack to get the same kind of second chance that Crowley got? Maybe.) Now, I realize killing Mary is more awful than anything Crowley (or any other enemy-turned-frenemy) has done to them. But it was an accident. And HE SAVED SAM'S LIFE. Come on. That counts for something.

(Sidebar: We also learned, in that scene back in season 8, that Crowley's mother was a witch. {blows a big wet kiss to the Continuity Fairy})

So, how do I feel about Mary being gone? Here's the deal. This show, at its heart, is about two (or three) men who have a giant bleeding Mary Winchester-sized hole in their lives. Filling that hole does not make for good television. And the Show tried to make her interesting and edgy by playing against what we thought we knew about her (she can't cook! she can't stay away from hunting! she sleeps with both Arthur Ketch and New Bobby!), it tried to make her both a source of conflict and a source of comfort, and ultimately (as far as I'm concerned) it just failed. She was so much more effective as that siren song of the impossible apple pie life. I said earlier and I'll repeat it here... the fact that they had to retcon all of these warm fuzzy flashbacks, instead of using actual clips, just shows how shallow these relationships were. There wasn't anything real to fall back on. And the way they spend these two episodes trying to make us care? It had the opposite effect on me. I'm glad to be shed of her.

But maybe that's just me. Maybe absence will make the heart grow fonder. We shall see. Come on and tell me what you think, and remember, no spoilers in the comments, please!

#spn #tv recaps #recap #14.18 #spoilers #beard of despair

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