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maldaptivedaydreamer · 7 years

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What Now?

DEANxFem!ReaderXZico

Genre: Angst

Word Count:3416

Description: You and dean have been together for several years. He met you through a friend of his sometime after his career took off. You knew what his career would entail but you did’t know how cold he would become after it. What happens when you guys get in a fight and you both say things you probably shouldn’t? What will you do and where will you go? Read to find out.

Inspired by: What Now By: Rihanna

“I live my life like this Tell me how could I miss Giving you everything you deserve You know I be doin' the most While you be back at home I promise baby it could be worse I'm out here gettin' my money Everyday sunny Steez on flame I know, I know Telling my chauffeur "Hurry up and wait" Too too, he be like Too too, time to hit that road Zoom, you on your solo While I'm takin' photos to post Whoo, I know you feel crazy now”

The same lyrics I once sung along with, flowing from his mouth so easily, were now nothing more than an annoyance. He was on stage and I was at home watching from a video stream as usual. They were true though, every ounce of the words he sang, they were true. They stuck in my head and down my spine like darts.

Yea I feel crazy. I feel insane sitting here doing laundry knowing very well when you come home you are just gonna throw your dirty clothes on the floor. I feel crazy when I make you your favorite food and you throw it away or give it to your buddies. When you look at other girls when you are out with me. Blowing me off even in your free time to “work”. For the fact that I still love you.

Girl, I forgot about missin' you Said, I forgot about missin' you I've been too busy out gettin' my yaper I ain't got time to be thinkin' bout you I've been on your mind, true Twenty racks on my wrist Still I ain't got time for you Home girls lookin' at me like "What's up, what's up? What's good, what's good Where you at right now? How long will you be on my side of town?"

I turned off the video unable to deal with it anymore. He wasn’t as bad before. We had hiccups in the beginning like any couple, but sometime after 2 years, he started to just let me go. No more dates, no more cuddling in bed. When I dressed up for him, all I earned was a sidelong glance and an eye roll. When we went out together he wouldn’t show even the smallest amount of skin-ship. Always opting to pay attention to anyone or anything else. He didn’t even care if another man or woman hit on me. It was absurd at this point. I was long past feeling pity for myself. I was fed up and I wasn’t going to hide it tonight.

*Ding* Dean’s Manager: Y/N Dean will be late getting home tonight. Traffic is tight and ‘The Guys’, as he calls it, showed up. Talked on for ages. Looks like they are going to meet up somewhere. You know the deal. Sorry yet again. -x

He hasn’t been home in 6 days and he decides to go out more?! No that’s it! I am so done! You wanna make me feel crazy I’ll show you crazy! You aren’t even on tour!!

Not even bothering to change, I stormed out of the house in my white tank, leggings, and high tops. It was chilly so I at least grabbed a Letterman jacket. I started up my motorcycle and threw on my helmet, taking off into the night, zooming through the city streets. I had a strong idea of where he would be and headed straight for the club downtown. I cut off a few cars and was nearly hit once or twice but I didn’t care; I was on a mission. By the time I reached the club my rage was full blown. I’ve had to come here several times before because of him. Be it for him not coming home on time or some skeezy girl sending me a pic of her and him on his phone. So when the bouncer saw me coming up he only shook his head and opened the door for me. People all throughout Dean’s social life knew about what he was doing to me. It was well known, just not to the media. He was just a kind and seriously talented young artist to them. But we all knew better.

I pushed past the crowds of people and past the bar. Turning down the dark red and purple hallway that led to the private rooms. I was just about to open the door to room 21 (his preferred room) when a familiar face opened it before I could. In front of me stood Zico. At first he was a bit surprised but soon an all-knowing look replaced that.

“I guess I should send him out right?” he asked scratching his neck.

“Either you do or I’ll get him myself; you take your pick.”

“Alright one sec”, and with that he turned around shutting the door. I heard the laughter die down and a few shrill voices make snide remarks. I didn’t care though. I leaned my back against the opposite wall waiting for him. It didn’t take much longer either thankfully. The door opened to reveal him laughing at something someone had said before he quickly shut it and looked up at me with a blank face. He said nothing, only a quirked an eyebrow and crossed his arms, leaning against the door to mirror my pose. I scoffed.

“So you’re not gonna say anything to your loving girlfriend whom you haven’t seen, texted, or even called in nearly a week?”

“I was busy”

“Right. Like always. You know I almost feel like I’m dating your manager with how much I talk to him compared to you.” At that he shifted uncomfortably but I persisted.

“Ya know normally I would just act as I always have and ignored this. But for a year, A YEAR, I have been dealing with this. You EMAILED ME TO PICK UP YOUR DRY CLEANING ON OUR ANNIVERSARY FOR CRYING OUT LOUD AND YOU CAN’T EVEN TEXT ME YOURSELF WHEN YOU ARE GONNA BE HOME LATE?! AM I SOME HOUSE MAID TO YOU?”

My throat was already beginning to get raw but I was only beginning. But he smirked at me. HE FUCKING SMIRKED! Even worse was, despite the smell of alcohol, his gaze was steady and even. He stood up from the door and leaned over me parting his lips into a vicious smile.

“Ha! A maid would be above you. At least they get paid. I know you expect me to feel bad here but honestly you did this to yourself. I mean what did you expect? I’m out here living the dream! Making something of myself! I don’t have time to worry about you all the damn time. You told me to focus on my dream and you understood. You said you could handle this but obviously you can’t handle anything! Hell you wouldn’t be anything without me would you? All you do is follow me around all the time. You’re not special. You’re just another girl in the crowd. Do you even try?”

“Do I even try? DO I EVEN TRY? ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME? All I fucking do is try for you, you ungrateful shit stick! I cook, I clean, I dress up, and a bite my tongue. I run back and forth thinking about you all the goddamn time and you want to ask me if I even try? NO fuck you! Now you listen to me here Kwon Hyuk. I was going to hear you out tonight. Let you rattle off another half assed excuse and take it for what it was because I LOVED you.”, He flinched, “But I am not going to accept this level of disrespect and abuse. You want to live your dream in peace? Here! Fucking have your peace then! Don’t come back to the fucking apartment! I live off you? I feed off you? I bought the fucking place. I pampered you in every which way I could manage so I am SO FUCKING SORRY IT WASN’T ENOUGH!”

“FINE! GO THEN! I DON’T NEED YOU AND I NEVER HAVE! THERE ARE PLENTY OF OTHER GIRLS WAITING IN LINE TO BE WITH ME AND THEY ARE SO MUCH MORE THAN YOU COULD EVER BE!”

At this point we were in each others faces, dangerously close, feeling each other’s hot breath and cold stares. I could see his fists clenched at his sides as he slowly began popping his knuckles in frustration. He had kept his volume even and relatively low (until the last bit) but I made sure everyone in the room behind him heard me.

Let them think I’m crazy. Let them cover his tracks for him. Let them get tossed to the side like everyone else he uses like this I don’t fucking care anymore.

“Ya know Y/N You’ve really changed”, he said through gritted teeth with narrowed eyes. “You haven’t seen anything yet.”

~1 year later~

“Hello Y/L/N Y/F/N? I am calling to inform you that your audition was a success. We at SM Entertainment are happy to welcome you aboard and would like to get started working with you immediately. Can you come in today? We would like to get you adjusted and have a briefing. Training will begin tomorrow at 6am so dress accordingly. Thank you again for auditioning. We look forward to hearing back from you.” *Beeeep*

I had already called back hours ago but was listening to the voice mail again in shock. Pacing around the living room waiting for my friend to come over to celebrate. I had been running errands all day so I didn’t get the call until 20 min after the voicemail had been left. I was so scared they would be mad but they were actually very understanding to my surprise. My grocery bags laid stacked by the door still as I hadn’t even begun to even think of putting them away after I initially played my answering machine. So to say I was startled when a pair of hands gently grabbed me by my shoulders would be a vast understatement.

“OOWAAHHH~!! Oh omo It’s only you thank goodness.”

“Only me? Pshh yea only your bestest friend in the world Zico. Ya know little lady you have quite the privilege to say things like that. Most Idols can’t even call me their best friend.”, he said smirking then bending down to pick up my grocery bags. “Why are you pacing so much anyways? Aren’t you excited? You can finally be almost as dope as me.”

I shoved him lightly, chuckling a bit and shaking my head. Ever since that night when me and Dean fought, Zico has been by my side like glue. He had felt bad, as if it was his fault purely for even introducing me and him to each other. We had been friends for only a month at that time and met up at a club to hang out. But now, after everything had passed, he turned out to be my closest and most trustworthy friend. Though sometimes when we were alone he would say things that upon first glance would seem harmless. But they would never fail to bring an uneasiness to my stomach and make my heart race. I guess somewhere along the way I began to all for him.

“Now you know darn well I am far more dope than you Zi. I mean you can’t compare to my good looks”, I said with a hair flip and a wink. He just laughed with a bright eye closed smile while putting my groceries away; stealing a few grapes too.

“Yea you certainly got me beat there. You’re too beautiful for me to compete with.”

We both nervously laughed with a blush evident on our faces. We did things like this a lot now but neither of us said anything about it. We spent the whole night laughing and talking before settling to watch a movie. I fell asleep about halfway through though and woke up curled into his side with his arm protectively around me. Normally I would’ve been stricken with embarrassment, as red as a tomato, but I was too tired and comfortable to fully process the situation. When I next woke I was wrapped in a blanket with a note next to me

. “Sorry Y/N for skipping out like this. I had to get to the studio to work on some new stuff. You looked to cute asleep in my arms so I couldn’t possibly wake you. I left a coffee for you on the counter though. Don’t be late to your first day! Knock’em dead! Fighting! -Zi” I smiled with a long forgotten feeling bubbling in my chest. Zico was always doing little things to make me smile and surprise me. I grabbed the coffee, sipping it while it still was warm, and got ready to head out for the day. After a few months I had already begun working on a demo album. Zi and I finally talked about our friendship and each other and begun dating. Tonight we were going out to celebrate. Nothing too serious though, just a walk through the city at night with delicious street food and lots of jokes. The stars were bright over head and I was the happiest I had been in a while. That is until I bumped into the last person I’d ever want to see.

“Oh I am so so sorry sir! Are you-” “Y/N?”

“Uh-..”, I slowly lifted my bowed head and peered into the unmistakable dark eyes that once looked at me with tenderness and love; now holding nothing more than emptiness. Zi pulled me into his side protectively while watching his “friend” closely. It was common news that me and Zi were close but no one knew yet that we were dating. But Dean was far too smart for that and new immediately upon looking at us.

“Ah so you are Idol hopping now eh? Heh can’t go very long without clinging to someone can you now Y/N”, he laughed but it was drained. He looked behind him as a small girl came running up to him. She smiled innocently at us, and I felt bad for her, knowing she knew nothing of how he was with women.

“I’m sorry. You’re Dean right? Wow! Never thought I’d meet you! Well good bye!”, I said quickly. He didn’t deserve my time, and I wasn’t going to sour Zi’s or that girl’s night because Kwon was immature. I turned and left him, along with any pain or regret, behind me. I worked my ass off for years, exercising, taking singing and dance lessons. We released my first solo EP and I even did a few songs with Idols like Baekhyun, J-min, and of course my best friend Zico. Before I knew it I was nominated for Rookie Of The Year and was going up to perform my most popular cover so far. Zi would of course be in the crowd cheering me on along with the rest of the competing idols in the industry. I had made many friends along my way, including members of TWICE and Sistar. My closest female friend so far now though was Jessica. We’ve known eachother for 2 ½ years now and she has really encouraged and inspired me up until this very moment.

The lights dim, the crowd hushes, and I make my way to center stage in secret. Im dressed in a midnight blue high-low dress with my hair curled loosely. All I see when the lights go up is silver twinkling around me. I take a deep breath, letting my body role with the music around me, and I let myself become lost in the emotion.

I been ignoring this big lump in my throat I shouldn't be crying, tears were for the weak The days I'm stronger, know what, so I say That's something missing Whatever it is, it feels like it's laughing at me through the gla** of a two-sided mirror Whatever it is, it's just sitting there laughing at me And I just wanna scream

“Dean! I missed you so much! I made your favorite dinner! “Mhm thats nice” “Dean do you wanna go out tonight? We haven’t been out in months and i wa-” “Not now Y/N! Can’t you see I am busy?”

What now? I just can't figure it out What now? I guess I'll just wait it out What now? Ohhhh what now? I found the one he changed my life But was it me that changed And he just happened to come at the right time I'm supposed to be in love But I'm not mugging

“Hey Y/N you haven’t talked to anyone in a few weeks, are you ok?” “Yea Zi I’ll be fine I just need some time” “Does time include me coming over with your favorite movie and treat?”

Whatever it is, it feels like it's laughing at me through the gla** of a two-sided mirror Whatever it is, it's just sitting there laughing at me And I just wanna scream

I locked eyes with Dean in this moment. But I continued on strong, never hesitating. I let my eyes and voice carry my story along each note. I poured out all that I had held in for so long.

There's no one to call cause I'm just playing games with them all The more I swear I'm happy, the more that I'm feeling alone 'Cause I spent every hour just going through the motions I cant even get the emotions to come out Dry as a bone, but I just wanna shout What now? I just can't figure it out What now? I guess I'll just wait it out What now? Somebody tell me What now? I don't know where to go I don't know what to feel I don't know how to cry I don't know ow ow why I don't know where to go I don't know what to feel I don't know how to cry I don't know ow ow why I don't know where to go I don't know what to feel I don't know how to cry I don't know ow ow why So what now?

I finished up my performance and switched to one of my more upbeat originals. It was actually a song about love and friendship and I danced along the stage with all the energy I could manage. I even ripped of the train of the dress that trailed behind me in a dramatic flourish. In this moment I was like a phoenix. In this moment I was strong and reborn. I had come so far and I wasn’t about to stop. I passed Dean after my performance. He was on his way up to announce the next set of awards but he stopped in front of me and opened his mouth to say something to me first.

“You really were something out there Y/N.”, he said with a wry smile but then turned to glare, “does everything you do have to be about me?”

If I wasn’t feeling so bold my mouth would’ve dropped. Instead I straightened my back, folded my arms, and looked him dead in the eye.

“You know Dean I get the feeling you are threatened by me. You said before I would never be anything without you and yet here I am proving you wrong. Nothing is about you anymore and you can’t stand it can you? Now you see how much better off I am without you. How talented and truly amazing I am. And how cowardly you really are.”

“You make it out like I was really that bad to you. This is what it’s like when you are famous. You’ll see Y/N”

“No I won’t. Because I am not you. And I will never do what you did to me to Zi. He loves me and I love him and we go miles for each other. And you run from girl to girl, never satisfied, and always lonely. You said you forgot about missing me? Said you didn’t have time to think about me. Even though you knew all I thought about was you? Well Kwon I have one final question for you.”, I shifted on my leg and cocked a hip, narrowing my eyes at him. “What now?”

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