#dean's ever stayed at

[torturedpoetemotions]

The way people hate on the Mary arc of later seasons like "why did Dean have to lose his image of his mom" that was the POINT. Like??? That image he had of his mom was never real! Nobody is that perfect, least of all a traumatized hunter kid who was orphaned at 19 and made a desperate deal to save at least ONE person she lost so she wouldn't be completely alone in the world. The Mary Dean knew and idolized was a fiction cobbled together from grief and a four-year-old's hazy memories. She wasn't real!

And the loss of her is where it all started. All Dean's trauma. All of his hangups and issues and fears began the night Mary died. And to some extent I don't think healing was possible until he fully grappled with the fact that his mom was just a PERSON. Not a saint on a pedestal he should worship and sacrifice everything for and could never live up to.

Like!!! Sooooo many of Dean's Issues started with her death and the way John turned her into a martyred saint to justify his actions. Dean was mourning for a woman who didn't even exist and an idea of a perfect life he never would have had! His "perfect mom?" Their "perfect family?" Never. Existed. That's literally the point. He was never going to be able to love any life he could have if he was always comparing it to some impossible idea of perfection that was never even possible.

Sorry but Amara was right, he needed that false idol to be shattered.

#supernatural #dean winchester #mary winchester #mothermartyrsaint #dead mom trope #dean studies #best damn thing the show ever did and people would really rather mary stayed dead and sainted #like if that doesn't fully sum up the spn fandom's overall issue with women i don't know WHAT does

[cursedconstellation]

I just had the absolutely diabolical thought-

After Cas died the last time, Dean just shut down. He wouldn't let Sam speak of him, he wouldn't let himself think of him, if he saw a man in a familiar trenchcoat, he'd just turn away. Any of Cas' belongings made it to an old shoe-box, stashed away so well it could only gather dust, intentionally forgotten. As far as Dean Winchester was concerned, Cas might have not existed at all.

Sam, of course, wouldn't leave it alone. Every once in a while he'd mention the angel fleetingly, only to be ignored. He tried being forward, cornering Dean and begging him to at least acknowledge a part of their life was missing. He tried being careful and gentle in his approach, trying to spot a hint of vulnerability in Dean, that momentary, blink-and-you-miss-it look in his eye when he'd hear his name. He tried to be casual, off-handedly say something to catch him off guard.

"Oh, I think this was Cas' favourite mug," off to the shoebox it went.

"Cas really liked this song," and coincidentally, he'd never hear it again.

"Cas would've loved that," and whatever 'that' was would never be mentioned again.

No matter what he said, as soon as Cas' name was uttered, Dean suddenly could not hear it. Even when it was left unspoken, as soon as it became clear who 'he' that Sam incessantly talked about was, it fell on deaf ears.

Months went by, and Sam would not give up, he'd never give up. However his attempts would become more sparse and he'd go weeks without even trying to say anything alluding to Cas. In fact, at a certain point, although he could not remember exactly when, he actively avoided the topic, just as Dean did. Some days he was too tired to confront the reality of his brother being severely unwell, and played into it, just to give himself a couple of days of false normalcy. Because Dean was 'fine'. He said so every time Sam dared to ask. So, some days Sam allowed everything to be just 'fine'.

It was one of those streaks, then. They'd have breakfast together and make a small talk, about anything and everything - as long as Cas wasn't mentioned. Dean would make a bad joke, and Sam would roll his eyes. They fell back into decades long routine, only occasionally broken by Sam, who would always end up coming back to the topic of the angel. He'd always try and catch Dean off-guard, even though he knew the outcome by heart by then. Dean would simply look away, the same, dark look over his eyes, and while he'd stand still, the same as before Sam said anything, he seemed miles away.

That day Sam didn't plan on saying anything. In fact, he himself forgot about it, caught in Dean's denial. It was truly easier that way, to just take Dean at face value, to ignore the fact everything he said, did, or perhaps even thought was a facade. The day itself wasn't remarkable in any way, either. It was as if the entire world adjusted to ignore the fact Cas ever existed in it.

They had their usual banter over breakfast, only to split up after finishing - Sam hid away with his laptop in hands, Dean would leave to work on Baby. In fact he worked on her so much, Sam wasn't sure there was anything left to improve. He never doubted that was in fact what Dean was doing, as he'd always hear banging and scraping of metal even through the walls. It was like that then, too. There was clanking, and music, and occasional roars of the engine. Yet-

At one point it stopped.

Sam only noticed it after a couple of minutes - the music still played, echoing through the bunker, but there was no other sound accompanying it. There was no delicate vibrations from tools being tossed onto the floor.

Perhaps it was his hunter instincts kicking in, or perhaps simple paranoia, but there was something unsettling about that silence.

Sam carefully put his computer away and followed the music up the stairs, listening in closely for any sound of distress, or even any sound at all, but Led Zeppelin blaring from the speaker drowned everything out. Once he reached the garage and the music barely sounded like any melody at all, with mild annoyance, he turned it off, for a moment relishing in the sudden silence.

Except- he heard heavy breathing, as if someone was gasping for air despite being locked in a place deprived of oxygen. It was loud, it was panicked, it was-

It was Dean. Dean, sitting with his back against the wall, knees pulled to his chest, tears streaming down his pale, clammy face. Before Sam could even move, Dean looked up at him, eyes wide and glistening, and he looked so terrified and helpless, for a moment it felt like he was just a scared kid, who saw something in the darkest corner of his room.

Between heavy, disorganised breaths, he managed to pant out,

"My ears keep ringing, and it sounds just like him."

#destiel #fanfiction #supernatural #spn #dean winchester #castiel #spn finale #im sorry #or youre welcome #depending on whether youre a masochist like yours truly #*casually drops the first fanfic adjacent post publically. be cool. stay cool. its fine.* #i dont know if its the greatest thing i ever wrote or absolute shit #art is subjective ig #i know this ship has sinked and drowned everyone in it but if i had to think about it so do you

[t00muchheart]

Dean Winchester stood in front of a fire and watched a monster burn while accepting that he would never have a normal life and also got left at a boy’s home by his father for two months after he got caught stealing food to take carrots of his little brother, in that time getting to experience a normal life where he was on the wrestling team and had a girlfriend he wanted to take to the school dance and BOTH OF THOSE THINGS HAPPENED IN THE SAME 12 MONTHS

#what order did they happen in #idk which is worse #dean embracing the life only to get abandoned by john and get a taste of the normalcy he thought he couldn’t have #just enough to make him want to stay #or dean letting go of the normal life he’d experienced for a bit because he had to take care of sam #and then embracing it because he’s giving up on ever having it again #just knowing these happened max like 10 months apart #you can’t read what he says to gordon in bloodlust as positive or enthusiastic about hunting #spn #supernatural #dean winchester #spn meta #dean studies #dean winchester character study #dean winchester meta #dean meta #supernatural dean

[opheliasam]

this fic is sooo incredibly insanity-inducing… love it so much haven’t been able to get it out of my mind since i first read it

#fic is swallowed a bad thing by hathfrozen #just one of those fics that stay with you … GOD #the last line actually makes me feel straight up psychotic it’s SOOO good hathfrozen gets them SO right #and this is early seasons as well and their voices their characters feel sooo real #like it could very well be an episode hathfrozen writes them so well i feel like a fly on the wall fr #you ain’t ever running off like that made my stomach jump insane fic for insane people #spn #sam winchester #samdean #dean winchester #fic #in the top five samdean fics for me

[youchangedmedestiel]

I don't really know what's going on with Cockles, we probably never will and good for them, whatever.

But what I love to think about when I think about them is that Misha came on set that first day of shooting episode 4x01 and he turned Jensen's world upside down then he became the funniest thing that ever happened to Jensen.

And I think it's just really cute.

#cockles #jenmish #jensen ackles #misha collins #he came on that set #just to shoot for 3 episodes #and stayed for 12 years #and they are still friends #at the very least #and he is the funniest thing that ever happened to jensen #you know maybe dean changed cas #but I think #misha changed jensen #cockles makes me smile goofily

[roxyandelsewhere]

Angels’ trueforms in their most memorableimagined moments [22/?] - Cas and Dean having sex for the first time

inprnt | society6 | redbubble | ko-fi

#MY LONGEST YEAH BOI EVER!! yall knew i'd make this one eventually. i simply had to #spn #spnart #spn art #trueforms #mine.caro #this one has a whole backstory bc listen. i started this one A YEAR AGO #tl;dr i was making it in the living room when my grandma had an accident. went to the hospital. and then moved in with us #and after that the art supplies for collages just sorta stayed in the living room and i hadn't touched them since until like 2 weeks ago #when i decided Okay. it's been A YEAR. that's enough. i need to finish this #the original plan was gonna be a 3 parter with a whole story of HOW they got to that point and everything #but it's been a year. i figured i'd finish this. post it. and maybe someday do that 3 parter bc it's a whole other thing #that was gonna involve a nephil and everything but i haven't figured out how to draw those. i will when i draw jack :) #anyways this one has weirdly less to explain bc the dean part isn't me doing human souls yet. this is about cas above all #so it's more like. dean as he is physically/metaphysically/wtv in relation to cas and all his dimensions #so i went with a collage to do that relation. angel trueform vs a smattering of earthly human things #a mess of body parts above all but not only that. i was gonna include more Violence Imagery but i didn't have a lot of cutouts for that #the trueform itself doesn't have much that's unique. i basically got the leviathans-bloody valentine trueforms and melded them #bc the original idea was gonna be set around s6 and it includes a lot of the same overall vibes and feelings of those moments #and i pictured that fusion with that big central. yes. eyemouthvagina:tm: opening up. the physical effect of that in the patterns #the black hole/eye in the middle same logic. the usual yonic touch bc it's me and who's gonna stop me i guess #and the collage choices speak for themselves i think? or at least i can't phrase them better than what's already there #so now here it FINALLY is and i'm gonna put it up on the stores. hope yall like this one #oh and. the hand cutouts in cas are dean grabbing him and the drawn hands in dean are cas grabbing him #hope that was clear without the explanation tho sdkjfg

[officialmisha]

this haunts me

#I KNOW THIS IS NOT THE SAME TIE but the callback to castiel's iconic tie here... i refuse to believe it was an accident. #i also don't think it was deliberate choice from production - if anything i believe that maybe jensen unhinged deangirl ackles chose this #my watsonian explanaion for this is when cas died in 12x23 and dean buried him he took his tie off and kept it and hid it in his closet #at first he couldn't even look at it because it was too painful but then cas came backa and all was good again so the tie just stayed in #one of dean's drawers kind of forgotten. and then after cas is taken away in 15x18 and dean is back in the depression pit he finds it #and chooses to wear it on his last hunt ever. i don't even know. i am feeling very bad today #spn finale #destiel #spn 15x20 #spn 12x23 #dean #cas

[jinkieswouldyoulookatthis]

Rolling - Chapter 6

[gif by 67chevy-imagine]

Just a hunt fic with lots of weirdly close brother moments. Dean’s got issues, y'all.

Words: 716

Relationship:  Just the brothers being weirdly close, no smut but this is pushing right up against wincest and implies they've had incestuous thoughts about each other.

Warnings: Angst.

Read it on AO3

Read from the beginning here

Dean looked at the menu Sam had handed to him. “Dude, it’s almost dawn, I don’t think the pizza place opens for, like, twelve hours.” 

Sam sat back down on his bed. “Yeah, I kinda forgot about the time. But it’s the thought that counts?” 

Dean gave a little laugh. It wasn’t much of a smile, but Sam still considered it a win. 

“You wanna keep talking, or should we watch a movie or something?”  

“Movie.” Dean said quickly.

Sam tossed him the remote and sat back against the headboard, stretching his legs out. Dean mirrored him on the other bed. 

Pre-dawn was not a high ratings time slot, clearly, and they’d finally settled on Breakin’ 2 - Electric Boogaloo because neither of them were in the mood for QVC and Dean nixed the documentary about SETI. He said that the narrator’s voice made him want to punch things. 

It was maybe an hour later and without looking away from the screen, Dean said without preamble, “We’re really both that screwed up, huh?” 

Sam glanced at him for a second before looking down at his hands and then back at the tv. He didn’t know what to say so he just nodded his head. 

“Man, if Dad knew how bad he messed us up, he’d kick his own ass.” 

“Yeah,” Sam smiled ruefully at that. “But I don’t know how much of it’s his fault. I mean, we had an insane childhood but he did the best he could, which, yeah, could have been a lot better, you know? But, there’s the whole soulmate thing which is… weird? Is it weird?” He turned and looked at Dean.

“Doesn’t seem normal.” 

“Yeah. Yeah, that’s what I thought too.” They were both quiet for a while before Sam said, “But it doesn’t feel wrong.”

Neither of them said anything for an entire commercial break. Finally, Sam continued. “I just, I don’t think it needs to be this big thing, you know, doesn’t really change anything, but I, I think it’s important.” 

Dean looked at him. 

Sam pressed on, “It goes back to what I keep saying, I’m not going anywhere. I know that now because, well, because there isn’t anywhere else I would rather be. This…” he waved his hand between them in a way that took in the whole room, “... fits.”

Dean looked down, Sam couldn’t quite make out his expression.

“You know all those times I said that I don’t swing that way?” 

“Yeeeeeaaaaah?” Where the hell was he going with this, Sam thought. 

“I was serious, man. You’re not my type.” 

Sam laughed and nodded. “Bullshit.” 

“Hey, I’m not the one who almost married a girl who looked a lot like…” 

“What about Lisa?” 

“... and who had the same birthday as my brother!” 

“Okay, yeah, that was a strange coincidence.” 

“And please don’t tell me any more details about Ruby.” Dean gave an exaggerated shudder. 

Sam laughed. “Fair enough. So? Are we good?” 

“I think we’re colossally fucked up. But, we’re fucked up in the same way, so that’s okay. Right?”

“Right.” After a long pause, Sam added, “I’m still sleeping in your bed tonight.”

Dean nodded and then sighed. “You’re like an octopus when you sleep, always have been. But now you’re a big, sweaty, hot octopus.”

“You think I’m hot?” Sam deadpanned.

Dean stared at him, Sam could see the big brother urge to murder in his eyes. He didn’t see Dean's arm move, the pillow came at him too fast. Sam barely managed to bat it away as his face cracked into a wide grin. 

They didn’t know what finally did it, figured it was just getting it all out into the open between them, but something had changed for the better. They shared a bed for almost another month before they realized that Dean’s nightmares had stopped. And though neither of them ever admitted it, they both felt a little weird in separate beds again, at least for a few nights. But then it was just like it always had been. They had their ups and downs, they fought and got over it, they made an ongoing series of stupid decisions that almost ended the world several times, but through it all, they had each other, whether they wanted it or not.

#gencest #wincest #wincest fic #gencest fic #dean winchester #sam winchester #this has turned out to be the longest fic I've ever written #for what I had thought was just a one shot to help me get back into the flow of writing it really had some staying power #y'all I had no idea where this was going but I think it turned out pretty good considering #and I manage to bump right up against the line of wincest without actually crossing it which had been my original intent so yay me

[quietwingsinthesky]

what if Dean killed Charlie himself for helping Sam with the book of the damned instead of immediately telling Dean what was happening. what if he still told Sam it was his fault for putting Charlie in harm’s way (in this scenario, anywhere near Dean with the mark on him, despite her and Sam trying to remove said mark?) what if Dean had actually killed someone important to him who trusted him and loved him?

#he should literally also have just killed Cas as well and god should have brought Cas back. again. #that’s his favorite doll right there he can’t stay dead <3 Dean Winchester would be too sad about it #anyway. Sam mopping up the blood in the library scene but it’s not the Stynes #it’s Charlie’s blood and Charlie’s body and he’s cleaning up the mess and Dean tells him at her funeral that it should be Sam burning #and Sam gets to blame himself for it <3 #come on fellas if we have to fridge Charlie let’s at least give it some stakes #Dean already broke her shadow self’s arm and nearly killed her despite knowing he’d be killing the good Charlie too. what if he lost #control again. she went behind his back. Dean doesn’t react well to betrayal. and she’s Charlie! she’s supposed to be Good and Perfect! #she’s supposed to be like a little sister to him! and if dean were in his right mind he might deal with this okay #(like say. how he forgives Benny in that deleted scene for breaking and drinking from someone. when he sees Benny as a man and not the ideal #of a person who won’t ever mess up or betray him.) #but Dean is not in his right mind. and Charlie is the key to cracking the book. and he can’t let the book be cracked. #and she only came to him because she felt guilty. maybe something Rowena said dug too deep under her skin. and he’s dean! he’s still dean! #and she forgave him. (she couldn’t stay in that bunker another minute around him.) but she forgave him! he has to understand how important #it is to save him! just like he saved Sam! and Dean stands up. and you know. if this was really the show I’d still say we don’t get to see #what happens. we just get Sam mopping up the blood afterwards. that’s all. #I’m just saying. if she had to die. make it count. #spn #charlie bradbury #dean winchester

[humandisorderincarnatedean]

sometimes i wish dean would’ve been allowed to be angry at sam for more than one episode…

#not really thinking of anything specific except that like sam gets to be angry at dean in s9 gets to be hurtful at times even #and i remember the beginning of s5 where dean being upset with sam ended with sam telling dean off and shifting the blame #dean was allowed to be angry at cas in s15 but even that had to end with dean begging and crying. on his knees. #no one ever made sam or cas apologise for being mad. you know? #maybe if dean was allowed by the narrative to stay angry at someone. and not in a way where #a few episodes later he gets told to just stow his crap and that his anger isn’t important. you know? #.txt

[drfrankensteinvsthequeerborgs]

“Don’t you go disappearing on me, you son of a bitch.”

DEAN. WINCHESTER. THESIS. STATEMENT.

#dfvq liveblog #dfv queue #dfvq spn #spn4x16 #dean studies #dean winchester #profound bond #castiel winchester #quotes #cw abandonment #all he's ever wanted is for someone to stay #y yo a tí cas #john winchester’s a+ parenting #sam is dean’s son who’s john

[filthyjanuary]

these people are actually on crack cocaine

#someone in the tags like 'it's because he's sam's parent and you can never know your parents' please shut the fuck UPPPP #i need hellers to stop talking about sam #like you dont get him and i need you to stay away from him #like the winchesters are not in any capacity normal siblings (<- am writing a 20 page essay about this) HOWEVER #i can tell none of you have ever been a sibling #ESPECIALLY NOT AN OLDER SIBLING LMAO? #girl i prommy my mom QUITE LITERALLY saying i need to be a second mother to my brother DID NOT ACTUALLY MAKE ME THAT #it's normal to uh care for your younger siblings #and sam doesn't push BECAUSE he knows dean that well and knows he's full of shit please be serious #spn

[hitmeupaep]

dean 10000% has confessed his love to cas in the shower

#the first day they get into the bunker and dean can fianlly get a nice and warm shower #his shoulders relax and the water feels warm agonist his skin #and he sways there for a moment and before he realizes it his mind drifts to cas #and that thought leads elsewhere #and it ends with him on the floor of the shower #water turned cold #sobbing #johns words still sting all these years later and the heat just reminds him of that #“why did it have to be cas” he cries into his knees knowing more than anything he has ever known that he wouldn’t have it be anyone else #“i love you so much it hurts” #“i wish you would want me. i wish i could have you” #he stays there #dreaming of some world where cas appears in front of him #hearing his confession turned prayer and holds him close #but the water turns off and there is no angel to be found #guess that dream will have to wait #sorry just rambling about them #like the thought of dean writing down all his feelings for cas one drunk night and just burning it or something #idk idk #destiel #dean winchester

[youchangedmedestiel]

Funny how the first time Castiel is mentioned in the show it's during an episode (3x06) with a ghost SHIP.

Some great accidental foreshadowing as per usual. Accidental for sure this time, because how could they have predicted what was going to happen with this ship?

#destiel #deancas #castiel #dean winchester #spn 3x06 #Red Sky at Morning #accidental foreshadowing #accidents don't just happen accidentally #but except this time at least #because no one could have predicted the insanity of this ship #no one could have predicted that castiel would come #and would stay for years #and would become dean's love interest #no one could have predicted that he would fall from grace #no one could have predicted that he would care about the whole world because of dean #no one could have predicted the amount of fanfic about these two idiots in love #NO ONE #the greatest love story ever told #I could keep going #but the amount of tags is limited so #my random thoughts about destiel

[bloodyfinalgirl]

I can respect destiel but only when dean is a Total Freak about it as he obviously would be. Dean developing feelings for cas would put him on the verge of a mental breakdown and actually getting into a relationship with him would somehow only make him worse. Anyone writing fic about them being cute and wholesome and like. Raising a baby jack together Does Not understand them. Dean having a sexuality crisis asks sam weird indirect and vaguely homophobic questions that in his mind are about being queer ("So you like salad right sammy? That's like a, like a kind of girly...so how did you know you liked salad?" "What are you talking about?" "NOTHING FORGET IT"). Both pre- and post getting together dean is constantly staring at cas like 👁👁. He once tried to teach cas about the impala and cas did not care at all but even just the sight of cas halfheartedly limp wristing over the hood made him rock hard and he had to desperately try to hide it bc to him that was exactly like Megan fox in transformers. He fantasizes about retreating with cas to the depths of Appalachia and never reentering society. They don't even have a cabin or anything they just live outside off the land and dean of course is the hunter and cas is the gatherer. Sam is also there.

#sorry besties this is the only destiel post i will ever right i just do think its funny how dean would be such a total nutcase about it #and i would respect the hellers more if they embraced that #im still a hater and an anti dw #also its not like dean would get less insane about sam if he dated cas #dean would want sam to come and stay down the hall on their honeymoon and hang out w them during the day #ig im tagging this?? #destiel

[esmeralda-juniper]

sneaking

#love the flowers in this mod #this game is no longer a game its a photo shoot with mira #waaah she can't have the long hair she has bc then her hat clips through it #oh and deacon def gets her into wearing sunglasses but they should be heart shaped tbh #i will never know peace bc i don't ever think mira looks like she should but oh well #oc: mira dean #otp: stay for all we know is lost #<- what the hell ill put this in their tag