#dean trauma

[clairenatural]

okay but you see sam has ALSO fallen for dean's act. sam also believes dean to be the macho, daddy's soldier, beer boobs cars guy he presents himself as. this is why sam makes fun of dean whenever he even lightly steps out of that mold and thinks it's harmless banter instead of attacking an insecurity. it's why he laughs when john talks down to dean in the early seasons and it's why he seems surprised when dean is more comfortable with himself in the later seasons. it's why he just scoffs but doesn't push it when dean puts up a front and refuses to talk about his emotions and just accepts whatever excuse he makes at face value. it's why he offers dean a strip club to make him feel better when cas dies. and this isn't his fault!! dean has spent a very long time perfecting this image in front of everyone and ESPECIALLY to sam because along with it comes safety and security and stability and the only person. who has consistently been able to see through it. is castiel

#charlie also a bit bc dean doesn't have to be desirable to her as a man or as a son #altho i would argue that she doesn't see through him he just doesn't perform as much for her. cas actively sees through it #this is why sam has never caught on to dean being queer also. btw. dean isn't closeted he's just never made a big deal of telling sam #you never really know your parents just the version of them they want you to see etc etc #anyway this is also why sam is thought to be More Sensitive in comparison #by people who have also fallen for the Act. i call this the General Audience Dean Act #because it was who he was SUPPOSED to be from kripke's pen until jensen went ummmmm no. he has trauma :) and forcibly gave him layers #this is also not samcrit btw i always need to clarify that #i am bad at sam studies but i think you could also write posts (and ppl have) about how dean doesn't truly know sam either #bc he has Little Baby Brother zoned him forever even though he is almost 40 by the end of s15

[strawlessandbraless]

The divorce arc was really something else

#dean should have just dropped to his knees here and saved them all a lot of time and heartbreak #I’ve decided it’s trauma Tuesday #innit #supernatural #spn #dean winchester #destiel #castiel #deancas #Netflix #misha collins #jensen ackles #spn crack #lgbt #spn 15x03 #15x03 #divorce arc #my beloved #cas posting #casposting #gay #gay Angel

[ladylightning]

the way the absence of john winchester haunt sam and dean in ways that are more real than any ghost they have ever faced. the way john echoes so loudly in the narrative even in episodes he’s not mentioned, in seasons where he never appears. the way john possesses dean when he’s angry and sam when he’s grieving. the way john is the one true god of the narrative, the absent father who does not answer prayers or phone calls. the righteous man who does not break in hell but breaks down and hands his child a gun. john and the memory of his holy mary. john the prophet and his sacred text. john and his prodigal son that he knows has to die. 

#john winchester #john as a character and narrative tool is so fascinating to me #the way the show utilizes both his presence and absence #the intergenerational trauma and cycle of abuse stuff is what elevates the show #even when the writers are fumbling the motw stuff or the season arcs #the impact of john is still so apparent and raw and visible #a lot of that is on the actors vs the writers tho #john winchester hate club #supernatural #sam winchester #dean winchester #SPN

[icaruspendragon]

hiii, this might be weird, but who is Lazarus? I'm not religious, so I've tried searching for who he is, but I can't seem to get a clear answer and was wondering if you could explain him?

ah yes, lazarus of bethany. a man i consider to be equal parts friend and foe.

lazarus lived in bethany with his two sisters, mary and martha. and when we meet him, he’s sick. so much so that his sisters send for jesus of nazareth saying, “lord, your dear friend is very sick.”

jesus of nazareth was in jerusalem when he received the message. and despite being only a few miles from bethany, and despite jesus loving martha and mary and lazarus, he waited. he didn’t go to them straight away. he waited. he waited until lazarus died and then said, “lazarus’ sickness will not end in death. no, it happened for the glory of god so that the son of god will receive glory from this.”  

and when jesus finally made it to bethany he was told lazarus had already died. that he has already been in the grave for four days. and when martha, sister of lazarus got word that jesus was coming, she went to meet him. and mary, sister of lazarus did not. and when martha saw jesus she said to him, “lord, if only you had been here, my brother would not have died.”

and jesus said to her, “your brother will rise again.”

but then mary arrived and she saw jesus and she fell at his feet and she said, “lord, if only you had been here, my brother would not have died.” and she wept over her brother. because she loved him and he was gone. and jesus should have been there. because if jesus had been there, her brother would not have died.

and jesus saw her weeping. and he saw the other people wailing with her. because lazarus was deeply loved. and now he was gone. and they had sent for jesus. they had prayed for a miracle. and that miracle didn’t come until it was four days too late. and they didn’t know that jesus was going to bring lazarus back. they didn’t know that jesus had waited that long to teach a lesson. to prove a point. they just knew jesus was too late. and now they were forced to grieve.

and then a deep anger welled up in jesus. and he was deeply troubled. and jesus asks, “where have you put him?” and the people say, “lord, come and see.” and he does. and when he sees, jesus weeps. when he sees, we get the shortest verse in the bible. a mere two words to sum up an entire town’s grief. two words to convey the loss of a sibling. two words are offered for the preventable death of a loved man.

jesus is four days too late. and jesus?

jesus wept.

and the people who loved lazarus turned to him and said to jesus, “see how much he loved him!”

jesus loved lazarus. and then he let him die.

and some of the people said about jesus “this man healed a blind man. couldn’t he have kept lazarus from dying?”

and then jesus, who knew all along that he would revive lazarus. jesus, who let all those people mourn. jesus, who let those sisters lose their brother. jesus, who let them weep. jesus, who wept with them. that very same jesus said to those who loved lazarus, who mourned him, jesus of nazareth said to them, “didn’t i tell you that you would see god’s glory if you believe?”

and then the stone of lazarus’ tomb was rolled aside. and then jesus looked up to heaven and said, “father, thank you for hearing me. you always hear me, but i said it out loud for the sake of all these people standing here, so that they will believe you sent me.” and then jesus shouted, “lazarus, come out!” and he did.

lazarus the dead man came out, his hands and feet and face wrapped still in burial cloth. and then jesus of nazareth told them, “unwrap him and let him go!”

and then lazarus of bethany became lazarus of the grave. lazarus of the grave that will never be left behind even though he has risen and relinquished. lazarus of the grave who did not make good his escape unscathed. lazarus of the grave who will now check each darkened doorway as death and his sting is keenly felt.

lazarus was a man. a man whose family loved him. a man whose sisters sent for a miracle. a man whose sisters mourned him in the four days it took for that miracle to show up. a man who was made an example for no reason other than being loved by jesus. a thing that we are all told to be. loved by our savior.

lazarus is a man who makes me wonder three things. firstly, if jesus had been there that my brother may not have died. secondly, if jesus of nazareth too weeps for me. and thirdly, if jesus loves us and we in turn love him too like the scriptures command, why does he use us in the lessons he teaches.

why must we be the men he makes believers of?

so lazarus was just a man whose crime was loving jesus. and martha was just a girl whose crime was loving her brother. and they both suffered a miracle because of it.

#cw religion #yeah it’s always time to religious trauma post on main #lazarus was just a man #lazarus was brother #and my brother was a man #and i am a sister #and i too loved jesus as martha and mary did #so why did he get to come back when my brother did not? #i also tend to think of lazarus as dean winchester before i think of him as lazarus from the bible lmao #hence the title of my book being ‘lazarus rises (amongst other things)’ #bc of hit cw show supernatural #and the bible too ig #but mainly supernatural

[im-just-a-ghost5]

Me, reading fanfic about deeply traumatized characters I relate to getting treated with basic human decency, getting their backs blown out and being loved unconditionally by another deeply traumatized character I relate to in a DIFFERENT way : ......mmm.....therapie......

#big sad #fanfic #fanfiction #fiction #fictional characters #trauma #destiel #dean x castiel #dean winchester #castiel #castiel novak #castiel winchester #deancas #ed x stede #edward teach #blackbonnet #blackbeard #stede bonnet #stedward #hannibal nbc #hannigram #hannibal #will graham #these fictional characters are so FUCKED #supernatural tumblr #ofmd #our flag means death #ao3 #ao3 fanfic

[nights-ofren]

Purgatory Dean just hits different

#dean winchester #destiel #castiel #supernatural #deancas #spn #seriously how do you survive the destiel trauma

[angelsdean]

ok no i am gonna think abt it and i am gonna cry abt it. mary jokes, "could you eat that any faster" and dean jokes back "no. no, i could not" and mary has no idea that dean hoards food and dean eats fast bc he spent so much of his childhood food insecure and starving. dean loves fatty, carby food because it's filling. as an adult now dean indulges in food because he can. food is a comfort. but so many of his food habits are so deeply rooted in the food related trauma he suffered as a child. he still eats fast because he still has that muscle memory of starving and finally getting a meal and going "food in front of you now? eat it up!" he goes for seconds and thirds when food is available because you gotta eat up while you can. and whatever he doesn't end up eating? save it, hoard it, even if it goes bad. keep it for emergencies.

#dean studies #tw food insecurity #tw childhood trauma #vic.txt #dean and food

[vendettasfanfictioning]

"Dean didn't love Cas," "It was platonic," fuck off, when Cas died, he handled his loss the exact same way John did when he lost Mary. It's not even subtext, it's in the dialogue. Sam points it out, loud and clear. That's literally what the narrative was conveying.

"He's not just grieving about Cas, he lost Mary too." Yeah, but even when he's hellbent on blaming all of their loss on Jack, even he could see that Mary made her choice.

But to him, Cas didn't. To Dean, Cas was manipulated—deceived by some idea of "paradise," and it's easier to swallow that than to consider that Cas up and left them to protect Lucifer's child.

And you wanna know the cherry on top of all this??? Castiel's paradise consisted of them, together. Happy. Alive. Together. Castiel may have run away with Kelly to fulfill her wish for Jack, (to let him keep his powers where the Winchesters wanted to turn him human), but he only did so for that promise. In the end, he ran away so he could give them this.

(x)

#im so fucking impatient to get this arc over with already #seeing how dean treats jack makes me want to throw hands at him i hate it #(which i guess is the point) #be the change you want to see! break the cycle of generatoonal trauma by not being a shitty dad ahem dean ahem #watching spn #supernatural #spn meta #dean winchester #sam winchester #jack kline #castiel #destiel #deancas #destiel meta #13x04 #13x03 #12x19

[samsrosary]

#please i swear to god dont tag as ship. #sam and lucifer #dean and castiel #angels #sam winchester #dean winchester #cage trauma #lucifer #spn #my art #fanart #supernatural

[drfrankensteinvsthequeerborgs]

kids growing up way too fast both literally (Emma, Amara, Jack) and metaphorically (Sam and Dean, Claire, Krissy) is one of the major themes of SPN, it just keeps coming back, we're swimming in nickels

#dfvq liveblog #dfv queue #dfvq spn #spn11x3 #stay gold ponyboy #parentification #thanks it's the trauma #emma winchester #amara supernatural #jack kline #krissy chambers #claire novak #sam winchester #dean winchester #cw child abuse #cw child abandonment

[alaynestone]

i'm just having a hard time forgiving and forgetting here, you know?

#spnedit #samdeanedit #samdean #''it's not the demon blood or the psychic crap it's the little stuff.. the lies the secrets'' #the way he mocks and belittles dean for his trauma after hounding him to open up about what he went through #it's a wonder dean ever grows to trust him with his vulnerability again #then soulless sam is even worse about all this #so that's an interesting background to keep in mind by the time it's sam's turn to be a mess #supernatural #whatever this is #you left part of yourself back in the pit #s4 #s5 #sympathy for the devil #*

[twomancon]

I always love Dean but I love him the most when he's lashing out and being ugly and recreating his trauma on the other end of the power dynamic <3 I love when he's mean and violent and insensitive. That's when he's at the most babygirl.

#tmc.txt #there is nothing i hate more than a 'trauma makes you kinder and gentler' type narrative. #if there's one thing I can say about spn is that they absolutely never once go down that path with the winchesters. #is dean extremely empathetic? sure. he's also violent and rude and extremely off-putting when he wants to be. and I love him for it. #anyways. as always i wish i never had to read opinions on spn outside of the people i willingly follow 🙃

[shinelikethunder]

dean winchester is "straight" in the sense that that sure is a policy decision he made at some point

#being a tiny bit passive-aggressive about fandom infighting but this is also genuinely my read on the guy and his problems and disorders #all other assumptions flow from here re: attractions / traumas / bizarre lies and loopholes he invents for himself #dean winchester #supernatural

[high-voltage-rat]

man okay so I used to play mechquest and dragonfable back in like, 2008 when I was a kid with very little patience to follow a storyline. coming back as an adult and finishing mechquest has absolutely slapped me silly with how deep and serious the story is in between all the absurdist humour. I have. so many emotions over the whole storyline, and especially so many thoughts about the unique form of tragedy that is The Reset.

You save the world but it's not the world anymore. You and your friends survive but you don't know each other anymore- have nothing left of the lives you fought to keep. You 'save' everything but it's still all gone. Everything you knew and loved, gone, and you don't even know what you've lost. You can't even keep the memory of what you had- and that's almost kinder compared to being one of the 3ish people who DO remember... and have to live around everyone else who doesn't, knowing their closest friends look at them and see a stranger, and that they may as well be because they aren't that person they remember being.

And to top it all off, that terrible sacrifice doesn't even end it. you're still left fighting impossible and devastating wars over and over. It's the tragedy of doomed time loops with extra layers of devastating all over the place. The GEARS University students being forced to become soldiers because they're all that's left to protect their homeworld. The horrors of the Shadowscythe virus taking over friends and loved ones you may be forced to put down to save yourself. The town of Falconreach burning over and over because no matter how hard they fight, it's never enough. The people like Sha'rae who sacrifice themselves to try and prevent tyrrany from seizing power, only for it to be utterly useless.

Anyway the brainrot is severe and especially dangerous since I'm coming into exam season and all my hyperfixated brain wants to do is chew on glass about these games.

#late nights with ali #ali plays ae #<- tentatively establishing this tag For The Future #mechquest #dragonfable #literally forced my roommate to listen to my thoughts on the absurd clashening of humour and tragedy that is cysero last night lmfao #imagine remembering being sys-zero with all the trauma that brings but being confined in your new self by the laws of comedy #so you can never truly acknowledge it and you have to spend your days around the people you were closest to- #(minus odessa who's just. completely absent)- and never FEEL it in any meaningful way. because you're cysero now and cysero is a comedy. #also like dude is roommates with warlic. formerly the dean of GEARS and a leader figure to him. but now he's just. some guy. #what must that be like??? pretty messed up for certain!!! #anyway I'm supposed to be finishing my final biophysics assignment and all I can think about is this #so I'm taking breaks between questions to make a playlist that I may post alongside the art I did of my MQ hero at some point #pls pray for me and my grades

[that-gutter-girl]

The Winchester family

#supernatural fanart #spn fanart #spn #sam winchester #dean winchester #supernatural #spn art #sam and dean #john winchester #winchester family #sam winchester fanart #dean winchester fanart #John Winchester fanart #sad spn fanart #Sam and Dean have childhood trauma

[angelsdean]

god the offhanded mention of the violation dean knows hell to be from first hand-experience is really...big oof. once again society IF dean ever got to have proper hell trauma arc. it hurts so much knowing he dealt with all that pain and torment alone

this bit is also interesting seeing soulless sam just ready to hand the guy over to crowley with very little evidence, while dean is like, "no we gotta make sure," debunking the fanon misconceptions that dean is a trigger-happy indiscriminate killer who acts first and thinks later. dean here is the moral compass. and dean is often the one to say "wait hold up lets think abt this / make a plan" while sam is often the one acting impulsively.

#spn 6x08 #hell trauma #monster ethics #dean studies #sam studies #dean and hell